#I think a lot of it is also not fully understanding value and saturation

[shweshishweh]

coloring seriously breaks my brain. like I understand basic concepts like complementary colors and using the color wheel.

So okay, I want to make a piece where the primary colors are yellow and purple. But now uh-oh, this character is wearing a dark green shirt. Now what? Do I just take the color closest (yellow) and move it a little to towards green? But there's a point where you do that too much and the whole piece ends up looking muddy and unbalanced.

For the record I know the inevitable answer is more observation, more practice, more references. But I'm in that frustrating learning stage where it feels like i've plateaued and it's really not fun to draw

[rambrandt-the-painter]

I hope this isn't too much to ask, but what is your coloring process/what advice do you have for someone that wants to learn to color like you?

theres a lot to say about color for me to the point that im not fully sure how to summarize it. If you're looking for specific advice and not my overall approach to color then skip ahead a little

I think first thing i would say is to learn a little color theory but not to put too much stock into it. There are no hard rules for color and a lot of the meaning/emotion in color can be very personal and cultural so a lot of the greatest tend to go off of instinct. that being said i think understand color theory can help you decide on good basic directions to take your colors and to know the variables you can work with for color like hue, saturation, and value. Color schemes are a great way to approach your colors in the beginning

if I'm starting to color something and im not already sure what direction im taking it in i might decide to do an analogous color scheme if i want a sense of peace and harmony. From there I'll do whatever i think is the most appropriate. If you're a beginner its probably a a little frustrating to hear "what i think is the most appropriate" but thats because you need to train your eye. To do this i would recommend finding other artists you like and studying their colors by taking their colors and applying it to your own work then comparing how you used the colors to how they used their colors. If your looking for artists to take inspiration from Odilon Redon is my personal favorite colorist but you can use anything for this like screen caps of animations or photographs. Just choose whatever really compels you but i also make sure you diversify your inspirations (this will help you develop your taste)

Now on more specific advice id give if you wanna color like me is USE GRADIENTS I love gradients i love them so much BUT beginners never seem to know how to use them. when you use a gradient you dont want the viewer to immediately notice that its there. I make sure that they're fairly soft and don't overshadow the flat colors. I also never make the gradient too even, i dont use the gradient tool. i make a layer above the flat colors, turn the color mode to multiply or overlay (whatever feels best at that moment) and use a large soft brush. I always go from warm to cool (the warm doesnt always need to be the lighter color sometimes i use warm as the dark color). After that I adjust the layer opacity until its visible but not distracting. thats about all i can say for now its not really that coherent but you also asked a broad question so i just said whatever came to mind gbfdgbfgs

[snickerdoodlles]

okay so, here's my issue: i agree that these are likely genAI images. my skepticism of them is mostly the weird grain/texture in the images and the proportions of the glass houses look off. i stayed only skeptical though because i'm on mobile and can't image search, but if a reverse image search pulls up similar results in genAI sites, i agree the conclusion is that these are likely genAI images and OP needs to properly tag for it.

however

everything else you said isn't an argument, its confirmation bias. for starters, stained glass greenhouses are a thing. they're cool as hell. (personally, i've mostly seen them in botanical gardens, but that might just be because i like to visit botanical gardens.) also, the understanding of greenhouses listed here is wrong-- they're made to regulate temperature, not light. higher frequency light can penetrate glass going in but the lower frequency infrared radiation emitted can't get out, which traps that energy in the smaller space and warms it up (this is the same reason why your car heats up in sunlight, and why window shades can help reduce it). usually, greenhouses are fully clear and transparent to let in the full spectrum of light so that they're serviceable for a very wide variety of plants, but people sometimes also use colored glass or sheets to restrict certain light bands or even just cut down on how much harmful UV reaches the plants. additionally tho, it's not uncommon for functional greenhouses to have stained glass elements, whether they're decorative or for privacy purposes, and it makes sense why those things appealed to and inspired artists who like to study light to then create highly decorative glass 'houses' as art installations to purposefully interact and play with natural and artifical light. (also?? many glass buildings have lights inside them for when it gets dark??)

and the things about light speckles, or values, etc-- manipulating real world photos to fantastical saturation with a lot of light interplay or light effects is a very common art style. it was extremely popular on pinterest 10 years ago (maybe-probably now too, but i don't do pinterest, so what do i know). i've also known photographers who like to flatten out highlight/shadows and their light curves because the effect appeals to them. i knew one girl who threw light speckles over everything. my point here is that highly edited and filtered images are not automatically indicative of the images being falsely generated.

again: i think you're right that these are images made by generative AI. everything you pointed out are red flags and OP's blog is similarly weird. but red flags are not confirmation. they're only thing's to investigate. and i feel so strongly about this because taking confirmation bias as fact has already led to harm to actual people. on the art side of it, you'll see accusations of someone being too fast, or too surreal, or too ""AI art style"", or too whatever, but that can't take into account how sometimes an artist is fast because they have years to decades of practice and expertise, or the limitless number of art styles out there, or that AI developers are trying really hard to get genAI to mimic actual artists. on the academic side, there are teachers and professors cracking down on students for "obviously" using genAI to cheat because the student's work is "too good" for them, never mind that student skill level assumptions are highly biased by racist and/or classist prejudices.

i really don't mean any of this against you specifically, i'm intending this more as an example of my skepticism towards automatically calling anything as genAI. or at least, i'm assuming you reblogged this from me in response to my previous tags, so yeah just: this is why i'm so skeptical of anyone who says they can instantly clock genAI content (images or text). this is why i dislike seeing "this is genAI" claims without any elaboration on how that conclusion was reached. i think it's important to build a healthy skepticism towards what we see online as fake images grow more prolific and it's equally important to build the tools to investigate suspicions, but we cannot judge things primarily by our limited information/experience or our assumptions of how things "should" be.

[thedaveandkimmershow]

Visiting family in Holland just now triggered something that's a feature of my later life: the desire to firmly establish memories as the events that'll become those memories are unfolding in real time.

Why?

Because I recognize the value and power of memories. I understand how the raging stream of Time pushes even the most powerful memories almost immediately and seemingly purposefully into the background. And I know for a fact that our darkest, most traumatic experiences create intense, negative memories that take up more headspace than positive memories, more often than not crowding those positive memories out, shoving them to the side.

Grossly minimizing them.

The first time I recognized a moment that was not only significant but a moment whose memory I wanted also to be significant... was high up in Italy's Dolomite mountains. I was on a shoot on one of the mountain tops staying overnight at a refugio, a lodge for hikers and skiers (and the occasional production crew). We just finished the day's shoot with all our gear stashed back at the refugio when I decided to wander up the rocks above the refugio to watch the sunset.

How high up was this?

Couldn't tell you. But we were so high in altitude that that night, in order to see the planet Mars in the nighttime sky, I didn't look up.

I looked across.

Anyway, finding my perch, I watched the sun slip below the horizon. I watched the shadows grow. I watched dark shapes pull themselves over our mountaintop like a blanket. I watched cliff walls turn shades of stone and rock to yellow then pink. I watched the colors of the rocks lose their saturation. I watched those colors fade until night time fully descended and eventually, later that night, I looked straight across from where I stood on this mountaintop and observed the planet Mars.

And yeah. Even in our night sky it twinkles red a little.

So.

How did I intentionally commit an experience to memory?

I did the only thing I could think of.

I stared, is what I did. Stared at the scene and all its details intently. I tried memorizing each detail. I brought my full attention to bear on the experience in which I was partaking. I tuned all my senses into each individual aspect of this moment. I soaked in it. I went into record mode.

Well...

I think of it as record mode but what really happened is that I became thoroughly present in this one moment, like all five senses present, and my brain did the rest.

My brain.

Did the rest.

So did I go into record mode with my family?

Sort of.

I was definitely focused on our conversations, interactions, adventures, and quiet moments. I tried to tune all my senses into each moment with them.

Did it work?

Well... it was definitely harder than taking in a scene atop a mountain at sunset. We were almost always on the move. There was almost always more than one element to our moments. At the very least, there was the content of our conversations, there was whatever we were doing at the time, and there were our emotional responses to either the words or the experience.

At the very. least.

Also, because it bears mentioning, human communication is very messy, massively layered, composed of different colors that obscure or blend. For example, we often drag the conversation and experience we just had into the one we're having. And we drag that one into the next. Not everything about it. But certainly pieces. Certainly vibes. Certainly colors. Things that influence, bias, and define the context in which our conversations move forward, our experiences unfold.

There's a lot to mentally record, is my point. There's a massive lot to remember across different streams of thought, wildly different emotions, and by all my different senses tuned into what's right in front of me.

It's possible, though. It is.

Not for long, though.

But it is possible to capture more detail than you'd guess. By saturating yourself with it.

Only one problem:

I can only hold onto most of what's happened until the next morning. There are ways to cheat this, of course, but when it comes to brute force remembering, I've gotta write it all out the next morning or it's gone. Or most of it's gone.

And the cheats?

I'll get into it for you later.

For now, what I know is that I have a record mode that works, that gets its power from being fully present...

In a single moment.

😊

[theeternalwomb]

"Tips For Navigating Men That Aren't The One": Part 2

this is the second part of a blog post I made some time ago with the same title. If you haven't read that one please go read that here. The first post was both a satirical and basic set of rules that you can apply to help separate good men or potential partners from the rest. I fully intend to make this second one a more in-depth version of the first. Adding on to make a more complete and secure set of rules to follow.

Disclaimer: As stated in the first post, you don't have to follow these rules if you don't want to, these are what I believe helped/helps me. Thank you. <3

I hope that you're doing and feeling well and that all of your desires come to you effortlessly. 🤍

Rule #1: Please be aware that men will choose for their ideal life/ or dream.

As a woman, at least once in our lives, we may discover a man who cares for us or maybe even loves us but will choose someone over us who is completely different, looks different, behaves different, thinks different, or simply does not even fit into the same category we separate ourselves into. And this is okay, this is okay because we have to understand that men will always choose someone who fits better into the lifestyle they desire to live or the lifestyle they feel they want to live.

for example, a man who is wealthy and is looking for someone high maintenance or interested in the life that he is living is going to seek out someone who fits the criteria for what he feels is ideal. A man who is religious or has a pretty saturated cultural background and fully intends to remain that way may seek out someone of that same religious or cultural background.

Now, remember, stray away from subjecting yourself to a critical and harmful mindset that pushes you to believe that you are below someone or the issue. You are not. People will simply chase after what they think is ideal. But also, if you are a high-value woman yourself and believe that you are a prize, have a lot to offer, and anyone would be lucky to be with you in the first place, do not dwell on a man choosing someone who you may perceive to be not as well sorted out then you are or someone who lives a completely different lifestyle than you do. We often find that men will go to who they feel understands and reflects them. Whether he's a drug addict or a model for Ambicrombi and Fitch.

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Rule #2: Beware of men who do not truly respect you.

If a man can cuss you out, belittle you, refuse to validate your emotions, ignore your boundaries, apologize without change occurring afterward, lie to you, make fun of your appearance (physically or even your fashion), not prioritize your time together or communicating with you by choosing to put things above that, etc. He does not respect you. It is your responsibility as your own woman and your own person to immediately remove him from your space as soon as you notice that he doesn't respect you. Not only as a woman but as a person.

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Rule #3: If he can disappear or leave he doesn't deserve to be there.

A man who loves, respects, and honors his woman would never willingly disappear or leave his woman to be alone and all by herself or face the world alone. This could be as simple as him leaving you alone at a function or a party or in life by ghosting or disappearing.

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Rule #4: It's your responsibility to identify your triggers and your trauma.

The art of seeking out, attracting, and choosing a good and worthy partner if that's what you're looking for needs to start with healing and identifying patterns in your own life. You undermine the work of your spirit guides and ignore your own self-value by continuing to choose men or participate in bad habits because of your trauma. You have an unhealthy attachment style? Work on yourself and do what's necessary to change that so that you can securely be in a relationship. Have you forgotten to realize that your past relationships and partners may be a reflection of your parental relationship and parents? It's time to heal that trauma so that you can be attracted to better and choose better rather than being attracted to and loving a narcissist or someone who exudes narcissist behavior just like your mother or your father.

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Rule #5: See men for their actions and not for their words or their beauty.

Sometimes, and more often than not, we miss out on the crucial step of seeing people for who they truly are, the types of things that they do in comparison to what they say, and their behaviors. You have to do a better job at identifying red flags. Sometimes when we love people or are infatuated with people we become blind to the truth. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to identify red flags of people who come into my space." Remember this for later. We get caught up, confused, played, and mistreated when we don't do a good job at holding people to their actions and behavior and we just listen to the dream they're selling us instead. We must hold people accountable even if we love them or want to be with them. Because nobody else will do this for you.

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Rule #6: Remind yourself of the truth when recovering from breakups.

When you get out of a relationship with a narcissistic partner or someone who hurt you and didn't care, someone who didn't turn out to be the person you thought they were. Remember that it was your love that made them so special, so kind, so gentle. That they were none of those things at least not to you. Remember, "It was my love that made this person so special, not them." and "It is my responsibility to hold them accountable for them not being very kind or good to me." If that person loved you or cared for you the way you thought they had, they would not have done what they did to you.

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Rule #7: Activate your "dark-feminine" energy and preserve your "light-feminine" energy.

Your dark feminine energy is the part of you that protects you against anyone who tries to come in and do wrong to you, especially men. strengthen your intuition, be able to identify when someone has good intentions and when they don't, and do what's necessary to step into your dark feminine energy so that she can build boundaries that bad men and bad people cannot cross. Save your light feminine energy for those who truly deserve it, your compassion, your nurturing, and your soft interior for those who earn your love, and deserve your love. Repeat after me, "It is my responsibility to harness my power and look out for my heart and my peace."

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Rule #8: No more wasting your energy or your time on men who can't give you what you want, don't give you want, and don't offer anything for what you offer.

this one is quite self explanitory. Again, cannot. do not. and don't offer anything that you want. is a no go. Those types of people are a waste of time and space in your life. If you are manifesting marriage, a divine connection, true love, or a long-term partnership why are we sitting around wasting our time, energy, and love on someone non-committal and unhealed? Ladies, why? Do better.

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Rule #9: No more "but.. he changed." excuses or sympathizing.

I've just told you that it is your responsibility to identify red flags and bad behavior. Hold yourself to that, and hold the women in your life to that standard as well. "bUt He WaS dIfFereNt aNd hAd EveRyThINg BefORE I sAcRifICEd EvEryThInG aND nOW hES cRAzy, MeAN, aNd iNcApAbLE oF beHavInG LIkE aN adUlT!" Listen to how that sounds. We know that it is very difficult to unlearn bad and old behaviors so how do we come to the conclusion that after someone was "perfect" they suddenly began to behave differently or display outrageous expressions of behavior. It just doesn't make any sense.

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Rule #10: Be careful what you wish for.

This one can be kept short and sweet, don't manifest a partner, don't tell the universe you would like love...without being specific about what you're asking for. Set your intentions and desires straight.

"I'd like a partner." ✗ WRONG!

"I'd like a healed partner." "A balanced partner." "I'd like the right partner." ✓ WELL DONE.

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These are my ten rules, I hope these inspired you, or you found something useful here. Remember, what you put out into the world is what you get back, look out for yourself, and uphold accountability above all. I love you. <3!

[conduitandconjurer]

How do you imagine Klaus would treat Harlan? Do you think there's a bit of Klaus that would understand him?

I actually think that Klaus and Harlan don't have much in common beyond a general sense that they are social misfits, and neurodivergent ones. But even that differs; Klaus has ADHD (NOT ODD, don't even get me started) and Harlan has Autism. While those two conditions are often comorbid and often share similar "symptoms" or traits, people with ADHD are often considered a lot more outgoing and socially precocious (Klaus certainly is) and people with Autism tend to have more sensory overstimulation and information processing issues, and to want, even need, to self-isolate (that's certainly Harlan, who has developed a very efficient method of coping with overstimulation, and the dangers due to his powers, with white noise). Klaus's relationship with his powers is to be fearful of their trauma trigger, and never tap them fully (until recently). Harlan, on the other hand, has no choice but to be saturated in his powers 24/7. He also carries the guilt of his powers doing serious harm to innocent lives, when Klaus has never had to endure that (he has survivor's guilt with Dave, but that's different). Klaus would be sympathetic, but I don't think he would have much of an ability to really relate to Harlan's exact type of suffering.

However, even though they're unalike, Klaus loves Viktor and I think would recognize, were it explained to him, that Harlan is as good as Viktor's adoptive son. That alone, since he values his (admittedly severely dysfunctional) family so deeply, and tends to sort of toss out his own self-preservation when they ask it of him, would make Klaus willing to try and relate to Harlan. I often also joke that Klaus is the untapped secret weapon of the Umbrellas because he is Human Weed, lmao. He is just expansively social, congenial, warm and accepting, even though he is also weird and distractible and sometimes capricious. He finds a way to disarm almost anyone he encounters (look at the real progress he made with Sparrow!Ben, a guarded, hostile, and frankly bitter person, in a single night). I believe he has remarkable emotional intelligence, when he allows himself to see the reality of a situation (rather than deny it and buffer himself with a comforting escapism--see his substance abuse, and see the whole of Season 3 with Reginald, until Klaus finally realized Reginald placed no real value on his life, hello white buffalo impalement scene). this allows him to be uniquely gifted at drawing out wounded, damaged, fragile people. Harlan would be no exception.

[karezzasstuff]

From the project of interviewing Stanley S. Bass about his experiences with Karezza techniques, The Life Science Publishing created the 2008 book Energy-Karezza. Here Dr. Bass tells the story of how, in his 30’s, he was on his way to become a celibate yogi through Brahmacharya, when he learned about reaching the same spiritual goal via Karezza & Tantra. He decided to try Karezza instead.

Even though his personal goal was spiritual, Dr. Bass soon discovered that women loved Karezza, and couldn’t get enough. When he started teaching the improved Energy-Karezza method to couples with marital problems, the results were astounding. Usually, within weeks, the couple had fallen in love again. Problematic marriages healed, becoming more and more harmonious and stronger with time.

Over time, over 50+ years, he not only gained experience concerning every aspect of Karezza/Tantra, but also – thanks to his energy-understanding, being an orthopathic doctor – developed an improved, more powerful & easy-to-learn, version. Traditional “Karezza/Tantra” can be difficult for men, but “Energy-Karezza/Tantra” is easy, and also gives more pleasure & prolongation..

INTRODUCING OTHERS TO KAREZZA

Karezza is about one thing, the man has to control himself. It is so easy. I got so good at this control that I soon was able to go almost a whole year with no accidents. With very heavy sex - three times a week, four hours each session. It didn't take long to get to a high level of proficiency.

In a few months I was very good at it already.

It is very simple, it is natural. It is not difficult. Prove it for yourself, don't take my word for it. Try it out. The first time I heard about it, it was strange to me, so I tried it. It didn't take me long to get good at it. It was easier than I thought. In fact, I taught Karezza to a lot of friends, and everyone had success.

If one of them asked me, "how do I know if it will work?", I gave him a simple method of trying it. I usually said, "why don't you first try:

1. Don't have an orgasm quickly, but wait until the woman is finished, until she has had her enjoyment. Practice holding back for half an hour, for an hour, for several hours, if you can.

2. Then you'll see that your own orgasms are better; they are more enjoyable.

3. Also try having an orgasm only every other time you have sex.

Skipping one time. Every other time, try without orgasm. See how you feel."

With my sex students, those were my instructions, to begin with. These instructions summarize basic traditional Karezza. But these simple instructions could still be difficult for some men. They lost control (ejaculated) early, and were never able to do Karezza for a full hour.

Therefore, to make it easier, I gave my students some Energy-Karezza secrets. I asked them to improve their diet, and to avoid alcohol and all drugs. I told them not to eat before sex, because a man can not control himself after he has eaten. Why? Because then too much blood goes to the stomach.

Also, I gave very detailed instructions on the best movements in sex. I told them to move slowly, and explained how to move, so they wouldn't get too excited, e.g. sideways, in semicircles, avoiding the in-out moves.

For the premature ejaculators, I told them to give up salt, and to not use anything spicy hot, avoid hot peppers, stay away from spices, because this throws them out of control. And then I told them to use certain motions, slow motions, that makes it easy to control oneself. That's all.

Then the women will get the pleasure, because the men are controlling themselves.

For some men the pleasure was so overwhelming that they were still unable to control themselves very long, more than perhaps 45 minutes, even if their diet was good and they had high vitality. In these cases I think the solution is just doing it over and over. Sometimes men, just like women, may need saturation with lots of high-pleasure peak orgasms, before they can start with serious self-control and higher-pleasure valley orgasms. It may take months, but in the end they will get there.

I myself was never overly concerned with the clitoris or the G-spot, because the Karezza was so enjoyable and I was so good at it that a woman couldn't hold out long. If they wanted to have an orgasm, they could have it quick. Women enjoyed it.

The women were very happy. After beginning Karezza, it became unnecessary to calculate all this stuff. I never had to actually figure it out.

All I did was to function naturally, the way I felt like, without thinking about it. And it was right, for every woman. If one gets too mechanical about it, one becomes a dud. Then it is not real. Real sex has nothing to do with the brain, it has to do with feelings, true feelings and movement.

That's all. The brain is not needed.

From page 45 the Technique to Paradise.

🍎🐍🏖️

YAB YUM

What are you experiencing?

~ by yab yum

Be patient. At first you can't experience the orgasmic part of this process. Some get it on their first try and for some it can take years. Keep practicing with the exercise your teacher gives you. Even if you don't experience the orgasm, just the breath and energy circling alone is of great value. It will clear blocks so that eventually the orgasm can pass through you. Blocks can be experienced in many ways – crying, gagging, getting frustrated, resurfacing old memories. Just keep breathing. Visualize letting go of the "old" on the exhale, ringing out the "new" on the inhale. Energy levels will most likely rise and fall, like mercury in a thermometer. Tell your partner where it slipped. Your partner will encourage you to tap into your sexual center when energy is slipping. One of the main keys to learning this technique is KNOWING that it is possible.

(When asked if she had an orgasm, Sara responded 🙂

It was uninterrupted, uninterrupted… This was definitely something else, which I have never experienced so fully.

(Sara was then asked if there were any psychological changes.)

Oh yes, sure. From the point of view of spiritual practice it is always full of insight, a kind of insight that comes after, about how I am in ecstasy in my usual state, because it is obvious that the ecstasy is inherent in the body (level), of my being… and also of course this would affect my meditation. I am much more relaxed and receptive physically, emotionally and psychologically when I sit down to meditate…. I don't know what this has to do with anything, but meditation becomes very sexual, very physical, playing with all these hormones. Very often in my meditation there is a stage like deepening where it goes through something like lovemaking in a hormonal sense. I feel the heat and change of energy and so forth, and then it just cools down. That is when deep meditation begins.

It is absolutely blissful in ecstasy because the bliss is something I feel in the body. The ecstasy is something where the body is no longer. Energy goes up. His community. It is love. The transcendent, the energy feeling, transcends even the light that I'm talking about in meditation, and just went into the light.

One tree merges with another tree, the earth merges with the trees, the trees merge with the sky, the sky merges with the unknown...you merge with me, I merge with you...everything merges...differences lost, melting and merging as waves into other waves…an enormous unity vibrating, alive, without limits, without definitions, without distinction…the sage melting into the sinner, the sinner flowing together in the sage…becoming good becoming bad, becoming bad…the night turning into the day, day turning into night… life melts into death, death plunges into life again – then everything has become one.

This has changed my experience with sexuality forever… It has blown up things like this what you have about sex, the good feeling you get from sexual experience or trying to get. It broke that because it was so obviously about submission. It wasn't about me trying to do something. It was about not doing something, but rather receiving or allowing it, rather than doing and creating and making.

This is the most profound healing practice I have ever encountered. It has awakened me to realize that my body is often shut off from the bliss and ecstasy it might be experiencing. Through this practice I have come to learn that emotional pain occurs when orgasmic energy does not flow freely through my body and that there is an infinite flow of orgasmic energy available to me. It has taken me years to gradually release the tension and pain in my body and I still have areas of tension to unblock. The sensations can be different each time depending on my condition, sometimes there is a pulsating vibration and sometimes it feels like some kind of electrical current circulating through my genitals throughout my body. There may be tears of joy. My mind can be perfectly clear and it can seem like everything I feared has been resolved. When a certain area of ​​tension is unblocked and the orgasmic energy circulates, there is always an amazing sense of oneness with the life being awakened.

Mel 40 Auckland

My teacher knew how to touch – and where to make contact – He knew places to touch that I didn't know about – and soon I was on my way to another place in another universe. I was in a trance of breathing and sweat and pleasure that so long and so dead do had gone – that I traveled through light and sound. I never knew that such an experience could be had without actually making love. When I finally climaxed and climaxed and climaxed, I couldn't believe I was having a sexual climax in the presence of someone other than my husband. I felt both excitement and a little embarrassment. Looking back at this moment, I would never have thought that having an orgasm for another man would actually be the "beginning" of this whole journey in Tantra

Emma S 35

Auckland

And this is the joy of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm, because you disappear for a moment. That moment is very small, but its impact is immense. For a moment you are no longer the ego, you do not think in terms of 'I', for a moment you dissolve into the oneness of the all, you become one with the whole, you pulsate with the whole. You are no longer an individual… you are no longer limited to your body. You have no limitations, for a moment you are unlimited, infinite.

That is the meaning of Cosmic Spiritual Orgasm – that your frozen energy melts, becoming one with this universe, with the trees and the stars, and the woman and the man, and the rocks – for a single moment, of course. But in THAT moment you have a kind of consciousness that is religious, that is sacred, that is one with all things. – OSHO

Unbelievable! Some are very strong and some are wonderfully subtle. In general, the more time you spend building up the energy, the more powerful the sensations. You experience “electricity” throughout your body, hands, feet and lips tingle, and there is a sense of letting go and receiving at the same time. You will feel high, euphoric and light-headed. It feels very different from a clitoral orgasm (but it can happen at the same time as a clitoral orgasm). You see a seed sprout, flowers appear on a tree somewhere, the birds are singing – the whole phenomenon is sexual. It is life manifesting in many ways. When the bird sings, it is a sexual call, an invitation. When the flower attracts butterflies and bees, it is an invitation, because the bees and butterflies bear the seeds of reproduction. Everything seems to be divided into these two polarities. And life is a rhythm between these two opposites. Repulsion and attraction, coming closer and getting far… these are the rhythms.

Z

[catboycafe]

I Will Now Express Every Thought I Have About Pacific Rim: The Black 

⚠️ spoilers for the whole thing baby

I actually forgot Pacific Rim: The Black was premiering today until I saw it in an article this morning! When I first heard about it months ago, I was decidedly not sold on a Pacific Rim anime. Uprising burnt me the fuck out and I don’t have a lot of trust left in me for new entries to the franchise. But I had heard rumblings of Raleigh and Herc being referenced after going into #pacificrim and I decided I may as well check out to see what was up! I binged it in 4 hours and it sure was a whirlwind, I’ll tell ya

The Plot

I really enjoy the setting and initial concept! We’re so use to seeing Kaiju/Jaegar shenanigans play out within these major cities with helpless civilians everywhere that spending so much time in a lonesome desert and these destroyed civilizations was really cool and indicative of the changes Pacific Rim has undergone in the last few years. I also looooved the Desert Settlement from the beginning!! It seemed really homey and picturesque; I wish we’d spent more time with the other survivors and got to see more of their day to day aside from farming and sitting. 

I also found the first episode set up to be really tight and well written! I was hooked during the initial flashback, Hayley and Taylor’s fight was really poignant and well acted, and the reveal of Atlas Destroyer felt really huge and epic!!

But once we left the Desert Settlement and the plot started actually moving along, the pacing becomes suuuper rough. We spent way too long in Bogan with Shane and Mei; there’s only 7 episodes and we spent, like, 3? 4? within the confines of that camp and I felt it weighed the plot down. Boy is introduced in the 2nd episode and, because the narrative spends so much time on Shane’s evil machinations and Mei’s back story, we still don’t know anything concrete about his origins or purpose 3 episodes later! That felt frustrating to me

The story beats overall were very predictable. I was able to pick up on Mei’s backstory via her dynamic with Shane in their introductions, so her memories felt too built up and too hollow once they were revealed. The same with the reveal of Boy’s Kaiju form; he was in a big green test tube in a PPDC base - I assumed immediately he was a part-kaiju experiment and again his reveal felt hollow, especially after the glacial pace of it’s development. 

Even when events weren’t predictable, they lacked weight. The appearance of several Kaiju Breaches in “Boneyard” felt very cheap for some reason; I wasn’t scared and I didn’t feel tense about these odds mounting against the protagonists. This was just happening and I was just watching. 

The Art Direction and Animation

I’m very obsessed with all the new Kaiju we got from this; I love how Copperhead is rendered, they’re a joy to see on screen!! The Rippers are also very cute and deserve little plushies...i love these neat little dogs. Boy’s Kaiju Form is very intimidating with an interesting color palette and I loved seeing him next to Copperhead’s highly saturated design!

That’s unfortunately all that I liked however; All the human character design is unmemorable to me. Every character looks exactly like another easily identifiable anime character from a different property (Hayley looks exactly like Zero Suit Samus to me, for example. And Mei kept reminding me of both Bernadetta Fire Emblem and Motoko Kusanagi from GitS. The list goes on). 

I can sort of understand why they’re so bland? A franchise going from Live Action to something as heavily stylized as anime is probably a really difficult transition and these designs are probably meant to be more lowkey than more unique anime designs in order to help that transition. But realistically stylized designs can still be recognizable and unique! These feel uninspired and bare bones.

 I have no problem with the switch to CGI animation that modern anime is doing because I know it’s a lot cheaper to produce and it can still be really unique and striking! But The Black’s model animation felt very stilted and inconsistent. I don’t have a lot of knowledge about animating so I don’t think I can accurately describe what I disliked? Wooden is probably the best term. Character movements felt wooden and things like hair and clothes felt plastic. 

Impacts also had very little weight. The fight between Tayler/Mei and Copperhead reminded me of when you’re in a dream and trying to punch something, but you can’t punch hard. It was simply too floaty and too soft. The final showdown in “Showdown” was better, but not by much. It was very immersion breaking seeing these Giant Robots and Giant Monsters unable to throw a real solid hit!

Characters

My favorite character was unequivocally Joel Wyrick. We love Joel Wyrick in this house! Joel’s character has real charisma and charm. I love his flirtations with Loa, how his cocky disposition is juxtaposed with his drinking problem and later insecurities over his lost memories, and his genuine kindness shown to Mei, Taylor, and Boy. No one ever plays with Boy, they just run after him and drag him around...but Joel has this moment in “Escape from Bogan” where he kneels down to Boy and helps him collect rocks. It was sweet!

So of course, when Joel dies for absolutely no reason 5 minutes later - pissed! I was pissed! I yelled “COME ON” aloud in my studio apartment! I was genuinely so excited to see him interact more with the rest of cast then, poof. No More Joel.

His death felt like it was for shock value to me rather than actual narrative development. Why kill him when we still don’t fully understand his and Mei’s relationship? Why were they so close? Were they childhood friends, or just coworkers that happen to become friends? Why did he specifically know all the details of Shane’s abuse towards Mei before she did? 

What did his death accomplish? It made Mei sad...ok? She was already...very sad. Her running away from Shane already had consequences - the consequences of Shane coming after them for revenge in the future. Why did Joel have to become a causality? 

His death is ultimately tied to Mei’s character arc which is, unfortunately, my least favorite :c I find Mei to be a really one dimensional character with a personality, backstory, outlook, and motivation that I’ve seen done a million times before with a million other characters. She feels very out of place in the franchise as a whole - Pacific Rim is, at it’s core, a story about connecting with others. Her self-centric arc and lack of desire to connect outside of drifting really alienates her from the story at large and it frustrates me how long The Black’s narrative spends on her. 

Hayley and Taylor were otherwise very interesting in the pilot episode, but become similarly one dimensional at the story chugs on. Taylor’s unflinching (bordering on unhealthy) faith in their parents was really interesting next to Hayley’s complete acceptance of their parents’ death. But once the two of them make up their differences, they lack an interesting dynamic and become very passive protagonists.

 Taylor especially has no personality - how would you describe Taylor? He’s...brave. He’s the older brother. He’s a leader? He’s nice? There is nothing noteworthy about him at all, which is sad considering I think he has the potential to be a really interesting way to explore the original movie’s influence on The Black’s story.

Hayley’s grief and self-blame are more interesting than Taylor’s...nothingness, but she still falls into this one-note trope of being the naive, excitable little sister. I guess I feel abnormally frustrated about this flat character writing because Pacific Rim’s incredibly unique cast has always been an inspiration to me! It feels sad that this new iteration into the series is full of what feel like stock characters. 

Then we get to Boy. How come Boy can’t have a person name? It’s specifically written in a dialogue between Taylor and Hayley: “I’m not going to call him Chad or Barnaby or one of those names for a baby brother you wanted as a kid,”

Why?

He’s by all accounts a human child when they find him. Yes, he was found in a big green test tube - but he walks and acts just like a human child. The only difference, seemingly, is that he is non-verbal and engages in strange/annoying behavior (running off, eating bugs, etc). So he isn’t deserving of a name?? I don’t know why that makes me so mad, it just does. it’s like they refuse to treat him as a human even before they find out he’s a Kaiju  - it’s super weird! How can the story sell me on the three of them becoming found family (like they’re seemingly trying to do) if the protagonists won’t even treat this kid like a kid??

Misc. Thoughts

The callbacks to Stacker, Herc, and Raleigh were cool! I also like that Herc is a major plot point! We love Herc Hanson and it’s what he deserves. I also find Loa’s connection to Horizon Bravo very interesting...and the fact we’re getting Kaiju cultist lore! Love that! Love that!

Fucked up that the only two dark skinned characters were: 1) removed from the story 10 minutes in with no call back yet, 2) Killed after having 1 line of dialogue and fridged for the character development of the blonde white girl. I really need to know what the deal with those 4 characters leaving in the beginning was about - I absolutely thought we’d see them again by now, but no dice

I don’t know how to feel about Ajax and have no clue what their purpose in the story is. They’re cool, but whats the point? 

If Mei and Taylor are paired up together romantically, I’m putting Craig Kyle and Greg Johnson in the time out box. Very tired of seeing random hetero romance B plots in stories that can’t even get their A plots together

Overall, it’s kind of subpar! It has the foundations of a really interesting story, but the pacing and characters really took me out of it. I’m interested in Season 2! I know season 2 is already ordered and I’d love to see how things continue to develop, see if the character writing gets any better - but I’m not too hopeful unfortunately. I really really love Pacific Rim after all these years and I’m happy to still be getting content and world building! There’s just sooo much I would change about this however. At least fanfiction’s free! 

Thanks for reading all this, I have ADHD and just go on and on if u let me. hmu if You Too have thoughts about Pacific Rim: The Black and have no one to talk abt them with

[autisticmuse]

As promised, I have spoken with my psychologist about the point and purpose/use cases of my little health assessment tool I developed. Initially she was concerned that this was a way for me to minimize/distance myself from emotional experiences but after explaining further to her how I use it she endorsed it fully. I cannot stress enough that allowing yourself to healthily experience and work through emotions is critical to developing a healthy sense of self and identity. Understanding when you are healthy enough to handle emotional experiences or being aware that your emotions are going to be disproportionate due to a lower mental health state to help manage experiences can help you to work through and make positive memories out of situations which might otherwise overwhelm and shut you down.

At any rate, this tool is meant as a stepping stone to help train yourself to connecting with your full health and better self care. The more you use it the less you’ll need to ask the questions and be able to answer straight up, “today is a good day,” or “today my mental health isn’t so good, that is why i’m more emotional and i might not be eating well today.” I’ve been doing it for a month and am really seeing a lot of positive impacts in this regard.

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The RGB Self Care Assessment

Disclaimer; The purpose of this assessment is only to assist in better self awareness of the state you are in. Being aware of how you are physically, mentally, and emotionally doing on a day to day basis can help you treat yourself better and establish healthy boundaries. This can also be useful for tracking trends in your health and seeing how deficits or excesses in one or more categories can impact others. This is in no way a diagnostic tool and the RGB color spectrum side of things is entirely optional, but useful for creating an easy visual chart to see trends and patterns. The 9 questions are also not set in stone, feel free to develop your own questions to customize the system for your concerns regarding your health.

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To help practice awareness of my personal health and how I am feeling on a daily basis I developed a simple system of 9 data points, rated 1 through 10, to assess how I am currently doing in three categories. 1 being I am doing poorly at the point in question, 10 being I am doing excellent. After rating the three points of a color category you average them for a result. This, converted to a percentage (i.e. a 6 would be 60%) is then multiplied by 255 (the maximum value of the color in the RGB scale) to give you the final color value for that category (60% of 255 is 153, so Red 153 would be the final value). You can also just estimate where you think the final value is once familiar with the questions and bypass the math.

Each of the three points is accompanied by example questions to help understand the point and better rate it. The purpose is awareness of my own health so as long as I am thinking about the point that is the most important part. The final score/color value is a helpful visual representation.

Red - Physical Health - The purpose of the Physical Health category is to connect with your body and understand the condition you are in.

1. Current Physical Condition - are you healthy, injured, in pain, or uncomfortable? 2. Hygiene - have you been taking care of cleanliness and keeping well groomed? 3. Diet/Hydration - Have you been eating healthy and regularly; are you drinking enough water?

Green - Mental Health - The purpose of the Mental Health category is to connect with your mind and understand if you are experiencing difficulty and shutting down. If you have consumed any drugs or stimulants (coffee, cigarettes, recreational or otherwise) try to answer these 2-3 hours after finishing so that an honest, unaffected answer is achieved

1. Executive Function - How well are you handling day to day tasks and basic life skills? Are you struggling to carry through with simple actions? 2. Motivation/Creativity - Are you having difficulty finding interest in things? Are you shutting down when thinking through problems or simple actions? 3. Focus/initiative - Do you struggle to maintain a thought or interest? Are you having trouble despite motivation to begin a task?

Blue - Emotional Health - The purpose of the Emotional Health category is to connect with your emotions and understand if you are at risk of emotional damage or capable of handling emotionally charged experiences

1. Anxiety/stress - Are you experiencing looping/restrictive thoughts? Are you feeling optimistic or pessimistic? 2. Emotional sensitivity/vulnerability - Are you feeling strong/secure in your emotions? Do you feel that your emotional responses are volatile or uncontrolled? Are you reacting stronger to stimuli than you feel is normal? Do you feel vulnerable? 3. Empathy - Have you emotionally retreated? Do you feel overwhelmed by emotional media or displays (crying at music, etc)? Do you feel open or closed to experiencing emotional things?

An example completion of the RGB assessment: R1 - 5 R2 - 8 R3 - 9 R Average - 7.3 / 10 = 73% * 255 = 187 R Final Value - 187 G1 - 8 G2 - 8 G3 - 7 G Average - 7.6 / 10 = 76% * 255 = 195.5 G Final Value - 195 B1 - 6 B2 - 5 B3 - 4 B Average - 5 / 10 = 50% * 255 = 127.5 B Final Value - 127

(a good website for inputting RGB values and getting a hex or color name is https://www.color-blindness.com/color-name-hue/)

Final RGB value = 187, 195, 127

Misty Moss

A reminder - The color result is of no actual immediate purpose but in general the way the assessment works a well rounded healthy condition should be trending to white while darker colors indicates a trending toward poor health. Brighter saturation of any of the three colors can help indicate defecits and over time trends of how different parts of your health impact others should be easier to notice.

If you made it this far and have any feedback, questions, or comments on the system I’d be happy to discuss them either openly in the comments or privately if you want to DM me. I’d love more feedback on how you would approach this and whether or not you feel it is useful or helping.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hey rachel! do you only submit to magazines that pay? i know some small mags can't offer payment (and large ones w/ submission fees, which is another story) but i'm just curious is there a particular reason?

Yes I do only submit to magazines that pay (there may be an exception to this, but that has not yet come up for me)! Let’s first dispel some stuff:

- You do not have to monetize your writing for it to be worthy. You all know I champion writing for oneself! It’s great. BUT, when an artist lives in a capitalist society, we must also consider the things they need to survive it (should they want to monetize their work).

- Litmags that charge submission fees and DON’T pay? I don’t personally submit there. While I understand that money is used mostly for clerical stuff (like paying for a submittable account), I personally can’t afford that. You may choose to submit to these places still, and that’s fine!

- Litmags that charge submissions fees and DO pay? I submit to these places but not frequently. Sometimes I don’t have 5 bucks to drop on a submission (usually to be rejected lol).

- Yes I still support and love small litmags! No, I won’t submit there (personally!) if they don’t pay. Here’s why:

I never write thinking about the money. When I write a story, I’m thinking about the writing, and that I love it. What I write comes from a pure labour of love. But that is my labour of love. Extending that love to a magazine that does not pay me for my labour is a different beast (even if I love the magazine). We all know writing is a lot of work! I love it because of this, and this is also one reason I submit to places that pay--when I put lots of time and effort into my work and make the decision to publish a piece (which I don’t always), my personal philosophy is that I want my work’s new home to be a place that will pay me (since only about 20-30% of what I write gets submitted at the moment). This is not to say that I only think my work is valuable when it is monetized--I actually mean the contrary. I know my work is valuable no matter if it has a dollar sign next to it on a contract. I actually don’t monetize a majority of my writing. A lot of the effort I put into my writing will literally be forgotten in the abyss of my hard drive for the rest of my life and I’m so okay with that! But that’s why when I choose to put my work out there, I also put hard thought into being paid for it.

My next point is that while we have a conversation about supporting literary magazines that don’t pay, I think a simultaneous conversation that there are certain voices that will not be represented if there isn’t monetary payment at a magazine can also be had. As a BIPOC creator in very white CanLit, it’s generally tricky to break into this industry that is so white saturated. Though reading processes for the majority of litmags I submit to are blind, my blind submission is still competing in a majorly white slush pile. I simply can’t afford not to be paid for my work in the times I have an in. For some reason, this may be a controversial statement in the writing industry (that writers should be paid at literary magazines), but I really think there isn’t enough of a conversation about representation when these convos are occurring. Who are we repping/have the potential to rep when we don’t pay?

My last point is that publications & youtube are my only modes of income at the moment (publications being the majority of my income last year). HOWEVER, I am very, very blessed to not be in a financial position (backed by my parents) where I don’t need my work to published and paid for in order to survive. I’m very blessed with financial security and my tuition is paid for by a scholarship (under xyz circumstances) but I can imagine this may be a larger point for someone else in a different situation. I had a seasonal job but that couldn’t happen because of the pandemic, and one of my publications paid more than I made at the little shifts I did work before my city locked down. Your girl is trying to work her way up to financial independence, and being paid for publications certainly helps in savings etc.

There is this conversation particularly in the writing industry that I think has haunted all fields of art, but particularly in my experience, writing. That is: “but you should publish in magazines for the exposure, the experience, the relationships, etc.” This is true. But I also don’t think it’s fully fair that we let writers sort of swim with the sharks with this one. Can the arts, exposure/experience, and money not coexist (if that’s what the artist wants)? I see this kind of stuff a lot from those who work in the industry, which I really do sympathize with. I don’t think litmags are big money makers--the facts are that literary magazines don’t really make money, and those who can pay big bucks are usually funded by a writing program at a university. So I understand the nuance there. It’s really hard to be a litmag because the small money you do have (if any at all) can go either to a) your website/submittable subscription, b) your staff, or c) your contributors and it’s really unfortunate that not all three can (usually) be compensated at the same time (and there naturally will always be a question of ethics/equity depending on who gets paid/who doesn’t). I still support small mags by following their socials, reading the work, sharing things I like etc, but I personally don’t send my work to places that don’t pay. It’s a little more complicated than I’ve even written above, but I hope this is coherent!

Some writers are fine with submitting for the exposure. I’m personally not, but that doesn’t make my decision better than others or vice versa! There is still value in exposure depending on what you’re personally looking for when publishing. This is something every writer should interrogate themselves! Hope that answers the question!

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Tracks opinions part 3: Logan

(Here I go again! Logan’s playlist is a bit more straightforward than the other bois, so heres hoping this one doesn’t take me as long 🤞)

1) The Elements: Not much to say. It just a literal musical list of the periodic table of elements. You can’t get much more Logan than that 😂 Also, Logan likes chemistry!

2) White and Nerdy: Apart from the obvious listing of nerdy things and the legitimate title, Logan feels like he doesn’t always get taken seriously enough by the other sides (“I wanna roll with the gangstas, But so far they all think I'm too White and nerdy” “I wanna bowl with the gangstas, But, oh well, it's obvious I'm White and nerdy”). Basically Logan is a big nerd and a dork. He knows that and he’s worried that sometimes it ostracizes him from the others.

3) Algorithm: Logan doesn’t understand humans very well, at least, he doesn’t understand anything but the logical aspect of humans and the world. He has a different view on life than the other sides (“Supercomputer status, walkin' along streets”). He thinks that the dilemmas and problems in the world would not exist if it wasnt for humans throwing a wrench into all of it with their feelings and emotions (“Humans don't understand, humans will sell a lie. Humans gotta survive, we know we gon' die. Nothing can live forever, you know we gon' try. Life, is it really worth it?”). As the song puts it, Logan believes that the theoretical algorithm of life is perfect, and he doesn’t understand why it needs to get muddied and ruined by simple human issues (“Looking for something worth it, the algorhythm is perfect, mmh”).

4) Fitter Happier: This song is interesting because it shows us the innerworkings of Logan’s thought process. A lot of what he does involves simply planning daily tasks (things as small as drinking or eating) based on what he knows is most healthy for Thomas. The song completely lacks any sense of feeling or emotion and is, as I stated, a legitimate list of things to do in a day. All tasks are put in place to keep Thomas fitter and happier, however, Logan doesn’t have a grasp on emotions and clearly doesn’t know all of the things that Thomas needs to be happy AND healthy. I’ll just list some interesting daily tasks in the song here: “Regular exercise at the gym, three days a week” “Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats” “Careful to all animals, never washing spiders down the plughole” “Favours for favours, fond but not in love” “Still cries at a good film” “Still kisses with saliva”. As the song goes on, you kind of get a sense that Logan is losing his grip on Thomas, or doesn’t understand why Thomas isn’t feeling satisfied with the plan that, to him, is perfect. Thomas feels trapped in the life that Logan plans for him, and Logan does not understand why that is (“A pig in a cage on antibiotics” “No chance of escape”). There are also a lot of points in the song where Logan shows that he finds emotions to be a weakness, or something to hide away (“Will not cry in public” “Nothing so childish” “No paranoia”).

5) Medicine: I’m not 100% sure what this song is about, but it talks a lot about ancient philosophy. Basically being curious about the world and people in it. I’m guessing that Logan just likes philosophy and thinks that people should always stay curious. Logan really values curiosity and thinking (of course).

6) The Watchtower: This ones... interesting to say the least. If you’re a fan of the broken blue crayon theory you may want to look into this song a bit more. The song talks about being broken and wanting to restart things, possibly showing that Logan will crack at somepoint and need to reevaluate how he’s been handling things (“I'm breaking, I need another start. Far away, From the city lights.”). Ultimately, I think this song is about Logan’s neutrality over all the situations that the group handles. He doesn’t really see problems as good or bad, because he can see logical scenarios with both options (“From the watchtower, We can see things coming. Good or bad”). He knows that this mentality makes him a bit unlikeable because the other sides want him to side with them, but he doesn’t really mind (“I don't mind, If I'm impopular-ar.”).

7) The Breach: Another interesting one which I feel like could have two meanings. My first take was that this song was about Virgil escaping the dark side of Thomas’ mind and mixing in with the light sides. Logan wasn’t quite sure how to process this new arrival at the begining and had no control over his escape (“Generally operating normally, A small anomaly has become evident” “There is spiking in the pulse of a member of the cargo” “First: the recommended course of action should be to Administer a sedative to all the cargo via ventilation” “Now: one specifically is up and moving to the door”). After looking into the lyrics a bit more though, it seemed like a lot of them could be applied to Janus as well, specifically his first appearance when he was disguised as patton. Logan knew from very early on the Janus was taking pattons spot, but was unable to say or do anything about it due to Janus being the only one with “the access code” (“The ship is fully capable of automating this But requires an approval code from the administration” “He has found the access panel situated in the floor. He is entering the codes and overriding has begun. Reading rage in the nervous system, nothing can be done”). Either way you see it, I’m nearly positive it is about a dark side coming out to the light and Logan not being able to control it.

8) The Letter C: I LOVE THIS ONE 😂 And it’s the first in our list of songs that Logan vent’s about Roman in! The premise of the song is that someone insulted the main singers rap and so the main singer goes off about the comeback he wished he would have used to tell this guy off. It’s honestly such a funny song and I couldn’t give it the justice it deserves here by just listing the lyrics. It gives off huge rap battle vibes and I’m sure Logan would have been imagining the one who insulted him as Roman. Here’s just some great lines that I’d like to point out: “Man I wish I could’ve hit him with a zinger. Should’ve served him with the verbal equivalent of a middle finger.” “I’d say, "Are you insured medically? ‘Cause you sure better be When you’re broken in half from provokin’ the wrath” ““Aw shit!” “Oh crap!” Everybody within earshot would be like, “Oh snap!” I’d high five all around while the guy falls down in a ball on the ground” “I pull out a sharpie marker, Narrow my eyes through my Warby Parkers. Like, “Watch who you’re f-in’ with, with your f-in’ ish””.

9) Galaxy Song: Logan trying to calm Thomas down in the only way he knows how: Gushing about how great the natural world is (“Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving” “Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see, Are moving at a million miles a day” “Our galaxy itself contains a hundred billion stars” “And our galaxy itself is one of millions of billions In this amazing and expanding universe”). It’s cute, its wholesome, and Logan tries his best to be comforting 🖤 (“So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure, How amazingly unlikely is your birth; And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere out in space, Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth!”).

10) Streaks: Logan explains to Thomas that growing up is a process that he needs to experience. He understands that it’s hard and scary, but he believes that if you follow the plan and stay in the lines, everything will work out alright (“You can decide on the colors that you like As long as you stay in the lines” “All these years of filling out papers, Building a future, keeping your head down. Tryin' to keep a head on your shoulders” “Cause It's all a piece of the plan. It's something You'll understand When you're older” “Give em what they need to move on, then you let them go”). As he’s explained in canon, he doesn’t really see room for taking a lot of creative liberties in life, and he believes Thomas should follow the mold set out for everyone in life. That’s the logical way to survive anyways.

11) What I do for You: (This song and the next song feel pretty connected to me, so keep that in mind) In this song, Logan really shows his pride and ego. He believes he is the most important side for Thomas and that he will get Thomas the furthest in life (“I want you to survive” “I'm your only hope, I'm your savior too. Every single test You've been ever carried through”). Despite his superiority complex, he knows that Thomas doesn’t see Logan as important as he should. Logan knows how much he does for Thomas but is a bit annoyed that Thomas never seems to notice (“I couldn't ever give up on you, But don't thank me”).

12) Erase Me: Oooh boy. This ones heavy... Logan is PISSED. The whole song feels like a jab at Thomas, daring him to get rid of Logan to see what happens. Logan still feel important and knows his necessity as part of Thomas, but he’s frustrated with the lack of recognition he gets for all of the things he does (“Would it be easier? To just delete, our pages And the plans we've made” “Erase me, so you don't have to face me. Put me in ground and move the daisies” “So what will you do? With no me for you” “Erased me, what the fuck is this? You're crazy, Turn around and do each time, Replace me”). Logan sounds MAD in this song, something that he’s shown in canon quite a few times. It’s interesting that Logan alone seems to be the only side whose shown such anger and furstration, this song just adding to his list of instances. I’m not sure what that could mean going forward...

13) Art is Dead: Well what do yah know? Another rant song for Roman! We all know how Logan feels about Thomas’ choice of career as an entertainer and this song is basically just that. Logan can’t understand Roman’s dreams and aspirations for Thomas because they don’t make any logical sense to him (“ Have you ever been to a birthday party for children And one of the children won't stop screaming Cuz he's just a little attention attractor. When he grows up to be a comic or actor He'll be rewarded for never maturing, For never understanding or learning That every day can't be about him. There's other people, you selfish asshole!”) Logan would rather Thomas take up a job that is benefiting society and making his world a better place (“Cause I wanted my name in lights When I could have fed a family of four For forty fucking fortnights”). Roman’s self-centered and fantastical view on Thomas’ future is just childish to Logan and he feels like Thomas may one day grow out of it (“I'm just a kid And maybe I'll grow out of it”).

14) Equation: Oh man... I just don’t know. The song mentions a mom and dad, so I automatically go to a younger Thomas and his younger version of Logan. The song just asks a bunch of questions that feel like things a little kid might ask (“Have I made you cross? Have I made you sad? Have I made you proud Mom?” “How white is the snow, Does it matter after all?Will I ever learn How to fly like a birds?” “Are you going to school? Are you far from home? Are you well alone Dad? Will I be a brave? Will I be a bright? Will I be a good grown up?”). Logan may have represented more of Curiosity in Thomas’ younger years than Logic. A lot of Logan’s songs have an encompasing theme of wonder and curiosity being amazing things to have. I think Logan really values that part of himself/Thomas.

15) Sunrise: Yes! The love song everyone! I’ll shut that down right away and say that Logan DOES NOT UNDERSTAND LOVE. He isn’t even capable of “love” as some of the other side may be. He of course understands love and how it works, but it’s merely a process to him, and a word which he’s openly stated that he doesn’t like to use. So lets try to look at this from Logan’s perspective. The song is literally about learning spanish, yes its clearly romantic, but its about learning spanish. Something that Logan has shown an interest in since wayyyy back at the begining of the series. I like to imagine that this song came up in Thomas’ playlist and Logan was overjoyed that Thomas was not only learning something from the song, but also learning spanish!

16) One More Time with Feeling: This one feels kind of tough to crack. To me, I get the feeling that Logan’s again talking about the others and the fact that they don’t listen to him. He prepares his words and hopes to get through to them, but is only welcomed by blank faces and misunderstanding (“Everyone takes turns. Now it's yours to play the part And they're sitting all around you, Holding copies of your chart, And the misery inside their eyes is Synchronized and reflecting into yours”). After getting shut down, Logan tries again ‘with feeling this time’, hoping to get through, but it falls flat over and over again (“Hold on. One more time with feeling. Try it again, breathing's just a rhythm. Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right”). Logan has been trying really hard to appeal to the others in different way, but if seems like it never works in his opinion (“You thought by now you'd be So much better than you are. You thought by now they'd see That you had come so far”). He want’s to finally be shown the respect that he believes he deserves and hopes to one day be loved by the others and much as they love each other (“And the pride inside their eyes Would synchronized into a love you've never known. So much more than you've been shown”).

17) In My Mind: Logan has a drastically different view of Thomas’ future than is actually the case (“In a future five years from now. I'm one hundred and twenty pounds, And I never get hung over Because I will be the picture of discipline” “And I will be someone I admire And it's funny how I imagined That I would be that person now, But it does not seem to have happened” “Maybe I've just forgotten how to see That I am not exactly the person that I thought I'd be”). He’s realized that he has some unrealistic expectations for Thomas and that’s odd to him as, logically, things should have played out how he thought they would. At the end of the song, Logan seems to accept the fact that even though Thomas hasn’t strictly followed the plan that Logan expected, he’s still doing great and succeeding at life (“I am exactly the person that I want to be”).

18) Not Perfect: This song has a lot of lyrics, but most of them can be taken at face value. Logan recognizes that everything in Thomas’ life (his world, his country, his house, his body, and his brain) is not perfect. I’m sure it’s a metaphor for Logan realizing that he, himself, is not perfect and he’s begining to realize that he can’t solve every problem.

19) Human: This song is also long. REALLY LONG. But thankfully it is fairly straight forward. When life is getting Thomas (or any of the sides down) Logan will list facts about their life as a human that are supposed to be comforting or inspirational. It’s basically just like Galaxy song, but a bit more personal and loving. Here’s just some cute quotes from it to keep you all going: “For you are a force of skin & nails & heart. A walking Monae, you're breathing art” “The average human heart will beat over 100 million times in one lifetime. I'm sure you'll find someone who won't mind skipping one for you” “You need to grow up. You need to grow out of things. When something doesn't belong, even your body knows when it's time for that thing to be Replaced” “15 million blood cells are Destroyed in a human body every second. If your body can get over it You can get over that last relationship”). Basically Logan trying to ground Thomas in reality to make him realize that everything he’s going through is just human.

20) Time Adventure: (ughhh this song make me cry every time I hear it) That being said, I was a bit surprised to hear this on Logan’s album and not Pattons. Not only that, but it’s his finishing song. The song is all about growing up and how, even though time passes, you will always have the good memories that you built along the way. It’s also about how, no matter how much time passes, the singer and the person theyre singing about will always be friends. Seems kind of like a weird song choice for Logan right? It seems like it needs to include Patton in someway... So perhaps its Logan trying to comfort Patton. Patton has shown a fear of growing up and changing, so perhaps telling him that he’ll always have a friend in Logan no matter how the times change is something that Logan does to ease his worries.

(Oh boy... this one took a long time 😅 Sorry about that! Like usual, let me know what you think and give your own opinions if you’d like!)

[striderification]

How I make my Homestuck troll horns - Painting

This is the last major step! The big whammy: painting.

It can also be the most daunting though (definitely not what causes me to avoid working on them for weeks). You’ll have to set aside a good chunk of time for this, it usually takes much longer than the molding to get it right. For me, the right coloring can make or break troll horns, and the exact hue is really hard to get right (it just takes a lot of time and anger. lmao).

Basically my advice boils down to about the same as the molding; stare at canon depictions of the horns while mixing paint, getting an understanding of the hue and value before committing it to the horns. 

However, before all of that, I’d recommend adding a layer of matte Mod Podge. It seemed to make the paint I used less prone to soaking into the horns (necessitating additional layers), and smoother because it filled in the left over holes from sanding. Disclaimer here: My horns from years past did not have this, and the paint generally stayed fine. While my recent sets of horns that prompted the demand for this tutorial look much smoother, I can’t vouch for the longevity of the paint with such a step. Time will tell, and I’ll update if my horns appear to be suffering from the craft glue/finish under it.

For some reason, my photos of this step are corrupted, which is really unfortunate, but luckily it doesn’t take many visual cues to explain. After the Mod Podge is fully dried, you can sketch out lines where you think the sections of color will go. My general advice for this: most of the horns seem to have a general pattern of the lightest/top color having the most area. It’s not exactly in thirds!

Some examples:

Once you think you have them adequately sectioned off (make sure to compare them with each other; the most important thing is consistency within your own design!), you can move on to mixing.

Let’s start with the troll color palette:

Some things I like to remember while coloring troll horns (for both art or cosplay):

The bottom two colors are fully saturated in a digital depiction, the lightest is offset somewhat with white. However, most “fully saturated” paint mixes for troll horns end up looking brighter than canon, somehow. I offset all three with white (not much).

All three colors are more orange than you would expect. This is the biggest one, for me. I see a lot of interpretations of the horns as “red, orange, yellow” when really they’re just red-orange, orange, and orange-yellow. (Some breakdowns of the colors from a basic color picker off google below)

While I’ve kind of relentlessly insisted on canon adherence, it’s more important to have the colors internally agreeable. In most cases, it’s hard to tell when they’re off if all three work well together and the other tips are kept in mind.

So after you think you have a good understanding of what colors to mix, try out some combos! This is what I started with for the red-orange and orange-yellow:

These mixes are certainly not what ended up being the final mix, but they were pretty close and only needed minor adjustments on my end. As you can probably tell, I have several paints for red, orange, and yellow, and I kind of mix them in here and there to prevent the color scheme from looking too “primary”. 

Now, for me, with this latest attempt, I already had recent horns to compare back to, and I know that isn’t the case for most others. A general rule that I follow though is to have the “base” color as red, orange, and yellow, but add more orange to the red and yellow, and some yellow to both the red and orange. Then usually I will offset it with some white (sometimes the amount pictured, though more is typical too).

The general order I work in is bottom to top, or “darkest” to “lightest”. However, this process generally requires that you have all three shades at once and work on them in one sitting to be able to correct errors in your lines. It is also occurring to me now that you could use painting tape for this. Unfortunately, I’m stupid.

A mix for the middle color.

Since I had a former pair to compare back to, I used the base of one of my Kanaya horns to test my new mix. Again, I know this isn’t possible for others, but it may be helpful to see what the troll palette looks like off-screen, and wet vs. dry.

After deciding that the mix was satisfactory, I went through and painted the first couple layers of the bottom shade.

Letting that dry somewhat while still comparing it along the way with my former pair.

Comparing this mix to the last batch on the Kanaya horn.

It’s probably common knowledge that all of them will need multiple layers, though for me it depended on which types of paint I had mixed for each color. In this case, I think the middle orange needed the most coats.

Drying the final product! It should be noted that canonically, the troll horns do not appear to have any shine. Even matte Mod Podge has a shine to it, and for that reason, I do not add anything further to seal on top of the paint. While this may possibly compromise the horns’ safety with time, I felt that as long as I take good care of them, it’s worth it to have a more accurate look.

And now, comparing the latest pair with my ones from a few years ago before declaring them finished:

These previous horns had a foil core, hence the large crack in the left horn, exposing the foil at the center there.

Mounting is an even more subjective step, but if you wanted to see how I wear them, continue on to the next step.

Up next: Mounting!

If not, then thank you so much for reading! Please let me know if I seemed to make a mistake in my explanations or neglected to mention something, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you have questions about my process. As a reminder, I’m not a final authority on anything, lol, I’m just some 19 year old cosplayer that’s just been doing this for over 6 years and there’s definitely people out there more experienced than me.

As always, I can be found on instagram under @striderification​ as well. As I only intend to use this tumblr for longer posts such as these, that is the best place to find me.

Again, thank you all! <3

[auctes]

as someone who believes toko best trigger happy havoc character, i HATE IT when people say "syo has no depth!!!" and "toko's an annoying joke!!! wowzurs!!!", AS AN AMAZING FUKAWA/SYO FAN, CAN YOU HELP ME CONSTRUCT COMPELLING ARGUMENTS ON THE COMPLEXITY OF BOTH?

hi ,   anon  !

it  can  be  frustrating  when  people  reduce  our  faves ,   but  the  first  thing  i’d  like  to  say  is  :   they’re  kind  of  right  about  touko  being  a  joke .   touko’s  fragile  mental  health  is  usually  played  for  laughs ,   and  reduced  to  a  punchline .   the  localization  calls  her  a   “  schizo ,  ”   and  her  maladaptive  daydreams  are  framed  as  something  psychotic  rather  than  for  what  they  are  :  a  coping  mechanism  that  her  brain  has  developed  to  help  her  endure  a  high - stress  situation .

i  love  when  people  ask  these  things ,   because  the  more  we  talk  about  that ,   the  more  we  can  start  to  break  down  touko’s  character .

i  would  also  like  to  state  that  this  is  a  dissociative  identity  disorder   [ DID ]   conversation .   i  do  not  have  DID ,   and  i  am  not  a  psychologist .   i  will  answer  this  to  the  best  of  my  ability  based  on  personal  research  and  an ardent  love  for  the  character ,    but  welcome  corrections  if  necessary .

let’s  talk  about  syo .

syo  has  depth .   she  is  an  extension  of  touko ,   who  is ,   herself ,   a  deeply  introspective  person .   while  syo  is  played  for  comic  relief ,   it’s  important  to  understand  where  she  comes  from  :   trauma .   childhood  trauma  that  touko ,   as  a  very  small  child ,   could  not  cope  with .   due  to  the  intense  physical ,   emotional ,    and  psychological  abuse  to  which  she  was  subject ,   touko’s  mind  created  syo ,   who  fronts  during  times  of  duress  and  guards  those  memories  that  touko  cannot  endure ,   as  a  means  of  ensuring  touko’s  survival  and  base  function .   syo  and  touko  do  identify  as  separate  entities ,   with  a  few  key  points  to  consider  :

1 .   DID  alters  can  be  ...   anyone .   anything .   have  their  own  ages ,   genders ,   sexual  identities ,   ethnicity ,   personal  histories ,   and  memories .   syo  identifies  as  the  name  the  media  give  her ,   but  identifies  with  touko’s  body ,   and  accepts  this  as  her  appearance .   a  lot  of  alters  look  physically  different  to  how  the  body  of  the  core  personality  looks .   that’s  always  been  very  interesting  to  me .

2 .   touko  acknowledges  syo  as  part  of  herself .   both  touko  and  syo  bounce  back  and  forth  when  referring  to  themselves  :  between  singular   (  i  )   and  collective   (  we  ) .   syo ,   to  herself ,   looks  like  touko .   she  looks  in  the  mirror  and  goes ,   “ i  look  like  this . ”   touko ,   especially  in  her  later  appearances  throughout  the  series ,   feels  a  sense  of  belonging  to  syo ,   and  acknowledges  that  she  is  a  part  of  touko .  

3 .   they  “  share  emotions , ”   meaning  that  there  is  some  sort  of  co - conscious  link  between  them  that  doesn’t  go  away  completely  during  a  switch .   when  touko  hurts ,   syo  hurts.   when  touko  is  in  love ,   so  is  syo .   while  syo  may  not  be  able  to understand  and  interpret  complex  emotions  to  the  capacity  at  which  touko  does ,   she  absolutely  still  feels  them .   this  is  what  enables  syo  to  act  upon  them  :   as  a  persecution  alter ,   and  later  a  protector  alter ,   syo  knows  when  she  is  fronting  that  touko  is  scared ,   or  stressed ,   or  in  danger .   these  are  the  cues  upon  which  she  justifies  her  murders ,   but  also  those  upon  which  she  is  able  to  fall  in  love  and  build  friendships .

which  leads  me  into  my  next  point  on  syo  :   everything  shed  does  is  with  the  health  and  prosperity  of  touko  in  mind .   DID ,   as  a  trauma - based  disorder ,   is  a  neurological  mechanism  in  place  to  protect  the  integrity  of  the  individual .   alters  fulfill  a  purpose  :   they  perform  roles  that  the  core  personality  physically  cannot .   syo  is  absolutely  no  different .

when  touko  decides  to  actively  end  syo’s  murderous  tendencies ,   syo  complies .   she  knows  that  touko  is  suffering  maltreatment  at  future  foundation  on  the  basis  of  her  being  labeled   “  unstable  and  dangerous ,  ”   and  so ,   syo  abstains  from  killing  so  as  not  to  jeopardize  touko’s  wish  to  eventually  join  the  foundation .   while  she  still  responds  aggressively  to  threats ,   the  only  time  she  seriously  contemplates  killing  is  during  another  episode .

you  can  watch  it  here .

this  scene  is  so  loaded  with  depth .   firstly ,   we  see  a  clear  co - conscious  link  between  syo  and  touko .   syo  volunteers  control  of  the  body  back  to  touko  when  touko  is  ready  :   even  then ,   touko  is  able  to  recall  the  moments  immediately  before  the  switch ,   when  komaru  makes  an  emotional  appeal  to  syo .

here ,   we  also  see  a  reflective ,   emotive  side  of  her .   we  see  her  pause ,   despite  whole - heartedly  believing  that  she  is  going  to  kill  komaeda .   it  is  apparent  to  syo  what  is  important  to  her  :   byakuya ,   and  komaru .   these  things  are  important  to  touko ,   and  therefore ,   important  to  syo .   she  has  never  been  treated  as  normal  :   she  has  never  really  been  considered  by  anyone  to  be  a  part  of  the  system ,   as  opposed  to  a   “  deviant  who  kills  for  pleasure .  ”   and  she  thanks  komaru  for  talking  her  down .   in  saying ,    “ i  betrayed  you ,  ”   syo  is  feeling  remorse .   it’s  touko’s  remorse ,   because  it  was  touko  who  made  the  deal  with  komaeda  to  exchange  komaru  for  byakuya .

but ,   in  the  end ,   it  was  syo  who  threw  the  fight  in  order  to  spare  komaru’s  life ,   because  she  cannot  bring  herself  to  hurt  a  person  for  whom  she  and  touko  feel  so  warmly .

i’d  also  like  to  turn  your  attention  to  danganronpa  3  :   future  arc  episode  six ,   in  which  we  can  further  witness  syo  and  touko’s  co - consciousness ,   and  syo  ultimately  choosing  to  pursue  what  feels  safe  and  warm  and  inviting  rather  than  exacting  vengeance .   komaru  talks  her  out  of  killing  monaka  :   out  of  quite  probably  letting  herself  die  in  the  process .   komaru  knows  instinctively  that  syo  has  emotions  :   love .   protectiveness .   bravery .   syo  loves  byakuya  and  komaru  more ,   and  feels  a  desire  to  protect  them ,   more  than  everyone  assumes  her  to  simply  love  violence  for  violence’s  sake .   if  something  won’t  serve  the  purpose  of  protecting  touko  and  what  is  important  to  her ,   she  isn’t  going  to  do  it .

now ,   let’s  think  about  touko .

my  blog  is  full  of  essays  upon  essays  regarding  touko ,   but  i  believe  she  can  be  best  summarized  by  the  phrase ,   the  heart  wants  what  it  wants .   a  truly  emotional ,   giving ,   and  romantic  woman ,   she  actively  hides  herself  underneath  a  repelling  armor  of  grossly  exacerbated  flaws  in  order  to  protect  her  heart  from  being  harmed .

touko  has  suffered  in  the  past  from  consistent  dehumanization ,   belittlement ,   and  abuse .   her  parents  expressed  that  they  would  have  preferred  her  dead ,   and  so  they  abused  her  at  home .   her  classmates  thought  she  was  weird ,   and  so  they  bullied  her  exorbitantly .   whenever  touko  would  actively  reach  out  to  others  to  pursue  friendships  or  romantic  relationships ,   she  would  be  betrayed  by  others ,   and  made  to  suffer  for  it .

to  help  you  understand  the  breadth  of  the  psychological  impact  that  nearly  two  decades  of  being  treated  as  less  than  human  has  had  on  touko ,   here  is  a  link  to  a  short  thing  i  wrote  on  her  ablutophobia ,   or  fear  of  bathing .   it’s  a  very  quick  overview  of  her  self  image  issues ,   and  self  preservation  tendencies .

next ,   why  don’t  we  consider  how  fully  and  completely  touko  fukawa  loves  ?   as  a  romance  novelist ,   we  expect  her  to  harbor  a  highly  idealized ,   grossly  saturated  perception  of  romantic  love .   instead ,   we  get  a  woman  who  writes  romance  purely  because  she  believes  in  channeling  the ugly  tragedies  of  her  situation  into  something  of  beauty .   here  are  my  style  notes  of  touko  fukawa’s  literary  works ,   but  we  learn  from  her  that  she  :

1 .   prefers  to  write  stories  that  are  grounded  in  reality .

2 .   enjoys  magic  realism ,   aggrandized  settings ,   but  innately  human  characters .

3 .   prefers  romantic  tragedies  to  happy  endings .    (  komaru  remarks  upon  how  sad  so  lingers  was .  )

furthermore ,   touko  states  that  while  the  power  of  delusion  and  its  subsequent  escapism  is  a  powerful  coping  tool ,   she  understands  the  harsh  line  between  fiction  and  reality .   she  understands  that  no  love  story  on  the  page  can  resemble  how  true  love  feels ,   but  her  work  is  so  intricately  entwined  with  emotion  that  she  scaffolds  her  novels  with  universal  emotional  appeal .   fictional  romance ,   then ,   does  not  satisfy  the  resilience  of  her  own  heart .   she  is  as  cynical  as  she  is  whimsical  :   a  true  hopeless  romantic  who  believes  herself  undeserving  of  loving ,   and  being  loved .   she  pours  her  heart  and  soul  onto  a  page ,   so  that  others  may  feel  to  even  a  small  margin  of  the  scope  of  her  feelings .

touko  has  a  very  resilient  heart .   despite  the  horrible  things  that  togami  did  to  her ,   and  the  abysmal  way  that  future  foundation  treated  her ,   touko  is  able  to  protect  the  last  shred  of  love  within  her  being  and  use  it  as  fuel  to  improve  herself  as  a  person .   please  remember  that  all  personal  tragedies  are  learning  experiences  of  touko  :   the  pain  she  felt  as  a  child  became  a  rich  and  lucrative  imagination .   the  trauma  she  undergoes  as  an  adult  is  the  catalyst  to  her  finally  turning  against  her  self  loathing ,   and  building  herself  from  the  ground  up .

what  do  i  mean  by  that  ?   well  ...   touko  fukawa  is  a  badass .   komaru  naegi  remarks  constantly  upon  fukawa’s  strength  ;   that  she  can’t  imagine  a   “  weak  touko .  ”   touko  loathes  herself  ;   her  fears ,   her  weakness .   loathes  that  she  can’t  function  as  a  normal  human  being  who  holds  meaningful  friendships  without  being  suspicious  of  them  ;   loathes  that  she  can’t  look  after  herself ,   exact  self  care ,   without  knocking  back  a  cocktail  of  conglomerate  anxiety .   loathes  that  she  was  weak ,   and  cowardly ,   and  it  almost  got  her  killed  when  she  has  learned  the  value  of  being  alive .

touko  vocally  objects  to  people  walking  all  over  her .   she  wants  to  be  vilified  ;  she  wants  to  be  autonomous ,   and  respected  as  a  woman ,   an  artist ,   and  a  person  within  her  own  right .   touko  exits  her  killing  game ,   and  the  next  time  we  see  her  in  ultra  despair  girls ,   she  is  the  furthest  cry  from  the  woman  we  previously  knew .   why  ?   because  touko  put  her  foot  down ,   and  went ,    “  i  need  to  change .  ”    touko  decides  to  do  away  with  her  cowardice ,   to  fight  for  acknowledgement ,   and  to  reclaim  her  own  life  when  she  has  been  so  deprived  for  so  long  of  basic  human  kindness .

touko  systematically  exposes  herself  to  blood  to  combat  her  hemophobia .   touko  credits  other  people  for  their  strength  and  uses  it  as  inspiration  to  keep  going .   touko  puts  a  stun  gun  to  her  head  and  endures  fucking  electrocution  so  that  she  can  control  her  switches  and  bequeath  her  body  to  syo  when  she  needs  to  physically  protect  other  people .   touko  mother  fucking  fukawa  admits  that  she  is  scared ,   but  picks  her  broken  body  up  of  the  ground  and  stays  standing  so  that  she  can  do  what  is  right .

touko  has  an  incredibly  strong  sense  of  right  and  wrong  that  was  cauterised  by  her  participation  in  the  killing .   in  this  scene ,   we  see  touko  voluntarily  get  the  shit  kicked  out  of  her  so  that  she  may  save  thousands  of  innocent  lives .   she  calls  haiji  towa  a  coward  for  hiding  underground  and  not  fighting  back  against  the  warriors  of  hope  as  they  terrorize  towa  city .   she  does  these  things  simply  because  it  is  the  right  thing  to  do  :   because  if  no  one  is  going  to  stand  up  and  fight  for  the  people  who  cannot  fight  for  themselves ,   then  by  god ,   touko  is  going  to  do  it .

and ,   finally   ...   the  heart  wants  what  it  wants ,   and  touko  wants  to  offer  her  heart  to  others .    “  i’ll  definitely  protect  both   ...   even  if  it  costs  me  my  life  .  ”    actual  quote  out  of  the  mouth  of  touko  fukawa .   touko  loves .   touko’s  heart  leads  her  into  danger  with  the  full  conscience  of  her  inevitable  death ,   but  she  follows  it  to  protect  the  lives  of  those  closest  to  her .   we  see  her ,   over  the  course  of  ultra  despair  girls ,   as  she  gradually  opens  up  to  the  first  person  who  has  ever  called  touko  a  friend  :   to  have  treated  touko  with  an  ounce  of  humanity  and  kindness ,   and  to  have  assured  her  unconditionally  that  touko  was  not  alone .

pain ,   to  touko ,   is  transient .   physical  pain ,   that  is .   she’d  allow  a  person  to  beat  her  to  a  pulp ,   even  kill  her ,   if  it  meant  she  would  saves  the  lives  of  those  who  matter  to  her .   byakuya  and  komaru  make  her  a  stronger  person  :   love  makes  touko  fukawa  strong .   love  makes  her  stand  against  impossible  odds ,   and  tell  those  odds  to  go  fuck  themselves .   touko  listens  to  her  heart  :   to  what  her  emotions  are  telling  her ,   and  for  that ,   her  loyalty  is  stalwart .

i  hope  this  helped  you .   i  hope  you  have  enough  in  your  arsenal  to  speak  up  for  our  girl ,   and  to  remind  everyone  of  the  strong - ass  motherfucking  hero  she  is .   if  you  have  any  further  questions ,   i  am  always  up  for  talking  about  my  daughter ,   and  how  phenomenally  important  she  is  to  me .   i  don’t  think  this  post  really  scratches  the  surface .

in  conclusion ,

[alinadineart]

Process: Witchy Shenanigans

Hey friends! I'd like to share the fun process for this piece I made for a collaborative artbook with a circle of seven other artists, and how it was (painstakingly) brought to completion. I think I learned quite a bit while figuring  this one out!

The theme for the artbook was fantasy.

Since this was the art circle's first ever collaboration together, we allowed each other to decide how loosely or strictly we wanted to stick with the theme. In my case, I don't really get to externalize myself in my art, and I also work reeeaally slow, so I thought I could settle for a cliché idea with a bit of my own flavour sprinkled on and make it by our agreed upon deadline.

1. Conceptualization

I had a lot of floating vague concepts, so I sketched them out as fast as possible on paper. This helped weed out weak ideas and set the groundwork for improving ones with potential.

I came up with the final sketch while working on other designs for bookmarks that I was also planning to sell.

The artwork would feature three witch-y characters, and I -had planned to- have three bookmark designs showing shelves of each of the characters' unique stash of magical tools and trinkets.

Then I thought--what if the three witches weren't actually fully fledged practitioners of their craft, but were hilariously impotent apprentices? So I decided to paint a trio of witches' underlings getting into shenanigans and show a scene right before catastrophe goes down.

2. Staging and Composition

For coming up with the values and composition, I knew I wanted to highlight the characters and show a bit of dark, cluttered environment to (hopefully) give off a mysterious and illustrated picture book feel. I also wanted to show the characters interacting with each other to provide a sense of story and dynamism.

Colors don't  come easily to me, so I have a bad habit of putting it off for as long as humanly possible by wrangling with the anatomy and working out the kinks in the value composition. 

[I tried though. But gave up and deleted what colors had been added]

I got advice from @N4zoh to try anchoring my palette on two colors, which were essentially the colors for conveying the lightest and darkest areas for the piece. I settled for a cool? Yellow and a very dark navy blue for the darks, and started rendering.

1. Rendering

Here, I keep painting in fine details until I basically run out of time. I tried to put in the most amount of detail in the lit areas, and left the darker background sketchy and obscure. I had a lot of fun doing the snake patterns and the froggies. 

Looking back, starting rendering  without clearly defining some sense of a color palette wasted a great deal of time in the long run. I felt that so much was spent redoing fine details in color that I wasn't really able to bring out the uniqueness of each character or fully polish the piece. The colors that were introduced were timid and sparse, and I often had no idea how I could play them up while keeping them in sync with each other.

In the end, I polished the lines and edges, and tried to at least fully define all the lit objects in the work.

Final Thoughts

I really look up to artists who thrive in wild parties of saturated colors (like dem colors in Ava's Demon, jeegus). I realized I had jack color literacy, and am now spending more time looking at how other artists come up with palettes or judge what colors to use (It's all absolute voodoo to me right now). Marco Bucci had fantastic videos on the subject. I especially think his video on Staging and Color Harmony were incredibly insightful, and helped bring my understanding of color harmony down from absolute voodoo to, say, a foreign language with some conceivable system of grammar and logic.  Do you guys also have any tips or resources on understanding color, or how to come up with your own palettes?

Hoping I can bring some of these into improving on my next piece for Comitia 127, and I hope the process and links might be helpful to other artists struggling in the same boat (god. colors, guys, amiright). 

See you next time!

[prototypingforcrumbs]

API Lab Entry 2 (11/2)

During the week, we learned how to work with our Arduinos as an API and learned even more about the vast uses of libraries and APIs. We ended up creating a color picker with a wheel, that could be controlled with a joystick and sent the picked color to an RGB LED.

This was a very fun exercise, and there was a lot to learn about it. Not only did we end up expanding on the knowledge from the previous week a LOT for all three fields (Arduino, libraries and API) and got to put it into use, we also got a lot more opportunity to see how it can be used for interaction designers.

The first day, we mostly brainstormed and looked at libraries and APIs, and picked our lovely Color Picker API from iro.js. On the second day we spent the most time of the project, and made almost the entirety of our prototype. The third one we mostly polished it, debugged a bit and added some flash.

The biggest difficulties we faced stemmed from two places. First, from understanding what parts of the code runs when. Second, from converting a value from a 2-dimensional coordinate (the joystick) to a color with three values. We considered instead controlling the hue and saturation with the 2 values from the joystick instead at one point, but ended up finding a way to (to a certain extent, at least) make our initial idea work. The hue/saturation solution would also have been a lot less flashy since left and right on the joystick would have been controlling the hue, limiting it to either slowly scrolling through options, or precisely moving through them as it moved, both seeming quite clunky in their own way.

During the demonstration where people were showing what they had made, I couldn't stop thinking that a lot of it had a lot to do with how things could possibly "feel" if it had been implemented in different ways. There were definitely a lot of restraints here both in terms of time, knowledge and hardware, but I like to think we made something kind of cool in the short time we had.

For instance, ours would have potentially felt a lot better with some more debugging, and we were also limited by the relatively low-quality joysticks in our Arduino kits. There ended up being clear "steps" between colors because of the "steps" between max and mid-points with the joysticks. This definitely limited the ease in picking a specific color, if you wanted something not fully saturated, for instance. It was much easier to hold the joystick at it's maximum in any of the directions than to hover it halfway.

Some things worked better than others however, with the color on the screen and lamp updating immediately with the movement of the joystick, giving a feeling of connectedness to the finished prototype that we were quite happy with.

In the end, I think prototypes like this can be useful for an interaction designer in different cases. Depending on who you are trying to showcase something for, it seems like a fairly simple but powerful way of conveying an idea. Even if it is not quite representative of what the finished product might look like, it certainly made you think about what is possible, what needed to be considered when building it, and opened your eyes to new things in regards to this. It's probably a lot more useful for prototyping for the teams themselves and teams that might work in close proximity, but probably not so much for potential customers (given that it's a very rough prototype, mostly.)

[rewolfaekilerom]

thoughts on the beguiled.

I’ve wanted to watch The Beguiled since I saw the trailer for it in 2017, but I never ended up seeing it. I also didn’t hear much hype around it in the 19C US lit academic community, which I was definitely a part of at the time of its release. I saw–I think–a Vogue article on it, and a few articles came out about the costuming or historical setting. It was directed by Sophia Coppola, so that carries some weight–or it should have. I can’t speak much to the film’s popular success, but I can say that it wasn’t a thing in academia. That surprises me now, especially given how popular the recently released Green Knight movie has been in the medieval academic internet. Maybe The Beguiled didn’t get much buzz because it’s a remake, so anyone who would’ve hyped a movie in 2017 had already seen the original, or maybe it’s just that 19C US lit academia hasn’t come to fully appreciate films about that time period (I’m not sure I buy that because everyone had something to say about the most recent Little Women adaptation). Basically, I’m surprised the 2017 The Beguiled wasn’t required viewing for every PhD student in 19C US lit in the same way that literally any single one of the Little Women or Anne of Green Gables adaptations has proven to be. Is it because The Beguiled focuses on the South? Is it because it’s a remake? I don’t know, and now that I’m not in academia, I’m not sure I really care. It’s just a casual thought that prompted this post.

If you haven’t seen or heard of The Beguiled, it’s like Misery meets Little Women but set in the Civil War-era South. The recent adaptation stars Kirsten Dunst, Nicole Kidman, Elle Fanning, and Colin Farrell. The basic premise is that Colin Farrell’s character is a Union (Northern) soldier (originally of Irish descent) who is wounded in battle and hides in the woods to die or … recover? He’s found by a young Southern girl who’s attending an all-girl’s boarding school in the area; she’s out picking mushrooms, finds him, and brings him back to the school so the headmistress can care for him. The five or six other female students at the boarding school–and the headmistress–quickly become enamored with Colin Farrell and begin competing for his affections. They heal his leg, and he begins reciprocating everyone’s attention. He tells Kirsten Dunst he loves her, he shares a few heavy emotion moments with Nicole Kidman, and he flirts repeatedly with Elle Fanning–all while the other girls and women are in the room. It’s bold behavior, but what does he have to lose? Well, actually, a lot because Kirsten Dunst finds him one night in bed with Elle Fanning, and when he approaches her to apologize or explain (honestly, what is his goal????), she pushes him away from her–and down the gigantic plantation house’s stairs. He’s knocked unconscious and his sutured leg injury reopens, so Nicole Kidman decides to amputate because he’s losing a lot of blood (but actually because she’s jealous that he went to Elle Fanning’s bedroom). He awakens from the surgery and is BIG MAD. He calls everyone on their bullshit but also goes into a drunken rage because he only has one leg and the amputation was performed for, frankly, illegitimate reasons. Kirsten Dunst tries to calm him down by having sex with him, but the other women plot how to get rid of him (oh yeah, he grabbed a weapon–I missed how he got it. Did he already have it? I thought Nicole Kidman had one too?), and they decide to have Mushroom Girl go get the bad mushrooms. They feed them to him, he dies, and the leave his body outside the gate for whichever army to pick up as they pass. That’s it. That’s how the movie ends.

I liked this movie; it was fine. Was it what I’d hoped for from Coppola? Not at all. Marie Antoinette is one of my favorite movies and I always how Coppola will make films in that same style. The Virgin Suicides has a lot of that same energy, and I love that film too. The Beguiled definitely feels like a Coppola movie. It has a similar dreamy and ethereal quality, but here there’s a darkness and underlying tension that some of the (literally) brighter films don’t always have–visually, at least. Or, maybe a better way of putting it is that the true bright, dreamy, and ethereal scenes are fewer and further between in The Beguiled than they are in the other two films I mentioned. Whereas the dark, saturated tones appear pretty much throughout in The Beguiled (except in a few very key moments), Marie Antoinette and TVS are dominated by those bright, dreamy, ethereal tones, and the darker, saturated tones appear in very strategic moments to signal Serious Business happening. As a viewer, I don’t mind the difference, but I’m not sure if the dark, saturated tones in The Beguiled always accurately reflect other depths of the film–most notably, its plot. But more on that in a second.

To get the thing out of the way that I’m supposed to talk about as someone with a PhD in 19C US lit, the historical stuff in this film works. It’s not trying to be irreverent or fanciful with historical tropes like, say, Marie Antoinette. That’s not a value judgment; it’s just a comment. Frankly, I don’t really have too much to say about this film’s historical aspects. Whereas I usually have some opinion of costuming (the recent Little Women adaptation is wonderful but there are … things I don’t love) or how historical subject matter from the period gets treated in films, in this case, I really wasn’t distracted by any significant historical inaccuracies and there were only a few times that I was like “wait a second, is this right???” Honestly, the biggest cause for that question related to some of the evening wear, which looked a little cheap, but that’s whatever; also, Civil War-era garments aren’t something I know especially well, so who am I to judge?

I appreciated the film’s take on women’s–well, some women’s–concerns during the Civil War, including the threats posed by roving military troops on both sides of the conflict, the loss of loved ones (and the sense that their lives are halted but also must go on), the mindless regurgitation of stereotypes about enemy soldiers, etc. I also love the way the film portrays some of the more mundane aspects of these women’s lives–the monotony of sewing, housework, and learning French to speak … with one another–and some of the unique situations caused by wartime population changes, including middle- and upper-class women’s need to perform outdoor labor (I was surprised to see them using shovels, for instance).

I was, frankly, extraordinarily disappointed to see that the film pares the household economy down to a group of middle- and upper-class white women with a casual comment about how all of the enslaved workers left prior to the film’s opening. I understand that this detail further emphasizes how alone and isolated this group is, but for a film released in 2017, it frankly felt like a cop-out. It’s unfathomable to me that a Southern Gothic film set during the Civil War wouldn’t have one single Black character and could write an entire population off in a throw-away line at the beginning of the film. Black Americans played essential roles in the US economy during this period–in all periods, but I’m talking about this one specifically here–and they were pivotal figures in the Civil War itself. They held especially pivotal roles in the South’s (really, the nation’s) economy, and their relationships with domestic life in that region were so complex, rich, and, frankly, worthy of all the attention in the world. Did the film’s producers not want to hire more actors, or did they think a group of white people having old-timey white people problems was enough to bring in audiences? The 19C was full of a million different stories of how enslaved southerners responded to the war and how their lives changed–especially in the South–because of it, so to not depict even one of those stories strikes me as … well, representative of what’s wrong with this film.

Okay, so I lied when I said I didn’t have an opinion on the historical stuff in this film.

My big issue with the film–well, other than (or connected with) the fact that it completely ignores literally the most important population of society during the historical moment it depicts–is that this film’s content doesn’t seem to live up to its visual richness and depth. What I mean by this is that the film’s deep and rich visual style–the color saturation and tones mentioned above–don’t mesh with the plot and characters, which are collectively underdeveloped. I think the underdeveloped plot is fairly straightforward–I didn’t need to leave much out in my summary above, and that paragraph is shorter than most emails I send. This is a film without subplots, which has made me realize how important subplots actually are for fleshing out a fictional world–even a fictional world I know a lot about and am able to imagine my own depth for. The story is a love triangle (with a few extras) in the South during the Civil War. That love triangle could take place literally anywhere and anytime else and it’d have basically the same tension. I’m not even sure you really even need the enemy soldier dimension of Colin Farrell’s character because it’s barely an issue; the majority of the tension comes from the threat a man poses–even an injured one–to a group of women, and that’s timeless. We, as a society, are also obsessed with the idea of women fighting for a man, a storyline I’m getting a bit sick of because it’s just another way we pit women against one another. But that gets to something else, which is the lack of character development. The characters–all seven of them or whatever–are stereotypes. Kirsten Dunst is the shy one who underestimates her beauty, Colin Farrell is an undercover Casanova (a 19C fuckboy, shall we say?), Elle Fanning is a flirt, and Nicole Kidman is a stern (and vindictive) older unmarried woman. We also have the spoiled rich girl and the silly sweet (but also unexpectedly vicious) girl. And Mushroom Girl is the nature-lover, who we know will be expected to conform to societal expectations the second the war ends and she reaches a certain age.

Frankly, the most interesting part about this film is imagining what is happening and will happen outside of what it shows on screen. I spent the entire time I was watching it wondering what these girls’ families were doing, how the soldiers just beyond the camera shots were faring, what the home’s previous (enslaved) domestic laborers were up to and where they had gone (and what their lives were like here before the war), what would happen to the girls in the days and months following the events of the film, etc.

TL;DR: It’s a flawed film that wasn’t terrible to watch, but left me wanting more–a lot more, and not in a “oh, make a sequel!” kind of way but in a “what was left on the editing room’s floor?” kind of way.

xoxo, you know.