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sixxels · 1 month ago

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fratboy!sukuna x fem reader

wc: 14k

!!disclaimer!! situationship, smut, p in v, mdni, angst! comfort. this is messy, so so messy but what fic of mine isn’t?

the first thing anyone ever smells when stepping into choso’s house is weed and watermelon vape. the second is tequila, the third is him. the one guy you really didn't want to see right now.

smokey, rich, him. sukuna.

you try to ignore it, the lights are dim and pink and pulsing. it’s not packed yet, but it will be. choso’s parties always fill up like bathtubs. slowly, hot.

you step through the threshold and into the thrum of it all. maki grabs your wrist the moment she spots you. “thank god,” she says, tugging you toward the living room. “i need someone sane to witness this mess.”

you barely manage a hello before she’s dragging you in, past the sliding kitchen door and down the short hall, until you see a group of all your friends sitting in a circle.

“truth or drink,” gojo booms, slamming his empty solo cup down on a wonky wooden frat table like he’s just cast a spell.

you roll your eyes. maki groans beside you.

“oh god, not again.”

“no, listen,” gojo says, serious. “this is character development. this is growth. this is—,”

“—an excuse to be nosy,” suguru cuts in.

“exactly!”

sukuna’s already here, of course he is. spread out like he owns the couch. one leg over the other, cigarette burning low between two tattooed fingers, eyes slouched half-lidded as if he’s barely awake. like he didn’t just watch you walk in.

and just like that, it begins.

choso pulls out the question cards he made last semester, a mix of drunk scribbles and genuinely soul-destroying prompts. shoko hands everyone a refill. yuki raises her eyebrows at you like, ‘buckle up, baby.’

you sit, shoulders tight, pretending not to care when the bottle lands on sukuna.

your chest pinches anyway.

“truth,” he says lazily, eyes half-lidded.

choso reads the card. “do you think you’ve ever been in love?”

the room hushes, tension vibrating like a tight string.

sukuna’s expression doesn’t change. he drags from his cigarette. smoke curls out the corner of his mouth.

“no.”

a few snickers. gojo coughs dramatically, little did you know he’s the only one who sukuna tells about your little… situation, so he was as uncertain as you were. he gave you a sympathetic look from across the circle.

“no offense,” maki mutters under her breath, “but i believe it.”

your stomach sinks. you don’t know why you expected anything different. maybe you didn’t.

you just hoped.

the bottle spins again. lands on you.

your throat goes dry, and maki grabs your hand under the table.

gojo perks up like a kid in church who just got told the sermon’s about sex.

“truth,” you say.

suguru plucks a card. “do you think the person you want wants you back?”

silence again.

you look down at your cup.

you think about sukuna’s mouth. the way he kissed you that night at the party like he was afraid he’d forget how. the way he didn’t call for two days after. the way he still texts you at 2am like you’re a convenience store.

your voice is soft. “i think maybe, like halfway?”

no one says anything for a moment.

even sukuna.

especially sukuna.

then yuki murmurs, “you deserve more than half-love, baby.”

you nod, but you don’t say anything.

what would be the point?

as the game dissolves into teasing and too-loud laughter, gojo throws himself dramatically across suguru’s lap and starts fake-crying like a soap opera housewife. “you never loved me!” he wails, half-choking on his drink, and suguru just hums and pets his hair like a tired husband with a golden retriever.

shoko steals the card deck. maki yells something about how is he crying without tears, and choso starts explaining the thc content in his gummy stash to a girl in a crocheted top who keeps giggling like she doesn’t understand a word.

the circle splinters. the warmth disperses. the night, like a bruise, begins to spread.

you lose sight of sukuna in the crowd.

the room gets louder. people you don’t know start filtering in. loud boys in snapbacks yelling about beer pong. girls in glitter boots clacking across the hardwood like they own the place. someone walks by with a bong shaped like pikachu and a glowstick necklace that makes your eyes hurt.

it’s not that you don’t want to be here. it’s that you suddenly feel like you’re watching it all through glass. like you’re not in the room anymore. just near it.

you slip away. quietly.

the kitchen is cooler than the rest of the house, the hum of the fridge a steady drone underneath the bass. you lean against the counter, press your palms into the tile. you don’t realize you’re holding your breath until the silence makes your ears ring.

then,

“you gonna pretend i’m not here all night?”

you freeze.

you don’t need to look to know who it is.

that voice always comes just after you start to forget it. low, lazy, soft with smoke and something sharp underneath.

sukuna.

you inhale slow, steady. then turn.

he’s leaning against the counter like it’s a throne. one hand braced on it. the other running through his hair like he’s trying to shake off the night. his eyes are heavy-lidded. glossy. the slow drawl in his voice tells you what you already know.

he’s high. probably drunk. maybe both.

he’s beautiful in that unbearable way he always is, like a nightmare you mistake for a dream.

you don’t say anything. you just look at him.

he raises his eyebrows like that’s the joke. “didn’t even look at me,” he says, voice dipped in that honey-slick sarcasm. “kinda hurts.”

you let out a breathless laugh. cold. “didn’t know you could feel pain.”

he snorts, like he expected that. “guess you bring it out in me.”

the music from the living room pulses through the walls, muffled and rhythmic like a heartbeat you can’t trust.

you cross your arms. “you high?”

“little bit.”

you nod. “figures.”

he shrugs. “you looked good tonight.”

it’s casual. too casual. like it costs him nothing to say it. but the way his gaze flickers over you, slow, warm, like he’s memorizing you, that betrays him.

your stomach flips. you hate that it still reacts to him. that your body remembers every place he’s touched even when your brain is begging you to forget.

you steady your voice. “that why you ignored me?”

he blinks. “i didn’t ignore you.”

“you didn’t look at me,” you say, softer now. “not once.”

he tilts his head like a dog hearing a strange sound. “would that have made a difference?”

you swallow. “not to you, probably.”

and there it is, the flicker in his eyes.

brief. but real.

like he didn’t expect you to say that. like it hit somewhere he wasn’t ready for.

he pushes off the counter. takes a step forward. then another.

too close. always too close.

his voice drops low. “don’t do that.”

you meet his gaze. “do what?”

“don’t act like you don’t know i care.”

you laugh. it’s not kind. it sounds like heartbreak breaking in reverse. “do you?”

“i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t.”

“you’re here,” you say slowly, “because you always come back when the buzz wears off. when you’re bored. when it’s dark and quiet and you remember i’m soft.”

he doesn’t flinch. doesn’t deny it.

you go on, voice barely above a whisper. “you only show up when you want something. and i keep letting you.”

he stares at you. there’s a crack forming in his expression, small, hairline, but there, then he says it, just one word.

“yeah.”

no apology, no excuses, no fix, just that.

and somehow that hurts worse than all the lies he could’ve told.

you drop your gaze, chest tight.

the silence between you is thick with everything you’ve never said. everything he’ll never give you.

after another awkward silence you're interrupted by a voice.

“didn’t think i’d find you in here.” you both turn, yuki is standing in the doorway, hip cocked, drink in one hand, the other braced against the frame like she’s leaning into a scene she’s already seen too many times.

her gaze flickers between you and sukuna. calm. sharp.

“you good?” she asks you directly.

you nod. automatically.

she hums. doesn’t buy it.

she steps into the kitchen, slow and easy, like a tiger circling a campfire. her eyes settle on sukuna. “didn’t peg you for the type to haunt kitchens like a ghost with unfinished business.”

sukuna scoffs. “didn’t peg you for the type to care.”

“don’t,” yuki says, voice crisp, “mistake my presence for forgiveness.”

he doesn’t reply. but he holds her gaze.

she walks past him, pours herself another drink, doesn’t bother asking. then turns back to you.

“you want me to stay?”

it’s a soft question. one you feel all the way down.

you think about saying yes. about grabbing her hand and letting her drag you back to the circle, where maki will make you laugh and choso will roll his eyes and shoko will hand you something that tastes like pain and nostalgia.

but you don’t.

you shake your head.

yuki nods. doesn’t push. “come find me if he says anything stupid.”

then she leans in, kisses your temple, warm, steady, and says, low enough that only you hear:

“you don’t owe him anything. not even your silence.”

and just like that, she’s gone, and you’re left with him again.

sukuna is quiet now. the tension that always coils around him is looser, but not gone.

he watches you.

you watch the floor.

then you speak.

“i think i wanted you to fight for me.”

he closes his eyes for a beat. then opens them. “that’s not something i’m good at.”

you nod.

“i know.”

silence, heavy and final.

you brush past him. he doesn’t stop you.

doesn’t even move.

you leave before it gets too late. before you can talk yourself into staying. before sukuna can kiss you like a promise he’ll never keep.

choso finds you on your way out. he wraps you in a hug, tight and lingering.

“you okay?” he murmurs.

“yeah,” you lie.

he doesn’t believe you, but he doesn’t say so.

he just presses something into your hand. a shirt you must of left in his room, the one you left the last time sukuna ghosted you after 2am.

“text me when you’re home,” he says.

you nod.

you glance back once, just once, and see them through the window:

gojo dancing stupidly with a bottle of tequila. suguru with his phone flashlight on, filming it like it’s high art. maki yelling at shoko, who’s dumping popcorn in someone’s drink. yuki standing near the back…

the party ends slow. like the last drag of a cigarette, burnt out, bitter, and a little too quiet. music still thumps from inside choso’s place, muffled through the walls, but the energy has thinned out. people are either too drunk to notice or already stumbling home with the wrong shoes and the wrong names.

gojo’s the one who calls it. “yo, let’s dip,” he says, slinging an arm around sukuna’s shoulders like he always does, loose and lazy, like he owns the world and you’re lucky to be living in it. suguru’s behind them, silent and steady, hoodie pulled up and smelling like weed and sandalwood. they leave without saying goodbye to anyone. that’s kind of their thing.

outside, it’s humid. the kind of summer night that sticks to your skin and makes the air taste like sweat and smoke. sukuna’s already lighting another cigarette, lips parted, eyes half-lidded. he doesn’t offer one to gojo or suguru. he doesn’t need to. gojo’s got a vape in one pocket and a flask in the other, and suguru doesn’t need anything to look high. he just always does.

they don’t talk much on the walk back to the frat house. it’s not far. five blocks, maybe. quiet streets and broken streetlights. gojo’s whistling something off-beat. sukuna’s got his hands in his pockets. suguru hums low under his breath, something old and haunting.

when they get back, the house is dead. empty beer cans in the grass. some kid passed out on the porch. the usual. sukuna steps over him without blinking. gojo kicks the kid’s leg, laughs when he groans. suguru opens the front door and lets it creak.

they go upstairs, past the chaos of the main floor, past the girls’ hoodies still draped on the railing and the smell of stale liquor clinging to the carpet. third floor. the balcony. sukuna’s spot.

it’s dark out there. just a sliver of moonlight and the distant flicker of someone else’s backyard party. sukuna leans against the railing. suguru drops into the broken plastic lawn chair. gojo pulls out a blunt from somewhere deep in his jacket and waves it like a magic trick. “you’re welcome,” he says, sticking it between his teeth.

sukuna exhales slow. smoke curls up into the sky. “what, you want a medal?”

“nah. just a thank you and maybe a little kiss on the mouth.”

suguru snorts. sukuna rolls his eyes.

they pass the blunt in silence for a bit. the air’s thick with something that isn’t just weed. something quieter. heavier. the kind of shit that settles behind your ribs and makes everything feel too loud even when no one’s talking.

gojo breaks it first.

“so.” he’s watching the street below like he’s waiting for someone to walk by. “you gonna talk about it or do we have to play twenty questions?”

sukuna doesn’t look at him. doesn’t have to. “talk about what?”

gojo tilts his head. his hair’s a mess, sweat sticking to his forehead. he’s still got glitter on his cheek from some girl that kissed him three hours ago. “you know what.”

sukuna flicks ash off the balcony. “nah. i don’t.”

“you and her.”

the silence tightens. suguru shifts, leans back. he’s not getting in the middle of this. he knows better.

sukuna takes another drag. his lips twitch, just barely. “there is no me and her.”

“bullshit.”

“seriously.”

“nah, that’s bullshit and you know it.”

sukuna finally looks at him. his eyes are sharp, red in the moonlight. not angry. just tired. “i don’t owe you an explanation.”

“you don’t,” gojo says, shrugging. “but you owe her something.”

sukuna doesn’t say anything.

gojo doesn’t press. not yet. he just lets it hang there, like smoke between them. like a threat.

after a minute, sukuna mutters, “she knew what it was.”

“did she?”

silence again.

gojo sighs. leans his elbows on the railing. “look, i’m not trying to play therapist or whatever. that’s shoko’s job. but you gotta know she’s not like the other girls that come to our parties.”

sukuna scoffs. “i know that.”

“do you?”

he doesn’t answer.

gojo watches him. he’s serious now. which is rare. his voice drops low. not angry. not mocking. just honest. “she’s sweet, man. like… good. not in that fake ‘pick me’ way. like… genuinely good. and you’ve got her looking at you like you’re the sun or some shit.”

sukuna exhales through his nose. “she doesn’t.”

“she does.”

“whatever.”

gojo’s smile fades. “you’re gonna break her.”

sukuna’s jaw tightens.

“you’re already breaking her,” gojo says softer this time. “and i don’t think you want to. i think that’s what’s messing you up.”

for a second, sukuna looks like he might say something. like he might throw the blunt off the balcony or snap gojo’s neck or punch the railing until it splinters.

but he doesn’t.

instead, he says, “i didn’t mean to.”

gojo blinks. a little surprised. but he doesn’t let it show.

“i didn’t plan for any of this,” sukuna says, voice low, rough. “she was just… there. and then she wasn’t just there. she was everywhere. all of a sudden.”

gojo nods.

“i don’t do feelings,” sukuna mutters, like it’s a confession. “i don’t do this.”

“yeah, no shit.”

sukuna glares at him. gojo raises his hands, grinning.

“look,” gojo says. “i get it. you don’t wanna hurt her. you’re scared. whatever. but stringing her along? pretending she’s just some random girl you fuck when she’s clearly not? that’s worse.”

“i know,” sukuna snaps. then softer, almost like he hates himself for it—“i know.”

they go quiet again.

suguru lights another joint.

gojo leans his head back and stares at the stars. they’re faint out here. hidden behind pollution and bad choices.

“you like her?” he asks, sukuna doesn’t answer right away.

“…yeah.”

“how much?”

“too much.”

gojo grins. “gross.”

sukuna rolls his eyes, but there’s no heat behind it.

“so what now?” gojo asks. “you gonna keep acting like a cold asshole? or maybe try something new, like honesty.”

“it’s not that easy.”

“yeah, it is. you just say what you feel. preferably with your mouth and not your dick.”

sukuna doesn’t laugh, but his lips twitch again. that almost-smile he gets when he’s trying not to admit he finds gojo funny.

gojo turns to him, cocky glint in his eye now. “look, i’m just saying, if you don’t treat her right…”

he pauses. lets it hang there.

“…i will.”

sukuna snorts. “shut the fuck up.”

“i’m serious.”

“you couldn’t handle her.”

gojo grins. “oh, i could. and you know it.”

they’re both smiling now. but underneath it, there’s something sharp. something real.

a warning.

sukuna finishes his cigarette. flicks it over the railing. watches the ember fade in the grass.

“i’m not gonna let her go,” he says finally. “but i don’t know how to keep her either.”

gojo looks at him. really looks. “figure it out. before someone else does.”

the stars above them don’t offer any answers. but maybe that’s okay.

they stay out there a little longer. talking about everything and nothing. until the night bleeds into morning and the city starts to yawn.

and somewhere, not too far away, you’re still thinking about him. still waiting.

and maybe now, maybe finally, he’s starting to realize what that means.

mondays economic class.

he’s sitting in the back again.

legs spread like the seat was made for him, hood up, sunglasses on even though they’re indoors and the windows are closed. he hasn’t looked at you once. not during roll call, not during the lecture, not even when the professor called on him to answer a question about marginal cost and he replied with a deadpan, “pass.”

you hate him.

you hate that you’re still thinking about him even as you type notes you’ll never read again.

you hate that you still notice the way his fingers tap against the desk like he’s impatient with the whole world. you hate that you can’t forget what those hands feel like on your hips. you hate the weight of his gaze—when it’s on you, when it’s not. it doesn’t matter. he’s in your head either way.

you scroll back in your notes, realize you’ve written the same sentence three times.

you sigh. close your laptop. rest your chin in your hand and stare at the front of the class.

you didn’t even wear anything cute today. you’re in sweats. your hair’s a mess. you didn’t think he’d be here—he barely comes to econ unless he needs to cheat off someone’s midterm. so why does it feel like your heart’s pounding just because he’s breathing the same air?

you glance back, like you can help yourself.

he’s leaned back in his chair, chewing on the end of a pen. his eyes are behind his sunglasses but you know, you know, he’s watching you too.

god.

you hate that he gets to do this to you.

he fucked you once and now he gets to haunt your life like some ghost with a nicotine addiction and a fratboy attitude. it’s been months. and somehow, you’re still here. still hoping for more. still checking your phone for messages that don’t come.

you tell yourself you’re over it. you lie, the class ends. people start packing up. zippers and shuffling and half-asleep small talk.

you gather your things slow. give yourself a moment to breathe. you don’t want to walk past him. you don’t want to look like you’re trying. you don’t want to care, but you do.

you head for the door. keep your head down.

you almost make it.

but just as you step into the hallway, a hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you sideways, into a side corridor no one uses, behind a column of lockers, where the lights flicker and the air smells like dust and old paper.

you already know who it is.

“sukuna,” you breathe, not quite surprised.

he looks at you like he’s bored. like this is a chore. like he didn’t just corner you like a secret. “hey.”

you try not to let your voice shake. “what do you want?”

he shrugs. leans a shoulder against the wall. everything about him is infuriatingly casual, like this is nothing. like you’re nothing. “you wanna come over?”

you blink. “…now?”

“yeah.”

he doesn’t elaborate.

you shift your weight, heart pounding. “why?”

his jaw flexes. “you know why.”

and yeah. you do.

you look up at him. his face is unreadable. dark eyes under his hood, mouth set in a line that’s too hard to call a smile. he looks tired. he looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks. he looks like the last time he touched you is still on his fingertips.

you shouldn’t.

but god, he’s looking at you like he wants you again, and it’s been so long since he’s looked at you like anything at all. and you’re weak. and stupid. and still in love with a boy who never says your name unless he’s dragging it out of you in bed.

“…okay,” you whisper.

he nods like he expected you to say yes.

his room’s dark. always is. it smells like weed and cologne and something distinctly him. the sheets are still messy from the last time he was here, probably with someone else.

you don’t ask.

he doesn’t offer.

he locks the door behind you, tosses his hoodie to the floor, lights a cigarette and leans against his desk like he’s thinking. like there’s something on the tip of his tongue that won’t come out.

you stand awkwardly near the bed. your fingers twitch. you almost ask him what’s wrong. you almost ask him if he’s okay. you almost ask—

“you look tired,” he says instead, like it’s the only thing he knows how to offer you. you laugh, quiet. “yeah. i am.”

he stares at you. exhales smoke through his nose. walks over, slow, until he’s standing in front of you, close enough that you can smell the nicotine and aftershave and the faint scent of whatever cheap shampoo he uses.

he reaches out. brushes your cheek with the back of his hand. something in your chest pulls tight.

“you’re still sweet,” he mutters. “even now.”

you swallow hard. “you say that like it’s a bad thing.”

he doesn’t answer.

inside his head, he’s screaming.

'tell her you think about her all the time.

tell her you can’t stop dreaming about her mouth.

tell her it’s been eating you alive that you made her feel disposable.

tell her you miss her. tell her you’re sorry. tell her—'

“take your shirt off,” he says instead.

and you do.

of course you do.

because that’s what you do when it comes to sukuna. you say yes even when you mean no. you give him pieces of yourself like they’re nothing, just hoping one day he’ll realize how much they cost you.

he kisses you like he’s angry. hands rough. mouth hungry. he kisses you like he’s trying to say all the things he’s too much of a coward to say out loud.

you let him.

you let him use your body as a place to bury his feelings.

you let yourself pretend it means something.

he fucks you like he’s punishing himself.

like he’s trying to carve you into his skin, leave a mark deeper than anything words could say.

your back hits the mattress and he’s on you in a breath, mouth everywhere, hands urgent, grip bruising. his rings drag down your ribs, your hips, your thighs, leaving fire in their wake. his teeth scrape your collarbone. he bites your neck, your shoulder, your chest, like he’s starving and you’re the only thing he’s ever wanted.

you moan for him. soft. breathy. helpless.

and god, the way he reacts, like your sounds are gasoline. like they’re unraveling whatever threadbare control he’s got left.

“fuck,” he mutters, voice wrecked. “fuck, baby. you don’t even know what you do to me.”

you want to ask what that means.

but then he’s pushing inside you — rough, deep, unforgiving — and the question dies on your tongue.

you gasp. arch. dig your nails into his shoulders.

he groans like he’s in pain. like being inside you is the only thing that makes him feel human.

“always so tight for me,” he mutters against your mouth. “like your body fucking knows who it belongs to.”

you shouldn’t let him say things like that. not when you both know it’s not real. not when you know he’ll go cold again once the high fades.

but you nod anyway. whisper, “yes.”

because in this moment, in this darkness, you do belong to him.

he fucks you slow at first. deliberate. deep enough to make your toes curl. he presses his forehead to yours. watches your face. watches the way you fall apart just for him.

“look at you,” he breathes. “so fucking pretty like this.”

his hand wraps around your throat, just enough to make your breath hitch. not enough to hurt. just enough to say mine.

he kisses you again, messy, possessive, desperate, like he’s trying to crawl inside you. like he’s trying to make you forget any name that isn’t his.

and you let him, you always let him.

his pace gets rougher. harder. the headboard slams the wall and you don’t care. you’re shaking. sweating. whispering his name like a prayer and a curse all at once.

“sukuna—” you gasp. “i’m gonna—”

“yeah, baby?” he pants, fucking you through it. “you gonna come for me? make a mess all over my cock?”

you nod. cry out. your body tenses, then shatters.

you fall apart beneath him, and when you do — when you come with your whole heart in it — something in his face breaks.

his rhythm stutters. his jaw clenches. his breath catches like he’s never seen anything more devastating than you loving him out loud without saying a word.

he finishes with a groan. deep. guttural. like it hurts him.

and maybe it does.

because when he pulls out, he doesn’t speak.

he just collapses beside you. chest heaving. jaw clenched.

and you both lie there in the dark, skin slick, hearts racing, silence choking, pretending it didn’t mean everything.

afterward, he doesn’t say much. he smokes while you lay on your side, back to him, eyes fixed on the crack in the wall.

he wants to reach out. wants to trace his fingers down your spine. wants to ask if you’re okay. wants to say i’m sorry i don’t know how to love you right.

but all he says is:

“you can sleep here if you want.”

you don’t answer.

you fall asleep anyway.

he stays awake long after you’ve started dreaming.

'fuck.'

the door creaks when you open it.

you wince, glancing back at sukuna’s bed. he’s asleep, sprawled on his stomach, breathing deep. the sheets are tangled around his waist. his hand is stretched toward where you were laying minutes ago.

you leave anyway.

your sweater is inside-out and you don’t bother fixing it. you don’t look in a mirror. you don’t even grab your shoes. the floorboards are cold, but you move quiet. like a secret. like a ghost.

you’ve done this before.

the house is quiet. mostly. there’s a low hum from the fridge and the drip of the bathroom sink down the hall. you turn the corner into the kitchen, eyes blurry, mind fogged, and stop short when you see… gojo?

gojo satoru. shirtless. sleep-mussed. drinking orange juice straight from the bottle.

he freezes. you freeze.

“…uh,” he says, mid-sip.

“…hi,” you whisper, not really sure why.

he lowers the bottle, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “i wasn’t expecting company.”

“i wasn’t expecting anyone to be awake.”

he looks at you then. really looks, eyes narrowing.

taking in the state of you, your hoodie, half-zipped. your hair, messy. your bare feet. the too-quiet look in your eyes.

“…he do something?” he asks, voice low, unusually serious.

you blink. “no. no, i just—”

but the words don’t come. you shake your head instead. try to smile. it doesn’t stick.

gojo doesn’t push. he just sets the orange juice down and hops up on the counter, like he’s settling in for something. “you want tea? or whiskey? or, like… both?”

you laugh, soft. “just water’s fine.”

he nods. gets up. finds a glass. fills it. hands it to you without meeting your eyes.

you sip slowly. the silence stretches.

“…you’re not gonna ask?” you murmur.

“not yet,” he says, sitting back down.

“trying to be cool.”

you glance at him. “you’re not very good at that.”

he grins, a little sheepish. “yeah, i know.”

another beat. you lean against the fridge. hugging yourself. “he didn’t kick me out. i just… didn’t wanna stay.”

“because?”

you swallow.

“because it hurts.”

that gets his attention.

his smile fades. his whole posture shifts, shoulders tense, jaw tight, hands curling around the edge of the counter. he looks like he wants to say something sharp, but reins it in.

instead, he says, quiet: “he doesn’t know what to do with you.”

you look at him. “what does that mean?”

gojo shrugs, but it’s a lie. “it means you’re not like the other girls. you’re not easy to forget. and sukuna…” he sighs. runs a hand through his hair. “sukuna likes things he can throw away. he doesn’t know what to do with something real.”

you stare at your water. “i don’t even think he likes me.”

“he does,” gojo says immediately. then catches himself. “i mean—he feels something. he wouldn’t keep you around if he didn’t. that guy doesn’t even keep leftovers.”

you almost smile.

gojo swings his legs a little, like a kid. “look, i’m not… i’m not good at this. feelings. girl stuff. crying. whatever.” he gestures vaguely at you. “but i know you’re too good for this. you’ve got this… i don’t know. softness.”

you raise a brow. “softness?”

“yeah. like. you care about people. even when they don’t deserve it.” he scratches the back of his neck. “it’s rare. makes you a good person. but it also makes you a really easy target for people like him.”

you’re quiet.

“i’m not saying sukuna’s evil or anything,” gojo adds. “he’s just… scared.”

“of what?”

“of being known. of letting anyone close. of you seeing all the ways he’s already fucked up and leaving him for it.”

“…i wouldn’t.”

“i know that,” gojo says. “you know that. he doesn’t. he grew up thinking love was a weakness. that closeness meant pain.”

you stare at the floor.

“he uses sex to avoid feelings. you use it to get closer. that’s never gonna work,” he says gently.

and it hits you like a slap.

you sit down at the little kitchen table. press your palms into your eyes. “why does it feel like i’m always the one getting hurt?”

gojo’s smile is sad. “because you’re the one who feels the most.”

silence again. this time thicker.

gojo watches you. watches the way you hunch your shoulders. the way you’re trying not to cry. the way your fingers tremble around your water glass.

inside, he’s fuming.

because he likes you. not romantically. not like that. but in the way a big brother likes his little sister’s best friend. in the way a guy who’s been in the game too long recognizes something rare and soft and good,and wants to keep it that way.

he remembers the first time he saw you. walking into their party with maki, eyes wide, sweater too big. he remembers thinking: she doesn’t belong here.

and now you’re sitting in their shitty kitchen in the dark, heart bruised, eyes tired, wearing his best friend’s hoodie and nothing else.

and he feels like he failed you.

“hey,” he says, softer now. “can i tell you something?”

you nod.

“if you ever decide you’re done… like, really done. if you ever stop waiting for him to grow up… i hope you find someone who deserves you.”

your voice is quiet. “you think he never will?”

gojo shrugs. “i think he might. i just don’t know if it’ll be soon enough.”

you bite your lip. look away.

he hesitates. then grins—teasing, but there’s something pointed underneath it.

“…and if he doesn’t figure it out?”

you glance back at him.

he winks.

“maybe i will.”

you laugh—really laugh—for the first time that night.

“shut up.”

“i’m just saying. i’m tall as fuck. hot. emotionally available.”

“you’re not emotionally available.”

“okay, but i pretend really well.”

you roll your eyes, but there’s warmth in it now.

gojo stands. ruffles your hair. “come crash in my room. i’ll take the floor. you can take the bed. no weirdness, just… company.”

you hesitate.

but you’re so tired. and gojo’s safe. and you can’t go back upstairs.

“…okay.”

“cool,” he says, and grabs his juice on the way out. “also. if you hear any weird noises in the walls? that’s just nanami. he lives in the vents.”

you blink. “what—?”

“long story,” gojo says, already walking away. “come on.”

you follow him down the hall.

and for the first time in weeks, you don’t feel so alone.

meanwhile, unbeknownst to you, sukuna was closer than you’d thought.

he hears her laugh before he hears her voice.

soft. almost shy. tired in a way that isn’t about sleep.

sukuna leans against the wall at the end of the hallway, just out of sight. cigarette burning slow between his fingers. his hoodie half-zipped, throat dry.

he hadn’t meant to get up.

but he always wakes when she leaves. like his body knows. like something inside him panics when the bed goes cold.

so he got up. quiet. just to see.

and now he’s standing in the dark, eavesdropping like a fucking coward while she sits in the kitchen and talks to gojo.

he can hear her voice low and sad, cracking around the edges. can hear gojo trying to make her laugh, trying to make it okay.

he listens anyway.

even when it hurts.

“why does it feel like i’m always the one getting hurt?”

“because you’re the one who feels the most.”

sukuna exhales smoke, slow. clenches his jaw.

he knows gojo’s not hitting on her. not really. he knows it’s not like that.

but it doesn’t matter.

what matters is that she’s downstairs spilling her heart out to someone else. that she didn’t wake him. that she didn’t stay.

that she left.

and that gojo was the one who made her laugh.

“he doesn’t know what to do with you.”

“he uses sex to avoid feelings. you use it to get closer. that’s never gonna work.”

he scoffs. quiet. bitter.

like hell gojo knows him. like hell anyone does.

they don’t know what it’s like to have something good and be too fucked-up to hold it. to want softness and flinch every time it touches you. to love someone in silence because saying it out loud would make it real.

they don’t know what it’s like to want to be better but still ruin everything you touch.

they don’t know him.

he flicks ash to the floor. keeps his back to the wall.

he should be angry. should storm in. tell gojo to back off. tell her to come back upstairs. tell her—

tell her what?

that he felt something? that he missed her the second she slipped out of bed? that he hates the way she makes him feel like there’s still a heart in his chest worth breaking?

no. instead, he presses the cigarette to his lips, takes a long drag and walks silently back upstairs. because it’s easier to leave than admit you care.

it’s easier to pretend you didn’t hear it.

it’s easier to be the villain than try to be anything else.the bedroom door clicks shut behind him.

the bed is cold.

he doesn’t sleep.

“wait, wait, so you’re telling me you failed your chem midterm because you got too high and thought the beaker was flirting with you?”

choso shrugs, dragging a fry through a sad puddle of ketchup. “not flirting. just… vibing.”

you snort into your drink, shoulders shaking. “you vibed with a glass container and flunked stoichiometry?”

“the beaker started it.”

the table erupts with laughter. maki bangs her fist against the wood. “you’re such a freak.”

“hey,” choso says, mouth full, totally unbothered. “i passed the retake. c’s get degrees.”

you’re sitting at a picnic table behind the campus dining hall, where the sun cuts through gaps in the tree canopy and everyone’s pretending it’s not a monday. someone smuggled beers in gojo’s oversized backpack (probably him), and there’s music playing low from geto’s speaker, something beachy and stupid and perfect for pretending your life isn’t a mess.

it’s the full crew today. rare. loud.

gojo’s got on sunglasses even though you’re in the shade, and he keeps pulling dumb faces behind them. shoko’s halfway asleep with her feet in suguru’s lap. maki is chain-eating sweet potato fries while ruthlessly cyberbullying nanami for being too good at Wordle. yuki’s got a cherry lollipop between her teeth and is quizzing you about your classes, occasionally pausing to threaten to beat up your econ professor for “crimes against women.”

and sukuna—

sits at the far end of the mat, leaning back on his hands, shoulders tense, smoking slowly. saying nothing.

i mean, at least he came?

you haven’t spoken to him since you slipped out of his bed this morning. since you wandered barefoot into the kitchen and laughed with gojo until you felt human again.

now you’re sitting between gojo and choso, sipping lemonade like you’re not thinking about it. like you’re not wondering if he notices. if he cares. (he does. not that he’ll say it.)

“so,” gojo says, nudging your elbow. “have you seen that econ TA since the last midterm? the one with the man bun?”

you groan. “don’t remind me.” maki perks up. “what did you do?”

you bury your face in your hands. “i thought he was just some guy in the hallway and told him his fly was down.”

gojo cackles. “was it?”

“unfortunately, yes.”

yuki whistles. “bold of him to teach supply and demand with his dick out.”

“stop—”

“i won’t,” yuki says, pointing her lollipop at you like a mic. “queen behavior. you saw something, you said something. brave.”

“heroic,” maki adds.

“horny,” suguru mutters.

“you would know,” shoko mumbles, eyes still closed.

the table descends into delighted chaos again, voices overlapping, laughter sharp and bright. you lean into choso’s shoulder, still grinning, cheeks warm. this — this moment — feels like breathing after being underwater. like coming up for air.

you feel normal. safe.

but you don’t miss the way sukuna’s jaw ticks as he stubs out his cigarette. or the way he keeps glancing at you from beneath his lashes, pink hair falling in his eyes, arms crossed tight over his chest like he’s holding something in.

something that’s starting to crack.

from the corner of your eye you catch suguru leaning towards sukuna.

“you good?” he asks, looking down the mat.

sukuna doesn’t answer.

he lights another cigarette instead.

“you’ve had, like, four of those already,” shoko says, dry. “gonna give yourself cancer and a bigger attitude.”

gojo snorts. maki snickers.

sukuna exhales smoke toward the trees. “you want me to light one for you too, doc?”

shoko raises a brow. “i only diagnose, baby. not treat.”

the group titters again, but sukuna isn’t smiling. his gaze flicks across the mat — past gojo’s shit-eating grin, past maki’s teasing smirk, past you.

his voice comes out flat. “then shut the fuck up.”

the laughter stutters. dies.

you glance at him, startled.

shoko just blinks. “you always get this bitchy when your vape dies?”

“maybe he’s cranky ’cause someone didn’t say good morning,” gojo mutters, too quiet for most to hear — but sukuna hears it. you hear it.

your stomach drops.

sukuna stiffens, slow and cold. “the fuck did you just say?”

gojo shrugs, casual. “just saying. might’ve helped. sunshine and rainbows. breakfast in bed. a little serotonin.”

“don’t start.”

“not starting anything,” gojo says, smile sharp. “just making conversation.”

“then maybe shut your mouth.”

“jesus christ,” maki says under her breath. “chill.”

“no, really,” sukuna snaps, eyes narrowed. “why are you talking, satoru? you want her to climb into yourbed next time?”

the table freezes.

you flinch.

gojo’s grin falters, just a second — then returns, brittle and bright. “damn. someone’s projecting.”

“fuck off.”

“no, seriously. you get all bent out of shape the second she talks to someone else—”

“shut up.”

your voice cuts through the noise.

everyone turns to you. eyes wide.

you’re trembling.

“just—stop it,” you say, softer now. “you’re talking about me like i’m not sitting right here.”

silence.

sukuna looks at you like you’ve slapped him. maybe you have. metaphorically. emotionally. whatever. he goes still, face unreadable, cigarette burning low between his fingers.

you swallow. “if you’ve got something to say to me, say it. don’t take it out on everyone else.”

no response.

just a quiet, dangerous inhale. smoke curling from his lips.

you shake your head and scoff. the silence stretches — too long.

awkward. loaded. sharp as glass.

until choso clears his throat. “well,” he says, a little too loud, clapping his hands together like he’s brushing off the tension. “that was fun. but also maybe we all need to get blackout drunk and pretend none of this ever happened.”

maki snorts. “best idea you’ve ever had.”

“i’m serious,” choso says, pulling out his phone. “i was gonna wait, but whatever. we’re throwing a rager this weekend. big one. everyone’s invited. bring whoever, just don’t break my fucking windows this time.”

gojo perks up immediately. “you mean like… priject x kind of rager?”

“like ‘campus cops get called and ignore it because they’re scared’ kind of rager,” choso says, grinning.

“fuck yes,” yuki says, leaning back on her elbows. “i haven’t blacked out and woken up next to someone emotionally unavailable in weeks.”

“i thought you were seeing someone,” shoko says.

“i am,” yuki shrugs. “he’s just out of town.”

everyone laughs. it breaks the tension. just a little.

suguru raises a brow. “you sure your house can handle it?”

choso grins. “nope. but that’s the fun.”

“i’m in,” gojo says immediately. “i’ll bring ket, just got some for free off this blonde sorority girl i boned-.”

“gojo shut the fuck up,” maki says.

“aww,” gojo replies, smug.

you force a smile. nod. “yeah. sounds fun.”

choso glances at you, gently bumping your knee under the table.

you bump him back.

even sukuna mutters something that sounds vaguely like “whatever.” which, from him, is practically an rsvp.

everyone starts packing up. wrappers and half-empty cups, chattering and laughing as they get to their feet. the afternoon sun is mellow now, casting soft gold over everything. it should feel easy. warm.

but when you glance over at sukuna, he’s already standing. already walking away.

you step toward him, hesitant. “hey—”

he doesn’t stop.

doesn’t even look at you.

just shrugs. “don’t.”

your mouth opens. closes. something twists in your chest.

“i just… i thought maybe we could talk,” you say, softer now. quieter. just for him.

he slows. barely. the wind tugs at the hem of his hoodie. he looks over his shoulder, eyes cold and unreadable.

“what’s there to talk about?” he says.

it’s cold. effortless. the kind of line someone drops when they’re already halfway out the door.

you stand there, hands loosely curled at your sides, trying not to look as stupid as you feel. “sukuna…”

he finally looks at you.

and it’s worse than him not looking at all.

his expression is blank. not cruel, just tired. unreadable. like you’re just another thing he has to deal with. like this — whatever this is — doesn’t live under his skin the way it lives under yours.

“i don’t know what you want me to say,” he mutters.

“i don’t want you to say anything,” you say quietly. “i want you to be honest.”

he scoffs. looks away, runs a hand through his hair. you catch the way his jaw flexes, the way his fingers twitch like he wants a cigarette but doesn’t light one.

you step closer, not touching him. just enough so you’re in his space. maybe trying to remind him that this matters. that you matter.

“you look at me like i mean something,” you whisper. “and then you act like i don’t. like i’m a problem you never meant to have.”

his mouth twitches. but he says nothing.

“we sleep together,” you go on. voice soft, cracking at the edges. “and i know it doesn't mean nothing. not for me. not the way you look at me. not the way you touch me.”

his shoulders tense.

“you’re not like this with everyone,” you say. “you’re not cold like this unless you’re trying to hide something.”

“don’t start,” he mutters.

“start what?” you say, heart racing. “caring? because i do. and i know you do, too. even if you won’t say it. even if it scares you.”

that hits something. he flinches like the words sting.

and then — nothing. a breath. a long silence.

“you don’t know me,” he says.

it’s quiet. vicious. said without heat, but it lands like a slap.

your throat tightens. “i think i do.”

“you don’t,” he snaps, louder now. “you don’t know anything about me. you think you do because i fuck around with you every now and then — and that was a mistake.”

you flinch. physically step back.

his eyes dart away, jaw locked. you see the panic in the way he won’t meet your gaze. like he hates himself even as he says it.

“i didn’t mean to hurt you,” you say, barely above a whisper. “i just wanted you.” he says nothing. just stands there, staring at the grass, at the sky, anywhere but you.

you swallow. blinking back the sting behind your eyes. “i’ll stop. if that’s what you want. just… tell me.”

for a second, you think he might. you think he might give in. say something real, but then he looks at you, and it’s gone.

the softness. the almost, he shrugs. “do what you want." and with that, he turns and walks away.

you don’t stop him, don’t cry, you just stand there in the sunlight, hands trembling, heart cracking, watching him disappear like he always does.

the screen door slams behind him hard enough to shake the frame.

sukuna storms into the kitchen, kicks a chair out of his way, and yanks open the fridge with the kind of force that screams unresolved issues. there’s nothing in there but a half-empty bottle of orange gatorade and someone’s leftover pasta.

he grabs a beer instead. cracks it open without looking. downs half of it in one go.

“yo,” gojo calls from the living room. “there he is. you get lost or something?”

“yeah,” geto adds, laid out across the couch with his phone in his hand. “thought you died or ran off with some groupie.”

sukuna doesn’t answer. just slams the fridge shut and leans against the counter, eyes dark.

gojo appears in the doorway a second later. grinning, barefoot, stupidly beautiful in that careless, smug way that always makes sukuna want to punch him. “what, the picnic get a little too emotional for you?”

“fuck off.”

gojo raises a brow. “whoa. easy, killer.”

geto looks up from his phone. “damn. he’s brooding. who pissed in your cheerios?”

sukuna glares. “both of you need to shut the fuck up.”

gojo snorts. “jesus. what crawled up your ass?”

“i said shut the fuck up,” sukuna snaps, voice sharp and ugly. “don’t make me say it again.”

gojo tilts his head. his grin fades just slightly. “what’s your problem, man?”

“you’re my fucking problem,” sukuna spits.

geto whistles low under his breath. “okay.”

gojo blinks. “me?”

“yeah, you. always looking at her. always acting like you give a shit.”

“maybe i do,” gojo says, folding his arms.

sukuna shoves off the counter. closes the distance fast. “then why don’t you fuck her?”

geto sits up.

gojo’s smile drops.

sukuna’s breathing hard. eyes narrowed, jaw clenched so tight it hurts. “you want her so bad, right? always hovering. always asking about her. if you’re so worried, go fuck her.”

gojo’s mouth twitches. not a smile this time. something colder. “you think this is about fucking?”

“you want her,” sukuna growls. “don’t pretend you don’t.”

“of course i fucking want her,” gojo snaps, stepping in close. their chests almost touch. “you think i’m blind? you think anyone’s blind? she’s the best fucking thing to walk into our lives, and you treat her like trash.”

sukuna shoves him.

gojo stumbles back half a step, then laughs. “hit a nerve?”

“don’t talk like you know anything,” sukuna says, low and mean.

gojo’s face twists. “i know enough. i know she looks at you like you hung the fucking moon. and you look at her like she’s a mistake.”

“shut up.”

“you’re not scared to lose her,” gojo says. “you’re scared you already have, and you’re too much of a coward to fix it.”

sukuna grabs his shirt. fists it in both hands. “say one more word.”

“you wanna hit me?” gojo challenges. “go ahead. but it won’t make her stop crying about you. it won’t make her stop waiting for you to pull your head out of your ass.”

“fuck you.”

“you already said that,” gojo says, eyes gleaming. “try something new.”

sukuna shoves him hard. gojo crashes back against the wall, laughing like he’s enjoying this. like the fight is foreplay.

geto sighs loudly from the couch. “jesus christ. this is the most homoerotic thing i’ve seen all week.”

“shut up, suguru,” both of them snap at once.

geto just sips from a water bottle and settles in like he’s watching an hbo original.

gojo wipes the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. there’s no blood, but it feels close. he’s breathing hard now, too. “you think you’re the only one who could’ve had her?”

sukuna freezes.

gojo steps forward, lower now. his voice a little quieter, sharper. “you think i couldn’t have kissed her that night in the kitchen? when she looked at me like she wanted to fall apart? you think i haven’t had the chance to touch her? to fuck her?”

something ugly twists in sukuna’s gut. his jaw ticks. “then why didn’t you?”

gojo stares him down.

“because she’s in love with you, you fucking idiot,” he says. “and i’m not the type to take advantage of a girl crying over someone else.”

that hits like a punch.

sukuna reels back, lips parted. chest rising and falling too fast. his heart feels like it’s trying to escape.

gojo’s voice is quieter now. lower. almost sad. “she’s too wrapped up in you to see the way you treat her isn’t normal. but i see it. geto sees it. everyone sees it.”

sukuna says nothing.

gojo sighs and scrubs a hand through his hair. “you don’t deserve her.”

geto stands up, finally. claps a hand on sukuna’s shoulder. “you okay, man?”

sukuna jerks away.

he can’t be in this room anymore.

he storms past them both, heading upstairs without another word.

he slams the door behind him and doesn’t bother locking it.

the room’s a mess, it always is, clothes on the floor, textbooks on the desk collecting dust, ashtray full from three nights ago. he kicks a chair out of the way and collapses into the couch shoved against the wall.

his fingers are shaking when he rolls the joint. it’s not even a clean roll, he’s too pissed for precision, but he lights it anyway. inhales like it’ll kill the thoughts if he burns them fast enough.

it doesn’t.

smoke curls out of his mouth in lazy spirals, and he stares at the ceiling like it might have answers. but all it has is water stains and a crack in the corner that keeps getting bigger. he exhales. slow. watches it fade.

and thinks about you.

fuck.

he should’ve kissed you at the picnic. when you looked at him like that. like he meant something. like you were hurt, but still reaching for him. he should’ve fucking said something. instead, he walked off like a coward. let you stand there in front of everyone, soft and wide-eyed and trying, and all he did was shrug you off. like you didn’t matter.

he ashes the joint into a beer can. stares at the ember. lets his thoughts get loud. why does he do that? why does he push you away like you’re nothing, only to think about you constantly when you’re gone?

you looked so pretty today. he noticed — even though he pretended not to. he always notices. the way your voice goes quiet when you talk to choso, like he’s the only one who really sees you. the way you laugh at gojo’s stupid jokes, but your eyes flick to sukuna like you’re hoping he’ll laugh too. like you’re hoping he’ll give you something.

and he doesn’t.

because he’s fucking scared.

scared that if he lets himself want you out loud, he won’t be able to stop. scared that you’ll look at him the way his father looked at his mother — like love was a leash and a punishment all in one.

scared he’ll ruin you.

because that’s what he does, right?

he ruins things.

gets high. gets laid. ghosts the ones who stay too long. pushes until they leave so he doesn’t have to watch them choose to. you haven’t left yet. and that’s what makes it worse. you stay. even when he hurts you. even when he’s cold. even when he’s drunk at a party and pretends he doesn’t see you standing across the room in a dress that makes his chest ache.

god.

he remembers how you looked that night. the one at choso’s. on the couch, tequila on your tongue, heart in your eyes.

you touched him like you meant it. like he wasn’t just another party boy with a lighter in his back pocket and no soul in his stare, you touched him like he was yours.

he exhales. coughs a little. blinks the sting from his eyes, he can still feel your fingers in his hair, he’s never had that. not really. not the kind of want that runs deep. the kind that leaves bruises you ask for.

but you gave it to him, and he didn’t know what the fuck to do with it.

so he threw it back at you. let it rot. let it sit between you like a loaded gun and dared you to pull the trigger, but you didn’t. you just looked at him today, so sad, like you knew he’d break your heart and you were still hoping he wouldn’t.

like you loved him.

and maybe that’s the part that scares him the most. that you do.

he tips his head back against the wall. closes his eyes, takes another hit, and thinks about what it would be like if he were someone else.

someone better, someone whole, someone who could say it back,vsomeone who could hold you in public. let you fall asleep in his bed and mean it when he said stay.

but he’s not.

he’s just him.

all rough edges and bad decisions. full of want and fear and ugly things he doesn’t know how to name, and you — you’re everything soft. everything gentle. everything he doesn’t deserve, but fuck, he wants you anyway. more than he’s ever wanted anything.

he ashes the joint again and stares at the wall. and for the first time in a long time,

he feels like crying.

you’re sitting cross-legged on yuki’s bedroom floor, eyeliner in one hand and heartbreak in the other.

“i just feel stupid,” you mutter, carefully lining your waterline in the mirror she propped against the bed. “like… i know he's a dick yuki but it still hurts.”

the girl in question is sprawled out on her stomach, applying highlighter with the kind of nonchalant ease that makes her look like she belongs on the cover of a magazine. “you’re not stupid,” she says, voice soft, “you’re just in love with a boy who’s emotionally fucked up and terrified of intimacy.”

you snort.

“i’m serious,” she adds, rolling onto her side to face you. “sukuna is the human version of a locked file. password protected. probably booby-trapped. and yet here you are, trying to romance him with your full heart and soft eyes.”

“it’s like i’m trying to love a brick wall.”

“a hot brick wall. with great arms.”

you laugh despite yourself. “and a great dick... wait, hey! don’t gas him up.”

yuki grins. “i’m just saying. if you’re gonna have your heartbroken by anyone, at least it’s by someone with good bone structure.”

you finish your eyeliner, lips pressed tight. “you think he feels anything for me?”

yuki pauses. looks at you. “i think he feels a lot. i think that’s the problem.”

you don’t respond. just sit in the quiet buzz of your own nerves as she helps you fix your hair.

by the time you both finally leave, it’s past eleven, and the party’s already in full swing.

or, more accurately, it’s a fucking riot.

cars lined down the block. bass shaking the pavement. the frat house looks like it’s about to combust, people hanging off the porch railing, lights flickering through the upstairs windows, the whole front yard packed with bodies and booze and cigarette smoke.

you’re barely through the door when you get bumped into, hard.

“jesus,” yuki mutters, grabbing your wrist so you don’t get pulled away. “this is worse than i thought.”

inside, it’s chaos.

liquor spilled on hardwood. sweaty bodies pressed together. someone already passed out on the stairs with sharpie all over their face. strobe lights flash in the living room, where people are dancing like they’ve never heard the word tomorrow.

it smells like weed, beer, and cologne — heavy and dizzying.

you spot gojo first, shirt half-unbuttoned, pouring tequila directly into someone’s mouth on the kitchen counter. he’s laughing so hard he nearly drops the bottle.

maki’s by the fridge with shoko, both leaning against the door like it’s the only thing keeping them upright. shoko looks bored. maki looks hammered — but still effortlessly hot in a cropped corset and leather pants.

and sukuna —

god.

he’s sitting on the couch, legs spread, head tipped back, a blunt in his fingers and a half-empty bottle of whiskey on the floor.

he’s wearing that stupid silver chain and a black tee stretched across his chest like it’s painted on. eyes half-lidded. hair tousled. cheeks a little flushed.

he looks fucked up.

high as a kite. drunk as hell. somewhere between earth and oblivion.

and he still manages to look right at you like he owns you.

you blink. look away.

“there you are,” choso says, suddenly at your side. he pulls you into a one-armed hug, his voice low in your ear. “was starting to think you weren’t gonna show.”

“sorry,” you breathe, grateful to see him. “yuki took forever curling her hair.”

“hey,” yuki says behind you, flipping him off.

he just grins and hands you a red solo cup. “you okay?” he leans in a little, lowering his voice. “looks like it’s hitting you.”

you nod, hand gripping the hem of his hoodie like a lifeline. “it’s just… packed. i forgot how insane these parties get.”

“yeah,” he says, glancing around. “they started pregaming at like eight. gojo took three shots of fireball in a row and tried to backflip off the couch. shoko had to stop him. it was a whole thing.”

you glance toward the living room where the couch looks like it’s been through a war. “jesus.”

“you wanna go to the backyard?” he offers. “it’s still loud but it’s not, like, madhouseloud.”

“maybe in a sec,” you say. “i need to… settle.”

his gaze softens. “you saw him?”

you nod, eyes flicking again to sukuna, who’s now leaning forward to light his blunt. you can see the way his jaw clenches when he exhales. how his eyes sweep the room like he’s looking for a reason to get in a fight.

“he’s already gone,” you murmur. “i don’t even know if he knows i’m here.”

choso’s quiet for a second. then, gently: “he knows.”

you look at him.

“you look like that,” he says, giving your outfit a subtle once-over. “there’s no way he hasn’t noticed.”

you smile a little. sad. “yeah, but it’s not like he’ll do anything about it.”

choso shrugs. “maybe not. but it’s still driving him crazy. you showing up like this. looking like that. it’s the closest thing to revenge you’ll get without breaking something.”

you sip your drink. “what if i don’t want revenge?”

“then that makes you a better person than most of us.”

you lean against his shoulder. “thanks for always looking out for me.”

“someone’s gotta,” he murmurs, eyes scanning the room. “and god knows it’s not gonna be him.”

he sees you before you see him.

you always show up late. always soft around the edges. always looking like heartbreak dressed in something tight.

and tonight—

tonight you look unreal.

you’re holding choso’s arm like the party might swallow you whole. he’s leaning in close to talk to you. protective. always too fucking close.

sukuna takes a slow drag of his blunt and exhales through his nose.

it’s like trying to smoke the jealousy out of his chest. like maybe if he gets high enough, he’ll stop caring that your hand is still on choso’s hoodie, like it belongs there.

he doesn’t.

he watches the way your eyes sweep the room. how your mouth twitches when you spot him. that quick flicker of emotion—surprise, disappointment, something soft and sharp all at once—and then you look away.

that’s what fucking kills him.

you used to look at him like he was everything.

now you barely hold his gaze.

he wants to blame you. wants to pretend this whole ache is something external, something happening to him. but it’s not. it’s him. it’s all him. his mess. his coldness. his fucking cowardice.

his fingers twitch.

you’re laughing now. some guy just handed you a drink. not choso — someone else. taller. probably some econ prick you sit next to in lecture. he’s leaning into your space like he’s earned it, and you’re letting him.

you’re fucking letting him.

sukuna watches from the couch like a phantom. bottle of jack between his boots. blunt burning slow between his fingers. high out of his goddamn mind but still crystal fucking clear on one thing:

he’s going to kill that guy, or kiss you until you forget he exists.

maybe both.

maybe he won’t do anything. maybe he’ll just rot here, on this shitty leather couch that smells like weed and sweat and spilled seltzer, and keep watching you talk to some nobody like you didn’t fall apart in his arms three weeks ago.

he should look away, he can’t.

you smile at something the guy says. tip your head back, eyes soft, lashes fluttering. sukuna’s throat goes tight.

he remembers the sound you make when you laugh for real. how it tastes against his mouth. how you cling to him like you’re afraid he’s going to disappear.

but he already did.

he disappeared the second you looked at him like he meant something.

and now he’s just here. watching you be wanted by everyone who isn’t him. letting his own silence fuck up the only good thing that’s ever looked at him like he’s worth something.

you take a sip of your drink. the guy touches your arm.

sukuna sees red.

he sits up straighter. crushes the end of the blunt into an empty red solo cup and grabs the bottle of whiskey off the floor.

if he’s going to watch you flirt with someone else, he’s not going to do it sober.

not tonight.

not when you look this good.

not when you’re glowing in the middle of a crowd, and he’s the one who turned you into a ghost.

he downs the rest of the whiskey like it’s water. doesn’t even flinch.

liquid courage or liquid idiocy — at this point, what’s the difference?

you’re still across the room, still talking to the same guy, still pretending you don’t feel his eyes on your back like a second skin.

fine.

you wanna ignore him?

then he’ll make sure you can’t.

“yo,” he slurs, pushing off the couch. “gojo. shotgun?”

gojo, already halfway through a white claw, perks up instantly. “now we’re talking. someone get the funnel.” like the two weren't arguing a day ago, crazy what alcohol does to you.

someone cheers. music blares. lights pulse.

sukuna doesn’t look at you — not yet. but he knows you’re watching now. he can feel it, that slow drag of your attention pulling back toward him like gravity. like instinct, because he’s being loud. reckless. stupid. because this is what he does best: burn bridges and light himself on fire just to feel warm.

someone brings the beer bong over and sukuna barely waits for it to fill before dropping to one knee, taking the nozzle in his mouth with that cocky little smirk that means he’s about to do something he knows he’ll regret. gojo claps him on the back. “you’re so fucking dumb, man.”

“jealous?” sukuna sneers, head tilting, eyes flicking over to you — finally.

and yeah. you’re watching. your expression is unreadable. somewhere between worry and frustration and that familiar ache he’s seen too many times in your eyes. good.

maybe now you’ll remember.

he downs the beer like it’s nothing. wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and flashes a grin that doesn’t reach his eyes. "another,” he says.

“dude,” geto mutters, shaking his head. “chill.” but sukuna’s not listening, he’s already halfway to the kitchen, already demanding shots, already making a fucking scene, and he doesn’t stop.

not until he sees you moving toward him. slow, uncertain. choso trailing after you, clearly annoyed. clearly ready to drag sukuna outside and beat his ass if he doesn’t knock it off.

but sukuna just grins wider, sloppier. his eyes lock onto yours like you’re the only person in the world that matters.

and in his fucked-up little head, you are.

“look who finally noticed me,” he drawls, voice syrupy and bitter all at once. “what, couldn’t hear me being a complete disaster over the sound of you flirting?”

you stop a few feet away from him. choso lingers close, protective, but quiet. “what are you doing?” you ask, soft. wounded.

it hits him in the chest like a punch.

he hates that tone.

he hates that he made you use it.

“partying,” he shrugs, gesturing around. “that’s what we do, right?” you stare at him. your lip trembles.

fuck.

fuck. this isn’t working.

he wanted your attention, not your disappointment, he wanted your eyes on him — not like this. you glance at the crowd — the people watching, whispering, smirking.

"come outside,” you murmur. “please.”

and for a second, he wants to. for a second, he thinks he might follow you anywhere. but instead, he laughs. harsh. cruel. drunk.

"why? so you can lecture me? tell me to get my shit together?”

your eyes glisten like they always do when you’re trying not to cry.

"i just want to make sure you're okay..." you shyly murmur. you look so small right now. not physically, no, you’ve always filled a room just by breathing, but emotionally. fragile in that heartbreaking way he hates himself for craving. like you’re bracing yourself for him to break you again.

and that’s the moment it hits him.

his high? gone. like a match snuffed out under cold rain.

he stares at you.

'fuck.'

he doesn’t know what he expected. maybe for you to scream at him, finally give him the reaction he’s been provoking all night like a sadistic asshole. or maybe to just turn your back, disappear into the crowd with some guy who’ll actually treat you right.

but this?

you’re just… sad.

sad and soft and waiting. hoping.

it guts him.

he runs a hand down his face and mutters something under his breath, like a half-formed curse or maybe your name—he’s not even sure anymore—and then sighs. “come on,” he says, voice low. rough. “let’s get outta here.”

you blink at him, confused. “what?”

“outside. fresh air. you look like you hate it here.”

he doesn’t wait for your answer. just slips through the crowd, trusting you’ll follow. and you do.

out back, it’s quieter. still messy. kids lighting joints, someone making out against a fence, music thumping faint in the distance. but it’s better. open.

he lights a cigarette, takes one drag, then flicks it away like it’s poison. because it kind of is. his throat feels tight. tighter than it has in weeks.

you cross your arms, biting your lip. “are you gonna say anything or—?”

“i’m sorry.”

it’s like a gunshot in the silence.

you freeze. blink. “…what?” he turns to you, finally really looking at you, and god, it fucking hurts.

you’re standing there in this little dress that hugs you in all the places he’s dreamed about touching with reverence instead of recklessness. hair mussed from the heat, lips parted, looking at him like you still see something good under all this rot.

“i’m sorry,” he repeats, slower. quieter. “for being a dick. for tonight. for every night.” you don’t say anything. not yet. just watch him, wide-eyed, while he runs both hands through his hair, pacing like he’s going to combust.

“i don’t know how to do this,” he mutters. “feelings. talking. whatever the fuck this is between us.”

“sukuna—”

“no, let me finish,” he snaps, then softens when he sees you flinch. “sorry. again. just… let me talk.”

you nod, and he breathes.

"you’re the only person who’s ever made me feel anything real. and that scares the shit outta me. i’m not good at this. i fuck up. i push people away because it’s easier to ruin shit than risk needing it.” he looks at you like he wants to fall apart but doesn’t know how.

“but you? you’re different. you look at me like i’m not some piece of shit frat guy with a lighter and a nicotine addiction and a god complex. and it makes me wanna be better. not just for you—fuck that, that’s too easy—but for me. because for the first time in my life, i care.”

you take a shaky breath. “then why do you keep hurting me?” his voice cracks. “because i’m a coward.” and that’s the truth of it. plain and ugly. he moves closer. slow. tentative.

“i didn’t mean to fall for you,” he says, voice hoarse. “but i did. so fucking hard. and every time you smiled at me, i felt like i couldn’t breathe. and i told myself i didn’t care. i slept with other girls. i ignored your texts. i acted like you were nothing. but you weren’t. you aren’t. you’re everything.”

you look up at him, eyes shimmering. “then why—”

“because i didn’t think i deserved you.”

his hands hover near your arms, like he wants to touch you but is afraid he’ll taint you. “you’re so fucking good. you care. you love so deep it’s terrifying. and i’m… i’m not that guy. i drink too much, i sleep around, i lie to myself. but with you… i don’t wanna lie anymore.”

and then finally—finally—he touches you. hands gentle on your waist like you’re porcelain. like he’s holding something sacred.

“i love you,” he says, and it breaks something in his chest to say it out loud.

your lips part in a quiet gasp.

“i don’t know how to love right. but i know it’s you. it’s always been you.”

you stare at him, tears falling now. not sad—just overwhelmed. and when you whisper, “i love you too,” it’s like something inside him clicks into place.

he pulls you into him.

not like the rough, fast, dirty hookups from before. not like the careless nights or the sneaky touches at parties. this is different. this is soft. reverent.

he holds your face in both hands, thumbs brushing your cheeks. “i’m gonna fuck up,” he says. “i know it. but i’ll try. for you. i’ll try.” you nod, leaning into him.

“you don’t have to be perfect,” you whisper. “you just have to be real.” and for the first time in his life, he is.

he kisses you like you’re the last good thing in the world. slow and deep and aching. his hands trembling just a little as he holds you closer, because he knows what this means.

this isn’t just a kiss, this is a promise.

and when you finally pull back, breathless, foreheads pressed together under the stars and the hum of a party you’ve both forgotten, he exhales something that feels like peace.

this feels like peace, neither of you says it, but it’s obvious in the way you walk side by side through the humid night, your pinkie brushing his. in the way the music fades behind you. in the way he doesn’t light another cigarette, even though his fingers twitch for it. "you wanna crash at mine?” you ask quietly, like you’re afraid the magic might snap if you speak too loud.

sukuna shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “sure. your bed’s comfier anyway.”

you nudge him with your elbow. “you’ve never slept in it.” he smirks, boyish. “yeah, but i’ve imagined it. mostly with you naked.”

“gross,” you say, laughing despite yourself, cheeks warm. he catches that. stores it. your laugh. the tilt of your head. the way you look at him like you’re still trying to believe this version of him is real. your dorm is quiet when you slip in. your roommate’s gone for the weekend, and everything smells faintly like you, warm shampoo, vanilla lotion, the fruity candle you always forget to blow out.

he toes off his shoes, watches as you dig through your drawer for a t-shirt. you toss it at him. oversized. soft. “wear this.” “you want me in your clothes now?” he raises a brow. “kind of possessive of you.”

“shut up and change.” he obeys. mostly because you’re watching him with this amused little smile, biting your lip like you’re trying not to. he peels off his hoodie and shirt, and you don’t look away—not this time. you just stare. like you’ve got a right to, and maybe you do.

you crawl into bed first, and he follows, letting the blankets swallow you both whole. your body finds his like it always does—like instinct. his arm wraps around you, snug. grounding. for a while, you just lie there. tangled up. listening to the faint buzz of a streetlamp outside and your twin heartbeats slowing in sync. "so,” you murmur into the quiet, “you ever gonna tell me what your first impression of me was?” he exhales a half-laugh. “you mean besides thinking you were way too sweet to be within a ten-foot radius of someone like me?”

“yes.”

he stretches, arm still looped behind your back. “alright. first time i saw you, i thought, ‘she looks way too cute for a party like this.’” you blink. “that’s it?”

“that’s everything.”

you smile against his chest. “i thought you were a douchebag.”

“accurate.”

“but also hot.” he snorts. “can’t blame you.” you reach up to flick his earring. “modest, too.”

“deadly combo.”

he goes quiet then, thumb brushing the curve of your hip beneath the blankets. his body is warm. relaxed. but his eyes are open, staring at the ceiling like there’s still something heavy on his chest. “you okay?” you ask, soft.

he doesn’t answer right away. just pulls you closer, tucks your head under his chin. your breath ghosts over his collarbone. “yeah,” he says eventually. “just thinking.”

and he is.

his thoughts spiral and drift, but they always land back on you. on how you smell like sleep and sweetness. on how your leg’s thrown over his like it belongs there. on how your fingers trace lazy patterns against his side, like your body’s memorizing him in real-time. he looks down at you. your lashes are fluttering now. not quite asleep yet, but close.

you don’t even know what you do to him. how you make him want to stay in one place, when he’s always been the type to run. how you make him feel clean, even when he’s covered in smoke and guilt and sharp edges. how he’d burn down his whole world just to keep yours bright. he doesn’t know how to say it, not out loud. not yet.

but he’ll show you, in the way he lets you hold him, in the way he watches you sleep like you’re the moon and the ocean and the sky all at once, in the way he lets his walls fall, brick by brick, as he lies beside you in your too-small bed and thinks 'god, i fucking love you.'

he’s not sure when it happened. maybe it was that first party, when you looked at him like you knew better but stayed anyway. maybe it was every little moment since. the after-class coffees, the way you talk to choso, the time you kissed him in the rain and told him he was worth more than he believed.

but he knows this:

he’s yours now, in the way that matters. not in words. not in labels. not in frat boy bravado. but in the stillness. in the way his heartbeat slows when you touch him. in the way he doesn’t feel high tonight—just whole.

"you awake?” he murmurs.

you hum against him. “barely.” he presses a kiss to your temple.

“you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he says, like a secret. and maybe you don’t hear it. maybe you’re already dreaming.

but he means it.

god, he means it.

and for the first time in a long time, he doesn’t want to wake up alone. he wants mornings with you. bad coffee and cold feet and sleepy smiles. he wants all of it. you and your stupid candle and your oversized t-shirts and your too-big heart. so he kisses your forehead again. lets your scent bury into his skin.

and as you finally drift off in his arms, sukuna closes his eyes and lets himself want something real.

something like this.

something like love.

extraaa

frat rats and others ig

yuki 🪩: chat what the fuck am i looking at

yuki 🪩: [photo attached]

yuki 🪩: LMAO THEYRE NOT EVEN NAKED WTH

maki 🥋: HUHHHHH

maki 🥋: omg they are so like... calm looking.

shoko 🩹: bro no way

shoko 🩹: sukuna looking content that's some voodoo shit

choso 🍃: i literally watched him almost rock some guys shit for talking to her last night now he's sleeping with a fucking smile on his face wth bruh give me a break

geto 🍷: free y/n bro

choso🍃: su man I'm glad it finally happened lowk

gojo 🧿: alright fuckers, i’m taking full credit here

gojo 🧿: this whole meltdown-to-makeup saga? that’s me pulling strings like a puppet master

gojo 🧿: if i hadn’t pissed him off just right, this whole tender bullshit never would of happened

shoko 🩹: you mean emotionally blackmailing him until he cracked? real noble, gojo

gojo 🧿: hey, desperate times call for desperate measures

gojo 🧿: plus, someone had to wake him up :(

maki 🥋: you’re the worst kind of manipulative and it’s honestly impressive

gojo 🧿: proud of my work here, thank you very much

gojo 🧿: i deserve an award for making sukuna less of a complete dickface

yuki 🪩:you're getting your ass beat when he wakes up and sees that bro

choso 🍃: lol watching him fail to keep his shit together all this time was tragic but so funny icl

gojo 🧿: nah but let’s not act like he didn’t look a little too happy to be clinging onto her in that pic

gojo 🧿: mf was in REM sleep dreaming about her saying “i’m proud of you”

choso 🍃: he’s gonna wake up and act like he didn’t say all that emotional shit too

choso 🍃: “idk what you’re talking about” ass boy

geto 🍷: someone record his gaslight attempt when she brings it up later

geto 🍷: “that wasn’t me babe, that was the tequila talking”

shoko 🩹: tequila didn’t make you cry into her neck and whisper “don’t leave” king

maki 🥋: he’s gonna delete himself from the chat when he sees this convo

gojo 🧿: and yet i’ll still be the villain somehow

gojo 🧿: just know none of this would’ve happened without my psychological warfare

yuki 🪩: congratulations on being the most chaotic matchmaker known to man

gojo 🧿: i’ll be taking referrals now

gojo 🧿: hit me up if your situationship needs emotional waterboarding

shoko 🩹: Jesus Christ

choso 🍃: y’all think he’s gonna be normal now or…?

geto 🍷: define normal

maki 🥋: if he stops growling every time someone breathes near her, i’ll take that as a win

yuki 🪩: god imagine him showing up to econ actually smiling. i’d drop the class

shoko 🩹: if he starts doing couple shit on campus i’m gonna barf

gojo 🧿: imagine them holding hands in the dining hall. i will LOSE it

gojo 🧿: i’ll flip the table

geto 🍷: y/n has the patience of a saint and the taste of a girl who needs therapy

choso 🍃: she’s in love let her be 😭

maki 🥋: yeah well she better be charging him hourly for emotional labor

gojo 🧿: alright placing bets now

gojo 🧿: how long before he fucks it up again? i say three weeks tops

yuki 🪩: shut the fuck up gojo

ooo finally done another, not as good as my choso fic but i still fw this oneee (subtle plug go read this shit it’s fire: sex w/ a stoner)

m.list.

your guy’s comments make me the happiest girl in the world i will respond to them all you are all my biggest supporters omg kiss me lololo

972 notes · View notes

astrocafecoffee · 6 months ago

Text

Part of fortune in natal chart 💫

❤️ FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY , ENJOY ❤️

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💖 MASTERLIST

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♥️ POF in 1st house/Aries :

- Part of Fortune in the 1st House can give you a subtle magnetism that draws opportunities to you, sometimes without conscious effort. Your energy, charisma, or physical presence can create circumstances where good things simply fall into your lap as you move through the world. This can apply to both personal and professional opportunities, and it's more about the vibe you project than any specific action you take.Since the 1st House deals with your physical presence and the way you move through the world, luck can come to you in bursts, often out of nowhere. These shifts might not always come gradually but could be more of a life-changing event type of energy, bringing sudden success or visibility. Also, you could find that your natural flair for speaking, teaching, or entertaining brings both pleasure and rewards. This can include attracting positive attention or gaining recognition without trying too hard. While the Part of Fortune in the 1st House brings charisma and opportunities, it can sometimes inflate the ego or create a false sense of invincibility. You may feel that things will always work out, or that your charm and presence will be enough to win you over in all situations. This overconfidence can lead to overestimating your abilities or neglecting other important factors in decision-making, which could cause setbacks if not kept in check. With the Part of Fortune here, you may find that major periods of personal transformation,like a change in your appearance, identity, or outlook on life bring sudden bursts of good luck or fortune. This could be moving to a new location, changing careers, or embracing a completely different lifestyle, and each reinvention could feel like a fresh start filled with new possibilities.

♥️ POF in 2nd house/ Taurus :

-The 2nd House governs financial matters, but with the Part of Fortune here, luck may come through developing self-sufficiency rather than relying on others. your most prosperous times happen when you are working independently or generating your own income, often through practical, steady methods. Resource management and the ability to make the most of what you have can bring you good fortune. While others may struggle with managing finances or accumulating wealth, you might find that you have a natural talent for budgeting, saving, or making the most out of limited resources.you may gain financial stability through physical possessions like real estate or art, or by developing a marketable skill or craft that holds value. The more you invest in your personal abilities, the more you are likely to be rewarded.The Part of Fortune here can sometimes bring unexpected financial gains, especially when you least expect them. These might not always come in the form of a large sum of money, but rather as opportunities that lead to long-term wealth or growth. You might receive a bonus, a inheritance, or even gifts that unexpectedly improve your financial situation.People with this placement often experience good fortune when they detach their self-worth from material possessions and learn that true value lies within. You may experience setbacks or delays if you focus too much on material accumulation, and fortune tends to favor those who find balance between their inner and outer worlds.

♥️ POF in 3rd house/ Gemini :

-The 3rd House is all about how you express your thoughts and ideas, and with the Part of Fortune here, you may find that verbal expression or the ability to communicate effectively can bring you good fortune. Whether it’s through writing, speaking, or teaching, the way you convey your ideas is a direct channel to success. Your words may have an impact on those around you which automatically opens doors and creates opportunities that wouldn’t otherwise arise.You may also be lucky in how easily you grasp new concepts and ideas.you attract opportunities when you step out of your usual environment, whether it’s business travel, a spontaneous trip, or even frequent travel within your local area. Even seemingly insignificant movements can bring important insights or new connections that impact your life positively.your fortune is strongly tied to your ability to tell stories or express yourself through the written word. Whether you’re a blogger, author, journalist, or someone who enjoys personal journaling, there may be luck and success tied to the act of sharing your thoughts and ideas with others.Try tosatisfy your intellectual curiosity and pursue a range of topics or subjects that spark your interest. This can lead you to uncover new opportunities in unexpected places.Teaching or sharing your knowledge is another area where you may find luck. Whether it’s formal education, mentoring, or casual instruction, you might experience good fortune when you help others learn.

♥️ POF in 4th house/cancer :

-People with this placement often find that their greatest source of luck comes from a nurturing home environment. This doesn’t necessarily mean you must come from an affluent background, but rather that having a safe, supportive, and stable home provides a foundation for all other areas of your life to flourish. If you have a strong emotional connection to your home, fortune may flow more freely into your life when you prioritize the comfort and harmony of your living space.Luck could come through inheritances, family business, or ancestral traditions that offer unexpected opportunities or stability. Even if your family doesn’t have monetary wealth, there may be wisdom, support, or connections that you inherit and that bring good fortune. Understanding and honoring your ancestral legacy can help unlock deeper layers of fortune.People with this placement might find that owning or working with property brings good fortune, especially if it’s connected to their roots. Whether it’s investing in property, owning a family home, or returning to your roots (a hometown or country), there’s a potential for prosperity through real estate or land that is deeply connected to your personal history.you may find luck in more introverted, quiet, or private pursuits. Activities that occur behind the scenes, away from the public eye, can bring the greatest rewards. This could involve working from home, engaging in introspection, writing, or pursuing hobbies that allow you to nurture your soul and emotional life. Part of Fortune here might find success or luck in careers or activities related to emotional healing, psychotherapy, or working with others to resolve family trauma or emotional wounds. You might experience challenges or karmic patterns related to family dynamics, but working through these lessons, whether it's about independence, healing, or family unity ,will ultimately bring you greater prosperity.

♥️ POF in 5th house/leo:

-One of the most significant manifestations of the Part of Fortune in the 5th House is that creativity and self-expression are powerful conduits for good fortune. You might find that your artistic talents whether in writing, painting, music, or performance are directly tied to your luck. The more freely you express yourself in a creative way, the more likely you are to attract opportunities, recognition, and successyou may find that you are more fortunate when you bring fun and spontaneity into your life. This placement often rewards joyful interaction, so the more you let go and have fun in relationships, the more likely you are to attract positive energy and serendipitous events.The 5th House governs children and parenthood, so the Part of Fortune here suggests that having children or being involved with them can bring significant blessings and good fortune. perhaps you have children who bring unexpected joy and opportunities. Alternatively, if you're not a parent, your involvement with children, such as through teaching, mentoring, or charitable work, could be a source of good fortune and personal growth.good fortune can come when you are free to express yourself authentically and creatively, without restraint or inhibition. The more you align with your true self, whether through your personal style, artistic endeavors, or hobbies, the more likely you are to encounter opportunities. Good luck.

♥️ POF in 6th house/Virgo :

- People with this placement often find that they experience good fortune when they are helping or contributing to others well-being, whether through their work, volunteering, or personal relationships. The more selflessly you give, especially in service-oriented roles, the more you may find that opportunities and rewards come your way.good fortune comes when you take care of your health or when you focus on wellness and preventive care. People with this placement often find luck in health-related fields, whether it’s by working in healthcare or simply through adopting a healthy lifestyle. By taking care of your physical body and being mindful of your well-being, you may experience more energy, vitality, and prosperity in other areas of life.Some people with this placement may find good fortune in careers related to holistic healing, natural remedies, or other alternative therapies. Energy work, herbalism, and even mental health counseling may offer paths to both personal fulfillment and external success.you may find that you create opportunities for yourself when you focus on making other people’s lives better. Teaching others how to improve their health, habits, or work efficiency can attract recognition and personal rewards.This placement may also suggest that your work environment plays a crucial role in attracting fortune. You could experience luck through a positive and supportive work atmosphere, where you are able to collaborate well with colleagues and contribute meaningfully to the team.

♥️ POF in 7th house/libra :

-Individuals with this placement often find that they are most successful when they work with others. You not a lone wolf, instead, teamwork and collaboration bring you the most fulfillment. Whether in business or personal life, their fortune is often linked to the people you partner with. This could be in the form of a supportive spouse, a helpful business partner, or even a mentor who helps you achieve your goals.You may find that you naturally gravitate toward individuals who help you grow, succeed, or feel fulfilled. It’s as if the universe aligns you with those who bring out your best qualities and help you thrive, whether in personal relationships or professional networks.If the Part of Fortune is here, it might mean that you have a natural ability to mediate or bring people together in a harmonious way. Your fortune could come from playing the role of a peacemaker, whether in personal relationships, family dynamics, or business negotiations. This ability to create balance and find common ground with others can often bring you opportunities and success.You may find that you are lucky or successful when it comes to contracts, agreements, or any legal matters. This could include things like signing beneficial deals, receiving unexpected support in legal matters, or finding success in professions that deal with law, negotiation, or partnership-building.

♥️ POF in 8th house /scorpio:

- 8th house is all about transformation,the kind that comes through major life changes, endings, and new beginnings. People with the Part of Fortune here may find that they get the most luck when they go through personal growth, or even when they face intense life changes. You might notice that whenever you go through a deep, sometimes difficult transformation,whether it’s emotionally, financially, or spiritually,that’s when things really start to fall into place for you. Your fortune could be tied to your ability to rise from the ashes and transform yourself into something new.You may find that your good fortune comes when you tap into your intuition or explore things that are usually kept behind closed doors, like psychology, astrology, or deep research. Trusting your gut can lead you to lucky breaks that others might miss.you have a natural ability to see the hidden motivations of others or a talent for working in fields that require deep psychological insight such as therapy, counseling, or investigative work. Your emotional intelligence and ability to understand what others are really thinking or feeling can bring a lot of opportunity your way.Also, you may find that successful relationships with powerful people, or those who have resources or influence, can bring you a lot of luck. This could be a mentor, a business partner, or someone who can help you level up. Being in the right place at the right time, with the right person, can really push you toward success.With the Part of Fortune here, you could find that your fortune is somehow connected to previous lifetimes or past experiences you’ve had with other people,whether they’re family, close friends, or significant others. You might not even realize it, but these deep, transformative relationships are helping to shape your path to success and bring you good fortune.also, you are lucky when it comes to things like inheritances and shared finances.

♥️ POF in 9th house/Sagittarius :

-your luck often comes when you step outside your familiar surroundings. Travel, whether it’s across the world or just going somewhere new and unfamiliar, can bring you good fortune. It’s like the universe rewards you when you go on a journey, whether it’s a physical one or a journey of the mind. You might notice that new opportunities or positive changes come when you explore new cultures, meet new people, or discover new places.The 9th house is also the house of higher education,philosophy, higher learning, and wisdom. People with this placement often find that their fortune comes through learning or gaining deeper knowledge. Maybe you’re someone who’s drawn to going to school, taking advanced courses, or learning something new that challenges your worldview. your luck can come from people who help you see the bigger picture, who introduce you to new ideas or philosophies, or who inspire you to grow and stretch beyond your limits. you might find that your good luck comes when you write, teach, or share your wisdom with others—whether that’s through books, blogs, lectures, or podcasts. You might have a natural gift for communicating ideas that can reach a wide audience, and when you express what you know, it brings rewards and recognition.meditation, spiritual practices, or even just exploring new philosophical ideas can open doors for you. You might notice that the more you connect to something bigger than yourself whether it’s through a spiritual practice, philosophy, or worldview the more your life feels blessed or abundant.

♥️ POF in 10th house/Capricorn:

-If your Part of Fortune is in the 10th house, it’s likely that your good fortune will come when you connect with important people or influential figures in your career or public life. Networking, socializing, or even forming partnerships with powerful or high-profile individuals might bring unexpected opportunities your way. The more you engage with the public sphere, the more you will find avenues that lead to good fortune.people with the Part of Fortune in this house often find that their success and fortune grow steadily over time. This isn’t a quick-win placement, it’s about building a solid foundation and working toward something that will pay off in the long run. You could find that your fortune comes through slow, consistent progress in your career or long-term projects that eventually bring significant rewards.The 10th house can also relate to the idea of becoming a master or innovator in your field. The Part of Fortune here suggests that you could find good luck by pushing the boundaries and creating something new or unique in your career. Whether you’re inventing something, leading a groundbreaking project, or simply honing your skills until you become the best in your profession, your fortune may come when you break new ground or achieve mastery in your area of expertise.for some people, the Part of Fortune in this house may suggest that they inherit their fortune, success, or opportunities through family connections or ancestral ties(10th house also relates to your father). This might not be as obvious, but you could find that your family’s history, social standing, or connections play a significant role in the opportunities that come your way.While building a good reputation is important, if you’re too concerned with your public persona, it could take away from the authentic pursuit of your goals. Don’t let your ambition for success or recognition cause you to neglect the inner work needed for real achievement. All the best.

♥️ POF in 11th house/Aquarius:

-The 11th house is all about community, but it's not just any community,it’s about being part of a group that has a shared vision or goal. This could be a professional network, a spiritual group, a political movement, or even a hobby group where everyone works toward a common cause. With the Part of Fortune here, you might find that your best opportunities arise when you connect with people who are as passionate about something as you are, and together you create something impactful and rewarding. you may find that your fortune comes from being involved working in tech, or contributing to innovative ideas. Whether it’s through social media, technology startups, or digital communities, your good fortune may lie in embracing the future and connecting with new, forward-thinking industries or trends.you may find that your good fortune grows when others see your efforts and appreciate your role in making the world a better place. Your recognition may not always be immediate, but over time, it brings rewards and fulfillment.People with the Part of Fortune in the 11th house often find that their luck comes from friendships with people who are different, who might be unconventional, progressive, or ahead of their time. These friendships bring growth, ideas, and opportunities that wouldn’t have come through other relationships. You may find that the people you meet along your journey,especially those who have unique or innovative perspectives,play a big role in bringing good fortune into your life.But,You might sometimes be so focused on the bigger picture that you lose sight of practical steps or details. It’s important to balance your dreams with action and grounded decision-making to ensure your fortune comes in a sustainable way.

♥️ POF in 12th house/Pisces:

-The 12th house is the house of hidden emotions, fears, and sometimes even past life karma. With the Part of Fortune here, you may find that your luck increases as you work through deep emotional wounds or subconscious patterns.Sometimes your biggest breakthroughs come from dealing with what is hidden beneath the surface.People with the Part of Fortune in the 12th house often have an affinity for the unseen or intangible. Whether it’s working with things like intuition, dreams, or art, your fortune tends to come when you engage with things that can’t be touched or easily explained. You might find success in creative pursuits, in fields like psychology or spiritual counseling, or in any profession where you’re working with ideas or energies that are not immediately obvious to the outside world.You may find that you thrive when you work behind the scenes or in more isolated roles. With the Part of Fortune here, one key to unlocking your good fortune is to confront and release self-sabotaging patterns or beliefs that may be deeply ingrained in your subconscious. This could be a process of undoing limiting beliefs from your past, or even past-life karmic patterns that might be influencing your current life. Once you confront these hidden blocks, you open the door to greater prosperity.The 12th house is about retreat, but it’s important to remember that you also need connections to the outside world. Spending too much time in isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness or disconnection, which might block the flow of your good fortune. Balancing time alone with meaningful social interactions is key to making the most of this placement.

Thanks for reading 💫

- PIKO 💖

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elysiansparadise · 6 months ago

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Hi Elysian! Can you share with me what placements indicate preference or tendency for isolation/ being by themselves regardless of it being a good or bad thing?

Thankyou so much!

Hello love! Of course I can.

Preference/tendency for isolation

Although I considered many things into account for this particular topic, I focused mostly in three factors: the Moon, Saturn and 12th house. The Moon shows comfort and needs that we have, Saturn can give us independent overtones and, together with the 12th house, it usually speaks to us about isolation.

🖤Stellium in the 12th house. This house is par excellence the house of solitude and isolation. People with a stellium in this house often prefer to do things alone and spend their time on their own. Their isolation usually occurs for various reasons, from the search for deeper and more meaningful things, their need to recharge after a lot of contact with others, their sensitivity to their environments and even their rich internal world, in which they feel comfortable and safe.

🖤People with a Stellium in the 1st house have a high focus on self-discovery and everything related to knowing themselves better. They are highly independent people who rely on themselves in many areas of their life, which makes them reject the idea of becoming too attached to others or depending on them.

🖤When someone has a Stellium in the 8th house, they usually have a strong need for privacy. They are people with a strong tendency toward introspection and who prefer to be on their own when they go through profound changes or when there is internal tension within them. They experience intense emotions and changes through their lives, which may cause them to withdraw from the external world to focus on their healing, growth, or reconstruction.

🖤Saturn in the 7th, 8th or 12th house shows us people with strong introverted tendencies and people who, in general, since they are children, face long periods of loneliness, either due to preference or because of experiences our of their control. They are people who have a tense relationship with loneliness, because although they seek it to feel safe as it is something familiar to them, there is also the fear of always being alone.

🖤Moon in the 1st or 6th house have a strong need for "me-time" either because their activities are rather calm and/or do not require others to do them, or simply because they genuinely enjoy the idea of isolating themselves to take care of themselves by pampering themselves. They enjoy spending time with themselves, watching their favorite show, doing their hobbies or resting from the stress of everyday life.

🖤Moon in the 8th house or 12th house. They are people with deep emotions who would rather be alone than spend their time and energy on people who genuinely don't care about them or really know them. They look for emotional connections that are deep, that feel meaningful, which makes them selective about who they want to spend their time with.

🖤People with Virgo Moon tend to be very analytical about their emotions, so they need moments of solitude to reflect, organize their thoughts and regain emotional balance. Some of them may have been judged for their emotions or way of expressing themselves, which leads them to find security in solitude.

🖤Moon in Sagittarius. Contrary to what is said, I have seen that they are people with a strong need for introspection. They like their independence and choose to do activities that reconnect with themselves or hobbies that allow them to be on their own. These people also prioritize their pursuit of happiness, which makes them reject spending time with people who only bring negative things into their lives [criticism, toxicity or unnecessary tension].

🖤Those with Saturn in water signs are natives who usually choose to be on their own, often as a defense mechanism so as not to get hurt or betrayed. Likewise, they require time alone when it comes to managing their emotions, healing or dealing with their daily tensions.

🖤Aries placements. I have seen it in many people around me with stelliums in Aries or with Aries in the big three. They are people who don't mind spending time with themselves and usually prefer it to save themselves the headaches or inconvenience of having to interact with people who have traits that bother them. They are individualistic and independent people and have no problem with being on their own and managing their things privately.

🖤Aquarius placements. They are people who know how to be with others but at the end of the day they need to be on their own, either to release stress or just to be able to carry out their plans or do what they want. Loneliness does not bother them and they need a lot of time alone to feel happy. I have seen this mostly in Aquarius Moons, Mercuries and Risings.

🖤Pisces placements. They are people who can easily become overwhelmed when they are with others for a long time, which leads them to feel better when they isolate themselves. They recharge their batteries, introspect or simply rest. There is a strong need to know themselves at a deeper level, which they can get to do during their time with themselves.

🖤Chiron in air signs [Gemini, Libra or Aquarius] are common placements for people who are introverted and prefer to be alone rather than opening up to meet people. This tendency comes from the feeling of not having been heard or understood by people, so as a defense mechanism some of them usually choose to isolate themselves.

🖤Ruler of the 1st house in the 12th house or vice versa shows us natives who seek solitude, from getting to know themselves better or exploring themselves, to recharging their batteries. They are people who throughout their lives experience periods of loneliness and learn to find comfort in this. They can use their loneliness as a way to be themselves without fear or shame.

🖤Ruler of the 4th house in the 12th house or vice versa can be a great indicator as well, since the 4th house also gives us a clue about what gives us comfort or what we feel emotionally safe with, that its ruler falls in the 12th house. It speaks of the possibility of finding peace or emotional well-being in solitude. Natives with this overlay can feel safe when they are on their own.

🖤Ruler of the 7th house in the 12th house or vice versa shows us people who feel that they do not fit in with anyone and, in order not to drain their energy, to not be hurt or to avoid disappointment, they usually choose to be on their own. They are people who feel that it is better to be alone than in bad company.

🖤Ruler of the 11th house in the 12th house of vice versa indicates a person who prefers solitude or very small circles of friends. They are people who find happiness in their solitude, because they can do their hobbies and dedicate more time to themselves. They don't like trying to fit in where they know they aren't comfortable in the first place.

🖤Any air house [3rd, 7th or 11th] ruler in the 8th house or vice versa. These people are very protective of themselves and are very focused on knowing themselves very well, spending a lot of time with themselves. They don't like wasting time with people they genuinely don't want to be with or people who aren't what they want.

#astrology #natal chart #birth chart #astro observations #astro note #astro notes #astro observation #astrology notes #astrology observations #tendency for loneliness #isolation in the chart #solitude in the chart

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astrofaeology · 28 days ago

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Saturn in the Houses

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ᡣ𐭩 Please support me by reposting, liking, following me and commenting your placement. Saturn represents resitictions, delays and obsticals however it's precious as it represents dicipline and what comes from struggle results in a beautiful flower of growth.

1st house When Saturn is in the first house, which governs self and identity, people tend to appear solemn, ordered, and occasionally restrained, which does manifest itself through elegance. Early trials may help kids develop strong morals and a sense of responsibility, resulting in high levels of independence. This placement emphasises the importance of developing a strong personal foundation and overcoming early emotions of inadequacy.

2nd house When Saturn is in the second house, which is responsible for personal resources, values, and finances. These natives may experience early limitations or concerns about money and possessions. They need to understand the true value of their possessions, learn how to manage their finances, and save prudently. They can achieve long-term security and a strong sense of self-worth with persistence and sensible management.

3rd house A guarded speaking pattern or difficulties in early schooling may result from having Saturn in the third house, which is in charge of siblings, communication, and the near surroundings. People may feel indebted to their siblings, and short-distance travel may result in delays. The lesson here is to overcome any anxieties of expression or perceived academic limits by developing clear, succinct, and careful communication abilities.

4th house The 4th House, which governs the house, family, and emotional roots, is sometimes associated with a rigorous upbringing or a strong sense of commitment to family concerns. There may be a desire to create a secure family environment, as well as early experiences with emotional restraint. Through hard work, the individual learns to develop a safe, long-lasting personal sanctuary as well as to establish strong emotional boundaries.

5th house The fifth house, where Saturn is located, is in charge of children, romance, creativity, and pleasure. Natives may encounter delays or proceed cautiously in these areas. Their ability to express themselves creatively may be restricted, or they may take parenting very seriously. The challenge is to get over the fear of criticism, embrace real creativity, and find true joy in a methodical but satisfying way.

6th house A strong sense of responsibility, a diligent work ethic, and meticulous attention to detail regarding daily activities, employment, and health are typically indicated by Saturn in the 6th House. These natives may be prone to health issues, difficult working conditions, or a tendency towards perfection. The lesson is to become more efficient, develop productive habits, and prioritise their health by engaging in self-care.

7th house When Saturn is in the 7th House, which governs partnerships and open enemies, it teaches significant lessons about equality, dedication, and accountability. Business or marital partnerships may be delayed or have significant commitments. People learn patience, loyalty, and the need of selecting partners who share their long-term goals in order to form solid, long-lasting relationships.

8th house With its associations with intimacy, change, and shared resources, Saturn in the 8th House usually imparts important lessons about power dynamics, trust, and vulnerability in relationships. Problems with debt, inheritance, or confronting one's flaws may arise. These natives do have a unique relationship to 8th house matters and they may work in fields revolving around matters such as death and taxes - alot of death nurses have 8th house saturns.

9th house Saturn is associated with a sober and methodical approach to information and belief systems since it is located in the 9th House, which is responsible for philosophy, advanced education, and long-distance travel. Individuals may face obstacles to their fundamental convictions or impediments in their further education. The process includes a thorough analysis of their worldview, the development of a thorough and ethical conception of truth, and a resolute search for wisdom.

10th house Aspiration and notable public achievement are strongly supported by Saturn in the 10th House, which is in charge of reputation, career, and public image. Individuals are often disciplined, accountable, and motivated to enhance their standing and reputation. Their perseverance usually results in persistent success, a strong reputation, and a position of substantial influence, even in the face of potential setbacks or disappointments along the route.

11th house When Saturn is in the 11th House, which is in charge of friendships, groups, and aspirations, people may have a more constrained and selective circle of friends or struggle with group dynamics. They are drawn to deep, enduring relationships and frequently feel a sense of duty to their community or humanitarian causes. The lessons to be learnt include creating strong, reliable networks and bringing fresh, important ideas to the community.

12th house Saturn, the 12th House's ruler of the subconscious, secret affairs, and religion, typically foreshadows karmic teachings about selflessness, solitude, or overcoming buried concerns. Natives may feel burdened by invisible commitments or experience periods of loneliness. To acquire mastery, one must confront subconscious tendencies, grow inner strength via spiritual discipline, and find peace by silently helping others and letting go of old responsibilities.

DISCLAIMER: This post is a generalisation and may not resonate. I recommend you get a reading from an astrologer (me). If you want a reading from me check out my sales page.

#saturn #saturn in the houses #astr #astro notes #astro community #astro observations #astrology #astroblr

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aeth-eris · 8 months ago

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★ what are you known for? - midheaven ★

★ aries midheaven ★ to gain recognition, individuals with aries in the 10th house must put in hard work, taking initiative and being unafraid to stand alone when necessary. their success often comes from their willingness to take risks and be the first to act, whether in starting a business, leading a project, or entering competitive fields like sports, military, or entrepreneurship. they build their reputation by consistently showing their courage and determination, often taking on leadership roles early and demonstrating their ability to manage high-pressure situations. they may face challenges such as impatience or aggressive competition, so they must learn to temper their impulsive tendencies with strategic planning and patience, ensuring that their bold moves lead to sustainable success.

★ taurus midheaven ★ to become known in their field, taurus midheaven individuals rely on their perseverance and methodical approach, often building their careers slowly over time through consistent and steady work. they focus on developing expertise in practical fields like finance, real estate, agriculture, or luxury goods, where they can see tangible results from their efforts. they often gain recognition by proving their reliability and by being the person others can depend on for stability and sound judgment. these individuals often start from the ground up, gradually establishing a solid reputation through hands-on experience, meticulous planning, and a commitment to quality. however, they need to be open to occasional change and innovation, as their preference for stability may sometimes limit their opportunities for growth.

★ gemini midheaven ★ individuals with gemini in the 10th house become known for their versatility and communication skills, but this requires building a network and proving their adaptability across various roles. they often have to work their way up by seizing opportunities in fields like journalism, marketing, education, or technology, where they can showcase their intellectual agility. to establish themselves, they engage in continuous learning, often acquiring multiple skills and taking on diverse projects or positions to build a well-rounded portfolio. they gain recognition by demonstrating their ability to think on their feet and effectively connect with others, but they must work on maintaining consistency and focus, as their tendency to shift interests can hinder long-term achievements unless they find a way to integrate their varied passions.

★ cancer midheaven ★ those with cancer in the 10th house gain recognition by building deep, supportive relationships and demonstrating their commitment to caring for others, whether in healthcare, hospitality, social work, or family-run businesses. they put in years of dedicated service, often starting in entry-level or hands-on positions to build empathy and expertise from the ground up. they work to create a nurturing, emotionally supportive environment in their professional sphere, becoming trusted figures who are known for their compassion and ability to connect deeply with clients or colleagues. the challenge for them is to maintain professional boundaries and ensure that their work doesn’t become overly personal, as they risk burnout if they become too emotionally invested without managing their energy effectively.

★ leo midheaven ★ for leo in the 10th house individuals, gaining recognition involves harnessing their natural charisma and creativity, often through careers that put them in the public eye, such as entertainment, politics, or leadership. they typically start by showcasing their talents, whether through performances, public speaking, or creative projects, and invest time in building a strong, noticeable public presence. they must work hard to build their brand, often taking bold risks and embracing opportunities for visibility. over time, they earn their status by consistently delivering high-quality work and inspiring others with their confidence and passion. however, they must be careful to balance their need for recognition with genuine contribution, ensuring that their pursuit of the spotlight is accompanied by hard work and substance rather than just the desire for fame.

★ virgo midheaven ★ virgo in the 10th house individuals gain recognition through precision, efficiency, and a meticulous approach to their career. they often begin in roles that allow them to develop specialized skills, such as healthcare, research, or administration, where attention to detail and problem-solving are critical. they build their reputation by consistently delivering accurate, high-quality results and improving systems or processes within their workplace. their path to success involves continuous learning, self-improvement, and taking on increasingly complex tasks that demonstrate their reliability and expertise. however, to rise to higher levels, they must overcome their tendency toward perfectionism and learn to delegate and trust others, avoiding burnout and overwork by finding a balance between their standards and practical realities.

★ libra midheaven ★ individuals with libra on the midheaven become known for their diplomacy, social skills, and ability to create harmony in professional settings. they often work in fields like law, public relations, design, or diplomacy, where they can showcase their talents in negotiation, aesthetics, and partnership building. to rise to prominence, they must put in the effort to develop relationships and build networks, positioning themselves as valuable connectors and mediators. they work to refine their image and approach, cultivating a professional reputation based on grace and fairness. however, to gain greater recognition, they must overcome indecisiveness and learn to make firm decisions, as their tendency to seek balance and please others can sometimes prevent them from taking decisive action when needed.

★ scorpio midheaven ★ scorpio in the 10th house individuals gain recognition through their intensity, resilience, and ability to transform challenging situations into opportunities for growth. they often begin their careers in investigative fields, psychology, finance, or crisis management, where they can delve deep into complex issues and emerge as experts. they put in the effort by embracing difficult, high-stakes roles that test their strategic thinking and emotional strength, building a reputation as powerful and capable of handling adversity. to achieve success, they must master their own tendencies toward secrecy and control, learning to collaborate and trust others while maintaining their authority. their career growth often comes from their ability to face and transform professional crises, turning obstacles into stepping stones for advancement.

★ sagittarius midheaven ★ sagittarius midheaven individuals gain recognition through their openness, optimism, and thirst for exploration. they often pursue careers related to travel, education, international relations, or publishing, starting out by seeking experiences that broaden their perspectives and expand their skills. they put in the work by immersing themselves in diverse cultures, learning new languages, or gaining knowledge that they later share through teaching or writing. to build their reputation, they must demonstrate their ability to adapt and thrive in different environments, often positioning themselves as experts on global or philosophical topics. however, to achieve long-term success, they must learn to focus their energy and commit to a specific path, as their restless nature may lead to frequent changes or an inability to settle into a stable career.

★ capricorn midheaven ★ capricorn in the 10th house individuals achieve recognition through hard work, discipline, and a strategic approach to career advancement. they often begin their professional lives by taking on structured, entry-level roles in fields like business, law, or government, where they can gradually climb the corporate ladder. they dedicate themselves to long-term planning, setting clear goals, and steadily building their reputation as reliable and competent professionals. their success comes from their willingness to take on responsibility and prove their leadership abilities, often working long hours and taking calculated risks to achieve their objectives. however, they must learn to balance their ambition with personal life, as their intense focus on career achievement may lead to burnout or neglect of other important areas of life.

★ aquarius midheaven ★ individuals with aquarius in the 10th house gain recognition through innovation, independence, and a focus on social change. they often begin in unconventional fields such as technology, science, activism, or social reform, where they can use their forward-thinking ideas to make an impact. they work to build their reputation by pushing boundaries, questioning established norms, and embracing new technologies or methods. to become known, they must network with like-minded individuals and become active in communities or movements that align with their values. however, to achieve greater success, they need to learn how to balance their need for freedom with the demands of professional environments, ensuring that their innovative ideas are effectively communicated and accepted within their field.

★ pisces midheaven ★ pisces midheaven individuals gain recognition through their creativity, empathy, and spiritual insight. they often pursue careers in the arts, healing professions, social work, or spiritual practices, where they can channel their sensitivity and imagination into their work. they must work hard to develop their talents, often starting with personal projects, artistic expressions, or voluntary service that allows them to gain experience and build their portfolio. they become known for their compassionate approach and the emotional depth they bring to their roles, often earning a reputation as intuitive and inspiring professionals. however, they may struggle with the practical aspects of professional life, requiring them to establish structure and boundaries to ensure that their idealistic pursuits are sustainable and not draining their energy or resources.

#astrology #astrology observations #astro observations #astrology aspects #10th house #astrology 10th house #midheaven #astrology midheaven

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astrolook · 2 months ago

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🚀✨Jupiter’s Transit: Time for a Glow-Up or a Wake-Up! 💫👀

Note: These are my personal observations and patterns I've noticed over the years, so take what resonates and leave the rest. Let me know in the comments if this hits home! This is based on Vedic astrology, so it might feel different from other systems. These are general interpretations and would change according to what planets are in those houses. 😊✨

Jupiter enters Gemini on May 14, 2025, and will stay there until October 18, 2025. After that, it briefly moves into Cancer for a couple of months. This post will focus on the May 14, 2025 - October 18, 2025, Gemini transit. Just 2 days to go! Also, long post!

For Aries Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 3rd house and aspect your 7th, 9th, and 11th houses.

3rd House: Expect a lot of short trips, new friendships, and opportunities to get your voice heard. It’s a great time to make purchases in your favor, meet new people, or even consider a move to a new place. If you have a sibling, your bond can grow closer.

7th House: This aspect could bring new romances into your life. For those focused on their career, it’s a favorable time for partnerships and receiving local support in your professional endeavors. If you wanna start a business or any career change, Jupiter will widen your horizons and says YES! GO FOR IT!

9th House: Jupiter’s aspect here may open doors for foreign travel, higher education, or trading. Moving abroad or going on faraway vacations could also be on the horizon.

11th House: Expansion of your social circle is likely. Great connections are on the way, along with more time spent online learning new things. If you’re considering online courses, this is an excellent time. It’s also a good period for starting a YouTube channel, podcast, or live-streaming (especially gaming, if that’s your thing). For bloggers and influencers, expect positive growth. Long-distance relationships may also blossom during this time.

For Taurus Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 2nd house, with aspects to your 6th, 8th, and 10th houses.

2nd House: This transit can bring potential financial growth, including gains through family, property, or selling goods. If you’re in sales or business, this is a great time to boost your income. There’s strong potential for accumulating wealth, but Jupiter here can also make you spend freely, so watch your expenses. Investments and savings both have long-term benefits now.

6th House: If you’ve been struggling in your career or are unemployed, this aspect can bring job opportunities or helpful connections. For those in toxic work environments, things may either get worse (pushing you to make a change) or finally shift for the better. Students may find career-related support or internships opening up.

8th House: This aspect may spark interest in the occult, hidden knowledge, or taboo subjects. It’s a good time to explore deeper topics, but also a warning to be mindful in intimate relationships, as Sagittarius in the 8th can bring sudden, intense connections, including risks like STDs. Prioritize your well-being.

10th House: This is a very positive influence for your career. Whether you're employed or self-employed, growth and recognition are possible. It's also a great time to pursue learning, training, or certifications that support your professional path.

For Gemini Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 1st house, with aspects to your 5th, 7th, and 9th houses.

1st House: This transit can bring positive shifts in how you see yourself and how others see you. It’s a great time for personal growth, confidence, and visibility. You may be drawn to leadership or management roles. However, Jupiter can also make you overextend, like taking on too much or indulging too often, especially with food or stress, so take care of your health and energy. Your voice holds power now, so use it wisely.

5th House: A great time for creative pursuits and reigniting old passions. If you've been waiting to start something artistic or expressive, this is your cue. For those married and hoping to conceive, this transit is favorable for a healthy pregnancy. Romantically, new connections may enter your life, some with long-term potential. Dating might feel overwhelming or rewarding depending on how you approach it.

7th House: Partnerships, romantic or professional, can flourish now. Trustworthy collaborators may appear, and serious relationships can begin or strengthen. It’s a good time for making commitments.

9th House: Opportunities for long-distance travel, higher education, or working with international clients may arise. Some may consider moving in with a partner, eloping, or planning a destination wedding. Spiritually and mentally, it’s also a time of expansion and learning. You can even get your voice heard through activism or supporting the unfortunate.

For Cancer Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 12th house, with aspects to the 4th, 6th, and 8th houses.

12th House: This is a deeply spiritual and reflective time. You may feel drawn to solitude, healing, or even exploring or settling in foreign lands. It's a period of inner growth, dreams, and gaining insight into your future. However, it's not ideal for new commitments in love or business. Some may experience endings, like breakups or divorces, but these can ultimately feel freeing and bring long-awaited closure or peace.

4th House: Expect improvements in home and family life. You might spend more quality time with loved ones or invest in property, furniture, or home upgrades. Emotional bonds with family members, especially children, can deepen. Inheritance or family wealth may also come into the picture.

6th House: This aspect can stir up emotions at work or in school environments. Challenges may arise through hidden enemies or betrayal, so stay alert and guard your energy. This aspect can teach you who’s truly on your side. At the same time, it can push you to improve your daily habits and health routines.

8th House: Sudden gains, inheritance, or exposure to deep, transformative topics are possible. You might find yourself drawn to occult studies, psychology, or unconventional communities (like spiritual groups, support circles, etc.). Take care of your mental health, as emotional intensity may rise; this can be a time of healing or overwhelm, depending on how you handle it.

For Leo Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 11th house, with aspects to the 3rd, 5th, and 7th houses.

11th House: This is a great time for expanding your reach and being seen. Whether you’re into blogging, YouTube, podcasting, activism, or social reform, you could gain more visibility and even grow your follower base. People may see you as a leader or someone with wisdom and clarity. Your goals feel more achievable now, and support from influential circles is likely.

3rd House: Expect stronger local connections and support. You might spend more time with siblings, friends, or in your neighborhood, or even move to a new area. Social outings like restaurants, concerts, shopping, or clubs could increase. Communication improves, and networking opportunities grow.

5th House: A great time for dating, romance, and creative expression. You may get into new hobbies, watch a lot of films, or explore your artistic side. If you’ve been wanting to start a passion project or even learn something new, like a language or coding, this is the time. It's also a positive aspect for pregnancy or planning a child.

7th House: Jupiter’s aspect here can bring serious romantic prospects or deepen an existing relationship. In a career, it’s a good time for forming partnerships or collaborations that have long-term potential.

For Virgo Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 10th house, with aspects to the 2nd, 4th, and 6th houses.

10th House: This is a powerful time for your career. Jupiter here can bring recognition, promotions, or the opportunity to start something new, like a business, blog, or startup. If you’re job hunting, you may land a role with better pay and visibility. Leadership skills are highlighted, and others may start seeing you as a figure of authority or inspiration. Big moves in your professional life are very possible.

2nd House: This aspect supports financial growth, especially through career opportunities. It’s a good time to focus on saving, investing, and building long-term financial stability.

4th House: Favorable for real estate, relocating, or investing in your home. You may also feel emotionally more connected to family, and it's a good time to nurture those relationships, especially if you're younger or living with family.

6th House: New work connections are likely, especially with people from different backgrounds or fields. Some of these may be valuable allies, others not so much. Stay discerning, especially in competitive or high-pressure environments.

For Libra Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 9th house, with aspects to your 1st, 3rd, and 5th houses.

9th House: This transit opens doors to foreign connections, clients, and opportunities to earn through international means. You might find yourself speaking or learning another language, traveling, or engaging with global platforms. It’s a great time for higher learning, spiritual growth, or expanding your worldview.

1st House: Expect a boost in self-confidence and presence. If you’ve been feeling low in self-worth, this aspect can help restore a sense of purpose and pride. You might also feel inspired to invest more in yourself, like your appearance, goals, or personal development.

3rd House: Your voice carries farther now, literally and figuratively. Whether it’s writing, singing, or speaking, this is a powerful time to share your ideas. Travel or relocation could also be on the table. If you’ve ever wanted to turn writing or music into a career, this aspect supports that.

5th House: Creative energy flows in, rewarding past efforts and reigniting passions. You may finally get recognition for the work you’ve done in previous years. It’s also a great time to start new hobbies or creative pursuits that could eventually evolve into a profession.

For Scorpio Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 8th house, with aspects to the 12th, 2nd, and 4th houses.

8th House: This transit can bring sudden events, like unexpected inheritance or money, deep transformations, or even going viral (for better or worse). You may feel drawn to explore intense topics like human suffering, psychology, or the hidden layers of life. Toxic relationships may fall away, making space for new partnerships that could also become an additional source of income. It’s a powerful time for healing and reclaiming your worth.

12th House: This aspect may trigger deep introspection or even an existential crisis. You might feel low or isolated at times, but solitude here brings growth, not punishment. It's a good time for spiritual work, rest, and understanding your inner self on a whole new level.

2nd House: Financial gains through foreign currency or foreigners, joint investments, or property sales are possible. This is a favorable time for managing finances, especially in areas involving partnerships or passive income.

4th House: Unconventional people may enter your personal life, whether as romantic partners or collaborators, your family ends up embracing. You could be drawn to alternative lifestyles, such as age-gap relationships, interracial relationships, same-sex partnerships, minimalist living, or even being a stay-at-home partner.

For Sagittarius Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 7th house, with aspects to the 11th, 1st, and 3rd houses.

7th House: This is a major green light for serious relationships. You may meet a potential life partner, enter long-term romantic or business partnerships, or experience more balance and success in existing ones. You could find yourself taking the lead in partnerships or attracting people who elevate your status and growth.

11th House: A great time for expanding your social network, especially online. You may join new communities, explore different cultures, or form valuable friendships and connections, even if some are short-term. This is also a highly supportive period for launching an online-based business or side hustle. Expect opportunities to gain profits and stand out in digital spaces.

1st House: You’ll feel more driven to take life seriously and commit to long-term goals. This aspect can bring a shift in self-image, responsibility, and how others perceive you. Confidence gets a boost, and there may be a change in status, personally or professionally.

3rd House: You might find yourself living in a multicultural setting or becoming friends with people from a wide range of backgrounds. Hobbies like online gaming, content creation, or language learning could lead to new connections. This is a fun and stimulating time to express yourself and explore new interests.

For Capricorn Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 6th house, with aspects to the 10th, 12th, and 2nd houses.

6th House: This transit highlights health, work, and daily routines. If you’ve been struggling with health issues, there’s potential for recovery, but if you’ve been neglecting your health, Jupiter might amplify existing problems. It’s also a mixed bag for your career, as some may face setbacks or job loss, while others could land new roles or promotions. Consistency and discipline will be key.

10th House: This aspect brings momentum in your professional life. It’s a good time for job hunting, career changes, or stepping into leadership, but expect a few early delays or challenges. Boss moves are possible if you stay focused and don’t give up.

12th House: This can be a heavy emotional time. Feelings of loneliness, isolation, or endings (like breakups or divorces) might surface. But Jupiter here is trying to teach you that solitude can be healing. You’ll realize your inner strength and learn how to stand on your own. Be cautious with health and travel issues, like back pain, overexertion, or travel-related stress or accidents may arise. Hospitalization is possible if you're not careful.

2nd House: Finances may fluctuate. Jupiter expands whatever it touches, so if you’re doing well, expect more gains; if you’re struggling, it can exaggerate losses. Budget wisely and save for the future to stay grounded.

For Aquarius Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 5th house, with aspects to the 9th, 11th, and 1st houses.

5th House: A vibrant time for creativity, self-expression, and passion projects. Whether you’re pursuing a career in the arts, media, sports, or any field that makes you stand out, this is your moment to shine. Applause and recognition may come your way. It’s also a favorable time for pregnancy, romantic interests, and being admired for your talents.

9th House: Opens doors to international opportunities, foreign clients, studying abroad, or spiritual exploration. You might start trading in foreign currency, connect with teachers or mentors abroad, or even enter a long-distance relationship that brings growth.

11th House: Expands your network, especially with people from different cultures or backgrounds. Touring, cultural exchanges, learning a new language, or engaging in online platforms can be rewarding. If you’re in a digital or online-based career, this aspect supports major growth.

1st House: Jupiter’s blessing to your ascendant boosts your confidence, personal growth, and social standing. You may feel more seen, respected, and aligned with your purpose. It’s a time to take yourself seriously, and others will too.

For Pisces Ascendant, Jupiter will transit your 4th house, with aspects to the 8th, 10th, and 12th houses.

4th House: This transit brings emotional focus to home, family, and your sense of inner peace. You may reconnect deeply with loved ones or feel the need to cut ties with toxic family dynamics. It’s a great time to support and care for your close circle but be mindful of emotional overwhelm. Buying property or making your living space more comfortable is also likely.

8th House: Some may face sudden shifts in family members' health or even loss in rare cases. This aspect also stirs deep introspection and curiosity about the hidden or taboo, think therapy, occult, or healing work.

10th House: Favorable for career growth, though it may feel intense or heavy at times. A strong push toward foreign or remote work is likely. You might also take on more responsibilities that push you to step up in your profession.

12th House: Spiritual detachment becomes a theme as you may explore holistic healing, solitude, or unconventional belief systems. Some connections may fall away as you move toward a future more aligned with who you’re becoming. This is also a powerful time to prepare for relocation or engage in meaningful connections abroad.

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kenzdolls · 1 month ago

Text

STORMY HEARTS . 5.7k

⌗ synopsis: after blowing up on your boyfriends, they decide to “ignore” you out of hurt.

⌗ pairing: katsuki bakugo + eijiro kirishima x fem!reader

⌗ sent in by: anonymous

⌗ trigger warnings: arguments/conflict, emotional distress, mild anxiety, mentions of crying, brief reference to nightmares, use of (y/n).

the alarm blared for the fifth time that morning, and you finally managed to drag yourself out of bed with a groan. nothing was going right today. you'd stayed up until 4 am finishing a report for midnight's class after spending hours helping uraraka with her quirk training. your muscles ached, your eyes burned from lack of sleep, and the dull throb of an oncoming headache pulsed at your temples.

"just get through today," you muttered to yourself, stumbling toward the bathroom.

in your exhausted haste, you knocked over your coffee mug, sending the hot liquid cascading across your freshly ironed uniform. you stared at the brown stain spreading across the white fabric, and for a moment, you thought you might actually cry.

"you've got to be kidding me," you hissed, frantically dabbing at the uniform with a towel. all you managed to do was make the stain larger.

by the time you'd changed into your backup uniform (which was slightly too small after the last growth spurt), you were running terribly late. you sprinted across the ua campus, your bag slapping against your back with each step. the spring morning that would normally lift your spirits only seemed to mock your misery with its cheerful birdsong and golden sunshine.

you slid open the classroom door with seconds to spare before aizawa's arrival, drawing curious glances from your classmates.

"hey, babe! we missed you at breakfast!" kirishima's bright voice called out as you slumped into your seat. he bounded over with that sunshine smile that usually melted your heart. today, it just made your headache worse. his red hair was perfectly styled as always, those sharp teeth gleaming in a grin that screamed energy you simply didn't have.

"yeah, we waited for fifteen minutes," bakugo followed behind him, his usual scowl softening slightly when his eyes met yours. he was wearing the special earrings you'd given him for his birthday – small explosive shapes that complemented his quirk. any other day, the sight would have made you smile. "tch. you look like shit. rough night?"

any other day, you'd have laughed at his blunt concern. but today, everything felt like an attack.

"obviously," you muttered, rummaging through your bag for your textbook only to realize you'd left it in your dorm. "great. just great."

"you can share mine," kirishima offered, already pulling his chair closer. his warm thigh pressed against yours as he scooted over. "i even wrote notes in the margins for once! bakugo's been helping me with that whole 'being a good student' thing."

"i don't need your help," you snapped, immediately regretting your tone but too frustrated to apologize. you shifted away from his touch, creating a small but noticeable gap between you. "i'm not a child who needs to be coddled."

kirishima's smile faltered, hurt flashing across his face like a lightning strike. his hand, which had been reaching for yours under the desk, retreated to his lap.

"the hell is your problem?" bakugo growled, protective over kirishima as always. his crimson eyes narrowed dangerously, and a few small pops emanated from his palms – a sure sign he was getting agitated. "he's just trying to help. no need to bite his head off."

"my problem is everyone acting like i can't handle myself for five minutes!" your voice was louder than intended, causing nearby classmates to turn and stare. midoriya and todoroki exchanged concerned glances from their seats. "i'm having a bad day, okay? is that allowed, or do i have to be perfectly fine all the time?"

"fine! handle it yourself then!" bakugo shot back, grabbing kirishima's arm with more force than necessary. "let's go, shitty hair. she wants space, she can have it. all the fucking space in the world."

"guys, maybe we should—" kirishima started, his voice uncharacteristically small.

"no," bakugo cut him off. "if she doesn't want us around, we're not gonna beg."

you watched them retreat to their seats as aizawa entered the classroom, yellow sleeping bag in tow. the pit in your stomach grew heavier with guilt, but pride kept you from running after them. besides, aizawa was already starting attendance, his bloodshot eyes promising detention to anyone who disrupted class.

throughout the morning lessons, you could feel kirishima's concerned glances boring into the back of your head. unlike bakugo, who resolutely stared ahead with his jaw clenched tight, kirishima had never been good at holding grudges. once, during english with present mic, you caught him writing something on a scrap of paper – probably a note to pass to you. but when bakugo noticed, he whispered something that made kirishima's shoulders slump, and the note disappeared into his pocket.

by lunch, the tension was unbearable. you gathered your courage and approached their usual table, tray in hand.

"can i sit—" you began, but bakugo cut you off before you could finish.

"tables full," he said coldly, despite the two empty seats beside him.

"come on, bakugo," kirishima said softly. "that's not manly—"

"it's fine," you interrupted, pride once again getting the better of you. "i'll sit with mina and the others."

as you walked away, you heard bakugo mutter, "see? she doesn't care anyway."

if only he knew how much you did care. how the lump in your throat felt like it might choke you as you forced yourself to smile at mina's table.

"lover's quarrel?" mina asked, her black and gold eyes filled with genuine concern as you sat down.

"something like that," you mumbled, pushing food around your plate without appetite.

"they'll come around," tsuyu said matter-of-factly. "kero. boys just need time to cool off."

but as you glanced over at your boyfriends, seeing kirishima's forced laughter and bakugo's stormy expression, you weren't so sure.

the next three days were excruciating.

your boyfriends weren't outright ignoring you, but they had clearly taken your outburst to heart. whenever you entered a room, conversations became strained. lunch found them sitting with kaminari and sero rather than saving you a spot. kirishima's daily good morning texts stopped, and bakugo didn't wait for you after combat training like he usually did.

the distance between you grew with each passing hour until it felt like a chasm.

on wednesday, you paired with ochako for combat exercises while kirishima and bakugo immediately gravitatedtoward each other. the sight of them working together seamlessly, complementing each other's quirks with practiced precision, sent a pang of loneliness through your chest.

"you're distracted," ochako noted gently after you failed to dodge a simple attack. "is everything okay with you and the boys?"

"i'm fine," you insisted, wiping sweat from your brow. "just tired."

but you weren't fine. that night, you lay awake staring at your phone, thumb hovering over your group chat with kirishima and bakugo. the last message was from three days ago – a silly meme kirishima had sent about hero costumes. you started typing several messages, only to delete them all.

i'm sorry i was such a jerk.

delete.

can we talk?

delete.

i miss you both so much it hurts.

delete.

pride and fear kept you from sending anything. what if they'd decided they were better off without you? what if your one bad day had shown them that dating two people at once was more trouble than it was worth?

thursday morning brought no relief. in homeroom, you noticed bakugo had switched seats to sit farther away from you. kirishima still occupied his usual spot, but he seemed deflated, his normally spiky hair slightly less enthusiastic, as if reflecting his mood.

"trouble in paradise?" mina whispered during modern hero art history, nodding toward where kirishima and bakugo sat together, pointedly not looking your way.

"it's fine," you lied.

"well, you better fix it soon," kaminari leaned over to add. "bakugo's been twice as explosive in training. he nearly singed my eyebrows off yesterday."

"and kirishima keeps breaking things because he's hardening unconsciously when he gets upset," mina added. "he crushed three pencils in math alone."

it wasn't fine. the classroom had become a minefield of awkward silences and avoided glances. even your classmates had begun to notice, exchanging worried looks whenever the three of you were in proximity. at one point, you heard iida lecturing mineta about "respecting the delicate dynamics of polyamorous relationships" – a sure sign that your love life had become a topic of class discussion.

that afternoon, you spotted kirishima alone in the common area, a rare sight these days. gathering your courage, you approached him.

"hey," you said softly.

he looked up, surprise and something like hope flashing across his face. "hey."

an awkward silence stretched between you.

"how have you been?" you finally asked.

"good! fine, totally fine," he responded too quickly, his forced smile not reaching his eyes. "just, you know, busy with training and stuff."

"right," you nodded, heart sinking. "me too."

before you could say more, bakugo appeared in the doorway. his eyes narrowed as he took in the scene.

"kirishima. we're supposed to be studying," he called sharply.

kirishima glanced between you and bakugo, conflict written across his expressive face.

"coming," he finally said to bakugo, then turned back to you with an apologetic look. "i gotta go. but, um, it was good talking to you."

as they walked away, you heard bakugo mutter, "what were you thinking? she made it clear she doesn't need us."

kirishima's response was too quiet to hear, but the slump of his shoulders told you enough.

by friday afternoon, you couldn't take it anymore. sitting alone in your dorm room, you hugged your knees to your chest and finally let the tears fall. you'd messed up. one bad day had potentially ruined the best relationship you'd ever had. the charm bracelet they'd given you on your two-month anniversary felt heavy on your wrist, each small charm – an explosion for bakugo, a hardened fist for kirishima, and a symbol representing your quirk – a reminder of what you stood to lose.

you fingered the charms, remembering how bakugo had pretended to be annoyed about shopping for "sentimental crap" but had been the one to spot the perfect bracelet in the store window. how kirishima had insisted on charms that represented all three of you "because we're a team!"

the memory only made you cry harder.

a soft knock at your door startled you.

"go away," you called, hastily wiping at your tears. you didn't want anyone to see you like this, especially not mina or tsuyu with their well-intentioned advice.

"(y/n)." it was kirishima's voice, uncharacteristically serious. "please open the door."

your heart leaped to your throat. had he heard you crying from the hallway?

when you didn't respond, another voice cut in.

"open the damn door or i'll blow it off the hinges." bakugo, as subtle as ever.

"dude, we talked about this," you heard kirishima whisper harshly. "that's not the approach we agreed on!"

"well, she's not answering, is she?" bakugo shot back. "we've been standing out here for five minutes!"

with a heavy sigh, you pulled yourself up and unlocked the door, quickly wiping away any remaining tears. you weren't prepared for what greeted you on the other side.

kirishima stood there clutching an enormous bouquet of your favorite flowers, his crimson eyes wide with concern. the blossoms were slightly crushed on one side, as if they'd been held too tightly by nervous hands. beside him, bakugo held a bag from your favorite bakery in one hand and what appeared to be a small wrapped gift in the other. his usual scowl was present, but there was uncertainty in his eyes that you rarely saw.

"can we come in?" kirishima asked softly.

you stepped aside wordlessly, and they entered. bakugo immediately began pacing the small confines of your dorm room, while kirishima stood awkwardly by the door. the silence stretched between you for a long moment before all three of you spoke at once:

"i'm sorry—"

"we shouldn't have—"

"i was being a jerk—"

the tension broke as kirishima let out a relieved laugh.

"we've been complete idiots," he said, setting down the flowers to take your hands in his. his palms were warm and slightly calloused from training, the familiar texture making your heart ache with longing. "we should've known you were just having a rough day."

"i saw you spill coffee on your uniform that morning," bakugo admitted gruffly, still pacing. "should've realized you were already having a shitty day instead of making it worse."

"yeah, and we know you were up late helping uraraka," kirishima added. "deku told us."

"you guys were asking about me?" you questioned, a tiny spark of hope igniting in your chest.

"of course we were," bakugo stopped pacing to look at you directly. "just because we were pissed doesn't mean we stopped caring."

"i should've handled it better," you admitted, looking down at your and kirishima's joined hands. "i had no right to snap at you like that. you were just trying to help, and i was… i was just so tired and frustrated and taking it out on you wasn't fair."

"and we had no right to ice you out for days," kirishima replied, squeezing your hands. his eyes were suspiciously bright, as if he too might cry. "that wasn't manly at all."

"it was my idea," bakugo confessed, the admission clearly costing him. "i told kirishima you needed space. but i was just being stubborn and hurt."

"i should've stood up to him," kirishima added. "i knew it was wrong."

bakugo stepped forward, awkwardly thrusting the bakery bag toward you. "here. your favorite. the old lady at the bakery says hi, by the way. asked where you've been."

you peeked inside to find an assortment of pastries that made your mouth water – custard-filled taiyaki, melon pan, and the red bean mochi you loved so much.

"you went all the way to mrs. sato's bakery?" you asked, touched. it was at least a thirty-minute train ride from ua. "in the middle of the school day?"

"we may have skipped last period," kirishima admitted with a sheepish grin. "but all might is pretty understanding! we told him it was a relationship emergency."

the mental image of your boyfriends explaining to the former symbol of peace that they needed to skip class to buy you pastries almost made you laugh despite the tears threatening to spill again.

"we've been following you around all day trying to find the right moment to apologize," kirishima confessed, rubbing the back of his neck. "but you always looked so sad, and we weren't sure if you even wanted to talk to us anymore."

"plus hair-for-brains here kept chickening out," bakugo added, earning a protest from kirishima.

"me? you're the one who kept saying 'the timing isn't right' every time we saw her!"

"because it wasn't!"

"of course i want to talk to you," you whispered, cutting off their bickering and feeling fresh tears spring to your eyes. "i've been miserable without you guys. i tried to text so many times, but i was afraid you'd moved on. that maybe you realized having a girlfriend was more trouble than it's worth."

bakugo's expression softened, and he reached out to brush a tear from your cheek with surprising gentleness. "don't be stupid," he said, but his voice held no bite. "as if we'd give up that easily."

"we were miserable too," kirishima admitted. "bakugo blew up the microwave when kaminari mentioned your name yesterday."

"i did not!"

"you totally did. and i crushed my phone when i saw your name pop up in my memories app."

"is that why you have a new phone?" you asked, noticing the unfamiliar device poking out of his pocket.

"yeah," he smiled sheepishly. "hardening quirk and emotional distress don't mix well with electronics."

bakugo handed you the small wrapped package he'd been holding. "here. this is… from both of us."

you carefully unwrapped it to find a small velvet box. inside was a delicate silver necklace with a pendant that matched the charms on your bracelet – the three symbols intertwined into one design.

"kiri picked it out," bakugo mumbled, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

"we both did," kirishima corrected, beaming now. "we wanted something to remind you that even when we fight, we're still connected. the three of us, together."

"plus," bakugo added, avoiding eye contact in that way he did when being sincere embarrassed him, "you're always touching that bracelet we gave you. even this week when you were ignoring us. so we thought…"

your heart felt like it might burst as kirishima took the necklace and moved behind you to fasten it. his warm breath tickled your neck, sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. when he finished, his lips brushed against your shoulder in a featherlight kiss before he moved back to face you.

"i'm really sorry," you said again, looking between them and touching the new pendant resting against your collarbone. "for everything. i promise i'll try to communicate better next time i'm having a bad day instead of bottling it up and exploding."

"that's my job," bakugo said with a smirk, referring to his quirk. the familiar joke made warmth bloom in your chest.

"we are too," kirishima replied, pulling you into a warm hug. you sank into his embrace, breathing in the comforting scent of his cologne and the faint smell of cinnamon that always seemed to cling to him. "we should have checked on you instead of assuming the worst."

after a moment's hesitation, bakugo joined the embrace, his strong arms encircling both of you. it was rare for him to initiate this kind of physical affection, making the gesture all the more meaningful.

"if you ever feel like that again," he murmured against your hair, "just tell us to back off instead of bottling it up, got it? say 'bakugo, kirishima, i need space today,' and we'll give it to you. no questions asked."

"and if you need help," kirishima added, "just say that too. we're not mind readers."

you nodded against his chest, feeling the weight of the past few days finally lifting. "i promise."

the three of you stayed like that for a long moment, simply holding each other and reconnecting without words. finally, kirishima pulled back slightly, his trademark sharp-toothed grin back in full force.

"so," he said, his voice bright with hope, "movie night in the common room? i think we all could use some cuddle time."

"as long as we don't have to watch another one of those action movies where the heroes do everything wrong," you teased, feeling yourself smile for the first time in days.

"only if i get to pick the movie," you teased, feeling yourself smile for the first time in days.

"as if," bakugo scoffed, but the arm around your waist tightened affectionately. "it's my turn."

"we'll negotiate," kirishima laughed, pressing a kiss to your temple.

the common room was already bustling with activity when the three of you arrived, your hands interlinked with kirishima on one side and bakugo on the other. conversation died down momentarily as your classmates took in the sight of the three of you together again, expressions ranging from relief (midoriya) to knowing smirks (mina).

"thank fucking god," kaminari whispered loudly to jirou, who elbowed him in the ribs. "what? i'm just saying what everyone's thinking! i couldn't handle another day of bakugo being even more explosive than usual."

"shut it, pikachu!" bakugo growled, but there was no real heat behind it. his thumb traced small circles on the back of your hand, a subtle gesture of affection he probably thought no one noticed.

"movie night?" todoroki asked from his spot on one of the couches, his mismatched eyes taking in your joined hands with quiet approval.

"yeah, if that's cool with everyone," kirishima replied with his usual enthusiasm. "we were thinking something chill."

"as long as it's not another documentary about mountain climbing," sero groaned. "i still have nightmares about that last one iida made us watch."

"the educational value of understanding extreme environments is not to be underestimated!" iida protested, chopping his hands through the air emphatically.

the familiar banter washed over you like a soothing balm. mina gave you a thumbs up from across the room, mouthing "told you so!" with a wink.

"i guess we were pretty obvious, huh?" you whispered to kirishima as the three of you claimed the loveseat, which was just barely big enough for all of you if you didn't mind being squished together (which you certainly didn't).

"extremely," tsuyu confirmed from nearby. "the whole class was walking on eggshells. kero. aizawa-sensei even asked if there was something wrong with the three of you."

"he did not!" you gasped, mortified at the thought of your homeroom teacher discussing your love life.

"he totally did," uraraka confirmed, floating a bowl of popcorn over to your group. "he said, and i quote, 'fix whatever's going on because your performance in joint exercises is suffering.'"

kirishima laughed, the sound warming your heart. "sorry about that, guys! everything's manly and awesome now!"

"yeah, yeah, just keep the makeup pda to a minimum," kaminari teased. "some of us are single and bitter about it."

"you're just jealous because you can't get a date," bakugo shot back, but there was almost a hint of playfulness in his tone.

as the lights dimmed for the movie (a compromise selection that had something for everyone), you found yourself sandwiched between your boyfriends on the small loveseat. kirishima's arm draped around your shoulders, his fingers idly playing with your hair. bakugo's thigh pressed against yours, warm and solid, his hand finding yours in the darkness.

"this okay?" he asked quietly, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.

"perfect," you whispered back, giving his hand a squeeze.

as the movie played, you felt bakugo's foot nudge yours under the coffee table. when you looked his way, he was staring straight ahead at the screen, but the corner of his mouth was quirked up in a small, private smile meant only for you.

with kirishima's radiant warmth on one side and bakugo's protective presence on the other, you knew that no matter what bad days might come, the three of you would weather them together.

later that night, after most of your classmates had drifted off to their dorms, the three of you remained cuddled together on the loveseat. kirishima had fallen asleep, his head resting on your shoulder, soft snores escaping his slightly parted lips. bakugo was still awake, his thumb tracing lazy patterns on your palm.

"hey," you whispered, careful not to wake kirishima. "thanks for not giving up on us."

bakugo looked at you, those fierce crimson eyes softening in a way they only did when he was with you and kirishima. "as if that was ever an option," he murmured. "just don't scare us like that again, got it?"

"got it," you promised, leaning over to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "next time i need space or help, i'll just say so."

"good," he nodded, then added quietly, "i missed you."

coming from bakugo, those three simple words meant everything.

"i missed you too," you whispered back. "both of you."

"we know," he replied with that rare, genuine smile that made your heart skip a beat. "now get some sleep. shitty hair here has already drooled on your shirt."

sure enough, there was a small damp spot on your shoulder where kirishima's head rested. somehow, even that was endearing.

with a contented sigh, you closed your eyes, surrounded by the warmth of your boyfriends. the last thought that crossed your mind before sleep claimed you was that maybe, just maybe, bad days weren't so terrible when you had people who loved you enough to chase after you with flowers and pastries, even when you pushed them away.

and maybe next time, you'd just ask for that hug you needed right from the start.

the next monday, the change in atmosphere was palpable. as you walked into class flanked by your boyfriends, kirishima's arm draped casually over your shoulder and bakugo's hand intertwined with yours, a collective sigh of relief swept through the room.

"thank god," kaminari whispered loudly to jirou. "i couldn't handle another day of bakugo being even more explosive than usual."

"shut it, pikachu!" bakugo growled, but there was no real heat behind it.

mina gave you a thumbs up from across the room, and even todoroki seemed quietly pleased by the restored harmony.

"i guess we were pretty obvious, huh?" you whispered to kirishima as you took your seats.

"extremely," tsuyu confirmed from the desk behind you. "the whole class was walking on eggshells. kero."

kirishima laughed, the sound warming your heart. "sorry about that, guys! everything's manly and awesome now!"

as aizawa shuffled in to start homeroom, you felt bakugo's foot nudge yours under the desk. when you looked his way, he was staring straight ahead, but the corner of his mouth was quirked up in a small, private smile meant only for you.

with kirishima's radiant grin on one side and bakugo's quiet affection on the other, you knew that no matter what bad days might come, the three of you would weather them together.

and maybe next time, you'd just ask for that hug you needed right from the start.

taglist: [open]

mutuals

@https-bakugo @haikyuubby @va-3 @lotusstarr @tulippanes @gh0st-g1rll @luvseraphh

524 notes · View notes

lieslab · 2 months ago

Text

Dying star

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Og8 X gn reader

Summary: The group's contract renewal goes in a direction nobody was expecting because of the fans' irrational demands.

Genre: 9th member AU

Word Count: 4.8k

A/N: Realistic or not, the best thing about fiction is that anything can happen because it's not real. Requestee, you wanted Itzy in this and they are here. They're not here a ton, but they are slipped in as you wanted <3

_ _ _

It all started as an accident. Truly, that’s all it was. When Yuna asked you to film a TikTok collaboration with the rest of Itzy, you agreed. Why not? As neighboring groups at JYP, you all saw a lot of each other throughout the building.

The internet is the belly of a beast. People will chew you up and spit you out, killing your spark before it begins. As the 9th member of Stray Kids, you found your spark a long time ago. It washed over you like a tidal wave on stage. A tape unveiled all the previous harsh memories.

The tears during the survival show. Late nights and early mornings. The dull feeling of hunger clawing around your stomach, desperately searching for nutrients, but it never found any. Sore muscles. Shaky hands. Lungs without a breath; nearly a heart without hope.

At least you had the guys. Interlocked and chained around you, you managed to cling onto one another’s spirits and keep them floating above the surface. From the get-go, you always struggled against the masses on the internet. So much so, when the group created personal Instagrams, you didn’t share the excitement.

You posed with a crooked smile, flashing small hearts, and trying to appease the fans that actually liked you. You always held doubts deep down. You dubbed them pity fans and tried to pull yourself from that self-belief, but it lingered in the back of your brain. It crept down beside you at night and whispered in your ear before you fell asleep. What if you really weren’t good enough?

They dubbed you the odd member of Stray Kids. The guys told you not to worry. They waved off your anxieties the best that they could. They were all laced with their own, but they couldn’t stand when another member stood toe-to-toe with their own inner demons. Together as one, continuing forever; a train screaming on tracks, one without brakes.

You loved the members of Itzy. Some of the guys had closer friendships with the girls than you did. Stories swapped in dorms. You laughed when Changbin recounted when Chaeryeong slipped in the middle of the company hall. Her legs sprawled out in a cartoon fashion and she landed with an “oof.”

Hyunjin fondly recalled memories of Yeji from back when they were friends during their high school days. You picked up tidbits about the girls without meaning to. Naturally, along the growth of your group, you grew fond of their group, just as they were fond of Stray Kids.

When you danced in that TikTok, it blew up. You didn’t understand why, but you appreciated it. The song went viral and hit some of the top charts. To celebrate, you offered to treat them to dinner. What you weren’t expecting? A worker from Dispatch snapping a photo of your table laughing from across the way.

When the photo hit the internet, the fandom changed drastically. You didn’t understand it and neither did the group. You’d been a part of it since the start, but the push began. Domino-after-domino fell. When you slipped outside of the company building with Changbin one day, your eyes spotted the protest truck first.

A demand for you to be booted from the group. The laughter shared with Changbin ceased. The saliva in your mouth went dry. Your happiness dried up. Your heart bled. The words were an unexpected slap in your face.

You knew people didn’t quite like you. It existed on the internet, but when you saw it in front of your face, it broke something in you. Everyone knew it, but they tried to keep you upbeat.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

“They’re just jealous that you’re in the group.”

“Don’t listen to them, it doesn’t matter.”

But it did matter. It mattered a lot.

~ ~ ~

You didn’t question why you began making more content with Itzy. When your manager directed you to spots where they filmed content, when you appeared in more of their Instagram photos, you didn’t question any of it like you should have.

Their fandom was nicer. The Itzy fans took to you instantly. Your Instagram comments became slathered with outpouring love for you. It was a nice change of pace, temporarily. Slathering you in heart emojis, flooding your inbox with warmth, you grew closer with the members.

On contract renewal day, you spent the evening wide awake. You and the guys already discussed renewing your contracts on your own. The story wasn’t over yet. You all had a lot more plans and project ideas.

In the hall, Ryunjin flashed you a thumbs up and a big smile. “Cheer up! It’s going to go great!”

You thanked her with a nervous smile. A hand playfully hit your side as you walked by. She laughed, on the way to her own meeting with her members and their manager’s team. Her touch lingered, a gentle reminder that you weren’t alone.

In the conference room, the beige walls felt like a prison. Confined to a cell with your fellow members, you picked out an open chair beside Han. He called your name excitedly and shifted closer. “Do you think I can convince them to let us curse freely this year?”

You shrugged, “maybe. Who knows. Is that your only request?”

“It’s one of the few I have.”

They were just as nervous as you. You could see it in the way Chan ran a hand through his hair. Felix squinted at a small list in front of him. He bit down on the end of a pen in his mouth. Jeongin’s knee bounced without stopping. He had to force himself to keep his fingernails away from his mouth.

Your stomach twisted into tiny knots. You should have skipped breakfast all together. So nervous, you feared it creeping back up and making a mess all over the conference room table. Your fingers tapped along the cool surface, trying to remain calm.

When your manager came in, you sat up a little straighter. All nine of you greeted him and waited for new contracts to be passed out. Your manager went around placing thick stapled packs of paper in front of each member.

Worried eyes drifted through the comic sans words. Words, words, and more words. Sign on the dotted line here. A flipped page, another filled with words, and then another signature.

Your manager reached Han and placed the final contract down before him. He scanned the first few sentences and glanced over to you, expecting yours to appear in front of you, but it never did. Instead, heavy footsteps faded onto the other side of the table.

Your heart stopped. You couldn’t breathe. Someone shoved a knife through the center of your heart. Why didn’t you have a renewal contract in front of you?

Han cleared his throat and called the manager’s name. “Why doesn’t our ninth member have a contract? Did you run out of paper in the office?”

He shifted and leaned forward in his chair. Confusing glances shifted to one another. Chan’s eyes found your face. For a brief moment, you swore he saw your soul. The way it crumbled and slipped into sand before his fingers.

You looked away, glancing down at the table. Your leader did what he always did. He stuck up for you instantly. “Yeah, why is-” He cut off when the manager held out a hand to him.

“Yes, I know. Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. I’m getting there, Chan. Let’s just take a moment to breathe.”

Your fingers dug into your knees. This was it. The moment you dreaded. You wouldn’t be offered a renewal contract. Your time as an idol slipped by in a flash. The last tour was the last and you didn’t even know. What would become of your career now?

“I’m sure we all know that there’s been pushback from the fans about…” He trailed off, unable to say your name. Deep down, this hurt him, too. He didn’t want to be the one to give you the news.

He sucked in a deep breath, glancing up, silently praying for the courage to kill off another dream. The wheel turned again. The cut-throat industry killed another dream. There would be no recovery. Not for your ego. Not for your hopes. Without this, you were certain you’d die.

They dubbed you the traveling member. As an odd number of Stray Kids, when dorms were assigned, someone had to have three members instead of two. You refused. You gave yourself up, not wanting to miss the guys.

One week, you stayed with Chan and Jeongin. The next, you’d switch to Felix and Seungmin. Minho and Han. Changbin and Hyunjin. You always cycled through one week a month. Sleeping on couches and occasionally, the air mattress if you set it up.

You didn’t mind it. You didn’t have a personal bedroom, but there were pieces of you in each of their dorms. Your hand sculpted and painted magnets hung papers and grocery lists, on the kitchen fridge, in Changbin and Hyunjin’s dorm. The three of you spent hours playing with air dry clay. Shaping, molding, baking, and painting; attaching the magnets with hot glue, shrieking when you burnt the tips of your fingers.

The customized XBox controller you purchased sat with Felix and Seungmin’s controllers in their dorm. Each time you were over, the three of you slung over one another on the couch. You smacked remotes out of hands and made loud noises, trying to distract and kill each other in a handful of different video games.

In Minho and Han’s dorm, they let you hang your family photos. They let you turn the living room into a memory maze. You slathered photos of the band everywhere. Tucking your own family and friends into smaller frames, so they were hidden among the group.

Chan and Jeongin’s dorm came with an extra closet. They let you use it to house your clothes. You traveled from dorm-to-dorm with a backpack. If you needed something, you let yourself in with their key, snuck in, and snuck back out.

What would you do without all of that? The laughter when Han made something wrong by accident because he misread the directions. The late night talks with Chan because in the darkness of the night, you knew dark thoughts could appear. You didn’t want your leader to feel alone as you felt sometimes.

The teasing remarks made by Seungmin when you woke up on the couch, looking like you survived a midnight tornado. Twisted clothes, messy hair, and the occasional dried stream of drool. He never let you forget it. Not once. Your visits left him with morning ritual rights.

“The fans are threatening to boycott the next comeback and I’m sorry, but we can’t take that chance.”

“So what are you saying?”

“Bullshit!” Felix’s hand slammed the table. “You can’t just-”

“Fuck no!”

He sighed, lifting up his callused hands again. “I’m sorry, but this isn’t my decision to make. We have to think of what benefits the company. This isn’t their fault, it’s not.”

“That’s a crazy thing to say when you’re making it seem like it,” Jeongin mumbled beneath his breath. His jaw clenched, eyes narrowed at his contract, and he shook his head.

You didn’t know whether to laugh, or cry. Your hands tightened around the denim fabric of your jeans. Your group, friends, and family members stuck up for you, but it wouldn’t matter in the end. You knew that. Company decisions were always final.

“But this isn’t the end of the road for you,” your manager continued. “Just because you’re not working out here, the Itzy fanbase loves you. They’re in a conversation with their own management team right now. If you’re willing-”

“No!” Felix snapped and shoved himself up. The chair rolled away behind him. “No! You can’t do that! Itzy has been a group for years and we’ve been a group for years! They don’t belong with Itzy, they belong with us!”

“I know, Felix, and I believe that.”

“Then why aren’t you trying to change this outcome? Tell the supposed fans to fuck off!”

“I tried. I’m powerless in this situation. We have investors in the company. You’re one of the top groups in the company. If fans boycott your comeback, it’ll tank the stocks. Our investors will-”

“We don’t care about the investors! You can tell them to go-”

Changbin reached over and gently patted Felix’s shoulder. He scowled, but slowly sank back in his seat. “What he means to say,” Changbin took over, “is that this isn’t fair. Not to them, or us.”

“I know it’s not and I’m sorry, but my hands are tied.”

Chan stood from his chair with an alarming amount of calmness. “Then we’re not signing the renewal contracts without every member of our family being involved.” He grabbed his contract and began walking around the table, collecting each of the contracts.

The guys didn’t object. Felix picked his own blank contract up eagerly and handed it to him, but not before glaring at their manager. “Yeah, what he said.”

“Stop.”

Chan glanced over at the sound of your voice.

“So I can still be an idol? I’ll just be placed in Itzy’s group?”

A hair ran through the manager’s spiked black hair. “Yes. You’ll train with them instead of Stray Kids.”

“But I don’t know all of their songs. There’s five members and they all have song parts. Their dances are all cemented and-”

“They’re just finishing up an old era. In a few months, they’ll have another. New dances. New songs. We’ll split it all up evenly. We can handle the rest when we need to. Their team is willing to do whatever it takes to keep you an idol, all you have to do is agree.”

A heavy silence filled the room. Such quietness, you could hear a pin drop. Your heart ached, but you said the words, anyway. “I’ll do it.”

“You can’t!” Felix cried.

“He’s right, this isn’t a good idea.” Seungmin spoke up for the first time. “This is only going to cause more chaos. If you bow down to the fans this time, they’ll become greedy and-”

“I’m sorry,” your manager uttered again. “I did everything, guys. I tried it all. The superiors are only looking at the business side of things. They’re not budging.”

Chan softly called your name. He reached out across the table and went for your hand, but you pulled away. “It’s okay,” you whispered. “I’ll manage. Sign your contracts and keep going.”

You blinked, trying to keep the burning tears at bay. “I’ll figure it out. You always said I’ve been a good problem solver.”

The stacks of contracts in front of him mocked you with paper snarls. The cruel whispers of fandom mockery grumbled to life in the back of your head. You used the table to push your body up and pushed in your chair.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go use the restroom.”

You ducked your head, hoping to get out of the room before the tears cascaded down your cheeks. Your manager rushed after you, placing an arm around your shoulder. “It’s alright. I’m sorry. I wish it could be different, but let me show you where to meet their team first. The behind the scenes crew can’t wait to meet you. They’ve heard a lot of good things.”

The manager led you away from eight speechless guys. Tears pricked up in Felix’s eyes. Han slumped down in his chair, tugging his sweatshirt’s hood over his eyes. Hyunjin’s eyes went up to your empty seat.

The memories of paint smearing everywhere and staining your skin during the magnet painting came back. He taught you and Changbin how to add small details with fine-tipped paint brushes. The laughter, the joy, and the memories, he thought that’d last forever.

You stood up and walked through the door, sucking up all the hopes and dreams, you still carried them within the beating ventricles of your heart.

~ ~ ~

On the outside, you looked fine, but you crumbled on the inside. One week into the new formation, you tried your best. The day you started, you hit the ground running.

You recorded vocals in a different music studio. Every time the door opened, you expected the guys to appear, but they never did. Producers floated in and out of the room. You all worked hard to get the notes right.

Usually, you hit higher notes with ease, but not anymore. Just this morning, it took you over twenty minutes to hit a note. With 3racha, it would have taken less than five. Shame crept into your bones.

In another dance practice room, it laid out similar to the ones Stray Kids used. The only difference? The chaos wasn’t the same. The shared giggles from the girls and inside jokes, you didn’t understand any of it.

You tried, forcing yourself to laugh at the right times. You followed along with the choreographer. On water breaks, you felt alone. The girls tried to include you, but you couldn’t stop moping. You missed the warmth of the guys you called your family. You loved Itzy, but it wasn’t the same and it’d never be the same.

It weighed so heavy on your shoulders, it began to affect your dance. You were following the same choreographer that you once used for a handful of Stray Kids dances. They pointed at your defeated posture, gestured to your feet, and lectured you on your poor effort.

Your cheeks flushed scarlett. Your bottom lip quivered. To make it worse, you were told to suck it up. One of the girls opened their mouth to say something, but the words didn’t come out in time.

You spun around, storming off, unable to handle the critique. You couldn’t. Not like this. It wasn’t in you. You couldn’t perform and pretend to be someone you weren’t.

Despite the harshness from your previous fandom, you loved being an idol. Your heart nearly burst on stage when arenas filled with singing fans. The light from light sticks reflected on the tears in your eyes.

Love locked together. The energy heightened. You grew stronger from it. You were chained together with your family. Without them, you were nothing. At this point, you didn’t care about giving up on the idol life.

Your career ended the moment your manager led you from the room.

~ ~ ~

Minho hadn’t seen you in a few days. Nobody had. Your absence lingered like a ghost. The parts of you in each dorm, it was all they could think about. The moment you found out you were going to switch groups, you went back to Chan and Jeongin’s dorm.

Every piece of clothing you owned, you threw it in a suitcase. When that filled, you took it out, dumped the contents into your car, and came back for more. You couldn’t face them again. Not when the hurt still sat so fresh.

They’d each see you in the halls from time-to-time, but you couldn’t handle conversation with them. You knew how it’d end. Sobbing, breaking down, and in tears. You had to be strong for them. A clean break sounded better. At least, they’d be able to get over your disappearance quicker.

When Chan and Jeongin came home, a handwritten sticky note awaited them along with all four keys to each of the four dorms. You checked yourself into a hotel. You’d come back at a later date to collect the rest of your stuff.

Their manager said you’d be transferred over to one of the Itzy dorms. They weren’t sure which one, but he felt certain you’d like it there. The girls were always upbeat and made everyone around them laugh. You’d never be bored.

Just as Minho rounded the corner, you slammed into him hard. He reached out to steady you, calling your name softly. You glanced up through tears and clumpy eyelashes. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“Are you okay?”

You nodded and pulled back. “Yeah, rough day. You know I get them sometimes.” He reached a hand out to grab you again, but you walked around him. “Excuse me, I’ve gotta go.”

You hurried away, leaving him alone, and speechless. You were on a mission to find your former manager. You joining Itzy was a trial run. A temporary thing. Something you hadn’t yet signed a contract to.

You could still leave.

~ ~ ~

When Minho went back into the music recording studio, he was supposed to get back into the booth to record. The door opened and Changbin glanced up from the director’s seat. “Hey, you’re back early. I thought you said you were taking a ten minute break.”

“I’m not doing this.”

“Huh?”

“I’m going home. Come with me.”

“Uh, excuse me?” He raised an eyebrow and gestured to the recording booth. “We have a song to record. A due date lingers and-”

When he uttered your name, Changbin’s face fell. He frowned and pressed a button on the equipment in front of him. Memories of your devastated look in the conference room came back. He missed you. They all did.

“I’m not doing this without them.”

Changbin nodded, toggled another button, and stood up. “You’re right. Let’s go find the others.”

The pair walked out, nearly trampling a nervous Felix. His eyes lingered on the corner of the hall. Changbin called his name and put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“No. Why did-”

“You seen them, too?” Minho asked.

“They look so broken. I can’t handle it. I want them back.”

“We all do, Lix.”

“And that’s why we’re going to find Chan and raise hell, let’s go.” Changbin marched forward, keeping an arm around the emotional weight of the younger member.

The rest of the guys were scattered downstairs at the canteen. Chan had just scanned his meal card when footsteps caused him to turn around. He blinked in confusion as Changbin approached him.

“I thought you said you’d direct until two?”

“Change of plans. If the fans can threaten to boycott our company, so can we.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Come on. Let’s go, Channie hyung. We’re on a mission and you play a part in it, too.” He stepped to the side, revealing Minho hugging a teary-eyed Felix.

The sight caused him to frown. His fingers gripped around his tray. “You know what? You’re right. Screw this.” He slammed his tray on an empty table. “Let’s go.”

Changbin snatched the banana from his tray before rushing after him.

~ ~ ~

“I understand you’re upset, but you can’t do this. Your contracts say-”

“Don’t care,” Seungmin cut off their manager.

“Sue us,” Hyunjin added.

“Good luck, considering we’re your money makers.”

Their manager rubbed the sides of his temples. “You do realize that this might have the opposite effect that you want, right?”

Chan shrugged, “we’ve talked it over. We’re willing to do whatever it takes to get them back. If they’re gone, we’re gone.”

“God, I need a drink.”

They watched as he left the room. In his hands, a stack of handwritten letters from each of the members. Each one went into detail for why you were needed from the group. You weren’t just a group member, you were family, and family fights for one another when times get tough.

Meanwhile, you wiped your tear-stained eyes. Now smudged with black liquid liner, you looked like a crying racoon. You sucked in a deep breath and pushed open the door to the conference room. You knew this was where he went on his lunch break.

To your surprise, you didn’t find him. Instead, you came face-to-face with the eight people you loved dearly. They looked up when the door opened. Hyunjin sat the closest and reached you first.

“Hey, are you okay? What happened?” He grabbed your shoulders, studying your messy face. “Why are you crying.”

“Because they miss us, you idiot,” Seungmin grumbled.

Hyunjin’s arms tugged you close. You slumped into his body instantly. Defeated sobs rocked your body. How many times had this happened years ago? Back when you were a trainee, fighting for your life in the survival group?

The members kept you floating then, but they couldn’t help now. How were you supposed to tell them you were giving it all up? All the dreams you wanted to continue accomplishing? The goals. Future plans. The hopes.

Traveling. Fan interactions. Interviews. Live performances. Ambassador roles. You were done with all of it. The industry finally broke you. The worst part? It wasn’t the industry that put the final nail in the coffin, it was the fandom.

Congratulations. It worked. The hatred spewing between lips. Slathering twitter threads. The hurtful memes being passed from person-to-person. They got what they wanted and where did that leave you?

Alone. Miserable. Isolated. Dying in a ditch and for what crime? Being you? Being a little different? Quieter? Louder? Too much? Too little? Too dramatic? Too cold?

You were hung on the cross and crucified by the fans you adored. Your very own Judas. They gave you up and they didn’t even know. Not yet. The words hadn’t been posted yet. Your transfer wouldn’t be announced until you signed the contract. Now it’d never happen. Not ever.

They would cheer at your dismissal. The company would dub it personal reasons, so they didn’t tarnish their image. Whatever happened to you from here on out, it was your own problem to mend.

Jeongin was the second one up. He walked over and wrapped his arms around you and Hyunjin. Felix threw himself from the chair and nearly took out all of you. It didn’t take long before they were all around you. It felt like old times. Almost.

Only this time, you wouldn’t pull away and enter the shining spotlights on the stage. You’d seal the deal with your manager, sign a few papers confirming everything, and it’d be over. Your time as a k-pop idol would be a thing of the past.

Emotions ran high. The door to the room squeaked open. The manager walked back in and looked up with a face of confusion. It softened when he saw you surrounded by your eight protectors. They slowly pulled away and your light began to dim.

When your manager called your name, you shakily let go of Hyunjin. The future knocked. You had to let go now. No matter how scary, you had to let it go. You wiped away tears and straightened your back, just as your seniors lectured you when you were a trainee.

You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to it. A stack of papers stretched out to you. A black pen sat on top. You shook your head, unable to sign the contract for Itzy. You couldn’t betray your group like that.

“Take it and read it. I think you’ll want to look at this one.” He placed it in your hands and stepped back. You wiped your eyes, trying to read everything.

When you read the first sentence, catching the words ‘renewal contract,’ you collapsed to your knees. Felix dropped beside you, worrying about what you were handed. He pulled it away and looked at it.

“This is a renewal contract and-”

“I’m happy to announce the uppers finally agreed. They won’t risk the group boycotting their schedules. It’s a fight they want to avoid.”

You collapsed over into Felix’s body. He dropped the stack of stapled papers and quickly grabbed you. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“We all do,” Minho added.

“I said we were family for a reason.” Chan walked closer and kneeled down to the other side of you.

Changbin huffed and crossed his arms. “Hyung, this was my idea like two days ago! I started this! Where’s my praise? Just because Minho put it in action today, it doesn’t mean that my credit isn’t due!”

A weak laugh bubbled between your lips. His face lit up and he grinned. “Hey, there it is! That’s my favorite sound!”

“They’re staying at our dorm tonight!”

“Nuh-uh! Fuck off, Innie!” Felix clutched you tighter. “We’re camping out on the couch and laying on Seungmin all night.”

“Woah, no way! I comforted them when they came through the door first!”

“Shut up, Hyunjin!”

“Enough!” Minho snapped. “We’re not doing anything until they sign the contract. The ball is in your court. Are you signing it, or are you just going to lay there soaking it in your tears?”

“Minho, don’t be mean.”

Chan handed you the pen and you shakily signed your name. The moment the first page held your name, warmth flowed back into your heart. You sniffled and scribbled over and over again, not caring to read the words. Chan flipped the pages and you signed them all.

Murmurs of excitement buzzed up again. It really didn’t matter where you spent the night. The truth? No matter which dorm you’d pick, they would all turn it into a nine member sleepover to celebrate you.

Their family was once again reunited and that was the only thing that truly mattered.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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