#Of how their long-term solution is still not a solution

[wildcard4hearts]

Trust In The Spark

I find the different levels of trust that Eddie and Volt have towards the player very interesting.

The contrast in personalities would make you believe that Eddie would be the one with the bigger trust issues rather than Volt. The coldness that the player is confronted with at first compared to the physical affection given off voluntarily, it’s very easy to take those at face value with their trust levels.

Trust is a fragile thing that can be broken within an instant. To pursue a new connection despite knowing it could backfire on you or choose to never indulge in that endeavour until absolute certainty that trust won’t be broken.

Side note, I may be misreading/confusing Volt’s protectiveness over Eddie as having trust issues but I do believe the two are closely related, to protect those you cherish from uncertainty.

Spoilers below of all endings including realisation.

Eddie

He has a moment of hesitation upon realising the player isn’t backing down on finding a solution to the club’s ‘minor’ problems, he soon gives up on his reservations and accepts the help.

He trusts the player enough to help out with the repairs he’s behind on, the thing he’s been responsible for maintaining and supplying the house for so long. At one point during day 3 he even leaves the player alone for a short time, the trust and confidence he has in someone he barely knows to not mess up or sabotage the repair can’t be missed.

That trust is then wavered a little when the idea of the player finding him interesting is brought up, he immediately pushes it off as a misunderstanding, thinking it’s Volt that’s the only one who has captured that kind of attention.

The same doubt is brought up once again after the necessary repairs are completed, the player offers to come around every day to help with the daily maintenance without Eddie even mentioning a routine like that. His first reaction is aligned with that of shock, wondering why someone who had no prior affiliation with the club is insisting on doing the nitty gritty stuff with seemingly no benefits or reason.

Upon finding out it’s his own presence that the player is wanting to stick around for, he admits that’s the first time he’s heard that kind of interest from anyone before. It goes without saying that Volt is the exception to that comment.

Off topic, Eddie smiles when he ‘nonchalantly’ says he can’t stop the player from coming around to help out. Let yourself be happy please

Both show signs of pivoting around questions, Eddie more so on the topic of his health and well-being, Volt obviously with the power fluctuations. Though Eddie too is never up front with that either, he only confesses to the real reason as to why the club is experiencing so many problems when the duo are at death’s door, could write that down as more due to his self-destructive nature rather than not trusting the player.

During the blackout, it’s Eddie who begins to reveal the truth behind the club’s problems, to the history he and Volt have. He confides in the player, hoping that the new information and clear desperation in his voice is enough to convince you to ditch the reset solution.

He eventually comes around to the idea, which should speak volumes as to how much trust he has in the player. The continued pleads of his fears of being left alone, not wanting to go back to that ‘dark time’ he mentions during day 4.

You reassure him that he wouldn’t be alone because you’ll still be around. Whose to say the player wouldn’t and couldn’t just get up and leave Eddie to himself if the worst case scenario happens to Volt? Based on his behaviour, it would seem that kind of thought never crossed his mind.

After the reset, the previously mentioned shock he shows to the player taking interest in him, comes up again if you choose to pursue the love ending.

Not much to say in terms of the hate ending. Eddie brings up his initial hesitation to let the player close to him and yells to get out, exhaustion all gone from his voice.

Volt

Volt’s trust stems a lot from the player’s relationship with Eddie and his opinion on said relationship. If he senses or is directly told that the player has been spending time with him, he immediately drops all pleasantries. If he can see that Eddie is happy and isn’t being taken advantage of, Volt will act on his own feelings and drop his guard.

He seemingly has no problem with the player potentially faking the reciprocation of the affection he constantly gives off, doing those actions as a cover up to keep the player away from Eddie first and foremost. His comment in the hate ending of not minding if the player came to him fear could support that idea in a way.

Though he finds out how trustworthy you can be in a different way and begins to interact with you not through his protectiveness of Eddie but through he’s developing feelings.

Dancing is a big thing for Volt, he invites you to dance during day 5 before the blackout. Through certain dialogue options of warning him of the lack of dance skills you possess, Volt begins to state if you find yourself struggling to keep up, trust in him to lead you through the steps.

“The most important thing in a dance, much more important than the steps, is trust.”

“Even if you make a mistake, trust me, and I will lead you to where you need to go.”

Two direct quotes from the game.

It’s the very thing he comes over to do when visiting the player’s house after becoming human. He’s a performer at heart and there’s no good in dancing with a partner who doesn’t trust you.

Volt places a lot of trust in Eddie, maybe too much trust in him at times. He takes Eddie's word that he’ll rest during the conversation the player overhears on day 2, to which we know he doesn’t do at all but Volt doesn’t catch on until much later.

He doesn’t question at all as to why the player knows where Eddie’s tools are or why Eddie has become reliant on someone who should’ve never been close to him. His lack of reaction or demand for clarification as to know why probably means he came to the conclusion that Eddie knew how he’d react if he found out, causing him to take a step back and reevaluate his protectiveness of Eddie and allow someone else into their lives.

[drdemonprince]

hi !!! ive been reading a lot of stuff from leftists who are more ambivalent to ai and think about in terms of material conditions, and i think theyve shifted my ideas about ai as a technology [ ie the problem does not lie with the tool but rather the people who will weaponise it ]. and its also made me realise how my distaste for ai was primarily reactionary because i was thinking about it through an emotionally-charged lens as an artist who is ablebodied. especially as a minor who is currently anxious and insecure about being able to be hired [ which is part of why i wanted to pick up something like garment creation which had tangibility and required physical labour. its all me trying to grasp at potential job security borne out of anxiety ]. but also i feel like most of the things i was focusing on were more ideological without proper solutions that could be enacted which is part of why i still am apprehensive about this technology. and as i write this im realising im doing the thing where im focusing much more on a lesser issue with ai technology instead of the main one like automating and calculating the most efficient way to exact violence upon the marginalised. im sorry if this is a bit incoherent; ive never sent an ask before and i get anxious interacting with people online which is why this is on anon [ also because of my age ]. and i will admit that i need to read up more on leftist concepts to fully grasp things because ive been confused about certain concepts despite thinking i get the general gist of them. but essentially: i am curious about feasible solutions to the issues of ai being used as a tool by corporations to outsource labour and the use of ai as a tool for genocide. i am curious about how to go about researching them. i feel like im complacent in things and i want to speak about them to my family but i dont know how to connect to them about these topics, especially with our language barrier, and im not sure where to start with connecting with my immediate community. i feel like so much of this discussion is blanketed in a sort of cynicism and fatalism that i cant help but feel scared and hopeless. again, i apologise if this is somewhat incoherent because im currently just word vomitting and im curious about this because this is new to me and my anxiety is currently at a spike. im sorry if this ask comes off as in bad faith as well or naive. im just feeling so inundated with information and news that im feeling lost.

Oh Anon you seem real fucking cool. You are a very reflective soul looking at a topic from a multiplicity of angles, and it seems exhausting; do be easier on yourself. I think your anxieties are ones that a lot of people on here probably relate to, though, including people who are much older and have much more life experience but no more answers than you do. Please be aware of just how lost most of us really are, and take everything I and everyone else have to say on the matter with some skepticism and continue to hone your own discernment skills (aka "wait a second thats bullshit, but this other part is useful" skills).

My personal opinion is that a lot of the issues with AI are in fact issues with industrialization, imperialism, and capitalism, and therefore the best ways of addressing them are to address those problems at their root. Artists hate AI because it threatens their livelihood, but making art shouldn't be dependent on being profitable in the first place. the profit motive is already bad for art. Lots of human artists make equally soulless drek because that is the only thing that will pay their bills, and lots of talented creative people were unable to express their passions long before AI, because they didn't have financial support. Unfortunately in their desire to become wealthy owners of intellectual property, these broke, exploited artists lend their support to greater IP protections and online censorship... and those things are good for corporations, not artists.

I think that in the short term / if I were more of a liberal than I am, I would argue that universal basic income and health care are necessary to maintain the society we are currently in. AI is going to automate a lot of work and change the economic landscape, and we should provide resources to everybody no matter their ability to produce. In a just world, people not having to do so much rote, repetitive work would be a good thing, and free up our time to make art and have relationships!

But I also believe that the society we live in is a fundamentally unjust and untenable one, so I do want more than that. Like I've said, I want to see the end of the United States and all settler colonial projects. As for how to get there... your guess is as good as mine. Anyone who tells you they have the answer is coping. I think you should explore a lot of thoughts on the matter and see what makes you feel less insane and upset. I prefer Anarchism, but I have learned a lot from Marxists, including the ones I disagree with. I have my issue with anarchism as it is commonly talked about by white settler types, too.

If you'd like somewhere to get started, I think David Graeber's book Bullshit Jobs is a natural fit -- its all about the meaninglessness of work in our environment, and what a world unlike this one could look like. If you enjoy what he has to say, dig into his other books -- Dawn of Everything is an amazing, if difficult book on the many different ways that Indigenous societies have been structured, and it really gave me hope for the future. If you want a tiny taste, I wrote a review of it:

(if you really enjoy this stuff, then go ahead and read all of David Graeber's books, as well as Rebecca Solnits. They are great introductions to the world of activism, what works an what doesn't. A Paradise Built in Hell is so life affirming, and The Democracy Project is really useful for figuring out how to hold an organizing meeting).

I think it's generally best to have ways to toggle between the big picture and the small. Do not drive yourself crazy obsessing over every issue and reading the news all the time. Find a topic that is your passion, an area where you think you could make a difference locally, and really put your energy into building community around that. You have GOT to find a political pursuit that FEELS REWARDING. You have GOT to do something that has a result you can see, and put your hands on your hips while staring at, and say to yourself, "Whew! That was a good job." If you don't have that, you will burn out and get bitter. There has to be a way to start and end the work at a regular pace, and a way to pass the work along to others when you can't do it. And it should be something you actively ENJOY DOING. Pleasure is not your enemy. Pleasure and social connection are your FUEL.

Finding my way to get plugged in and make the world better without going crazy into self-martyrdom and stress is an ongoing challenge for me. I think the little bullshit I do writing about sex and freedom is probably good enough for now; it's really all I can manage at the moment. I ground myself into the pavement with activism for many years and my body is yowling from it. My world right now is very small and self-indulgent. But I am not the center of the universe. I'm just some idiot guy. I do what any random idiot man does. and I need help.

I wish I had more answers for you, but it's probably for the best that I don't. I'm a white dude with middle class job, I'm not going to be the leader of the revolution and I shouldn't be. But I can do my little thing here and there -- including a lot of things that *cannot be posted about online* because resisting the state rarely can be.

Here is some other writing I have on the subject:

I'd also recommend checking out Ismatu Gwendolyn's writing:

[identitty-dickruption]

i've actually been thinking about whether it would be useful or not to analyze myself autistically...it's not that i want to fit in a constructed psych category but i think it would help with understanding the dissonance between my cognitive, emotional, etc processing and what i have viewed as the "norm" among most of my peers. any thoughts on how to ~approach~ this in terms of resources, frameworks, etc?

the first question I always ask myself is: what would I need to change about my life if it were true that I had [disorder/disability]? in the case of autism that might look like

navigating sensory stimulation differently (e.g. allowing yourself to spend time sitting very still in a dark room, finding new ways to seek sensory stimulation that works for you, etc)

navigating social relationships differently (e.g. making it clear with people that you need a certain kind of communication to be able to understand them better)

navigating your emotional health differently (e.g. understanding Engaging With Interests as a crucial component of the good life for you)

try looking at advice online that is from autistic people, targeted at other autistic people. try stimming on purpose to see how it feels. try being blunt about what you need with people you trust. think about what it would mean to see things as needs as opposed to desires

I don't necessarily think it's always helpful to go back through your life and become hyperanalytical about all of your decisions and preferences across time. it's very easy for autistics to end up down pathways of "damn when that person rejected me in year two it was because I missed a social cue. fuck." and that's never been super useful for me. you can't change the past and you kind of have to sit with that

basically: any kind of self-analysis I partake in is forward-looking And solution-oriented. that's a rule I hold myself to because my ocd tendencies go into overdrive when it comes to self-analysis, and it becomes unhealthy very quickly. but I think anyone can end up down those rabbit holes, ocd or not, so it's better to cut them off at the bud

in terms of resources, dr devon price is an icon of autism world for a reason. his shit has really resonated with me for a long time and I would recommend it. unmasking autism changed my life for real

anyway <3 I hope that helped

[sitaarein]

So did anyone else notice how in that scene right near the end where Sevika takes a seat at the new council table and some people quite obviously still disapprove, Sevika is still the only person from Zaun in that room? And you can just tell as she sits down that neither she really thinks she belongs there (hence acts both wary and defensive) and nor really do the rest of the councilmen. I think it's kind of neat cause it shows that Piltover may have just gone through war (which has often been used as an instrument to unite a country under the banner of nationalism in modern history) but it is absolutely not prepared for a complete overhaul of its system. When they give Zaunites a voice at the table, it is just one voice, who may easily be overpowered in the future and who has no experience with the way their politics is handled. Piltover is doomed to repeat its mistakes, because all that this grand war did was distract them from their many, many problems, at least for a while. Until they return to their old ways. Until the mourning period is over and you start gatekeeping top side again. Until enough time has passed for them to get angry and hopeless again, but it doesn't matter, because they are back where they belonged all along.

And maybe that was the point, not to show that society is doomed, but to prove that although everyone managed to come together for a moment, it was only ever going to be a moment. That sometimes complex societal dynamics can't be so easily and satisfactorily solved. But still- the solutions in the short term are flimsy, but they are still there. Sevika is still there. Vi is still there. Sometimes all you need is some dirt under your fingernails you can never really clean out to remind you that no, things aren't okay, but they goddamn well will be.

[netscrape]

noticing that the reason i have trouble maintaining long term friendships is because im either obsessed with the relationship and all my insecurities about it or totally detached from it and distant and i like dunno how to find the in between. something that’s working tho is acting distant when i feel the urge to lean into my insecurities and reaching out when i feel distant. so basically just doing the opposite of whatever i feel and the discomfort involved in that takes me from like 100 to 50 and evens things out if that makes sense so i think i can come off as more normal about things and not push people away as much lol..

[gay-artificer]

Okay I might not have anyone here whos able to contribute to this question but, in the past, I have used 'Hermaphrodite" as a purely scientific word, with heavy stressing that it is not to be confused with the definition of intersex or used to describe actual human beings under any circumstances. This is in part because I've never actually found a good term to replace it, as a lot of suggested terms are... unfitting or somewhat mismatched in a strictly scientific/biological sense. A lot of the suggested terms from more worldbuilding-focused individuals are used more (or strictly) for plants, or at least in 99% of contexts tend to be used for plants or describe slightly more specific things than just "Animal with both sexual systems at once." Plants as a whole have like... god, like ten different terms for various sexual setups because they can be stupidly complicated in a way that you just aren't likely to see with most animals, which tend to be more simplistic (at least slightly, lmao). There's also the slightly more niche issue that a lot of suggested alternatives address the topic from the strict goal of 'replace the word' and thus haven't yet spread to cover some of the specific forms that can apply too, although this would probably be a pretty easy fix if everyone can agree on a term, but at least as it is I still seems like everyone is split 5 different ways on which to use. In terms of fiction/casual use I've generally been defaulting to duel-sexed, which isn't an actual used term as far as I know, just because its pretty self descriptive and also wouldn't have some fringe specific scientific use- which is an issue I'd think you'd only really be bothered by if you were dipped in a lot of discussions about fringe animal biology- which is where I think a lot of suggestions from individuals more on the intersex activism side tend to fall when the terms they raise clash against niche situational biology things. Ive also used non-gonochoristic which is both clunkier and less easily picked up by less familiar individuals, but is also basically strictly 'animal' in use. Recently I've seen cosexual, which admittedly I seemed to have missed because yet again its a term where 99% of its use is isolated to plants, although it seems like there is a handful of uses cases that applied it specifically to animals (But still ultimately fall back on the other term in order to clarify the specifics). At least in terms of recent suggestions its probably the one I think would be most likely to pick up traction as a replacement, but its definitely still mired in the problematic terminology (In that basically everything I've seen use it only commits to using it alongside the other term, rather than attempt to replace it) and also still heavily plant related. Although not to the degrees of some of the popular suggestions like 'monoecious' which is a fairly common and well known word- but its specific relationship with other plant terminology makes it feel ill-fitted for the role when its not going to mixed with plant bullshit. Seriously look at this:

I've also seen bigenital suggested recently, which I frankly think is a much worse/weaker word both in terms of just, terminology and also its finer application. And then a handful of terms that just very blatantly have too much crossover with other things. Also a dozen other words that I've seen floating around over the years, but they definitely exist as mostly peoples personal suggestions/solutions and not ones with any real traction. It's a problem I've seen repeatedly brought up, but have yet to actually see any sort of formal correction take hold. And I think part of that is almost certainly a bit of a clash between nerds trying to maintain the specific definitions of things in an area where theres already a lot of confusing overlap, Activists who rightfully want get things changed but aren't clued in as hard to more niche scientific terminology concerns like "This is specifically for plants who have a specific type of reproduction system organization with their flowers, and thus doesn't quiet work for something that doesn't have multiple sets of genitals in different arrangements as most animals do" and well meaning scientists who want to avoid the word and try using alternatives but ultimately fall back on the one people know and that they know scientifically describes the thing they want to describe even if it also carries a historically negative connotation with it. Which is where I'm realizing I've kinda been sitting, because things really haven't shifted once you sit down and read the stuff that gets put out, and unlike some... other words its specific use case is a bit less easily swapped out with synonyms. So you just fall back in on the less ideal but accepted within the bubble youre working in term. So I guess the question is, has anyone here actually seen something make some ground past just sort of 'this would be a nice replacement'? I'd frankly love if I've just somehow missed a big shift in language in the scientific community, but so often I just see people claim that one term is the new standard when its like... standard in that its used heavily in botany, and there generally is a split between botany and zoology in terms of terminology that people would want to maintain. (God don't let anyone tell you 'male and female' are the only options or bring up that stupid 'its 1st grade biology' bullshit. The world is so stupidly complicated and this would not be an issue if it was so simple but unfortunately we need terminology for all the weird shit exclusively found in three species of cactus) Anyway, I typed this whole thing up kinda just to see if anyone else had yet more terms they've seen around or even used actually properly in a scientific paper, and its a whole mess thats been bothering me with specbio for years and at the end of typing this I'm honestly just hoping more that cosexed/cosexual catches on. I think it forms a nice trifecta with perisexed/intersexed/cosexed. And hey, maybe it has caught on more in the sex and gender side of things (let me know if so, if you happen to be more familiar with that) cause I certainly am more clued in to the non-human biology stuff which is where you get weird things one single species of rose has decided to do we now have to name. On a lighter note. God I hate plants. They give me headaches.

[eyrieofsynapses]

kept finding our thermostat set to fucking 66°F, resetting it to 70° because what the fuck it's 20° outside, and then... found it set to 65°

this has been going on for like three weeks so finally decided to text housemate group chat and be like "hey so can we figure out a temperature that we can all agree on"

me and third housemate: prefer 70°-72°F and have been setting the thermostat as such

second housemate: is the one setting it to 66°F and, whenever it's set higher, is apparently opening her room windows in 20° weather because 70° is too warm and has not mentioned this to us, somehow

me and third housemate: ...okay we can deal with 68°

me, today, in my room, hands Absolutely Fucking Freezing, shivering, desperately wanting just one more degree of heat: ...maybe I should have let the thermostat wars continue to rage

anyway. evolution why the fuck did you make humans Like This

[psychoticallytrans]

A surprisingly helpful bit of social maneuvering I've figured out from trial and error: Throughout your life, you are going to need things from people. Often, it's going to be on a deadline. And when that deadline passes, you generally want to know what's going on. So, you need to ask them.

There are two kinds of people, broadly, in this situation. The Shameless will tell you what the holdup is, with absolutely no regard for if the reason is "good enough". This is actually very helpful, because you get the real reason immediately, and can start working on a solution.

The Ashamed is trickier. People who are Ashamed are people who were often told they were giving excuses when they were trying to explain, and they'll often avoid you until they solve the problem on their own. This causes them and you a lot of stress, and often takes a lot longer to solve.

Long term, the strategy for dealing with people who are Ashamed is to provide a supportive environment where they're comfortable sharing any problems they're having with getting things done. But, there's a way to at least partially short-circuit that:

Provide an explanation for them.

One example might be "Hey Susan, I noticed that I don't have your report yet. Are you busy with other projects?" The readymade explanation signals that you're willing to accept an explanation, which is the big anxiety point.

Sometimes, you still won't get an honest answer- especially if the honest answer isn't "good enough" by the standards of the person who traumatized them. But, I've found that it often at least gets you a lie that lets you give them some slack or work around the problem.

Let's say that Susan has actually completely forgotten that she needed to do the report. She's horrified at herself, and completely unwilling to admit the real problem. But, she can now safely reply with "Sorry Jennifer, I've been swamped, and it got lost in the mix. I can have it to you in two days. Does that work?"

From there, so long as Susan gave an estimate for when she can actually do it, she and Jennifer can hash out a solution.

It's not a perfect solution, but it works astonishingly well for how small of a change it is.

[arolesbianism]

I've been chipping at a new oni save recently and I have to say I have gotten way less ambitious with my teleporter planet over my past few saves. In a lot of my earlier saves Id dive right in there, but nowadays I find myself ignoring the teleporter for a good while before dipping in to set up some basic utilities there before leaving again and continuing to stall lol

[therainscene]

I didn't start shipping Byler because I picked up on a few moments of chemistry and decided they'd make a cute couple -- I started off by absolutely refusing to entertain said moments as reciprocally queer until I ran into the ridiculous homophobia on the ST subreddit and decided to review Mike's character arc out of sheer gay spite.

Let me clarify: Spite isn't what made me change my mind about Mike. Spite just made me read a few Byler analyses and rewatch the show with an open mind because I didn't want to be like those pricks who would insult and censor queer fans for... [checks notes]... thinking something gay might happen in a TV show with gay people in it. I truly wasn't expecting a queer interpretation to fit Mike's arc anywhere near as well as the default interpretation -- but by the time I'd finished my rewatch, I was reeling from how much better it fit.

Cause that's the thing: Mike's queerness is pretty obvious once you look for it. The difficulty is in giving yourself permission to look.

-------------------

A question Bylers are often asked is "why would the show spend four seasons building up Milevn just to tear it down at the last minute for some unrealistic woke ship? Mike literally said he loves El!" And yeah, Mike's grand love confession at the end of S4 certainly seems like a triumphant pay-off to all that build-up... but I have a few questions of my own.

Firstly: why establish in no uncertain terms that feeling loved is the key to unlocking El's fullest potential against Vecna--

--only to undermine the power of Mike's longed-for confession by having it only be good enough to delay Vecna instead of defeat him? Yes, it's the penultimate season -- so why did Milevn's pay-off happen here instead of S5 where it could properly shine?

Secondly: why couldn't Milevn fix their relationship by themselves? Even if you believe that El commissioned the painting (she didn't) and that the feelings Will describes are truly hers (they aren't), it was still Will who had to perform this romantic gesture on her behalf, and it broke his heart to do so. Why hand this important work off to a third party? Why weave queer tragedy into the build-up towards a heterosexual pay-off that's supposed to feel triumphantly romantic?

Speaking of which: why undermine the intimacy of this scene by having Will hover behind Mike's shoulder the whole time? Couldn't they have asked Noah to take a few steps to the left for the sake of a better shot? Couldn't they have waited until after Milevn's big romantic moment to remind us for the millionth fucking time how sad Will is about it?

In my opinion, this scene and its four seasons of build-up make much more sense if you read them as three entwined character arcs about the trials of growing up in a suffocatingly heteronormative era: the gay kid who doesn't think he's entitled to a happy ending; the abused girl who thinks shallow romance with the first boy who's nice to her will make her feel normal; and the confused hero who hasn't figured out the solution yet.

For all the insistence that this show has to stick to "realistic" depictions of 80s queerness... it's hardly a realistic depiction of 80s straightness for Mike to score an awesome magical girlfriend, either. That's just nerdy wish-fulfillment, and common only as a trope in fiction.

So it's not unreasonable to suppose that Mike's true role in the Subverting 80s Tropes Show might be to represent the actually very realistic 80s experience of getting swept up in compulsory heterosexuality.

Think about it: Will's vulnerability to the horrors functions as a metaphor for being visibly gay in a world that despises gay people--

--whereas Mike's girlfriend quite literally has the power to protect him from monsters and homophobic bullies alike.

This doesn't mean Mike is callously using El, though. He learned the hard way in S1 that treating an innocent girl like a means to an end would only end up destroying her, and the guilt and fear of hurting her again has been weighing heavy on him ever since.

Comphet isn't about taking advantage of other people's feelings so you can pretend to be straight -- it's about deluding yourself into believing you're straight because queerness isn't an option you're allowed to consider.

Mike genuinely does love El and he genuinely does want to be an important part of her life -- so surely that means he wants to be her boyfriend, right? Twelve is perhaps a little young to know that yet... but surely there's gotta be something here that sets his feelings apart from how a friend or brother would feel?

Surely the reason he later finds himself struggling to say to her face that he loves her is because he's just an immature loser who needs to try harder to grow up and be the man this girl he adores deserves to have...?

...and certainly not because the guilt and fear of losing her just keeps piling up as the romantic instincts he thinks he's been waiting to grow into turn out to be developing at exactly the pace they're supposed to -- in the wrong direction.

That would be ridiculous. Will's his best friend. Yes, he loves him and can't bear to be without him, but that doesn't mean anything. Why can't a guy display a little unhinged devotion to his special friend without it having to mean something romantic?

Why can't he, indeed.

At his core, Mike is someone who desperately wants to be as special as the straight heroes in the nerdy media he loves. But there isn't anything inherently heroic about being some lame middle-class white nerd who's bad with girls, so he believes that the best he can do is to be a dutiful sidekick who would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat for people he perceives as more special than himself.

For all the "build-up" Mike's romance with El has enjoyed across four seasons, it's done absolutely nothing to help him grow as a character and overcome this self-worth problem.

So is it really any surprise that even after realizing El would be fine and still want to be friends with him if he told her the truth, and even after realizing just how good Will is at understanding his insecurities and reassuring him of his inherent worth--

--Mike would still sacrifice his chance at happiness for the sake of the greater good?

El was literally dying in his arms. How could queer desire possibly be as important as this girl who needed him to be a man and do his damn job so she could do hers?

I'm interpreting Mike as gay here, but I think it's important to note that this principle applies even if he's bi or straight -- Mike can be attracted to girls and still be forcing himself to stay in a relationship with a girl he's not a good romantic match for because that's just what he thinks he's supposed to do.

His sister had a similar problem: Nancy was legitimately attracted to Steve, but her infatuation with him was more about doing what cool teen girls are supposed do than about authentic connection. And because this is a horror story as much a coming-of-age story, Wheeler's conformity had horrendous consequences -- her critical-of-comphet bestie was killed by the horrors.

Which sounds familiar, doesn't it?

(Sure, Max technically didn't die -- but she still died enough for Vecna's plan to come to fruition. Which just brings us back to my first question: why couldn't the Power of Heterosexual Love prevent this? In the same season that said "forced conforming is what's killing the kids", no less?)

Will describes Vecna as an inevitability that won't stop until he's taken everyone -- which in my opinion is the same defeatist attitude demanded by comphet.

It's not that Mr. Refuses-To-Participate-In-Society's-Silly-Play symbolizes comphet itself, per se; rather, he represents the despair of feeling like you can't truly escape it. But either way, this means that the solution to defeating Vecna is the same solution to defeating comphet:

Giving yourself permission to look and see that your true self is far more valuable than whatever you think you're supposed to be.

[yandere-daydreams]

tw - non/con, manipulation, mentions of breeding, and unbalanced power dynamics.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who's ecstatic the day his owner, Suguru, brings you home. He's the pinnacle of a spoiled pet, constantly showered in toys and treats and affection, but his owner's a busy man, and he tends to sulk when left home alone. He's had other companions before, another leopard hybrid who nearly killed him before being released back into the wild and a black panther who somehow proved to be a worse influence on Satoru than Satoru was on her, but you're supposed to be more permanent solution, another hosuepet to keep him company when Suguru can't. You're a sweet little housecat, all wide-eyes and raised ears, but still, Suguru wouldn't be surprised if you're begging to go back to the shelter less than an hour after meeting your new roommate.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who falls in love with you immediately. Suguru practically has to keep him in a chokehold while you explore your new home, eventually curling up on your new bed. Satoru's on top of you as soon as he gets loose, purring obnoxiously while he runs his bristled tongue over your cheek. Suguru's half-convinced that your first day's going to end with bloody claws and bandages, but you only nuzzle into his chest and knead at the blankets underneath you. Satoru's a difficult cat to put up with, and Suguru's relieved that you, at least, find him tolerable.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who's absolutely massive compared to you. The tips of your pointed ears barely reach his collarbones, and your wrist is only as thick as his fluffy tail. His favorite hobby quickly becomes carrying you from room to room despite your softly mewled protests, and he's not happy unless he's pressed against you as closely as possible. He used to force himself into Suguru's lap whenever possible, but now, he's unbearable unless you're sitting pretty in his. He doesn't even complain when you lose your temper and dig your little fangs (barely half the size of his - a poor imitation of a real predator's) into his arm, just grinning as he tugs at your ears and pinches your cheeks. He's not exactly a wild animal, but he's still at the top of his food chain. You're not quite a mouse, but you might as well be, compared to him.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who's calling you his mate after less than a full month. You don't know what it means, often parroting it back as more of a question than a term of endearment, and Suguru just brushes it off as Satoru being deliberately irritating. He keeps it up, though. even after you start refusing to respond to it.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who starts introducing you to new "games". You know you don't stand a chance against him, but somehow, he always manages to goad you into roughhousing, into squirming as he pins you under his full weight. He likes to dangle things above your head, to see how long it takes your instincts to get the best of you before your chest is pressed against his and you're pouting so adorably as you jump and bat at his hand. Sometimes, when you fall asleep mid-grooming session, he'll let his mouth wander lower than it should, and you'll wake up to his tongue lapping over your chest, his face buried between your thighs in a way that leaves you teary-eyed and warm. You've tried to tell Suguru, but you always get embarrassed and end up mumbling something as vague as 'Satoru's being mean to me, again.' In the end, Satoru only ever gets a slap on the wrist and a new reason to tease you, next time Suguru turns his back.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who fucks you whenever Suguru isn't home. He planned on waiting for your first heat (delayed by your shelter suppressants and the stress of a new home), and he knows he's not supposed to, but he just can't get enough of having your smaller body curled up underneath his, your tail thrashing from side to side as he lazily rolls his hips against yours. You tend to whine, at first, to go on and on about how weird it feels and how much it hurts, but as soon he gets his cock inside of you, all those complaints tend to go away. It's almost funny, how easily your stupid little kitty mind gets all hazy and cockdrunk. He always loves you, but he loves you most when you're drooling and purring for his cum, begging him to breed you properly between hitched moans.

Snow Leopard!Satoru, who's not even mad when Suguru catches him bouncing your half-conscious, fucked-out body on his cock. He wants to be the best possible mate for you, and he couldn't do that if he wasn't willing to show you off <3

[niwaart]

omegaverse x batfam

Bruce wanted a solution to his family's problems, he always wondered how other families were happy and even if their family was big their problems weren't many, but looking at his children, problems happen every day if not every hour, for example Damian and Tim are trying to prove their worth by killing each other... not literally but close to it... and also Jason who refuses to go home even after things between them became good and better than before, but he is still stubborn to the core, he refuses to leave the weapons even after several lectures from Bruce and Alfred, the biggest problem is that he refuses to return to the pack or even smell him! This hurts Bruce's feelings... a little. As for Dick... he is fine and not fine, he tries to help everyone and forget his problems, he can't even settle in a relationship without ruining it. As for Cass, she has a problem getting to know new people, or even communicating with others, this doesn't make Bruce happy, he wants his daughter to go out with friends, and enjoy life, it's good that Stephanie is helping her and this really makes Bruce happy, but he still wants his daughter to be able to make her own decisions and think about her future. As for Duke, he was shy, there was nothing wrong with him, he was perfectly fine, he just needed some confidence and enthusiasm, his breakup with his girlfriend had made him sad so Bruce wanted to give him new confidence and determination, but he didn't know how. Bruce didn't want to burden Alfred any more, he was getting old, he couldn't keep up with all the family's problems, so Bruce had to find a solution, a quick and good solution for the long term, and luckily for him he finally found the answer, his flock needed an omega! There had never been an omega in his Pack before, he used to hear at his parties that all the families had an omega to take care of their Pack, so Bruce decided to look for the perfect omega for his family, and he found a perfect omega..

"I wonder why Bruce gathered us here and not in the cave, Bruce only gathers us when it's dangerous.." Dick said as he sat between Damian and Tim so they wouldn't fight.

"It better not be something silly." Jason said, examining the furniture in the room.

"Maybe Father decided to kick Tim out of the family." Damian said thinking about how to stab Tim after Tim fed Titus extra food…

"Or maybe he wants to punish Damian by not being Robin." Tim said as he still remembered his room filled with fish and water.

Dick sighed in disgust at Damian and Tim's actions while Stephanie and Duke laughed. "Maybe he wants to bring us a surprise, maybe gifts? What do you think Cass?" Stephanie said cheerfully as she looked at Cassandra who shrugged her shoulders not caring as long as it wasn't anything serious.

"Oh he's here!" Duke said as he looked at the opening door.

Everyone turned to the door immediately expecting Bruce, and yes it was Bruce but there was someone else with him, a short and still young person.

Everyone looked curiously at the stranger. "Well old man, why did you gather us?" Jason said impatiently.

Bruce smiled at his children, "I'm glad to see everyone is here today. I want to introduce you to the Omega of the Pack."

Everyone looked at Bruce in shock, including Dick who was about to faint from what he heard, Jason who was about to suffocate, Stephanie who didn't believe Bruce's words, Tim who was analyzing Bruce's features to know if this was a joke or not, Damian who was a little confused, why would his father bring an omega to the house? Aren't they weak? And Duke who had an expression of shock like Stephanie. And Cass who was strangely calm..

Dick tried to speak without stuttering, "Bruce... what are you saying now?"

"What's wrong with what I said? I told you I brought Omega for the pack. Is there a problem?" Bruce looked suspiciously at his sons, he didn't expect their reaction to be like this.

Everyone was looking at Y/N who was standing silently next to Bruce. "Don’t you have anything to say?" Jason said angrily, he wasted his precious time for Omega!

Y/N looked at everyone and then said, "He kidnapped me."

Everyone except Bruce and Cass "What?!?!"

Everyone turns to Bruce who smiles innocently.

[kiplex]

⛧ LaDs Boys Night Time Routine / Sleep HCs ⛧

This came to me in a dream after I heard we were getting the sleep quality time for the 4.0 update. Low-key kind of crack HCs but God forbid I keep up my writing streak!!! Also I made the LI dividers in like 10 minutes be kind to me. I'll work out a long term solution when I do more serious multi boy HCs LMFAO

Warnings: suggestive (for Sylus) and mentions of nüdïty (for Sylus... Again)

Xavier can sleep anywhere at any time. You have a photo album on your phone titled “Xavier sleeping where he shouldn't be." You're favorite is him dozing off during a work meeting, the whole UNICORN unit posing around him

Loves a cozy cup of tea before bed, yes, you guys do have matching mugs!!

Sleeps like a log. Literally will not move, but the second you climb into bed he latches on to you and will not let go no matter how hot it is

He does panic slightly when he wakes up from a nap or the middle of the night and you aren't there. You're normally not far but he still has a slight feeling of uneasiness until you join him again.

While he doesn't snore he does that boy thing were he twitches like crazy in his sleep

Has a plethora of sleep masks still manage to misplace like half of them

Will pout if you forget to give him a goodnight kiss, who cares if he wasn't awake to feel it, how dare you neglect him like that.

Rafayel has a 20 step skin care routine he has to do before bed, which in turn has turned into a “Our 20 step skin care routine…” you guys have matching skincare headbands

Will get you guys, couples pajamas as a joke, but they're so comfy, you should wear yours too and maybe you guys can take a photo or something.. AS A JOKE OF COURSE haha… unless

He's really good about sleeping on his side of the bed, too good sometimes and will complain if you clinging to him is too hot

Sleeps with white noise of the ocean, cannot sleep without it

Rafayel loves to play with your hair while you sleep. Spooning you and braiding your hair gently, feeling your body rise and fall with your breath?? He's in heaven, he could die here and be the happiest man alive

He's a sleep talker, and a very convincing one at that. It's scary how many conversations you guys have had where he doesn't have a clue what you're talking about the next day

Claims he needs his beauty rest, but will turn around and stay up to binge Love Island with you

Zayne is the type to get up in the middle of the night for one of two things, finish work after you begged him to go to but, or on the opposite end of the spectrum, sneak sweets while you are asleep

He is also a sleep talker and a sleep walker. More of a sleep walker though. You've caught him getting dressed for work on multiple occasions, thinking he got called in for an emergency at the hospital but a few minutes later he'll flop down on the bed again.

He also does that boy thing where he twitches a whole lot in his sleep, claims he's never done that before in his life

He's absolutely the best to cuddle with during the summer, his evol makes him run a lot colder. During the winter?? Eh not so much, but you do it anyway

He does value his space when you sleep together, but if you initiate cuddling he's not complaining. He relishes in it honestly.

Do you have insomnia?? Zayne may be a cardiologist but girly, he's still a doctor!!! You already know he's doing everything under the sun to try and solve your sleep issues.

He's the type to really value sleep health and promote deep REM sleep. Has the coziest possible bed and pillows. Bonus points for all of them being tempur-pedic

Sylus sleeps in matching silk pajamas set or completely nude; no in-between

Always humming you to sleep, you always say he’ll make a great dad some day

Loves watching you do your skincare routine, he's starting buy you the expensive Korean skincare products for you, he even caves and starts using some night cream

Always says goodnight to Luke and Kieran, he's such a mother hen sometimes

We know he doesn't sleep much, but will humor you if you ask him to sleep with you. He does pull an Edward Cullen and likes watching you sleep so peacefully in his arms

Can't sleep? Great, Sylus will stay up with you, maybe take you boxing if you need to burn some energy. If you still have energy after that… he finds other ways to expend your energy 😏

When Sylus does sleep… he SNORES oh my god he snores. Should probably have a cpap machine but would definitely deny he snores at all

Caleb will deny he's tired but as soon as his head hits the pillow, he's out. You have a firm theory that during his DAA days, they trained him to be like that

He is a skincare routines worst nightmare. He canonically has dry skin and dry lips. Does not understand for the life of him why you load your face up with lotions and potions. BUT he will do a sheet mask with you from time to time

He always jokes about getting a plane shaped bed to the point where you low-key think it isn't a joke anymore.

He is such a cuddly man. Oh my god he is so dramatic when you are on your side of the bed. He'll pull you toward him, make grabby hands at you, pout and whine that you're too far and you hate him!!!!

Caleb SNORES so loud. Not all the time but when he's especially exhausted, typically after multiple days on the fleet. He wears those nose strips to try and help but… it is what it is.

Suffers from chronic nightmares; boy can't catch a break even when he's sleeping. He's got it under control for the most part but when they're especially bad, he'll sometimes wake you up and ask you to hold him.

He is a low-key blanket hog during the winter. He'll wake up and be like “Pips why are you shivering??" Girl, you took all the blankets??? Will warm you back up with his body heat though, so it's fine.

You can find my master list here (I promise, I write better stuff than this)

[heestoleurgirl]

sim jaeyun 𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚

₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ in which riki broke up with you, leaving you devastated and depressed. that is, until you get drunk on a night out, and somehow find yourself in his best friend's bed.

genre: angst, smut (pwp) pairing: ex's best friend!jake x fem!reader warnings: smut, MDNI!! wc: 5k

A/N: why am i writing jake smut, im not even jake biased

masterlist 𖤐.ᐟ

21 days. 21 days since your boyfriend, riki, broke up with you. everyone said it would get easier to deal with over time, and you knew they were right, but you still felt like shit every hour of every single day.

anywhere you looked, you'd just get reminded of him and have flashes of unwanted memories in your mind. it felt like absolute torture. yes, this had been your first serious relationship and you loved him so much, of course you were upset (to say the least).

the worst part was that you still saw him every now and then on campus, which only made your heart ache more. especially when he happened to be around his girl friends. you knew it was just irrational jealousy but that didn't stop you from getting nauseous at the sight.

જ⁀➴ more under the cut!

one thing was for certain: you couldn't keep going like this, you were extremely exhausted from feeling so miserable 24/7. crying all the time was getting old, and rotting in bed forever didn't seem like a good long term solution. so, you had a totally mature and genius idea that would definitely not make things worse in any way. there was a house party being hosted by someone you knew, it would be the perfect place to get drunk and forget about your ex. even if it's just for one night.

your friends had already been nagging you to go, knowing your current state and how you barely left your house unless it was absolutely necessary. they were worried for you and missed your radiant aura. minhee was convinced she'd find you a hot guy that would help you move on. yeah, you knew that wouldn't work as simple as that, it wasn't easy to simply forget someone you loved with your whole heart and dated for quite a while. but at least you could give it a try, right?

♡

fast forward to friday, you sat on the carpet in front of the body length mirror in your room, attempting to do your makeup. truth be told, it's been a while since you made yourself look so glamorous, which made it all the more difficult to get ready. every fibre of your being was screaming at you to just stay home and cry yourself to sleep while watching rom coms. but you pushed through, forcing yourself to stay on track with your plans and also not let down your friends who were there for you.

the faint sound of a honk broke you out of your thoughts, causing you to grab your belongings and waddle down the stairs in a dress that was shorter than you were comfortable with. your friend karina had gotten it for you a while ago, and you felt bad for never wearing it since then.

"looking good y/nnie!" minhee smirked and jokingly whistled as you managed to navigate yourself in to the passenger seat of her car.

all you could do was roll your eyes and playfully nudge her shoulder. "shut up"

she wiggled her brows in response before shifting gears and taking off to pick the other girls up too. you'd be lying if you said you weren't nervous about tonight, and feeling some form of regret. you could only pray and hope that riki wouldn't be there, or you'd definitely drown yourself in the pool without a second thought.

following your excited and chatty friends up the stairs felt strangely like walking towards your impending doom. you stuck close to minhee, who unsurprisingly immediately made her way to the drinks. not like you minded, because there was no way you were surviving this night without any alcohol.

the unknown mix of drinks burned your throat as you swallowed it, not really bothering to be sensible. before you knew it, you were on the dance floor with your friends, laughing and singing along to the songs blasting from the speakers. even if it was due to the alcohol, finally having a smile on your face was really refreshing. karina seemed to notice, who flashed you a grin and tugged you closer as the two of you were dancing like there was no tomorrow.

as the night went on, you gradually lost yourself to the alcohol that was now buzzing in your veins. you didn't feel like yourself at all, but in the best way possible. anyone would be able to tell that you were completely out of it by now.

you had no idea where your friends had disappeared off to, and somehow you found yourself not caring. while you were busy pushing past people with no particular destination in mind, you accidentally bumped into someone.

"woopsies, silly me!" you giggled drunkenly, looking up to see who it was. your heart did a backflip when you managed to recognize the face staring back at you.

"no worries darling." you knew that aussie accent way too well. standing right in front of you was jake, riki's best friend. honestly you were just relieved that it wasn't riki himself.

"oh, hi jake." you stumbled a bit and grabbed onto his arm for support. he merely looked down at you in amusement, finding the blush on your cheek quite cute. his eyebrow shot up subtly, eyeing the revealing dress that was definitely out of chatacter for you. despite that, you looked undeniably gorgeous like always.

jake's hand moved to your waist casually, acting as a stabilizer so you wouldn't fall over. normally, you would've felt awkward in a situation like this, but now you weren't even phased.

"you look like you've had one too many drinks, hm?" he leaned closer to speak, so you'd hear him over the loud music. your hands instinctively tightened around his arm.

"i-i'm fine..." you mumbled stubbornly, even though it was obvious you were close to collapsing right there on the spot.

"are you here alone? where are your friends?" if you were sober, you definitely wouldn't have missed the slight concern laced with his voice.

"uhmm... i dunno!" you grinned sheepishly at him, still pressed against his arm. "i think they ditched me"

you had no idea when or how you lost them, so his guess was as good as yours. "i was just about to leave anyway. can't leave a pretty thing like you drunk and alone"

before you knew it, jake was dragging you out of the party along with him. you weren't exactly sure what was going on, but even in your state you knew that you trusted him. after all, he was your ex's best friend, you'd known him for a while.

♡

jake guided you into his bedroom, sitting you down on his bed and looking down at you, as if contemplating something. now that you were actually here, in his apartment, he wasn't sure if this was the right decision. but what else could he do, leave you at the party when you were completely shitfaced? absolutely not.

he kneeled down in front of you and carefully took one of your legs in his hand, removing your heel with the upmost precision. the other one was discarded too, letting your feet feel relieved from being squished together all night.

you were quiet now, past your drunken giggling and just zoning out, having no clue where you were. he almost laughed at the sight. he'd never seen you so vulnerable and adorable.

"stay here, i'll bring you some water" he stood up and disappeared into the bathroom for a few minutes. true to his words, he returned with the water in one hand, and a pill in the other.

you watched with glossy eyes as he sat down next to you and gently guided the glass to your lips. you obeyed, feeling refreshed by the cold liquid. he gave you the pill next, urging you to swallow it. "this will make your headache more bearable tomorrow"

a quiet hum left your lips as you followed his instructions, then set the glass aside on his nightstand. your movements were still uncoordinated and messy, making him chuckle.

"you tired, pretty?" jake examined your droopy eyes, you looked so cute he had to hold himself back from smothering you in affection.

the first time jake saw you, he had felt starstruck. if he could go back in time, he definitely wouldn't have fumbled you so bad. he was a coward, he waited too long and suddenly you were dating his best friend. despite all his attempts to get rid of his attraction towards you, nothing seemed to work in his favour. you were quite literally the only girl he couldn't have, and ironically enough also the only one he wanted. but of course, he was respectful of your relationship with riki and was good at hiding his feelings towards you, he'd never let his jealousy be the reason he fell out with his best friend.

so here you were, sitting in his bed, drunk off your ass and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out why you'd drink so much. he wasn't sure how riki would react if he knew the situation he was in right now. he chose to push that thought aside and focus on you.

when you didn't answer his question, he spoke again, "you can sleep in my clothes, yeah?"

you nodded and stood up, letting him help you make your way to the bathroom. As he was closing the door, he added one more thing. "if you need any help, just shout for me."

it was quite difficult to get your dress off, but you managed somehow. all your limbs felt weak and heavy, and you were still disoriented, though you were able to change without falling over or breaking anything. jake's shirt swallowed your small frame comfortably, and you smiled faintly at the smell of his cologne lingering on the fabric. your mind was a jumbled mess of feelings as you returned, seeing him scrolling his phone, also in a more comfortable set of clothes.

he looked up and smirked at you, his eyes shamelessly travelling down your body as he took in the sight of you. to him, you'd never looked hotter. the combination of your messy hair and his shirt stopping by your mid-thighs was enough to make his head spin. he had to remind himself that you were drunk, and no matter how badly he wanted you he couldn't take advantage of you in this state.

seeing him pat a spot on the bed, you didn't need much convincing to climb under the covers and rest your head on a pillow. once again, you were welcomed with his scent, causing you to feel strangely comforted.

jake stood up and gave you one last look, making sure you were laid on your side so you wouldn't accidentally hurt yourself by choking on your tongue.

"where are you going?" you asked tiredly, opening your eyes to see him by the door of his bedroom.

"i'm sleeping on the couch." he raised a brow, surprised to see you sit up in the bed after just getting comfortable. your next words made him wonder if he was hallucinating.

"come back, i don't want to be alone"

your quiet, pleading voice was simply impossible to resist. how could he say no, when you were looking at him with literal puppy eyes? he sighed, and following a moment of hesitation he climbed into bed next to you. it's not like he didn't want to sleep next to you, god he would give anything to experience this. but he wasn't sure how long he could control himself when you were in his bed, looking like an angel.

for a few minutes, the room was filled with heavy silence as the two of you simply stared at each other. you admired his face, the dim lighting only adding to the tension slowly filling the air. you'd never really noticed just how pretty he was before. his round, brown eyes seemed so welcoming.

"jake..." you almost whispered his name, with nothing specific in mind. you just wanted to end the silence between you, it felt too tense.

"hm?" his eyes never left yours, studying your face as if you were the most interesting thing in the world. the longer you looked at him, the more your heart seemed to race.

"i... i don't know"

"what's wrong?" jake studied your glossy eyes, wondering why you were suddenly acting so emotional. his heart clenched at the sight of you nearly crying. he longed to pull you close and kiss you until you were smiling again.

"i don't know, i just..." you struggled to find words to express how you felt, especially with the alcohol still lingering in your system. there was so much you wanted to say, but you knew better than to break down in his bed when he'd been kind enough to bring you home with him safely. "...i don't wanna be alone. i hate the silence, i hate feeling everything and nothing at the same time i-"

suddenly you felt his finger wiping a stray tear from your cheek, one you haven't even noticed falling. there it was, that familiar heavy feeling in your heart. the one you were so sick of feeling, all you wanted was for it to go away.

you didn't really think before scooting over and hugging jake's larger frame. your face was buried in his neck, a good way to hide your tears as well as your embarrassment. his warmth felt intoxicating and you clutched his shirt like you were afraid he'd disappear.

jake didn't hesitate to welcome your hug and return it, he was more than happy to be your shoulder to cry on. seeing you in such a state made him realize just how emotionally drained you'd been since the breakup happened, he silently cursed riki for not taking care of you properly.

you felt like this was the first time someone had properly hugged you in weeks, which didn't help the overflowing emotions you were already experiencing. you clinged to him as if he was your lifeline, your only hope. there was no way you could explain the way his entire presence and embrace was more comforting than anything you'd felt in a while.

maybe you were delusional, but being in his arms like this made you feel all the more attracted to him. letting your guard down was something you rarely ever did, even with your most trusted friends. yet here you were, silently crying in jake's bed and confessing how lonely you felt as of late. it felt so intimate to be vulnerable around him.

"it's okay, you're not alone. i'm here, yeah?" he murmured against your hair, rubbing your back gently in an attempt to calm you down. if he wasn't paying attention, he would've missed the subtle nod of your head.

"i'm sorry. please don't leave." you whispered, sliding your hands under his shirt to feel the bare skin of his back that was practically radiating heat.

your touch caught him off guard and he almost hissed at the contact, his arms tightened around your waist. "i'm not going anywhere darling, and you have nothing to be sorry for. you've been through a lot and you just need some love"

yeah, you did need love. you felt guilty, a part of you still yearned for it to be riki who gave you the love you wanted so badly. but he was gone now, no matter how much you cried over it the past won't change. the more rational part of your brain was constantly urging you to move on and accept the fact that riki doesn't love you anymore. you swore the mixed emotions were going to drive you insane, if they haven't already.

but right now, even if it wasn't what you wanted, jake was what you needed. if only you knew the true extent of how much he cared for you.

jake's hands paused against your back when he felt the soft press of your lips against his neck. it surprised him so much that he couldn't help but wonder if he was imagining things. but no, he felt it yet again. "fuck, angel... don't do that" he struggled to speak properly.

"why not?" you pulled away a bit to examine his face, searching for signs of any discomfort, or maybe disgust. you just wanted to shower him in affection to show him how grateful you felt to be here with him right now. to be able to sleep in his bed and cry in his arms to your heart's extent.

he wasn't sure how to explain the reason he didn't want you to kiss him right now, and you were completely oblivious to his internal struggle.

"you're still tipsy, and emotional..." jake brushed a strand of hair away from your cheek, "i'm not going to take advantage of your state." he was being so sweet to you, it was almost annoying. yes, you were still not entirely sober but you couldn't deny the overwhelming urge to be... close to him.

so instead of replying, you leaned closer and pecked his cheek, causing jake to groan aloud. how could he possibly restrain himself when the girl he was whipped for was acting like this? he cupped your jaw with one hand and pulled your face closer, placing his lips onto yours with one swift motion.

your eyes fluttered shut and you kissed back as if you had done this a million times before. it felt so natural, and you were becoming lightheaded from how perfectly your lips felt against each other. previously you'd been worried that kissing someone would feel wrong, and you thought you'd imagine you were kissing riki instead, but right now there wasn't a single thought about him in your mind. all you could focus on was how good it was.

jake felt like he was losing his mind more every second he continued to kiss you. he didn't care how needy he might be coming off, cause fuck he'd wanted to this for months. never in a million years did he anticipate it would actually happen, in this context no less.

the kiss grew more heated as you moved your hands from his back to feel up his defined abs, relishing how supple and warm his skin was. at the same time, jake had a hand cupping your cheek, while the other one slid down to your waist, dipping under the shirt you were wearing. the feeling of your bare skin under his fingertips was absolutely euphoric. safe to say, neither of you were thinking about how right or wrong this might be at the moment. all your thoughts were out the window and you were entirely immersed in his company.

he didn't hesitate for a second when he realized you were tugging at the hem of his shirt, silently demanding its removal. the t-shirt was tossed aside, landing somewhere on the floor of his bedroom. your eyes widened as you were met with the sight of his bare upper body, you had to hold yourself back from practically drooling at the view. jake noticed your lustful gaze and couldn't help but smirk to himself. he pulled you closer and kissed you briefly before whispering in your ear lowly, "your turn."

he didn't leave you time to respond, tugging your shirt over your head. the action made you blush a bit, but you lifted your arms to help him remove the item of clothing. faint goosebumps littered your skin due to the sudden loss of heat, mixed with the tension in the air.

your hands landed on his chest, you took a moment to look into his eyes before inching closer and placing your lips on his for the nth time. the passion was halted for a moment, leaving room for the kiss to be more timid and soft. it didn't last for long though, soon enough it turned needy once again.

jake sat up without warning and pulled you into his lap snugly by your waist. your legs landed on either side of his thighs as you made yourself comfortable and wrapped your arms around his neck. his half lidded eyes and lazy grin made your heart skip a beat. for a second you felt stunned, an overwhelming sense of need filled you. he didn't miss the way your gaze travelled down his bare body once again, it sent a strange kind of satisfaction through him.

his lips found their way down from your jaw to your neck, peppering it with soft kisses. a quiet groan left his throat as you thread your fingers through his dark brown hair. the playful kisses turned into gentle nips and bites, jake couldn't resist leaving a few pretty marks along your porcelain skin.

your hushed gasp was a contrast to the mostly quiet atmosphere as his hands had somehow ended up squeezing your backside. the action caused you to arch your back instinctively, making you grind against him.

"fuck." he whispered, gently guiding your hips in his lap. the slight friction was intoxicating.

"jake..." his name left your mouth in a quiet whisper as you leaned your forehead on his shoulder, letting your urges get the best of you.

"i know, baby" his hands slid lower to caress your inner thighs tenderly. he tried not to moan as his hips pushed upward involuntary, amplifying the friction between you, while his boxers were becoming increasingly tight as his arousal strained against the fabric.

your lips found his once more, you were getting more desperate by the second and your mind was consumed purely with need for him. the material of his sweatpants felt soft under your fingers as you tugged subtly.

jake's breath hitched and his resolve crumbled almost immediately. he was a gone man, there was no going back now. breaking the kiss and muttering a quiet curse, he shoved his sweats and boxers down his hips in one swift motion. the rest was kicked off carelessly, leaving him completely bare under you. his hard length stood heavy against his stomach, flushed and leaking.

the sight made you want to faint on the spot, you had been so caught up chasing your lust and now it all felt real. you were still hovering on your knees, having lifted your hips to let him remove his remaining clothes.

but jake didn't plan on waiting around while you admired his erection, in a quick motion he flipped you over, pushing you against the pillows as he hovered above you. the view he had right now was almost enough to make him cum on the spot: you laid beneath him, sprawled out with messy hair and slightly swollen lips. not to mention some red marks he's left on your neck earlier (they definitely weren't the last either).

"you're so gorgeous, it's unfair."

before you knew it, he was kissing your shoulder, distracting you from the way his hand slid under your lacy panties. the gasp that left your lips was enough to let him know that you were surprised to feel his finger trail along your folds. god you were so wet he groaned out loud, opting to suck on your neck to keep himself quiet.

your arms darted to wrap around his neck once more as you felt him slide a finger into you. a broken moan left your lips, you bucked your hips into his hand, wanting to feel more of him.

"fuck, pretty, you're soaked" he murmured, his voice somewhat strained as he held himself back from shoving himself in fully and fucking you until you passed out.

"jake-" you couldn't speak properly even if you tried, especially not when another finger was pushed into you with ease. it was completely out of your control how your walls clenched around his diligently working fingers. "please..."

he could tell you were growing impatient and he knew exactly what you were asking for. as much as he longed to tease you and make you squirm under him as much as possible, his own arousal was consuming him whole.

after a few more pumps of his fingers, he pulled them out, earning a quiet whimper from you. he couldn't hold back a smirk, there was nothing that turned him on more than seeing you all desperate and needy for him, like you'd die if he didn't fill you up immediately. jake was pretty sure he'd never been as hard as he was right now in his entire life.

your panties were practically ripped off, not that you minded because that was the least of your concerns at the moment. you were completely focused on how jake grabbed your thighs and nudged them apart to position himself at your entrance.

he rubbed his tip against your aching clit, coating himself in your wetness and teasing you at the same time. "is this what you need doll? want me to fill you up?" he asked, his voice was low and laced with desire even with the obvious rhetorical question. he nudged inside, not giving you the full length yet as he moved his hands all over your body.

"yes! please jake, i need you" you whined shamelessly in response, tugging him closer with your hands on his back. there was no room for embarrassment, especially when you knew how much he was getting off from your begging.

he grunted in satisfaction at your response, pushing inside slowly until his hips pressed against yours. your gummy walls were tight and inviting, sucking him in with no effort. if jake thought he was close to losing it completely earlier, he was not ready for this moment. his entire body was tingling, senses heightened yet his brain completely gone, unable to form coherent thoughts.

"so good for me, i knew you could take it" he soothed your faint whimpers with a kiss on your forehead.

your eyes were glossy from the immense pleasure you felt with him just being buried to the hilt. the stretch was perfect, he filled you up perfectly without causing any pain.

after a moment of panting and moans, jake started to rock his hips, thrusting into you slowly. he wasn't sure how long he'd last with you being so perfect for him in every way.

"holy fuck..." he closed his eyes for a moment, desperate to keep himself together in favour of your pleasure and comfort. your soft moans and gasps didn't help his case one bit.

you couldn't stay quiet even if you tried, he was bringing you so much euphoria you swore you would explode. your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist as he sped up his movements, pushing as deep as possible. "fuck, jake..."

"so vocal for me" he hummed against your ear, his breath tickling your skin and giving you goosebumps yet again, only heightening the growing pleasure. as he continued to thrust into you, his hand left your waist to grap one or your hands and hold it down against the mattress, fingers intertwining naturally.

a sudden pain shot through his body in result of your nails digging into the skin of his back, altering between scratching and holding on. but the feeling only turned him on more, urging him to pound into you even faster.

"you're doing so well angel, shit" jake knew he wouldn't last much longer, so he was very relieved to feel you squirm and clench around his dick.

"it's so much..." you muttered between moans, your senses were flooded and overwhelmed by now. you swore you could see stars every time you felt his tip push against your cervix, his movements were painfully precise. "i'm close, jake"

you calling his name out so sweetly was music to his ears. he kissed your cheek and spoke in a strained voice yet again, "me too, you gonna come for me princess? hm?"

it was a miracle that you even lasted this long, your adamant nods were only seconds prior to you clamping down on him hard. a mix of a moan and grunt was heard from jake as he let go of your hand to wrap his arms around your waist instead.

with a few more sloppy thrusts, his climax was just behind yours. his hair was tugged and you squeezed your legs tightly as his hips jerked. you were filled up by ropes of his thick seed, making your eyes roll back from the pleasure completely and moan his name like a prayer.

both your bodies were moulded against each other, only disrupted occasionally with your light squirms. jake stroked your hair gently, holding onto you like he was afraid you would disappear. after a few peaceful moments, he carefully pulled out and grabbed a clean tissue to help you clean up.

once you were both under the cover again, he didn't waste any time to pull you against his chest. "i'm here, i won't leave." he whispered sweet reassurances to you, caressing any part of you he could reach. you practically melted into his arms completely, his presence was beyond comforting for your exhausted self.

you muttered against his warm skin quietly, "thank you"

"for what?" he smiled sweetly, even though you couldn't see his face. here you were, thanking him when you had been the one to give him the best experience he could ever ask for.

"taking care of me."

"i would never neglect my baby."

his words were enough to paint a soft smile onto your tired face. it didn't take long for you to drift into a peaceful sleep, especially when you were cuddled up to him so snugly. jake's heart swelled at how cute you looked in his arms. he couldn't ask for more, all he'd wanted was to take care of you and he finally got the chance, he wasn't going to hesitate or be a coward with you ever again.

a/n: so. i just wanted to try out writing smut but this is gonna be my first and last time because WTFF IS THIS LMAO

i'm sticking to smaus i can't write for the life of me

songs for this fic:

tags:@vivimura@s1rawb3rry@who-tf-soddhi@laurradoesloveu@p1hbrook@hoonielvv@nodoubtily@enhamonsterghoul@heebambilee@en-chantedtomeetyou@hsbae@jellyluv4eva@vivissection@beigerin@jwywife@elairah@heekilrvs@jayjw16enxp@lakoya@ijustreallylike2read@annovaz@strawberrynull@abbyeey@celestiai0@enhalxvr@llearlert@raizennloll@rizzmura@sabriochee@sol3chu@fluveriiez@kitty-won07@sucrosxi@kukkurookkoo@mimisxs@darquette@hhyvsstuff@lovelydeliciousfestival@luciathcv@bigwforjay@pshfan0812@lov4hoon@jaerisdiction@kireiinahana@abzyissupersleepy@madslove-enhypen@b3tt7boop@dodot04lover@ki2rins@sugarikiz ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

I absolutely love the carefully thought-out costume design for adult Natalie. She’s in her 40s, but she still dresses like the edgy teenager she was in the 90s: motorcycle jackets, band tees, cheetah print, fishnets, thick eyeliner, an affinity for red, black, gray, and brown. She’s stuck in the past, emotionally stunted and clinging to a version of herself that existed before the crash.

But her style now is more haphazard. As a teen, her outfits were rebellious but curated. There was intention behind the way she layered specific pieces, color coordination, a general sense of cohesion. Adult Nat’s wardrobe, on the other hand, is mismatched and chaotic. Pieces clash instead of complementing; colors don’t quite align, elements that belong in entirely different outfits are placed together. There’s a sense of carelessness, like she’s throwing on armor instead of outfits. It’s not just fashion, it’s dysfunction made visible. A visual manifestation of Natalie’s unraveling. The echoes of her teenage style are still there, but they’ve been distorted by years of substance use, grief, and disillusionment. What once felt like defiant self-expression now feels like a fragmented identity.

And perhaps most telling is the presence of high-end designer pieces. She’s seen wearing All Saints and Saint Laurent tees, Dolce & Gabbana red animal print pants, an Alexander McQueen shawl, etc. Alongside her Porsche, it’s a glimpse into the version of Natalie who came back from the wilderness and tried to fill the void with things. Expensive things. The things her family could never afford when she was growing up. She’s in pain, she needs to find a way to escape it, but she doesn’t know how to find long-term solutions. So she looks towards what will make her feel better right now: drugs, expensive cars, designer clothes and handbags that don’t quite feel authentic to her. It’s like she’s trying to buy the identity she always wished she had. Grief and trauma buried under retail therapy, nihilism wrapped in luxury leather.

[zincbot]

i think it's fun to sprinkle a little personal issue into a dnd character, exaggerate it to make it that much easier to dissect