#and 2. make life hell for people with ocd

[musashi]

putting pictures of dead children on my tumblr dashboard is not activism. get offline. moral ocd diagnosis. oh my god.

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[lovebirdgames]

In the end we got 36 likes so here are 36 random facts from Band Camp Boyfriend!

1 - Most people probably know this one, but it’s a good spot to start. The majority of names in BCB are music/instrument puns. Tom, trombone, TOMbone. Peter, trumpeter, trumPETER. Susie sousaphone. You get it.

2 - Cadence's dating history. She's already had her first kiss (which is why she doesn't make a big deal out of it), but not her first love, which is far more important. <3

3 - Initially Olive’s name was Angryphone, then Francis (for French horn) as she grew into a bigger character, then we finally settled on Olive (for oboe).

4 - Peter was the first character conceptualized and the first boy we asked Flora to draw. Don't tell him, he will get a big head.

5 - In this background, the football goalposts are missing because Blue Mountain High School is having them replaced…just kidding it’s because we the devs did not realize we forgot them because marching band is all that matters.

6 - Mr. Wiley has some of his roots in a Hunger Games OC I made in college. Namely the name, hair, and glasses…and the fact they both go crazy. Hunger Games Wiley had a much grislier fate though.

7 - Peter can’t remember his first kiss because he went around kissing all the girls when he was little until his mom gave him a stern lecture on germs.

8 - Tom is the only one allowed to ride in Peter’s car (which he got as a graduation gift) but he’s not allowed to bring food in.

9 - This one's right out of my old fact doc: Clark got bullied a lot as a kid for being a teacher’s pet. Got called names like tattle-tale, four-eyes, Clark eats tanbark, Clark the narc, etc. but who graduated top of class & got the good citizenship award from the Principal? hIM.

10 - Samuel was a super quiet kid, but somehow extremely popular. His fellow children craved his approval for some strange reason. Got good grades but the teachers got on him to participate more and be more outgoing. Of course, he didn’t. He just did his own thing.

11 - Poptart’s albinism affects his depth perception, making marching a little bit harder for him.

12 - Doug’s least favorite food is black olives. Also he drives an old clunker truck to practice (when he can get it started) and gives an illegal amount of kids a ride every day (namely the whole drumline). He makes everyone duck if he spots a cop.

13 - Leon has an older brother, Buck, who lives in the woods and owns a possum named Beauford. If they ever met, Beauford the possum and Bandit the raccoon would have been rivals.

14 - Susie’s a dog person. Her family owns a fluffy Newfoundland named Benji.

15 - Felicity was initially going to be a “mean girl,” until we decided her being a “pick me” was more realistic and less stereotypical.

16 - There’s an easter egg for our next game, Heartbreaker, in Band Camp Boyfriend, and vice versa. Players already have the concept and names of the LIs, they just don’t know it.

17 - In the end, Garth lands the leading role as Harold Hill in The Music Man musical and no bitches needed to be cut.

18 - As a child, Doug wanted to be the Kool Aid man when he grew up.

19 - A lot of stuff in BCB is inspired by our real lives. One of the craziest things is that our college marching band had a man auction to win dates with the guys. I showed up with $40 trying to summon the courage to bid on my crush at the time.

20 - Aaron has OCD and used to tap his fingers on everything, but drumming has helped him get a lot of his nervous energy out.

21 - All of the Drum Corps named in BCB are parodies of real life corps.

Red Angels = Blue Devils Yellowjackets = Bluecoats Tennessee Tiara = Carolina Crown Space Cadets = The Cadets

22 - You can find song motifs from Gustav’s Holsts “Planets” hidden within the BCB soundtrack. For example, Mars hides within “Run Like Hell” and Venus is in the romance theme, “Venus and Mars.”

23 - Drum and Drummer were the last characters to make it across the line into spritedom. Next up would have been Erin and Cornelius, but you gotta draw the line somewhere.

24 - The Warden is based on Mr. Friendly from Lost.

25 - All of the band directors have a clever name theme. Wiley, Craft(y), Knowles (Knowledgeable), Savage (Savvy), Brighton (Bright).

26 - Initially Tom was going to have a Triforce on his shirt, but we switched it to hearts because it’s more generic and fits with multiple games. Also we joke that you can either fill up his hearts or let them run out!

27 - Sabrina is an orchie dork and plays violin 2 in the orchestra.

28 - Marian, Garth, and Sabrina are all choir kids. Felicity is a former drama club kid.

29 - In my head Eugene resembles Eugene from The Walking Dead so…yeah his sprite definitely low-key has his look haha.

30 - Alex came up with our little heart trumpet logo. She used to draw it everywhere in high school!

31 - The original Higurashi anime was definitely an inspiration, with it’s cute-on-the-surface look and darkness waiting in the wings.

32 - There’s always a kid with a nickname in the band and it’s used so often you have no idea what their real name is. Poptart was the first thing I blurted out so that’s what we went with.

33 - The story of Rebecca was told to me when I was at camp in 5th grade. Still surprised our principal told a bunch of 10-year olds a story involving matricide and suicide. I made some modifications for BCB but…who knows…maybe she’s real.

34 - The rock in this background marks the grave of Rebecca and her family.

35 - Doug was originally going to carry the smallest bass drum for comedic purposes, but then we had a reality check.

36 - Some names that were suggested and didn’t make the cut: Clarence (Clark), Fleur (Felicity), and Gordon (Garth).

Bonus: Ms. Craft's maiden name is Kim.

[lnt3rfasmy]

Episode 5 of the Amazing Digital Circus

I'm almost certain now that Ragha and Jax are siblings, but their families separated at some point.

1. Raghatha saying that she is from a rich family that owns farms and animals, and on the other hand Jax and his fear of corn, which means that he probably got lost in it before and maybe suffocated and almost died there(زمة الذرة)

2. Kane calls them a paper flowes and a candy heart.

3. I feel that they don't hate each other completely, but rather it's just sibling behavior. I mean, I have a brother who is five years younger than me, and our relationship is mostly avoidance and fighting. A few months ago, I started to feel that I hate him for several reasons, until he got lost and we searched for him until the next day, and here I collapsed and lost my temper, pouring out tears. This is what I feel might happen to Ragha. I see that the girl is on the verge of decomposition, and then Jax will see that he really loves his .

4. Jax's amazing shooting at the beginning of the episode and his cat-like behavior make me feel like he was into hunting, and some of his actions make me feel like he comes from a wealthy background, even the president's adventure and the idea of war between New Zealand and Australia may show interest in a political background (although general knowledge of politics is not the monopoly of anyone)

5. I think they are both avoiding each other now because the current crisis and their psychological state have put them in their worst state, which made each of them see their mother in the other.

6. They are actually Raghdi Ann and Raghdi Andy. Look at the guy who is proud of his manhood but seems violent and ill-mannered (please be proud of what God created him with, I mean be sensible for a moment, if my brother found himself in girls’ clothes he would feel insulted, and if I found myself with a beard and in men’s clothes I would break down crying, being proud of what you were created with is normal) and Raghda represents Raghdi Ann in kindness, positivity and helping people.

7. I think their life outside the circus was bad, and I have a feeling that either Jax or Ragha ended up there on purpose, and each party blames the other for being stuck here.

8. I think that Jax ended up with his father and Ragha with her mother, and that the father was lax and the mother was strict.

9. I feel like he wants to hide his past, and his being so tight-lipped has to do with his mother, because when Raghtha talked about her mother, his features softened and he looked away. In addition to the fact that hiding your feelings from your siblings is common, it's easy to feel threatened when interacting with them. I mean, if they catch you in a humiliation, you won't be able to get rid of them because they live with you, and your fear of your siblings' cruelty is not uncommon ، My brothers don't know that I have autism because if they knew, my life would be hell (self-diagnosis, but my cousin has ADHD and my other cousin has OCD. I'm sure I inherited it from my father, his condition is more obvious than me) , You may feel worse if the age difference is big and your sister was the one who took care of you when you were young.

[darrellenjoyer]

every day more and more it seems as if the internet is hellbent on making life worse for people with intrusive thoughts, ocd and ESPECIALLY pocd. im still unlearning the idea that "being actively distressed, horrified and disgusted by your intrusive thoughts to the point where you can barely function normally means youre le Good Person!!!" so its been a special kind of hell trying to navigate an internet where every 2 seconds someone is being accused of being a child predator for like wanting to fuck the dad from bluey or something

[beesmygod]

i know an anon suggested ocd to you the other day, and i didn't see the original message but i know it was a bit fraught. but i am a longtime follower who has ocd who also thinks you may have ocd. and with the reblog you just did i'm like well, maybe i can say a little bit.

i've been sitting on sending a message for a long time because (1) trying to diagnose someone on anon is so fucking weird, i am very aware and ashamed of this weirdness in sending this to you, don't worry, (2) it seemed so obvious to me and you've already talked about other mental health issues and such that i was like "no, surely she must already know she has ocd and is just choosing not to talk about it (completely understandable, i don't do it on main), and then i would also be weird for forcing her to out herself".

the thing with morality-adjacent ocd is that a lot of the base thoughts, in a vacuum, are fine. if you hurt somebody some level of shame is good so you can reflect and correct your behaviour. caring about doing the right thing and refusing to do things that violate your principles is good. it's the intensity and all-consumingness of the thoughts that is the problem.

i mean i say morality but it applies to other ocd too. you should wash your hands and keep your place clean as much as you can, but obsessively avoiding contamination by washing your hands for half an hour straight... etc. it's ultimately egodystonic - it takes the thing you hate the idea of the most and convinces you that is what you really are.

like you are genuinely an admirably principled person, more than many, and it's good that you do the right thing instead of the easy thing. but your anguish about like, not contributing enough good to the world as a comics artist and things like that screams morality ocd self-punishment to me... and repeatedly talking about it feels like a confession compulsion. which i also have, kind of! i feel the compulsion *to* confess, but i don't, because if anyone forgave me or told me it wasn't a big deal they obviously haven't formed a sound judgment because (1) they are morally depraved themselves, (2) i didn't explain myself properly and they didn't understand why it's bad, (3) they're my friend and being more permissive with me because they like me, so they're too biased.

this was long, sorry. but you're a good artist and i like your work and i hate seeing you suffer like this. and if you really don't have ocd, well, i'm just another weirdo armchair psychologist anon vanishing into the void.

i appreciate this and thank you for being kind+brave enough to send this while medication juggling is really making me insane new ways. i have not been diagnosed w/ocd and only started kicking the idea around not too long ago when cornered by the inescapable nature of my thoughts/feeling, the fact that no one understands what the hell i'm ever talking about, and seeing signs of it in someone else very close to me. and i guess incidentally learning more about how it develops/is treated.

lol your bit abt internally responding to how ppl try to comfort your "confessions" rings very true. i never thought of my posts as confessions but like im desperately trying to get a hold on a reality that makes sense to me because when reality doesnt make sense, it feels perilous and fleeting. like, doesnt anyone else feel like this? why am i the only one who sees this? how am i supposed to understand what i'm supposed to be doing to live a life that isnt equivalent to a sewage drain that empties out into people's houses if i cant even understand whats happening?

[pos-syscourse]

no hate, but how do you guys stay so positive all the time? We’re just so upset all the time and our health/neurodivergency (Autism, ocd, (suspected) bpd, etc) dosent make it better. We’ve been trying to “form” a kinder alter for that reason. Feel free not to answer this btw! Have a nice day, and stay safe! /gen

Hey!! Thank you for the ask.

I'm going to be honest; I'm not positive all of the time. I just try to keep this specific blog positive.

I'm very upset, about a lot of things. My autism (level 2 more and more often now) leads to me biting myself, hitting myself, lashing out and melting down. My DID makes me forget a lot of important things. The trauma I've experiences has compromised my immune system, so I'm frequently sick. The depression makes everything that much harder. Hell -- today I haven't even left my bed, beyond to use the restroom and once to get myself a drink.

But that's a perfect example right there. I can absolutely sit and wallow in my misery, beating myself up for not getting out of bed. And trust me, I've been there. But I just... I got so tired of feeling that way. I am so tired of it, because my brain still has these mental pathways telling me I should beat myself up.

So instead, when I get that impulse, I treat the impulse like a pissy little 14 year old who is being abused -- just like I was. I treat the impulse like a child who wants to make sense of the hurt and suffering I've experienced, because that helps me realize I need to be kind to that child, I'm not an asshole, I'm not about to be mean to a kid.

And really, a large part of my brain is still running on those neuropathways; a lot of me is still stuck in that trauma, whether I can realize it or not.

So... dear brain: I am so, so proud of you for going and getting liquid. That was such a huge step, especially when you're struggling. I wish people in your life would've recognized that more. And what do you mean, you've done nothing? You've already written 10k words today (no lie!!!) That's incredible! You might say the words meant nothing, because it was all journalling, but I see a lot of value in it.

... I'm not going to pretend it's easy. It's hard to reframe my thinking that way. But when I'm particularly exhausted, and particularly upset with myself, I think about the people around me. Do they want to be around the shitty 14 year old? Do I want that? No. I want to help that 14 year old feel better so that I can be the 27 year old I am.

And thinking of it that way, and trying it out for a few years, I realized how much better it felt to love myself.

I'm not perfect. I'm still struggling a lot with positivity, and not falling too deep into being toxic with it. But a simple, daily post, where people all over tell me they really appreciate my posts? Yeah. Yeah, I can do that. :)

I hope any of that made sense. I've been on a writing kick today, rambling all over the place, so hopefully this was coherent!

[bulletproofthroat]

this painting was inspired by edvard munchs "Despair"

it came under the pretext of suffering BPD, and as somebody who suffers it severely, it only helped if i tried to face these issues, ulterior illnesses such as ASD, ADHD, OCD and bipolar I only added fuel to the flaming rapture of my illnesses and i don't wish this upon anybody. I remember some people were talking on how corey himself must have BPD from his traits, myself, i agree 100% on these claims, spotting a borderline takes no effort because our emotions are so erratic and the way our cognition exists is in the term "borderline" we see the world in black and white, gray areas don't exist for us. One second I'll be infatuated by somebody just for them to do nothing more than a trivial act, sending me into a spiral of disdain and hatred, it guts me each time i have to use "oh i have bpd sorry" as an excuse because i know the whole world doesn't know about this disorder, nor do the people i hurt or sabotaged relations with, am i a bad person for this? that's a debate, part of me knows i am no angel, though was it my fault for turning out like this? being groomed just as i turned 11? Being sexually assaulted in school or on the bus when i was 8? I still blame myself for these actions regardless of what the ordinary person says. I am born to parents who are war survivors, a grandfather who was a political prisoner in Iraq, a mother who has endured war during her childhood, losing her father for a good portion of her life, on the flip side of the same coin, my father who grew up in 1970's iraq without a mother or father due to the circumstances of saddam hussein, he was left to grow up with his sisters and his grandparents. Do i blame them for displacing the extreme trauma onto me? cracking my weak ego day by day from what they interpret as normal or righteous? No. I know they have unresolved mental punctures but that's not for me to stigmatize because I'm taking it secondhanded now, though it has stunted my performance socially and rationally, and this isn't holistically from my parents, though extraneous issues such as being groomed played a large factor. 2018-2020 was maybe one of the worst years of my life, what i simply enjoyed was playing roblox until the man who had ruined my life unconsciously came and exchanged discords with me. From then my life had seemed to be nothing but a whirlwind of hell that i couldn't reach out, i stayed quiet, i walked quiet and never spoke. The day I was in iraq for holiday was maybe the day I had shattered as a child, the breakup between us, when i was 12, had acted as a catalyst for me to engage in risky behaviour, self harm and, you guessed it, suicidal plans. I remember the first time I was cutting myself was with a piece of glass I smashed outside in the barren area of iraq, ranya. I took dusty shards of glass and sat outside on the stairs, unsure of how self harm even worked, or how to purposely make myself bleed for such a horrific cause. The most i had succeeded in was a galore of scratches with some small cuts on my legs. I was scared to touch my wrists but the will for self harm lingered. Houses in iraq typically consist of two floors for 2 separate families to live in, so there i sat on the second floor on the balcony with my legs dangling off the railings, wishing i wasn't scared to throw myself off because i knew i was nothing, i was empty, docile, without the so called man of my life. What baffles me to this day was that he never gave me an actual age, he had said he was 16, to then being able to own an apartment filled with booze on each crevice of the shelf. i remember that discord call like it was yesterday, and i was maybe 12? he had laughed saying he was 18, though he was reassuring he was 16. that wasn't the case until i turned 15, realising i was groomed to then he typed at me with such condescending vocabulary, asking me as a rhetoric, "why should i trust you with my age?" and nothing had tore me more as a person than to hear that.

from that encounter onwards, my relationships had all been nothing but short and difficult. I was always known as "sabotaging" or "impulsive and incapable to deal with" a plethora of words were used for me that fits the criteria perfectly. It didn't help that from when i was 14 i had abused alcohol behind my parents back. from 2021 in iraq, i had drank and drank, when i wasnt with my mother, i had drank beer, whiskey, vodka, anything my uncles had, i took, and i took and took to the point i slept with alcohol in the same mattress. i had grown more infatuated to being intoxicated than sober because being sober ached my conscience as a child, and to be in a state where i could barely move or talk decently, it grabbed me. I'm turning 18 years of age in less than 150 days, my relationship with alcohol is like a tidal wave, i either cut off for good on some days, until i relapse incredibly hard and wake up in the bath tub, and that's what happened to me around august of 2023, the month my uncle died before i received my exam results, i was dating my ex, who had never hurt me. he had lived an hour from me and i wished for nothing more than to meet him and be in love, or so i thought. until that 1 month relationship had fell. i grieved hard to the point my £100 in my account had rinsed completely to £3 because of the alcohol i had bought. all i remember from august was the amount of jack daniels i had drank, nothing more or less. my ex, being concerned had called me along with my ex friend, scared for my well being as i would randomly be angry. it was petty. we had all been friends since 2019, those two had been friends since 2016-17. it was natural for them to be close and friendly with eachother, though for me, i took it the wrong way, i saw it as he was cheating on me, did he love me? was he taking the piss out of me by making sexual jokes? but it was stupid, we all made sex jokes, what was the difference? now that we're dating? i got angry quickly, i had been known to "press" people a lot, like a leech, i wanted something out of them, a reaction, something explosive. i wanted control over him, and it turned horribly. when i went to birmingham for my uncles funeral, whom i never said goodbye to because he was murdered in cold blood by a silencer. It was typical iraq politics, rationale doesn't exist, just cold blooded cavemen who will get what they want, even if that means tearing a family apart. september 4th, the day he broke up with me, was the day i had tore down completely, how does one reach such volatile state that it only depletes and depletes further? Here I am now. I have 1 last session left of cognitive behaviour therapy, then i'm onto psychotherapy. it's nice knowing what they are as i have been taught these in my psychology class. in school, when i was 15, a boy in the year below, i had been close with him because we were in the school band playing soul music, we had the same hobbies and taste in music. he was a guitarist and i was the vocalist/bassist, at the time i thought we had the chemistry until he had got with another girl in his year group. angering me enough, i tried to prove myself, though it never worked. skip until now, 2024, i have removed him off my socials, what once were close friends now are nothing but strangers, somebody i loathe completely. you'll assume it's something dastardly from his end, however it was never the case. the day he had told me he had broken with his girlfriend, i felt relieved, though i knew he wasn't mentally well himself, i felt nothing but like a stepping stool or his boredom to be levitated, i had been there on site 24/7 if he felt, sad i cried for him, i drunkenly proposed when i was in iraq during 2022, out of guilt and shame i apologised. he had led me on. This had fueled my borderline. Now here I am. avoidant and spiteful. Nobody's obliged to read this, though this will stay here, love yall

(bpd gang rise)

[what-fandom-again]

What your favorite helluvaverse character says about you (+Revised hazbin versions)

Some of these are going to be the same but here we go-

Charlie- Your favorite childhood show was "My little pony: friendship is magic". She may be a basic choice but nothing wrong with that.

Alastor- Lots of things to say about the Alastor lovers. Some of you find him hot, some are simply asexuals who love the representation, Some love his Wolf in sheep's clothing attitude, Some just find him amusing to watch. Just take the words of last time

Angel- Same as before. You're either horny or you find him as a comfort character because you yourself have been in toxic/abusive relationships and relate to his trauma. Or both. If it's the second one then you definitely find comfort in knowing that Hazbin takes this trauma seriously because there aren't many shows that do.

Sir Precious: You are the very opposite of nerotypical. In your friend group there's the pretty one, the funny one, the smart one, etc and then there's you. You don't really serve a part in the group but they love you anyways. You show them something you're proud of is the equivalent of a child doing the same thing and their parents smile and put it on the fridge.

Velvette: Your favorite character trope is Gatekeep Gaslight Girlboss and full offense when I say you'd let her degrade you to shreds

Cherri: Hello bottoms we meet again.

Val- Same as before where theres three types of people. 1 Finds him as an intresting character and a well written villain. 2 Finds him to be somewhat entertaining but hates what he does to Angel. 3 Simps for him and doesn't care what he does to Angel. Not much to say about the first two but if you're the third one WHAT THE HELL? I get liking villains and not caring for characters BUT SWEETHEART HES A FUCKING RAPIST!

Vox- remember the whole "Hey hey hey just another fuckin' day with Val ha ha ha Fuck my life" scene? Yeah, that's you on a daily basis. You relate to him on a spiritual level.

Nifty- very much OCD, a little bit of a psychopath. Like before everyone is concerned and afraid of you and you either don't know or you DO know just don't care

Rosie- Every family has one aunt exactly like her. That aunt was your favorite family member and probably your second mother.

Adam- Full offense again but you have no standards. He was the original fuckboy.

Lute: Once again, Hello bottoms and lesbians.

Carmilla: You were most likely one of the original "Vaggie is an angel" theorists and probably one of the older Vivziepop fans. You also pay very close attention to detail like very close. And even though you may not always show it you're deeply empathetic

Emily: Honestly it's the same with Charlie. The only reason you probably like her more than Charlie is because you prefer her design but they're basically the same character

Sera: You definitely have a complicated relationship with your Mother or Older sister or any other female guardian you may have but you still love them

Eggbois: You are very nerodivergent and chances are you have no idea what to do on your own.

Husk: There's something about grumpy old men with secret soft spots that make you go soft and honestly with a voice like Keith David who can blame you?

Vaggie: Take this as you will but the people who like Vaggie are the same people who like Leah or Robin from STDV your favorite character is someone who's able to kick ass or is handy with their hands or both

Lucifer or Stolas: Daddy issues. Heavy daddy issues.

Blitzø: You're either a die hard Brandon Roger's fan or heavily traumatized there's no in-between

Loona: Furry. Horny Furry.

Any of the Succubi- Also horny but in a softer(?) way. I haven't seen a lot of Loona art that isn't some form of fanservice but I've seen plenty where the litteral sex demons get the sweet treatment. Also props to you for getting obsessed with a random fucking bouncer, you e surprised me people

Crimson: I feel like the context for him would be closer to "Favorite villain" rather than favorite character but you say it's him because you don't really know who else you would call your favorite. It's not that you don't like them, it's that they don't exactly intrest you

Beezlebub: You love her party girl personality and you don't even care about her design because you think she's beautiful. Though if you have alternative designs for her, then chances are its pretty good because I've seen a lot of Bee redesigns.

Miller or Moxxie: You are a desperate bisexual who needs a partner like them. You especially want to be topped by Millie..

Mammon: This just Adam but worse. Why?

Ozzie: He is litterally a 9' foot tall buff sin of lust, it speaks for itself.

Fizzarolli: Hello nerodivergents, specifically the ones who'd "misbehave" as a child even though they were only playing around and didn't get diagnosed until later in your life

Robo Fizz: Ya'll are just the Fizz fans but you were intentionally being a menace

Chaz: You desperately hope he comes back (unlkely)

Striker: You definitely have some form of a cowboy kink. Or maybe you just really loved Rattlesnake Jake cause same

Stella: Look, the thing with her and Valentino is that you're still allowed to like them. They have interesting designs and can be quite fun when they aren't being assholes. As long as you realize that their actions are not okay and don't try to excuse abuse on anything, your still relatively valid for liking them. That being said, you're a dramatic bitch who probably gossips with your friends. You're basically Regina George

Andrelphus: Dramatic bitch x 100 I have litterally never seen a character more sassy gay coded and Angel Dust exists

Octavia: This is how you say you're a child of divorce without actually saying you're a child of divorce.

[totallynoteggos]

lol hey this is just a vent post abt my life rn I don’t really expect any on u to read this

Tw if you do read this: talk of Anxiety, ppl not understanding neurological limitations, talk of vauge self exit and SH (its very minor) overall vent post shit

Sorry u have to see me in such a shifty mental state but I need to get this off my chest before I resort to violence

Once again, not KND stuff this is a Vent Post

I’m not neurotypical by any means I'm on some spectrum but all we know so far is that I have OCD and Anxiety. Also I'm going into the 9th grade which that In of itself is a stressful situation but in the last four years I've never stayed in the same school so seeing the same people is hella new to me. I have this really bad habit of going no contact with people after the school year is over because I usually never see them again. My mom can't seem to understand that there are simply things I can't do because of the anxiety & OCD (and I'm not using this as a reason to act out or defy her) abt 2 weeks ago we went to get food, now usually I order my food to make sure I get what I like and not have a mixup. And pls notice this was after a week long “vacation” that ended up being stressful and draining. But anyways there was a mixup and I ended up with a burger with all toppings instead of plain, which caused me to panic because I was hungry and stressed before already. And instead of trying to accommodate she stood firm in her beliefs that I need to get over it and just eat the damn burger. And I heavily insisted on not eating it and eating the fries instead. After a argument (and at the instance of my grandma) she bought me another burger and while in line I told her outright that there are some things that I physically can't do or else they send me into a panic. She that said that she “gets that” but I don't have to act out In front of my grandma which she idolized. And now like I said with the whole start of school she's saying “it wont be your best years if you don't let it be your best years” but I don't think she understands that I don't know how to do that. I've moved around a lot and I've been made fun of a lot due to my interests, hobbies and simply just to be the clown. Most of the people I befriend end up getting annoyed or just keep me around until I say something that doesn't make me the dumb and “quirky” one. And like I said I suck at keeping contact and now everyone still has their old friend groups and mine just see me as a joke or weirdo now. Its stressing me out so much and its only been two days, hell yesterday I would have thrown up from the stress but because I was so stressed I didn't eat shit so I didn't throw up. School stresses me out so much it's unimaginable, its the people, the sounds, the halls, the fact that people won't leave you alone, someone always talking or screaming, just please shut the fuck up so I can learn and be out of here. And god its so fucking hard not feeling what everyone else around you feels. My moms getting upset at me for not wanting to go on the busses when I have gone on one and it left 20 fucking minutes from my house cus the lady was screaming and I got scared as was about to cry. And now she wants me to try again with kids I don't fucking know who some how don't know personal space or manners. And back to the emotions things, why the fuck don't I feel the same as them, god I feel so fucking robotic compared to my mother and everybody else but they also make me feel like a god damned mutt. On one hand they think it's weird that I don't want to talk or to Interact but somehow don't realize that it's their fault I don't want to, and on the other hand whenever I'm upset or angry and actually show it its MY fault. Because apparently since I'm the youngest of my family im supposed to have the personality of pinkie pie and I have no problems. And because I'm quiet, friendly or just shy and I'm supposed to control my emotions because I'm a “young lady”. I've tried talking to my mom about home school because my school has that as a option but she says that I can't hide when she's been doing that too. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for the happiness of those she wants to impress rather than that of her family. But god if all of life feels like this then count me out cus its too much to be alive right now. I think ima take a shot or three of night quill and hopefully sleep until ITs to late to go to school

Goodnight

[garpond]

the amount of ppl with ocd who get told to accept the worst case scenario thought as a necessary part of healing makes me so pissed off. that's not helpful!!! stop telling people that. nobody has to accept that they're secretly dangerous (in the case of harm ocd for example) in order to move past it, this doesn't work for a few reasons: number one, it is basically always demonstratively untrue and accepting at as true can fuck up a persons life badly, and 2) accepting it as true just triggers an entirely new cycle of ocd rituals because it simply evolves into "it's true, now what? how do i protect others?" its not a way out. if your therapist or someone else w ocd has ever suggested this to you, DO NOT listen to them

and it goes without saying that doing constant reassurance to convince yourself its *not* true isn't the solution either. the actual solution is learning how to dismiss the thought and not attribute it to yourself. this isn't one of those polls thats like "this or that? NO third option" ykwim. the way to escape the eternal question of 'am i dangerous or am i safe?' or 'is this going to happen or is it not going to happen?' is not to choose either answer and stick to it, it's to focus on learning that you *do not have to* and *should not* be answering this question. you can't even be humoring it. it's bait. and obviously this is hard to learn how to do, but the right solution is never going to be easy, it's never going to feel immediately achievable. but the more you practice disengaging with the question or problem, the more you treat it like deleting a bait anon out of your inbox or giving a jokey response or something, or ignoring a crazy fundamentalist christian on the street trying to stop you to tell you youre going to hell, that sort of thing, the more it'll start to cease bothering you as much. i know this because ive lived it with various themes. i get new ones all the time, sure, but that's just how it goes until you have been working at recovery long enough to learn to catch new things as they come and nip them in the bud in a similar manner as above. practice passively ignoring and going 'lol that's weird, never mind' and showing your brain that these questions are meaningless and have nothing to do with your reality. *thats* the way to go about this, not preemtively answering "yes" to any Am I Evil question your brain throws at you. Your ocd is the king of making up a guy to get mad at, this has nothing to do with you in real life and you don't have to give it the time of day.

[tuillenius]

It should be mentioned.

It is not easy to suffer mental illnesses. I suffer from 2. 1. OCD which I wouldn't wish on, even Nazis to have. No one to ever have that torture. I wish!!! 2. Middle deep Depression. It isn't huu-haa like some healthy people's ignorantly thinks... I dunno if this is actually mental disorder but I also have ADD. That my older sis has too. It makes it impossible to hold a hobby interesting. It just isn't really easy to navigate life through with these but it is easier than it was as my OCD had gotten -80% less than it was in COVID YEARS. I really lived through hell then. Hell deffo is that OCD on a person. How I survived was for others sake who didn't wanna lose me. Gosh! I'm grateful to be here.

[gojosusedthong]

♱ Au/Character/Relationship Trope suggestions but they get more specific ♱ :

「 ✰ Red is my personal fav :- 」

Cocky Boxer x mature trainer

Tired sheriff x criminal who loves the chase

flower shop x tattoo shop

Dumb x dumber

Chubby (insecure about it) x finds it sexy

Hates touch x extreme ocd

Farmer x curious city boy

Too sober x too drunk

Reincarnated dude x lover from past life

Hot electrician x stay at home husband

Tall shy x small big daddy energy

Sylvia Plath girl x Albert Camus guy

Art school student x cocky engineering student

Rich modern artist x renaissance dick rider who hates them

Overly explains the history of ancient artifacts x "I know"

Sir you're not allowed to dress in a chicken mascot here x doesn't stop

Makes literature/book references x the only one who understands them

Avoids paying for meals in restaurants in creative ways x doesn't fall for any of their tricks

Breathes x JSVDJEJWMWNSN

Emo artist x bubbly scientist

Baker x single dad with 2 daughters

Arrogant celebrity x fan who pretends to not care about them (they're losing their mind)

Talkative coffee shop barista x grumpy insomniac who only drinks black coffee

Obnoxious x tolerant

Museum lover x hates museum

Poor asf x has money to burn

Electric guitarist x amateur guitarist

Bulky patient plumber x clumsy himbo

People only like them for their looks x blind

stalker x worse stalker who stalks the stalker

Apologist x why are you apologizing?

Angry villain asking 'who did this?' x hero who's severely injured by another villain

Bad first impression x doesn't let them forget about it

Rude asf x apologizes for them

Depressed x depressed but intellectually dramatic about it (reads Kafka)

Flirty x wants nothing to do with them but falls twice as hard at the end

Author who hangs out at graveyards x a really concerned passerby

lost man x letting lost man sleep in his house

Immortal x a really confused Grim Reaper

Prince who can't sleep x musician who can make them sleepy

Receptionist x highly annoying store repeater

Loves pottery x asks them to help with pottery

Underrated singer x is their Top listener

Librarian x guy who can't read but stays in the library anyway

Overworked student x student who always sleep but scores higher

Friendly gardener x cold businessman but has a soft spot for them

Visits abandoned buildings x coward (they're build like a tank)

"Wait...so you're not a girl?" x "I get that a lot"

Elementary school teacher x accountant who dislikes children (says they're annoying)

Demon who always visits earth x angel who has to drag them back to hell

world renown chef x harsh food critic who dislikes everything the chef cooks (the chef is determined to change this)

Hopeless romantic deity x the most stinky lazy bum to ever exist (the deity adores them)

Overly worried about what others think x fuck it we only live once + do it for the plot

'so there's this book I've been reading...' x 'tell me all about it'

Attention seeker x obsessed with fictional characters (attention seeker is jealous of this)

Loud neighbor hosting parties every week x annoyed neighbor crashing their parties in the most weird ways possible

Spoiled emperor who manipulates everyone with his power to intimidate them x too dense to understand threats

Lazy bum like a koala x nags a lot but finds them endearing

I can't shut up x the only one who can make them willingly shut up with just a glare

"At least I'm being brave about it" x "whatever you say"

Fakes headaches and always sleeps in the school infirmary x class monitor who won't let this slide

Fakes being perfect (really insecure) x knows the secret that they try to hide (they make a deal)

Popular as the Mr. Nice guy (actually two-faced and gets mad easily) x discovers their secret side and confronts them about it (Mr. Nice guy begs them to keep it a secret)

Beyond beautiful model x nerdy photographer

Scary on the outside (actually really soft) x nice on the outside (the one you should actually be scared about)

Soft spoken yoga instructor x easily flustered gym bro

Desperate Journalist x celebrity who loves pranks and disguises

Doctor in a small town x the same patient who keeps getting into trouble

"This particular detail symbolizes the emptiness residing within the frail human mind and the bleak nature of their demise. What do you think?" x "That's a triangle"

Small Streamer x CEO who watches their live streams and donates a lot

Ex-professional wrestler x idiot who challenges anyone to a fist fight at waffle house

Always arguing for some reason x tries to be nice but snaps and argues twice as much (they make out to make up)

Loves sweets x hates them but has a collection of sweets in case they want it

Childhood friend who remembers everything x pretends to not know them but has a deep crush

Dimension traveller who tries to change their lovers fate x their lover that is destined to die during Christmas Eve in every alternate universe

Rock collector x son of a billionaire who would shamelessly pick up rocks from random places to give it to them and gets articles written about his weird behavior

Coworker with no vehicle x coworker with a cool bike and is willing to give them a ride

Goes to the cinema every night, every day to watch horror movies x watches the same movie as they do every night and thinks they're a stalker (the other thinks they're a stalker too but they get along and discuss the movies they watch)

Do what you will with these ideas

🂱 If you write a fic inspired by them pls tell me the title on Ao3 or Wattpad so I could read it 🂱

[chimerameatt]

you should do some stuff with Peppers character that will be sure to piss Salem the FUCKK off. you knew him personally and im sure he lurks because he seems to give a shit about her.. so you should intentionally take a jab at him by doing something you know would make him mad : =) a little spite never hurt noone

The fact that he felt the need to make a rip off to begin with tells me all I need to know. He made multiple actually. (clover, paprika, kim) He claims pibb isn’t, but dude come on. He acts like I am the devil when he interacted and dated a groomer twice. I got so demonized by both parties it’s actually disgusting. I honestly at this point want to heal and cope with my two deaths I just had these last two months. I’m just tired tbh.

And yes I am coming out and saying that our shared ex absolutely did sexually coerce me and made me incredibly uncomfortable, and I was an adult. I got straight up abused by them both in very different ways. Salem and the ex pushed kinks onto me and multiple minors.

And I do absolutely piss him off in his own words. I however have been harassed and doxxed by a secondary party because none of them take accountability. Fun fact. Our shared ex is a groomer. Like undeniably at this point. Idk why he fights it. He acts like I am horrible for asking him to not be in contact with an abuser. Theres a lot more things to criticize him with and for. I don’t have to do anything to piss him off other than just use pepper as a character.

However badgering me for an oc back is not an appropriate thing to do when I just got home from a funeral. And as it stands I want nothing to do with salem. I use the designs I have to cope with my OCD. It kinda doesn’t have anything to do with spite and hating on salem. It’s to help me cope with being abused by both of them.

He does lurk, he lurks everything. I told him to just straight up leave me the hell alone. But given he likes to make jabs at me under strawman arguments. Yeah. Nah. I don’t gotta prove shit to anyone at this point. They both are intense compulsive liars.

Honestly when I move I’m going to he taking way more time to myself and not letting people like salem in my life. I gave him multiple chances to change and show he was to only be lied to over and over. People do not have problems with me unless you start causing shit with me. It’s that simple.

The whole thing that started this shit storm was them both claiming I was abusive when I never was and harassing me over it. For almost 2 years I got called an abuser by salem and the same ex. When I never did anything except confront the ex for being a predator.

[lestappenforever]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you so much for the tag, @lattesqueeze. 🥹

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 31! I used to have a lot more on my old account, but I deleted them all and the account ages ago.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 182,588 apparently. Jesus fuck, I did not realize it was that high.

3. Which fandoms do you write for? These days? Only F1 RPF, but I used to write for several others, including (but not limited to) Cut & Run, Men's Football RPF, McFly RPF, and Teen Wolf.

4. Which are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes) - My first Lestappen fic, my baby, my pride and joy

2. 19 Times The Grid Saved Lestappen (And One Time They Didn't Need To) - My first collab fic with the lovely Ilse (@f1writingbyme) 💕

3. Something Unholy - Lestappen lap dance/dirty talk PWP

4. Speak Now (Or Forever Hold Your Peace) - A personal Lestappen favorite

5. No Time For Regret (No Time For Sleep) - Lestappen PWP set after the 2023 Belgian Grand Prix

5. Do you reply to your comments? Why or why not? Yes, I do! I've made it my mission to reply to every single comment I get on my work, because the fact that there are people out there who not only read my work, but they also take the time to leave a comment, is such a huge deal to me and it makes me so happy. The least I can do is make sure they all get a reply.

6. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending? Ooof, I guess The Last Straw? The ending itself isn't the angstiest part of the fic, but the entire thing is angsty as hell.

7. Which of your fics has the happiest ending? I'd say most of my fics have happy endings, but the happiest? Probably Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes), or the first sequel Like Snow At The Beach (Weird, But Fucking Beautiful).

8. Do you get hate on your fics? Haven't gotten any hate so far on my current AO3 account! I used to get a bit of hate on my fics when I used to write for another fandom (1D, despite not being a 1D fan myself, I only wrote requests from other people) years ago, though, because back then there was apparently a "right or wrong way" to write fics, and there were always people who thought you were doing it wrong.

9. Do you write smut? I do. Admittedly, it's my least favorite thing to write, but I do write it.

10. Do you write crossovers? I've never tried, and I've never had an urge to so far.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Only one! (That I know of.) It was the first 1D fic I wrote and somebody tried to pass it off as their own. Didn't work very well for them.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet, but I was actually contacted by a lovely person who wants to translate some of my F1 fics, which is a huge honor. So it's coming!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic? Yes, I have! I co-wrote a fic with an old friend back in my McFly obsession days, and I've co-written two Lestappen fics with my darling @f1writingbyme.

19 Times The Grid Saved Lestappen (And One Time They Didn't Need To), and Ride The Bull (Giddy Up, Partner).

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? All-time? I honestly don't know if I can pick because all of my favorite ships have been my all-time favorite ship at the time I was hyperfixating on them. But, if I have to make a choice, I'd say it's a tie between Lestappen and Junes (Harry Judd/Danny Jones from McFly).

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but probably never will? Oh, man, I don't have one because my brain will not let me start a WIP without finishing it. Once I start writing something, my OCD and anxiety kicks in, and I just have to finish it. And if I can't finish it, I delete the whole thing and never think of it again. Which is both a blessing and a curse.

16. What are your writing strengths? Angst and endings, I think.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Smut, without a doubt. Despite having written a fuckton of smut in my life, there is nothing that stresses me out more than when I get to the part in a fic where smut belongs. Reading back my own smut makes me cringe.

18. What are your thoughts on writing in other languages in fics? If it's done properly, I say go for it! I personally don't mind it at all and find it adds depth to a lot of work. Just make sure you use something other than Google Translate if you don't speak the language, and preferably check with someone who speaks the language, to make it as believeable to a native reader as possible.

19. What was the first fandom you ever wrote for? McFly. God, those were the days. I was a literal child back then.

20. What’s your favourite fic that you’ve written? Definitely Devils Roll The Dice (Angels Roll Their Eyes). Writing that fic altered my brain chemistry, and I can still remember how I felt writing the different chapters. And also 19 Times The Grid Saved Lestappen (And One Time They Didn't Need To), because that was just so fun from start to finish.

Tagging @f1writingbyme, @nico-di-genova, and @f1posting (and anyone else who wants to do this and hasn't already been tagged!).

[waugh-bao]

I was rewatching the "My Life as a Stone" show and I'd forgotten about the part where they discuss his OCD and Charlie and Mick are walking to the stage and Mick says something like "why is he doing that?" Keith is immediately there. "He's timing the walk. That's a normal strolling pace." Its so cute how Keith immediately jumps in to explain.

I imagine that there will be a later talking to for Mick where Keith reminds him not to make fun of their husband's unusual ways and that it is part of why they both love him so much. Mick feels bad and messes up his own sock drawer just so Charlie can have the pleasure and satisfaction of putting it back in order.

I love that moment so much:

And, not that we ever doubted it, but it really does prove that Keith was always totally fascinated by and besotted with every single one of Charlie’s quirks:

“They say he's a dying breed, but with people like Charlie, they must always have been rare. Genuinely eccentric in the sense of having his own way of doing things. Just to put it on a very physical plane: At the end of the show, he'll leave the stage, and the sirens will be going, limousines waiting, and Charlie will walk back to his drumkit and change the position of his drumsticks by 2 millimeters. Then he'll look at it. Then if it looks good, he'll leave. He has this preoccupation with aesthetics, this vision of how things should be that nobody will ever know about except Charlie. The drums are about to be stripped down and put in the back of a truck, and he CANNOT leave if he's got it in his mind that he's left his sticks in a displeasing way. It's so Zen. So you see what I mean about who the hell can I possibly play with after this guy with such a sense of space and touch. The only word I can use for Charlie is deep.”

But yes, I’m sure Mr. ‘Talking to my drummer is like being visited by Jesus Christ himself’ made certain Mick made amends for not falling all over himself to praise this behavior like Keith.