#i am GOING to pass out. good fucking night

[racingrich]

dedicate it to me! 🏁 ln4

summary: the honeymoon phase consumes you and lando whole. race weekends spent curled up together, on dates pretending people can’t see you. it’s not private, but not public, it’s something people can’t only glance at, but never know for themselves.

as always, photos are not indicative of reader’s appearance, i just love rachel 🫶🏼

any mention of ducky is from my fic too many oranges. i also wanted to thank everyone who has read my previous fic, i appreciate it so much ❤️❤️

julietcore 🔒 summer is better with you 🧡

liked by lando, oscarpiastri, georgerussell63, and 19 others

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lando 💬 hot, you single? 🥵

⤷ julietcore perv

⤷ lando hELLO?!

georgerussell63 💬 drop the vacation spot, I beg

⤷ julietcore no <3

⤷ lando fuck him up baby!!

oscarpiastri 💬 He doesn’t even try and he gets a tan. I can’t win.

⤷ julietcore yeah bc ur white as fuck

⤷ oscarpiastri uncalled for??

⤷ lovelyleclerc bitch on bitch crime unfolding

charles_leclerc 💬 does he wear normal clothes??

⤷ julietcore i’m convinced he doesn’t own clothes

⤷ lando the team merch is comfy!

⤷ julietcore your fashion sense is atrocious the jacket saves you

⤷ lando wHAT DID I EVEN DO TO BE ATTACKED?

lovelyleclerc 💬 my fave couple tbh 🫶🏼

⤷ oscarpiastri Pretending I didn’t see that for my inner peace 🫶🏼

lando I hope summer never ends 🧡

liked by julietcore, f1, mclaren, and 247.9k others

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user 💬 LANDO TAKEN ERA?

⤷ user2 he’s been taken for like six months get with it 😔

mclaren 💬 and when are we meeting them? ☺️

⤷ lando that’s interesting because- 🏃🏻‍♂️

julietcore 💬 you’re so 😍

❤️ by author

maxverstappen1 💬 Happiness looks good on you, mate!

⤷ lando so they tell me :))

oscarpiastri 💬 No photo credit?

⤷ lando right credit to @/lovelyleclerc for taking gorgeous photos ☺️

⤷ oscarpiastri Much better

⤷ lovelyleclerc am i a pro yet?

user3 💬 cute let me go lay on the fucking tracks

user4 💬 and they say romance is dead!!

charles_leclerc 💬 surprised they put up with you this long

⤷ lando my partner says to fuck the haters so I’m blocking you for my peace of mind 🧡

⤷ charles_leclerc LANDO WAIT PLEASE WE CAN BE WORLD CHAMPIONS

julietcore posted a story!

baby’s first race! it’s me, i’m baby

⤷ lando they’ll love you, baby! and if not, i’ll kill them

⤷ lando gorgeous gorgeous 😍😍🫶🏼🫶🏼

⤷ lando can i take you out sometime? I know a great spot, very romantic

⤷ lovelyleclerc I’ll bark at anyone who looks at you wrong 🫶🏼

𓂃 ོ𓂃.𖥔 ݁ ˖

He was waiting for you when you arrived, just like he promised. His race suit half unzipped, eyes wild and searching. He saw you instantly. He’d always told you he could recognize you anywhere. You held onto your McLaren paddock pass with an iron grip, wiggling past people in team colours. No one paid you any mind, which you appreciated.

“Hey!” He shouted, which drew your attention. You’d seen him early that morning when he left for race day, promising to be a few hours behind him, but you still missed him more than anything. Love was like that. All encompassing and devouring. You wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Lando!” You squealed, something you promised you’d never do until you started dating Lando. But he brought out things in you that you never thought possible. Every day was a dream come true, learning more about the person he helped you become. You rushed into his arms. He opened them for you, his arms wrapping around your shoulders in a gentle grip that made your heart buckle.

“Someone’s excited to see me,” he teased, his voice a mere whisper. You looked up at him, lips peeling up into a smile.

“What told you that?” You asked, your voice dripping with playfulness. You nuzzled your face into his race suit, inhaling the cologne you’d helped him pick out on your vacation.

“Nothing in particular,” he mumbled back. Lando had started to sway you both back and forth, humming whatever song you’d showed him last night. You could feel his lips touching the crown of your head, a gentle rhythm that followed his breathing. How had it only been five hours since he’d left his flat, now basically yours as well. It felt like it had been lifetimes.

“I missed you,” you whispered.

“I missed you, too, baby.” You knew he meant it. Because Lando never did anything half-assed. He threw his whole heart into everything he did, including you. When he asked you out all those months ago, you weren’t sure it would last. Now, six months later, you weren’t sure why you’d doubted it. He’d taken you into his life like you’d always been there. You had mugs in his cupboards, a toothbrush in his bathroom, plushies on his bed. Small parts of you bleeding into each other until you weren’t sure where he ended and you began.

“First race, are you excited?” He asked. You started nodding like crazy, because you were. You’d been nervous on the walk in, your stomach flipping on itself as you walked passed fans in papaya orange or Ferrari red. You were invisible, as you liked it. Someone who could slip under the radar and be forgettable to those who didn’t matter.

“I’m excited to see you win,” you replied. Lando chuckled, his hands coming up to adjust your hair.

“I’m excited for you to watch me win.” Lando glanced around the paddock, catching sight of Oscar in the distance. It was almost race time.

“I’ve gotta go, baby, but I’ll come find you right after the race, okay?”

“Is ducky here?” You asked. Lando nodded.

“They’re in hospitality, waiting for you.” That made you feel better, someone you knew, someone who knew you. There were going to be countless people who thought they knew you, who spoke about you because they could. Not because they understood you.

“Good luck today, my love,” you whispered, leaning up to kiss the underside of his jaw. Lando was glowing, like an angel, or something more profound.

“I don’t need luck,” he replied. “I have you.” You remember when he said that for the first time. The way you’d turned to him midway through making soup, and smiled that smile he loved so much. He’d told you he loved you then, too, four months into your relationship. A healthy chunk of time.

You’d dropped your spoon on the stove after he said it. He’d frozen, like he hadn’t meant to speak the words out loud.

“You love me?” You asked, your voice shaking. Because there was no way. A way that he —a famous formula 1 driver— loved you —a chef. Worlds apart, brought together by a plate of food that had made Lando Norris like fish.

Lando opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. He took a breath, a deep one in through his nose as he raised his eyes to meet yours. His green eyes were shining with an emotion you’d only seen in romance movies. “Yeah, I do.” The words left his lips like a prayer. He stepped towards you, his arms coming to wrap around your back. He leaned into you, his warmth enveloping you. “I love you.” He had to say it again, just to be sure he said it right. You beamed, leaning back into him as the soup continued to simmer.

“I love you, too.” His grip tightened.

“Holy shit, that’s crazy,” he giggled.

“You’re telling me,” you replied, turning to press a kiss to his cheek. His smile could’ve replaced the sun. It was so bright, so blinding, and it was yours.

Now, as Lando moved towards Oscar, you stepped forward, grabbing the ends of his fingers. He turned back to you.

“What’s up, baby?” He asked.

“I love you,” you whispered. Lando’s smile widened. He turned back and hugged you again.

“I love you, too.” He spun you around gently. “You make it hard to do my job.”

“You caught me, secretly hired by Max to ruin your career,” you teased.

“The cutest spy,” Lando admitted.

“Lando!” Oscar shouted from across the paddock.

“Coming!” Lando leaned down and kissed you, quick and sweet. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” Then he was gone.

You adjusted your jacket, your cheeks warm. You watched him go, a spring in his step that hadn’t existed before you.

He had a race to win.

𓂃 ོ𓂃.𖥔 ݁ ˖

f1gossip LANDO SPOTTED SHARING A GENTLE MOMENT WITH NEW FLING! 🚨 Sources outside the paddock caught the couple being affectionate before the race. Lando’s partner, still a mystery, was spotted at the paddock, watching the race. Is this the same person who Lando has been soft launching for the past two months? We’re already a fan!

liked by user, user2, and 104.2k others

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user 💬 WAIT THEY’RE GORGEOUS??

user2 💬 bro i’m so soft for them 🥹

user3 💬 Lando’s got taste 😍

user4 💬 the way he’s holding them, i’m uNWELL

user5 💬 can lando fight?

⤷ user6 he can’t beat all of us.

⤷ user7 HE CANT BEAT ALL OF US!!

user8 y’all should just let them reveal it in their own time 🙂‍↕️ maybe they weren’t ready yet

𓂃 ོ𓂃.𖥔 ݁ ˖

The race was amazing. You’d watched them on TV before, but this was something else. The crowd became something else, possessed by their love for the sport. As Lando crossed the finish line, you felt something spiritual enter your body. You jumped up, screamed, and moved. McLaren staff had promised to take you to the podium to greet Lando after the race. He requested it. Nearly demanded. As you followed the social media admin, who chatted kindly with you about how long you and Lando had been together, and how compfortable you were with being captured in photos, you arrived. He’d just pulled back off the track, letting his team help him out of the car. You moved your way through the crowd pushing against barriers. Lando got out of his car, his fists extended to the sky. You saw his eyes searching. When his eyes found you, he moved.

He was running like a madman. The admin helped you lean over the barrier as he crashed into you. Your world exploded into him as his arms wrapped around you. He was crying. Happy tears, filled with all the happy emotions he deserved to feel.

“Hi,” you whispered. Lando laughed, light and breathless.

“Hi back,” he whispered. His voice was hoarse. He’d screamed in the radio, shouting in excitement. He sounded wrecked in the best way. He looked beautiful. You pulled back and pulled his helmet visor up. His eyes, vibrant and green, bored into you.

“You did it,” you breathed.

“I had to, you’re watching.” You hugged him again. He swayed you both to an invisible tune. He was sweaty and smelled like BO, but he was yours.

“I’ll take all the credit for your win, then.” Lando slid his helmet off, and he was in you in seconds.

“I’ll dedicate it to you.” It was a promise forged in everything soft and kind.

“You’d do that?” You asked. That was big in F1 terms. That was declaring something bigger than the universe.

“I want the world to see you, to know you, like I do.” You’d never heard more poetic words in your life. You leaned in and captured his lips in a gentle kiss that spoke more than words ever could.

“Okay,” you whispered as you pulled away. His eyes widened, your words sinking in like a body in water.

“You serious?”

“Dead serious. We’re serious, aren’t we?”

“Hell yeah we are. You’re it for me.” You kissed his cheek.

“Then do it.”

lando You make me feel things I never thought I could. I love you so much, and every race I win is always gonna be for you 🧡

liked by oscarpiastri, lovelyleclerc, and 348.9k others

comments have been limited

julietcore you’re so love of my life coded it’s insane 🧡

[axeskirt]

god this is gonna be long and I got shit I need to do tomorrow and for fucks sake I am tired. eh fuck it I can devote a few hours to writing an a wall of text for some strangers on the internet who probably won't read it. first, I am operating on the assumption that you are a human arguing in good faith. second, I am operating under the assumption that you think trans men are men and trans women are women. (if this is not the case, ajfasgspga GOD DAMMIT MORE TYPING, FUCKING FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, IT IS GOING TO TAKE WEEKS TO FULLY HAVE THIS CONVERSATION!) I think that lesbian means women who like women because that is how every single lesbian I have met in real life uses it and that's how words work (source: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC22182/ and the human people who who are my friends and family which talk to in day to day life.) a trans man or intersex man who might have those parts who likes women would not be a lesbian as far as I know. further more it seems deeply objectifying to classify woman hood into a box of just having the parts and lesbianism to just liking the parts. not only does this exude trans women but also intersex women and women some brutal injury so that they don't have the parts anymore. personally I think that's fucked up and like maybe we should be better to each other than that because being excluded from support networks is bad actually. now, I'm going to go be an emotional mess and hug my friend and complain and winge about things that most likely won't make sense in hindsight and then pass the fuck out on the floor and god dammit I don't wanna proof read this shit, fuck it sure this works as is. good night.

Question for trans activists

(coming from a lesbian)

If a woman can dress in any way masculine, feminine, or anything in between

If pronouns do not equal gender, and a woman can have any pronouns

If women can have any type of personality under the sun

If women can behave in any way

If women can have any interests or hobbies

If having/not having a vagina doesn't determine if you're a woman or not

If trans women don't need to have dysphoria/seek transition to be women

If women don't need to conform to the feminine gender roles of whatever culture they're from

If womanhood is entirely different from person to person, and the feeling of womanhood cannot be defined in any solid way

What is a lesbian attracted to?

What is it that makes a lesbian want to only date women?

It has to be something only found in women and not in men in order to make sense.

What do all women have but not men that makes a lesbian a lesbian?

Here is what I think a lesbian is: a homosexual female. Someone who is female and only attracted to other females

(And that is what the definition has always been. Look up lesbian in a dictionary. Then look up homosexual. Then female)

Lesbians both have and like pussy. Thats all it is. If you think for whatever reason that it is wrong, that its a fetish, that it's immoral, etcetera.

Regardless of your reasoning, that makes you a homophobe.

Trans activists fight day and night to take away the ONE word we have to define ourselves. Not only that, but they try to change it into something completely undefineable.

They tell us a lesbian is actually a "non man attracted to other non men" (whatever that means) and whenever a lesbian puts her foot down and says "No, we just like pussy" they harass her and call her a bigot.

Redefining female homosexuality to include males is a gross display of homophobia.

And then you have the audacity to wonder why the LGB wants to separate from the TQIA+

We are different movements. You are against us, against homosexuality. You are not ashamed of it. But you deny it because you've changed the meaning of lesbian to fit your agenda. To make yourselves look morally superior.

You wonder why so many lesbians are "transphobic"? Well, that's because sexuality is innate and unchangeable. Imagine you are a lesbian, and every trans activist you meet thinks that's a bad thing to be. So you defend yourself. Now you're evil too? Alright.

[daceydeath]

Sugar & Spice

Pairing: Sugar Daddy Lee Know x Reader Word Count: 1.5k Genre: Smut Warnings: 18+, MDNI, Explicit Activities

a/n: Not edited because I was lazy xx

He became your only client because he couldn't bear to share, but is the money worth all the trouble he brings with him.

"So, if someone asks do I say I'm your girlfriend or just a friend?" you asked watching him place his black card in the bill folder for the moment the waiter returned. Minho's eyes still firmly on his glass of white wine as he mulled over his answer in his head.

"It depends on who is asking" he a shadow of a smirk gracing his perfect lips.

"Will you give me a hint then?" you quirked an eyebrow your fingers trailing up and down the stem of your own glass.

"One of the members or a personal friend of mine, my girlfriend. Someone from the company, the press or a fan just a friend of mine" he shrugged lightly the casual tone of his words not matching the intensity in his dark chocolatey eyes.

"M, I am always discrete" you hummed teasingly watching his posture relax a little even though this was far from the first time you had been in this very discussion with him "Isn't that why you picked me initially?".

"No, I picked you because you were the first girl I actually wanted to fuck" he smiled devilishly, his voice low enough to keep the conversation private "Discrete just helped you get over the line".

The flush that crept across your face was impossible to hide from him and his deep musical laugh told you that he was well aware he was making you squirm, he loved teasing you, whether you were in public or in bed he wanted you flustered he got off on it. The waiter had returned with his card and the receipt leaving the only thing left to do was leave and head back to your hotel room, Minho had already told you he would pay for a room for you both, as Jisung had the night off as well, so you made your way out into the warm spring air. The light breeze fluttered his hair as he helped you into the waiting uber and away from any potential prying eyes.

"How about we order some dessert when we get back?" he asked sweetly, his hand on your bare leg and his thumb grazing your inner thigh travelling higher with every minute that passed.

"I'd love some, maybe some ice cream?" you bite your lip as you looked to him innocently making the corners of his lips lift slightly, his thumb continued to move agonizingly slowly across your skin making you shiver in your seat. Only partially aware that the driver is getting his own show as Minho hikes your skirt up higher to expose your damp lace underwear.

"I think our driver likes what he sees kitten" Minho breathed into your ear kissing your cheek chastely and making your flush deeply the stain running down your neck and across your chest.

"Minho" you gasp trying to close your thighs only for Minho to block you with his hand. You swallowed hard as the driver pulled up to the front of the hotel and Minho exited the car helping you out and straightening the back of your skirt for you, you remained silent only the sound of your heels clicking on the marble floor of the foyer gave your presence away until you entered the VIP suite Minho had generously booked for you to stay in for the next few days. You let Minho roam his hands over your body hiking the skirt of your dress up so he could squeeze the soft flesh of your arse.

"You are going to let me mark this perfect little backside of yours yeah?" Minho grinned cheekily has hand still rubbing over the exposed flesh.

"Depends, M" your almost purr pulling from his grasp and moving further into the room.

"On what my little kitten?" Minho smirked looking you up and down while licking his lips in anticipation.

"On how good you want me to be" you whisper tantalizingly slowly feeling yourself get embarrassingly wet just from the hungry look in his eyes.

"Oh? I thought you were my best girl?" his voice lowered the huskiness in it far more obvious as he moved towards you caging you against the wall "my good girl".

"Always M" you smiled sweetly looking up at him through your fluffy lashes for a moment before he crashed his lips against yours, his tongue slipping between your parted lips to tangle with yours while you gripped his shirt. Once again his hands slid under your skirt only this time, they tugged your soaked underwear down your smooth thighs roughly just about tearing the fabric. You let him take the lead and take what he wanted from you, always happy to please him since he always gave as good as he took.

"Strip" he panted catching his breath from the heated kiss. You unzipped the small zipped on the side of the dress letting it fall to the soft carpeted floor with a dull thump before unclasping your bra to leave you completely exposed to him.

"So gorgeous" he muttered his hands caressing your skin reverently before he dropped to his knees in front of you picking you your leg and hooking it over his shoulder as he leaned in and licked a long fat stripe through your glistening folds.

"Fuck M" you whimpered sliding your fingers into his hair while he ate your cunt like a starving man, his tongue flicking your clit relentlessly as his fingers slipped into your entrance easily stretching you for him to fuck later. Pushing a third finger between your wet velvety walls he curled them making you see stars and claw at his scalp. You heard him grunt against your slit the vibrations amplifying your pleasure even more. You could feel your walls starting to clench around him, quivering at the edge of your high when he pulled his digits from you with a wet pop, leaving you whining loudly.

"You're only coming on my cock tonight kitten" he teased as your high evaporated letting your foot hit the carpet again he moved you towards the floor to ceiling windows, turning you and pressing your face and tits against the cold glass, a delicious shock to your system, your gasp turned into a high pitched keen as he lined himself up and slowly bottomed out inside you. His thick heavy cock brushing against all your favorite spots. You braced yourself against the glass your hands and chest pressed against it while you turned your head to look back at Minho, that was when the first smack to your round cheeks echoed around the room making you bite your lip as you remained impaled on his cock.

"M, more. Please" you pleaded pushing your hips back against him to fuck yourself on his throbbing dick. Minho laughed breathily his hand slapping against your skin again your flesh already flushing red to match your face.

"Good girl, get yourself off like this, use me" he groaned smacking your other arse cheek before rubbing where the red hand print was already forming, you did as you were told rolling your hips again and again as he continued to slap your cheeks whenever he felt like it leaving perfect outlines of his hands on each side.

"M. Christ. M" you moaned as you felt your belly tightening and your walls tighten around him again.

"Cum kitten" Minho ordered softly his voice thick with lust "cum for me".

"Minho" you sobbed letting go and coming hard around him your legs shaking and your eyes rolling back in your head. Minho took over from you continuing to fuck you through your orgasm until you regained breath.

"Good girl kitten" he grunted picking up his pace, hips slapping against your already red and tender arse as he desperately chased his own high. The glass around you had fogged up with your harsh breaths your drool smeared where your face had been pressed but Minho kept going his cock brushing against your cervix and making your sob as your body started shaking again.

"M" you hiccupped softly as you felt the tightness in your pussy grow with alarming pace "M, I can't".

"Take it kitten, I know you can" he growled slapping the tender flesh of your backside again.

"Can't....can't" you sobbed as the pressure grew until Minho slipped his hand around your hip and pressed his fingers against your aching clit. Minho moaned loudly as your whole body went rigid your second orgasm hitting you so much harder than the first your walls spasming around his cock before you felt your essence gush out of you and down your thighs, covering you and Minho in your sticky fluid.

"FUCK" he yelled his hot seed pumping into you as you sagged against the window your whole body going lax, Minho held you up kissing your hair softly as he regained his breath before helping you to the bed on your wobbly legs and laying you down gently.

"That was intense" you smiled accepting the water he got you.

"That is exactly why I chose you" he grinned deviously his fingers trailing slowly across your still bare skin.

a/n: Thank you for reading my lovelies. As always I am forever indebted to you for all of your likes, reblogs and comments xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz @armystay89 @damnyouficc @roamingpolar

@tara-skyhold @bakedlilgoonie @krishastumblernow @mrsseals16 @fawnpeaks

@leeknowinggg @tanzen-ist-gold @uno7 @ocean-dreamer-sky-chaser @skersey33

[patri56001]

Another fic idea inspired by this video https://youtu.be/q86OzEgTAgc?si=iKLtB0lEv5o5Uor0

Tim likes to dance, he has spent enough time watching Cass and street kids dance on alleys and has learned a bunch of different types of dances. But while Cass' thing is dancing gracefully to ballet and waltz, he is a different kind of grace, his is messy, sultry. He loves moving his body like he is the sexiest person in the room, making people stare, he knows he is good looking. But when you pass your days stuck in an office or beating criminals, you don't have much spare time to dance. Yes he still skates, but dancing brought him closer to Cass (his twin soul) and gave him confidence in his life.

So he enrolled at a dance studio, one that teaches pole dancing and other sexy dances, as a way to learn and have a normal hobby, Cass, Bruce, Alfred, Steph, and Barbara know. But only the girls know what kind of dances he does, Steph teases him mercilessly.

So queue Tim being friends with burlesque dancers, and he has performed a few times, but bc he wasn't 21 yet they didn't let him dance at their club. But now he is a week away from turning 21 and is vibrating with excitement. He has a whole debut routine he has been working on for a year, stage name, y'all get it, the works.

It was Saturday night and he received a panic called by Bella, a dancer friend, that she needed him to cover for one of her dancers ASAP, and he has the off, so he goes to help. They were doing a chair dance to 'I see red' by Everybody loves an outlaw, he has seen them perform it before, and knows the routine perfectly. The place is full, he has his costume, make up, heels (6 inches bc he's cunty like that) and it's ready to go. They go upstage, they do their routine, they killed it, he is enjoying himself, got to dance another two dances before he was abruptly told to get off stage.

"Hey Patty, is everything alright? Why did you call me?"

"Heeyy Tim, I'm so sorry for...umm... This, you were absolutely amazing but um... Your brothers are here... And are demanding to take you home."

"What?! They can't do that?!"

"YES WE CAN! Timmy you are underage! You are a kid, you are not allowed to-to be dancing like that" Jason said not looking at Tim. While Dick was forcefully covering Tim like a burrito (where the hell he got a blanket it's the middle of July?!). "He is coming with us, thank you so much for understanding our concerns about our BABY brother"

"Wha-what are you talking about? I turn 21 on Thursday!- Dick ffs get me off this thing! This is so embarrassing, stop calling me a baby!" Tim was so flustered he was apologizing for the misunderstanding, but Patty was used to this type of situation so she was laughing it off.

In the manor: Bruce and Alfred are chilling in the living room when Dick and Jason come bargging in with Tim on Jason's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He dumps Tim in the sofa, and glares at Bruce who is only raising and eyebrow.

"So I took your advice, and decided to have a night out with Dickie, decided to check a club that does burlesque shows, you know bonding, and we were having fun until act number 3..." Stops and locks eyes with Tim who is glaring at him " when they start dancing again and I see that one of the dancers face seemed familiar..." Turns to glare at Bruce.

"Imagen our surprise when we realized that said dancer was our UNDERAGE BABY BROTHER" Dick finally speaks up

"Oh is that where he went?" Alfred said calmly, un bothered king as always.

"Is that the only thing you have to say??" Jason stared in disbelief

"Um excuse the ever loving fuck out of me, but as I stated several times before, I'm turning 21 on Thursday, I'm not a baby, I'm an adult, who can do whatever he wants!" Tim said tiredly at the ceiling

Dick: "Hush Timmy, why aren't y'all surprised!?"

Bruce: I am surprised, but only bc I didn't know he was performing tonight as a burlesque dancer.

Jason: is that all?? Did you know that he could dance and-and like that?!

Bruce raising an eyebrow at Tim: like a burlesque dancer or in general? Cause I knew he was taking some classes at a dance studio but he never told me what he was learning. I figured he would at one point.

Tim was ready to die: ffs I'm right here! I'm not a child! I can do whatever I want.

Jason: you are our baby brother and you are not allowed to perform at any goddamn club like you are some stripper!

Tim: WOW very ignorant Jason

Jason: That's not what I meant and you know it! You are a kid, you don't need to be dancing like that in front of a bunch of perverted assholes!

Dick: Exactly, Tim! I almost broke a man's jaw bc of a comment he said about you.

Tim: That's your problem Dick! Don't go if you don't want to hear people say anything about how I dance or look when I dance! Y'all aren't my parents to be telling me what to do - and before you even think about it, I am an adult Bruce! I can do whatever I want.

Tim finally got out of the burrito blanket and fled to his room, slamming his door hard.

Jason: Daaad Alfiiiee you can't let him!

Alfred: I understand that you two are protective over your younger siblings, and it makes me happy to see it. But master Tim is correct, he can do whatever he pleases. And may I remind you of your various whore phases and crime lording that all of you did during your early twenties? Master Tim dancing is the most normal thing this household has ever witnessed. So all of you better leave him be.

Bruce just sighs in defeat, Dick and Jason just sulk for weeks on end.

[jacksabbotts]

. ᵒ .༄ DBF!JAKE x ARTIST!READER !  ࿔* ━━ ⋅⋆ ·˚ ༘ ┊͙ # 🎨 possible trigger warnings .' male!masturbation, sexting  ‧ 🛩️ ‧ ━━ WC 1.9k

series masterlist || inbox ━━━ request for dbfjake x artist!reader * ✷ ⊹ * ˚ ✷ dividers by @cafekitsune + @dollywons + @bernardsbendystraws

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ imagine jake giving you hard dimensions

it was the buzzing that woke him. or maybe the sun creeping through the blinds. or maybe the half-hard weight between his legs reminding him of the conversation the two of you had six hours ago.

he groaned. rolled over. reached blindly for his phone on the nightstand, blinking against the brightness of the screen. he was still half-asleep, the sheets twisted around his hips, one leg kicked free in the night. his body was warm and lazy and hard.

8:03 am. two new messages. from you.

his brows lifted.

to jake 🐍 8:03 am

i need you to be so dead fucking serious with me for a second i need measurements like actual dimensions because i cannot for the fucking life of me get your cock right i’ve tried. i’ve really tried. i’m surrounded by sketchbook corpses and i’m on my last page

he let out a slow, disbelieving breath.

to jake 🐍 8:04 am

ok i think i’m sleep deprived ignore that last message lmao

he grinned.

“nope,” he muttered to himself, voice still graveled from sleep. “you don’t get to walk that one back.”

he thumbed out a reply, slow and lazy, like he had all the time in the world—even if his cock was starting to throb just reading your frantic little art breakdown.

jake 🐍 8:07 am

well good mornin’ to you too, picasso you gonna tell me where exactly you’re measuring from? base? tip? angle of elevation? curve radius? actually kinda flattered you ran outta pages before you got it right

he stared at the message for a beat, smirking. then, he tossed the phone beside him and stretched, cock twitching under the sheets at the mere idea of you—sleep-deprived and muttering curses, surrounded by crumpled paper and obsessing over his dick like it was some unsolvable math problem. then he added :

jake 🐍 8:11 am

you still want the numbers?

he didn’t even have to wait long.

to jake 🐍 8:12 am

jake. be serious.

he smirked and palmed himself over the sheets. oh, he was very serious.

i am bein serious this feels like a medical consult at this point you want soft or hard?

a beat passed. his cock twitched at the thought—hard, you wanted hard, obviously. hell, he was halfway there already. just from your desperation. from the image of you—sweaty, surrounded by crumpled drawings, pencil in hand and lip between your teeth, cursing the width of his shaft like it personally offended you.

jake 🐍 8:13 am

if you want hard you’re gonna have to give me a minute

he tossed the sheets aside. sat up a little, one hand already trailing down his abs, letting the phone rest against his thigh and finally wrapped a full hand around himself. jesus. he didn’t need the minute—but damn if he wasn’t going to enjoy it.

the slow hiss that escaped his teeth wasn’t voluntary. this wasn’t just teasing anymore. not with you in his head.

to jake 🐍 8:15 am

are you actually

he read it with a lazy blink and let out a low chuckle, rolling his wrist slowly and a low groan escaped his throat. he texted back with his free hand.

jake 🐍 8:22 am

patience, angel it’s a little hard to measure while i’m like this

and fuck, it was. he was already straining—thick and flushed and heavy against his palm, precum pearling at the tip. he gave it a slow, purposeful stroke, hips lifting off the mattress with a quiet grunt.

to jake 🐍 8:22 am

wtf does that mean??

he huffed a laugh. god, you were losing it. and he was enjoying far too much. jake wet his bottom lip. his thumb circled the head once, gathering slick, and he could feel himself starting to unravel—not quickly, but with pressure. the good kind.

jake 🐍 8:24 am

real stiff real warm real curious how bad you wanna know

he stared at the typing bubble. waited. he imagined your face. the way you’d look reading that—flushed, caught between exasperation and desire. imagined your hand twitching on the pencil, thighs pressing together. the image sent a pulse down his spine.

to jake 🐍 8:24 am

just put me outta my misery

well. if you insisted.

jake 🐍 8:26 am

you want the truth, baby? gonna need you to say it a lil clearer what exactly are you askin me for?

he slowed his strokes, drawing it out. slow. deliberate. shuddering.

to jake 🐍 8:27 am

i want the hard dimensions width. length. curvature. vein placement. don’t make me beg again

jake’s head dropped back against the pillow. he moaned.

out loud. no one to hear it but the quiet walls of his bedroom and the ragged rasp of his breath.

god, you were killing him. he bit his lip, let the tension build just a moment longer, and finally tapped out.

jake 🐍 8:28 am

good girl sit tight i’m nearly there

he threw back the pillow completely, needing space. spread his thighs wider. braced his phone in one hand and measured with the other, groaning as he did it—because fuck, even his own fingers weren’t enough. he thought of yours. of how much prettier they’d look wrapped around him.

his hips flexed up into his hand. five minutes later—hand still wrapped tight, stomach clenched, the image of your flushed face in his brain—he texted.

jake 🐍 8:33 am

7.8 inches just shy of eight little curve up thicker at the base two veins—left side’s more pronounced tip’s real flushed right now

he wiped his hand on the side of the sheet and smirked.  he was flushed too. chest rising, muscles tight. he wasn’t gonna last long—not like this. not with the way your voice was echoing in his head.

jake 🐍 8:33 am

need a cross section? happy to supply a diagram though you seemed to have one hell of an imagination already

he squeezed his cock, slow and cruel, pulling another drop of precome from the tip.

jake 🐍 8:34 am

gonna draw me again? or are your hands too busy right now

the tension was unbearable. his spine arched. he let out a quiet, choked-off laugh that turned into a grunt. his cock twitched in his palm. just the thought of you fucking your cunt with your own fingers at the description of his cock.

jake 🐍 8:35 am

need more inspiration, angel? i could send you something for reference, of course

and then, finally—

to jake 🐍 8:37 am

don’t tease me

jake didn’t hesitate.

jake 🐍 8:37 am

oh i’m serious say please

he reached for his phone camera, barely able to hold it steady with one hand. found the light. got the angle right. thumb tight at the base. veins thick and pulsing. he knew exactly how it would wreck you.

to jake 🐍 8:40 am

please.

he was right there, right on the edge, and you were the only thing in his mind—your voice, your sketchbook, your please. now you were asking to see his cock. and so nicely at that. he couldn't help but oblige.

jake 🐍 8:42 am

still need dimensions? or do you wanna measure it yourself?

jake was so close it was stupid. his hand worked in tight, slick pulls, his wrist flexing, hips shifting against the mattress like he couldn’t quite not chase the friction. the picture he’d just sent still glowed on his phone screen, half-lit with the filtered sunrise glow cutting through the window slats—his cock flushed and leaking, thick fingers wrapped around the base, one prominent vein bulging left of center just like you’d drawn.

just like you’d tried to draw.

he groaned, low and guttural, because the thought of you analyzing it—sketching it, erasing and redrawing—aching for it?

fuck, that did something to him.

jake 🐍 8:44 am

if that’s all… i think i gotta go take care of my problem i’ll be thinkin’ of you, darlin

he sent it one-handed, knuckles white around the base of his cock. his phone slipped from his grip and hit the bedspread with a muted thud—forgotten, discarded. his other hand was busy—so fucking busy—pumping faster now, chasing it.

and he did think of you.

not the coy, flirty version of you that bantered back. no—he pictured the one too breathless to finish a sentence, hips lifting off your chair, thighs tight together under the desk, the corner of his sketch burning a hole in your pocket.

his jaw clenched. he rolled his hips up into his fist, back arching, chest heaving.

you’d begged him.

and he lost it.

jake came with a full-body shudder, choking on a curse that never made it out. hot, thick pulses spilled across his knuckles and wrist, slicking over his abs, and he didn't stop—not right away. he squeezed through it, milked every last twitch until his body sagged like a snapped rubber band, limp and satisfied and absolutely fucked out.

the sheets were ruined. his hand was shaking. his mouth was dry.

but all he could do—after—was smile.

because you’d wanted the truth. and now you had it. every inch of it.

his breathing finally slowed.

sweat clung to his chest, a line of it cooling along the curve of his spine. the morning light cut across his room in warm, pale stripes—highlighting the wreckage he’d made of the sheets, the smears of cum across his stomach, the used-up look in his eyes as he reached for his phone again.

still buzzing.

still lit up with your name at the top of the thread.

jake dragged a thumb across the screen to scroll back through the exchange. every word. every needy message. every please. god, he was fucking obsessed.

he shifted against the headboard with a stretch, one arm slung over his head as he looked at the last photo he’d sent. the one that had you spiraling. the one that had him unraveling.

fucking hell, he thought. you were gonna ruin him.

not just because you’d drawn him—cock and all, from imagination—but because you’d obsessed over it. agonized over getting it right. you’d filled a sketchbook with versions of him that weren’t accurate enough. and then you asked him for measurements at eight am with shaking fingers and a brain full of want.

and that was the sexiest thing jake seresin had ever seen.

he rolled onto his side, lazily wiping his stomach with the nearest t-shirt. still smirking. still so fucking smug. and underneath it—hooked.

because if that was what you sounded like over text? what the fuck were you going to sound like in person? the next time he touched you, it wouldn’t be a whisper at your back or a teasing note tucked in your pocket.

it’d be his cock in your hand. his mouth in your ear. his voice saying : you ready to stop drawin’, baby? do you want the real thing?

and he laid there.

still naked.

hardening again.

and still grinning like the bastard he absolutely was.

🔖  .   @spooky-librarian-ghost  @Soupie_MeowMeow  @gardeniarose13  @kmc1989  @Coldmuffinbanditshoe @nubecita040 @moonriseoverkyoto @alldaysdreamers @it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes @timeofmadness @writergirl28 @alldaysdreamers @khouse712 @nightmenotyou @hiireadstuff @beltzboys2015 @bobsbri

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[halowritesthings]

i didn't want to bring it up in that post because it felt tone deaf, but as for skizz being in the "cause i'm with friends" universe

i want to sit on it for a bit. i think the only thing that will make me put in the effort of taking skizz out of the story will be something like him doubling down and saying "my mods are AMAZING people." i don't think it'll get THAT bad, but i have a bad habit of planning for worst case scenarios. frankly, if it somehow does go in that direction, and none of the other hermits do anything, then i will be reevaluating my fandom stuff as a whole, not just current wips.

like i said, i don't think it will go there, and i think without that concern, if i don't feel better about the situation, i'll probably just go a route of "this is a character, not the cc." i realize this option is harder in these circles, since it's not fully roleplay like dsmp was, but i think if wilbur, someone who was such a core part and creator of lmanburg and dsmp story/lore, can be turned into My OC Do Not Steal by the fandom, then treating skizz similarly probably wouldn't be much different, ya know?

besides, i'm two degrees of separation from being one of those writers that does a lot of "take two characters and put them in incorrect quotes," so i'm already halfway there anyway!

[bowtiepasta]

i’ve gone through the entire spectrum of emotions today and maybe even unlocked a new one i have to be deficient in some vitamin

[doctorweebmd]

ok my OTHER reflection:

on the one hand its really frustrating to see the posts about docs and healthcare in general on here be so narrow-minded. bad experiences with certain providers have lead to a huge spread of misinformation and mistrust with the whole system. which can and HAS lead to people avoiding 'evil' doctors for perfectly treatable illnesses and dying from them (the vaccine bullshit, anyone?)

but on the other hand. it is TERRIFYING how some of these docs practice medicine. at times i think 'are you just burned out and don't give a shit or are you straight up just stupid?' and i work in critical care. where quite literally every case is life or death. even in the academic sector where there is supposedly a standard of excellence, some doctors i would not let touch my loved ones with a ten foot pole.

and that sucks. i know this is the no nuance piss on the poor webbed site but 'the medical system and people that work for it are fallible and aspects of it are morally questionable at best/unethical at worst' AND 'the field of medicine exists to help people first and foremost and mistrusting/avoiding it can be detrimental in the long run' can and DO co-exist

[moreaujeans]

im so sick of exams i swear to GODDD

[micamone]

i wish we could record dreams. you guys would have loved the full on musical numbers with silly ass clown costumes i got to watch last night

[altruistic-meme]

ah. Hm. don't like THAT.

[the-heron]

I will never shut up. Ever

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

I can’t believe my parents haven’t taken me to more Indian weddings. I feel robbed

[phagodyke]

I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.

[agdab]

[5dtetris-revisited]

4.5 boring nightmares in one night is too many actually. not even one banger nightmare. not pleased with these.