#daniel dysphoria

[daniel-is-me]

I hate myself.

[yourlegacysnotyourstosee]

Moms be like “this is my beautiful daughter” and the “daughter” in question looks like this:

[ingydar-phan]

Sometimes i feel like some phannies have zero critical thinking. Shaking yall by the shoulders and saying. Dan is gay. Dan is gayyyy. Dan is GAY! Dan is a homosexual man!!!!!!!!!!

[sipping-ambrosia-wine]

ngl something that i dont get is the absence of dani phantom crossovers. maybe its just that i tuned in to the blog of someone more involved in those circles or there was a fandom renaissance i missed but afaik the dp xover fics got a crazy boost in numbers relatively recently. and i know danny is the og and people love him but if you want sassy ghost child in varying dial settings of hyperindependent, gore/body horror, medical horror, depersonalization, parental rejection trauma, trauma of dying and then coming back (iirc she legit actually melted into a puddle of ectoplasm) long term teen homelessness, gender dysphoria, strong ties to the ghost community (bonus uh. zero living ties to any one town or setting), then i mean... dani is right there!

[pintsofguinnesmakeyoustrong]

dysphoria is so fucking stupid. why am i getting gender envy from daniel stern in home alone

[eldritch-bf]

Herbert West identity related headcanons:

ftm (obviously) gay and demi

if he’s 24 in 1985 then he was born in 1961 oof

I’m also using some info from the novelization as canon so he is Canadian and his parents died in a chemical fire in the house when he was 12-13

was forced to take ballet when be was 5-10 (something Jeffry Combs joked about in the commentary from Bride)

his parents were neglectful of him and didn’t really care about him wanting to have short hair or boy clothes plus they chalked it up to his presumably undiagnosed autism

realized he felt weird about the older boy in the foster home (13-18) but didn’t really understand it; mostly he is jealous when girls take away the boy’s attention; closest friend he ever had as they were alone together but Herbert knew he could never act on it so he kept those feelings to himself

he wants sex but only from someone he’s emotionally connected with which itself is rare and at the same time intellectually he considers sex to be debasing, while also being curious about the sensation and knowing the benefits of the chemicals produced during orgasm

this is coupled with the fact that at least before starting T any thought of sex or masturbation made him extremely dysphoric and repulsed so his whole relationship with sex is very complicated

he is deeply repulsed by femininity bc it reminds him of his childhood spend as his agab and the stupid gender norms his parents thrust upon him including dismissing him being a scientist just because he had the wrong parts

he is canonically annoyed by pretty much all sounds and I suspect higher pitched sounds including women’s voices are worse; lower register sounds like thunder and men’s voices can be calming to him

upon moving from Canada to the U.S. as a student at NYU he used his new name on everything and making a clean break from his old identity was a big reason why he picked a different country to study in

hated NYU and the only good thing was it was easy to synthesize testosterone

T made him so fucking horny and also eviscerated his dysphoria; man was cranking it fucking constantly for a year straight and did some of his best work before moving to Switzerland for 3 years

Dr Gruber immediately figured out what his deal was but didn’t say anything and just treated him normal and for that Herbert was extremely devoted to him; Dr Gruber also did his top surgery in Switzerland despite having never done such an operation before

Dr Gruber was the one and only member of his support system the only person who knew everything about him and understood him and accepted him, losing him was a devastating blow and Herbert decided he would keep himself closed off

Also Dr Gruber didn’t have anyone either and adored Herbert and according to the book fucking left Herbert his money when he died which paid for his tuition and moving costs etc

if I didn’t genuinely like the father/son dynamic they have, I would absolutely say he was fucking that old man

So he was cool and clipped to Dan when he first met him and when he moved in trying to keep Dan at arm’s length away but he saw how smart and hardworking Dan was and he knew how difficult it was to conduct this research alone and he desperately wanted the company

and Dan reminded him a lot of the first boy he ever had a crush on and it would give him a certain satisfaction to vicariously have his first crush through Dan yet also knowing that Dan is way better than the idiot teen boy he was in the foster home with who never gave him the time of day; he’s also pleased with the idea of dragging Dan (normal, supposedly heterosexual, law-abiding) down with him; he’s pulling the brightest kindest handsomest hardest working med student out of Miskatonic into his orbit and making Dan’s life revolve around him

literally “look at the bad bitch I pulled by being a little freak” absolute nightmare Herbert West takes personal pleasure in ruining sweaterboy Daniel Cain’s life

the chaos of everything they do is so much more important that when Dan finds out Herbert is trans and gay it doesn’t even phase him.

(Daniel Cain is bisexual and basically decided it was just easier to be pretend to be straight and get a girlfriend so he ignored his feelings for men. But now with Herbert he doesn’t have to.)

he is completely shocked by sex with Dan however despite knowing that Dan is experienced he was not prepared nor was Dan prepared for how awkward yet demanding the virginal Herbert West would be, yelling at him one moment before becoming cock stupid the next

[chicago-geniza]

Anne Rice's obsessive self-insert thought experiments about what happens when you turn an addict into a vampire and more importantly an obligate sanguivore for whom sustenance and "the swoon" are inextricably linked and can only--without the application of scrupulous control and meticulous practice--be obtained through murder

The Vampire Chronicles are better than AA (although there's about the same amount of Christian God in them)

[mustangs-flames]

Fluffy Siam headcanon: When they cuddle, Cian likes to be the big spoon because it makes him feel in control and safe, and Sam likes to be the little spoon because it makes him feel loved and cared for, and even though they didn't feel that often growing up, they get to feel it with each other <3

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜💜💜

[twittercomfrnklin2001-blog]

I Saw the TV Glow

How is it I could watch a film filled with things I normally hate —affectless performances, obstruse dialog and an almost unrelieved air of gloom — and be totally enthralled and even moved. When it’s the work of Jane Schoenbrun, the visionary director behind WE’RE ALL GOING TO THE WORLD’S FAIR (2021), all of that is a part of the work’s overall tapestry. And even as the world in which Owen (Justice Smith) moves in I SAW THE TV GLOW (2024, Max, Hulu) seems devoid of joy and hope, the sheer talent underlying its creation is exhilarating.

Smith, who narrates, is an alienated high school student who develops a tenuous friendship with Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paine) over their obsession with the mythical television series “The Pink Opaque,” which looks like “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” as created by David Lynch. Both have unfortunate home lives. Smith has a dominating stepfather who imposes a curfew on him even after he grows up and goes to work (at a movie theater). Lundy-Paine mentions physical abuse by her stepfather and hints at sexual abuse as well. She twice offers Smith a chance to escape, and twice he chooses instead his sterile home life and bleak future.

Without ever mentioning the words, Schoenbrun makes their film about gender dysphoria. Beneath its controlled, sometimes denatured exteriors, the film seems to be a cry of anguish over being trapped in the wrong body. Maddie tells Owen she’s a lesbian, but when she asks whether he likes boys or girls, he can only say, “I like TV.” His only extra-familial relationship is with Maddie, though he tells his mother (Danielle Deadwyler) he’s having sleepovers with a former friend to cover his going to Maddie’s house to watch “The Pink Opaque.” There are tentative stabs at defying patriarchal authority; Maddie sneaks him into the basement to sleep over without her stepfather’s knowing it, while when Owen wants to skirt his stepfather’s authority, he asks his mother to advocate for him. But only Maddie breaks free. Owen envisions himself as “The Pink Opaque”’s leading lady, Isabelle, but when offered the chance to turn himself into Isabelle, he panics and runs away.

The two young leads do an impressive job of suppressing an actor’s natural tendency to dramatize. They deliver stylized performances that read as the product of repression. Yet once you learn their acting language, their work becomes highly affecting. Deadwyler is the only supporting player who really gets anything else to do, and though a cynic might say she has it easy since she can play her role naturalistically, she packs a lot of resonance into her few scenes. Schoenbrun has put together a terrific production team that gives their film the perfect look and sound, with cinematographer Erik K. Yue creating a cold palette broken by eruptions of neon colors and musicians like yeule, Kristina Esfandiari and Haley Dahl creating a 1990s playlist to match the film’s style. The musical highlight is a club scene that opens with Dahl’s haunting “Claw Machine,” performed by Sloppy Jane featuring Phoebe Bridgers, and ends with King Woman’s screaming rendition of “Psychic Wound.” It’s like a trip inside the two leads’ souls.

[sonny-whorezik]

life crazy as hell dating a somewhat cis bi dude bc he will compliment my muscle in a dude-bro way and then starts thrashing around smiling going "IM CRASHING OUT. IM CRASHING OUT" like will talk macros and diet and weight lifting with me and im just like

[zappedbyzabka]

Just...transfemme Johnny who kissed girls extra just so she could wear their lipgloss

[my-castles-crumbling]

OMG Clandestine is done!

I am so so so excited to say I just posted the epilogue to Clandestine! Featuring a beautiful commission from @itslotuseater!

Ships: Jegulus, background wolfstar, dorlene, pandalily, rosekiller Rating: M Length: 142k (FINISHED! COMPLETED! AHH!)

Summary:

He was crying. “You can do that?” He repeated, feeling like he was in some sort of dream. And then, Sirius seemed to realize. Because for a twelve-year-old, he was decently smart, and knew him better than anyone. “D’you…d’you want to do that, Reggie? I thought…I thought it was just a game?” But he could only shake his head. Because it wasn't a game. He was a boy. And he could tell from Sirius's nervously resigned expression that Sirius knew it, too. "It's...not a game." --- There's not enough Trans Regulus Black, so here's a fic to help fix the problem. Rated mature for lots of references to transphobia and Walburga Black being a piece of shit. COMPLETED (I'm not crying, you are)

Ahhh, my long-winded thank-you note:

First and foremost, thank you to Arson, my amazing Alpha Reader who brainrotted with me throughout almost the entire process. I literally could not have finished this without you, and I am so thankful to have you in my life. You've helped me through so many cases of horrible Writer's Block, encouraged me whenever I needed it, and you're an amazing friend. I hope you love your "Barty and Evan's Bitch" shirt :D

Second, to my wife, who literally dealt with me talking about this fic for TEN MONTHS. You're literally the most amazing and supportive person in my life, and I love you more than words. Thank you for being the James to my Regulus.

Third, to my Beta Reader, Kat, who is still wading through the trenches of this fic finding all my mistakes. I am so glad to have you and thank you for dealing with all of my errors and answering my messages at odd hours of the night.

Fourth, to all of the people who have encouraged me: Abby, Danielle, Kelz, everyone on the discord servers who has seen me struggle, you guys are amazing and I am so thankful to you.

Fifth, to the lovely people who created fanart for this fic. You all are amazing and you brought this to life. I bow down to you, truly, you are so incredibly talented.

Sixth, to the people who I interviewed about dysphoria and being on T, so I could have a more well-rounded understanding about Regulus's experience. Though I identify as trans, I am so thankful that other trans people were willing to give their experiences in areas I wanted to describe as accurately as possible.

And last, to all of you, who read and kudosed and inboxed and recommended and commented and kept me going. You all are amazing, and you've made this such a positive experience. This fic really was for me, to work through my own gender an discover about myself, and I am so thankful you have been here along this journey.

I want to reiterate that this is one trans person's journey, but I think it's so important to have representation in all forms of media. I'm hoping that my version of Reggie has helped with that a little bit! He's my baby, and he deserves all the good things.

Keep an eye out for the B-sides of this fic! I'll add a chapter to this work linking to it, so if you're subscribed to this, you'll get an e-mail. I'll also be editing this work to fix all the errors, and I'll be doing the B-sides as I go. It probably won't be for a couple of weeks, since I am now working, and I won't have any strict posting schedule, but I'm excited for those as well!

I love you all. Thanks for being a part of this journey.

[chicago-geniza]

I'm so sorry I need to work but these archival notes literally derailed my entire day. I have "Anne Rice's vampire dysphoria" as a running tag and she just tweeted it out

[osc-headcanon-confessions]

[🧀] Fries BFDI is on the nonbinary spectrum. But not in the way he gets euphoria/dysphoria either way… he just GENUINELY doesn’t give a fuck. Gender apathetic. Fries does not care what you call him or refer to him as he just wants you to get digging, the gender is probably underground. (also, puffries/evilfries yuri)

how does it feel to be the oldest ask i haven't replied to, over a month old? from may 9

-mod daniel

[nic-the-rat]

reblog to donate your breasts to phil lester. i’m sure he wants them more than most of his fanbase.

Hey remember how last night Phil said he wanted double G's?

[overlordoftherats]

Seeing sister Daniel live and starting T a week and a half later I think fixed my gender dysphoria idk how to explain that further