#c1e97

[stone-stars]

Transcript:

Murph: And then of course we've got Caldwell Tanner. Caldwell: Beverly Toegold V, a purposeful lad who's the dad of a turdis. [The others laugh] Emily: A turdis?? Jake: What the hell's a turdis, man? Caldwell: It's a turdis! Emily, laughing: What the fuck is a turdis?? Murph: I thought you were changing it to make it rhyme, but I'm… Jake: You-- it didn't rhyme and you made up a word. Caldwell: What do you mean? It's a turdis. What's wrong? Haven't you ever seen a turdis on the side of the road? Emily: Turdis is truly the most uncomfortable word! [Everyone laughs.] Emily: Why is it T-U-R-D-I-S. Caldwell: They got a big shill. There's a shill on your turdis. Jake: Oh go-- oh you have an accent. Oh, we forgot that Caldwell's from Maryland. Emily: You do sound like-- I had a teacher once who said "robit". And it sounds like whoever says "robit" would also say turdis. Murph: Yeah. Jake, laughing: Robit! Caldwell: It was either-- listen, it was either tortoise and porpoise or turdis and purpose, so, you know, you take your pick. Jake: Oh, I see. Murph: Did you say-- Emily: So you went for the one with turd in it. Murph: Yeah, okay. I'm still-- Jake: I didn't hear purpose. I don't remember, like-- Murph: I didn't hear purpose, I'm still absolutely baffled. [Emily laughs] Jake: I'm still-- yeah, I'm processing it. Murph: I-- Caldwell: Should I do it again? Murph: Uh, could you? Caldwell: Yeah. Murph: I'm-- I'm confused. Emily: I'd like you to do it again, but I think I'd like you to keep it the same, because I am into you committing to this Jake: Don't change anything! Caldwell: Here we go, here we go. Murph: Alright, let's try it, one more time, ready? Jake: I love this for you. Murph: And of course, Caldwell Tanner. Caldwell: Beverly Toegold V, a purposeful lad who's the dad of a turdis. [Emily laughs.] Jake: So you-- I mean you didn't-- Murph: Dude. What? Jake: Turdis dad. That's what you should've said to make it-- Murph: No. No wait. So-- Y-- Just because purpose-- what? Emily: Is turdis the new crabster? I think turdis is the new crabster? Jake: Absolutely! Absolutely yes. It totally is. Caldwell: No way. Emily: Wait, actually the second I heard Jake's voice I remembered crabster, and that shit was funny. Jake: Hey, at least I did that shit on a short rest I think, like-- Murph: Crabster is an inside joke from the short rest. Jake: This is a main campaign flub. [Murph: Yes.] And I think that's-- Caldwell: I meant to say "a lad of purpose", can I say-- can I actually take it again? [Emily laughs.] Murph: THERE you go. Now I underst-- Jake: There it is. Murph: Now I understand what you were doing. Caldwell: Please let me take it again. Murph: Good lord, Caldwell. That makes sense. Okay. One more time. Guys, this is really-- the absolute last time. And Caldwell Tanner. Caldwell: Beverly Toegold V, a lad of purpose who's the dad of a turdis. [Jake and Emily laugh.] Murph: THERE you go. Okay. Now-- Jake: It was really-- It was worth the wait, too. Murph: I… Emily: I'm so. What a privilege to witness that process. To just be part of that process. To watch you workshop that. Caldwell: You'll just cut everything before that Murph, right? Murph: Yeah. This is gonna be a real clean intro. Caldwell: Great. Great, cool. Murph: Really straight to the point. Caldwell: Cool, I-- I wanna keep things serious. I know that this is-- we've got big stuff ahead of us. Murph: Right on. Jake: End of the campaign.

[ravendruid]

Keyfish incident in images:

Can I do the Pocahontas swan dive?

I run and cliff dive!

And turn into a goldfish.

Youre lying!

By hitting rocks?

Keyleth is dead and floating in the water.

[loudestlibrarianongodsgreenearth]

ouch but they're not wrong

[fireheartwraith]

Instead of having this woman stalk scanlan like some crazy people, i have a better idea: we write him a letter and have her deliver it. Ask him how he and kaylie are doing, hope you're happy and healthy etc, and remind him that we miss him a lot and would love to hear from him, if he wants to come back to vox machina the spot will always be open for them and if they don't, greyskull keep and whitestone will still always welcome them for however long they to stay.

Something like that idk

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

23. "We're basically gods!" -- Keyleth, Critical Role, C1E97.

Favourite things to say before doing something incredibly stupid:

Hey everybody watch this

I'm God's favourite

I'm always right and I'm never gonna die

(Person nearby) gets my crap if I beef it

I'm way too sexy to fuck this up

It's okay I've done this a hundred times

This is gonna to be on purpose

Hello you're watching Jackass

Check out this cool magic trick

If I die I want you to tell people it looked really cool

Wanna see a trick I learned in prison

It's okay, I saw this on TikTok

This is only illegal in Massetchuschessetts

My dad used to do this all the time before the divorce

If you're a cop you have to tell me or it's entrapment*

I'm doing this as a prank

Could a mentally ill person do THIS

Out of two thousand possible futures this is the only way we live

I have to. (Stupid thing I'm doing) killed my mom

The government doesn't want you to know this is even an option

I'm about to become so powerful you have no idea

[psychicdamaged]

stress levels during keyfish: highest to lowest

1) matt, who had to use his phone to roll 100d6 and tell his girlfriend she got 363 points of damage and died because she jumped off a fucking cliff

2) liam, the only person who fully grasps that one of them just fucking died

3) ashley, shocked and offended at travis laughing about this

4) laura, laughing occasionally but very stressed

5) sam, who appreciates both the gravity and the humor of the situation

6) taliesin, mildly concerned but mostly amused

7) marisha, arguing with matt about physics, shaking with laughter for five minutes

8) travis, who is actively cackling throughout

[marvelousbelladonna]

Marisha’s campaign characters and their falling techniques

[vethbrenatto]

his father, in fact, did NOT have way more money than that

[yesifitswithyou]

YES !! KEYFISH FKAJDJJ OH GOD I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS THE WHOLE CAMPAIGN THIS IS WAY MORE RIDICULOUS THAT I IMAGINED JXHJSHJA SHE'S THE LEADER OF HER TRIBE AND SHE DIES DOING SOMETHING STUPID I LOVE HER SO MUCH DJAHDJHA

[your-turn-to-role]

so yeah re: last post bc i’m always in awe of vex’ahlia, do you ever just remember she shot an oracle arrow into the black sphere in the ziggurat?

like, it was an amazing idea to begin with, and i’m impressed with her for that, but also, she had to start it outside the anti magic field

she was standing in the red circle here (in the tunnel), and had to fire the arrow from low enough with exactly the right force and angle it would go up and over and hit the tiny sphere in the middle

matt gave it a super high ac and disadvantage on the shot bc it’s basically impossible

she rolled a fucking 30

vox machina gained vital knowledge on how to find vecna before he became a god, because vex is clever enough to think about it, bold enough to try it, and a skilled enough archer to fucking succeed

i love her so much?

[the-velvet-worm]

ALLURA AND KIMA SECRETLY GOT MARRIED HMMM I WONDER IF THIS IS FORESHADOWING ANYTHING.... 

[stone-stars]

i am simply having a lot of feelings about beverly choosing to be a hero because moonshine answered when he reached out and was in need

Transcript:

[Unknown Tome plays in the background.] Bev Sr.: [yelling] I'll tell ya what to do, Bev. Ya turn around, and ya face Thiala. The one who took our home from us. Pick a side, Beverly. Beverly: [softly] … Yes sir. Murph: Um, he holds his hand out to you. Caldwell: I start walking. Uh, and as I'm walking I-- I try to reach out to the spores. I try to reach out to the amulet. I just try to reach out to anything that isn't this. That isn't this duty. That I've always felt deep down. Murph: Moonshine, you feel Beverly in this moment. [Moonshine gasps] Just-- it's faint, it's far away. Beverly: [voice breaking] I don't want to go. I don't wanna go, but I have to. It's my duty. I have to do this! Moonshine: Okay, youngin, I want you to know, I will love you whatever you choose to do. But, here's my two cents. [Unknown Tome fades out.] Moonshine: A child has a duty to his father. [The Blows of a Friend, And Not a Foe plays] Bev Sr: Thanks, Bev. I always-- I knew I could make the deal ‘cause I-- I knew you’d stop me. Moonshine: But a hero has a duty to the world. [Fabric of Fate plays] Melora: Beverly? Beverly: Yes? Melora: I wish you could grow up in a normal world, but the Gods have not blessed you with a normal life. You are afflicted with duty, things thrust upon you far beyond your years. The world should have protected you, but you have been asked to protect it. What an honor, what an injustice. Moonshine: Now, I’ve got my opinion of which you are. [The Writing on the Wall plays] Murph: And you begin to make out what they’re saying. They’re all saying different versions of the same thing. You hear old people, young people, children: Different voices, in prayer: Please, please let my family be safe. I don’t want to die. Give them strength. God bless our Titans in our hour of need. Protect us, Titans! Murph: You realize that these are prayers about you, or to you, by people around Bahumia. You see that the glowing script on the walls begins to make sense to you. The writing is constantly changing to match the words of these prayers depending on what language they’re speaking. And all signs point to this being the way to the Court of Gods. It would make sense that Gods would hear the pleas of their people as they went in to decide their fate. And here you, having a piece of this divine heart, are able to hear the people around Bahumia and their faith in you. [The Bahumia Theme replaces The Writing on the Wall] Moonshine: But it’s time for you to decide. Beverly: [tearful] Where would I be without the wisdom of the crick. [Moonshine gasps. They both laugh softly.] Moonshine: [also tearful] Where would I be without Pelor's light? Beverly: Deeper in hell than we already are, that's for sure. Moonshine: That's for sure. Caldwell: I nod to myself. I stop walking. [The Writing on the Wall returns] Caldwell: Can we write back? Murph: What do you write on the wall? Beverly: We are here. We are here for you. Murph: You feel an overwhelming sense of relief. What you have just done is essentially somebody praying to god, and god coming back and being like "I’m- I’m here." You hear the whispers come back in your head: Different voices: Oh, thank the gods. Thank you, Titans. Thank you! Protect us. We have faith in you!

[ravendruid]

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my favorite C1 episode where we learn that fish are not magnetically attracted to water.

[mintlimeginger]

After the K'ryyn reveal, and on the heels of Ogden's curse illusion for Pike, I would just be preemptively casting Dispel Magic on literally every NPC

[fireheartwraith]

Did Tary get kidnapped or is Sam plotting something?? Based on the title of the episode maybe his dad hired someone to come get him like Toph's parents in atla

[ashleyinwondrland]

Oh my fucking god, what a way to start the episode!

Kiki is just went splat !