#Things like the thought processes of artists is always useful to someone imo

[exaflux]

Okay real talk.

Honestly lately I've been feeling like I need to step up my game when it comes to how I colour my art. My colouring still isn't as good as it was in 2016/2017 imo (this pic being an example). Not gonna disclose how old I was then, but I wasn't old at all. Also mind, not all my old art was this level of quality, it's just an example of what I could do back then.

It's just a fact that from 2018(?) onwards I would spend months at a time without drawing anything. My skill deteriorated and I came back to art again only to find myself playing catch-up. And hey! I've mostly caught up again! I'm even better than I was in some ways!! But my colouring still leaves a lot to be desired. I'm not sad about it, just annoyed because like... I know I can do it if I just put my mind to it. Not saying I'm wanting to do a 1-to-1 with my old colouring style mind- I don't reckon it would be suitable with my current style. BUT! I miss how I used to contrast different hues so much more while still making it work. So obviously. I'm gonna have to experiment with exactly that. Contrast and hues and all that.

I've done it before, I can do it again. I'll relearn because I can and I want to.

Gatomon.

The shading’s all over the place on this. Oh well.

[glossypolaroidkisses]

hi my love!! im excited to see what ur blog will contain hehe omg im so ecstatic that u commented that ur interested in the whole right brained reader thing hehe i js want to know ur thoughts on the relationship dynamic of having a more humanitarian reader who likes english, arts everything that's quite opposite to what luigi is like!!

hihi!! omg I’m SO excited too!! i already feel so welcomed!! ok this is so fun, buckle in!! bear with me!!

since luigi seems to be so analytical and anal with his thought processes (like you mentioned), i can see him pre-relationship being a bit skeptical while getting to know you; just because that’s not how his brain works. at the start he’d ask you so many questions. you’d have so many conversations that would give him better insight into your mind, to make sure you’re not just in la la land all the time. it’s giving, waiting for 3rd or 4th date to talk politics?… no. 1st date we’re talking about thoughts on religion, the afterlife, etc.

also, that’s not an insult to right brained/artistic ppl, I’m one of them (if you couldn’t tell lol)! i’ve been perceived as dumb(er than others) because I’m so driven by creativity, english and the arts (NOT scientific or mathematical at all). It's only once someone gets to know me better, that they learn how intelligent I am. right brain thinkers are more likely to be dismissed or overlooked, imo!

someone like luigi may not have been too surrounded by many right brain thinkers let alone dated them, and he would be so curious about what goes on in your mind.

obviously, you do develop a relationship and the dynamic would be adorable. you balance each other out! there may be some minor situations and misunderstandings where his strict, logical, rational self isn’t sure where you’re coming from; but he always listens to you explain your POV, and does come around to understand it. he’s very open minded, esp when it comes to you!

he loves your brain. i mean, he’s so fascinated by it. you find art, beauty, creativity and meaning in things that he could’ve never perceived in such a way. both of your brains work in different ways that are both so important.

whether you come to him about a situation all pouty, or do the opposite, acting stubborn and silent about it until he picks up on your mood shift, coming over to help you.. he’ll have a solution. he’d drop anything to brainstorm a way to help you solve your problems. for luigi, because of his logical problem solving, the solution is usually simple for him to come up with. but then you’re standing there with stars in your eyes like ‘wow luigi😍❤️ i would’ve never come up with that🤩 thank you so much😩’ and he’s just there, giddy, bc you make him feel so smart and useful. he’s so happy when he can help you in any way.

there will probably be a lot of funny moments trying to make decisions together. you might want to decide based on gut feeling, or your emotions, but he’ll be so analytical; thinking of every detail. for example, buying furniture together. you might be like “omg! this couch is such a cute colour, matches the vibe of our apartment and it feels so soft!” and luigi would be like “uhm… yeah! cute! but… (pulls out tape measure) it isn’t the correct dimensions, the fabric isn’t stain resistant, the cushion covers aren’t removable, and it isn’t well reviewed online….😅🥸”

if he’s not with you, he’ll take photos of things he sees while out-and-about, maybe exploring, and send them to you. or!!! when he comes home, he’ll be all excited to show you stuff he took pictures of, wondering what your perspective on it would be, how you would interpret it. he’ll go through the pictures with you and just listen to you gush over something artsy or interpretive, like if he saw graffiti he thought you’d find cool, a quote from a book or painting at a museum. idk!

if he goes book shopping for his own yk NON fiction books, he’ll always come back with a book or two for you. he’ll get home, probably make some sort of joke like “i just chose the book that had the most colourful cover”, when in reality he spent time at the bookstore looking through the books, reading so many back covers to choose one that he knows you’ll genuinely enjoy. or, he’ll just buy a book he remembers you mentioning you wanted in passing. even if he wouldn’t enjoy reading it, he enjoys knowing it brings you joy. and if you talk to him about a book you’re reading/read, he’ll listen as if it’s his favourite genre.

me personally, idk if it’s the eldest daughter in me, but i LOVE being taken care of + i think he’d enjoy feeling helpful. like if i was drawing on an app on my ipad and it crashed or something, i’d go running to him for help.. with anything technology related (even if i had an idea of how i could fix it myself) like heyyy my lil compsci problem solver.. help pls😇

overall, i think this dynamic is so sweet as long as you can both embrace each others differences and find that harmony. he would add more structure to your life while appreciating your perspective, and you’d add more spontaneity, empathy & creativity to his!

also idk if i touched enough on this, but this dynamic is literally a humanitarian power couple. like fighting for what’s right, with his brain and your heart!! best of both worlds for a well rounded perspective!! mwhahaha

thank you so much for submitting that! oh my god that was so much fun I’m not insane i promise (maybe a lil hehehe) it is literally 7 am i am going to sleep now. i just started responding to that ask and couldn’t stop. aaa love it!!

i hope you liked it!! don’t be afraid to give feedback, anyone! i loooovee requests like these!! keep em coming!! mwah

[therainscene]

i was just reading your theories and the time travel/never ending story one really gave me shivers. it works with the small scale of this story, whereas often time-based ideas in works of fiction involve sci fi or space travel where things are much more futuristic, like interstellar or arrival.

seeing as back to the future and a wrinkle in time are obviously referents, i am wondering what you think the narrative and artistic significance of a time loop storyline for the show would be? is it the duffers just paying homage to their fav exciting twists from cinema, or would this choice have another meaning other than being super cool? even shows like true detective explored the mystery of non-linear time, but none of these shows address the intrinsic paradox of a causal loop: namely, that it's impossible in a linear timeline (for e.g. the future person would have had to survive whatever the threat from the present is in order to live and be able to go back in time and save themself, etc). so stranger things would have to really hammer home its belief in non-linear time for this causal loop theory to work.

unless... their emphasis about time isn't going to be scientific at all, but about human emotion: aka perceived non-linear time? we have hints towards this in the show: most explicitly, el mentioning that time speeds up or slows down according to how you feel.

all the symbolism like henry's clocks and will's apparent week in the UD could reflect this, and i think this would also work well with all the experimentation themes: how el's sense of place and time differs compared to someone who hasnt lived in a lab, the way music changes your world, etc...

so basically what i'm asking is: do you think that the timey wimey stuff in the show is going to be revealed as perception-based, emotion-based, almost solipsistic from (possibly) will's pov? that time as an objective thing doesnt matter, because it's our experience of the world that we feel, and so 'real' and 'not real' don't matter because if something feels real to us, it IS real?

i personally would love this, because to me ST is a human drama not a sci-fi first and foremost, so i want the sci-fi aspects to reflect something about humanity, rather than be the main point of the story.

[Hi anon, thank you for your thoughtful ask! I'm really sorry it took me the better part of a year to get around to answering this; I wasn't ignoring you, the executive dysfunction just won this round.]

I would argue that time travel stories always reflect something about humanity, regardless of how focused on the sci-fi aspects they are.

Arrival's alien-induced visions of the future are about embracing the worst parts of life knowing that the best parts are worth it;

Terminator's self-creating time paradox is about the irresistible spark of hope in the face of insurmountable man-made horrors;

Interstellar's time dilation is about the love and sacrifice parents make to secure their children's futures.

Sci-fi is fundamentally about exploring humanity's relationship with the world around us -- how we manipulate it, how we survive it, how we help and hurt each other in the process -- and imo Stranger Things doesn't particularly depart from the conventions of the genre just because it's so character-focused.

So I don't think it would really make a difference whether its time shenanigans are "real" or just a trick of human perception -- so long as the Duffers can stick the landing, then it'll resonate with our emotional relationship to time and growing up either way.

But I also suspect you're right: the causal loop theory you liked was a fun idea but I don't think it reflects the show's foreshadowing all that well.

Like you said, El alluded to time travel being emotion-based--

--and Henry describes his frustration with time in terms of arbitrary human ways of structuring it.

Which is more likely: that there's some secret sci-fi time travel mechanic the show just hasn't revealed yet, or that Vecna's going to use the mind powers we already know he has to fuck with people's perceptions of time?

My honest opinion? ...I think it could be both.

For one thing, the Duffers are in the habit of hiding big reveals of what's really going on (e.g., Vecna's existence prior to S4); for another, The First Shadow revealed that Brenner's backstory has a lot in common with The Philadelphia Experiment, suggesting we might be in store for some sort of inter-dimensional timey-wimey mess created by the lab.

But equally, the perception-based foreshadowing is (1) blatant as hell; (2) a more promising avenue for explaining why the Upside Down is a copy of Hawkins frozen on the day Will lost his innocence; and (3) just generally a better fit for Henry and Will's connection.

Both at once sounds like the sort of thing ST would do: give a sci-fi plot to El, a psychological horror plot to Will, and have them dovetail satisfyingly at the end for a big emotional payoff.

[heliotr0pic]

Howdy!!! Absolutely love your work <3

I’ve used blender for a while now but I’ve mainly modeled and rigged low poly organic things to use as a visual reference.

I’ve been wanting to get into modeling and rigging mechs, though, and I was wondering if you might have any tips/pointers?

helllooo!!! :D

so I'm honestly not experienced enough with modeling mechs myself to answer your question confidently (cricket's science cont TC design was actually my first!!), but I think I can say some of what I've learned so far:

(it gets a little long so ive added a Read More section here, click below to see the rest)

- half of the time you'll be modeling based off of references, but eventually you'll run into parts that'll make you scratch your head and wonder, "huh! how do I make this work?" and you'll have to veer off of the original design to find a good compromise that looks close enough but works decently mechanically. there is a little bit of problem solving to the process, which is fun to me but may become a bit tedious to some

- some parts will be covered or not in any of the references (usually the joints, especially the shoulders if theyve got pauldrons or shoulder pieces) and you'll have to figure out some solutions there as well. you may have to scrounge around online for references for similar joints/parts and try to work them into the design

- for the last two points it's always useful to bounce ideas off of someone to help you work through it. I may be pretty lucky that my first mech model was a fan design and I could just ask the original artist their thoughts on the matter (though it did take me until the model was basically done to scrounge up the confidence to do so HAHA); if you go off of an official design you'll likely not be able to contact the original artist in the same way :')

- oh if you have any figures USE THEM AS REFERENCES even if they're not the same as the character you're modeling. you can get a good idea of how the joints look and work with those (i am still Toyless this is something i do not have access to myself)

- don't feel like you need to keep everything to a single mesh when you're doing mechs, feel free to break up pieces of the design into different objects when you start modeling them. i have a weird thing where i Want to try to keep things based off of one mesh but then realize, "hey! this could be easier and look better if i broke them into different parts!" and do so and wow. it does look better

- you'll end up with a bunch of separate objects which is fine but a little intimidating to go through and name all of them LOL ive heard it's better to name as you go but. i simply do not do that

- OH block out the design first with a bunch of different cubes to get an idea on the proportions and the general shape of the parts

- rigging them isn't actually too terrible, it's just a long process of unchecking "Lock object modes" and then repeating select bone -> shift select part -> go into weight paint mode (to get the vertex selected correctly) -> go into edit mode -> press a to select all vertices -> assign to vertex group. this goes on for basically every part and the only time you might have to actually go weight paint mode is with the parts that actually flex (waist, neck, face, etc)

- be sure when you parent all of the parts to the rig you have everything named properly according to blender naming conventions first. some of tc's vertex groups got goofed up because i decided to go back in and mess with the naming of a good majority of the bones while he was rigged (BAD IDEA!!!!!!)

- also parent to the rig with Empty Groups instead of Automatic Weights or some parts may be weighted in a way that you don't want and you'll have to go in and clean it up. better to just assign weights manually for these guys imo

that's all i can think of right now but i can always go back and edit this post if anything else comes to mind!

[toyhouse-cw-misuse]

I'm curious to know what you think of sirfluffbutts' content warning

I'm not going to anonymize the user in question like I usually do as sirfluffbutts is a very popular artist. Plus, their art style would be instantly recognizable in my screenshot.

If you are asking for this as a proper submission, it'd be counted under List of Rules. However, given their popularity, I'd argue having rules front and center is almost mandatory on a (relatively) unmoderated site such a Toyhou.se. (I will still tag this as CW misuse, though, as having a large fanbase doesn't excuse misuse IMO.) I can also understand sirfluff having a visual content warning list because it's used in their YouTube videos, as that's what they primarily make.

As for my own personal opinion, as you're asking for my thoughts, I've never liked any visual content warnings. (Please see below the "read more" for further elaboration regarding my opinion.)

Between sirfluff's own and the incredibly popular one from Donut-Toast, (as well as others) the pros don't outweigh the cons to me. One of the biggest arguments I've seen made by users in favor of visuals is that they're more accessible and some will better process the warning if it's not just text. But these are often inaccessible as-is: using the inspect element feature on sirfluff's CW page, the alt text for their image is <alt="79588697_vR7NMSWAzreM3rC.png">. Even if they themself didn't make the alt text, what's given to users who can't see images (for one reason or another) is a lengthy file name full of numbers.

But that's not all! Both examples I use, being sirfluff's and Donut-Toasts, have their individual issues:

sirfluff's warnings are a bit too on the nose visually, especially the one for body horror. If someone is uncomfortable or even triggered by that, there's a high likelihood their stylized body horror may cause discomfort. It's also a bit jarring as the rest of the drawings are overly cartoonish and come across as silly.

Donut-Toast's warnings can be quite vague as they don't want to trigger anyone with depicting the CW properly. in the way their warnings are conveyed for the exact reason why sirfluff's can be of issue: they don't want to trigger someone. However, some are extremely vague to the point where it defeats the purpose of having a visual in the first place. For example, they use a mirror for uncanny imagery. If it weren't for the caption expressing such, I'd have no idea what it's warning for.

I believe there can be a middle ground between these, but overall, I don't think visual content warnings should be used. I highly doubt that there'd even be a need if the CW page wasn't misused as much as it is. Think about it: if everyone used a concise list such as...

- Violence - Body horror - Death

...as opposed to what people usually do, I don't think as many people would skip or skim over what could potentially be the content warnings. It'd be clear enough from just the words alone and there won't be any unnecessary bloat. (And if you must elaborate... Choose to elaborate on how the content will appear. For example, I always specify what's being used if I warn for substance usage as it's a broad term.)

At the end of the day, most people don't actually read most of what you put in your CW page. It's why I made this account to begin with: I've skipped so many CW pages because of how bloated they are that I would then see/read content I don't wish to because I didn't take the time to read past your bio, list of rules, and DNI to see your content warnings wedged in there somewhere. And it's frustrating because it's a page with a very clear purpose, yet because it's the first thing people see when they click on anything connected to your account, many Toyhou.se users feel obligated to put whatever else they think is important enough there.

[yuurivoice]

Looking at the pokemon tattoos you've shown the other time looks really painful ;-; (but so cool!),, Looking forward to see the results for the hades inspired one when that day comes (if you choose to show it when it's done of course!)

Is it true that you barely feel it or does it hurt in the process? I know it depends on the person, but how you manage?? Tell us your secret -

I've thought about getting one myself, but the fear of unintentionally making things difficult for the tattoo artist is there 😓

Hope you have a good weekend ^^

Oh I'll be showing it off, don't worry. lol

It really, truly is different for every person, so asking anyone is always going to yield unreliable answers. I can speak on my own experience though.

The forearms are, typically, one of the easiest places to get tatted. The areas where you personally may struggle is anywhere you're sensitive to touch, whether it's ticklish or if it just feels nice. So if you have any unusually sensitive spots that stand out, it might not feel great. Then again, you might not even blink. You really don't know until you know.

For me it just feels like a deep vibration. When you get closer to bone, like around the wrist or elbow, it hurts a bit more because that "vibration" has less padding. For me none of the pain really stood out for long because my threshold just adapted to it. So there would be a minute or two of "oh shit that feels different" then I'm settled in and it's just time consuming.

There was a meaty bit right in the center of my inner arm that felt like a hot knife. I don't know why it hurt so much worse, but it was only in about an inch or two of space where Clefairy is. Even then, it was like a 6.5/10 on my pain scale. Didn't love it but it's a tattoo. lol

I think the biggest thing if you're trying it out is to start small and safe, or better yet, find the artist you want to work with and talk to them about it. What would they personally suggest and have you do to prepare and make their life easy. Not only will they be able to tell you better than me, they will GREATLY appreciate you being so considerate. A happy artist makes for a good experience.

The artist's skill also matters. If you've got someone who is going way too deep, or is otherwise inexperienced, that can be a contributing factor. Better artists will cost more, but it is always a worthwhile investment imo.

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

"#and honestly i don't think this stunt will ever end" my exact sentiment. I realized this when the kid turned two and I stopped caring. I accepted we are going to deal with "dad" Louis forever and moved on. I've decided I will be here for his and Harry's music and career and I will just ignore everything about their personal life. I don't care. And now 5 years later I'm glad I did. It's much better than holding onto hope only to have it crushed every single time. I would probably even go and see the doc if it was showing in my country but it's not lol

I just know this stunt is never going to end but I haven’t really processed this information because every time that this subject is brought up I still get sad/mad/tired.

It’s just that there were so many ways they could’ve ended this over the last seven years and yet… We still have the DNA test to maybe one day prove he was never his kid, but if Louis were ever to take it, this kid would still be a thing imo, because you don’t just raise someone as your son for seven years and then one night you find out you’re not actually related to the kid and you’re like “well, it was a good ride but now we part ways” I mean what kind of person would you be if the only reason that made you raise this child was because you thought you two were related?? and also if that’s all it took for you not having to deal with the kid anymore, then why did it take you SEVEN years to take a DNA test??? Idk, there’s so much we don’t know and will never know, but this is a messed up situation and I don’t see it ever ending. There’s no way out except the truth and I doubt we will ever get that.

And yet, I’m still here. I’m too stubborn to leave, and whether I like it or not, I have spent the last years of my life following every second of Louis (and Harry’s) every day life (literally), and not just because I want to or because it’s fun (spoiler alert: it’s not always fun) but because I care so much about them, like SO MUCH (I don’t need to explain to you this, it’s tumblr, we all get it). So I’ll always take the good with the bad (for now).

What really frustrates me though is that every time a stunt happens, we (larries) get to be the punch bag and everyone and their mother start calling us crazy or psychos, and that really pisses me off, because I don’t even think the problem is that this is just an absurd theory/idea (believe me, I know it is!!!!!) the problem is that if you think Louis and Harry are together, and god forbid, think that Louis is not a dad, people will call us “delusional teenagers” or if you are older, you’re just a jobless woman who is probably lonely, cause this has always been the culture when it comes to boybands (and fandom culture in general) and was the culture 1dhq, and eventually lthq and hshq, always encouraged. so we are not taken seriously, we are called hysterical and we are narrowed down to some stereotype that it’s probably not even true (and if it is then SO WHAT??).

I know it’s probably not easy to navigate an artist’s image when not only he’s gay, but he also has years and years of “proofs” that he’s dated several women, had a kid, made some homophobic comments, etc and is also currently dating one of the most famous person in the world right now (who is also in the closet and also has years of doing the same thing). And I’m sure as hell it doesn’t help when we keep pushing the buttons and saying no he’s not a dad, yes he’s gay, when you have his team always doing the opposite: “he has a new girlfriend” “the kid is in his doc”. But it’s awful because that’s they way it’s been since the beginning, all due to the fact that Louis and Harry are gay. It all comes down to this one fact. There’s just no way out.

(And just to make myself clear, I don’t think this is Louis’ fault, I don’t think he wants this, I honestly believe he only has so many choices he can make and he does the best he can with it, but I wonder what’s the point, is this all worth it? lmao I do truly hope he has made peace with himself and with this situation (and Harry too tbh) because if it’s hard on us, I can only imagine how hard it is for them and their families. As I always say, I can always leave this fandom and leave this bullshit behind me but they can’t. So yeah…)

[crimeronan]

Can you explain the appeal of Julian Blackthorn? This is a genuine question because I read the books and came away utterly bored by him and unconvinced of his moral greyness as opposed to like, Adam Parrish’s. He seemed so one dimensional to me but I want to know if I’m Wrong TM considering I tend to be very very biased toward my favourite characters and bored by the rest, and my favourites were Mark and Kieran. So maybe I just didn’t pay him enough attention??

it’s been a while since i wrote any earnest tsc meta but cringe culture is dead and the chance to infodump about my julian thoughts has me vibrating where i’m sitting so.  yes okay.

technical stuff

(aka: things pertaining to How The Story Is Constructed)

cassandra clare’s characterization has become much stronger just in general since she first began writing the series like twenty years ago

perhaps most importantly: the more recent stuff i’ve read from her has involved characters who actually grow, change, and learn from their past mistakes 

rather than repeating the same stupid decisions over and over again

and over and over and over some more

seriously take a shot every time someone in tmi miscommunicates or self-destructs in ways They Have Learned Not To Do for no real reason. u will die of alcohol poisoning

in tda this shines ESPECIALLY with the evolution of mark, kieran, and cristina’s relationship, but that’s a separate post

clare’s trademark is also the angsty traumatized jerkass love interest with a secret heart of gold

the woman is almost singlehandedly responsible for draco in leather pants and the proliferation of this kind of character type in fandom and teen lit. this isn’t a criticism it’s me marveling at how if you commit hard enough to a single trope you truly can change the world.  follow your dreams

sad jackass with a heart of gold isn’t an Inherently Problematic Character Type

but poorly done it can lead to relationship dynamics in which one partner is constantly being hurt by and then forgiving the other despite them making no real effort to change, because they are narratively absolved due to being sad

(there’s a lot of this with earlier jace content.  in some ways i think will was later created specifically to be a same-archetype protagonist who actually does get called on his shit and grow. that’s also another post)

also if all of your sexy male love interests are tortured jackasses with a heart of gold then people start calling you a one-trick pony

enter julian blackthorn!

from the very start everything about him is designed to be the INVERSE of the heart of gold jackass.  which immediately makes him interesting just from a meta perspective

(mark and kieran are also both alternate angles on this time-honored archetype.  mark gets the heart of gold and kieran gets the jackass and then they’re both much more deeply messy than that.  yet another post)

julian is kind, self-sacrificing, empathetic, artistic, emotionally supportive, responsible, and favored by old grannies everywhere

so a completely nonthreatening milquetoast guy, right

immediately forgettable if you’re only here for the dramatic conflicts and shithead antics of clare’s other protags

except that he is A Mess

and that he has structured his priorities very carefully, and they are as selfless as you expect from The Hero (TM) but they are also Not Heroic (TM) and they do not align with the moral framework The Hero (TM) is supposed to use

moral ambiguity in characters always exists in relation to their narratives imo. you mention adam parrish - trc’s narrative already mucks around in different ethical shades of gray, and adam falls on the canon scale about where julian does on his canon scale.  both more willing than the average pov character to do the ruthless thing or make the fucked-up choice if the ends justify the means; both with an intensely strong sense of internal priorities that they adhere to at all costs, both so unbelievably fucking down for murder; etc

i do think there are ways julian’s choices could have been pushed even further, but considering the number of readers who hate his guts already, i can see why clare opted not to go for the most controversial possible conflicts

so we’re flipping the narrative

instead of seeing this angsty bad boy and peeling back the layers of his trauma to find his heart of gold, we’re seeing the put-together selfless family man and peeling back the layers of his Responsibility Mask to expose the rotting husk underneath

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

THAT IS FUN AS FUCK

then when julian DOES lash out in hurtful, uncontrolled ways, he has significantly more narrative justification for it than most of clare’s protagonists (will elaborate in characterization thoughts)

julian is also interesting as fuck because of how his struggles allow for a more in-depth look at the failings of shadowhunter society, something that’s also sorely lacking in clare’s earlier work

his apparent amorality is simply the result of him making pragmatic and impossible choices because he has been faced with fucked-up ethical dilemmas since age 12 Because Society Has Failed Him

which opens the door for narrative exploration of how and why he’s been failed so badly & what needs to change

i also love that he has such a coldly calculated way of analyzing situations and allowing harm to occur when need be, bc a lot of clare’s early protagonists have such a bad case of Rush In And Get Myself Killed Because I’ve Got Feelings About Impulsive Heroism syndrome that i wanna push them in front of a truck

probably there’s other meta narrative stuff i could say but i’m stopping myself and moving on to character analysis

characterization stuff

(aka: reasons why i’m also attached to him in a vacuum)

i don’t read him as one-dimensional at all tbh

u may feel the narrative pushes “ruthless julian blackthorn” too much without delivering enough actual ruthless julian But i don’t think that’s the same as having only one dimension

from the get-go, the big question centered on julian is always “how far are you willing to go?” and the narrative pushes the stakes slowly higher and higher to continuously test julian’s “the price is always justified” mindset

he has a far more layered and realistic response to trauma than clare’s early protagonists - trauma affects every single aspect of his personality and how he conducts himself, and the effects vary depending on the circumstances

his conviction that he has to be the perfect parent to his siblings because they will fall apart if they see him show weakness??  rooted in how he feels like he’s fallen apart since losing the stable adult support he once relied upon

his willingness to hurt semi-innocent people, commit coldblooded murder, manipulate people using political leverage, allow harm to befall any stranger if it protects his family??  rooted in how he has already had to ask himself how much he’s willing to sacrifice, and how his family is his only source of stability when the world has never done Shit for him

his conviction that he has a darker heart than anyone else because he killed his possessed father, even though intellectually he knows he was saving his brother’s life??  rooted in having no means of processing this trauma and being unable to voice his feelings for fear of backlash from a deeply non-understanding society

the way he represses every single negative emotion he ever has, to the point where emma - his actual literal magic soulmate who can feel his emotions - is startled to find him hurting or angry??  once again all about how he has to be the perfect father or he’s failed completely

the way his anger is so totally disproportionate to different situations and the way his negative emotions can only come out in completely uncontrolled breaks??  all that repression baybey.  this kid has not processed a single bad feeling in five years.  every single real grievance and petty annoyance has been festering indefinitely inside him like a slowly spreading infection

julian’s arc involves him needing to get thru being his worst self to actually start to heal

as in, he has to actually learn to acknowledge his feelings, take care of himself, lean on his family, and let other people take some responsibility

he also has to learn that in his quest to be the perfect emotionally controlled authority figure, he has not actually learned how to control or deal with his emotions. like. At Fucking All. good god

the narrative setup is also about asking “how far are you willing to go?” until the answer is finally “not this far.  not this far”

and once he reaches that point, he has to reevaluate everything about how he weighs his priorities and morals and plans, etc

(i also like that emma has a perpendicular arc in which she’s always the one tempering julian and telling him “no we can’t go that far” until she’s willing to do something horrific that he absolutely won’t and HE has to stop HER. very sexy)

it’s also just really nice to have a character who’s learned to relate so well to literally every single member of his family while still having a very detached ruthless interior consciousness. i have similar feelings about how adam teaches himself to love people, but with julian it’s spelled out more explicitly in canon & it’s a more central character theme

i’m sure i’m also forgetting stuff here but this post is long enough so i’m gonna say good enough

and like i said in the tags on my other post, there are things i’d personally write differently if it were my story - plot points i’d shift, character contrasts i’d up, themes i’d explore differently, pacing i’d adjust, etc.  i have plenty of ways i could be nitpicky and editorial about the effectiveness of julian’s arc.  but i also don’t feel like writing them out at the moment & none of my critiques on effectiveness have an impact on the core appeal of his character 2 me.  he’s so fucking good

[zuzuslastbraincell]

Give me a character and I will answer: Azula

here we go

why I like them

absolute queen and absolute loser at the same time. the intimidating, confident #girlking persona she projects is extremely compelling to watch, the lines she makes e.g. "you were never really a player" are just so cutting, she's clearly having fun trouncing everyone and seeing the gaang struggle against that is a good challenge, she's just good *fun* as a screen presence and just immensely entertaining to watch. she's also just extremely fucking funny. like as much as I felt the writers over-leant into '14 year old girl is the most terrifying creature on the planet' as humour, to the extent that Ursa and Iroh end up saying some very fucked-up lines (which the series compensates for by taking seriously and exploring the consequences for Azula's psyche in S3), I do think the joke *is* genuinely pretty funny. Seeing Azula make grown men, soliders, leading officials, just panic and lose it is *funny* on some level cause she's just a 14 year old kid. Like she's a very good second season villain that ups the stakes.

but like, she's more than who she pretends to be, they give her a lot of depth in s3, you really very much see that at the core of it she's a dsyfunctional 14 year old who has been abused by her father, trapped in a toxic competition with her brother for the crown, and taught that weakness of any kind is utterly unacceptable. The show doesn't ask you to forgive her for who terribly she's treated others but it does present her as worthy of sympathy, as someone complex, made who she was by the conditions of her upbringing.

she's absolutely terrible but she's tremendous fun and you really do feel for her.

why i don't

she was just utterly awful to zuko, ty lee, and mai. she does just manipulate people. she is just unapologetically pro-fire nation and never questions that or has the chance to question it. But arguably these are things, weirdly, that I also like about her because she's just such a compelling example of a deeply flawed character - flaws make characters interesting. (really do wish she'd give zuko a break though.)

favourite episode

I thought about this for a moment but it's the beach. of course it's the beach. the volleyball scene. the petty jealousy. her inability to flirt. 'that's a sharp outfit chan'. the whole campfire scene from 'here we go again' to 'my mother thought i was a monster'. Finally burning chan's house down? Like ugh. Really showed Azula both at her most fun, her funniest, and her most vulnerable at the same time. Really made it clear how she's really lacking social skills from how she's been brought up as a little soldier - like it's made interacting with peers as equals just impossible for her and she really *struggles* outside of the hypercpmpetitive environment that her father brought her up to dominate.

favourite season

don't ask me this. I love s2 hyper-competant azula and s3 disaster azula equally.

favourite line

'Isn't it obvious? I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child!' always fucking cracks me up but it's like HOW dramatic can you be, and the ruthlessness here I think indicates some kind of desperation really. southern raiders azula is a really interesting azula imo (as we have discussed a lot recently)

favourite outfit

oh definitely the earth kingdom outfit in crossroads of destiny. she looks great in green!

OTP

azula/therapy azula/meaningful amends and redemption azula/working through her shit in order to become a better-adjusted adult

but azula/katara is good in an AU where it’s less messy and there’s less intergenerational trauma. 

brotp

azula & any kind of genuine parental affection PLEASE can iroh or ursa step up thanks or just ANYONE please adopt this child

but also i am very fond as sokka & azula as pai sho rivals in their early 20s who snipe at each other but eventually over time become almost-friends, and i like toph & azula having chaotic life-changing adventures together

a headcanon

azula is equally as knowledgeable about the theatre as zuko, she just hides her interest. I think artistically she's also quite skilled - though it's downplayed. I can see her being a great singer (in the same way zuko is apparently a good musician) or potentially very good with inks, as it requires a great degree of precision. post-redemption i imagine though she lets her work become more messy, more abstract, less precise. she sings off tune. she joins an amateur players group and lets herself be a hammy actor. she learns to dance and isnt perfect at it first try. I can see the arts as being really fundamental to her recovery quite honestly.

unpopular opinion

honestly don’t think i have any, unless 'an abused 14 year old child soldier is NOT irredeemable' still counts as unpopular. I think opinion has softened towards azula over time though and i think more people nowadays recognise she needs help & can better herself with the right support network.

I suppose what could be counted as unpopular is that, while azula may love zuko 'deep down', the olive branch she offers him in s2/s3 to return home is also a self-interested move that puts the harsh light of scrutiny on him and ensures he'll be blamed if the avatar is rediscovered (see their convo in s3e1), and zuko is well within his rights to reject and want better than azula's 'love' when it is clearly also a self-interested and manipulative ploy. Love isn’t and shouldn't be manipulative and it's tragic that Azula can't open herself enough to build something based on trust and instead has to manipulate the people she cares for in position.

OH wait - actual unpopular opinion 'do the tides command the ship?' never landed as a line for me, the whole time i was just thinking about how ignorant she appeared to be of like, how boats work... how the sea works..., and her confidence just came off as arrogant stupidity. azula you cant argue with the dudes they’ll just wreck your boat dude.

a wish

wrote a post about this which I'll link but azula joining the ember island players is really my favourite recovery arc for her:

read here

oh I would also just azula, as part of her recovery-redemption process, to just go full anarchist on us, i’d really love to see a dramatic political shift in a moment of “fine! i’ll be everything my dad doesn’t want to be!” spiralling that ends up with her genuinely adopting that position.

an oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen

become the fire lord. azula needs a life outside of politics. she clearly cares for her country on some level and wants to do it right but there are other ways to fulfil that need. imo she needs to give up the crown, because, as with zuko (who travelled as a refugee in the earth kingdom and grew because of it), the elevated sense of superiority she has due to being royal prevents her from extending her sense of compassion, prevents her from seeing the cost that imperialism and monarchy has caused, she needs a new perspective, and that will require stepping away from the crown. like becoming the fire lord would create more distance rather than reduce it and she very much sees becoming the fire lord as a continuity of old practices - in contrast to zuko who breaks from them.

five words to describe her

precise, deadly, hard-working, theatrical, and dearly in need of a hug from her mother

[tsukihoshino]

Super long Sasori post

I’m going to begin this by saying everyone is entitled to their view on Sasori and how to characterize him within the parameters set up by canon or whatever AU/Bent Timeline a person has inserted him into but I do believe there are certain things about him that remain the same no matter what situation you put him in-- otherwise he’s just no longer Sasori (IMO.) So much of his character is about hyper analyzing his words and actions, and what others have said about him through a microscope because the fact of the matter is for such an interesting character he really had such little time.

I was originally not going to bring shipping into this but as I was writing Sasosaku kinda slipped in there, mostly because it felt like it provided a good contrast to what we get of Sasori in canon and how it can translate into fanon.

(All of these opinions are based on the Manga and the Akatsuki formation because OP cannot be assed with novels and filler for the most part...Making an exception for Komushi.)

1. He’s highly manipulative. He’s a puppet master and he has a spy ring. He gathers information so he can use it against people, he manipulates the corpses of what used to be people--or things that LOOK, very often like people. That says a lot about who he is as a person.

And when you first see his real face, when he reveals himself to Chiyo this is the face you get; 

I don’t get the impression that he’s actually happy to see her given the events that follow, its largely about trying to put his grandmother off center and BOTHER her. Sasori is perfectly capable of acting to get to a desired result--which makes a lot of sense to me because while Bunraku is largely about the Narrator's words there is also the performance element to it via the puppets.

2. He’s all about control. Control of himself, of others, of events. It's really an offshoot of manipulation but I don’t think Sasori blinks without putting thought into the action. ( I mean technically, lmao given his unique anatomy in canon that might be 100% accurate.)

3. He’s not only an artist. The guy is the very definition of being a mad scientist. He sits at a place where Art and Science meet and become something more. It's not one or the other when it comes to Sasori, there is something almost Frankenstein like in the way that he creates his human puppets, the 3rd and himself. Think about the knowledge that had to go into that from basic human anatomy to the chakra system as a whole. I mean we never get a play by play on HOW he did it but we know he’s the only one who ever did and then repeated a similar, much more complicated process on himself.

Then there is his poison, we know he’s primarily relied on the infamous one because it was sooo effective (until it wasn’t, thanks Sakura.) But we have to assume given how he is Sasori makes ART out of deadly concoctions and methods of murder.

To him synthesizing that poison was probably no different than an artist trying to get that perfect shade of red.

The weird thing about Sasori ( and I guess it's just ONE of the many weird things) Is that for an Artist he is very...clinical. When we think about people in the arts we often imagine passionate people like Deidara--bombastic and flamboyant free spirits. 

4. Logical and likely to the extreme.

He’s not a sore loser. When he loses and it's fair he accepts it. He's not bitter about the end of his fight with Sakura and Chiyo, he’s not pissy with Konan--he respects it because to Sasori the weak die and the strong survive, losers don’t have a right to complain when they shoulda got gud to begin with.

I don’t doubt that in Sasori’s logical mind he came to the conclusion that his parents died because they were weak. Ergo unlike Chiyo he’s just completely unaffected by seeing Kakashi, the world just followed its natural order in the death of his parents.

He’s got a reptile brain and he just sort of views people as animals because it's probably simpler--except for himself. He thinks he’s above that, to himself he is a god.

The thing with Komushi...I perceive it as largely an accident but in Sasori’s “perfectly” logical mind he was just like well: it’s sort of Komushi’s own fault and never let a tragedy go to waste because again, hyper logical. Not only that but he was BEGGED to do something for Komushi and there really was nothing to be done for him at that point other than make something useful out of his death.

The problem with being TOO logical is that it is just as detrimental as being too emotional. If we all just went around doing what was logical we’d be no different than animals or machines. Logic dictates we do whatever it takes to survive and come out on top even at the expense of others but because we are balanced by emotion most people don’t live like that.

On the flipside because he’s logical he can be convinced by compelling arguments without ego getting in the way. In this same vein he finds it very difficult to feel sorry about things he’s done in the past but when able to recognize it was wrong he can accept it and simply resolve not to do it in the future--he doesn’t have the capacity to agonize over feelings of guilt.

5. He hates being lied to and he’s impatient. Sasori will lie to everyone around him and even to himself if he can manage it but if he finds out He’s the one being lied to? Intense hate. See points 1&2.

6. He’s blunt and often rude when acting as his natural self. I don’t find the need to explain this one much.

7. Sasori is largely self-focused. He thinks he has a perfect handle on himself and understands exactly why he is the way he is--but it couldn’t be further from the truth. He really doesn’t understand his own feelings much less those of others and what he does understand he often doesn’t care about. This can be changed if a person is able to get through to him.

This is the guy who thought that by removing his concious from a human body and sticking it into what's basically a decorative vase all his problems would MAGICALLY vanish. Because as smart as he is, he was also desperate to escape his own feelings not realizing that when you pour the water in one glass into another glass the contents remain the same.

No matter how hard he tries he cannot escape the problem plaguing him; himself.

8. Sasori does not value life, not his own and certainly not others. Unless you are like that ONE person who is able to get through to him. He has what I would call a “Very narrow heart.”  which simply does not have a lot of space for people. To him it's probably Sasori and “That Person” VS the world.

9. He likes things that last, sculptures and paintings, classical music and literature, things that have been around for ages and withstood the trials of time.

10. He does not do well on his own. He thinks he does but he really doesn’t, when he is by himself he is destructive. When he feels alone he is at his most dangerous. Sasori is very much a person who NEEDS someone to essentially be his emotional center otherwise we get him turning himself into a puppet in what amounted to a one longass theatrical suicide.

11. Sasori was probably always a little...different even as a kid but environment and events certainly played a role. His parents died at an early age and he was essentially lied to and given false hope. (hence the impatience and hatred of lies.) Throw into that an intellect seldom seen in a time of war where child soldiers are the norm. He killed his first person at 8, he earned himself a title denoting that he was so good at killing he soaked the sands in blood. Imagine what that's like at 8, getting a pat on the head everytime you kill someone?

Of course you would become conditioned to believe that killing is right and good when you’re being congratulated and rewarded for being proficient at it.

Its assumption on my part but I do believe Sasori lays somewhere on the Antisocial Personality Disorder spectrum.

12. He’s vain AF. Look at him. He made sure to replicate himself in his prime to perfect detail in the places that were most visible, his face and his hands. He could have made himself look like anything but in the end he still chose that form.

13. When he wants something he makes a plan and gets it done. Doesn’t matter how long or what he has to do to get to point A to point B he’s going to do it.

14. He has three main expressions; blank, smug and insane.

15: His power levels are again, insane. He is a master of multiple trades. The guy ganked a Kage at 15 the strongest one Sand ever had by that point, ( Orochimaru was waay older and came out way more damaged as far as we know when he fought Sarutobi.) toppled a nation, made himself a new body with mysterious methods.

It's time for the Sasosaku bit:

Part of the reason why I think the two of them fit so well together is that they are opposites and yet complimentary. Sakura is an antidote and Sasori is the poison, but sometimes a medicine can become a poison and a poison can be used as medicine. Sakura is a close range combatant and Sasori is long but they have this odd intersection of skill sets and interest. They both deal in the human body and the manipulation of it, Sakura’s focus is to maintain it as it is and improve its condition if needed and Sasori’s is to both destroy and create it anew all at once.

If they weren’t trying to kill one another in canon they would have had tons to talk about.

Ultimately Sakura gets gut stabbed not because he was aiming for her but because she got LITERALLY in the way of a family feud. He was going for Chiyo and you can assume that's because he thought his grandma was the bigger threat or because he was still bitter about the past on some subconscious level and was gunning for her--i mean he goes in for Chiyo a second time after he disconnects from the arm Sakura was death gripping. But Sakura’s selfless action is something that viscerally shocks him: 

And it only gets worse when Chiyo starts feeding her life force into Sakura--a second selfless act on the part of someone he hates and feels wronged by.

Sakura values life and Sasori doesn’t because he doesn’t understand it. He was raised his whole life to think that people like them--Shinobi had no value other than to kill or to be killed. He’s visibly shocked when she starts yelling after socking him in the face about Human lives and family bonds. Like no one had ever mentioned that to him before and forget about risking your life to save someone else's, that goes against his logical lizard brain.

At that point he’s already beaten, he’s already impressed with her. It’s right after her punching him that Sasori gives what amounts to an odd marriage proposal IMO. It was completely pointless of him to even bring it up but you can tell by the “Glint” in his eye that he meant it.

Sasori: Want to become like me? You’ll get what I mean. An undecaying body, Unfettered by a mortal lifespan, capable of being rebuilt over and over again. ( if you were immortal would you offer immortality to someone you had no interest in? Not me. I wouldn’t want to have them around for virtually “forever” in any shape or form. And Sasori is not talking about making Sakura into just some controllable puppet, he’s talking about being JUST like him, sentient thought and movement.)

Sasori: I can make as many people as I want out of puppets….-Looks dead at Sakura- If I want them...but my collection isn’t just about quantity. Quality is important too.

That whole conversation is like A CREEPY FLIRTATION from him because we know what he considers “True beauty” to be. Eternal.

And then it comes to a head where he gives her a “sentimental reward” in the information she wanted. Now I’m not saying Sakura was interested or anything but it seems like he was in some shape or form.

In my opinion when you put someone like Sakura--who is brilliant and logical but also heavily swayed by her emotions with someone like Sasori, brilliant, logical and emotionally repressed. A person who values life with someone who neither values their own life or others what you get is agitation.

Agitation is not a bad thing, it breaks stagnation--which is what, imo drives Sasori to his death. It is the lack of change, he’s made it so he cannot feel physically and he has tried his hardest and for the most part succeeded in numbing his inner feelings.

Part of me is convinced that what ultimately kills him is complacency. He gets so used to being at the top that when he is confronted with someone who neutralizes his life’s work and destroys his collection and keeps confronting and beating him with all the qualities he deems useless and pointless it just drives home the point that everything he has ever done or thought was in vain and on some level wrong. There is no point in winning against them because everything is already destroyed. There is no going back to what he was before, therefore death is preferable.

Through Sakura, in Au’s or alt timelines, or w/e she is able to reach him through their similarities but change him due to the fundamental differences in their nature. 

As to what Sakura gets from Sasori; Someone who clearly respects her skills and understands her interests because his own align--and therefore would be supportive and present. The two of them actually have things in common and therefore shit to talk about.

 In that same vein Sasori seems like the type of person who if he were to fall in love it is to the point of obsession, for someone who was repressed and held themselves apart from others I see him in a lot of ways as almost touch, and certainly affection starved. It becomes addictive to him. (Which is probably why when I write him he’s handsy.) 

We know how Sakura likes to take care of people--we see it with Naruto, Sasuke and Sai. In some of these cases it is often to the detriment of her own well being and Sasori, the selfish person that he is, can reign that in and pull it back so that it isn’t so all consuming. (mostly because the only person she should be worried about is herself and him.)

In the end, If Sasori is the logic and Sakura is the emotion, what you end up with is something more balanced. In the same way that if you were to mix a Poison with an Antidote you would end up with a neutralization.

These are just my personal opinions and thoughts on the matter.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also I headcanon that Sasori is basically Sakura-sexual so -cough- there. I guess that's a topic for another time...

Look at all these conceited Sasori faces: 

[ryuichirou]

Hi! So a friend of mine love your stuff and especially the nsfw one retwetting him all the time and it shocks me a bit cuz I have the impression it’s a thing like another for her but at my eyes it’s similar to porn (I’m a straight dude) and as I thought I understand while reading your tumblr you’re a girl who like girl (like her) so I asked myself what do you think about all this yaoi/hentai thing? Like are you excited about that or it’s just for fun and you don’t sexualized penis? 1/2

And at the opposite why don’t draw shojo or even yuri where you can more identify you?  I’m really trying to understand ^^’ Have a great day! 2/2 

-------------------------------------

Hi!

I’m very flattered that your friend likes my drawings! <3

And I appreciate that you decided to talk to me about this topic and not just be judgmental like a lot of people do. It’s always good when a person tries to do some research before making conclusions, so I’ll try to answer your question to the best of my abilities, but please keep in mind that I’m mostly speaking out of my own experience + things that I observed over the last ~10 years. You can ask your friend too! Maybe her opinion is different than mine :)

This… turned out to be a long read, so please bear with me. And pardon me if my English sounds broken.

Slash (in a shipping sense) and BL (Boys Love) are not 100% the same thing, but in a lot of ways they work similarly: it’s a subgenre that is popular predominantly among women. It is usually (but not always) is written by women and for women. It’s a known fact that BL started as a way for female manga artists to portray romance the way they wanted without being “stuck” in unfair gender stereotypes and tropes they needed to meet. BL/Yaoi gave them freedom to express different ideas, different scenarios and types of relationships without feeling obliged to create a certain narrative or to play a certain role. Of course, this was the very beginning, and BL as a genre evolved over the past 50 years.

Slash, as I already mentioned, is similar to that in some ways, because the main focus of slash fanworks is always, well, relationships. It’s all about the chemistry characters have with each other and possible scenarios these two can have, whether it is the canon universe or an alternative universe. Just a game of “what ifs”, so to speak.

So to me personally, the focus here isn’t the fact that these characters are both men, but the fact that characters have fun and interesting relationships that I want to explore.

But the thing is, it’s very difficult to find even one well-written female character, and it’s even more difficult to find at least two well-written female characters, and it’s almost impossible to find two female characters that have a good and entertaining chemistry and are “shippable” together. The “pool” of personalities and tropes related to them is also much smaller with female characters, and there are a lot of tropes that I love and don’t usually see portrayed with them. As much as I want to have as many girl-ships as boy-ships, it’s impossible if there is neither chemistry nor fun characters to play around with…

I can’t even read yuri-manga nowadays, because it’s always the same 1-2 tropes, the same school-based scenario and the same types of characters all the time. It’s (as opposed to yaoi lol) is often catered towards men and has some male-gazey stuff. So yeah, of course this is me being extra picky when it comes to yuri and femslash, but I can’t really read yuri anymore, unless it’s written by a woman and isn’t based in school. You can call me a hypocrite for that haha.

When my heart and soul are craving some femslash content, I often just… genderswap characters and sigh with delight and happiness lol With SnK it’s different though, it’s one of the best titles when it comes to female characters and ships, and I’m having lots of fun with them. That’s why I post one sfw (not porn) drawing with them per week rn on my main accs.

Back to the topic.

A lot of girls explore their own feelings and personality traits when they ship. And a lot of them just play around with different scenarios and find out what’s interesting to them and what isn’t.

On one hand, you can relate to a male character and don’t feel the pressure a female character would feel. Or you can relate to a male character because he’s much more well-written, nuanced and interesting. On the other hand, you can ditch trying to relate to someone altogether and just enjoy the romance as a very nosy bystander lol. A win/win either way.

When it comes to lesbians, I think the lack of good femslash content is one of the reasons it’s much easier to feel a bond with a m/m ship. Another reason is relationships you build with other shippers around you. A lot of couples I know used to ship stuff together or even roleplay m/m scenarios. A lot of people discovered their sexuality because of that, a lot of them were able to explore it and accept it.

And if we’re talking about nsfw stuff, I personally (!!!) don’t find penises sexy and don’t find men sexy. I’ve never been attracted to a man and irl gay porn isn’t exciting to me. Well, any irl porn…  I wouldn’t necessarily say that my nsfw drawings are arousing to me, unless there is a specific context that is personal. In my particular case, it’s just another extremely fun subgenre that fascinates me. Maybe it’s a different type of arousal haha I’m not sure how to explain it. But imo things that I draw barely look like real porn so…

But some people do find these things hot and that’s great! I’m happy if people like my nsfw stuff this much.

But in my opinion, it’s mainly the association with personal stuff that does the trick. If we’re talking about someone who isn’t generally attracted to penises, that is.

And to answer your last question, I do draw yuri/femslash from time to time! I have a lot of Shingeki w/w ships that I love, I genderswap my favourite m/m ships from time to time. Sometimes I even draw nsfw with them, but I never post it. I have complicated relationships with it because it’s more identifying to me and more, uh, real.

It’s an ongoing process, who knows, maybe one day I’ll be more comfortable to post this kind of stuff and less greedy about it haha. But right now it’s too personal and self-indulgent for me to share.

But for now you all will have to look at Levi riding 100500 dicks lol

[theivanteru]

My two cents on the whole AOA situation.

This is going to be long, I’m sorry.

I’ve seen lots of people sharing their thoughts and opinions on this matter so I thought I would do the same...I think I actually needed to do this.

I, for the time being, cannot listen to their songs, I don’t want to...and yeah it kind of hurts, I know I’ll be able to later and i think I will still like the songs because they are good.

I was so interested in AOA even before their debut, I saw all the teasers, and I’ve kept track of them as a fan since then, they even were my favourite group for a while.

Learning that this whole situation began ten years ago was heartbreaking because it was even when they were trainees and nobody knew them, they still chose to debut like that (all of them). It really shows how the mindset of any person who wishes to debut can be, and gives a new light into how devious and dark the kpop world can, sometimes, be.

In any situation, bullying is horrible and we should not stand by it. But us regular people have it easier. That’s why I think that taking care of yourself and your dreams or goals by not participating is valid and, specially in the kpop industry, is probably more common that we think. Even outside, I cannot judge people who don’t intervene or defend other because, while I’ve had the chance to help others being bullied and even stopped it, I’ve also lived situations where helping was not an option and even where I chose not to. I think it’s part of society and human nature to have this duality and it’s even more intelligent to think how can you help the victim, instead of attacking the bully.

On the other side,bullying (in early stages) takes two roles (bully and victim) Most people get to choose who they are and wether they are going to let it happen or not, whatever you choose, you should accept the consequences. 

I’ve been picked on (never physically fortunately) for different resons since my childhood, sometimes I defended myself, sometimes I didn’t, sometimes I chose to ignore and sometimes I chose to respond. Some memories hurt still, but I’m ok, I was back then and now I can see how processing them made me stronger now. That is not the case for lots of people.

That being said, and sorry for rambling, I’m really glad Mina spoke about it, she needed to release it, I do believe everything she said and I actually find it not surprising 8which is even more heartbreaking). However I definitely don’t think it was the right, clean way to do or even healthy for her. 

I think this bullying situation should be solved between Mina, Jimin and the real professional authorities (doctors, lawyers, police) even mabye the company since they let the situation happen (which is sad how not surpising it is). If Jimin bullied anybody else, then it’s a problem between them specifically.

Just a few days back she posted a picture of her wound, made believe that it had just happened and then cleared out that it was from months back, was it necessary? To me, that post and what she said in it didn’t help her situation, not did it affect Jimin anymore...Honestly I don’t blame her for doing that but then again, to some, she ends up looking unstable and chaotic, and with the experiences she lived she probably is.

As for us (the fans) and regular people and netizens and whoever followed her shouldn’t  have a say in the matter, we weren’t there and we’ll never be...we really don’t know.  I honestly think we should limit ourselves to support Mina or whoever you want to support or believe without involving the other parties and doing justice for them, we’re not saviors nor we should try to be. We are fans, our job, if we even have one, is to support and thats all.

Something that really makes me mad is that I’ve seen videos incriminating others and clickbaiting to sound dramating...I know that’s how it works and thats why I hate it, it really makes us biased and suddenly we’ve lost the ability to think and reason, we’ve become sheep to a title,a perspective and even more so the person that wrote it.

There’s a reality but the perspective depends on the person who is living it, they are ALL VALID so...

As for Jimin...I’m glad she left, it was the healthiest option for her. I don’t see her promoting ever again and maybe it’s for the best, an example for others to think better before bullying.

I just cant empathize with bullying in general, but even more so with someone who shares your goals, dreams, and is even an important part of the team that was given to you in order to achieve success.  I don’t understand what made her do something like that, specially as the leader of the group and a person who is talented, why waste all of yourself on something that is so obviously wrong.

I still don’t think she is a monster who needs to be vanished from existence though so I hope she reflects a lot, gets the treatment she needs, pays her due and comes out a better person, for her and the people that will surround her in the future.

As for the other members... IMO they are not the same or worse that a bully.

They made decisions that now have consequences but I don’t think badly of any of them, I hope they continue to be great, grow up as a person, can be happy and succeed in whatever they choose to do from now on. I completely disagree when people say that they are worse for not helping...we don’t get to choose how someone should have acted, we don’r know how the other members lived the situation.

Mina. I hope she feels liberated and better, I’m gald she is now receiving treatment and I hope she never has to experience something like that again and maybe uses her experience to help others and become a better person herself. I believe her, but no more than limit myself to believe that that is how SHE lived and felt it, it’s her truth and it’s valid. I hope she gains strength to defend herself better in any situation needed and get the happy life she deserves.

I’m now glad Choa and Youkyoung left when they did, let’s remember they knew about this cause of the time frame, but they left. If they were bullied, just unconfortable, had their dreams change, tired, left out, wanted to or they chose to leave as we “officially know” thats what they chose and it was the best option for them, I applaud them and hope they are happier and successful now. IMO, to end bullying sometimes it’s better to remove yourself from the situation before trying to change the bully. Maybe unfair, yes; but I think it’s healthier, brave, strong and maybe even mature as (I believe), you get to take the bully’s streght from them while you can get better and use it to do something else, or the same somewhere else.

Mina said that Seolhyun never once joined Jimin in the bullying, she didn't stop her and was a bystander for that, while still (generally) wrong I think she chose that to be safe, and in that industry I can't blame her for that. I actually think it’s possible that Seolhyun chose to be Jimin’s friend to avoid that scenario with her, or maybe she saw another side of her, she knows her truth and will grow from this scenario. I wish only good thing for her too.

As for Chanmi, she’s always been my favourite. Mina said that she did nothing even when she herself was being scolded cause she's/ was too young and she’s also believed to have been bullied as well, I believe this as well and it was her defense mechanisim, not only Jimin but probably the managers, antis and company staff. She worked hard and will definetly grow from this, I hope she succeeds and gets to be happy and safe.

Yuna is, not surprisingly either, probably the member who is been talked about the least, Mina said she cherised her well but was to afraid to act which makes sense. I don’t see Yuna as a problematic person and I hope she succeeds, gains strength and confidence to become better, as well as the others.

Lastly, it was said by Mina that only Hyejeong said something to Jimin sometimes and that all the others were either too afraid or not participating at all. I really admire Hyejeong for that and hope she continues being strong and making her dreams and goals come true.

Them I like, I still do. I know I say not to judge but I can’t dislike them not even blame them. With that little information I have on the matter and the context of behind the scenes of kpop I’ve learned, I understand why everyone acted the way they did.

The real truth, only the girls know (each their own) and it should be something they (all of them) sort out with professionals, individually and between themselves.

I wish they were taken care of better, that they were treated better so that this never had to happen. This I blame on the peson that chose and for some reason needed to bully her members but MORE IMPORTANTLY I blame it on the companies who treat their trainees and artists badly or just see the money they can get. They forget (and sometimes we followers do too) that they are people, humans chasing their dreams and sacrificing a lot to do it, even their lifes.

The kpop world is awesome sometimes but it can really suck and be so toxic.

Thinking about this, most groups, probably, have cases like this, I think real friendships in groups are rare TBH and thats fine, they are a team, coleagues and that´s all that matters...If they happen to become friends all the better, but thats not necessary to me anymore. 

Today I choose to believe that for every group I follow. And really, I choose to just limit myself to support and enjoy their personas (as in who they are on screen) from afar. What happens behind is only theirs to bare.

If you read this, thanks...I just needed to get this out of my chest to let it go. If you agree, I’m glad and if you don’t thats fine too.

[abri-chan]

great blog btw, weird question but I think your the best to answer it maybe, what is the deal with Gio's age,he is 15 during Vento but a lot of girls I know who are Jojo fans(mostly manga based ones if that makes a difference) are absolutely horny for him and get angry when I bring up him being 15 during Vento or say well in current day he would be legal now so it doesnt matter or he is drawn older looking, but they are still kinda lusting after him at 15, what are you thoughts on this?

If I remember correctly Giorno does look younger in the way, and everyone is kinda twinkier in it than in the anime, but by the end of the manga he looks a lot like Dio in part 6. Especially that panel where he’s holding the arrow after defeating Diavolo I think?

I think this is not an easy ask to answer, because there are several things to consider.

The important thing is that it’s okay to you feel uncomfortable with them lusting after Giorno. You don’t need an excuse to be uncomfortable and if you feel something is not right, it’s okay to express your dislike or disagreement. I know there has been a lot of pushback against antis but I want to reiterate that being uncomfortable with certain things doesn’t make you an anti. The word is unfortunate because you can be against age-up content (and although I am fine with aged-up, I respect your right to be uncomfortable), but that doesn’t make you an anti in the fandom sense. In the fandom sense of the word, an anti is someone that not only dislikes certain content or wishes the content didn’t exist, but they actively go and harass real people over fictional content. The second part is the critical ingredient to make an anti. As long as you don’t harass others over what they like or dislike, it’s your right to speak against certain content or avoid it.

I understand your discomfort, because I cannot say that fiction never affects reality. I know antis love to use this argument, and the problem is they’re not even wrong. The issue is that they take the relationship between the two to be very simple, when in fact there are academic books and papers dedicated to exploring the relationship. Some things can have a direct and easily measurable correlation: for example diverse fiction representation affects marginalized groups positively. Also the way women are portrayed in the media has a direct effect on how men can view women IRL. But it gets complicated because we have to consider who controls the mainstream narrative: for example pornhub will have more effect on normalizing incest than jonadio fanfiction. Then you also have to consider the purpose of a piece of work or media. For example, I believe writers should be allowed to explore certain topics for the sake of exploring, just as artists can do with colors. So are dead-dove topics used by a writer to explore, cope, instant gratification, shock, pushback? How much power does this writer truly have with regards to their position ins society?

Then there are times where fiction doesn’t really translate into reality: for example, are horror writers out there murdering people? Is thinking of a murder the same as murdering someone irl, is murdering someone in the fiction the same as murder irl? We can get violent and inhibited in videogames bc we know there are not real consequences; but wouldn’t IRL because we know you can’t just hurt someone and reset the game. So while fiction affects reality, and reality affect fictions, it’s not always easy to measure how, and it’s not always linear. Also why banning all taboos or trying to police what people like is doomed to fail bc it takes a very simplistic view on human imagination or psychology.

Returning to Giorno being 15 in the series, the aged-up argument is the easiest one to defend IMO, and one I don’t get why people have problems with. We have aged-up examples of characters in JoJo: Jonathan, Jotaro, and so on. If someone can imagine adult Giorno (and I’ve seen some amazing art of Don Giovanna), they are not lusting after a child... Despite what his canon age is, you can’t argue they’re pedophiles bc they are clearly into an art piece that depicts him as adult. Why would someone think of adult Giorno when seeing teen Giorno? Idk why is Araki concerned with making a handsome man out of teen Jotaro (his words, he’s actually very particular about his characters being attractive)? We have to measure the mangaka and the fans by the same ruler, else we are hypocrites. Sometimes imagination takes you there... but once you see adult Giorno, it’s adult Giorno.

Another thing is that in the anime, and later parts of the manga, the characters do act and look older than their canon age. If no one told me what the ages where in Vento, I’d think the teens were young adults, and the adults were late 20s, early 30s. So while Araki slapped an age onto them; as a viewer it’s hard to detach your experience of seeing characters that look and act like adults from some number that seems to have no grounding in the world. I read somewhere that age in manga is used a lot for marketing: if it’s published in shonen jump and it will be mostly teens reading, you slap a teen age on the characters. But maybe as adults, mangakas have a hard time to imagine actual teens (it’s hard to actually write good children characters, and I suppose it’s hard to write teens too). So they end up with adults, but have to somewhat label the characters as teens to get teenagers to read the story. Let’s take someone that we can all agree looks adult, Risotto. Imagine someone told you that’s a 14 year old boy. You have this abstract information of age, but your eyes tell you that is the face and body of a grown man. So what will be easier to process for your brain?

Sure IRL if you knew Giorno was 15 but he looked adult, you clearly don’t get involved. But since this is fiction, it is possible to detach the concept of Giorno acting and looking like an adult from his actual age, because there are no consequences. The age is very abstract in this case... and I feel that’s why some of these fans are doing. They see someone that acts and looks adult, and it’s silly to claim they are 15, because it doesn’t add up. The reverse is when mainstream anime draws lolis and calls them 100 years old adults... you feel uncomfortable bc even though you are given an age, the visceral aspect it’s that of a child...

Now if these fans really lusted for someone that looks 15, that’s another question. And it’s not the same as people writing underage content... bc we have to consider how it fits within the narrative (anyone remember Game of Thrones?).

[rockstar-edits-cookies]

UMMMMM Do Rockstar

OH YES YES

How I feel about this character

I kin the guy to the max. Like, even when I started playing, he just kinda caught my eyes, for some reason. I also deeply deeply love playing with him, I have a trigger developed in my thumb to slide at all costs when I’m able to. I will slide on the smallest platforms (unless the pace is too fast). I also absolutely love the faces he makes, he looks like he’s screaming of joy and honestly I’d love to as well. Also I like how he never stands straight, I also aspire to be like that and absolutely break my back in the process. Oh he can also flirt if he wants to, just you wait JUST YOU WAIT. Also I have very good feelings towards him because I got through a lot while drawing him, and making fics with him (aND Lem) so I can thank him (and Lem) for getting me into writing again, which was something I loved doing a lot a bit back then so I just, I don’t know how but I’m very grateful for this fictional character and for that fact that devsis made him

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Lemon is a HUGE one, such a fucking huge one. I just love everything about them. Their dynamic can be very adorable and healthy, I also like to think that they change each other for the better. With Lemon bringing out Rockstar’s not-loud but instead very caring personality, and Rockstar getting Lemon to open up in a very unique way, and proving to be someone for Lem, who will always comfort him. I think Lem needs a lot of comfort,, poor guy has such a traumatizing backstory and then everything he does revolves around having his electric powers and being used for it,,, I just think he needs someone who wouldn’t use him like that. Also the first thing that got me to ship them is the immense emo energies they both have. Then later on, the idea of artist-fan to friends to lovers, because it’s very very good. I have so many many many thoughts I could share but I can only keep your attention for so long.

another one that I like is vamprock,,, vamprock shippers make the ship so soft, I’m amazed, jealous and charmed by all of you, all of you valid people shipping them,,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Mint and Kiwi! I just feel like they are the inner circle best friends, who talk about sensitive stuff too,,, they just know RS very well and that’s just really great. He needs the support kdjkld

My unpopular opinion about this character

He’s not actually a megastar or any of the sort, his fans are also - most of the time - his friends. and if you’re a fan of his it won’t take very long until he pulls you into the same circle of friends because he just has Overwhelming emotions about people liking what he does.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Le T TH E B O Y S M E EE  T I T M A K E S S E N SE PL E A S E D E V SI S I want him to have a trial :( also if we’re looking more in storywise, I’d love if his personality would be shown off more bc I think he has a very fun personality imo, I just want him to shine bright like the star he is :]

[lisinfleur]

GUESS WHO’S BACK? WITH RANTS!!!

OOOOOOOOOK

This shit will contain A LOT OF SPOILERS. So, if you didn't see episodes 5, 6 and the trailers for 7, then... WTF are you doing in this fandom uh? GO - WATCH - IT!

Ok, later rants! I took some time away - that I'll explain soon! - but today I finally found a way to watch episode 5 and episode 6 of Vikings and now, the trailers with the goodbyes we just saw in my timeline. So, time to speak! I'll try to resume it because fuck! Things got huge too fast! So, let's start small...

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Dear Torvi Poor woman... She's passing through so much loss. Björn's betrayal, her first son, her second child, now Lagertha... Man, for the gods' sake! Someone please let me hug this woman! She needs it! And yet, she was wise enough to spit some truth on Ingrid's face... Torvi matured a lot from that child we used to think was so fluffy when trying to convince us she was Viking. She grew into a strong woman, able to endure things that many others wouldn't have with a whole mind. I have to clap my hands and admit that Torvi evolved into a whole new character and if there is someone to """replace""" Lagertha in this show, it will be her.

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Ingrid Speaking of replacements... Am I too cruel to say I laughed out loud of this woman at the docks waiting for Björn like that? The honey-dick attacked again and the girl is melting for him. Poor sucker... To be honest, from all the women Björn cheated on, fucked and let go like trash in this series, Ingrid is the only one who I won't feel a single drop of pity for. She searched scab to scratch herself and now I'll sit and watch as she realizes her stupidity. Know your crime, pay your price. That's what I have for her.

_______

Harald Or should I say King Harald? Man, I have to say: Harald was low. It was pretty low to manipulate things the way he did to win that election over Björn's favoritism and he stroke pretty lower by going there to provoke inviting Björn to be his counselor that drunken way of his. Even more to order the killing of someone who risked its life to save his ass when he was locked by Olaf, trusting the word of a man that he barely knows (Flatnose will be pointed here too... that bastard!). But once again... Am I too cruel to say I laughed OUT LOUD the whole process of election?? Man, it was HILARIOUS to watch Björn's teeth clenching to every single vote Harald had over him! It was ORGASMIC to see all that arrogance of someone who carries nothing but his father's fame in his shoulders being dissolved by noticing daddy's fame won't hold his back anymore! Ragnar's name is fading - despite he'll always be a legend - and whether Björn starts walking for himself or his papa's actions won't hold his butt up forever! And Harald did me the beautiful favor of kicking that white blonde ass to see if Björn will wake up and become the man he should have become since the first episode of this series (To the ones who don't remember, Rites of Passage was the mark of HIS DAY TO BECOME A MAN and receive his armring). However, I think Harald screwed up and got tangled up with a bunch of bad promises he will somehow have to honor. The thirsty man is drinking seawater and will end up dehydrated. It is better for Harald to find a way to manage the whole Norway, or else, the King of All Norway will end up in a pole, impaled, like a beautiful flag for everyone to see...

_______

Gunnhild She looks miserable in the next episode, but her acting was beautiful during the battles. I just wanted we had seen more of the huge Gunnhild we were habituated to see. I felt they kinda lowered her light to put the spotlights on Lagertha for the scenes and I can understand the need for it to happen, but Gunnhild was really pale in these episodes and I hope Hirst doesn't follow this thread to wipe her off slowly until there is nothing of our precious Gunnhild to be seen. She's too huge to be forgotten or changed this way. I hope it changes in the next episodes.

_______

Amma I hope someone takes care of the bruise in her face cause fuck... Things didn't go well for this girl. She was delegated "two" Ragnarssons to protect. Magnus is dead. Hvitserk is doing shit. Poor girl is in bad sheets here... But more than that, I really would like to see her slapping Ubbe's face or stopping him from treating her as a slave. It's only me, or did someone else noticed how the bastard is ordering her around as if she was his fucking maid? She would be, imo, the perfect person to throw some truth in this man's face cause man... He's needing a slap. OHHH HE IS...

_______

Kjetil Flatnose You freaking fucking asshole motherfucker bastard son of a bitch! There are no words in the human language to define how big of a bastard you are! Man, I HATE THIS GUY and I hope Ubbe does one single fucking shitty thing right in his pitiful and dismissable life and KILL THIS ASSHOLE! PAINFULLY! There is not too much to be said about this asshole. I just want him to die. Slowly.

_______

Now... let's start with the big ones, right?

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Ivar x Igor Once again, I cannot tell you guys the size of the love I feel for these two and their relationship. Everything they do together, no matter how dangerous is it, seems to be a big huge game and Ivar seems to be having so much fun beside this boy that I can only pray the gods it lasts forever. Igor brought back a side of Ivar that we weren't able to see in years! A good side that I was missing so hard! I hope this boy doesn't stab him behind his back, cause if he does, then it will be the end of the Ivar we know and maybe that serpent Hvitserk fears so bad will come out for good...

_______

Ivar x Oleg (plus Katya?) Is it my impression or the bromance is over? I saw lots of sadness in Ivar's eyes (a point for Alex! Fuck, the boy is good!!) but something tells me that Oleg is messing with fire and will end up veeeery burned... He's playing with a recent wound, making it bleed again with that brunette bitchy version of Freydis and something tells me that Ivar will bury Freydis' memory along with Oleg's and Katya's bodies. And this will happen pretty soon... If I was him? I would destroy that mausoleum in front of Oleg's eyes and say things like "It's good for you to watch it" while breaking his ex-wife's statue in tiny little pieces (using Katya's face like a hammer, of course). But I'll wait and see. Ivar's plans will surely be better than mine!

_______

Alex Yes, Alex, not Ivar. The boy deserves a whole topic only for him. It is not that I'm surprised, I'm not. Alex has been proving himself an amazing actor since he first dragged himself on screen as Ivar the Boneless for me. With Adrian and Jacup and Viktor and even that crazy-ass Liam, he already had proven himself a multitalented artist and a phenomenal actor able to conquer our hearts with any kind of character. But I have to point out that his expressions as Ivar are absolutely incredible! He can pass complete feelings and whole threads of thoughts without a single word! I can only congratulate him for such a beautiful job! The same goes for the actor who plays Igor. Boy... you rock!

_______

Björn More momma's boy than never, boy is being forced by the gods to raise his butt up from other people's backs and walk by himself. BEAUTIFUL! I cannot say how happy I am by seeing Björn finally being slapped by reality: papa and momma's fame won't hold your butt up forever, bitch! Grow fucking up, grow some fucking balls and go fucking make your own shit! And I'm not here saying he didn't shit in the whole series. He did, but all he did since this series started was under the weight of his father's name. Björn Ironside, SON OF RAGNAR. It was always something heavier than anything else in his life and now, whether he raises his own name before his blood history or he'll end up fading quicker than his shadow. Yes... shadow. Cause that's what Ubbe has become... I just really wanted him to stop this drama and to remember that mommy was murdered by one of his brothers who had THEIR MOTHER murdered by his mommy, so it was a fair death, a fair kill. No one should be allowed to punish Hvitserk for this especially because the woman would die anyway! Hvitserk shouldn't even be guilty of her death since Whitehair had warranted she wouldn't see a new sunrise before Hvitserk's hallucinations would end up getting his hands dirty.

_______

Ubbe Who the fuck are you and where the fuck is my daddy? I cannot say he was brainwashed. Who paid attention to the details will remember pretty well the scene when Ubbe, Hvitserk, and Sigurd were speaking right after Hvitserk arrived from the trip to the Mediterranean Sea. They discussed about Ivar's need for avenging their mother and Ubbe was clear saying they would have to kill Björn to reach Lagertha and that's was something he didn't want to do. Ubbe gave up avenging their mother as soon as Björn arrived in Kattegat. But there were better ways for him to show his will to avoid fighting his brother without adopting his stepmother and forgetting all the shit she did like that! He could have accepted fighting beside her with caveats, leaving clear he was there to go against Ivar not to support her. He could have left clear that he was there because of Torvi and Björn, not because of her. He could have rejected Lagertha without creating any problems within him and Torvi as long as he was able to put his own mind out through those beautiful lips saying clearly that he was giving up on the fair revenge because he loved Torvi and didn't want to fight his older brother. But no. He just forgot everything, started treating Lagertha as if she was his mother and now he'll bid her the farewell we didn't see him bidding to his own mother! What kind of an asshole does this shit? And for the ones who want to come here ranting about how shit of a mother Aslaug was, I would like to remember that she starting being a shitty mother AFTER IVAR WAS BORN! This means Ubbe lived THE BEST of her motherhood longer than ANY OTHER OF HER SONS! He had a fucking perfect mother and he didn't have the respect to keep himself away from her murderer once he chose to respect his loyalty to his brother and avoid killing her. I lost all my respect for Ubbe in this season and I cannot say I'll ever be able to really respect him again. Not only he left Margrethe to die (she was ambitious? yes. She was crazy? Yes, but she was HIS WIFE and HE SWORE THE GODS he would protect her!) but he abandoned Hvitserk when he most needed his older brother making himself unable to forgive a simple bad action when worse things were forgiven in his heart, he mistreated the woman that is beside him and declared to go wherever he goes for love by using her loving words against her to keep her from looking after her children's safety, he's mistreating and disrespecting Amma who's a free woman by treating her as if she was his personal maid and his brother's babysitter throwing on her the responsibility of taking care of Hvitserk that should be his own... Ubbe disappointed me so many times in so many ways that he must thank the gods he's played by Jordan and I love Jordan, otherwise, I would have no reason not to spit on his face at all!

_______

Hvitserk Speaking of pain, there is a picture of Hvitserk beside this word on the dictionary. Shit, he's so hurt, so pulled down, so ragged, so disposed. Poor him is walking around like a ghost himself! I wish so much Amma wasn't so afraid of taking pulse in this situation, but I cannot blame her. She fears she would fail and Ubbe would be harsh on her so she doesn't go further than calling Hvitserk's attention or his name to wake him up. But the truth is that someone should put this boy in its lap, hug him tight, and never let him go. The gods are being harsh on him breaking him in tiny pieces and offering him to Fenrir's jaw to be chewed. I really hope now that he fulfilled his "purpose", he can find a way out of this endless well of self-destruction or, at least, he can start walking for himself once again. It pains my heart to see my beautiful puppy like this. I hope he gets better from now on...

_______

Marco Once again, a topic for another actor that fully showed his talent here! I've seen other works with Marco, like Kriger and Fasandræberne, and his talent is undeniable, but the interpretation of a man in pieces he's offering us is really perfect! He plays with the scenes of Hvitserk's addiction amazingly not only showing the eagerness for more drugs but the perfect portrait of how this doesn't really change his fear or pain and even more the way Hvitserk keeps longing for more, searching for relief and numbness while hiding all those traumas behind his bloodshot eyes. Marco is a complete show all by himself and I can barely wait to see more of his amazing work around the world.

_______

And to finish... Lagertha I didn't like her. Everyone here knows I started disliking Lagertha when she cowardly killed Aslaug in a murder that shouldn't exist. There was no need for her to back shot Aslaug like that especially because that battle was won. Some understood that she gave Aslaug "safe passage" to find her son in Valhalla since Aslaug thought Ivar was dead along with Ragnar. But for me, there was no reason for Lagertha to go further and kill Aslaug like that especially when she could have used many other ways to get what she wanted. Yet, I always admitted and will admit until the end that Lagertha was a hell of a character: a shieldmaiden and a strong woman who could have a better ending after all. Despite the fact that I'm still here trying to figure out how did Björn reached the adult life with her TERRIBLE pieces of advice for children, she was a huge character and I think she deserved to die better than being murdered in the middle of nowhere like a homeless woman by a drugged rag of a man. She was a shieldmaiden. She was the most famous shieldmaiden of her age. She deserved to have died by that wound Whitehair made and her death should be more than just an emotional moment. Now her beautiful and epic fight with Whitehair will fade face to the anger Björn will drive towards Hvitserk. He won't learn from his mistake because, in his head, Hvitserk killed his mother and not Whitehair - who was her actual murderer. Lagertha was fated since she left that battle and Hvitserk was nothing but an accelerator of a destiny that was already sealed. She would die. He just made it quicker. We can even say if we look straight that it was almost a mercy kill. I didn't like her end but I have to say that battle against Whitehair was phenomenal so I'll close my eyes to the rest and believe she died strong and majestically after that fight, as the hero who saved that village from the bandits. And not like a homeless old woman, thrown like trash in the middle of the square, under the rain, murdered by a drugged rag of a man, forgotten in the middle of the mud. She was pretty more than just Ragnar's wife - so I wasn't touched by the words towards this. She was pretty more than just a woman... And I was expecting a better ending for her - and also, something better than hallucinations for Hvitserk to fulfill his destiny.

Let's see... Episode 7 is coming and I can't be more excited!!! The series is doing some shit, but it regained my excitation for good and I cannot wait for next week's episode!

[awkward-marinette]

Unprofessional “Desperada” Recap

It’s been a day after “Desperada” aired and I decided to do a rewatch of this episode. I’ve watched it 3 times already and I’ve changed opinions about many scenes that initially made me mad so that’s why I’m doing a recap. Be prepared because it’s going to be a long one. It’s going to contain unprofessional, sometimes blurry screenshots, Luka praise and grammar mistakes but... let’s get to it. 

- Lukanette in this episode was kinda ruined by how Marinette considered Luka her second chance choice. I know it's related to snake miraculous but still... My boi deserves better. Hell, MARINETTE deserves better than being written like that and those are main reasons why I was so pissed after watching "Desperada" for the first time

- girls (Alya, Alix and Mylene) are noticing Lukanette only now? I thought it was obvious that the chemistry is there - but also, I agree with their opinions with my whole heart

And I'm also starting to see that girls are getting tired of Marinette's obsession which Adrien which is understandable. They help her all the time trying to get her with the boy of her dreams and nothing happens. Yeah, I would be pushy and annoyed as well. But it makes me worried for one of next episodes which title I can’t remember but in the description it said that Marinette’s friends will be group akumatized because of something that Marinette is going to do. 

- quality Adrigami right there - I need to double check correct episodes order (by production number) to be 100% sure but I'm convinced that this episode is before "Ikari Gozen" otherwise I don't see the reason why Kagami is so distant towards Marinette again. But I appreciate scenes with them, especially when they rebel against their overprotective, overcontrolling parents

- about this disastrous greeting Adrien and Kagami scene - it's not easy seeing your crush laughing and being comfortable with someone else and we see it on Marinette's face. And yet again she decides to interrupt it by getting in their space. Doing and saying stupid things because of her skyrocketing nerves caused by Adrien's presence. Without thinking leaving Luka’s side to run to her crush like she did a bad thing. During my first watching, I didn't notice just how nervous she was until everyone started to look at her after Kagami's comment implying Luka is Marinette's boyfriend, waiting for her reaction. We know that for most of the time Marinette is not doing well under the pressure from other characters and this scene is no exception to that. No wonder she messed up later too, being looked at from all sides makes you super nervous. I can sympathize with that

Also, wow, Kagami, you don’t need to cling that much to Adrien. It’s not like Marinette is gonna attack him or something. 

- "he's just a friend" - Marinette, you're definitely spending too much time around Adrien. As the blond is doing the same with his feelings towards her vs. Ladybug, she openly denies her feelings for Luka despite having them. That's why she brushed off what Alya said and will continue to do that until she realizes it herself. It’s as if those two didn’t know that you can have multiple crushes on people

- Jagged/Anarka scene - there's some backstory here and I need to know more! I don't think it was just playing together in a band and there were some romantic feelings involved. Although I don't like the idea of Jagged being Juleka and Luka's father (that would be lame), it would definitely be an interesting plot to explore for the sake of Couffaine family story arc. Especially after seeing Anarka's steel refusal and Couffaine siblings being shocked that their mom was once working with their music idol

- Jagged having a soft spot for Marinette is still one of the cutest things ever. Mere concept of an international music star acting as a cool uncle for ordinary artist girl is awesome. I really like that he always seems to actually listen to what she has to say and doesn't treat her as a kid who don't know anything. And asking her if she knows some talented guitarists although he probably has lots of connections in the industry just proves how big that soft spot for her is. He visibly perked up at her sight and started playing happier melody!

- nominating Adrien for new guitarist disastrous scene - OH MY PLAGG, I don't know what to say about the scene everyone is talking about. This is definitely one big triggering scene and if I was annoyed at Marinette when she dropped Luka to greet Adrien earlier, this one made me: mad, sad, embarassed at the same time. Cringefest at its finest.

You know what I mean? Look at everyone’s reactions: 

BRUH. 

Plus: 

Even Rose was shocked! Yeah, Rose who always seems to be in her own little world!

It made me regret that she didn't decide to give up on Adrien in "Puppeteer 2.0" (yeah, I know episodes are not in the order and it seems that "Desperada" is chronologically after that). I mean, girl, even being under the pressure is not gonna save you this time in my eyes. You had the right to be super nervous around your crush and babbling incoherently when you didn’t expect to see him but trying to impress him by recommending him for skills you know he doesn’t have? Your feelings for that boy are not healthy for you and you need to see that. If Adrien visibly has doubts and says he's more of a pianist AND JAGGED STONE HIMSELF IS QUESTIONING THAT CHOICE AND POINTS AT LUKA, it should give you a signal that you're not in your right senses. I really want live to the day that in one episode she finally realises that and will start to move on. I bet it will improve her character and relationships with everyone around her. And I can't believe that writers decided to include that scene - there were probably few different ways that this scene could go without making Marinette a fool blinded by her love.

And man, I was feeling so sad for Luka there. Being overlooked like that just because the girl he likes nominated a guy she loves when it's clear that he's not suited for the job must be hard to accept. And how does he manage to make me like him more every time he shows up? He handled that situation with levels of maturity he should teach main charactes about.

- Desperada - it was this rare kind of episodes when we didn't get akumatised character's backstory first, that's why sometimes I thought this episode had quicker pacing than usual. We got more information from the villain herself this time and it was a nice change of routine. Also, Desperada was so cool! Her design is absolutely fantastic (one of the best in the show imo), her powers were deadly, she had amazing voice and she was competent enough to create such a threat that it forced Ladybug and Chat Noir to reach for miraculous that could mess with time. And it wasn't obvious she could be this dangerous at first glance! The only thing I didn’t like about her is why she was akumatized - REALLY, JAGGED?! Come on, dude! 

I would totally cosplay that if I wasn’t a complete disaster with instruments.

Her trumpets made funny noises when she shot from them, it cracked me up a little. And I need that guitar axe for... reasons...

- yo, Kagami proving she's worthy of dragon miraculous! She charged at Desperada without hesitation although she just met Anarka! 

- Rose went through a surprising change in last two seasons - I never expected to see her do things like shielding someone from the villain. On second thought, she was protecting her dear Juleka so it shouldn’t be that surprising. But it is, at least for me. 

- Marinette realised she wasn't in her right mind after all - well, better late than never, right? What Tikki said about her having a troubled heart - I want to believe it's something that will make her rethinking few things and will be a spark that will eventually ignite character development. I hate seeing her like this when she proved many times she’s better than that

- Lukadrien - you know, on one hand it's good to see two male love rivals being on good terms with each other (although I wonder how long it's going to last after Adrien gets to his senses regarding liking Marinette as more than JuSt A fRiEnD), on the other it's depressing when you look at how girls are treated, all hating each other (well, except Marinette and Kagami now). Why can't we have nice things... Also, Lukadrien was strong in this one.

- Luka proving he deserves to be a hero - it's not usual for civilians in this show to willingly put themselves in villain's path to help heroes but it's always appreciated when it happens if that civilian isn't hurt in the process. Luka managed to distract Desperada so that Ladybug could corporate a plan that helped trio to escape her.

- Ladybug, Adrien and Luka in sewers - so she gets the message to go to Master Fu for new miraculous, meanwhile we continue with Lukadrien scenes. They find a locker room for employees and Adrien finally can separate from Luka to transform into Chat Noir. I'm surprised that Luka didn't hear door opening and closing again despite being right next to it. Or maybe... he did since I suspect he knows Ladybug’s identity so him knowing Chat’s identity would be pretty funny. 

- snake miraculous - Master Fu said that this miraculous is really powerful (duh) and must be used by wise person who can resist a temptation to abuse its power. Kinda foreshadowing for what's going to happen later, isn't it? I've got no idea how Marinette could think Adrien was suited to be a snake. It doesn't fit him at all. There must be other miraculouses in the box that would be more fitting for him. I need to do a research.

- Adrien gets his chance with Ladybug - well, he wasn't against the idea of her giving miraculous to Adrien despite his identity crisis (cue: “Onii-chan” and the scene where Chat Noir lands on the billboard with Adrien’s commercial on it). It's clear he didn't think about risking being discovered as Chat Noir and jumped in this train because he was blinded by the opportunity to finally get his Lady to love him as Adrien. After rewatching the episode I've changed my opinion about this moment and I think that it was somehow needed at this point in the show. It can be treated as a simulation what would happen if the reveal happened right now, when Adrien/Chat Noir is blinded by his love for Ladybug and Marinette/Ladybug is being blinded by her love for Adrien. And it does not end well.

I can't at Plagg when he realises that Adrien is going to use new miraculous offered by Ladybug so quickly and willingly. When PLAGG drops his usual behaviour and channels his inner TIkki by saying serious, wise things, you should know that this is a huge mistake, Adrien. Just look at his face:

And I suspect that Plagg has some history with Sass because it's not the first time he acts weird around snake kwami. Yet again, I want to know!

- Adrien is (temporary) a character with the highest amount of magic transformations - and, tbh, Aspik’s transformation wasn't very good. His suit looks weird in motion, although I understand choice with a cowl to not look similar to Chat Noir. But Aspik's final pose is so ridiculous it hurts - even Kim's wasn't at that level. 

But maybe, it was another element that proved Adrien wasn't the right choice for snake miraculous. 

Also, him acting oblivious to what kwami is and "What am I supposed to do?!" were priceless. Very subtle acting, Adrien. A+.

- blinded by love - this is the theme of this episode. But this time it was from both sides. We got used to it coming from Marinette in most episodes and fandom has made many creative works with how it could happen from Adrien's side, and we finally could see it in cannon. Since we know how it is with Marinette when it comes to Adrien, I'm going to focus more on him and Ladybug.

  So Marinette as Ladybug makes mistake twice in this episode. This time with more serious repercussions since it concerns miraculous and success of the mission. Focusing more on giving miraculous to Adrien and his presence by her side, she isn't able to focus on defeating akuma at all. 

She compliements him for the smallest things (like choosing his hero name), laugh at the joke that was so Chat Noir, looks at him all the time. She even went to that extreme as saying that they don't need Chat at all! BOI WASN’T HAPPY: 

Ladybug has always been the responsible one and always puts the mission first. But here, she wasn't even caring for her own safety by checking her surroundings, something that you thought could never happen.

As for Adrien, he knew how powerful snake miraculous is. But because he prefered to woo Ladybug instead of eliminating akuma threat first, he failed to prove he was the right guy for the job as Aspik. 

And failed miserably. I won't go as far as saying that he deserved to end up with PSTD syndrome after failing to save her so many times but if he was smarter, he could pull himself together much sooner and fix it without hurting. He had a tool that could cut his pain and suffering of losing Ladybug short. But his determination/obsession made him overlook that simple fact. I mean, dude, it took you THREE MONTHS to realise it's not working?! And what irked me is the fact that despite all those chances he had, he was still prioritizing flirting with Ladybug instead of defeating Desperada. 

I'm sorry but after that confession, he lost another points in my eyes. Also, it showed that he is more like his father than we gave him credit for with that unhealthy determination to achieve his goal. It's downright scary.

But one good thing emerged from this horrible montage of his failures: Ladybug’s reaction to the reveal he’s Chat Noir. In spare of few seconds she went through all package of emotions - confusion, shock, bewilderment, comprehension, anger. It was delightful. 

After thinking about it for some time, I came to a conclusion that this plot is kind of a warning from writers. We, as a fandom, want The Reveal to happen, some of us want it now, others (like me) don't want it fastforwarded and now I see why it's not a good idea. Adrien and Marinette are at that moment that both still have an unhealthy perception of love and their feelings are more like obsession. They're both putting other one on the pedestal as a person completely rid of flaws and ability to make mistakes. They have tunnel visions and don't see anything around but the person they love. So if they knew each others’ identities now when their feelings are in such underdeveloped stages, they would fail as superheroes because those feelings would got in the way. And it's something that they can't allow since Hawkmoth is getting stronger and is plotting something big. The message is clear: don't expect The Reveal to become cannon now because it's not the right moment.

But I'm not trying to give writers enough credit - at least, this time. I want to see characters learning from events that took place in this episode. I want to see them actually realise that their concept of love is flawed and decide to be better than they are right now. I want to see Love Square finally going somewhere rather than being constantly stuck in nowhere. That's why I have high hopes for the rest of season 3 and have big expectations from season 4 (because, if Love Square developing will happen, it's now or never).

Ok, let's continue.

- Sass - poor kwami was active for months, didn't get a snack, had a short break in the box and was summoned again very quickly (although refreshed). #letsassrest2019

- Luka being the chosen one - ok, as funny as it sounds, there's no better summary why Luka got snake miraculous in the end. When he reentered the scene, he witnessed some serious talk between Ladybug and Adrien, the latter obviously crying, both visibly down and disstressed and, blessed his soul, said he's glad that Adrien was found because he was worried (Lukadrien fans must have gone wild at that). Adrien looked at him and made this face:

The face of realization. Because, as he experienced, snake miraculous requires to be used wisely while keeping a cold head. Something that he couldn't do. And before him stood a guy who's really calm, collected but brave and caring (Adrien's words). Fortunately, Adrien didn't continue to pout but immediately suggested to Ladybug to give Luka a miraculous. After saying goodbye (with bittersweet Ladrien moment), Ladybug turned to confused Luka and it was his time to shine. And boiii, he shone alright! I mean, look at those majestic screenshots of his transformation:

Sidenote: this tranformation was probably the longest one but it could give Chloe a run for her money in fabulous department.

- new trio of Paris - and we got cool trio of superheroes to deal with Desperada (who was still laying down in sniper position on Eiffel Tower, lol) who were working very well together. Main duo was back in their game and overall I'm here for Chat Noir/Viperion bro ship.

- plan to take down Desperada - as I said earlier in the recap, Desperada didn't seem that threatening at first but she quickly showed that I was mistaken. It was no overexaggeration when Marinette said that there is no room for error with her because of variety of weapons she used. That's why they needed to plan their ambush from A to Z and that's why snake miraculous was better for this mission than, for example, rabbit miraculous. It's good that Viperion wasn't hit during those chances because they would be screwed and Hawkmoth would probably win.

As I predicted, Viperion needed considerably less time to figure out how to get the upper hand in the fight. And although it was strange that both Ladybug and Chat Noir struggled more than usual with defeating an akuma, it was nice seeing other hero forming a plan in the meantime. 

Now I wonder if Viperion's lyre has the function to distract opponents with its melody or it was the fact that Desperada was just sensitive for hearing music in general. Also, lyre can be used in other ways:

- I need a confirmation that those two are officially together (and Fang is their pet)! Pleeeeaaaaaseeeee!

- Vivica is so cute! And I love that heroes always do "pound it" next to confused victims

Luka is so freaking tall here! And I thought that Adrien got taller this season! He looks so small compared to Viperion!

- oh yeah, with that look he gave her, it's pretty much confirmed that Luka knows Marinette is Ladybug. Otherwise it wouldn't be shown like that.

- Kagami giving Marinette an opening for fair rivalry is something you don't see everyday. Kagami encourages her to make up her mind with all that Adrien-Luka thing - another motivation for Marinette to push her character development ahead.

Alya chimes in saying that boys also have to decide. We know what Luka thinks but Adrien still needs more time to clarify that. And waiting for that is going to kill us all.

So that’s all, folks! TL;DR, thanks for coming to my ML Talk! Man, why am I doing these only when an episode creates a lot of fandom salt?