#i need to emphasize it more in week 1 and then just keep hammering it in

[hazard-and-friends]

increasingly convinced that reactive dog owners should do a session of a self defense class

almost every one i see has two underlying problems that have nothing to do with their dog and everything to do with them

1, can they assess the threat level of a situation and do they understand how to raise/match/lower intensity in order to change the risk of violence? i talked about ways to handle off leash dogs in class last week and felt like i was going insane trying to explain that using spray shield etc increases tension because now the owner is mad that you just "pepper sprayed" their dog.

2, do they have literally any body awareness. can they balance on one foot. do they understand how to use their weight. it's not that i can't be pulled forward by a large dog, but especially if i'm in the mindset of "i'm walking a potential bite risk", it's very unlikely they'll get more than one step from me. and i am tall and i do have muscles, but mostly i know how to set my weight at the end of the leash so even a 150 lb dog can't make me move too much.

and like. we CAN talk about this in class but i'm not a self defense instructor/martial arts instructor, i've just had 7 months of jiu jitsu and got some things beat into me. but oh my god.

[tsukikento]

Empathetic Chapter 17

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Summary: After your mom, the number 1 hero in America, gets offered a teaching position at U.A., you two pack up your things and head to Musutafu, Japan to start a new life. Pressure for you in America was at an all-time high, and now you’re in Japan, where almost no one knows you, or your family’s past.

This tale starts on your first day of class where your new teacher decides the best way for you to fit in is to fight against the strongest person in your class: Bakugou Katsuki.

Warnings/Genre: This piece will feature some angst and reference to an abusive parent, if you are ever worried about other tw’s feel free to send me an ask and I will let you know. There will also be fluff, slight angst, pining, and slowburn.

A/N: Had to write this chapter three times because somehow everything kept getting deleted!! I’m sorry for my inconsistent posting. Please leave comments, reblog, or send me asks if you like! They always keep me motived :)

(masterlist)

When you came back out for dinner, Bakugou was already sitting at the head of the table, eating away, and chatting away with Kirishima and Sero. To his left was an empty seat, but a plate filled with food.

I wonder if Bakugou made that or if someone nicer prepared it, you wonder as you and Ashido made your way to the table. If Bakugou made it, then damn. However, you wouldn’t be surprised if Kirishima made it or Kaminari who was on dish cleaning duty and needed to put away the leftovers. Regardless of who did it, they still sat you down next to Bakugou in your usual seat.

Don’t read into that, you told yourself as your sat down at the table. Instead, you focused on the delicious food in front of you that you immediately began to chow down on. You found yourself, much like Bakugou, simply eating away while Ashido, Kirishima, and Sero kept the conversation going. Both of you were much too hungry to stop and add your own commentary to the conversation.

Bakugou finished before you and chugged down his water before taking both yours and his glass to the kitchen to fill them back up. Gratefully, you mumbled out a “Thank you” before you continued to eat. Play it cool, he’s just being polite, you told yourself and Ashido proceeded to elbow you and wink.

You rolled your eyes at the pink girl and focused back on what was left on your plate.

Conversation flowed easily until Bakugou came back. The blond placed the cups onto the table before holding up his arms and stretching in a way that clearly showed his stomach. At this point, each of you were still in casual athletic clothes and his simple t-shirt lifted just enough to show his stomach.

It was an action you should be used the at this point. The blond often stretched without a care or used his quirk in ways that ruined clothing. And yet, you still found your face heating up and your eyes glued to the sight.

When he finally sat back down, he leaned in close to you. “I’m ready to go whenever,” He explained before leaning back into his chair and sipping on his water.

“Go where?” Sero, who was to Bakugou’s immediate right, questioned.

You looked to Bakugou, expecting him to reply. Not only were you hesitant to explain the situation and possibly misunderstand what Bakugou was thinking, but the blond typically made habit of answering anyways.

“The gym for yoga and cardio,” Bakugou explained, just like you expected. Luckily, it wasn’t any different than what you thought.

“Really?” Kirishima questioned, his eyes lighting up. “That sounds so manly!” He turned to look at Ashido, “Do you want to go do yoga and cardio too?”

“Um,” Ashido immediately turned to you, concerned that she and Kirishima would be intervening on your alone time with Bakugou.

Part of you wanted to welcome the company, ultimately nervous about having to hold up a conversation when neither you nor Bakugou were all too talkative. However, you spent hours alone with Bakugou each week and it wasn’t awkward then so why would it be different?

Bakugou also hates how couple-y they are so he may be more inclined to talk to me and spend time with me if they are there doing PDA, you thought before subtly nodding to Ashido.

“I’d love to go if Bakugou and Y/L/N don’t mind,” Ashido finally spoke after a few moments.

“I don’t care,” Bakugou measly replied.

“What about you, Sero?” Kirishima questioned, “Do you want to go too?”

“No way,” The black-haired boy replied, leaning back in his chair. “I had interning today and had to chase a villain down seven blocks, ugh!”

“Weren’t you using your tape though?” Ashido shot back curiously.

“So? It still drains me and my poor arms. I could not do yoga like this.” Sero flailed his arms around before letting them fall to his sides, effectively showing how absolutely dead they were. “I’ll just stay here with Kaminari and make him watch the new season of Galactic Guard again or whatever.”

“Your loss,” Kirishima jokes before chuckling lightly. “I’m going to go get changed, be down soon.”

Ashido followed him with the same explanation.

Awkwardly, you looked at Sero, expecting him to say something. You and Bakugou were already changed and had your waters with you, there was no reason for you to go upstairs. Unfortunately, due to the silence and the awkward atmosphere of a nervous you and an ever-rigid Bakugou, the black-haired boy immediately slid out of his seat, claiming to need water. However, you watched as he dropped his empty glass on the counter and simply talked to Kaminari.

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your water, wishing there was more to do. Thinking on your feet, you stood up abruptly. “I’ll clear the dishes,” You said before stacking the plates and silverware. “Do you want your water anymore?”

Bakugou shook his head so you proceeded to grab his water, place it into your cup, and make your way to the kitchen slowly.

Kaminari and Sero greeted you happily and Kaminari immediately took your dishes.

Their rather boring conversation did not leave room for you to interject, so you simply made your way back to the dining table. Sighing, you grabbed your half-full water and reached for Bakugou’s as well. The blond watched you wordlessly.

You wondered if his lack of comment was a bad thing or if it showed comfortability and a willingness to let you touch his belongings.

As you debated the notion, you silently, almost like you were on autopilot, filled up the waters, and went back to the table. With nothing left to do, you sat back down into your seat and awaited the arrival of Kirishima and Ashido

“Thank you,” Bakugou said as you sat down with the two glasses of water.

“No problem” You replied. Despite this comment being typical for literally anyone to say, it still felt nice for him to say thank you. Maybe it was because he rarely used his manners.

Bakugou grabbed his water from the table and put it back into his bag. The two of you sat in a comfortable silence as you waited for Ashido and Kirishima. The only noise was the people talking in the kitchen and the small group watching television in the living room.

A few minutes passed by before the couple finally emerged from the elevator and greeted you both with wide smiles. Kirishima had on black basketball shorts with a red stripe down the side as well as a red hoodie. Ashido adorned a matching two-piece set of leggings and a conservative sports bra that was cheetah print. She also had on a black zip-up jacket that was currently wrapped around her waist.

You and Bakugou quickly got up from your seats, grabbed your belongings, and slowly made your way to the door. Ashido was by your side while Kirishima ran the kitchen to fill up his and Ashido’s waters. The pink girl moved from being attached to Kirishima’s side and was now attached to yours.

Giggling, she whispered in your ear, “Yet another double date!”

Sheepishly you rolled your eyes and dismissed the thought. “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

“What?” Ashido questioned, moving away from you to give you a confused look.

“What do you mean ‘what’?” You shot back.

“I mean,” She began, emphasizing her words, “What does that even mean?”

“What does what mean?” You replied, absolutely clueless to the confusion.

“She’s asking what ‘don’t count your chickens before they hatch’ means,” Bakugou butted in as he stood opposite you by the front door. “Personally, I think it’s rather obvious.”

“Oh, shut it, Bakugou!” Ashido exclaimed, giving the blond a dirty look.

Laughing, you explained, “It’s just an American saying.” You debated how exactly to explain it before once again continuing, “Just because you have, say, 10 chicken eggs, 2 could break before they hatch and 3 more could be simply eggs, no baby in them. So, they saying means that you shouldn’t expect something until it happens. You can’t expect to have 10 chickens just because you have 10 eggs.”

Ashido harrumphed, clearing having trouble understanding. “Sounds dumb.” Something you also expected her to say considering she was the one ‘counting her chickens before they hatched’.

You shrugged, “It’s hard to understand sayings from other countries if you didn’t grow up around them. I’m sure some common Japanese sayings don’t make sense to me.”

At this point, Kirishima joined back in and made quick work of putting on his tennis shoes.

“My mom used to always say ‘even monkeys fall out of trees’ when I made mistakes,” Ashido explained, testing you to see if you would understand a common Japanese phrase.

“Everyone makes mistakes,” You replied after a few seconds to think it over.

“Dang!” Ashido replied as the four of you made your way out of the dorm and to the gym.

“What about this one,” Bakugou interjected. “My dad would say this all the time, ‘the stake that sticks up gets hammered down.’”

Oh, this one is definitely more complicated.

You tried working through the saying out in your brain, sure it had someone to do with being seen in society. “Um,” You began, “The person who stands out will…” You paused, unsure how to finish. Sighing, you shrugged your shoulders, “I don’t know.”

“Ha Ha!” Ashido shouted in joy. “It means the person who stands out is often subject to criticism.”

You nodded your head in understanding as she explained.

“How were you so good at those?” Kirishima asked.

“Well, word association is taught in elementary schools,” You explained, reminiscing on the problems you solved in second grade. “For example, we would get something like “cow is to barn as man is to ‘blank’ and we would have to fill it in.”

Ashido and Kirishima proceeded to exclaim “house!” while Bakugou simply nodded, actions that represented each of them rather well.

“Nice!” You laughed, high-fiving the two who guessed.

You rounded the corner at this point, entering one of the school buildings with multiple classrooms. You followed the group as they made their way upstairs and weaved through hallways. Fairly naturally, the conversation died down as the couple of Ashido and Kirishima clung to each other and dawdled behind.

Aggravated, Bakugou led your group, clearly annoyed with how slow they were. Honestly, you were pretty sure Ashido planned this so you could have alone time with the blond.

Trying to utilize this opportunity, you kept stride with the blond. “Pretty annoying, huh?” You asked, gesturing to the couple and silently apologizing for throwing them under the bus and using them as a conversation starter.

“Aren’t they always?” Bakugou replied, looking to the couple before rolling his eyes and groaning.

“Sometimes they are cute,” You shrugged, flashing a smile to the blond. “At least they’re happy, you know?” You asked, attempting to reason with them.

Bakugou simply “tsked” in reply. “Doesn’t mean they aren’t making me nauseous.”

“Very true,” You responded, unable to stop yourself from chuckling loudly. “Especially when they talk in baby voices and make little smooching noises!” You altered your voice slightly to mimic Ashido’s baby voice that you hear her only use with Kirishima.

Bakugou cackled loudly at the comment, clearly amused by your impersonation. “Or when they go off to each lunch by themselves, cuddling under a tree, and then coming back like giddy teenagers,” He added.

“Oh, yeah!” You animatedly exclaimed, “How could I forget? Kirishima ends up staring out the window all of class!”

As your laughter died down, the two of you arrived at the double doors that led to the small gym. Luckily, no one else was inside due to how late it was. In fact, you four might be here past curfew. Despite this, you entered into the gym which had a few different weight machines and treadmills as well as a room to the left that was dim and specifically designed for yoga.

You knew this was the gym that Ashido frequently used late at night but weren’t familiar with the layout. Slowly, you put down your belongings, chugged down a few gulps of your water and made your way into the yoga room. The room had too large baskets on wheels that came up to about your waist. Inside, were blue and white yoga mats with the school’s logo on it. It was for student use and cleaned every week, a small perk for going to such a prestigious hero school. By the time you grabbed a mat, you heard the large metal and glass doors once again opening. Waiting for the couple, you rolled out your mat and brought your water to your side.

Although you did yoga frequently and could easily start your own routine, you figured the four of you would want to do a routine together. Once inside, Kirishima and Ashido quickly came into the yoga room and set up mats.

“I’ll hook up my phone to the projector so we can play a video,” Ashido explained as she plugged her phone into a wire that connected to the projector.

You watched the pink girl search up a yoga routine that was primarily focused on stretching the body pre-workout. The video was about half an hour-long, so you simply prepared yourself by sitting on your knees and waiting for the introduction to finish.

Yoga went by rather quickly, which each of you silently following the video. You were all in your own worlds, thinking about your own problems or simply letting your mind go black as you followed the routine. You could tell it was something your mind and body was craving after a long day of theorizing and sitting at the desk.

Once the routine finally ended, you let out a big breath and stretched your body one final time before grabbing your water bottle to drink from. “Ah, that was so good!” You sighed, completely satisfied.

Kirishima and Ashido hummed in agreement as they rolled up their mats.

“And now it’s time to put that stretching to good use,” Bakugou added, as he passed by you with his own rolled mat. He grabbed yours, which you just finished rolling, and went to put them away. Once done, he made his way back to you and held out his hand to help you up. “Shall we go run?” He asked while he effortlessly pulled you up.

“We shall,” You replied, a wide smile on your face.

Bakugou had never, not even when he was kicking your ass in training, helped your up or touched your hand. Immediately, you felt heat spreading up your face and your heart beating faster.

Ashido, who was putting her own yoga mat into her bag eyed you suspiciously. Subtly, you gave her a surprised look and shrugged your shoulders. Bakugou inevitably let go of your hand after you were standing up straight. He was surprisingly warm and you held quickly went cold without his touching.

In an attempt to play everything off cool, you simply followed behind him, grabbing your bag and moving to the treadmill next to his. You placed your belongings down, took one last gulp of water, and got onto your treadmill.

Bakugou, who had already started, was going at a slow pace and you decided to follow in line with him. The slow speed was an ideal way to warm up your body and prepare you for a faster pace.

You didn’t have to wait long, however, because Bakugou soon sped up his treadmill by two. He gave you’re a clear look and you didn’t even have to take out your earbuds to know he was subtly saying there is no way in hell you will run faster than me.

After a few more strides, you also increased your speed, clicking three times to be running one faster than him.

Almost immediately, Bakugou gave you another look and increased his speed. This game of tug-of-war continued for a few minutes, each of you slowly increasing your speed in order to one-up the other. It was fun when you started slow, and you even found yourself smiling when you were running at a speed just below a sprint. However, you were now sprinting at a breakneck pace and craving this game to stop.

You once again, and quite stubbornly, pressed the up arrow to increase your speed.

Bakugou attempted to groan under his breath, but he was going too fast to have control over his voice and you clearly heard the roan of indignation. The blond pressed his finger onto the up arrow and increased his speed just as he had done before. This time, however, he notably did not go past your speed.

The both of you were now running at the same speed, and although you were tempted to go up at least one more to irk Bakugou, you knew it was best not to. It was all down to endurance now.

You focused your attention on running, moving your arms to help your speed, and focusing on your breathing to make sure you were taking in big and consistent breaths.

“Woah, Bakugou and Y/N-chan!” Kirishima’s voice rang through your ears. Despite only being two treadmills over and a total of 12 feet, you could barely hear him. “So manly!” If you were looking at him, you would see him send a cheeky smile to Ashido before increasing his own speed.

However, you were all too involved in your own competition to worry about him.

You felt your legs burn and crave for a break. You felt so hot that you were sure you were steaming. In fact, you saw steam.

Steam? You looked to your left from where it was coming and saw steam emitting from Bakugou’s palms. You could have gasped in surprise if you weren’t so already short on breath. The next thing to smelled was an intense caramel. Or is it burning sugar? You questioned as you realized it was coming from the blond next to you.

It smells so sweet, you thought, clearly distracted. It made you think of caramel apples at amusement parks, chewing on the delectable treat as you walked around, surrounded by vibrant lights.

You inhaled deeply, trying to take it all in. Suddenly, you tripped. The floor fell out from under you, and you did not have enough speed or traction to keep up. Quickly, you clutched onto the railings and got back up to speed. The difficult action, which would surely leave bruises on your arms, lasted only a few seconds. Although Bakugou noticed, he didn’t say anything, so you simply kept up with running.

However, now your body ached even more. All you wanted to do was stop and you couldn’t drag your brain away from the idea. You felt your limbs begging to slow down and you could no longer deny the request. Reluctantly, you slowed down the treadmill with a sigh. Bakugou immediately noticed the action and shot his arms up with a small “woop!” in excitement.

At least seeing him so excited was worth it, you thought as you finally stopped the treadmill.

With exhaustion running through your veins, you got off the treadmill and made a beeline to your water. Your legs gave out and you sat against the wall, arching your back to give your lungs room. You chugged a few gulps of the cool beverage before you brought your hands above your head. It was the best way to get air into your lungs and control your breathing again.

Bakugou quickly joined you, copying your actions but while standing up.

“Good job, guys!” Ashido exclaimed, giving you both a thumbs up as she jogged at a much more reasonable pace.

You returned the gesture before grabbing your water again. Slumped up against the wall, you closed your eyes. Mentally, you made a note to not go out running tomorrow.

While you rested, you heard Ashido and Kirishima turn off their treadmills and join you against the wall. They chatted amongst themselves while Bakugou sat next to you.

Immediately, the caramel smell emitting off him wafted into your noise and filled your senses with euphoria and anxiety. He smelled so good, and yet you were certain he was much closer to you now. You could practically feel his body heat against your left arm.

The chatter from Ashido and Kirishima provided white noise, while Bakugou’s sweet aroma and warm body provided the ultimate guide to sleep. Your tired body craved it and you slowly felt yourself falling deeper and deeper.

Too tired to notice, you slowly leaned to the left, your shoulder eventually touching Bakugou’s. It was slight, a small brush of skin, but the blond immediately noticed the action, who stared at your sleeping body which found comfort in the purchase of his body.

You weren’t sure how much time passed when you were woken back up. In fact, you didn’t realize you fell asleep until you were waking up and opening your eyes to the sight of Bakugou’s own crimson orbs.

Quickly, you noticed the feeling of a warm arm against yours and moved abruptly away.

You could feel the heat spread from your neck to your cheeks and ears. If you weren’t in such shock, you would have also been certain that Bakugou’s own cheeks blushed pink. You shook your head in confusion, pushing away the ridiculous thoughts that came to mind.

“S-sorry!” You stuttered out, your voice barely emitting a sound.

“It’s fine,” Bakugou confidently laughed, brushing off the topic. “I just thought you would want to head back soon since you are falling asleep.”

“Uh, yeah,” You mumbled, “Thanks.” Looking away, you set your eyes on all your belongings and began picking them up. Sometimes it was difficult to look him in the eyes. Despite how warm and entrancing they were, they made you feel hot all over and spread nerves all throughout your body. You swallowed the lump in your throat as you stood all the way up and awaited Bakugou.

It only took a moment for the blond to stand upright after you. Gingerly smiling, you turned and made your way to the door.

“You guys coming?” Bakugou asked, walking backward so he could face the couple.

“Later,” Ashido mumbled, waving him away as she continued to smile at her boyfriend.

Bakugou hummed in acknowledgment and turned to you, a signal to open the door into the empty hallway.

“Today was fun,” You remarked, sparing a glance at the blond as the metal door eased closed. “Although I am sure tomorrow will be tough.” You paused, thinking over your schedule, “At least I only have class tomorrow.”

Although you were too nervous to look long, you saw the blond smile shyly and nod his head. “Yeah, I’m just glad I am done with the assignment due in English tomorrow.”

“Ah,” You replied, “How I wish I only had English assignments instead of extra Japanese assignments.”

“You’ll need to learn if you plan to stay here,” Bakugou remarked.

You scoffed, “I would argue that my Japanese was quite good already.” Rolling your eyes, you spared a teasing smile to him.

“What about when you are given a paper report and expected to read it all in minutes? Or when you have to write a report after a mission?” Bakugou shot back.

You groaned loudly, simply imagining how torturous a kanji-filled report that you would need to run through quickly. “Maybe you’ll be nice enough to write my reports for me?” You joked, opening your eyes and pouting in an attempt to look cute.

Bakugou blew air out his nose in a short laugh. “Bold of you to assume that I would even hire you to work at my agency.”

“Rude,” You replied, knowing full well that this was all a joke. “I think I would be a good hire, I could keep you calm during idiotic interviews or meetings too.” You looked into his eyes, “So, you want to start your own agency?”

“Need to if I’m going to be number one,” Bakugou curtly answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Well,” You began, “If I’m still in the area, and you are in desperate need of a hire, I would be happy to help.”

“Thanks.”

A small laugh and a brief look had your insides twisting. You once again felt hot. However, you were now, luckily, in the cool air of the night. You calmed yourself as the two of you approached the dorms.

Bakugou took a few quick steps to get ahead of you to reach the door. He moved to the side so you could enter in first and you smiled and nodded politely.

However, when you entered the dorm, your mood quickly changed. Practically every student was in the living room, some standing, some sitting. Most notably, Aizawa-sensei stood in the dining room, leaned up against the large wooden table, and clearly lost in his thoughts. Multiple sets of eyes turned to look at you. Your anxieties pooled in your stomach as you looked at your teacher.

Is it that bad that we are past curfew?

You felt Bakugou’s body pressed close up against yours. You were too scared to move, so the blond had to squeeze in. He was about to jokingly push you out of the way until he noticed the concerning scene in front of him.

You had no time to think about how comforting the action was, especially as he placed your hands onto your shoulders. He squeezed the slightly, but you were unsure if it was an action that was supposed to make you feel better or to make your move. You stumbled forward, but the blond hardly moved.

Aizawa cleared his throat and moved from his perch at the table. Silently, he approached you. “Let’s talk outside,” He whispered so only Bakugou, and you could hear. “Just you,” He elaborated, looking into your eyes.

You gulped and let Bakugou push you away so Aizawa could reach the door and lead the way out. You only snapped back to reality when your shoulders were suddenly cold at the lost touch.

“Okay,” You mumbled, stumbling to follow after your teacher. Maybe he was going to lecture us separately? You wondered, clinging to the hope that this was a simple scolding and not a disastrous event.

It must be my mom, what else would it be?

“Is my mom okay?” You immediately questioned when the door Bakugou closed was finally shut.

“Yes,” He abruptly replied, “Let’s talk this way.” He led you around the building to where there were multiple benches.

“My siblings?”

“Sit,” He spoke and motioned at a long bench.

You sat quickly, hoping it would make the news come quicker as well.

“There is no easy way to say this,” He began, “Please just listen.” Aizawa rubbed his eyes, clearly drained. “There was a prison escape at the North-Western prison. A total of 117 inmates escaped and are being rounded up. Your father is one of them.”

[otterknowbynow]

Have Agency, Will Travel (1/3)

Not much surprises Alexis these days, but Klair coming to town isn't something she ever expected, and neither is the series of events that follows.

Set immediately after 4x10 "Baby Sprinkle"

also on ao3

Walking out of the noise and lights of the bar is a bit disorienting, but Alexis can’t help but smile as she leaves the bright room behind. Her business card is still in her hand inside her purse, and she rubs the surface of it with her thumb, feeling the letters of her name -- she can’t really identify them by feel, but it’s enough to know they’re there. It’s enough to know she’ll still be running her own life tomorrow. 

She moves toward the stairs without really thinking about it, her mind focused on how proud she is of turning Klair down. Shows growth, she thinks, still smiling to herself, before she nearly trips over someone sitting on the edge of the steps. 

“Oh, sorry!” She holds her hands out in front of her, fingers gripped loosely. “I didn’t see you there! Didn’t really, um, expect anyone to be…” The girl looks up at her from under the brim of a gray stetson and Alexis trails off, taking in the teary face and slightly smudged eyeliner. “Oh, babe, you really should’ve invested in a decent waterproof.” 

“You know what’s wild? I did,” says the stranger, her laugh sounding a bit forced. “But Klair -- she said I should use this one, because it looks more birthday-y, or something.” 

“Oh my God, you’re Albany.” She must be, sitting there with her peasant-sleeve floral wrap dress that would’ve been on trend a couple years ago, blond hair spilling out of the stetson and down to her shoulders -- which Alexis has to admit, does give her an arguably adorable off-hours ranch hand look. Albany raises her eyebrows and nods. Alexis can hardly control her hands, trying to make six different apologetic gestures at once. “I’m so sorry, Klair never actually um, clarified. Which one you were.” 

“Yeah, she never really does.” The dress ripples around her shoulders when she shrugs, which only seems to emphasize the absurdity of that statement. It’s a cute dress -- a look that would fit in here, Alexis realizes, and the thought is strangely comforting.

“Why aren’t you in there with them? Isn’t it your birthday?” Alexis reaches around the back of her hair, smoothing out a nonexistent bump. 

“Oh, yeah, but Klair won’t notice for a bit, and I needed a little quiet, you know?” Her voice is entirely matter-of-fact, but Alexis can’t help but register that her nose is red from crying, and can only guess the tears ended moments before. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she says slowly, though the rest comes out in a rush as she sits down on the step next to Albany. “But Klair is a terrible best friend, and you should really consider getting a new one.” She’s not sure why she says it -- why she thinks any friend of Klair’s would trust her, but there’s something about Albany that seems warm, inviting the kind of sincerity Alexis has been getting more used to living here than she ever was pre-financial catastrophe. 

“Weren’t you guys best friends for, like, years?” Albany looks at her sidelong from under the brim of her hat, and Alexis frowns. 

“Mhm,” She nods a couple times, looking over Albany’s shoulder at the treeline. “Yeah, yeah we were, and um, we’re not. Anymore.” She brings her eyes back to Albany’s face, smiles at her, all charm. “That’s the important part.”

“What changed? I mean I can’t -- I can’t really imagine not having her in my life.” Albany’s smiling too now, though there’s a layer of sadness to it that Alexis doesn’t think is matched in her own. 

“Oh, we fell out of touch,” Alexis says breezily. “After my family, well.” She stops and raises her eyebrows.

“I heard,” Albany confirms, nodding. “Klair talks about it, like, all the time.” 

“Does she?” Alexis asks lightly. She reaches into her purse and pulls out an emery board to start filing her nails -- it’s an old trick, makes it easier to avoid having to make eye contact, relaxes people. 

“Yeah, she says you dropped off the face of the planet and ended up living in some shitty little town --” Albany cuts off with a snort. “Oh, no, I didn’t realize it’s, like, literally --” 

“-- mhm, yeah, I know,” says Alexis quickly. “It’s not so bad, though.” 

“Yeah?” Albany sounds skeptical, and when she looks up again Alexis sees her eyebrows are raised. But she can’t see anything in Albany’s face that isn’t sincere curiosity.

“Yeah,” says Alexis decisively, tucking the emery board back into her purse so she can focus on getting this point across as clearly as possible. “It’s actually kind of cool to be somewhere you can, like, try new things, and people are less judgy.” She purses her lips and puts her hands out in front of her to emphasize. “Well, not so much less judgy as differently judgy? Like, they still judge, but it’s in a nice way, like their hearts are in the right place.” Albany laughs at that, and Alexis smiles. It feels nice to make someone laugh like that. 

“I thought you’d be more like her,” says Albany quietly when she stops laughing, and there’s something in her eyes that wasn’t there before, something that makes Alexis suddenly aware of her own heartbeat.

“I was,” she says, looking away. She’s pretty sure she’s blushing based on the heat in her cheeks, embarrassed at remembering just how alike she and Klair used to be. “And, um -- I still am, in some ways.” 

“Oh? Name some,” Albany says, tilting her head, which causes a lock of her hair to fall across her face. She blows it away impatiently, and it’s Alexis’s turn to laugh. 

“Um, that, for one -- laughing at you just now is totally mean.” She can’t help but keep grinning, though, and Albany grins back. 

“That was my own stupidity doing that,” Albany says, still smiling. “You get to laugh at that and not be considered mean.” Her eyes are soft, the smile reaching them easily. They’re a shade of brown Alexis is used to considering boring, but they’re nice when combined with that smile, she thinks. 

“Fair,” Alexis says. “But I’m a little bit like her in the selfishness department, for sure, since I have, like, a lot of work to do since I turned down that job and all, and I’m gonna leave you on these steps and head home without really making your night that much better.” 

“You made it better,” says Albany seriously, and she’s not smiling now. Alexis’s breath catches a bit at the intensity in her eyes, and she lets it out deliberately. 

“Oh,” she says, with a bit of a shaky laugh, hands dancing over her purse again, trying to decide if she needs to take her emery board back out or something. She gathers herself enough to shoot a grin, a bit crooked, at Albany. “Well, I’m glad I could help, then.” 

“Yeah, thanks.” There’s that quiet voice again, and before she knows it Albany is leaning in to brush her lips softly over Alexis’s own. She freezes, even her hands stilling, and she’s pretty sure she stops breathing entirely for a moment as Albany draws back. She has no idea what expression is on her face -- and no idea what’s on Albany’s either, because she can’t bring herself to look. She’s hot all over, her lips tingling where Albany’s aren’t touching them anymore. 

“Um, no problem,” Alexis says quickly, standing up, her heart hammering. “I’ll, um -- I’ll see you.” She tries to sound casual, adjusting her purse strap with both hands to keep from giving away that they seem to be shaking a bit. What was that? What was that? As she starts to walk away, she brings a hand to her mouth, as if she could maybe feel something there that would make this less...something.

“Okay, see you around, Alexis.” If she were capable of more thought, she might have registered the question in Albany’s voice, but she can’t register much of anything right now but her own bewilderment and the need to get back to the motel and lie down, right now, immediately. 

It’s not that she hasn’t kissed girls before -- she has. But maybe she hasn’t, not really -- not if really means actually feeling anything when their lips touch hers, the way Albany’s...God, what is she, twelve? It was barely a peck. It shouldn’t have made her go all weird and flustered. Of course, maybe that didn’t have anything to do with Albany at all. Maybe it was just because she was so tense -- after dealing with Klair, and all the planning for singles week with Twyla -- besides, she’s never fallen for someone that quickly! People fall for her immediately, sure, but that’s different. Besides, she’s only ever been into men, at least before...maybe that’s what it was. Maybe Albany being so sweet just reminded her of someone else -- 

She cuts that thought off as she walks up to the motel door, shoes swinging in one hand. Barefoot is better than heels for most of the road on the way back from the bar, and she’d needed the walk to think -- or rather, to clear her head and try to not think. She takes a deep breath now and steels herself to open the door. David will be able to smell a weird mood a mile away, and she can’t deal with him right now. Alexis reaches out to open the door, talking quickly in what she hopes is a normal tone of voice for her as she does. 

“You would not believe the audacity Klair had, to ask me to --” She cuts off, suddenly realizing she’s speaking to an empty room. Right. Jocelyn’s baby shower -- sprinkle, whatever -- that was tonight. Maybe he’ll even go to Patrick’s afterward and she won’t have to deal with anyone until the morning. Alexis breathes a sigh of relief and sits down heavily on her bed, reaching down to drop her shoes and examine the damage to her feet. Oh, it’s bad. She’s kind of amazed she managed to walk home without noticing -- is that growth also? She’s tougher, now? Rugged, even, she thinks proudly, getting up to walk to the bathroom to wash her feet. They really are terribly ragged. 

David comes in as she’s finishing putting on some foot cream she helped herself to from the store’s inventory last week. He shoves into the room not-very-gracefully, holding a bundle of balloons he probably doesn’t want but was made to take home anyway, and has to try three times before he manages to get them all inside and shut the door. So much for not dealing with anyone until the morning, Alexis thinks, glad for the extra moments to compose herself.

“Having an interesting night, are we?” David asks finally, as he drops the weight the balloons are attached to in the corner of the room nearest the window, slapping them back a bit with his hands when a few float toward him.  

“That’s one way of putting it,” Alexis says primly. She pulls on her thinnest pair of socks and steps over to the bathroom to wash the extra foot cream off her hands. 

“What’s wrong with your feet?” David asks more directly when she comes out of the bathroom again. “Is it something I need to worry about? If you have athlete’s foot and you haven’t told me --”

“Ew, David, no,” she says, grimacing. 

“I am just saying -- we share a shower. You’re legally obligated to tell me if you have something contagious.” Alexis rolls her eyes and groans, picking up the tub of foot cream and holding it up, her eyebrows raised. 

“I hope you paid for that,” David says, and Alexis groans again, putting it down on the nightstand so she can flop onto her bed and throw an arm over her eyes -- which are weirdly tearing up, she notices. Cool. Life is stressful enough without brothers interrogating you about gross foot fungus, without girls randomly kissing you on the steps of bars and making you wonder if you even know yourself. Maybe she’ll just stay like this forever. Let the arm of her dress soak up her tears even if she’s not totally sure why she’s crying. It’s almost a minute later when David speaks again. 

“Hey, are you...okay?” She takes her arm off her face slowly and turns to see he’s standing between their beds, looking down at her, probably taking in that she’s still fully dressed and hasn’t even taken off her makeup, let alone gotten her sleep mask or actually, you know, gotten under the covers of her bed.

“Yep.” Really, what else can she say? ‘A girl kissed me and I reacted like I’d never felt the touch of a human and maybe I’m not as straight as I always thought I was after all’? ‘She’s leaving in the morning and somehow I’m super sad about it even though I just met her an hour ago’? ‘I’m planning a singles week for other people to find love and I’m pretty sure I never will again, given how weird tonight has been’?

“Okay, I doubt that,” David says, gesturing at, well, presumably everything about her right now. “What is this -- is this about Ted?” 

“No.” Maybe by some weird association gymnastics her brain feels like doing. Maybe if she spirals about it too hard. “I’m fine.” He shoots her a look that’s more skeptical than usual, then throws his hands up dramatically. 

“Fine, never mind, I don’t want to know. I am. Exhausted.” He’s still standing, though, and crosses his arms over his chest, looking at her. 

“Are you trying to reverse psychology me?” she asks, propping herself up on her elbows. “Because it’s not going to work. We read about it in the negotiations unit of my sales class.” David shrugs, doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t move a muscle. “Ugh, okay,” she says, letting her breath out all at once in a huff. “Klair’s friend Albany...she kissed me, and I kind of freaked out.” David blinks at that and shakes his head slightly, like he has to reshuffle his thoughts or something. 

“Okay, several questions,” he says after a moment. He holds up a finger. “One, Klair as in Klair-with-the-German-au-pair who spent our whole childhood teaching you to be the worst version of yourself?” Alexis rolls her eyes at that description, but it’s not like she can refute it.

“That’s the one.” 

“What is a friend of hers doing here?” 

“They’re on a trip,” she says. “Because they felt like being random.” She forces a laugh -- she’s going for sarcastic, but it comes out sounding more bitter than she means it to. 

“Also, Albany? Really?” 

“David, you once dated a guy named Yorkshire,” she says with a snort. “I don’t see how you’re in a position to talk.” 

“Anyway,” he says, pressing his lips together, which means she won that one, Alexis notes with some small bit of satisfaction. “Why would a girl kissing you freak you out? You did your whole party girl kiss-anybody phase for, like, years.” 

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” says Alexis, sitting up entirely so it’s easier to look at him. “But for some reason this was...different.” She hasn’t figured it out herself yet -- how does he expect her to have a clear explanation for him? Her eyes well up again, and she grabs a tissue from the box on the nightstand irritably, dabbing at them. 

“Different how?” 

“She meant it,” she says, and as the words come out, she realizes they’re true. That is how it’s different. When she’s kissed girls before it’s been a stunt or a game -- or the result of some very not sober situations. It’s never been...genuine. It’s never been nice. 

“Ah,” says David, finally sitting down on his bed. There’s a lot in that ah, and Alexis isn’t sure how much of it she wants to hear right now. 

“Anyway, so, it’s just. It’s a lot to handle, and I’d rather not talk about it, for, you know, for a bit,” she says, looking at him sidelong instead of turning to face him. 

“Really?” 

“Really,” she says, then hesitates. “Maybe. Maybe I should talk about it?” 

“I would hope you could talk about it with me, at least,” David says, standing up from his bed again to pace the carpet at the foot of hers. “Considering I am -- to my knowledge -- the only queer person you interact with on a regular basis. But then, I would also hope I wouldn’t be having to drag it out of you after a very, very long day.” 

“Well, maybe I didn’t really consider that, David.” 

“So you don’t consider me queer or you don’t consider me a person?” 

“You know that’s not what I mean,” she says, reaching for another tissue. “I just mean I hadn’t considered that talking about it would, like, help. Can we focus for a minute on the person actually going through an identity crisis?”

“That’s funny, because when I was going through my identity crisis, I’ll note, you were -- what -- in Bahrain?” He still hasn’t sat back down, and Alexis is getting tired of craning her neck to look at him, especially if all he’s going to be is indignant. 

“No, I was ten, David. Please.” She dabs tears from the corners of her eyes and adds primly: “I was on a girls’ trip to Bali that Annika organized. Anyway, we’re different people now.” She looks down at the tissue twisting in her hands and takes a deep breath before adding quietly. “And I’m not even sure I’m...well, anything.” 

“Oh?” She doesn’t have to look to know he’s got a hand on his hip and is more than likely about to merge his eyebrows into his hairline. “Because in case you haven’t noticed, you’re crying over how much you like a girl.” 

“Yeah, but that’s like...people do that, David,” she says. And now that she thinks about it, she’s done it before -- on that same trip to Bali, actually. 

“Sure they do,” says David pointedly. “Usually when they need to figure out if they’re, y’know, anything.” Alexis considers that for a second, then nods, glad her nose has stopped running, at least. 

“So, what should I do?”

[tvwriteups]

ESC 2021 GF

Opening was okay. Think that's the largest the stage has looked.

Watching on PeacockTV. No commentary. This time I'm watching through my speakers and not through headphones. Not gonna do a rundown since a lot of the songs are familiar.

I did not watch any of the big 5 or the Dutch rehearsal/jury videos so I'll be watching those whole for the first time. (I probably should have watched them. Oops. Too late now!)

I really have no idea who will win. Kind of makes it exciting!

What's a little weird with my setup is how much "sharper" the music sounds on my speakers.

Let the Grand Final of the ESC begin!

1. Cyprus

2. Albania

3. Israel

4. Belgium

What's funny for me here is that the Belgian song is growing on me on this third listen. I like it more each time. (This might actually make my Eurovision AND Hooverphonic playlist!) With the other songs I was... like I didn't feel the level of "excitement" I felt when I watched them earlier this week.

5. Russia

Oh yeah! This is another one I'm liking more on a second viewing. I like her expressiveness. This is never not interesting. And an enthusiastic response there.

6. Malta

Maltese Lizzo. I know this is very popular with the ESC crowd and I get it but it doesn't personally register with me. I think it's the speed. It's like the same fast speed and mostly same level of "noise." Crowd really loooooves it though. Might just be my own autistic sound processing issues.

7. Portugal

I still am impressed with how well-structured this is. I'll probably forget the song next week but when it was being performed I never lost interest.

8. Serbia

They seem so wholesome in their postcard. Hmm, singing doesn't sound as good on my speakers. This is like the first 3 songs for me.

And now a break.

Kind of sucks performing early because it hurts you with the vote but at least you get to sit back easy and watch the rest of the show.

I still feel very conflicted about how to feel about Junior ESC. Lots of pressure to put on children.

Jamala, Emmelie de Forest, Duncan Laurence on where they keep their awards... nope, Nikkie, I'm not gonna check out the live blog. I like the ESC but even I have to draw a line somewhere.

9. United Kingdom

First time watching. I don't understand these British songwriters who perform their own songs and yet... like, it doesn't sound ideally suited to their own voices. It was okay but it's another one I'll forget in a week.

10. Greece

Well, I didn't get to watch this properly the first time so here goes: I don't like the huge reliance on effects but it's BEHIND her so it's completely acceptable to me. I think this would've worked better for me if the dancing was "more [active?]" since it's a fast song about dancing.

The hosts briefly have to tell us something for some reason.

Hmm, apparently a lot of my sound issue is that the rear speakers are coming through louder.

11. Switzerland

This is playing much better for me today than it did the other day. The overall performance is better. I don't like the epilepsy-inducing light though. That's my only complaint. Well done!

12. Iceland

Well, literally the same exact performance we watched the other day but it was fun so... and my viewing experience is slightly different so... Hmm.. what I'm really feeling right now is a song placement thing. We went from intense to chill and that energy change is a bit much for me.

13. Spain

This song does not have a strong hook. I ... can't remember the song and it only just finished.

14. Moldova

I honestly don't think this song would've made it through the first SF. I just don't care for it. I think I spent most of the performance looking at the dancers when that was an option.

15. Germany

This feels like a cross between a Moldovan and a San Marino entry. I dunno, I enjoyed it. I wouldn't watch it again though.

I do also understand that part of watching this as an American is that I don't ever have to feel embarrassment that I'm being represented through any of these performances.

16. Finland

Now that I know that this is like this I'm totally not interested. I'd probably feel very differently if I was in the same space as these guys because it's a SHOW!

And another break. Oh, the broadcaster boxes. I always assume that they're going to harass Graham Norton but they're actually visiting the Danes right now. And the Russians.

Hosts talking about orchestras now.

17. Bulgaria

I remember this postcard from the other day because of the menagerie this girl has. This song is also growing on me. I was confused about the lyrics the other day but now am experiencing them as playful. Feeling the "production" of this one.

18. Lithuania

It's hard for me because I really liked "On Fire." I'm really enjoying this the second time and a really great, entertaining performance. And maybe it's in a better place during the night.

Hosts talking about the app. They're really hammering this whole "clap along" thing (which I haven't found on the app because I'm probably too old to care).

19. Ukraine

This song is a trip. Bangy-est banger of the night. You just never know.

20. France

You know, this comes off as something the juries would love to award. Damn, girl! You know, I wasn't impressed when they showed the short clip at the end of the SF. You really have to watch the whole thing.

21. Azerbaijan

Seems more appropriate to sing about Mata Hari than Cleopatra in the Netherlands when you think about it. It could be because I've already seen this before but I'm still processing France. There's also something about this staging that makes them look small on the stage to me.

22. Norway

I don't know why I find him adorable but I do. This song feels like a hug. (Or it's the "feathers." LOL)

Mini-break about what's upcoming.

23. The Netherlands

I was into it until the last 30 when it got really repetitive but that's still an overall like.

24. Italy

I really can't predict anything. I dig this but we've sort of filled a quota for intensity for the night.

25. Sweden

I'm just kind of like....of course Sweden has the Rijksmuseum postcard. It's like the most recognizable place in all of these postcards. And be near the end of the show. I'll be honest: I'm just predisposed to be against Sweden. Ugh, epilepsy light. I can't even look at the screen. Also, I liked Russia's "A Million Voices" in 2015. I'm guessing this song did not look like this at Melodifestivalen because it's really looking terrible on my tv. This is the worst visual presentation of the night.

26. San Marino

Honestly wondering how well San Marino is gonna finish this year. This felt more awesome the first time. Well, also Flo Rida delightfully surprised me the first time.

And how our hosts telling us about the importance of voting. I have no idea how these are going to pan out. I just know that if I was voting I think I'd throw my votes at Ukraine and France...while feeling bad that I'm not throwing some at Bulgaria, Iceland, Lithuania or Switzerland. (I also liked Russia but I wouldn't vote for them.) I mean, I liked Italy but... I don't know. I think I ran out of energy by then.

Really think it's that Ukraine and France just zapped my energy for energetic songs. The only one I felt after those was the hug of Norway. Or maybe Norway lulled me. LOL.

Would be interested in the televotes for some of these countries.

Recap. Ooof. France doesn't work in short recap clip.

"Music Binds Us"....because we've heard of Afrojack here. I swear every other major city has one of those bridges. I'd otherwise dig this but we've had so much intense music tonight.

I'm guessing we're listening to "Titanium" because Afrojack wrote and produced it.

I'm sitting here wondering if ANYONE is going to vote for the UK at all. Or, really, how many of the Big 5 are going to be in the Bottom 5.

Another recap.

Another Nikkie ESC Tutorial segment. This is actually kind of annoying.

And now a behind-the-scenes montage while the voting numbers are displayed at the bottom.

Catching up with past winners now.

ESC honoring itself again. Enjoying how much they're not overemphasizing the whole "in front of a live audience" stuff like they were doing the other nights.

Another recap.

Oddly, I think Moldova annoys me the most. It feels like the emptiest song in the final.

How quickly are they going to burn through the votes. It's already feeling like this show is long.

65th anniversary stuff. Rock the Roof. Måns again. I don't like this song. I think 2015 was a great overall year (even if I was able to predict the top 10 (except for Latvia) but I still listen to a lot of songs from that year... just not "Heroes." I resent that I have to hear it every year now.

Teach-In....because Dutch and because we need a song with 'Ding" and "Dong" in it.

SANDRA KIM!!!!!!!! Forever the youngest winner of this contest.

Lenny Kuhr.

Helena Paparizou. LOL, totally sticking to the choreo.

Lordi. Probably had to choose their roof first to get the permission to shoot the pyro off it.

So are they saving Duncan Laurence for when they calculate the votes? It feels like the voting window has been open forever now. I keep looking for a countdown clock.

This sounds like a way of saying Duncan Laurence has tested positive for COVID without saying that he tested positive for COVID.

Are they emphasizing that the Netherlands is below sea level?

New song... I'll take anything as long as it's not "Nana Banana."

The voting still isn't closed!

Oh, they have a special countdown dance is why. How very Paparizou of them.

Oh, that weird part where they banter with the delegations.

Malta. Just Malta?

Martin Österdahl. Because Swedes. Jury time. I forgot that revealing votes this way eliminates the performances during the vote calculation. They calculate the televote during the jury stuff.

Jury Votes

Israel, the least popular child in the room right now gives their 12 points to Switzerland.

Poland goes to San Marino.

San Marino goes to France.

Albania to Switzerland.

Malta to Albania.

These are going all over the place. But then it's juries.

Estonia's 12 to Switzerland.

Switzerland and France popular with juries so far.

North Macedonia to Serbia.

Recap. Switzerland, France and Italy in the Top 3.

Els and Nikki or however you spell their names. Azerbaijan throws their points at Russia of course.

Norway to....Malta.

Spain to France.

Austria to Iceland.

Ooof, UK, Spain and Norway totally blanked right now.

The UK....with Amanda Holden...and 12 points for France.

Italy gives its 12 points to Lithuania. No points for Switzerland from them!

Now it's just the UK blank.

Slovenia to Italy.

Juries don't like Ukraine. :-(

Greece...making us try not to boo by having a child tell us that the points are going to Cyprus.

Latvia with Aminata of course. 12 points go to Switzerland.

Ireland to France.

Moldova epic saxing us. Epic saxing Bulgaria too.

Serbia to France.

Bulgaria to Moldova. Ugh.

Cyprus ...should've used a child. Even the crowd is all "Greece, duh."

Belgium to Switzerland. It's almost like they have something against France, LOL.

Banter with Switzerland. Banter with France. No cringe. Practically no cringe in these interviews. They're adorable.

On a side note, my HVAC is dying on a 90 degree day.

Germany to France.

UK still sitting on a jury egg.

Australia to Malta.

Finland to Switzerland.

Portugal to Bulgaria.

Ukraine to Italy. Love the 0 points to Russia there.

Iceland. LOL. LOL. LOL. Of course a "Jaja Ding Dong" reference. Switzerland for them.

Romania to Malta.

Without televotes this stuff is almost meaningless. I can't imagine France getting the televotes.

Croatia to Italy.

Czech Republic to...like who would they.. oh Portugal. Of course. LOL.

Georgia to Italy.

Lithuania to Ukraine.

Denmark to Switzerland.

Top 5: Switzerland, France, Malta, Italy and Iceland.

"A Million Voices" Polina telling us Russia is giving their points to Moldova. Lots of side-eye from me.

France can't give points to themself so.... Greece. I... I... don't know.

Sweden with Carola. OMG Carola....why so much talking? Did she take something? Or drink something? She's on something. Gives their points to Malta.

Switzerland gives point to France. Most anticlimatic points reveal.

The Netherlands gives its points to France.

UK with ZERO points from juries.

Switzerland, France, Malta, Italy, Iceland.

We don't see the jury performances so...like... I dunno.

Gonna waste time in the Green Room again before the televote reveal. Talking with Switzerland... meaning that Gjon gets to replace John Lundvik as the face of losing if they don't get enough votes.

TELEVOTE TIME!

I hope this goes fast. And they're revealing these in the order of jury votes, least to most. So maybe a different face of losing.

UK with 0 points. OUCH! And they didn't genocide anyone this year! James Newman being a sport.

Germany with 0 points.

Spain with 0 points.

Netherlands with 0 points.

LMAO. I don't think I've ever seen this.

Norway with 60 points.

Serbia with 82 points.

Albania with 35 points.

Azerbaijan with 33 points.

San Marino with 13 points...even with Flo Rida!!!

Sweden with 63 points?

Cyprus with 44 points.

Moldova with 62 points.

Lithuania with 165 points!!!

Belgium with 3 points. Hooverphonic with only 3 points. Better than zero. But totally a jury thing their SF result was.

20 points to Israel.

Finland with 218. Shocker that. For me. Not the public, of course. Now in first.

Greece with 79 points.

Ukraine with 267. Into the lead.

Russia with 100 points.

Portugal with 27.

Bulgaria with 30 points.

Iceland with 180 points...and in 1st.

Italy with 318 points.

Malta with 47 points.

France with 251 points. Into 2nd.

Switzerland with 160 points.

Winner is Italy. So Switzerland is the new face of losing.

Televote alone it's Italy, Ukraine, France, Finland, Iceland, Lithuania, Switzerland, and Russia with 100 or more points. Serbia and Greece rounding out the top 10 in televote.

Surprised and delighted that the public gave all those votes to France. I was not expecting that at all.

In the breakdowns I really would like to see if their are any public correlations between folks who votes Italy/Finland or France/Switzerland.

[jimlingss]

Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement. In this short amount of time, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with messages of support. I want to reassure you all that I’m by no means as hurt as some of you think, or at least not after so much kindness. I’ve always encouraged all kinds of feedback!! From compliments to constructive criticism. And I’m (supposedly) an Adult™, so I can definitely take someone’s opinion.

Regardless, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I want to respond to each and everyone of you under this post so I don’t flood other people’s dashes.

Anonymous said: about the anon who said your fics lack emotion, hmm i wouldn't quite agree tbh, i remember reading tears of a villian and deadass crying, it hurt me so much!! also, in "fall in hatred" their feeling are so well portrayed and i could understand why they acted a certain way! to conlclude, there is always some space for constructive criticism but your stories, are to me, something very attentively built and created, it's apparent that you completely enjoy writing, I can feel your enthusiasm!!

--to that anon; pls don't get this wrong way but it's just the way I see it and I've read quite a lot till now

nah deadass crying isn’t good enough anymore, anon. You have to be keening and violently sobbing until you’re brought into the ER for my fics to be considered to have emotion. lol I’m only kidding, thank you for the message.

peachiest-hun said: To that anon who said your work lacked emotions, I beg to differ! I have read Jungle Park so many times I know at exactly which chapter when the heavy angst starts happening and I read those parts when I just want to have a good cry (I still cry every. single. time)! Also Head Over Heels to Hell, The Colour of Our Voices, Love So Shallow (because I so relate with OC), and many more have given me the FEELS (happy and sad ones). 1/2

So what I'm trying to say is that Jimlingss is doing a great job in her craft. She does deliver emotions in her work and the reason I love it so much is that it's SUBTLE and not completely in your face. Sometimes emotions that are subtle and they hit you slowly, but powerfully it hurts even more for me. On another note, I'm loving Sugar and Coffee. In times of darkness which are often these days, I have something to look forward to every week to keep me motivated. So thank you Jimlinggs! 2./2

Istg Jungle Park is one of the most unexpectedly beloved fics on my blog but I love it hahaha I can’t believe you’ve read it to the point of knowing what chapter is what though. that’s an honour. There’s definitely stories of mine that are less subtle than others, but I’m glad that you enjoy the latter of them too :’) Thank you.

Anonymous said: This is my first time ever leaving a message on someone’s tumblr, but I just felt that I HAD to after reading that anon’s comment about your stories lacking emotion. I wholly disagree (in the nicest way possible, not throwing any shade at anyone). I’ve read all of your fics (for the past two years) and I look forward to when you release new material (the highlight of my Mondays right now after I come home from working at a clinic). Your stories have really lifted my mood during this pandemics an

Anonymous said: Sorry for that long tangent. Don’t even know if I made sense. You don’t have to respond to any of this, but you deserve to hear some positive words as well.

Oh my god. Did I just take your tumblr-message virginity? asdfghjkl I’m kidding. but thank you for reaching out to me. I can’t believe you’ve been around for such a long time and that I’m a part of your Monday routine :’) 

Anonymous said: OK that ask about "constructive criticism" was def imo RUDE. You don't just anonymously go into someone's asks and bluntly tell an author that their fics "lack emotion". That is not the way to encourage someone to improve and continue to work hard. That's just flat out mean. That person clearly doesn't care about your feelings or the fact that you write and share your stories for FREE for us to enjoy. I love your stories and appreciate what you've shared with us. Thank you for your hard work ❤️

I like to give the benefit of the doubt to anons and anyone sending me a message online in general. God knows there were times I meant well but it was received wrongly. But anyway, my mind was more boggled than I was hurt, that’s one thing for sure.

joonie-mono said: + it was called love so shallow which genuinely made me see myself in a character, but my point was that your writing has a specific feel to it, it's made me laugh and cry (His Name personally killed me :] ) and that's my opinion. You and your writing are amazing and I'm sorry but that anon was just so wrong.

oof bringing out the evidence. be my attorney please.

Anonymous said: As someone who has read your entire masterlist (and going through it again) i will have to wholeheartedly disagree with that anon. The way you portray SO many emotions in your fics is *chefs kiss* and I honestly thought that the ones that “lack emotion” were meant to be that way, with an open ending, the idea that their love just started, soo.... yeah, I’ll have to disagree.

There are definitely stories of mine that are a bit looser on romance. Such as Kitchen Romance, The President’s Son, The Heiress’ Son, Arcadia, etc. But I have a loooot of fics that are quite emphasized in either despair/sadness or cute fluff.

ladyartemesia said: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am here to disrespectfully disagree with anon who probably doesn’t write effing ANYTHING and has no idea what it takes to produce the content you do. I have followed for months and I’m still not through your masterlist BECAUSE reading your stories is a bloomin EMOTIONAL EVENT. When I read Brass and Strings, I LOST A WHOLE DAY. Like I was so into it, my DAY was gone. Anon is prolly salty there isn’t more smut I guess. That’s whatever for them. (Part 1)

It’s subtle, deep, meaningful, and incredible and you’re one of my favorite authors. I can’t FOR A SECOND let that comment go cause it’s RIDICULOUS. You’re literally so gifted. You don’t need to change a thing. Every artist, no matter their medium, should continue to improve. So in that sense I wish you all the growth in the world as you work towards the perfection of your craft. BUT SERIOUSLY you’re an incredible writer. That anon is loony. I’m so sorry you had to even read those crazy words.

As I answer these messages, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third party mediator of a dispute and all y’all are just HAMMERING it to this anon, LOL. I’m not sure if the anon is necessarily requesting for more smut but if they are, they might be happy this Friday (*COUGH spoiler for those actually reading my responses)

Anyway, you’re too kind. thank you. I am definitely not as hurt as I was earlier.

((and tbh you’re hilarious, you’re actually making me laugh irl))

krystle1990 said: Woah!! Ok first that Anon is absolutely crazy. I literally stalk your page for new work being put out! I probably blow up your notifications daily. I've never been disappointed in any of your work. You always give a heads up if it will take time for the characters to realize their feelings which I absolutely love. It always leaves me ready for the next part and I am glued to my phone with every update. You're amazing and I can't wait to see how you grow with your work. 💜😘

ASDFGHJKL PLEASEEE if it’s someone who’s worried about blowing up notifications, it’s me. To those who have notifications on I sincerely can’t fathom how often I blow up people’s phones. I digress, I always give out warnings to keep people patient since I know slow burn can be excruciating haha thank you for the message.

kigurumu said: Also just want to add that saying you have good intentions or "don't mean to be mean" does not cancel out whatever offensive thing you just said. IT WILL STILL RUDE. Not saying all negative feedback is bad. Criticism can be hard to take no matter how it's phrased, but telling a writer to be more like another writer is like telling them their style isn't good enough which is NOT helpful. Your writing is your own. If the anon wants to read fics that are like gukyi's, they can read gukyi's fics 🙄

Also I've been waiting until Sugar and Coffee is done so I can binge it all at once but avoiding spoilers from all the asks is so hard haha! I keep seeing all these good things about it and I'm SO tempted to just read it now but I've already waited this long so I don't wanna give up kfnrjrofvjskdh guess I'll reread your other fics in the meantime

The message was fine on its own but I think dragging in another writer at the end was definitely not ok. When will comparing writers end. But regardless, gukyi and I are cool with one another - i mean we wrote 100k together so it’s gonna have to take a reverse Zuko arc for us to be on bad terms lol

Anyway, oooh you’re one of those bingers. Can’t say I blame you cause I love binging myself, so it’s understandable for readers to wait till the series is over. and since you were so kind in following up your original message with two more and expressing so much appreciation for me :’), I’ll let you know that the finale of Sugar and Coffee will be posted by July 20th! by then, the entire series will be completed. 

Anonymous said: Tbh i think that neither you nor that anon is wrong. Some people like it more romanticised and cheesy, some people dont. I believe that your stories are more on the realistic side of life. People (whom your characters represent) cant always be cheesy and passionate for love, there are other things in life! Maybe you're just the type who's too realistic for any hopeless romantic things like i am and it's fine. Not all writers can write dramatic romance

Tbh, I agree. It’s a matter of opinion and there’s no one wrong in the fight of opinions. As I’ve said many times on my blog, the cringe factor varies between person to person. What someone might think is fluffy is absolutely cringey to another. What someone might think is a good amount of fluff is not enough for someone else. I’ve written a lot. And I’ve made sure to add lots of variations between the amount of romance in my stories. Indeed, some are definitely more subtle and “realistic” while others are completely cheesy and makes me gag from the amount of sugar in it lol I just think the anon should take a look at more of my stories before coming up with such a conclusive opinion.

Anonymous said: I’ve been reading your fics for over a year now and religiously follow updates every week. Why? Because they make me feel something whether it be joy from fluff or grief from angst. I’ll remember a story of yours months after I first read it and return to it just to feel those emotions again. I understand that emotional responses are usually subjective but I think that anon needs to read your works again, because they sure are missing out.

I replied to that anon that they should check out more of my fics and then come back to tell me if they haven’t changed their minds, so I don’t know if they’re missing out or not lol

I don’t expect my stories to elicit emotional responses or fanatic feedback for everyone. God knows there’s been other people’s writing styles that just didn’t resonate with me no matter how hard I tried to read their stories. But all I ask is that people try. It’s fine if you give up halfway but at least try reading. That’s fair to ask, right?

[scribbles97]

Left Behind -- Chapter 3

You have all been so wonderful and lovely! I couldn’t help but post the next chapter after all of your kind comments <3 

@gumnut-logic you is da best! Thanks for all the help again because this fic is like like 50% you!! 

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13

Read On Ao3

Lucy had to smile as her youngest son ran up to her before she could even announce her return. She caught him in her arms, hugging him tight and pausing to kiss the top of his head. It was a relief to be home, back with her family where she needed to be. Not in Kansas City, fighting the board over her capability of running both her own business and that of International Rescue. 

 “How you doing Kiddo?” She asked, pulling back enough to look at him, “You finished your lessons today?”

 He nodded, tucking himself into Lucy’s chest as he sighed, “I don’t wanna go to school next week Mom, I want to stay here with you!”

 Squeezing him tight, Lucy sighed herself, “I know Allie, but it’s only for two weeks and I promise I’ll be there at the weekend to see you.”

 She knew he was still pouting, but two weeks in school followed by a month of home schooling was the best deal they had found when it had come to moving to the island. 

 “Let your mother put her things down at least, Allie,” Sally scolded gently, “She’s had a long flight.”

 Lucy smiled up at the older woman, refusing to let Alan go despite what she said, “It’s okay, I missed my baby.”

 “Mo-om!” Alan protested, “I’m not a baby any more!”

 Kissing him on his cheek, she laughed, “You boys will always be my babies.”

 An alert from the desk in the lounge drew her attention. From the sound she knew just what alert it was, yet couldn’t understand what had triggered it. 

Looking to Sally, she frowned, “Was there a problem whilst I was away?”

 “No,” Sally confirmed, “I checked just at lunch time, Thunderbird Five is fully operational. I haven’t made any calls for the elevator, and as Lee and Val are away in Two I don’t imagine they have either.”

 Pulling away from Alan, Lucy went to the desk, pulling up logs and system reports immediately. 

 The problem was immediately obvious and froze her heart, “It’s a hack.”

 Instinct told her to shut the ship down, to freeze and destroy anything aboard it before it fell into the wrong hands. 

 Something else made her hesitate though, made her look closer at the lines of code that had sprung up in front of her. 

 It was familiar. 

 Swiping the screen to one side, she turned her focus to the CCTV of the island, more specifically that of the hangar. 

 Red hot anger melted the ice that had clutched her heart. 

 “Scott Carpenter. John Glenn. Office, now.”

 Alan’s eyes were wide as he looked over the edge of the desk and up at the hologram, “What did they do Mommy?”

 Taking a breath, she looked down to him, “Assured that neither of them will ever get to fly a Thunderbird.”

 “Will I get to fly Thunderbird Three Mommy?”

 His hair was soft and downy as she ran her hand through it, a fond smile gracing her lips as she nodded, “If you work hard Allie, I don’t doubt you will.”

 She didn’t voice her fear of what might happen if one day he did.

 ***

Scott knew that he had to keep calm, that flying off the handle wouldn’t end well. 

 He’d clashed with his mother before. 

 In the past Dad had always been there to mediate. 

 Except Dad was the reason they had called the space elevator home. 

 They couldn’t give up on him, not so soon. 

 John paused as they reached the door to their parent’s office, turning back to Scott with a glare, 

 “Let me do the talking.”

 That was probably wise. 

 Scott wasn’t sure he could make any promises though. 

 A roll of his younger brother’s eyes and he reached for the door handle. 

 He felt the ice from his mother’s glare before the door was fully open.

 “You two better have a damn good reason for whatever you thought you were doing recalling the space elevator.”

 The look John threw at him as they stood in front of the desk in the room spoke volumes, a dangerous reminder to stay quiet and let him handle it. 

 “I’d say that we pointed out a rather large security flaw for you,” The younger brother shrugged, hands going to the pockets of the jeans he had hastily changed into once they had been caught out. 

 “Why?” She asked looking between them, “I’d expect Scott to do something stupid like this, but you John... You’re meant to be the sensible one. What on earth were you thinking? You’re barely licensed for flight with NASA never mind with IR.”

 Scott bristled at the comment, but bit his lip. 

 Next to him, John rocked on the balls of his feet, coming across as being far too at ease for the situation. 

 “I wanted to test my programme.”

 He could see the ice thawing in their mother’s eyes, but there was still anger there. Intrigue perhaps getting the better of her over John’s statement. 

 “What programme?”

 John wouldn’t need any more prompting, he would happily launch into an in depth description of the programme, what it did, how it worked, why they needed it. Scott knew, he’d made the mistake of asking before.

 “In short, John.” 

 Scott had to look down to the deep red rug they were standing on to hide his smile. 

 “I--We thought that we could use my NASA project to scan the area where the Zero-X was.”

 “And why did that require Thunderbird Five?”

 “It is the only thing I know with enough processing power.” John shrugged. 

 Scott felt her eyes turn to him, forcing him to look up and meet her gaze.

 “You told him?”

 “No.” He sniped, knowing the protest sounded more like a child of Alan’s age than the twenty-six year old he was.

 “Don’t take that tone with me young man.” She snapped back, standing from her seat, leaning forward over the desk, “Don’t you forget what your clearance tests flagged up. I’ve a good mind to strike you. You’re still on probation.”

 “Oh sure, like you need to remind me!” He spat back, unable to help himself, “It’s like you’re looking for something to strike me out for! John’s the one that knows how to hack shit, yet you automatically assume it’s all me!”

 Her tone was low as she held his eye, “You watch your language.”

 “Why?” He yelled, ignoring John’s murmur of warning, “We’re all fucking adults here! Or have you forgotten in your determination to keep us all as children forever.”

 He wasn’t sure what response he had expected, but the resounding yell made him flinch, “Do not raise your voice at me.”

 Heart hammering in his chest, he swallowed hard, “I’m an adult, I’ll do what the fuck I want and that includes to keep looking for Dad!”

 “Effective immediately, you’re grounded pending full investigation of this leak of confidential information.”

 “No, Mom,” John protested softly.

 Scott didn’t wait to hear any more, spinning on his heel he stormed out of the office, ensuring he slammed the door hard on his way out.

 There was a long moment of silence. John looking to the floor as Lucy fell back into the leather desk chair with a sigh of regret. 

 His voice was soft when he did finally speak, “He just wants to bring Dad home, Mom. Just like the rest of us do.”

 She knew that, from the bottom of her heart she knew that they all wanted the same thing. 

 It was just that she couldn’t see her boys get hurt. 

 Not when she had lost so much already.

 It took a herculean effort to look up to him and meet his green-blue eyes. The red of his hair was emphasized by the gold of the sunset shining through the window at her back. 

 When had he gotten so tall? 

 When had her little boys grown up so much?

 Something shifted in John’s face, his eyes softening, the set of his jaw loosening as he gave a slight nod and turned, leaving her in silence.

[diyunho]

The Joker x Reader - “John Wick” Part 3

Y/N left The Organization 3 years ago for the one reason strong enough to make her settle down: love. But after tragedy crushed her to pieces, she decided to leave The Joker and seek refuge with an old friend and mentor - John Wick. Needless to say The King of Gotham can’t accept his wife running away without a word, especially since he didn’t have a chance to tell her things she might want to hear.

Part 1     Part 2

The Joker listens at the bedroom’s door, impatient to have a conversation with you. It seems you are engaged into a fervent phone call with Winston and figured he shouldn’t interrupt.

“Please, anything you can discover would be a great help! U-hum… U-hum… Thank you,” and you hang up, which queues your husband to walk into the room.

You completely ignore him, scrolling through the numerous text messages you sent to your connections; several are already answering back and hopefully you can get some news soon. The more people are involved into the project, the more chances to find Kase and untangle the mystery of what happened to him after he was removed from the car.

“You left me there,” The Joker sneaks in and closes the door behind him. “Luckily we had Wick with us so he gave me a ride.”

No reaction. He takes a deep breath, trying to get your awareness.

“I didn’t sleep with Evelyn; sex wasn’t the reason why I kept visiting her. I know how that asshole made it sound and he was totally out of line!”

You quickly glance at him, busy replying to Ares since you feel you’re going to explode soon.

“The only skill I was interested in is the fact that she is an excellent painter and a popular art smuggler, OK?” J raises his voice, sort of annoyed you neglect to participate into his monologue. “I did not cheat, alright?” he approaches his wife. “First of all: I’m VERY picky! Second of all: why would I want a woman everyone else had?! I don’t like used toys. Third: nobody’s been polishing my gun as you tastefully addressed the issue! I have one Queen and I married her!!”

A little bit of doubt in your eyes and he utilizes the opportunity.

“You said you saw me going to her house? I did! The Bowery King asked if it was for the last 6 months? Yeah, I did! You know why?!”

At least now The Joker got your attention: you play it cool but he guesses you’re torn apart by his confession.

Many unfortunate events crammed in lately and hating the man you love made life infinitely more unbearable.

“Why…?” you barely muster the strength to inquire and he sees it as a possibility to mend a few broken pieces; although you can hide your emotions well, J can still read between the lines.

Maybe that’s why he answers with another question:

“Do you realize there are just three Monet paintings in circulation on the black market in the entire world? You admire his work and it took a lot of effort and a substantial fortune to acquire The Water Lily Pond painting. Evelyn Black helped with the transaction, then I had her make some modifications to the original masterpiece.”

You keep staring at The King of Gotham, uncertain about the stuff being tossed your way: is he lying or telling the truth?... In your line of work translating feelings is a huge part of the job; ultimately you had the best mentor to teach you the ropes when you started with the organization: none other than the legendary Baba Yaga. Despite his reputation and to your own amazement, John was one of the few hitmen with integrity and perfectly mastered the aptitude of not being a jerk. Such a rare gem… And blissfully unaware of it himself.

On the opposite end, The Joker is a jerk and flawlessly acquainted with his own “captivating” personality that made you fall in love with him anyway.

Also, doesn’t appear to be deceitful for the moment.

And you despise yourself even more for wanting to believe him.

“What… modifications?...” you throw him a bone and J is definitely not going to pass on the alternative of explaining his actions.

“I wanted to surprise you so I took advantage of Miss Black’s capabilities in the art field; I had her add small images to the authentic canvas: an evolution of you being pregnant, the nine frames culminating with a tenth: the new mother holding our son. Similar to a timeline,” he emphasize and you look intrigued, which might be a positive sign. “Needless to say it was tedious, difficult work, especially because she had to apply special pigments you can’t find at every corner of the street. Apparently you can’t mix old paint with contemporary shades, thus I had to order aged, special colors from Italy, Spain and France. That’s why I went to her place so often: I had to supervise the long process and make sure it turns out astonishing. Then…” and The Joker pauses,”…Kase was gone and I didn’t know what to do with my gift: bring it home or not? Would you have loved it? Would it make you sadder? I continued to drive to Evelyn’s and glare at the stupid painting for hours, undecided on what to do…”

J watches you bite on your cheek, then straightens his shoulders as you utter the words:

“… … … You ruined a genuine Monet?”

Your spouse might be a smooth talker when needed, yet he’s not wasting his versatility on this statement:

“I didn’t ruin it; I made it better!”

Silence from both parties. A good or bad omen? Hard to decipher the riddle with two individuals tangled into a relationship that somehow worked despite countless peculiarities meant to keep them apart.

“I have to talk to Jonathan,” you finally mutter and The Joker steps in front of you.

“Talk to me!”

“Unless you know the exact location of the suitcase full of gold coins he’s been safekeeping for me, I really have to speak to him. Or do you want to hammer the whole basement searching for it?”

Y/N walks out of the bedroom and J lingers inside, evesdropping on the conversation happening downstairs. He can’t understand the chat, but you are probably notifying John about the details your husband left out.

Might as well join the party, therefore The Clown pops up in the living room with a plea impossible to refuse:

“Hey Wick, can I stay here? I don’t care if you say no, I’m not going to leave.”

Your friend crosses his arms on his chest, focusing on the random topic:

“How could I deny such a polite request? Of course you can stay Mister Joker; my house is your house.”

You’re watching the free show unamused; usually it would make you smile…now you lack the depth for such connotations.

“Don’t get smart with me, Wick!” J growls and Jonathan pushes for a tiny, unnecessary quarrel.

“I’m not; although generally speaking, I fancy considering myself a smart guy.”

The Joker opens his mouth and you’re not in the mood for whatever the heck they’re initiating:

“I’m going to pump, then after you dig out the suitcase I’ll take half to the Bowery King,” you announce your plans to them.

“You can do that and rest; I’ll deliver the coins,” John immediately offers. “I can stop by Aurelio’s car shop and ask for his collaboration: he has a lot of associates, doesn’t hurt to get him involved. You have plenty of gold.”

“I have two more suitcases in the Continental’s safe and two more at The Penthouse. It doesn’t matter if it’s all gone as long as I can find my son.”

“I know gold coins are preferred; don’t forget we have a lot of money too,” J reckons with spite.

Is he reminding you or Jonathan?...

*************

Your husband spent the last hour in the garden, talking and texting with a lot of people; needless to mention he’s capitalizing on his network also. Winston disclosed Stonneberg’s contract is still opened, meaning the son of a bitch is out there; you have to scoop him before anybody else does.

“Y/N…” The Joker tiptoes in your quarters. “I thought you were taking a nap,” he huffs when he sees you at the edge of the bed.

You glare at the vial on the nightstand, sharing your idea for a future you wish will come true:

“I didn’t have my medicine in two days; I won’t take it anymore because if we get Kase back… I will nurse him. It all goes in the milk and I want to be able to feed my baby… Do you think his little heart is still beating?...” you sniffle and J is currently debating on a clever response since his mind is blank; one could deduce messing up is encoded in his DNA, but on such a huge scale… well, it gives new interpretations to the term even for him.

The grieving woman seeking reassurance for their loss is trying to make sense of the pointless occurrences that lead to Kase being an innocent victim and The Joker can’t render clarification: he has no clue why he asked her to marry him and why she said yes, it’s not that he’s husband material or a family man. Perhaps Y/N thought he could be… just enough to get by, that’s why she accepted his proposal.

Most women would have cringed at the concept. Most women. Not Y/N.

Most women would have flinched at the notion of having his baby. Most women. Not his wife.

Above all, she trusted J with their son and he treated the three weeks old like a trinket: didn’t drive him home because he had an important meeting, didn’t bother to assign escorting cars nor extra security. The King of Gotham took his child’s safety lightly and it definitely had severe consequences. Too late now to fix past mistakes... but he can attempt.

“You’ll be able to nurse him, OK?” he sits by you and hands over his cell. “Can you enter your phone number in here? Or am I not allowed to have the present digits?”

You’re hesitant and he slides the screen while you hold the gadget.

“Lemme help you,” The Joker sarcastically mumbles. “It should be the first on my list, right where the old number you canceled was.”

You exhale and fulfill his demand out of pure frustration when he squeezes in a second innocent petition.

“Chose my avatar.”

You grunt at his rubbish, scrolling through his folders for a picture anyway; J hopes the largest file will get your attention and that’s the point. How could Y/N miss it?!

Entitled “Baby”, the humongous cluster of pics contains 5,723 items. You open it quite absorbed by its size; what’s more puzzling is the collection depicting Kase’s ultrasounds, hundreds of frames with you being pregnant taken without you knowing: there’s a few when your ankles were so swollen you had to sleep with your feet up on 4 pillows, others with you munching on strange food you craved, more with you in the shower focused on your bump, a decent amount of couple selfies when you were sleeping and J had to immortalize the moment without waking you up and approximately 1,500 images of the newborn.

“You didn’t gross me out when you were pregnant,” The Joker reminds a teary Y/N. “Not sure why you would believe such aberration...” he pulls you on his knees and yanks the phone away, tossing it on the nightstand. “I would also like to underline I didn’t have an affair with Miss Black, alright?”

J lifts your chin up, forcing to look at him.

“Let’s put it this way: why would I fuck around with another woman when I have a wife at home that wants to kill me on a regular basis, hm? Where would the fun be? I mean, she didn’t pull the trigger yet but it’s exciting to hope she might. You know me: I’m a sucker for thrills!”

“Do I?”

“Huh?” J steals a kiss and you frown at his sleekness.

“Know you?”

“Yeah,” the green haired Clown acts composed while in fact his feathers are ruffled. Before you catch onto it he has to ultimately admit: “I’m sorry I didn’t drive the car… I should have…”

The Joker holds in his breath when your arms go around his neck very tight.

“I’m suffocating…” he grumbles. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to hug me or choke me to death,” J keeps on caressing your hair, prepared to block your attack in case you’re actually in killing mode.

This is the excitement he was speaking about: with you, one could never know until it’s a done deal.

“I bumped into Magnus at the Continental,” you give him a bit of space to inhale much needed air and The Joker is surprised at your revelation. “I had no idea about his scheme, otherwise I would have skinned him alive right on the hotel grounds! I wouldn’t have cared about the consequences!”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” J cuts you off and he can tell you’re getting mad; maybe you think he doesn’t give a damn but the reason is simple. “You would’ve been declared excommunicado for murder on neutral ground and I don’t want my wife to be the target of such punishment from the company she so proudly retired from. I need my partner!”

The King of Gotham touches your forehead with his as you whisper:

“I hate you!”

“Mmm, regarding this true love affirmation, I’m gonna need you to take a break from detesting me until we have Kase, then you can despise me full throttle again. Deal?” he extends the palm of his hand and you reluctantly shake it, not realizing you’re reacting to his nonsense. “Is that a smile?” J returns the favor with one of his creepy silver grins.

“No.”

“Liar,” he pecks your lips and can’t explain the weird feeling in his heart when you kiss him back.

*************

Jonathan enters the house and becomes suspicious after a few minutes: too much silence.

Omg! Did you and The Joker engaged into a brawling that ended up badly? Did you end each other?!

John frantically runs to the garage, nervous to see your car and J’s are still parked inside. Shit!

“Y/N?” he shouts, concerned about your fate; The Joker’s… irrelevant. Nobody in the garden, patio is empty also. Downstairs is deserted thus he rushes upstairs to your room. The door is not completely shut and he slowly pushes it, knocking.

“Y/N? Can I come in?”

The first thing he notices are clothes scattered on the floor, then he halts his movement at the sight of Y/N and her husband dozing off on the bed sideways: the naked bodies are covered with a blanket, but he can tell you’re snuggled in J’s arms.

Jonathan steps backwards, guilty of invading his guests’ privacy; he certainly didn’t expect to intrude in such a manner and softly closes the door, grateful it’s not what he feared.  

You and The Joker are so worn out the sound of your phones vibrating on the nightstand doesn’t wake you from the deep sleep. Your numerous contacts keep replying back to the text messages, the most important one showing up on his cell: one of the people J reached to is Evelyn Black and the two sentence conversation lights up the screen.

“Let me know if you see Stonnenberg.”

“He’s here.”

 Also read: MASTERLIST

You can follow me on Ao3 and Wattpad under the same blog name: DiYunho.

[derrickdent]

BBHMM, OR HOW TO DEAL WITH THE DEADBEAT CLIENT

You’re a fucking freelancin’ badass, with a semi-steady flow of work, and you’re living the dream of doing **insert best/fave thing here** , and getting the money from your biggest fans. Can’t be better, right? Well, one of things you were probably not informed about is what happens when the dream sometimes becomes a financial nightmare. 30 day waits for payment. Invoices and reminders. Anxiety waiting for that check. Clients that don’t seem to care that you’re eating peanut butter for breakfast, lunch, and dinner while your payday is delayed in a death spiral of perpetuity. Getting stiffed sucks, and you gotta keep the lights on. How can you keep this bullshit at a minimum? I’m not a financial expert, but I’ve eaten a fair amount of shit trying to get money from clients that have a sense of urgency about everything except paying me. There’s a ton of info about this online, but hopefully my lewd voice in the choir is helpful. (Samuel L. Jackson voice) LET’S GET YOU YOUR MONEY, MUTHAFUCKA. FROM THE BEGINNING

Make sure that you get everything down in writing. Have a statement of work or a contract that states your scope of work, your fee, deadlines, usage restrictions, deliverables, and any notes about late fees, payment timetables, and billable expenses. (Example of a statement of work).

Make sure that a client knows that you can’t begin work without acknowledging these terms. They should return a signed copy of this document, or acknowledge its terms via email. Sometimes there’s a rush situation and you may be pressured to dive in. It’s still a clients responsibility to make sure everything is taken care of on paper, to protect you and to ensure that they are also in the best position to get the best from you. 

If they “politely” ignore the contract, then reiterate the terms in a follow up email, with a polite call to action (ex: “Hi! I’m just making sure that we’re on the same page about what the scope of this project is all about. I going to be [**rates, usage, time, deliverables, expected expenses, payment expectations here**]. Is that correct?). It’s important to get this down on the front end. Depending on your state, this counts as a legally binding statement.

NOTE: Try to get an upfront deposit if you can. 30-50% is normal, and this is also a test of whether the client will be good for it after all is said and done. This is also an incentive to put your best foot forward. Some clients will balk at this, but if the early “what is your rate?” convo suggests this is a possibility, go for it. This also depends on the industry. This is almost impossible with editorial, and though I’ve heard mixed stories in publishing, it’s hard to get an advance or deposit unless you’re doing a full book. Large corporations often have a convoluted accounts payable system that pretty much guarantees money will be slower than human evolution. The best results I’ve had are with small, dynamic businesses and individual clients. Once they confirm the terms, then you can begin scheduling and first steps in a project. FAST FORWARD TO PROJECT COMPLETION

INVOICE IMMEDIATELY. Seriously. Do NOT delay this. Most clients are not going to remind you to send one after you’ve finished a project, and you are ultimately responsible for this. (example invoice). Include the basics: your business name your contact info and address the client’s info and address an invoice number total due  

Don’t forget an invoice number- accounts payable folks have a hard time placing your invoice in their system without one, and you don’t want to delay things because of a technicality. You can use a simple numbering convention: I use my initials and a double digit combo (ex: DD01). Also, if you haven’t gotten an EIN, get one from the IRS. WHEN YOU APPLY, ONLY GO TO THE .GOV IRS LINK. SCAMS ARE A-PLENTY AND I WANT YOU TO AVOID TEARS THO. An EIN is great, because it can be very compromising to keep putting your SSN out there, and in some cases an EIN can get you paid faster. You should itemize your work in the invoice, similarly to how you would find items on a receipt (ex: 1- Illustration for “client and application”, **brief description** = $THIS AMOUNT.00) Write amounts in dollars and cents. Instead of “$3000”, write “$3000.00”. Again, this helps your client or client’s accountants process your payment a touch faster, and saved time counts. Include a line with a total of your billable expenses. These are items that you HAD TO purchase to finish your work. Make sure you keep your receipts, and make a PDF slideshow with scans of those items for transparency’s sake. Send that PDF with your invoice. Finally, include a line that is the grand total of EVERYTHING. Put that total in BOLD PRINT just to make sure that it’s clear what the client owes. If necessary, you can include direct deposit info. This includes your routing and account number. This way, you give the client another way to pay you, and you can fight off the delay of waiting for a paper check. Even though it’s assumed in many places, make it clear that payment is due NOW. From the moment you send the final invoice out, the onus is on the client to pay up. They should confirm receipt of this, but if they’re slow after a day or two, give them a quick email reminder. NOTE: If you have a client’s phone number, keep it handy. This will come in handy later. FAST FORWARD TO A FEW WEEKS LATER AND YOU HAVEN’T BEEN PAID YET

Either way, you’re waiting (and hopefully pursuing other work!) for money that you need. The timeframe for a reminder varies. Some people will drop a friendly note after 15 days. I tend to be a bit generous, and will wait until 10 days before the invoice is late. The email is friendly, and assumes good faith. Something like: “Hi! I just wanted to touch base about the payment for this invoice. Is there any progress on this? Is there anything I can do to assist with this? Please note that you will be 30 days late on (date here). If so, then a (late fee percentage) will be added to the final amount due.” The key is to emphasize some kind of fiscal penalty. People don’t like to spend more money, so you’ll, at the very least, get a response to let you know that things are being processed. You may also get redirected to an accounting department. If you get a number or an email to them, HOLD ON TO THIS INFO. Hopefully, at this point, the client gets the push to make good on payment. FAST FORWARD TO 30 DAYS AND NO PAYMENT

At this point, you are apprehensive because no one wants to wait to be able to pay bills, eat pizza, and enjoy their own Netflix account. The dynamic changes now, because this is the day that the client has to pay you before it’s late. Tomorrow is late. In some states, you have legal recourse to pursue payment (In NYC, the default timetable for freelance payment is 30 days). You should email your client reminding them that payment is due today. If you have their number, call them as well to reinforce this message, but emails are important now. Each email you send is a recorded effort to receive payment, and they are timestamped for posterity. Note that a client may have already sent a payment out, but the check is transit. Also, calling/emailing an accounts payable department will reveal that a payment has been made and it will be in your bank account in a few business days. Get confirmation of this before you continue. AFTER THE INVOICE IS 30 DAYS LATE

Clients need the benefit of the doubt, but it’s their responsibility to pay you now. After 30 days, you have “permission” to increase the frequency of your correspondence. During the first 10 days of being late, I will email and call every other business day (Monday, Wednesday, Friday was my model, but it may differ for you).  Afterwards, I will check in once a day. This may seem excessive, but persistence goes a long way. You may get an exasperated response, but don’t stop until you get a confirmation of payment or a layout and timeline of the payment. If you have a contact within a company, use them as your ally within an organization. It’s easier to get things moving with someone on the inside, and pressure on them will translate to pressure elsewhere to get you to stop asking for your money. Be professional, but direct. They owe you, and any further delay will result in additional fees, and possible collection action (including legal action to collect). If you have a number for accounts payable, hammer them hard. They will be probably be your last line of communication, and you’ll need to get an email to reach them again, an employee name to refer to, and a timeline for payment. 

SIDEBAR>>> NYC CREATIVE PROS AND THE FIFA ACT

If you live in NYC, you have an additional resource: the city government. The NYC Department of Consumer Affairs (DCA), and The Office of Labor Policy and Standards (OLPS) have a complaint form that you should fill out as soon as the client is over 30 days late. The Freelance Isn’t Free Act (FIFA, passed in 2017) is very clear that what your client is doing is ILLEGAL, and the city will assist you in gathering materials to make a case for nonpayment. Fill the complaint form out, be very specific about your client and any related contacts. Note, they are not legal representation as much as they’re navigators who will help you find legal counsel and resources needed to file a claim in court. Remember when I said to get everything in writing? That’s important. It may be a bit of work, but find every email thread related to your freelance gig. If you’re doing this on your mobile, open the thread. Go to the first message. Find where the “print” option is. You’ll be taken to a preview window. Look for the “download” button. This is really easy with Gmail. You can basically save the entire thread as an organized PDF, with messages in chronological order

Do this with every gig-related email attached to the overdue payment. Save these PDFs to a folder. Create sub folders that can put this correspondence in context, like chapters (ex: one folder is “Beginning of Job”, another “Job in Progress”, another “Invoice/Payment Requests”). This will make it easier to navigate everything. Include the PDF folder (zipped) with your complaint folder. OLPS will take a sec to get back to you, since you’re not the only person in NYC that gets stiffed. After about 5 biz days, give them a call. This can help you get ahead of the pack. You will receive a call from an OLPS office case manager who will confirm your info. They will ask if you’ve been paid. If yes, then you can thank them and call everything off. If not, they will send a certified letter (WITH AN OFFICIAL ASS LETTERHEAD) to your client, reminding them that they’re late. They have 20 days to respond to this- if they don’t, then they will basically be on the hook to go to court for a nonpayment case. You’ll have to either get a lawyer to rep you, or you can rep yourself, but the client is on the hook to prove they don’t owe you. Since you already have a record of your interactions, this will be very difficult for them. It should be noted that clients tend to get reallll antsy when the government says that they owe money. They’ll probably contact you directly. Keep up with these responses. Each email builds out the timeline of your case, and is fodder for the cannon. At this point, they usually pay up. DISCLOSURE: I’ve never had to go to court, so you may need to look elsewhere for advice. This may be a good place to start. SPEAKING OF DOCUMENTATION- I forgot to add that you should record your calls when speaking to clients that are late. ACR is a free app that allows you to record your calls. Make sure recording is legal in your state, and always let clients know that the call is being recorded. You can borrow the “for quality control purposes” line if you’d like. Sometimes people will try to circumvent documentation by using the phone. Don’t let them weasel out of that. LASTLY, this is specifically related to NY. The parts about documenting your correspondence are universal, though. Wherever you are, a vital part of making a civil case is piling on the material against a deadbeat. Be vigilant and persistent. I would suggest looking into whether there is a state govt. entity that you can go to about civil cases, and also look up if there are any local volunteer/low cost lawyers in your area. 

The FIFA Act has been a gamechanger in giving freelancers more power to get what is owed to them, and my hope is that other cities follow suit, or organize to get similar legislation for this purpose. SIDEBAR AGAIN>>> LAWYERS

Another way to get a client to pay up faster is to lawyer up earlier. After 30 days, you should see what your options are. If you can afford it, you can consult with a lawyer and get a pro opinion about your case. They may be able to send a stern letter to your deadbeat client (WITH AN OFFICIAL ASS LETTERHEAD) prompting them to pay or else. Like with a government agency, people don’t like surprises from legal. They will probably pay up quick, but if they stick it out, then you can file a claim and take them to civil court. This will be costly for you and your client, so nonpayment usually gets resolved before this happens. If not, know that if a court rules in your favor, the client will have to pay you and cover your legal fees. My experience with lawyers is limited, and I would suggest looking elsewhere for particulars. Also, keep in mind how much you’re owed. A $300 case may not be worth as much squeeze as a $3000 or $30000 one. If it’s a low ball sum you’re owed. You may have an easier time calling it a loss and moving on. 

EDIT: I’ve been told that contingency fee lawyers are out there that don’t collect fees until after an event (like you winning or losing a judgment for example), but they’re kinda like unicorns for freelancers and tend to take on bigger cases. It doesn’t hurt to see if any are out there anyway!

NEW!>>> COLLECTION AGENCIES

So, you may want to seek help through a collection agency. They have the time and resources to call, mail, and chase money when you’re trying to focus on good clients that pay on time and are depending on your A game.

The good news is that most are contingency fee based. That is, they won’t collect anything from you until they get the money from your client.

The down side? They can take anywhere between 18-40% of what your client’s debt is. Note that I didn’t say WHAT THEY COLLECT. If your client owes $100, and the contingency based fee is $30, an agency will take $30 even if they only get $60.

Also, based on a lawyer friend’s input, if your collection agency is legally shady, you may be indirectly on the line if your deadbeat client decides to sue said agency. Also your payment, connected to the collection agency and your client’s legal battle, will be held in indefinite limbo. 

So do your homework and weigh your options before taking this route.

FAST FORWARD TO 60 DAYS Fortunately, I haven’t had to do this, but you can start pursuing legal action to get your money. Check on state laws to make sure this is the case, as well as the particulars about filing a claim. By this time, you should hopefully have a lawyer or some legal counsel at your disposal. If you don’t, then look up the laws of your state and local area to see where you stand if you have to rep yourself. Remember that as long as you have written acknowledgment of your terms of work and written acknowledgment of your invoice, things should lean in your favor. THE END

HOPEFULLY this has been helpful. The best parts of freelance (independence, flexibility, control, and self-prescribed wages) are often at odds with the pitfalls (feast-or-famine dynamics, wearing of all of the hats, taking all of the risks). It can feel like robbery when you put your blood, sweat, and tears into a project only to have an empty bank account as thanks. Some of this info is boilerplate, and some is from direct experience. If any of this relates to you, and you were able to get closer to your hard earned scrill because of this, I can die happy(er).

GOD SPEED AND GET PAID, GODDAMMIT!

ADDENDUM: One of the things that I didn’t emphasize enough is that doing this will be emotionally draining. Unless you are a robot or a stone cold Type A business beast, it will strain you. Make sure that you’re taking care of yourself mentally.

If you have a partner or family, make sure to take the help and support they provide and don’t turn your money issues into a personal issue with them.

  Also, doing this requires energy. It will feel like a part time job, and even if there are late fees that factor into what you get paid, this will largely be unpaid labor. 

Persistence is key, but I’m not going to pretend that it’s not hard or that you won’t have other obligations that make keeping up the effort difficult. I’m lucky in that my girlfriend and I have a relatively low-expense lifestyle, and no dependents, and we’re both fairly flexible because we both freelance full time, and that we had a bit of financial padding saved to weather the storm. Mileage will certainly vary.

Edit: Tumblr is weird about making links visible, so I put them in bold body font for you to find them easier.

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 11 November 2019

Quick Bits:

Batman & The Outsiders #7 throws some further ramifications of Ra’s al Ghul and his minions meddling with Duke and Sofia. Some particularly disturbing transformations going on with Duke that should be interesting. The level of intrigue that Bryan Hill is keeping in the story is gripping.

| Published by DC Comics

The Batman’s Grave #2 is another excellent issue. A little more packed with action than the first one, allowing Bryan Hitch to cut loose with some of the sequences. Also, I’m loving the humour that Warren Ellis is giving us between Alfred and Bruce. That acerbic wit is something we’ve seen from Alfred a lot and Ellis just nails the voice.

| Published by DC Comics

Battlepug #3 is more fun from Mike Norton, Allen Passalaqua, and Crank! Some really nice stuff here as Bryony cuts loose on Nobody’s Ponies. I absolutely love the mix of traditional sword and sorcery storytelling with rather over-the-top humour that basically lampoons it at the same time.

| Published by Image

Black Cat Annual #1 is a fun tale of a heist on the Maggia by Black Cat and Spider-Man from Jed MacKay, Joey Vazquez, Natacha Bustos, Juan Gedeon, Brian Reber, and Ferran Delgado. It features the usual humour and action that we see in the series and I quite like how the artists are broken up each following one particular aspect of the story. Though it’s all one narrative, it gives a nice differing feel to each part.

| Published by Marvel

Black Hammer / Justice League: Hammer of Justice #5 concludes what has been an excellent series from Jeff Lemire, Michael Walsh, and Nate Piekos. Ultimately, this has reminded me of the old JLA/JSA crossovers of old, and just feels great as an overall story. Plus the possibility of seeing a sequel.

| Published by Dark Horse & DC Comics

Black Panther and the Agents of Wakanda #3 begins “God Loves, Moon Kills”, another two-parter for this series, from Jim Zub, Lan Medina, Craig Yeung, Marcio Menyz, Federico Blee, and Joe Sabino. I love this story format, giving us essentially quick-hit missions dealing with a problem and then moving on. It’s yielded some pretty tight storytelling and some fascinating situations.

| Published by Marvel

Black Stars Above #1 is another incredible debut for Vault, with Lonnie Nadler, Jenna Cha, Brad Simpson, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou delivering an incredibly deep and unique horror story. It centres around a young woman in a family of fur traders, as the trade itself begins to die in Canada, and it’s impressive as to how real the characters and their struggle feels. The artwork from Cha and Simpson is exquisite.

| Published by Vault

Buffy + Angel: Hellmouth #2 continues Buffy and Angel’s descent through hell. It’s much more cerebral than you’d expect, with the demons trying to get into Buffy and Angel’s respective heads in order to manipulate and destroy them. Plus, a rather interesting surprise. Jordie Bellaire, Jeremy Lambert, Eleonora Carlini, Cris Peter, and Ed Dukeshire are doing some great work with the core of this event.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Collapser #5 somehow gets even stranger in this penultimate issue as Liam creates a “perfect” world to run away from the problems he’s having in the real world. The real world bleeding through and a revelation of his girlfriend’s true intentions just ratchet up the strangeness further. Mikey Way, Shaun Simon, Ilias Kyriazis, Cris Peter, and Simon Bowland are just doing amazing work here.

| Published by DC Comics / Young Animal

Detective Comics #1015 takes an interesting turn as Nora decides that she likes being a villain. Through this, Peter J. Tomasi is definitely showing an interesting side to Mr. Freeze, emphasizing again that he’s a rather conflicted villain, only doing the various heinous actions to save his wife. Who now doesn’t need him.

| Published by DC Comics

Doctor Mirage #4 features more incredibly beautiful, inventive artwork from Nick Robles and Jordie Bellaire. The visual storytelling as Shan faces the Embalmer is just incredible. Magdalene Visaggio, Robles, Bellaire, and Dave Sharpe continue to deliver magic with this penultimate issue.

| Published by Valiant

Edgar Allan Poe’s Snifter of Terror: Season Two #2 is another entertaining issue. The lead tale from Tom Peyer, Greg Scott, Lee Loughridge, and Rob Steen has traditional EC Comics horror vibes, as a scientist tries to communicate with our worm overlords. In one of the comics back-ups Mark Russell, Peter Snejbjerg, and Steen revisit the world of the breakfast cereal monsters. And there’s the usual prose pieces, poetry, and Hunt Emerson’s Black Cat. 

| Published by Ahoy

Event Leviathan #6 concludes this series from Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Josh Reed. How much you enjoy it will hinge on how much you enjoy Maleev’s art and the realization that most of this tale is about moving one person off the board and the reveal of Leviathan to set up further stories. Also, Bendis paints a Batman who is ridiculously terrible at hiding his secret identity.

| Published by DC Comics

Fallen Angels #1 is the final new first issue of this first wave of “Dawn of X” titles and in many ways it’s more personal than the other X-titles, even Excalibur, delving into Psylocke (the former Kwannon, not Betsy Braddock) and her past. Bryan Hill, Szymon Kudranski, Frank D’Armata, and Joe Sabino deliver an interesting story with hooks on the darker side of the X-world, including some ominous bits from Magneto and Sinister, but I question the inclusion of X-23 and Cable. They don’t exactly seem to fit the roles they’ve been put into here.

| Published by Marvel

Family Tree #1 is a phenomenal debut from Jeff Lemire, Phil Hester, Eric Gapstur, Ryan Cody, and Steve Wands. This first issue perfectly captures that insidious nature of family drama mixed with creeping terror and body horror as a bizarre plague begins spreading across America.

| Published by Image

Far Sector #1 is one of the most impressive debuts I’ve read in a long time. NK Jemisin, Jamal Campbell, and Deron Bennett create a rich new world in the City Enduring and a compelling character in the new Green Lantern, Sojourner Mullein. The murder mystery that ties everything together is just the icing on the cake. Incredible world-building here and drop dead gorgeous artwork. Do not miss this.

| Published by DC Comics / Young Animal

The Flash #82 is part one of “Rogues’ Reign” from Joshua Williamson, Rafa Sandoval, Jordi Tarragona, Arif Prianto, and Steve Wands. It features a Central City taken over by the Rogues, transformed into their own personal playgrounds, as the Flash is nowhere to be found. It’s not bad, but the amount you’re going to like it may be relative to how much you’re also enjoying “City of Bane” and the recently concluded similar arc involving the Trickster.

| Published by DC Comics

Folklords #1 is off to a fantastic start from Matt Kindt, Matt Smith, Chris O’Halloran, and Jim Campbell. It starts off with a precocious kid in a fantasy world who’s been having visions of what essentially amounts to our world, whose quest sets out a rather draconian lockdown on their society when the Librarians rein in everyone from illicit action, like finding the Folklords. Highly recommended.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Forgotten Home #2 reveals more about Jannada, its history and society, and how an unjust queen was brought to rule through racial warfare. Love the artwork from Marika Cresta and Matt Emmons.

| Published by Vices Press

Gideon Falls #18 unleashes the Laughing Man on reality in part two of “The Pentoculus”. Jeff Lemire, Andrea Sorrentino, Dave Stewart, and Steve Wands are beautifully unfolding this twisted and horrific flower of a story.

| Published by Image

Gotham City Monsters #3 adds another element of DC lore to the series as Melmoth claims a particular prize. I really quite like how Steve Orlando, Amancay Nahuelpan, Trish Mulvihill, and Tom Napolitano are pulling together disparate bits of Gotham and beyond to craft this story.

| Published by DC Comics

Guardians of the Galaxy #11 is the penultimate issue of this series from Donny Cate, Cory Smith, Victor Olazaba, David Curiel, and Cory Petit. It’s basically a big fight between the remaining Guardians and everyone else. It doesn’t go so well.

| Published by Marvel

Hawkman #18 takes a somewhat different approach to Hawkman’s infection than what we’ve seen of the others so far. Rather than being a dark reflection of Hawkman’s own desires, he’s taken over by an Earth-3 incarnation in Sky Tyrant. Robert Venditti, Pat Olliffe, Tom Palmer, Jeremiah Skipper, and Richard Starkings & Comicraft instead use that to play the spirit of our Hawkman against.

| Published by DC Comics

Hit-Girl: Season Two #10 is part two of “India”. The artwork from Alison Sampson and Tríona Farrell is impressive, given an amazing level of detail to bringing Mumbai to life. Brutal and rich in colour.

| Published by Image

House of Whispers #15 takes a new twist as the Corinthian finds the House of Watchers, takes over, and everything changes. Nalo Hopkinson, Dan Watters, Dominike “Dono” Stanton, Zac Atkinson, and AndWorld Design kick off some new terrors as even Erzulie’s status quo is upended, and we get another guest appearance of John Constantine’s homecoming.

| Published by DC Comics - Black Label / The Sandman Universe

Invaders #11 pushes deeper into Steve and Namor’s history and relationship, as Steve refuses to give up on his old friend. There’s some very heavy, very good character work here as we head into the final issue. Chip Zdarsky, Carlos Magno, Butch Guice, Alex Guimarães, and Travis Lanham continue to astonish at the incredibly high bar they’ve set for this story.

| Published by Marvel

Justice League Odyssey #15 is a fun tale from Dan Abnett, Will Conrad, Rain Beredo, Pete Pantazis, and AndWorld Design. Jessica Cruz leading a rag tag band of villains (and Orion) against Darkseid and the previous JLO turned evil is unfolding as a very entertaining story with some interesting twists. Also, Dex-Starr is awesome.

| Published by DC Comics

Morbius #1 isn’t a bad start from Vita Ayala, Marcelo Ferreira, Roberto Poggi, Dono Sánchez-Almara, and Clayton Cowles. This first issue is largely just action as Morbius sets out on his quest to cure himself, again, but it’s not bad. The art from Ferreira, Poggi, and Sánchez-Almara is very nice.

| Published by Marvel

Oblivion Song #21 continues the slowburn investigation and reconnaissance of the Faceless Men’s base, as Marco tries to map it out and discover where they’re holding all of the people who decided to stay in Oblivion. Gorgeous artwork from Lorenzo De Felici and Annalisa Leoni as we see more of the Faceless Men’s technology.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Psi-Lords #6 does a bit more world-building as we find out more about the Psi-Lords and the Starwatchers, even as the four Earthers are beset by the other Marked in a bizarre farce of a trial. Fred Van Lente, Renato Guedes, and Dave Sharpe are telling a pretty great sci-fi adventure tale here. It largely stands alone in the greater Valiant universe framework and deserves more attention than its getting.

| Published by Valiant

Punisher: Soviet #1 is another welcome return to the Punisher by Garth Ennis, stepping back into Frank’s adventures like he never left. Ennis, Jacen Burrows, Guillermo Ortego, Nolan Woodard, and Rob Steen deliver a brutal and bloody beginning as Frank chases down someone who everyone seems to think is him.

| Published by Marvel / MAX

Reaver #5 is a fairly impressive spotlight for Breaker as he does what he really didn’t want to do again in order to help his “friends”. Justin Jordan, Rebekah Isaacs, Alex Guimarães, and Clayton Cowles present a number of twists and surprises in one of the most brutal issues yet.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Ronin Island #8 sees the remaining islanders largely stand together as they try to both stand up to and flee from the Shogun’s soldiers and madness. With a terrible occurrence that looks like it’s going to cause even more problems for the survivors. Giannis Milonogiannis and Irma Kniivila’s art continues to be everything.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Sea of Stars #5 very nicely puts the pieces together as a disconsolate Gil has been captured and basically given up thinking Kadyn dead is brought to the world where his son is about to be gutted. Jason Aaron, Dennis Hallum, Stephen Green, Rico Renzi, and Jared K. Fletcher are telling an incredible story here and this issue throws even more twists at the reader.

| Published by Image

Seven Days #2 unfolds some of the fallout of people learning that they only have seven days left, as the superhero community is enlisted to try to stop whatever the shiny harbinger things are. Gail Simone, José Luís, Jonas Trinidade, Michelle Madsen, and Saida Temofonte are continuing to build an intriguing story here as we get more and more of the breadth of the Catalyst Prime universe.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

Superman #17 is kind of a housekeeping issue from Brian Michael Bendis, Kevin Maguire, Paul Mounts, and Dave Sharpe, acting as a prologue to “The Truth”. A bit of reflection on the Unity Saga, Event Leviathan, and Year of the Villain.

| Published by DC Comics

Tales from the Dark Multiverse: Blackest Night #1 might well be the best of these one-shots yet. Tim Seeley, Kyle Hotz, Dexter Vines, Walden Wong, Danny Miki, David Baron, Allen Passalaqua, and Tom Napolitano give us a bleak look at a world where Sinestro chose not to share the power of the White Lantern light and essentially everything fell to Nekron and the Black Lanterns. It’s a very unique take on the zombie apocalypse on its own, made more interesting as a fallen Sinestro, Lobo, and Dove try to save this universe. The art from Hotz, Vines, Wong, Miki, Baron, and Passalaqua is perfect.

| Published by DC Comics

Trees: Three Fates #3 continues to build up the weird atmosphere from last issue, then turns around and focuses on more of the gritty aspects of Oleg, Mik, and Nina. Gorgeous artwork all throughout from Jason Howard and Dee Cunniffe.

| Published by Image

Triage #3 shifts to Commander Marco’s reality as the group flee from the Hunter. I really like what Phillip Sevy and Frank Cvetkovic have been doing with this story. Great high concept, but the interpersonal relationships are where it’s really at.

| Published by Dark Horse

Usagi Yojimbo #6 is a beautiful updating and embellishment of the very first story of Usagi from Albedo by Stan Sakai and Tom Luth. This single issue story really captures the spirit and magic of all of Sakai’s stories, wonderfully portraying his mix of action and folklore.

| Published by IDW

Vampirella/Red Sonja #3 explores more of what the Russians were doing in regards to Drakulon and more. More very nice humour from Jordie Bellaire in the interactions between Vampirella and Sonja.

| Published by Dynamite

Wonder Woman #82 begins “The Wild Hunt” from the new creative team of Steve Orlando, Kieran McKeown, Scott Hanna, Romulo Fajardo Jr., and Pat Brosseau. It very much continues on from the plot threads and elements of the previous run, continuing to build on the current conflict between Wonder Woman and Cheetah.

| Published by DC Comics

X-Men #2 is pretty damn great, going back to the big and wild ideas bringing new elements into the X-universe, all while Cyclops gives some of the strangest parenting. Jonathan Hickman, Leinil Francis Yu, Garry Alanguilan, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles give us a new mystery with the arrival of Arakko and the first of -|A|-’s missing original horsemen.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Age of Conan: Valeria #4, Agents of Atlas #4, Catwoman #17, Doctor Who: The Thirteenth Doctor Holiday Special #1, The Dollhouse Family #1, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark #10, Firefly: The Sting, Future Foundation #4, Ghosted in LA #5, GI Joe: A Real American Hero #268, Girl on Film, Go Go Power Rangers #25, Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy #3, History of the Marvel Universe #5, Marvel Action: Spider-Man #11, Midnight Vista #3, Moonshine #13, Runaways #27, RWBY (print) #2, RWBY (digital) #6, Savage Sword of Conan #11, Star Wars #74, Star Wars: Jedi - Fallen Order: Dark Temple #4, Star Wars: Target Vader #5, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #50

Recommended Collections: Babyteeth - Volume 3, Dark Red - Volume 1, Fallen World, GLOW - Volume 1: Versus the Star Primas, Justice League - Volume 4: The Sixth Dimension, Savage Avengers - Volume 1: City of Sickles, Star Wars: Age of Resistance - Heroes, Star Wars Adventures - Volume 7: Pomp and Circumstance, Wonder Twins - Volume 1: Activate

d. emerson eddy can hear the scratching at the walls of reality.

[crossbowking]

The Road Ahead : Chapter 9

Chapter Index HERE

Summary : (Set in the beginning of season 1) Anna Brooks lost everything after the world ended — the last remaining part of herself being her older brother, who she lost contact with after communications dropped. While en route towards Atlanta to find him, Anna’s truck breaks down, leaving her at the mercy of the cruel new world. Now, Anna must face her fears head on as she struggles to deal with devastating loss, constant danger, and finding her way in a land that now belongs to the dead. But sometimes, a glimmer of hope can be found disguised as a short-tempered, hard-headed redneck who may just save her life in more ways than one.

Pairings : Daryl x Original Female Character

Warnings : Slow-Burn, Language/Violence/typical Walking Dead themes

Author’s Note : As usual, thanks for all the love! Hope you guys are enjoying this story!

Happy reading!!!

xx crossbowking

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Previously…

Then the gunfire ceased, the campsite eerily quiet, the only sounds coming from soft cries of grieving survivors who’d lost loved ones.

Anna tore her gaze away from Daryl’s, cradling the hand she’d cut open against her chest as she collapsed backward, laying flat against the soil. She exhaled a shaky breath, heart hammering against her chest, eyes wandering the glistening night sky.

And she wondered silently to herself…just what in the hell had she gotten herself into.

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Now...

No one slept that night.

The survivors worked from dusk until dawn, sifting through the decimated camp, dividing the dead walkers from their dead friends and placing them into separate growing piles. They worked in silence, the grief settling over the camp nearly tangible.

Anna stuck around to help clean up the aftermath — she’d felt like it would’ve been disrespectful not to. She had no ties to these people, dead or alive, but just because the human race was destroyed, that didn’t mean humanity had to fade along with it. No one questioned her presence either — she received some curious looks, but she just kept her head ducked down and focused on whatever task she was dealing with.

Her heart felt heavy, the gruesome images from the attack seared into her brain. She’d seen so much death and destruction since the world ended, it was all starting to blend into one, long, never-ending nightmare.

The morning became just as grim — it’d been brought to light that one of the survivors, Jim, had been bit while helping take down the herd the night before. His fever was already starting to take over, hallucinations bending the cusp of reality, and Anna knew it wouldn’t be long until he turned — she’d seen it happen before. There was no coming back from a bite.

Anna took a break from dragging yet another biter to the growing fire, the group having decided to burn the dead and bury their own. Stretching out her sore muscles, she arched her back, relishing in the brief moment of relief it brought. She tightened the cloth wrapped around her torn palm — she’d ripped off a strip of her flannel, using it as a makeshift bandage around the hand she’d cut open tackling that final walker.

She peeked under the cloth, inspecting the angry red slash mark, picking at the dried blood caked around the wound. Gritting her teeth together, Anna pushed away any discomfort and reached down to grab the ankles of the walker below her, continuing her trek to the fire.

“Need a hand?” came a soft voice from behind.

Anna craned her neck, spotting the mother of the boy she’d saved standing in her path. “Uh…yeah, sure,” Anna nodded, voice rasping from being unused.

The woman quietly walked over to stand opposite of Anna, bending down to hoist the biter up from its armpits. They made it to the fire much faster working together, each slightly out of breath as they tossed the body into the flames with a huff. Anna paused, wiping the sweat that formed on her brow with the back of her hand. She felt eyes on her and glanced over at the woman who was watching her, an odd expression on her face. “Want me to check that out?” she suddenly asked, pointing towards Anna’s makeshift bandage.

“Oh, no. It’s okay. Thank you though,” Anna waved off immediately.

The woman sighed, taking a step closer. “You saved my sons life,” she stressed, tears suddenly swarming her vision. “Least I can do is wrap your hand properly,” she finished, a steely determination settling over her face.

Feeling a bit cornered, Anna relented, nodding her head in acceptance. The woman shot her a tight smile, motioning for her to follow. “I’m Lori, by the way,” the woman introduced as Anna fell in step beside her.

“Anna,” she retorted, reaching out to shake the woman’s outstretched hand.

“I’m gonna grab the first aid kit — you just go on an’ make yourself comfortable by the fire pit, alright?” Lori urged, her expression taut despite the kindness in her eyes.

Anna nodded, parting ways with the woman and heading towards one of the lawn chairs set up near the fire pit. She winced as she lowered her body onto the chair, not realizing until that moment how sore her entire body was. She hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours, barely ate or drank anything, and was finally feeling the aftermath of her scuffle with the walker that almost ended her life.

That should’ve ended my life, a quiet thought suddenly snuck up.

Anna sighed, surveying the campsite. Glenn and T-Dog were working together to carry more bodies to the fire. An older woman, with buzzed gray hair and a faraway look in her eyes, held a young blonde girl to her chest, absently running a hand through the girls short hair. The other police officer in the group who’d already introduced himself to Anna — Shane — was hunched over a map, speaking in hushed tones with an older man wearing a khaki fisherman’s hat.

And then her eyes landed on Daryl, who was wielding a pickaxe and making sure the dead stayed dead. She watched as he swung the pickaxe into the temple of the dead, grunting as he yanked the blade out. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the crook of his arm, resting the weapon against his shoulder as he turned.

His eyes suddenly flashed towards Anna, narrowing when he realized she’d been watching him. But Anna didn’t back down, holding his gaze steadily until he clenched his jaw and stalked back into the forest.

Daryl had saved her life — again. For someone who seemed to truly dislike her, he sure was making it a habit of keeping her alive. Twice now he had interfered, putting a stop to whatever had been putting her life at risk. Which led her to believe that maybe underneath all of the archer’s stoniness, he had a heart. She had seen it before — that day she first met him on the road, she saw it. He could’ve left her to fend for herself against Merle, he could’ve left her stranded, he could’ve walked away. But he didn’t.

She sighed once more — there was no use in trying to unravel the enigma that was Daryl. She wouldn’t be sticking around long enough to figure him out. As soon as the bodies were cleared and buried, she was leaving for Fort Benning like she should have from the get-go.

Anna saw Lori striding her way, first aid kit in hand. She silently sat on a chair opposite of Anna, balancing the kit on her knee as she rifled through the supplies, pulling out antiseptic and a bandage. “Alright, lemme see,” Lori murmured, setting the kit by her feet as she held out her hand. Anna untied the knotted flannel strip, hissing as some skin was pulled along with it, the blood having dried against the cloth. She held out her exposed palm to Lori, who held it gently, examining it close to her face. “Not too bad. We’ll have you fixed up in no time,” she assessed, a soft smile tracing her pretty features.

“Thank you,” Anna replied quietly, allowing Lori to begin cleaning the cut, wincing as she dabbed antiseptic along the wound. “How’s your son doing?” she asked, trying to distract herself from the sting.

“He’s okay…” Lori hesitated, looking up at Anna. “Carl’s strong. He’s a real strong boy. He gets it from his father,” she emphasized, her eyes softening as she glanced over to where her son sat beside the older woman and her daughter. “So, have you been on your own long?”

Anna paused, gnawing on her bottom lip for a moment. “Uh, kinda. A couple weeks, I think.”

“An’ before that?” Lori questioned, unraveling the bandage, satisfied that the wound was cleaned thoroughly.

Anna reached subconsciously for her necklace, squeezing the rings in her hand. “I was with my parents,” she murmured simply, not needing to go into detail.

Lori looked up at her, expression somber. “Oh, honey. I’m sorry.”

Anna shook her head quickly, letting the rings fall back against her chest. “It’s okay. It’s just how things are these days, right? I mean, look around,” she scoffed humorlessly, motioning towards the growing pile of bodies near the RV. Lori followed her stare, nodding sadly as she began wrapping Anna’s hand.

“It never gets easier,” Lori exhaled. “Loss, I mean,” she clarified, sniffling softly.

Anna hummed in agreement, her gaze landing on a blonde woman sitting by the RV — she hadn’t moved from that spot all night, still holding hands with one of the survivors who hadn’t made it.

Lori followed Anna’s eye line over to the pair of women. “Amy was such a sweet girl,” she murmured, voice thick with emotion.

“Who’s the other woman?” Anna asked quietly.

“Andrea. Her sister,” Lori explained as she finished tying the bandage around Anna’s wrist. “Amy came back. Andrea put her down. But she still won’t let us take her — even pulled her gun on my husband when he tried to talk to her,” she griped, clearly not happy with Andrea’s threat.

“I’m sure she’ll come around once she’s ready,” Anna sighed sympathetically as she examined Lori’s handiwork. “Thank you for this,” she spoke, holding up her bandaged hand, quickly changing the subject.

Lori waved her gratitude away. “Like I said — least I could do.”

Anna forced a smile before pushing up from her chair and heading back to work, needing to distract herself from her haunting thoughts. All she could think about was Ben and if she and her brother had been in the position Andrea and Amy had been in…would she have been able to pull the trigger?

She hoped she’d never have to find out.

The rest of the morning remained uneventful. The group had decided to put together some semblance of a funeral, wanting to bury their own and pay their respects. And once again, Anna found herself sticking around. She could never seem to find the right time to make her leave, something always drawing her back in.

By early afternoon, the entire group was standing on top of the quarry’s peak, the Atlanta skyline in the distance, watching the bodies of their loved ones being rolled into shallow graves. Anna stood off to the side, hands clasped tightly in front of her, watching body after body disappear beneath the Earth. But it wasn’t until Andrea stepped forward that it became too much for Anna to bear.

Watching the woman’s quiet desperation as she gently maneuvered her sister into her grave broke Anna’s heart. She recognized the defeat and utter sorrow crumpling the woman’s features, so similar to her own. Anna wiped at a stray tear that snaked down her cheek before she turned on her heel and made her leave, hurrying back down the hill and to the campsite, unable to watch any longer.

The campsite was quiet with the others still up the hill and for the first time, Anna felt like she could finally take a breath — she found peace in the silence. She wandered past the RV and came to a stop beside the quarry’s cliffside, overlooking a breathtaking body of water below.

Fort Benning. She needed to start making her trek to Fort Benning — she had to know whether or not her brother had made it there. That was the point of everything she had done up until now and she wasn’t going to stop until she found the answers she was looking for.

The quiet didn’t last long, a truck’s rumble sounding through the air, followed by a crowd of shuffling footsteps. Anna peeked over her shoulder, watching Daryl park his pickup near the RV, sparing her a quick glance before he stormed off to his tent. She watched as the group dispersed, some joining together by the fire pit, others heading towards their respective tents.

Her eyes then landed on the sheriff bringing up the rear of the group, hand in hand with Lori, their son running ahead to catch up to the little blonde girl. Rick caught Anna’s gaze and leaned in to kiss Lori’s cheek, before parting ways with her and making his way towards the cliffside where she stood.

“Afternoon, officer,” Anna greeted with a small salute. He scoffed lightly, some of the tension in his face fading despite the fact that he looked as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“How you holdin’ up, Brooks?” he inquired, nodding towards her injured hand as he came to a stop in front of her.

“Could be worse,” Anna shrugged. “Hey, I’m sorry about your people,” she murmured, kicking at the dirt with the toe of her boot.

Rick nodded quietly, eyes far away before coming back to settle on her. “Could’a lost a lot more if you hadn’t shown up.”

Anna shook her head, brushing him off. “Oh, I really didn’t — ”

“You did,” he urged, his expression worn but gaze fierce. “You didn’t have to give us a ride, but you did. You didn’t have to help us with that herd, but you did. I haven’t had the chance to properly thank you for last night. My son is alive an’ that’s because of you.”

Anna didn’t know what to say, watching as Rick’s eyes flooded with emotion, his gaze swiveling towards Carl, giggling alongside Lori near the fire pit.

He cleared his throat, turning his attention back to Anna. “Now, I know you said before that you’ve got a brother out there somewhere. An’ you said you were thinkin’ of tryin’ for Fort Benning, is that right?”

Anna simply nodded, still taken aback at the sheriff’s words.

“I met a man a couple days ago. He told me there were rumors about the CDC an’ how it might still be up an’ runnin’. Now, Fort Benning is a hundred miles in the opposite direction. I think we should try for the CDC — maybe they’re workin’ on a cure, maybe there’re other survivors,” Rick paused, quieting his voice as he took a step closer to Anna. “Jim’s gettin’ worse an’ we can’t stay here — all those gunshots last night…we might as well have rung the dinner bell. Those walkers from the city could be headin’ up this way as we speak. I think this may be our best shot,” he implored, seeming sure about this new course of action.

Anna’s brows knitted, confusion spreading over her features. He was speaking as if she was involved in this decision — ‘our best shot’. “If you think the CDC is the best move, I would trust your gut,” Anna finally responded. “But my brother left me a note in Atlanta. He said he was heading for the army base. So that’s where I need to go.”

Rick exhaled, looking torn for a moment. “I get it, Anna, I do. Family’s everythin’. But this world jus’ isn’t what it used to be,” he pressed, holding out a hand warily. “Now, riskin’ it on your own…the chances of you gettin’ there may be slim. But in a group, you may jus’ have a better shot. You got people watchin’ your back, you got supplies…an’ if the CDC’s a dead end, we can turn back an’ try for Fort Benning.”

Anna crossed her arms over her chest, still unsure why she was being included amongst this group of strangers. “Why does it matter what I do? You’ve got your own people to worry about, don’t you?”

Rick cocked his head to the side as if she was missing the point. “You’ve more than earned your place in this group, Anna,” he expressed sincerely. “It’s your decision, of course, but I think it’d be good for us all to stick together — an’ I’ve seen you take on those geeks. I know you can handle your own out there. We need more people like that in this group if we stand any chance of survival.”

Anna exhaled heavily, pinching the bridge of her nose as she mulled over his words. “Yeah, no pressure,” she scoffed sarcastically. The corner of Rick’s mouth quirked up as he waited for her answer. “Look, you guys seem like good people — otherwise, I would’ve been long gone by now,” she began. “But my brother…he’s all I’ve got left, you know? I mean, what if the situation was reversed? What if it was your family out there?”

An odd expression flashed across his face as he paused. “I’d do anythin’ to find them,” he admitted truthfully, a weightiness to his words but Anna didn’t press the matter.

“So would I,” Anna shrugged meekly, watching as Rick’s expression deflated, although he seemed to understand where she was coming from.

But as a heavy silence hung in the air, she wasn’t sure as to why she was suddenly so torn about her decision — finding Ben meant everything to her. It’d been something she’d been so dead set on. It’d been what kept her alive this long. But now, after finding this group, after hearing Rick’s words…that certainty wavered.

“Jus’ think about it, alright?” Rick finally relented, placing a hand on his hip as he scanned the camp. “We’re leavin’ first thing in the mornin’. Stay the night an’ see how you feel tomorrow, okay?” he offered.

Anna found herself nodding in agreement before she realized what she was doing, the sheriff possessing a compelling nature in the art of persuasion. Rick shot her a tight smile, reaching forward and squeezing her shoulder gently.

But as he walked away, heading towards his family and the group of survivors Anna felt so drawn to, she came up with one, single, frustrating conclusion — she was more conflicted now than ever before.

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A/N : I hope this chapter wasn’t too boring! I know it’s not as action-packed or angsty as others, but all good things take time! (I miss season 1 Rick, btw. *sad sigh*) Thanks for all the love and support!

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Your home has been overrun. You have to evacuate immediately. You can only take three items with you and the rest you’ll never see again - what do you take? Something personal? Something resourceful? Which three items do you pick?

Feedback is INCREDIBLY important. I write for my own happiness, but I also write for YOU. So don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask or message or leave a comment with your thoughts! It truly motivates me and helps move along the writing process. Let’s discuss and be friends!

If you want to be notified when I post again, let me know and I’ll add you to my tag list!

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FOREVER TAG LIST

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[sideofmaduros]

Beginner Strength Training

I got this ask and I wanted to make this into a post. I’m sure a lot of other trans guys will find this useful, too! Starting off, I would like to emphasize that there are a LOT of gym programs that can accomplish this goal, as well as a lot of diets (if you want to even go on one, some may find it to be unnecessary), so my advice and workout spread is just one of many options out there.

When it comes to diet, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, honestly. With how much you’ll be working out, you won’t necessarily need a caloric deficit to lose weight. You might actually gain weight because muscle is denser than fat, and so people say it weighs more than fat. You’ll develop more muscle mass from strength training, so you’ll probably gain a few kilos in your first few months doing this, while also achieving a leaner appearance because exercising burns fat. As long as you’re eating a varied diet and staying away from junk foods, you’ll be fine. I would also recommend getting a multi-vitamin to take every day just to fill in any gaps in your nutrition, but that’s up to you. It’ll also be important to eat a lot of proteins and carbohydrates for mass building, since those are what build up muscle and help your body grow and have energy. Definitely don’t cut too many calories from your diet when doing any kind of exercise. There’s a difference between a cutting phase and doing your body actual harm from not eating enough.

A decent workout spread that I think would be easy for a beginner to follow is a 4-day spread split between upper body and lower body days. With this, you’ll have 3 rest days in the week, so place them wherever you want. Rest days can be used to do literally nothing, or you could go for a walk, go swimming, bike someplace, etc. If you wanna go to the gym that day anyway, maybe use lighter weight and focus more on endurance (15-20 reps) than mass-building (8-12 reps) or you could do some cardio stuff like jogging or a HIIT circuit like the ones in the linked post. For any beginners here that don’t know what sets and reps are: a rep is 1 repetition of the exercise. For example, 1 push-up would be 1 rep. 10 push-ups would be 10 reps. Sets break up reps with at least 20-30 seconds of a break before starting the exercise again. 3 sets of 10 push-ups means doing 10 reps, waiting 30 seconds, and then beginning your next set, until you’ve done all 3 sets. Common shorthand for this would be 3x10, with the set number coming first, then the rep number. Using sets like this allows you to push yourself for a short burst of energy each time, so you don’t fatigue right away.

The workout spread is under the cut. I think this spread is good for a beginner who wants to focus on muscle mass gains and also get stronger. The exercises I picked are so you can build a decent strength base, and I view many of them as essential to mass-building in general, regardless of your experience level. I’ve linked the exercises to videos of how to do them:

Upper:

Warmup:

10 of each Rotator cuff exercise (can be done at a cable machine or with light dumbbells; can also be done at the end of your workout)

3x20 Wrist curls (light dumbbells)

4x10 Rear delt flies (light and slow)

3x12 Face pulls (light and slow, hold 3 seconds at peak of movement)

Workout:

5x5 or 4x8 Bench

4x8-12 Rows (any variation, but the how-to video is dumbbell rows)

4x10 Pec Flies (the how-to video is cable flies, which I think are easier than dumbbell flies)

5x8 or 4x10 Lat Pulldowns

3x10-12 Skull Crushers (on a bench like in the video OR standing)

4x10-12 Curls

4x10-12 Triceps Pushdowns

Lower:

Warmup:

25 Bodyweight squats

3x10 Goblet Squats (light or moderate weight)

3x12 DB Romanian Deadlift (light weight, same movement as barbell, just hold dumbbells)

Workout:

5x5 or 4x8 Squats

3x12 Split Squats (unilateral - aka one side at a time, do 3 sets per side)

4x8-12 Romanian Deadlifts (moderate or light weight, go slow)

6x8 or 4x10 Leg Press

4x10-15 Calf Raises (could also use dumbbells and hold them at your sides instead of the barbell)

4x10 Leg Extensions (don’t go super heavy on these)

4x12 Lunges (can use dumbbells or do these without any weight)

Upper:

Warmup:

10 of each Rotator cuff exercise (can be done at a cable machine or with light dumbbells; can also be done at the end of your workout)

3x20 Wrist curls (light dumbbells)

4x10 Rear delt flies (light and slow)

3x12 Face pulls (light and slow, hold 3 seconds at peak of movement)

Workout:

5x5 or 4x10 Bench

4x10 Lat Pulldowns

3x10-12 DB Incline Bench

4x8-10 DB Rows (unilateral, try to go heavy)

3x12 Shoulder Press (seated or standing; if seated, try and go heavier)

3x10 Face Pulls (go light with weight and go slow)

3x10 Curls

3x10 Hammer Curls (seated at an inclined bench or standing)

Lower:

Warmup:

25 Bodyweight squats

3x10 Goblet Squats (light or moderate weight)

3x12 DB Romanian Deadlift (light weight, same movement as barbell, just hold dumbbells)

Workout:

5x5 or 5x8 Squats

4x8 Hip Thrusts (barbell, just wrap the barbell in a towel so it doesn’t feel like it’s crushing your hips, try and pause 3 seconds at the top)

4x8 Romanian Deadlifts or Conventional Deadlifts

4x8-12 Leg Press

3x10-12 Calf Raises

3x10 Leg Curls

3x10 Leg Extensions

You’ll notice the first exercise on the lists is 5 sets of 5 reps. This focuses more on strength building than muscle mass. You can do 8-12 reps to focus more on muscle hypertrophy, but you’ll want to go lighter, since your focus for hypertrophy should be the contraction and stretch of the muscle, not necessarily driving a ton of weight. Doing 5 reps, or even just 3 reps, allows you to go heavy because the focus is on driving the weight. But what’s heavy will be relative to everyone, and beginners should focus on form more than focusing on how much weight they can move, that way you’ll have a good foundation of proper form/technique before you can go super heavy so you don’t hurt yourself. I’d say take at least a month or two on the main compound movements (bench, squat, deadlifts of any variation) before going as heavy as you can. You’ll learn your limits the more you’re in the gym working on these movements.

For your first year, maybe a bit longer, you’ll notice more strength gains than mass gains for sure, because you’re building your base, which takes time. You’ll notice a dramatic increase in strength and technique for your movements. Building strength will happen faster than building muscle mass/size. Don’t let that discourage you! It can take years to achieve your dream physique! If you’re a pre-T trans guy, it’ll take a bit longer to gain noticeable size, but I promise you it is possible. There are tons of athletes out there with bodies like yours who look athletic as hell and are strong as hell because of how well they train!

Stretching after you exercise will help you with the soreness and with your muscle recovery on rest days. Stretching on days you feel sore can help, too, regardless of if they’re rest days or gym days. Drinking lots of water helps with the soreness from the lactic acid as well.

If any of y’all have any questions about these exercises, just hit up my ask box or message me directly. I’ll be glad to help as much as I can, but please keep in mind I am not a personal trainer, I’m just a gym bro. None of my advice is professional, and may not be as tailored to you as it could be. Good luck on them gains, y’all!

Some pointers to keep in mind:

Triceps make up more of your arm than biceps, so bigger triceps will make your arms look bigger.

Larger rear delts will also help give an appearance of larger arms. Rear delt flies are a fav of mine for this. Go light and slow for 4x12 or 3x15. Can incorporate these on your upper body days as a warmup before bench.

Push-ups and pec/chest flies can help create a more masculine-looking chest.

Strong legs are the foundation of any good lifter/athlete.

[austencello]

The Longbow Hunters - Arrow Music Notes 7x02

Oliver, Felicity, and Diggle are each searching for Diaz and the Longbow Hunters in their own ways, each struggling with their desire for justice in the face of hard decisions.

This week, there were a few returning themes but a lot of new ones.  The tricky part with new themes is knowing whether they are just there for one episode or whether they will last longer with greater significance.  I guess we shall see!

Oliver

Much of the soundscape remains the same for Oliver in prison.  Darker elements with low bass, percussive beats, clanging bars.  As he leaves confinement (for beating up the guy from last week), the guard reminds him that though some people believes he is a hero, they both know better: he is a criminal like everyone else in the prison.  As the scene progresses, a new three note motif repeats in the higher electric guitar in contrast to the lower strings.  It is a bit of light in the darkness...for we know Oliver is a hero even if they do not. 

There are two moments where the soundscape returns to the Hood/Green Arrow fighting music without using his actual themes.  One of these is the WWGAD moment as Oliver takes out the lights and uses a computer for information with Stanley along as a sidekick (for his first Green Arrow mission).  Throughout the past seven years, numerous repetitive string patterns within a scale play as Oliver and the team fight, looking for intel,often in dangerous situations.  This is a new pattern but still matches within Arrow soundscape along with low brass notes, percussion, and electric guitar.  He is back doing what he does best for the sake of his family.

The second moment is when he gets rid of the guard his own way.  Brick and company want him to kill the guard but Oliver searches for alternative ways to get rid of him.  Finally, Oliver confronts the guard and then sets him up by stabbing himself, blaming the guard.  As this happens, brass (often used to indicate heroes) punctuates the scene along with the percussion.  Oliver found a way to get remove the guard without killing him.  Elements of the hero are still there, trying to do what is right while doing anything to protect his family.

Diggle and Felicity

The team reunites for food and wince now that Felicity has reemerged from Witness Protection.  They catch up, share ideas, and toast for being back together and bringing down Diaz.  As they toast, strings and a higher electronic sound plays an altered beginning of “I forgot who I was.”  This rhythmic variation was used back for Moira and Oliver in “Never Without Me” (2x20), a flashback of Moira telling Oliver that she will always be with him.  This theme is used for family in Oliver’s life as lies often pull it apart but always seeking to put it back together.  This is another instance where Oliver’s theme is being transferred to Felicity: seeking to bring her family back together. 

(little disclaimer: there is a small possibility that they are just using the same first 5 notes in a scale in the same order and there is no significance.  But I like to think that there is) 

The higher electronic sound is one used much more frequently over the past three years for Felicity and Curtis when they are working on computers both together and separately (4x03 “Not a Playing Card”).  This instrument returns as they discover the Longbow Hunters have come to Star City.  Electronics have also become much frequently used as one of  Felicity’s instruments as Overwatch especially after her stint with Helix in Season 5.  These sounds play with strings as she begs John to let her help ARGUS find the Longbow Hunters.

Almost all of her musical elements are back as she hacks Interpol to Curtis’ dismay: fun strings, electronics, waterglasses but the melody is not the same one used over the seasons: “Two Felicities” (4x12).  While Felicity feels much more herself hacking and finding information, she is still dealing with a lot of hurt and frustration being unable to find the man responsible for Oliver being in prison and attacking herself and William.

Felicity and Diggle both search the Longbow Hunters’ lair at the same time making them both very frustrated with each other.  Diggle tells Felicity that her old life is over and she needs to accept that.  Felicity is hurt and upset that John seems to have given up on Oliver and ignoring the mission Oliver asked him to take over.  As they have this painful talk, a new string melody and chords play that are unusual in its dissonant nature.  The majority of heart-felt talks throughout Arrow are often accompanied by strings (or piano with Oliver) and the majority stays within a minor scale.  Major often sounds too happy for Arrow and melodies including chromatic half-steps, or tri-tones are often saved for Nanda Parbat or villains (such as Cupid or the Suicide Squad).  To have this dissonance in a melody between two close friends show how much things have changed in their views and also emphasizes how alone Felicity is starting to feel in her need to bring Diaz down.

In their next talk, Diggle explains why he chose not to be the Green Arrow over synthesizer pads and strings.  He saw the sacrifice it required from Oliver and Felicity and their family and did not want to put his family through that.  As he shares that he believes he is still honoring Oliver’s mission without the hood, Diggle’s motif (1x20 “No show”) in the horn plays.  It plays again as Felicity answers that she respects that decision but while Diaz is still out there, Oliver’s sacrifice will have been for nothing. The Diggle theme then plays twice as he waits for the Longbow Hunters on the train and then enters the train. 

While they were able to retrieve the battery weapon, Diaz got away.  Felicity recognizes that Diggle was honoring Oliver’s mission by keeping the world safer as piano (Oliver’s instrument) begins to play.  However, she needs to find someone who can fully focus on finding Diaz and leaves Diggle and Curtis with strings, piano, and water-glasses playing in the background.

At the end, it is revealed that Felicity turns to Samanda Watson and the FBI, calling her out for the deal that Oliver made, telling her that it is her turn to hold up her side by finding Diaz while guitar harmonics (Oliver’s instrument), percussion, and string patterns build up the tension, ending with the horn hero 1 theme.  This motif and music is often used for finishing an Arrow episode but it is also very much Oliver’s theme.  Felicity is taking up her husband’s mantle, not in a Green Hood and with arrows, but in finding justice and taking down Ricardo Diaz.

William and Roy flash-forwards

Roy and William catch up over a camp-fire with William telling Roy that Oliver and Felicity had abandoned him.  As he shares this, high electronics and strings reminiscent of “Someone You Love” (3x12) and “My Whole World Exploded” (4x08) play.  It is a sound of being left behind and the cost of those not loving you enough to tell the truth, to be with you.  A cello repetitive three note pattern begins as William reveals the GPS coordinates that went off in the hozen that led him to the Island and Roy.

Later on, Roy notices William was still around after telling him to go home.  William asks what happened with Thea and Roy shuts it down not wanting to talk about the past as his horn theme plays slowly (2x02 “Try Roy Try”).  William is persistent, insisting that the hozen led him to Roy.  Roy admits that he knows where that goes and they dig up a box/grave. As they open the box, music from the Arrow themes and instruments from the pilot plays: Oliver’s hero theme 1 in the horn, hammered dulcimer, guitar harmonics and electronics for Lian Yu.  This is clearly Oliver’s bow back on Lian Yu and now his son is picking it up.

Extra Notes:

-Diaz’s low string theme returns (first heard in 6x19) as Diggle begins to fight him on the train and then again as the train car is separated. 

-The Longbow Hunters and their theme were introduced in this episode with a high electronic theme, almost distorted.  The sound effect of the Silencer was very cool making it sound like everything was under water excepting some high held notes.

- One of the first intervals for the first Canary (Sara) and Dinah is an ascending 5th.  This appeared with different notes following as Black Siren intends to find Diaz and kill him, with Dinah right next to her trying to protect her.

- This review was my attempt at keeping things short.  LOL

- The Arrow soundtrack for Season 6 did not release this past week.  I don’t know when the new release day is but I will keep my eyes and ears open.

@ah-maa-zing @smoakmonster @mel-loves-all @scu11y22 @almondblossomme @green-arrows-of-karamel @herskirtsarentthatshort @academyofshipping @withgraceandlight99 @jorahandal @pulpklatura

[occasionalfics]

Convenience Store: Fair Date

drabble masterlist | main masterlist | taglist | part 1 | part 2

For @madeofeverythingjuice @avengingmelanin @buckyofthemyscira @sunigyrl & Anonymous: “they go to an amusement park and they go on the rides and stuff and eventually she sees one of those big teddy bears but unfortunately its the game where you throw a ring and it has to land on a bottle then thor gets mad after he realizes its rigged so he summons lightning causing him to win the prize?”

A/N: First, I knew you guys wanted a cute date but I couldn’t think of anything on its own but THANKFULLY I had an anonymous request for a Thor fair date!

Second, I’m trying new things with formatting XD Should I keep the pairing in the title or should I make it its own category here? Or does it even matter? Also the Convenience Store title wasn’t really relevant to the story anymore but it’s the same characters so now I’m doing subtitles! 

And one more thing...wow he’s so dreamy in that gif I can’t even handle it? Who gave him the right?

Warnings: Nothing! This is super fluffy and I’m so glad you like these two together!

Words: 1881

Once she’d saved Thor’s number to her phone, she took the paper off the fridge so he couldn’t ask why she still had it. Before she even realized it, she’d decided that she liked having him over. She liked the idea of him filling her spare free days, even though they’d only met twice. So she kept the paper in a safe place, just in case she ever needed a reminder that Thor, in all of his Asgardian and Avenger glory, had given it to her. As if texting him wasn’t enough of a constant reminder.

He came to her apartment once more. She’d told him something was stuck in her garbage disposal - and there had been, but by the time he showed up, she’d managed to take care of it. He, apparently, wasn’t handy with small hammers anyway. They ended up on her couch again, this time talking about their lives and how they’d ended up where they were at the time.

She knew how unconventional it was to get to know someone like this. But when she thought about it, she realized that she didn’t care. Thor wasn’t some stranger in a convenience store anymore. He was quickly becoming the only person she talked to outside of work, which was still eating away at most of her time. But she was putting in as much effort as she felt he was, so they managed to see one another when they could.

Which was how they ended up at the fair. It’d come to town earlier in the week, and she knew if she didn’t go with Thor, she wouldn’t go at all. Her shift the next day would be a long one, so they agreed on going out during the day. It was nice to wear a dress and put effort into getting ready for a date, given that her usual routine consisted of throwing on her uniform and zombie-driving to work between shifts.

Thor apparently agreed. He showed up with flowers (which he said Agent Barton had told him to do) and told her she looked nice, and after she put the small bouquet in a vase, they were on their way. The day was bright and the fairgrounds were rather empty, but it was the middle of the work week and so far out from the city that she didn’t expect much excitement.

From the top of the ferris wheel - which she was almost uncomfortable being on while they could see the entire field around the fair in sharp detail - Thor told her, “Human innovation is astounding.” He looked out at everything he could - the other rides, the small subdivision across the street, the lake a mile and a half away. It all seemed to captivate him, and that distracted her from the height they were sitting at.

“This is nothing,” she said with a small shrug. “You should see Disney World.”

He looked at her with wide eyes and asked, “Why? Do they have one of these giant wheels as well?”

She thought about it for a minute. “I don’t...think so? But they have much bigger rides.” She smiled at him gently, then looked out ahead. “I haven’t been in a long time, but I remember loving it.”

“Perhaps we’ll go one day?” he asked as the wheel they were on started to come down.

“It’s a little far,” she told him. But she didn’t want to go too far into her head. She was supposed to be having fun and enjoying her day off.

So when they came back to the ground and stood from the ride, she pulled him to the rows and rows of carnival games. She didn’t even notice she’d taken one of his hands in hers, but Thor did. He refused to let her go when they slowed and watched people play the various games.

“Do you have anything like this where you’re from?” she asked, trying to be sensitive. From their talk the last time they’d seen one another, she knew his past - at least parts of it - were difficult to discuss. But she didn’t mean to pry, just to make conversation and get to know him better. She stood close to him, so he wouldn’t have to speak loudly, and looked from the games to him and back.

He shrugged. “We had festivals where we drank and celebrated and played games, though not quite in this manner,” he told her. “The spirit was similar, though.” Thor tightened his fingers around hers gently, to emphasize that he was having a good time - and that’s when she noticed they were touching.

But it didn’t bother her like she thought it might. His hand was a reminder of their unintentional meeting, their odd little connection, and whatever power led them to the fair like this.

Her neck heated, but she couldn’t pull her eyes from him. So she went for a distraction instead. “I used to come to fairs with my whole family. The one back home was a lot bigger. We used to have concerts and pie eating contests and talent shows.” Her face dropped just a bit as she thought on the past.

“Homesick?” he asked. He kept his eyes on her as she hesitated, then nodded.

“A little.”

His smile became gentle in a way that suggested he felt the same, but neither of them said anything of it. His only suggestion was, “Would that make it any better?” as he pointed at one of the huge teddy bears hanging behind a game operator.

She shrugged and said, “A little,” with a coy hint to her tone. She couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face as Thor brought her over to the game. And she realized which one it was.

A table of clear bottles were set up a few feet between the edge of the game and the back wall where the prizes hung. The operator came over and, in exchange for a crisp five-dollar bill Thor pulled out before she noticed, gave him a handful of metal rings. The operator told Thor he was meant to throw the rings and get at least one to rest over the top of one of the bottles. But she knew what this was - a scam. The rings were made and the bottles were placed (and glued) to the table so that nothing would ever catch.

“Actually,” she said, trying to grip onto Thor’s bicep as he readied himself to throw the first ring. “You don’t have to do this for me.”

He gave pause, smiling at her like nothing at all was wrong with this situation. Maybe he didn’t know he was set up to lose, she thought. But she didn’t want him to embarrass himself for her, nor did she want him to spend money on a fruitless game.

“Nonsense,” he said, either ignoring or entirely missing the look of horror on her face. “One of those bears has your name on it, and I intend to get it for you.” He winked, then turned toward the game again, took aim, and tossed the first ring before she could stop him. It clanked against a few bottles, then ultimately fell to the floor.

The operator sounded off, letting Thor know how many turns he had left as if neither of them could count. (Y/N) watched with her hands pressed together as Thor threw the next ring, then another, both ending up on the ground around the table. When the operator counted off the remaining turns this time, Thor huffed and shot him a look that could only be described as dangerous.

“I can count,” he growled, his voice so low it sent shivers down (Y/N)’s back.

She stepped closer to him, put her hand against his arm again, and held still even as he flinched. It only took him a second to recognize her, to remember what he was doing, and then he relaxed and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, shutting his eyes for a moment. He held up the last ring and, without much else between them, turned back to the game. “Just...let me get this one.”

She didn’t know who he was grumbling to exactly, but she watched again anyway. Thor dug one heel into the dirt below them, concentrated on the bottle in the center of the table, and brought his dominant arm back. In a few swift movements, he launched the ring into the air, pointed at it, and followed its path with a string of hot white light. The ring tumbled just once, then clanked around the edges of two bottles for a few rotations. She swore the world around that table stopped as they all watched the ring come around the edge of one bottle, and with one last little shock, it clanked around the neck of the bottle until it settled and quieted.

“You...cheated!” the operator said, voice shaky as he cowered by the table.

Thor stood straight and cleared his throat. “I believe your game is malfunctioning,” he said, flattening out the fabric of his shirt. When he looked at the operator again, he was smiling. “And if I recall correctly, your rules were just that I needed to make a ring fall onto a bottle. I’ve done so, and I deserve that bear.” He lifted his throwing arm and pointed at one of the teddy bears hanging behind the table.

The operator stared, his brows coming down into a scowl despite the wide, scared look in his eyes. He went over to the bear, pulled it down, and reluctantly brought it back to Thor, who took it with a polite nod and a smile wider than (Y/N) recalled seeing on him. He was proud of himself, which was rather adorable to see. Any discomfort she felt by his sudden burst of frustration melted when he turned to her.

“Your prize, my lady,” he said, bowing slightly as he handed the bear to her.

She couldn’t hold back the downright grin she sported as she took the bear. It was nearly as big as she was, though it weighed almost nothing, given that it was just a carnival prize. That didn’t matter to her, though. The fact that Thor had gone through the hoops to get it for her made her giddy, and there was no denying it.

She thanked him, then hiked the bear onto her hip before they left the row of games. They walked closer together now, and every few steps, their knuckles brushed against one another. She noticed when his finger flexed, and a little spark ignited between them. She might’ve thought she’d imagined it had she not just seen his display at the ring toss. But because she had, she had a reinforced confidence that made her reach out and take his palm in hers before she laced their fingers.

Thor didn’t stop or say anything, but his smile did widen as they continued.

“So,” she said after a bit, “are you making a habit of getting things down from high places for me?”

His grip in hers tightened. “A little,” he said, echoing her earlier response to his own questions. “And I’m rather enjoying each challenge.”

Tags!

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Thor: @thewayilookatbacon  @athorable-and-deanlicous @baileythepenguin @girlwhoisfearless @tegan-eva  @mrsdeanwinchester19 @loverofthor @eyesfixedonthesun22 @rishlo @mjolnir-s @multi-fandom-imagines8 @sthorgestavenger @ineffabl-y @warriorsacrifice @pensysto @marvelous-super-soldier @virizona @jumpingmanatee @jehongsana @cherrysfandom @lancsnerd @alexiamiky2003 

Drabbles: @athorable-and-deanlicous @esoltis280 @pensysto 

[soldierstark]

The Art of Resistance | TOM HIDDLESTON X READER

Description: Tom has mastered the art of resistance. In other words, the story about the three time he wanted to kiss the reader but didn't and the time he finally did.

Author's Note: If anyone of ya'll know where the dialogue from the first scene came from I <3 you! This is my first attempt at a 3 + 1 fic and I enjoyed writing so let me know if you'd like more :) As always, let me know what you think.

Word Count: 2146

FANFICTION MASTERLIST

The first time Tom wanted to kiss (Y/N) was when they decided to rehearse lines together.

It was late enough that the sun was barely peaking over the horizon while they had had enough time to down a few glasses of wine. Not enough to get them drunk, but enough that it wouldn’t be a good idea to drive anywhere.

They were scheduled to film a scene the next day that would be the turning point in their characters relationship. Throughout the movie, (Y/N)’s character was put in charge of keeping a close eye on Loki, causing them to inevitably fall in love though neither would admit it.

Loki however, didn’t know that (Y/N)’s character had begun to spend time with him because she was told too. When he finds this out, he begins to question the whole foundation of their relationship leading to a huge fight.

Tom really wanted to nail the scene so when (Y/N) came up to him between takes and asked if he’d like to practice, he agreed.

And that’s how they ended up in a screaming match, though it was all fake, (Y/N)’s temporary neighbors didn’t know that.

“Because I love you, Loki,” (Y/N) burst out pleadingly, trying to get the god of mischief to stay.

Tom rolled his eyes and let out indignant scoff, stepping forward towards (Y/N) slightly. “Are kidding me? You’re actually bringing this up now?” he asked in frustration with disbelief. “After you told me that you just betrayed me?”

(Y/N) walked closer to Tom shaking her head desperately. “If you would just listen to me-“

“Listen to you?” Tom interrupted sarcastically, throwing his hands up in frustration. “Why should I listen to you? How am I even supposed to trust anything that you say right now?”

“Because of everything we’ve been through together!” (Y/N) said raising her voice, starting to get frustrated as well. “For 2 years I’ve been right here. 2 years Loki. Most of that time was spent just waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I’m more than just some mortal girl.”

(Y/N) took another look at Tom who didn’t say anything in return, as instructed in the script. She began to pace the living room carpet, going into to more of a rant. “Every morning  I- I bring you a cup of coffee just so that I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable-“

She stopped pacing and turned towards Tom with a look of very mixed emotion. “Maddening,” (Y/N) continued, taking another step forward. “Challenging.” Another step. “Frustrating person, well god, I have ever met,” she finished, stopping about 3 feet away from Tom.

“And I love you, Loki,” she repeated, looking up at Tom with slightly watery eyes. “And if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, please just stay. Please believe me.”

They were so close that Tom could see every fleck of color that adorned (Y/N)’s (Y/E/C) eyes.  Her full, rosy pink lips were parted slightly as (Y/N) took in breathes. A piece of her (Y/H/C) hair fell into her face and for some odd reason, Tom felt the urge to push it behind her ear.

How had he not noticed how beautiful she was before?

The second time Tom wanted to kiss (Y/N) was at an Avengers cast and crew Christmas party.

“Alright this gift is for…” Mark trailed off, reading the tag on the gift he pulled out from under the fake Christmas tree. “Reindeer Games from your Secret Santa.”

A laugh erupted around the room as Taika threw the box over to Tom who began to unwrap it immediately out of curiosity. “It’s a….. box of organic earl grey tea,” Tom announced, examining the gift for clues as to who gave it to him.

“Why thank you to whomever this came from,” Tom added, making sure to emphasize his British accent. This only led to more laughter.

After all the gifts had been handed out, the cast and crew members began to disperse, going their separate ways. Tom stood up out of his seat and walked through the doorway that lead into the kitchen until a hand grabbed his wrist, halting the movement.

He turned around only to see (Y/N) smiling up at him, leaning against the door frame casually. She was wearing a black sweater with snowflakes, jeans, and a headband that had lit up Christmas lights.  

“How’d you like your gift,” she asked with a mischievous smile, wiggling her eyebrows slightly.

Tom let out a deep chuckle as the realization of who his Secret Santa was dawned on him. “It was perfect,” he replied honestly, looking down at the box in his hand. “Thank you.”

“Oh don’t thank me yet Hiddleston,” (Y/N) said, crossing her arms over her chest. “That box is part of a subscription service so from now on you’ll be sent some very fancy tea every 2 weeks.”

“You really didn’t have to do that (Y/N),” Tom stated, shaking his head back and forth gently. “Honestly.”

(Y/N) giggled and stood up straight off the wall, turning so that she and Tom were facing each other directly. “Oh but I did. If I had a dime for every time you complained about how bad the craft services table tea was, I’d be so rich I’d never need to act again. So yes this gift was needed for you and for me because I was getting close to duct taping your mouth shut.”

Suddenly, a high pitched wolf whistle echoed through the air causing everyone to turn their attention to Chris Evans who was pointing at Tom and (Y/N). “Look who’s standing under mistletoe,” he drawled out excitedly.

Tom’s gaze shifted upwards and sure enough, hanging from the doorway, a tuft of green sprouted from a piece of string.

He looked down at (Y/N) with a questioning glance just as she looked up at him. Her cheeks were tinged pink as she chewed her bottom lip nervously, drawing his attention directly towards it.

(Y/N) let out a slight laugh before nodded her head slowly. “Alright Hiddleston, lay it on me,” she said, taking a step closer to him.

Tom raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Really?” he asked, trying to calm his beating heart which was hammering against his ribcage like machine gun.  “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she replied, rolling her eyes in a joking manner.

Now, Tom couldn’t explain why he was suddenly filled with excitement. And it only seemed to increase as (Y/N) put a hand on his shoulder and began to lean up towards him. Her eyes fluttering shut as her lips parted in anticipation.

Tom began lowering his head and put a hand on her waist. Their faces were so close that Tom could feel (Y/N)’s breath fan against his face.

And right at their lips were about to meet, a voice yelled from the kitchen, “You guys look! I found a beer bong,” causing them to spring apart quickly.

The third time Tom wanted to kiss (Y/N) was at 11:57 pm on December 31st.

It might’ve been all the alcohol he was consuming, or maybe the fact that she looked down right irresistible in the skin tight black dress she was wearing. But when everyone in the room started pairing up for their midnight kisses, Tom’s mind went straight to the (Y/H/C) hair (Y/E/C) eyed beauty.

She was over by the refreshments table talking to Jeremy about something she clearly cared about as she was using hand gestures vehemently. Tom strolled over to her trying to seem nonchalant but he was feeling anything but.

Jeremy let out a low whistle at the sight. “Dam Hiddleston, how much have you had to drink?”

(Y/N) turned around to face him and smiled brightly. She threw her head back with laughter, her hair bouncing with the movement.

Tom cleared his throat and let out a hiccup. “Like 3 I swear.”

Jeremy nodded his head slowly. “Uh huh,” he muttered sarcastically. “Sure dude,” he chortled before walking off.

Tom attempted to lean against the refreshment table casually before turning his attention back to (Y/N). “So, you have anyone to kiss at midnight yet?”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow in amusement and took a sip from her punch. “No. Why?”

“No way me too!” he exclaimed, his words slurring together. “Hey! How about we kiss?”

“Wow,” (Y/N) giggled. “Drunk Tom is very bold.”

“So is that a yes?” he asked, ignoring her earlier statement.

(Y/N) put down her cup and patted him on the back. “Maybe when you’ve had less to drink Hiddleston. Then we’ll see.”

Tom finally kissed (Y/N) the day her stunt double stayed home sick and she almost died.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Tom mumbled as he walked onto set.

His gaze fell upon (Y/N) who was standing on very high ledge that was supposed to be the top of the Avengers Tower. She was strapped into a harness and talking to a man he recognized as the stunt director.

“What the hell is she doing up there?” he asked walking up to Chris, not once taking his eyes off of her.

Chris looked over at Tom for a split second and followed his gaze. “Oh (Y/N)? Yea, her stunt double is out sick today so she decided to do the scene herself.”

“Well why doesn’t she just wait until she comes back?” Tom asked confused.

“We’ve rescheduled the shooting of this scene for weeks now and (Y/N) wanted to get it over with I guess,” Chris replied shrugging his shoulders. He took note of the worried expression that overtook Tom’s face as the director yelled action.

“Hey,” Chris whispered patting him on the back. “She’ll be fine. Stunts like this are done all the time.”

Tom couldn’t tear his gaze away from (Y/N) who was walking backwards towards the ledge. Backing away from a monster that would edited in later. “Still,” he muttered under his breath.

She backed up until one foot slid off like the script instructed and wobbled slightly before regaining her balance. Her (Y/H/C) hair blew behind her as a fan was directed towards her, making it seem as though it was very windy.

With one last look of fear at the invisible monster and the hard pavement that once edited would be hundreds of feet below her, (Y/N) stepped off the ledge and began to free fall three stories.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion.

It started off according to plan but after a split second of falling, a loud snap along with a screech from (Y/N) echoed throughout the sound stage.

Tom sucked in a breath as everyone around him let out a gasp at the sight. The harness was still on (Y/N) but the rope attached to it had snapped, making it useless.

For a moment, Tom swore his heart stopped as (Y/N) hit the mat with very loud thud. He along with a few other crew member, rushed over to her side as quickly as possible.

He slid down onto the floor by her side and looked over her frantically. “Oh my god (Y/N) are you okay?”

She sat up taking in a deep breath and rubbed her head, blinking widely. “Yea I think so,” she mumbled looking him in the eye. “I’m fine but this mat sucks ya’ll should really replace it.”

The cast and crew members gathered around her all let out a sigh of relief and laughed at the joke she cracked. “But don’t put this on the blooper reel please,” she continued. “My parents will flip shit if they saw this.”

Tom sighed in relief, the fear in his chest disappearing at the sight of her smiling. “Oh thank god,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “For a second there I thought…”

(Y/N) put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. “I’m fine Tom, really. It’ll take a lot more than a 3 story fall to take me out.”

It might’ve been the adrenaline running through his veins or the fact that Tom finally realized he needed to act on his feelings before it was too late. But in that moment, he couldn’t resist (Y/N) any longer.

Tom reached a hand behind (Y/N)’s neck and pulled her lips down to his, trying to convey every emotion he was feeling into the kiss.

She tensed up slightly but responded almost immediately, wrapping an arm around his neck to pull Tom closer. He smiled into the kiss as the people surrounding them let out whistles and clapped.

The kiss was short and sweet, but it was amazing none the less. Though the circumstances were less than ideal, the person he shared it with was perfect.

Tom couldn’t imagine his first kiss with (Y/N) going any other way.

[dharmadischarge]

Annunaki chapter 2

chapter 2

"One man's civilizations is another man's jungle" -The Rutles song: piggy in the middle.

"stepping out of the realm of history and into the realm of coincidence." - Don Delillo.

1

A sizzling egg, Butter bubbling around it in a frying pan, and a thick slice of wheat toast cooling on a plate on the counter nearby. The tourist was wearing an apron. His large flashlight eyes emitting ever so subtle light.

Teki with his scaly skin and lean muscle shaping and reshaping itself with every movement of the arm attached to his hand, flipping or prodding the egg with the spatula, as if in ritual seduction of the cooking down of Sam's dreams. That of the newly chosen passport that he knew still did not believe he was anything but a hallucination. He began to sing the song that would eventually wake Sam up from a physical hibernation called a Xanax induced delirium.

The song rang out (reverberated) in the house as every word carried in the key to the melody of the old Beatles standard in my life. He sang, "there are places I remember all my life, though some have changed. Some forever, not for better, some have gone, and some remain." His voice was warm, but not his own. It was the sound of nostalgia, no; It was not the sound of direct remembering. Of his lost little friend, the octopus alien, he had also cooked down much like the breakfast for this woman. Though for an entirely different purpose.

Sam woke to an alien melody that reached her brain before reality could comprehend it. All of the world was that of a hangover, and she didn't like it—thoughts of remembering her 'supposed' interaction with some demonic extraterrestrial. Overwhelmed her mind with a dream-like recollection that seamed so truthfully the side effect of being doped with LSD that she could not humor any other explanation. However, a familiar voice came from the stairs, a song that made her want to cry. A song from somewhere similar to her world, but it was also different from her small world of indentured labor and church factories with a pastor that pushed drugs as sexual coercion.

She walked down the stairs doing her best not to make a noise, each subtle step a cartoon pantomime of secrecy, startled only by the voice stopping from singing to say, "come on, you know I am real; let's talk, I made breakfast."

She, one stumbling, shaking foot after the other, made her way to the table and sat down.

"so, what do you want more than anything?" Said Teki.

"Most of all?" Said Sam.

"go for it, live dangerously." Said Teki

"Alright, I want to know why this is happening to me." Said Sam.

"all in due time, The important thing for right now is we need a covenant

so we can get going." Said Teki.

"like a contract?" Said Sam.

"Yeah." Said Teki.

He sat down the plate after placing the egg on top of the toast it held. Sam took a bite, a mouthful of buttery egg white and savory toast.

"Can I have anything?" Said Sam.

"Yes, but just once, so make it count," said Teki.

She thought about it, "can you make me not miss the drugs? Can you make me not want them?" she said.

"Yes. Can you dedicate your life to being a passport?" said Teki.

"why not? I am not doing anything with my life? Why shouldn't you have it." Her voice was almost a whimper.

"You don't belong to anyone, Sam. Being a passport is an occupation for life, but that is all it is." Said Teki.

Episode 2

There was a storm on the way. The clouds of the edge of the distance were black and fat with thunder and rain. The sky was written in a negative as if by flashes of light. You could see the opposite of the world with each flicker of a roar.

"so," said Sam, "it is possible."

"yes," said Teki. "This isn't some monkey's paw's bullshit., I can give you what you want."

" So, tell me again. What exactly do I have to do?" Said Sam.

So Teki explained, "It is simple enough. 1, the world trigger is the word Anunnaki; after we make a blood covenant, then it will transform you into a passport. 2 you will stay as a passport for twenty-four hours or until we visit another part of the zoo. 3 it will take a week if we don't jump to another section of the zoo for you to be able to become a passport again. But if we do jump, you will revert to your natural state (which is to say as you are now). 4 When you are in an Anunnaki form, you will be a walking demigod, what shape you take and what it is capable of depends on the person (which is to say you). 5 once I enter into a blood covenant with you, then I will rely on you for protection from you for our travels. My power with fuse with your soul, and I will be as fragile as you are now. I must emphasize I will only be able to revert to my pure form and a form that inspires semblance of similarity to you (or, as you have seen me now)."

"OK, I am down, let's get on with it," said Sam

Teki took a thumb a pierced it with an index finger claw. Then he reached out to Sam for her hand. Seeming to hesitate, she finally reached out, and he poked her thumb with an index claw.

"ouch," she said.

They then grabbed hands with their bleeding thumbs pressed against one another.

"is that all?" said Sam.,

"I am afraid so, now make sure not to the world trigger unless you or I am in danger. Or I tell you I am ready to leave." Said Teki.

"What if I leave you behind?" said Sam

"It doesn't work like that. There is a button that only I can push. But remember, If I die, you lose your power, so it is in your best interest to keep me alive." Said Teki.

"Damn, you didn't mention that. So when I become an Anun... Use the world trigger. How will I know how to use my powers?" Said Sam.

"You may not have any, besides if you do, they will manifest themselves organically. And I have seen some who have no powers for ten years then display a new one (though that is generally in the presence of another tourist)." Said Teki.

"other tourists?" Said Sam.

"Yes, Sam, of us, there are many. Also, how do you feel?" Said Teki.

"I am OK, I guess. Is there a reason why you ask?" Said Sam.

"Nothing, I guess I did my job better than I thought." Said Teki.

Later that day, Sam called the Preacher and told him what he could do with himself. (hint: it involved fucking off.) Though technically, he didn't pick up, and she ranted on into the voicemail box. She was still cussing when it stopped recording mid-sentence.

Teki Tried to persuade her to leave then, but to his frustration, she felt she needed the closure of telling the Preacher off to his face. If only cause the last time she offered him any resistance, he forced himself on to her. He had driven over to her house, cussed her out, and took what he wanted. She still remembers the sudden shift of his persona, from friendly creep to violent sadist. So she went out to wait for him.

Episode 3

Black clouds overcast, with rain coming down like some kind conviction of the spirit that gloom was eternal. The world was not quiet today. The world was a landscape orchestrated by echos on the tin roof of the front porch. The world was alone in its defiance of shame in the broken spirit of the young women who sat on the porch: listening and watching.

Her thoughts lingered on a past too painful to name that came back to her in impressions, of swirling potential identities as if she was in the center on a tilt a whirl with doors instead of seekers of escape from a social world. They disappeared one by one. Till a slow lingering stop came to the ride, and she saw the door before her, and it was painted black. It opened on its own accord and swallowed her, and she saw a path that narrowed as it seemed to deepen. Alone now, with a sourceless light shining on her. She moved forward too numb to a world of coincidence and hurt to judge her steps, on and through the darkness.

An old beat-up truck slinging mud and gravel came up the slight slope of Sam's driveway. Its roaring grinding and bad muffler the only thing other than the rain. The sound was that of a screaming face on a TV tuned to a dead channel or the devils slandering you through the speaker of an old arcade game. Red and crackling away with rust spots, and a white strip looked like it was painted with a paint roller (awkward asymmetrical swerving like an unsteady hand with purpose).

It pulled into the front of the house, with Sam still on the porch swinging. Uncurious as she was, she seemed different but the same. As if a new woman, like a woman freshly baptized in the shadow of a God. One tired leg pushing her gently, the other propped up in the seat meant for another. The rusty truck stopped, and a man stood there, opening an umbrella after slamming the driver seat door.

"hi, Sam." said the Preacher.

"You better leave," she warned.

The Preacher stood there, not believing, then walked up the stairs a consistent rhythm reminding all that the truck was only a vessel for his fury and looked at her as she is slow swinging on the porch swing.

"Listen, you little slut," said the Preacher. He was turning red in the face. But his voice was calm if desperate as he said, "You are about to be out of the only road to get what you need. You are about to be out in withdrawals of the wilderness without any help or path to getting better. So what you are going to do is go inside and suck dick so you can still get what you need." He grabbed the hair on the back of her head with his left hand and threw his umbrella to the far end of the porch (swinging oddly and without grace to the resisting wind before slowly dropping to a rest). Smacking her with his right hand so hard she could taste blood and burning on her left cheek.

"I am warning you one last time...you better leave," she said.

Furious, he pushed her face against the crotch of his jeans and said. "you are suitable for one thing, and you are going to do it till I am tired of you. You." His voice cut off, replaced with a scream of disbelief and terror. He looked down at the teeth pinching through the jeans and locking closed on his crotch and started hammering her face with a fist of lite desperate punches. And the eyes that looked into his without fear. Pulling against her teeth, he felt half a nut splintered with a canine. And the head of his penis like it had just been sealed in a rapidly closing mousetrap.

When she opened her mouth, her eyes were desperate as his. As Preacher kneeled on the ground grabbing at the red stain between his legs, chanting, "you crazy fucking bitch." Sam stood up and said, "you are not going to be missed by a single person." Her voice quivered with fear at what she was doing, but there was no hesitation to the conviction. Then she looked at him with pity and said: "I will make it quick." She whispered the word (the world trigger), "Anunnaki." And standing before him was an insect-like ancient astronaut with armor-like skin that was green and yellow and made you think of a bee with its giant eyes but with three horns all pointing backward, making her face recall a falling star.

She picked him up by his neck and punched his face watching his head go tumbling and rolling across the yard. The blood was oozing up and making slick her grip, so the body fell on the porch, lifeless and staining the white patio, then she went looking for her friend Teki.

He was sitting at the table reading a paperback copy of Gravity's Rainbow. When he saw, he said, "did you tell him off?" his legs were crossed at the knees.

"No! I killed him," said Sam, her voice sounded like it was coming through a distant AM station on a cheap radio.

"Do you feel better? Did you tell him off?" Said Teki.

"No! I killed someone." Said Sam.

"We live and learn; if you feel guilty, then don't do it again." Said Teki.

"I killed him do you not fucking get it what I am telling you." Said Sam.

"Not quite; it sounds like you are in shock. When people get power, they change Sam. But they only ever change to their real character; they transform into whatever their wish was." Said Teki.

"I didn't want to be an addict; I didn't want to be a killer." Said Sam.

"If it makes you feel better or worse, I don't care, but I wish you weren't a killer, either Sam, but if you are, then so what? Though we should probably leave soon, May I take this book with us?" Said Teki.

"Let's get the fuck out of here. Where are we going?" Said Sam.

"Don't know, But we will soon enough. Can you turn around?"

She did, and he pressed a button on her round turtle-like shell of her back. Placing the book inside the winge spread cavity where her spine should be, then jumping, transforming back into the black cat she had first seen the night before. Hitting a button inside of her with his paw, the wings closed, and they jumped. There was an explosion that shook the glass but didn't break the windows. They were floating in electricity and darkness coming out the other side, like being shot towards a tunnel with a cannon.

[whatisonthemoonarchive]

WAS THIS THE BOOK THAT LED ONNI DURST TO HER SUCCESS?

I want to share my deepest gratitude to HWDYKYM for it's recent focus on the history of the Onni Durst "Cult".

In wanting to support the effort to further expose the tragedy that was the "Oakland Church", I want to talk about a book I just found that's titled "TELECULT POWER: The Amazing New Way to Psychic and Occult Wonders". This book was released in 1970, not long before Onni Durst took full control over the Oakland "Operation". The book describes in great detail "practices" that are eerily similar to those which Onni Durst, Kristina Morrison and others that worked within the "Inner Circle" of the Oakland Family, used in the building the Personality Cult of Onni Durst.

It is speculative on my part to posit the notion that the aforementioned book was in the possession of Kristina Morrison & Onni Durst, however, once you read the excerpts I've provided below, you will most definitely question whether the Oakland Church leaders had this book at their disposal.

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This is your Hidden Brotherhood for Telecult Power - any group of two or more persons that you can manage to get together to unite your psychic forces...Even if it's just you and one other friend, it's a Hidden Brotherhood. If you can manage to get together with this friend once a week, and actually agree on what you shall ask for and how you shall ask for it, you'll be amazed at the results!

Get together with each other, either in person, by letter or by phone...Confer with each other, talk over your difficulties and decide whose problem seems more pressing at the moment. Then agree on a specific time each day when - no matter where you are or what you're doing - you will each concentrate on the SAME prayer or request or command, to remedy this specific problem or difficulty.

Mind you, it is not enough to pray for the same thing. You must pray the same thing IN THE SAME WAY...To make your Hidden Brotherhood work, all members must ask for the same thing, at the same time, in the same way. You must visualize this goal, as though you were looking at a picture of it, mentally. Or you may think about it in words. Or you may do both. With your friend, decide how beforehand. Furthermore, you must concentrate on the desired goal, not on the present circumstances.

Agree on a specific time each day (perhaps even two or three times a day) when - no matter where you are or what you're doing - you will each concentrate on the same prayer or request or command, to remedy the problem.

If you decide to concentrate on a picture, you can use a picture of what you want, from a newspaper or magazine. It can be money, jewels, a new home or luxury such as a new car or a swimming pool. You will all need a copy of this same picture.

On the other hand, if you decide to use words, you must all use the exact same words. Once you have decided on the exact words...and the time - or times - of day when you will both say them, you must realize that it is not necessary for you to say them aloud. You can memorize them, and repeat them to yourself at the appointed time - or you can read them silently from a piece of paper, on which you have written them.

In this manner, it is possible for you to broadcast silent messages to someone - in the presence of others - without uttering a single sound, to unite your psychic forces with this person, though the distance between you may be great, no matter where you happen to be, in an office or on a crowded bus or train.

But one thing of which you must make certain is that you will not be interrupted - that you will be able to concentrate - at the appointed time. For nothing is more certain to break the invisible line of communication - and power - that exists between you and your Brothers (or Sisters) in spirit than an interruption.

If your group consists of two people, and you both can manage to be alone at the appointed times, a good way is to write your wish down on two pieces of paper, one for each of you. At the appointed time, each of you then concentrates on this paper - which is a kind of Cosmic Letter to the Master Mind of the Universe.

In addition, even if a distance separates you, if you are in a place where no one will hear you, it is desirable to make your request aloud, in a chanting tone - for then these special words produce powerful thought currents...Secret Group Chants...that you may say aloud, with your group...You'll find one for any specific desire you may have. They are called Secret, because it must remain a secret known only to members of the group, that you are using this method. If it became known to outsiders, their skepticism might weaken your faith...These Secret Group Chants are exactly like Hypnospells...

(http://the-eye.eu/public/Books/Occult_Library/Everything_Else/Telecult%20Power%20The%20Amazing%20New%20Way%20to%20Psychic%20and%20Occult%20Wonders.pdf, pp. 63-64)

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The Bay Area Moonies have an elaborate mythology wrapped around Onni’s first two years in this new land. We were told that each day she would go to the Oakland Holy Ground and pray for God’s help in building the Church...Eventually God rewarded this self-sacrifice by providing her first disciple Kristina; and upon this foundation, the Californian branch of the Moonies was built.

None of the sisters...could claim to truly understand Onni. Partly because we were in such awe of her. Partly because she was so neurotic, so unstable, so changeable of mood...‘If you go away,’ she said, ‘you dangerous, because you know too much.’

(http://howwelldoyouknowyourmoon.tumblr.com/post/183852869528/onni-durst-the-dragon-lady)

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The following are quotes from Onni…:"If one person doubts then no good. If on staff and drop out, this creates disunity because can't trust you. Such people are betrayers. You know heavenly secrets. If you go away, you dangerous because you know too much.

(http://howwelldoyouknowyourmoon.tumblr.com/post/184086576378/onni-speaks)

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Onni feared that Michele knew many secrets about the inner operation of the Church and would tell.

(http://howwelldoyouknowyourmoon.tumblr.com/post/183877916568/who-is-the-captive)

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Cults often emphasize ritual chanting, meditation, or prayer. It is well known that repetition induces trancelike altered states of consciousness...trance states stop you from thinking...Members are encouraged to feel, not to think.

(http://howwelldoyouknowyourmoon.tumblr.com/post/184114926633/cult-conversion-deprogramming-and-the-triune)

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What happened, I think, in all that noise, those musical instruments braying out enthusiasm, the stamping feet and sweating bodies, the thin walls of the Chicken Palace trembling and filling the room with a communal power, and a young woman with small hands sitting next to me, putting her small hand in mine— what happened was that a kind of tiredness about my own “yes buts” and “this but not thats” descended over me, something clicked in, and I thought, I want to be with these people—and I consented to the theory of a jealous angel screwing things up at the beginning of time. It seemed a small concession.

(http://howwelldoyouknowyourmoon.tumblr.com/post/183949378978/boonville-in-the-spring-of-1974)

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Was I brainwashed? Does the Unification Church brainwash its recruits?... One may decide...that the Unification Church’s method of recruitment is not a matter of you “giving it up,” but of them taking it away from you. By the end of a weekend Moonie training session (called “seminars” for the benefit of the unenlightened) you are in a highly suggestible frame of mind. Why? What have they done to you?...what genius (evil genius?) created Moonie training sessions?

(http://howwelldoyouknowyourmoon.tumblr.com/post/183828852568/moonie-buddhist-catholic-a-spiritual-odyssey-by)

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Whatever it was the Moonies did to people seemed to have a powerful and lasting effect.

On the morning of his fourth day in Boonville, Mike had woken up to perceive things with a “new clarity”. “My doubts were fading...I can’t figure out why I bought the lies, why I didn’t ask questions the way I usually do. Something came over me, destroyed my critical thinking. I just wasn’t my normal self at all."...I think I was brainwashed—that’s all I can call it..."

All activity was punctuated by endless clapping and cheering, particularly the “family cheer”, a seemingly innocent little chant...

Ideas were repeated in a variety of ways, hammering the message home with hypnotic effect...The ceaseless chanting and singing was echoing in my ears...The camp was proving a strange mix of boot camp, kindergarten and psychotherapy session, and it was getting to me...The chanting continued hypnotically..

As with so many other techniques at Boonville, the purpose of the mind-numbing chant was to keep us from “spacing out”, from finding seconds to daydream and possibly entertain “negative” or unproductive thoughts about life at the camp.

The overload of information and emotion made the pull of the group so strong that at times, inexplicably, I felt like giving in myself, despite what I knew...my thoughts seemed to buffet each other like waves in a storm, flooding my mental processes and short-circuiting my normal thinking...Self-hypnotic techniques would be taught to them, supposedly to increase their concentration, in reality to further blot out the capacity for critical thought.

Recruits would begin to feel special—in touch with some kind of “force”...

(https://tragedyofthesixmarys.com/moonwebs-by-josh-freed-1-of-3/)

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Durst was looking very dapper in an expensive powder-blue suit with matching shoes, but it was his Korean wife who caught the eye. She was wearing a fabulous white fur coat which contrasted with her shoulder-length silky black hair, and as she held up her hands, diamonds and rubies glittered under the lights...

No one was more aware of Durst’s good public image than Onni...His personal lifestyle has become almost as extravagant as that of Moon himself. His Avalon estate, known as The Gardens, has seven bedrooms, a four-car garage, sauna, pool, cabana, a superb view over San Francisco bay and the kind of luxurious Oriental furnishings that only the very rich could even dream about. His cars are Lincolns and Mercedes, the carriages of the Moonie upper-echelon.

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One has to wonder if Onni Durst used this TELE-CULT book to her own "personal" advantage to go along with my hypothesis that she (and her inner circle?) employed the book's contents to seduce potential recruits into the UC.

In any case, I can only thank God that the "Oakland Cult" is a thing of the past.

'Til the next,

Don Diligent