#Avoidant Behavior

[wemlygust]

it is always okay to bother me with questions and statements but, full disclosure, I am afraid of my internet inboxes to an absurd degree, and as a result I rarely actually check my messages. I am forever meaning to get better about this but it's a work in progress. So, erm. If you message me and I fail to respond, I do not hate you; I am just stuck treating my digital mailbox like it might contain several bombs and 3 lbs of anthrax at any given moment. I may eventually respond a totally absurd amount of time late.

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[stylinspirit-narcissism-exposed]

Understanding Avoidance: Unpacking the Behaviors of an Avoidant Partner

https://www.stylin-spirit.com/blogs/well-being/understanding-avoidance-unpacking-the-behaviors-of-an-avoidant-partner

[bixels]

in case you wanna know how bad things are on twitter rn.

[rainbow-roomies]

The existence of beatlemania proves that there are a lot more lesbians in the world than we think

[visenyaism]

Not to lose my woke card but. I do not think teachers are fascists for getting kids to ask permission before they leave to go to the bathroom

[jester-gestures]

Hey. Hey you. Do not try to make your communities palatable to people who will hate you regardless. Do not throw the "weird ones" of your community under the bus. It will not save you. It will only exclude the people who need the most protection

Be weird, don't let them force you to change yourself or your communities. For fucks sake, do not become palatable‼️

[feygaleh]

zionists really diluted the term kapo. it truly used to be one of the worst fucking insults a jew could call another jew. now it’s just like… synonymous with “traitor” in my mind. “STUPID SELF HATING KAPO TOKENIZING YOURSELF. SELLING OUT YOUR OWN PEOPLE!! TRAITOR!! JUDENRAT!!” and it’s bc i said apartheid and genocide are bad. like. ok lol.

[solarmorrigan]

oooh. fic requests! how about 6 - fight or 19 - allergies for steddie?

Hello! I'm sorry it took so long to get to this one, but I hope it's alright! I went with:

6. Fight - Steddie

cw: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced domestic violence, unhealthy relationship dynamics (not between Eddie and Steve)

-

The most frustrating thing about fighting with Steve is that he doesn’t fight. Not really.

Sure, he’ll poke and he’ll prod and he’ll snip and he’ll snap; he’ll dole out bitchy, passive aggressive comments and roll his eyes and sigh pointedly, but the moment things get heated, the moment an argument gets real, it’s just–

“Fine. Fine,” Steve snaps, tossing his hands up with an exasperated huff. “You’re right, okay? I’m– I’m sorry.”

And at first, Eddie had always felt so vindicated, so flush with the triumph of winning an argument, that it had taken him a while to realize that it felt– wrong. That Steve—so confident, so sure in his opinions, so willing to stand up to people when he has something to defend—would just give in without a fight– it feels wrong.

So Eddie had tried to pay attention – really pay attention. They don’t fight often, but when an argument inevitably does crop up, Eddie always wins. Rather, Steve always lets him. He never raises his voice, never gets in Eddie’s face, never really even makes counterarguments. He cedes to Eddie’s points and then subsides and it’s– it’s infuriating, because Eddie doesn’t understand.

“Don’t do that,” Eddie growls, tugging a frustrated hand through his hair.

“Don’t– what? Don’t apologize?” Steve asks incredulously.

“No!” Eddie bursts out. “Not if you don’t mean it!”

“Excuse me?” Steve draws back, offended. “What the hell do you want me to do to prove I’m sincere? Get on my knees and fucking grovel?”

“That’s not–” Eddie leaves off with a frustrated noise, trying hard to keep his tone level. “I don’t want to win an argument just because you let me. I don’t want you to apologize just because you think it’s what I want to hear.”

“I’m not letting you win,” Steve says quickly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You are, though. You do. Every time. You won’t actually engage, you just say I’m right and then clam up and that’s it,” Eddie says.

Steve levels him with a look of disbelief. “So– what, you want me to yell at you? You want me to tell you that you’re wrong?”

“I want–” Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a second to gather his thoughts. “I want you to feel like you’re allowed to argue with me. I don’t want you to just give in and then resent me or something.”

“I don’t resent you, Eddie,” Steve says with a roll of his eyes.

“No?” Eddie pushes. “How many times have we gone to bed after an argument with me perfectly satisfied, thinking I’ve won, while you’re actually still mad at me?”

“That’s– I don’t…” Steve shifts uncomfortably. “If I’m still mad, that’s my problem. I can just get over it.”

“But that’s exactly what I mean!” Eddie insists. “That shit builds up! And besides, what if you’re the one who’s really right? I might actually be wrong, and you should tell me. Or maybe there’s some kind of, like, compromise we can reach, I don’t know! I don’t want you to be afraid to push back – I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Steve says, jaw jutting out stubbornly when Eddie fixes him with a considering look. “I’m not. I’m just– how long before yelling turns into a screaming match? How long before it turns into throwing shit around, or– or shoving each other, or worse?”

“Steve…” Eddie murmurs, the last of his heated frustration draining away, leaving a clammy kind of dismay in its place. “Steve, I would never do any of those things to you.”

“I know,” Steve says, and it sounds like he means it. “I know that. But what if I–”

“No,” Eddie says firmly, because he thinks he understands now – Steve isn’t afraid of him, he’s afraid of himself. Afraid of turning into everything he’d been raised around: the blowout arguments between his parents, his mom’s petty destruction of his dad’s things, his dad’s frustration turned back on Steve, a cycle of violent familial bullshit that Steve is determined to break free from, even if it means saying that he’s wrong every time. Eddie comes forward, grabbing Steve’s hands; he can’t even remember what they’d been arguing about moments before, but he knows he doesn’t care anymore. “You would never do that. I know you, Steve, you are nothing like that.”

Steve looks down at their joined hands, blinking rapidly. “This– you… You’re more important than winning. Than any stupid argument,” he says.

“That’s exactly why we should have stupid arguments,” Eddie says, grinning a little when that gets a choked laugh out of Steve. “I’m serious. Let’s have stupid, petty arguments so they don’t turn into big ones. I swear I’m not going to stay mad if you get on my ass about not doing the dishes.”

Slowly, Steve nods. He doesn’t entirely look like he believes Eddie, but that’s fine. It’s always been like this – Steve unwilling (or unable) to believe that someone will love him if he doesn’t make it easy for them. Eddie’s been breaking that down, bit by bit, and this is no different. This is no chore.

“I’ll still love you even when I’m angry. Even when you’re angry,” Eddie promises. “I just love you, full stop.”

Steve nods again, more certain this time as he looks up to meet Eddie’s eyes. “I love you, too,” he says, because he always, always says it back, which suits Eddie just fine.

He figures if they can agree on that much, every other disagreement will be a breeze.

[rambunctioustoons]

little closer than normal.

half re-draw, half doodling out scenes!

[untitledgoosegay]

re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"

this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?

some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.

take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.

and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.

people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.

that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis

[glfry]

Can we agree that the "Thats two things" line from Mike was autistic as shit

[illmoraineakoi]

My biggest takeaway from the new vid is that Dark was very clearly the leader/dominant one in the friendship.

Chosen differs to him twice in the episode: once when Dark wanted to destroy his first house, and again when Dark wants to leave (likely bc Dark got bored/ran out of things to kill.)

Chosen might have instigated their escape, but he was not the leader afterwards. He differs to Dark's wishes and whims, possibly because he doesn't even known how to interact with another of his own kind.

@compressedrage recently made a post talking about how they characterize Chosen as being reactive, and I think that’s completely accurate. Chosen is reactive, with only a few moments of his life being proactive/instigatory.

He is not a leader. He is not the one in control.

Which makes what they do after make so much more sense.

Because this video clearly placed their MC Beta excursion between their attack on Yahoo and Stick Page.

This is the puzzle piece we’ve been missing. This is the reason why their attacks changed from simple wanton destruction to slaughter.

And it’s because DARK was the proactive one, not Chosen, and Dark found the Nether.

Dark became the leader.

Dark enjoyed killing in the nether so much, that when they left, he immediately sought to recreate/continue that experience. Except the things he was now killing weren’t random mobs, but other living Animated Beings.

(I’d like to mention the old theory that TCO and TDL thought sticks from Stick Page and Newgrounds were game mobs, because I think this video might give that idea merit again. TDL likely didn’t care one way or the other, but it might have taken TCO a while to realize it if all they’d encountered beforehand was game mobs.)

[This scene sticks out to me the most in regards to this:

I wonder if this is Chosen's first interaction with death. Sure, he'd killed the desktop icons before, twice, but he never seemed to ever acknowledge that or pay attention to it. Before now, it might not've even registered as a concern. His attention/priorities were elsewhere both times.]

[The scene reeks of parallels to Mitsi's death. The way he just stands there and stares...]

TCO does initially participate in the destruction of the Minecraft Beta world when they first arrive, and it’s likely he even enjoyed it, but it’s clear he enjoyed the peace and quiet more, because it’s what he kept doing.

Which makes it clear that his nature is completely different from Dark's; peaceful as opposed to aggressive. And it also makes it clear that Dark was just Like That from his very creation.

He was ALWAYS like this. We just never saw it in AvA3.

And this is where what their seeking to do differs between them.

Dark wants to keep killing, because he enjoys it. Chosen wants to just slow down and be free.

But Dark is the proactive one, and Chosen relents to him, potentially because he doesn't want to start a fight.

So they leave.

[jamiesfootball]

One of the things that hurts the most about Roy smacking the fork out of Jamie’s hand at Ola’s — aside from the show wanting to play for laughs what was an incredibly jarring moment. Like, there would have been other ways to accomplish the same joke of ‘haha, Jamie doesn’t know what he’s getting into’ without resorting to as violent a gesture that Jamie — with his known history of abuse and habit of flinching away from sudden potentially violent gestures — had to flinch and protectively cover his hands against his chest, reminding us, the audience, of that history of abuse. Roy could’ve pulled the plate and the fork away. He could’ve eaten the meatball Tom Wambsgans-style. He could’ve even glared him into putting it down.

But no, what hurts the most about that scene at Ola’s isn’t Roy snacking the fork out of Jamie’s hand. Or the waitress admonishing him like making a mess and wasting food was the problem. Or Roy apologizing to the waitress and then telling Jamie to clean up the mess

What hurts the most is in the next cut to him, Jamie actually has cleaned the mess off the wall

[mybonfire]

my love, you always will have a piece of my heart.

The Scary Jokes|Jenny Holzer|Gabrielle Calvocoressi

[cherryphobe]

My friends cat fucking survived being bit in the face by a rattlesnake with NO ANTIVENOM & since he is okay & healing I am legally allowed to make fun of how fucking stupid & swollen she looked immediately after it happened

Lmao & Lol even...

[blackened-angel]

I had a panic attack because of what happened on Twitter...I logged in to check some notifications and I saw that Shankar retweeted the post I made about the Devil May Cry 3 manga translation. That scared me! I had to delete the post because that could get me in trouble. And what the fuck? Like it's bad enough that he reposted artwork without permission a few times and now he promoted piracy regarding the IP he has been involved with?

How unprofessional can he be? I mean, he could also get in trouble for that because he promoted piracy to his followers, but most likely he won't...It would be a serious matter for someone like me. I hope nothing bad will happen...

I'm glad he never promoted anything when he came across my DMC only Twitter. He was just trying to suck up to a DMC fan.

And he rewarded the fans by doing shit like reposting art without permission and what he did to me.