#i can't even blame the procrastination on doing other things first

[cappurrccino]

i feel like you know you're fucked when not even the sense of impending doom from a looming deadline can get you to do anything

[bytemee]

chapter three. | WHERE DO YOU SLEEP? — YU JIMIN.

𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀 — y/n, a rising music producer, has built her dream career while keeping her personal life under wraps. karina, aespa’s leader, is preparing for a huge comeback with a mini album produced and written by the one and only y/n.

karina knows this is the opportunity of a lifetime, and she has to nail it. the only problem is, she may be a bit distracted by her producer.

something about their connection feels different—like maybe it's worth the risk of prying eyes. but how much will they give up to chase after what they want?

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 — includes texts, fluffy, tiny time skip, suggestive jokes aha, and i think that's all.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 — 2.5k

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲— tiktok is down so now im forced to stop procrastinating and update this series

taglist (open) — @sunshinez4 @gtfoiydlyj @yuyuy90 @liaponderstings @rinapomu

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"when are you gonna teach me the choreography for your solo?" you mutter, breaking the silence between you and jimin. yes, that's correct. jimin. she basically began forcing you to call her by her first name barely two hours after you'd agreed to start over.

she doesn't reply right away. instead, she lets out a faint, breathless laugh, the kind that sounds half-conscious, as if her mind isn't fully caught up with her body. you glance at your phone and notice her eyebrows knit together, her eyes fluttering slightly as she fights to stay present. through the camera, your eyes meet, and for a moment, it's like she's trying to focus on you but can't quite manage it.

"sorry," she apologizes, a shy smile on her face. "i'm listening."

you take in a deep breath, plopping your head back against the headboard of your hotel room bed. "mhm," you reply, a small smile forming on your own lips. it was getting late; you can't blame her if she's a little sleepy.

"so, when are you gonna teach me the choreography?" you repeat, this time a bit slower.

she giggles. "i can't right now."

"why not?"

"because i'm in my underwear."

let's backtrack.

after meeting with jimin, aeri, minjeong, and yizhuo (yes, you're also on a first-name basis with them) for dinner, you and jimin exchanged the correct numbers (after checking five times to make sure you put the right number in).

you and she have been texting each other since and have met in person on numerous different occasions, whether that be because smtown called you both in to finalize the lyrics and final ideas or if it was to simply hang out.

jimin's solo is coming along nicely, and she's been working hard to get it perfect. she's so passionate and driven, and she's always ready to try new things. and even though she's a professional, you can tell she gets nervous sometimes, which is understandable. it's not an easy job, and these past two months have been hectic for everyone.

she didn't even officially record the demo yet that she, you, and her entire team worked on. but the day was coming, and it was coming fast.

"i didn't need to know that," you laugh, rubbing the tiredness from your eyes.

she laughs, the sound muffled by her hand. "i'll teach you next time, okay?"

"i'll hold you to that," you say, pointing at the camera with mock seriousness, though the grin on your face betrays you.

jimin leans closer to her phone, squinting as if trying to look more intimidating. "you think you can handle it?" she teases, raising an eyebrow.

"please," you scoff, reclining further into the pillows. "i have rhythm, you know. don't act like you haven't seen my moves."

she has indeed "seen your moves" because she loved your music, as she admitted to you the first time you met. so, she's seen your music videos, performances, and a couple of interviews. you were great at what you did—music, interacting with fans, and just being... yourself.

it was confusing why you were producing and writing songs for other artists instead of focusing on your own music career.

"your dance moves aren't half bad," she concedes.

"half bad?" you repeat, pretending to be offended. "my dancing is better than half bad."

"really? then show me," she says, her tone daring.

"i'm in my underwear." you playfully mock her earlier statement, your eyes locking on the front camera. she's still in the frame, her head resting against the palm of her hand, the phone propped up against a pillow on the bed.

"so?"

this girl.

you narrow your eyes at the screen, trying not to laugh. "so? what do you mean, so? the hell?"

jimin laughs loudly at the pure shock in your voice, so loudly that she moves out of the camera's view to cover her mouth, trying to keep it down so as not to wake up her roommates.

when she reappears, she's still covering her mouth, and her eyes are watering with unshed tears.

"what?" you laugh, and she shakes her head, lowering her hand and waving it in dismissal.

"nothing, nothing. i just like teasing you," she says, a smile spreading across her face.

"and why is that?"

"because you make it so easy," she replies, and you roll your eyes, not able to contain the smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.

"you should sleep," you whisper; it kind of feels like you didn't want to say the words that had left your lips. it was nice being here with her, even if it was just on a video call. it was almost like you didn't want the night to end, but you had both been up for a while now, and the fatigue was setting in.

"i don't want to," she says softly, her voice sounding more vulnerable than usual. "not yet."

you watch her, and she looks away from the camera, biting her lip. a few moments pass in silence, and then you speak, breaking the quiet. "me neither. but i don't want you to be tired when you wake up tomorrow."

"my schedule's free tomorrow," she says, turning back to face the camera.

"mine too," you respond.

another moment passes, and then you break the silence once more.

"wanna do something tomorrow?"

your legs are beginning to hurt.

a lot.

"i need a bench!" you whine, stretching out your lower back. "i need a place to sit!"

jimin laughs, and her hand flies up to her mouth as if trying to stop herself, but it's no use. she does that a lot, you've noticed. so cute.

you're in a park, the one near the hotel where you're staying. the two of you were going for a walk when suddenly, in the middle of nowhere, you've been walking for quite a long time now. talking about whatever came to mind, and now, your legs are giving out.

"we could just stop and sit down anywhere, you know."

"no, no," you protest. "the bench will come."

jimin snorts. "okay, okay. if you say so."

the two of you continue walking, your steps slowing as you glance around for this mythical bench you're so convinced will magically appear. jimin keeps laughing softly under her breath, her amusement growing with every dramatic sigh you let out.

her gaze rises to the hat on your head, smiling to herself.

"i'm too young to feel this old," you groan, stretching dramatically. "is this what you feel like, unnie?" jimin doesn't respond, shooting you a glare, and you laugh, throwing up your hands in surrender.

finally, she reaches out and tugs it off your head, putting it on her own. "hey," you exclaim, reaching for it, but she dances away.

jimin places the hat on her head, adjusting it with a playful smirk as she steps just out of your reach. "what do you think?" she asks, spinning on her heel dramatically, her hands on her hips.

you pause, crossing your arms with a mock frown. "i think you're a thief, and i want my hat back."

"it suits me better, doesn't it?" she teases, tilting the brim slightly as if she's modeling it for a camera.

yes.

"you wish," you reply, stepping closer, but she takes another step back, grinning.

as she settles into a more natural stance, her fingers brush over the fabric. "you really like this hat, huh?"

you shrug, "it's a good hat."

"it must be," she says, raising her eyebrows. "i mean, you never take it off."

"i barely wear it!" you protest, which was semi-true; it was one of your favorite hats, but you wore it a lot less than others.

"you were wearing this the first time i saw you walking around the company building," she says, and then pauses. "and the second time."

"well, like i said, it's a nice hat."

she laughs, shaking her head.

"do you wanna keep it?" you ask.

jimin blinks, surprised. "keep it? like, keep it forever?"

you nod, a grin spreading across your face. "sure. keep it safe for me."

jimin hesitates, studying your expression. "you're serious?"

"why not? it looks better on you, right?" you say, repeating her own words with a slight shrug.

a slow smile creeps across her face as she adjusts the hat.

she walked a little closer to you for the rest of the day, her shoulder brushing against yours more often, her hand occasionally bumping yours. it wasn't intentional, you were sure, but that didn't mean it didn't make you feel something.

the day passed quicker than you wanted, slipping away before you could really grab hold of it. you kept glancing at her when you thought she wasn't looking, wanting to see the way the light hit her skin, the way her eyes crinkled at the corners when she laughed, the way her nose scrunched up whenever you said something a little too silly.

and she caught you staring, multiple times. but she didn't say anything, didn't point it out, didn't make you feel embarrassed.

just smiled, and smiled, and smiled.

at some point, you ended up at a small café near the edge of the park. it was quiet, tucked away from the busier streets, a perfect little hideaway. you sat across from each other, the table small enough that your knees brushed under it if either of you moved even slightly.

you talked—about anything, everything. you told her about growing up as an artist, how much it took out of you some days, how exhausting it could be to pour so much of yourself into your work and still feel like you weren't enough. and she listened, really listened, her chin propped on her hand as her fingers idly brushed the brim of the hat she still hadn't given back.

you wanted her to keep the hat. you wanted her to have something of yours, something that showed you cared, even if it was just a simple hat. and maybe you were getting ahead of yourself. maybe you were overthinking, reading into things too much.

she made you feel something, something different, something exciting, something that had been missing for so long. and maybe you were being naïve, hoping for something more than what was actually there.

but you couldn't help yourself.

eventually, it was time to part ways. she had her dorm to return to, and you had your hotel room waiting for you. the two of you were still giggling and whispering and talking as you made your way down the street, the sun already starting to set.

your hotel room feels emptier than usual after you part ways with jimin. it's not like there's anything missing, really; everything is just as you left it. the bed is neatly made, your suitcase is half-open in the corner, and your phone sits charging on the nightstand.

you sit on the edge of the bed, running a hand through your hair, and check your phone. no new messages. you don't know why you were hoping for one. she probably went straight back to the dorms, tired but smiling—at least, you hope she's smiling.

you sigh, flopping back onto the bed. the ceiling stares back at you as if mocking the restless thoughts running wild in your head.

"stop overthinking," you mutter to yourself, dragging a pillow over your face. you're trying not to admit how much you've started to like her—because liking her feels... complicated.

and you don't want to complicate things.

but maybe it's not as complicated as you're making it.

who knows?

your phone buzzes on the nightstand, breaking the silence. your heart skips a beat as you lunge for it, nearly knocking it to the floor.

the beach is quiet, almost deserted. the sun's long gone, leaving the sky dark, with the moon hanging high, its pale light spilling over the sand. the waves crash softly, the sound blending with the gentle wind. everything feels calm, peaceful.

you sit on the bench, beside her, neither of you saying anything. the stillness isn't awkward, though—it feels good, like it's just the two of you and the ocean. the air smells like salt, the breeze ruffling your hair. you take a deep breath, savoring it, letting the quiet sink in.

jimin's beside you, her back resting against the bench. she hasn't said much since you got here, and you're okay with that. she's content with just having your presence around.

her eyes are closed, her hair fluttering in the wind, strands falling across her face. everything about her seems so effortless, like she belongs here, like this place is where she's supposed to be.

you catch yourself watching her, and it's impossible not to. there's something about the way she seems so at peace, so in tune with everything around her.

it makes you wonder what's going through her head—if she's thinking about work, home, or maybe something completely different. you just wish you could know what's in her mind, even though it doesn't matter. you just like being here, in this moment, with her.

she's so beautiful, and you can't help but think it. the moonlight makes her look even more stunning, softening the sharp lines of her face, highlighting the way her hair catches the light. her lips are slightly parted, like she's lost in her own thoughts.

and then, without thinking, your hand reaches out, brushing a strand of hair off her face. your fingers linger a little longer than necessary, and when you pull back, her eyes open and meet yours.

your heart jumps in your chest, and you pull your hand away, embarrassed. "sorry," you mumble, suddenly feeling awkward. you can't meet her gaze, your eyes shifting to the ground.

"it's fine," she says softly, her voice barely louder than the sound of the waves. she looks at your hands, resting awkwardly in your lap. "your hands are cold," she adds, smiling, and before you can say anything, she takes your hand in hers.

you freeze, a little caught off guard. her hand feels warm against yours, the contact so simple yet so grounding. her fingers curl around yours, and you just sit there, unsure of what to do, but not really wanting to move. it feels right, even if your thoughts are racing. the only thing that matters is that you're here with her, and she's holding your hand.

you sit like that for a while, neither of you speaking, just holding on to each other, feeling the quiet surround you. eventually, jimin leans her head against your shoulder, letting out a soft sigh. "this is nice," she says, her voice barely above a whisper. "i don't get to do this very often."

you smile a little, your heart softening at her words. "you make things feel... easy," she adds quietly, her thumb brushing over the back of your hand. "like i don't have to think so hard about everything."

without thinking, you reply, your voice quiet but sincere. "you don't have to think so hard around me. just be yourself."

she looks up at you, her smile small and shy, and then she rests her head on your shoulder again. "i'll try," she says, squeezing your hand gently.

you squeeze her hand gently, offering her a smile that reassures both of you. "good."

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[starryjkoo]

Please only Jungkook and Jungkook himself is to blame for people (a.k.a his own fans) always twisting his words and actions. Y'all have never bothered to ask yourselves why it's always JK who has to go through this and not the other members, especially the other two maknae line members, since people are just as obsessed with them too?

It's because for years JK has constantly contradicted himself in his words and actions, especially when it comes to Jimin. One minute he's hot, the next he's cold. One minute he says something nice about Jimin and then the next he's back to being an insensitive prick. One minute he's initiating touch with Jimin, the next he looks like he's close to physically throwing up when Jimin does the same to him😅. One moment he does something for Jimin that'll convince you that he truly loves him just a bit more than the others, the next he goes above and beyond for EVERYONE else while making it seem like it's impossible for him to even do the bare minimum for JM (his trip to Hawaii for Tae vs him saying "nah" when Jimin asked him to come watch him practice the next time ???)

No one but JK is responsible for the way his fandom is right now and for how they are treating Jimin. Things like these don't just stem from nowhere. These are his FANS projecting this "he's uncomfortable with Jimin/he hates Jimin/them" narrative onto him and his actions keep the narrative alive and consistent, while naturally the ones who care about Jimin/his relationship with Jimin will be sensitive to how he acts and expect him to be better.

Of course it's obvious that JK loves Jimin a lot and the "uncomfortable" Jikook moments have never bothered me personally because I've always had a reason about why they exist/why JK is like that with Jimin and it's a positive reason. But we can't deny the existence of certain things and why those things exist in the first place.

From an objective standpoint, it makes sense why there are people who believe he doesn't like Jimin and why every time he shows that he does in fact like Jimin or even more-than-just "like" Jimin, they resort to saying he's pretending or that he's being "forced". It also makes sense why there are those who have "high/unrealistic" expectations for him.

And BOTH those sides make up his own fandom, unlike others like Jimin whose antis are the one projecting the "he's fake/pretentious, doesn't really love JK or anybody" personality onto him. It's all from and because of JK.

Anyway it's sad that humans always choose to focus on the negative. Someone could show they love another person or a thing all the time, and the few times they do something towards that person/thing that others perceive as the opposite of love, they'll latch onto it and conclude that person doesn't actually love the person/thing. And the other times they show that love won't matter to them anymore.

The same way someone can be infinitely kind, patient and self-less but the one time they snap and express anger for some reason, people will be like "yep this is their real personality, these are their true colours, they were just pretending the whole time"

I’m procrastinating and avoiding doing something rn so I’ll go ahead and give this a long and serious answer even though I’m not super keen on asks like this. I think other people have probably already addressed this topic a lot better than me, but I’d like to spend a minute defending JK since I’ve already addressed the way fandom treats JM a few times on here.

First of all, it’s always JK having to go through this because JK sits at the center of the two most popular ships in an extremely toxic shipping culture where they are constantly fighting over his validation. That’s why his words and actions face the most amount of scrutiny and why they’re weaponized more often than any of the other members (even though it still does happen with other members). I think it’s really as simple as that. tkkrs especially are constantly twisting his words and actions painting him as a villain because Jikook makes them insecure, which is the same reason why they think JM is evil incarnate.

JJKs are half tkkrs, half Y/N’s (or kpop stans who hate and have always hated BTS) and they hate JM more than anything because on top of shipping, he’s also JK’s “main competition”. Of course they want to think that JK hates JM as much as they do when most of them are constantly projecting onto him. I’ll also add that there are a lot of JM/TH overly biased shippers who take everything JK says and does extremely personally too, and then they get their feelings irrationally hurt and take it out on Jungkook. A lot of ex-jkkr PJMs are extra vicious to him because of stuff like this too.

I’m not sure why you think these people are making rational objective observations that have any validity just because they consider themselves his “fans” when most of them are extremely biased and often have some sort of agenda when claiming that he doesn’t like Jimin.

The vast majority of examples of JK being “rude” are just projection and people taking everything he does in bad faith too. I don’t know what examples you mean where JK was allegedly so “insensitive” towards Jimin tbh, because I just constantly see people exaggerating normal teasing and playing to seem like some massive evil thing. And if you’re talking about clips from 200 BCE when he was literally barely a teenager and they were all like that - I don’t think that’s fair to hold against him either.

But let’s say that JK had a moment where he was insensitive - so why isn’t he allowed to be human? Have you never had days where you’re tired, or grumpy, or don’t want to be touched, ever had a moment where you were unintentionally a bit insensitive, a joke that fell flat or came out meaner than intended? Never gotten shy, self-conscious or distracted? Ever had a disagreement with friends? Gotten a little too competitive?

And it’s not just JK who has had these moments btw, it’s all the members because they’re human and none of them are perfect, they’re allowed to experience occasional negative emotions, allowed to have bad days, or quiet days, or days they don’t want to be touched, or are a little snippy with each other. I can't even begin to imagine having to navigate that kind of environment while dealing with my own negative emotions and having everything recorded, picked apart, and weaponized like that.

I feel like you’re basically saying that JK is never allowed to have an off day, and he’s never allowed to be in a bad mood, or say no to something he doesn’t feel like doing? He also can’t tease vmin or be sassy with them the way they are with each other, or the way most of us are with our own friends & family? He can’t get a little shy with JM either? He can only be happy and positive 100% of the time or risk validating psychos who want to claim he hates his bandmates? How is it his fault that people interpret everything he says and does with the most bad faith takes imaginable because of ship and stan wars?

Also I’m going to need a better example of JK not being willing to do something for Jimin because agreeing to go to Hawaii for a fun trip and sky-diving vs not wanting to go to the HYBE building (his workplace that he was mostly avoiding at the time) to sit on the floor and watch JM practice for hours is not really comparable. I don’t even think Jimin cared nearly as much as some people act, he was teasing JK and encouraging him to get out more and smiling throughout that entire exchange, it was never that serious tbh.

What gets me about that whole situation too is that JK was more outwardly supportive of JM during FACE era than he was for any other member, but it’s still not good enough for some people for some reason. And you’re talking about JK being willing to go to Hawaii, but didn’t he travel two more times with JM after JM came to him in NY? Didn’t he agree to JM’s show idea, all this on top of having an insane schedule? Not to mention the night before Jeju, did he not cook Jimin four servings of whatever food after a long plane ride simply because JM asked him to?

There are so many examples of antis taking JM’s obvious playful behavior and twisting it to paint him as a villain, so isn’t it vastly unfair to then turn around and do the same thing to JK? If we can recognize the absurdity in painting JM as an abuser because he reacted to JK’s scuzzi teasing by cursing and gentle roughhousing, shouldn’t we be able to apply the same kind of logic to the people trying to make JK seem like a bully over his reaction to JM purposefully riling him up over ham? Were the “insensitive” remarks you’re referring to ever that serious, or was it normal teasing, friendly jabs, and playful roughhousing? Why is it okay for you to interpret all JK moments in bad faith, blame him for it, and hold it against him forever, while not holding others to the same standards? Shouldn’t we be able to recognize the absurdity in interpreting either of their actions in such obvious bad faith?

I’m just going to have to heavily disagree that there’s ever been a logical objective basis in thinking that JK dislikes Jimin, or that he’s uncomfortable with him. I’m not talking about shipping, I mean the people who think that they’re not even friends, because that’s actually an insane thing to think, and no normal fan is going to look at JKs behavior, where he has had countless examples of encouraging, complimenting, having fun with, and supporting Jimin - who he literally enlisted together with - and then think that they don’t like each other, or that they have a bad relationship, or that JK is annoyed with or dislikes JM. What normal, rational person would actually think that JK would enlist with someone who made him uncomfortable? 99% of the things people use against JK are just normal friendly teasing, and I don’t think he should be expected to act like a friendless robot in fear of a handful of weirdos twisting his words so they can be shady and nasty towards Jimin on social media.

And honestly if people don't like JK's personality or how he comes off that's their right but it's also just their personal opinion, they shouldn't project that on JM who clearly doesn't mind and seems to really enjoy their dynamic a lot. If he didn't like it, he would call it out. Instead he has zero worries about fighting with JK in the military despite Jin's cautioning that even friends of ten years end up fighting. I've seen the hot and cold thing before, and maybe I'm just mostly coming up blank because I'm not one of those jkkrs with encyclopedic knowledge, but I think any moments like that were really not so serious to hold such a grudge over, or to be interpreted so extremely and then used to justify such illogical takes.

Also you’re saying that JJKs interpreting JKs words and actions shadily means something, but you know that PJMs have done the same thing with Jimin right? Like it was PJMs who started that whole thing during Yoongi’s concert trying to imply that JM shaded JK when he said ARMYs were having more fun that night. Also I’ve seen PJMs posting that quote where JM said he was being careful about what he posts online while in the military to shade other members (and then they got mad when iirc KTHs took it personally lol). I also remember PJMs hyping up the fact that Jimin didn’t post for Seven (until he posted JKs hot100 #1). And I remember the whole debacle of that music show hug where both KTHs/PJMs were acting like it was the coldest, most impersonal hug they’ve ever seen and proof the two were no longer friends only for all that to be followed by vicnic and a lot of vmin moments. I can't remember the exact context but I think they've tried to do this with YG too. Solos projecting their negative feelings onto whoever they bias is not anything new, and it’s not something that only happens with JK. Pretty sure a lot of PJMs and some JM biased spent a good chunk of CH2 trying to push the narrative that JM was purposefully distancing himself from tkk because a lot of them simply wanted it to be true, only for the last half of the year to be the literal opposite of that. I've also seen a few PJMs push the fanservice narrative despite that literally being something he receives an insane amount of hate for.

It’s also extremely typical to see stans projecting mean girl personalities onto whoever they bias, I see people do it with groups all the time. Hell, ARMYs just did the same thing with JK’s comment about APT mentioning only Bruno implying he was shading Rose when I sincerely doubt that was his intention. That’s just how people operate in stan spaces, and it’s not the fault of the idols. Another example being aespa, those girls seem like they’re friends with half the industry and yet I constantly see their stans trying to pretend they’re shading every other group.

JJKs being what they are is probably a whole other discussion but no I do not blame JK for his solos being like that at all (just like I would never blame JM for PJMs). He also has a lot of token stans and success stans who don’t even like or respect him as a person, so no I don’t think they understand his personality or have any rational basis in interpreting his words and actions so negatively.

Anyway it's sad that humans always choose to focus on the negative. Someone could show they love another person or a thing all the time, and the few times they do something towards that person/thing that others perceive as the opposite of love, they'll latch onto it and conclude that person doesn't actually love the person/thing. And the other times they show that love won't matter to them anymore. The same way someone can be infinitely kind, patient and self-less but the one time they snap and express anger for some reason, people will be like "yep this is their real personality, these are their true colours, they were just pretending the whole time"

Anyways, I totally agree with this? Which is why your ask has me a bit confused (like is this bait to get me to yap in defense of JK 😭). Isn’t this like the perfect example of victim blaming then, because you’re saying it’s JKs fault that people are choosing to overlook all the good and nice things he does or says to focus on only their negative interpretation instead. Maybe your point is you feel that JK is genuinely being rude or insensitive, which is where I disagree, because imo 99% of the time it’s people choosing to misinterpret his actions to fit their narrative/agenda, and the 1% is normal, human emotion and all seven of them have had their moments.

Jungkook shouldn’t be held to impossible standards just because toxic fans exist, he doesn’t deserve to be dehumanized like that. I just fundamentally do not believe that he or any of the members need to cater to these types of fans, I don’t think they should have to live their lives being paranoid about what they say and do being taken out of context and twisted to that extent. Again, the only people who think that JK hates Jimin are super baised solos and shippers, not normal average fans, and JK shouldn’t have to alter his behavior to cater to those people who will most definitely find a way to twist his words and actions regardless of what he says or does, antis even do this with BTS in general, with Namjoon especially for fanwars all the time trying to twist his words. None of the members should ever be held at fault for their toxic solos or shippers.

anyways, I never found the right moment to post this video, but it's vaguely relevant here so I'll go ahead and add it. every time the discourse about the members being rude to each other pops up I think of this ProZD video about friends

edit: edited paragraph eleven for clarity 🫡

[the-great-ladyg]

So, I watched the James Somerton second apology video so you don't have to, this are my highlights, feel free to add more if I missed something important:

He monetized the video to donate to HBG's team and Wikipedia, apparently, he said also he has reached some of the people who he plagiarized but still, if he did he would have explicitly said "I'm donating to them"

Did he really said "well, I'm a white cis gay man, I don't have the same experiences as others in the community" as an excuse on plagiarizing others' works? And the "I thought I might be able to won over some people" sounds like some white savior shit

He still throws Nick under the bus, it really shows that James doesn't regret any other times he did that and it sounds like he hired Nick as a shield for criticism and not to have a more diverse work team

He apologizes to Jessie Gender and many others, but doesn't explicitly addresses why he might have offended them on first place (except for the police incident), yeah, he says he was reactionary, but he has been on many occassions. I'm not expecting a full detailed explanation, but at least he could have said "for the Nebula drama" or something like that

James says that at one point, due to covid economic consequences, he and Nick became poor and that led him to plagiarize more since they had to upload more videos, and look, I suck at organizing my time, I tend to do everything with little time before the date, and I wrote most of my thesis on the last minute with one or two days of investigating and I still didn't plagiarize, I could cite all of my sources the correct way, if my early 20s procrastinating ass could wrote a 70 page thesis on my own without plagiarizing, he could write a script with a second person without stealing but he prefered to do it anyway

Also the alegedly head injury, I'm not going to say that's a lie, but knowing how this guy uses any card on his favor, this might be something he pulled from his ass to justify himself

I don't know why but some of this Telos drama explanatiom sounds again like he didn't even know how to do all of this, and I get what is to start a project having little to no idea on how to start or continue, but he tried to do so much with so little without asking for any help when he clearly needed some help other than Nick, and also sounds like another excuse to justify plagiarizing

"Misinformation made its way into our past videos", no, my friend, it doesn't make its way when you investigate or check a site other than the first one you see, James loves to say he likes to investigate but still says things like this. "It wasn't malicious", (seriously, the audacity of this bitch), oh yeah, there's nothing malicious coming from the mysogynist biphobic and transphobic dude who misgenders trans people and erases a woman's bisexuality, specially when this lady told you she wasn't a straight woman as you said and this was a known fact for a few years

The ADHD thing feels like some ableist shit, like "don't blame me, I have ADHD uwu", James has offended many groups and communities through his youtube career and in his apology video he still finds the way to insult another group that suffers from many harmful stereotypes

As I said on a post addressing his first apology video, James can't create a space for everyone if he's transphobic, mysogynist, acephobe and racist, and he pretends he's convinced he was creating an "inclusive space"

Just as many people have said before, he didn't address anything of the things he's been accused of except plagiarism, he only says "I'm sorry to everyone who I have offended", no dude, you don't address mysogyny, racism or transphobia this way, James is a piece of shit and a coward.

And this idiot has put on public display some of his videos, specially the ones that show his racism (yeah, the Killing Stalking and Painter of the Night videos), I'm not clicking on them but I'm pretty sure he didn't cut his racist mysogynist rants, because they might not be plagiarized (if James is to be trusted) but they show the worst parts of him when he's trying to be original, and putting this shit videos on public shows he regrets nothing on being a piece of shit.

[crucifiedbymypriestess]

One thing about me is that I can't focus on just one thing or I'll start to procrastinate or get distracted, so I always make it a point to write a bunch of fanfics at once. English is not my first language, hope you guys can understand it well, also helped myself with Google translator.

Also my last time writing something was like seven-eight years ago, lmao.

This is one of them.

After a tragic accident and the death of David, the happy married couple begins to struggle and witness the deterioration of their marriage, a disastrous divorce, but life continues to bring Erik into Charles's life.

Here's one scene from it:

“-'cause the best thing for you and Erik is to stop for a while and get outside help, Charles. It's not fair to any of you that your coexistence is only with fights.”

Raven extended her hand, leaving a piece of paper with a contact in red ink, with perfectly legible handwriting. Charles continued with his blank face, empty eyes, sealed lips and rigid posture. Charles couldn't explain it, but sometimes his ears went deaf and his mind stopped caring what his sister had to say about it.

Leaving home was already a very difficult sacrifice to make, in these months when he could only stay stuck, sitting on the bed in the room of his sweet and beloved little boy. Spending afternoons and most of the night idly looking out the window now covered in dust.

“-Erik said that you refuse to sleep properly yet, that you don't even want to leave... David's room.”

Because sleeping with Erik felt so much rejection and pain, it suffocated him to be close to that man. Charles felt his air mixing with her husband's, and little by little he began to hate the idea of Erik's skin being so close to his body. Sometimes he dared to dream that his cute little boy was with him and he cried to him to go comfort him because of a nightmare, and he allowed himself to tell David that it was okay if he slept with Erik and him.

Other nights he dreamed that his son was running around in his bare feet and tripping in the hallway, but he laughed with Erik and then continued playing. But upon awakening all those happy and melancholic emotions his crumbled before the reality of the loss of his family.

“-we concluded that it would be best, Charles. You can’t keep treating Erik like it’s his fault.” Raven repeating the same speech that the rest of her acquaintances came to say.

Charles just let her continue, half-hearted and refusing to lend an ear to this annoying topic. He clenched his fists under the table, and simply let his sister continue with that petty speech that he refused to give space to. He closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing, but his nose stung and his eyes burned at the painful memory of her little David.

Raven listed over and over the reasons why Erik and Charles should go to therapy, talk calmly without either of them ending up screaming, and without Charles swearing hate and disgust in her husband's face for even having the audacity to show up. But he didn't want that, because he couldn't help but see Erik for what he really was, what his eyes presented to him, instead of his beloved.

“You know it's not fair, he didn't do it on purpose, it was an accident, it's no one's fault, Charles…”

And Charles fumed, opening his eyes to let angry tears escape as a cold gaze settled on his sister. He shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what this woman in front of him was saying, refusing to even see things as he believed them to be.

“No, Raven. Stop right here, don't you dare tell me, don't defend him too, Raven. For the love of God, don't tell me.” His voice came out with more desperation than he expected, and he surprised himself.

“It's not his fault, Charles. You… you really have to forgive him, you know well that it's not his fault. It was his son too, he loves you both. You are the love of his life, Charles. I know it's hard but you really can't live like this and keep blaming Erik, he-”

“Stop, Raven!” It had come out like a shout, causing a few glances from other tables throughout the restaurant. “Stop it, please, Raven! All of you, stop coming to me with forgiveness sermons, because I simply can't!” Charles began to sob hard, while his breathing and voice seemed ragged with the tide of tears pouring out of him.

“Don't ask me to look at that man and forgive him, because he says he loves me, and he loved my baby. Don't ask me to look at it and not see in it the disgusting being that let my baby die, because I don't know how, and I can't. It is not in me, because I will never be able to see his face again and not think that that man killed my baby.” One broken scream after another, and Charles could no longer stop coughing and hiccuping between his cries. And Raven didn't offer any comfort, she just looked at him frozen, averting her gaze from her brother so as not to succumb to the desire to cry with him. “Or do something for me, and tell me how, how can I look at him again without thinking that he is the culprit of my misfortune? Can you teach me, Raven? Tell me, speak! Tell me how he's supposed to be and don't think he killed my baby!”

[sandutita]

i debated whether or not i should make this post since i doubt anyone would even read it or care, but i think i gotta get this off my chest either way.

the absurdity of baldi's basics overwhelms me. it's popularity is so much more massive than i can comprehend. i just imagine this small indie developer who releases a game they made and cannot at all anticipate the magnitude of its upcoming popularity. the difference between one person and millions of them is too much for my brain to comprehend. maybe envy has a bit to do with these feelings of mine. i feel like whether or not your project gets recognition requires 50% skill and 50% luck; luck that people will notice and your stuff will get picked up by the algorithm overlord.

i've been drawing some baldi fanart during these past 4 weeks (and i've also been working on a baldi animation, but that's a whole other thing), but i wouldn't really call myself a BB fan? i've never even played any of the games (i'm REEEALLY pussy when it comes to horror games, even if BB isn't that scary, not nearly as scary as FNAF), literally my only exposure to it is as follows: all of markiplier's baldi gaming videos, the living tombstone's "basics of behaviour" songs (both red and blue versions), axie's "that's what i do" song, and some re-animated versions of those songs. and some shit i've seen on tumblr, too. that's literally it.

so i'm not very educated on the baldi lore at all. i did some browsing of the baldi wiki the other day and HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT THERE'S SO MUCH SHIT. so many different characters, so much bullshit, i can't even begin to understand any of it. it makes me wonder why markiplier didn't play any of the other games, why he only played the first game, the field trip game and baldi's basics plus (excluding the fan-made games). maybe he got sick of it? i dunno but i blame him for my ignorance, he should've played all of the games so i could know more baldi lore /s

there's this constant nagging voice in the back of my head saying that because i don't know enough baldi lore that i shouldn't even be making art or animations about baldi. it's a feeling i've struggled with to some extent every time i've gone through a fanart phase of some sort like this. but i fight back by thinking to myself: "i don't need to know everything about the lore because the concept of baldi and his schoolhouse alone have inspired me to create my own version of baldi's basics, something that i can mold and shape to my own liking", which i have been doing! i want to bring a different side to this, something dark and bleak, a tragic situation caused by extortion and mental instability, causing the deaths of several children. or something.

i'm not even thinking about it too much. i've realized that i always overthink things and end up not going through with my plans because i drag it on for too long, so now i am going to try to not worry too much about everything making sense, and just make the art that i want to make. no procrastination, no overthinking, just making.

i love my pathetic bald man, wearing his green sweater and holding onto his ruler for dear life like he's gonna die if he drops it. i love his blatant disregard for the safety of his pupils, i love the murderous look in his eyes and the hatred and fear in his heart. i also love it when he looks confused, but i already mentioned that in my art blog. go check out my art blog!!

[ezziefox]

The Reason Why I Can't Move On in Writing + more depressing thoughts

I think I just realized why it's so hard for me to surpass three or four chapters max when I begin to write my new books, or why I always find myself taking a break and taking forever to get back to it, and when I do, the momentum that might've never been there in the first place is lost and I don't know where to pick back up in my WIP.

I recently became more and more aware of how much time I spend on social media. But that's not the big issue I'm talking about here. It's my attention span and my anxiety.

Addressing the Anxiety

There are a lot of things in my life that I get anxiety about, and it largely comes into play whenever I'm writing in my free time. As I still attend high school, I don't get much free time, but even in my free time I fret about how much time I have. Because when I write, I love to get lost in it, listening to my music and all. But, as a person who has a strong hatred for my school especially and nothing can ever fix that hatred (the pandemic ruined everything for me in that regards), every time I open Word or some other app to begin my writing, instead of thinking about getting lost in my work and getting in the moment and writing seamlessly like I did when I first discovered Wattpad back in the summer of 2020, I instead focus on how much time I have to write what I want to.

And because of this constant timer and thought in the back of my head, instead of getting lost in what I love to do, I am instead constantly fearful and anxious of my time running out before I have to go to bed to return to the very place that depresses and maddens me to my core. And I have nothing nor no one to blame but my own mental health. But I still can never find myself liking school to at least make myself feel better. I wish I could attend a different school, even in a different country. I really wish I could have a restart so that I can have an open mind and freeer mind to continue doing what I love.

And in times when I get endless time like I've never before like summer, that idea of endless time and "soon I'll be able to do what I want to do with no push or setbacks" quickly dries up and goes out the door. Especially when my trip is close to ending, all I can ever really think about is how much time I have left. I'd rather spend it procrastinating and "having fun" whilst still realizing that it will come to an end, rather than get lost in my writing and when I shut the computer and look up, it's time for all fun to end — the free paper is burned.

I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through this part without a complete mind reset and change of environment. As it goes for the mind reset part, my mind will never change. Not without a significant change in my life. And I hate that. But my mind refuses to be unstuck from the place it is in now.

As for...

Addressing My Short Attention Span

Because of the aforementioned anxiety with time I addressed, I've begun to consume my media (entertainment & procrastination) in short form so that it feels like I've gotten in so much fun in such a short time that I feel satisfied. How to explain this in simpler terms?.... Well.... I'm constantly fearful and anxious of my free time ending that I convince myself it's been longer than it's truly been by watching short-form content such as YT shorts, Instagram reels, and when I watch actual full-length videos, instead of watching completely through the video, I simply listen to it for a short while, and to get the gist of it and thoughts on it, I read through the comments while watching as little of it as I need to before I quickly lose interest and go find a different video to watch.

Tonight, as I write this to save it as a draft to post tomorrow, I've been trying to fix my attention span by sitting through some of the old content I used to watch, that being documentary-type videos. It's been going well so far. I've sat through all the videos and seldom went to the comment section. I didn't skip through any of them or anything like that. However, I did stop in the middle of one video to come and write this right now. I knew I could've waited until tomorrow, but I feared I wouldn't have been able too convey the emotions of realization that I am feeling right now as well and explain it as well as I am feeling it.

——

I'm hoping that this truly is my issue, and that once I fix my attention span, I can at least get through writing more chapters, no matter how long it takes. I'm fully aware that especially once school starts back, so will the anxiety leeching itself onto me. But anything is better than nothing, right?

Sigh.

If you're just like me, or something like it, my advice to address and sort out your attention span. And if it's within your reach and capability, your anxiety too. It's these things that hold us back from accomplishing anything in life, and writing is something we wish to accomplish, so if you can, find a way to conquer them. Do what I currently can't.

All of this deeply saddens me. I don't know where to go next, if I even want to move, or what will find its way to me next. Needless to say, I don't have much hopes for the future, but at the same time I do.

I like to tell myself I always give up, and then I realize that I never truly do and it's always f*cking with me. Sometimes I wish I would just give up, because no matter how much I want things or desperately hope that some miracle will grant certain things in my life, I always end up f-cking myself over in the end. I am mentally f-cked and tired. No matter how many breaks I get, it never seems to be enough for me.

And I always want more. I get told I already have everything. It's just so much going on in my life from family, to friends, to my own mind that just constantly fucks me over and disregards me in every way. I don't want to drop any personal information regarding the people around me, so that's all I'm gonna say about that.

You know, today I realized that it's one thing: being a kid and never truly realizing how much something or someone in your life is mentally f-cking you over, versus growing older and you're only a teen and you realize it in real time as it's happening. Earlier I wished that I could just be the former: be a kid that doesn't realize the mental gravity and toll that's being taken on me as I have no one but my cousin in my life that truly understands me and went through the same experiences as me and it's mentally f_cked her too.

[merlions]

We (the tumblr population as a whole) (actually I'm revising that. The internet as a whole. And I can't speak for other countries but also the entire irl USamerica) need just like. A quick lecture series on how to use reflexive language - how to mildly dissent from things or correct perceived errors without assigning blame; and especially without assigning MORAL alignment to minor transgressions or to genuinely neutral things which we misperceive as transgressions. Sorry long post lol welcome to my TED talk.

(Putting this under a cut, bc I'm only posting this for the purpose of jotting down my thoughts and, crucially, to avoid doing homework lmao. Imo anyone likely to read this isn't likely to need it, knowing the people who follow me & mutuals. Just followin the long and storied tradition of using tumblr like a personal journal. As is only good and right)

This skill can be better taught by so SO many people and a quick google will return many results of them doing so. But here's a DIY one I whipped up for procrastination reasons. This skill will be massively useful in all personal and professional settings and you will see results starting from the very first time you try it.

An example I just saw: a tumblr post PSA about a recent US FDA class 1 Tostitos recall. Clarifying addendum by OP that a class 1 recall means it can kill people.

I go to the link supplied by OP. It's an undeclared milk contaminant, potentially lethal exclusively to those with dairy allergy. Hm I think that might be worth clarifying I wonder if someone said something about that

In the notes (summarizing many similar comments in the same spirit): "This is willful fearmongering and intentional misinformation! OP on purpose failed to clarify that this is only deadly to people with dairy allergies!!!"

Reactionary, blame assignment, pointing fingers, moral assignment (assigned: morally EVIL). This is understandable if you exist entirely in the emotion of affront, prioritizing hyper-focus on the potential chance of causing fear; implication/statement that failure to act is an active choice made to harm people for some unknown purpose. Prideful clout seeking: "I am saying what OP chose not to say, this proves I am BETTER than OP, morally!!!" This is destructive, not constructive. This can only cause or escalate conflict.

A constructive alternative: "Adding info to promote appropriate alertness, not panic: the recalled product is only deadly to those with a dairy allergy."

Or just: "Adding info: the recalled product is only deadly to those with a dairy allergy."

Calmly addresses the missing information (which to be clear was literally in line 1 of the linked article and also in the headline and subheader, before even reaching a paywall if that article even had one, so any panic caused shouldnt be all that long lived). The sentiment originates from thought, not emotion. Blame is not assigned. Morality is not assigned. Commenter feels there is a small missing piece to the provided information and fixes that gap without fanfare or self-aggrandizing, like an adult. Conflict deescalated or avoided entirely.

Crucially, when about to comment, you can ask yourself if you're feeling affronted; then ask yourself if you're about to speak from that, or if you have truly thought it through and rationally decided it is important to say what you're about to say.

Ask yourself if it's important that someone takes the blame for what you consider to be in error, or if it would be enough for that error to be fixed. If you feel it's more important to assign blame, go back a step and ask yourself if you're acting from a place of emotion or affront.

Also, ask yourself if you truly feel like it's important to you that you are right and the other person is wrong. Does this matter to you? Is it more important than simple & direct delivery of the information? Do you feel that getting credit, especially getting credit OVER someone else, is more important to you than the error simply being fixed? If so, go back 2 steps and ask yourself if you're acting from a place of emotion, especially affront.

Finally, ask yourself if you're getting excited by the potential for conflict. If this is the case, consider simply taking a step back and choosing not to comment. I can't stop you but I'd hope that if you can recognize you're causing conflict on purpose for lizard brain stimulation, you'd choose to try to seek an alternative stimulus that's more constructive and less destructive.

I suck at this but I feel strongly the most important aspect is that if I'm causing conflict I can admit either 1. I didn't mean to come off how I did and though that is my fault and I take responsibility for what I said, I can learn how to communicate more clearly in the future or 2. I was wrong to do so and need to see where I can do better in the future. See? Constructive. Working towards being better. Let's all go take ibuprofen together

[greywolfheirs]

NaNo procrastination continues: Vashwood edition

I randomly got inspired to write this little drabble. Something about it feels incomplete to me but I can't figure it out so here you go. At least this time it isn't Lokius?

----------

Vash’s plant biology must have done its magic replenishing his blood supply, because the pulsing blue lines began to fade just as Wolfwood finished the last stitch. As he was tying it off complete, Vash's eyes opened–hazy but his usual, non-glowing blue. They registered Wolfwood, then further down, to where he was packing away the supplies, gathering bloodied material to throw away or clean up.

“Are you ok?” were the first words out of his mouth. It made Wolfwood want to explode.

“Am I ok?’ he growled instead. “Blondie, it’s your blood. I wasn’t the jackass picking a fight for no fucking reason.”

Realization dawned on Vash as the memory returned and he looked down at the stitches in his abdomen. “You stitched me up?”

Wolfwood rolled his eyes and stood to wash everything up instead of answering.

“What happened to those guys?” Vash continued. “And the bar? Is everything–”

“Cool it, Tongari,” Wolfwood grunted from the bathroom, throwing the tools in the sink and electing to soak them rather than scrub them one by one. He did begin to scrub his hands though. “I waved the Punisher around and they scattered. It’s handled.”

“They might come back later,” Vash mused. “We should check to–”

“We are staying put, and continuing our original plan,” Wolfwood cut in harshly.

“But you didn’t hear…” Wolfwood turned to glare at Vash’s continued argument, and stopped listening when he saw the man try to pull himself up on his elbows. Shaking off his hands in the sink, Wolfwood marched over to the idiot and shoved his chest harshly with a wet hand, taking a twisted satisfaction at the wince it caused. Shows him.

“Listen to me, blondie, and listen real close,” Wolfwood hissed, face inches from Vash. “I don’t give a shit what those knuckleheads were up to, and I’m going to forget about their existence by tomorrow. If I hadn’t shown up when I did, you’d still be bleeding in the street, or worse. Now, I did the kindness of making this scar a whole lot smaller than the others you’ve collected, but so help me, if you mention going back to that place one more goddamn time, I'll tear a new hole into you, got it?”

Vash huffed in frustration, but his voice was soft when he said, “You’re right, Wolfwood. I shouldn’t let your work go to waste.”

Wolfwood growled at that supremely unsatisfactory response, but it did imply that Vash wouldn’t be attempting to move again soon. So he shoved the moron one more time and went back to the task of cleaning up. 

Vash didn’t speak again until everything was dry and put away. Wolfwood was debating the risk of going out for a smoke when Vash would probably get up as soon as he wasn’t under watchful eyes.

“I’ve upset you,” Vash said finally. 

Wolfwood’s shoulders sagged and he moved to the window. Fuck a no-smoking policy, he wasn’t leaving this room. “You always upset me.”

“I’m sorry,” Vash sighed. “I don’t mean to.”

Wolfwood’s fingers trembled as he lit the cigarette. He was going to blame it on the long night. “I know. All you ever do is try to make everyone happy. Has that ever worked out for you? Even once?”

Vash’s face pinched and he looked away. It hit a nerve and Wolfwood was having a hard time not taking the words back immediately. To the ceiling, Vash answered, “Temporarily, yes. But that’s more than anyone on this planet is used to.”

“So you’d rather kill yourself than let someone continue to be miserable?” Wolfwood scoffed. He gestured to the scars all over Vash’s torso. “What does that make you? Definitely not happy.”

Vash looked towards him again. “Happier than some. No one else on this planet could lived through the things these scars have caused. I’ll take it if it means someone else gets to see another day.”

“If I hadn’t been there, you wouldn't have seen another day,” Wolfwood grumbled, irritation bubbling in his gut.

Vash shook his head. “It would’ve been fine.”

“It wouldn’t have!” Wolfwood snapped. “You were unconscious, needle-noggin. You think you would have been able to stop it if they’d gone for the kill?”.

Vash tilted his head with a small smile. Too small to tell if it was one of the real ones. “Lucky you were there, then.”

Wolfwood let out a noise of frustration and stubbed his cigarette out of the windowsill. “That’s not the point.”

“It is the point,” Vash pressed. “I’ve always survived, through my own will or through sheer luck. So, yeah, I’d say that makes me pretty happy.”

“You don’t get it, moron!” Wolfwood snapped. “Why bother living a life like this–taking other people’s scars, hurting yourself for their happiness–if you suffer for it? Where’s your reward?”

“My reward is knowing that I’m the only one having to suffer for it,” Vash answered simply. “It doesn't matter what happens to me.”

“Of course it fucking matters!” Wolfwood shouted before he could reign it in. His anger was bubbling over and it was corroding his self-control. Vash opened his mouth but Wolfwood shut him up with a finger shoved in his face.  “People care about you, Vash. Do you know what the girls’ faces looked like when I dragged your bleeding ass in here? You’re not the only one suffering when you pull bullshit like this.”

Vash stared into Wolfwood’s eyes as he seethed. It was like he was searching for something and couldn’t find it. Wolfwood was about to look away, unable to face the coming disappointment at his lack of whatever it was, when Vash asked. “Do you care?” 

“What?” the word tripped out of Wolfwood’s mouth in sheer surprise. “What do you–”

“You said people care about me,” Vash whispered. “Does that include you?”

Wolfwood did look away then, and only looked back because Vash was moving again, trying to pull himself on his elbows. “Blondie, I told you–”

“Help me up,” Vash said through gritted teeth.

Wolfwood could do nothing but obey. He gently braced his arms around Vash and lifted him until he was leaning against the headboard. As he tried to pull away, however, Vash grabbed his arm.

“Answer me Wolfwood,” he pleaded.

“What does it matter?” Wolfwood huffed, scooting back (too close to those sky-blue eyes was a dangerous place to be) but not shaking off Vash’s hand. “I’m just a terrible undertaker who smokes too much for his own good. My opinion’s not worth much.”

“I want everyone to be happy, I guess,” Vash said, throwing Wolfwood’s words back at him with a playful grin.

Wolfwood rolled his eyes and looked down at the sheets. It didn’t last long–Vash immediately reached out and lifted Wolfwood’s chin with a finger until they met gazes yet again.

“Do you care about me?” Vash whispered, eyes glistening. “Are you upset because I got hurt today?”

And Wolfwood–in the face of that wet, blue, unerring gaze–Wolfwood was weak. 

“Yes,” he breathed. “When I saw–” his voice cracked and he tried again. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

“Wolfwood,” Vash sighed, lifting the fingers on his chin to wipe away a tear (wait when had he started crying?) “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”

Wolfwood swallowed down a pained noise. Vash couldn't just make a promise like that. He couldn't look Wolfwood in the eyes with that painfully earnest expression and say these things. But because he was Vash and because he had, Wolfwood was making stupid decisions. Like leaning towards Vash and pressing their foreheads together. Like telling him, with a voice raw from emotion, “Kiss me.”

Kiss me because I can’t take that step. Kiss me because I’m not worthy to give but I am unworthy enough to take. Kiss me because I’ve wanted to for months but I didn’t think you’d want me. Kiss me and tell me everything I’m feeling is real.

Vash didn’t hesitate. He tilted his head, using the hand on Wolfwood’s jaw to pull him in closer until their mouths were molded together. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting–maybe an angelic featherlight press of lips, maybe something sinful and wet that they’d never speak of again, maybe a battle-ready scar of a kiss that left him bleeding. But what he should have expected was Vash. Powerful, and strong enough to hold him there, but warm and gentle enough to know that it wouldn’t hurt–not ever, unless Wolfwood wanted it to, and even then only for good reason. Wolfwood melted into it, leaning into Vash’s embrace, arms sliding up behind Vash’s muscled back to cushion the press against the headboard, careful not to stretch the stitches.

Wolfwood gasped when they pulled apart, foreheads meeting again. He felt wrecked in a way he never thought he could be from a simple kiss. Vash was looking at him through his eyelashes, panting breaths ghosting across his lips. Because of this–because Vash had made him feel so vulnerable tonight–there was a tremble in his voice as he said, “Fuck, Vash.”

Vash hummed and pressed his forehead harder into Wolfwood’s. “I’ve been waiting to do that.”

Wolfwood huffed a laugh and closed his eyes. He couldn’t look at Vash like this. It made him want to say things he shouldn’t. Not right now. “Maybe when you’re not actively wounded, I could show you some things I’ve been wanting to do to you.”

Vash had to pull away to tilt his head back and laugh. Wolfwood leaned in, following him, nuzzling at his neck. Vash pulled him in closer, running his hands through Wolfwood’s hair in a way that felt divine. He kissed the undertaker’s temple and murmured, “You forget, I’ll be healed fully in a couple of hours.”

Wolfwood pulled back. “Hmm, I did. But I should still grab us some grub. Might speed up the process.”

Vash smiled–a real smile for sure this time–and let Wolfwood stand, but not before pressing a kiss to the back of his hand.

“I should tell the girls you made a full recovery too,” Wolfwood said. He paused at the doorway to rake his eyes over Vash’s form one last time. “But I think I’ll tell them you’re sleeping it off. Want you all to myself tonight.”

When their gazes met again, Vash was blushing, but his eyes were almost as predatory as Wolfwood felt.

“I think I have to agree.”

Wolfwood shut the door before he could be tempted further.

[bluberimufim]

Hello! Just stopping by with a question about writing XD Do you have any characters who's role grew bigger than you expected? Any surprising changes your characters went through during the writing process?

Hi! This ask is a week old! Sorry for that!

Tbh the obvious answer would be Asha and Dora, who really began as tools to facilitate the plot and developed into major side characters with an unhealthy, self-destructive romance. I've talked about them a lot.

But this post is not about them. We all know of the war lesbians at this point.

I wanna talk about General Edward Fallin for a sec. You might know of him. I refer to him exclusively as "Theo's brother".

In the WIP that existed in 8th grade that would later become literally unrecognizable and turn into "Devourer of Souls", he was a major character and I liked him quite a lot. I felt like there was something interesting that I managed to hit with his character.

(I really wanna make a post about this proto-WIP but I keep procrastinating -_-)

From one WIP to the other, he was the one to maintain the most character traits (tbh competition is nonexistent bc they all changed so much - literally not even genders were maintained). He's always been Reiner's (part of Flick) father, Theo's brother, and a Master of the Order devoted to his work.

But he's a really minor character. He only appears in 2 scenes: one in the first half and one in the second.

Allow me to ramble about My Boy for a bit:

Ed is a bad person. He's an antagonistic force (not necessarily an antagonist) and is in direct opposition to Theo from a military standpoint. He is responsible for a fuckton of deaths and outright says he's willing to hurt people himself if it gets him what he wants faster. He denounced his own sister to the Order when they were teenagers, leading to her getting a death sentence and running away, he ordered his men to break Seth's cane in half so she literally can't run away when they capture her, and he stabbed Theo through the shoulder the first time he saw her again. He vaguely talks like a pissed-off mob boss. Good people don't do this shit.

But that's the surface-level stuff. Because once you listen to what he's saying, you start to see something else.

For an antagonist, Ed has a weirdly strong attachment to his family. And not in a weird way. When Seth straight-up asks him "why tf are you doing this" he just says "Whatever it takes, I want my children to grow up in a world without war".

He knows he's doing bad things, but he's willing to do them if it means the war will end faster and his family will be safe. His motivation is 100% to protect the people he cares about.

But I ain't no basic bitch. I'm not leaving it at that.

He feels like an antagonist because he's being seen from Seth's POV. Flick's POV is very different.

Reiner (who is part of the whole that is Flick) is Ed's youngest son, and he sees him fully as a hero, as do most people in his country tbh. He admires him, even when Allana's soul joins his because of divine fuckery (not getting into the divine soul fusion fuckery rn).

And I mean... can you blame him? Ed is a super-competent general who made his way up the ranks at a very young age, led an army against two demigoddesses at the same time and kept the upper hand, won a fight against a demigoddess and survived, was the first person to push for a (temporary) peace treaty and managed to maintain it for 20 years, and constantly does everything in his power to keep that peace in place, even going against the will of the gods themselves.

That sounds pretty heroic to me - not necessarily good, but heroic. Hell, that feels like a protagonist's storyline, almost.

I'm all about that perspective switcheroo. Theo probably seems like a horrible person from Flick's POV, before meeting Seth.

Adds that ✨flavour✨ to it, don't you think?

[technorad]

The measure of my resilience

The transition to college has brought its own set of challenges, including academic pressure, time management, unfamiliar environments, and the internal drive to succeed. To better understand how I cope with these challenges, we were given a task by our professor in Technopreneuship to take an Adversity Quotient (AQ) test. My score came out to 158, which is higher than the average of 147.5, as what is stated in the website. At first, it didn’t seem like much, just another number. But as I reflected on it more, especially through the CORE aspects of determining my ability to bounce back and adapt. I realized how it reveals my approach to setbacks and stress and how it can help me grow as a student.

The AQ test evaluates four key components known as CORE: Control, Ownership, Reach, and Endurance. These areas give insight into how I perceive and handle adversity. My individual scores are as follows:

Each of these aspects highlights particular strengths and potential areas for growth. Here’s what each score means to me and how I relate them to my academic life.

A control score of 21 shows that I have a moderately strong sense of agency when facing difficulties. In an academic context, this means I usually believe that I can do something about the obstacles I encounter. For example, when I struggle to keep up with difficult topics or tight deadlines, my instinct isn’t to panic or give up—it’s to look for ways to manage the situation.

But being realistic, I also acknowledge that this sense of control fluctuates and I can't deny the truth that sometimes there are instances that I procrastinate. There are moments when I get overwhelmed—especially during exam season or group projects where team dynamics can be unpredictable. In those times, I might hesitate or feel stuck before I remember that taking small steps can shift the momentum.

Scoring 22 in Ownership suggests that I usually take responsibility for what happens in my academic journey. When I fail a quiz or perform below expectations, I don’t immediately blame the instructor or the environment (even though sometimes I do)—I ask myself what I could have done better. Did I study effectively? Was I paying attention in class? Did I manage my time well?

This level of ownership is both a strength and a burden. On one hand, it motivates me to constantly improve. On the other, it sometimes makes me hard on myself. There are moments when I internalize failures too much, forgetting that setbacks are also influenced by factors beyond my control. But overall, this high level of ownership keeps me grounded and helps me remain focused on long-term growth.

A score of 17 in Reach indicates a slightly lower ability to limit how much a problem in one area affects the rest of my life. In my case, I sometimes let academic struggles spill into other areas. For instance, if I receive a low grade in one subject, it can affect my motivation across all my classes for a short time. I begin to feel like I’m behind overall, even when the issue was isolated.

This is an area I know I need to work on. I recognize that just because I struggled with one subject or assignment, it doesn’t mean I’m failing everything. Learning how to compartmentalize challenges is crucial, especially in college where every subject demands a different set of skills and focus.

With a score of 19 in Endurance, I generally see setbacks as temporary rather than permanent. When things go wrong, I don’t think they’ll last forever. This helps me bounce back after a difficult week or a poor result. I can recognize that each semester, each module, and even each test is just one part of a bigger journey.

This mindset helps me maintain hope and motivation. I’ve noticed that I recover relatively quickly after experiencing disappointment. Instead of being stuck in negative thoughts, I start thinking about what’s next:

“How do I improve?”

“What can I do better next time?”

This forward-thinking approach, is a key trait of students who continue to perform well despite setbacks.

However, I still need to remind myself that recovery is a process. Sometimes I pretend I’m okay before I’ve really dealt with the emotional impact. While I believe things will get better, I’m learning that it’s okay to pause, process, and then move forward.

Looking at my AQ results alongside my experiences in college so far, I’ve begun to notice some clear patterns in how I respond to academic challenges. One pattern is that I tend to reflect before I react. Rather than responding impulsively, I take time to understand why something went wrong, which helps me approach problems more calmly and thoughtfully. I also don’t give up easily. Even when I feel discouraged, I usually come back with a new plan or a better mindset. However, I’ve noticed that I sometimes carry stress from one subject into another. A bad experience in a single class can affect my motivation in other areas, although I’m actively working on this. On a positive note, I’ve learned to bounce back by putting things into perspective, reminding myself that one mistake doesn’t define my whole journey. These patterns strongly connect to my CORE scores, especially Ownership and Endurance, which reflect my persistence and sense of responsibility. At the same time, my Reach score highlights an area where I can grow—learning how to separate setbacks so that one issue doesn’t affect my overall motivation.

College, I’ve come to realize, isn’t just about academics—it’s a resilience bootcamp. Every week presents new mini-adversities: surprise quizzes, conflicting deadlines, misunderstandings in group projects, or days when you feel completely disconnected. What matters most is how you react to them, and this is where AQ plays a significantly critical role.

Working in teams can be frustrating when not everyone contributes equally. There was one project where I ended up doing most of the work. Initially, I was angry, but instead of just complaining, I used my sense of ownership to make sure we still met the deadline. Then, I gave feedback to the instructor about what happened—not to blame, but to improve future group dynamics. That experience tested both my patience and my endurance. But I left that project with better communication skills and a clearer understanding of how I work under pressure. And to be honest, I prefer working alone.

Another thing I’ve realized through this AQ reflection is that adversity itself is a teacher. Every time I face a setback—whether it's failing a test, being unprepared for recitation, or missing a deadline—I’m not just being tested academically; I’m being tested emotionally and mentally. These moments push me to ask:

“What do I learn about myself here?”

My AQ gives structure to the lessons I’ve been learning throughout my academic journey.

Control has taught me to focus on what I can influence, rather than stressing over things beyond my power.

Ownership encourages me to take full responsibility for my actions and decisions instead of placing blame or making excuses.

Reach reminds me to keep setbacks in perspective and not allow one negative experience to affect everything else.

Endurance helps me stay hopeful and motivated by reminding me that challenges are temporary and that there is always a way forward.

This kind of reflection helps me move forward, stronger each time. I don’t just want to pass my subjects; I want to grow into someone who can face life’s bigger challenges with resilience. And I now realize that AQ is not fixed. It can be developed over time through intentional habits and self-awareness.

While I’m somehow proud of my AQ score, I know that there’s always room for growth. To build an even stronger Adversity Quotient, I’ve started adopting a few personal strategies. One approach is journaling my setbacks and the lessons I learn from them. Instead of simply moving on from a bad grade, I take time to write about what happened and what I took away from the experience. This practice helps me become more self-aware and transforms failure into meaningful feedback. I also use the “circle of control” technique when I feel overwhelmed. By breaking down situations into what I can and cannot control, I’m able to reduce anxiety and stay focused on what really matters. Talking to mentors and peers has also been helpful, as sharing experiences allows me to gain new perspectives and reminds me that I’m not alone in facing challenges. Finally, I try to balance responsibility with self-compassion. I hold myself accountable, but I also remind myself that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growing.

Reflecting on my AQ score and the CORE breakdown has helped me understand myself in ways I hadn’t expected. More than just a psychological assessment, AQ has become a framework for how I process stress, failure, growth, and achievement. It doesn’t tell me whether I’m “good” or “bad” at handling adversity—it helps me ask the right questions and make better choices when life gets hard.

Now that I’ve explored how my Adversity Quotient (AQ) shapes my academic responses and decision-making, the final step is to project this understanding toward my future as a college student—and as a person. After all, AQ isn’t just a number; it’s a life skill. The way we handle adversity today lays the foundation for how we’ll handle more complex challenges later on—in our careers, relationships, and personal lives.

As a first-year student, I’ve already started experiencing how independence can be both empowering and overwhelming. There’s no high school teacher to chase after you for homework. No parents to remind you of deadlines. If I slack off, the consequences are mine to carry. In this environment, AQ becomes a powerful ally.

When I face confusing lessons or a messy calendar of deadlines, my Control and Ownership scores work together. I don’t wait to be told what to do—I figure out what needs to be done and do my best to organize myself. This doesn't mean I don’t fail sometimes; I still miss tasks and struggle with focus. But overall, my AQ pushes me toward a self-driven approach to learning. I actively look for ways to understand the material, and I reflect on my mistakes instead of brushing them off.

This proactive mindset is part of what makes learning autonomy possible. I realize that even when the academic system is flawed, or the professors are hard to reach, I can still move forward. The control is internal, and that belief has helped me stay motivated.

Looking back on my first few months of college, I can now see clear patterns in how I respond to academic setbacks. When something goes wrong, my initial reaction is usually frustration or disappointment, but those feelings don’t tend to last long. I allow myself to feel them, then shift into problem-solving mode. This is often followed by a period of reflection, where I replay the event in my head and try to figure out what I could have done differently. That reflection usually leads to small but important behavior changes, like starting assignments earlier or reaching out for help before things get worse. From there, I move into action. Whether it’s asking for feedback after a low score or adjusting my schedule to better manage my time, I focus on making deliberate steps to recover. What’s important is that I don’t let one failure turn into a bigger crisis. These patterns closely reflect the strengths highlighted in my CORE profile. Each component—Control, Ownership, Reach, and Endurance—acts like a personal trait that contributes to this recovery cycle. The one area I still find challenging is Reach, as I sometimes let academic problems feel bigger than they really are. However, simply being aware of this tendency helps me stop the spiral early. I’ve learned to pause and ask myself whether the problem is truly subject-specific or if I’m just overwhelmed. With practice, I’m slowly getting better at preventing one issue from taking over my entire mindset.

Before taking the AQ assessment, I thought resilience was just about “being tough” or “not giving up.” But now I understand that resilience is much more strategic and emotional than that. It’s about having the right tools to assess adversity, take responsibility, isolate the problem, and move forward—exactly what the CORE model emphasizes.

College has already tested me in so many ways. But because of my AQ and the insights it provides, I don’t feel helpless when those tests come. Instead, I feel like I’m building the emotional and cognitive strength to become the kind of person who can rise from failure—not just academically, but in all areas of life.

And perhaps most importantly, I now view setbacks not as roadblocks, but as part of the journey. The AQ framework reminds me that growth comes through adversity, not in spite of it. Each difficult moment is not proof of weakness, but an invitation to become stronger.

I'm still at the beginning of my college journey. There is so much I don't know yet and so much more I need to learn. One thing I know for sure is that self-awareness gives me strength. Through what I have learned from my AQ, I feel more prepared to grow. Whatever challenges come my way, I believe I can face them with purpose and resilience. As this chapter closes, I walk forward carrying the lessons, the growth, and a deeper understanding of what it means to know the measure of my resilience.

[whiskerinthestars]

First journal entry. Honest thoughts on struggling with procrastination, self-worth, and small wins.

Pardon the grammar, lazily transcribed on my phone with voice to text, as read my first hand written journal entry to myself, with only the roughest of edits for clarity. Honestly, just wanted someone to read this, so.. thanks.

Even now as I continue To procrastinate my shower in preparation for work tomorrow, I can't help but put off drawing practice the current of ever shifting goal posts I set for myself

I suppose I just want something to be good at, but perhaps in reality it's just another passing distraction from the futility of life stocks, social media riding drawing. They all share one commonality.

They are but a means to an end. A hopeless attempt at escaping from the daily drudgery that is the working life of an adult

But with art at least it is an original interest of mine that predated my need of money... If not attention.

I suppose it is only human to seek validation from our peers.

However, in my need to be seen is different. I can't help but wonder if that has contributed to my cyclical and habitual social growth followed by drastic periods of waning.

As with the phases of the Moon which from the viewer seem inevitable so too does my eventual withdrawal from the friendships I once carefully fostered.

Though none have been around to witness these cycles saved from my parents as while I have experienced some who opposed my One-Sided withdrawals, friendships and relationships in general cannot be sustained at length from one end.

I do wonder at times if there is something fundamentally broken with me. But as my belabored breathing from having to adjust this folding tables height as I only now pull up a proper chair after having uncomfortably hunched over riding this from the couch shows. Even the slightest effort it change is taxing after having spent so long neglecting myself

My weight only seems to increase with age as the accumulation of the lifetimes bad habits continue to take a toll on this body of mine

This body that my parents blessed me with which other than its shortcoming and follicles... Was given to me an amazing condition

Well not wealthy. We were also not poor and I wanted for very little. I was raised properly and with love despite my parents both being robbed of such a childhood

I have no one to blame except myself for any perceived shortcomings. As they are simply a result of me squandering away this precious time I've been given

Even now as the clock over my shoulder draws closer to 10:00 p.m. I can't help but wonder why I've wasted yet another precious day off reading manga, watching YouTube and failing to take even a single step towards a goal short-lived though it may be to improve my drawing, at least to the point it could be viewed as passable

What a sad goal. I can't help but think. So desperate for an escape at my current way of life. But so unconfident in myself that I don't think I could even tell a story worth listening to without pictures to accompany it

In truth, I think the reason I continue to put off drawing practice... Is the same reason I've given up on the first attempt at a novel. I have abandoned.

Because as long as I don't try I can't fail... My failure to practice isn't solely due to my lazy nature, although it certainly is a contributing factor

I am absolutely that sort of deplorable human that wants to be love with no effort whatsoever on my part.

Honestly, even starting this journal was done on a whim inspired by the algorithm of the day but suggested it to me

But I suppose one thing however, small did come out of this

I managed to clear off my table and even if it's a small even insignificant thing like that.... I did something and I can't help but let a stupid smile creep across my face at that.

Even if it means yet again contributing to my ever-growing sleep deficit.

[thehouseofangel]

Reminder

If anything in your life is making you upset or unhappy in any way, its not meant for you. Stop accepting/being okay with things that are clearly not for you.

story time on how i crashed my car and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me

basically what I just said. within the span of 3 years i crashed my very expensive car that i manifested TWICE 2 times. insane. the first time i was really young and had just started driving. but the second?? it was 100% my fault. I was busy with uni and a bunch of other stuff so I revenge-bedtime-procrastinated every night, staying up until like 3 am for weeks straight. Anyone who's ever driven really tired knows how dangerous it is and long story short i close my eyes for 0.005 seconds by accident and next thing i know i’ve hit a fucking pole. car totaled. i was in hell for a while but after the initial 3D centered reactions- people in my life being rightfully upset, me being worried about material things, etc- I realized it was a huge, much needed wake up call.

like many people, before I really learned to love myself, I almost always had something I did subconsciously to hurt myself. Whether it was a severely destructive ED, staying up late every night, doom-scrolling, ghosting everyone in my life, or even just neglecting to do the things i loved, there was always something. and why? because I had unhealed trauma and a victim-blaming, low-vibrational mindset that came from it. and from there, beliefs of lack, beliefs that i didn't deserve/couldn't achieve my desires stemmed, and i was stuck in a cycle of self sabotage without even realizing it. So no matter how many manifestation methods I did, no matter how many affirmations I said to myself, I was stuck. i had manifested some things before but not the things that meant the most to me because those were the desires linked to negative experiences, which felt “hardest” because they’re the things i was desiring from a place of insecurity and doubt. nothing is actually hard to manifest, but the only way to get out of that cycles is to finally pull yourself up and decide you let go of every. single. thing. from the past.

trauma is real. no doubt. but when you let it affect you every day, YOU are the one who's losing, over and over and over again. God, the universe, whatever you want to believe in, is always on your side. Everything is waiting to be aligned in your favor, for your highest good. the moment you do the work to let go of all those constructs that were made up by experiences you had, the moment you get the things you want so fast and so easily it'll scare you.

so for me, crashing my car was my wake up call. I'm not sure what it was about it, maybe the fact that i had been asking the universe for everything i desired more than ever before, but for some reason, that was the day i realized and saw the patterns that kept repeating in my life and finally decided to pull the plug on all of those unaligned behaviors. i stopped thinking from a place of lack, stopped focusing on the 3d because it truly is nothing but an illusion, and honestly stopped even caring about the 3d because it doesn't matter. i learned to love myself and was so fulfilled in myself that the things i wanted practically came running towards me. things i was struggling to get for years. and you can too as long as you let go of those fears and the old mindset.

this isn't me saying you need to go through some big, terrible thing to get to that point, absolutely not. the "big" moment for you can just be moments where you read a post like this and something clicks for you. but whatever it is, just remember that it IS easy, all you have to do is let go of all your old beliefs. like I said, if it's making you unhappy in any way, it isn't for you. you desire what you desire because it's meant for you. stop believing you can't have it, even subconsciously, because you wouldn't want it so bad if you couldn't.

don't accept things the way they are. you deserve to live the life of your dreams

xo, Angel 💋ྀིྀི

⋆｡‧˚ʚɞ˚‧｡⋆

444

[prettyadelenee]

You crept into my life without my approval.

I was totally against that, but yet I was too weak to decline your access.

Maybe I wasn't too sure of what you are..

But now I'm certain of your identity, it's you Procrastination

I knew it was you when I lost lots of opportunities.

I knew the most talked about intruder has showed up. It wasn't difficult to find out it was you...you kept showing up at specific times.

And that was only when I tried to focus.

What guts!

Gosh you're so clever, you kept the trick on, and I believed you for so long. I thought you were my buddy, but then things didn't seem to go right whenever you showed up.

That wasn't a buddy kinda thing.

But somehow I feel maybe it wasn't totally your fault, maybe I should blame myself a bit, just a little.

shouldn't have waited this long to push you out. It should have been the first day I encountered you.

I guess maybe I needed your help, when I felt the burden of my tasks seemed insurmountable.

I remember that day..

That was the last year of highschool, I was getting ready for my final exams.

I was in my room, sitted on my reading table, and right in front of me, lay my books.

It was about three months to my exams, but it felt better to study earlier.

So on this day, I felt unusually tired after covering just about 5 pages of my chemistry textbook.

Really unusual..

Soon enough, the thought of "there's still enough time till your exams, you can continue some other day" clouded my mind

I tried to resist this urge but somehow I found it comforting and thereafter fell for it's trick.

The next day, I only read a few pages, with the same thought I had yesterday.

This kept on going on..

Today, I will reschedule my reading till tomorrow, tomorrow till the day after tomorrow, and just like that, my exams came.

It was just three weeks away.

I recovered from the buzz..

From weeks, came the days, then came my first exam, I couldn't cover up, but somehow I passed. Yeah, that was just it "passed."

Not wonderfully, not even splendidly,

I knew there could be more to it, maybe if I wasn't tricked by you to carry on with the shifting, and shifting, and shifting!

This continued throughout last year, really sad.

I planned to start my writing on January, but yeah again my mistake. It was becoming a routine to postpone things.

You can't do that anymore, and you have no say, because I'm deciding that.

Okay, now here is the thing

You're gonna' leave. Yeah I'm cutting you off, and I mean it this time.

You've dwelled in my space for too long, and yeah maybe you were nice at first and wanted to help, but it doesn't seem like anymore.

I know I'm gonna' do better without you.

I'm gonna' lock in so hard this Year, but you must leave first.

I wanna say Bye. I should say "Bye, some other time" , but no, there won't be a chance for another time.

[thepotatothatsoftens]

Hello, Neuk or Iri here!

long intro post under cut (pretty boring, will possibly edit it in the future)

--- i love wolves, and i love haikyuu!!

fav team: shiratorizawa

fav ship: uhhhh bokuaka...? ushiten? tsukkiyama??

fav character: too hard cant answer :(

fav color: blue

current concern: i can't seem to focus on anything that matters

korean!!

minor

she/her

major procrastinator

i will get to all the asks on my rp blogs... some day.... if you see me posting on one of my other blogs even tho i have unanswered asks pls dont blame me okay?..... sometimes (a lot of times) i just dont feel like doing something at the moment

(i will probably get to kindaichi's asks first tho. bc he doesnt get many.)

i rlly want moots but my real main is private for personal reasons...

i love most animals

(i wanna love spiders bc theyre so COOL but im also terrified of them)

im either straight or aroace i cant tell

pls communicate with me! if i did smth u dont like or anything, id really appreciate if you tell me! also pls talk to me in general, i cant promise ill be good at responding but i really love when people interact w me

i have a single (random) thing that triggers me (for no reason, too, i dont have trauma or anything so idk why) but it probably wont come up

--- some of my interests (in no particular order):

wolves, haikyuu, wings of fire, inheritance cycle, greek mythology, norse mythology, sign language, (reading) fanfics, python, anti-war songs

stuff i think are cool but don't know much about:

bugs, planes, sharks, egyptian mythology, dragons, birds, everything related soldiers and the military, psychology, coins

---

i have too many blogs...

my stuff (hq):

@thepotatothatsoftens - fanart and fics (hopefully)!

@potatothatsoftens - reblogs, rp interactions, and talking! main (in spirit)

ask blogs / rp blogs (hq):

@ushijima-wakatoshi-1 - ushijima

@floppy-frenchfries - yamaguchi

@the-sound-of-snow - aone (give him love pls)

@shallot-head - kindaichi (him too my baby)

planning on making a blog too for yaku, tora, kita, and konoha. will get to that as soon as i finish all previous asks. which will take. a while.

etc:

@rational-donkey - written rp (hopefully), reblogs

@so-bright-it-hurts - just me messing around pretending i can write poetry

[bellaaldamas]

Another thing that is wrong and outright vicious about the "allow yourself to suck" Tumblr "motivational" mantra. One that first manipulates younger people - usually disabled and neurodivergent - into burn out. And then shames them for being "quitters" when they have the audacity to choose their emotional and physical well being and rest over an activity they objectively can never excel at because of their limitations.

This concept ignores (deliberately) how powerful and useful person's intuition tends to be. In many cases people with limitations (be it physical, mental, learning or other) know they cannot succeed at mastering certain activities. That they'll invest an overwhelming amount of time and effort, at the expense of sleep and recreational pastime that could have been spent healing (watching movies, reading/listening to books and engaging in other therapeutic activities that do not require participating and wasting themselves away and competing with those who do not have the same limitations - and competing is what one can never avoid if they publicly share their work, even if they never intend for it to be a competition; they'll still be inevitably smacked with evidence they're not good enough when they see the work of others), and get either slim or no results at all.

The idea that you "can't know what you're capable of unless you try" is a fallacy and (as much as I despise having to use that word) a privileged fallacy at that. Because many of us know for fact what we are and are not capable of. We know that we will fail at certain activities but the society and "progressive" social media like Tumblr still manipulate us into believing it's just laziness and desire for procrastination talking and we should "push against our boundaries and try out best and we will succeed someday". So we do that and we do not succeed, ever, and "progressives" blame us for "not trying hard enough".

Which is why I said it already and I will say it again: listen to your gut. Do not let media - including social media - trick and manipulate you into a burn out with it's "motivational speeches". You know better whether or not you can handle a certain activity or whether the results you get will be worth the time and effort you invest.

Others do not "know better" than you do. If you are convinced you'll fail at something before you've tried it chances are you have a perfectly good reason to feel that way: a disability with objective limitations or similar activities you already did not manage to excel at. So look after yourself.