#chirp is traumatized

[threes-a-roony]

shitpost

[icannotgetoverbirds]

buckle up, this one's a doozy

Idk if it's actually a doozy, but this is the story of how I deconverted from a cult and got my egg cracked at approximately the same time, all thanks to... weed.

Let's set the scene, shall we?

It is December 22nd, 2021. The pandemic has been raging for nearly two years at this point. I am, at this point, still a believing mormon. That said, my attendance to church meetings has been incredibly spotty, with the most reliable method to get me to worship being choir practice.

I am laying in my bed in the evening, and of all possible things, I am thinking about weed. Namely, the church's policy about weed, and the absolute failure that is the war on drugs, and my personal belief system (and also about whether or not I should try weed for my anxiety disorder).

What's mormonism's policy on weed, you ask? Well, it's surprisingly liberal for a whole-ass cult, but still has enough nonsense for the events of this story to play out. To put it simply, you can absolutely use weed for medicinal purposes, but recreational purposes is a big no-no.

This, of course, presents a dilemma: where do you draw the line between recreational and medicinal use, especially in the case of, say, using it to medicate an anxiety disorder? I'm sure that the Church-Approved™ conclusion is "That's between you and The Lord, figure it out yourself, good luck!" I don't remember if I came to that conclusion or not, but I know for a fact that my "prove beyond a shadow of a doubt before you make an important decision based off of Feelings Supposedly From God Or The Holy Spirit" ass would not have been satisfied with that answer.

So I think about it in terms of politics, and logic, and science. After all, science is just our frail and minuscule way of comprehending all that Our Father Who Art In Heaven has created, right? So if Our Father Who Art In Heaven can't give me a straight answer, science surely can.

I come to a few conclusions. First of all, there are very few people, if any, who are qualified to draw that line. I am not included in that group of people. Secondly, nobody in their right goddamned mind would so much as try to draw that line unless they have some serious qualifications in the variety of fields that it applies to. Third of all, and this is where shit starts to unravel very fucking quickly: who in the goddamned fuck are a bunch of old white men who've probably never seen a gram of weed in their entire lives to think themselves qualified to draw that line?

The shelf cracks. The prophets are fallible, even in this day and age. Not only are they fallible, but whoever made this decision is a FUCKING DUMBASS. God must be looking down at them and shaking his head disapprovingly, huh?

So I think to myself, yknow what, this is a stupid fucking rule. And my autistic-disregard-for-stupid-fucking-rules-having-ass was not about to tolerate it. So what do I do? Metaphorically speaking, I chuck it out the window. Who cares? I'm gonna do weed for my anxiety, and if anybody tells me that I'm disobeying god, I can tell them that god doesn't fucking give a shit about weed if he's as kind and loving as the prophets say he is.

A moment passes.

Now wait just a goddamned second! If I'm chucking this rule out the window, isn't there something else I should re-examine? If I'm disregarding what the prophets have said for my own pleasure and recreation, isn't there something regarding the lives, livelihoods, and joie de vivre of countless other people, myself included, that I should be looking at?

Suddenly, the years of (pent-up and suppressed) sheer fucking indignation of the way queer people have been othered by the church hits me all at once, full fucking force. I am angry, angrier than I have ever been. Abso-fucking-lutely not. No. If the prophets are wrong about weed, then they're DEFINITELY wrong about queer people.

And in this moment, I make a decision. "Until the mormon leaders get their shit together, I'm out! I'm fucking done! I'm gonna go live it up and get blazed out of my gourd for shits and giggles, and maybe I'll try a tiny sip of beer, and by god I am going to transition-"

"HEY WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED SECOND"

[Plain text ID: Text in a large, bold, italicized red font that reads "HEY WAIT JUST A GODDAMNED SECOND"]

Shelf shattered, omelette made of my egg, life ruined for the better.

The next morning, I come out to my mom and sister. I still believe in god and mormonism and yadda yadda, I just think the leadership needs to get their heads out of their asses.

Not long after, I decide to finally check out exmormon spaces. Yknow, get the full experience.

I am bombarded with "HOLY FUCK IT'S A CULT. IT RUINED MY LIFE. IT RUINED YOUR LIFE. IT TORE MY FAMILY APART. IT'S NOT EVEN REAL. READ THE CES LETTER, CHECK MORMONISM AGAINST THE BITE MODEL. THINK FOR YOUR GODDAMNED SELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE."

I check the sources provided. Well, I'll be damned. They weren't kidding, that mormonism sure can cult started by a con man. At this point, I am now beyond the point of no return. There's no going back. I have seen the light. I want out forever, I want my records removed, mom pick me up I'm scared.

My family never looks at me the same way again :>

[jaybirds-chirps]

no bc the fact that I have to exist with the knowledge that the first fanfic I ever read was fucking Twist and Shout

[couldtheysurviveshibuya]

Rei Ayanami (Neon Geniss Evangelion)

[chirpingchorus]

everything sucks but at least i have fullmetal alchemist (2003)

[flightyfinch]

it's taking a long long time to get fern used to walks (she still doesn't like going around the corner) but it's become so routine now that she'll go and wait by the front door like ok mommy i am ready for the torture

[perfectplaces]

just saw my neighbor’s cat through the window and i was like awww i love you kitty and out of nowhere this cat ATTACKS a tiny bird that was just vibing on the lawn and runs off with the bird in its mouth 😭

[parkeryangs]

consider: parker & oscar knew each other when they were younger. oscar didn't hear that he died and he says something about an old friend that sends arthur into a spiral of guilt even though he denies it

[softichill]

Wuh oh

[faeryton]

future definitely has its problems but god i do love a story where growing up feels like the end of the world. and more than that i love a story where the world's already ended and you have to pick up the pieces

[insomniacfoxu]

I wish I could stay asleep. had a dream where I was chilling and petting a Deep Sea Bunny 😭

[witheredgardenparty]

I'm not actually around and won't be properly for like a week or two but I'm going to open up requests on a conditional basis please stay tuned for details. When I get back, I'll be catching up on all the things I missed.

[the-dragon-invasion-is-near]

I swear james bond can't go one book without almost exploding and getting captured, i hope it stays that way

[castielfucks]

stressing rly hard

[leafatlaw]

I think rolan should have gotten to die in Rands arms

it would have been good for them

[souji-upseta]

i rly need to use discord more but it's haaaarrrrrd and idk why (i know exactly why and it sucks but i wanna make that Why my fucking bitch)

this means that if u see this you are obligated to tell me to get my ass on discord and harrass me there incessantly (but gently, and without the demand of an expectation) to go fuckin talk to my friends who i love and who love me.

also add me on discord if u want. just dm me. always open if we're moots. if i don't wanna add you on discord or don't want to talk to you i'll just tell you lol.

i rly want to get over this and talk to my friends and be more social and get out of my "comfort" zone (scarequotes bc it's not comfortable here and in fact kinda sucks and reeks of FOMO)

help a bro out? 💪🏻