#crawl back in to try to help.

[atypi-cals]

me: ok ik I have a bit of childhood amnesia but like surely it's not that bad like I can remember most things just not my home life yk

my brain: hey real quick could you try to remember ontario for me? I mean we just lived there the first 9 years of my life like surely you can remember it

me: mmmmm..... (remembers the on time my little cousin got stuck in a McDonald's play place in 2007 and then skips all the way to 2017) like that?

brain: honestly I'm just surprised you got the McDonald's.

[valoale]

Trying to get out of the trenches so now we have Reg, again

[lesbianfakir]

For anyone who missed when I talked about this, I’m organizing a low stakes mini zine for princess tutu. Soley because our tag is SO EMPTY rn and I want to generate an event in the fandom.

Planning for a tentative release in September so it can be like a fun summer tutu event but I’m workshopping this with a friend who knows more about zines than I do—release date can be pushed back if needed.

Any and all contributors are welcome (since it’ll be a pdf I don’t foresee needing a set page count so anything goes) though I will be checking in with everyone to make sure their pitches are appropriate for the zine (and by that I mean do NOT make me look at the teenagers having hardcore sex pls and thank you)

Finally I wanted to throw this out there:

Feel free to send me your ideas on how to make this a fun event for everyone. Whether that’s gamifying it by like assigning people teams or giving out silly rewards (I desperately want to make an ultimate #fakirgirl badge/sticker for our bravest soldiers) or I don’t know, making themed sections of the zine so we have a part where people say pick a fairytale they like to theme their piece around. We’re in the planning phase so no idea is a bad idea

I just want this to be a fun, collaborative project so we can come together as a fandom and enjoy a show we love

[torantuga]

i miss my 2020-22 dr hyperfixiation bruh 🙌 doodles of most of my faves from drv3 cus i rewatched it again

[pastelchad]

Sekaiichi hatsukoi is so much fun bc the tyrannical boss who takes their job way too seriously and the new employee who doesn’t know a damn thing is such a relatable concept and you can plop the entire cast into whatever au you want and it would still work just as well

[morphestic]

watching my mutuals post about their rarepairs is like being a kid in a corner watching a group of cool kids having the time of their life with their new, really cool, really awesome dolls but I refuse to give up my crusty ragged soukoku ones.

[moonshapedbox]

just when i think retail can't get worse for me a customer brings their fucking SNAKE into the store with them...they don't train u for shit like this....

[seventh-district]

again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

[zukkaoru]

i love atsushi in this fic not wanting kunikida to find out he's dating akutagawa, as he's literally giving kunikida a note from port mafia executive nakahara chuuya asking him out on a date

[dean-winchesters-leather-jacket]

I’m writing a fic bc life’s too short and I’m trying to decide whether to have Cas and Dean kiss after Dean lectures Cas while treating the wounds Cas got from breaking into caelum (which is basically heaven in this universe just where all the angels are but they’re not angels it’s hard to explain) to steal a hard drive that they need in order to complete their mission and Cas thinks that Dean is upset because it was lowkey rash and not super well thought out but Dean is really upset because he was so worried about Cas and so they’re like sitting on a couch and Cas is like “I’m sorry for not talking this through with the team” (the team includes Charlie Benny Crowley and a gender swapped Gabriel bc idgaf) “but I saw this chance and I just needed to take it but I know it was a little rash” and Dean just stares at him and is like “I’m not mad I was just so worried” or smth more eloquent than that and they both have a moment of realization what the other thinks about each other and just kinda have a tender moment and then Deans like “I worry because I care” and then Cas is like “I care too that’s why I had to do this” and then they just like lean in and kiss

so it’s either that or they continue pining the entire fucking time and then Dean pulls some shit and ends up being near a big explosion whilst trying to protect Sammy (that’s the whole goal of this bc John is a fucking bitch) and so anyways it’s kind of an Indiana jones moment where everyone is like “omg he’s dead” and then he like spawns behind them and is like “wait who’s dead?” and then they’re all so overwhelmed with emotion but like especially Cas and he ends up like channeling that emotion into being like pissed and ends up shoving Dean against the wall (this also happened earlier right before the scene I just talked about) and is like “don’t do that” and Dean just kinda smirks and is like “okay” but then the emotion changes to joy and Cas plants a kiss on Dean right then and there and everyone is shocked, but Dean kisses him back and it’s like all cute you know?

now that im writing this all down im thinking that I should do the first one as the first kiss but they don’t tell anyone about it and then I still do the second one but focus on the other people’s reactions for comedic relief after a stressful scene ok thanks for helping me through this chat <3

[void-tiger]

Saw on my dash how “x is allowed to exist, but y is not.”

And. Hoo boy. No. No “x” is NOT allowed to exist. If I say I’m asexual, I’m expected to also be 0% Romantic Aromantic Asexual. If I describe what I would want in a romantic relationship, I’m told it’s “just” a friendship. If I describe my demiromanticism, that’s just a “good head on my shoulders” or has people suspicious I’m only friends with them to date them—neither is true. I can and will sit with romantic feelings that ONLY develop when someone is SAFE platonically indefinitely. But also demiromanticism is not “Aromantic Enough” and therefore I’m not “Aroace Enough”. Asexuality and dating? Either you break your boundaries or the other person feels physically neglected or you can’t have exclusivity. Dating apps? Free ones do not include asexuals with the full features—it’s either a trial period or essentially a paying Allo has to approach YOU—with maybe the exception of Tinder. Paid service apps that include or are for asexuals are few and far between.

Remind me how romantic/grey&demi aromantic asexuals are so “accepted.” Because this isn’t even getting into the constant allonormative messaging. This is just the practicality of when an asexual falls in love, wants to date someone, or would like to try experiencing either.

[justawrites]

I love the whole "Narinder and the Bishops are angry gremlins plotting against the Lamb to get their crowns/godhood back" thing but I think it's infinitely funnier to imagine them immediately upon descending doing the equivalent of sitting on a beach sipping piña coladas declaring themselves retired while the Lamb runs around like a headless chicken with the barest idea of what they're supposed to be doing as a god

[wormtoxin]

updated personas/subroutines: (disclaimer: i still don’t think im plural, sorry)

Pepper/Clover: the main one, not even one of the subroutines really, just the blank slate object which all the others act upon. The physical body. The only persona recognized by society.

Autopilot: the regular forms and functions of being a human being. Wake up, brush teeth, go to class, come home, go to sleep. Sometimes one of the others sneaks in and replaces it without my notice, especially when I’m talking to other people, and I don’t care for that shit at all. Routine.

Rambles: Vile little subroutine that makes my mouth move well before my brain. Sometimes I feel like I’m going on and on and I can’t stop. I don’t like conversation much because having to talk necessitates Rambles and then I feel totally out of control and I hate it. Objectively this one has its uses but it’s also my least favorite.

The Wretch: Self-loathing subroutine. Convinced it’s a worthless fuckup and probably correct. Self-sacrificing while being selfish, apologetic while seeking sympathy, paradoxically victim and passive-aggressor. The worst of both worlds. I actually put a lot of time and effort into being properly accountable the way a human being should be, but sometimes i get overemotional and I spiral and that part’s The Wretch i think.

The Doll: Control, poise, perfection, submission, obedience. Maybe if it’s perfect we can get it right this time. If it’s just perfect then nobody can criticize it. Next time it’ll get it. Never does. Masking, I think? Maybe some kind of fucked up anti-masking? Can’t keep this one up for long. Wishes it could just be quiet for once and let our actions speak for themselves, but people keep trying to talk to it, and it inevitably slips away. Probably used it more when I was working.

The Dog: Playing, eating, sleeping, rolling, getting off, singing and drawing. Simple bodily expressions. Not so bright. This one doesn’t get much of an outlet. Kind of a lump, occasionally whipped into shape by expectation. I actually kinda like being this one but it’s impossible when being perceived by another human being. The most invisible persona of them all. Immoral (amoral?) and therefore unsustainable long-term

The Magician: Doing, studying, creating, dressing, presenting. A self-styled scholar. Flashy and stylish and confident. Would describe itself as “dark academia” or something similarly edgy-but-trendy. Work and school romanticized, transmogrified into an exciting fantasy. Useful for being productive.

The Witch: Free of responsibility to society or others or ethics. A heartbreaker maneater homewrecker bitch. A natural disaster. An expression not of individuality or self, but force and violence. Claiming anything it wants by any means necessary and destroying everything in its path. Selfish to the core. Chained up in a basement somewhere. It exists but it’s cruel and it sucks so I never ever let it out. But I like to remember it’s there. A trump card, a concealed weapon. Break glass in case of emergency. I feel the shape of its outline like a knife stashed in a boot and I know I could use it if I ever needed it.

Honorable Mentions:

Poetics: Playing with sounds, words, grammar, languages, ideas until they sound musical and pleasing. Etymology research, vocabulary buff, eidetic memory for certain words and phrases, but only when they sound “right”. Possibly used for all five senses, or possibly shares overlap with Composition (visual) and Kinesthetics (touch)

Faux Marxism: Self-righteous understanding of the dialectical materialist view of history. Used mostly for impassioned speeches at inopportune moments (Rambles) or in response to perceived political threats. Poetics and Faux Marxism are both very invested in learning as much vocabulary, history, languages, and multiculturalism as possible, but for very different reasons.

Horndog: you could take all of sexuality and sprinkle it across all the other different subroutines, OR you could concentrate it into one horrible little guy.

Puzzles: The subroutine that just will NOT let a problem go until it’s solved. Character designs, meaningless research inquiries, computer software. Very very very very rarely, actual assigned tasks. The Magician wants what Puzzles has.

Hibernation: Comfy cozy blanket pillow sweater cuddle nap pile. Memorized the rhythms of the winter hibernation episodes of Tanoshii Moomin Ikka and plays them in a loop continually year-round. This one might be straight-up biological. I think I might have a vitamin deficiency.

Fog: The squishy slouchy sweaty medium that fills up whatever psychic dream space all the other personas occupy. There used to be a sense of “me” but it got covered up by all the fog what seems like years ago. That sense of wholeness, control, totality, unification. It existed once. I like to think it’s still out there, somewhere, if I just get my meds right or get enough sleep and if I can just synthesize all the others maybe I can feel “like myself” again. But all the fog covers it up. Memory issues. Whenever I get a sudden moment of clarity, and I realize I’ve been one of the more loathsome subroutines, someone I don’t recognize, I’ll have just stumbled out of the fog. Always comes with a feeling of “Why did I just say that?” Or, “What did I just say?”. Dissociation, maybe???

????: see previous. The negative space that fills everything else in. I don’t even know whether to call this one “Selfhood” or “Synthesis” or “Control” or “Autonomy” or …”Me”. That’s probably most appropriate but it feels like too foreign a word to make sense of. Whatever was here once got swallowed up by the fog, and I don’t know what it is anymore. If it was here I think I could feel like a present sensor and agent in my own life again. This is probably what people expect out of “Pepper” or “Clover”, the flagship of the armada, the face and voice of the operation. I don’t know where that person is. All the subroutines (personas?) are trying to emulate her, stall for time until she comes back. She might not ever be coming back. We might be all we have.

[sonderden]

Physically, I'm already lying down.

Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.

[august--and-everything-after]

There was a spider IN my bed, ON my pillow that I was lying on, right next to my face

It's still around here somewhere, I'm gonna cry

[izzy-b-hands]

Me, trying to be brave and nice to a bug (bc I've been trying to get over my fear of a lot of them): 'Hey bud! You look like a big ant! What are you doing on our bathroom ceiling?'

This Motherfucker: *immediately flies directly at me and then disappears and is still currently at large*