#and then u hit like 12 and everyone wants you to hate and hate and hate

[circusclownproductions]

not to #girlblog but shoutout girls who grew up like this on purpose and thru it all didnt really change

[juyeonszn]

BAD IDEA RIGHT?

PAIRING lee juyeon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 4.10k

GENRES … smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, literally porn with plot. like i’m so insane, enemies to “we fuckin” as reese put it 🥰, frat boy tbz again!!!, juyo is literally so irritating in the first half im not even gonna lie, he’s also a manwhore, making out, reader is a bit of a brat, juyeon has a dirty mouth, kinda dom!juyeon, vaginal fingering, oral (m! receiving), SHOWER SEX !12!1!, he’s hitting it from the back btw, unprotected sex, creampie, juyeon is actually… i don’t even know how to describe him writing his character made me want to claw at the walls lol

SUMMARY deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. but paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

MORE heheheh im back 🤭 oh my god this was actually the cause of a week full of sleepless nights. i genuinely drove myself crazy writing this bc NEED FRRRR like idk i’m so 😭 delusional. ANYWAYS. ANON. THIS ONE IS FOR U. U REQUESTED THIS AND I RAN WITH IT. u wanted more juyeon, i deliver more juyeon ;) also shout out to ally, moni, AND reese for beta’ing 🥺 i love u my cupcakes!! prompt used: 18 <3

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble

If there was anyone on Earth that you hated more than anything, it had to be Lee Juyeon.

To put things plainly, he was quite literally the bane of your existence. Being around him made your blood pressure skyrocket and gave you migraines that lasted for days. It was insane how one person could affect you so much by doing so little. It seemed as if he thrived off of getting under your skin.

Considering he was the captain and the pitcher of the baseball team, it wasn’t shocking. He was also a member of one of the most popular fraternities on campus. But he happened to be roommates with one of your best friends, and that made it ten times worse.

You’d known Changmin since third grade, along with Kevin and Chanhee. When he mentioned he’d be joining a fraternity in college, you were a bit apprehensive. All you knew about them was what you’d read in YA books and seen in movies. Neither gave them a good rep. Part of you wanted to talk him out of it, but you knew this was something you had to let him do, given you were adults and it was his college experience. At least you still had the other two under one roof.

The first time you met Juyeon was also the first time you attended a frat party. Changmin had just passed his initiation after waiting a year and he invited all of you to celebrate. You were excited for the most part since high school parties were more for an adrenaline rush due to the fact that your parents never let you go to them and you either snuck out or lied about going. You didn’t have to worry about the limitations of parents this go around.

The boys disappeared almost immediately upon arrival, leaving you to fend for yourself in the very crowded fraternity house. You could hardly pass through a room without bumping into somebody’s shoulder or elbow, huffing as you maneuver around the house equivalent to a sardine can. Your drink nearly spilled onto your top multiple times and you were glad you decided against the heels for the night.

You chugged the rest of the jungle juice in your cup as you stepped onto the patio, where it’s just as noisy and just as packed. You’re lucky enough to find an empty lounge chair near the house’s pool, unoccupied and calling your name. When your legs touch the plastic chair, you flinch at how hot it is, most likely from being in the sun all day.

“Woah, do you want a cushion?”

You look up at the source of the voice. You’ve seen him around campus before, and even at Changmin’s games. Lee Juyeon was just one of those people that you had to know, unless you’d been living under a rock. Just like everyone else in the world, you couldn’t deny how attractive he was. From this distance, you truly understood why girls would giggle like high schoolers over the guy.

“Uh, sure. Yeah, that would be great actually.” You nod, watching as he wanders towards the shed in the corner of the big ass backyard. He returns promptly, holding his red solo cup between his teeth and one hand on your lower back guiding you to a standing position so he could place down the cushion.

“As a thank you, can I get your name?” He gives you a cocky little smile that should’ve been a warning. And looking back on it, you should’ve seen his true personality sooner, to be completely honest. The way his lips curled at the corners, like a conniving bastard who got off on irritating others.

“It’s Y/N,” you say, messing with your empty cup. “I’d ask for yours, but I kinda already know.”

He laughs at that, scratching the back of his neck. “That’s not surprising.” It’s at this point that you’re starting to see through his sweet facade, but despite knowing better— despite always keeping your guard up— you let yourself fall for it just this once. All because you didn’t want to fuck things up for Changmin. He owed you big time.

“Well, you are a talented athlete.” You didn’t want to fuel what is probably already a massive ego, but you’d rather compliment his baseball skills than the fact that he was infamous for screwing around with half of the girls on campus. Technically, that was a feat of its own since he’d only been in school for a year.

“Oh, so you think I’m talented?” He rested a hand on your chair, leaning down to your level. Confidence oozed from every corner of his being and if you weren’t so self aware, perhaps you could’ve ended up like all those other victims of his charismatic behavior.

“I go to the games for Changmin,” you scoff, glancing away from his face to stop the heat rising up your neck. “I’ve only paid attention to you once or twice.”

“Yeah, sure. Let's go with that,” he bites his lip, blatantly checking you out. “I wouldn’t mind paying attention to you a little.”

“I’m unimpressed, Juyeon,” you snort, raising an eyebrow at him. “Does this shit really work on everyone?”

“I can drop the act if you want, baby. Just let me know when you’re ready to stop playing hard to get.” He stands upright, running a hand through his hair.

Every time you ran into Lee Juyeon after that, he was more and more insufferable. He knew his influence on you, too, if his smug fucking grin was anything to go by. You wish you could just slap it off of him. However, you stood by being the bigger person in any given situation, so that was off the table. (And half of you still felt a moral obligation to not get your friend into hot water.)

“Would it kill you to play nice every once in a while? I do live with the dude, you know.” Changmin whines, trailing you in the supermarket like a lost puppy.

“He’s got a point, N/N,” Kevin adds, humming as he tosses a boxed dinner into the cart. “I get that he’s a little bit of an overconfident douche, but rolling your eyes at him when he hasn’t even done anything just makes it worse on you. And JiChang, too, I guess.”

“Bro…”

You weren’t even sure why he decided to tag along with you and the other boys when you mentioned grocery shopping. In fact, he might as well have stayed his ass home if he was just going to gang up on you the whole time. Chanhee sighs dramatically, bringing your shopping cart to a halt.

“Can we not have a peaceful grocery trip? Is that impossible or something?” His lips form a thin line. “I swear, all we do is talk about how much Y/N hates Lee Juyeon. Can we please move on?”

“Thank you, Chanhee, I agree,” you nod along, walking backwards as you do so and ignoring the faces your friends make. “He makes me want to kill myself.”

“Who makes you want to kill yourself?”

You jump up, frightened by the sudden voice in your ear. Your friends all give you sheepish smiles, as if they’d already tried to warn you. (What shitty jobs they did.) With a hand over your heart, you turn around to meet— speak of the devil— none other than Lee Juyeon himself.

“What are you doing here?” Your eyes narrow and your arms cross over your chest. Luck could never be on your side when it came to this guy.

“Uh, last I checked, this was a public supermarket. Where I can publicly shop. I wasn’t aware that I had to run that by you. So sorry, sweetheart.” He pouts, his expression so theatrical you nearly give in to your constant urge to punch him in the face.

You feel your eye twitch, and it takes everything in you to step back and assess just how bad it would be if you committed murder right now. Changmin comes to your rescue, doing damage control as best as he can while Kevin attempts to talk you out of becoming a criminal.

The two frat brothers do their little fraternity handshake thing and then finally he’s out of sight, out of mind, allowing you to visibly relax. Chanhee purses his lips. “Okay, so maybe I do see where the anger comes from. And holy shit, Y/N, you have the patience of a saint.”

“The person you have called is unavailable! At the tone, please leave a message. When you have finished recording, you may—”

“Goddammit.” You curse, ending the unsuccessful call.

The downside of working far from campus, was working far from campus. You didn’t have your own car and usually relied on one of your roommates for a ride to and from. But now here you are, stranded at work while it’s pouring cats and dogs outside. Kevin was in class and Chanhee wasn’t picking up his phone. You could call Changmin, but you’re pretty sure he also had a class around this time.

Just as you’re about to succumb to your demise, you receive a text from Chanhee.

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: IM SO SORRY AJNSSJNW BUT SOMETHING CAME UP WITH A GROUP PROJECT

[2:57 pm] michael jackson: DONT WORRY THOUGH, IVE GOT IT COVERED UR STILL GETTING PICKED UP

“Could today get any worse?” You mutter to yourself, locking your phone and tossing it into your purse. As if your timing couldn’t be better, you spoke entirely too soon. Your eyes squint at the unfamiliar car rolling up under the carport. Your brows furrowed in confusion, because you had no idea who could be your saving grace. Chanhee was a wild card so who knew who he had on speed dial.

But then the passenger window rolls down and you wish the ground would just swallow you whole. Lee Juyeon grins that stupid fucking grin of his, beckoning you to his car as it unlocks when he shifts into park. You shake your head.

“No way. There is absolutely no way I am getting into that car.” You shout over the pelting rain.

Juyeon tsks, his eyes rolling when he reaches over the center console to open the door for you. “Is there anyone else who would drop everything they’re doing to pick you up in this weather?”

Your lips pull into a flat line. The answer was no, you didn’t have anyone else who would drop everything they were doing to pick you up in this weather. That was the reason Juyeon was here, you supposed. It didn’t mean you weren’t at least going down without a fight, though. Except, Lee Juyeon was a man who was all too comfortable with how expressive you were. Most notably towards him.

“What? Cat got your tongue, sweetheart?”

“Fuck you. I’d rather walk.” You seethe, starting straight in the direction of your apartment. Juyeon groans at first, your constant need to prove yourself getting on his nerves for once. Then his eyes widen slightly when he realizes you’re not joking.

The truth was that the rain was freezing and you’d love to be in the shelter of a warm car. In fact, you didn’t really care that Juyeon was the person driving. But you were too deep into the bit now. You couldn’t just turn around and get in the car, for you had a pride to protect at this point.

“Shit.” Juyeon swears under his breath, reaching into the backseat to grab an umbrella. Sure he loved to tease you and rile you up, but he wasn’t cruel. Your friends would have his head on a silver platter if he let anything happen to you.

You pause in your steps when you’re no longer being showered in rain water. Juyeon holds the umbrella over your head with a worried expression. You feel kind of bad for making him chase after you even though he’d already gone out of his way to pick you up. Sometimes you wish your ego wasn’t so fragile. Maybe then you could accept help when you needed it instead of making things worse.

“Can you please stop being so stubborn and just get in the damn car, Y/N? Do you have to make everything difficult all the time?” Usually, pissing you off made him over the moon, but you can tell he’s not exactly pleased at the moment. You swallow thickly, nodding quietly and following him back to his car.

The whole drive to your apartment is silent save for the song playing on his speakers. It’s not as loud in comparison to the storm outside, but you’re grateful that it’s filling the space between you. If only Lee Juyeon hadn’t done such an excellent job ticking you off like a bomb, then maybe you would’ve just hopped in the passenger seat with ease. But no, he had to goad you until you made an irrational decision and now here you are.

As he pulls up to your building, you say a little prayer that you don’t regret your next actions. He stops as close to the stairs as he can, but you turn to him before unbuckling your seatbelt. With a deep breath, you ask, “Would you like to— uh— come inside?”

He glances from you to the stairs and then shrugs, parking in the nearest empty spot. He holds the umbrella over both of you as you make your way to your unit, lightly sprinting so you don’t get anymore soaked than you already are. You figured the least you could do was invite the dude into your home and offer him some hot tea, just so he could warm up before heading back to the TBZ house. Your roommates not being here to make fun of you was also a plus.

There’s still an unspoken tension even after you’ve shed your raincoats and shoes by the front door, settling into your apartment and its coziness. Juyeon sits at the breakfast bar as you busy yourself with preparing the kettle and getting a couple tea bags. His watchful gaze is a little intimidating now that you’ve seen his serious side.

Once you’ve finished making the tea, you set his mug in front of him. You look everywhere but him when you say, “I’m gonna take a shower if you’re okay waiting out here by yourself.” He doesn’t respond verbally, so you take it as your cue to leave.

You turn on the water to let it heat up before gathering your essentials. When you’ve completed your back and forth trip from the bathroom and your bedroom, you’re finally ready to just relax in your shower and forget about today’s events. But how could you ever truly relax with Lee Juyeon in your space, permeating your peace?

As you’re shutting the bathroom door, a foot jams itself between the threshold and stops you. You glance up from the floor to meet Juyeon’s eyes. They’re darker than you’re used to, a deep shade of brown that has your stomach twisting into knots.

“You know, Y/N, this game of cat and mouse is starting to get old,” he takes a step into the steaming room, locking the door behind him and trapping you. “Just admit to yourself that you want me.”

You sputter at his bold words, because you don’t. You don’t want Lee Juyeon. Why would you want Lee Juyeon? “I’m not gonna lie to myself. I don’t want you.”

He laughs humorlessly, closing the gap between you just a little more. You don’t have it in you to back away from him. He reaches a hand up to tuck some damp hair behind your ear. You’re still wet and cold from your stupid idea to walk in the rain, but Juyeon plans to warm you up perfectly. “You sure?”

“Positive,” you breathe.

“Why don’t we test that theory?” Now he’s got you backed into the wall, his face a hair’s breadth distance from your own. “I have a feeling I can change your mind.”

You don’t know if it’s the heat of the bathroom or Juyeon’s lips being so close, but so far simultaneously that has your brain turning into static. Your head feels fuzzy, like you’re watching TV on an empty channel through a blurry lens. You lick your lips, vision trained on his. “Why don’t we?”

That’s all the confirmation he needs to press your mouths together in a searing kiss, hotter than the temperature of the room. You feel him smile against you when you make no move to push him away, instead carding your fingers through his hair. He groans when you tug a bit, twirling the longer strands around your index.

His hands slip under your top, thumbs rubbing circles into your waist. This is a terrible idea. Deep down you’re fully aware that you’re probably making a huge mistake by giving into Juyeon just like every other girl on campus ever has. But paired with how intoxicating his mouth feels on your own and the steam filled bathroom clouding your head, you can’t seem to find a logical reason to stop.

When you part for air, you both start stripping your top layers, resuming your attacks on each other’s lips once you’re left in nothing but undergarments. Juyeon trails kisses along the side of your neck, nipping and sucking wherever he feels fit. You gasp when he finds that particular spot that contributes to the butterflies fluttering about your stomach. “God, you’re so annoying.”

“Yeah?” And despite getting ready to give you the pleasure of your life, his grin against your skin still manages to irritate you. “You hate me so much, huh?”

“Mhm,” you whine as his fingers dip beneath the band of your panties, toying with your sensitive cunt. “Hate you so bad— ah…”

“You might wanna shut up soon, sweetheart,” Juyeon warns, sliding his ring finger between your lower lips. “Or else I’ll give that mouth something to do.”

“I’ll do whatever I want,” you pull his hand from your underwear, kneeling in front of him when he furrows his eyebrows in confusion. Your nails scrape lightly down his abdomen before hooking into the waistband of his briefs, freeing him from the material. It takes a lot out of you to not visibly react at the sight of his cock, hard and flushed to the tip. You couldn’t dare inflate his ginormous ego, the situation you were currently in already doing enough on its own. His size is impressive too, making you wonder just how he expects you to take him like a champ.

“What a fucking brat,” he hisses, your tongue swiping along the underside of his dick. “Always gotta have the last word, don’t you?”

“Mmmm,” you moan, mouth full with just the tip. You’d never been the type of person who cared about size. As long as they knew what they were doing and made you finish, you held no qualms with their length. In fact, you don’t think you ever even paid much attention to anyone’s dick in your life. But if there was anything to back Lee Juyeon’s cockiness, it had to be, well, his cock.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this moment,” he confesses, wrapping your hair around his hand into a makeshift ponytail. “But, fuck, this is so much better.”

The admission shoots straight to your core and you find yourself whimpering, the vibrations against his dick driving him crazy. He has to support his weight with one hand flat to the wall, the other still tightly fisting your hair. With every suck and flick of your tongue, he tugs a little more, the sting on your scalp providing you with more pleasure than pain. You pull off of him to take a breath, jerking him off as you do so.

“Am I meeting your expectations?” You bat your eyelashes up at him, drool sliding down your chin and makeup smeared under your eyes in tear streaks. He groans at the sight of you, forcing you to a standing position so he could kiss you again.

You start dragging him towards the shower, unhooking your bra and stepping out of your panties. He raises an eyebrow at you, amused. “You want me to fuck you in the shower, baby? Have you slipping all over my cock?”

“Duh,” you can’t help but roll your eyes at his question, practically pawing at his underwear to get him out of them fully. “Did you think I sucked your dick on the bathroom floor for fun?”

“That mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble one of these days.”

He kicks them off, reconnecting your lips as you step into the shower. The hot water hits your back almost like a massage, synchronously getting in your mouth as you make out with Juyeon aggressively. It’s like he can’t get enough of you, big hands kneading and groping everywhere and nowhere all at once. You feel insane, especially with how good of a kisser he is. It’s like you’re on cloud nine and nothing’s capable of bringing you down.

When he’s finally lost his patience, he spins you around, pressing you cheek first to the shower wall. You feel him against your lower back, his lips leveling with your ear. In spite of acting as if he had himself under control, you can hear the pant in his breathing, deep voice a little desperate than usual. He has a hand gripping your thigh and picking up your leg.

“No protection?” He asks, his cock already gliding between your folds in anticipation.

“Mm-mm,” you shake your head as best you can with his body sandwiching you to the tiled surface. “Wanna feel you raw.”

“Fuck, you can’t say shit like that to me,” Juyeon groans into your ear, giving no warning as he spits down your front and hikes your leg higher, thrusting into your cunt. “You’ll make me wanna stay buried in you forever.”

You moan, hand coming up to hold the side of his head as he fucks you into the shower wall. If someone were to ask about this very moment, you weren’t too sure how you’d defend yourself. A moment of weakness, perhaps? But if a moment of weakness felt this fucking good every time, you might fall into a habit of judgment lapses.

He nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, nibbling and biting your shoulder and the surrounding area with each snap of his hips. The angle he drives into you at has stars forming at the back of your vision, the tip of his cock brushing that one spot deep inside of you whenever he thrusts up. You don’t even think his entire dick is in you as he does this, but you also don’t really have the mind to care, way too focused on memorizing the veins of his shaft with your walls.

You’re far too gone to consider the consequences of your actions, the horizon of your release just beyond your fingertips now. You’d never needed someone so viscerally before, so carnally. Yet here you were, sucking Lee Juyeon’s cock in with your pussy like you were a damn vacuum. The sounds you’re making bounce back and forth on the walls, no doubt louder than the shower water itself.

“I— I-I’m so— fuck,” you mewl, words wobbling. “I’m so, so close, Juyo.”

“Yeah, baby?” He sighs in your ear, nudging your sensitive clit with his thumb while raising your leg as much as he physically can. “Me too, where do you want me?”

“Inside,” you don’t think you even make sense anymore, babbling as he continues to fuck you stupid. “Please. Want you to cum inside me.”

Juyeon grits his teeth, pleased with himself that he didn’t orgasm right then and there. He uses his last ounce of strength to get the two of you off together. “C’mon, sweetheart, cum for me.”

The fogginess subsides pretty quickly after you’ve finished, your brain registering what just happened almost instantaneously. If you weren’t so hypersensitive, you would’ve pulled him out yourself and scrambled to flee the scene. (And maybe even the country.) There are many more rational thoughts running through your head now. The entire trajectory of your life has just been changed, whether you realized it or not. But the biggest issue was:

What the hell do you do now?

© juyeonszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[dramalove247]

Tag Game: Scenes I will never forget

Inspired by 🐠 Dori's post, we are starting a tag game because we are curious what scenes would be on everyone else's list.

Rules: Share 5-10 scenes you can't forget. Not your favorites, the ones that got stuck in your brain for any reason.

Explain if you want to, or don't, your choice. We chose to stick with Asian dramas. Don't like the rules? Make up your own. We won't judge. And consider yourself tagged if you wanna play. Just please tag us to we can see your list!

🐈Kat: I broke my own rules (I am a rebel like that) and ended up picking 10 series, though sometimes had a few scenes from the series. Also, I very intentionally did not pick any scenes 🐠 did, just for funsies.

Love Between Fairy and Devil

This series has imprinted on me, because it hard launched a pretty intense hyperfixation. I may have binged this in an embarrassingly short amount of time. I then proceeded to rewatch it more times than I will admit back to back. There are way too many scenes in this series that live on in my head. For simplicity, I give you a scene in episode 9 where I knew for certain that I was going to love Dongfang Qing Cang. Daddy says, “How dare you hurt my woman.” Then BAM, f-ing black smoke wings. Hot damn.

Crash Landing on You

This whole series has stayed with me. Not sure I will ever watch it again. It was really freaking good, but it hurt. I am not sure I have it in me to let it hurt me that way again. My mind comes back to episode 12 a lot, as the threads in this episode are all interwoven. The parallel between what Se Ri says to her mother, and what Jeong Hyeok says to her… just damn.

“Next year, and the one after that, and even the one after that will all be good because I’ll be thinking about you. I’ll be grateful that you were born into this world. I’ll be grateful that the person I love is still breathing. That’s why your birthday will always be a good day.”

Fireworks of my Heart

In a similar vein, there is a scene in episode 28 of Fireworks of my Heart when Song Yan is talking to Meng Yan Chen outside Xu Qin’s condo that lives in my head. Meng Yan Chen is telling Song Yan that he is not good enough for Xu Qin.

“She has insomnia. She needs sleeping pills to fall asleep. Did you know that? You said this neighborhood is good. It really is. The floor is good too. It’s very high. Meng Yan Chen, look up. Given her previous state, do you think one day, she’d jump from above? None of your family has the right to say I don’t deserve her.”

I had spent the whole series up to this point feeling like there was a brittleness to Xu Qin, and I kept expecting her to make some sort of suicidal gesture. But I also thought I might be being over-dramatic, because there was nothing explicitly stated in the script before this. In that moment Song Yan demonstrated once again how he is the only one who really SEES her. With her adopted family she has to be a fragile doll, not living, but with Song Yan she can be her "imperfect" self and actually LIVE. And this scene perfectly embodies all of that.

Jack & Joker: U Steal my Heart!

Since 🐠 already brought up the non-wedding in the special episode, I'll choose the scene from the series that hit me the hardest. I can never forget Joker at the hospital after Toiting is hurt. Watching him break, the overwhelming shame and self hatred he feels, all his ugly crying and self-harming behaviors (tearing at his hair, hitting himself); and then Jack's utter devastation and rage. It was so incredibly well done.

I Told Sunset About You / I Promised You the Moon

I’m counting this as one extended series, as it two parts of a bigger story. This story hit me in unhealthy ways. 🐠 was the bestest of besties and let me drone on and on about this series in-depth. Despite the fact that at the time she had no intention of watching it, had no interest in or care about the series, she just knew this was knocking around in my head and I needed to talk it out. I want to hate this series. I hate how Teh hurts Oh-aew repeatedly, even if it isn't malicious in nature, while on his journey of self-discovery and growth. Oh-aew is so honest and clear about his emotions, he loves Teh and never questioned that. Teh on the other hand, navigating his own complicated emotions and his fears, wounds Oh-aew in the process. I want something and someone better for Oh-aew. Yet at the same time I know how much he loves Teh, and ultimately how much Teh truly loves Oh-aew, and I get that emotions are complicated and messy. This series hurt me a lot and made me wallow in it. But it did it so well I couldn’t walk away and I still carry it with me.

The scene in ITSAY that is the loudest in my head, is the back scratching/sniffing scene. That was the most confusing and uncomfortably hot scene. Billkin and PP Krit could teach a master class in telegraphing desire with your body. I think seeing their desire for each other, how Oh-aew surrenders and Teh can't seem to control himself as he get's lost in Oh-aew is what makes this scene so hot.

The scene I keep coming back to in IPYTM is the breakup scene. Watching Oh-aew watching Teh who is watching Jai and having all the pieces come together in a way that cannot be ignored or denied, and the devastation on Oh-aew face has left a mark on me. The following argument, watching Oh-aew fall apart and Teh facing the reality of losing Oh-aew burns.

Why R U ? (Thailand)

OMG. Zee is a master at crying, and Saint is no slouch. Technically two scenes, but all related, so I'm leaning into it. First, in episode 11 (damn episode 11 curse!). Tutor begging Fighter to let him go, saying it's because he’s tired and hurting, and that moment where Fighter realizes he will give Tutor anything… so he let's go.

Then came the salt in the wound in episode 12, when Tutor continues his campaign to make Fighter hate him. The desperate and angry kissing, Tutor remembering his why and pulling it all in and just laying there on the bed, before unleashing all the sneering disdain with an “are you satisfied.” Followed by Fighter breaking and BEGGING and Tutor being cold and deliberately cruel, throwing metaphorical rocks to make Fighter leave. Watching the character Fighter fall apart is really powerful, but honestly, there is something about watching Zee as an actor falling apart in any role that just does something to my feelings.

My Stand In

This is another series where I couldn’t pick just one scene. I have a questionably unhealthy love for Ming. I love a good toxic obsessive love trope. Soooo many dopamine sprinkles. Om nom nom. Ahem.

First, THE ICONIC BACK SCENE. This scene is so incredible for me because in that moment we have Ming, who knows he was in love with Joe, was utterly devastated over Joe's loss, and is living his life with the goal of finding Joe. He is eaten up with guilt- had already fallen out of “love” with Tong, and blames Tong as much as himself for what they did to Joe. Then he learns that the very thing he loved about Tong was never Tong, it was in fact, Joe. Who he had mistreated and lost due to his "love" of Tong. The apology, Ming's devastation and crying, and the way he clings to Joe with no care for anyone else in the room. So freaking good.

Joe losing it at the funeral. Seeing him grieving his old life, attending his own funeral, and then confronting Ming. It hurt so good.

And finally, when Ming- and please know it hurts me a little to phrase it this way, makes love to Joe for the first time. This scene was choreographed so well to relay how it was different. We have Ming prioritizing Joe’s pleasure, and while Ming has A THING for backs, the slight shift in positioning and Ming gazing at Joe’s face intensely are ways he is communicating to Joe that it is different this time. He is making it clear that he is with Joe, wants to be with Joe, loves Joe, and is clearly communicating that in his actions throughout this whole scene.

Love in the Air

I’m sure this scene may live in a lot of people’s heads for a variety of reasons. For me, there is the context of this being the first Thai BL I watched. Look, I am a queer American woman in my 40s - I have SEEN SOME THINGS. My mass consumption of live-action Asian dramas started with C-Dramas, many of those I watched barely register on the spice scale. While the K and J dramas I had consumed have a wider spice range, a lot of the (specifically Asian) BL content I had consumed prior to watching LITA had not prepared me for episode 6. Hell, the first NC scene and all the make outs hadn’t prepared me for this scene. I literally sent 🐠 something along the lines of “Holy guacamole Dori. I started this series I kept seeing recommended and there is a f-ing tongue lick.” And then I sent her a screenshot- followed by a gif - because words could not adequately convey what I saw.

4 Minutes

Which then leads me to 4 minutes (because you know that series has to make it on at least 2/3 of my lists for REASONS). Let’s just say, if LITA’s tongue lick has carved itself into my memory bank, then 4 Minutes - WHICH HAS SET THE CURVE ON OUR SPICE SCALE - is going to be there too. I want to say it’s a Bible scene, and yes, many of his scenes stay with me (for reasons… RESPECTFUL reasons). But for this list, it was Tonkla all the way, because bro went all the damn way and needed a TOWEL. Enough said.

Bed Friend

Since apparently we’re on the subject of spicy scenes, I will wrap up this list with Bedfriends and Uea in that damn cat-cosplay. Do there need to even be words about this? Because I think this gif says it all.

We showed your ours.... tag, you're it.

No pressure tag for people we think might like to play: @my-rose-tinted-glasses @hughungrybear @nabi-unveiled @respectthepetty @heretherebedork @lurkingshan @pointlesscandies @iguessitsjustme

[caeunot]

hii first of all i love your writing and im so glad i came across your fics 🖤 i was wondering if you could maybe write a johnnie x fem reader, enemies to lovers fic? or something along the lines of johnnie and fem reader always bullying each other a bit only to realise they've been crushing on each other the whole time?

johnnie guilbert x reader

enemies to lovers 18+

➷ you hated his guts, everything about him irritated you and made your skin crawl. you are friends with jake and you absolutely love him to bits so you spending time with him normally equals to you having to be around johnnie. these feelings aren't without reason though, your not the type of girl to hate on others very easily.

it happened a few years back, when your own youtube career recently jumpstarted and you started spending time with other similar youtubers near you. this is how you originally met johnnie, even before jake. you were first invited to a party hosted by some popular la youtuber at the time and you obviously took the invite since you knew this would not only help you make more friends in the industry but to also promote yourself!

you were greeting everyone and taking many pictures as the night went on, fully using this opportunity to the best of your ability. as it hit 12 you decided to look around and scope out the last person you want to introduce yourself to before you head home. you saw a short-ish guy with deep red emo hair swooped to the side with harsh makeup around his eyes and you were immediately intriged. you preferred a more grunge look yourself so seeing someone with such familiar fashion made you feel at ease.

"hey im y/n!" you say, introducing yourself. "do I know you?" he says coldly as he turns to see who was speaking to him. "no but everyone will soon the way my channel is going" you say with some sass so you can counter his rudeness. "you have way too much confidence" he says with a smirk. "so I've been told".

"what's your name?" you ask, "my names johnnie, johnnie guilbert". "well nice to meet you johnnie" you say with a smile. "what do you do for a living? if I can ask", " I make youtube videos and I also make some music on the side!" he says. you two talk for a little longer before you check the time seeing its quite past what you had planned. "hey it was great meeting you! I don't want to stay too long so I think I should get going!"

as you say goodbye and walk away you feel him grab you by your wrist, you turn around. "wait don't go yet, your the most interesting person I've spoken to today and I don't want to go home just yet" you bite your lip, "fine, how about I just walk you to your car then". he rolls his eyes, "is that all? anyways I don't even have a car, I came with uber"

"wait why did you take an uber?", you say confused, "do I really have to say". "yes", " okay, I can't drive.. happy?" you scrunch up your face, you don't feel comfortable letting him go home with an uber this time of night. "I don't mind giving you a lift! then you can talk to me during the ride all you want"

you walked him to your car and he got in on the passenger seat, let me just say that convincing him to let you take him home was harder than you imagined, but you could see in his face he appreciated it.

"why are you doing this again?" he asks as you start driving. "because I'm a nice person and I don't trust ubers". he nods, "I like your piercings" he says, observing your face in the dim lighting. "thanks!" you say as you stick out your tongue, showing your snake eyes. "oh shit I've never seen that in person before, it looks great". you blush slightly, "it was pretty painful and it's hard to upkeep but I don't regret it at all".

he brushes his hands through his hair, probably anxious from the small talk. "this might sound weird but, do you have a girlfriend" you ask. "I don't, why?", "it's because I figured that if u did she would be the one driving u home from a party, so I was just curious". "haven't had one in years", he says leaning back. "really? your really hot so I'd imagine girls would be all over you".

he laughs, "maybe in the past but not anymore, my sense of fashion and my lack of confidence kinda makes getting a girlfriend hard" he says, opening up to you effortlessly. "I think emo guys are hot" you turn and look at him.

"what are you implying?" he says, giving a lewd grin. "that if I had the choice to either have sex with you or not have sex with you that I would". you notice him squirm slightly in his seat. "if you mean that, pull over" he says

you do as he says and you climb into the back seat. you crawl into his lap and find yourself grabbing and pulling on anything you can find as you feel his tounge slip deep into your mouth, tasting the alcohol he had ingested that night. you wish you could recall the rest but you were much drunker than you thought you were and ended up slightly blacking out.

the moral of the story is that you gave him your number, and he never came back after that. not a call, not even a single text. you never ever hooked up with guys, this was your first time. and you hate how knowing a guy for just one hour could make you feel such strong feelings towards him, for johnnies case those feelings were a mix of lust and disgust.

back to current times, you ended up meeting jake a year later and that's when you saw johnnie again for the first time since that night. but instead of apologizing or at least being honest he instead found himself ignoring you. this frustrated you the most, you despise a man who cannot own up to his actions, let alone not even acknowledging them. every time you found yourself around him you felt your blood boil and you just wanted to give him a peice of your mind, but you can't.

you can't since it's been 5 months since and neither of you have said anything at all, 5 months of pure pretend. jake noticed your dislike towards his roommate but he didn't want to get involved in any issues that didn't require him, which you appreciated greatly.

after a lot of convincing, jake did eventually get the both of you to film a video together with him. it was one of those food rating videos and the goal was to order one type of food for everyone, jake said that I will do the drinks, johnnie the main and jake the desert. you were dreading this.

and you have been dreading this day for the past month since jake started bringing it up. you couldn't even handle being in the same room as him for a few minutes let alone a whole video.

"let's plan what we will order now so that we don't have to think to hard tomorrow!' jake says as you sat down on the couch next to him and opposite from johnnie. "I already know what I'm making you guys eat", "let it be actual food and not just chicken nuggets please" jake says jokingly. "knowing johnnie he will probably poison mine" you say with a scoff. a few minutes later jake started getting a call from someone and had to leave, aka leaving you alone with johnnie.

"why would you say that?" johnnie said to you the moment jake left the room. "say what?", "say that I'd poison your food, it's rude". you laugh from the pure nerve this guy has. "don't fuck with me, don't act like your the victim here". "says the one starting unnecessary shit". " I'm not starting anything, you started and I'm just continuing". the tension in the room was cut as jake walks back in, "sorry guys that was my studio, anyways where were we!" he looks between the two of you and johnnie gets up and leaves, saying he's not feeling well.

that evening you sat down in the passengers seat of jakes car, you breathe in and out meditatively to calm your nerves. "okay everything is orderd we just gotta wait for the food!" jake says climbing into his seat of the car and started prepping for the recording. you fiddle with your rings and move around your hair for a solid 12 minutes before johnnie got in the car with the food in hand.

the video started off fine, you didn't laugh at his jokes and he didn't laugh at yours. you two didn't even make eye contact, that was untill it was jakes turn. "okay guys for johnnie I got him a really massive chocolate chip cookie because hes a basic bitch and I got y/n a gummy lunchable because she's never had one" you laugh since the idea for having gummy pizza seems so obscure. "jake that's so wrong you know I love lunchables". jake turns to you as if implying you should give him a piece.

"I rather not" you say softly, but not soft enough to where johnnie couldn't hear you, "it's literally just a lunchable what's your problem". " I never said I had a problem, it's not my fault you don't have manners and can't ask for something yourself". "I literally just said that I love lunchables, stop starting shit were recording".

jake turns around to face the both of you, "what the fuck guys, what's your problem", you look at johnnie, "ask him". " you guys are acting like fucking toddlers either tell me what happened or just sort your issues alone, like now" he says as he gets out of his car, "there's no point in keeping on filming so let's just go inside okay".

you go inside and sit down and you feel as if your in the third grade getting detention from your angry teacher Mr Webber. "so.. what happend, you two have been like this since the moment you met and I don't understand, y/n, johnnie,I love you both so much but I can't handle this bad energy", you stay quiet and so does johnnie. "okay if you guys are going to be like that I'm going to my room, just please sort something out because I promised our fans we were doing a collab". he says walking off into his room.

you bite the inside of your mouth and look around, not able to handle the awkward silence. "johnnie I just have to ask you one question, why?" he makes an upset face, "what do you mean 'why'", " you know what I mean" you say in almost a defeated tone. you stand up and walk towards where he is sitting, "I mean why didn't you text me back, why did you ghost me" he looks away. "don't be a coward please, im tired of our crap". upon hearing this he stands up.

"fine okay, I'm a fucking coward. I was too scared to message you back because I was drunk and you were drunk and I knew for a fact that nothing would happen between us because I mean look at you, your gorgeous and I know if we somehow started something in the future I would feel so guilty that we hooked up the night we met, I've only ever had sex with two people y/n!! that's you and my ex and I feel guilty for it every day because sleeping with random people is not me!!"

your feel as if your in shock, almost frozen in place. you brush your hand through your hair about to say something but nothing comes out. "I never met to hurt you at all I just, I'm stupid I'm fucking st-" you cut him off by putting your lips on his, he doesn't push you away and instead takes his arms and grabs onto you tight while pushing you against the nearest wall. "I sware I'm not usually like this" he says, breaking the kiss,"you just.. do something to me"

'fuck' you mutter as you grab onto his hair as the kiss becomes more and more passionate. he takes his hands off the wall and starts to remove your baby tee, exposing your lacy black bra. as he did this you hear something behind you and look to see jake, his mouth dropped right to the floor. johnnie immediately stood in front of you to cover your exposed skin and when he heard jake walk away he helped you put your shirt back on. "I'm so sorry" he says with the most guilty look on his face.

"shh don't be it's okay!" you say holding his face and giving him a soft kiss, "I definitely overreacted to everything because of how much I liked you, it hurt me so much that someone I felt so strongly about could shove me aside like you did". " I haven't gone a day without regretting what I did" he says. you felt so relieved that this issue between you two was finally sorted out.

"what now?" you ask, indentifying the elephant in the room. "its my turn to say sorry I shouldnt have kissed you like that it was impulsive and careless of me".

"y/n". " yes?", you ask completely confused. "I've never met someone I've wanted more then you in this moment, I want you and all of you" he says walking towards you and holding your waist, "let's not torture each other as we have, please" you smile "I'm all yours".

❣

[cetaceans-pls]

Fic Writer Ask Game

tagged by the wonderful @lisziztaken c: brother i will take any excuse to talk about fics!!

how many works on ao3?

80 (god above)

total ao3 wordcount?

454,659 (GOD ABOVE)

Top 5 fics by kudos?

Growing Like a Breeze (Bruce and Jason and a roadtrip)

Late Night Langoustining (Jason gets real Strange about lobster)

When The Moon Hits Your Eye (Bruce gets zapped into a child)

A Chips and Dips Kind of Night (Dick goes to a 7/11)

A Midafternoon Beetdown (urban farmer Jason but not)

What fandoms do you write for?

Batman these days, but i've also done voltron, D. Gray man, Haikyuu!, Kuroko no Basuke, Free, and Kyou Kara Maou. was mostly an anime writer before i got Got by kuro

Do you respond to comments?

for the most part! i'm out of town a fair bit and sometimes i miss things, but i absolutely do when i can. there's a folder of screenshots of some all-time humdingers, shit that Changed Me tbh

Angstiest Ending?

angsty work doesn't tend to make it out my WIP doc :') maybe the (non)necessity of a stiff upper lip? i feel like this bruce without batman to keep him going is just more melancholic

Fic with the happiest ending?

i'd say lost at sea and i'm having a time. i don't tend to do epilogues, and the follow-up about a family vacation is cheesy feel-good. otherwise, uhm and the mountain came? bruce turned down immortal life for some good ol' fashioned imperfect lovin', so i have a soft spot for that

Do you get hate?

the worse it gets is 'u write brujay 😒 could you not' ON GEN FICS like. sister queen what is happening is you are making my brain go writing gen fics = shitty comments aaaa. also it's not hate but ratings on public bookmarks irk me fiercely like lover there's a reason ao3 doesn't have a gd 5-star rating system!!

Do you write smut?

i used to be a fiend on kinkmemes back in the day :') less so now, but my schedule is about one smutty thing a calendar year

Do you write crossovers?

oh man there was a weird ass voltron/sabriel crossover that i was really proud of! nobody read it but i liked how i adapted sabriel in that one

Ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! i still have not gotten over it happening! the magnificent kraulbell on ao3 did some stories in mandarin (here, here, here), and there was a translation of portions of third thursday into korean by YAPO, but the links for those i'm afraid are down :(

Have you ever cowritten a fic?

not one fic, but written stories in some degree of coordination with others? yeah! big big fan of working on the same prompt with someone

All-time favorite ship?

brother it is unfortunately still lavikan from d.gray man, which is a pairing embraced these days by maybe 12 people. they left too much of an imprint on me...... a very close second is whatever the FUCK is going on between bruce and jason (and a very very close third is whatever the FUCK is going on betwee bruce and everyone he's ever met (myself included))

WIPs you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

these girls are coming for you. it's been a little too long and i do NOT remember what my proposed continuation was. the rest of my WIPs though i'm either actively working on or i keep picking at.

Writing Strengths?

uhm! landscape descriptions i've been told i'm pretty good at, and of course the whale special of side characters u get overly-invested in! i also really like the rhythm of my writing, but fully accept that it's not everyone's cup of tea

Writing Weaknesses?

brother i rely on () like nothing else. i also really struggle writing an active scene with more than 2 (two (!!)) people; i've noticed that everyone spends a lot of time thinking thoughts in amongst their dialogue and this means conversations between more than 2 people just drag on forever (shameful)

Thoughts on mixed language dialogue?

do you mean language being mixed by a single speaker, or different speakers speaking different languages? for the first one, totally down for it. it's terribly common for multilingual people to talk a mishmash esp in similar company, BUT unless i know the secondary language well enough to emulate it i wouldn't write it.

if it's the latter, also very down for it. it helps with obfuscation if that's your aim (e.g. a mob character speaking Finnish), and if it's some sort of flexing i do kind of like the sense of the reader having to make a bit of an effort to find out for themselves! or otherwise giving just enough context in the response for them to have a good guess. languages are cool and the only wrong way to write it is to be unloving about it

First fandom you wrote for?

gakuen alice, back before i knew online spaces for fandoms existed, in a little workbook written by fucking hand lmao.

Favorite fic you've ever written?

hnggggggg it's a multi-way toss-up. i maintain that go fish is one of the best things i've ever written, weird as hell as it is. the (non)necessity of a stiff upper lip meanwhile has a hazy glazyness to it that i keep trying to replicate. and ofc there's a 70k dgm fic that's never seen the light of day that i think is probably me at my plot-writing best c: man i do love to write

thank you li for tagging me! i love thinking and talking about fics c: tagging @setsailslash @sparkypantaloons and whoever would like to try it c:

[korelore]

tag game ✨ get to know me!

tagged by @ronandreams, thank u chance !!

1 ) are you named after someone? nope!

2 ) when is the last time you cried? yesterday, listening to the afterword of an audiobook. i wasn't even sad i just love writing as a craft and afterwords make me feel proud of the author

3 ) do you like your handwriting? yes, i grew up with that american girl doll book about handwriting and turned it into a hobby lol

4 ) what is your favorite lunch meat? honey ham will always be up there, but basically anything with mustard will be a hit for me

5 ) do you have kids? nope, i love kids though! i don't really want any of my own, but i worked in childcare for a long time

6 ) if you were another person, would you be friends with you? yes, it's so hard to find road trip/weekend adventure partners but i would always be down for a road trip with me

7 ) do you use sarcasm? rarely, but i do!

8 ) do you still have your tonsils? yes

9 ) would you bungee jump? absolutely! i'm a sucker for daredevil stuff like that, i grew up frequenting carnivals and theme parks with my siblings so i get a lot of delight from the adrenalin rush

10 ) what is your favorite kind of cereal? as a snack, apple jacks, but as an actual meal i'm a raisin bran truther. some of us need fiber!!

11 ) do you untie your shoes when you take them off? i've never thought about this but never? unless they're docs or something

12 ) do you think you're a strong person? i think everyone's strong in their own ways!

13 ) what is your favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry, specifically with giant strawberry pieces in it. runner-up is mint chip!

14 ) what is the first thing you notice about people? their style. i love it when people find a way to express themselves in small or unconventional ways, it's so endearing

15 ) red or pink? red! it's my favorite color (shocker)

16 ) what do you least like about yourself physically? i have had a lot of dental issues and i hate hate hate the dentist, so i'm very insecure about and resentful of my teeth/smile. it pisses me off to no end that i've spent a lot of time trying to address the issues and it seems like there's always something else that can go wrong.

17 ) what color pants and shoes are you wearing now? i'm wearing a dress and white sneakers

18 ) what was the last thing you ate? a breakfast sandwich!

19 ) what are you listening to right now? i'm on a 70's outlaw country kick now that the weather is getting warmer!

20 ) if you were a crayon, what color would you be? scarlet

21 ) favorite smell? i am a fragrance girlie so i have a lot of opinions, but i'll focus on the summer ones! i'm a fan of warm coconut, mango, honey, and citrus scents, so nothing revolutionary for the warmer weather. some of the fragrances i've been using lately have been a mango skin dupe, cheirosa 62, and mellow yellow by anna sui. year-round, i often reach for scents with pomegranate, creamy woods, licorice, and passionfruit.

22 ) who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mom

23 ) favorite sport to watch? softball or football, but i'll watch anything if the vibes are good! i genuinely just love getting excited about something with people who care a lot about it

24 ) hair color? auburn

25 ) eye color? brown

26 ) do you wear contacts? yes

27 ) favorite food to eat? spicy sushi with crunchy rice

28 ) scary movies or comedy? scary!

29 ) last movie you watched? materialists (i was not a fan personally)

30 ) what color shirt are you wearing? i'm wearing a blue dress!

31 ) summer or winter? always summer. i love swimming outdoors and full green trees and summer thunderstorms.

32 ) hugs or kisses? hugs! i don't like kissing very much at all

33 ) what book are you currently reading? shark heart by emily habeck

34 ) who do you miss right now? my long-distance best friends

35 ) what is on your mouse pad? cupcakes!

36 ) what is the last tv program you watched? perry mason, the old black and white series

37 ) what is the best sound? a bunch of people spontaneously singing together. i have cried in karaoke bars before lol

38 ) rolling stones or the beatles? i can't pick a fave

39 ) what is the farthest you have ever traveled? australia!

40 ) do you have a special talent? i can dance! i like swing dancing and two-stepping as well as ballet, tap, and lyrical. i'm quick to pick up choreography

41 ) where were you born? the us!

42 ) people you nominate to participate in this? (if you'd like) tagging in @lovesickallovermybed, @bloodmoonlich, @riccis, @spcncershasting, @bvck-barnes, @shortsweetespresso, along with anybody else who's up for it!

[wispstalk]

20 questions for writers

under the cut. Thanks to @everybodyknows-everybodydies for tagging🖤

Tagging back: @nuwanders @jiubilant @ervona @ehlnofay @druidx @blossom-adventures @sylvienerevarine @throughtrialbyfire @da3drat no pressure

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Five

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

198327

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just elder scrolls. I have a feeling that's gonna be it for me. I've been tempted to write stardew valley fic lately which would perhaps be classed as "crack" (I know what that is in theory but the way people use it makes no sense to me) but I took a cursory look at the tag and I don't think the stardew valley fandom is ready for a ray fic lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well. I have five.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try 🫠 it haunts me how often I've left my beloved mutuals on read..... but if that's u and I did, I am telepathically beaming this: !!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Making out sloppy style etc etc

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

lol. lmao even

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

.....within AO3 I guess it's "Morning" but also that's set at a refugee camp? I will say the skyrim story will have a more peaceful ending but up until now fic writing has been an outlet for my thwarted rage and covid brain damage soooo

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I mean this is generally a culture of positive feedback. Someone did yell at me once for hitting martin septim with the transgender beam which is a level of no-life-havin loserdom which could be classed as "hate" but came off as pure cope and seethe

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I really bristle at the word smut sorry its too cutesy. I was a prodomme for seven years I don't do euphemisms lol. I wrote a sex scene into IITT to see how I felt about writing sex scenes. I learned that I am only interested in writing them if they serve specific functions. I have absolutely zero judgment toward anyone who wants to write about fuckin and suckin, that's just not why I'm here

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No but recently my household watched game of thrones together and my bf and his brother were cracking jokes like what if one of these medieval characters had a gundam. Neither of them read fic so I was like don't be too entertained by yourselves. I bet that has been written. looked it up on ao3 and sure as shit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I'm not gonna lie I did find a fic where someone very obviously ripped me off but I don't wanna call them out. One specific instance where they bit my style was so clumsily applied as to be obvious, but their prose in general was fantastic so like. who care.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not as far as I know but that would make me holler

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Nope. I'm not opposed to the idea but it's hard to imagine how I'd do this given my process. I think I'd be pretty difficult to work with

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

?!? I dunno I don't have one. I put a lot of effort into writing martinhok but I could not say that one, due to how overwhelmingly heterosexual the tag is. I'm sorry but can everyone who's not a faggot please pipe down

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have my moments with the skyrim wip. I've signed myself up for something pretty complicated and challenging but I also learned that I can finish things so I'm not really worried about it. The fact of the matter is: I do not care if this is good. It matters that it is done so I can move on with my life. If parts of it are boring and overlong that's yalls problem

16. What are your writing strengths?

I get a lot of compliments on my worldbuilding. I do think a lot about the minutiae of material culture and think I have a talent for incorporating detail in engaging ways

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a cornball. This is a corny activity. I don't really care because I'm doing it for free. Enjoy the unsolicited view into an internet stranger's terrible psyche

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I try to apply with a light hand. I'm a dumbass sheltered American and I can mostly make myself understood in a Spanish-speaking country but that's about it. I like playing around with language and the idea of multilingual societies matters to me so I include it, but I'm not a linguist so I try to work within my limits. Whether I am successful at this is up to others.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Elder scrolls. Never felt compelled until i spent a winter playing oblivion and went wow this game has an incredibly bleak narrative behind a silly aesthetic. Oops now I'm in a lore pit

20. Favorite fic you've written?

The Nature of Fire is my best prose hands down. I'm gonna be real with y'all I am desperate for people to read it. It is genuinely the best I can do at this point and if you like what I've done so far, well, whatever u read sucks compared to this fic.

[youremyheaven]

I’m not Indian but the thing you said about body shaming from parents really hits. I do come from an immigrant background though and I feel like a lot of our cultures have normalised this behaviour.

But even my dad who is not an immigrant (yk those older white men who marry significantly younger women from 2nd/3rd world countries? An elder passport bro if you will lmao), once made a comment in a highly derogatory tone about my ass being too big. It wasn’t really sexual but more so a comment on my weight gain at the time, but bro I was 12 and I still think about it😭

People talk about body positivity a lot but growing up chubby/with curves is deeply traumatic and it makes me sad to think about how many of us experienced this

that was so wrong of your padre 😭😭

i s2g i feel like all non-white parents are more or less like this, and i guess even some white parents. its such a shame bc i remember being 13-14 and i felt hideous like nobody would even want to look at me and my mom would slut shame me and im like ??? babe im ugly and fat,, no part of me is "sexy" or "desirable" ALSO IM 13??? but she would talk like i was seducing every man in the city lmfao

I S2G the trauma of my early teens fcked me up ngl. its so heartbreaking to just transition from girlhood to adolescence and coming to terms with your burgeoning womanhood. like that's such a complicated experience to make peace with??? until yesterday i was a child but now i am still a child but people dont look at me like that, weird men on the streets catcall you, say disgusting things when you're within earshot, your mom thinks you're a whore even tho u literally do not know what exactly sex involves, strangers are sending u dick pics and porn gifs, now u have to worry about other people's intentions bc they might be trying to "take advantage" of you when a few months ago, they saw u as an innocent child. if someone gropes you, you hate yourself, you feel disgusting and dirty and no one tells you its not your fault. you feel afraid of people, of how they look at you, of what they might do to you, you dont want to be seen, you dont want to be touched. if you tell someone you were assaulted, sometimes they tell you its because you were careless or that you were asking for it or worse that you secretly enjoyed it. you cant eat or you eat too much, food becomes a source of shame. you want to feel like you have value, like you have power so you try to "own" your sexuality. fine if everyone thinks im a whore anyway i might as well "own" it except that it literally doesn't help. you feel worse. you dont know who you are because your whole identity revolves around how others perceive u and not what u have to offer as a human being. u think talent is worthless if u arent pretty. i could go on and on

literally female adolescence is a hellscape and every girl should get a medal for surviving it.

im sorry for my long (probably triggering) ramble but i just had to let it out lmao

im sorry that we've had to go thru this. praying for all girls and future women<333

[gyoung1906]

Documentation of my comphet throughout the years 🧍‍♀️

Okay so I thought it’d be funny to talk abt my most intense male fixation eras as a lesbian (idk i’m just shitposting into the void again) judge me all u want (it is probably needed) but i need ppl to understand the real me 🙏

IT CROPPED HALF HIS FACE OUT but i just realised if you aren’t british ur gonna have no idea who he is anyone (he’s lachlan white from emmerdale) omg this was an ERA everyone around me thought i was going insane (i was) but like they just didn’t get it he slayed so hard at a level that will never be reached (literally) also tom atkinson on sex education was like a full circle moment for me omg but anyways i was like 11-12 here these were literally my formative years this changed me FOREVER don’t judge he slayed omg

THIS okay so u can’t even blame me for this one it’s just correct. yes he’s like walking masculinity stereotype BUT he also had depth and was interesting 😌 the fanfics were SO GOOD this is when i really got into fanfiction and accidentally read smut where someone get pregnant in the hunger games 🧍‍♀️i read this one fic that was like x reader AND THEY STRAIGHT UP BOTH DIED but anyways. i read fanfics abt literally everyone thg character (read abt women and convinced myself i was still straight lmfao) but he was the stand out for me. i recently revisited this era and the fics ppl write on ao3 r INSANE omg like what is wrong with u ppl ( i say this lovingly but also wtf )

OMGOMGOMG BEST ERA OF MY LIFE u actually don’t understand u just had to be there. a solid percentage of my brain even to this day is made up of this man. this is like the stupidest thing ever but when i was like 14 i would just mirror his personality (and tone down the arsehole part obvs) so that i could get more talkative AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED nobody in the whole world will ever understand how much he means to me (i don’t rly understand it myself tbh) and ik ppl literally fuckinf despise him but i will not tolerate the dandy mott slander bc he is literally part of my core identity atp i revisit him every few months just to fully reconnect with my inner being. did anyone read Companion? that shit was crazy also i wrote a fic abt him on wattpad and people actually READ IT so anyways best era of my life it truly never got better i rly hit me peak (i had 0 friends) the few friends i had literally told me i talked abt him too much and it made them like me less 💀

this was arguably my most chill era like yea i was pretty obsessive but with marvel it’s so normalised to be so intense abt everything i kinda just fit right in. there’s too much professor fanfiction r u ppl okay 🧍‍♀️ also more actor fanfiction than i have ever seen for any other man in my LIFE but the capitalism went hard during this era the fluff was so good. arguably my most comforting era? idk i can’t rly explain that one

okay so these two r kinda completely different but also (for obvious reasons) the exact same. gotham was my most openly gay era and for that i will forever be grateful HOWEVER the kristen kringle haters were doing WAY TOO MUCH like she’s already dead why u doing her like that constantly (u will see this sentiment echoed later abt someone else hmmm i wonder who) but yea and then YES i was a paul dano lesbian (literally wasn’t out as lesbian at this point lmao) honestly this is probably the era my friends hated the most they would either awkwardly pretend to agree/care abt the shit i was saying or straight up tell me i was delusional 💀 my friends even now still call it my worst era but i LOVED IT kinda solidified my position at the bottom of the hellish secondary school hierarchy but i still had a good time. the paul dani riddler fanfics r next level tho the way ppl would just post STALKER fics constantly with like zero warnings and it was never labelled as yandere 🧍‍♀️i also got in an argument with a writer on wattpad bc they made the riddler and the oc have like a 6 year age gap and they met when she was 10 and he was like 16 💀 other than that good vibes all round

tbh this era was pretty brief i can’t fully explain what happened here like the vibes were immaculate but also insane WHY IS THERE SM YANDERE FANFIC peter parker is so nice but then in fanfics it’s like 👹 but i rly like spider-man HOWEVER this then led me to my final destination on the comphet journey…

omg were finally at the final stop the peak of comphet ( i came out as lesbian within this era ) arguably not my finest hour bc i swore i would never watch criminal minds bc the number of seasons is WAY TOO MUCH but here we are i watched it bc i read too much fanfic abt this man. i have lots of criticism for the fandom but he in himself is acc a rly good character. this was supposed to be like my ethical era but he’s acc killed like a bunch of ppl and thomas gibson is MESSY (don’t cancel me pls i say that lovingly 🫶) the haley hotchner misogyny nearly killed me off i don’t think i’ve ever been so miserable in a fandom and the fanfics kinda take feminism back a few hundred years but pretty good besides that

anyways there is my brainrot i hope the two (at most) ppl who will read this enjoyed 🫶 LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO im gonna say i posted this in honour of international lesbian day even tho that was several days ago

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

hi i finished tma season 1

IM GONNA THROW UP NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

WHY HER WHY SASHA WHY MSUT THEY DO THIS WHY MY WIFE WHY WHY N OOOOOOO

THAT IS NOT MY SASHA THAT IS NOT MY WIFE WHAT THE FUCK GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!! SHE DIDNT EVEN EAT ANY NOTEBOOKS MAN WHY SHED GET GRAHAM'D!!!! IM GONNA CRY THATS NOT HER THATS NOT HER THATS NOT HER WHAT THE HELL "yes." YOU ARE NOT MY BELOVED GET OUT

THAT FUCKING TABLE ISTG I HATE IT I HATE IT IM GONNA HIT IT WITH TWELVE BILLION METAL PIPES WHY DIDNT JON BREAK IT YOUUU FUUUUUUCKKKK THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE NO WAY THAT TABLE ISNT RELATED TO WHATEVER THIS REPLACEINATOR IS. IS IT THE SAME CREATURE THAT SKEDADDLED INTO GRAHAMS FLAT????? WHY DOES NO ONE SEE ANYTHING WRONG W SASHA THAT IS SO OBLIVIOUSLY NOT HER

the worms the worms the worms ... worm wife ..... the screamerrrrrrrrrrr the wormerrrrrrrrrrr

tim is so silly i love him tbh. my man (presumably) took off his pants in the middle of a wormpocalypse. thanks buddy. he should be high on co2 more often."statement of joe spooky... regarding mysterious happenings..." silly guy silly guy (the horrors) "im fine though. except for the holes. and the pain. and the blood. and the nightmares. couldve been worse though, eh?" u need 12 diff types of therapy now buddy

MARTIN is quite silly too i like him a lot ... erm i think he might actually be a ghost Jon was onto something (silly). jons still such a hater STOPPP HES JUST OUT HERE VIBING... HE SOUNDED SO SAD AND SCARED :( i want to hug him please "im sorry i left you" .. i know what you are

why was Gertrudes body just There btw. what the fuck. shes just been there??? man imagine ur running from The Worms and then BOOM random dead body of the old Archivist HELLO?? AND SHE WAS SHOT??? NO SPOOKY SCARIES ?? JUST GOOD OL GUNS??

i looked it up. the missing cases. have sashas voice. and the homophobic vase statement. im going actually going to be sick. wdym "Evelyn Hewett as Not!Sasha" GOODBYE I HATE EVERYTHING

they all sound so tiiired :[

SORRY TO RANT IN YOUR INBOX BTW IM JUST. NEED TO SCREAM. GOING INSANE

AND SORRY FOR ALL THE CAPS IIIIIMM

I NEED TO BE LOBOTOMIZED RIGHT NOW WHYYYY

AAAAAAH I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO RESPOND TO UR RANT IN EVERY POINT IN ITS ENTIRETY BUT REST ASURED IVE READ THE WHOLE THING AND IM

FUCKKK YESSSSSSSSSS

i knew you'd like tma. i fucking KNEW it. and it only gets worse from here hehehehhe so watch out >:3 and THEN u have to listen to protocol.... fuck yes.........

YOURE CATCHING ON TO SO MUCH OF THE LORE STuFF THO GOOD JOB U UNDERSTAND IT SO MUBH BETTER THAN I DID MY FIRST LISTEN LOL

yea sasha.... oof....... bro got graham'd as u said :3

tim.... auauuaauua a fandom favorite. ofc. the lovely. i have so much to say aobut tim and what a [insert adjectvie that i cant say cos spoilers] character he is but i CANT cos again SPOILERS........

martin is so lovely. i love that man. gorgeous ass lovely human. honestly one of the best characters (but jon's my fave im a jon girlie)

THE HOMOPHOBIC VASE LMAO yes. also. have u heard the jurgen leitner rant?? id save it til after u finish s2 but it is definitely something that every tma fan should memorize.

jurgen leitner?! stupid idiot motherufkcing jurgen leitner god damn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of teh whore, biggest clown in the circus laughed out of town, cowboy motherfucker jurgen leitner (etc etc. this goes on for about 4 paragraphs.)

I RELALY APPRECIATE U RANTING IN MY INBOX. BECAUSE U STARTED LISTENINT TO TMA COS OF ME. ITS LIKE MY HARD WORK IS ALL PAYING OFF. IVE INDOCTRINATED U INTO THIS STUPID FUCKING PODCAST.

dw it destroys everyone. makes everyone go insane. i had the Exact Same Reactions on my second listen ;-; it's a podcast and a half tbh. fucking amazing.

[borom1r]

THANK @theshakespearetrash FOR MORR QUESTIONS IMMMMMNNN VERY HIGH ive never RPed as John Marlott but ive written 2 fics for him tht counts right? right

(ask meme)

1. Is your muse afraid of death?

he wants to die so bad. + then he does and his family is gone AND his rest is stolen from him 💔 so no. but it’s very sad

2. What is your muse’s kill count? 

huh. that’s a good question actually. I think.. huh. not many? Hervey’s henchdude in s1 and i think someone else?? im very high rn he killed the one dude in s2 to escape the asylum n there’s a lotta death that follows him but like 2? 3? ppl HE kills on screen.

ofc that’s not touchin on the war/anything pre-canon in his work. + he blames himself for the death of his wife and child so those Could be counted

3. What is your muse’s biggest fear? 

everyone he loves dying. + hey guess what happens in canon!!

4. How easy is it to anger your muse?

not very. he knows the dance of Polite Society Manners and can keep his composure. he might be stern but it’s rare that he Actually gets angry. until his sanity starts slipping but u know that’s beyond his fuckin control

5. What is your muse’s biggest regret? 

everything tht happened w his wife n child

6. Does your muse believe in an afterlife? 

LOL yea but he doesn’t get to go thereeeeee

7. How many scars does your muse have?

HM. many. lots on his back n obvs the scars from Hervey. bet he has quite a few more tho

8. Does your muse tend to bottle things up?

yes but not.. mm, not consciously i think. he’s just so used to isolation that i don’t think he even Fathoms opening up to someone as a possibility

9. What is one thing that would break your muse?

HRM. well. Flora’s death does, one could argue. at least it starts the steep downward spiral into his rebirth and further decline following his institutionalization

10. Does your muse have nightmares? What about?

obviously yea + im fucking insane abt him. barking like a dog @ Sean Bean fucking gutting himself with fabric shears

11. Would your muse kill for someone they care about? 

oh yea ofc he would. of course he would.

12. What was the worst injury your muse has received?

does it count as an injury if it happened postmortem? i think the psychological trauma caused by it means it counts. the surgical wounds from Hervey

13. How much pain can your muse withstand? For how long? 

s1? a fair amount of pain for quite a long time. s2? the man’s a corpse. he got coffin shrapnel in his side and fuckin walked home. he’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine he’s fine don’t ask

14. What was the most traumatic moment in your muse’s life?

Hervey’s bullshit forever. hate that man hitting him w bricks unironically

15. How often does your muse cry? Do they view it as weakness?

RARELY + feel like he’s probably neutral abt it conceptually he’s just so used to being completely alone. i think emotions are kind of just a numb ache for him for a while. + then of course he bonds w Flora and Nightingale and then Everything Goes To Hell And Crashes And Burns

16. If your muse could talk to one person they’ve lost, who would it be? 

HM. his wife i think. bc he at least got the closure of seein Flora + Nightingale reunited. but he never got to see his wife even Before his rebirth

17. Does your muse consider themselves a good person? Why or why not? 

HRM. s1? no i think he’s neutral to himself at BEST. s2……….. nooooooooo but also yes kind of i think Esther really helps him see the good in himself. so by the end of s2 Yes but only then

18. Does your muse think they’re capable of changing? Do they even want to?

OH. very good question. does he? i think he feels like he Has to believe in change bc Esther and Flora and Nightingale did ultimately play a role in changing him for the better. and Hervey changed him for the worse. but also these r all external forces effecting him not like. himself. can he? I don’t think so. I think if he thought abt it he’d think that he himself is stagnant. it’s like pond ripples. if you lob a rock into water there’s already rocks in the bottom of that bitch so the only real change is surface distortion and a little more weight. and ultimately the ripples stop and the water settles. maybe it’s cloudier bc sediment got stirred up. maybe it’s clear, who knows. Still just a fuckin lake. does that make sense? idk man I cried in a theater today + toook too many edibles he’s himself. that’s an answer

[late-cambrian]

FOR THE AO3 WRAPPED hello !!!!!

3, 6, 12, 18, 19 and 28? i'm being selfish picking tons of questions alksdfjklsjdfk

AHHHH HELLO

first, everyone go read kae's works rn >:( fr find me a better writer, i'll wait

3) What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)

unfortunate for my blue lock besties, but it's a naruto fic lmao. I really enjoyed writing quartz arenite, which is one of my only serious fics. It's a Gaara character study with some background world-building I feel like the show doesn't actually give us about Suna. It also has GaaLee, obviously, because it had to.

6) Favorite title you used

oh geez. I'm gonna have to pick two. for naruto, Bombing Sex-Ed because I think it's so silly. for blue lock, propbably Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn. I mean, c'mon, Pitbull.

12) How many WIPs do you have in your docs for next year?

oh DOUBLE geez, I currently have 25 drafts in my folder for blue lock alone. I'm hoping to have at least one Christmas fic for Loser Gate out before the end of the year hehehe.

18) The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

hmmm, probably a tie between Rin and Ness. I really like BachiRin, but their dynamic has been tough for me to write because I feel like Rin is difficult for me to write in character lol. Ness is just OOC, and I have a hard time capturing his, how do you say, crazy-insane Isagi-flavored hate. I just want him to be silly, and the way he simps for kaiser in canon makes me say ness bb girl get off your knees. i write him how i want to (which is correct, i know him better than the author).

19) What's one pairing you want to explore next year?

RAHHHH THIS QUESTION!!!! I really want to dip into Otoya/Karasu/Yukimiya tbh. My roots are haikyuu poly-flavored, and I loooove a throuple. I love their dynamic, and I want to write more Karasu tbfh lol. I also want to write some bachisagi and ness/kurona! I have so many ideas swimming around :)

28) Favorite work you wrote this year?

for naruto, still quartz arenite. super proud of that one <3. For Blue Lock, tbh I really enjoyed writing both Monster Mash and Smash or Pass. smash or pass came to me so fast lol. i loved that chapter, and i knew that i wanted to make it a part of loser gate. i had a blast reading kaisagi authors interpret what they'd do about it in general. big win for kaisagi nation. Monster Mash was super hard to write bc.I suck at world-building, but it was really fun to write and I got to write SaeShidou, which is always a win for me.

thank you for the ask, @kae-karo <3. i love talking about more stuff so it's not selfish, and tbh, would die for u. fr everyone do yourself a favor and check out their works!

[celebrinienjoyer]

tagged by my beloved @ayceeofspades thank u 💖

tagging @wolfiemcwolferson @duquesademiel @river-ocean @gaslybottoms

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11 (10 under my username and 1 on anon)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

30,363! my goal for the year was to hit 20k total so ive already smashed that

3. What fandoms do you write for?

f1 babyyyyy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

something borrowed (my first fic which im genuinely quite proud of)

tip of the tongue (literally just pwp)

treat with care (girl brainrot)

no poor substitute (my a/b/o unwellness which was. shockingly well received)

helping hand (esteban hand propaganda)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i WANT TO but i always feel so awkward and i never know what to say 😭 i dont know how to adequately express my emotions so i just end up. never getting around to it and i feel BAD ABOUT IT

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

muscle memory... its like. my singular angsty fic. the ending is nice and hopeful right up until i shatter it with a hammer but it Had to be done. its simply how it is.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think all the other ones!! possibly no poor substitute or treat with care because they both end on an "oh this is a New Relationship now" while something borrowed and tip of the tongue are both more like. we were already hooking up but i guess its serious now.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no and if i ever did i would cry forever

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

almost exclusively jdkjhdkjhs it is my Favored Terrain. i feel like my smut is. emotional and grounded? or at least thats what i hope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, not that im aware!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

non! but i would be delighted if anyone did.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i hope to one day!!!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i have been thinking about pierresteban literally non-stop for the past 14 calendar months i am so fucking sorry to everyone who knows me

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my singular wip on ao3 is on anon and... i dont know if i'll ever finish it but i hope i will at some point. and as for unpublished wips... i have a lot. i dont know if ill ever get around to finishing most of them.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i have consulted the gang and i have been told that i am good at tying the physical and emotional together (which is something i do Deliberately try to do as much as i can) and that i am very meticulous with what words i choose to use to carry a mood

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

DIALOGUE GOOD GOD. every single bit of dialogue ive ever written has been like pulling teeth. the thing is i dont know how to talk like a human person and i dont know how human people talk so it is my worst nightmare. one of my eternal wips is one i started and got like 3k words into before realizing that the dialogue would have to do the heavy lifting for the rest of the fic and then i was like "oh god damn it im an idiot arent i". also sentence structure that isnt subject-verb-object. but im kind of leaning into it tbh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

my honest to be honest opinion is just. write the dialogue in english and if you NEED to specify what language the character is speaking just be like "he says in [language]" UNLESS the pov character doesnt understand what theyre saying. literally simple as that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

f1 baby!!! this is literally the first fandom that has broken through the barrier in my brain thats kept me from writing fic my entire life. not even amc's the terror 2018 could do that.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

honestly? something borrowed. it was the first fic i ever completed literally in my life and i have such a soft spot for it and people were so UNBELIEVABLY nice to me about it!!!!

[selfelegy]

my sadness todays feels like a hiccup

not anymore since i smoked. the feelings right now feel distance, but only in perception. i know them to be real, as in, i really experienced a sadness today that felt like my throat contracting, as if to expel some foreign object that got stuck in my lungs

but rn? with this high? and the food by my side and the cats at my feet, hasnt He showered me with blessings? My God.

my sadness hurt today, and i turned to this high instead of u (the Most High..) instead of You. It is so much easier than turning to You. so so so much faster. It is so tempting, the immediate gratification. the promise to numb the pierce of whatever memory is drawing blood today. and it works. every time. i feel the heat on my lips and my shoulders relax. my eyes prick with tears that almost fell right before i lit this, now falling from the slight sting of the smoke, entering my lungs. disintegrating whatever laid there before. and for the first time since the night before, i finally took in a deep breath.

everyday is painful. chronic pain that has followed me since childhood, or the news ones blossoming from the rain my life, i am always experiencing pain. right now as i type this, my lower back, my left jaw, my left eye, right shoulder, my right hip. they all hurt. and ik ik to go to the gym would solve this long term. i do not want long term solutions that require an intial period of not just no return, but a negative one. it is the same with chasing God. i will not find Him in one day. I will not understand Him or His ways in one day. the Bible is so big, what a daunting task isnt it?? and I like reading, but to retain it, i MUST write it down. I hate writing. Sure I can type it up but even then, no retention.

wait "The residual effects of abandonment Had me observing my character flaws And viewing them all as insufficiently Capable of relating or growing with God" isnt this what i am describing? or "The feeling for affection and affirmation Adjusted performance to get attention and gain Some sort of acceptance but found I was always rejected and pushed away Deep scars, feelings of not belonging Caused tall emotional walls And any attempt to recover from the loss Of my confidence was incredibly small"

wait no it would be better if this is what i was describing.

in my case, i think i can do it alone.

i have tried to do it alone and yesterday for the first time i genuinely forgave who i was. i did that. with the bulimia, didnt i do that? I know the Lord in His mercy enabled me with Grace. I know. but for sake of discussion, i did it alone. so I pursue wellness alone. ahh, i have done that my entire life unfortunately, pursuing wellness alone. pursuing love alone. i came on here to talk about love and look at this.

my pride runs incredibly deep.

and my God will ultimately have the last say. and if Hebrews 12 is any indication of His intentions, i am afraid of what is to come. my pride runs like piping under my house, like roots under my oak tree. stable. and iron strong. alive. my pride is genuinely my best friend. the one girl who has got me out of everything in my life has been myself. not so much the desire to be better than everyone, but a hunger to show myself i deserve it. i have gone through so much, i deserve to not have to gag myself to feel skinny, or accept mistreatment from someone i love. it isnt pride, unless God is in the picture...so it is easier to stay away from God, because then....my sin dfoesnt exist anymore....

and we have come full circle havent we

the Cross makes me shame.

a familiar shame i carried and called my cross. but this is not from God. i think i need therapy? uhhh i think i genuinely have to get better for the sake of my relationship with God. i cant keep smoking weed to feel like I mean the things i say to Him because i finally feel real. because the weed is not consistent. like now, after i hit post, i am laying down. oh its cuz the past couple of days i have been sleeping poorly. if i sleep okay, i typically read my Bible. and do my dishes.

i think i need therapy to unlearn this shame

[the-firebird69]

This is a tough time today

This guy is really hitting himself it's not his people he's laying off but these are people that work overseas a lot of them are from special agencies to keep track of things to pull them out so this idiot is saying that he's doing the Mac plan and he doesn't have the ships and he doesn't have the power and he says he's going to hit things and blow stuff up like the stashes and caches to threaten everybody and we noticed that he was serious he wants to blow up cities and so forth of his own and and attack a certain areas in general areas and that's what he said he's going to do all of it is last minute stuff so everybody's prepping for that and he's just going to sit here and say this jerk off stuff and people are going to keep beating him up and killing him and killing his people it's really disgusting and yeah it's nobody's birthday nothing is f****** happening nothing has changed except you're losing your devices which actually somewhere else most of them are in the Parks about 90% of them and the 10% than the left about 5% are out and 4.9% are disabled so I don't know why that's funny but they're a bunch of jackasses around here and they've always been jackasses I guess.

So the CIA is going after them all over the world too

Thor Freya

These people are asking for it all the damn time and everywhere people are going after them and soon they'll be gone and it is just awful we are nasty can I see that being poor during this event is probably nasty. Uncle Phil is taking a break yeah the news is true everyone's fighting to get him out of there it's been about 3 weeks or more and he is in the morgue and people hate these idiots and he is having trouble he's laughing about something else it's going to be this huge deal and people don't know about venom and Gabby Gifford's side and she looks kind of like that sometimes and it is Caroline and Ghost riders in the sky are from venom and people are horrified when they see them terrified.

--there's a huge number of people that says tons of stupid s*** and Trump is one of them and yeah he can't handle the radiation really at all and it's trying not to go to the bathroom number one and number two. We're about 12 minutes into it it's only a few more minutes but he says I don't feel anything a little bigger

More in a moment

Thor Freya

Did you have a couple more things in the slide it is an incredible day for a couple reasons to me this is starting off a huge event and that's with Uncle Phil and I didn't know he was out it's not true but we kind of said it and our Angel here Kalel he doesn't get it until now so I guess okay it's going on and it's big because he'll go out there and get funding from someone who passed away I don't see these freaky little leprechauns running all over the place angry I think it's time Cruise you'll have to come out a little bigger that's one thing

--the other thing is he is under duress considerable the rest and people are recognizing me seeing it and it's starting to change and Trump is a huge ass and getting lots of attention

--Saturn is going around the other side of the Sun and he says that's more like it and it really is except Uncle Phil it's a big event because of what that's going to happen to my husband will get money and stuff in it and Tommy F sees it it's a complete idiots about it

--then on the 22nd and that's when I might relocate and it's moving time and he says I can get the U-Haul ship. It's not necessary I have my own thank you very much though. You don't need you doing that it's a mess I don't care if you look nervous of the counter and it works. Oh yeah I see why he says. I've been getting ready and training and yeah he's a little bit numb about it just worried it's coming up quick just got to get ready and there's a lot of stuff to do they're saying they have a schedule in there on it he's got to go get something to make sure it works and he's going to stay behind and help me move yeah I'll be okay and he'll be okay it's because I'm okay and it says this other things he can do and I do get that

Hera

It says the incident with grandpa might be the max trying to cover something up

Could be us too yeah and only a few macs and they know about his secret mission and has to be done

..

We actually do and it's gross but we don't like it sitting there doing that

Macs

Olympus

[killlavendr]

1: no

2: dark emerald green - cuz greens the slytherin color and dark emerald green is pretty

3: scar from the lion king but less evil

4: yes bro gets no bitches🙏😭

5: no

6: Russian, german, or latin (but I think he already knows a bit of Latin)

7: prof. Mcgonagal

8: slytherin?

9: I think he likes rich foods. And bitter foods. I don’t think he likes too much sugar. Favored drinks consist of red wine, water, firewhisky, and coffee (he could use a pepper up but he likes the taste better lol). For foods, I hc he has rather expensive taste. Seafood, fancy salads and soups, caviar, ect. Also a ton of arugula in those salads

10: hmmm no

11: this is dumb af but when Umbitch is like “so you originally applied for the DADA position?” “..yes.” “And you were not accepted?(or smth like that)” “..obviously not…” LMAOAOAO the sass and then him hitting Ron w a book I love it

12: Hermione, I think she’d be most likely to try and understand him and would snitch tf out of James, Sirius, Peter, ect. They’d be friends i think

13: yes + I stan him (both of them) + I literally can’t imagine anyone else playing him

14: muffliato. He wants to keep hearing those annoying ass kids to a minimum so he uses it whenever he’s alone and/or grading papers

15: reading. For a bonus I think his favorite genre would be horror (he thinks it’s funny. “Hah- that’s not what intestines look like.”)

16: when I was like five I didn’t like him. Then I got back into HP when I was 12 and thought he was hot

17: yes💀

18: his hair (in the movies) and nose

19: summarized - he’s an asshole

20: I literally don’t know

21: considering this hoe has had like 2 good memories in his lifetime probably just hanging out w Lily

22: Ehhh yeah probably but her holding back laughter when he was getting bullied + publicly humiliated is a red flag so idk

23: lingerie ..NAH NAH JKJKJKJ LMOAOAO but idk that button up shirt thing he has and just some black dress pants😭 also if this counts i hc he has a tattoo of lilies on his right shoulder

24: yeah

25: yes - in general or in HP? I’ll answer for both. Mitsuri Kanroji from kny - no😭 I think she’d like his emoness cuz she’s at least a little bit in love with almost everyone but also be scared of him💀 and Snape would hate her. For HP - no I don’t think him and Ron get along

26: horror I already said that tho

27: yeah I do

28: yeah because I have daddy issues and are more (non romantically) attracted to men who are fucking mean and I have to actually work to make them like me. Man I’m messed up

29: very plain but also fancy if that makes sense?? Like I think he would keep decorations to a minimum, have a slytherin tapestry on the wall or smth, velvet curtains, keeps his desk very clean, dark colors, green and black bed cotton bed, ect. Almost no clutter if not none

30: don’t bully ur students when you become a teacher u asshole Ik ur life sucks but don’t take it out on random ass 14 year olds (him staring at me like 🤨??? In response) also let’s kiss

31: yeah - depression 🤪🤪🤪 cuz his life is an actual dumpster fire. I think it gets rly bad in the winter and he gets more irritable. And OCD but that’s just a lil headcanon I just think he’s very obsessive about being clean to a point it’s unhealthy

32: idk sneepyheepy??? Severus Sneepyheepy Snape lololol

33: Lady fingers, Clair de lune, 月亮代表我的心. HE IS THE BIGGEST FUCJING TERESA TENG FAN EVER U CANT CHANGE MY MIND

34: every single snape ship I don’t like any of them

35: no he has no friends (other than mcgonagal but he won’t admit she’s his friend.)

Snape:“I don’t have friends..I am the night.”

Students: “OMG SNAP IS BATMAN!”

36: I think he gets nauseous when he has a lot of stress and gets crazy painful stomachaches. Also I’m self projecting that happens to me when my anxiety gets super bad and holy shit those stomachaches make me go violent

37: his hair. It’s described as rly greasy but in the movie his hair is LUXURIOUS AND FLUFFY pls snape take some advice from snape

38: his hair. It’s described as rly greasy but in the movie his hair is LUXURIOUS AND FLUFFY pls snape take some advice from snape

39: Fall. Not too cold but not too hot. Is happiest on cool mildly windy days

40: hmmm idk hanging out w Lily, reading abt magic, and crying

41: His bitchass dad

42: probably as a kid but quickly learned that he didn’t want anybody to see that side of him

43: i already mentioned this but the lily tattoo

44: definitely floo

45: aroace. I have a post abt this but I actually hc that snape didn’t have romantic feelings for Lily but has a hard time differing platonic and romantic feelings so he thought he did if that makes sense

46: Remus..if he didn’t almost kill him😭

47: like 2..oh for slytherin too? Then like 40,000 or smth

48: yeah he was like too obviously evil to actually be evil

49: tall for sure - I don’t think he’d be nearly as intimidating as he’s described if he was short

50: yeah I think so I also think he would’ve been a bit nicer (maybe I’m letting my hopes get the best of me tho)

Snape asks

Do you have a snOTP? What is it?

What do you think is Snape's favourite colour and why?

Which Disney character, according to you is most like Snape?

Do you think Snape remained a virgin?

Do you think Snape ever loved anyone other than Lily, romantically or platonically?

If Snape learnt another language, which would he choose?

Which staff member do you think gets along well with Snape?

If you had to assign Snape to a house, which one would it be?

What are your personal headcanons on Snape's diet and favourite foods?

Do you think Snape's character has changed the way you think/feel about others?

Your favourite scenes with book/movie!Snape?

If you had to chose a Golden trio era student to be Snape's friend, who would it be and why?

Do you think Alan Rickman contributed to your love for Snape?

What do you think is Snape's favourite potion to prepare?

If Snape had any free time, how do you think he would spend it?

Were you ever a Snater? How and when did you become a Snover?

Do you think Snape was unhappy even after joining the DEs?

Your favourite physical feature of Snape?

According to you, what is Snape's biggest flaw?

Why do you love Snape so much?

What particular memory do you think Snape used to conjure his patronus?

Do you think Lily was a good friend to Severus?

What do you think Snape wore under his robes?

Do you think Snape ever self-harmed?

Is there any other character you love as much as Snape? Do you think they'll get along?

What genre do you think Snape preferred to read?

Do you think Snape was close to his mother?

Do you think you'd like being taught by Snape?

How do you headcanon Snape's bedroom would look like?

If you could give young Snape any advice, what would it be?

Do you think Snape had any mental illnesses? Which ones and why?

If you could change Snape's middle name to be something other than Tobias what would you choose?

Top 3 songs you think will show up in Snape's most played?

Do you have any Snape NOTPs?

Snapey BROTPs?

Did Snape get sick often? Your headcanons for when he was sick?

Snape didn't pay attention to his physical appearance, but if you had to choose a part he would take care of, which would it be?

Which type of weather does Snape prefer?

How do you think Snape spent his early childhood days?

Other than Lily, who do you think impacted Snape's life the most?

Is there a side to Snape that he hasn't let anyone see? What do you headcanon this "secret personality" to be like?

Do you think Snape cried often?

What's your favourite headcanon about Snape? Is there a movie/song/book that reminds you of Snape?

What mode of magical travel would suit Snape the best?

Your opinion on Snape's sexuality?

Which of the Marauders do you think Snape could have gotten along with?

How many points do you think Snape would've awarded during his career?

Did you feel Snape was the "good guy" even before the reveal?

Do you prefer tall!Snape or short!Snape?

Had Snape lived, would he continue teaching at Hogwarts?

Reblog and let your followers ask more about how you think of Snape :3