#Batsiblings

[incorrectbatfam]

[squishykitty825]

I feel like Damian would sometimes threaten to tell Bruce about things his brothers do, not because he’ll actually do it but because it’s a form of power over his brothers who think he might actually do it. And it would go something like this.

———————————————————

Tim, annoying Damian: What are you going to do about it?

Damian: I’m going to tell Father if you don’t

Jason, who just happened to be reading a book as he walks past: Okay, Malfoy

[demonicsuffrage]

Dick, holding Tim close while hissing at the hundreds of people gathered outside the Manor who all want to adopt: Who the hell posted an 'Available for adoption' advertisement for Tim?!

Damian, actively printing more adverts: I have no idea

Jason, posting them all over town: Must have been Alfred

Tim, who had designed the ad in the first place: Just let it happen, Dick

Bruce, running in: Can I adopt him again

[quotidian-oblivion]

Snippet from one of my wips #something-something

Damian woke up and went through his morning routine. 

He righted his bed, which was barely crinkled because, unlike others, he did not thrash around while sleeping. Then he went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and took a shower. Then he went to his desk and opened up the diary which he was forced encouraged to keep and wrote his morning entry. 

Dear diary, today I woke up and chose violence.

The entry had not changed from all the previous entries. 

Closing his diary, he holstered the knives in his usual hiding places that he kept with him at all times and exited the room. 

As soon as he left the room, he nearly stepped on Drake’s face. 

Startled, he blinked down at the face in front of his bedroom door. Then he stepped on it anyway. 

[shyjusticewarrior]

Red Hood Incorrect Quotes Pt 26

[Tim and Jason work on a case together and interrogate a suspect]

Tim: So how long you been committing crimes?

Jason: God, I hate criminals like you, man!

Tim: Just gonna go ahead and read you your rights...

Jason: You understand you've been read your rights and- *breaks clipboard over his knee* Nobody gives a single fuck about them!

Tim: "Good cop, bad cop," dude, I just wanna get to know you on a personal level.

Jason: *throws broken clipboard* I didn't like that clipboard anyways!

Tim: Oh yeah, I was just about to ask, where'd you get those scarves?

Jason: I don't give a fuck where you got those scarves, clownface!

Tim: Purple suit, green hair. What are you, some kind of joker?

Jason: You know Batman's one rule, right? He doesn't kill. You think the Red Hood has any rules?

Tim: Yeah, we stopped bringing Batman in here cause he was way too intense.

Jason: Twenty five to life? How about I rock your shit right here!

Tim: Red Hood was yelling? That doesn't sound like the guy I know.

Jason: Guilty person says what? What?!

Tim: Everyone's innocent until proven guilty.

Jason: I don't believe in innocent until proven guilty!

Tim: I try not to judge a book by it's cover.

Jason: I love judging books by their covers!

[vespertilionis]

Damian: “Happy anniversary of your return to consciousness. To celebrate, I have recreated the circumstances of it, while following the safety instructions around the manor.”

Jason: “Did you dye the pool green again?”

Damian: “Yes.”

[fanfic-writer-and-rambler]

Kate Kane and Bruce Wayne Bar Mitzvah 2 days away

Kate Kane: Cuz come on let me see your suit.

Bruce leaves his closet and him and Kate are wearing the same suit.

Kate (sighing): Well this is awkward.

Bruce: What the hell?

Kate: Obviously you're going to need to change.

Bruce: Why do I need to change?

Kate: Oh I'm not wearing a dress to this. I need all of them to know I am gay. Linda will pair me up with one of the boys from her job that can "change my ways".

Bruce: I spent money on this.

Kate: I spent your money on this!

Bruce: What?

Kate: I'm not changing!

Bruce: God damn it.

Bruce goes back into his closet to change.

[vodrae]

Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?

Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.

[dragonpyre]

Do the bat's know about the All-Blades? Cuz if not, Jason has an opportunity to do the funniest thing

Commission info / ko-fi

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick: *gets down on one knee*

Barbara: It’s finally happening!

Dick: *ties his shoes*

Barbara, tearing up: He finally stopped wearing fucking Velcro sneakers.

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

The only time when all the batkids will work together in perfect harmony is to prank Bruce.

And for the best prank all they needed was a few label makers.

Labels are put on everything.

On every mug, on every plate, on every bandaid package.

The chocolate bars are labeled "BatSnack".

The fruits become "Batana", "Batricot" and "Batermelon".

Every button on the microwave, every key on the keyboard, it all gets a label.

"Batstop button", "Batstart button", "Bat-A-key", Bat-Enter-key".

Bruce's desk isn't simply the "Batdesk". It is the "Batwood construction surface".

There is a label beneath the desk too.

Originally named "underside of Batwood construction surface".

It takes days, weeks, months to remove all the labels.

Until one day, when Bruce makes a few new installations in the cave.

Surely some higher being is laughing at him right now, Bruce thinks, as he pulls of the last one.

"Batceiling"

[were-wolverine]

dick grayson (5’10” with the body of a gymnast): this is my baby brother!

jason todd (6’3” brick wall of muscle): …hi

***

cass wayne (5’5” with the body of a dancer): little brother!

jason (almost a whole foot taller than her): hiya cass

[incorrect-waynemanor]

dick: so, i got banned from jason’s safehouse because i’m apparently a “liability” and “reckless” and “dick”

dick: that last one’s just my name, but you should hear it the way jason says it

[firerose18991]

Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?

Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT

Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR

*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*

Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!

Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he’s never known the touch of a woman.

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason is an "I'd kill for you" person stuck in a "live for me" family.

[vespertilionis]

Dick: “Hey, Jason—Where did all this money come from?”

Jason: “From B.”

Dick: “He gave it to you? For what? Did you blackmail him?”

Jason: “No, he paid me, in exchange for very important pictures.”

Dick: “Oh, you got evidence for the case?”

Jason: “No, Damian’s baby pictures.”

Dick: “…How much?”