#But I know for a fact and I actively remember when the conditioning of my father and my environments

[hamartia-grander]

In all seriousness though. Luis Serra Navarro is not white. Your art of him should not be white. Your perception of him should not be white. You don't even have to know the history behind his last name to observe with your eyes that he is not white. He is noticeably darker than everyone else in the game, so colouring him lighter, or God forbid making him look as light as Leon and Ashley, is just an absolute lack of observational skills. Even if you are not willingly, actively choosing to whitewash him, your conditioning to whiten features or skin tones is absolutely at work here. Everyone is susceptible and subjected to it. You need to fix that.

[xerith-42]

I know it seems like striking on social media might not do enough, but as someone who has been outright obsessively using the internet since I was a child to the point that it is literally woven in my soul, been active and involved in online activism for about five years, and been using social media as marketing for about the same amount of time, I can confidently say that

THIS FUCKING WORKS!!

People base their entire businesses on their success on social media. They look at trending topics on twitter and don't see bite sized chunks of culture distilled to its finest and worst moments, they see market data! They don't see you as a single human being, they see you as a data point among thousands run through a probably AI assisted system that's prone to fucking up, that determines everything they're going to do.

How they're going to advertise, who they target it with it, what the general public wants. Every single major corporation uses data from social media websites to do this. Every. Single. One. Social media is a lot of things, and one of those things is a tool for business and politics. We know for a fact that social media politics bleeds out into the real world very fucking quickly.

Even if you can't strike financially, even if you have to go to work or school to survive, striking on social media is one of the best things you can do. Even if it's quiet. People are going to notice when thousands upon thousands of users across various sites go completely dark, and even more when some of them start getting real fucking loud about this. The US Capitalist Infused Government loves sweeping war crimes under the rug once they think the general public has forgotten about their atrocities and fallen into complacency. This system has been doing this for literal centuries.

Social media is just the newest and most expansive form we as a species have developed in the ongoing invention of ways to express our thoughts about things. It's the weirdest one, that's for sure, but executives pay attention to it. They don't often seek to understand it beyond a very basic level, because as I said, they view us as numbers on a screen, not as multifaceted incredibly and deeply fucked human beings. They do not seek to understand us on a personal level unless they think the cost of it won't outweigh the potential profit.

Pattern recognition is the tool of the moment. Machine Learning. Gathering endless amounts of data so we can replicate human existence through machines. You may think that social media strikes are ineffective because social media is just on the internet and it's "not real", but it is real! You are really doing stuff! You are contributing! Even if you're just lurking! Basic amounts of engagement can make a huge impact in a busted algorithm. Maybe you're not someone who would ever be drafted into an actual war-zone due to physical or mental health conditions, but you are probably a part of a key demographic of people that businesses are absolutely hungry for.

The budding adult has always been the target of greedy capitalists basically since this system was established and continued to get worse over time. The stage of your life when you are in the age range of 18-25 is an incredibly important transitional period, followed by a transitional period every six months until you lose sense of what six months even is because you haven't been happy in eight, and if you're in the 18-25 range currently, you got extra fucked by the pandemic. The world is in a turbulent stage and we are at the center of all of it and have been since 2001. Every single social media marketing expert will tell you the 18-25 demographic of social media users is a target demographic, because they are the most prone to extremes due to a life chock full of them.

We have to remember to be human, but we have to also know how to speak their language. They just see us as numbers? Let's show them some fucking numbers. Make posts about Gaza trend on every platform you have your hands on. Even if it's just liking posts, that gives them a slight boost in the algorithm. Commenting on posts is especially important on sites like Twitter and Instagram. But across every site the most important thing to do is reblog/retweet/share/send/copy link, whatever it is for that site, it is the biggest thing that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE looks at.

From a humble artist to a head of marketing at a billion dollar corporation about to have a meeting with a barely over 21 intern about how they need to run the twitter account, to said intern bumbling their way through adulthood with a job they only feel they're good at because they've been using social media since Skype was invented. We need to be loud, we need to make sure this can't be ignored, we can't sweep this under the rug. Mass media, especially coming out of the West, has been trying to censor, de-sanitize, and keep this issue quiet.

DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE SILENCED

There are tens of thousands of DEAD CHILDREN who have been BOMBED while in CIVILIAN AREAS and that is a FUCKING WAR CRIME.

THIS IS A GENOCIDE

Say that as many times as you can. Do not let it be ignored. A silent populous is a complacent one. Use your voice, even as small as it may seem. Make noise. Be loud. Be annoying. Don't let this be ignored. Talk about it everywhere you go. Do not let this be ignored.

Sometimes even we get disconnected from the real people around us. We base our sense of worth as a person based on the numbers going up or down but instead of developing a gambling addiction we just got angry about it but still fall into it because of cultural conditioning. But even if you only have let's say, completely random example, 70 followers. And only a small percent of them will see your post. Let's say maybe 20 on average, 30 on a good day, and even higher based on the machinations of fate. That's still 20 people who took time out of their day to read something you wrote, process something you created, share a part of your experience of living.

And likely they felt compelled to share it too, therefore increasing the spread of people who feel your influence. 20 people may not seem like a lot, but that has a major impact. Now imagine posts into the hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands and even millions. Those aren't just numbers. Each and every single one of those is just another person who might have reblogged a post because someone they like shared it, or because they wanted to spread its message, and that simple act causes a single post to have massive waves of effects from simple ripples.

Don't let yourself be discouraged. Don't think your voice or your impact "isn't enough to matter." Everything counts.

Don't let this be ignored. Don't become complacent. Know that every little thing counts, and to do every little thing you can.

[nebbyy]

Lester Papadopoulos/Apollo x reader - It's Over, isn't It?

A/N: okay so a few weeks ago I was listening to the song “It’s Over isn’t it” form the Steven Universe series and this scenario came to my mind, so I thought I’d just make it a fic! For this piece I didn’t see a point in assigning a gender to the reader, so we go with gender neutral all the way😎😎(neither your godly parent is specified since it doesn’t really add anything to the plot, so you can choose whichever you prefer)

PART TWO IS HERE

Warning: insecurity, jealousy, angst (WITH comfort tho), mentions of suggestive activities

Word count: 3209

You kinda hate yourself right now, and you hate yourself because you are so angry right now.

Well maybe angry is an exaggeration, but still, you’re really, really upset.

And you know you should be anything but upset right now. I mean, the love of your life finally has the chance to go back to his home in the Olympus, regain his honor and his status as a god. Those were all good things that you should be ecstatic about, right?

Well, wrong.

Just thinking of it made you feel like you could throw up at any moment. Thinking about the fact that Apollo. Because, what will be of Lester, your Lester?

Your whole relationship had started because he wasn’t Apollo. He wasn’t the tall, tan, handsome and all mighty God of the Sun; he was just a normal teen, whose only things that made him stick out were his acne, his clumsiness and a somewhat nice voice. His mortal condition didn’t even give him a single chance to act in his usual exaggerated, narcissistic self. He had to start off from the start, build a personality that wasn’t based on his godly qualities, but on something more real.

And in that situation he found himself in, with his new eyes he had seen you, and you truly seemed like a deity to him. 

How could you be anything less to the rest of the world, he thought. You were your godly parent’s greatest hero, you were liked and admired by most campers both because of your victories and your looks. And he spent oh so many nights fantasizing about taking you back with him in Olympus, giving you the godly status that should be rightfully yours. But hell, with the body he’d found himself in he’d barely the courage to come up to you to talk.

He told you so many times how absolutely surprised he was when he found out that you actually liked him back, even if he looked like any 17 year old loser, his actual words. And you remembered too, how his voice was so shaky as he tried to muster up a coherent sentence, how his cheeks shone a bright red, how his hands were trembling as you took them into yours and his palms sweating. But in your mind, that was more beautiful than any sonnet, any haiku, any poem, any grandiose, Apollo-like gesture. Because that was Lester, not Apollo; and in your eyes, Lester’s awkwardness was what made him stand out, because it was purely genuine.

Now ever so often you wonder, if he used to feel like you’re feeling right now, like you’re no match to the person you love. You look at your reflection in the mirror of the bathroom, and the mean joke that played your mind made you highlight all the flaws you could spot in yourself. All things that a god could never accept in their lover. You feel so wrong, so flawed that you just wish you could turn yourself into mud and reform your appearance completely.

Gods, you’re being ridiculous right now, you think, you just want to slap yourself in the face and yell at your reflection to get a grip goddamnit! You’re one of the greatest heroes of your time, you survived two wars, you can’t possibly draw the line at a failed relationship with a god. 

At one point someone might think: but why are you so opposed to the idea that your boyfriend is finally becoming a god once again? How ungrateful can you be??

But the point is, you know damn well that the whole point of the creation of Lester was forcing Apollo into a form that would’ve been the total opposite of who he is.

Because Apollo is naturally flirty and superficial, he loves to love and be loved, and he pursues anything and everything that he finds beautiful. But he got bored easily of his love conquers, hence why he has so many kids. So in your mind, it was only natural that as soon as he was back to normality, he’d grow tired of you and move to the next mortal that piqued his interest, maybe even leaving you a single parent to a new demigod.

That’s why you couldn’t stop that nagging feeling deep into your core, as you walked out of your cabin, hearing all the girls already speculating about how beautiful, handsome, shiny and dashing Apollo will be once he goes back to his form. “And who knows, maybe he’ll set his eyes on some of the friends he made in here” squealed a girl, from which cabin you did not know nor care. Her friend replied: “Yeah I mean, ain’t no way he’s gonna keep staying with the same partner forever. I mean, come on, he’s Apollo!” They both giggled like school girls, then kept gossiping about something else, but you did not care enough to keep eavesdropping their whole conversation.

You really hated yourself for being like this right now.

Of course, you know that those two girls meant no harm, it wasn’t their fault if they knew just as much as you did about Apollo’s tendencies. And about that you’re already came to terms with, but there’s something else you hate yourself for…

You stopped reaching out to him. Or even worse, you even started to avoid him. 

Not also him, but your friends and siblings as well. You closed yourself off of everyone else in your life, opting to spend your free days in Camp by yourself, whether it is in your cabin, sparring or all alone in your favorite spot in the forest.

Which is exactly where you’re directed to right now, as you put your headphones in your ears, wasting no time to press play and then abuse the volume up button to muffle any sound from the outside. You walk past the two girls, past another group of guys that were training with one another, and past your friends too, who you didn’t noticed as they were calling and waving at you to join them for a quick snack, leaving them rather confused and preoccupied as it seemed that you were stuck in a trance, locked out in another dimension of your own.

You didn’t even see Lester excusing himself from the group to subtly start following you wherever you were going.

It’s a quiet place, the one in the forest, protected by a thick layer of trees and bushes that makes it hard to reach it; but it’s worth all the climbing and scratches for the beautiful sight of a clear waterfall that fell right into a circular body of water, surrounded  by a rather big field of moss, so soft and fresh to lay on during the hot summer nights.

And so you did, letting yourself fall on that natural mattress, then closing your eyes to feel the light breeze on your exposed skin, and let the words of the song that’s blasting at full volume at the moment fill your ears, although you can barely focus on what they’re saying

It really seems unfair, all of this. That you thought you had fallen in love not with a god, but with a boy. Somehow forgetting that boy and god mixed in Lester, two sides of the same coin.

And maybe he forgot too, because every time the two of you were together, he suddenly couldn’t bring himself to think of the responsibilities that were waiting for him. With you, he forgot about his lost and very much missed abs and tan, he forgot about his chariot and his comfortable place in Olympus. Hell, you even made him forget about all his old lovers. It was really only you in his eyes, just as he was in yours. If only he’d ever told you all of this though…

Your mind keeps swirling in a million thoughts, until it fixates on one memory in particular.

You and him, alone on that very same spot in the forest. In a similar situation as you were now, too, with your crappy phone playing music softly in the background, as the the two of you laid together, one next to the other. You turn around to look at him briefly, only to find him already looking at you. “What, do I have something on my face or..” he just shake his head with the most lovestruck eyes you’d ever seen, batting his eyes slowly before looking at you once again, “I just really want to kiss you right now”.

Your eyes widen. His eyes widen. Did he really just say THAT?

Neither of you were sure how or why, thinking back to it, you wonder if it was his godly charm poking at the back of his head. But that didn’t matter at the time, the future in which he came back to his godly state seemed so far from you, it wasn’t even an option in your head.

Nevertheless, after the initial shock from his words, you silently answered him with a slow, almost numbed movement of the head, nodding slightly, almost scared that if you moved to fast you would’ve whisked him away, or that he could’ve changed his mind already.

But that nod was all that he needed before crashing his lips against yours, one of his hands flying to grab the side of your head, while the other stayed put on its place against the ground to keep him from falling on top of you.

The kiss was an absolute mess: teeth clashing, nose bumping against each other,... but it was perfect that way to you. You broke away from each other for a brief moment to catch your breaths, and you just look into each other’s eyes. With chests heaving, breaths mixing, you both started laughing, if only for a moment, a laugh of disbelief at what had just happened.

But that laugh didn’t last long before he moved his head closer once again, this time more slowly, more confidently. The kiss was in fact much less messy, your lips found their place against each other, the panic from before had morphed into pure butterflies in your stomach and fireworks in your eyes.

After a minute at most, you broke apart once again, but only for Lester to reposition himself on top of you in a more comfortable position. Your bodies closer than ever, you could feel everything of him….

What happened after still makes your cheeks flush red at the mere thought, but it also causes a frown to form on your face. Those times, when it was just the two of you are over. Maybe it was just a time of crisis that brought you two together, the shock from a morta perspective might have caused him to cling onto the closes person he could find. You can’t help but imagine Leste- Apollo in that moment, laying in the clouds of Olympus in a much similar scenario, maybe with a beautiful nymph or a smaller deity, or a mortal he laid his eyes on while he was on this earth-

“There you are! I should’ve known that if you’re not around you’re definitely in here.” If it were a normal, mortal voice, you wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the deafening high volume of the music blasting in you ears. But it wasn’t a mortal voice.

It was loud, it was melodic, it resonated in the air like the echo of the most beautiful of songs,…

You wouldn’t even need to turn around to know that that voice came from no other than Apollo. That’s right, he probably came back to his true form already. You can’t even imagine what a scene that would’ve been, to see the handsomely perfect god walking around Camp Half Blood, how many boys and girls had probably followed him around drooling over the sight of him. 

You wish you could just stay put, coldly dismiss him and let him go for what probably is the rest of your life and his eternity. But, curiosity gets the best of you, and you can’t help but turn around tentatively, eager to see what your boyfriend really looks like.

Your mouth quite literally hits the floor at the sight. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always found Lester really attractive, but this.

This was something beyond the concept of handsome or beautiful.

This, him, was beyond what humans can perceive and comprehend.

Yes, you knew that his skin was tanned, but as he stood in front of you it seemed as if his body was made of bronze.

And yes, you also knew that his hair was blonde, but that didn’t make them justice. They flew, like rays of sun through a clouded sky.

Of his eyes you knew nothing about, but you were pretty sure at this point that no description could really depict just how deep, bright, captivating, alluring, even, they really were.

Your mouth quite literally hit the floor at the sight. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always found Lester really attractive, but this.

This was something beyond the concept of handsome or beautiful.

This, him, was beyond what humans can perceive and comprehend.

Yes, you knew that his skin was tanned, but as he stood in front of you it seemed as if his body was made of bronze.

And yes, you also knew that his hair was blonde, but that didn’t make them justice. They flew, like rays of sun through a clouded sky.

Of his eyes you knew nothing about, but you were pretty sure at this point that no description could really depict just how deep, bright, captivating, alluring, even, they really were.

Your throat felt tight, your mouth dry, and your whole body gives you this tingly sensation. With all of your strength, you took a deep breath to try and calm yourself down, before mustering all of your strength to speak without a pathetic shaky voice. “I thought you were going back as soon as you got your body back.“

“Ain’t no way that I wasn’t coming to kiss my beautiful partner goodbye.” He grinned as he swiftly took a seat right by your side, propping himself on his elbow, his eyes never once leaving yours. You swore his smile was intoxicating, you’d say contagious even if the thought that this might’ve been your last moments together didn’t fill your mind with sorrow.

You wanted to protect yourself from this, detach your mind and heart from him before he does it first, leaving you with an aching heart and moving on with his eternal life.

You felt a hand come up to your cheek, holding it softly as the sweetest melody came from his lips, “I’m gonna miss you madly once I’m back there, you know?” At that, you can’t help the deep anger that fills you from inside, a feeling that expresses through icy, stinging words, as you turned your head away from his touch, “I’m sure you’ll move on in no time.”

He frowned. That wasn’t the reaction he expected from you at all, but he didn’t really take it personally, it was so obvious that there was something troubling you. “What do you mean?”

“I mean…” your voice is louder, a mixture of frustration and anger. But also so much sadness, that can be felt by just how strained the sound that came from your throat is, almost as if you were fighting back tears. You swallow hard, trying to recollect yourself, “I mean that you are a God, I am just a mortal. One of many. I’ve got nothing special to be remembered for, to be remembered by you for the rest of eternity. And Im okay with it, really. Our destinies were never meant to combine, I was just another one of your lovers.” As you spoke those last words you couldn’t help but let the tears flow from your eyes, those who always looked at Lester with a mix of love and mischief, now only filled with a never ending sadness.

Slowly, as to avoid scaring you off, the renewed god took your wet face in his warm hands, pulling you closer and wiping your tears off at the same time. Gently, he spoke: “My love, you couldn’t have said anything more wrong. You are special to me, and I could never forget you. In thousands of years that I’ve existed, no one had ever treated like you did, like I wasn’t a god. Sure, it was temporary and you knew I could’ve incinerated you as soon as I got back to… this.” He looked down, gesturing at his body, a sight for sore eyes that could’ve really made you unfocus on anything were you not so taken by your talk with Apollo at the moment. “But that didn’t stop you from treating me like we were equal. And I hated it, at first. I thought it would be part of my punishment. But as time passed, I realized that being your equal was the highest of honors I could ever get. You’re… you’re crazy strong, incredibly smart, unbelievably beautiful, way too kind for your own good, especially with those brats of the kids in this Camp.”

You giggled at his words, a consistent contrast with your tearful eyes and quiet sobs, “Some of those brats are your children too, genius.” “Well then it must run in the family.” You laughed again while shaking your head, but only for a moment before returning your full attention on the boy in front of you. He took the sign to continue.

“What I’m trying to say is, I don’t think I could ever be able to let you go. Over all the lovers I had through the years, which I’m sure you know are many, you’re the only one that saw me and treated me with true love and care. Not with fearful devotion, never fearing what I was capable of. I only ever saw this kind of love in Sally Jackson, and I mocked Poseidon for letting a mortal like many treat him so casually. But now, now I get it, and to be honest I can’t help but think that you’d deserve to be called a deity far more than many others who already are. Maybe even more than me. So I refuse to ever let go of this blessing that fate has given me. And if in order to do so I have to take your soul and put it on the sky above, to rest as a star forever by my side, so be it. But trust me you’re not getting rid of me so easily.”

You crumbled like a sand castle at his words, that he spoke with the very same tone, on the very same spot when you still called him Lester, and you promised to stick by each other’s side for the time you had left, only a few months before this whole encounter. You let your head fall into his broad chest, sobbing softly as you desperately clung to him. Your tears weren’t of sadness anymore, but of relief, for you had just been given the confirmation that your lover was still yours.You spent the rest of the night there, cuddling as close to eachother as possible as you rested in peace. 

The morning after, at dawn, when he had to officially go back to his daily duties, he begrudgingly got up from his place in your arms, placing butterfly kisses on your arms and neck, careful not to wake you. He left a little not right next to you, one that read: 

“I had to go, didn’t want to wake your pretty face this early in the morning.  Meet me here at dusk tomorrow, Forever yours,  A.”

It made you smile, seeing that note as soon as you opened your eyes, almost made you forget the lack of your boyfriend next to you,… and the yelling of your friends and siblings calling for your name in the distance.

You wasted no time walking towards those voices, and when they asked you just where the hell have you been all night, you just smiled and brushed it off, but everyone noticed how your usual bright self had mysteriously came back after days of brooding.

Hours later, you were calmly eating dinner with the other campers, laughing and talking and eating seemingly decent food. You were totally clueless as to where exactly Apollo was, but you guessed he was on his chariot, on his way to let the sun set and go to your secluded spot. But little did you know, he was in neither of those places. He was actually walking up to Zeus’ throne, tall and proud as he respectfully bowed to his father. “Apollo, I see it took you no time to get used to your old life once more. I trust you have learned your lesson.”

“Indeed, father. And I came here to thank you for it all. It was… better than I expected.” Zeus lifted a brow suspiciously, eyeing his son as if trying to make out what’s in his mind just by his appearance. “Mmh I hardly believe that you only came here to thank me for your punishment.” “Heh, you’re not wrong, father. I came here to make a request.”

“Depends. What is it that you desire?”

“How do you make a demigod immortal?”

[prettieinpink]

how do I learn to love my appearance? I know it won’t matter if other people think, it matters what I think. So how do I improve my self concept about my appearance?

HOW TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU VIEW YOURSELF (APPEARANCE)

!disclaimer! Please be patient with yourself when learning how to love yourself, and remember that being discouraged and down is all a part of the process. 

UNDERSTAND THE WAY YOU VIEW YOURSELF. Do you tend to view yourself as inferior, or do you think you’re heavily flawed? Write out everything that you think about yourself, anything that comes to mind. 

Then go back and re-read everything. See what is true, or something you have been conditioned to believe and why. Most of the time, our perspective of ourselves is skewed due to many external factors. This activity will help to see which parts of ourselves we see in someone else’s POV. 

TAKE A STEP AWAY FROM THE MIRROR. When you want to improve your perspective of how you look, avoid taking selfies, looking at old photos and prolonged looks in the mirror for maybe a week or fortnight. It’ll help to ground yourself appearance-wise, as you’ll realise that regardless of your attractiveness, it’s possible to live without having to reassure yourself of how attractive you are. 

ACCEPT YOUR FLAWS. You don’t have to embrace them and tell yourself that you love your flaws so much, but just accept the fact that they’re there. It’s okay to dislike parts of ourselves, but we should acknowledge flaws from a place of love, not hatred. 

GIVE YOUR APPEARANCE A BIGGER PURPOSE. Your appearance doesn’t just have to be for aesthetics, it can serve you in different ways. For example, your eyes help you to read your favourite books and your stomach digests all this yummy food. 

Your physical features should not cause you guilt or self-hate, like I said, acknowledge your flaws from a place of love. 

YOUR SOUL IS THE MOST ATTRACTIVE FEATURE OF YOU, and no one else can have a soul and mind that is even remotely similar to you. Instead of worrying about how pretty your face or body looks, worry about how pretty your soul is. Are you nourishing it and allowing it to flourish, or is it slowly rotting in your vessel? 

Once your soul starts to flourish, it will reflect on your vessel(body), and you will notice a difference. 

STUDY YOUR MIND. If you can, take a small notebook and pen everywhere or write on your phone as soon as you get a negative thought about your appearance. If that is too difficult, then write a tally about how many times you’ve thought that way. 

At the end of the day, look at your findings and see what may have triggered this thought to occur. Have you always thought this? Was someone else saying something that conditioned you to believe a certain way? Does your current environment encourage this way of thinking? 

RECOGNISE A NEED FOR A RE-BRAND. Sometimes when we feel unsatisfied with the way we look, it could be that this is us internally craving a re-brand into our higher self. 

Maybe you’ve kept the same style for 5 years and you realise it’s not so flattering, or maybe you feel like your style isn’t in alignment with your ideal self. Whatever the reason, ask yourself if a rebrand is a good idea for you. 

Done! This was difficult to write, but I’m proud of the way it turned out. I hope you can take away at least one thing and take care of yourself! ♡

[gorgeouslypink]

The Illusion of Method (My AP "Guide")

Hey guys! I'm so sorry that I've been behind on finishing up my masterlist but I've been really busy. I was having a conversation with my friend @junfairykyu and I remembered this post and she said it really helped her and urged me to share it with you guys too! This post is to help people AP (astral project) but the same concepts apply for the void. I hope this helps everyone.

original link: here

Hello there,

In this post I want to share an epiphany I had a few months ago regarding astral projection which changed my approach to it completely. Once I understood what I am about to explain, the amount of OBEs I had completely skyrocketed, to the point I can astral project on demand. I later found I could apply the same rule to lucid dreaming, and I started to enjoy countless conscious dreams. So this is the story of how I got to the "core aspect" of astral projection, the key to induce it effortlessly on demand. I will start by explaining the conditions whereby I came to this "truth" or "top method", and then I will develop it a bit more to ensure that its understandable. I I hope you guys enjoy the post and benefit from it. That being said, let's start!

I have been having OBEs for a few years now. A few years in which I tried many astral projection techniques, and while some of them seemed to work better than others, I always had one single desire that obsessed me to the core: I wanted to understand what was the root technique, i.e. that background cause, shared by all fruitful OBE strategies, that actually separated consciousness from the body. You know, the skeleton of all techniques. It was the deepest of my fixations, and I was compelled to find out the answer to that, I knew there was a core method, it was undeniable: if many different techniques lead to the same results, then there was for sure some hidden and shared dynamic that, if emulated over and over again, it would always produce Out of body experiences.

But it was really hard at first to understand what this hidden method was, because I was conditioned by my own results. What do I mean by this? Well, if only one technique worked for me, then it would be easy to assume "oh, that's the true and only method". But I had successful results with a wide variety of techniques, so different from each other: from tactile visualization, up to affirmations and pure desire, the ear ringing technique (using the ear buzzing sound to project) , the WBTB and many others. The challenge was in finding the single thing that united such different techniques. It seemed almost impossible!

You see, at first I thought imagination was a core aspect, but I rapidly discarded that, because many techniques dispensed with imagination. So then, imagination wasn't necessary. I kept discarding things just like that, trying to reach the substratum. I eventually thought it was pure intention, pure desire. This made sense to some extent, because all techniques required you to think actively about projection, whether you do this by imagining you project, or state it via affirmations, or whatever. It seemed like I succeeded with stripping away everything unnecessary. But then I had an spontaneous projection, which messed it all up. Not that it was the first spontaneous OBE in my life. In fact, I had a few of those during my career as an astral traveller. I was just ignoring them. Pretending that they were not there. Right when i thought astral projection had to do with a burning desire or intention, I realized that some OBEs dispensed with intention completely.

I was so obsessed with finding the key to astral projection in those OBEs I induced myself, that I was screening out those that happened involuntarily. I don't know why, but I guess it made more sense to find the how-to in the techniques rather than in...and then my mind went silent. I reached something important: a point of no-return. I realized something embarrassing: I had the answer in front of my eyes, but I kept pretending there was a hidden solution. But via spontaneous projections, the message was clear: it is not that those "spontaneous" projections weren't induced by me. NONE of my projections were induced by me! Its almost as if my unconscious was trying to tell me, via spontaneous projections, something like; "hey! its me who does it, not you".

At that point I understood the following: there is no method. We can't induce out-of-body experiences, nor lucid awareness in a dream. We don't really know how it is that the projection of consciousness occurs, or how lucidity pops up. We just get to experience it under certain conditions. All we do, really, is asking for projections to occur, while meeting the most optimal conditions for them to occur. That's the reason why spontaneous projections are kinda unconfortable for many and we try to screen them out, because they are trying to tell us about the illusion of method, and we as humans need to cling on a certain "how to", believing we are responsible for phenomena to occur. But we aren't. It is "something else" (the unconscious, the higher self, or whatever you want to call it) who kicks you out of your body, or triggers lucidity while dreaming. And when it occurs naturally, we try to understand how we did it, instead of realizing it isn't something we did, and thus opening ourselves to that same gift.

When I understood that, I began to do the following (the "no-method" method), and it ALWAYS works: I just lie down in the morning (to ensure that I don't fall asleep), close my eyes and simply ask this "unconscious" or whatever it is, to induce an OBE for me. And then I evoke this feeling of TRUST. I trust him, I trust that it will do the rest for me, because I understand that every time my consciousness escapes my body, it is this kind of higher consciousness or being who does it, not me. And this feeling of trust is the way to get rid of responsibility; in giving away this need for control and responsibility for the experience to occur, you also get rid of anxiety, fear and other emotions that boycott the outcome. So then, i just allow myself to drift with that feeling of peace, KNOWING that it will happen and I don't have to worry about it. Every time I do this, I get an amazing out of body experience. I just ask "the universe" to induce an OBE, and allow it to do its job. This same "method" (now you see why I refer to it as the illusion of method: you really don't do a thing) also applies to lucid dreaming: I just allow my higher self or unconscious mind or whatever to trigger lucid awareness for me, and go to sleep happily, knowing that it will happen.

To sum up, the answer is not in the techniques. All techniques are rituals we create to convince ourselves that we are the architects of the out of body experience, but we aren't. By acknowledging the one who DOES induce these kind of experiences, we get ourselves out of its way, we allow it to do its job and our emotions and feeling of responsibility no longer boycott the results. It is quite weird, even ironic to some extent, but it is also a relief in some way. You realize that you were never doing it wrong, because you can't do it. None of us have the supernatural power to separate consciousnesses from their bodies, its absurd. That being said, allow yourself to experience the OBE state, trusting your inner mind, knowing it will do this for you.

Exempt yourself from this responsibility and enjoy!

UPDATE: If you enjoyed the approach given in this post or found it useful, I am excited to announce that I just released an AP book on Amazon called "The Illusion of Method", which is an in-depth expansion of this guide: https://www.reddit.com/r/AstralProjection/comments/pc3ipt/my_ap_book_the_illusion_of_method_is_available_on/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

[bokettochild]

Thank to rub salt in the wounds, Twi.

Not only your timeline was perfectly FINE, not only the hero before you isn't DEAD but he left you a sword in a perfect condition.

Twilight didn't have to fight, as a child, to survive in a cruel world. The hero before him did'n't fail, he didn't leave the sword in a horrible condition.

I wonder if Legend has guessed that the hero before Twi was Time, seen Twi's smile. (it's kinda obvious seen how close they are)

Did he guessed that Time was the hero before him too? And he chooses to stay silence to not hurt anyone? Time has never been the hero of time in his timeline after all and is probably died as a child.

But outch Legend's face....it's a mix between "Yep you are a lucky boy" and "if only you knew about the hero before me or maybe "thank to remember me how much a tragic mess my timeline is"

Because Legend is too nice and patient to say "how nice for you, the hero before me died against Ganon, his sword was in a horrible condition with still his blood on her, so much that i have had to reforge her myself! As a CHILD."

No Legend is too nice to take his bitterness on Twilight who did nothing wrong and didn't know. He'll shallow it and says nothing about the sword's condition in his timeline.

I think that's a big part of who Legend is actually! He comes off as really bitter and cold, at least as far as Twilight is concerned, and I wish there was more focus on that interplay.

Twilight met Legend and, based off of a few limited interactions, mentally labeled him as a bully and a jerk and thus treats him accordingly. Not without reason of course, he's drawing mental parallels to actual bullies and Legend is unintentionally checking the boxes, but I think it's sort of sad that until this point, Twilight has still not bothered to get to know Legend at all beyond his initial observations .

But the fact remains that Legend IS from a world that was in shambles, a world where everyone is a threat, if not to everyone else than at least to him. Legend is a prey animal trapped amongst predators with little to no guidance. The cards of fate are stacked against him as far as his world is concerned, and while the goddesses may have granted him additional blessings and favor to make up for that, his world is still magically a mess, physically a mess, and just generally a mess.

The vet has no legacy of proud heroes to look back on. The First Hero died. The Hero of the Four Sword is a raging lunatic who tries to murder children and is sealed beneath the castle. The Hero of Time died in combat. This is the legacy he gets to follow in. Legend doesn't have the hope of becoming like those before, he has the fear of meeting a similar fate because life is never kind to heroes.

Legend's world was left in shambles, and he's had to be the one to help rebuild it, only to watch it get torn down again and again as enemies undo all his hard work. But on a more personal note, Legend has tried again and again to establish himself in the world just to have all the people he loves hurt or harmed on his account.

His Uncle died, and even though he was brought back, he disappears from the timeline shortly after, leaving a kid hero alone in the world. Legend's grandparents have high expectations and aren't the best at listening when he says that their wishes make him unhappy or uncomfortable, and instead push him to follow them anyway, only to themselves disappear from his life once the Oracle adventures are over. Din, Ralph, Raven, Nayru, Moosh, Ricky, Dmitri, all these are people Ledge befriended and was close to and had to say goodbye to again for one reason or another.

Marin.

Legend is always losing the people he loves most, watching his work get thrown in his face and receiving little to no thanks for his work. He's still actively treated like a nuisance and a threat by some people in his kingdom and no doubt there are others who simply don't believe him.

The whole world is against him, and yet the only thing it's done is made him defensive. Ledge isn't cold or cruel, you can see that he actively cares for and worries about the other heroes, he's just guarded more than they are about it. Still, in times of high emotion the walls fall and he's his true self: that kid who's got a heart too big for his own good and is going to get it broken again.

And Legend knows this. Legend actively knows that Twilight isn't fond of him, and that the other heroes regard him as an ass, but rather than correct them, stand up for himself, provide even one of the thousands of reasons he has to guard and defend his heart like he does, he just lets them have their peace because what good would it do to tell them about the losses he's suffered? The world he grew up in? The legacy he has to bear? The terrible fate he no doubt expects to one day meet? What good would it do to make them love him if that will just make their inevitable parting all the harder?

It's hard to lose those you love, but it's easier if you convince yourself they never actually loved you, so you're better off.

So yeah, Twilight is over here unintentionally rubbing salt in the vet's many wounds, but Legend keeps his mouth shut because it does no good to speak up, and in the long run, at least as far as he thinks, it's better to let it be.

I kinda hope Twilight will come to understand the vet better though, and maybe get a peek at what has hardened up the younger hero enough that he comes across the way he does. I'm pretty sure his whole outlook would change if he did, and his respect for the vet would definitely increase.

[countycashew54]

GUYS IM WRITING FANFIC

Caught-AlastorxLucifer fic

Also please remember this is my FIRSTT attempt at writing so... if you yell at me I will cry.

Waking up after a one-night stand is rough.

Waking up after a one-night stand with the Radio Demon proved to be just as horrific, if not more. Only the difficult nature of this wake up had little focus on Alastor at all. In fact, the opposite.

See, when you wake up to your daughter and her entire hotel, residents and staff, (although that's not saying much) barging into your room while you're in bed with the man who is also trying to parent your daughter; you're bound to have an extremely, painstakingly rough morning.

"Dad we can't fin- oh. OH-wo- that is jus-... Dad is that- Alastor?" Charlie was very clearly fighting to keep her shock and disgust off of her face, with a forced smile. Whether it was from seeing her father and her hotelier in bed together or the state of unclothed said men were in remained to be seen.

"Morning Deer!" Alastor smiled, as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Shit- Charlie, sweetie, this isn't what it looks like, I mean we- he-"

"NO- I mean, no need to explain dad! I am super happy to see you guys are finally…getting along! In fact, I am SO happy about it that I am going to create an activity for our patrons focused on making friendships and boundaries! You know maybe you two could be the ones to lead the activity and-" Charlie's shock-toned voice began to trail off as she was slowly walked away from the room by Vaggie, who managed to glare threateningly at them both with her one eye.

Seconds, minutes?, passed by with Alastor adjusting his hair as if nothing just occurred, while Lucifer was engaged in a reluctant stare down with Husk, Angel, Niffty, and Sir Pentious.

Angel was the one to break the standoff, a wide grin on his face.

"So I guess now I know why Smiles wasn' intrested in gettin' a sample of all o' this," a lewd gesture to his legs by one set of hands, and a scrunch of his chest fluff with the other, "when I offered huh?"

Alastor narrowed his eyes at the spider while Lucifer began to feel a golden glow coming to his cheeks, "A-and why would that be? exactly?"

"ain't it obvious? Al clearly got a kink for short kings wit' more power than he's used to, I don' fit the bill on either o' those."

"I think you will suffice to close your mouth before you end up caught in your own web, Pest." The Radio Demon's eyes had begun to darken to black as his antlers grew steadily.

"HA! He's only mad cus' I totally got it right! Huskie-baby you owe me twenty bucks!"

"Yeah, yeah let's get out of here before he decides you're his next meal," Husk had begun pushing Angel away in almost the same manner Vaggie had with Charlie.

Another moment of silence ticked by..

"Ssso-" Pentious was cut off by Lucifer's growl.

"LEAVE. please," horns and scarlet eyes flared.

As Pentious fled, Niffty awaited instruction from Alastor, who then nodded to release her from her stand still. Once she was out of the doorway Lucifer slammed the door closed with a flick of the wrist, falling back into the pillows with a groan.

Alastor had returned to his usual form, still sitting upright he glanced towards Lucifer, "well that was an entertaining start to the morning."

Lucifer ripped himself upright to glare at the man, "what part of making our little night of fun known to the entire hotel, to my daughter, was entertaining to you?"

"Why the overwhelming discomfort from all parties involved of course," He then leaned forward to whisper, "you included, my darling, you now know how much I love to watch you squirm."

Lucifer froze as the words processed through his brain and sent chills down his body. His eyes slightly crossing as he gazed at the sinner with shocked lust.

As Lucifer was processing, the demon had already stood from the bed and snapped his clothing back into pristine condition with the use of his shadows, "I do hope to see you at this morning's breakfast, the tense atmosphere that our daughter facilitates won't be the same without you, mon ange."

With a swift kiss to Lucifer's cheek the sinner was out the door, humming a radiostaticed tune that sounded vaguely from the 30's.

Lucifer stayed still for a moment, calming his body down while also wondering what had just happened. A jolt came to him when he realized, “WAIT, OUR DAUGHTER?”

Once again, please be nice to me this is my first time writing anything so I literally winged it. Hope you guys enjoyed it :,)

[astrobiscuits]

Chiron: where is our physical (and mental) wound?

I'm currently reading a book about Chiron (did you know it's actually half asteroid, half comet? me neither), which inspired me to make this post. I'm in no way an expert in medical astrology, just a curious owl that wants to learn more about every branch of astrology out there (my Sag Venus loves it!!🤭)

DISCLAIMER!!! I'm not a doctor. If you've been feeling any symptoms described here, TALK WITH YOUR DOCTOR, NOT WITH ME

Observation: Before we dive in, i'd like to mention that the position of Chiron in the houses is important. Not every house placement suggests having a poor physical condition. The most prominent Chiron placements when it comes to having a medical condition are: Chiron in 1st house (house of self, visible illnesses), Chiron in 5th house (illnesses since birth/early childhood), Chiron in 6th house (house of health, if Saturn is also sitting there it points to chronic illnesses), Chiron in 8th house (house of death, may point to severe diseases or poor reproductive health) and Chiron in 12th house (house of the unconscious, deals with mental illnesses)

Honorable mention to Chiron in 3rd house and Chiron in 9th house as they represent accidents while travelling. If Chiron is heavily afflicted in these houses (unless it's also conjuncting Jupiter), it may point to...let's just say you're gonna be in a hospital bed in a vegetative state, but remember, nothing has a 100% possibility of happening, you're just more susceptible to it happening. I suggest checking the position of Chiron in Solar Return charts for the possible timing of it happening (look for Chiron in 3rd house/Chiron in 9th house as it activates your natal Chiron)

Without further do, let's dive in⚕️

Chiron in Aries: frequent headaches, frequent nose bleeds, teeth problems (sensitive teeth, tooth decay), deafness, skull fractures, cerebral anemia, brain tumours, hemophilia, epilepsy, BPD

Chiron in Taurus: frequent colds, frequent voice loss, thyroid problems (goiter, hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidis, etc.), tonsilitis, OCD

Chiron in Gemini: lung problems (asthma, tuberculosis, pneumonia, etc.), speech problems (stuttering, cluttering, mutism), alzheimer's disease, ADHD, OCD

Chiron in Cancer: frequent stomach pain, prone to lactose intolerance, (for girls) breast lumps, breast cysts, breast infections, nipple discharge, depression, anxiety

Chiron in Leo: prone to insolation, frequent heart palpitations, chest pain, hypertension, hypotension, arteriosclerosis, scoliosis, kyphosis

Chiron in Virgo: frequent bloating, prone to gluten intolerance, chronic allergies, diabetes, rabies, autism, ADHD, OCD

Chiron in Libra: prone to acne, frequent lower back pain, disc herniation, spondylolisthesis, chronic kidney disease, kidney stones

Chiron in Scorpio: frequent pain down there, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV/AIDS, depression

Chiron in Sagittarius: frequent pain in the hips, prone to hips dislocation, cirrhosis, sciatica

Chiron in Capricorn: prone to knees dislocation, osteoarthritis, bone problems (osteopenia, osteoporosis), gout, depression

Chiron in Aquarius: electrical injuries, shin splints, osteofibrous dysplasia, ankle sprain, ankle fractures, poor blood circulation, schizophrenia

Chiron in Pisces: prone to break toes, athlete's foot, bunions, addison's disease, hormonal deregulation, aphantasia, psychosis, schizophrenia, anxiety

Yes, i'm aware of the fact that it's a generational planet and it moves very slowly through signs

BONUS: It's important to take into consideration all planets that conjunct, square or opposite Chiron (regardless if they're personal or generational) + the Ascendant for additional info about our illnesses

Ex. Let's take me as an example. My Chiron is in my 10th house in Capricorn squaring Saturn in 4th house (so double Capricorn energy) and Aries Ascendant. Guess what? I've got TMJ (basically a jaw disorder affecting the joints) and i've got it from my fam -_- (Saturn rules tradition i love my fam)

I also believe that having a heavy afflicted Chiron in general makes someone prone to having a medical condition, even if it's not in the houses mentioned previously (like in my case). However, these people are more focused on the main meaning of the house, not their health problems. They tend to ignore their health problems or they just don't care

I hope you enjoyed my post and found it insightful :)

What's your wound? Lmk in the comments your placements and your illnesses

Kisses xoxo

[inuhalfdemon]

Well, hello there, you wayward sinner... and welcome to my fanfiction Masterlist! There's a bit of everything for everyone in here, so please do mind the tags. Peruse the collection at your leisure, or send me a request. If anything you find is to your liking, I always do appreciate comments, likes and reblogs! Enjoy!

Dirty Dealings: (Mature; M/F) Addie LaRue makes a deal with the Radio Demon; she has immortal life but, no one remembers her... [Slow burn, fluff and smut, humor and suspense, the end will ruin you...] Status = COMPLETE (71,953 Words)

No One Can Know... (Explicit; RadioApple/AppleRadio) Alastor makes a deal with Lilith Morningstar that involves: the Radio Demon getting something he wants and Lucifer helping him through his rut. [Angst and smut, violence, some fluff, on-going story that will hopefully be following with the show...] Status = COMPLETE/HIATUS (74,669 Words)

DisPOsable: (Explicit; RadioApple/AppleRadio + One-sided Radiostatic) Alternate Universe fic where Alastor is found badly injured and tagged as a Disposable/DiPO demon. [Unique story, dark themes and content, on-going mystery, exploration of aftermath from severe trauma and violence...] Status = IN PROGRESS

Zoology Series: (Y/N) You are a new resident to the Hazbin Hotel. You majored in zoology when you were alive so when you meet Alastor you can't help but make him uncomfortable... [On-going humor, poking fun at characters and random animal facts...]

The Chain Game: (NSFW - RadioApple/AppleRadio) Alastor is at the King's mercy; if he answer's Lucifer's questions with honesty, one chain is removed. If he lies or refuse to answer, one chain is added... [Brain-rot smut, BDSM, bottom Alastor, surprisingly funny ending...]

Never Changes His Stripes: (Alastor and Niffty) Alastor and Niffty share a cute moment together. [577 Words]

Dealing In Truths (I/II): (Alastor and Lucifer) Both Alastor and Lucifer agree to a deal of truths... [Quick Snippets]

Down Day/Out In The Bayou: (RadioApple/AppleRadio) Alastor notices Lucifer is not himself. [1,748 Words/2,289 Words]

We Dance To The Masochism Tango: (RadioApple/AppleRadio) Charlie insists that Alastor and Lucifer choose a song that they can dance to together for the next hotel activity. [1,306 Words]

Deals Made In The Dark: Alastor's staff mysteriously comes back to him whole and intact... [1,173 Words]

A Birthday In Hell : (Alastor x Reader) Alastor is your partner and it is your first birthday in Hell... [548 Words]

Lucifer + Alastor + Reader: You are having an issue involving a condition with your heart, Lucifer and Alastor are there to help.

Enjoy The Silence: (Alastor x Addie LaRue) Through their connection, Alastor feels that Addie is alone and needing... [1,090 Words]

You Caught Me At The Rut Time: (Alastor x Reader) You are a female red deer demon meeting Alastor for the very first time and it just so happens that you both are feeling ruttish... [3,193 Words]

Hang In There: (Alastor x Reader) Alastor welcomes you to his bed. There is just one rule... [4,576 Words]

Sex Ed 101: (RadioApple/AppleRadio) Alastor and Lucifer explore a couple of new things... [2,846 Words]

We Interrupt This Meeting (RadioApple/AppleRadio) Lucifer gets horny in the middle of an important meeting and Alastor is...accommodating. [2,768 Words]

1 : 2 : 3 : 4 : 5

[corrodedseraphine]

easy | one shot

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

summary: "But Eddie has a girlfriend!" Dustin said first. "He does?" Adam asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "I do?" Eddie muttered under his breath trying to understand what was going on. "Yeah, he is dating my sister y/n!" Will continued. "They're so in love with each other it's disgusting." Dustin rolled his eyes.

Everything would be fine if it weren't for the fact that neither you nor Eddie were informed in advance of the fact that you were a couple.

It promised to be a very interesting week. angst/fluff and almost smut (making out in the bathroom), friends to lovers

In this AU Joyce didn't move to California, but Argyle is there in Hawkins because he is too cool to erase him just like that.

TW: mention of injuries, blood, murder, drugs

the one shot is also avaliable on ao3

9 591 words

When I first got the idea, I thought it would be a very short and pleasant story. As standard, it turned out quite differently!

I know I said this fanfic wouldn't be related to any song, but as I was writing I was listening to one of my favorite songs about love Safari by Piotr Zioła on loop and couldn't resist adding elements of it in there.

eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

"Here are my favorites!" Wayne said entering Eddie's room with a big cardboard box.

"Please let me tell Dustin that you called us that, this little shit will lose his mind." Robin grinned.

"He knows it. This is my uncle and sometimes he loves you guys more than he loves me." Eddie replied with a mouth full of pizza. 

You were sitting in the Munsons' new apartment. After the huge compensation Eddie got from the government, they decided to give up on the trailer park and find a place where power failure and lack of hot water would not be on the agenda. You, of course, helped them with the moving out. Unfortunately, Eddie's condition was not the best so with the carrying furniture and cardboard boxes Steve, Jonathan, Argyle and Hopper helped Wayne. You, Robin, Nancy and Joyce took care of painting the rooms, but now it was time to eat to strengthen yourselves before continuing. You sat in a circle on the floor, since you hadn't yet had time to assemble the table. Suddenly there was the sound of a telephone in the apartment. Wayne went to answer it and returned after about 10 minutes with a worried expression on his face.

"If it weren't for the fact that the police chief is now sitting across from me I'd think I'd messed something up again." the younger Munson joked, to which Jim just rolled his eyes.

"We'll have visitors next week." sighed the old man.

"Who?"

"Remember aunt Theresa and her son Adam?"

"Jesus, no!" his reaction spoke for itself.

"They want to come for a week."

"So at the moment when we live in a trailer and can barely afford anything they don't want to know us, but when we suddenly get a lot of money and a new apartment they feel like suddenly renewing family ties?" he asked with disgust in his voice.

"It's only a week Son, you'll survive."

"Nope. I won't survive. Hopper you don't have a free cell for a week? I'll be much better off there than in their company."

"Don't be dramatic, kid." he replied.

"Joyce! Have mercy on the victim, store me for this time in your basement, you won't even notice I'm there," he whined. "I just got you out of the hospital, the doctor said that I am categorically forbidden to do any extreme activities!"

"How can a family visit be extreme?" Steve asked.

"When you meet them you'll understand."

You finished eating and everyone went back to their duties, but you went to help Eddie with changing the bandages. From the very beginning you were the only person he allowed in, because you handled him most delicately of all. You knew that Wayne was trying his best, however, Eddie always dramatically confirmed that everyone else wanted him to die in pain.

He sat on the edge of the tub as you cleaned each wound in turn. He hissed in pain from time to time, each time you heard it you sent him a slight smile whispering that it would be over soon and everything will be fine. When each wound was thoroughly cleaned you moved on to applying the ointment.

"Why do you dislike your family so much?" you asked while rubbing the ointment into his cheek.

"They have always considered themselves the best of the family, just because they have money. They love to brag about it, if they could they would wear badges that say 'we're fabulously rich, sucker,'" he said rolling his eyes.

"That doesn't sound too good." You sighed.

"I'll be hearing all week about how worthless I am. Too stupid to graduate from high school on the first try, too controversial looking to get a good job... The list goes on, if I were to list everything we'd have to sit here until night."

"Hey, look at me." you said grabbing his chin and turning him so that he was looking straight into your eyes. "You're not worthless. You saved the world, Eddie. You saved us all. The only worthless thing that exists is your hopeless aunt's words, do you understand?"

"You saved me, too. More than once." he whispered surprised with your words.

"I would have done it a second time without hesitation."

When you found yourselves in the Upside Down after passing through the gate at Lover's Lake the Demobats took you as their target. Without a second thought, Eddie rushed to your rescue when one of them wrapped its tail around your neck. Later, while Steve, Nancy, Jonathan and Robin dealt with Vecna together the two of you and Dustin were supposed to distract the monsters. Unfortunately, Eddie had no intention of listening to Steve and feeling a surge of courage he cut the line when you and Dustin returned to the trailer on the good side. That didn't stop you from jumping after him. You don't know if it was the adrenaline or the despair that overwhelmed you when you saw him that made you and the others able to get him back out the other side. The option of getting out of hell without Eddie simply didn't exist for you.

"I just... I don't want Wayne to be ashamed of me. I don't want him to listen to all the crap they say about me because I know he cares. He tries not to show it but I can see it. And that's the worst part of it all."

"Wayne loves you. And I know he would do anything for you. It's normal that when someone talks nonsense about people we love it upsets us. Remember when you had to pull me forcibly away from Craver who was bullying Will? I thought I was going to tear him apart then. I probably would have if it hadn't been for you."

"To be honest, you were terrifying, I was scared as hell," he laughed.

"If necessary I'm ready to defend you from your crazy family too. I just need to grow my nails so I can claw out their eyes better." you answered. When you saw the smile light up his face as well, you felt your heart skipped a beat. You meant it in all honesty. You would do anything for the people you love. He didn't need to know that you loved him in a little different way than the rest.

When the ultimate day arrived Eddie was sitting in his room with Dustin and Will working on the details of the next D&D campaign. This was to be Will's first time as Dungeon Master for the whole group so Eddie, as always, eagerly offered to help. They were fiercely discussing the final boss fight when the door to his room swung open gently and Wayne showed up in it.

"Hi Uncle Wayne." Dustin and Will said simultaneously.

"Hi boys. Eddie? Our guests have arrived." As soon as the last word left his mouth the door swung open wider allowing his aunt inside. There was a look of displeasure on Wayne's face at the fact that she had walked in there as if it were her own room, but he didn't comment. Immediately after her, her son Adam walked in.

"Hello, Edward!" she said in an overly high tone, looking around the room with a judgmental gaze. "Why don't you give an old aunt a hug as a greeting?"

"I'd love to, but unfortunately the doctor has forbidden me to have close contact with other people." Eddie replied in a flat tone causing the younger boys to snort quietly with laughter.

"Hm... I see you still haven't grown up. Adam threw away all his toys the moment he started high school."

"These are not some toys, they are needed for our campaign." He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Are you still playing that satanic game?" interjected Adam.

"It's not- Yeah, you know what? Yes, I play the satanic game all the time. Actually, I'm the leader of the cult now, and these are its scary members Dustin and Will. Before you say anything, yes, I am bringing the Hawkins youth to the dark side of power to worship Satan with me." Their visit had so far lasted only five minutes and they had already made Eddie think about how much more fun it was to be ripped to shreds by demobats.

"Alright." Wayne interrupted his dramatic speech before things got too far. "Why don't I show you the rest of the house and the neighborhood?" Without a word they left closing the door behind them.

"Dude, they're awful." commented Dustin.

"Are you still playing this satanic game?" Will began to mock Adam.

"This is going to be the worst week of my life." The metalhead rubbed his face with his hands.

For the next few hours, Eddie didn't leave his room for a step, knowing that the enemy was sitting right behind the wall. He tried to focus on Will's campaign but anxiety and nerves didn't help him one bit. When the doorbell rang around the apartment all three of them left the room knowing it was Hopper. However, they didn't expect it was Aunt Theresa opening the door for him.

"Good evening officer!" she said. "My name is Theresa Munson, is something wrong?" A confused Hopper sent Eddie a questioning look, to which only the latter rolled his eyes.

"Nothing happened, I-"

"Did Eddie get into trouble again? I know he's been in trouble with the law several times before," she sighed. "Edward I'm sure what you did was not intentional right?" She didn't let him get a word in edgewise.

"What the fu-" Eddie didn't have time to finish when Wayne came out of the bathroom.

"Jim! How are you?" he said shaking Hopper's hand.

"Good." he replied still somewhat surprised. "I came to pick up the boys."

"Oh, so you're not here after because of Edward? What a relief!" his aunt interjected.

"Unbelievable!" Eddie exclaimed, banging his head against the wall.

"I'm just worried that you'll follow in your father's footsteps! Look at you, tattoos? torn clothes and that satanic music you listen to? That doesn't bode well, does it, officer? If you don't change something about yourself you'll never find any girlfriend or a good job."

It was a punch below the belt. Mentioning his father was crossing the line. Seeing Eddie clench his fists and the knuckles on his hands turn white Will and Dustin sent each other a communicative look.

"But Eddie has a girlfriend!" Dustin said first.

"He does?" Adam asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"I do?" Eddie muttered under his breath trying to understand what was going on.

"Yeah, he is dating my sister y/n!" Will continued.

"They're so in love with each other it's disgusting." Dustin rolled his eyes.

"Come on boys, we have to go." Hopper said, interrupting this bizarre exchange of words. "Your mother will kill me if we don't get back before dinner."

With that, the two teenagers left them all in shock, including Eddie. After they left, he quickly locked himself in his room thinking about the situation. Apparently you are a couple now. How should he behave around you now? He didn't know what to do with all this. These two little bastards had just put him in a game of pretend relationship with the girl he wrote all his love songs about. On the one hand, it was a great opportunity for him to finally make a move on you. On the other, he was paralyzed by the fear that nothing but rejection awaited him.

"You can pick the place." Hopper said as soon as they got into the car.

"What place?" asked a puzzled Will.

"Where I can bury your bodies when y/n finds out what you've done."

"Oh come on! Everyone knows very well that she has a crush on him!" Dustin exclaimed.

"They're both only have eyes for themselves, we're just helping them finally do something about it." Will tried to defend them. "Just helping!"

"Even if it's true what you're saying, they should come to it by themselves, not by your wild ideas," he sighed. "You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm not going to get involved."

And Jim was right. As soon as you found out what they had done you were furious, yelling at them that they had no right to decide for the two of you and put you in such a strange situation. However, it was too late. Locked in your room, you nervously played with your fingers while looking at the phone standing on the bedside table, not knowing whether you should dial the number to the Munson's house and explain the situation. Apologize for the behavior of these little shits and hope that your relationship will not worsen because of it. Plunged into your thoughts, you didn't even hear the knock at your door. After a moment of unresponsiveness on your part, Jonathan and El entered the room.

"Will told us what happened." began Jonathan slowly, sitting down next to you. El wordlessly followed him. "You know very well that they didn't mean a bad thing," he said.

"You can come in too." You sighed still looking at the door. After a moment, your younger brother emerged from behind the wall and, not knowing what to expect, walked slowly into the room.

"I know that a simple apology is not enough!" he began to defend himself. "But this aunt is really awful person! She started comparing him to his father, she thought Hopper had come to arrest him, or God knows what! She said he would never find a girlfriend, so we wanted to help him a-and then this idea came to our minds! At firs it didn't seem so bad. We thought...I am really sorry y/n."

"It's okay." you said quietly and you extended your hand towards him. "I forgive you." He ignored you hand and hugged you tightly with a relief. 

"Eddie didn't protest, I think he liked the idea." he said quietly and you smiled.

Despite the fact, that thinking that Eddie liked the idea of being your pretended boyfrend for a week made you feel very warm you weren't able to stop thinking about what Will have just told you about his aunt's behaviour. She compared him to his father? Your blood boiled inside you. No one had the right to say such a thing, and you set as your goal to make sure it wouldn't happen again. At least not on your watch.

All Tuesday from the very morning you could not sit still. Lessons went on mercilessly, still thinking about the situation into which you were embroiled. When you told Robin about it at lunch she looked quite excited saying that finally something would happen between you two. She was the only one who knew how you truly felt about him and from the very beginning, she was trying to persuade you to finally do something more than rambling to her about your feelings. In her opinion, Eddie should be the person to actually listen to it. The longer you thought about it the more you had to admit that the excitement was getting to you as well. Yet you still didn't know what Eddie thought about it.

When the final bell rang, you quickly ran out of the school, got on your bike and headed toward Munson's apartment, stopping by a bakery on the way. Once there, you took three deep breaths and knocked on the door, which Wayne opened a moment later.

"And who do we have here?" He asked with a smile.

"Hi Uncle Wayne." You said answering with the same. "Is Eddie home?"

"I don't know where else he could be, come in." He let you in. "This is my sister Theresa and her son Adam. And this is y/n," he said as you walked deeper into the apartment. They were both sitting on the living room couch watching TV.

"It's very nice to meet you!" you said in an over-sweetened tone.

"We are also pleased to meet you." Replied a somewhat puzzled aunt.

"Did I hear my favorite Bayers?" Eddie leaned out of the room with a broad smile. Seeing his reaction you took it as permission to take it a step further.

"It's good to know that my little brother hasn't stolen that title yet." you laughed walking up to him. "Hi, Teddy." You kissed him on his healthy cheek. Not expecting it, he fossilized for a few seconds but after a moment he woke up.

"Hi baby." he said, smacking you on the forehead. "I see you've already met my wonderful family?" he added with a hint of sacrasm.

"Yes, Wayne introduced me." you confirmed. "Did you change the bandages today?" you asked wanting to change the topic.

"Not yet." he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"So here's the plan: First we'll change your bandages, then we'll take care of the school notes I brought you." you announced "Ah! I almost forgot! I was also at the bakery on the way, and I brought your favorite doughnuts."

"I told you she was the best." he said proudly looking his aunt straight in the eyes. Wayne watched you from afar with a smile on his lips. Pretend or not - it was nice to see you in such a position.

When you disappeared behind the bathroom door, free from the prying eyes of his guests, you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you..." he said quietly. "For playing along."

"Will told me about what you heard from her. I thought instead of clawing her eyes out right away we'd show her how wrong she is. If you don't mind, of course."

"Of course I don't. I was afraid it would be you who would mind. Those little shitheads hadn't decided anything about it with me before."

"So since neither of us has anything against it..." you said. "You told them I was the best?"

"Of course, and it wasn't even a lie!"

It took you more than two hours to come to grips with the notes. If Eddie had dispensed with his dramatic episodes the time would have been about half as short, but you were in no hurry. Sitting behind the closed door of his room nothing changed too much, your relationship from the very beginning was very good and full of laughter that reached the eavesdropper Theresa and her son. After finishing his study, Eddie played you some new songs he had written in his spare time. Three of them were related to each other telling the adventure of fighting the worst kind of evil, which was full of throwing fireballs, manipulating thoughts and knife-sharp fangs tearing skin. The fourth had no words yet. That, at least, was the version for you. The piece of paper with its words was tucked deep in the closet along with the rest he had written thinking of you. So that it would never see the light of day.

As dinner time approached Wayne called you into the living room where you helped set the table and get a few things ready. Eddie accompanied you, watching as you casually moved around the space talking and joking with his uncle. Feeling a pleasant warmth on his heart, he thought if it could stay like this forever. The way you jokingly patted his hand when he tried to snack, or when you pretended to be a princess in distress unable to open a jar, so he as a brave knight would come to your rescue. Such behavior was not something new for you, but this time as a wonderful addition, from time to time he could steal a little kiss from you on the cheek, forehead or tip of the nose, or without hesitation hug you from behind when you were standing at the counter cutting vegetables for a salad. You then leaned gently against his frame, creating an enclosure of safety around you. You both tried desperately to remember the feeling you had then if it was about to disappear as quickly as a soap bubble.

"So how did you two meet?" Theresa asked as you all sat down at the table.

"Eddie was friends with my twin brother, Jonathan, so it was only a matter of time before we met." you replied while putting food on your plate and then doing the same only with Eddie's portion. "I must admit that from the very beginning he had something about him that caught my attention." You continued.

"Interesting." she hummed. "Edward, how's the situation at school?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you going to finally get out of high school? You know you won't be young forever." she paused briefly. "Adam is studying in New York. He's one of the best, he's getting a scholarship."

"That's great." you commented, not wanting to drag the subject further.

"And what are your plans after graduation?" Adam turned to Eddie with a contemptous look.

"I don't know, at this point I'm just trying to get better." He shrugged his shoulders without taking his eyes off the food.

"Eddie is great with cars!" you blurted out. "Before the accident he used to work for a local mechanic, he really appreciated him." You placed your hand on his, which was lying on the table. When you squeezed it gently he looked at you and sent a slight smile showing a dimple in his cheek.

"Well, yes, but without education you can't find a good job," he said.

"I believe that if someone is good at their craft they don't need any high degree at all to succeed. And Eddie is the best, and I'm sure that as soon as he finishes high school this year he will be very successful." Your voice was still kind however this time a hint of firmness could be sensed in it.

The rest of dinner passed in silence. When you had finished eating you helped to clear the table and wash the dishes. Then it was time to go home.

"My mother and Jim are hosting an engagement party this Friday. She said to tell you that you and Adam can also feel invited. It's going to be great fun, right Eddie?" you said already standing at the door.

"Of course sweetheart." he replied with a fake smile hating the idea of them being there with all his heart.

For the last time that day you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Although it was gentle Eddie felt as if your lips were leaving a permanent mark there, which imprinted all the way on his heart.

The rest of the week looked similar. Except for the day of Hellfire, you came to him after school bringing notes and spending the rest of the day together. You could get used to such a course of events, unfortunately, when Friday came you felt nostalgic about the fact that this could be the last of the days like this. Theresa and Adam were going home Sunday morning which meant that these were also the last days to enjoy Eddie's closeness. Feeling a weight in your chest, you got off the bike and headed toward the apartment. You didn't expect Adam to open the door for you. He was shirtless. You immediately felt extremely uncomfortable and wanted to turn back but he stopped you.

"Wayne and Eddie went to get some groceries, you can wait for them inside." he said smiling broadly.

"Thanks." you muttered and squeezed past him in the doorway.

"I just finished doing my home workout. You know, we have a gym at the university, so I go there every day, I can't stop." He winked at you coming closer. Responding nothing with a quick step you walked to the living room and began to unpack the contents of your bag. In addition to your notes after school, you entered the store and bought the new figures for D&D that Will kept talking about that they would need for the new campaign. You carried the notes to Eddie's room, then sat down on the couch in the living room and began spreading out the figures and paints on the coffee table. Adam never took his eyes off you, watching your every move making you feel increasingly nervous.

"Do you play this stupid game too?" he asked, sitting down next to you.

"I participate in campaigns from time to time." You replied shrugging your shoulders. Not wanting to lean on the couch as his arm was stretched across the backrest, you aimlessly moved things from one place to another, making you not notice how close he was to you. It reached you when you felt his hand on your cheek. Surprised, you looked in his direction and immediately jumped away standing up on your feet.

"What the hell are you doing?" you shouted.

"Oh come on, don't you wanna mess around? It will be a while before they come back from the store." he said getting up from the couch.

"Jesus, no! Have you lost your mind? What made you even think that I might want something like that?" 

Adam was wrong. Eddie and Wayne returned from shopping, but you were so preoccupied with the situation, and your voice was so loud that you didn't hear the door open. Eddie, seeing you with his half-naked cousin in the living room, felt his heart suddenly get very heavy. He was just turning to leave the apartment and not look at it when Wayne grabbed him by the arm and with a hand gesture showed him to be quiet and watch what would happen next.

"So you're saying all this talk about having a crush on him when he was just your brother's friend is true? You fell in love with a trailer trash who worships Satan? The scars are turning you on?" he smirked. "A better Munson is now standing in front of you, baby, don't waste this opportunity."

"Don't you fucking dare to say one more word!" He crossed the line. It wasn't even about how he behaved toward you. You were too concerned about what he called Eddie. "I tolerated your and your mother's snarky behavior just so I wouldn't make Wayne uncomfortable. But since he's not here now I'm happy to answer your questions. Even homeless Eddie would be much better than you. You don't measure up to him you damn asshole! I don't care about your expensive car you are so enthusiastic about, I'd rather walk everywhere my whole life than get in it. I don't give a shit about your apartment in New York. I would have had a better life homeless under a bridge. And yes, I loved Eddie when he lived in the trailer, I loved that he made me feel at home there, trailer or not I fucking love him so you have to remember that the next time you talk shit about the person I love nothing will hold me back anymore. I will make you regret it for the rest of your miserable life. I'm disgusted with you. I'm disgusted by how self-absorbed idiot you are and how your ego blows the scale. And you are right. You're damn right that these wounds are incredibly attractive. Do you know why? Because they remind me that my Eddie is a fucking hero! You don't even realize how many lives he saved back then! So yes, he and his scars are the hottest in the world and definitely much more hotter than your pathetic gym routine." The words flew out of your mouth like bullets. The shock on his face encouraged you even more but then you heard the door slam.

"Adam?" the voice of Wayne made you tighten your lips into a thin line and take a deep breath.

"Y/n! Good to see you!" he said bringing in the shopping bags.

"Hi Wayne." you said getting the nicest and the calmest tone you could afford at that moment.

"Sweetheart!" before you had time to respond Eddie with a quick step and a wide smile on his lips was already at your side. What you didn't expect, however, was what came next. He cupped your face and kissed you. Eddie was kissing you. You experienced a three-second shock and then completely surrendered to the kiss by placing your hands on his chest. His nose gently touched your cheek, you felt its tip was cold. Yet his lips were burning. Even though the kiss was brief, you felt as if your soul had left your body and had travelled to a completely different dimension. Was it a dream? If so, you didn't want to wake up.

After Eddie heard what you were saying, he felt he had to do it. Many times he saw you defending your loved ones from all kinds of attacks. You weren't afraid to cover Will with your own body when Vecna tried to get him, so verbal attacks were not a problem for you. You also handled this one very well. More than once he had the opportunity to witness this. Now you were doing it for him. This awakened completely new feelings in him. He was sincerely touched and happy. In that moment you gave him something he had not felt since Wayne took him in. He felt wanted and loved. Even if it was pretended at that moment. Nothing could take that moment away from him, so he decided to take a risk. The risk definitely paid off. He enjoyed every second of it. The satisfaction was also a bonus. He wanted to show "the better Munson" that you were his. As if what you said wasn't enough. He wanted the kiss to be a seal saying she is perfect, and she is mine. Damn, he wanted you to be his so bad.

As if nothing ever happened, you sat down on the couch with Eddie and took up painting. You didn't say a word about your exchange with Adam, and Eddie pretended he hadn't witnessed one of the best moments in his life. Painting took you a lot longer than you expected. Plus more because every now and then you glanced in his direction focusing your attention on his mouth as he told you more details of the campaign. Could you have become addicted to something you had only tasted once?

"They are being chased by a pack of wild mutant lions so they run into an old hut where the master of nightmares is waiting for them." He tells you while gesturing with his hands. You're interested in what he's saying, but damn did his lips always look this beautiful? "Earth to y/n!" he yelled clapping his hands.

"Shit, sorry, I zooned out." you woke up suddenly. "So what exactly is it about the master of nightmares?"

"He throws you into a vision that replicates your greatest fears," he said.

"And what is Eddie the Banished's greatest fear?"

Losing you. That was his first thought. "Y'know it will probably be bats." he cuckled and winked at you.

"I am so sorry Eddie, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, clam down." he said, yawning.

"You're tired, I should go."

"No, stay." he grabbed your hand. "I mean... if you want to of course, I thought you'd wait until they're dry to take some home for Will."

"Oh, sure." a smile crept onto your lips on its own as you accepted the proposition. Lips. You had a feeling you never thought about that particular body part as often as you did today.

"We can chill a little in my room." he suggested. You knew perfectly well what he meant.

"You know very well that I won't agree to this kind of chilling." You crossed your arms over your chest. "Those strange doctors have made it very clear that until the traces of the Upside Down are out of your system for good, there is no question of smoking anything."

"But- please! Have mercy on my poor soul." fell to his knees in front of you making you giggle.

"Don't you dare use those puppy dog eyes on me Munson. It's for your own good." you said softly and tenderly stroked his cheek with your thumb.

"You heartless woman." he faltered, laying his head on your lap.

"Okay, I am able to bear the weight of those words." you chuckled. "There are many other ways to relax, you know? We can listen to music, or read."

"Will you read to me?" he asked raising his face toward you. Big chocolate button eyes glared at you. His face looked so innocent. Rarely did anyone get a chance to see it, since Eddie almost always wore his mask. The fact that he didn't have it with you made you feel very special.

"Come on, adventure awaits!" you helped him stand up and walked to his room. After a moment of deliberation and dithering about whether you should read The Hobbit for the millionth time, you decided that this time it would be some new fantasy book that Wayne had bought Eddie while he was still in the hospital.

"Wayne won't mind that I'm staying this long?"

"Of course not. Besides, we still have some time before they come back."

"We have plenty of time before a pack of wild lions reaches us?"

"And before one of your worst dreams hunts you down" He replied and patted the bed indicating for you to lie down next to him. With that, you began to read, but after a short time you both began to get sleepy. The dim light of the bedside lamp, the warmth that eminated from the two of you, the comfort and peace that you felt in each other's company succulently lulled you to sleep. When you heard a quiet snoring in mid-sentence you looked at its source with tenderness in your eyes. Feeling your own eyelids getting incredibly heavy you put the book aside. Just five minutes. You thought and, moving closer to the boy, allowed yourself a small nap.

It was not as small as you thought.

"Yes, Joyce, you have nothing to worry about." Wayne said. "They were already asleep when we got home, I don't want to wake them up. Yes, I'm sure. They will manage, they are adults. Yes, it won't be a problem for sure. Okay, bye. See you tomorrow." Eddie lazily opened his eyes and rubbed them with one hand. He listened to his uncle's words looking on in disbelief that you were still here. And much closer than before he fell asleep. He brushed your hair away from your face as gently as he could so as not to wake you up.

"Hey, kid." Wayne whispered. "I talked to Joyce, she can stay."

"Thanks, Wayne."

The man smiled and winked at him, closing the door behind him. Eddie took the blanket that lay at the other end of the bed and covered you. In your sleep you turned your back to him and he took the opportunity to embrace you becoming a big spoon. Feeling you move even closer and snuggle into him he thought his heart was about to explode. Your back touched his abdomen causing a slight pain in the areas of the still healing wounds, but this pain was bearable. Besides, it was nothing compared to the happiness he felt. 

As the first rays of sunlight broke through the cracks in his blinds and his watch indicated the unmercifully early hour Eddie sighed unhappily. He had never been one of the early birds, and there was no promise of change in that regard. When he opened his eyes he remembered why he was actually sleeping in his clothes. You must have turned in the night because now your face was facing his. You kept one hand under the pillow and the other lay on his side. He wanted to close the gap between you and wake you up with a kiss like in one of the cheap rom-coms, but he didn't know if he could let himself do that. Kissing you in front of his cousin was justified, since you were going to pretend to be a couple, you had to be convincing, but wouldn't doing it when it was just the two of you be too much? He was weighing all the pros and cons when he noticed your eyes slowly open.

"Good morning Eddie." you said stretching.

"Good morning, panda." he replied in a whisper. You looked at him questioningly, and with his thumb he lightly rubbed the black mascara marks under your eyes that must have formed there overnight.

"Oh, shit." you said while covering your face. "'m sorry." you muttered and sat down on the bed.

"Don't be, you look cute." So cute I want to kiss you again and again and... again. His brain didn't let go recalling these visions every now and then. Instead, he simply told you that if you wanted to dress up you could borrow something from his closet. Since your top was a bit sweaty after the sleep, you agreed by taking one of the Hellfire shirts and went to quickly get yourself cleaned up in the bathroom. Then you waited for Eddie to shower and get dressed and helped him with his bandages as you always do. You had seen him shirtless countless times, but now that he was sitting in front of you on the bathtub in only loose sweatpants you were overcome by a feeling that you only allowed yourself in the privacy of your room by fantasizing about your friend. You were afraid of the fact that these fantasies were now at your fingertips, and before you could stop yourself your hand actually moved toward him. Eddie, as if in a trance, equally enchanted by the moment, watched your every move. Your fingers gently traced a path on his body. Starting with a healthy cheek, continuing on his neck, shoulder and then chest.

"Do you like what you see, sweetheart?" he said, unable to catch his breath.

"Very," you whispered biting your lower lip.

"I like what I see, too." He confirmed by pushing your hair off your shoulder. He imitated your movements. Starting by gently brushing your face, neck and arm which was slightly exposed by the fact that his shirt was too big on you. Your breathing became faster and faster as you rested your forehead against his. His hands quickly found their way to your waist pulling you as close to him as he could. And then you kissed him. No matter how close you stood to each other until your lips were joined the gap was too huge. Initially shy and tentative sparks ignited a fire. The desire that had been bubbling inside you for a long time exploded. Still kissing you, he got up from the tub pushing you toward the wall so that you were trapped between it and him. Trapped? You were not going to escape even if you were to burn in this fire. As he laid wet marks on your neck you sank your hand into his curls. The temperature was hotter than hell when you felt his hands go under the shirt you were wearing. His lips returned to yours as he pressed his body against yours and you felt how hard he was. You thought you were going crazy.

"Eddie..." You didn't control the moan that spontaneously left your mouth.

"Yes, Angel?" he asked pulling away from you. His eyes were darker than usual but on his lips was the same smile as always. The same dimple-showing smile that made your knees weaken.

"Please." That was all you could get out of yourself before you put your hands on his neck pulling him close. This time he was the one who moaned right into your mouth and started to roll up your shirt to take it off. And then a fire truck arrived. A huge bucket of icy water to extinguish the big fire between you. A big downpour called Theresa.

"Hello? I think you've already finished changing the bandages! Some people need to use the restroom!" she shouted, knocking quickly and hard on the door. Of course she was eavesdropping. Of course she was doing her best to squeeze in where she wasn't needed. Eddie moved away from you and unlocked the bathroom door. Visibly angry, he passed his aunt without a word and went to his room to get dressed. He was definitely uncomfortable with the fact that they could see his wounds. When he returned, he noticed you in the hallway putting your shoes on. Seeing his sad expression you smiled slightly.

"I have to go help my mom get everything ready for tonight's party." You explained grabbing his hand. "But don't miss too much, we'll see each other in a few hours, right?"

"Yeah." one corner of his mouth lifted

"See you later." In farewell you kissed him on the cheek and left the apartment. Leaving him alone with thoughts of what the hell  just happened.

When you got home, you didn't have much of a chance or time to think about the morning's events. You and the rest of the household threw yourselves into the whirlwind of preparations. You sat with Mom and El in the kitchen while Jonathan and Will helped prepare the garden, carrying chairs and tables there. After some time, Steve and Eddie also came to help. Because of his condition, Eddie stayed close to you in the kitchen and Steve went to help set things up in the garden. There was a kind of tension between you and the metalhead, but it wasn't bad. All the time you were sending each other glances and smiles. When you handed him vegetables to cut, his fingers brushed yours. The tiny gestures created a kind of attraction between you, which was terribly hard to resist. Despite everything, you did not bring up the subject of what happened just a few hours ago in the bathroom.

The party was going on at its best, Hopper and Wayne were sipping beers while keeping an eye on the meat on the grill, and right next to them at the table sat Joyce, the Sinclairs, Mrs. Henderson, Jonathan, Will, Eddie, and Theresa with Adam, who today was being extraordinarily, suspiciously nice to Eddie. Shouts and laughter came from the other end of the garden. Together with Dustin, El, Robin, Argyle and Steve you were playing fresbee, while Lucas and Max cheered you on from the sidelines. The disc flew out of your hands almost every time though you didn't give up. Seeing your persistence Eddie couldn't hold back a smile.

"Eddie!" shouted Will. "Are you even listening to me?" he rolled his eyes.

"Of course! You were talking about the new campaign."

"Yeah! What exactly?" Silence and the Dungeon Master's reddened face was the only answer he got.

"Will give him a break, you can see that something else is on his mind." interjected Jonathan. "Or rather, someone?"

"Is that someone our sister?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." he muttered while covering his face with his hair.

"So, Theresa! How is life in New York for you, life in the city must be very interesting!" the voice of Joyce caught the attention of all three so they turned their heads towards the aunt.

"Oh, it is! It's also very hard. It's hard to maintain the role of the Munsons, who have not followed in the family footsteps." she laughed artfully. "Fortunately, we're doing great with Adam."

Eddie's leg began bouncing under the table at an incredibly fast pace.

"What does that mean?" Joyce asked a visibly confused.

"Our family doesn't have a very good reputation, as you well know. Not many of us are able to get out of a miserable life in a penny trailer or avoid owning a police cartorette." She sent Eddie a quick glance, through which he knew he was about to receive the final blow. As his aunt continued, his leg began to move even faster, which did not escape the Byers brothers' attention. They both sent each other somewhat frightened glances but did nothing, waiting for the situation to unfold. "When we found out that Eddie was wanted for murder we were immediately horrified that he had followed in his father's footsteps-" she didn't have time to finish when Eddie stood up abruptly looking at her. Father. A word that caused even more pain than the pack of demobats tearing through his body.

"Don't-" he began in a shaky voice. "Don't you dare mention him. Don't you dare call that man my father, you understand." he tried to be calm. In truth, with all his might he wanted to be self-controlled now, but it all seemed too much. All week he had bravely endured everything she said about him. But now when she did it in front of everyone he cared about, when she did it in front of your family, pulling the strongest card in the process he couldn't stand it. Wayne and Hopper became alarmed and walked closer to the table, but that didn't stop him. "This man is nobody to me. A stranger. A fucking sperm donor nothing more. He is a murderer. He killed my mother, and your sister. His last name is Davis. Not Munson." He felt something tighten in his throat. Something making it difficult for him to breathe. "My father's name is Wayne Munson. He raised me, he changed my last name, so don't you ever dare call that man my father again." Saying all this, he looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood every single word he said. Feeling tears come to his eyes and he quickly turned away walking into the house. He couldn't afford to cry in her presence. That's why it wasn't until he was in your room that everything he held inside gave vent. Angrily, he grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it with all his strength onto the floor then sat on it himself while leaning against the bed. He took the pillow cuddling his face into it. As the smell of your scent filled his nostrils even more tears flowed into his eyes. Like tentacles full of venom, thoughts of Aunt Theresa being right wrapped around his mind. He thought he wasn't worthy of you. Maybe she was right that he didn't have a good future ahead of him. If he couldn't provide it for himself how could he provide it for you as well? How could a freak hated by the whole city be worthy of someone as wonderful as you? He felt like screaming. At that moment he hated himself even more than his aunt.

"I thought I'd find you here." Hopper said as he entered the room and sat down next to him.

"Yeah?" Eddie earned a smile while wiping away tears.

"Actually, I think that would be everyone's first thought."

"So obvious."

"Listen... I shouldn't say this, but your aunt is really insufferable. Don't worry, okay? Everything she said was one big bullshit."

"Looking at how many times I rode with you in the police car I wouldn't agree," his words were bitter and full of sadness.

"I know you Eddie. I admit that at some point you were not on my list of favorites, but later I got to know you from a different side as well, and I have to admit that Wayne did a great job raising you."

"Wayne is a great guy," he said.

"So are you." Seeing Eddie only nodding in the negative, he sighed heavily and continued. "I know the man your aunt was talking about. And you are nothing like him. You almost died protecting my kids. You are a hero. And you make one of my daughters damn happy, so as far as I'm concerned you're one of the best people I've met in this messed up life."

"You think I make her happy?" the wall of sadness was shot through with tiny hope.

"Very happy. That's why I don't even want to dig into why she came home in your T-shirt today."

"That- it's not what you think," he began to explain.

"I said I don't want to hear about it. Besides, she came back today very smiling. I haven't seen her like that in a long time."

"Eddie what happened? Jim?" when you noticed that Eddie had disappeared from the table you asked Will where he had gone, and he only said that towards the house, without giving you any details. Moments later you found him sitting on the floor with Hopper. His eyes were a little puffy and red, and you knew he had been crying. You were afraid that Hopper might have said something that led to this, and as if reading your mind he raised his hands in a defensive gesture.

"I didn't do anything. Your boy just felt a little worse, you know yourself how wounds can sometimes give you a hard time."

Hearing this seconds later you were on your knees next to Eddie. "Do you need painkillers? Maybe you need to rest? You can stay here and sleep." With concern in your eyes, you watched his eyes become even glassier. "What can I do to help you, Eddie?" without a word he pulled you close with a hug. You were his safe heaven. He knew that with you he could be vulnerable. "Eddie, I don't want to hurt you, I don't want your wounds to hurt you even more." You said quietly scared that such closeness could inflict more pain on him.

"I don't care 'bout them," he muttered into your hair.

"Come down to us when you're feeling better, we'll be making a fire soon to toast marshmallows." Hopper said, leaving you alone.

The two of you sat cuddled together for some more time. When you returned to the rest of the party, you didn't leave his side for a moment, making sure he was feeling fine and everything was okay. The rest of the evening passed peacefully, especially when you all sat around the campfire listening to the melody of the acoustic guitar that "slays dragons."

When the day of salvation arrived and the intruders left the Munson kingdom Eddie could breathe a sigh of relief. Even Wayne admitted that their visit was too much to bear and they deserved a rest. Still, Eddie could not rest. Staring at the ceiling, he wondered what your relationship would look like now. Will you forget everything that happened? Such as how close you were to each other? He tried everything to clear his head. Playing his guitar, writing songs, planning campaigns, drawing- nothing. Completely nothing was able to pull his thoughts off track. Countless times he approached the phone and was already almost grabbing the receiver but chickened out at the last moment. At the point when he could no longer handle himself he sat down on the couch with Wayne and they watched TV in silence. But whatever was playing on it didn't help. Then he heard a knock on the door. The thought crossed his mind that maybe it was his aunt who had returned, which in itself made him feel sick. Fortunately, it was you. Although the look on your face didn't indicate that you just came here to hang out. You were nervously biting your lips and your eyebrows crinkled together as you played with your fingers.

"Eddie, we need to talk." you said when he let you in and without a word you went to his room.

"What's wrong? I know pretending to love me for a week was hard, but I didn't think it was that hard." he tried to joke.

"Shut up!" you exclaimed. Your lower lip began to shake and tears came to your eyes. You had thought about the course of this conversation many times before coming here, but you didn't expect to be so carried away by your emotions. Seeing his surprised and then somewhat hurt look made you feel terrible for having erupted like that. He deserved an explanation. He deserved the truth. He didn't deserve yelling at him, for sure.

"I'm sick of how badly you talk about yourself. I'm sick of how you think you're not worth loving, because- because loving you is easy, Eddie! The easiest." you began, feeling like you were about to die of nerves, but you came here with a purpose and you were going to fulfill it. "I want to love you the way you deserve it. And you deserve the purest, the most honest and the strongest kind of love in the whole world. And I know that if you only let me, I will be able to give it to you. But I want you to know that I will understand if you don't feel the same way about me," the last words passed through your throat with extreme difficulty. You were ready to take the risk. A broken heart was a better option than keeping your feelings for him hidden. Especially since you had the opportunity to see what life at his side might look like. It looked like a dream. And you have to fight for dreams.

"You know I'm not the best at talking about feelings." he sighed. "So I'll use a little help," he said taking a couple of D&D figures in his hand and sat down on the bed. You sat down across from him. "If this were one of the campaigns I would say that a very important part was when Eddie the Banished and Y/n Golden Heart had a battle that lasted a week with two, extremely nasty monsters," the figurines portrayed a small fight scene. " After the monsters were gone they both met, in King Harrington's palace in the lobby, just by the door. Not feeling like feasting, they sneaked out and climbed onto the roof of a small shed that was nearby. Under the cover of night, they felt like they were the only people in the world. The night was beautiful. And the fact that evil was not lurking just around the corner gave it an added charm. The wind gently rustled between the trees, the hushed sounds of the feast could be heard in the background, and they were so immersed in a conversation they had created that they forgot about everything else. They talked about comets, about the next adventure that awaited them, about anything they wanted to talk about. The stars in the sky shone brighter than usual. They heralded the beginning. A good beginning." He grabbed your hand. It was a little sweaty because he vas nervous but you didn't care about it at all.

"How do you know it's a good one?" you asked quietly sniffing and feeling that you were calming down. You've always known that Eddie is amazing at storytelling, but this was the first time it involved something so sensitive.

"As the first shades of orange appeared in the sky and the sun gently began to illuminate his companion's face, Eddie the Banished realized a very meaningful matter."

"What kind of matter?" you waited impatiently for the continuation.

"From the very beginning as soon as y/n Golden Heart appeared in his life he couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't remember anything because all his thoughts were directed only toward her. At first he thought she charmed him with a bunch of curses, after all she was the most powerful witch in the kingdom. Because of this, he thought, he felt a constant need and desire to always be by her side. Having once been under the influence of the fumes created by the powerful herbalist Argyle, he wondered what kind of magic it would take to reduce him to the size of a rat, so that he could hide in a pocket in her robe to be by her side for a few moments longer." He laughed, and you dreamily listened on. "His life was like a hurricane. It rushed dangerously with unimaginable speed bringing with it a lot of destruction and dangerous changes. But despite the hurricane, he waited for a warmer front. That morning when y/n the Golden Heart closed her eyes and smiled slightly feeling the warm rays of the sun surround her face, he realized that she was the warmer front. They had survived a lot, rescued each other by pulling out of fires and getting out of rivers, defeated the scariest monsters in the kingdom. And they were together. They never left each other's side. It reached him that his feelings were not caused by curses. What he felt was stronger than a curse. It was love. Simply put, he was in love with her, and to his last breath he wanted to be with her."

"Eddie..."

"Yeah?"

"How many points do I have to roll to kiss you right now?" hearing this sentence from your mouth he knew that nothing more was needed for his happiness, so without hesitation he joined your lips together.

Eddie was right that this was the beginning. A very good beginning.

taglist: @i-me-mine

[vermutandherring]

I've always felt that there was something missing from the romance in The Sims 4, though I can't quite put my finger on what. The depth of the relationship? Passion? Variety of interactions? Now, 10 years later, when our characters have learned how to raise children and organize weddings, we can finally teach them the art of love. At least that's what you'd expect from a Lovestruck.

Meet Julianne - together with her we will discover a never-before-seen world of romance, the journey to which starts from the phone (let's ignore the fact that I chose to play in my historical save file). Game doesn't give us a separate option to create an account on the dating app. As with Social Bunny, it works by default. From the first minutes of playing for another household, several sims called my character: some claimed that they got this number from friends, others that they were impressed by the profile in Cupid's Corner (which I did not create) and wanted to get to know each other. Arguably, your large social circle and popularity will attract more potential love interests. Or it's just my imagination and your acquaintances will have no effect on the appearance of calls with offers to get to know each other.

You can take your own profile photo, but without corresponding skill it will take some time. Actually, I love how cute it looks.

However, the best way to succeed in anything is to take matters into your own hands. The game offers us 6 candidates every 12 hours, which you can immediately add to your contacts and go on a date. These are both homeless NPCs and sims you create. I did not check whether it is possible to meet profiles of characters with romantic relationships, but all the households I came across were single, which is obviously the main condition for Cupid's Corner.

I also can't tell if the game selects profiles according to a certain principle. Only 1-2 sims had the same traits as Julianne. The rest were matched by age and gender. All this gives the impression that the application for dating is made somewhat lazily. There is very little information about the characters - only 2 traits, age and living place. And this despite the fact that in CAS we can choose an incredible number of hobbies and traits that can attract our sims.

It was funny to see profiles of the sims' I made before. You can say Wesker is always in my saves ✨

Perhaps there is logic in this, if we take into account that sims themselves have to learn more about each other during dates. So, having chosen 3 candidates, I send Julianne on the first date. Here you have to be careful and send your sims exactly on a date from the EP. Now, in addition to the huge and chaotic menu of communication, you will have another type of dating, which does not overwrite the basic one, but exists separately (which, in my opinion, does not make any sense, since they are identical in essence). After looking through the buy catalog beforehand, I purchased a picnic tablecloth and a board game, hoping to try out some new interactions.

Oh, this iconic arrival on the lot where sims stand around, waving their fingers until they want to drink water or to do the push-ups. I don't think that you are obliged to gift something on the first date. However, here we are talking about a game with a somewhat hyperbolic reality. It would be very nice if your partner greeted you with flowers, candy or a funny gift. But… no. Do you remember the phrase about taking matters into your own hands?

Dating in Lovestruck is no different from basic dating, except that it is now organized as an event, for which you will receive a reward. To finish it successfully, you need to complete as many tasks as possible: talk, flirt, and do activities that you have previously chosen. Like always, everything on the date depends only on you. This is the first and not the last time when I want to remember previous Sims games. Unlike the fourth part, in Sims 2 you can't spend the perfect date relying only on your whims. You should pay attention to your partner's wishes by asking what they want or checking their wishes on the date panel. This way, you make sure that both characters have a good time interacting with each other. In the Sims 4, those moments when your love interest takes the initiative are rather annoying, because their actions may not count towards the dating success scale, wasting your time.

Let's return to Julianne. A bit of grilled cheese, light conversation and a board game were a good start to getting to know each other. The picnic tablecloth is officially my absolute favorite part of the DLC. You can do relatively many things together, and it looks a lot better than sitting in different corners of the room with plates in hand. For me personally, this is exactly what I was missing - to watch how sims adequately communicate with each other, without getting up from their seats to play on the computer. This date ended with gold, for which Julianne received a sweet photo with Vittorio.

Without wasting time, Julianne goes on a second date. It was a bit more boring as I sent sims to a bar to explore the new town. Ciudad Enamorada is a new world, which represents the countries of the Iberian basin and Latin America. It is difficult for me to clearly state my opinion about the city. On the one hand, it is very reminiscent of San Myshuno, but feels more empty and sham like in the case of Tomarang. I suspect that EA have been planning for a long time to move to more modern versions of DirectX and started making bigger worlds full of large, carefully decorated areas to create an open world feel. In the already mentioned Tomarang, you can view the whole neighborhood, while being on the same lot.

But this attempt to deceive the player does not save the situation. The streets look empty due to too little traffic of cars and characters. 10 characters in the cozy Willow Creek neighborhood add life to the town, while the same number of characters in the huge Ciudad Enamorada give the impression of a ghost city.

There's not a lot you can do in these areas, and it turns this beautiful city into another one empty box.

Although there are also pleasant moments. For example, in parks you can meet characters spending time together. Just don't look at them for too long, otherwise you will notice that they sit on the benches for whole days, poking their fingers at the clouds and at the starry sky.

Now your sims can stargaze on the benches and this animation is really sweet. I'd wish it were just a bit more diverse, maybe with kissing interaction (my man deff doesn't understand hints).

Julianne's date with Hosea went well. It was the usual conversations about interests and jokes over a glass of root beer and a little flirting. Since this is the first meeting, Julianne did not insist on extremely frank details, stopping at superficial facts about herself, because now you can not only ask your beloved ones about their likes, but also share your own. The developers tried to deepen the relationship by adding more psychological moments. It would seem that the preferences of sims should be based on this, which would influence their choice of a partner. But to be honest, I couldn't feel it. The information you learn about the characters constantly bombards you with an endless number of messages, reading which is very tiring. Even after reaching the maximum relationship, my sims never developed any specific preferences and could not tell each other anything new (or maybe I create too boring sims).

The second date quickly tired me out, as it was not much different from the first. I managed to finish it for silver, after which Julianne had a little rest. As a reward, she received a teddy bear. I expected that partners after successful dates would quickly want to see each other again. But the rare times they did call, they were asking for advice on relationships with other sims. This is another gap that the devs didn't try to fix or simply ignored its existence - the game does not take into account your current relationship and romantic level with other characters. I think this is an interesting option if you are playing for a polyamorous relationship. But for Julianne, I set the goal to find a partner and chose the exact settings for her in CAS, which the game ignored. Frustrated by this, I sent her on a third date.

It was awful. Julianne couldn't find approach to Omari, and each of their lines turned the date into a complete mess. Neither jokes nor attempts to find a common language helped. It ended up with bronze and little flower as a reward for wasted time. You can also end the date early, or ask to extend it if you don't have time to collect the reward (the additional time decreases with each attempt). Maybe things would have turned out better if Julianne had practiced her romance skill. This is another controversial point for me, with which I cannot decide.

Of course, we must learn to find an approach to each other, train patience, be able to accept our partners and talk about our problems and complaints to each other in order to solve them. But in Lovestruck, romance skill is geared towards unlocking additional interactions, such as kissing or sharing candy box. Do I really have to go on multiple dates and get into relationships with different partners to finally learn how to present sweets? I understand that this was done mostly in order to make the gameplay a little more difficult and exciting, to add some time before you get completely bored.

After all, this skill exists because there must be new skill in Expansion Pack. It's very reminiscent of a similar parenting skill in Parenthood, but some things look absurd. Skills from WW has more sense, but for obvious reason devs can't put something that spicy into the game. Eventually, I got tired of developing a talent for romancing other sims and had to use a cheat code.

Julianne ended up with Hosea. Not because he called after a date or wanted to see her. But because I accidentally bumped into him while was hanging around in the park doing quest (this is really tiny quest you can find in the park and finish it within 10 minutes, 5 of which is loading screens). As we know, nothing makes you closer and helps to grow connection like fishing. But this I would do without paying 40$ (or 999 UAH, for God's sake).

I got tired of Julianne's love story. I tried pushing their progression with Hosea to see what else the game can propose. Not that much. So I switched on other married couple.

I adore new furniture. It embody well the atmosphere of romance and erotic mood, which can be supplemented with wallpaper with interesting animal patterns (I missed zebra and leopard prints since Sims 2). It looks like something you expect to meet in the 'certain places for adults' and I like that devs went a bit further than just a bunch of cute stuff. The only thing that does not go well with the 'strip-clubs-velvet style' is art deco. Why don't make more club/bar furniture with booth seats, puffs and huge mirrors in soft cloth is beyond me. But now, if you want full art deco collection, you should get Hight School Years and Lovestruck altogether. I find it quite funny, not sure either in bad or good context.

As I already mentioned, picnic tablecloth is my absolute favorite from the whole EP. It also has the bear rug variation, which fits just perfect for your romantic evenings by the fireplace. I'm sure Victor and Lily will agree with this.

Same interactions are available for both the rug and the cloth because these are literally the same object.

But what if I tell you that it already was in The Sims, 20 years ago?

Gif made from this video. All credits to the original creator.

I don't like to think about it as an "easter egg". Almost every DLC for The Sims 4 is repeating of the same content and functions from the previous games, but with less functionality. And EA charges extra money for it over and over again. Now let's just wait till they figure out how to implement the biggest easter egg of The Sims series ever - cars.

You can make your sims sitting with drinks like in The Sims 1, but of course it has different vibe.

Time to talk about the "hottest" part of this add-on - the seductive dance. To do this, you will have to develop a little not only relationships, but also romantic skill. Dressing up in erotic outfits is optional and not a requirement. That's where all the fun ends. Your partner will begin to move to the rhythm of the dance, which lasts several minutes and during which nothing happens but monotonous movements. Again, this can be described with the words "cute" and "funny", which fits perfectly with the whole family friendly concept of the game. To be honest, I am not categorically against this, because the step towards real erotic and sexuality makes The Sims 4 hover over the abyss of what is appropriate for its age limit.

This review is already too long, but I would like to add a little more about the interactions. I counted a dozen new romantic interactions with animations. For some of them, you will have to increase your romantic skills. Other parts (such as questions or flirting) use the same animations as in the base game. The menu of relationships has become even more chaotic, the description of preferences is even more complicated and unclear. If you want to make the gameplay more varied, you will have to spend a lot of time reading the explanations and noting these details in your head. And even then, I'm not sure if it will make your game more diverse.

As It's been told many times before, Lovestruck EP makes the romance too complicated. Obviously, the developers tried to add depth to the relationship that was so lacking, but in the end they went in wrong direction. Maybe I should play more to understand new features better. But I just don't have the desire for it. The gameplay became so full of text that I started to turn a blind eye to it. I have no doubt that the new features will give someone more variation to play and build their stories. But for me this DLC doesn't cost neither full nor discount price at all.

I love suits and Lily in butler's uniform wins my heart 🖤 Pose is CC.

There are also some features I didn't mention (like therapy for couples which broke my relationship) so there's a bit more to discover. You are free to argue with me of course. Sometimes I think I'm too biased about the game.

[drdemonprince]

CW: suicide, commitment, psychosis

My sibling is someone who unequivocally says being committed saved their life and was not inherently traumatic outside of the extremely traumatic mental health crisis that led to it. (However, our local psych ER/psych inpatient is probably one of the better ones and does not use any kind of restraints or force medication. They seem to have an okay track record explaining what the pills are and asking if the person can try them, which I get can still be coercive in some cases, but worked well with my sibling. Also, I was visiting them as much as I could every day, which they found really helpful, and I could keep my eye out for any issues.)

My sibling (~30) had a severe psychotic episode that doesn't quite fit any current DSM diagnosis. They went 0 to 100 from no suicidal ideation to actively attempting suicide in front of me due to delusions about being hunted by supernatural entities who would torture them. They finally could not sleep for days, and therefore I could not go to sleep because they'd try to kill themself. They were not dangerous to me intentionally, but one or both of us could have been hurt by me trying to take a weapon from them. They could not think at all outside of panic and delusions and had no short term memory, so they describe themself as having been incapable of understanding their condition. They weren't able to engage with any social interventions, because how would you have the time or bandwidth if you were living in terror of demons about to torture you and couldn't remember conversations from an hour ago?

They went to the hospital voluntarily after being stopped from attempting, but then they were committed because of aforementioned memory issues when they shortly informed the doctors they had to leave and kill themself. In a moment of lucidity, they were glad to be there, but they just couldn't stay lucid from moment to moment. Trying to get outpatient help in the weeks all this was escalating had been fruitless, with a lot of dismissive assholes, but these particular inpatient docs actually cared and asked how they were doing and figured out a dose of antipsychotics that made it all just... stop like a switch had been flipped.

Once they weren't operating under the terrifying delusions, they 100% did not want to die and were so relieved I stopped them and got help from others when it was becoming too dangerous to us both for me to intervene alone. I get that this kind of crisis is really different from living with chronic suicidal ideation or depression, which is something I personally deal with on a low level, but it was a genuine, terrifying situation where someone's expressed wishes were the opposite of what they wanted when they could understand their situation more fully.

I am allowed to share this, but if this is somehow not on anon, please delete it. Stigma about psychosis is REAL.

Yo this is super helpful, thank you for sharing. One of the trickier aspects of upholding disabled people's autonomy and taking a harm reductionist approach to suicide and self-harm is the fact that people in a state of psychosis may temporarily want something they would otherwise never want.

Though with some experience working through it with a caring and informed support network, it is possible to stand in for the person's stated desires and help them get through the period of lacking lucidity -- and of course psychosis can become a lot less destabilizing with time. i know someone who relies on a close friend to help ground them when they're having delusions and hallucinations -- a quick phone call is now enough to convince them they don't need to kill themselves, but that's after years of getting used to having psychotic states.

glad you and your sibling found solutions and made it through this okay.

[itsscromp]

Hello, I'm the anon that asked for something with Venom and anxious reader. I really liked it. I want to ask again for something that has been in my head.

Venom who bonds to reader who already isn't a very strong host and is battling a very bad ailment. With venom in their body he helps strengthen them against the disease. But they end up having a fight and venom leaves when his host can't sustain him. Only to end up feeling bad and missing them, so he comes back only to find their condition has severely worsened and they might not make it.

Sorry if it's a little long, but I really love what you do, keep doing it! ♥️

Venom x reader

Hello again anon, I'm so glad you enjoyed your request, Thank you for requesting again, Venom would do anything for his host. No matter what. Also a slight warning that if anything isn't accurate or correct, please don't hesitate to let me know :D Word count:1K

The past year has been absolute hell for you, You were diagnosed with leukemia, And over the year you were put through chemotherapy and underwent a lot of radiation, But the disease only spread rapidly and increased to stage 2, But that was when you met venom.

You became his host, You were amazed when he used his powers to do something about your cancer. And to the doctor's shock, you gained your strength back. In fact, you never felt better in your life. Going now 6 months without radiation or medication, your hair even grew back. But you remembered you had to help sustain venom as much as you could. But there was only so much your body could take. Yes, venom helped with your cancer, but only stopped it from progressing further. So you were still feeling the pain of it all whenever you tried to find any bad guys to help Venom.

While he was sympathetic at first, over time he grew increasingly frustrated over the lack of progress in finding bad guys to help sustain him.

"You said I could eat bad guys !!!!" He bit into your couch.

"Look I'm trying but theirs only so much that I can take to go and look through the entire city for you !!" you rubbed your face in frustration as he looked at you.

"Bullshit, This disease is only holding our potential together back, You should be lucky that I am helping you" He growled in frustration.

"Oh yeah ?? Says the parasite who got kicked off his own freaking planet !!!" you yelled at him.

'Parasite !!!" He yelled and headbutted you, breaking your nose. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me, please let me fix it." He then healed your nose. "So I can break it again !!!" Headbutting and breaking your nose again.

"Fuck you !!!" You grabbed his head and slammed it on the coffee table.

A fight ensued with you two as things were thrown, venom tossing you around the apartment and slamming you against the wall. When he then trapped you on the ceiling, You reached for the smoke alarm and activated it, Sending a high frequency to him, Causing him to leap out of your body.

"Stuff this !!" He jumped out and infected another person, transforming them.

"No !!" You shouted as you saw him.

"Yeah !!" He flipped you off as he jumped off, He didn't need you, not at all. You couldn't sustain him.

But with you no longer his host, You grew deeply worried with thoughts running around your mind about your cancer. He helped slow it down. But he's gone, You were starting to shake with anxiety with what could happen now.

A week later venom was feeling bummed, He was starting to miss you, He was also starting to feel guilty for yelling at you. He knew you were trying your hardest. And he knew you didn't mean to call him a parasite. The guilt in him continued to consume him until he couldn't take it any longer. While still with his new host, he took control and headed back to your apartment. Knocking a few times but to no answer, this made him worried. So he knocked on your next-door neighbour's door which she answered.

"Excuse me ma'am, but do you know what happened to the person in that apartment ??" He pointed to your door.

"Oh... Y/n... I'm sorry but they're in hospital" she answered sadly.

"What ?? Why ??" Venom was in complete shock.

"I think their cancer got worse..."

"Which hospital did they go to ??" He asked, he needed to get to you.

"San Francisco State I believe" She answered .

With that, venom was on a mission, Taking the host's car and then driving like a mad symbiote to the hospital, his best friend was super sick now, and it was his fault...

"I'm coming y/n..."

He found the hospital and passed himself onto a doctor who was finishing his lunch break and went to the receptionist.

"I need the room for y/n l/n" He asked

"They are in the cancer unit, Room D12" The receptionist said.

He nodded and went on his way, Finding the cancer unit and then room D12, He opened the door to find you and hooked up to many machines. lying in bed unconscious as the nurse took some measurements and fixed your IV drip.

"How's they're condition looking ??" He asked, trying to sound like a doctor.

"It increased to stage 3, I don't think they'll have at least 2 days to live" The nurse said sadly.

2 days... no... venom needed to fix this, He needed your help. Once the nurse left , he joined her, but as he then closed the door, venom leaped out of his body and slithered his way up your bed, nearing your hand.

"Y/n... I don't know if you can hear me at all... But I'm going to make it better. I promise you, I'm really sorry for the fight, Let me fix it" He said to you sadly.

Soon he began to wreath into your body, determined to fight your cancer for you. With all his might he looked for the the cancer cells and cleared them out. Until they're was nothing left.

Your heart rate picked up as you got better and better. Eventually, you woke up. Back in the hospital room.

"Easy y/n... I got us" Venom softly said to you.

"Venom ??" You said weakly.

"Yes, It Is me... Y/n, I am so sorry for yelling at you, and for tossing you around the apartment..."

"No... I deserved it... I didn't keep my end of the bargain... So you had every right" Tears filled your eyes as the guilt consumed you too. "I'm sorry for calling you parasite" As your tears fall, small tentacles wreathed out your face and wiped them away.

"Cheer up ol' pal. Everything is gonna get better like they always do." Making you chuckle.

Venom would have your back through thick and thin. When life is at its most cloudiest. Darkest, He would be there to brighten it up again, just by being Venom. You wouldn't want anything else.

Taglist: @callofdudes @fun-k-board

[secret0codename]

I went back! ^^ With a Headcanon

=/ Hello people, I disappeared but I'm back maybe I'll be less active but I'll post more that way! What happened was that I have anemia and it's getting worse, insomnia and some other things... But I'm back to writing!

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-☆☆_-_-_-_-_-_-__-_-_-

♣︎My Ticci Toby Headcanons ^^

I was looking forward to writing this, as I know the most about Creepy! Besides Sally hihi, I hope you like it, as always my English is not perfect :)

*Small start *

-This boy definitely has a passion for fire and is a pyromaniac; he plays with fire as if it were something simple, but who cares, he doesn't feel any pain!

-"S-shit, uhush, because it d-doesn't hurt" Toby did everything he could to try to feel pain, which didn't do any good and even caused his body to be full of scars, and when he's injured he rarely notices it because he doesn't feel the sting of the wound.

-But he uses this to his advantage, because if any victim tries to fight he will have an advantage because if he is stabbed* or shot* it will not hurt him in any way, which makes him feel "stronger" than his opponent.

- He loves animals, even so he doesn't get too close because he's afraid of hurting them, the fact that his favorite animal is a raccoon makes everything better, Toby feels much better around animals than people

*Appearance*

- Toby is an adult man, over 20 years old, after all he became a proxy at around 17 and 18 years old, his appearance is adult

-Is your skin always very pale, perhaps because of your condition or perhaps because you want to go out more at night? Here's your opinion

-His eyes are brown, almost black, dead eyes, with very obvious dark circles on his face, he doesn't care about it, and he clearly doesn't sleep regularly

-His hair is the size of a Mullet but it is not a mullet, it is tangled and full of curls, perhaps dirt like leaves or even dirt

-Body hair, just like every teenager, he had hair but he never cared about taking care of it, he has hair like anyone else, perhaps very rarely he bothers and tries to remove it but a small cut always comes out, his tics make he loses concentration, which makes him spend hours trying to shave any hair off his body

- "Stupid Ush- Pel-Pelo is sh-shit.. It won't come out" This man has a very dirty mouth, that's nothing new

-He has big hands, with some calluses, he also holds the ax tightly

-He has separate teeth, they are not aligned or much less just white, His teeth are yellowish and a little crooked, but he likes to keep his breath good, so he brushes his teeth slowly to avoid tics, he feels much prettier when he takes care of himself, even if it only happens a few times.

*People*

-He knows very well how to differentiate between friends, victims, lovers, enemies, etc.

-He has long dialogues with victims that he takes a while to kill, even if it could go wrong and the person escapes, he captures them and leaves them tied up listening to him talk for hours, or even days

-If he makes a friend, know that he values it. More like him, he makes people angry, mocks them, humiliates them, but deep down he just wants them to stay there forever, always, ALWAYS

-If he has crushes, that's a problem, he becomes crazy, persecutes, hurts, kills and kidnaps* and if that person doesn't want to, he will get frustrated, at first he would stay still but then he would kill you or something else he comes across your mind

-He doesn't mess with enemies, but if enemies mess with him... Poor things, he won't stay quiet he hates being taken out of the concentration area

*Bônus*

-He doesn't remember Lyra, just small memories or sometimes hallucinations with her, but he forgets. If you are similar to her physically or mentally he will have some dejavus and he will be tame for a while but will soon raise his guard again

[fairuzfan]

Tbh this may just be me but my patience for certain people getting mad at being accused of being zionists, and specifically pointing at how they have said that they want Peace and Freedom and it's important to focus on the Humanity of People has become fucking negative (which is all different from when Bibi says he's securing Peace and Freedom as he focuses on the Humanity of Israelis, I guess. Or any time the US has tried it in Pick Your War).

Either explain your material goals or accept that people will get mad at you when you refuse to elaborate on your puddle-deep statements. Politics is material conditions all the way down and the current material conditions are that Palestinians are being massacred by a genocidal state whose heads have repeatedly affirmed that intent!

Badly paraphrasing Kwame Ture here, but any analysis that excludes the oppressor will blame the oppression. The presumption of a need to make Both Sides Understand And Communicate assumes that Palestinians hold significant structural power here and have the ability to come to some theoretical political table—that they are thus doing this, effectively, to themselves, because they don't prioritize Humanity and Peace and Freedom enough. That's what good vibes politics gets you.

(I am so sorry for this being long, I am just, so furious with it, especially after I learned today that an old classmate was hurt by former IOF soldiers w/skunk spray during the Columbia University SJP protest. Just. Goddamn.)

I think you put it into words really well in that there are no material analysis of actual concrete steps theyre providing or stating that Palestinians haven't already said better and more often and they tend to pass it off as their own ideologies rather than... you know... recognizing Palestinians have been fighting this fight for 3-4 generations. Like a guarantee you any discussion you've had we've already had amongst ourselves. So like actively excluding us from those discussions — which is nothing new btw we've always been excluded from them but this time it's easier to push back — is in fact doing harm and refusing us a way to advocate for ourselves.

Truly I've seen it all — there is no way to "peacefully" live under occupation and subjugation for Palestinians. Like no, man that doesn't exist. Even within Israel, Palestinians aren't referred to as "Palestinians" they are referred to as "Arab Israelis" like we cannot even claim ourselves as Palestinians.

You have to acknowledge that at a certain point you yourself are contributing to the dangerous atmosphere by making everything "too complex" to get anything done. I remember there was a talk with Amjad Iraqi (a contributor to al-shabaka who grew up in israel but is palestinian) and another podcaster who is... peak liberal zionist lol but i listened to it cuz amjad was there — that the Podcaster was saying (paraphrasing) "there's an equilibrium of 'freedom' for Palestinians and 'security' for Israelis, and one side pushes the other side further and further away from the center where they could meet so how to you think we reconcile differences" and amjad responds in a way that I admire (paraphrasing) in that he mentions that from the beginning of this equation, zionism has always had the upper hand in that all their demands have been met and self determination for Palestinians have never been recognized (end paraphrase) so it's not equal to say "well we want peace for both Palestinians and israelis so let's block off Palestinians from discussing definitions for these terms" that fundamentally impact them in ways they will never impact nonpalestinians who would BENEFIT from maintaining the status quo.

Within the article from Alma they say "do something vulnerable and ask the other person what their definition of zionism/antizionism is" as if there aren't very transparent people in this world that want "peace" and don't want a ceasefire. Like that's actually the predominant opinion in the world. They straight up say "the only peace in the middle east is if we get rid of hamas so we can't allow a ceasefire" and people run by that definition and say "sorry Palestinians :( we gotta get rid of hamas :( there's nothing we can do about this.... its for peace :("

So I think you're doing far more harm by pretending there's a cognitive difference between zionist and antizionists that theyre just not communicating, which, zionists are very obvious about communicating (which also, it's necessary to boost Palestinians when defining antizionism in this case because when we point out the very real harm of things affecting us we would like a say in how people define the movement meant for our liberation). But the article never said that throughout the entire thing. It just said "maybe you guys have a cognitive dissonance of words" but like.... at this point, if you still ally yourself under the term "zionist" with literally all we have been screaming these past few months then no, I don't think you're necessarily operating in good faith.

And like I don't think tri*utary is a zionist necessarily but they're certainly a zionist sympathizer and like I don't trust them either.

[dryaddean]

i have some thoughts about the finale. i don't hate it, i just find it hilariously stupid and nonsensical.

Cas helped. let's suppose Cas is out of the Empty and powerful enough to be working on restoring Heaven by the time Dean is dying on the rebar. Cas doesn't lift a finger to help him, in my opinion, selfishly because this is how he gets Dean to "come home" to him. i'm just trying to follow the writers' logic: Cas is around + Cas lets Dean die = Cas is fine with Dean dying. Dean is now literally in Cas' sandbox. yay?

let's suppose Jack had decreed that angels don't meddle in the affairs of humans, including Dean. when was the last time Cas, the indomitable Mr. Crack in His Chassis, was shown to be any good at following orders, especially where Dean is concerned?

Cas let Dean go on believing he was in the Empty, unreachable. ergo, i'm inclined to believe that that same Cas actively chose not to get involved in Dean's final death. it's very selfish but also very funny.

And your mom and dad... they got a place over yonder. omg let these people get away from each other. John and Mary-once-risen-twice-died are completely different people from who they were when they last were together (discounting 14x13). the fact that the line is delivered by Bobby when this Mary and AU-Bobby got it on close to her death is pretty rich.

and have we forgotten this (5x03)?

CASTIEL What about you? DEAN What about me? I don't know. Honestly, I'm good. I can't believe I'm saying that, but I am, I'm really good. CASTIEL Even without your brother? DEAN Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy.

he had just once let himself be unburdened of the duty to family drilled into him by his father. he had in Cas a shining example of defying conditioning and paving one's own way. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more that a long time. Years. are we supposed to believe he was happy post-15x18? over and over again, he kept falling into the same rut of carrying the weight of the whole world on his shoulders, of assuming the burden of responsibility, of familial duty. whose idea of heaven was it that the same man who had once expressed feeling chained to his family is now chained to his family for eternity? it's sickening.

lastly, considering that we know families are confined together, let's remember that Sam was married, with a son. i think this is something a lot of people who celebrate the brothers reuniting in Heaven tend to overlook, that soon enough Sam will be joined by his wife and son and perhaps his family too, and so it goes. who actually thinks Dean will care to stick around these virtual strangers?

i think he'd rather be off with his angel who has the power to carve out their own little piece of heaven. <3