#I hate not having control over things | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

joyridingmp3 · 2 years ago

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sorry. I'm stress cleaning my apartment rn

#mine #to be fair it hasn't been this clean since like. fucking JULY #too anxious to rest #i know I'll be too anxious to sleep tonight #there is a slight chance that the courts will fine me or issue a warrant for my arrest #unlikely since I havent like. committed a crime #but im not a procrastinator or a lazy person by nature #i love resolving issues and dealing with problems #so the fact that this is looming over me is driving me crazy #I hate not having control over things

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shootingstarrfish · 4 months ago

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small experiment, i wanna revisit this kinda style but id definitely go about it differently next time

#my art #obey me #obey me art #obey me belphegor #not like super happy with this but its okayyyyyy #tried the wlop method of painting greyscale first then using curves to colour and quickly discovered i hate it LOL #works for wlop but not me. i value having control over my colours far more than my values so this workflow doesnt work for what i want #just a lil reflection hahaha always good to try new things tho #this curves method is still cool as hell #maybe itd be better suited to full illustrations idk

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eelektrossfan · 10 months ago

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Cunt born out of spite vs Cunt i hate

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zazrichor · 10 months ago

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blood, blood, blood, pump mud through my veins 🩸

#dark urge #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 fanart #bg3 durge #bg3 bhaalspawn #have you ever had a throwaway character you didn’t plan on obsessing over #bc u went full evil with that character #i cannot stop thinking about her #i wanted to go full control with gortash and then the brain just 🧍#i’ll replay her a little bit more tame and a little bit less evil #bc while the game made playing evil fun #it also took a lot of quests away obviously lmao #the line is from in this moment’s blood #also artwise - i’m trying to find a balance between things looking good and leaving them unfinished #procreate #zazrichart #i hate how nasty gla/ze and night/shade look on some of my paintings #but we need it ugh 🗡️

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centipedetea · 10 days ago

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its killing me that spamton is going thru that situation where people hate woobifying fanon so much that they lean too far in the opposite direction and create fanon 2 where he's cartoonishly evil for no reason

#* ramblings #i get it i was there back when the salt route happened but. the game doesnt exactly portray him as only irredeemable #dont wanna say he did nothing wrong or contribute to the deltarune equivalent of vriscourse..#he's supposed to be the personification of spam and computer viruses yada yada and i wouldnt want it any other way #but the discussions about him are a bit frustrating specially regarding the weird route #like. he's some insane spiteful manipulative homeless guy with no real agency over his own life anymore #<- again not excusing the shit he does but like u can see why he's desperate #its says a lot about him that he gives you the thorn ring knowing full well what it can do but also #i hate when people act like He gives you the ring so its his fault and hes the one true irredeemable villain of the game #(even in the route where that shit never happens)#like bruh you control the buttons you press maybe just dont buy into the things the mentally unwell guy with revenge fantasies is saying..#it takes away the whole thing abt the weird route being the player's fault where you have the chance to turn back 1 million times #which annoys me a lot #but uhm back to spamton. his thing is that while hes not a good person There is an outcome where he doesnt kill everyone #and sort of warms up to the fun gang i guess..#(I got a bit emotional about kris getting reminded of him bc of the pile of hay Ok Leave me alone.)#he's just. nuanced i guess. due to the aforementioned lack of agency its your actions that decide how he ends up #And i chose that he gets to be around doing whatever the fuck with jevil on kris's pocket #so can twitter please stop showing me spamton discourse. Thank you #if he's so evil then why does he fold the moment he sees tenna kept his invasive species thing huh. take that liberals #<- k i figured it out. hes gay and evil #its scary to say anything about this guy kowing the cynicism fueled mischaracterization demons r looming overhead #all that im gonna say is that id appreciate if people came up with their own takes based on the stuff thats in the game instead of-#-mindlessly agreeing with one or two popular takes. art is a mirror of yourself and whatever you think of it should come mainly from you..

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thepandalion · 24 days ago

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"its ok, you don't need to know verbs, you're not a linguist, you're a dog" -me, to my dog, right now

#explaining homework to the dog #in my defense it was REALLY COOL homework #like the question had predicates and COM combine to explain why a sentence is fucked up #thats so cool?? what the fuck #like heck yeah “who did he believe the father of will go to the meeting” fuck them up ECM #(the other sentence was like. “who did he convince the father of to go to the meeting” or somthing idk. object control tho)#which. ECM had the “the father of t” be the specIP which COM meant was non grammatical #and on OC it was a PRO thats indexed like it instead. meaning the movement wasn't from there #I even put the fucking. type of island this is. it's SC island. Im so cool you guys and also I fucking hate this #syntax who I only know BURNING HATRED/pos #anyways remind me when I'm doing the syntax seminar next semester that I always have that time around week 7 when I hate syntax #and that I'll get over it and do something epic about sociolingyistic binding phi stuff maybe #like about why all the examples we use are like “mary liked himself” like. why do we assyme marys pronouns. maybe theyre a he/she/they #what part of being a syntactician makes me part of the pronouns police #for the record also this is NOT what I want to research in general but also like #I feel like if anything would get me attention from the syntax folk here it'd be this #bc my morphology things feel. idk. kinda in-between on syntax and semantics. like bc I wanna do lexical meaning of morphemes #which. is not something people here would particularly be looking to investigate. right now #but ooohh Im gonna go learn soo much morpheme stuff #and do the math and coding and experiments. and become a professor and go teach morphology #like pleaseplease you guys I wanna be the morphology teacher at tau soo bad #running silly morpheme building on borrowed words experiments. truly this is using All the things #because borrowed words interacting with morphology is very phonological of me. but also buildings is a syntax/semantics thing #aaaaa I don't knowwww this is such a broad subject and I cant find anything on ittt #linguistics posting

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dykedvonte · 1 year ago

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An independent Courier would actually hate being in charge or enforcing standards in New Vegas. At least in my mind.

They made Vegas independent but I feel like that playthrough/style so clearly makes it apparent it isn't for them. They are making Vegas a place where people can live freely, like how House genuinely didn't care what people did but without the behind-the-scenes Big Brother surveillance he did. Having every family, faction, and other influence group or person comes to them about alliances or rules would be draining, and boring, one note.

In an independent Vegas, The Courier is also Independent. They like getting rid of lines and borders that impede freedom, they like to help give people the tool but I don't believe they want to be the one to shape it.

#a lot of this is like how ncr started but then lost its way #the courier would like a democracy but like one that is truly run by the people like if public votes or letting people split off and embrac #their traditions instead of a universal standard like house changing the tribes caesar wiping out so many cultures and the ncr whole thing #with their money being worthless in territories they have not taken control over cause people dont want to #the courier doesnt want to be house 2.0 and i see that so often in peoples interpretations of that ending and I just dont think its the cas #like theyd stay to help it stablize for a but ultimately i think theyd leave to clean up any loose ends or just travel the mojave like #a lot of the dialouge good or evil is very much like the courier doesnt want the responsiblity to be placed on them rather they choose what #they want to take on that is not presented in sort of a scenerio where they losely rule NV cause everyone else would go to them even if the #say they arent in charge #i at least for the follower quest tell them their choices are theirs and no one elses so i see that as their outlook so im biased #cause im also good karma just for how nice I am and I like doing crazy adventure shit and its actually hard to have fun when everyone hates #you for being legion #anyway make of this what you will #fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #the courier #courier six #courier fnv #the strip fnv #robert edwin house #caesar’s legion #new california republic #independent vegas

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sysig · 4 months ago

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Evil Time is great :) (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #Cringe attack #She's So close to being a Papyrus except for being like 1% more self-aware #And the self-awareness makes her evil lol #Would Papyrus be evil if 1% more self-aware? Is that how the transitive property works? No he's a good boy she's predisposed for evil lol #Gotta love those spiralling memory episodes :) Couldn't act right in the first place and then punished for all eternity thereafter what fun #Also hey! Two faces that haven't been around since they were first-ever-only drawn! It's Cinnamon Banana Bread and French Nougat!#They're both a bit off-model since I drew this before solidifying their designs in the headshot project - Banana Bread especially honestly #They have more of a pompadour going than featured here - cinnamon swirls y'know ♪#I am a big fan of their cinnamon/banana freckles tho :3 #And then Nougat is mostly just missing his hair clips #Tangentially related but I'm very excited to make profile-rundowns with everyone's pronouns lol #Anyway haha #Charm is so good at talking to others :) She definitely doesn't have issues with impulsivity or volume control or anything like that #So excited to share! For all of two seconds before realizing hey! That was rude! The heck!!#Goes home and is Evil about it to herself for the next 6-12 hours lol #She /knows/ better - she hates it when other people talk over her or ignore what she's saying favour of Their Thing Being Said louder #So why does she do it to others? What's wrong with her??? - Charm @ Charm often lol #If someone does it to her first then sure she can justify it to herself of Fair's Fair - returning fire (no pun intended lol)#But if she starts it that means she's fair game too - if that's the game she sets the precedent for then that must be how she wants to play #But it isn't! She doesn't want that! She wants to say things in a way that's polite and respectful and will be well-received! Why!!!#I mean I know why ♪ But she doesn't haha #Poor lad - she'll get there! Coping skills and understanding friends ease the way forward

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samgiddings · 4 months ago

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#med mumbles #genuinely though.#I need to go to therapy because i feel like it’s gotten so bad I struggle with like…existing #also the advice is all ass it’s like #‘just stop trying to control things’#I’m like okay if I don’t have control I spiral #and it’s like ‘let go of your ego’ and it’s like…I literally don’t have an ego I’ve convinced myself that if I don’t have full control over #everything then people are going to hate me or not want to be around me #I don’t think I’m better than everyone I just think that if I lose control of things I’m going to be worse than everyone #anyways

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marshbarks · 4 months ago

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i need to rewatch all of south park i need to become one of those people who screenshots every time the two guys i like are standing near each other

#pine prattles #i'm still talking about tweetters.#i have so many little ideas and headcanons and they make me cry #especially bc theyre not exactly the most fluffy functional relationship in the world #but butters is so good at listening.#and tweek is really good at being a springboard for when leo needs to sit down and half-yell about his family #he gets frustrated and starts punching his knuckles together and grumbling and tweek asks him whats wrong #and then he yells for 20 minutes about everything hes got bottled rn. and then he's fine #holds out his arms and asks tweek for a hug. and of course he gets it. of course #tweek used to get jumpy about the yelling but now he understands that it isnt About Him (took a while) so he doesn't mind #and he and butters will cook and bake together!!!!! butters is better at cooking and tweek is a bakey boy #and also like. butters hates organizing things. (twauma) but tweek finds organization relaxing #(unless its his own controlled chaos [like his room!])#so he'll sometimes come over when butters is home alone and just help him with chores #he doesnt touch glass things out of concern for breaking them. but he'll do the rest of it all.#and then they go up to leo's room and watch stuff together while snuggling with tweeks laptop on their laps

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thebluebygracieabrams · 8 months ago

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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow #2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too #like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does #i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made #after school was leaving my work and therefore my life #9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday #i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics #barely affects me #but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well #it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be #i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time #like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news #i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc #i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't #make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc #but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully #drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood #when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily #at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know #we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly #in the dead of night in our room #i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus #that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their #body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive #i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times #like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not #have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone

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transmechanicus · 1 year ago

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Kind of hard to ask as anon

But you doing ok?

Need to vent?

Hi very kind and thoughtful of you to ask, i am doing mmmmm suboptimal but i do not need to vent to a person per se, so much as i need to say absolutely insane shit in my tags and have everyone pretend not to see <3

#my stuff #asks #this is the problem with using tumblr as a multi-role platform bc when i want to talk about my fcuking metnal illness i stress-#about my online friends judging me for it #not in like a mean sense but just that it feels like it would change their opinion of me #like on tumblr u can say you have adhd or autism (i have the latter and likely the former)#but anything more intense is regarded as sketchy #so when i’m having symptoms disease of an additional metnal illness it’s like hmmm i don’t think i’m supposed to talk about that #mostly because the majority of the time it’s something i mask over #and do subconsciously until i get particularly tired or stressed or fatigued #so when i get to those states i’m trying extra hard not to blindside everyone with what a fucking mutant i am under the surface #like yippee hooray more ammunition for some transphobe to use in 3 weeks next time i get anon hate #anyways im. tired. i need more tattoos. i need a vacation. i need a forever hug. i need to feel cute. i need things to just be okay #i need to not be fractured into so many snapping pieces i need to know what is expected of us #i need to not feel like an adult babysitting a child who’s actually controlling me #i feel weak and undisciplined but i know fixing those won’t fill the hole gnawing my heart #im going to bed. blegh.

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only-knives · 1 year ago

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me: wow, now that i'm sober i'm beginning to feel the drive and energy to do things i enjoy. let me crochet a new book cover.

uncontrollable circumstances: hey about that uh, you're crippled. you can't do that atm. you're gonna have to settle for something else.

me, one mental breakdown later: okay. i doodled and wrote. but can i play this cool videogame i used to play?

uncontrollable circumstances: ahah oh, well, you see... your laptop doesn't have enough storage and you're too broke to buy a better one. maybe try playing the one with shittier graphics and feel dysphoric while doing the character creation?

me, filled with rage: no. i am going to commit atrocities

#are there things to do? yes #are they what would make me happiest and interest me most in that moment? no!#it's such a small problem but i fucking hate it!#can i have one win! can i please just enjoy something without having to be REMINDED OF MY LACK OF CONTROL OVER MY LIFE #sigh #sorry for the venting #im going insane #julian rants #vent #addiction recovery

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starryluminary · 7 months ago

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