#as i was processing transitioning and how i want to be seen socially

[peri]

ive decided to drop the bigender label. originally i used it dual-wielding being a guy and agender at the same time or at fluctuating times coz i wanted to be perceived a certain way ... but ive decided that ultimately i am just agender, one who would prefer to be treated like a guy socially, but in safe spaces can be agender in peace. i like masc terms still, but i am not too fond of being called a man exactly anymore. guy, dude, boy, husband, boyfriend, etc are all good still though.

i am back to where i was like 3-4 years ago: just some agender guy. i had the right idea.

[gor3sigil]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.

[catboybiologist]

So.

Re: tumblr bans of transfemmes.

Let's ignore PhotoMatt for a moment. Manbaby tech CEO doubling down on a stupid decision and making himself look like more of an ass doing so is not a new phenomena.

Tumblr has consistently said, in both public statements and leaked internal communication, that they're essentially running a skeleton crew.

They keep saying that they don't have the resources to moderate, manually review posts, have any kind of appeal process, or anything. So, as people have widely received communications about, they seemed to have automated a significant portion of the moderation to operate solely on the quantity of reports (probably with a basic filter, eg quantity of reports regarding a certain post, within a certain timeframe) to automatically ban or shadowban accounts.

And so, they wipe their hands, both to the users, the public, and their own consciousness, and go about their automated operations.

All of this is likely true. Tumblr, at this point, is essentially abandonware internally, a kind of weird vanity project/dumpster ground for server infrastructure for Automattic. Likely, they don't want the bad press of "shutting down" fully. Or maybe the trickle of revenue they get here just barely exceeds operating costs, so why not keep it around?

Whatever is the case, the bans are a result of an automated process working in the background. I'm giving them some benefit of the doubt here, of course, we can't know anything for certain- but it seems like the individual bans are not based on any specific, manual action.

And that doesn't fucking excuse anything.

Because at some point, multiple people sat down at tumblr, and decided how to cut costs.

And they decided that the bare minimum of report abuse prevention was one of the first things on the chopping block.

Before the boops. Before GUI reconfigures.

They decided to cut something that is necessary to manage online communities.

They decided to cut something that ensures any targeted group will have any kind of community online.

And then, after all of that, the only manual intervention is doubling down on the shitty decisions that the automated systems make, and plucking reasons out of their ass for why they were the right decisions all along.

It's pure silicon valley brain. Blame the computer often and always. Use it to shield the active decisions you made when designing the computer that way. Treat it as a fact of life as opposed to something they actively made decisions for.

Is tumblr staff hitting the banhammer on each transfemme one by one? No.

Is tumblr staff deliberately crafting a system that allows TERFs and other conservative bigots to get rid of the "undesirables" for them? Yup. But they sure as hell are trying to not say the quiet part out loud. If they can always point the finger somewhere else, to the advertisers, to the automated systems, to the TERFs, then they can always have juuusssttt enough plausible deniability.

But being the "queerest place on the internet" requires concious acknowledgement that queer people will be targets of harassment, and you will have to protect against that.

Side note, this is why I do try to keep my blog at least somewhat SFW. Its one of the main reasons why I choose not to reblog all of the posts I'm tagged in- if the post is overtly NSFW, I've probably seen it, appreciated it, and consciously decided my level of interaction with it mostly based on how "tumblr friendly" it is. Is that bowing down to them? A little. It's also my choice. I value the community I have here. The pushes that y'all have given me gave me the strength to transition, and honestly gives me a lot of motivation to research HRT biology as much as I can, among many other things.

Yeah, I post pictures that are clearly meant to be found attractive in ways that are generally not socially acceptable , but never actual NSFW. I would like to think that I'm pretty safe from bans, but hey. Who knows. I don't want to lose my follower base, and the community around it.

And yeah, I'm gonna annoyingly remind you of the other places to find me, make sure to check my pin. If you don't know where to go, just find me on reddit and go from there, I'll post about it if anything happens.

[beneathsilverstars]

Was explaining my thoughts about Vaugardian attitudes towards mental health and therapy as part of a different topic, but it got really long so dfjkghdf here it is as a whole post! Starting with some more general worldbuilsing but hold on, we’ll get there.

Since Houses canonically contain libraries and infirmaries and provide things like education and transition care, I see them as a center of not just community but specifically community resources. If you have a problem or a question, you go to the local House, and if they can't solve it themself they'll point you in the direction of whoever can! Thus Housemaidens generally fill a role similar to social workers, and specific Housemaidens will have specialties like being a doctor, cook, teacher of a particular subject, etc. In larger cities, a lot of the more specific or labor-intensive resources would probably be outsourced to other charities/companies/organizations, or perhaps split into specialties by House, to better serve a dense population instead of trying to cram every resource into every neighborhood's House. But you would still go to any House first to find these other resources, so every House would maintain a focus on educating and advising. Combine this with the fact that religious leaders are often one of the first people that followers go to for personal guidance, and it makes sense that Housemaidens would provide all sorts of counseling, filling the role of everything from job coach to therapist.

If Housemaidens are the people providing all or at least most of the therapy in the country, then even if they're not trying to push religious doctrine, the Change belief is still going to be the source of the values and philosophies that their therapeutic models are based in. They can try to be nonpartisan and avoid mentioning Change in so many words, but it'll still be baked into the default assumptions of the local modalities in a self-perpetuating manner. If you want an entirely different approach, you're probably going to have find someone who specifically studied alternate modalities from other countries, any of which would have a much smaller market share than Change-based therapies.

So! Vaugardian therapy will focus on questions like "What Changes have been happening in your life lately, and how do you feel about them?" "What would you like to Change in your life?" "What can you Change about your thought processes and habits to address the things that trouble you?" and "Who do you want to be?" Which sound like just a particular way to word fairly common topics, but! These questions would be asked in pursuit of Change-y goals, as well.

The goal of irl mental healthcare as an industry is to make sure people can be productive. A common diagnostic question is "does this symptom interfere with your ability to work and otherwise get things done?" But Vaugardians are friendly and helpful to the point of approaching utopia, so I could see them being less concerned with this, because they're more willing to accept that some people can't work and some people need more support. In fact, in keeping with their distaste for carcinization, they might actively oppose the idea that there is any particular goal that people should be working towards. If there's one type of existence that is best for all people at all times, reaching it would mean there's no reason to ever Change again! So instead of any particular milestones, the goal is simply to set and strive towards goals that feel right to you.

I also think they'd be less likely to work off of a diagnostic model at all; you can't just say that someone inherently has depression. They may be depressed right now, but that can Change! The Change might require constant upkeep, but some Changes are like that, and it doesn't mean the Change is any less real. Instead, they'd probably be more focused on individual symptoms (and traits!), which might tend to come in certain clusters, but those clusters would be seen as trends rather than criteria. The Change modality would be less concerned with whether a state of being is disordered vs normal/healthy (and they'd be less likely to conflate "normal" and "healthy"), focusing instead on whether you're happy with where you're at, but also willing and able to Change as suits you.

So, "I feel apathetic all the time, I don't want to put effort into anything and I don't care about anything, I don't know who I am or who I want to be" would be an experience of depression symptoms that a Vaugardian therapist would prioritize helping you Change. But "I don't care about any of the things I used to care about, I think I want to quit my job and cut off all my friends so I can spend more time sleeping" would be... an idea a good therapist may recommend you spend some time exploring, to make sure that's what you really want and you're ready for the ramifications... but they wouldn't say, "No, that's a bad thing to want, we need to treat your depression so that you no longer want to do that." If you really do hate your job and your friends right now, stagnating in that because you feel like you ought to would be the worst case scenario! If pursuing this Change ends up making you feel unfulfilled and lonely and sick of sleeping all day, then, well, you can just Change again at that point, once you've decided that's what you want to do.

In an opposite example, a common criticism of irl therapy is that it provides bandaid solutions for structural issues. "I'm anxious about losing my job" might be addressed by mindfulness methods to lessen anxiety, which is better than nothing, but if you're genuinely in danger of losing your job and thus access to shelter and food, that's not something you can mindfulness away. Versus, in Change-based therapies, they would focus on discussing what you get out of that job and what about it makes you anxious. You might decide that you want to change careers to something that fits you better right now — which would be a lot easier to accomplish in Vaugarde than it would be irl, because of the resources provided by the Houses and general community. Or, you might decide that there's something about yourself that you want to change in order to better fit the job. So instead of working on the feeling of anxiety, you might work on building new skills, or building better relationships with your coworkers.

... I wrote this post thinking that Vaugardian therapy might use similar techniques to CBT (therapy), since CBT focuses on understanding the patterns of thought, behavior, and belief that lead to psychological issues, so that you can replace negative patterns with habits that serve you better. Sounds like making mental changes in order to change your feelings and actions! It would just be in favor of different goals than irl CBT under capitalism.

However. I did some more research, and it looks like Humanistic therapy is very similar to what I made up just now? According to this text, humanistic therapy "emphasizes growth and self-actualization rather than curing diseases or alleviating disorders." Psychological issues are "viewed as the result of inhibited ability to make authentic, meaningful, and self-directed choices about how to live," so it focuses on "helping people free themselves from disabling assumptions and attitudes so they can live fuller lives."

It's less of a set of techniques and more of a philosophy. According to this website, the key is empathy and "unconditional positive regard," which means the therapist "shows warmth, is receptive, and is nonjudgmental." They cultivate a casual, friendly atmosphere, instead of positioning themself as an authority figure. Client-centered therapy is a subtype that sounds like the most cliché sort of talk therapy; the therapist "listens, acknowledges, and paraphrases your concerns," giving you a space where you can be honest and accepted as yourself. Another subtype is gestalt therapy, which "focuses on the skills and techniques that allow you to be aware of your feelings and emotions," and encourages a focus on the present and self-responsibility.

So! That sounds about right! Vaugardian therapists aim to help you recognize your emotions and figure out who you are and who you want to be, through casual conversation and empathetic active listening, without judgement. They help you look at your skills, emotions, desires, and struggles, and guide you to consider the full breadth of options available to you, so you can decide what Changes will lead you to happiness and fulfillment. They especially try to avoid diagnosing, prescribing, or otherwise telling you who you must be or what you must need. They may provide suggestions — help you put something into words, or bring up options that professionals are more familiar with such as medication, or challenge you to re-examine your assumptions — but it's a collaborative brainstorming, and they want you to freely choose the option you think is best for you.

[genderqueerdykes]

so this is very embarrassing to admit but im a full grown adult now (18), and i moved away from home to start my life over and hopefully transition. but i realized very recently that because of my dysphoria i actually never took anything in during sex ed (which was very bad to begin with) and i know nothing about my body as is. i'm 18 uears old and my body is not just not what i want it to be but i don't even know what steps i'd like to take in making my body my own because i know nothing about the body i currently have.

i dont know how my body works, i dont know what surgeries will do what. i feel so stupid and lost and embarrassed and going to a doctor for this seems even scarier now with the realization i don't know words to describe my parts, i don't know even the most basic of processes. please please please tell me you have resources for me?

if relevant, i'm afab and looking into masculinizing processes. though i'm sure that there's gotta be other folks in different bodies than mine that are just as lost... i just dont know how to start searching without feeling strange and alien. sorry for being rambly, you're just someone i trust to go to with this and i'm very lost.

i'm sorry you've been made to feel this way, but i'm saying this to reassure you:

nobody is a full grown adult at 18!

you literally just became an adult. you're a beginner at it. a "full grown adult" is someone who is 50+. don't let people worry you too much about your age. you're still developing as a person. you're very, very young. what sort of information do you need in specific? what do you need to know about how your body works?

these may help you for the time being:

Transbucket - A website containing information about medical transition including surgeons and reviews, before and after surgery results, cost of surgeries, and more.

TransGuySupply - Chest binders, packers, STP devices, and more.

TopSurgery.net - Website for locating top surgeons.

Underworks - Safe, trusted medical grade chest binders.

What do I need to know about transitioning? (Planned Parenthood)

I Think I Might Be Transgender - A pamphlet for potential/trans youth, with quotes from other trans youth.

r/FtM - reddit support community for transmasculine individuals.

FtM Surgery Overview (Crane Center for Transgender Surgery)

Metoidioplasty Overview (Crane Center for Transgender Surgery)

Phalloplasty Overview (Cleveland Clinic)

Phallo.net - Phalloplasty ExplainedMetoidioplasty.net - Metoidioplasty ExplainedVagina-Preserving Phalloplasty Overview (Phallo.net)

Non Binary Options for Metoidioplasty (Metoidioplasty.net)

More information on vagina-preserving phalloplasties (Queerdoc)

List of informed consent clinics in the United States that provide gender affirming care services.

National Center for Transgender Equality - Find out how to update your name and gender on state and federal IDs and records (United States)

Guidelines for the Primary and Gender-Affirming Care of Transgender and Gender Nonbinary People - UCSF Transgender Care

Rainbow Health Ontario - Social Transition

you can find the above and a lot more on my queer resources page:

if you would like more info on general sex ed, please check out this blog, they post lots of great information:

@certifiedsexed

feel free to come back with more specifics, i'll be happy to help with what i can!

[homunculus-argument]

hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not

so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.

so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.

I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.

She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.

It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.

It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.

Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.

[plantanarchy]

saw your tags on that poll and honestly that's how I used to feel but transition is such a slow and intentional process that starting to transition is basically NOT transitioning for the first few months so there's no risk to starting.

Something that helped me too is that if my fear is not passing or otherwise not getting the results I want because transition won't work for me then there's no real reason not to start right? There's only a chance of success with transition but if transition won't work there's no risk of not meeting my goals or getting stuck.

Hormones also make a lot of us feel a lot better, I didn't realize the mental sludge I was living in for years and years, my first shot gave me such peace and clarity and it still does.

On the darker side those feelings don't go away but you already know this, it's just a question of what regrets do you want to risk dying with, the regret of trying or the regret of drowning yourself every minute of the day. Worst case scenario is you detransition after a year; laser and voice training and you're back to square one.

It's scary and scary and lonely but I promise the repression is worse than anything else. Even with the everything I don't regret and am not going back, I actually like myself and am comfortable in my own skin everyone and everything else be damned.

If you haven't seen it already I really really really recommend watching "I Saw the TV Glow" and seeing what feelings it brings up. It explores the exact struggle you and all the rest of us have gone through or is going through.

Thank you for this ask! Very kind of you to share all that.

Personally, my fear is more rooted in exposure in the Current Climate than in fearing the results. I know for a fact that I wouldn't regret physically and socially transitioning but it's a risk and there's the fear that resources could be taken away, doctors hard to come by, etc.

Mostly I've just taken a "it's none of your business" lax stance to gender the past few years so that I didn't stress myself out over what I couldn't be. It mostly doesn't suck except for when it does a little, but there's not actually a clear path to what would suck somewhat less.

[sid-the-sandwich]

Womb Theory in Love For Love's Sake

Hello!

These are just short form notes on an idea that I had late at night, as I thought more about it, the more the thoughts kept coming - its hard to explain, but envisioning Myungha's life as a cycle of life and death, we can imagine the 'game' as the in between these two points - this explanation takes heavy liberties and goes into major details so beware.

Warning: Suicide / Suicidal thoughts

DEATH:

Myungha's first life represents the start of the cycle - we can link this to the stages of Grief in its usual order (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) - showing Myungha grieving his own death.

Denial - denying his want to live when wishing on a star

Anger - anger when his grandmother passes away

Bargaining - bargaining by not acting when his Girlfriend breaks up with him.

Depression - depression when his mother rejects him, and instead takes care of another child

Acceptance - accepting to end his own life and feeling a strange calming sensation.

[this also links to this post where I theorised that Myungha goes through the stages of grief in reverse in the new world - coming back full-circle]

NUCLEUS:

Purgatory Bar is the place that could represent the Nucleus of Creation, the start of a life filled with Data and DNA - a relatively compact bubble filled with warmth and security before becoming an embryo - its singular and extremely lonely.

The senior being an unknown force speaking to Myungha can be interpreted in two ways - 1) The cell is going through Meiosis, prepping to become an embryo, or 2) A cell overhearing unusual, strange voices (usually the baby's parents)

The questions Myungha is made to answer are symbolic of DNA - his senior is collecting information on exactly what type of person Myungha will turn out to be. However, in this case, instead of physical characteristics, the data collected determines his inner psyche.

Purgatory being a bar could represent the insemination process itself, highlighting Myungha's life starting off as a 'drunken mistake'.

The warmth of the colours is interesting to note. The lighting is similar to the warm colours of Myungha's Mother's cafe. These are two scenes where such intense warmth is found. If purgatory is seen as a Nucleus in the womb, then both of these moments relate to Myungha's Mother.

WOMB:

The game world, just like an embroyo in the womb is confined, governed by its own unique rules and regulations. Myungha's freedom is limited and his actions are based on his missions, or he faces punishment - just like an embryo learning to survive.

The game world represents the mother's body - the womb. the parallels are clear. Myungha doesn't enter the game out of his own free will; he is placed there by an external source (his sunbae) - in the womb its by the parents.

Myungha's actions are based on the game's system and what it asks of him - just like an embryo, he is not actively making decisions; rather, following a predetermined program set out for him - he's merely a passenger within.

Myungha's game-life depends on a 'host' - he was inserted into a body within the fictional world - his survival clings on following the world's rules, just like how an embryo leeches on the nutrients given to them.

The game, like a mother's body, provides a framework, but it's up to Myungha/ the embryo to interact with what is around them. Both are not sufficient in this state. Without the mother, an embryo cannot exist, and without the game, neither can Myungha. If separated from the mainframe too early, neither can survive on its own.

Sometimes Myungha can hear faint bubbling (and yes this signifies his death) is also symbolic of the stage he is in, that transition between death and life.

The sub-missions Myungha are given can easily be explained - the missions are very general (making friends, earning money, social media, etc). The simplicity of these goals represent something a parent may talk to with the child inside their womb.

The glitches and system errors that cause unpredictable outcomes are similar to the womb - even if the smallest thing goes wrong, it can lead to disastrous consequences.

The author's pen, although a strange addition to the game world can be explained with this theory - it can be deemed as a divine trait. This once more links to this transitioning phase between death and life - Myungha is writing his own story for the world he is about to enter.

the timelimit Myungha is given when entering the world is 300 days - this is noteworthy as the usual time for gestation in the womb is 280 days. (However, and even though Myungha disappears and reapears earlier then expected, babies are born anytime from 24 weeks onwards)

LABOUR:

After being ejected from the world, Myungha is thrown straight into the void - its conflicting, scary, otherworldly and cold.

no matter how much heads-up Myungha was given, with all the planning he still feels so unprepared - he is kicking, screaming, crying because he's scared - Myungha is neither fully inside the game (womb), nor out of it - he is neither dead nor alive.

the water of the void symbolises the water breaking during birth. the dark narrow nature of the void represents a baby being pushed out through the birthing canal - the void is painful for Myungha, made to to accept both his past which he can never return to and the future right before his eyes - this process is painful and disorienting.

Myungha enters the void on a few occasions before he is sent there permanently - this can be explained as false labour.

the void is temperory, the shortest time compared to the other stages, and labour is the shortest of them all.

he has no control over how or when he is ejected, he is pushed out, pulled toward a light - feeling suffocating - but he is alive. Myungha is in the process of being born.

BIRTH:

Myungha is returned to the game - this time, he is not an error factor, but a character, someone alive and apart of that world. Myungha takes his first breath and tears up a bit when he wakes up fully.

the game mechnaics still being present, means Myungha is not fully cut off from his past yet as he is still connected somehow - this represents the umbilical cord.

Myungha must still learn to survive for a little while connected, until he gets used to the real world - the game mechanics 'hold his hand' in this case, telling what to do before he is cut off forever.

the beach, more importantly the water that surrounds them, could sybolise the state one is born in, all wet from internal fluids (idk how else to put it). Myungha is out of breath from running, he's breathing hard representing his first few breath taking a large amount of power on him.

the final stage of birth is the cutting of the umbilical cord - the point at which the mother and child are detached - in this case, when the aspect ratio changed, Myungha is cut off from the game (from his host).

he is fully alive and there's no going back.

LIFE:

the final scene of the show - the day at the beach, can be interpreted as looking into the future,

the baby growing up, learning, adapting, making friends, being in relationships and learning how to live.

=========================================

I don't know what compelled me to write this and to make such an in-depth analysis of being born - but here it is for all you. any questions? lmao

i am not normal about this show, what gave it away?

I find it fascinating looking at it through this lens even if it was never intended to, but given all the imagery and mention of Life and Death in the show, its worth analysing.

Thank u for reading

Stay Safe <3

===========================================

| Masterlist |

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[allzelemonz]

Tie: Slade Wilson X FTM Reader

Pronouns: he/him, Reader referred to as ‘boy’, ‘man’, and ‘handsome’ Physical Sex: AFAB implied Rating: G/Fluff Warnings: Mentor/protege, Reader is referred to as younger, Slade says trans rights, trans reader, ftm reader, suits and ties, transition process, tying ties, fluff, Slade being nice for once, undercover mission Summary: Slade teaches you to knot your tie.

Slade stands in the main area of the compound, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. His protege was supposed to be out here two minutes ago, dressed up and ready for an undercover hit. The kid is a mess. Simply ‘mess’ is likely the understatement of the century. Hardly up to par in physicality for a young man his age, abysmal progress altogether. And now, on top of all of that, he’s late.

He rushes in just a moment later, officially three minutes late.

“The hell took you so long.” Slade near growls. He hasn’t hit the kid outside of training yet and it has taken quite a bit of self restraint.

“Sorry, I couldn’t, uh…” The kid looks down, his hand mindlessly tugging at the undone tie around his neck.

“You can’t tie a damn tie?” Slade scoffs, looking down at the young man with knitted eyebrows. “Just how useless can you be, kid?”

“I’ve never worn one…”

Slade narrows his eyes, gaze moving between the kid’s tie and his face. “You’re a grown man that’s never worn a tie?”

That comment makes your heart flutter a bit. Slade is probably the one person in the world that you really want to pass around. His approval means everything at this point and hearing him call you a man just… it makes you smile despite yourself.

Slade’s head works like a machine as he studies you. Since you joined him he hasn’t asked questions about it. He knows. Not because you told but because all minute signs point to it. If he were anyone else, aside from possibly Batman, he wouldn’t know. But he’s seen you at your worst during his training, when you don’t have the strength to be your true self and are forced to hide in socialized mannerisms. And this is just another confirmation of it. Doesn’t matter, you told him you’re a man so that’s what you are.

“Come here.” He sighs. “I’ll teach you.”

You step closer, feeling a lightness in your stomach when Slade tugs you even closer by the tie. He mutters the instructions under his breath, tying a half knot a few times before shoving your shoulder back and telling you to do it yourself this time. You try to recreate his process and he watches you fumble through it until there’s a decent knot tightened around your collar.

”Handsome.” He mutters, but you catch it. “Let’s go. Job’s not going to do itself.”

He steps away, grabbing his gun and tucking it into his waistline. His mind thinks too fast for him to stop but he fully recognizes the feeling of falling.

[chaoticallykinkygrem]

okay but what about transing you sub gender? hating the heats, overdoing suppressants, or never having sex with someone in heat, dreading the thought of presenting, smell masking.... any thoughts?

…..it normally takes me weeks if not months to fulfill asks but HOLY SHIT YOU GIVE ME THOUGHTS

Also let me just tag @ajthecrayon so we can add this to our au

OK OK OK

I read a fic where it was jegulus and they were both alphas but regulus needed to escape him home so he asked James to make him into an omega by “bitching” him and I’ve never been the same since.

In terms of physical transitions, I think it would be a lot easier for an alpha to become an omega. It would be done by having another alpha fuck you through a rut cycle and not knotting someone yourself as well as some magic bullshit. I don’t think the process is something that can be done unconsciously or is easy by any means. You’re changing your nature and it’s painful, especially when it’s alphas becoming omegas.

As for omegas becoming alphas, I think that’s incredibly rare. It more common for them to become betas than anything else. I don’t exactly know how it would be done but I think the process would be more complicated and magical.

On a psychological level, I think it’s 100% possible for a person to feel they were born with the wrong sub gender but I also think it’s very rare and almost mythical in this universe. Sub genders are seen as something that is intrinsically woven into your being that’s been with you since birth but things like external pressures and societal expectations can make someone hate their sub gender. I feel like drawing parallels to it being like being transgender would be a disservice to both as gender has always and will always be a social construct while sub genders are more akin to the organs you’re born with. But then again say being an omega is like being born with an extra bone and then all your life you’re told you’re less than for this bone and will have to be subservient to someone else because of this bone, I can see why someone would want to get that bone removed to avoid the social stigma of having that bone.

This is supposed to be a kink account and yet here I am getting into the social expectations of being an omega 😭 anyways these are my thoughts as of rn!! I’ll definitely talk to aj about this more though and see if we can come up with some good thoughts for another post later on. (We’ve also been working on an eclipsewater post and then a post about all of the pups of this au)

[elysiansparadise]

Hi, would you post something about Pluto transiting the 7th house in aquarius? Especially the positive aspects if there's anything good about it 💀

I keep reading negative stuff on the internet

Thanks in advance ,love your page💜

Hello love! I would love to. Thanks for loving my page.🤍

Aquarius Pluto (T) in the 7th house

During this period, you will recognize behaviors you will no longer tolerate; you will most likely cut relationships or ties that you feel limiting, that try to control you, or that oppress you in some way. It may be a difficult process, but in the long run, you will benefit from distancing yourself from those who try to tell you who you should be or what you should be, whether directly or indirectly. You will let go of many ties that seemed absorbing and you will recognize the people who acted like "energy vampires" toward you. You will have the courage to walk away from those that don't make you happy.

You'll begin to project yourself differently toward others. People will see great changes in you and notice how you're reconnecting with your inner power. You'll give the impression of being more comfortable with the idea of ​​being in your own company; you'll show yourself as someone who doesn't depend on others and knows when to let go of ties that don't bring you anything positive. You'll set boundaries, which will upset those who didn't respect you, saying "you've changed a lot." Those who love you will find you admirable for beginning to be clear about your limits and setting them for others.

This Pluto transit will give you a lot of magnetism; you'll more easily attract people's attention and will grant you great powers of persuasion. You may attract many secret admirers, people who want to be like you, and some enemies or people who envy you. Your intuition will be sharp when it comes to others' intentions; you'll be able to read people more easily, you'll know when smiles are genuine or fake, and you won't hesitate to call others out. The difference between this transit and the one in the 1st house is that with Pluto here, you won't be fully aware of this; these will be things you project without intending to.

It's precisely because of the above that you may be a little more introverted during this period. Betrayals and lessons from the past will have taught you to be observant before letting others in. You'll be very selective about who you include in your life and will tend to have a shorter social battery. Solitude can help you reconnect with yourself. You'll have higher barriers and more filters than in the past.

It's worth adding that something common with these transits is the formation of new bonds that feel more meaningful in your life. As you begin to form boundaries, you're likely to encounter two types of scenarios: those who accept you and with whom you connect because you feel respected; and people who challenge those boundaries. You may find people you gradually get along with, people with whom you feel a connection you can't explain, and with whom, over time, you open up and allow yourself to be seen.

With this transit, you can attract people with intense personalities, a great deal of self-confidence, and a strong need to never show weakness. Powerful people will come into your life, whether materially or in matters of how they carry themselves. You will attract people with a strong interest in you in every way. People who love you, desire you, and who think deeply about you.

Your outlook on relationships changes considerably throughout this period. I see you analyzing your past experiences, examples you may have seen or experienced. This, in turn, brings to light all the wounds you've hidden or avoided regarding commitment or your relationships with others. It will be a time when you may feel triggered by some experiences you've already had in your relationships (especially long-term ones); a time when you analyze, learn, forgive (not just necessarily the other person, but also yourself regarding your mistakes in relationships), and let go to begin something that truly brings you peace.

[e-adlirez]

Epic the Musical Mouseford Production

You know what time it is, mushing hyperfixations together to fully brainrot over both, yippeeeee :D

So this is like the The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals thing I made sometime back, but now I have concept sketches that I didn't forget to send this time ^^

How this works is I didn't exactly assign the Epic characters to the Mouseford characters I felt would fit them the most (altho I definitely did that), I also took into account my headcanons for their acting chops and their vocal range in my mind. That and just like Epic when auditions opened, this production has gender-blind roles. So just bear that in mind when you see these sketches, I'll explain my thought process after the pictures are all shown :]

Okay so first up with have Dina as Odysseus :D reasoning behind this besides the fact that I didn't feel anyone else fit his role (and I didn't want it to be a Thea Sister), was the fact that Dina doesn't really get a lot when she shows up, especially in terms of personality. She's athletic, a bit chipper, tomboyish, but that's about it. We don't get much personality from her in the books. Soooo I went and used the power of headcanons here-- in this case, her life in little Whale Island would have given her a sense of craftiness and "can't just buy everything you need because sometimes they don't have it", and let's not forget, she was the first Whale Island resident to get a scholarship in Mouseford Academy. She clearly had to work to get there, and that would've meant a lot of studying, a lot of hard work to make it to that point, so who's to say she wouldn't give the characters a lot of thought during prep for auditions? And at least to me, she'd have the versatile vocal range to handle the highs and lows of Odysseus's songs so :3 if nothing else, Plotfur maybe found her take on him charming.

There is an element of visual storytelling in how Dina styles her hair at any given point in Odysseus's story :3 When she needs to change it (usually just removing a hair tie), she does it during a transition or when the audience's view of her is blocked.

Next we have Paulina playing the role of Athena (Athena) badass in the arena, unmatched and the short queen of all the best strategies we've seen-- yes Paulina is smol. In fact, I imagine she's the shortest of the Thea Sisters if not the entire cast. As a result, she does has platform heels under her dress and often stands on the background platform when talking to Odysseus!Dina, with a few exceptions. Now, why isn't Violet Athena? Simple, I think her mezzosoprano-contralto ass would shrivel up and die before she even lands one of Athena's many, many high notes, and that's not even taking into account that the purpur's social anxiety partially means she's currently fighting an uphill battle just to be able to project her singing voice. I imagine Paulina is a soprano, so she'd be able to handle the aggressively soprano role, and her experience does give her a leg up in performing, even though she smol. She does have to do a Violet impression to get into character, which becomes a meme among the girls. (Her and Dina unintentionally posing like that Athena and Odysseus painting, though, that becomes a school-wide reaction image meme.)

Fun fact she is only just barely taller than Dina when she's in her Athena costume complete with the heels--

Now, Eury!Pam. Rather self-explanatory, I think: Pam gives alto vibes, she's often the straight man to the craziness of the girls in general, has a lack of impulse control like Eury, and I dunno maybe she found his character fascinating on account of how much of a hot mess he is (/pos). For the most part, she's basically herself but less comedic (and maybe a little bloodlust-y for Full Speed Ahead and Survive) when she's playing Eury. She and Dina have in fact done the macarena to Luck Runs Out before.

Nicky is Aeolus, also rather self-explanatory. I imagine she's got a high-pitched gremlin voice, and she's got that mischievous streak Aeolus has, so all she really needed to do to prep for the role was to learn how to lighten her voice and make it more airy for KYFC. She wanted to come in dabbing when the crew open the bag, but it was too comedic for such a dramatic scene, even for Professor Plotfur. At least she's given the opportunity to be a little shit giving Poseidon (whoever's playing him, I haven't decided yet) trouble when 600 Strike inevitably rears its head.

Vic is Hermes. I don't think I need to explain much else. He does do the seagull laugh, but it took a bit of practice for him to get the laugh down. Either way, he becomes Hermes' muse every time he's on stage and he is having the time of his life. He just wishes he can fly, too.

Now while Violet didn't get the role of Athena because her vocal cords would rather drown in cola than even try My Goodbye (let alone We'll Be Fine), she did in fact get the role of the prophet Tiresias :3 she's alto enough for it, her resting bitch face is perfect for Tiresias's melancholy, and she and Dina get to have some dance choreography sprinkled in. She did have to adapt to the limited vision her costume allows her, but she was more than happy to practice navigating the stage with the handicap, and hey, the staff is of the perfect length to be used as a cane. Because I loved szin's No Longer You animatic way too much, I now think Dina showed the video to Violet and the both of them decided that Vi would play a crazy Tiresias for one of the performing nights. They even made up custom choreography for that one night so Violet could be as unhinged as possible and have that reflect in their dance.

Oh, and Tiresias!Violet has feather earrings, which are a nod to the mythological Tiresias supposedly inventing augury, the fortunetelling method in which you observe the behaviors of birds to predict the future. Just a cool thing I wanted to add on top of my very Gigi!Tiresias-coded Tiresias costume to make it more unique to me haha :3

And finally (for now, until I draw more), anyone with minor roles who don't have a lot of screentime get to do some of the practical effects on the stage, like the translucent banner flag things they run around with onstage to emulate wind, dressing up in creepy Greek chorus ghosts for Underworld, and maneuvering winion puppets whenever needed. For the most part, their tunics will either be a neutral color or black, depending on the roles they're playing (practical effects ideally black, ensemble characters neutral colors). Violet gets to keep her Tiresias tunic while she's a techie because the tunic itself doesn't stand out that much besides the length-- it's the layers on top of it that tend to stand out and really make her look like Tiresias.

Alrighty that's it, and uh, for now have this as a treat for reading all of that brain vomit haha

It's a crack idea at best, but it would be fun if Vi had the vocal confidence to channel the very angy pissbaby fork-wielding god of the sea. Something about the very reserved, very demure and mindful purpur going apeshit scratches a side of my brain I don't get to indulge in that often haha

Still not sure, probably won't happen as I said, but that's assuming I find a better character to play as Poseidon.

Alrighty until next time, gonna take a shower o<-<

[dailyanarchistposts]

Disclaimer: I've been trying to write this text for about 6 years and haven't managed to do it in a way that is not confrontational, so I ended up admitting and accepting it's gonna piss some people off.

Are you uncomfortable with being assigned male or female ? With being called a man or a woman and that people act towards you in a very specific way because of that ?

That’s good. That’s normal! Everyone should be uncomfortable with that! Man and woman as categories come from centuries of domination, white imperialism and cisheteropatriarchy all gathered up in one hell of a shit system, and they are constantly reproduced by most of everyone and taught in nuclear families from the day you are born. They suck. being a man sucks and being a woman sucks and their assigned roles and possibilities are incredibly sucky and limited.

Does that mean you are queer ?

No. Not at all. It makes you a decent person that has at least started a process of understanding how fucked up gender is. It could bring to light elements that end up revealing your queerness, but in itself, that discomfort with cisheterosexuality is just a normal reaction to a fucked up system. From that discomfort comes a process of deconstruction, and through that process you might end up doing tranny or faggot or dyke and then it’s queer, but in itself, the emotional process of understanding how fucked up gender and sexuality are and acting on creating paths forward out of those fucked up social norms is not queer.

Why gatekeep queerness?

Because if that discomfort doesn’t go hand in hand with doing queer in a way that makes you different from cishet people, it makes you materially pretty much indistinguishable from a cishet person. This doing queer can take many forms, be it through your behavior, way of dressing, way of interacting with others, body shape and anatomy, way of being perceived by others or the kind of sex that you have. But being queer involves doing queer, and being seen by society as queer, because how others see us matters and deeply constructs and changes us, and so we can’t rely on internal identity alone to define what queer means, though it is part of it. Being seen by people as trans or being seen as gender nonconforming or being seen as gay or lesbian is very much an essential part of queerness and it can’t be evacuated.

What about being in the closet? What about all the shame and hurt and agony of not being able, or not being allowed to make those changes? What about trying to make changes and then not passing, being made to feel like you shouldn’t exist, being looked at weird when you try things out? What about wanting to date that cute boy but not being able to act on it? What about not being sure, what about questioning your gender or sexuality?

There is a liminal space of queerness-to-be, queerness-inside, queerness as a felt thing, and it is very real. We need to be able to make space for that liminality and transition as a process but we can't ignore the material reality and social worlds in which those transitions take place, because it influences us both from the outside and from the inside. Many queer and trans people started by questioning and that needs to be okay. This pamphlet aims in no way to attack people in the closet, or people who are questioning. Y’all have meaningful experiences and contributions to queer struggles. This text doesn't aim to throw you out of queer spaces but rather to think about the material positionality of folks.

But if I say I’m queer, surely I must immediately be a better person?

Nope. Especially if you’re white. White queers are still white and as such still do racism. Middle class queers bash on working class people while profiting from their labor. Queer men can be sexist. Able queers are gonna be ableists. And liberal queers ain’t queers. Feeling queer can’t be a tool to avoid responsibility for the fucked up behaviors you have. Feeling queer doesn’t mean you understand all other queers. Feeling queer doesn’t mean you understand homelessness. Feeling queer doesn’t even mean you’re living any form of oppression. Feeling queer has come to mean nothing and be politically insignificant.

What about my pronouns?

They're important. They're not that important. If you're called they/them but it's the only behavioral change you require in how people act towards you, and that change is only associated in you to some feeling that you don’t exactly fit in traditional manhood and womanhood, you have accomplished just about nothing. Being able to be gendered correctly on a daily basis is very satisfying and essential to the mental health of trans and non-binary folks but it can't be our only fight. Our fight is the eradication of the systems which make it impossible for queer&trans people to have jobs, housing, healthcare, etc. If people use the correct pronouns but you’re so fucked in the head by the system that you can’t work, you’re still in shit. If people use the correct pronouns but stay passive in the face of state-sponsored destruction of the land and attacks on native land defenders, you’re still in shit. If people that are well-off use the correct pronouns but don’t ever donate nothing to those gofundme for struggling qtbipoc, they’re still dicks but now they somehow feel like they are doing something, which is worse.

What if I’m straight, what if I’m cis?

You're valid. You're good. Deconstruct the fuck out of it but don’t you go denying what you are out of guilt and shame for what people like you are doing to us and take up what belongs to queer folks. Sure, things exist on a spectrum but if your existence on that spectrum means you don’t experience homophobia or transphobia, or can't relate to the communities that are living those oppressions elsewhere or in another time, or don’t feel any sense of community with homosexuals (as in same-sex fucking and romancing, including bisexuals) and transsexuals (as in people that transition out of their assigned sex in different ways, including non-binaries), what’s the point in taking up all that queer space? Go on and do that hard work of allyship and education and deconstruction from your place of power instead, we need you there. Shrouding your doing heterosexuality in « I don’t care what gender my partner is » is a problem, just like shrouding your doing man in nail polish is a problem or your doing woman in they/them pronouns. Non-binary is something else than being assigned a gender and performing it while asking for different pronouns, it's a radical cut and differentiation away from man or woman in a way that can not be reconciled with cisgenderism.

Is there such a thing as being queer and safe?

Nope. Not under this system there ain't. If you’re queer and safe you just got integrated into the whole thing. This world isn’t safe for us, and it’s not for anyone else either. Safety is a scam aimed at taming us down. If your queerness consists of making your middle-class white ass safe, you’re doing something wrong, liberatory work is not safe. We need spaces to rest and we need friendship and we need support and community to deal with the violence adequately, but trying to evade violence through endless mechanisms that make it impossible to address it or to be unexpectedly confronted to it (especially our own violent behaviors) is counterproductive. Go read and listen to some black feminists.

Aren't you forgetting important parts of radical queer discourse? What about the place of sex workers, polyamory, asexual people, bdsm, queering heterosexuality?

There is a convergence between all of these marginalized practices and queer struggles. Historically, they have often all fallen under the queer umbrella for very good reasons, because they are a deviancy from the established cisheteropatriarcal order. But I'm feeling the need to differentiate between things here, because if queer folks as a whole don't have the term queer to recognize each other anymore, we basically don't have no more words to define ourselves, the whole LGBT acronym and mainstreamised culture being bullshit. I feel like distinguishing fights allows for better solidarity, situated solidarity, and all of those practices are not in themselves queer either. Queers ain't necessarily sex workers and sex workers ain't necessarily queers (though it's rather frequent). Same goes for ace people, if they're ace and queer then they're queer but asexuality is not in itself queer, and polyamory has been practiced as amour libre by several straight groups for ages and that hasn't made them queer, on the contrary there are so many fucked up cishet dynamics inside of straight polyamory, and also the straight bdsm scene. And if you actually queered heterosexuality, it's can't be very straight anymore really.

But queer is about things being porous and blurry, it's about the negation of the social order and everyone that fights cisheteropatriarchy and does things a different way, you can't gatekeep that!

We've been doing blurry and negation and disidentification for a while now. I have to admit I don't find it relevant, you're just avoiding reality by trying to escape it, while struggles happen inside of reality. I want things to know where they fall, where they come from and where they seem to be going, cause that’s how human brains work, they create categories with words to make sense of the world. I want those categories to be joyful and flexible and wholesome, but I need them to be here to be able to name things that exist in the world. And yes, for sure, queer struggles concern everyone, but it doesn't mean everyone is queer. And anyways, I have no power to enforce any form of gatekeeping and I don't actually want to enforce it, being the queer police sounds like the dullest job with the most chances of getting mugged. I just want to know that talking to a queer person is gonna involve them being gay.

What about gays and lesbians reproducing cisheteropatriarchy?

Intra-community problem. Not the place of non-gays and non-lesbians to decide how to act towards them. Personally, I feel for several older gay men who lost so many friends and lovers during AIDS, and for all the people that were integrated and lost any sense of radicality to their sexual orientations. I also understand where a lot of cis lesbians are coming from in their rejection of man and I have compassion for them even though they are sometimes unpleasant and transphobic. Oh and of course fuck Eric Duhaime.

Notes on gender and sex.

Gender has become so nebulous, with a complete absence of regards to the material reality people are living in. It has created a disconnection between a certain part of queers and cishets that say gender has no meaning and that sex doesn't exist and the rest of the world that experiences gender as a very real thing. In order for queers to exist, the world needs to recognize sexes, otherwise there are no queers, because queerness is the transgression of norms assigned to your sex.

Sex is a thing. Sex as in sexuality, and sex as in male, female, and different forms of intersexuation. There are a million ways to live in bodies that have a certain sexual morphology but they do have a sex, we re a sexed monkey. And there are several differences that generally follow the lines created by those sexes, otherwise trans people wouldn't undergo medical transition processes. Where that reality has been used to create a norm, a social norm of behaving that is imposed through violence to perpetuate a certain way of doing man and woman and heterosexuality, that’s where things have gone to hell.

So transsexuality and homosexuality are useful words to define queerness. They are a transgression of the rules of what the body, in its sexed materiality, should do. They are also the place of revelation of greater joy for the people that live in such a way, especially when it is possible to not get mutilated, beaten to death or lose all possibility of employment when making apparent such deviance.

Some academics try to make us believe everything is post-something and extremely complex, which is partly true, but there’s also some simple things, like my eyes that see sexes. They see queers, but they also see sexes, and we mustn't ignore those. Medicine has allowed us to blur those lines and it s now possible for non-binary people and trans people to create differentiation with cis people in regards to their physiology and that's amazing, and it’s also great that trans and non-binary folks are able to express themselves more, but it doesn’t destroy the reality of our bodies as trans and non-binary in regards to our sex.

Man and woman remain the hegemonic categories that the overwhelming majority of us come from and which we seek to destroy as a hegemony. Ignoring them and what they have done to us and how they continue to shape our existence today in our relationship with cisnormative, heteronormative, patriarchal society and its families is irresponsible. We are not undoing gender and we are not revolutionary in our queerness unless we are fighting that institution, its sexism towards women and queer folks, and the myriad different ways it targets people that are perceived as belonging to dehumanized non-normative identities, along lines of sex and gender but also race, class and capacity. This means being queer needs also be a feminist fight, one that strives to undo the violent power of men and its reproduction carried by both men and women inside of patriarchy and end up in all-too-common drama in which women and queer folks are the targets of attacks.

And we need to be able to point out the cissexist and heterosexist behaviors from both our cis and straight comrades AND our queer and trans comrades. We need to hold each other accountable in regards to patterns that typically arise due to having been socialized a certain normative way in the past or being socialized in a certain normative way in the present, wether we are cis, straight, trans or queer. Not accepting being told you are perpetuating sexism and toxic masculinity « because I’m non-binary or because I’m a trans man or because I’m a soft and nice guy or even because I’m a woman» is a problem. And now there exists spaces where we can’t criticize people because they could feel invalidated, and it’s also a problem. That does not mean to go yelling that transwomen are men, fuck any of y’all who do that shit, transwomen are either at the forefront of undoing masculinity cause we’re women that were imposed masculinity, or just never managed to buy into any form of masculinity and have always lived a shitton of transmisoginy. And it doesn’t mean to say non-binary people don’t exist, that would just be a dick move, and a deeply colonial one on top of that, considering the eternal euro-christian attempts made at destroying any other view of gender than theirs. What it means is to hold each other accountable to undo cishet patriarchy inside of relationships with the people who fuck up.

Wrapping up

Being queer needs to mean doing queer, and doing queer needs to be actively gay and political. I barely use the word queer anymore since it became that "be whoever you wanna be, everything is valid" parody of what it's supposed to mean, or just anything that ain't exactly normative cishet patriarchal behavior. It's gay sex. It's dykes. It's trannies. It's an insult. It's an act of transgression. It's repression, and it's solidarity. Queer is dead, long live queers. This here queer writing this text is a white bi trans girl of middle class background in her late twenties, and a convinced anarchist.

[mariacallous]

Anne Applebaum’s new book explaining the rise of ‘modern autocracy’ through the politics of patronage, fear and misinformation will strike a familiar chord with observers of the political landscape in the Balkans.

Anne Applebaum’s timely book Autocracy, Inc.: The Dictators Who Want to Run the World explains the rise of modern autocracy in terms of simple greed and shamelessness. It details the shift away from dictators even pretending to uphold the values that characterised the post-World War II international order – and the collaborative efforts being made to undermine these institutions and replace them with transactionalism and their own control.

Applebaum explains how façades of democracy have been successfully manipulated by those who seek to undermine it as a system. Discussing the “shock therapy” approach taken to economic transition, which planted the seeds for many of these elements in the former Soviet space, she notes the role of Western companies and shell companies, banks and financial institutions. These greased the wheels for kleptocractic superstructures while getting rich and enabling widening inequality.

One chapter criticises the role of media, social media and the technologies and algorithms that enable the erosion of trust with the rapid dissemination of mis- and disinformation. She also sketches out how autocrats are learning from one another in a manner that in many ways is more efficient and effective than anything being seen on the other side.

For anyone living in and observing the political dynamics in the former Yugoslavia, everything outlined in her book seems extremely familiar and tangible.

The nexus of politics and power, and the predominant role of fear, misinformation and patronage in driving governance, rather than electoral and institutional accountability, has been the core feature of the domestic and international cycles of dysfunction in this region for over a generation.

I could not help but link her description of Austrian and West German gas and steel industrialists meeting with Soviet counterparts in 1967, with the transactionalism we see today between German and broader EU interests in making deals on lithium in an increasingly autocratic Serbia.  

In some ways, today’s reality is worse; in 1967 there was no pretence of democratic process; today this and other deals are being made in spite of a lack of informed community consent or institutional good governance.

It would be hard to imagine a more illustrative sign of the potential for further Balkan-American oligarchy than the recently announced deals by Donald Trump’s son-in-law and daughter to develop luxury hotels in Serbia and Albania, or the recent forays into North Macedonia by Trump allies.

One issue that Applebaum grapples with is the hopeful naïveté, or willing ignorance, of so many decision-makers at the end of the Cold War, convincing themselves that free market capitalism and rules- and rights-based democracy would, and even must go, hand-in-hand.

The late Benjamin Barber, a political theorist, in 1992, and later in his 1996 book, saw the writing on the wall in terms of the toxic mix of media conglomerates, popular anger, economic precarity and inequality together enabling the rise of anti-democratic extremisms of all flavours.

Throughout the Western Balkans, I’ve come across many people who have had the feeling that engagement in the former Yugoslavia was always more about capitalism than democracy.

As people have failed to see their lives get substantially better, and as they’ve seen deals being made between supposed Western democrats and known regional anti-democrats, they are increasingly skeptical of motives, words, promises and intentions. They have seen a local branch of “Autocracy, Inc” become firmly established in their own neighbourhood.

I was eager to hear Applebaum’s prescriptions, and in the epilogue she suggests a number of steps to be taken globally and perhaps most importantly in the West itself: adopting legislation to require transparency in the registration of business and real estate; reducing the scope for abuse by shell companies and tax havens; tackling misinformation, including by changing the balance of social media, so users own their data; and decoupling and de-risking business ties, including in the energy sphere, among others.

Many of these are in line with efforts over the years by the US, the EU and others to build democratic institutions in the Western Balkans and beyond. However, these have mostly failed because they tinker technically around the edges while avoiding the political life support systems at the core.

When talking about political reform in Bosnia and Herzegovina, for example, I have lost track of how many times I’ve heard Western diplomats show they have little belief in the possibility for meaningful structural change, noting that “turkeys don’t vote for Thanksgiving”, so acknowledging that the politicians in the country have little interest in changing a system that suits them.

This self-interested scepticism is also evident in consolidated democracies; witness the lack of Congressional support for – or public awareness of – the Anti-Corruption and Public Integrity Act in the US, for example.

No ‘Cold War 2.0’

Applebaum writes that in terms of resisting the increasingly coordinated and coordinating autocrats, the challenge is not a “black-and-white, binary contest, a ‘Cold War 2.0’”. Through this framing, she highlights the nuances among various types of autocrats, as well as the fluid transactional pragmatism among those seeking to amass and keep wealth and the power that comes with it.

She suggests one difference is that there are no “blocs” to join, or clear geographical boundaries, somewhat downplaying the emergence of BRICS, the Shanghai Cooperation Organisation and other constructs.

I wish she would have engaged more with the clarion call made by Oliver Bullough in his 2022 Offshore Cold War: Forging a Democratic Alliance to Combat Transnational Kleptocracy. Bullough, describing many of the same facilitating systems, mechanisms and structures in the West that have enabled the growth of oligarchy and kleptocracy, calls for the same unified and concerted effort against this democratic threat today that was seen during the Cold War.

On this, Applebaum would agree – she closes by calling on democrats to unite as effectively and confidently as the autocrats have done in establishing their own connectivity models.

Western diplomats engaging in the Western Balkans today – and often hailing or even facilitating kleptocratic business dealmaking – would do well to read her book.

They could then recognise the signs that we’ve seen in the region for years, and the potential allies among citizens in the region who know the playbook all too well – and wonder why the West still has not learned.

[thatfilthyanimal]

tw: stalking, grooming, pedophilia, sexual abuse, past suicidal thoughts

I've recently been made aware that Dupsy is still talking about me and is now going to random Megamind fans that don't know me and telling them to avoid me. I'm also aware that they're doing this in the Ruby Gillman fandom. I have no words to really describe the level of discomfort this brings me, but I will attempt.

First of all, all the "grooming" allegations were thoroughly debunked and proven to be bullshit. I can't believe I have to even say this. I'm a victim of grooming and sexual abuse myself. It's extremely traumatic and life-altering shit, and never something I would want to inflict on someone else. I feel like it should be obvious, with the measures I took in the server to ensure no child is exposed to such things. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to the shit that happened to me when I was growing up, and between processing that in therapy sessions and stomaching transitioning in a near-constant hostile-to-trans-people online social media hellscape, I am tired.

I love Megamind, more than anything, and this is known and obvious to anyone who's met me. This movie saved my life when I was extremely suicidal and planning to end my life back in 2010. Watching the movie when I did gave me something to focus on, a distraction, and a responsibility as a fandom member that helped distract me long enough to get out of the planning mindset I was in. Had I not seen the movie, I do not think I would have stuck around. I will leave it at that.

And moderating fandom spaces for Megamind has been lovely! I adore this fandom. The people in it are extremely talented and sweet, and just so damn nice, like by default. I say this all the time but I've never experienced another fandom space quite like it. There are usually bad eggs in fandoms, and perhaps -I- am said "bad egg" to some, but genuinely this one is special. I have always felt that way, even when the bad eggs show up and make a stink. It has always felt worth being here for, to me.

And while I hate to give Dupsy the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me, I need to be honest-- it's been rough. I stopped talking in my server, I locked up on most of my friends and stopped talking even in DMs. I still struggle with severe anxiety in the server and have talked to Dal on various occasions about transferring the server ownership to him. He's been very patient with my freakouts and super understanding, but it's still hard. This WAS a place I felt safe, for over ten years! And now it feels like any minor can just say I'm a groomer or a pedo or whatever with ZERO consequences, just because they're mad, just because these are words that make people go "oh shit" and listen, and man! It's not ok! And this coupled with the fact that trans people are often called groomers just for existing, just… man! I'm tired. I'm so tired.

There are real, severe, damaging effects to these claims being thrown around so casually. It's hurtful to me, as a victim of sexual abuse, because when I came forward to people about what happened when -I- was a minor, I was told I "wanted it" and "asked for it". It was made to be my fault that I was abused, and I internalized it for years. It nearly killed me. I cannot stress enough how important it is to not use claims like pedophilia and grooming so lightly-- these are VERY damning terms to use on people and should be reserved for people ACTUALLY HARMING OTHERS. Being mad I banned you from the server is not "abuse" and using my Customer Service Voice to be nice to you and then being obviously tired of you when you were banned is not "emotional grooming". What the actual fuck. ALSO. This was well over a year ago! Why am I still having to post about this? Why are you still TALKING about me? And yet again I ask, where the HELL are your parents?

Anyway, if you've been wondering why I've been so quiet these days and struggling to socialize… honestly? It's this. I hate that this is what did it. I know people trust and believe me, I know the fandom backs me up regularly and I appreciate them all so much for it. I see it, but I never know how to respond. You guys continue to make this fandom feel safe for me even when my entire brain is screaming to run, and I appreciate you so much for it.

Kids deserve to be trusted when they tell people they've been hurt and I hate that the recent proshipping discourse or whatever you want to call it, this culty all-or-nothing shit, has a bunch of minors growing up feeling like EVERYTHING is something to call rapey or predatory, with apparently little room to distinguish when REAL abuse is happening to them. I don't blame anyone for believing Dupsy, and it's honestly better they DO believe all unproven claims of abuse by default, just to stay safe-- but man, it has consequences that follow people, and really should not be a thing to just throw around because you're mad at someone. I just can't believe they're STILL going around and reaching out to strangers telling them to avoid me… like, what the fuck.

I will be ok, I always am eventually, but I needed to say something, because it's honestly been a while since I've said much of anything.

Keep being kind. <3

[chaos-in-one]

do you have any ideas on how to approach transition (both social and medical) while having something like OSDD? i've seen people have a hard time picking a collective gender everyone is happy with

Thank you for the question, anon! I do know some things about this- we're an OSDD system ourselves that is somewhat out as trans (I say somewhat because it depends on the situation whether or not we're willing to disclose being trans, mainly based on if we feel safe to share that), and are also on HRT currently.

I'll start with discussing medical transition while having OSDD. As is the case for most people with medical transition- I would suggest starting with seeing a mental health professional. While some places are more relaxed about it, it is generally a lot more likely to be approved for gender affirming medical care if you have a history of going through treatment for your mental health, and that only increases when you have another disorder like OSDD on record that the ones approving the treatment may be concerned about interfering with a person's ability to understand what they want in the long-term.

That is a big part of what got me through getting started on HRT. When I went in there, I did not try to pretend I don't have another disorder that could affect my treatment needs since I knew it was on my records and would be found out anyways (this may be a different story if OSDD is not on your medical records like mine is). Instead, I was open about it from the beginning, and explained that I know that can interfere in some cases, but that I have been in therapy for it for years, and have talked through my want to medically transition with my therapist beforehand and made sure she agreed that was the right path for me.

Doing this- at least as long as the doctor you are seeing for medical transition is a good and not transphobic doctor who cares about their patients (as I know, unfortunately, not every doctor is good at their job, and they are fully capable of being bigoted), let's the doctor see that the decision to transition isn't something you are doing on a whim, and that you have put in the work to make sure your mental health concerns are not impairing your ability to make this decision. That is basically what the doctor I was seeing directly told me after I talked things through with her, is that she felt secure that I knew what I was doing with my decision, and this wasn't some whim I went off of that I'd be likely to regret.

Another tip, which is one I'd give to anyone seeking medical transition in general, not just those with OSDD, is to look into the effects of whatever procedure or treatment you are looking to get before you go in to the appointment. Including and especially effects that are permanent or may be considered negative. While any reputable place should show you the possible effects and side effects of any medical treatment, knowing that beforehand can show the doctor that you know what you're getting into and aren't just skimming past/ ignoring the possible downsides.

That's the main advice I have for medical transition- I am only on HRT currently, I have not gotten any surgeries for my transition so I can't tell you much about what the process to get those may look like.

With social transition, I understand that can be a bit more complex with OSDD and the fact that different alters may have very different personal gender identities. I'm going to be honest though, with the thing about finding a collective gender? Although you can definitely do that if it feels right for you, I wouldn't say you have to. We don't have any sort of collective gender identity. My personal gender identity is the most 'known' to people in my life since I am the one here and in charge of social interaction the most. But it's still my personal identity, not the whole system's.

Now, as for what I or others in the system tell people about our gender identities varies greatly based on what I feel the most comfortable sharing at the time and what feels the safest. Often, I'll say I am multigender- usually either pangender, or in some cases bigender if I feel the person is more likely to recognize the name than they are the label of pangender. Or, if I don't feel like trying to see if someone knows a specific label at the time, sometimes I'll just say my gender is 'yes'. Occasionally I'll fully explain my actual gender identity with all it's intricacies, but that's usually only with people I am very close to.

The other more common one I'll tell people is that I am genderfluid. Not only does that explain shifts in my own gender identity, but it also offers up an easy explanation for the genders of anyone else who fronts and mentions their gender identity. From what I've seen- most other alters in our system also primarily answer by their own personal gender identity (although we do have quite a few multigender alters, so sometimes that outwardly sounds the exact same as my explanations of my gender identity, but not always).

There are instances where I don't really say my gender- mainly ones where I think I will be discriminated against if I do share it. While I don't think anyone has to hide their identity, that is something I personally choose to do when I don't feel like potentially dealing with people's shit over it.

I hope that helps give a little insight, and good luck to you anon! Sorry this took a bit to post, I was thinking of how to word parts of it.