#Might write my thoughts while reading and put it in a blog later

[minn-why-skye]

Moby Dick is long and boring TO YOU. Moby Dick is a tedious read TO YOU. I found every word and every chapter on this page to be very insightful and interesting actually. In fact Ishmael doesn’t yap enough. Anyways it’s like 1am 1851 classic literature novel about whales and gay men save meeeeeeeeeee

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Hi Ice! This one is maybe a little on the outskirts of 'creating Black characters', but it is related to the introspective questions you posted a little while back, so I thought I'd ask for your opinion. I'm sure this isn't an one-easy-answer thing, so I'd love to hear from any other Black people reading this as well!

I'll try to keep it short.

I'm seven years and 300k+ words deep in a fanfiction about anthropomorphic animal characters, and your introspective questions made me face the fact that I've been the ignorant fandom racist. I wrote my main character as white. Now, 7 years later, I stumble over a post pointing out ... those are locs

I don't know if the authors intended for this character to be Black (nonblack voice actors, supplementary material also clearly doesn't draw him this way, though that stuff was all over the place re: consistency) and I frankly also am not sure if they Should have, given his role in the narrative, but a) that's not really up to me to speak on and b) he's got locs and mostly black fur and was inspired by Anubis. I've been whitewashing, there's no way around it.

I briefly considered going back and just straight up changing the story to make him Black, but I quickly realized that I have been writing him from a white-centered narrative and just slotting a Black character into that would arguably be Worse. Or at least racist in a brand new way. I can change how he takes care of his hair, but not the themes on which the entire narrative is built upon. I've been writing about a white man and I can't just pretend I haven't.

So my question to you is ... what now? How do I best acknowledge this? Do I just quietly come to terms with the fact that this story is racist and do better next time? I would like to acknowledge it in some way, I have a small but loyal audience and if I could use that platform to start a conversation (or just put out a 'hey, don't be like me') that would ... maybe at least be better than nothing? Possibly?

I know there's not a simple solution here that will Fix It, but I thought I'd ask an actual Black person who's open to educating what might be a good next move. Maybe avoid making another, new White Person Blunder. Here's to hoping.

I really appreciate all you do, your blog rocks and so do you.

Is that Shadow?

Okay, so I had to have a conversation with Hot Chocolate on this one because this one's a doozy! I appreciate that you're willing to stop and reflect though. Most people wouldn't be willing to do so this far in!

Admittedly, the fact that you're seven years into this means this will require a lot of effort. And, tbh, I might be confused bc I cannot tell what that character is 😅 So! After some thought, here's what we came up with:

Take a hiatus. Point blank period. Take a BREAK, do not pass go, do not collect $200! Idk what lore you've written, but you've written a lot of it. Take as long as you need to reread your works, and see if at any point you ever made it clear that this was a white person, or anything other than the Black character you now think they should be. If it feels undefined, where you can turn "hair" into "locs" or add in small details, then that could be your smooth way out. It doesn't have to be massive changes, but it could help. It'll take you time, for sure! But you dug seven years in, it's gone take you time to dig out. Maybe if you skim 15k words a week (or ctrl-F it for hair, for examples), that's... 20 weeks? Go at your own pace, faster or slower.

Unfortunately this happens a lot, where influences for characters will be taken from cultures of colors and improperly represented (the "African" god from Genshin). That's just a fact. So I don't necessarily blame you for the confusion, but... Now you know.

If possible, get a sensitivity reader! Preferably a Black one. Ngl, given the massive amount of work, you're likely going to have to pay them. Maybe give them half and you take half. Idk, but let another pair of eyes look at your work. Or maybe there's a Black reader that you could speak to and see how they feel about the potential change.

Should you choose to keep going, just try to be more purposeful and intentional about that character's Blackness. Definitely tell your readers what you figured out, why it's important to you, and then move forward from there.

Now, RECOGNIZE that many of them will NOT be pleased! That's kind of the thing about opening your eyes when it comes to racism in media! A lot of people will NOT be happy that you decided to be more intentional, especially if they've been imagining their favorite white guy for seven years. You're going to have to weigh your integrity and your will to create against that. People might leave, people that you thought were cool AF until it was time to show true colors. Be ready for that.

But that's just what I would do 🤷🏾‍♀️

[sulfurousdreamscapes]

How I Hacked My Short Story Brain into Developing a Novel

I promised I'd make this post, so here it is, but with a proper title and everything so that it'll be more generally helpful to other writers.

Regulars of this blog have probably noticed that I've struggled a lot with long-form fiction over the years, despite having churned out a library's worth of short fiction.

This time though, things are coming together, and it's because I've got a technique down that plays to my strengths as a short story writer.

Step 1: Outline and Draft Something

After writing and abandoning several outlines for my WIP Last Night, New Body, I finally set one in stone and wrote a draft for it this January.

The rough, first, skeleton draft was 30,000 words long - far from ideal, but better than nothing. It was tough, but I got it done in two months.

Step 2: Read Through and Take Notes

Next, I read through the draft and took notes on how I thought the novel could be improved. This included notes on plot, characters, and setting. The notes were all taken in a spread sheet in the following format:

Page Number -> Note Title -> Description -> Category

The 'Note Title' could be something witty or referential, but it has to be short, like the name of an achievement in a video game. So for example, it could be:

23 -> Enemy at the Gates -> Why does Nadia shut the door when she sees that Rhea has come to visit? -> Character

I took these notes freely, writing down any point that I thought could be changed, expanded, removed, or otherwise mused.

Once I was done with these notes, the question arose: what the hell do I do with these notes?

Step 3: Treat the Notes As Writing Prompts

This step is in-progress at the moment, but I'm halfway through it already! The idea is to take each note and write 500 words for it.

This comes naturally to me because I've written hundreds upon hundreds of flash fiction pieces for my blog, each one targetted for 500 words. This means I'm now developing the novel 500 words at a time, based on the notes I took while reading through the skeleton draft.

The process has been beautifully productive so far, and I've come up with so much detail, so many new scenes, and better developed characters. My next draft will be assuredly be much longer than the 30k words I got down before.

So how long will this take? That depends on how many notes you take. I initially took 72 notes, but I've found that as the story develops and changes, I've had to "delete" many notes because they became redundant or irrelevant. I say delete in quotes because I've actually moved them to a 'recycle bin' sheet of sorts, so that I can retrieve them later if I deem them important after all.

Next Steps? Outline and Draft the Thing

I'm generating a lot of meat for the skeleton draft, and I'm dying to put that meat on the bones. To do that, I plan on first constructing a very detailed outline, including as much detail from the expanded notes (the 500-word pieces) as possible.

This done, I'll write the 'flesh draft' while referencing both this outline and the skeleton draft. As excited as I am for this, I do anticipate this process to be difficult, so I might find a way to divide it into small, short story sized chunks as well.

Then come the edits and everything else. We'll cross those bridges when we get there.

[gatheredfates]

In the wake of there not being much to update the Compendium with, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to promote the project broadly again. ✨

Hi! My name is Sea, and I have an unhealthy obsession with taking on large community projects! This is my Final Fantasy XIV Community Compendium, focusing on linking as many XIV writing/roleplaying discords, forums, events, free companies and resources as I can get my hands on. While the inspired by and predominately tailored for role-players, it should have something for anyone looking to engage creatively with the game in some capacity.

If you'd like to simply check out what the Compendium is all about and miss my waffling below, any of the links on this post will take you there — but this is a handy one! A reblog also goes a huge way to increase my reach and find communities/resources. You're also welcome to share this post with people not on Tumblr who might be looking for communities/resources, or have something to add.

What is the Compendium?

In my opinion, the way people engage with fandom and communities has changed. It was once extremely common for people to hop onto the XIV Roleplaying Forum or find people looking for contact on Tumblr, but most of these resources have shifted to Discord. While Discord is great for keeping a community when you have it, the isolation of these communities into hidden, secular spaces doesn’t do a lot to help people find them in the first place and creates an air of loneliness/disconnect for new players or people looking to find specific communities.

I don’t believe that a person should necessarily be a part of x amount of servers to find the one that suits them, nor that all communities should necessarily be on Discord — or just plain hard to find.

However, while this is currently the standard, I’d like to try and help these communities be fostered and seen in a place accessible to basically anyone with an internet connection. If one community has benefited from this document, then I have done my part.

What's on the Compendium?

Large-scale community discords such as the XIV Reddit Discord, Hunts, GPOSE promotions and broad-space roleplay servers that harbour a large number of people and are publicly available to all. These may not have an RP focus but will assist in other aspects of the game.

Free Company & community-focused servers. E.G. an Ishgardian Roleplay server whose mission is to foster a community for Ishgardian characters; an EU server created to help players struggling with timezones. This also includes event discords such as fight clubs, markets, cafes, etc.

Friend/casual servers that have a roleplay element but may be just a group of people looking to find others to hang out and do content with.

Miscellaneous. Likely to be less community servers and more resources such as lore compilations, how-to guides, gposing techniques, boosting blogs, etc. These may get their own dedicated section later.

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here, send me an ask with the relevant information contained on the Compendium, or join my Discord at SEAFLOOR (21+ only)!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. Again, all accessible on the document! 🪸

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads.

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include in-character tabloid blogs used to generate RP.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

FAQ.

I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.

What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?

Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[yaksinhats]

aaaa I love Arthur!! (very much a Paladin Durge enjoyer)

does Arthur ever drop the "goody-toe shoes paladin" act at any point or does it start becoming genuine? is he keen on embracing Bhaal or is he less eager about the whole "inseperable from Bhaal" thing by the time he gets to Act 3 and... y'know, actually has an identity seperate from Bhaal?

First off, aaa thank you so much!! (As anyone can tell from looking at my blog for more than 5 seconds) big durge paladin enjoyer myself, I think there’s a lot of juicy stuff to really dig into making durge that class.

Secondly — these are fantastic questions! Thank you so much for sending me this ask it gave me a good opportunity to write out some thoughts, and write I did! These really get at the crux of his character, and so my answer is a bit long winded, hopefully it is not too much of a bore to read. Put all this under the cut, because it is like I said… long winded.

To fully answer these questions, I want to start by breaking down the way I talk about my durge.

There are three sections of his life —

1. Pre being brought into the cult of bhaal (named Eliànder Daenan by his mortal adoptive parents)

2. Living in the cult of Bhaal (Named The Dark Urge and Karis by Bhaal) (side note: he makes a notable escape attempt during this time, but that’s a discussion for later)

3. Post nauteloid and amnesia (Named Arthur by himself)

My take on these different sections of his life is that, despite everything he has experienced, amnesia, being functionally kidnapped into an apocalyptic death cult, etc etc, he is, at a fundamental level, the same person. However, his life circumstances are so different in each phase of his life that Eliander, Karis, and Arthur, often have drastically different and wildly contradictory outlooks on life and how they view themselves.

For example — Arthur and Karis are both yearning for normalcy. Karis is yearning for normalcy he has lost, and Arthur is yearning for a normalcy he never had. It shows in the way they dress — Arthur’s paladin fit is what he is most comfortable wearing, while Karis’ simple (and gay af) shirt pants belt and boots are what he is most comfortable wearing. They are both wearing costumes of the men they want to be.

They are also both (and Eliander, but in a much more “normal” way) deeply drawn to the philosophy of Cyric, the god of lies, religion, but that’s a tangent for another time.

So to break this down more, I’ll start with Karis. At 80 years old (I’m treating this as the equivalent of elf 16, and saying elves come to maturity at 100), he essentially is violently kidnapped from his family and tortured into becoming the chosen one of an apocalyptic murder cult. All good durge stuff! Without getting too into specifics, the way I’ve thought about it is this he’s suddenly brought into a situation where, if he denies his “true nature”, he is tortured. If he accepts his “true nature”, he is treated like God Himself and given near absolute power over the people who have been torturing him. (& On top of all that, they keep feeding him human flesh and…. It tastes really good. This is pretty hard to ignore evidence that these people might be making some points).

All that to say, Karis starts living pretty quickly with this insane cognitive dissonance. He quickly takes up the mantle of The Dark Urge to end his own torture. He’s doing all this to try to preserve his sense of self, but the only way he can see to do that is by internalizing the ideas that the cult keeps pushing on him that there is no real difference between him and Bhaal. It’s very, very messy. At his worst moments, he genuinely believes he is Bhaal. At his best, he clearheadedly sees this as a lie necessary to his survival, and how he feels about it can completely change from one minute to the next.

The one thing that remains constant in all of this is that Karis always hates Bhaal, and yearns for any opportunity to rebel or defy him. He just also sometimes thinks he is Bhaal.

Arthur, on the flip side, does not understand any of his life circumstances. All he knows is that there is something very different about him than other people, and is wildly overcorrecting in a desperate attempt to fit in.

The paladin guise is started without much thought — the tabard is the armor he was fitted with before being sent out of moonrise, and he has his wits around him enough to hide his amnesia from (most) of his companions. He knows he doesn’t know shit, doesn’t want to be taken advantage of, and, working with the tools at hand, spins together a lie of fake paladin order.

It works out pretty well for him, all things considered! It turns out paladins are Respected Authority Figures, and this makes bossing people around pretty easy in some circumstances.

Then Arthur is caught red handed in Alfira’s guts, and he learns the hard way what he already suspected — he needs to convince the band of travelers he’s found himself that he is not enough of a threat to be killed or exiled — especially when he learns his freedom is dependent on Shadowheart’s mysterious artefact.

And so he leans hard into the Goody-Two-Shoes paladin routine. He can sometimes convince strangers and passerbys he fits the bill, but he knows he can no longer convince his companions he actually is the heroic paladin who has it all together. So he settles for trying to pretend to be someone who wants to be a “good paladin” or at least wishes he was.

I’ve joked a few times Karis & Arthur are very bard coded paladins, and it’s because at the heart of it, they love to perform, and to them, their oath is an act. Arthur’s not thinking about it this way, but at the end of the day, he loves getting to play the part of the dashing hero. It’s fun. It’s silly. He gets to be stupid and goofy, hoist his sword in the air and claim to be rallying people in the name of justice. And most of all, he gets to pretend for a little bit he isn’t categorically evil and doomed to a life of exile if is true nature is revealed! What a thought! On top of that, when he pulls it off, people like him. He thinks he’s doing a bit, and eventually becomes slightly horrified to learn that he actually likes the bit, and has made the bit his whole personality.

I’m sure you can speculate as to where that might end up for him.

& I think that answers your question about if the act ever becomes genuine. As for Arthur, and what he thinks about Bhaal —

Arthur likes violence. He likes murder, and he likes cannibalism. He enjoys them, and when he thinks he can get away with them, he often tries to. But like I said earlier regarding Alfira — he quickly learns he needs to keep his urges under tight control. If anything like Alfira ever happens again — he could be easily cast from the group, become a cultist or a mindflayer, or just get outright killed by one of his companions who will not tolerate unwarranted bloodshed. (Cough cough, Lae’zel).

Also — he hates being told what to do.

So when Bhaal comes in and tries to force his hand, even though Arthur barely understands what is happening, and does not know this is Bhaal, Arthur rebels, and Arthur rebels hard.

Arthur is someone who was always going to reject Bhaal — but not because he thinks his actions as durge are morally reprehensible. And so when he’s free, well, it creates a bit of an interesting situation.

I hope that very long winded explanation answers your question, and again, thank you so much for sending in the ask! I had a lot of fun typing this all up. If you want to read more, my coauthor inkymouse on ao3 and I write Astarion fic where we use Arthur as our deuteragonist durge (its what that dialogue snippet form earlier is from). We actually just finished part one, which spans the first two weeks of the tadpole gang’s travels together post natueloid crash, and you can read it here!

[nanapop]

Demon's Fate has been decided

Hey everyone, I've got some bad news 😭

I've decided to shelve Demon's Fate indefinitely and I have posted a devlog regarding this on the game's page, which you can read >here<

But I also will probably get deeper into the reasoning behind it here since this is my blog and feels less like a "professional" space and I'm thinking that getting my thoughts out might help me to move on from this one and better help me focus on new projects without feeling guilty about it.

So gonna pop this all under a read more, feel free to skip the rest of the post and just read the itch version!

So in the itch post I mention lack of motivation and consistently being unhappy with the results as the main reasons behind wanting to put this one down. I also talk about how I've had these characters and their stories (specifically Vy) hanging around with me for over a decade. & I feel like all of these things combined really made it hard for me to really get into making this game.

A Cruel Demon's Fate was originally going to be a novel, with Vy as the main character and it followed him after he fled from the demon realm after the death of Damin and his impending crowning. I tried to rewrite the story multiple times, over the span of like five years and I only ever got a few chapters in before I decided that I hated the way it was coming out (sounds really familiar, huh). So the story got put away for later.

Then I decided to try out visual novels. I'd always found the medium interesting and fun, the art side of it really spoke to me as someone who enjoys doing drawings of their characters and stuff. So Demon's Fate felt like a good starting point. I had all the characters and a loose plotline, though I reworked it to fit the style a little better. Now instead of Vy being the focus, it was all of the brothers and the story would take place in the palace specifically.

Maybe this was the first mistake I made. The story had already previously been difficult for me to fully get into, despite the want to work with the characters. I think the lack of motivation partially stemmed from the fact that I had failed so many times before to make something from this idea. The previous plots and their failures kind of stained the entire project from the start.

As much as I wish I could have started with a clean slate, it just didn't work out that way. So I wound up being unhappy with all the writing in this new version just like the old versions.

Something I didn't mention in the itch post is how throughout all the years, this story and the characters had been brainstormed with friends and so the whole thing really just feels tied to those relationships, and they're relationships I no longer have nor look back on fondly anymore. So perhaps that's part of the problem too.

The whole things is too close to a past that I've been working on detaching myself from and while I will always love these characters and will probably always toy with the what-ifs of them in the back of my mind, it just doesn't seem feasible for me to continue to force myself to work with them.

So, now that I've gotten all of that out. I won't be taking the game down, you can still play through the prologue if you want to. But I won't be picking this back up again. If I do, it'll be in a completely new setting/plot or as a series of mini stories with each of the boys, I don't know. For now, I'll just let them rest and focus on fresh projects that don't have emotional attachment to things I no longer wish to think about.

That's all. I am really grateful for those of you who have shown interest in this project and all the other ones I've posted about. It really means a lot to me and I hope that I continue to see you guys around when I post about new stuff 🧡

[hispieceofcake]

🎸MY THOUGHTS AND HEADCANONS TO ADAM FROM HAZBIN HOTEL - (for now)🍖

Hello hello folks, I've been thinking about writing about this post/blog for a while now and here it is, because Adam is my favorite character (obsession) and I have a lot of things in my head that I need share before I kidnap someone to listen to me talk about it for hours on end.

Hahaha I'm just kidding...or am I?

TW: Mention of profanity and sex.

I'm writing this blog because I have a lot to say about Adam and I think I'm already bothering my friends too much (just kidding, I'm going to keep filling them with Adam until I say enough is enough🤓👆)

Alright, let's start, firstly I was already a big fan of Hazbin hotel's work since the time Vizziepop had released the pilot on YouTube at the time of on October 28, 2019, and man, I was simply OBSESSED with the work, I had no idea who Adam was at that time, I was only 11 years old (And I know, I know, Hazbin Hotel was not and is not intended for minors, but I didn't have internet surveillance on my parents, so that's what happened and now I'm 18 years old).

And boy, oh boy

I was in complete EUPHORIA when it became public on August 7, 2020 that Hazbin Hotel was going to have a sequel on Amazon, I only knew how to talk about it and was excited waiting for the release date.

And when I watched that episode where Charlie has a meeting with Adam...I was like "THAT MAN, I NEED THAT MAN‼️‼️"

And that song..."Hell is Forever"... I can't remember a day that I didn't clean the house listening to that sound and pretending the broom was a guitar while I beat my hair like an 80s rocker high (I know, it's an exaggerated comparison but that's how I feel, so let me have it).

Here, listen to this work of art sung by our (MY) beloved Alex Brightman

In addition to the song "Stick it to the man" from the musical "School of rock" that Adam references in one of the items on the list of things to get into paradise, coincidentally his voice actor Alex Brightman also He is the main voice of the song and a character in the musical.

I spent all day listening to her today, but that's the least of it

There are also some songs by other singers that make me think of Adam because of their lyrics, for example Lana del Rey, there is a song of hers that all I think of when I hear it is Adam, unfortunately I can't share it here because it is a discarded song by the singer that I managed to download on a pirated website that has been taken down a while ago.

The songs that make me think of him are "Push me down" and what made me think of Adam is the following part "I'm your little baby doll and you are my mister rock 'n roll", the song "Brooklyn Baby" because of the music part "Well, my boyfriend's in a band, He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed", the others songs are "Say yes to Heaven" and "Angels Forever".

Adam, besides being my favorite character and hyperfocus, was the reason I met the character Beetlejuice (my other hyperfocus) and the voice actor and actor Alex Brightman. Because he was the one who aroused my curiosity to know who his voice actor was since I recognized that his voice was the same as Fizzarolli's, and then when researching and discovering the actor, I also ended up discovering about Beetlejuice, I even have a blog about it, if you want to read it, this is it here.

Just like with Beetlejuice, I'm producing a page with drawings and collages about Adam in my sketchbook that I might post later in a future post about my sketchbook, but that's another topic.

In addition, I'm trying to put together some songs to create a playlist based on him, in it I'm putting rock songs from the 80s that I feel suit him or that he would listen to, some songs by the norwegian singer Aurora which are very reminiscent of and are based on the garden of Eden and Adam from the bible (although the Adam from Hazbin hotel and the one from the bible are completely different).

Some time ago I was writing a fanfic about Adam with an authorial character completely made by me, it was just a fanfic that I had written on character IA but then I decided to write it myself, but I never got around to posting it and kept it stored in my notepad.

The story took place in the timeline of the first season of the series, where heaven discovered that demons and beings from hell now possessed angelic fist weapons and could hurt or kill the exterminating angels after the death of one of the exterminating angels, they would need a new strategy or a new "weapon", and then with the decision of God and all the seraphim, she was created, an angel made to protect heaven and bring back balance by killing sinners in hell, her name was Angelita, and she would be handed over to Adam who would have to train her until the day of the next day of extermination (which would be the day in which Adam dies), throughout the story Adam would begin to feel something for her, unlike Lilith and Eve, he would fall in love out of true love and not obligation, this love between the two would be something forbidden (as a metaphor for the forbidden fruit of Eden) since by God's order she would have to be pure and virgin and that Adam would not fall into temptation for her, I won't tell the rest of the story, if you want I'll make a post just about that (I'll leave you curious hehe), all I can say is that Adam will not die and the ending is tragic, for all sides.

🤘🏻MY HEADCANONS ABOUT ADAM🎸

These headcanons are some things I thought Adam might like, do, or make me think of him, and I'm also writing this because most of the headcanons I find about him are about sex or couples things (Not that they're bad, some are actually quite cute and I read them when I need comfort), so I'm here to contribute some content just about him.

• About how he feels about have been betrayed

I know, Adam is not the best person in the world but man, he is not a monster, he is a human, the first human, unfortunately, human nature is curious and destructive, not that this is an excuse for everything Adam committed. But then I think, "How much did it hurt to be cheated on twice?", "Did he feel worthless, insufficient?", I know how much it hurts to be cheated on, then I think how bad he felt and feels, but he hides it all behind a false personality of "Dick Master" and "The First Man", titles, high ego and falsehood to hide your real self. The only part of Adam that we were shown about him was him being extremely selfish, rude, arrogant and sexist, but all in scenes where he was exposed to people, people who weren't close to him, and then I wonder if he's just all that, but I feel like Adam he's just a hurt man who hides what he feels behind a false personality, just like Angel Dust does. Proof that he cares about people (at least those he considers close) was his smile at Lute as he slowly lost his life in the arms of the exterminating angel who cried seeing him dying. (I cried so much at this scene 😭)

Adam is a sexist character, I can't deny that, but man, he's the first man, no one ever told him what was right and wrong, they always let him do what he wanted from the beginning of his creation, and even in heaven, but now he had Sera to put him in his place at least when she was around.

I might just be taking a shot in the dark or looking for something good in what isn't there, but that's how I think about Adam, so please let me have this, let me see there's still some good there.

• Adam has a chubby body (like a dad body)

Okay, this one took me a while to think about, because a lot of people draw him thin and we never see him without his tunic, which left me quite confused, but after analyzing some scenes and discovering he was made based on his voice actor (Alex Brightman) I had no more doubts.

In these scenes every time he is squeezed his belly ends up being marked and you can clearly see that he is a little chubby. I know there was that scene with Lilith at the beginning that shows him skinny, but let's face it guys, you can see from his scenes in heaven that he eats a lot, do you really think he wouldn't gain a little weight?

And even Lucifer during the fight in hell against him told Adam that he had really let himself go, kind of like he was different before when he was in the garden of Eden.

Honestly, I don't know why people try to say he's skinny, the fanarts are really beautiful and stuff, but come on, don't you think a chubby Adam would make more sense? I'm not saying this because I love chubby men (I think they're incredibly cute and it makes me want to hug them 😫💗) but I don't know, I just think that with all of his diet, which isn't the best, it made him gain a little weight in the meantime.

• He felt bad about being the only human in heaven

This is because of an art I saw on Pinterest and it made me reflect on it. Like, when he got to heaven he was the only one with human appearance, all other angels and winners (human souls who reach heaven) had different appearances, such as animal appearances, for example Molly, Angel Dust's sister, who is a spider.

So I think he may have made that mask with horns to feel more integrated into that society and less different.

•Adam plays guitar when he's feeling bad (sad, distressed, stuff like that)

I imagine that whenever Adam is feeling sad, distressed or even stressed, he goes somewhere alone and plays his guitar in calm chords expressing what he feels through the melody played, it would be calm notes but full of feelings, his black gloved fingers hitting the strings while all there is in the place are just him, his guitar and his mind, and no one else to see him like that.

I think that whenever he remembers Lilith and Eva's betrayals, he feels at least a little bad, and then playing his guitar stops and takes away all that bad feeling in his chest, even if it just goes away temporarily.

I imagine the following scenario, late afternoon almost dusk as the cotton white clouds take on a yellowish tone as the sun slowly sets bringing the night with it, while the sun brought the night with it, in Adam's chest that bitter feeling grew as memories knocked on the door again, leaving him more moody than usual, making him fly away from the city with his guitar to sit on the golden gates of heaven and as he plays the guitar calmly emptying that feeling from his chest so that the next day he pretends that nothing happened, but he knows, he knows that that will forever be stuck in his mind.

• He's not as popular as he says he is

Going back to that topic I said about him hiding behind a false narcissistic personality and high ego, I think that him being popular is a lie, both sexually and in society, I know, he is the first man and that would make him popular and the fact that he is a guitarist in a band, but think with me, would you like to be in the presence of someone or have relationships with someone who only knows how to curse all the time and talk about himself and how many girls he had sex with over the weekend?

Well, at least I think that everything he says is just stuff to inflate his ego and feel good about himself.

• He likes 80s rock bands

This is just in my head, I feel like Adam would like 80s rock bands like Metallica or Guns N' Roses, maybe even Slipknot, bands in general that have the same type of music that he plays, I also think he enjoys guitar solos like Slash or the solo from the song "Master of puppets".

I also think that his band's style follows the same style as these bands, I don't know, like I said it's just my headcanon.

•Adam has a fear or trauma of apples

This is supposed to be a little funny

This headcanon came to mind when a friend of mine who also knows Hazbin hotel made the joke that Adam is afraid or traumatized by apples because of the whole forbidden fruit of Eden thing and betrayal by Eve.

Imagine, Lute simply eating an apple near him and he freaks out, ripping the apple out of her hands and throwing it away.

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

I honestly feel like Adam deserved a chance to change, a chance at redemption, a chance to really be loved and really love, no sex, no divine obligation, just real love.

Well guys that's what I have for now, I'll try to remember more headcanons for a next post, maybe even some +18, but for now that's all I have in my mind.

Thank you so much for reading, kisses in your heart 💗🤘🏻

[shuishido]

This blog going foward + my thoughtso n the finale

With Ultraman Arc having come to an end i wanted to make some announcement regarding what i'll do going foward with this blog.

Ill be posting all the info we get regarding the movie and future merch, as well as events that happen in 2025 (if possible).

I also have some personal projects that are related to me rewatching the whole show more than once. Those projects are the following:

Im going to write down when each OST song is used in each episode. This is mostly because i can baerly hear the music in each episode and im interested in knowing when each song is used, itll also be fun to have all this info written down.

I also want to write down character details to understand them better (SKIP and everyone else). I want to take note of nicknames, honorifics, pronouns, historys between characters, characters interests, etc.

I want to make gifs for each episode, i want to continue my Yuma & Ishido scenes gifs i made once aswell as making other types of gifs for characters or kaijus or episodes themselfs (like with my "all the goodbyes" gifset). We'll see when we get there.

Now i dont know when i will start these projects or how much time it might take me to compleate them (especially because this year will be very busy for me) btu either way i want to work on them.

I will miss Ultraman Arc terribly, it was my first Ultraman, but this blog is not ending any time soon. This show will live with me for a long long time so you will see me here for awhile aswell <3

Okay now for a probably insanely long (and less serious) talk about the finale:

I want to preface this by saying, i spent the last 2 weeks being INSANELY anxious about episodes 24 and 25. Its mostly my fault, and thats not me blaming my mental issues, but im blaming myself for reading leaks. The leaks came out before episode 24, and even before the recap episode im preatty sure. So basically i spent like 3 weeks or so stressing over Arcs ending. Now, i think the way the leak was worded added to me being really attached to the show and also my very bad mental health, were not a good convination. And after episode 24 aired, i got insanely sick for a few days, the anxiety spike had been so big . that i just. i got sick .

The wait between episode 24 and 25 felt almost non existant compared to the wait we had till ep 24 and thankfully i did not get too overly anxious while watchign ep 25 like i had with ep 24!!

Either way, with that out of the way, let me talk about my thoughts on the finale:

It was perfect. Genuenly did not expect it to be this perfect.

As i mentioned, i read a leak about the finale so i knew Yum and Rution would both leave earth- BUT i was NOT aware of how it would happen. and thats why i had a whole anxiety thing killing me . I was really worried Yuma would leave forever or . that i wouldnt like the way the leaving earth moment was written...

But it trully exideed my expectations! The final fight is probably one of my fav fights in the whole show, and i really really liked that he defeated Sweed in his normal form.

I also really enjoyed how the fake dream and Yumas parents were handled, i was ripping my hair out yelling for Yuma to not accept the dream as reality LMAO.

I did not expect Yuma to call SKIP his family, i adored that, i was giggling and kicking my feet about it . Family forever and ever!!! Also im not even going to talk about TeaCoffee because this could go on forever and ever if i did. All ill say is, i love gay people, congrats on the engagement <3

After they said their goodbyes and Yuma left, i was already happy with how things had turned out. I was glad Yuma said he would return, if the show ended there i would have probably been okay with it. BUT . the detail of CONFIRMING that Yuma comes back 3 months later. is just perfect. genuenly straight up puts the show as my favorite tokusatsu ever. That finale just topped Den-O for me. That finale was able to dethrone the first tokusatsu i ever watched.

As i said before, this show will live with me for a long time. Im very lucky to say that ill probably be able to watch the movie in the cinema once it comes out so im exited to keep loving Ultraman Arc forever <3

Okay im going to shut the fuck up now

[moeitsu]

Thank you for speaking in one reply of yours how Micah fans tend to get their HCs and theories and canon mixed up. And I have seen a lot of them then in turn complaining about others mixing up canon with their theories about Micah's awfulness while they do the same but make him into a more positive character. Like "okay he's evil but there is no canonical evidence that he did X or Y or thought X or Y so stop basing your idea of him on that!!" while then basing their own characterization of Micah on theories and headcanons alone. Being like "I relate to him bc X and Y", but X and Y in this case are also headcanons and theories. It sorta baffles me how they so easily bash others for supposedly making things up but doing the same themselves. They can make theories about why Micah isn't all that bad and what he did wasn't actually Like That but when someone theorizes him doing something bad even if they back it up with something from canon that would make it plausible it's wrong bc "that's not canon!!!"

Sorry for coming to your asks but. Wanted to talk about this and sorta been too anxious to put it on my blog bc it might upset people😭

Trust me, I might just be Micah Bell’s #1 biggest hater. Whenever I see people dickriding him or claiming to “relate” to him in any capacity, it’s an instant block from me.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying people can’t analyze his character or explore the intricacies of him an antagonist. He’s undeniably a well-crafted villain and serves his role brilliantly. Not to mention he’s still a badass outlaw. But recently, there’s been an uptick in people trying to justify his actions.

I’m talking about the “he’s misunderstood,” “his dad was cruel,” or “he had a rough childhood” crowd.

Look, I get it. Backstory adds layers to a character. But for me? That doesn’t excuse the fact that Micah is a shady, vile, manipulative piece of shit. I really Do. Not. Care. What made him this way.

What really gets under my skin is when people disregard canon in favor of their own headcanons. Yes, Micah’s nastiness is presented blatantly throughout the game, but there are also subtle implications about his character that require some reading between the lines. These nuances aren’t handed to the player on a silver platter, and honestly, they shouldn’t be. That’s just good storytelling.

But here’s where things go sideways. People start treating headcanons as fact. This isn’t just a Micah issue—it happens with Arthur, John, and pretty much every character in the game. The difference is that with Micah, these reinterpretations often end up romanticizing an abuser.

I’ve noticed a trend where some fans are desperate for “new” content or discussions about RDR2 (6 years later!) that they’ll cling to any “discovery” about Micah’s character. No shade, but when I see things like “how Micah would treat a shy/sweet reader” post, I can’t help but roll my eyes. To me, that’s not exploring his complexity; it’s glossing over his toxicity.

Let me be clear: I like Micah as a character. He’s a fantastic villain and serves his purpose in the story well. But as a person? He’s scum. There’s a big difference between appreciating the writing behind a character and romanticizing their actions.

If I ever met this man in real life, I’d be scared shitless that he would try to assault me. Because he most likely would, because that is the entire crux of his character.

He is not a good man nor a misunderstood one.

Micah stans can disagree with me all they want—that block button exists for a reason. But let’s call it what it is: Micah Bell is a certified piece of dog shit, and no amount of fan reinterpretation will change that.

No worries at all Anon! I totally understand being anxious to post this on your blog. I’ve been in fandom spaces long enough to agree to disagree. If people wanna argue over air. Be my guest 🫰♥️

[saphira-approves]

Okay so I finished Murtagh last night and I think I’m just going to put a lot of my slightly more coherent general thoughts here under a readmore. Spoilers ahead! Beware!

Right off the bat I want to bring us back to The Fork, The Witch, and The Worm. Not to Essie (although reliving that encounter from Murtagh’s perspective was EXQUISITE), but to Eragon, because the thing I love most about that story is that Eragon is glad to see his brother, even from afar, and is glad to see he’s alright, and hopes that Murtagh will one day join him at Mt. Arngor. We’ve talked recently on the blog about ill feelings and condemnation towards Murtagh during the war, especially on Eragon’s part, but the ending of The Fork makes it clear that—while I would love to see Eragon acknowledge and work through them—Eragon no longer holds those feelings, and in fact really wants the chance to reconnect with his brother and his friend, because he loved him like a brother before he even knew they were related, and after everything that’s happened, he loves him still—even if Murtagh is going to have some trouble believing or internalizing it.

And so I present the theme of this initial reading response: Murtagh is so, so loved, to an extent that he does not fully realize. He knows that Thorn loves him, obviously, but I believe it’s significant that—even though he has some Complicated™️ thoughts about Selena and harbors resentment towards her for, in his mind, choosing Eragon over himself—the memories of her that we actually get to see/“hear” (page 90 my beloved) are fully memories of Selena’s love for him. “…beautiful boy” anyone? “My strong boy?” That is her BABY and she LOVES HIM. Also, again, DESPITE HIS RESENTMENT, Selena’s love is the REASON HE KEEPS HIS SCAR! Scar lore alert! Scar lore alert! SELENA WAS THERE AND SHE’S THE ONE WHO HEALED HIM! (though I am still partial to thinking Brom was involved. I’ll write about that later it doesn’t matter right now)

(Also, on a bit of a lighter note, HIS HORSE TOY?????? Horse girl Murtagh CONFIRMED!!!! Little me would have been so jealous. …on a completely different note, I have woodworking connections and access to real horse hair. Hm. The Ideas.)

And then Tornac, son of Tereth, may your name live on forever. THE FIRST MEMORY WE GET OF TORNAC IS A HUG. THE FIRST TIME HE HUGS MURTAGH. MURTAGH HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH DO YOU KNOW??? I KNOW YOU KNOW A LITTLE BIT BUT DO YOU KNOW????? And the way he LEAPS to Murtagh’s defense when he falls in their escape, he REFUSES to let Murtagh languish in Urû’baen, that’s his BOY, his BEAUTIFUL STRONG BOY, that’s HIS SON, NO TAKE BACKSIES, MORZAN! He sees Murtagh’s darkness, yes, but more importantly he sees Murtagh’s goodness, and he knows Galbatorix will do everything in his power to destroy it, and that is something that Tornac simply cannot abide. You remember how I posted about Brom saying it’s easy to die for what you believe in, and then like ten pages later he dies for Eragon? Yeah. Yeah that one. That post. Do you see the point I’m making?

Tornac died for Murtagh. Selena did too, I’m pretty sure—it’s never been explicitly stated, in this book or the rest of the Cycle, but we know Selena was anxious to leave Carvahall as soon as Eragon was born, and that she died shortly after returning to Murtagh. I think Murtagh knows, on some level, but I also think that actually acknowledging it is going to break him just a little bit. Selena left Eragon and returned to him, presumably to spirit Murtagh to Carvahall as well, but she left too early. She wasn’t recovered. The real tragedy of this is that, if she’d left any later, she might truly have been too late—Morzan had been killed, and Murtagh would have been collected to Urû’baen before she reached him. Depending on how much she was coordinating with Brom, she might have known this, and made the choice to return to Murtagh anyway, because it was the easiest choice in the world. Eragon and Murtagh both believe that Selena left them. As Murtagh believes Selena chose Eragon over him, I’m pretty sure Eragon believes the inverse. In truth, Selena was trying to choose both of them, to save both of them. It’s a tragedy that she failed, but the most important thing about such a tragedy is that the love is there. It didn’t save them, not at first, not until much later, but the love is there and it matters because those are her babies, those are her sons, and she would gladly die for them. She did die for them. It was easy; she believed in them.

So yeah, I think eventually Eragon and Murtagh are gonna have a talk, and some revelations are going to be made, and a good long cry is going to be had all around. Catharsis! They need it!

But that’s not all! Murtagh is loved not only by the dead and the distant, but by the living and the near, too. Up to this point, the werecats we’ve met have been aloof, proud, intentionally distant. I always got the sense that Solembum likes Eragon and Saphira, but I don’t know that he would call them friends, even if Eragon and Saphira would, and he’s the most in-depth werecat we’ve met. But now we also have Carabel.

Carabel, who, from her position within Gil'ead, watches the people around them, and discerns their character: this is a skill I would say she has honed to near-perfection. When we meet her, she is desperate, though she hides it well. She sees Murtagh, and she measures his character, and what she sees is enough to make her take a chance on him, and she's right. Murtagh saves Silna, compromising his own principles to do so—swearing an oath he knows he'll have to break—and is so clearly relieved to see Silna safe with Carabel, despite the deceptions. We know, also, that Selena had been liked enough by Solembum for him to speak with her, and I wouldn't be surprised to discover that Selena was at least respected by werecats, if not outright known as a friend; it's possible that this, too, helped push Carabel to take a chance on Murtagh, though she makes no comment about it. Whatever the case, ultimately it is Murtagh's character that she gambles on, and Murtagh being simply who he is fulfills her hopes—not only in saving Silna, but his kindness towards her even when she was difficult, carrying her only when it was necessary and setting her on her own paws when he deemed it safe. Just in being himself, he earns love from two strangers, and the respect of an entire race.

(This echoes throughout the book, in all of Murtagh's interactions with children—he cares so much about kids. Not just as an abstract moral stance: he truly, genuinely cares for children on a deeply personal level. Essie in Ceunon; the two boys in Gil'ead he gives coins to, twice, and reprimanding their father for using them to pick marks; Silna; the children in Nal Gorgoth. In telling his story to Nasuada, he broke when he reached the children he slaughtered under Bachel's control.)

And Alín! Alín, who was raised to revere dragons, who cannot help but idolize Thorn. She is terrified of Murtagh, as a stranger and a strange man, but his connection to a dragon allows her to view him in another light. I can write so many essays about Alín, I'm probably going to, but here I'll just say this: despite her circumstances, despite how she was taught, despite how thoroughly she has been programmed by the cult of the Dreamers, the simple truth of Murtagh's compassion gave her the room to question, to think for herself, to ask herself if what she has been taught and raised to believe is truly right. Murtagh doesn't make the decision for her, he physically can't—it is Alín herself who finds the strength to break herself free, inspired by Murtagh, but not wholly because of him.

And in the dungeons of Nal Gorgoth, Murtagh meets Uvek, an Urgal shaman, and can I just say: I would kill and die for Uvek. He's got similarities to Murtagh that aren't discussed in plaintext, but are easy to draw: they both tried to be alone in the wild, thinking it would be better for them—different reasons, but they came to the same conclusion—but both have come to discover that they are better off in a pack. With friends. With brothers. With family. (As an aside, I really hope Uvek becomes one of the first Urgal riders.) I love the metaphor they share, about trust being a knife with a blade for a handle; and I love that once they decide to trust each other, they both jump in, feet first, 100% on board. That's always been Murtagh's method anyway (Eragon-era Murtagh my beloved, looking after this stupid dumb kid with his whole ass), and it is incredibly refreshing to see someone else with the exact same mindset throw their whole lot in with Murtagh. The gentle forehead bump! Uvek loves this crazy squishy Murtagh-man.

And finally, finally, Nasuada. The Guinevere to his Lancelot, and there's not even an Arthur for them to dance around, except for the Arthur of Public Opinion that would prefer to view Murtagh as dread Mordred. I couldn't keep from laughing, just a little bit, every time Murtagh was encouraged to/shown visions of taking the throne, because lol! Nah, you dumbasses, that's the love of his life for whom he broke his own shackles and turned on his tormentor and slave-master. The day he turns against her of his own volition is the day he is No Longer Murtagh. He keeps the newly-minted gold crown so that he can keep a piece of her with him—a coin!! A tiny little portrait!! An accurate tiny little portrait, to be sure, but one he'll soon be able to find in any decently full purse!! He may not want to admit it to himself, he may try to distance himself for her own good and the good of her rule, but he cannot truly deny his heart. As for Nasuada himself, she doesn't even hesitate to take him in—and she would have no reason to, having heard about Gil'ead, except that she knows him, she has seen his true being in a way only Thorn can relate to, and even in uncertainty she cannot believe evil of him. She's the one who reaches out to comfort him when he crumbles in telling his story, she supports him without a word when he struggles to stand, and she wants so badly for him to stay, Public Opinion be damned. She won't destroy what she's built, but she will move heaven and earth to be able to keep him near, for as long as he wishes to remain.

This whole book, really, was just a chorus screaming to Murtagh, "YOU ARE LOVED!! YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE AND YOU ARE LOVED!! IT IS THE LOVE THAT ENDS WARS, THAT DEFEATS FEAR, THAT PERSISTS IN THE FACE OF DEATH AND RUIN!! YOU ARE LOVED!!" And maybe he can't hear it yet, not with his ears, but his heart, eventually, might start to catch him up. And I absolutely cannot wait to see it.

[cobaltswriting]

Character Essay: Snape

So, there are some characters that I have feelings about. Like, that I can see what the author was trying to do with them, but I also just... think they failed.

Unsurprisingly, two of these characters have to do with Harry Potter. Severus Snape, and Albus Dumbledore.

Yes, I know, J.K. Rowling is a terrible person and a TERF. But this is still something I wanna write about. And this is my blog. So... yeah. The Albus Dumbledore post might come later.

So, Severus Snape.

I’m gonna break this down into 3 big issues I have with the character. Which does definitely call into question the way Snape was written. And I'll even put it under a read more so any people who are pro-Snape for whatever reason don't have to read any further.

And yeah, this isn't going to be nice to Snape. Like, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Albus Severus Potter should have been named Rubeus Remus. It is actually kind of a crime that he never named a child for Hagrid, considering Hagrid was literally the first person who was nice to him and introduced him to the Wizarding World. But I digress, let's get to the main subject of this essay.

1. Treatment of Students

We know why Snape treats Harry like shit. It doesn't make it ok, but I wanna talk about other students. Disregarding the favouritism towards his own house, we already come across a huge problem, that is also a problem with Dumbledore as well...

Snape's an abusive teacher.

Even if we disregard Snape's treatment of Harry, we have how he treats students like Neville, and insults leveled at students not within his house. Even the best Hermione, who is basically as close to a perfect student as we get, is simply ignored and passed over without a comment, and Neville... Hoo boy.

Like, I don't know the specific guidelines teachers are given that they're not allowed to cross, but Snape breaks almost all of them. Insults and abuse are hurled towards Neville constantly, even when he's in other classes, like him insulting Neville right in front of Lupin. And while I do like Lupin... Lupin just smiles at it. Nothing ever happens. Snape apparently never even gets told off about abusing his students. Hell, he yells at Hermione and Harry in front of the Minister for Magic in the 3rd book, and Fudge, while surprised, does nothing about it other than trying to calm Snape down.

Like, is abuse just... not a thing in the Wizarding World? This comes up in my thoughts about Dumbledore as well, beyond this, but...

If Snape was a teacher anywhere else, he would have been fired. Like, immediately. But he's just allowed to do so. Like, the closest thing to punishment he gets is that he's not allowed to teach Defence of the Dark arts until Harry's 6th year.

And just so we know this isn't the norm, let's look at another teacher... Minerva McGonagall.

She is the head of Gryffindor House (although I still think she should be a Ravenclaw. As should Hermione. BUT ANYWAY) but she does not favour her house. Excluding Quidditch, in which she supports her House's team, but that's a different thing, that's fine. Whereas Snape has probably never taken so much as a single point from Slytherin, she was responsible for the largest amount of points taken from Harry at one time, if I'm right. If not the largest amount, certainly the largest amount of points taken in the first book. She is also strict, but is also shown to be fair, and will compliment a student and praise them if they do well. She praises Hermione in their first class, because while Hermione did not entirely succeed, she did show godd progress for her first try. And while we do not see her compliment a student from another House, it can be assumed that it does happen.

This is how a teacher SHOULD be. They are there to nurture students, teach them, not abuse them and play favourites.

There are other teachers in Hogwarts, but Snape is the main one who abuses them. A case could be made for Barty Crouch (disguised as Mad-Eye Moody) abusing them, by putting them under the Imperius Curse) but considering he was a Death Eater, and was apparently doing it because Dumbledore wanted him to, we'll just... ignore him. I don't think it's too far from what Moody would actually do, although I don't like to think of Moody as abusive.

But yeah, Snape is very abusive of his students, to the point that the most positive thing he can really do towards a student that isn't from Slytherin is ignore them or say nothing. And abuse is a really fucking bad thing, in case you didn't know.

Let's move onto the next topic...

2. His 'love' of Lily Evans

Yeah, I put the love in quotation marks. Mainly because it... doesn't really read that much like love to me. I am aromantic, so that might have SOMETHING to do with it, but...

It just comes off more as a creepy sort of obsession than anything else. An obsession deep enough for him to have a doe as a patronus.

Like... let's start from the beginning. The first time we see Snape and Lily, Snape is spying on her and it's implied that he's been doing so for a little bit. Even though they're just kids, I'm pretty sure that counts as stalking. And then he makes a branch fall on Petunia when she insults them, which could have seriously injured her, depending on the size of the branch and where it hit her. It was enough to make Petunia cry at the least when it hit her shoulder.

Snape also encouraged Lily to steal letters from her sister and read them, when they found out that Petunia had written to Hogwarts. Although I guess that doesn't really come into the subject of his 'love' for Lily.

We also see that Snape is very... racist, I guess? Does the whole blood thing count as racist? Calling Lily a Mudblood, and then when he tries to apologise he can't even deny that if it was anyone but her, he would not apologise for it. So basically having different rules for her, which I guess could come into a love thing but the fact that he calls muggleborns Mudblood and yet 'loves' one comes out as... kinda fetishistic to me, I'm not gonna lie.

In the books we also have him desperate to protect her from Voldemort, crying when she's dead... And yet despite that, he is horribly abusive to her son, just because he looks like his father. And yet he does say that he wants to keep him safe, angry at Dumbledore when he finds out they've basically been raising him like a lamb to the slaughter. So apparently he's fine with possibly mentally scarring Harry, but killing him? Oh, that's just totally unforgivable!

You can point out various things across the books that Snape has done for Harry, but that doesn't change the fact that Snape is INCREDIBLY abusive to Harry, even moreso than he is to other students.

And then we have him taking part of Lily's letter, just because it had her signiture, and part of the photo that showed her in it, which just... always struck me as creepy. Stalker-ish. I dunno how to explain it any better than that.

And then, we have absolutely the creepiest part... him wanting Harry to look at him as he dies. Just so he can pretend that he's looking into Lily's eyes, probably. Which... yeah, that's just super creepy.

Like, I honestly cannot see it as romance at all. It just comes off as Snape having an obsession. It's even worse in the movies where he is shown cradling Lily's dead body against him and crying. Which normally wouldn't be that bad but with everything else on top of that... yeah.

This does bring us onto the last subject...

3. Snape's 'Redemption'

Snape's redemption is supposed to happen after his death. Here's the problem... he's one of the main examples about why J.K. is very poor when it comes to redeeming characters. Like, Draco could have been set up for a redemption, but he wasn't, as were his parents. Snape was set up for a redemption... and J.K. seems to think it was enough?

So, the main thing that is supposed to redeem Snape, that is meant to make us think he's ok... is showing us his past with Lily, and various discussions with Dumbledore. The whole sequence is for exposition and to try and make us think Snape is a good guy because he 'loved' Lily, and that was his motivation for everything good he did. Which, again, comes off as pretty obsessive.

Here's the thing though...

Snape abused Harry for 6 years of his life. He made Draco set a snake on him in his second year. He repeatedly broke into Harry's mind which seemed to end up having the opposite effect that Dumbledore wanted. Dumbledore even basically admits as much, saying that Snape was a poor choice for it, that he had hoped Snape would be able to see past his hatred of Harry's father. He refused to listen to anyone when it came to Sirius, refusing the possibility that Sirius might be innocent (until Dumbledore talked to him about it, probably), outed a colleague as a werewolf, which, considering the allergory J.K. was aiming for, was like outing a gay man, and made him resign from his job because he knew student's parents would be writing in to complain about it, so it essentially cost Lupin a job, which as we know, is already something that werewolves had problems with.

I do have issues with J.K.'s allergory of werewolves as homosexuals... but let's just say that one of the most notable werewolves, after Remus, was known for attacking and 'turning' children and leave it at that. It's not relevant to the topic at hand anyway.

Showing us that Snape did some things right, and that he 'loved' Lily... like, let's pretend that he did love Lily for a moment, and that it wasn't a creepy obsession.

... That still doesn't excuse the shit he did. It doesn't excuse the abuse at all. It doesn't redeem him from being a Death Eater. His only reason for wanting to save the Potter family was Lily.

Saving Harry's life in the first year by countering Quirrell's curse, and then acting as referee in the next match to protect Harry? That doesn't redeem the abuse that he inflicted upon Harry in the first year, let alone the rest of it.

Let's assume he had the best intentions in Prisoner of Azkaban, and he was interested in rescuing Harry, Ron and Hermione from Sirius. Although that is a HUGE assumption, all things considered... still doesn't redeem him.

Checking that Sirius was indeed at headquarters and then alerting them that Harry had gone to the Department of Mysteries to try and save Sirius when Sirius wasn't even there? Still doesn't redeem him.

None of the good things Snape does redeems him for the abuse he inflicted upon his students and especially Harry and Neville, and his love for Lily reads more like a creepy obsession.

J.K. tried to redeem Snape... and absolutely failed. Sometimes when you write a character, you need more than a single chapter to redeem them.

I'm not even sure if Snape was redeemable at all. Abusing children is a pretty fucking terrible thing. And I don't think it's even me being biased for being abused by a teacher, it's just unacceptable.

[flfverse]

hihi this might be a stupid question but I thought I’d ask anyways: did you come up with the bdsm AU?

If not, do you have any fic recs with the same ‘verse?👀

If you did, do you have plans to write more fics in the same verse, outside of the ones you’ve written?

Sorry if this is overstepping at all, I just adore this AU and am a curious fellow🙈 No pressure to answer🫶

not overstepping! i am also a curious fellow, and you’ve given me an opportunity to Talk History.

see, i did not come up with the BDSM AU, but i’ve read it for years and became fascinated with how people played with it. i love fandom history, so i eventually started to wonder where it came from and how it evolved.

the first BDSM AU was written by Xanthe (who has a website you can read all her stuff on, xanthe.com, and it also has an faq about her original world, super interesting) back in 2006. now, it’s possible that other people independently came up with a similar idea earlier than this (indeed, theres an early 2000s fantasy book series with a Vaguely similar premise), but everything i’ve ever found cites Xanthe as the first to do it in fandom and the one to popularize it, so we’re going with that.

the fic series was Stargate: Atlantis fic (john/rodney, for those familiar) with the basic premise of “alternate universe where being bisexual and kinky is the default.” no biological factor! just a different balance of sexualities. i only read part of the very first fic because they’re quite long and i don’t all the way jive with Xanthe’s writing style, so take this with a cup of salt, but they also lacked the dystopian edge many of the modern fics have. let’s be honest—like many fic tropes, it was mostly an excuse to write smut :P.

now, while Xanthe was quite a big name, and did have people spinning off and writing their own versions of her world, it might not have gone anywhere was it not for Helenish. Helenish took issue with Xanthe’s spin on the world and thought that she hadn’t fully explored the worldbuilding potential. she wrote Take Clothes Off As Directed, which i’ve recced on this blog and in the notes of Free Falling, because it is PHENOMENAL. it kept Xanthe’s premise and used it to explore a sexism allegory, very very similar to my stuff and other current popular BDSM AUs.

people began writing in Helenish’s ‘verse, some minor drama broke out between the two writers and their followers (presumably minor—much of this happened on Livejournal, which famously and tragically had many accounts wiped in 2007-2008, especially accounts that posted queer stuff or nsfw stuff or, in cases like these, both. so it’s difficult to figure out what exactly was happening in fandom around then, especially if you’re me and never used LJ and don’t know how to effectively navigate it)

annnyway, the thing took off, made its way to other fandoms, more and more people wrote their own versions, etc. over time, people began combining it with Omegaverse fics, since the two are pretty similar; when those fusions were pulled apart later, they affected one another; this is where BDSM AUs became more biology-flavored, and where we get certain Omegaverse tropes like “omega drop.”

if it wasn’t obvious, i’ve done a lot of looking into this, and i hope to do more soon and eventually put all that info to good use in some form of project—not sure what yet. i’m also not at allll biased between Xanthe and Helenish…..genuinely, Xanthe did a good thing and wrote a LOT of influential fic, we’re just…very different writers.

but ANYWAY, yeah, definitely not my idea, i’m building on the backs of thousands of writers before me. and it’s awesome.

i DO have a fic rec list somewhere on this blog, but i’m actually in the process of updating it! the goal is to get around 40-50 fics on there and i’m pretty close, so keep an eye out (it’s just taking a long time because i have to read fics to know if they’re good enough to rec….and then i just read fanfic for 6 hours….and then i reread some of them because they’re just really good….)

not sure what you mean by the third question—i don’t currently have any plans to write an AU outside of FLFverse, like a different fandom or plot or anything. i’ve thrown around the idea of what i affectionately call the SLSverse (that’s “seems like soaring,” get it, synonyms?), which would be what-ifs or AUs of the AU, but not its own thing.

within FLFverse, yes, i plan to write more fic XD. 2024 has been the roughest for my writing since probably 2019, which really sucks, but what can ya do. in truth, when i started writing Free Falling and Cross the Line and all those in fall 2023, i was hours from home/friends, unemployed, borderline flunking college, and like, big depressed—i had a ton of free time! and FLFverse was approximately the only thing i cared about. now i’m home again and have a job and am doing More Okay at school (academia and i are not friends), and i have other big fun projects to split my time between. i’m pretty determined to at least finish FF, even if it takes me another 10 years, and along the way i’ll write whatever oneshots strike my fancy.

so, yeah! that’s what’s up. thanks for the ask and giving me an excuse to yap about this AU <3

[cosmicjoke]

hi! i really like your account and all your levi-focused analyses. i think this might be a weird question, but i'm sorta trying to make a similar blog, it's just i've very little experience analyzing mangas/comics. it's a bit different from books of prose, obviously. again, sorry if this is weird, but is there any stray advice u can give for analyzing comics?

Hi there, and first of all, thank you so much! I really appreciate that! I don't consider myself particularly good at analysis or meta commentary or anything like that. I literally just vomit my thoughts out and most of the time, it comes out extremely long-winded and tedious, I think, lol. I tend to be very unorganized with my thoughts, and writing them down helps me get a better grasp of what it is, specifically, I'm trying to say.

But I'll do my best here. My main advice for analyzing comics/manga would be to remember that it's a visual medium, and thus, the images carry just as much importance and weight in figuring out what's going on and what's being conveyed as the text itself, and sometimes, even more so. You have limited space for writing in comics/manga, so the author/artist needs to be able to convey a lot through the art alone. So just because something isn't put into explicit text, doesn't mean it isn't being implied or outright stated by the images themselves. Levi is a good example of this, I think, because he doesn't say a lot, and what he does say often comes out sounding rude or callous or aloof, like he doesn't care. And yet it's obvious to everyone with a functioning brain that Levi cares more than anyone. And the reason it's so obvious is, for one, his actions belie his seeming stoicism, with how hard he tries to help people and save lives, and the other reason is his expressions. While Levi often wears a flat expression, there are moments when what he's really feeling bleeds through, and it might as well be a blaring, neon sign declaring that, despite his usually stoic facade, he actually feels things more keenly than anyone else. You have to pay attention to the panels and what the art is telling you, just as much as what the text is. Often, the text can only be understood through the art. You have to interpret them together, I think, to come away with an accurate and objective understanding of the story and the characters.

Basically, a lot of subtext can be hidden in comics/manga, just like in prose writing, but a lot of it is often conveyed through imagery. And just like with prose, context matters. What came before matters. What comes after matters. You have to factor all these things in in order to form a full impression and understanding of the story you're reading. Like a character's motivation, what's driving them, can later be recontextualized based on a later event or action on their part, etc... The same for plot elements and so on. Like take Eren, for example, and the absolutely insane expressions he pulls very early on in the story, when he's in his titan form and killing other titans, etc... Eren looks mad, and that tells you something about his character. He acts a certain way most of the time, acts like he's concerned for his friends, that they're his priority, etc... but it's those moments of obsessive bloodlust that reveals the true nature of Eren's character. He's driven by a desire to commit acts of violence and destruction, and he gets lost in that desire. That's who Eren really is. The way Isayama draws that madness on Eren's face is in itself enough to tell you what sort of person Eren actually is, and helps you to better understand what it is he later does.

Anyway, I hope that helped. Again, I'm no sort of expert analyzer or anything, lol. I just get passionate about these things and I write super long posts as a result. But thank you so much for finding anything of value in what I do write. I honestly never think anyone will.

[lazyscience]

Hi! I was reading your stevetony fic from ages ago - honestly one of my favorites and I come back to it all the time. I was wondering, what are some of your favorite books or do you have any general advice on writing? Hope you’re having a good week:)

so first let me put this most excellent compliment in my beak and hop away to stash it in my nest. now buckle in coz this shit gets long.

Favorite books - oh, good lord. So here's the deal. I read everything. EVERYTHING. If I run out of books, magazines, and blogs I'm reduced to ad copy and backs of packages. And whenever I see a little shiny trick of characterization or plot reveal, or random fact that I like, I sit with it and think about why it worked for me. One of my great joys in writing is taking a set of characters from one set of literary conventions and slapping them down in another, to see how the same character traits get different storytelling beats when you're going from High Adventure to slice of life to romance.

(Or, you know, sometimes you read a nonfiction book about the inventor of antiseptic surgical technique and twenty thousand words later it's a novella about ex-Union Army surgeon Leonard McCoy being dragged by the scruff of his neck out of a whiskey bottle by mail-order bride Christine Chapel to save a gutshot US Marshal Christopher Pike in Montana Territory. My point is, the more reading, the more ideas. I didn't say they were all good.)

When the generic Advice About Writing is handed out about "show don't tell" and "write what you know," it's not wrong? but it's incomplete. A good place to start is instead of writing in third-person omniscient, where You The Author can pop into and out of everyone's viewpoint, is to pick ONE character. I find that many tempting opportunities to exposition-dump are removed that way, when I force myself to act as if I only know what's happening in MC's head, and thus MC has to guess what's going on with the other characters by observation the way the rest of us mortals do. This forces me to then have to describe things they are doing for MC to observe, and make him do things for them to then Have Reactions To! (For this to work, one does have to be honest with oneself about how one arch of Romantic Interest's brow does not then tell MC All About His Disastrous College Fling That Makes It Hard For Him To Trust. All you see is skepticism, Steve. You're not Professor X.)

(Writing telepaths must be the WORST. How do you develop semi-realistic storylines without tinfoil hats?)

A limited POV also makes it clearer if a character is relentlessly monologuing in their head to get around the Exposition Problem. A person can actually look at it on the page and be able to say to oneself, "whoa. That is...a lot of thoughts Steve just had right there. could a person even have that many thoughts in a two minute conversation? No. they couldn't, not without being very distracted and off in la-la land while Tony is talking, which it could be funny for him to point out, but not the effect we're going for in this scene."

Another place where show don't tell and write what you know can come into play is acquiring a magpie stash of random facts adjacent to that character and things they work with, love or hate, surprise or excite them to add texture to the story. Say for example, If one or more of your characters are from another era, reading things written by people in that time can help give you an ear for the rhythm of how people spoke and expressions they might have used that differ from modern voices (Studs Terkel's oral histories are a great way to get a broad cross-section of American voices from the 20th century).

Moving to interests/experience - if you have a character who's say, an artist in a particular medium, reading some how-to guides or talking to friends who draw or paint that way gives you a flavor for what details make your story feel more real (or conversely, what might throw a reader off as unrealistic). You don't need to Become an Expert - the story is about the character, not their interest - but the details of that interest can be a fun way to highlight things you want to bring out. Is Interest something that connects MC to their past or culture? is it something they've sacrificed, undergone hardship to cultivate? If so, what ideal's driving them? what about it makes it worth it for them and how might it map onto the bigger story?

For a not particularly subtle example, in Accelerate, Steve's doodling is more expressive than he allows himself to be verbally with these strangers he's juuuust beginning to call friends, and it's what first snags Tony's interest, that unfiltered glimpse from that doodle. Steve talking to him about possibly technical drawing in another life gives them another connection point, and Steve finally bringing himself to make something that he considers a piece of art, painting a mural rather than sketching in his journal was about not being afraid to express himself openly in messy, imperfect, vulnerable ways even in a permanent medium, and to trust the person who gave him the space to have meant it when he said he wanted to see it.

(the trifecta of Ask An Expert to Check Your Deets are horses, cars and guns. If you give details about any of these in fiction without a sound base of personal experience, people who love them WILL let you know you got it wrong. That and anything set in the British Regency. Underestimate at your peril the ability of Romancelandia to nail you between the eyes with some esoteric point of the Corn Laws, primogeniture as applied to titles, textile manufacturing and/or period correct men's undergarments.)

that was more than you wanted I bet! hope any of it was useful. thank you for giving me a chance to ramble.

[orionpax-arc]

Hello and Welcome!

(Speaking OOC for this one, folks.

Before interacting with my blog, I need to put down the law[?], So to speak.

This blog isn't going to be too lit heavy, I am doing this on my off time from work and real life stuff. Sometimes I will respond in detail, sometimes I will not. Depends on my energy level. I'm in my 20's, please keep this in mind!

Ways of reading/footnotes:

Blue text= Orion talking

12/7/24: He and @tf-titania are in a relationship (Pre-Movie/usually the main verse. Tagged #Pre-Iacon 5000)

1/5/25: AU with @ask-tfone-megatron In which Orion haunts D-16, or rather a tired and confused Megatron. How will Orion feel knowing that it was Dee who let him go? (Post-Movie/Tagged #u 0124)

Orange text= D-16 appearance If he wants to show up, I will just have him make an account :) I think it would be fun that way.

** or Action = Action

()= OOC

Now for the more or less serious stuff.

While I do try my best to keep this as canon as possible [given what we were shown in the movie], I will have a few of my headcanons as well as opinions of Orion sprinked in.

Orion's pronouns are He/Him

I personally write him as biromantic and bisexual.

Okay with:

1. OC, self insert, other canon bots and anons! I want people to feel welcomed here! ☺️ This is RP and we are supposed to be having a good time, right?

2. Which brings us to the second bullet point, I am more than fine with shipping. I really am! However, I reserve the right to decline some relationships. Orion has feelings, he has the right to say yes or no.

3. NSFW storylines are okay, however I will label them as mature content as well as put them under read more if our characters do not share a DM.

4. As long as it doesn't mess with Orion's own timeline, other characters in universe can interact. Alternative universes are encouraged!

5. Questions regarding life and thoughts. I love doing this for character study related reasons.

Big no's:

1. No God modding, no harassment of any kind and no bigotry.

2. Do not be creepy!

3. The character is not the writer, I want to keep it separate. I hope you understand.

As of right now, this is what I could think of, might add more to this intro later. Until then, enjoy!