#incorrect thor

[incorrectmarvels]

Loki: I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.

Thor: I’d be more comforted if you didn’t put ‘feelings’ in air quotes.

[reginaphalangelobster]

Coffee

Tony on his 5th cup of coffee by 6am: FRIDAY run the diagnostics again Pepper walks in with two cups of tea Pepper: Tony, you should really lay off the coffee, how many cups have you had in the in the past hour? Tony: 4 F.R.I.D.A.Y: 5 Mr Stark Pepper: See Tony, you have a problem Tony: I don't have a problem Pep, I just like coffee. It's better than you and your tea Pepper: There is nothing wrong with tea. It has health benefits Tony: It still had caffeine and you're addicted too Pepper: I am not! Tony scoffing: Yeah right, you keep telling yourself that Peter, walking through the door: Good morning Mr Stark, Ms Potts Tony: Morning Pete Pepper: Good morning Peter Tony: Hey kid, settle something for us will ya, Pep thinks tea is better and I think its coffee, which is it? Pepper: You can't keep using him to get your way Tony, he always sides with you Peter: I haven't had either Tony & Pepper: Ever? Peter: Nope, May never let me Tony: Well today's the day kid, prepare for your whole world to change Pepper: Don't you think you're being a little dramatic, Tony? Tony: Not at all, I'll never forget the first time I had coffee. I bet you still remember your first cup of tea Pepper: Well, yes but- Tony: But nothing, here kid try this Tony hands a mug of coffee to Peter and he takes a big gulp Peter: Bleugh! I'm sorry Mister Stark but that's awful. How do you drink it everyday? Tony: You get used to it, eventually it burns off a lot of your taste buds Peter: I don't think that's right Pepper: Yeah Tony, that doesn't sound healthy Tony: Pfft! It's fine, both of you worry too much Peter starts to feel the effects of the caffeine and his eyes go wide Pepper: Tony, I think something is wrong with Peter Tony: Nothings wro- Oh, thats-thats not good Peter: No Mr Stark, I feel amazing! I bet I could beat Captain Rogers in a race, I'm gonna go find out. Bye! Peter ran out of the lab and down the stairs Pepper glares at Tony for a moment Tony: Alright I'll go Tony enters the elevator but by the time the doors open on the common room floor Peter is already there practically jumping off the walls Peter: Mr Captain Rogers America Sir, how fast can you run? Steve, looking slightly concerned: Pretty fast kid, uh you okay? Peter: Yeah yes totally fine super fine! Wanna race? Steve: I don't think that's a good idea, where's Tony? Peter: He's in the lab, no the elevator, no I think he's around the corner Thor walks through the door and smiles brightly as he sees Peter Thor: Young Spiderling! How have you been? Peter: I'm good Mr Thor. How are you? How was space? How is Asgard? Did you fight any big aliens? Or scary monsters? Thor: Oh I have much to tell you. As soon as Heimdall sent me to Asgard on the Bi-frost I was met with a ginormous and fearsome beast- Peter: That's so cool Mr Thor! I was wondering, can you run fast? Thor: Yes, very Peter: Great! Do you wanna race around the tower and see who wins? Thor: That sounds like fun, let us go! Thor and Peter ran off, out through the door and around the tower right as Tony walked into the room Tony: Where are they going? Steve: They're racing around the tower. Is everything okay with him? He seems a little off Tony: He had his first sip of coffee Steve: You gave that kid coffee? What's wrong with you? Tony: I admit that I may have made a mistake Steve: May?! Tony: Okay, I did make a mistake Suddenly Peter comes flying back into the room Peter: Oh hey Mr Stark! Did you know I can run faster than Thor? Thor runs though the door and stop with his hand on his knees, panting Thor, breathlessly: Y-you are a v-very fast run-runner Tony: That's it, you are NEVER having coffee again Peter: But I love coffee! It's amazing! Thor: What is coffee? Tony: No, nope, nu uh, not again!

This was inspired by a post from @anyaharveyii thank you for the inspiration, I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you like it.

@everyonesfriend I think you might like this!

Tags:

@impetusofadream @goldfishthegr8 @avengers-official-recruit-agent @goreygirl03 @xenasolos @sparklyturtlefox @rios-sythe @nekoannie-chan @ilovemarvel12 @hayneyney @n3ponen @8812-342

[spider-manz]

[i-a-q]

Bruce: You’re too reckless.

Thor: And you’re too careful. We balance each other out.

[incorrectmcuquotess]

Loki: Can I have these question mark stickers?

Thor: Why?

Loki: I wanna put them on stop signs! [runs out]

Thor: Loki no!

[lovelyinspiration1463]

Thor, stumbling into the room: Loki, help! I've been struck by an arrow in the shoulder!

Loki, leisurely sipping tea: That sounds like a 'you' problem.

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Tim: Oh, Damian's tried to kill me lots of times.

Tim: There was one time when we were younger, he disguised himself as a case file, because he knows I love case files.

Tim: So I went to pick it up to work on it and he took off the disguise and went 'MBLEGH it's me!' and stabbed me.

Damian: *smiles fondly at the memory*

Dick: Damian, no stabbing your brothers.

Jason: There's a more important issue here. How the fuck was he disguised as a case file -

[vyynn]

Tony "I have better things to do" Stark who immediately adopts a dog because he overheard Peter saying that he had always wanted to raise one.

Bucky "Get this kid out of here" Barnes who immediately drags Peter into the gym because he saw Peter get hurt and wants to teach him better self defense techniques.

Steve "I have no time for this" Rogers who goes to Peter's report card day whenever Aunt May or Tony are busy. (He secretly gets happy when Peter asks him to go)

Natasha "I don't need this relationship" Romanoff who spoils and treats Peter like he's her kid because she won't ever be able to have her own.

Bruce "I don't have the patience" Banner who drops everything and anything whenever he finds out that Peter is injured. (He patiently listens to Peter's rambling while he's treating him)

Thor "Who do you think you are" Odinson who treats Peter like a little brother because he reminds him of Loki's clumsy personality when they were kids.

Clint "I don't need another kid" Barton who plays catch with Peter at 5:30 pm when he has to stay in the tower for a long time because that's the time he plays with his kids.

finally a long one cause I was inactive for a few days, hope you guys enjoy♡

[everwalldigan]

(Dick coming to collect Jason after he’s been “wrongfully” captured by the justice league while Batman is off world:)

Dick: Listen, Hood might be a criminal, but he’s one of Gotham’s. And he’s my brother.

JL: he killed 80 people in two days.

Dick: …he’s adopted?

Jason, glaring while bound to a chair: SO ARE YOU???

[jarvispoptart]

Clint: What’s the dumbest thing you believed as a child ?

Tony: that I was gonna marry Captain America

Steve: *whips his head around so fast his neck snaps*

[hurtspideyparker]

Part 3 of if Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together

Part 1 Part 2

-

Mission debrief:

Thor: Don't feel bad Banner, I mean is there anyone at this table who hasn't killed somebody?

Peter: *slowly raises hand*

Natasha: Don't worry you're still young

Peter: 😟

-

Steve: Has anyone seen my shield?

Clint: *points outside*

*Peter, Thor, and Bucky playing frisbee with it*

Steve: I guess I'm not saving those orphans today :/

-

Clint: Tony I said seedless watermelon, are you trying to kill me?

Tony: You're a big boy, you aren't gonna choke

Clint: No but it might... grow

Tony: Oh please don't tell me you still think watermelon seeds grow inside your stomach if you swallow them

Clint:

Pietro: Bro got a licence to kill but still has a Jack and the Beanstock level of education

-

2:34 am

Tony: *leaving Steve's bedroom*

Sam: *leaving Bucky's bedroom*

Tony:

Sam:

Tony: Let's never speak of this?

Sam: Yep.

-

Steve: Tony, you're the smartest person I know. You understand anything you set out to study, your passion is remarkable, innovation beyond anyone on the planet, and an incredible memory

Tony: Thank you thank you

Steve: So why do you STILL NOT CLOSE THE KITCHEN CABINETS

Tony: Uh

Steve: SOME OF US ARE TALL TONY. SOME OF US HAVE BRUISES ON THEIR FOREHEADS BECAUSE OF THIS NEGLIGENCE

-

Tony: Goodnight kid *tucks Peter into bed and kisses his forehead*

*Clint, Vision, Thor, and Dum-E waiting outside the room*

Tony: Oh come on. All of you?

*nodding*

Tony: Vision you don't even sleep. Dum-E I am not kissing you again you gave me chemical burns last time

Dum-E: *lowers head and whirs sadly*

-

Bucky: Don't sit so close to me

Sam: Why, cause I'm black 🤨

Bucky: No because you smell like ass sweat

Sam:

Sam: Why, cause I'm bl-

-

During training:

Natasha: *flips Steve and slams him onto his back*

Peter: Woah! I wanna know how to do that

Natasha: *flips Peter and slams him onto his back*

Natasha: Seems like you already know how

-

Tony: Okay Merida, you and me, darts for a hundred bucks. My suit vs. your freak self

Clint: I'll take that bet

*7 minutes later*

Tony: I have advanced AI targetting technology. SUPER. SUIT. How did I lose?!

Clint: It can do a lot of things Tony but at the end of the day it can't super suck this di-

-

Bucky: Sam's in medical so I'll do the mission debrief with you

Natasha: That was fast, I thought you'd still be coddling your boyfriend the rest of the day

Bucky: What. How do you know about us.

Natasha: I don't, it was a joke...

Bucky:

Natasha:

Bucky: Damn you really are good at interrogation

-

Bruce: I've taken up puzzles as a hobby. It's actually really relaxing

*Box is missing the last piece*

Bruce: *sighs, erases the 61 under the 'Days Without Hulk Incident' sign*

-

Natasha: Kings

Bucky: Go fish. Sevens?

Natasha: Nada. Fives?

Bucky: Shit. Here

Sam: I thought y'all were playing poker, are you for real playing Go Fish?

Natasha: Our pockets got cleaned out so we quit. The poker game is over by Steve

Peter: HAHA SUCK IT OLD MAN, AMERICA JUST WENT BANKRUPT *pulls giant pile of animal crackers to himself*

-

Steve: Do you want to play catch?

Wanda: What?

Steve: Um. Do you want to watch Hannah Montana?

Wanda: I don't even know what you're talking about

Steve: Maybe I could show you how to brush your teeth?

Wanda: Steve you're really scaring me

Steve: The article said to do it together! *shows phone*

Wanda: Are you getting parenting advice from wikihow? Did you even read it or were you just skimming the pictures

Steve: ...Well why'd they put toothbrushing in the photo if it wasn't a good bonding activity?

-

Sam: Why are your titties so bouncy man. Is it to deflect bullets?

Steve: What did you just say about my chest...

Sam: Hey I call em as I see em, and they're staring right at me.

-

Peter: Yo Mr. Stark wanna see a backflip?

Peter: Oh Cap come see my front handsprings

Peter: Natasha watch this aerial cartwheel!

Tony: Why did you tell him you were in the circus. Now that the idea's in his head all he does is jump around and cause noise complaints from downstairs

Clint: C'mon it's cute! He's talented

Bucky: I'm gonna tell him it doesn't count because he has superpowers and that he's a cheat

Tony: But that'll ruin his confidence

Bucky: God I hope so

[incorrectmarvels]

Loki: I can explain.

Thor: Can you?

Loki: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

[reginaphalangelobster]

Slut

Odin, on his deathbed: Thor, just remember you're smarter than people say you are, you have common sense and you know what you are doing. Odin: Loki, you're a slut.

Tags:

@impetusofadream @goldfishthegr8 @avengers-official-recruit-agent @goreygirl03 @xenasolos @sparklyturtlefox @rios-sythe @nekoannie-chan @ilovemarvel12 @hayneyney @n3ponen @8812-342 @everyonesfriend @pinkthick @craftytacopiecash @meryuniverse @aliljaybird @yelldontwhisper @justhereforthememesnangst @lonely-core @dianawinchester03 @leloishere @macbaetwo @castielshunterwife @scarletluvsdanno

[spideyy0y]

Avengers/marvel/irondad texts part 4

[i-a-q]

Thor: Is everyone ready for battle?

Peter: I… I lost my web shooters.

Bucky: I think my arm’s stuck.

Sam: This suit is too tight.

Steve: *sighs* This is why we have meetings beforehand.

[shxrkk]