#like in a weird way when are extremely anxious being in a bad relationship is sort of validating

[thepoisonroom]

it's so crazy to be in a really healthy relationship but still have emotional problems because every time i want to catastrophize about things with my girlfriend i'm like "buddy that doesn't even make any sense are you sure that's not your brain problems 🤨"

[amadeness]

── .✦ Dating Bakugou Katsuki - general headcanons (x male reader, time-skip)

WORD COUNT: 1097

── .✦

It takes him an unbelievable amount of time to realize he likes you. But once he does, he’ll be extremely straightforward. (He believes it will be easier for him once he gets rejected.)

Somehow always secretly knew that he was into guys but decided to ignore it. He wasn’t really interested in relationships, to begin with.

He’s not gay. He just really likes you. A man. (His words. He doesn’t want to label himself.)

Invites you on a date but forgets to tell you that it’s a date and not just you two hanging out. Realizes in the middle of the night and then just casually drops: “Oh yeah, this is a date. I like you.” like it’s not that big of a deal. Gets upset when you stare at him in confusion after.

Might try to act romantic in the beginning, it’s what he always assumed relationships are about. But once he realizes it’s not working for him, he’ll drop it pretty quickly. (Doesn’t mean that he can’t be romantic on occasion. It’s just it only works when he’s not actually trying.)

Nothing is stopping YOU from being romantic tho, if you know what I mean. 

His love languages are food and fighting. He’ll try to feed you delicious food while complimenting anything you cook (unless you’re like… really bad. Then he’ll try to teach you.) 

Everything you two do is a competition. It was like that even before you started dating but now he doesn’t get as angry when you win, just pouty. He enjoys seeing you getting better at whatever you do, it’s also a great way to spend time with each other.

The big spoon. Feels like he’s keeping you safe like this.

He’s not easing his family into anything. He’ll just casually drop that he has a boyfriend at a family dinner and move on. The fact that it was after about half of a year of you two dating isn’t that surprising.

Will refuse to elaborate when anyone asks any following questions.

The squad had to figure it out on their own. Maybe after months of him acting weird, Denki accidentally crashes your date. Katsuki still refuses to say anything, so you’ll have to be the one to break the news.

Doesn’t really get jealous. Is more offended that this whoever thought they could take his place.

He really enjoys doing simple everyday tasks with you - think cooking, grocery shopping, and cleaning. Being a pro might make some of this a bit more complicated due to the possibility of being recognized in public, but that doesn’t stop the two of you.

Personally commissions matching pieces of jewellery for your three-month anniversary. A ring (that he wears on a chain around his neck) for him and whatever you prefer for you. Both pieces can be used as trackers in case of emergencies and are made from (almost) indestructible material. Will sulk if he sees you’re not wearing it.

── .✦ Pro-Hero!reader

On the fence about working with you. Seeing you and personally making sure that you’re doing alright is easing his anxieties. Sometimes he can get a bit distracted tho.

But don’t be mistaken. He knows how strong you are and that you can take care of yourself just fine, he probably wouldn’t be into you otherwise. That doesn’t mean he can’t be anxious.

You probably went to a different hero school. You first met during a joint training/license exam and when you guys graduated, you started working for the same agency.

He’s fascinated by your efficiency on the field and strategic thinking. Your first real conversation was him asking you to spar.

── .✦ Civilian!reader

Doesn’t matter if you have a quirk or not, he’ll insist on you learning self-defence and will teach you personally.

What attracted him to you was your fearlessness while facing any kind of danger. That doesn’t mean he isn’t angry any time you get in danger’s way without you needing to.

You two probably met during some kind of emergency. You did something stupid to help apprehend the villain or save another civilian. First, he screamed at you for being too reckless. Then he complimented you on your quick thinking and courage.

Later he found out that you frequent his favourite restaurant/bar and you started talking. When the squad found out, they decided to befriend you too and adopt you into the friend group.

── .✦ nsfw

A power bottom. Wants to feel the maximum amount of pleasure but doesn’t want to give up control.

Nothing happens until he’s the one feeling it. You’re horny but he’s not? Great, take care of it on your own.

Your first time together was awkward. He refuses to talk about it in advance and just… believes that you two will figure it out as you go. The night ends with a ruined orgasm, bruise and one pouty blond.

After that, he was finally convinced to have a proper conversation with you. He wouldn’t look into your eyes the whole time, but he was surprisingly straightforward about his likes and dislikes, carefully listening to everything you’ve said.

Praise kink, but no degradation, please.

Bondage is also a big, non-negotiable no for him. As well as breath play. (both giving and receiving)

I think he’d be against consciously hurting you in general.

On the other hand, he’s really into leaving hickeys and edging. (giving)

Really into quickies if he’s the one initiating. He refuses to do it in any “weird” or unsanitary places but around the house? His favourite was the kitchen counter. (He was strictly against it at first but then it just happened and he enjoyed it a bit too much. He had to disinfect the place three times before he was calm again. Now he sometimes gets horny while cooking because he keeps thinking of it.)

Starts out rough and fast. The more rounds, the gentler and slower he gets, craving more affection.

Expects and loves aftercare, even tho he’ll pretend he hates it at first and that you don’t need to fuss about him.

Help to clean both him and the bed up before burying under the fresh covers together to cuddle and talk. Doesn’t matter if it’s about the sex you just had or about your day. He just wants to listen to your voice while lying on your chest and tracing patterns into your naked skin.

Will act annoyed if he can’t walk the next day but you both know that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

── .✦ (please excuse any mistakes, i'm not a native speaker)

── .✦ © all rights reserved to amadeness. do not repost or translate without permission.

[lilybecca1]

My analysis on Midoriya and why I think he has undiagnosed BPD

Throughout Izuku's childhood, he was always seen as weird, off-putting, an outsider to social norms. Being left out, being seen as "different" is very common amongst people, especially kids, with undiagnosed disorders. So let's jump straight into it. What is BPD and how does it develop? (Contains manga spoilers)

Here are a few summaries amongst many that I have found (also, I'm not a psychologist or a healthcare professional, these are all just based on my own observations):

BPD, short for Borderline Personality Disorder, is a severe mental health condition characterized by a pervasive and challenging pattern of symptoms including emotional dysregulation, unstable self-identity, fear of abandonment, intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, impulsivity, and self-harming behaviors.

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) experience extreme emotions. Once a powerful emotion is triggered, it is very hard for them to calm down. Because of this, they often have unstable relationships. They also engage in self-destructive behavior.

Researchers think that BPD is caused by a combination of factors, including:

Stressful or traumatic life events (for example, emotional abuse, neglect, often having felt afraid, upset, unsupported or invalidated),

And genetic factors.

Symptoms may include:

A strong fear of abandonment. This includes going to extreme measures so you're not separated or rejected, even if these fears are made up.

A pattern of unstable, intense relationships, such as believing someone is perfect one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel.

Quick changes in how you see yourself. This includes shifting goals and values, as well as seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist.

Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality.

Self-injury

Wide mood swings that last from a few hours to a few days. These mood swings can include periods of being very happy, irritable or anxious, or feeling shame.

Ongoing feelings of emptiness.

Inappropriate, strong anger, such as losing your temper often, being sarcastic or bitter, or physically fighting.

Now, let's get into it.

BPD, like all disorders, isn't the same for every person. Symptoms and the intensity of these symptoms can vary. It can make some people's life and relationships really difficult, but others can go on for years undiagnosed living a completely happy life without even knowing there's anything wrong. Midoriya's case, in my opinion, is the latter. These symptoms don't surface that obviously in him, but I believe, in different circumstances (queue those Villain Deku and traumatized Deku fics) these symptoms and behaviours could actually turn into much bigger problems and affect his life in a much more impactful way. But, in any case, let's analyze these symptoms and how they may have surfaced in him throughout the manga.

Of course, I decided to turn to TikTok as well and watch some actual explanations and experiences from people who actually have been diagnosed with this disorder in order to understand BPD on a more subjective level, not just objective. And what I have found turned out to be very interesting.

People with BPD often develop a very emotionally attached connection with one specific person in their life, which is their "Favorite person". This person can be anything including a friend, family, therapist, partner, etc. This is a person that someone with BPD can become dependent on. They often view them as a person who's perfect and can do nothing wrong. They might overshare, and expect availability from that person at all times. The dependence on this person goes beyond just adoration, because they are idolizing them to the point where it's all consuming. A person with BPD can switch from absolute adoration one moment to absolute hate the next. They might have trouble with boundaries, sometimes even having zero boundaries when it comes to that person. Their life constantly revolves around that person and the favorite person's identity becomes their own, and they can feel literal physical pain when losing that person. You see where I'm getting at?

I believe Midoriya has developed this dependency and attachment towards one particular person, can you guess who?

Yep, Bakugo Katsuki

Midoriya views Kacchan as perfect, as the embodiment of the image of victory. It's like he blindly ignores Katsuki's bad traits and the things he has done to him, and he idealizes him to the point that Katsuki became his symbol of victory. So much so that he himself has absorbed this identity that he built around Katsuki, for example during battles, which we see during the moments he clearly imitates Bakugo and mirrors him. Izuku "ILoveKacchan'sPersonalSpace" Midoriya basically has zero boundaries when it comes to Katsuki, I mean y'all let's not forget he basically stalked him and even knows what body part Katsuki washes first in the shower. Not to mention he gives zero fucks about boundaries when he butts into Bakugo's emotions even though Bakugo has clearly tried setting boundaries for almost their whole time knowing each other. Deku has also overshared with Katsuki(and only Katsuki), when he told him about OFA even though it was literally meant to be the one secret that he should have kept to himself. His life has always revolved around Bakugo to the point he cannot keep himself away from him.

And talk about experiencing physical pain when losing the favorite person...remember when Bakugo was kidnapped? Yeah, remember that kinda cringe and second hand embarrassing, absolutely animalistic scream that Midoriya let out? Yeah, well..... And then when he actually lost Katsuki, when he saw his dead body. Izuku lost control of his quirks in the middle of a freaking battle, LITERALLY started choking on Blackwhip and screaming in pain, and Blackwhip turned into a heart pierced by three swords that symbolizes intense and extreme physical and emotional pain. Need I say more? No.

And if you think Midoriya isn't capable of extreme hate too, ahhahaha, you're wrong. He can fr switch from absolutely adoring his Kacchan to planning how he's gonna rip off his legs in his diary. Yeah, I haven't forgotten about that one, Izuku.

So, it's very clear that Bakugo is Midoriya's FP and that he has developed this unhealthy, borderline toxic dependency towards him. But let's break down his character even further.

People with BPD tend to engage in self-harming and dangerous activities impulsively, diving in without thinking, in order to feel something. Well, we can tick that one too. Problem child number 1 is known to do and jump into things impulsively without thinking, even if it causes self-injury. In fact, he sometimes engages these self-destructive behaviours on purpose, like all those times when he broke his own bones over and over again. All this just so he can make Todoroki use his right side. Seriously, Deku. Yes, they are training to be heroes, but noone in the class is as reckless and impulsive as Izuku.

Which actually brings me to my next point, which is people with BPD objectifying themselves for validation, going insane lengths just to prove their own self-worth, never having a clear sense of self and seeing themselves as bad or as if they don't exist. I have talked about this in a previous theory of mine too, which you can read here. Midoriya Izuku does not have a clear sense of self. He mirrors others around him, behaving according to the mood and expectations of others. He has no sense of self, because he has built his identity around wanting to be a hero. To him, he is only worth something if he reaches that goal, that dream. Meaning he has no self worth or identity unless he does as he is expected to do, aka be a hero and put everyone else before himself, sacrificing his own needs, and in worse cases his own well-being. He basically objectifies his own self and turns himself into a simple puppet, a Deku, an empty vessel that can hold OFA and his dream of being a hero. To himself, he is nothing more than an object that's meant to be sacrificed if it's needed.

Now, let's continue with: emotional dysregulation, extreme mood swings, and inappropriate, strong anger, such as losing your temper often, being sarcastic or bitter, or physically fighting.

Well, first let's talk about something that's called "splitting". BPD is a disorder that causes extreme mood swings, making the person go one second from feeling happy and fine, to the next second feeling complete, pure rage. There is a fine line between these two moods, and it's very easy to fall over the edge. For some people, it can happen multiple times a day and could last from minutes to hours to even days, and for others, it can happen very rarely, it depends on how severe the symptoms are for each person. One thing in common though, is that splitting occurs when a specific memory, trauma or emotion gets triggered.

There are different types of splits, one of them being Rage split. Rage splits usually come with sudden outbursts of anger that seemingly come out of nowhere. When it occurs, the person might feel a tightness in their chest, their vision might narrow. They might experience a burning sensation in their chest as if their heart is trying to escape. This overwhelming emotion of anger can cause them to become infuriated with someone or something for no apparent reason. These episodes can cause impulsive actions, inappropriate speech and violent behaviour. It's almost like a cathartic release of emotion, and oftentimes the person doesn't remember the event fully, or only remembers it as a blur.

Now let's compare Midoriya's rage and outbursts and how they could be considered as splitting.

Scenario One: Izuku screaming his ass off saying GIVE ME MY KACCHAN BACK, charging at the obviously overpowered villains with two broken arms. Now, we can all agree that this was pretty out of character for him, and everyone was like Okay wtf. So the threat of losing Katsuki(which also directly correlates to his fear of abandonment) triggered him and made him impulsively and recklessly run towards the villains, even though he was completely defenseless.

Scenario Two: "Monoma, you b*tch". Midoriya literally unlocking a NEW QUIRK cause Monoma was talking shit about his FP, causing violent behaviour from him, getting tunnel vision, being completely OUT of it to the point they had to use Shinso's quirk to make him snap out of the episode. And now, this wasn't just about some rando insulting Bakugo. In my theory I explained how Monoma insulting Bakugo was essentially Monoma insulting Izuku's own values and identity. Because he has absorbed Bakugo's ideals, his values, his desire to win. Monoma talking shit about him felt like he just insulted who Izuku was as a person, as if he jabbed at the very essence of Izuku's dream, of his ideals. THAT was why it triggered him so bad.

Scenario Three: Midoriya vs Shigaraki 1. FP got stabbed, Midoriya immediately saw red and ran straight into the villain's hand without thinking about the consequences. He almost rage quit y'all. He raged so hard he bit the goddamn tendril like a freaking dog. He disassociated so hard he got tunnel vision and his eyes actually lit ablaze. Bruh.

Scenario There'stoomuchtokeepcount: Midoriya vs Shigaraki 2. Aka Deku AFK-ing in the middle of a freaking war and being like I'm out, y'all on your own now, after seeing FP's dead body. Tightness in his chest, unable to breathe, vision narrowed, in fact, completely blocked because of Smokescreen. A burning sensation in his chest as if his heart wanted to escape = Three of Swords. A cathartic release of emotion as his quirks released and gotten out of control. His biggest rage split moment right there.

But, rage isn't the only type of splitting that can occur. Another type is Isolation split.

Isolation splits usually stem from a deep-seated fear of abandonment. You may find yourself feeling unwelcome and unwanted, even in familiar environments such as school. You might have an urge to push people away, and often cut yourself off from others. For some, this means aggressively cutting people out of their lives for no apparent reason, for others, it might be a more subtle withdrawal from social groups and conversations. All the while hoping that someone will notice and ask them how they are doing. It might also include suppressing anger into anxiety, guilt, or self-hatred, identity dysmorphia, self-sabotaging relationships to be in control, stress-related paranoia, loss of contact with reality, and on-going feelings of emptiness.

Reminds me of a certain Vigilante Arc.

Isolation splits usually stem from fear of abandonment. In Izuku's case, why did he leave UA? Well, on the surface level, it was to protect his classmates from harm. But on a deeper level..

During his Vigilante Arc, he felt like he had to carry the burden of OFA all by himself. He felt like this responsibility that he carried made him a burden for others, including Katsuki, his friends, his family, and All Might. He feared that they would also realize this and feel like he's a burden, so he pushed them away, cut himself off, and left before they could leave him behind. Of course, this is not the truth, but this is what he believed. His feelings of anxiety towards the possibility of losing them in the war, his guilt of being a burden, his self-sabotaging is what made him believe that he is unwanted, unwelcome. During splits, the person views everything as either black or white, no in-between. Either all good, or all bad. He wanted to feel in control by leaving them behind for "their sake", almost maniacally insistent on being alone, like in the scene where All Might wanted to check on him and give him some food, but Deku ultimately ended up pushing him away and leaving him on the ground too.

During these episodes, people with BPD cannot logically think the situation through, they don't understand that their intense paranoia and belief that everyone hates them is just the reflection of their own feelings. During this episode, this Vigilante Arc(the episode didn't last for the entire arc, but there were probably higher and lower moments instead) he lost contact with reality and lived in a state of constant paranoia and a feeling of emptiness. He believed it was for the "better", but deep inside, that child inside of him just wanted someone to save him, to pull him back and not let go. Deep down he was just a child who just wanted some reassurance and to be validated. Like in his letter to Katsuki. Although we didn't see the whole letter, there were snippets of "Help me", and "thanks for everything" in it, reflecting Izuku's own feelings of "Please love me" and how even though he said he wanted to be alone, deep down he just wanted Katsuki to save him, to be there by his side.

Lastly, another symptom of BPD that can occur, albeit rarely, is the idolization, devaluation and ghosting of certain people, specifically the Favorite Person. This might just, technically, explain the ending of the manga and Chapter 431. Midoriya subconsciously idolized Katsuki his whole life seeing him as perfect. But as we all know, nobody is perfect. Midoriya had always viewed Kacchan as his image of victory, as someone who cannot lose. Yet, he has. The very person who he believed could never ever lose died on the battlefield. The person who believed was the strongest broke down crying in front of him saying he wants to be on his heels for the rest of his life. And what was Izuku's reaction?

Stop crying, this isn't like you.

Midoriya progressively went through the devaluation of Bakugo Katsuki's character, of his Favorite Person. Now, this is just a theory, because devaluation doesn't necessarily mean anything bad. It just means that he had stopped blindly idolizing Katsuki and realized that he is just a human too.

But in some cases of BPD, devaluation also comes with losing interest. Of finding a new favorite person who they see as their new "idol". Or to put it simply, Uraraka. Now, I don't want to go into more details because I am still very much hurt from Chapter 431, but we have seen an obvious ignorance, almost ghosting from Izuku's side towards Katsuki, something that is completely the opposite of how he would have acted before the war. Instead, he is looking at Ochaco as if she was his hero, and he sees her as a person that he wants to get to know more, to get closer to. Leaving Bakugo behind.

I spy an untreated BPD right there. But how could this disorder have developed in Midoriya? Well, it can be due to either genetics, or a series of traumatic events during childhood, for example emotional abuse, neglect, and going through feelings like being afraid, upset, unsupported or unvalidated.

Well emotional abuse came from the bullying. Neglect came from his father leaving. Being afraid was also because of the bullying and Bakugo. He felt unsupported by his own mother when it came to his dream of becoming a hero after being diagnosed quirkless. And he felt unvalidated his whole life simply because he didn't have a quirk. So yeah. I'm pretty sure these were all reasons that he has developed BPD, although not a severe case. If he actually turned into a villain and never got into UA, I imagine these symptoms could have worsened, making him extremely irritable, prone to snapping and having emotional outbursts and having an even more toxic codependency in his relationships.

I'm not saying that BPD is anything bad, I also have a friend who has BPD and it doesn't make you a bad person, people with BPD just simply experience emotions more intensely than others.

So yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this analysis, and of course, let me know what you guys think!

[tubbytarchia]

pause. zoom. enhance. good universe smallidarity being the one where joel isnt homophobic. i need to know more about your bad universe smallidarity joel <3

LMAO well "bad universe smallidarity" is how I interpret smallidarity personally. I know my following has been curated a lot by this point but I still get anxious to comment on it out in the open, so I'm just gonna: This is about characters. It's about characters. Hello I'm talking about characters and this says absolutely nothing about any relationships present in the real world and I wouldn't have it any other way than it is now. This is about characters and I am a big fucking fan of Jizzie, don't even doubt me (said in general, not to you lol)

Anyway. I made a long post about this before but it's a little bit cringe so I'm gonna try to sum my thoughts up again: I love analysing Joel's freak behavior and to me his character reads as homophobic but in a deeply closeted way. His relationship with Lizzie is extremely cute but I get more aroace vibes from it than anything honestly. Their characters would have gotten together because, it made sense to. "Hey we like each other, might as well get married" and good for them, but although they are cute and every now and then proclaim their love, it feels more like an obligatory sentiment to make to me, their characters within the Life series and other SMPs I've watched with them just don't strike me as a couple if you take away the specific terms they use that confirm it. Like honest to god someone can try and make a compilation of that and I'm willing to bet that the compilation of him and Jimmy being weird would be at least comparable in length. And frankly I don't think Lizzie gives much of a fuck anyway

Joel's treated Jimmy very undesirably in the past, main culprit being ESMP2, until out of nowhere he chooses to end their rivalry and proclaim them two best friends instead, which Jimmy very easily goes along with. This very sudden change in their relationship being enforced by Joel makes me think he came to some revelation and had a good think about it. That's a lie, he's bad at that, he probably had a meltdown instead and didn't know how to fix things other than to go tell Jimmy "hey lets be friends now and um impose new law". This is where he contributed to the Jimmy ecosystem (AKA the harmful environment and people that enforce the idea that Jimmy is inherently lesser than them) the most and then abruptly stopped. Instances of him belittling Jimmy one way or another still happen afterward but it really has changed and become both more lenient and less frequent. What has been a constant however is the weirdass homoerotic behavior

This since and before ESMP2, but it really gives vibes of someone in love but neglecting to acknowledge it and/or combating those feelings with vocal disapproval of any intimacy that could be inferred. He has a wife after all, in fact, he'll remind you every chance he gets. Joel has no problem indulging in and joking about more sexual approaches vs more affectionate ones. Eg, the neck kisses, calling Jimmy babe, having pillow talk with Tango and literally making a baby with both Jimmy and Sausage in ESMP. But anything affectionate makes him feel vulnerable and so that's a no-no. I have no good explicit examples for this other than the fact that he just doesn't engage in affectionate engages/jokes much (not even with Lizzie) and him refusing to hold Jimmy's hand in SL. It's all jokes, and if it does get too sus, no worries, he can always just proclaim "I have a wife!!" as a no-homo safety net. But methinks he's just in denial. Unfortunately when he starts to grapple with his feelings I think he becomes homophobic and has probably called himself every slur out there. It'd make sense to me given how he often acts around Jimmy. It's not that he has anything against the concept of gay, he just doesn't know how to handle himself being gay

But, along with him trying to step out of the ecosystem and instead wanting to support Jimmy, he's also become more open to intimacy? For lack of a better word. He's been much less outward about his interactions with Jimmy being jokes, eg the RL and WL kisses where they're both just fucking soft about it man and just carry on, or him declaring himself to just be flirting with Jimmy to Gem and Scar in WL with no caveat. Still, Joel absolutely can't express genuine love or care in any conventional manner to Jimmy which hmm. Why might that be... WL puts Joel's worry for Jimmy to the forefront where he is VERY vocally upset about almost each of Jimmy's deaths but can't express this to him any other way than to call him a loser. Other people might hear of his worry (eg Gem) or he'll defend Jimmy to them (disapproving of the premature grave people built for him in SL. This in general is really important in signifying his departure from the ecosystem by disapproving of others within it). He is very nice to Jimmy, like in WL (especially considering Jimmy's several attempts at killing him for no real reason) but only outside of vocal confirmation

This is why in the smallidarity compilation I included clips like him in Phasmo just saying he was worried about Jimmy TO Jimmy because this fucker never says that so this is substantial material for me. It's character development, maybe he's slowly exiting the closet and coming to terms with his feelings and that he can be "vulnerable". Anyway that's why I label him homophobic but the point is that he really does care Jimmy a lot and he's been much better to him and by virtue less homophobic towards himself

[thenocarts]

Re-ani headcanons because I haven't been able to draw these freaks in a while and I NEED to do something

Herbert berbert

•He HATES board games because he sucks so bad at them, nobody ever wanted to play with him and he refuses to let anyone explain the rules to him now

•His diet before the reagent consisted of oatmeal, cigarettes, fentanyl and cock, now he just mixes reagent with alcohol

•He wasn't that much of an asshole when he was younger, sparkly eyed thing he was, then the incident happen (he started trying to be god)

•He's IP banned from editing wikipedia

•He can tap dance, the theater gays kidnapped him when he was 14 and he learned against his will

•Despises theme parks but loves fairs

•Actually a pretty decent singer, and has a flare for the theatrics but will blush and murder if you comment on it

•Having said that I think it's hard for him to blush, even more so after the reagent, his blood is probably gooey

•i think he had some floppy grades, he was either first in class or didn't show up 90% of the time, it depended on how relevant he thought the class was

•Trans of gender

Danny boy

•He comes from a very Cristian conservative family that he cut off years before re-animator started because he's friends with a lot of queer people

•He also is weird about his sexuality, he thinks he's not allowed to be anything but straight even tho he knows he wouldn't be judged by anyone that matters to him

•He fucking loves hotdogs, his favorite food in the entire world, could survive just off that for years

•Has done yoga with older women before

•Golden boy of every school he ever was in, straight A's, never miss a class be it raining or snowing, if he was sick he crawled to school, had to be restrained

•Due to being with no family at like 15, he NEEDS constant reassurance and love because he feels like a failure and a heathen

•He's also, a little fucked up and evil but refuses to confront that fact and blames Herbert for all his evil acts

•He was always a little into fitness but after meg's death he became an extreme gym rat to cope and punish himself, that's why he's so jacked in bride

•Sneezes like a kitten

•Has never even been near the smell of a cigarette and it would kill him on the spot

Megan Hotwheels

•She is the only smart person in that whole ass movie (this is an objective fact)

•She's super into horror, she loves slashers and monsters, everything gorey and scary it's right up her alley

•Not that much of a girly girl, she just puts on the act for her dad, she does like girly stuff tho, she fucks heavily with pink and dresses just not in a cisgender way

•She's very artsy as well, she can paint a mean portrait and sometimes sells them for a little extra cash

•She is the one that found Rufus as a kitten, little flea infested miserable creature, her dad hates cats so she gave him to Dan and is the main corporate behind the fat shaming of her son

•Can roller skate!

•Her mom died when she was very young, she was murdered at her old home and it made her be extremely paranoid for a while, she never feels completely safe even tho she moved towns and they caught her killer

•She has her hair cut in a bob because she pulls at it when anxious and it's the shortest she's allowed to have

•She got bullied when she was younger for being a freaky little kid with huge wet eyes obsessed with killers

•She has a weird relationship with her dad, she loves him but it's frustrated by him because he believes she's this tiny little fawn of god who can't be exposed to the evils of the world, meanwhile she has fucked nasty and probably done some weed, she's an adult and he treats her like a kid

•Shes super into indie bands that not even God knows exist

•"Im probably nonbinary but my dad is dead so idc about that rn"

[laniusbignaturals]

I need young Edward and Joshua

“Young” is a loose word and I’m gonna make it everyone’s problem. TW for canon typical weirdness about women.

Since most of the drama in Caesar’s life happened when he was a small child, thinking about him as a youth requires more focus on that stage of his life. He was born in a semi-rural part of the ncr (think upper middle class southern “rednecks”) so he had access to pre-war clothing and homemade mimicry of it for most of his life. His mom, like any godfearing country girl, knew a bunch of weird ways to make money on the side, and one of them was selling her blonde hair to local artisans, of which there were many in the Boneyard. When Edward was a little boy, she would allow his delicate, filmy yellow hair to grow during California’s cold season and shave it all off in the spring so she could sell it. His birthday was also in the spring, so part of these caps usually went to new toys and clothes for him. (This trope is often used to communicate great misery and desperation, but Miss Sallow had been doing this all her life and saw it as more of a game, so. Don’t feel too bad for them.) The hair selling carried on until Edward was in the third grade, when he became just aware enough of gendered aesthetics to get pissy about it.

Uhhh, what else. Edward committed family annihilation on a duck and its nest when he was eight (duck broth and pickled eggs, yum.) His mom got really mad at him when he was fourteen after she found an illustration of the Roman Charity exemplum in one of his books, so he started keeping secrets young. He got great grades in some subjects and horrible ones in others. He was less violent with girls than with boys, but still really cruel and possessive and fuckboy coded. “Girls” meaning “female kids,” cus he also moved out for a while after choking his mama out when he was a teen. That was one of those highly unhealthy, highly inappropriate relationships that crop up among suburban aristocracy, fostered between an entitled & anxious single parent in a new community and their aggrieved, privileged, closeted kid.

When he was little, he had trouble sleeping, but when he got older he liked to see how long he could go without it, like a morbidly masochistic game. He’d only stop when he started seeing things. His subconscious is not kind to him, lol.

Once he reached maturity, Edward became adept at developing fixations on women without ever actually knowing them. The only girls he ever “loved” were the ones he could set up to be reliably dishonest with him, through intimidation, manipulation or stalking. Edward treated dating like hunting. He knew it was an important part of entering manhood, but he didn’t know how to relate to women who weren’t older & sexually neutral to him, a blank spot in his perceived intelligence that made him extremely anxious.

As for Joshua, he grew up with a large extended family who oversaw his social life and education. He was taught to look on Non-Canaanites (including other Mormons from different communities) as duplicitous and dangerous, and the pressure to defer to the authority of local elders led to Joshua being adultified and taken advantage of in all sorts of ways. As a young boy, he was singled out as small and weak until he discovered firearms. He latched onto the technical aspect right away, and was just as happy to benefit from being talented in a masculinity ritual. He’s a homebody, fond of crafting and reading to other people, and he always had an interest in stories of violent religious martyrdom. Ironic, I know.

I used to use Frank O’Hara as a fancast for Edward, but the smoothness of his features and his pointy oval chin bring Joshua to mind.

Joshua also came from a one-man-several-wives family, which both decreased his level of safety at home as a result of all the distant relatives in the house and encouraged him to distrust outsiders due to the social oddity of the family lifestyle. Real rock and hard place situation, yeah? Perhaps because of this, Joshua is prone to protracted periods of anxiety paralysis, wherein he boils with fear and rage but does nothing. He’s very used to having no choices, or at least not good ones. He coughs a lot and he knows a lot of weird herbal remedies for it. He makes good coffee and strong tea. He can sleep basically anywhere, even sitting up. (Growing up attending church will do that to you.)

As he got older, Joshua learned to relate to girls in a way that mimicked his male relatives’ polygamy. Romance, or what he considers romance, is actually one area where Joshua lets go of his xenophobia - in his mind, marrying a woman more or less makes her a part of him, so he doesn’t get hung up on identity. He was never very sexually active due to all his Body Issues, from sickness to gendered discomfort to minor injuries to the eventual skinlessness. Nonetheless, during his Legion days, he’d marry women in private (largely superficial) ceremonies, and store them in houses throughout their territory afterwards, cohabiting with whichever one was the closest as Caesar’s retinue moved around. Some of them helped spread the myth of the Burned Man after his fall from grace.

[ravenbloodshot]

Not Gong yoo and LDW casually being each others ideal types lmao! 🤣 I peep 👀 I always see LDW being so endearing to him though, like man/bro-crush vibes? I am not saying he's on the DL, I'm not the delusional type. But he looks like the type that's super intelligent and because of that finds it hard to look up to people or even see them as someone he can see as an equal or respect. I know he's the oldest, so he has eldest sibling vibes but I think he grew up quicker than he should've lol, it looks like gong yoo soothes him or is that big bro he's always wanted. I always see he turns small next to him and tries to impress him, kind of like he needs to be subdued or stroked on the head. I know it's an unpopular option because he looks scary but he's so sweet lol, I literally see it pouring out of him and he always feels responsible for his surroundings, so I think no one sees him. Which is why in your break up reading Suzy was out off by him seemingly being more heart-centred than he looked and you said it changed the way he approaches relationships etc, I wouldn't be surprised he was attracted to her and opened up and she was put off? She's probably the type that likes getting taken care of and not the other way around, so she was like you're doing too "much". His change because "oh I'm too much, for future reference I will not get too deep or show a woman my heart". I wouldn't be surprised if he's the type that struggles a lot but his "manliness" makes him look disgusting if he expresses it. Idk he looks like he needs people who see him clearly? I also don't think he's an overly sexual guy, like gong yoo. I usually see him with his red band, you know the Buddhist one? Where the wear it for abistinece of certain things? I'm not saying he's celibate lol but I know he doesn't live beyond his "means", he's a very conscious person, I don't think he ever just rolls out of bed and "does what he wants". Idk I always see these grown ass people need love lol, especially since embarking on my spiritual journey. We really all just are kids needing to be "seen"? For some reason LDW always gave me anxious attachment style whereas gong yoo is dismissive and I know those styles fit each other like a glove. It's always the scary looking ones being marshmallows though. I am also surprised gong yoo even let him get close LMFAO 🤣 I know LDW "chased" him a lot because they talk about it! He's always out here, even toxically seeing the good in people, he also gets along with everyone and stranger love him. People always invite him on shows etc? Idk he's so cute LOL 😂 (I know I'm weird) I wouldn't be surprised if they both would've loved to package each other into the perfect type for them but really they are complimentary. What one is on the outside, the other is on the inside. Also LDW always likes them cold, dismissive types lol. I see that his demeanour changes around his female co-stars when they're the cool types. He also gives to an extreme, he's always having peoples back, which gong yoo typically looks like a happy go lucky people's person but the man really is out for himself and is super hedonistic 😂. Not saying he's bad but I don't think he cares enough and wouldn't think twice about icing people out. It's giving "cut-off game STRONG". All in all, I can tell LDW feels so happy "earning" his spot in his life, I'm sure he's even surprised that he was able to pull it off. Kind of like a drag off a cigarette? Idk his energy always gives me "I'm still here", I think people think he's got his shit together lol. I wouldn't be surprised if he looks up to him and gong yoo is also intrigued by him etc. They're good friends. I want complimentary friends but my ass busy being like Gong yoo. Blissfully unaware of the reason why people like me, body looking like "better not get close, I bite not bark". LMFAO and also couldn't care about the whole kissing ass, I'm so sorry that's what it feels like to me LOL 😂. Please if you ever can, will you do a friendship reading, I would love to see this? Thanks!

Hope you don't mind, it's been a while, I come here sometimes, you're literally the only person who reads... "correctly", or satisfyingly enough? I don't know, also I saw you apologise to an anon talking about "they're either dating or they're not" and you were talking about how you come across some way, you said "whoever said he's either dating or not, isn't saying anything at all because the entire population is either dating or not" etc, idk word for word verbatim but ima have to say you don't owe anyone an apology! That anon said "I have to monitor what I say etc and took it out on you, when they were projecting their lack of understanding and then blamed you and made you monitor what you said and apologise for your own words? Also, why are people bringing up other "readers" if they can't take criticism, they better had learned how to read cards themselves, the audacity!? It's not your business to correct or respond, you are already doing way more than the average reader and excellently engaging with people and nobody is paying you for it. This is incredible and unbelievable, to have this calibre of content for free and actually be a lit ass person, I will literally attack any disrespect shown towards you! Sometimes people think we're doing exactly what they're doing. It pains me to see you had to "correct" yourself when they were literally fighting their own projection and lack of understanding of others. Go back and read it from an objective perspective, you'll see! I want you to take back that apology, even energetically if you can! Something else I want you to know Raven, we LOVE you and we think you communicate CLEARLY, whoever wants to understand it WILL! If anything, you're the only tarot page that reads on people and actually SAYS something that I frequent and enjoy, you actually talk to people properly and read and entertain us. You're the last person who should get attacked. We love you, don't change and don't apologise! Take care you lil sexy bird 🐦‍⬛❤️

— Lip Service Girl 💄💋

Spot on as always 👏👏

A friendship reading between these two does sound interesting, I'll make it happen. Tbh, I never saw a scorpio/cancer dynamic where the Scorpio was the sweetheart (the chaser), and the cancer was more standoffish (or should I say the runner). I found their personality differences/similarities very intriguing.

Also, thanks for understanding and supporting me. Me giving that apology wasn't really bc I thought what I said was wrong in any way, but bc i knew I hurt that anon. They sent separate asks and it just seemed like they wanted to feel like they didn't have sensor their thoughts or have their opinions shut down. And ik exactly how that feels. I didn't like that I made them feel that way even if I didn't mean to.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

So I'm sure you've noticed I've been stalking ur blog lol

When I saw this post it actually kinda resonated with me.

https://www.tumblr.com/gabrielsbubblegumbitch/747324251353300992/i-saw-so-many-alastor-ruined-vox-takes-but-how?source=share

I'm Asexual aromatic but Flirting, touching, and other things that can be taken as romantic are purely natural to me. For me it's never serious just another way for me to show interest and have fun with friends. This has actually lead to issues with a few friends in the past. Unknowingly my blind ass would have people genuinely romantically and sexually interested in me and I wouldn't know. It honestly does feel confusing, and in the strangest way violating when you find out. (Can't think of a better word than violating but I don't think that quite gets the feeling across.)

With the way you phrased it actually made me more understanding of how Alastor can just push Vox away, and resonated with me lol.

Put in the same situation I would likely do the same. I'm not just going to change how I talk or act around this person because they have feelings for me, but I can't ignore/forget that they do.

Unlike Alastor though I am a people pleaser so I did try to enter into those relationships and I safely say it would've ended up so much worse for both Vox and Alastor.

Acting flirtatious/romantic is so very different than actually being interested.

At first you follow the classical steps of romance, dates, flowers, I love yous, you do that with friends too, but physically touch suddenly becomes more uncomfortable. Which could explain why Alastor has a "I touch you, you don't touch me" policy, unless your Nifty/Rosie of course!

Everything that person who 'loves' you does however begins to feel annoying, suffocating.

Alastor feeling claustrophobic, uncomfortable, and confused suddenly because this person who was a good friend suddenly wants to get together would instantly push him away. FORCE Alastor either looks at his own actions or views Vox as some perverse person. Therefore any ideas he might have like new technology come from a perverted place.

Obviously I'm not saying that Vox being interested in Alastor from a romantic angle is automatically perverse or wrong but with how much he values his autonomy it definitely feels weird for someone to WANT to be tied down.

I have a lot of thoughts but it is late so I'm just rambling and have way too many thoughts! I do hope you could more or less make sense of this mess! Thank you!

I'm sorry it took me ages to reply but unfortunately I'm mentally ill and for the las few weeks, putting together a coherent response was too demanding :c But I don't like leaving asks unanswered.

I could make sense of this rambling! Actually it's more or less what I had in mind while writing the original post. I'm autistic so I often miss the fact that people are attracted to me + sometimes things have different meanings for me than for most of people (e.g. lately I said something that made someone think that I want to be romantically involved with them, they rejected me, things got extremely weird and I did my best to explain to them my true feelings but I'm still anxious that they might think that I lied to save face) and I'm aromantic. So I get what you mean with that unreasonable feeling of being violated. It is completely unjustified and I hate feeling that way because I recognize it as utterly unfair toward the other person, who is not hurting me in any way but I can't help it.

So, I can imagine that Alastor - who hasn't been though years of therapy and may not be the most self aware and emotionally open person - could feel very bad with Vox's feelings. Especially when Vox is not above manipulation and gaslightning, and probably doesn't take rejection well so thing could get nasty pretty quickly.

[ruminate88]

Healing and Accepting Yourself 🌹

1/15/25 learning to love yourself

First off, I’ve never felt comfortable to say “I love myself” cuz I’ve always had the mindset I have to be “humble” but self-loathing is bad and is a real thing. I’ve hated myself too long!! In my past, I would pull on my hair almost to pull it out 😓 I felt sooooo ugly and worthless.

The way I wouldn’t eat but then suddenly I’m shoving a bag of chips down my throat till I’m too full. Also, I only drank mountain dew back then 😝 also was drowning myself in porn trying to make myself “feel better”. That’s all real and so unhealthy. Also I was unknowingly in toxic relationships… I never knew anything about emotional abuse. Never even heard of it. I knew the men I talked to online were “opinionated” and seemingly have all this “advice” to give me but noooow I understand it was criticism ❤️‍🩹 I thought getting all the attention from those men was fun or good but yet they ultimately all hurt me in same way. Attention is not love and sadly it was negative attention as these men objectify me and treat me disrespectfully. (I allowed it)

I wore too much makeup back then. Often wore black and grey eyeshadow trying to feel pretty but I was truly emo. Especially when I was talking to my ex Andrew, the way he had me anxious and on egg shells constantly. I put on so much dark eyeshadow that a dear lady I love says to me, “sweetie, you’re too pretty for all that dark eyeshadow” 🥺🌹 she’s sooo sweet I know she loves me but I was so hard on myself!!!

Sadly I wanted the approval of these men to validate if I’m pretty or good enough because I think they’re extremely handsome men and so smart cuz of being in college (one of them had countless awards) HAH 💔😢 but they invalidate me and put me down. They get my nudes, talk dirty to me but yet shove me away and make me feel so bad. The way they seemingly “hate me” and I feel it deep down until I believe it and so I hate myself too 🌹

On this journey I’m learning I’ve gotta accept myself. Flaws and all. Accept what happened and how it changed me. Yes, it changed me. I see the world much different now. I’m becoming “self aware” but doesn’t mean I know it all and am suddenly perfect haha I’m just aware of my problems and areas of where I need help. Where I’ve went wrong in the past and how I can learn from my mistakes ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🌹

I’ve since gotten in a healthier relationship, now I eat a little better, I’ve given up all Mountain Dew/pop and I’m not anxious like I was but nothing is fixed over night. I’m actively trying to understand myself and my past. Trying to learn lessons and grow. Some days all I can take is a baby step and then other days I find I can take bigger steps ❤️‍🩹🌹 Gotta be patient with yourself!

I hope whoever finds this that you also are taking better care of yourself too and learning to accept yourself. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF! 🙏🏻 It’s easy for me to cheer others on but not do the same for me. I’ve never been my own cheerleader before 😝 it’s weird but I’m trying!! Also, I know I’m at a place where I’m struggling to share my feelings with anyone close to me ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🌹 I know I need to open up more 🥺 I will in time! One day at a time ❤️‍🩹🌹

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Not a request, I was just painting and my brain LOVES to make up angst, so I thought of some stuff with the silliest feller Helen.

His s/o isn't nearly as good as painting as he is, but they enjoy it anyway. They're always getting real creative with it, but not like abstract art or Picasso kind of creative. Just kind of weird, like a beginner painter typically does. Like, their people do NOT look like people, their grass is an odd shade of green, and their trees look like they're going to get up and walk away.

But Helen doesn't realize that the painting is just whatever the hell they want to do, he thinks that they're trying to go for something and they're failing miserably. He tries to give them pointers and they visibly deflate every time it happens but they brush it off. It happens again and again, because they just don't tell him that they're not trying to make the stars realistic or their people proportionate. He just thinks he's giving basic pointers.

And one day they just get fed up with it. He makes a little comment about how their cat looks weird or that their sky is an odd tint, and they just give up. They just drop the paintbrush and tell him to do it himself if he doesn't like it. They just get up and leave. The unfinished painting is just left there, and the paints are left to dry out.

The problem could have been solved with some very easy communication, they just didn't talk to each other about it. I know I would personally have a hard time bringing things like that up, because it's so trivial and it's such a small thing to get upset over. But it makes so much of a difference. They're just so upset about it and they don't say anything, but Helen also doesn't see the way they deflate and lose the motivation to paint. It's on both of them to communicate, and they just don't. He just assumes that they need help and gives unsolicited advice, and they don't ever talk about it or tell him that they like the painting how it is.

Bonus points if they just give up painting all together and all their painting supplies just sits in the back of their closet because they're tired of the criticism

:PPPPP

I don’t normally respond to things like this because I don’t always like talking about unhealthy relationship stuff, and I don’t know if it’s because I don’t feel good right now but I just? I don’t know, I don’t see this happening personally.

Imo Helen is an extremely good communicator with like actual relationship stuff, and I think he’d notice if his partner didn’t want his advice, and he’d ask you and stop giving it to you. I also don’t think he’d critique your stuff because everyone does art differently and he respects that.

Also, if this did happen, Helen might honestly like, question your relationship? I feel like he’s the type to want open communication even over small things and I think it would make him very anxious about you just not communicating with him at all. I don’t know, unless you were together an extremely long time I think Helen would be extremely upset you didn’t tell him, and distance would probably grow between you two.

I mean he’d apologize for sure, but he’d also ask you why you never said anything and be pretty hurt and upset by that. I don’t think he’d like a partner that wouldn’t say “Hey, that upsets me” if he does something like that, even if you have to communicate it non-verbally like through a text or even writing it on paper, even if it’s not right when it happens. With all the abuse he’s been through he needs all the communication he can get. You’d have to have a lot of talks about communication and expressing each other and being open and honest to recover and you wouldn’t be able to do that to him a second time.

I dunno. I’m sorry if this is a bad response I just genuinely didn’t know what to say. Everyone can have their own headcanons and opinions and I just wanted to give my view.

[muttsmischiefacademysblog]

I don't feel I am the right person for a (my) dog!

Audio - text to speech - 10 minutes 3 seconds duration - https://youtu.be/CVGtybWUv5c?si=t8Vb82o6hkw8o_1Z

Many people who are autistic/ anxious or have developmental, neurological or mental health conditions (Neurodivergent) don't feel that they are the right type of person to have a dog.

I was one of these people for many years, I worried I would make my dog anxious or stressed if I was to get a dog.

Working in kennels I wanted to take them all home and couldn't see just how much I was doing for them and how much they enjoyed my company.

Being referred to as quirky, highly strung, odd, sensitive, where my heart on my sleeve, weird etc or overlooked for my skills and talent because I am different. These are all extremely harmful and hurtful terms, especially when you are also overlooked because of someone's mindset about you.

People would be quick to commend me and tell me what a wonderful way I had about myself with dogs to put the most anxious dogs at ease. But when it comes to the crunch, it is always a case of being overlooked. Which is not ideal for anyone's confidence or harmful self beliefs because of others and their opinions and lack of empathy, tolerance and understanding.

I want to remind those like myself who are also neurodivergent or disabled that there is absolutely nothing wrong with us having dogs.

Some studies have found long term stress for humans can affect dogs also (but what they mostly found was this was actually with guardians who took their dogs to agility). (1)

Studies are extremely limited and work with a controlled section of breeds, sex, humans and environmental factors. For example in the study conducted by Sundman et al (2019). Their study was limited to 58 humans and their dog which was either a Border Collie or Shetland Sheepdogs.

If we look at another journal we find that there has been a study focused on Border collie behaviour. “Individual and group level trajectories of behavioural development in Border Collies.” This study focused on 69 Border Collies which placed an emphasis on the individual traits of each dog. (2)

So it is very easy for a journal to say that science has found evidence that stressed owners stress their dogs. However this is a very small study and not one to a scale where this could be said definitively or one that could be applied to real relationships as the individual guardian and their family would have to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, an independent observer such as a behaviourist would have to fill in the questionnaires about the dogs perceived behaviour in the home etc and then the researchers would have to interpret this data.

Which will never happen as this would just be too costly and many guardians would not want a live in behaviourist observing them nor would many people be open to a psychiatrist test to explore the five factor model and be assessed on their OCEAN traits of personality. (3)

OCEAN stands for openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. For my Level 4 years ago I had to conduct this study on a cross section of willing friends who were also dog guardians. Some of them are neurodivergent and some not yet all scored very high for neuroticism. Which according to data doesn't make for a great guardian, except they were great guardians.

We can absolutely not base a person's ability to be a good guardian based on their developmental, neurological conditions or mental health.

All of my dogs support me and my mental health, they know when I am struggling and they offer comfort during these times. I am stressed most of the time and my dogs are not. If I have a particularly bad day this does not reflect in their behaviours, they aren't highly strung on walks, their fur patterns haven't changed, their diets and appetites haven't ever changed, playfulness or any other behaviour trait.

Zombie, my youngest is a special needs dog and his behaviour is the opposite of what a dog should express, for example when he's enjoying cuddles that he instigates, he doesn't look soft and relaxed like a normal dog. He looks the complete opposite and if you stop because you're worried about his body language he communicates to you that you fuss him and he isn't finished.

Many people said that I should euthanize him when he was younger and showed how different he was, but I persevered and made sure he was happy and comfortable just like my other dogs with different needs and arrangements made for him.

Now I am commended for all I have done for him and how he is excelling and enjoying life.

The relationship with your dog isn't about training and how your dog feels emotionally. It's about the connection you both have. Again if we look at the first study the dogs and humans both showed heightened stress partaking in dog sports.

The pet dogs did not show this level of stress and nor did their humans. The researchers themselves admitted this needs to be studied further for a complete understanding.

The most important thing is the connection you have with your dog. It doesn't matter if you're stressed, depressed, autistic or have another development or neurological condition or if you have a mental health condition.

The connection you have with your dog and how you live with them, bond with them, play with them, communicate with them and love them is what matters. A dog and guardian relationship where the dog and the guardian share a secure connection is what matters.

What many of us need to focus on whether you already have a dog or are considering adding to your family is self love which you can read about here and access self help tools. https://www.facebook.com/share/Aup95JhKk7BT4zCT/?mibextid=WC7FNe

Dogs also do help people with mental health problems, developmental and neurological disorders. Studies that have found that guardians struggle with mental health are actually based on the reactivity of the human.

Researchers found guardians of dogs may experience a form of caregiver burden as found in humans and families due to dogs being seen as a part of the family unit. (4)

This reference is cited from a journal which was exploring how mental health is impacted by dogs. This particular reference was in reference to guardians with reactive dogs.

These guardians displayed negative mental health due to their dogs behaviour and reactions to triggers but upon further analysis it was actually found to be due to society and not their dogs.

Through the data that the researchers collected they found that there were four major areas which could be analysed as to understanding the breakdown in relationships and the struggles of behavioural challenges in dogs.

Caretaking - expense of the vets, training, behaviour modification, breakdown in relationships, lack of understanding and support from friends and families.

Emotions - both negative and positive emotions were reported. Negative included emotions such as anger, fear, frustration, sadness and resentment. Whereas some reported feeling that they had a stronger bond.

Coping strategies - seeking help and getting support from trainers and behaviourists as well as some vets and therapists for themselves.

Lack of understanding and support - from the general public on walks, friends and family and social media. (4)

So when we look at these four categories, the dog isn't actually to be blamed. The frustrations all come down to money and having to spend more money than anticipated originally.

Lack of support from friends, family and even some professionals as well as unsolicited opinions from the general public and social media.

So here we aren't looking at dogs with behavioural problems as being the problem. We are looking at humans who are unable to deal with negativity from other humans and feeling that this all stems from their dogs behaviour.

Guardians are negatively impacted due to other' s opinions. So coming back to where I discussed how dogs improve and aid our mental health and or developmental or neurological disorders this is true. It is society and people which cause harm to guardians with dogs with big emotions.

People don't like to feel inadequate and some more than others, some guardians like myself can focus on their dogs strengths and support their dog through their anxiety and emotions and focus on a secure and healthy connection with the dog over training, trying to change an emotion quickly to “nip it in the bud” rather than heal the emotion or dog sports.

So to conclude you are good enough to have a dog. I wish someone had said this to me over a decade ago. People are so quick to criticise and be unkind and people aren't so quick to lend support, love and strength.

So if this has resonated with you, you are good enough for your dog and if you don't yet have a dog but want one. Welcome a dog into your family because you are good enough!

References

Sundman, AS., Van Poucke, E., Svensson Holm, AC. et al. Long-term stress levels are synchronized in dogs and their owners. Sci Rep 9, 7391 (2019). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-019-43851-x

Riemer, S., Müller, C., Virányi, Z., Huber, L., & Range, F. (2016, July). Individual and group level trajectories of Behavioural Development in border collies. Applied animal behaviour science. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5295634/

McCrae RR, John OP. An introduction to the five-factor model and its applications. J Pers. 1992 Jun;60(2):175-215. doi: 10.1111/j.1467-6494.1992.tb00970.x. PMID: 1635039.

V. Braun, V. Clarke.Using thematic analysis in psychology. Qual.Res. Psychol., 3 (2006), pp. 77-101

Image description - a baby Wolfdog chewing a frozen enrichment item under a table.

[the1975attheirverybest]

"One thing about Matty is that he knows that we as fans love him." This is actually something I've been thinking about all year and I hope I won't be offending anybody (this isn't meant to attack you or any of your lovely followers/ anons) And this might just be me projecting/ being way too parasocial myself so apologies if this is too negative. I really don't mean to make anybody feel bad but I really wonder if Matty didn't experience some sort of disconnect with the fans this year. Fan culture/ concert etiquette has changed a lot. We already know that going viral on TikTok and thus becoming more famous has been hard on him. He's expressed nonstop that it bothers him that so many fans film during their entire gigs - AND keep trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of him so they can go viral. People have been following the band around and stalking him personally, he's even been doxxed. Then ofc he got this extreme amount of backlash when he went on the podcast and people screaming for him to apologize/ apologize the way they personally seemed best (not saying people's feelings and criticisms weren't valid but I think we can all agree that it was very intense and lacked nuance), then we got very extreme reactions to him dating TS. And while our fans were much kinder/ more supportive, there was a loud majority complaining that we would "lose him" now cause he surely wouldn't be allowed to behave a certain way/ a loud majority trying to trivailize what happened ("Oh well, they were never gonna last, they're too different"/ "Let's be real, it was just sex. They can't have possibly been in love") and I feel that's pretty patronizing? We actually don't know what he felt for her/ hoped for or how it affected him to be dropped so publicly/ unceremoniously. Next we had a lot of fans immediately side w/ Rina when she shamed him in front of his whole industry at a festival he's been hoping to headline his whole life, fueling the same discussions/ outcries for him to apologize (same disclamer as above), Malaysia after-math, fans constantly begging for more social media posts but then getting offended/ finding fault in his posts (same disclamer as above) and even accusing him of predatory behavior because he possibly interacted with underage fans... Fans making up all sorts of rumors about him on twitter "for fun", believing Deuxmoi, accusing him of being in a PR/ fake relationship, complaining about ticketing/ tour dates, getting all anxious and worked up before the start of SATVB, expressing dread instead of excitement for the new show and begging him to "shut up, stop your bits and just sing" (same disclamer as above) fans being rude/ talking over him while he's doing his speeches/ performance art (and I also think he's pretty disappointed that people aren't really "getting it"), fans being so weird and grabby that he decided he doesn't feel comfortable taking off his shirt any longer, constant complaining about his hair/ facial hair, constant complaining about how much he interacts with the audiences, fans having the audacity to complain that he was sick/ tired/ emotional during certain performances... the list goes on and on. Again, sorry if this is all very negative and probably too parasocial (and way too long) but I felt really disheartened at all the negativity and entitlement this year. It was a very hard year for him and whenever I go through a hard time I am much more sensitive/ tend to feel unloved if criticised (however justified). I really hope he still feels loved and like we're "getting him".

No you’re right. Idk I always wonder how he feels because there are moments when he seems to think that things aren’t as serious as they are (like the Twitter backlash) and times when he seems to know very well what the conversation within the fandom is.

I think he gets it. (Tempted to uno reverse his own words and say “he gets us.”) because as much as he’s seen stupid / toxic fan behavior he’s also seen real fandom. Like the Vienna show fans who held up “you are loved” signs and he thanked them for it. And then the fan who asked him “how are you? Like how are you, really??” And he said it was sweet but not to worry. And he always says “we love you guys and we’re still us, we’re still here” etc. and crying cuz he saw a fan cry. I think he experiences both extremes. And it must be a lot and confusing to process because yeah people love you but then there are those who do so for all the wrong reasons and how do you separate those and when do you engage or disengage. Which is why I don’t blame him when he gets a bit defensive or whatever. Bless him.

Not to be weird and start drama but I felt his presence in the room (tell me why I sound like I’m talking about a ghost) at the Baltimore show. Which he said was the best show they’d done. And I genuinely think it’s because we didn’t have that many phones out etc. he and I interacted a couple times so he definitely sees, appreciates, and engages with those fans who are genuinely there for the band and for the live show and not the tiktok discourse. He knows. It’s just a lot to process alongside all the other stuff. Must be hard.

[secretmystictrash]

me and my girlfriend were sat talking last nught and we started talking about parties. our friends have had a ton of parties, all of which ive drank at and most of which ive had a subsequent panic attack at. the only one where i havent had a panic attack or weird dissasosiation episode was when we were broken up. i see the correlation but it hasnt quite occured to her yet. i said i think its to do with our friends. theyre judgmental and make me anxious because i dont know then too well. and sure this is the might be the reasoning behind the last party (probably not) but in reality i think its her.

at one party, she yelled at me to the point i had a panic attack on my friends kitchen floor. i dotn remember who was there just that she and her friend were yelling at me about this guy and i just couldnt. i literally just went on the floor and started hyperventalating. she didnt stop yelling, and the host came downstairs to remove me. i think she heard the yelling from upstairs or someone went to tell her. im not sure.

at a recent party where i was drinking i had a massive episode. disasociation amd a panic attack outside. i thought a house wasnt real and started crying (basically a bad high even though i had only been drinking) . like extremely bad. im still not sure what was weing and dont remember eveverything properlly.

its shit because i just want to be able to drink and have fun like most people, but most of the time when i drink something goes wrong. and i think its my girlfriend. the first party we ever had in our friend group was at hers for halloween. we all drunk a decent amount and had fun with it. then i got sexually assulted after by my girlfriend. i think we broke up about a month after or so when i got back into england. she didnt know until january. it was a mess and im still not over it. when we go back to hers after a party i always say im tired because im shit scared and uncomfortable. not while we are talking but usually theres a switch in conversation, and i can tell shes tryna get me into bed. and fuck its painful. its the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. i could have sex with her after parties, as she always wants us to, but just tryna entertain the idea when we are in the same room, and my head is that foggy and its all just wrong. i dont exactly know how to explain it.

but last night i balmed how i get on our friends, because ive been drunk with other people before and been fine. and she asked if i would be fine if it was just us. and i said no. and now its only just hitting me that its her. it is being around her that fucks me up, even if ive only had a little bit. i think shes just bad for me, genuinelly. like our relationship if fine but i just dont know how to trust her anymore since after that. it really fucked me up. it was sorta the pinnicle of months of me having sex with her even though i didnt want to or didnt feel up to it. and i said no hell i practically screamed it and she didnt listen. not properly. i think i shoved her and we went to bed in a bit of a fight. it upset me more than it shouldve that she was upset with me over it. i just wanted her not to be mad again but i didnt want to have sex. i just didnt and i still dont now a lot of the time. and i always say in tired but fuck i think what i mean is that i trust strangers more than you when it comes to sex. i think i mean youve forgot and i try to hut no matter what my body always remembers and its brutal.

im sorry for posting this on tumblr but i cant tell anyone. not really. i cant tell her or my other froends or anything. a lot of people i trust wouldnt understand and im scared that those would would let it spread and somehow get back to her one way or another. i know ill probably get told to break up with her after this but there is so mich good in the relationship and when we broke up, even though it was good for me, it was every bit as bad because of how she delt with it. she got an eating disorder, which she still pretty much has, once we broke up and its mostly my fault. as you can imagine that felt pretty shitty, coupled with all of her trying to get back together, and i eventually caved. i kinda wish i hadnt.

[mischievous-introvert]

Diet is so personal. Anyone who tells you otherwise is being cruel and probably is trying to sell you something. It’s about balancing capacity, resources, needs, desires, and ethics. If you want to eat in a way that improves your life, pay attention to your relationship to eating and cooking. I have put a lot of work into understanding how to independently care for my temperamental disabled body. My best advice is to learn how to cook food you’re excited about.

I get extremely anxious/overstimulated in grocery stores and struggle to leave the house, so I get a local produce box delivered. Figuring out how to cook different things becomes a fun challenge, and when I make delicious things I can blow my friends minds.Having local produce makes me feel proud of the environmental impact and more connected to the agricultural cycle. It’s not gardening my own food but it’s a step closer. It motivates me to eat it before it goes bad because I care about the plants and I can be excited to turn them into an experience I enjoy.

If I don’t like something, I ask myself why, and what I can change. I think of texture, and the balance of sweet, salty, citrus, edamame, I think of the process I used to get to eating. I struggle with energy so I like to make things on days I have it that I can throw in the microwave. If it’s a can of beans and some bread that works too. I try to balance vitamins, minerals, proteins throughout the day, but it’s a day thing not a meal thing, snacks are great, and the only standard you have to meet is your own. I try to be aware of what my body responds positively/negatively towards. I eat an entire plate of a single food that I enjoy that makes me feel full if I want to. I don’t care if that’s weird. I avoid eating foods I have allergies or sensitivities to even if that means passing on something that smells delicious, I have to appear picky, or say no to someone and that’s scary to me. They don’t live in my body, and I deserve to enjoy eating and digesting.

Got myself a vegetable chopper. Learned most vegetables taste great when I roast them in my toaster oven with olive oil garlic salt and black pepper. Wanted to eat less sugar because it makes pain worse, but I refuse to cut sugar because for me the added pain is worth the added joy and freedom of eating desserts. So I try to bake all of my treats. Baking takes energy so I do it less often. Will I eat an entire plate of cookies before they finish cooling? Absolutely. I put the effort in. I deserve it. However, now I eat less sugar. Do I still buy desserts? Sometimes yeah, I want encouragement to bake, not a rule I have to follow out of fear of shame. Do I have days when feeding myself at all feels like a burden I can’t shoulder because I hate everything, I’m in so much pain, it’s hard to stand, and I feel nauseous? Yes. Those days I have meal replacement shakes and order food. I’m not too broke to order food. No one is too broke to deserve to eat. I’d rather have debt than feel like I have to starve to save money.

Sometimes I just order food because it will make me happy. Associating food with joy is worth it. Sometimes that means ordering a pizza. Sometimes that means trying a new recipe. Sometimes it means making my own recipe in chaotic freedom. Sometimes it means preparing a fancy dinner for my QPP or baking cookies for my bookclub. Sometimes it means researching a recipe from another culture because people have been loving it for hundreds of years and I think that’s beautiful.

If you find food makes you anxious ask why. Figure out how you can make it feel more beautiful. You deserve to nourish yourself in a way that truly feels nourishing.

It's time wrench the phrase "Eating Healthier" out of the claws of the diet industry.

It should mean increasing your daily nutrient intake. It should not mean starving or deprivation. Because really, how could it?

Eating Healthier is about what you ARE eating, not what you aren't. It's a game of addition, not subtraction. If you give up pizza and change nothing else about your diet, you aren't getting any extra nutrients. If anything now you're getting somewhat less.

So sure you could replace the pizza with salad. Then you're getting more nutrients. Or you would be, if the salad was actually appetizing and you wanted to eat it. And if you weren't actively resenting the salad for not being pizza.

Which can also put your body into a stress state leading to less nutrient absorption from the foods you're eating to begin with.

So what if instead you just ate pizza with your salad? (Or perhaps a different nutrient dense side that you would actually enjoy.)

Letting yourself eat the foods you enjoy and exploring other foods to eat in addition is healthier, quantitatively speaking, according to daily nutrient intake (and uptake) than depriving yourself or starving yourself ever could be.

Eating foods you enjoy lets your body relax, it leads to higher nutrient uptake from the foods you're eating, and more overall satisfaction.

Deprivation diets are not about health. They're just about eating less, and that is not healthy.

[brain-of-soup]

Somewhat related to that last post: it's been very difficult to watch how my mental health has changed over the years. I don't think I've necessarily gotten better or worse I've just changed.

I feel like I've gone from being a sympathetic mentally ill person to not. I used to be this sweet little kid who cried a lot and worried all the time and kind of wanted to die. I was very mentally ill when I was 11 - 13 but it was in a way that was very self-directed and didn't typically affect others. I was mentally ill in a way that was sad to people.

And now I have bad anger issues and some psychotic-like symptoms and homicidal ideation and I regularly feel tempted to cut off all my relationships because my friends "don't love me enough." I do still direct a lot of shit at myself but I also lash out at the people I love and who love me. I was talking to my sister a while ago after I was really shitty to her and she mentioned that she doesn't resent me partially because it's obvious that I have some pretty severe mental health struggles. And she's right but it felt weird to hear that coming from someone else because it made me realize that now I am mentally ill in a way that is exhausting and scary to others, not just sad.

And it's very difficult because I feel like I've gotten worse, when I was supposed to get better. I mean in many ways I have gotten better - I'm not nearly as depressed as I used to be and I'm a lot better at managing my anxiety. But I was supposed to recover. I was supposed to go through depression and anxiety and suicidality at a tragically young age, and then come out the other side kind and strong and inspirational and never look back. And I didn't. I came out angry and resentful and untrusting, and ready to run back into the tunnel at a moment's notice. I am someone who did not get better in the limited time period that it is acceptable to recover in, and so now I am a lost cause.

I feel like the people who are seen as mental health success stories are the people for whom depression or anxiety is just a difficult thing they went through, rather than a deep-set part of their identity. It's ok for you to have anxiety/depression, as long as it ends in a timely manner and you go back to being the person you were before. But the thing is with me there was no "before." My parents have told me that even as a very young baby I was always extremely anxious, and the earliest I remember experiencing depression was probably when I was nine. How am I supposed to just move through it and leave it behind when it's all I've ever known? How am I supposed to not grow around it and let it become a part of me?

[draggingadeaddeer]

a meditation on my first “relationship”

i don't consider it to be an actual relationship, since we were both 13 and mentally ill. it lasted maybe six months. i remember it ended before my seventh grade bike trip, because i learned he was already dating someone else by that point (a girl, obviously). even though i don't consider it a "real" relationship, and even though i almost never think about him now, those six months irrevocably changed my life in some pretty serious ways.

we met on the odyssey, a montessori "key experience" that consisted of around 100 seventh and eight graders going camping together for five days. it's actually a pretty effective strategy for forging relationships. most of my best friends i met on key experiences. the odyssey went from minnesota to wyoming and then back. the trip was split into two groups on two different buses that met up for one night in the middle of the trip. flynn and i were on different buses, but we met very briefly on that night. i had an attraction to him pretty much instantly. he was taller than me and extremely thin, with shitty dyed black emo hair and really scarily blue eyes. he dressed cool, at least for the time, at least to me. band shirts and skinny jeans and flannels, and a beanie he gave me that i probably still have somewhere. my best friend at the time was named ellie, and she gave flynn my tumblr because i guess he asked her for it. he told me he had a crush on me after very little time had passed, a few weeks at most. i guess that's when we started "dating", i don't really remember. i remember feeling kind of weird about it at first, since we hadn't known each other very long. i didn't know if i actually wanted to date him or just be his friend, but we were already dating, so i just went along with it.

even though i felt that way, it was undeniable that i was attracted to flynn. i was attracted to him in weird ways that i didn't understand. i didn't want to have sex with him and i don't remember that ever crossing my mind, even though i was already well past puberty and had absolutely developed a sex drive at that point. we kissed multiple times but i basically just stood there and let him kiss me with no reciprocity on my part. mostly i just thought he was cool, and i wanted more than anything for him to think i was cool, too. not to say that there was no physical attraction, because there was. but it wasn't really sexual desire, more of a longing and an ache that i didn't understand. even though i was out as trans at that point i still didn't totally understand my experience of gender dysphoria. i didn't understand that my obsession with flynn and his body wasn't the same as romantic or sexual attraction. i wanted to be him, to inhabit his body, his narrow hips and flat chest and long legs. i was already post-puberty, i already had breasts and a menstrual cycle and had stopped growing. it was over for me. the only way i could access the body i wanted was through his body.

more than anything, i remember being obsessed with the attention he gave me. eventually, he stopped giving me attention, and i freaked the fuck out. i don't feel 100% confident in calling what he did emotional abuse, since he was literally a kid and i'm not sure if someone his age had the capacity to emotionally abuse someone on purpose. more likely he just found me to be annoying once the novelty of having a trans boyfriend paid off. probably his friends talked shit about me. i was openly trans and visibly queer, i shopped at hot topic, i listened to bad music, i had an obnoxious and cloying personality and the typical autistic lack of self awareness that made me unapologetic in all of my quirks. i understand now why he got sick of me, but i didn't understand at the time, because he never told me.

the way i remember it, he started getting very dry in our texts. he mentioned that i was too anxious and i acted weird around his friends. he stopped replying and he stopped being affectionate. if this were an adult relationship, i would say he had been lovebombing me up until that point. constant compliments, affection, nicknames, hand holding, until suddenly there was nothing. it was his attempt at breaking up with me, i think. but i was an undiagnosed autistic depressed and anxious 13 year old with no relationship experience and i felt like i was going to die. i had constant feelings of dread and panic, a pit in my stomach that never seemed to go away. i cried and i cut myself (i was already cutting myself at that point, flynn wasn't the catalyst for that). i asked him what was wrong, why he was acting like this, and he denied everything. he said i was just paranoid, that i was too anxious, that i was overreacting. he was right that i was overreacting, i guess. but he was also completely gaslighting me. i feel comfortable calling it gaslighting, i know he was doing it on purpose. i just wanted him back, even though he was treating me like shit. i broke up with him eventually after he told me he wasn't interested in fixing our relationship.

for the next few months, or years, i don't entirely remember, i felt genuinely traumatized. i was skittish around his friends, i felt paranoid at school, i couldn’t listen to any of the music he had introduced me to. it took me a long time to listen to elliott smith again. my therapist a few years later suggested i had ptsd. but that therapist was a little weird to begin with. i probably have ptsd though just for other reasons