#and i had to post it bc i wanted someone else to understand and also shit and scream and cry with me

[helloanthy]

i struggled with captioning this and decided to just say ''untitled'' bc i rly didnt kno what to say abt it in the end but im glad there r others who saw and understood anyways :+) and with the purview of the tags to help with articulating ... shoutout

23.06.2025 🔴 today's anthy!

untitled

[jinhyun]

—heart fluttering.

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader, ft. lee chaeryeong x kim seungmin

genre: fluff, humor, college au, established relationship, slice of life

word count: 4.5k

summary: who would’ve thought that an unattended romance book on your coffee table would lead to a whole argument with your friends about the technicalities of pinning someone up against the wall. good thing your boyfriend was eager to help you reenact such a controversial scene and—not really—prove your point.

a/n: well hello there, it’s been a while hehe. i’m just here to post this story for my mother hen @taikapavunvarsi’s birthday, as i’ve been doing every single year now. couldn’t lose the tradition. i fucked up the time zones for this post and you’re probably sleeping rn, but i still hope you had the greatest of days and got lots of love from your loved ones, you deserve nothing but the best things in life ♡ i also hope that you enjoy this little one shot i wrote for you. i haven’t written at all in like two months so forgive my rustiness. anyway, you said you wanted ‘booktok boyfriend challenge’ and maybe reversed, and also after some digging on my end (aka going all the way up on our chat 💀) i realised that you said ‘the watercolors’ when you sent that video to me, so the watercolors you get. and also it’s not really a tiktok challenge they’re doing in this piece bc i kinda twisted it as always lol but i hope you still like it<3

and well, since i wrote this for the watercolor couple, i thought fuck it i’m posting it here. if anyone else reads it, i hope you all enjoy~

“That’s impossible” Seungmin’s final statement earned a side eye from you, which was nothing compared to the way Chae whipped her head in his direction—just like that, letting him know she was taking full offense in his confident words.

“No, it’s not?!” Chaeryeong beat you to it, just as you were opening your mouth to let out the exact same words.

“Babe, I’m telling you, it’s not possible”.

“Yes, it is!” You backed your friend up this time.

Given the intensity each of your statements carried, any outsider would think you were discussing a life or death situation. Especially after the over dramatic roll of eyes Seungmin gave you after contradicting him.

In reality, what got the three of you so heated up was whether a specific paragraph from the book Cherry was currently reading—and which you had already read and lent it to her in the first place—was actually possible or not.

“Give me the book,” Seungmin asked his girlfriend, holding his palm open for her to comply. Once she did, he traced his index finger under the words as he read them out loud: “He shoved her up against the wall, his height towering over her, and then with one hand pinning both of her wrists above her head”.

“What’s so unrealistic about it?” You wondered when he finished with a rather amused scoff.

“So, he pushes her against the wall, then he towers over her, meaning he’s like, extremely close to her, and then with one hand he grabs both her wrists and pulls them up over her head?”

“I don’t get you…” Chaeryeong frowned, visibly trying to understand her boyfriend’s point.

“Wouldn’t her arms be stiff when he pulls them both up at the same time?” He pointed out. “There wouldn’t be space for him to pull them up, since he needs to hold them together, probably in the middle, and then pull them up. He either should’ve done that before coming closer to her or should’ve used both hands so they could go up from her sides and not from the middle”.

You and Chaeryeong stayed silent, exchanging troubled looks as you simultaneously tried to picture the point he was making and to come up with different ways for the narration to work out.

Truth be told, you didn’t really care that much about the physical technicalities when it came to romance books. As long as you could picture what the writer was trying to portray, even if it wasn’t exactly what they had in mind, you were okay with it.

As long as the words in it made you feel something, you could look past a couple of mistakes.

Seungmin, on the other hand, who had only read that one page when Cherry left the book unattended to go to the restroom a few minutes ago, could not look past the ‘poor’—as he had so dismissively called it—wording of that particular paragraph.

“It doesn’t say that they’re extremely close, though?” You argued. “Maybe there is enough space for him to do that”.

“There isn’t” he was fast to reply.

“How would you know that?” Chaeryeong frowned.

“When us guys shove someone against the wall we instinctively corner them right away, that’s the whole point. You don’t just push them and stand there like an idiot before doing anything else”.

“Oof, speaking from experience now?” You taunted him, laughing proudly when you got flipped off right away. “Maybe this one guy did just stand there for a bit and therefore there was enough space between them”.

Chaeryeong nodded rapidly, strongly agreeing with you before Seungmin shook his head in disagreement.

“It literally says he was towering over her”.

“And the meaning of that is up for interpretation,” his girlfriend argued back once again.

“What’s up for interpretation?” Hyunjin asked, entering the living room holding a big bowl of popcorn, after having excused himself to go make himself a quick snack earlier.

“The paragraph from a book” you answered him.

“The one you lent Cherry?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe as he shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth.

You couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him, for a moment there forgetting you were in the middle of an argument. “Yes. There’s this one line that Seungmin swears is not possible”.

“It’s not, though” Seungmin argued once more, and you knew right then he was now only trying to provoke you and his girlfriend.

The glare you threw his way must’ve been one of a kind, for it had Hyunjin chuckling in a heartbeat.

“I thought you guys were fighting for real from the bits and pieces I heard from the kitchen”.

“Oh, we’re close to” Cherry folded her arms over her chest.

It was funny to think this was what your Friday nights had come to after a year of you dating Hyunjin, and of Cherry dating Seungmin.

With you and Chaeryeong being best friends and also roommates, and the same being Hyunjin and Seungmin’s situation, it was inevitable for the four of you to stick together among your larger group of friends. It was unspoken, even.

Since you and Seungmin were done earlier with your last class on Fridays, you would head over to the dance practice room together, where Chaeryeong and Hyunjin would be, as always, mastering their respective routines. You would wait for them to finish, catch up a bit in the meantime, and then all four of you would head over to either your or their dorm, and just hang out there if you didn’t have any particular couple activities planned out with your respective partners. Usually, it was yours, so you wouldn’t bother Changbin if he happened to be at their place—you had already been called out one too many times for making him fifth wheel.

Today, it was no different.

It was supposed to be a peaceful evening, just chatting in the living room all four of you until it was time for Chae and Seungmin to leave, since they were going to the movies later that night. Although, to be fair, no evening could ever be completely peaceful when both your dramatic boyfriend and her tsundere one were together.

Maybe if Chaeryeong hadn’t left your book on the coffee table the night before, you could’ve accomplished an almost peaceful one, because then Seungmin wouldn’t have caught a glance of it after she left his side and he found himself looking for another eye-catching sight around your place, and maybe then he wouldn’t have read that infamous line that got the three of you arguing like your lives depended on it.

Hyunjin would probably have agreed with Seungmin, had he been in the room with you when all hell broke loose. Their experience pinning people against a wall was probably over half of yours—which was nonexistent—after all. But, he wasn’t there for it. So, your eyes lit up when you looked at him and an idea came to your mind.

Watching him place the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table as he munched on another handful of them, you stood up before he could take a seat next to you like he intended.

“Jinnie, come here” you called him, having him follow you to the wall next to the sofa where you had been sitting. When he was in front of you and his rather confused eyes were silently asking you what you wanted, you said: “Pin me up against the wall”.

And maybe you should’ve known better than to make such a request to him all of a sudden, because next thing you knew, confusion was replaced by lust in the way he looked at you, and his hands on both sides of your hips were pulling you closer to him.

“Here in front of our friends?” He mumbled, smiling against your lips and sending shivers down your spine.

Sadly, he didn’t get to steal a kiss from your mouth like he was dying to. Not because of the giggle that had just escaped it—as you couldn’t help but get shy even after all the times you had kissed in front of your friends and vice versa—but because of the pillow Seungmin didn’t hesitate to throw at his head as soon as he realised what was about to go down in front of them.

“Boo, you hoe!” he called your boyfriend out.

Hyunjin threw his head lightly back, biting his lip as he tried to conceal the amused—yet frustrated—smile already parting his lips. Still, he didn’t hesitate to grab the pillow from off the floor and throw it right back to Minnie.

“So,” Hyunjin began after successfully hitting his friend, pulling you closer to him again. “Do I pin you up against the wall or not?”

“Yes, but not like that” Chaeryeong answered for you, causing a laugh to escape your lips.

“Wait, but don’t tell him how, we’re trying to prove a point here” you reminded them, looking for confirmation from both of them before your eyes went back to your boyfriend. “Just, pin me up against the wall”.

“Like, forcefully or…”

“Um…” you hesitated.

“It does say ‘shove’ against the wall here, so yeah, forcefully” Seungmin said.

“And then pull her hands above her head” Cherry added.

“What the hell are you guys on about?” He frowned, not really knowing whether he should be worried or not.

“Just do it” you laughed.

“Okay, so…” his uncertain eyes fixed on yours, looking for consent to push you against the wall.

With a silent nod, you let him know to go for it. And so, his hands went up to your ribcage, missing your breasts by an inch, and he pushed you to the wall. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt you, but just enough for a thud to be heard at the impact.

Before you could process whether you had liked it or not, he was already grabbing your hands and pulling them up above your head.

You found out right then that you did indeed like it. Maybe a little too much. Enough to only focus on his plump lips nearly touching yours, and, therefore, to miss the way he had used both hands to pin yours up.

“Told you!” Seungmin managed to break the sexual tension already taking over the two of you. “You need both hands for that”.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t use only one, though?” You argued, unconsciously resting your hands on Hyunjin’s chest.

“Oh, you wanted me to use only one?” He asked you, then looking at your friends. “I can do that”.

“Let’s see it,” Seungmin said, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and leaning back on the sofa.

“What are you, a judge?” Hyunjin scoffed.

“Oh, hush. Just do it”.

Rolling his eyes, he took a step away from you, so he could reenact the scene right from the start.

This time, however, instead of shoving you up against the wall right away, he grabbed your right wrist and then brought it up to your left one before he pulled them up above your head. It was only when your hands were about to reach the top of your head, that his free hand went up to your waist and he pushed you against the wall—almost as if he’d heard Seungmin’s previous argument—cornering you right away.

It was fair to say, whether he had just proved Seungmin’s point or not, you were enjoying this whole argument way too much.

“See?” Seungmin looked at Chaeryeong with a proud smirk.

“We haven’t seen the way the book describes it yet, though” she refused to give it up, reaching for the book on the coffee table and looking for the controversial paragraph.

“Is this really what our Friday nights have come to?” You asked in utter disbelief.

“I’m not really complaining” Hyunjin confessed—a breathy laugh escaping his mouth as he lovingly bumped your nose with his own.

“I mean, it could be possible,” Seungmin stood up, deliberately ignoring the PDA going on in front of him and walking over to you—watching the reenactment from the couch not being enough anymore. “But it’d be too inconvenient, like, if you’re that close and you hold both wr—”

“You are not shoving my girlfriend up against the wall” Hyunjin warned him when he tried to shove him aside in order to take his place, unconsciously grabbing your hand and pulling you to him.

Seungmin rolled his eyes. “I’m not, I’m just trying to make a point here”.

“Go make your point with Chaeryeong over there”.

“Hold on, I’m looking for the line” she absentmindedly replied as she scanned the page.

You snorted, leaning your head against your boyfriend’s shoulder. You didn’t know whether she was unaware or simply unfazed—either of them being just as funny to you.

“Okay, I got it,” Cherry announced, going up to you as well. “So, what you have to do is, shove her up against the wall,” she looked up to Hyunjin, waiting for him to do so—which he did, only gently this time, as the four of you seemed to be more into the technicality of it all rather than into the reenactment. “Tower over her,” she read, and that he did as well, making your heart race when he took it one step further by tilting your chin up with his fingers, so he could lean in to faintly touch your mouth with his lips.

“Keep it professional, dude” Seungmin called him out—justice being made for you when he was the one to get flipped off now by your boyfriend.

“And now,” Chaeryeong resumed. “With one hand, hold both of hers up”.

You knew Seungmin was right—as if the two previous tries hadn’t already been proof enough—when you saw your boyfriend hesitate, only then realising how close he had come to you by simply being told to tower over you.

Hyunjin knew something was off right away, having to take a few seconds to figure out how to pull your hands up in between the little to nonexistent space between your bodies.

In the end, the safest choice was to take a step back in order to do so, coming right back to tower over you as soon as he got your hands pinned to the wall. Just like that, proving that, although possible, it would turn out clumsy enough—not to say ‘inconvenient’, like Seungmin had claimed—to mess with the heat of the moment.

“Told you,” Seungmin smiled proudly once again. “Inconvenient”.

“Whatever” Chaeryeong shrugged, closing the book and carefully throwing it on the couch as she finally admitted defeat. “All I got from this is that you two share the same braincell. Luke clearly left enough space between them”.

“Luke,” he mockingly repeated the character’s name he had just learned. “Was clearly written by a woman who’s never pinned anyone against a wall”.

“And that’s why he’s way better than you two”.

You couldn’t help the throaty laugh that escaped your mouth at her bitter remark. While Seungmin’s jaw fell open, desperately looking for a clap back for that yet coming up with nothing, a quite offended Hyunjin nudged you, for your friend’s insult had involved him too and you were laughing.

Chaeryeong, on the other hand, was unable to hold back a laugh of her own at the sight of her baffled boyfriend—pulling the now pouty guy into a hug. “Okay, I’m sorry” she apologised with a peck to his lips, knowing she was forgiven when his hands rested on her waist and his thumbs drew small circles on it. “But, honestly, just read the damn book and you’ll get why we don’t really care about technicalities”.

“If it’s so good they’ll probably make a movie of it, so I’ll just wait for that” he smiled cynically.

Chaeryeong rolled her eyes with a smile, only for it to be erased the next second when realisation hit her. “Wait, the movie!”

Seungmin’s face was quick to match her panicked one.

Being too immersed in the rather entertaining argument, neither of them had remembered the movie they had got tickets for earlier that week, and which they should’ve left for a while ago now.

“Shit, what time is it?” Seungmin asked, rushing to get his things.

“Eight thirty” Hyunjin let him know as he checked his phone.

“Fuck, we only have fifteen minutes”.

“Let’s go” Cherry hurried him up, putting on her shoes and grabbing her coat by the entrance.

“Coming” Seungmin announced from the couch, shoving his phone into his pocket and running to put on his shoes as well, as Chaeryeong held the door open while waiting for him. “Okay, see you guys later, bye!”

Chuckling over the entire situation after hearing them slam the door shut, and feeling the silence take over the room now that your friends were gone, you looked up to Hyunjin. Although the both of you were resting your backs against the wall now, as he had leaned on it in order to watch your friends rushing out of your place, he didn’t waste another second to corner you again—getting the perfect opportunity to tilt your chin up and to finally press his mouth to yours, like he had been dying to ever since you asked him to pin you up against the wall earlier that night.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, and his own snaked around your waist, pulling you so close to his body that you found yourself laughing breathily at the lack of oxygen you were getting after a few seconds.

“So those are the kind of books you’re always reading?” He smirked over your lips, slightly loosening his hold on you—just enough for you to catch your breath.

“God forbid a girl wants to read some heart fluttering stories” you couldn’t help but sound defensive, gently letting your palms slide down to his chest.

He chuckled, gently nuzzling your neck. “I’m not shaming you or anything, it’s just interesting”.

“What is?”

“That those kinds of things make your heart flutter”.

“Those kinds of things?” You asked.

“Pinning you up against the wall?” He cocked a teasing eyebrow.

“As if you didn’t know that already” you rolled your eyes, folding your arms over your chest.

“I didn’t” he chuckled, teasingly pinching your sides before he pulled you closer and kissed you once more.

Sure, he had pinned you up against the wall a couple of times—maybe more than a couple in the time you had been together—but never forcefully, or at least not enough to make the impact of your body against it to actually make a sound, like it had today.

He had only now discovered that you enjoyed it. And he was surely loving this newfound liking of yours.

“If you ever got pinned up against a wall like that, you’d get the hype” you defended yourself.

“Well, you could always show me” he shrugged, unable to hide the smirk that was already curving up his lips.

“Me?”

“Aren’t you my girlfriend? Who else would pin me up against a wall if not you?”

“The height difference won’t help, though”.

“I’ll cooperate” he promised, earning a light laugh from you. “You need to do the whole thing, though. I want my arms pinned above my head and all”.

“You’re delusional,” you laughed.

“For knowing what I want?” He said over dramatically.

“Ah, what did I get myself into” you amusedly lamented, but gave in regardless.

Letting go of each other and switching sides, being now him the one turning his back to the wall while you faced him, you couldn’t help but hesitate, just like he had done before pushing you for the first time.

Turned out, it was actually mind wrecking not knowing how much force to put into shoving the person you loved in order not to hurt them. Not like you could actually push him that hard if you wanted, but still.

“I’m waiting~” he teased you.

At that, knowing well enough he would tease you even harder if you took any longer, you just pushed him without a second thought—only to panic as soon as you heard his back hit the wall.

“Was that okay?” You asked him right away.

He dramatically clutched his chest. “My heart’s nearly beating out of my chest”.

“Oh, shut up” you rolled your eyes, deciding to just get it over with and grab both his wrists in order to pull them above his head.

Since you had already pushed him and there was enough space between the two of you, given that you forgot to corner him against the wall right after—you could almost hear Seungmin calling you an idiot—your stubbornness told you to only use one hand to do so.

Now, the problem was, that you forgot how big Hyunjin’s hands actually were, and therefore why it was so easy for him to grab both your wrists with only one of them—as opposed to you, who were already struggling with the task.

Hyunjin was enjoying it one hell of a lot, though. He couldn’t hold back a giggle as he watched you struggle for a few seconds to secure his wrists in your hand, and then he completely lost it when you finally managed to pull them up over his head, only for you not to be able to reach all the way up and just leave them hanging there midway.

“Yah, you said you’d cooperate!” You whined.

“I’m slouching, I’m slouching” he defended himself in between laughs as he did so.

However, hearing your laugh only made him laugh harder, to the point he gave up on slouching at all and ended up kneeling down instead, letting his face rest on your abdomen and holding onto the curve of your back as he looked for some kind of support.

“You’re so annoying” you half laughed, half whined again; trying to help him stand back up.

“You’re so cute,” he cooed.

Letting out one last throaty laugh and finally managing to catch his breath, he let you help him up, smiling lovingly when you cupped his face and wiped the tears of joy that had rolled down his cheeks.

“So, pinning you up against the wall is a no-go to make your heart flutter” you nodded your head.

“It did flutter though, but just because you’re too adorable and I love you” he admitted, and it was your heart the one to flutter at that.

“What can I do to truly make your heart go all mushy then?”

“Honestly?” He asked.

You nodded.

“I love it when you play with my hair”.

You smiled, as it was no news. He had been very vocal about it after the first time you played with his hair while you cuddled on his couch, even way before being a couple.

It was always nice to hear how much he actually loved it, though.

“I was thinking more of a book-ish thing to do…” you confessed.

“Book-ish?” He poked fun at you.

“Yeah, you know, cliché things characters in romance books do” you looked around as you tried to think of something. “Like when they grab your face and make you look at them when you’re not paying attention, like—”

Before you could finish your sentence, he was already grabbing your chin and making you look up at him.

“Like this?” He mumbled against your lips.

You felt your cheeks burn embarrassingly fast, having to look to the side in a poor attempt to play it cool—only to have him playfully make you look at him again.

“Hwang Hyunjin,” you warned him, unknowingly making his heart race at the sound of the lower register you had just used.

“Yes, baby?”

“You’re not supposed to make me flustered, I was about to make a move there”.

He laughed under his breath. “Let’s be honest now, if you were to do that right now, with us standing up, I’d probably just end up looking to the wall”.

Your jaw fell open in full offense. “If I grab your face and turn it in my direction, you’re supposed to look at me even if I’m shorter than you. It’s common courtesy”.

“You’re the one manhandling me, you’re supposed to make me look at you”.

“And that’s what—I give up” you held your hands up in defeat. “I could never be the man of this relationship”.

“Good,” he said, grabbing your waist and turning both of you around, so that he was once again the one cornering you against the wall and leaning down so close to you that you could feel your breathings mix. “Just leave the manhandling to me, hm?”

You bit your lip, in a hopeless attempt to conceal the smile already curving up your lips. He chuckled against your mouth, leaning in to press a slow, lingering kiss to it.

You would be a fool to turn down his offer.

“I want to make your heart flutter too, though” you pouted nevertheless.

“And you always do that without even trying”.

“I do?”

“Mhm…” he lovingly tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “Like I said, when you play with my hair, or when you lean your head on my shoulder, also when you call me baby… when you use that lower tone of yours to talk to me, and when you doodle literally anything while we talk and then gift it to me…” his eyes softened at the memories. “Do I keep going?”

You softly shook your head no—your heart already feeling warm enough because of his words. “I believe that’s good en—”

“Oh, I love it when you wear my clothes!” He cut you off, eyes lighting up over the sudden train of thought. “Fuck, especially when you only wear one of my t-shirts to sleep and I get to admire your pretty thighs while you walk around my room”.

You chuckled at his last addition, feeling your cheeks burn all over again. “You’re getting a bit carried away now, aren’t you, baby?”

He bit his lip, remaining silent yet not finding it in him to feel the least bit embarrassed. You were all his after all, he was allowed to admire your beauty in all its splendor and gush about it all he wanted.

“I’ll make sure to do all that more often then” you quietly added with a smile, reaching up to sweetly catch his bottom lip in between yours.

“There are a few of my t-shirts in your closet, so how about doing that one now?” He proposed, temptingly brushing his lips against yours.

“If that’s what it takes to make your heart flutter…” you quietly taunted him.

He agreed with a small nod, pressing his lips to yours and teasingly grabbing a hold of your wrists. “I’ll make sure yours does too by pinning you up against your bedroom wall while we’re at it”.

[sieglinde-freud]

missing the maribelle/tharja family unit today. i think maribelle would be elated to have a daughter. she meets noire for the first time and she goes “do you play chess? violin? ride? drink tea?” and noire goes “no but im really good at throwing up in a bucket” and maribelles like “oh!!!! okay!!!!” i think she finds noire’s talisman persona charming. chrom is like “um maribelle can you please go get your daughter… she’s terrorizing the camp” and she goes “shes harmless! why do you hate women?” and he never speaks on it again. i think tharja needs a kid that will beef with her and i think brady is 100% the guy to do it. i think she looks at him and goes “what is your problem” and he flips her off. she tries to curse him but he spins his staff ninja style deflecting them back at her. he serves tea to his moms but he spits in tharjas and she knows it. and then she drinks it because it pisses him off. brady could come to love her at some point but it will not be easy and it will not come without a lot of work and a lot of arguing and i think i need some more parent/child conflict in this game. awakening gets one f bomb and its hidden in the random tharja brady PC support where he just goes “FUCK YOU” Tharja and Brady attained support level B.

[supercantaloupe]

truly detest how pcos tags/forums/etc are absolutely crawling with terfs

[crossbackpoke-check]

about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or don’t! again this is so nosy i’m sorry)

for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think he’s single right now? at one point (within the past four years 😭) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge

[chemicalarospec]

.

[moe-broey]

Although I do want to add, if you're someone who relates to my feelings about "Winning at being a man" (or a similar sentiment!) and often copes/deflects/expresses themselves with humor, it's important to take a step back and remember Why "Winning at (an abstract concept)" is such a funny thing to say in the first place!

The joke is rooted in the same vein of, "Getting a good grade in therapy, something reasonable to want and possible to achieve".

It's an absurd premise, that entails you having an unrealistic goal and setting out to achieve an impossible task.

Using my example: You can be a good man. That is within your control. You cannot Win at being a man. Winning implies measuring yourself against and outdoing someone else. Which, on paper, you Can do. But in performance, you're measured Not Only by yourself, and your own standards of manhood -- you're also measured by forces outside of and beyond yourself, of which you have no control over (see: no control over whether or not you Do "Win". You're subjected to whatever standards these forces Have, which again, goes back to it being an unrealistic goal and impossible task).

And, the most important takeaway, even if it sounds cliché -- the people who will see you as you are, just do. They respect you. They love you. They Know You. You didn't have to earn that. You didn't have to win it.

[mxrcurysb1tch]

‧₊˚ 🪐༘⋆ જ⁀➴ Astrology observations pt. III ‧₊˚🪐༘⋆

Finally back with another post… after a month… as always take what resonates and leave the rest!

⭑.ᐟ The way I like to think about the sun, moon and rising is this: Your moon is who you are when everything else is stripped away from you. It is how you process your emotions and it’s the filter through which you see the world. It is the baseline “you” that you revert back to when you are running on empty. The rising is who you are at your best. When you’re operating from your rising sign you are at your peak performance. It’s probably the you that feels happiest. It is also who you aspire to be in life, who you want to be seen as. The sun is the “middle piece” it’s essence floats throughout your entire chart. I think of it as a subtle influence that underlies every part of you. Whenever you do anything there is always a part of your sun inside that action, thought or decision. I also like to think that the rising sign is the way in which you express your sun. For example, if you’re a Gemini sun and a Leo rising, you will express your Gemini in a Leo way.

⭑.ᐟ Fire moons may have felt like they couldn’t express negative emotions growing up and had to always seem positive and upbeat. Now they might have problems with opening up or admitting that they even experience sadness and pain. They might be masters at putting on a front with people even when they are losing it completely inside.

⭑.ᐟ Venus dominant people/strong Venus ie, Venus in Taurus (or Libra) Venus in 1h, Venus as chart ruler. They might be preoccupied with looks, their own and that of their partner. They can be very picky when it comes to choosing someone to date, which can be a good thing but can sometimes stop them from making real deep connections with people. They need to be careful not to choose people just based on looks.

⭑.ᐟ Saturn and Venus conjunction can look like someone who is blessed with a lot of material wealth but feels like it could be taken away at any time. It could also look like someone who loves to be given princess treatment/spoiled but feels very guilty when receiving money and time from other people. Natives can also feel guilty about their own wealth and have a deep understanding that not everyone is as fortunate as they are.

⭑.ᐟ Women with Capricorn placements / prominent Saturn love getting tattoos and piercings. It’s something about the permanence of it and perhaps a little about the pain… as is Saturn’s “motto” no pain no gain.

⭑.ᐟ Pluto in the 7h- extreme jealousy in relationships. Either you attract it or you are the jealous one. Also a lot of instability with friendships. Moving friend groups a lot, not having stable friendships or relationships throughout your life. A lot of projection onto the other person, mirroring back their behaviours. It’s not a comfortable placement to have especially if it’s in synastry too.

⭑.ᐟ Sagittarius moons are super extroverted and love being out in the world BUT they also really love spending time in their rooms. Maybe this is bc the 2 sag moons that I know both have earth suns but I’ve noticed that they spend a lot of time in their rooms gaming and hiding away.

⭑.ᐟ Nobody talks enough about how funny Aquarius placements are, especially moon and sun. In my experience they are the best at coming up with hilarious inside jokes.

⭑.ᐟ People with planets in the 1h (especially if it’s the sun or moon or a stellium) are so genuine and you can tell they are not hiding who they truly are, they couldn’t if they tried. They have a kind of congruency to who they are, and not as many layers to peel back (this does not mean that they aren’t complex people, just that they are real!) What you see is what you get with them! Also they really tend to embody the planets that are within this house. For example, my friend is a cancer rising with her mercury in the 1st. I always thought she was a Gemini rising because she talks so much, even more than me as a Gemini rising LOL and she’s very analytical, but she just has a 1h mercury!

[willosword]

kit, jentry and the art of misunderstanding

this is basically just a really long post going over kit and jentry's interactions in eps 8 and 9 bc i've seen some people feel like their characterization took a sharp turn ("they made kit act like an incel", "they made jentry reject him just because he's a demon", etc), when i thought both their actions were perfectly understandable and a pretty natural evolution of their not-relationship. i think the key thing to remember when watching these scenes is that both characters have very different assumptions about the current status of their relationship, partly because they were never able to sit down and define it in the first place.

kit thinks he and jentry are functionally together, that any hesitation on jentry's part is the result of some fixable fault of his own, while jentry thinks they were never a thing to begin with, and especially not now after kit betrayed her trust.

so this is where the trouble really begins, tho i think even earlier in this conversation is when they started to be on different pages. up until this point, kit had been hoping she'd forgive him, and was taken aback when she said she wasn't looking for apologies. then she started reiterating her belief in his soul and relating to the feeling of being trapped with a life defined by someone else

jentry pov: even though i'm feeling deeply betrayed, kit doesn't deserve to be under anyone's thumb. we'll help each other out and then we'll part ways amicably. that'll make things right.

kit pov: hold up. 'make things right'? as in... make up? as in... a relationship is still on the table? :D

jentry pov: after the powers are gone there'll be nothing tying kit to me, and nothing tying either of us to mr cheng. he'll be free to move on and choose whatever new life he wants.

kit pov: she said 'you and me' like we're a pair! so she still wants to be with me after all :D we're reconnecting!!

so this is when kit starts getting possessive. there's definitely good old fashioned jealousy at play, but i also think kit was genuinely under the impression that he and jentry were reconnecting, and that jentry should have no reason to be interested in michael at this point.

back at school he's genuinely confused, because he has no idea jentry isn't into him anymore. he helped her get rid of the powers and made up with her, so now they should be back in business. he did the mum thing that's apparently a romantic gesture jentry likes, so shouldn't she be happy about it? look how thoughtful he's being!

jentry pov: ohhh shoot, he doesn't get that i don't wanna be with him anymore. i can't deal with any more stressful demon stuff......... how do i put this nicely...

kit pov: yep haha ^_^ no more powers, yay! it's like what you said back at my house! now that you don't have the powers nothing is getting in the way of our relationship anymore, like mr cheng and gugu's game. peace and love on planet earth <3

jentry pov: i need to let this dude down as GENTLY AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. i want to word this in a way that SCREAMS "you're an okay dude, just not what I personally want out of a relationship right now" because I know he has issues with his sense of identity. so i will focus on how the relationship itself can't be normal. this will hopefully take the brunt of rejection off him as an individual and lay the blame at the feet of unfortunate circumstances

kit pov: ohhhh so she WANTS to be in a relationship with me but i'm not acting normal enough

jentry pov: ok thank god. he gets that i don't want us to be together AND he took it gracefully.

kit pov: so she's saying we can be together... once i start acting more normal? that's slightly upsetting. but totally doable :)

jentry pov: i will now pursue michael since i've cleared things up with kit ^_^ yaaayyy

kit pov: what the hell??? i'm trying to be normal for her???? like she ASKED me to?? but now she's flirting with michael out of nowhere???

jentry pov: THIS CREEPY ASS DUDE KEEPS STALKING ME AFTER I TOLD HIM IM NOT INTERESTED

kit pov: i am doing Normal Displays of Normal Human Affection like she literally asked me to >:( ok well not literally but she INSINUATED

from his pov, she's not even giving him a chance to "correct" his behavior before she runs off with someone else, toying with his emotions. he's trying to "out-normal" michael to win her back, but it's frustrating and terrifying bc if there's one thing he Can Not handle it's rejection

jentry pov: this guy obviously can't take a gentle let-down, so I need to be more blunt about this. he stalked me, lied to me, tried to kill me. how can he NOT see why i don't want to be around him anymore? what the heck is his problem?? how much meaner do i need to be about this before he finally leaves me alone???

kit pov: ok, so the mask is coming off now. she said i was more human than i thought, that a soul is made up of the decisions you make, who you choose to be. but i didn't choose to be centuries old, i didn't choose to drain qi, those are all intrinsic parts of my demonic existence. was all that talk a lie? do i not have a soul after all? am i not human enough for her? was she just trying to spare my feelings this whole time?

jentry pov: he's so creepy and possessive, i hate this, why can't he just take no for an answer!!? (<- objectively true btw)

kit pov: she's avoiding the question, so she means 'yes' and is too proud to say it. she doesn't like me because i'm a demon, and if i was a normal human, we'd be together right now

so of course he gets so upset he punches the lockers. it's not extreme or out of character, he thinks everything jentry told him about his humanity was a lie. that there IS something inherently wrong with him that nothing but the acquisition of a soul could fix. that he's back to square one, that mr cheng was right, that no one could possibly love him in his natural state. that he is, inherently, down to his core, a monster.

but at least this time, he doesn't have to kill jentry to get what she he wants (because it was never really about her. he never prioritized her happiness. everything he did to change 'for' her was always about desperately maintaining the sense of human connection he craved)

[atalana]

also as a further addendum to my bill made a huge mistake underestimating stan post - i was recently listening to the commentary for sock opera

and like everyone and their mother can draw the parallels between ford/dipper and stan/mabel, it's one of the major themes of the show

bill gets the first half of the equation just fine - he thinks dipper can be manipulated in exactly the same way as ford, and while dipper will grow past that by the end of the show, in this episode, he's right. the best ways to get dipper to do what he wants, are to tempt him with all the secrets of the universe, and to remind him that he doesn't owe mabel anything, when mabel's done nothing but hold him back and cause trouble for him. it's probably exactly how he talked about stan to ford back in the day, who was still nursing those grudges and wanted to be the one to discover things no one else had

but the fun thing alex hirsch mentions in the commentary for that episode, is that bill doesn't see mabel as a parallel to stan (bc lbr he barely even recognises stan as a person). he sees mabel as a parallel to himself. yeah dipper and mabel are a good team together, but ultimately when it comes down to it, mabel is a powerful creature of chaos who would choose her own happiness over anyone who relied on her. (alex hirsch at this point jumps into bill's voice to say "how about instead of doing something lame, you do something fun, and crush whoever you want in the process!", and that bill genuinely thinks that is going to work, because it would work on him)

he doesn't expect mabel to destroy all her hard work and crush her own dreams just to help dipper. when he says "who would sacrifice everything they worked for just for their dumb sibling?", he's speaking from experience. he wouldn't. ford didn't. given the type of people bill considers worth talking to, i doubt he's ever come across that type of loyalty before

but the audience has, plenty of times, and will see it even harder by not what he seems. because while mabel does have some of the anarchy and selfishness bill sees in her, that kind of loyalty is a huge part of what she shares with stan

and like in a lot of the commentaries the writers say they weren't sure at first if bill would be the big bad, or how exactly the ending would come together, but in retrospect it never could have been anyone else, and there never could have been anyone but stan to defeat him

because so much of this show is about the relationships between family (including found family), what you would or wouldn't give up for them, but then how much better your life is when you value those relationships over temporary personal gain

so of course the main villain is someone so incapable of understanding that that he is utterly blindsided by the person who embodies it the most

[sigweiner]

⌁₊˚ Shiver ˚₊⌁ {P2}

Pairing: Jinx x Fem!/Gnc!/Reader

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: You seek advice with an acquaintance before 'reconciling' with Jinx on Silco's office desk. Bonus fluff with Isha in the end.

Warnings!: fluff, smut, swearing, angst, t06!c relationship, substance use, mentions of dark ses and physical stuff.

a/n: I'm working on part 3 and 4 bc I had so much fun writing this. Also, I appreciate everyone that interacts with my posts ♡. English is not my first language, sorry for the weird punctuation and sentences. Minors and creeps dni.

{P1} {P3}

You haven't shown up at the hideout in a week. You've been staying at different places every day since that night as to prevent Jinx from tracking you down, even though you didn't believe she would try to since you were a major jerk to her after what was probably her first time with someone ever. You’ve been punishing yourself for that too even though you weren’t entirely sure you were her first. You’ve been drinking yourself to sleep every night since then. The irony in this whole situation is that that party was supposed to cheer you up and bring you out of gloomsville but it only managed to sink you further into a dark hole.

Maybe you should apologize and try to understand what really happened, but you’re pretty sure she’ll try to blow your head off after psychologically torturing you but at the same time you can’t keep up like this, it’s exhausting. So you think of the only person you know with a semblance of knowledge and that you can go fish for advice. Getting up from the dirty floor you slept on, you throw on your hooded cloak to go meet her and start to move through the shadows of the dirty zaunite streets without being noticed by anybody until you reach an alley where three people are sitting around a wooden crate, drinking, smoking and playing cards.

Sevika has a cigarette in her mouth and grins wickedly at the hand she’s been dealt. You try to figure out a way to alert her of your presence but in no time she’s throwing cards on the table and collecting her winnings for the night. She doesn't linger so you follow her around the maze of streets and alleyways. She keeps looking back, checking if anybody is following her, her instincts probably warning her that someone actually is. She stops to light another cigar and rests her back on a nearby wall so you take the opportunity to come out of the shadows, appearing in front of her.

“Damn, you look like death itself.” She says with a raised eyebrow. “Came to finish the job after all?” But there’s no real concern to her voice.

“Can we um… talk?” You ask, uncertain about how you’re going to bring this about with Sevika, of all people.

“Talk? You sure you’re not confusing me with someone else?” She lets out a dark chuckle and you roll your eyes at her reaction, she wasn’t about to make this easy for you.

“Yeah… have you uh… seen Jinx lately?” You hate how insecure you sound, being this vulnerable is making you want to give up and bolt.

“Jinx huh? Aren’t you two practically glued to each other?” She asks with an amused smirk on her face.

“We had a fight. No, actually I fucked up…” You say looking down at the floor. Sevika lets out a laugh.

“Well that’s not unheard of coming from you.” She teases. You sigh heavily and shake your head but you kind of deserve it. “She’s been looking for you, y’know?” Sevika says seriously now. You look up at her surprised to hear this piece of information.

“Really? Is she still mad? Do you think I should go back to the hideout?” You blurt out, hope growing in your chest.

“Slow down kid. Listen, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Especially because I don't give a damn about your little lovers quarrel.” She starts explaining her line of thought before taking a break to puff out her cigar. “What I'm going to tell you is this: that crazy girl is obsessed with you and that kid. She's been nagging me about helping her find you this entire week. Which I don't appreciate one bit. So for the sake of my sanity and both of your safety, you should go and take care of this.” She finishes with an annoyed look but you appreciate her words greatly.

“We're not lov-” You star to retort but she gives you a death glare which makes you halt. “Okay fine, I’ll take care of it.” You tell her earnestly.

“Good.” She pushes herself off of the wall and throws the remains of her cigar on the floor. “Now fuck off, Shiv.” That's the first time you ever hear her call you by your alias which brings you a sense of respect. You chuckle, starting to disappear in the shadows.

“Thanks, Sevika.” Your disembodied voice reverberates through the empty alley.

“Tsk, creepy kid.” Is the last thing you hear her say from a distance before you turn around the next corner.

The familiar feeling of fear burns inside your chest when you reach Jinx’s hideout but you find it eerily quiet and still. There's no sign of the blue haired girl but you spot Isha snoozing peacefully on the orange couch. You approach her silently to move some hair off her face and kiss her forehead gently. She stirs a bit but doesn't wake up and you take a moment to just admire her easy slumber.

You're glad at least little Isha is safe and unbothered by this whole ordeal between you and Jinx, although you did cause more instability by leaving unexpectedly. She is the better part between the three of you and not being around her just made everything worse. You wonder if she even missed you because you’ve definitely missed hanging out with her. Before you leave, you cover her little figure with a blanket so she doesn't get cold.

You rack your brain for places where Jinx might be. You check the nearby bathroom and the next door building's roof where you very probably took her virtue, but there was no sign of her. You try not to think of that night, her soft lips, the way she felt around your fingers or your stupid harsh words, but it was all still very vivid in your head.

You wish you could go back in time and do everything differently but there's no point in dwelling on that, you need to find her. So the next place you can think of is Silco’s old office, Jinx had dragged you there before to retrieve something from her secret stash when you were still her prisoner, so you try to remember how to get there.

You move as fast as you can through the shadows but nights at Zaun were very much busy and filled with people, which makes you take longer than necessary just to avoid anyone. You finally manage to reach the abandoned office but you stop outside the door when you hear her speaking softly, then angrily, seemingly trying to process a lot of different emotions.

You take a deep breath before quietly stepping in, careful not to make any noise and alert her to your presence, so you wait for the right opportunity. From where you're standing you can see pow-pow holstered on her hip and that she's wearing different clothes. Striped purple pants and a black crop top, which are certainly new. You wonder what happened to her old clothes.

When you step into the light after she finally gets quiet, she sees your reflection on the big round window in front of her. A bullet misses you by inches, leaving a cut on your cheek that draws some blood. You don't react, shit if she wants to shoot you right through your chest you would let her, that's how much you believe you need punishment for what you did. Jinx lets out an angry grunt and uses her superspeed to come halfway close to you when she suddenly stops to scream at the voices to shut up.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” She screams at you now. “You're MINE Shiv! Don't you fucking get it?! Why did you leave me?!” Her voice cracks in the end and she starts crying, body shaking as she starts to sob uncontrollably. You chance a step towards her but she shoots by your feet making you freeze again.

“I-I know, I fucked up big time, Jinx.” You tell her desperately, tears also running down your face. “Please forgive me. I'll do anything you want. I'll never run again, fuck you can lock me up in a cage again if you want, but please… I'm so sorry.” You beg, reaching a hand forward from where you're standing several feet away from her. She grabs the sides of her head and shakes it, trying to shut down the voices.

“You're sorry? How fucking dare you toy with my feelings like that?! I gave myself to you completely and you treat me like I'm some... animal you can chase away when you're done playing with it… you made me feel so good… called me princess and then treated me like I'm some just street trash…” She rants between sobs and your heart shatters in a million pieces.

“I know, I-I was a total asshole loser. I didn't know you had these feelings… I didn't know you were a… that that might have been your first… everything really. I mean, was it?” You need to know, damn if it’s true you would’ve done everything differently. She huffs angrily and turns away from you, hugging her middle as if trying to close herself from you.

“Does it matter now? You can’t change what happened.” She says with a shaky voice and zaps back to sit on the wooden desk, propping a foot on the swivel chair that once belonged to her father. Her shoulders are still shaking from crying but at least she’s not screaming anymore.

“I guess it doesn’t. But I wish I could’ve done things differently. If I had known about your feelings… I guess I shouldn’t have been so stubborn and ignored my own.” You slowly start to move closer to her when she puts her gun aside.

“Try asking next time.” She says, seeming exhausted. You manage to round the desk and stand in front of her. She glances at you, makeup all smeared underneath her eyes, and looks away. You want to reach out so badly and hold her in your arms, but you don’t want to trigger her any further.

“Okay, then. Do you… like me, Jinx? As more than friends or whatever we have going on, I mean.” You question her honestly. Your face burns furiously though, being this forward feels foreign to you.

“Yes dummy, I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” She finally looks at you and chuckles at your reaction. You’re completely dumbfounded, the look of shock on your face practically comical. What does she mean she’s in love with you? Your brain is trying hard to add two plus two but it takes you a minute.

“You - you’re in love with me?” You ask incredulously. Jinx nods timidly, her cheeks starting to blush a deep pink. “I uh… wow. I really wasn’t expecting that but... if I’m being honest with myself… I think I’ve been in love with you for a while too.” You manage to say before bursting into tears. Jinx reaches out an arm to you and you take her hand. She pulls you towards her, snuggling you between her legs and you practically melt into her, burying your face on her neck as she embraces you.

“Oh my silly Trinket.” She purrs against your hair. She moves a hand to cradle the back of your head while the other rubs circles on your back. You’re both still crying, the weight of all that was said and done falling upon you.

“I should- should be the one comforting you.” You say between sobs. “I’m so sorry, Jinx. I’ll never hurt you ever again.” You promise her, lifting up your head to look her in the eyes. She gives you a teary smile and caresses your cheek, making you lean into her touch.

“You better not.” She says, chuckling. “I don’t think I can survive another one of these.” She gestures between you two. You laugh timidly, wiping under your nose when she leans in to kiss your cheek, the one cut by her bullet. Your eyes flutter from feeling the softness of her lips on your skin and you instinctively rest your hands on her waist.

Jinx wipes your tears and blood gently and pulls you in for a tight hug, snaking her legs around your waist and laying her head on your chest, close to your fluttering heart. You cup the back of her neck to caress it lightly, goosebumps rising to the brush of your fingers. She lets out a heavy sigh and tightens her grip on you. You swear you could stay like this forever, having the heat of her body warm up your soul. And to think you almost gave this up because you couldn't let yourself be vulnerable.

“My chaos princess, I'm so lucky to be yours.” You say against the top of her head. She looks up at you with doey eyes before leaning in to kiss your lips. You sigh into the kiss and cup her face with shaky hands. Gods, how you missed the taste of her so you graze your tongue on her bottom lip seeking entrance and she lets you deepen the kiss.

Your tongues dance languidly against one another very unlike the first time you two kissed, no desperation or urgent desire motivating your actions, just simply wanting to memorize every stroke and every breath and every shiver elicited. You can't help but let out a moan when her hands run up your back, breaking the kiss. She takes the opportunity to kiss a path down your neck, dragging her teeth on the tender skin of your pulse point. You let out a quiet ‘fuck’ when she starts suckling a hickey on the curve between your neck and shoulder. Although you definitely don't mind being marked by her, you pull gently on one of her braids making her move away from your neck so you can kiss her senseless.

Jinx is utterly pliant to your desires and lets you guide her wherever you want, you don't quite remember her ever being this willing to let go of any control except for that fateful night you had her writhing underneath you. In no time your hands start to wander, desperate for a reminder of what her thighs feel like. They're still firm like you remember but only now there was too much clothing covering them. She tries to pull you closer, tightening the grip of her legs around your hips. You smile against her lips before grinding against her crotch, making her let out a delicious moan.

“Getting a little excited aren't we?” You say close to her ear. She whines, seemingly frustrated that you're talking and not kissing her.

“You haven't earned teasing privileges yet, Trinket.” She says with a cute pout on her face. “Now, why don't you make it up to me by making me feel real good, huh?” She says planting that damn attractive smirk on her face.

“Anything for you princess.” You mirror her expression before connecting your lips in a soaring kiss. She hums in approval then lets you explore her mouth with your soft tongue. You take this opportunity to run your hands up her stomach and towards her chest.

“I like these new clothes by the way.” You digress, running your index fingers through her side boobs. “Though I prefer you in way less clothing.” You lick her lips playfully and she chases after your mouth.

“Yeah, I've noticed.” She loops a finger through the hoop on your choker to pull you close to her mouth. “I’ve caught up staring before. Several times.” She whispers and you can't help but feel a little embarrassed by that.

“Fuck, was I that obvious?” You feel your cheeks burn in embarrassment. The blue haired girl kisses your face sweetly.

“Yeah, but lucky for you I was really into it.” She giggles before closing the gap between you. You grind against her again before pulling up her top, exposing her chest to your hungry fingers. She whimpers when you pinch at her pierced nipple and tries to seek more friction on her core with her lower body, making your own arousal pool inside your pants.

You part from her mouth to whisper a suggestion in her ear. “I want to try something, will you let me?” She nods her head positively so you kiss the skin behind her year before looking her in the eyes. “I want to taste you, princess.” You say watching her reaction. Her eyes grow wide and her face turns red but she gives you a quiet okay.

“We don't have to if you don't want to.” You reassure her but she shakes her head furiously before grabbing onto your chest harness with shaky hands.

“No, please I- I want to.” She says timidly but plants a soft kiss on your lips. You hold her face with one hand.

“Okay, but just so you know, we can stop anytime you want, yeah?” You want to make sure she feels comfortable every step of the way. She nods again and it's your turn to kiss her tenderly.

You start to venerate her body by kissing down her neck, leaving a couple of bruises on her throat before showering her chest with attention. You loved on her small perky breasts, licking and biting her hardened nipples until she was a panting mess. Then you move to her stomach and her waist covered with the cloud tattoo you loved so much, not missing the opportunity to leave a few markings next to the line of her pants. You chance a glance up at her and you're met with a sight you wish you never forget. She has a frown between her eyebrows, her cheeks are flushed red and her lips are swollen from your kisses.

You untangle her legs from around you then lower yourself on your knees before hooking your fingers on the hem of her pants. “You okay over there?” You ask with an innocent smile. She lets out a frustrated whine.

“Fuck Y/N, please just take them off already.” She says impatiently. You chuckle but obey anyway, pulling down the offending clothes down her legs, boots going with it in the process.

You kiss her left feet and up her leg before reaching the inside of her thighs. Jinx is already trembling when you spread her legs further, entirely exposing her to you. Your mouth waters at what you find, her wetness already running down her inner thigh, engorged clit pulsating with want and outer lips are puffy from all the blood concentrated on her core. You snake your arms around her thighs and you pull her closer to the edge of the desk. She has a death grip on it, knuckles turning pale already.

“Can you hold my hair up for me, princess?” You ask politely, laying a kiss on her pubic mound. She complies and you feel her grip tighten when you lick a firm path through her pussy.

“Hoooly fuck.” She says, rolling her eyes inside her skull and dropping her head back. You smile at her reaction and continue slowly lapping at her with a firm tongue.

“You're so hot.” You tell her when you take a break to part her folds with two fingers.

“You should see yourself.” She replies, running her thumb through your jaw till it reaches your lips.

You open your mouth to expose your tongue to her, making her slide her finger on it. You smirk before wrapping your lips around it and start sucking and moving your head back and forth to cover the whole length of it with your saliva. She just looks at you, hypnotised. You take her hand, releasing her thumb with a pop, then guide it towards her own chest, smearing your saliva on her pierced nipple. “Shit, I'm gonna lose the rest of my sanity if you keep up like this.” She tells you in awe, pupils completely blown with desire.

“I definitely don't mind.” You chuckle before returning your attention to her dripping center. You massage her clit between your digits before pulling up its hood and wrapping your lips around it to give it gentle sucks. Above you, Jinx lets out an obscene moan that reverberates through your own body, making you moan against her as well.

“Oh fuck, I'm gonna - fuck, fuck, fuck, I can't hold-” She mumbles incoherently, unintentionally pulling on your hair so tight you let out a whimper against her. You let go of her protruding bud before she reaches her peak, making her protest with an impatient whine and she tries to force you back where she needs you by pushing your head forward but you diverge your face towards her inner thigh, biting down at it. She lets out a cry that sounds more like a moan so you soothe the bruise with your tongue.

“Be patient, princess.” You tell her before flicking your tongue lightly on her clit. She squirms and tries to close her legs involuntarily.

“Hah that tickles.” The feather-like sensation making her finicky.

“Humm. Do you prefer it more like this?” You apply more pressure when you lick her this time and you see her eyes flutter at the sensation.

“Yeeah, that's better. Just like that.” She drops her head back once more, mouth agape but still managing to hold your hair away from your face with one hand.

She's a true vision from where you are kneeling between her legs and you realise how close you already feel to your own orgasm just by pleasuring her. So when you tease two fingers on her entrance you decide to slide your free hand inside your pants to take care of yourself. Jinx looks back at you starved when your digits reach the back of her wall and you notice she's fighting hard not to close her eyes so she can watch you satisfy yourself while you fuck her. You finally give her throbbing bud the attention it deserves by sucking hard on it.

It only takes a few pumps of your fingers inside her until she's reaching her orgasm, shaking so hard around your head you need to reach over to steady her. You help her ride her high but you've got no intention to slow down and stop. On the contrary, you fuck her harder and graze your teeth on her clit a few times, teasing it. She gasps and looks at you surprised but doesn't try to stop you. You catch her clit between your lips again when you return your hand to your center.

You want to make you both come together and it so happens when Jinx lets out a long moan and squirts all over your mouth and down your throat. Your eyes roll backwards at your own pleasure coating your hand with your ecstasy. You two moan in unison as you ride your fervor for a little longer before you release her clit and slowly remove your fingers from inside her. She collapses back on the desk, chest heaving, and you also try to steady your breathing.

“You okay over there, Jinxie?” You ask after a minute, worried you might have broken her.

“Better than okay.” She slurs her words, sounding drunk. You chuckle and try to get up but it seems your legs have turned to mush.

“Wanna give me a hand then?” You ask playfully. She sits up and looks down at you with amusement but as she takes in the state you're in, her eyes darken.

“Didn't expect you to be worse off than me.” She says half jokingly and offers you her hand. You reach to take it but before you can she grabs your wrist and starts cleaning your cum off of it. “Hmmm, as sweet as I dreamed you would be.” She says after finishing her handiwork. You feel like a deer caught in headlights.

She manages to lift you up to your feet and pulls you in for a passionate kiss, licking up all of her fluids from your face passionately. Her wandering hands find the swell of your ass and squeezes making you moan her name. You knew where this was going but you didn't know if you were ready yet for it to happen. Jinx starts kissing your jaw and down your throat when you hear someone entering the room suddenly.

“What the hell is going on here?” Sevika says in horror.

After having survived Sevika’s wrath in what you now know is her new office, you and Jinx return to the hideout separately so as not to attract attention to yourselves. When morning comes and Isha wakes up to the sight of you sleeping on a thin mattress next to the couch and Jinx hunched over her workstation, tinkering away at some random project, she lets out a confused sound. The kid sits up and removes the blanket from herself, wiping the sleep off of her eyes before crossing her arms on her chest with an angry look on her face.

As if sensing she is awake, you stir into consciousness and open one eye to chance a peek in her direction but your vision is still blurry from sleep so you lazily throw an arm in Isha’s direction only to feel your hand being swatted away. Oh boy, here we go again. You sigh deeply before sitting up as well and resting your forearm on the couch. Isha gestures to you that she's angry you left and that Jinx was really sad, completely out of control and even burned up her clothes while laughing maniacally at the flames.

“Burned her clothes?” You whisper back. The little kid nods positively and like a tough loving parent, she gestures and demands to know what happened. “I-I know, I screwed up big time. And um… I didn't think I deserved forgiveness, so I left.” You try to explain without getting into what actually happened.

She huffs and looks about as disappointed as you feel for having left her. “I'm sorry Isha. I shouldn't have left you and I couldn't stand being away from both of you so I came back. I'm not sure if Jinx has forgiven me entirely but if you can, that would mean the world to me.” A tear rolls down her cheek so you reach over to wipe it away and this time she doesn't reject you.

On the contrary, Isha lunges forward and throws her little arms around your neck, burying her face in your hair. You cradle her head and make soothing patterns on her back as she cries quietly, wishing you could take all her sadness away. “It's okay baby. I’m never leaving you again. I promise.” You reassure her.

There's suddenly a light weight hugging you both as Jinx decides to join in your little moment of reconciliation, probably having overheard what you said. “Yeah, I won't let it happen.” she says resolutely. You smile because even though the implications behind her words are very dark, your heart can't help but flutter at her pledge.

“I've forgiven you, y’know?” She whispers now into your ear. You turn to look at her with tears in your eyes as she backs away slightly. You want to kiss her so badly but at the same time you don't want Isha to feel weird about whatever you've got going on with Jinx.

However she is the one to take the first step and lean in to kiss your cheek. You don't understand how a simple act of affection can make your heart beat so fast and your face burn so hot when not long ago you were doing much more lewd things to her that elicited this same reaction. She smirks at your flustered expression but looks away when she realises Isha watched the whole scene unfold. The little girl looks between you two and mimics Jinx by planting a quick kiss on your other cheek.

“Hey! I'm not willing to share, kid.” Jinx protests but Isha only giggles and sneakily gives the blue haired girl's face a smooch before snaking her arms around both your necks to pull you into a group hug with a huge smile on her face.

Dividers by @bernardsbendystraws and @cafekitsune.

[n0vazsq]

Barcelona boy | Marc Bernal x Reader

pairing . . . marc bernal x sainz!gf!reader

summary . . . Announcing that you're dating a Barcelona boy (when you were from Madrid and when your brother is probably the biggest Real Madrid fan) was hard, but the internet had your back, at least mostly

request . . . yes!! based on this request!

word count . . . N/A

warnings . . . none! reader is youngest sainz and is 17!! ALSO convos between carlos, reader and marc (basically spanish speakers) will be in spanish but written in english bc i dont want to bother with wrong translation <3

faceclaim . . . various girls from pinterest!

alexavia yaps . . . lmk if i should make a part 2!!!! legit spent like 27 years trying to find plot ideas for this when it finally clicked last night so yes!! i hope yall like it! ALSO IGNORE HOW THE POSTS CHANGE FORMAT HALFWAY THROUGH I HAD TO COMPENSATE THE IMAGE LIMIT!!

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, lando_norris, marcbernal_ and 344K others

yourusername THANK GOD hes going back to racing, istg one more day and i wouldve killed myself <3 AT LEAST piñón is all mine now!!

click to view all comments

username1 HOW CAN YOU BE SO PRETTY BRUSHING YOUR GODDAMN TEETH??

username2 on my knees for both of them

carlossainz55 that's how you treat your older brother?

yourusername yes??

carlossainz55 we need to teach you manners again

yourusername whos WE?? you need to be retaught manners too

carlossainz55 EXCUSE ME???

yourusername excused ❤❤

username3 woag

username4 so like when is our wedding

username5 y/n feeding us with carlos content omg i love her

username6 seems like someone else loves her too.....talking to you marcbernal_

username5 whos that

username6 hes a footballer and hes been lurking in y/ns likes for like centuries

username5 damn thats deep

lamineyamal posting for him?

yourusername no ❤❤

lamineyamal sure

yourusername lamine i swear

lamineyamal swear what?

yourusername no

lamineyamal okay then

yourusername NO DONT @ HIM

lando_norris i dont understand whats going on but seeing y/n scared is worth it

username7 oh my

username8 the sainz siblings are my bisexual awakening

username9 can someone tell me the relationship between lamine and y/n?

username6 theyre friends!! i think they had a mutual school friend who introduced them to each other and then they became friends

username10 PINON!!!!!!!!!!!!

username11 why does she know so many barca players when shes literally from madrid

username12 oh golly time to go die because ill never get a chance with her

username13 real

marcbernal_ beautiful

Liked by creator

username14 MARC BERNAL CASAS EXPLAIN THIS?????

username15 bros FINALLY shooting his shot

username16 about TIME

username17 this is a monumental day for y/n and marc shippers

username18 meow

username19 sigh to be as beautiful as her

username20 she should do modelling

marcbernal_

liked by paucubarsi, lamineyamal, yourusername and 721K others

marcbernal_ visiting madrid but still found a way to connect to barca

click to view all comments

username21 what is bro doing in madrid

username22 tourism??

username21 doesnt that girl y/n signs or sum live in madrid

paucubarsi visca barca!

marcbernal_ visca barca ❤💙

username23 theyve been brainwashed by the barca headquarters

username24 i mean its their job

username25 hes so cute i cant

username26 IS THAT FUCKING PIÑÓN?!??!?!?

username27 VISCA BARCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

username28 ofc yourusername is in the likes

username29 i need marc in ways that are concering to feminisim

username30 oh to be famous

username31 manifesting a barca win

username32 when i say i need to be wag i meant be HIS wag

lamineyamal who's dog is that?

marcbernal_ none of your business

lamineyamal don't get feisty lover boy

username33 lover boy huh

username34 i live for lamine terrorising and violating marc

username35 AHHH I SAW HIM OUTSIDE THE SHOP

username36 WE HAVE BEEN FED A MARC SELFIE

username37 hes so pretty i say as i sigh dreamily

username38 not lamine terrorising both marc and y/n LMFAO

username39 i just know hes their number one shipper

username40 ARGENTINA MENTION??? VAMOS 🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, lando_norris, marcbernal_ and 451K others

yourusername ew im reunited with carlos but im back on the track!! carlos starting p2 but i have hope for him! FORZA FERRARI SEMPRE

click to view all comments

username41 dare i say WHAT IS MARC BERNAL DOING IN THE LIKES

username42 weirdest crossover fr

username41 i just realised they might be together so its not weird

scuderiaferrari forza ferrari 🏁🏎️

yourusername VAMOS CARLOS 🇪🇦🇪🇦🇪🇦🇪🇦🇪🇦

username43 HELP y/n is not having any of that italian propaganda

username44 what a life

username45 can i marry her so i can attend the races too

username46 mothered so hard the earth cracked

carlossainz55 my bad luck charm ❤

yourusername consider death?

carlossainz55 no

yourusername thats sad, you should consider it

carlossainz55 stop telling me to kill myself

yourusername no

carlossainz55 im telling mama

yourusername pls no im sorry

lando_norris so this is how i make y/n shut up

username47 i live for the sainz sibling shenanigans

username48 real stuff

username49 oh to be related to a f1 driver

username50 manifesting a carlos win so he gets to spray y/n with the champagne

username51 bribing max to let carlos win

username52 guys y/n is my wife btw

username53 nah shes my wife

marcbernal_ MY wife

This reply has been deleted

username52 did marc bernal just reply to my comment or am i schizophrenic

username54 probably the latter bc i didnt see anything

username53 me either

username55 that book is not a want its a need

username56 dream in life is to attend a gp

username57 AND see y/n there

username58 just realised that if she dates marc then we get marc paddock appearances

username59 a goddess

username60 i NEED her omg

username61 I MET HER IN THE GP AND SHE WAS SO NICE OMG

username62 LUCKYYYY

username63 GOD HAS FAVS

username64 MY DREAMMM UGHH

marcbernal_

liked by paucubarsi, lamineyamal, yourusername and 693K others

marcbernal_ 🏝️☀️

click to view all comments

username65 SIR???

username66 marc you cant post this then refuse to elaborate

username67 SOFT LAUNCH?????

paucubarsi ohh getting brave arent we

marcbernal_ shut up

paucubarsi never 😊

username68 WHOS THE GIRL

username69 is that y/n or am i delusional

username70 fell to my knees in a walmart

lamineyamal 👀

marcbernal_ 🤐

username71 why are they communicating in emojis

username72 HEAR ME OUT. the girl is y/n

username73 shes in the likes too

yourusername pretty

Liked by creator

username74 NOT A DRILL NOT A DRILL WE GOT A Y/N COMMENT

username75 WHOS Y/N IM SO SICK OF NOT KNOWING

username76 shes carlos sainz's sister

username77 and lamine's friend

username78 also rumored to be dating marc

username79 and she's the biggest barca fan despite being from madrid (she legit blocks her brother when she uploads herself in barca merch)

username80 the lore is insane

username81 HES SO GORGEOUS IM SOBBING

username82 who taught this man to take aesthetic pics

username83 hes growing up and posting soft launches now 🥹

username84 we took his baby stage for granted 😔💔

yourusername

liked by marcbernal_, carlossainz55, yourbsf and 511K others

yourusername carlos won his last race so now im on vacation from f1

click to view all comments

carlossainz55 IS THAT A MAN????

yourusername yes that is a MAN

carlossainz55 answer the phone

carlossainz55 Y/N I AM NOT PLAYING GAMES PICK UP THE PHONE

carlossainz55 Y/N SAINZ VAZQUEZ DE CASTRO

carlossainz55 im coming over

username85 carlos freaking out over y/n having a bf is so cute ngl

lando_norris dont give him ideas

username85 LANDO REPLIED TO MY COMMENT WTF????

username86 TWO SOFT LAUNCH PICS IN ONE POST???

username87 we better not take this for granted

username86 true words

lamineyamal 👀

yourusername shhhh

username28 WHAT IS LAMINE DOING HERE?!??!?!!?

username89 crashing out bc he commented the same thing on marc's post and both y/n and marc had the same reply

username88 so they basically hard launched

username89 yes

username90 a FUCKING NECK is my gay awakening

username91 SHE INST SINGLE ANYMORE?

username92 im calling it thats marc bro

username93 GORGEOUSSSS

username94 HOW is she SO PRETTY??????? i need y/n to give me all her secrets bro

lando_norris oh boy

yourusername what are you 'oh boy'ing for

lando_norris if carlos finds out who he is, youre dead meat

yourusername he'll find it with the rest of the internet

lando_norris alright then

username95 what did lando mean??

username96 i need y/ns life

username97 how to be like her no glue no borax

yourusername

liked by marcbernal_, lando_norris, paucubarsi and 678K others

yourusername visca barca, visca marc. love you mi amor 🫶 Tagged: marcbernal_

click to view all comments

username98 DIED

username99 OH MY GOD????

username100 I KNEW ITTTTTTT

username101 cue the carlos meltdown in...

username102 3...

username101 2...

username102 1...

carlossainz55 Y/N SAINZ VÁZQUEZ DE CASTRO CENAMOR RINCÓN REBOLLO BIRTO MORENO DE ARANDA DON PERO URRIELAGOIRIA PÉREZ DEL PULGA

carlossainz55 A BOY????

carlossainz55 YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND??

carlossainz55 A BARCELONA BOY????

carlossainz55 COULDNT CHOOSE ANY OTHER BOY???

carlossainz55 YOU DISGRACE

carlossainz55 TRAITOR

yourusername are you done?

carlossainz55 NO

yourusername dont say it then

username103 dont know if i should be shocked or unsurpirsed

username104 both

lando_norris congrats n/n!! so happy for both of you

yourusername thank you lando 🫶

marcbernal_ thank you!!

username105 LANDO BEING THE SUPPORTIVE OLDER BROTHER FIGURE MY HEARTTTTT

username106 i just know damn well carlos is on the verge of tears

username107 THEYRE SO GORGEOUS I CANT

username108 my parents 🙏🙏

username109 PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIP FRRRR

lamineyamal congratulations!!

yourusername thank YOU for introducing us

lamineyamal im finally credited for my efforts

yourusername nvm

marcbernal_ thank you lamine ❤

paucubarsi ohhh youre the girl hes always talking about

marcbernal_ PAU

yourusername im flattered please tell me more

paucubarsi will do whenever we meet 😊 congrats by the way!

yourusername thank you pau!!

username110 my dream couple frrrr

username111 GOALS OMG

username112 its true love if she supports the rival city for him

username113 barca boy and madrid girl, couldnt have been better

username114 BEST LOVE STORY FRRR

carlossainz55 i guess its fine if you love him. congratulations to you and marc

yourusername AWW CARLITOOO <33 THANK YOU

carlossainz55 dont push it

carlossainz55 and marcbernal_ you better treat her good and be respectful towards her or i will personally run you over with my ferrari

marcbernal_ YES SIR. i love your sister very much i wouldnt even consider doing anything bad to her even if i was held at gunpoint

carlossainz55 gun to your head. cheat on y/n or ghost her

yourusername carlos???

carlossainz shh, let him speak

marcbernal_ pull the trigger

carlossainz55 he passed! you picked a good one y/n

username115 if my future bf isnt like marc i dont want him

username116 carlos being an overprotective brother is so cute my heart cant take this shit

username117 WHAT QUESTION IS CARLOS ASKING HELP???

username118 marc is creative i wouldnt have thought of that

username119 carlos has creative threats ngl

username120 spanish royalty ong

marcbernal_ i love you so much, mi cielo

yourusername i love you more, my barcelona boy

marcbernal_ love you more than anything, my madrid girl

yourusername 🫶❤

marcbernal_ ❤❤

marcbernal_

liked by yourusername, lamineyamal, carlossainz55 and 883K others

marcbernal_ mi cielo, i love you more than words can say. you’re my light, my peace, and everything that makes my heart feel complete Tagged: yourusername

click to view all comments

yourusername mi amor, you have no idea how much that means to me, or how much YOU mean to me. you’re my everything, my safe place, and the one who makes my world brighter every day

marcbernal_ ❤❤

yourusername 🫶

username121 STOPP MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

username122 this has me sobbing and i dont even know them

username123 NOOOO IM CRYING THIS SO SWEET

username124 IKR???

username125 THEY HAVE NO RIGHT BEING THIS CUTE

username126 the kiss after the match omg i died watching it

username127 i feel like im intruding or something

username128 my mother and father

username129 OUR*

username130 CUTIESSS AHHH

lamineyamal cutest couple i know, wishing you all the best

marcbernal_ thank you lamine

lando_norris take care of my little sister, yeah?

marcbernal_ will do

username131 FUCK OFF LANDOS COMMENT IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL

username132 this is so romantic and for what

username133 THE CAPTION

username134 y/ns reply is killing me

paucubarsi wishing you two all the best! can't wait for all the third wheeling

yourusername dont worry pau, you wont do much of it

marcbernal_ i hope he doesnt

paucubarsi thank god

username135 ISYG BAJJHSSYHSUJKKIUHBHNJWMK

username136 I JUST CAME BACK FROM SUMMER CAMP WTF??? IS THIS HOW I FIND OUT THEYRE TOEGTHER???

username137 screaming crying throwing up

username138 killing myself

username139 wait for me

username140 they should get a reality show

carlosainz55 take care of my baby sister, marc. i trust you with her, dont disappoint me

marcbernal_ dont worry, i wont. i love her more than anything

carlossainz55 good

username141 meow

username142 OVERPROTECTIVE CARLOS>>>>>>>>>>

username143 sign here to get this into a romance movie

username144 SIGNEDDDD

username145 signed and asking my whole family to sign

username146 lets make this an actual petition

username147 so like when will it be my turn

username148 greatest love story of this centruy

username149 no lies said

username150 my kind of love

yourusername i love you forever, marc. my one and only barcelona boy.

marcbernal_ i love you to eternity, y/n. my one and only madrid girl

yourusername forever and always

marcbernal_ till the end

yourusername i love you

marcbernal_ i love you too

 taglist . . . @barcapix ,, @f1lover55 ,, @ilovebarcaaa ,, @notm4d1 ,, @httpsdana ,, @paucubarsisimp ,, @bernalswifeyy ,, @nngkay ,, @justaf1girl (lmk if you want to join the taglist!)

[lubrumalis]

ghost headcanons! (realistic)

tw: nsfw, spoilers, dead dove do not eat

a lot of these are based off of my personal understanding of him

part 2 —> character analysis of ghost

general:

didn’t go back to manchester after his family died, too many foul memories—a lot of friends will probably know him as a murderer (comic reference, ghost was accused of killing his family in the newspaper)

has a fit body. a lot of people like to hc him as big and bulky, i think otherwise! its actually a huge disadvantage to be bulky in size as a soldier (logistics while fighting yk). most SAS soldiers are trained for endurance and fitness, i think he has a moreso lean body

hes not cold and ruthless, wouldn’t say hes a big softie either.

VERYYYY punctual. always on time

will not abuse or rape anyone. this guys been through atrocities, he would never do it to someone else

won’t hire a prostitute, ever.

honestly, hes just another dude in the military. he loves dad jokes and bourbon😭

ghost doesn’t think hes mean or tries to be, he simply is intimidating because of his size and way of talking

he likes watching soccer in his free time

gets internally offended if someone thinks hes from london (anywhere but Manchester)

very dark humoured. tell him any dark joke and he wouldn’t care

loves tea

listens to older british bands, like the smiths

cannot understand modern slang at all. what does ‘iykyk’ and ‘rizzler’ mean???

texts like a typical millennial. uses ‘😂’ and ‘😜’ unironically. types with proper grammar and spelling with punctuation too, maybe an occasional LOL

also unironically likes posts about trust issues and being a sigma male. he doesn’t actually think hes one, he just relates to those quotes that are like: “being alone is better than with fakes” 😭😭😭😭

ghost probably hates other men more than misandrists 😕 i think its bc hes always fighting other men and dealing with the cruel things theyve done, so ghost subconsciously feels more on guard with men he doesnt know

has insomnia

doesn’t cry. ghost doesn’t remember the last time he cried.

isn’t rich rich, but has a ton of savings. he doesn’t have a family or spend a lot. so the money piles up.

relationship hcs:

first off, i dont think he’d realistically get into one anyway LMAO

s/o would have to the chasing, i dont think ghost is the kind to actively pursue someone

he has charisma, doesn’t feel like using it

hes very against the idea at first—his family got murdered because he was in the military, you think hes gonna let it happen again?

probably will not like someone working with him as a soldier

i think itd go two ways: a) you are a civilian who aggressively pursues the poor guy and he gives in, b) you work as a military nurse and gradually get to know him, c) you are a longtime close friend of his before he was in the military

i cant see him being fwb with anyone, only one night stands

hes not a toxic partner or super lovey dovey

ghost doesn’t entertain multiple women at once

itd most likely end up in a breakup where he fears for your safety:(((

BUT lets ignore that

tbh, i think he would probably be with someone very empathetic and kind to others. he doesn’t like people overly energetic, too soft, or someone that annoys him

persons gotta be independent and good with long distance

simon doesn’t care about age gaps, but probably wants someone at least in their late twenties

had a hard time opening up, eventually told you everything once he trusts you

another reason why i think he wants someone empathetic is because he has severe trust issues😃😃

last thing he’d care about is looks for long term relationships

the type of guy to disappear for 6 months and reappear to be like “remember im your husband???”🫡

doesn’t let you tell your friends about him—No hes not being uncommitted or toxic, but hes simply being cautious after what happened to his family

you can’t show anyone photos of him, his name, his occupation, NOTHHINGGG

so you fake a name for your bf who your friends think you’re lying about

definitely does not let you post on social media about him either.

installs security in your home, teaches you self defense, and gives you weapons. this guy can be paranoid

will never hit you or lay a hand on you

ghost genuinely thinks you saved him—his life was bleak and empty before you came in. subconsciously thinks of you as a savior

he buys you gifts, does chores for you, he really likes you :(

ghost actively tries to make his voice sound softer and friendlier when hes talking to you

doesnt understand playing mind games, things like the silent treatment or “im ok” when ur not ok thing. just tell him how you feel

doesn’t tell his team about your existence. you and his job are always going to be separate.

avoids talking about what he does in the military. ghost has killed and injured many and he doesn’t want you to see that side of him.

scary dog privileges for SURE

[ankababy]

A Home (part 31)

Part 1 Part 30 Part 32

Chishiya x reader x Niragi

Short chapter bc it needed the tragic end.

AN: Sorry guys that this is later than usual. In Another Universe took up my time and I even wrote more of it, so I’ll post another part of that after this is done. Love y’all <3

The Beach’s leftovers jumped at Aguni. One by one, they surged at him. And Aguni—Aguni tore through them.

Chishiya watched it all from above. Motionless. God, how understandable it was. The violence. The grief.

Because now he saw it.

Why you’d always talked about Aguni with a strange kind of reverence. Not loyalty, no. But there was that edge in your voice when you spoke about him. As if he wasn’t a person, but a monument. A constant. Something worthy of surviving. Something bigger.

And watching Aguni now? Yeah. Chishiya finally got it. The man wasn’t just strong. He wasn’t just terrifying. He moved like someone who had already died a hundred times inside. He fought like a man with nothing left to lose—which made him invincible. Unkillable.

Someone lunged at him with a broken bottle. Aguni slammed him down with one arm like he weighed nothing. Another came at his side and got a boot to the chest so hard it sounded like ribs cracking.

Blood smeared the floor like spilled ink. Bodies piled in twisted heaps.

And of course you didn’t fight. Of course you stood there, above it in your own way. Breathing heavy, trembling, lip bitten, hands slick with someone else’s blood—but not striking. Not clawing. Not losing yourself.

You were above it. Like always.

Even in the middle of all this fuck, you looked like something out of a fever dream. Bloody knees, dried streaks of tears on your face.

Chishiya saw it and hated it. Hated how you were still the most beautiful thing in the room. Hated how Aguni, a man currently crushing someone’s collarbone with his foot, got to be someone you once trusted. Looked up to. Loved, even—maybe not in the way you loved others, but deeply.

He watched you flinch when Aguni elbowed someone hard enough to knock a tooth out. He saw how your lips parted when the blood sprayed. And he saw how you didn’t move. No running. No screaming. Just watching. Feeling it. Carrying it. All of it.

God, you were so human.

And Chishiya? He felt like a ghost. Cold and unwanted. Haunting the place where he lost you.

There was too much happening. Arisu trying to stand, all bloody. Tatta’s useless hands shaking at his sides. You—at the center of the world again, torn and tired, and out of reach.

Wrong.

Everything was wrong.

And worse, it was too late to fix it.

Chishiya didn’t move. Couldn’t. Not when he saw you run—stumble—to where Tatta had collapsed. Tatta had been pushed, thrown, maybe grazed by someone else’s fall. It didn’t matter. You were already there. On your knees again, bruised and bloodied. Not caring about the slick floor beneath you or the danger still in the air. All you saw was your friend, and that soft thing in your chest refused to go numb even when everything else told it to shut off.

“Are you okay?” you said, hands fluttering over Tatta like you didn’t know where to touch. His arm, his face, the shoulder he fell on. “Are you—are you hurt? Tatta, look at me—”

Chishiya watched it all from above, and it hit him. You were unreal. Still choosing kindness. Still choosing people. Still bleeding, but more worried about someone else’s cuts than your own.

God, how much Chishiya felt.

It was disgusting.

Because what was he supposed to do with that kind of emotion? Bottle it? He’d already tried that, and it shattered like glass the moment you kissed him in the security room. Or maybe it was before that. Maybe it was when you picked him. Maybe it was when you left.

Whatever the timeline, one thing was very clear now: you were no longer his.

And yet, he wanted to crawl down there and take your hands in his. Check your knees.

But he didn’t.

He couldn’t.

Because when he saw your face—wide-eyed, scared, gentle—he also saw the wall you’d built between you and him. It was invisible, but it might as well have been made of reinforced steel. You’d placed it there with purpose. Rage. A sense of betrayal.

Chishiya had no one to blame but himself.

He thought he was playing the long game. Keeping his distance, staying clever, never caring too much—until he did. Until you.

You, with your too-big heart and too-soft voice. You, crying as you helped Tatta sit up. You, shaking as you said, “You’re okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you, you’re safe now.”

You were traumatized and exhausted and perfect.

God, he hated how much he wanted to be the one you clung to. He hated that it wasn’t him. That he’d built the steps to lead you closer only to watch you jump off the edge. It was funny, in a sick way.

Then suddenly, that crackling, high-pitched sizzle of a laser slicing through air and then through skull. Of the girl who came with you. That sickening, too-fast drop of a body before it even finishes the sentence. The wet thud on the ground. The way her body didn’t even jerk.

Chishiya blinked.

Fascinating.

It always was. The game master, the higher power, whoever was up there pressing the button—they didn’t hesitate. Not for a second. Not for youth, or fear, or humanity. Not even when someone volunteered to die.

She told the truth.

And it killed her.

Hilarious. Beautiful, even. If you were a sociopath. Which Chishiya maybe was.

But he barely got to savor the morbid splendor of it all, because there you were again.

You’d flinched. Hard. Like the sound of her dying had split something in you open again, and now you were holding your breath, hand clutched over your mouth, eyes wide with a horror that Chishiya couldn’t name anymore. You weren’t shocked because someone died. No, no. You’d seen too much for that.

You were shocked because someone chose it.

And for what? A truth? A confession? Fuck off.

God, it broke him. In the softest, quietest way.

You had blood on your face. Someone else’s, maybe. It didn’t matter. It only made you more human. More you. And still, you hadn’t lost your heart. Still, you gave a fuck. And that was the cruelest part of it all.

Because Chishiya never did.

And now, in the middle of all this, watching a girl’s body slump forward with a burnt-out hole in her skull, the only thing he could think about was you.

How warm you were.

How you spun in that chair in the security room.

How you kissed him.

How your knees were bleeding and you still went to help someone else.

How you left him, and he deserved it.

This was the punishment.

Not the games.

You.

Chishiya never believed in karma. But watching you right now, he wondered if this was what it felt like to finally be on the losing end. To feel everything.

To fall in love too late.

And now, of course, he couldn’t even say it. What good would it do? You wouldn’t believe him. You’d look at him with those eyes, angry and red and disappointed, and maybe you’d laugh. Or cry. Or leave again.

So he just stayed where he was. Silent. Watching.

The girl’s body still warm on the floor, blood creeping in every direction. And you—his heartbreak personified—clutching someone else’s hand. God, was he so unbelievably fucked.

One moment, just movement in the smoke. Then—there Kuina was. Arm slung tight around Ann, who looked half-conscious, dragging her toward the center of whatever was happening.

Ann just told all the people down there that the witch killed herself.

And that was that.

The witch. The answer.

The crowd didn’t cheer. Not really. Some sighed. Some collapsed. One or two cried.

Chishiya didn’t care. Not about that.

Because Kuina was looking at you.

Dried blood streaked your skin, your knees were raw, your mouth parted like you were about to say something but forgot how.

Kuina had no clue.

No clue you’d stood in the crossfire between two men who’d cracked your mind open and ruined you. No clue you’d begged, screamed, snapped, bled. No clue you’d saved people and been betrayed and kissed someone you shouldn’t have and watched another girl burn from the inside out. She didn’t know that you weren’t even standing there anymore. Not really. You were shattered into a thousand invisible pieces.

And Chishiya—

God, Chishiya.

He’d never felt more in his life.

It was unbearable. Almost stupid. He was angry at himself for it. For feeling this much. For letting you crawl under his skin so deep that now even your exhaustion cracked him apart.

Because you were done. Anyone could see it. Even in that crowd, even from this distance, you looked like someone who’d survived something that would never leave. Someone who wouldn’t ever fully go back to the version of herself that walked into the Beach weeks ago. Someone who was changed.

And it wasn’t romantic.

It wasn’t poetic.

It was cruel.

He was part of that change.

It made him sick. And it made him want.

Kuina glanced upward, then. Saw him. Their eyes locked.

She frowned. It wasn’t judgmental. It wasn’t scolding. But it was like a silent, stabbing question. What did you do?

And Chishiya had no answer.

Because he didn’t know.

Because he did.

Because it didn’t matter now.

You had looked up too, just for a second. Not at him. Just at the hallway he was on. And he swore his heart stopped—not because you saw him, but because you didn’t.

You didn’t look for him.

Like he’d already been filed away in your head, locked behind a door labeled “never again.”

That was a death sentence, too.

But no laser came for him.

Only silence.

And the echo of your eyes looking somewhere else.

The crowd had started moving. The girl’s body was about to get lifted. The flames were still burning, everything orange. The fire had spread. No one was watching it. No one was thinking. They were just going.

Gunshots.

Everyone froze.

And from the fire—Niragi. Burned. Shirtless, skin blackened in patches and slathered in a sheen of blood and soot, mouth twisted into something that wasn’t human.

He was holding a gun.

He was shouting. Something incoherent at first. Then words. And then—BANG BANG BANG BANG—shots. Real ones. Screams erupted. Some people got shot. Others fled. The crowd fractured instantly, like glass.

And from above, Chishiya watched.

He wasn’t watching Niragi, he was watching you.

You looked like your soul had been pulled out of your chest by the sheer sight of him. Because even like that—burned and fucked and dangerous—he was still Niragi.

Your Niragi.

And you were still you.

Chishiya’s stomach dropped.

You didn’t scream. You didn’t run. You looked—and for a split second, your entire face collapsed into a portrait of heartbreak so pure, it made Chishiya dizzy. Your mouth opened, closed. You reached out and took Tatta’s hand again.

Chishiya could feel it. Your panic. Your guilt. Your love. Still there. Still rooted, no matter how wrong it all was. And for the first time in his life—first time—Shuntaro Chishiya felt sympathy. Real, ugly, gut-wrenching sympathy.

For you.

For Niragi.

For the complete fucking disaster of everything.

Because look at you.

Look what they’d done to you.

Look what he’d done to you.

It wasn’t fair. It was never fair. You, with your therapist heart and smart mouth and kindness that wasn’t ever performative. You didn’t belong in this.

You were good.

And now you were standing in the middle of a burning building, watching a man who once loved you—still did—melt from the inside out and shoot at anything that moved.

Chishiya wanted to puke.

And still, still, a little voice inside him whispered—You did this too.

He did.

He fucking did.

Chishiya would’ve enjoyed the show. Truly. The chaos, the poetry of the witch hunt eating itself alive. But not like this. Not while you were down there. Not with your heart in your throat.

God, you were his favorite person.

And you were ruined.

Niragi was shouting at everyone and no one. Foam practically at his mouth, fire reflecting in his eyes like hell had made him its messenger. His gun barked with each spasm of his rage. People ran. Some dropped. A few screamed. Most didn’t even get the chance.

His eyes landed in your direction.

His girl.

The one who slipped through his fingers like smoke. The one who left him standing in his own madness. The one who loved him—he knew you did, even if you were too soft to say it now.

Even Chishiya, watching from above, stopped breathing.

Niragi raised the gun and fired in your direction.

Tatta had already launched himself forward, dragging you behind a bar or part of a collapsed wall—he couldn’t quite see. Smoke had swallowed the lower floors. And you—you were gone in the gray.

No flash of your hair. No sound of your voice.

Nothing.

Chishiya stared.

Hard.

Unmoving.

He scanned the crowd again.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Still—nothing.

And that was when it hit him. That was when the stupid, awful, dumbass realization kicked in:

You were out of sight.

No. No no no no no.

BANG.

Another shot.

Then another.

Chishiya didn’t see if it hit.

And he didn’t move.

Because that’s who he was, right? A fucking coward. A too-smart-to-die observer. The chess player on the sidelines. The man who never got dirty. The man who never made real moves.

Lazy fuck. That’s what he was.

Not emotionally lazy, no. That would have implied he had emotion to begin with. But now? Now, there was something in his chest clawing to get out. Like a rat locked in a glass box. Panic? Dread? Something so feral it didn’t even have a name. Something that screamed at him for just standing there as someone he lo— someone he needed disappeared in smoke and gunfire.

And still. Still. He didn’t move. Because Chishiya didn’t do desperation. He didn’t do love. Except, he did now, didn’t he?

God, he hated himself.

He actually hated himself.

You were gone. That was all he could register now. The weight of it settled on his spine like lead.

You were out of sight.

And he let it happen.

~

The witch hunt ended.

The building was still on fire.

It wasn’t urgent about it anymore—more like a slow, rolling burn, like even the flames had grown tired of it all and were just finishing their shift.

Chishiya stood in the middle of the lobby, hands in his pockets, looking like someone had asked him to pick a wine for dinner. Kuina stood at his side, arms crossed. She watched him casually pick up the card from the little table.

“…Have you seen her?” she asked.

No answer.

Oh, okay. So we’re doing the selective hearing thing now. Fine.

Kuina scoffed quietly, shaking her head and stepping back a little. It was always like this with him. “Where is she?” she asked again. She really would’ve let it go, but this was about you. Kuina didn’t play about Y/N.

“I don’t know.”

And that was the truth. (Which is why it felt like a fucking lie.)

Kuina narrowed her eyes at him. “She was with you a hour ago.”

“And then she wasn’t.” he replied. “It’s what people do.” Silence between them, the sound of the flames. “You liked her.” Chishiya said casually, folding the card into his palm like he was tucking a receipt into his pocket.

Kuina blinked. “What?”

He tilted his head. “You liked her. I knew.”

“Oh, go to hell.”

He hummed, looking at the flames licking what used to be the bar. “Probably will.”

Kuina scoffed, crossing her arms.

“You gonna tell me I’m delusional now?” she muttered, still breathless from running and fighting and the unbearable weight of maybe losing you.

But Chishiya only shrugged. “We broke up.”

Kuina blinked. “You—what?”

“She and I.” he said, shifting his weight to one foot, flicking a glance over at her. “We broke up. Tragic, really.”

“You were never together.”

“Hm.”

She stared at him. Hard. “You’re such a dick.”

“Absolutely.”

But Kuina wasn’t stupid. She saw the way he hadn’t stopped fiddling with the card in his pocket. The way his hand shook just once before he locked his joints again. The way he still hadn’t asked anyone else if you were okay—because that would make it real, wouldn’t it? If he said your name out loud and no one answered?

So instead, he deflected. Mocked. Threw little knives at the air to distract himself from the gaping hole in his chest.

He didn’t say that his heart had dropped out of his ribcage when you disappeared. He didn’t say he’d imagined every single worst-case scenario in the span of five seconds, each more vicious than the last. He didn’t say that the sight of you running to someone else—that idiot Tatta, of all people—was enough to make him feel like he was made of glass being stepped on.

No.

Instead, he made breakup jokes about a relationship that had never technically existed. Just to keep his ribs from caving in. Because feelings are optional, apparently. Because watching the girl he might—might—have loved almost die in a hail of bullets wasn’t enough to crack that wax doll exterior.

Kuina didn’t laugh. She just shook her head, the way you do when someone’s too far gone to slap back into shape.

“Idiot.” she murmured.

“Genius.” he corrected.

~

You walked.

The Beach was behind you.

Burning.

And fuck, did you wish it would burn faster.

Niragi shot you in the upper arm. You were wet and warm and sticky with blood that soaked you right down to the ribs. Your knees were a wreck. Torn open, raw, pulsing. Your feet dragged through the dirt and grass like they didn’t belong to you. Because nothing belonged to you anymore. Not your body. Not your mind. Not your fucking heart.

They’d taken that.

He. They. Them.

Chishiya and Niragi, Niragi and Chishiya, two sides of a sick, fucked-up coin, tossed in the air and caught between your palms. You loved them—idiot. Idiot.

You had loved them. Had trusted them. Had been toyed with like some little rubber-band plaything that bounced back no matter how many times they pulled it to the brink.

And the worst part? You’d liked it. You’d liked it. The attention, the heat, the danger, the fucking games. The way Chishiya looked at you. The way Niragi wrapped his existence around you. You’d swallowed it all down, like a masochist.

And it cost you everything.

Hatter was dead. The Beach was gone. You were bleeding, alone, and broken in more places than just your skin.

Your mouth hadn’t opened in minutes. Maybe hours. What the fuck was time, anymore?

But inside your skull?

Inside your chest?

You were screaming.

They fucking used you. Played you like a violin. Pulled the strings, sweet little therapist girl, smart little observer, let’s see how far we can push her before she breaks.

And you broke.

Oh, you broke. Snapped like dry bone. Caved in under the weight of all the things they didn’t say out loud. All the little manipulations. All the conversations you were meant to overhear. All the times you were asked to choose—between them, between yourself, between safety and destruction. And you’d chosen them. Time and time again.

God, what a loser.

Your breath hitched. The pain in your arm spiked and you hissed between your teeth, slapping a blood-covered hand to it. It wasn’t a deep wound, probably missed anything that would kill you. Niragi wasn’t trying to kill you. He never would.

Not his girl.

No. Just shoot near you. Shake you. Rattle you.

See if you’d crawl back like a dog.

And Chishiya? Oh, he didn’t need a gun. He just needed a whisper. A kiss. A little truth dropped like acid in your ear, right when it would hurt the most.

He knew what he was doing.

Fucker.

You stumbled now—legs giving out under you for just a second—and caught yourself on a dead tree, gasping. Breathing so hard your chest trembled. You looked like a corpse with a pulse. Hair matted to your face, sweat and blood and soot all over your hands, arms, collarbone.

Was there anyone left to care?

Tatta. Arisu and Usagi. Kuina, Ann… gone. Everyone was gone.

Even them.

Especially them.

You weren’t their girl.

You weren’t anyone’s fucking girl.

You didn’t even know who you were. Not anymore. Not after what they did to you.

But you would figure it out.

Step by step. Foot in front of the other. Through the wreckage. Through the pain.

You didn’t care where you were going. As long as it was away. Far away from what they turned you into. Far away from the monsters you once loved.

You kept walking.

Didn’t matter that the shoulder was bleeding. Didn’t matter that the joint throbbed, or that the bikini was disgusting with all the blood. Didn’t matter that the knees were both scraped open, rocks digging in, skin shredded. Your palms were wrecked, too. Burned. Cut. One was still shaking from the impact of the door you’d broken down.

But that wasn’t the part that hurt.

No, it was your chest.

Your chest was fucking hollow.

Like someone had carved your ribs open and scooped out your lungs and heart and left behind this—this—this buzzing, empty, furious static that filled your ears and blurred your eyes and made it so hard to even breathe.

You had to throw up.

Your heart was broken in a way that felt unforgivable.

Not “he didn’t like you back” broken. Not “we drifted apart” broken. But betrayed, stomped-on, you were never real to them broken.

You should have known. You did know. Somewhere, deep down, you’d known something was wrong, something was off. The way Chishiya never gave you the full truth. The way Niragi pulled and pulled and pulled on your leash like he thought he owned your fucking spine. And you’d let them. Because you were stupid. Because you thought they cared. Because you thought you were special. Because you thought—fuck—because you loved them.

You should have watched it burn.

You wanted it to burn.

The Beach. The memories. Their hands on you. Their mouths. Their flawless faces. Their whispered, fucked-up, manipulative little games. All of it. You wanted it gone. You wanted every piece of it reduced to ash. Let the smoke take it. Let the fire cleanse it. Let it all go up in flames so you never had to feel their names in your chest again.

You wanted Chishiya to burn with it.

You wanted Niragi to rot in it.

You wanted to be the one to light the match.

You kicked a rock as hard as you could, teeth clenched so tight your jaw ached. The rock skipped once and then vanished into the trees ahead. Your ankle protested the motion. You didn’t stop.

You wanted the earth to split open beneath your feet.

You wanted the whole world to pay.

But most of all…you wanted them to hurt.

You wanted Niragi to feel even one percent of the ache he carved into your chest. You wanted him to wake up in a cold sweat every fucking night with your name in his mouth and his own guilt crushing his ribs. You wanted Chishiya to sit with that little face of his, controlled, until it cracked under the weight of realizing that he lost you. That he chose to lose you.

He had you.

And he let you go.

You clawed at your own shoulder, dragging bloody fingers through the sweat on your neck, trying to pull it together. You didn’t want to cry anymore. Crying was over. Crying was done. There was no room for softness in this body anymore.

You were everything they made you.

Everything they deserved.

They were nothing.

Not compared to you.

You were still alive.

Still breathing.

Still moving.

They could burn.

You wouldn’t.

The world didn’t deserve your footprints, but you gave them anyway. You pressed your rage into the dirt with every step. You carved your hate into the earth.

There was no forgiveness in you.

None.

If there was a god, you’d spit in its face.

You would take everything you were, everything they took from you, and twist it into something worse, something louder.

Now you saw it all.

And you hated.

Oh, you hated.

With every atom in your body. With the marrow in your bones. With the air in your lungs that you didn’t even want to breathe because they had breathed it too.

You wanted them dead.

Not out of revenge.

Not out of heartbreak.

But because they deserved it.

Because they earned it.

And the worst part? The most monstrous, terrifying part of it all? Is that if either one of them reached out for you again…if either of them said your name like it still meant something…you don’t know if you’d slap their hand away or fall into it.

Because they didn’t just break your heart.

They rewrote it.

And now it beat in a language you couldn’t unlearn. Their language. Their lies. Their fingerprints smudged into every syllable of your soul.

You stumbled sideways, half-blind, and crashed against a tree. Your shoulder smashed into the bark first—bad move. Hurt. You cried out, breathless, and your knees followed, they buckled. The dirt met you.

Your body was shaking.

Every breath was a fight, pulled through gritted teeth and a throat raw from screaming and smoke. You were trembling.

Nausea.

Your stomach heaved up into your throat. But you had nothing to give—hadn’t eaten, hadn’t drunk anything that wasn’t tears or adrenaline in what felt like days—so all you had was the gag. The horrible, choking, wrenching sound of your body trying to spill grief that had nowhere to go.

You doubled over.

Gagged.

Dry-heaved.

Sweat mixed with tears. Your mouth tasted like bile and blood and fire. You pressed your forehead to the bark, hands gripping the trunk. Your body seized up again and again, you clawed at the bark, heaving, shaking, gagging so hard your vision blurred.

Nothing came up.

Still, your body kept trying. Over and over. Your throat burned. You choked on your own spit. You tasted metal and dirt and that awful, sharp nothing of being completely emptied out.

And you cried.

Not soft. Not delicate.

You sobbed.

Ugly, gut-deep sobs that racked your whole body. There were no words anymore. No thoughts. Just the sound of your lungs being wrung out and the sharp stabs of betrayal pulsing in your chest with every beat.

You stayed like that for minutes. Maybe hours. No idea.

But something… strange happened, then.

Somewhere in the choking and the gasping and the heart torn wide open—

—you felt beautiful.

Not cute. Not hot. Not the kind of beautiful that came with lip gloss and a smile.

No.

Real beautiful.

You were bleeding and broken and not even sure if you were alive, but god, you’d never felt more yourself.

You wiped your mouth on your sleeve, smearing blood and dirt across your lips like lipstick. The shoulder still pulsed. The knees still bled. But you sat with your back to the tree. Slowly. Surely. Your hands were trembling so hard they barely even registered against the bark. Blood from your palms smeared onto the trunk like paint. Your head thunked against it next, breath coming in ragged, pitiful gasps.

You felt like dying. You wanted to live.

@lizntstoptalking @cherryheairt @fiction-fantasy-folks @monkey4lifer @psychicyouthfox @so-dramatic1 @mypsychoticlove @unhinged-sorcerer @rattymess @mocchii-writes @adanfore @scarlet703 @fluentgoddess @maxinehufflepuffprincess @onyxmango @bluerthanvelvet444 @risingofjupiter @enhasrii @potato-vagina @cherryyserenade @l5byrinth @soaplickerrr @sillyenemyarcade @miellette @sk1ndx0 @stopcallingmeimovedon @4ngeltrumpettt

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[gguk-n]

would you consider doing a prompt in which the MLs have the same soulmate marks but they are enemies? you can choose the driver and the logistics i would love to see a fic like this by youu

Thank you for the ask!!

I had this in my inbox for so long bc I'm indecisive and I couldn't choose who to write it for, so there's a poll to choose. There will be a part 2. Full story is up!!

What? How?

Everyone grew up hearing about soulmate; from their family or friends or relatives. Most people looked forward to meeting their soulmate, some people wanted to defy fate and some people never got to meet their soulmate.

Y/N thought she was a part of the soulmate less crew, "I'll register you with soulmatch" her mother told her. Soulmatch was an agency, a app or a website, which ever one you chose to help two soulmate less individuals get together and find companionship in each other. Her mother wanted her to start looking, Y/N couldn't careless since her job kept her busy and she was barely at home anyways. Y/N was a race engineer in Formula One; a job she worked tirelessly to achieve. It barely gave her any time to wonder where her soulmate was. She got to work with some of the most talented and smart people to make machinery that made the car go really fast. But now she was working with her driver to make sure the race went as smoothly as possible with the best result as possible; sometimes at the cost of the other driver. "Are you listening to me?" her mother's voice broke through her thoughts. "Yeah" she replied. "I'll let you know once you match with people" her mother stated before cutting the call.

Her parents were late bloomers themselves; meeting each other in their late 20's and early 30's so she didn't understand the fuss her mother was making. She was in her prime and a soulmate would come along when he wanted to. Y/N travelled the world; if a soulmate existed, she would run into him eventually.

There were a lot of times you would wish someone was your soulmate and there were a lot of times you wished someone wasn't. For Y/N, it was her driver's teammate. She hated his guts; ever since she had joined, he had been a pain in the ass for as long as she could remember. He would start fights with her if she prioritised her driver, and honestly, who else would she prioritise. She had good strategies that would work in her driver's favour sometimes and he couldn't tolerate it. Starting fights and unnecessary arguments. The team was done with them, the paddock was done with them and the DTS crew always had so much fun.

It was any other race weekend, the two of them had been at odds since FP1. Y/N tried to be calm and mature about it; she didn't want to cause issues for the team. Hence, she ignored any thing and everything he said. It was getting on his nerve; she was ignoring him and behaving extremely rudely to him. It all came to a head when the team finished P1 and P3 with Y/N's driver winning the race. You can already imagine the resentment brewing as he got out of the car.

During the post race interview, there were jabs being thrown but it was during On The Sofa; he said something, he later realised he shouldn't have. But it was too late; Y/N was already there and a fight broke out. A lot of commotion, the media having a field day, the P1 and P2 driver trying to get them to stop, their team trying to stop them and PR having a crisis. The crowd went silent as Y/N pulled her sleeve up to reveal her soulmate mark which matched the her enemies's soulmate mark exactly; now visible due to the scuffle. A loud whisper broke out in the crowd, Y/N looking at him and then his mark as the pair tried to process what was happening. Over whelmed with emotions, Y/N stormed off, leaving the crowd but most of all her soulmate stunned.

Y/N was reeling from the revelation; the man who was supposed to be her soulmate was also the man she hated the most, or did she dislike him? All of these thoughts and emotions swirled inside her as she wondered what just happened and how she had gone this long before finding out. Did he know? Did he hate her because he knew? What was going on and what was she supposed to do? She felt her world crash and her phone wouldn't stop ringing. She looked at the caller and it was her mum. "Congratulations darling" she bellowed. Y/N was confused, "I saw you found your soulmate" her mum said when she got no reply. "How did you find out?" she asked. "It's on the news, sweetheart" her mother stated. While Y/N was still reeling from the revelation, F1's social media accounts had already posted about the two sworn enemies actually being soulmates and how it was straight out of a fairytale. Y/N wanted to disappear. Why was this happening now? she wondered, exhausted from the events of the day.