#diary thoughts

[the-maggot-diary]

Diary entry:19

1: I have asthma (and some other disorders that I won't be sharing rn) and that does impact my life alot. I like running! I'm not able to do it alot but when I do it's fun. But I asthma stops me from doing what I truly want. Not only running,a variety of things

2: I have autism and I have ALOT of interests and things I like. I like to talk about these things. The internet and just writing thing in general and sharing them helps me do this better than talking can. I'm not nonverbal,I'm hyperverbal! But I do go nonverbal at times (during stress,really) which I obviously cannot control. I also have a speech disorder that stops me from speaking "normal". I remove letters,add letters,can't pronounce basic words,studder,stretch out words longer than they should,word things strange,and talk fast. "Aaaaaaa onversaaaatiiiion w-wiiiith meeeee iis haard fur m-most beeeiiings" (a conversation with me is hard for most beings) I wanna express myself to others verbally,I'm good at it (hyperverbal as I said) but it's hard and I hate it...

Tldr: I have a speech disorder so it's hard for me to express myself in a way people understand

3: I'm not sure how many beings relate to this but my parents are both strict and not strict at the same time,its just different ways. One thing my parents are strict about is my access to the internet. Which is understandable on paper but in the way my parents do it,ehh..not so much. I'm 15 and I can't have deviantart,tumblr,discord, tiktok,insta,youtube,my own phone,etc. I had to get this without asking them (and deviantart but I don't have that anymore)and now i have to hide it like my life depends on it (it kinda does sense this is probablythe only reason im here at this point). Last time I got something without ther permission (I was 13 btw) it got token away for like 11 months. Oh,the no phone part. I used to have a phone before but it got token away so now I only have this device so if this gets broken I'm fucked because they aren't gonna give me another one. And by no means am I asking for help about this,I'd say I'm pretty good. I honestly don't think my parents are that strict but I am still pretty upset about this. Seeing all my friends be on all these cool social medias,texting there friends,having a good time while I'm stuck here acting like I committed a crime because I have tumblr,for christ sake!

Tldr: my parents are strict about my social media (15,btw,and can't even have deviantart)

[shershayariaayi]

No language known to mankind has words which are worthy for your description. You are beyond what any words or gestures can represent. Therefore when my undeserving eyes glanced at you. I understood why you were the sun to my moon

- z.t. (Extract from my diary entries)

taglist: @curseofaphrodite

[mayarue]

trying to mourn something that maybe wasn’t real.

[jess-dailylife]

Feeling Defeated but Not Giving Up

Today hit hard. The plan my fiancé and I had—moving into his parents' condo—might not happen after all. The tenant might buy it, and just like that, we’re back to square one. I get why he doesn’t want to move in here. It would slow down our savings, and we have goals. But moving in with his parents? That’s a tough pill to swallow. Privacy matters. Our sanity matters. A year isn’t forever, but it’s long enough for things to unravel if we’re not careful. And I refuse to let bottled-up frustrations be the thing that breaks us.

On top of that, the job hunt is exhausting. It’s one thing for companies to claim they “value their employees,” but it’s another to actually pay them what they’re worth. I know what I bring to the table, but finding an employer who truly sees that feels impossible.

But I’m not just sitting here. I started my Project Management course on Coursera, hoping it’ll add some weight to my resume and open new doors. I also plan on finishing my bookkeeping course—another skill under my belt. It’s all an investment in myself, in my future.

Debt looms over me like a storm cloud, and Scotiabank? A whole mess. They say one thing, then do another, and I feel like I’m running in circles. The only way out is through. I need that higher-paying job. I need to spend only what I have. I need to keep going.

I feel defeated today, but I won’t stay down. Because this? This is just a chapter, not the whole story.

-Just a Girl in Ontario

[laserdaddie]

16 year old me would die on the spot if you told him that 25 year old me’s sole bright spot in the terrible brain rotting world of social media is tumblr

[adiaryonthemoon]

World is so funny and cruel. Comical, decadent, hysterical, beautiful. We lust for whatever we already have. I don't mind getting out of my bed but there are some days that my pillow is the only lover I want.

[rainingvenus]

I am thankful every day that no one I know irl knows my tumblr handle.

[t-bird510]

Diary Thoughts #1

7/3/2024 - 10:22PM

Hello, Just wanted to make this so I could remember small notes for the future.

I saw this idea from Tumblr that is related to a Pokemon betrayal AU where Ash pushes his friends away instead the other way around because of how Ash acts differently around each of his friends and it soon gets too much for him and stuff like that.

I don’t remember who said this idea, But I’m just spreading the idea for the sake of being a Pokemon fan and stuff like that.

Anyways…Thanks for reading my thoughts Diary…

[diaryofadoctor-kreativeangle]

They say, “What's your problem?”

I wish I knew. Whenever I think I have figured it out, I am taken by a surprise the very next moment.

[the-maggot-diary]

Diary entry:21

Got roblox for the first time sense 2016

Really fun

I see why dandys world is so popular,it's really good

My username is "@Justareallyrandombug"

[cielelyse]

A RANT, Because if I Can’t Segue These Thoughts Into Real-Life Conversations Then I am Damning My Tumblr to Them, Sorry 

So I’ve never really considered myself as part of the physics community. Books were my comfort growing up, so I entered university wanting to do an English Literature degree (imagine my Asian parents) — and because I didn’t take physics in high school, my first real introduction to it were two first-year college courses, Intro to Classical Mechanics and Electromagnetism, where both professors were so insane unhinged incredible that I spent that following summer hovering over the Switch Majors button on the school website for an entire week and NOW HERE WE ARE

Maaaaybe unfairly to the discipline though, I think I’ve always had one foot out the door with it. I worked through an undergrad and Master's and currently a PhD in physics, but it was never an ‘I’ve wanted to study this since I was a child’ decision and more of an ‘I don’t think I’m actually capable, but I’m interested in the field so let’s see where it takes me’ one, so I've always felt insecure about it. In the back of my mind, I was never meant for it. Physics has always been something I felt like I could give up on and still think, you know what, no worries, I’ve given it a good run, which wasn't something I could comfortably say if I had dedicated my life to literature. And it was honestly so FUN throughout the years! SO FUN!!! I met so many interesting and brilliant people! It was a completely new way to see the world — logically, critically, counter-intuitively — that I had to rewire my brain to adjust. But I never considered myself a “physicist”; I was just a passerby, not someone in the field. I wasn’t exceptionally intelligent, and I do think I have been extremely lucky to get this far, because in the back of my mind, my calling was still literature. 

AND THEN I WATCHED OPPENHEIMER. It sounds ridiculous for this realization to sink in in this situation wleg;kegelk but IT REALLY DID. I walked into the theatre not knowing anything about the hearing or Strauss, so that was a great plot twist for me, but I didn’t realize that I had come in already armed with the science knowledge. I got excited when the scientists appeared — Bohr, Heisenberg, Teller, Feynman, Bethe, etc. — and in particular LAWRENCE! Lawrence, who invented the cyclotron, who founded LLNL, whose machine has been studied extensively in my branch of physics and whose application is so closely related to what I’m studying, that seeing him on screen made me almost kick the seat in front of me in pure zest!! I huffed when I saw quantum tunnelling on the blackboard, I was amused when Oppenheimer immediately followed up “Is light a particle or a wave?” with a Schrodinger wave function symbol LOL, and I understood so well the joy of seeing your experiment work in front of you. So I enthusiastically rambled about it all to my friend afterwards — about how amusing seeing that was and how well I thought they avoided physics jargon — to which he groaned and said, “Right, I should’ve known this is what happens when I go see Oppenheimer with a physicist,” and even though that wasn’t the first time someone had told me I was a physicist, that was somewhat the first time it slotted in place for me. I never really considered myself part of the community, but 7 years went by and here I was! DOWN IN THE DEPTHS! DEEP IN THE TRENCHES! IT WAS SUCH A STRANGELY CONFLICTING FEELING THAT I HAD TO RANT ABOUT IT

(Anyhows, all this to say that Oppenheimer combined two of my favourite ares of study: physics and geopolitics. It was amazing. WOULD 11/10 RECOMMEND — I love it so so so much!! The only subjective grievance I had was that I wish there were more women in it, but this is 100% a grievance with history rather than a grievance with the film, because I do of course understand that it was a heavily white-male-dominated field at the time and so it would kinda be impossible for Nolan to incorporate that into the narrative, especially Oppenheimer’s narrative. Shucks! But I hold hope that one day someone will make biopics for great women like Lise Meitner!!!)

[cutemysteriousgirl12]

[soulmvtes]

sunsets after 7pm now !!!!!!!!!!! we made it guys !!!!!!!!!!!!

[sweet-sonho]

i’m just trying my best. it’s so i can do.

[borderlesbian]

please don't be mean to me bc i can be meaner and i hate being mean

[theloversconfessional]

I take much pleasure in the way my mind works, I love my taste, my eye for beauty, the way I see love in all places, my willingness to understand without knowing.