#my hyperfixation has become plural

[hannibal-is-my-comfort-show]

This may become a multifandom blog I fear

[eiffelradio]

Do you have any disability/neurodivergence/mental illness EC headcanons? (Please im SOOOO starved for PD and other “SMI” headcanons in fandom [but especially PDs cause researching them has been a hyperfixation as of late]) (also, I know all of the terms I listed overlap and could classify as each other, but typically people think of different things when they hear each term, hence why I included them all)

OKAY yes i do have headcanons. but i have to make a disclaimer that i do not have any PDs, "SMIs," or plurality. so i can't personally speak to any of those experiences. i'm also critical of how these labels get used to alienate, demonize, and justify the mistreatment of other people...so i usually think in terms of the experiences/symptoms ppl have instead of whatever disorder they the meet criteria for

anyways lets get into it (under read more because this is long)

michaela and gumilia are autistic

gumilia is more...obvious? than michaela since she explicitly struggles with understanding other people, reading the room, navigating social situations, emoting, and speaking in a "normal" manner. depending on what point in the timeline you look at, she either doesn't know how to mask or doesn't care to.

i think gumilia would feel very upset over the fact that other people tend to percieve her as cold and mean (my projection<3)

gumilia is more level headed than elluka but she sometimes has very circular/obsessive thinking.

gumilia bites her nails as a nervous habit (which annoys elluka to no end)

michaela is slightly more subtle but when i read Wiegenlied i kept thinking aloud "wow. she is so autistic." on the surface, michaela seems to navigate social situations with ease, being automatically beloved by everyone around her no matter what she does. but her actual narration reveals that this is just something that happens to her instead of being the result of her own effort. she is constantly bewildered that other people seem to enjoy her presence so much because she does not understand them (outside of a few people like clarith) at all. this is especially noticeable in michaela's interactions with kyle.

i think if she had lived longer, michaela would've had special interests in really mundane things, as long as it didn't exist natively within held's forest. i can imagine her trying painting once (which seems fun because of the fine dexterity it requires) and becoming really knowledgeable about pigment production. she quits painting because it's too frustrating but she retains all of her knowledge about the exact proportions of ingredients needed to make her favorite colors

michaela loves being around other people but she hits a point every month where she locks herself alone in a dark room for a few days out of exhaustion.

levia has Problems

elluka seems prone to depressive episodes in canon and i think she probably has manic ones too (albeit more rarely).

i also think she's very insecure about her relationships with other people (with gumilia likely being the only exception) based on how she constantly makes half-assed or actual attempts at running away from her life (see the Wiegenlied prologue). she often thinks other people would abandon her if it was convenient for them, so she tries to do it first. she thinks she will inevitably wreck her friendships, so she does it "on her own terms."

soon after elluka regains her memories as levia, she starts experiencing a lot of derealization/depersonalization. feeling like she's watching herself do things, dulled senses, like her current life isnt real, etc etc. this is me massively projecting my experiences onto her but i think its supported by canon

having magic that lets her brainwash people (namely your closest friend) into not suspecting there's anything wrong does Not help her cope with this.

this happens as nemesis too, as a result of the immense trauma she experiences in that life.

deep down levia wants nothing more than to go Home but Home is completely destroyed (in all of her lives, multiple times over, wtf) and it wasn't ever even that great to begin with (thanks rahab). and this attitude allows the derealization to Festerrrr

i imagine that these issues still happen to her in the fourth period, but it's less frequent/she starts learning how to actually cope.

[bronzemettle]

Greetings! I didn't know posts could have titles and couldn't think of anythi-

I'm Xavier Bronze (she/her). I'm plural, polyamorous, and frequently autistically hyperfixate on nerd shit. Early in my existence my headmate helped me write a superhero self-insert fanfic, and it made the choice to cross company lines, including characters and plot elements from not just Marvel, but DC, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Indiana Jones, and others all at the same time.

This is probably where it started, bc now, with certain aesthetics and genre conventions my cognition just kinda does crossovers on its own by default. It actively takes effort for me to remember that certain characters don't exist in the same universe. And for the past couple of years I've started formalizing and codifying this broad-reaching "headcanon world". Here I'm thinking about calling it BronzeRealms, for better SEO and tagging.

Since becoming a codified continuity of its own, the BronzeRealms have only grown. Significantly. Now I have a rough timeline spanning from the Age of Myth roughly three millennia ago all the way to the 41st century. Comicbook superheroes are still here, with a greatest hits grab bag of character versions and lore taken from various adaptions, reboots, and retcons over the decades.

But now the superheroes of today find themselves in conversation and lineage with great warriors of centuries past like Kratos, Xena, and the slave uprising who expelled the Goa'uld System Lords from Egypt, and with the steadfast and resourceful Captains and soldiers of the future, John Connor, Gordon Freeman, Finn the Human, John Sheridan, Ellen Ripley, the Reds and Blues of Blood Gulch, and Benjamin Sisko. Their contemporaries have broadened too. Godzilla, Dominic Toretto, Hellboy, Kim Possible, Ladybug & Cat Noire, UNIT, Sora, The Addams Family, and the Autobots. This is very, very far from a comprehensive list. I have dipped my toe into making a list of source works that the BronzeRealms draws elements from to include, and the table of contents alone is over two pages at this point.

I am fully aware that the scope of this worldbuilding has exceeded all reason, and any chance of ever being fleshed out into any kind of story that could encompass it all. It would take multiple lifetimes just to write 5k word mini fics for every character, event, and time period I've defined lore for. I might put a microfic out once in a while but this is fully worldbuilding for its own sake, for fun!

And I've been talking my friends' ears off about this for years now so I came to this website seeking fresh infodumping victims, lol. And to do more ongoing brainstorming. This isn't a finished product, and never will be, so you should just have fun with it too <3

[c-infinity-83]

Final part 👍

91. If you collectively had to choose, would you pick to become a vampire or a werewolf? - Vampire. A lot of us like Blood and Drinking Blood, so

92. Your body is transfered into one of your Members sources, which do you pick and why? - Pokemon. Wouldn't immediately kill us + it's one of our biggest hyperfixations/special interests, we'd enjoy ourselves a lot there probably

93. If all of you turned into animals right this second, which animals would we find in your System? - Probably a lot of cats. We all like cats a Lot tbh and some of us are even catkin/alterhuman/etc. No other animals come to mind currently rn actually

94. What would a Minecraft server with all of your Members look like? (example: chaotic, peaceful, laggy, ...) - Laggy and chaotic and Bad. Borderline unplayable also probably. Someone would be causing explosions every minute I bet

95. If you could choose between only living in Headspace or only living in Meatspace (real life), which would you choose? - Headspace by far. Fuck the real world it fucking sucks. The headspace is much safer.

96. What topic would you collectively make a youtube channel about? (it can't be plurality!) - Probably Pokemon, or a general "Let Us Ramble About Our Hyperfixations And Special Interests" channel if possible.

97. Which superpower would your body obtain, if you had to collectively decide on one? - Uhhhh hmm. Someone said "lasers" and a lot of people are agreeing there. Which I understand, blasting people to bastard death sounds like fun, but, why lasers specifically? I was gonna suggest claws or something like Wolverine has (because I'm a Knife Guy. My go-to weapon of choice for violence is Knife.) but fine, lasers it is?

98. Who would pick the coolest tattoo for the System and who would pick the worst? - I think all of us have the same general ideas for tattoos actually, none of them are particularly horrible. We all agree that getting one of those Spotify Codes for a collective favourite song tattooed would be very cool, we just need to decide on a song first...

99. If you only were allowed to eat one food for the rest of your life, but you would have to decide on the food collectively, what would it be and what would the decision making look like? - This thing:

Like. We all unanimously agree on that without issue. it's our samefood rn we've been eating it for months now it's Really Good .

100. What is the most fun about doing polls and answering questions, in your opinion? - Rambling about ourselves, primarily? We love to talk about ourselves. Talking about how our system works for example is one of our favourite topics to talk about. Because We Think We Are Very Interesting.

-Anti

[plural-aita]

AITA for trying to convince the host we're not really plural?

I know how that sounds, but given all of the context, I don't believe I was wrong to do so.

So a little backstory. We're a mixed origins system. We have low to no amnesiac barriers, occasional emotional disconnecting but nothing beyond that.

While I haven't been here long, I can easily see the reason I formed.

When we first discovered our plurality, it was liberating at first, but now I believe without a shadow of a doubt it has been nothing but negative for our mental health and social life.

We feel less comfortable interacting with people offline now because we're terrified they wouldn't accept us if we told them.

We've become unmotivated to participate in what used to be healthy and close friendships.

We've been hiding away in our room and going out less.

We're distracted at school.

It seems like plurality is also becoming a hyperfixation, but we can't talk openly about it, so that's made us withdraw even more.

We also have depression, and I think withdrawing from life like this is very obviously dangerous for us especially.

Now, due to our lack of amnesia, smooth switches, and the fact that a lot of us are ultimately relatively similar, we're really not that different from a singlet.

Our life was better when we thought we were a singlet, so I thought if I could just convince the host (who we'll call C) to ignore all of this plural nonsense, life could go back to how it used to be.

I don't know exactly how I did it, but somehow I forced C to be frontstuck with me. I pretended I wasn't there at all, and when I thought, I'd use "I" to refer to both C and myself.

To be honest, I also believed we weren't really a system at first, and only later on did my motivation more become about getting the host to pretend we weren't.

C started to panic when he realized he couldn't hear any of his headmates, and had persistent thoughts about how we'd been faking. He did start to believe it, too, until I slipped up and used "you" instead of "I" to refer to him.

Long story short, I got confronted by C, whatever I did to block off front got undone, the entire rest of our system shows up in the headspace to get mad at me, and I ran off.

I still do believe that we'd be better off as a singlet, and that it would be possible for us all to fuse back into one with some effort. I think that would be ultimately the best choice.

And nothing's improved either, we're still unmotivated to talk to people we're close with, we're still shutting ourselves off from the world more and more, all because we're a system.

(No TLDR because I want to make sure people actually understand the whole situation before voting.)

So, AITA for trying to convince the host that we're a singlet?

[blossomwithsunshine]

it could also be that the Zero-type transformation requires that certainty in your own values and judgements in the first place, which would explain why Tsubaki before Chronophantasma was never able to access it. Only with the mind-eater curse, and only after being set-free by her friends could she awaken the weapon's full potential. The fight Izayoi has with Makoto also speaks about not wanting to use this dangerous power in the first place, presumably due to the aforementioned influence Izayoi has on Tsubaki, but maybe that influence is a little different than the one Yukianesa has on Jin: instead of inducing psychosis retroactively after picking up the weapon, in order to activate the Zero-type you need to be in a certain mindset, like meeting certain prerequisites.

This also works with my read on then being plural because "Izayoi" could simply be the part of Tsubaki that meets those prerequisites the most consistently, or is able to meet them at all. Because remember, before Tsubaki Yayoi, nobody has ever seen the Zero-type. Even Nine.

Also, I just kinda noticed right now, the fact these are basically two different weapon types and how they're seen in context of eachother. They are the same weapon, but despite that, they are called different things. It's not "this is the same weapon, you just unlocked more of it's potential" and not "this is a potentally really strong weapon, you just don't make use of everything it has to offer". They're always treated separately to an extent, as if the characters knew they're two separate characters you can't play at the same time, like two separate "states", even though from the outside I'm not sure that makes a lot of sense. It's like Tsubaki becomes the Zero-type and everyone suddenly recontextualises everything they'd say to or about her.

To me, this reads like the weapon has a dual nature that needs to be unlocked and part of that spills over onto Tsubaki, or requires the same thing of her. Like the weapon has a split personality that then becomes Tsubaki's by default. Or, how I like to personally see it, Tsubaki's split personality becomes the way the weapon can unlock it's full potential. For everyone before that point it was impossible because their identities and sense of self weren't as tailored for the job as "Izayoi's" are.

I also really enjoy talking about my hyperfixations so I'm glad you enjoy reading these and responding to them too

....Why am I so terrible at responding to these quickly? Anyway, I haven't actually thought too deeply into the Zero-type Izayoi, but it's interesting to learn more about it from that perspective! I thought that the Izayoi gave Tsubaki that split personality, but I never thought about the idea that she could've already had that from the beginning. It does make me think that Noel is kind of the same way, in that she had that split personality from the beginning (Mu-12 is basically said to be the real her if I recall) but she awakens almost like how Tsubaki awakens as Izayoi. But it's also kind of a reverse situation where she was born as Mu-12 while Izayoi was born as Tsubaki. I very much enjoy reading these! I just wish I could respond to them quicker so that I don't look so lazy and unattentive to your posts. Thanks again for sharing them nonetheless!

[bigsoftmarshmallow]

Seriously, tell me if I'm getting annoying or creepy or hounding you. I VERY much am a subject of my autism, which unfortunately means that I will fixate & I'm afraid that I'm now fixating on these AI reactions!

I am so sorry! If I could control the hyperfixations, I'd tell them to back off.

Now, I do have other ideas, but if I'm getting annoying, just say the word & I'll disappear for a bit.

But, before I do, here is some more Elady fluff & lore: ELady loves children & enjoys teaching them. Growing up, she was sort of the big sister figure in the village that kept an eye out on all the younger kids. This evolved into her teaching them things. She's always had an interest in cooking & food history/culture & takes great delight in teaching kids how to cook & the cultural significance behind the dishes. (When teaching them certain things, she tends to go the Socratic Method, meaning asking questions in a way that, by them answering, it helps them to learn how to think critically.)

The reason being that, though her O-baachan was originally a Sheikah warrior herself, she eventually retired & opened up a humble little homecooking restaurant. And cooking together was one way that ELady bonded with her O-baachan, so food & cooking, & especially teaching children those same skills, just has this really soft, warm, cozy spot in her heart.

As a teacher, she is very calm & honestly has the patience of a saint, just very longsuffering, but is more than ready to become stern when necessary. And goes out of her way to explain things in a way that children can understand without being patronizing. Is also able to break up confrontations between kids with relative ease & is able to make them listen to her without raising her voice too terribly high. She is also prone to making witty little jokes with them that makes them giggle. And is by no means above playing with them or being "the Oni." (The Sheikah version of Tag, the Oni being It.)

Just very innately nurturing & motherly. Which is just one part of why she wants kids of her own. She loves them.

Typically, she’s very outwardly cold & emotionless, but when interacting with children, there’s just this… Shift, I suppose. Warmer with tiny smiles coming ever so slightly easier & voice speaking softer.

So, I'd like the Dorfs’ thoughts, feelings, & reactions of observing her teaching the Vaivïn (girls; plural) things. From cooking, to how to hold a knife safely, to how to build simple splints for sprains out of twigs & twine or whatever is available. Or indulging a little chattering girl & making interested comments when appropriate. Making witty comments to make them giggle & observations & giving advice.

You aren't bothering me at all! As someone on the spectrum myself, Ganondorf is my latest (and 2nd longest thus far) fixation, and thus I am never bothered by things I can use to daydream about him! If I was bothered, I'd message you. Keep sending things in as you think them! I'm happy to answer!

Equal lady is so sweet. I would love to befriend and talk to her. She sounds so well developed and carefully created! The shift between stoic warrior to soft mom vibes always softens me too. She's so sweet <3

8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8

Wind Waker Ganondorf

Thoughts and Feelings: Wind Waker Ganondorf is initially surprised by the contrast between Equal Lady's usual demeanor and her behavior with children. He finds her warmth and patience endearing, which stirs a mix of admiration and longing within him. This softer side of her reinforces his desire to create a world where she can nurture and teach freely.

Reactions: Ganondorf watches her closely, noting her every movement and word. He might occasionally step closer to observe the children's progress, feeling a sense of pride in her abilities. He refrains from interrupting, respecting the space she has created for the children.

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf

Thoughts and Feelings: Ocarina of Time Ganondorf is deeply intrigued by Equal Lady's transformation around children. He sees her nurturing side as a strength that complements his own ambitions. Her ability to teach and guide resonates with his desire to lead and rule.

Reactions: He might offer subtle support, such as providing better tools or ingredients for her lessons. He takes mental notes of her methods, appreciating her influence on the next generation of Gerudo. His respect for her grows, seeing her as a key part of his vision for the future.

Twilight Princess Ganondorf

Thoughts and Feelings: Twilight Princess Ganondorf is moved by Equal Lady's dedication to teaching and her natural warmth with children. It stirs a sense of vulnerability in him, a reminder of the family and community he longs to protect and lead.

Reactions: He might silently watch from a distance, a small, rare smile playing on his lips. He feels a mix of pride and protectiveness, ensuring her lessons go uninterrupted. If a child struggles, he might step in to offer guidance, showing his own knowledge and strength.

Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf

Thoughts and Feelings: Hyrule Warriors Ganondorf sees Equal Lady's interactions with children as a reflection of the softer, yet equally important, side of leadership. Her ability to teach and nurture complements his own warrior ethos, making him appreciate her even more.

Reactions: He would likely ensure she has everything she needs for her lessons, from ingredients to safety measures. He may even demonstrate skills himself, such as safe knife handling, to support her teachings. His admiration for her grows as he sees the children's respect and affection for her.

Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf

Thoughts and Feelings: Tears of the Kingdom Ganondorf is deeply moved by Equal Lady's nurturing nature. Her warmth with children touches a part of him that yearns for a more peaceful life. He sees her as the heart of the future he wishes to build.

Reactions: He might quietly join in, offering his own skills and knowledge. His usually stern demeanor softens as he interacts with the children, influenced by her gentle presence. He ensures she feels supported and respected, both by him and the community.

Demise

Thoughts and Feelings: Demise is fascinated by the contrast between Equal Lady's usual demeanor and her behavior with children. Her nurturing side is something he has rarely seen, and it intrigues him deeply. He sees her ability to teach and care as a powerful complement to his own strength.

Reactions: He would observe her closely, feeling a mix of admiration and possessiveness. He ensures that her teaching environment is safe and respected, perhaps even going as far as to enforce strict rules around her lessons. He might not openly show his softer feelings, but his actions would reflect his deep respect and admiration for her nurturing abilities.

[syscourse-confessions]

It is honestly quite telling of how well someone listens to disabled people if they believe that the conversation around the term nonverbal is just a syscourse thing.

It is such a commonly discussed topic in the disabled community how people will misuse and water down terms that are not for them. The best example I can think of is hyperfixation. Hyperfixation is an ADHD specific term, where someone (for brief periods of time) becomes completely immersed in one singular focus. Hyperfixations last for a few seconds to a few hours. It is a specific term to describe a very specific experience. But people have watered it down to mean any sort of intense interest someone has for a couple of months. They have redefined and twisted an important term.

In fact, we see this sort of conversation regularly in the DID community! Essentially all of our terms have been co-opted by plurals who do not have DID or OSDD. System, alter, switch, the list goes on. It does do the thing disabled people want co-opting of terms to be avoided for, it redefines important terms to describe specific experiences. It also creates a lot of confusion around what the fuck people are talking about, whether system means someone with DID or someone who feels plural or what. I don't care to start an argument over if you think that people have a right to these terms or not, I ultimately do not believe it is an argument worth having. If you have DID/OSDD you are entitled to your opinion and I respect that, if you don't I know damn well you do not respect disabled people enough to listen when we say it harms us and I am done trying to convince people to care.

But essentially, it doesn't surprise me at all to hear that nonverbal has a specific meaning and belongs to a specific group, and that its meaning has been watered down by a bunch of assholes co-opting it. In fact, it made me remember years ago people talking about how 'going nonverbal' isn't a thing, how that term is not for you to use just because you can't speak sometimes.

The impact of you stealing words disabled people use and twisting their meanings is not just a plural issue. It is not people being mean to you for being plural. It is disabled people begging you to not make it harder for them to communicate their experiences and find community with others who have those same experiences. In particular with nonverbal people, who often times also are nonscribal, that's real fucking important in my opinion to not do. What? Do you expect them to craft a whole new word and community surrounding it to be able to explain their experiences and find those who share them? Just so you can use the 'nonverbal alter' instead of 'alter who can't talk'?

Fucking ridiculous seeing people acting like this is 'pluralphobia' or about people not viewing them as individual people. Not everything is about you. This is about the harm you are causing to nonverbal people because you just can't be fucked to say three extra words instead of nonverbal, or can't be fucked to say something like wordless alter.

.

[ellipse-society]

🌹: How would you describe your journey with created plurality/systemhood?

Hmm this is an interesting one. Initially we weren't necessarily trying to do it(as in we didn't understand what we were doing or that it was actually working). We started creating headmates at around age 9 when we had absolutely no clue what plurality even was or that we were already a system.

Once we actually went through syscovery it became much more effective since we actually understood how it was working and where the gaps were in everyone who already existed(that we knew ofs) functioning. It became more streamlined of an ok here is something that would improve functioning let's list good characteristics to fulfill that and send our subconscious into a hyperfixation it into existence project. Most of the times when we are creating headmates we can tell there is going to be a split/fragment naturally elaborating anyway and are more trying to focus on how it can be helpful. It's kind of just become part of our functioning at this point.

So I guess I would describe it as a natural part of my functioning that has improved and been refined over time.

[xweetok-starmap]

Thinking about how weird my relationship with my spouse is

Like don’t get me wrong, we genuinely care about each other: I’ll go out of my way to take care of him if he needs it; He’ll go out of his way to take care of me if I need it; Be it [work is making him go in again, so he needs help at the home more] [social life is devastating, so we need to offer an accepting hand to each other] [healing from surgery or other medical issues] [horny] And we both do this for each other a LOT.

But we don’t really actually have anything in common, We don’t really share any interests,

The amount of stuff I’ve shared with him and he’s made it his utmost priority that “this is who I love, I know he’s a good mage, I don’t want to hurt him — so I will try to listen and not judge” when most folks would just go “okay, bye” is ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE, literally this man got suicidal when he HAD hurt me during the time I found out I was plural, we had about 6 months straight of him responding poorly to me because of various things I was uncovering, and we almost got divorced. It’s a miracle we didn’t. It was really bad . . . I had to make my priority “don’t become a Widower” when it came to him and how BAD he felt.

But it is still prefaced with, “even if I cannot understand”, ”even if I cannot genuinely engage with it in a curious way”, “even if I have to stop you early on in conversations because it makes me uncomfortable”, (to specify these examples are about stuff other than the plurality, the plurality went okay enough after the first Absolutely Terrible three weeks. Though there was a point where he actually got really . . . hyperfixated on one particular headmate and didn’t consider the needs of other headmates as nearly as important as hers (she was the only one he considered to be his spouse, because I ACTUALLY DID break up with him during this time) which was . . . stressful. It pretty much buckled back up to being okay once she talked with him about wanting the top surgery though. He was never convinced we weren’t just ignoring her desires with that and lying to him about what she wanted. Ouch. It’s because she’s the one who had reservations for the longest time before okay-ing it, but still.) He can talk to me about basically anything he’s interested in or needs advice about, and the worst that can happen is maybe I don’t want to hear about board games right now lol; But there is a lot that I simply cannot talk to him about because there are actual boundaries in place about the topic;

There’s also the really messy question that he tries not to think about because he hates it, but it’s still there: “The mere fact that I have some knowledge of these topics from you is a little bit of a cognito hazard when it comes to me interacting with other Normal People Like Me” — because there may come a point where he has to essentially choose between: [basically having to throw his spouse under the bus to avoid conflict] and [not wanting to misrepresent his spouse who he loves, but it is potentially self-incriminating to even -know- certain information to begin with — so sharing that knowledge already rocks the boat and might make him miss out on relationships that he really had no business missing out on; he has no business having his foot in this anyway, as a “So Normal He’s Not Even Queer A Little Bit” person] he calls me a Good boy~ now though, which is great, I feel like my top surgery and DHT changes might kinda force that door a little bit, oops.

I’m in absolutely zero ways monogamous so it’s not like we have a self-defeating expectation that “we should get what we need Only From Each Other”; and like we DO get very good things out of being in each other’s lives. Which just so happens to include tax benefits and medical and stuff. And him coming home from work to have lunch cooking for him. And a lot of technical skills he has, that I don’t, which mean I get to poke into worlds that normally would be universes away.

But the social engagement we get from each other is more like “normal FWBs” While the social expectation we get from others is “spouses they must be super close right?” While the living situation we get from each other is “daily support from either homemaking OR having a job” which feels very traditional spousey

A lot of time that I spend time with him, I feel kind of bad, too? — because I get this background sensation that he’s like . . a catalyst, or something. The idea that I have “emotions that I experience for him SPECIFICALLY” or “desire to do things with him SPECIFICALLY” don’t actually . . . make any sense to me anymore? Because of the sheer WEIGHT of how dissimilar we are now. We were much more similar, ten years ago. Sometimes — but not all the time? — it’s like a disassociated third-person experience when I greet him like :D!! and hold his shoulders and nuzzle his face and everything. . . . But I also heavily encourage him to make new relationships and reach out to/spend more time with other people who are more similar to him. I’ve done absolutely everything I can to support him in doing this — and he’s finally doing it I’m sooooo happy about that!! There are . . . many things we openly discuss and I’m positive about that I’m VERY aware would be totally unacceptable in the overarching puritanical, monogamy-normative culture. it’s . . really weird.

He likes hearing me give updates about how my singing is going, and he likes going out rollerblading with me, though ,so that’s good! And we’ve been watching Dragonball (like, ALL of it) together for a long time and are ALMOST at the end — I want to play a Dragonball fighting game with him but ONLY once we finish the series because ???first thing in the videogame intro and I still don’t know these characters??? who is this cat guy?? I gotta know all the context for everything! —so like there ARE things we can do but. It feels contrived in that “we meet up when we want to hang out with each other” way. Which normally does not feel weird or contrived that’s normal casual friends stuff. But it feels weird when you live together and are also married, and had a way different life just over 1 year ago.

This is so many simultaneous disaster conversations with myself in one post . . .

[sleepy-shutin]

i feel like the tik tokification of CDDs has been so fucking bad and no one really wants to talk about it out of fear of fakeclaiming or whatever but like, i’ve seen a lot of people talk about how they literally can’t get into therapy for system related shit because their therapists doubt them because of how it’s such a trend right now. and because of it, all the “quirky” aspects of systems like switching on camera and full cosplaying your alters and doing little tik tok intros for all of them are so popularized but the actual disorder aspects are doubted or ignored or deemed “problematic”, like having genuine persecutors and not just edgy aesthetic alters who do black and white thirst traps on tik tok to sad boy rap or emo rock. and another thing i’ve noticed from this is people doubting RAMCOA as a whole, or telling survivors that they can’t talk about their trauma or vent because it’s too extreme or “unbelievable” (not a survivor myself but i’ve been reading about RAMCOA systems’ experiences with this). even besides that, system servers in general being inaccessible for a lot of survivors and systems who don’t want to use plural kit or have a system name or whatever. it’s just so! annoying! that i’m so scared to tell people about my disorder or talk about it publicly or even show symptoms of it, because i feel like people are inherently going to doubt me because of how it’s honest to god a trend. and i remember in early 2010s tumblr, it was a trend during that time too, but at least it was relatively contained to tumblr but tik tok is so far reaching. idk maybe i’m an asshole but i just wish people would take it seriously.

i don't think you're an asshole for this. i feel very similarly. i hate when people say "[disorder] isn't a trend!!" when it literally has actually become a trend among people on social media.

people say "DID isn't a trend", but what was that one tag that was trending for a few days straight on twitter? #systemsfordream?

if DID isn't a trend, then how is what's going on online it affecting real world people and their life experiences?

if DID isn't a trend, explain what the hell is going on on tiktok in general.

if DID isn't a trend, explain why all of these people are self diagnosing and armchair diagnosing their friends with DID based on extremely minimal reading and continuing to give genuine self-diagnosers an awful name, and doing anything they can to relate their symptoms to DID.

doubting RAMCOA-related experiences is not new, but yeah--systems that experienced RAMCOA have been shoved out of spaces for having trauma that's "too extreme" to vent about. i hate that shit so much, because people will see people with RAMCOA-related trauma venting about their experiences, and suddenly think these people are playing the trauma olympics when it's literally just their fucking life.

like, sorry some people are trafficking survivors while you survived medical neglect. them talking about their experiences and you feeling uncomfortable with that because it makes you feel like your trauma isn't as bad is not a them problem, it's a you problem, and you need to work through those feelings on your own time. believe it or not, from what i've seen, many survivors of RAMCOA-related abuse struggle with feeling like their trauma was 'enough' as well.

and yeah--tiktok has just. done so much damage to disorders like that. it's not just DID, but also ADHD and autism, both of which they've boiled down to "hyperfixation and special interest disorder", ESPECIALLY when they stomp on and speak over *permanently* non-speaking autistics, or autistics with higher support needs because of their autism, or autistics with cognitive impairments or comorbid learning/intellectual disabilities.

so many syscord servers just fucking suck, because they force you to use pluralkit or have a system name, force littles into one specific chat, etc, but like... bestie how are you going to know a lot of these things if i don't tell you that i've switched, lmao. the normalization of just instantly telling everyone you've switched or when something happens, or over-publicizing your system has and continues to do so much damage to people with DID that have trauma around sharing too much personal information about themselves online, or have had their profiles found by abusers, or similar traumas.

we use aliases online for just about everything *for those exact reasons*.

don't even get me started on the persecutors thing. i've heard more than a few stories about black people with persecutor alters that internally appear white and are racist, but that's "problematic" so people don't like it. i've heard more than a few stories about people with alters that internally reenact abuse in some form, such as an introject of an abusive father that hurts the littles/child parts, but that's "problematic" so people don't like it. i've heard more than a few stories about persecutor alters that try to commit suicide when they front, but that's "problematic" so people don't like it.

the worst part is that these alters aren't given any kind of nuance because they're not treating or understanding them as parts of a whole dissociated consciousness, but rather entirely separate people who are, on their own, wholly responsible for their own actions. people won't look into why a person would have a racist alter, or an alter that reenacts abuse internally, or alters that try to commit suicide, they don't give these alters the benefit of the doubt or think that they might be hurting as well, they just shit on these alters with no reprieve, even when the system is trying to tell them not to do that.

and like, i understand being avoidant towards persecutors and being mean to them because they're reminders of trauma and they're not pretty about it, because they can be scary to see and deal with. but in the end they're just as traumatized as you are, and are dealing with it in unhealthy and destructive ways, and they deserve help, not to be shunned or further abused. even ignoring the fact that that kind of behavior will only make theirs worse, that's really no way to treat a part of yourself who is traumatized and struggling.

i'm just so tired of tiktok and the tiktokification of my disorders, and i'm tired of people acting like it's not happening.

[the-feminist-filipino-fangirl]

I have been procrastinating on posting this for ages now but anyways, here are my Rottmnt fankids!:

Cat and Sandro are twins and they were adopted by Raph. Gio was adopted at age 2 by Leo. Yes, Raph and Leo decided to continue the Renaissance artist name trend, yes they are color coded (CYMK but minus the K), and yes, they have mystic powers/Hamato Ninpo. Let me give you a rundown of each character (this is gonna be long imma divide it into 3 parts)

(Part 2: Cat, Part 3: Gio)

Sandro

Before I get into Sandro’s personality, I’m going to begin by explaining the twin’s backstory. Basically, Raph was considering adoption around the same time one of April’s friends accidentally got pregnant. He offered to adopt the baby, not expecting it to be babies plural. The twins are half Japanese and half Jamaican (I was definitely influenced by the blasian human turtle designs)

Sandro is 9 years old and is named after Sandro Botticelli. His signature color is magenta and he is definitely one of the smartest kids in 4th grade. All three kids are actually really smart like seriously, they were all homeschooled by Donnie for the first 8 years of their life. And that doesn’t even count what Leo Mikey and Raph taught them.

Sandro is autistic like Raph and Donnie and is a huge literary nerd (I’m self projecting here) and has a ridiculously large book collection. Raph encourages his love for reading as much as possible. He loves his alone time and is introverted but if you ask him about one of his hyperfixations he will infodump for hours. He is on the high empathy side of the spectrum and loves his family to the death. He’s very peaceful but he is not above punching someone if they hurt his family.

When he and Cat were about seven, the begged Raph for weeks on end to teach them to become ninjas. They thought their dad and uncles had the coolest job ever and wanted to copy them. Raph wanted to train them but he was terrified of hurting his kids so he refused at first. The puppy eyes won in the end. They ended up having a blast training together. Sandro uses a bladed staff like the one Cassandra uses in the season finale:

Except his isn’t bent. Sandro also knows how to use tonfas and a bo staff.

Now I mentioned earlier that the kids have Hamato Ninpo despite being adopted and they got mystic powers along with it. Sandro got invisibility. He just claps his hands and he disappears. You should have seen Raph’s face when he did it for the first time. Splinter constantly teases the turtles that their 9 year old nephew/son is better at stealth than them. Sandro usually uses his powers when he wants to get out of uncomfortable social situations (I can relate)

And that’s it for Sandro! I’ll continue with Cat and Gio after I finish studying bc I have an exam tomorrow. Adios!

[maniacwatchestheworld]

I'm only just starting to get into the relevant Batman-related media in my quest to feed my brain's recent desire to hyperfixate on Two-Face/Harvey Dent, so I don't really know what's out there. But given how it seems to only be a very very recent development in this character's exceedingly long history that they've been writing them in a way where Harvey is accepting of Two-Face's presence, I have very little faith that there are any stories out there that play with their dynamics as a system that are often inherent to being a system in interesting or fun ways.

I think that there are a lot of ways that you can play and have fun with the ideas behind the Two-Face system. The two bickering over stupid things that maybe lead to outbursts that confuse all of the henchmen and other baddies that they're around. One of them waking up, finding that they're fronting now with no idea how they got there or what to do about it with the other refusing to come out and help. Others confusing the two when Harvey says something particularly fucked-up or Two-Face saying something uncharacteristically nice. But mostly I just want Harvey to be able to be happy and healthy while learning to accept Two-Face as part of his life and the two cooperating to better their shared lives. Honestly I'd like for them to like... Become the Batfamily's scary-looking uncle who is nice for the most part, but also is sometimes a little too quick to suggest murder.

Sadly I have doubts that such stories exist within canon, and I don't know if there would even be any fanfiction that would have my back in this regard. My brain has just been buzzing with such ideas, but I also have a hesitance to write such things as I am not plural myself. So yeah...

Brain, why did you decide to crave such a difficult hyperfixation...? >.<

[themidnightdistraction]

Coming out as Plural

This post will be using I pronouns because it reflects the perspective of the headmate (Felix) writing it. As a plurality as a whole, we use we, our, us and they/them. Each of us have our own personal pronouns too.

What's my Origin?

I don't know. I've had Cerebral Palsy - which since it has physical side effects a lot of people see as a physical disability but which is also neurological - since I was an infant. I also had a seizure in the NICU as a baby. I went through surgeries a lot as a kid. I have also experienced many kinds of trauma, none of which sticks out to any of us as having brought us into being, except maybe once, which coincides with the first time I (Felix) remember fronting in the body, and also lines up with the traditional age range for clinical diagnosis. The thing is, I also have memories of existing before that. Whenever I try to think of when I came from, the only answer that ever makes sense or feels right is that I have always been here. Always been Plural. So, am I Endogenic? Is it likewise possible that the trauma that happened to our brain with our Cerebral Palsy, or maybe the seizure we had as a baby laid the groundwork for us? I don't know. I've sat by the sidelines in the Plural community, listening carefully to the experiences of both traumagenic and endogenic pluralities, of mixed origin people, of those who are disordered and nondisordered, trying to find where I fit in. Though I've loved listening, even as fraught and divided as the community is, nothing I have seen so far matches up quite right with our own experiences of Plurality for us to be able to say, "That's it, that's us!" Our disability often sets us apart in spaces, and it may do so here. Cerebral Palsy changes the brain, it has to map itself differently. It wouldn't surprise me if that opened up new ways to be.

Where do I stand on Syscourse?

We will never be intentionally ableist towards any disordered or traumagenic pluralities. We support them wholeheartedly. We will also strive not to exclude mixed origin or endogenic pluralities or other ways of being plural. We support fictives and factives. We will not be using clinical terms to describe our experiences as we don't currently seek clinical diagnosis of our plurality and don't wish to appropriate anything that doesn't belong to us.

What did I think of Moon Knight?

Ohoho, hoo boy, do I have Thoughts! This went from being the most intimate and beloved hyperfixation (we're adhd) I've ever had to damaging and hurting us (and Me especially!) in episode 5 more than anything ever has. I am ashamed of the writers and wish my goal of becoming a television showrunner was already met so that I could sit down with them and talk peer to peer. I still love the characters, remain a huge fan of Oscar Isaac, and would like to continue watching the show and immersing myself in being a fan of it for as long as it still brings me happiness. SPOILERS AHEAD: Singlets in the fandom please listen to the plural people around you, be conscious of the pain that ep 5 brought me and others like me, and please, for the love of all that is sweet and kind in this world, please stop giffing, reblogging, and showcasing the part where Steven freaks out over his autonomy. Please stop talking about Marc being the only "real" person in his system. This is untrue and harmful. You are making the tags of a show where a lot of us felt seen an unsafe and hostile place for us to be. Please don't do that. I am begging you. There are so many shows with singlet protagonists. Most media depicts us horribly. Let us dictate what the conversation should be in one of the only shows we have ever had that treated us right. I care about your opinions and feelings, I am genuinely excited to know what you think, and I love that you love this show too, so let's find a way to love this together without hurting each other. Thank you.

Does anyone want to introduce themselves?

At this time people are shy, we've spent so long without anyone knowing about us. I'll introduce myself and leave it there for now, but stay tuned for any future intros we might give.

Hi! I'm Felix Midnight. I'm somewhere in my 20s. I'm usually in front unless otherwise specified. My pronouns are he/him/his and they/them/theirs. I'm a femme nonbinary trans man, I’m a goth I’m a geek of many.kinds, a writer and a game dev. I love Interactive Fiction games and I have a studio of my own called MidnightHopeGames. To date all of the games there are mine, but I hope in the future that some of the others may want to make some too. I'd love to be a romance author (despite the fact that I'm arospec I'm a romance positive romance nerd and besides, fiction is awesome) and my ultimate goal is to be a television showrunner. But for now IF is my stage. I love shows like Moon Knight, Legends of Tomorrow, and some seasons of The Flash, but I also love shows like Station 19, Sailor Moon, and Moonlight (2007). I love socializing, and cats and socializing with cats. I am happily spoken for by a giant nerd of a singlet guy who is go to space level smart. Hmm... What else, what else... I think artists/writers/creators, are some of the coolest and bravest people on the planet! Especially IF authors and reader insert fic authors, who are two very different but equally badass communities and I am in awe of every single one of you. I cannot believe the quality and care and time you invest in your work and that we are lucky enough you choose to share it with us. Thank you so much. I support you. Actors, queer people, trans people, BIPOC, disabled people, and ND people, I adore you. Pluralities and systems, you're the coolest! Medical professionals that aren't ableist, you are the backbone of this place. Everybody else, keep being cool. I hope you have things that make life bright and I hope I get to talk with you someday. Thank you all for reading this!

What can you tell us about the body?

31 going on 32, BIPOC, Happa, disabled, neurodivergent, queer (yes, all of us), and objectively hot if you ask me (but I'm biased because it's the one I've got). We would like top surgery someday.

Why now?

Moon Knight has brought plurality into mainstream awareness in a way that is for once not entirely harmful. I've never really felt comfortable being closeted in any way. We held off because we have very clear goals for a future in the public eye creating content and we were afraid that being visibly plural would put those goals at risk. We recently decided to come out as publicly trans and nonbinary and after we saw Moon Knight we have been debating whether closets are actually helping us or hindering us when it comes to plurality. After a lot of back and forth and conversations with the aware singlets most close to us, we have decided that, as creators we want to showcase the world we want to see, and that we would very much like to Be in that world. Not in 10 or 15 or 20 years when the dream of being known as entertainers becomes a reality and we feel like we'd have a platform to come out and make a difference, but now where we can benefit from the very things we're trying to create ourselves. We'd like a chance to be happy, and known, just as we are. so, this is us. Hello. Nice to meet you!

[voilo]

My essay on being godkin -limio

introduction

I’m Limio. I’m a firegod dire/greywolf mix. I first awakened when I was 8-10 years old. Don’t remember the exact age. It started with me developing a hyperfixation on avatar the last airbender. In atla there’s a character named katara. For some reason I hated her with a burning passion. (pun not intended) Since she was a water bender, I decided that I should be a fire being, because I hated her so much. Then I realized that calling myself a fire being, more specifically a fire wolf, felt right. More right than anything else I had ever called myself. That’s when the memories started coming back, and soon I realized, I was a firegod, and later a direwolf/greywolf mix. Ever since I’ve been recounting memories, and now I basically know my entire story. Around 2019 I started joining kin spaces, but I was afraid to admit that I was a god, so I just told everyone I was a dire/greywolf mix. After a while I convinced myself that I was never a firegod in the first place. It took a lot of time for me to open up to who I really was again after that. 

My personal experiences with godkin hate

Around the time that I was rediscovering my identity, I was active on a subreddit called r/otherkringe. It was basically a hater subreddit aimed towards otherkin. I was there defending otherkin and having debates with people. Despite what many currently believe, back then, most arguments I had were civil, and the people on there, respected me in a way. This changed when I admitted to being godkin and plural. Big mistake, I know that now. I started getting a lot of hate, which caused me to do stupid stuff. My once civil arguments turned into people calling me delusional and me hammering back at them because I felt like I needed to defend myself. I became “the one who shall not be named”, and people were becoming more and more hostile the more I stayed on there. I’m not going to say that I was fully without blame. I had moments of getting overconfident, posting on there, getting hate, crying myself to sleep, and repeating the cycle as soon as I got overconfident again. It was like an addiction, which almost got me to want to convince myself I wasn’t a god again. Luckily when I hit my absolute worst spot, I messaged the moderators to ban me, and they locked the subreddit instead. Ever since that my mental health has vastly improved, and I’m doing way better now. 

Commonly used arguments against godkin

The reason I mentioned the otherkringe situation was because it shows how much people seem to hate godkin. Again, otherkringe was perfectly okay with me being a wolf, but as soon as I mentioned I was godkin, they turned on me. And it’s not just nonkin and antikin either. Even in the community, godkin are often hated. A few of the main arguments I’ve seen used against us are. 

That we have superiority complexes

That it must mean we want to be worshiped.

That it’s disrespectful to the divine to identify as divine

That it’s cultural appropriation 

I want to use this opportunity to disprove these arguments. First the “you have a superiority/god complex” argument. Most people who use this argument only know about aberhamic gods. When they think of gods they think of creatures which have all authority and are basically the only being that matters in this world. I’m not that type of god, and neither are most other godkin I’ve met. First of all, I hate being in authority. I hate it so much that all my relationships have been power play, with my partner in power. When I get put in a place of authority, I break down or tell my girlfriend to handle it for me. I can’t deal with the pressure. The most I can deal with is being a moderator, and even then, when it comes to banning/muting people, I ask moon to do it for me. If anything, I have an inferiority complex. I constantly feel like others are better than me at everything. But I don’t want this to turn into me just venting about my life problems, so I’m just going to move on to the next argument often thrown at us, “you must want to be worshiped”. As I’ve already made clear, I hate being in authority. It makes me feel really uncomfortable. If I learned someone worshiped me, I’d freak out, and not in the good way. I can’t deal with that pressure and am ot someone anyone should be looking up to. But I know there are godkin who want to be worshiped, and in my opinion there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as it’s safe, consensual, and both parties benefit from it. You can’t really tell adults what they can and can’t do with their life, as long as no one’s getting hurt. Who cares if someone wants to worship a godkin? It’s no one's business except for the worshiped and the worshiper. Next argument I’ve personally received a lot is “It’s disrespectful to the divine to identify as divine”. I think that mortals shouldn’t get to decide for the divine what the divine are and aren’t offended by. I’ve personally worked with two demons in the past, and they have both been absolutely okay with it. If anything, there was a mutual respect between us. Of course I don’t know all divine, but if me being a god is offensive to them, I’d rather hear that from them themselves. Last but not least, we have the “it’s cultural/religious appropriation” argument. As always I can only speak for myself. I’m not from any religion. I’m not attached to any earthen culture, so I might not be the best person to speak on this, but I’ll do my best anyway. I think that even if someone identifies as a god from an earthen culture/religion, it’s not cultural appropriation. They didn’t choose to identify as said god, and with a lot of godkin I’ve met who identify as a god from a culture/religion, they’ve chosen to follow said culture/religion, but again, I’m not the right person to be writing about this since I’m white and not from any earthen culture/religion.

The perks and struggles of being godkin for me personally

I’ve talked a lot about what being godkin doesn’t make me do, so now I’m going to talk about what it does make me do. For me personally, my identity makes me want to help as many people as I can. Which is both a good and a bad thing. I used to have it worse than I do now, but back in the day, whenever I heard that anyone was suffering, I would immediately reach out to them to try to help them. This caused my own mental health to drop, but I didn’t care about that. After a lot of bad experiences, I’ve learned to only reach out to people when I actually know I can help them. I have a big appreciation for life and how sacred it is, and am a pacifist because of that. I don’t even kill mosquitoes. I can’t get myself to take a life. I also have a big respect towards fire for obvious reasons. I’ve burned myself on everything you could possibly burn yourself on, except for fire. It ironically makes me feel really weak, since I’m stuck in a human body. It makes me sad because I don’t have all the powers I used to have. It makes me frustrated since I can’t help people as well as I used to. People telling me I have a god complex has made me afraid to say anything positive about myself out of fear of being perceived as self centered. It has made me more creative. It has made me love nature way more than I otherwise would have. Etc etc. For me, being godkin has both positive and negative sides, most negative sides are because of people’s perceptions, but to be honest, even though I might never be as accepted as I would have been if I were just a normal wolf, I’m still extremely happy to be who I am, and if I got to choose, I wouldn’t have chosen to be anything else.

[keyframe-moved]

This turned into way more of a ramble and is WAY more personal than i was expecting sorry I guess I needed to talk about my feelings for a bit NIJDOJNSJIND

The tl;dr is that this may turn into an actual system blog in a couple weeks . Maybe not though. Undecided

You can read the rest if you want

Latest thoughts and feelings about how our system functions have had really awkward timing considering me inevitably hyperfixating on Legends Arceus is going to affect communication and our ability to switch for a little while . So like everything we want to try and do will probably have to wait until after the hype wears off . N E ways while we're still deciding because we really don't like hanging around System Tumblr (we softblock most system blogs who follow us for a reason) I think if it helps our communication + our system really abruptly changing Everything About How We Function we might turn this blog into a more standard system blog . Where like everyone has their own talking tag and stuff

We've considered doing that in the past but it feels.. weird? Specifically like we're opening ourself up to fakeclaiming. Our system is mostly (ALMOST entirely) alters who identify as some form of Pokémon-related fictive right now, which I honestly wouldn't blame a complete stranger for thinking is Off and a sign that we're "roleplaying" or whatever . Our close friends who we actually talk about this stuff with know that we weren't always like this and it was the result of a weird mass-fusion our brain did after we stopped being active in the wider plural community a few months ago, and have repeatedly assured us that it never even crossed their mind that we're just making this all up to roleplay as Pokespe characters, but I can see how it could have That Vibe to people at a first glance

I also kind of worry about if our communication Stays Bad or if things don't work out I'll be restructuring this blog for Nothing and it'll be awkward, like I'll just have a weird phase in this blog's history where my headmates posted sometimes and then they stopped . Idk why I'm worried about that this a very chaotic blog but it feels like it's SOME level of organized and turning it into a system blog would require it to become more organized, which,, will be weird if it just Stops . I wouldn't know what to do with the leftover tagging system or the posts by my headmates that are just There now . I could resolve this by just having a seperate system blog from my main but again I have really little interest in actually being active in the plural community and also having a sideblog for something almost feels like I'm trying to hide something away . I have a sideblog for pokepastas because I know i have followers who don't like horror content and want to accommodate for them . If someone didn't want to follow me because they Dont Like that I'm a System I wouldn't accommodate them I'd just block them IJNDONJSJINC..

ANYWAYS yeah I have stuff on my mind . FNSJINCJBIS obviously I will let you guys know of we make any massive changes to how this blog runs but for now we just have Ideas . I'm going to go work on brainweird symbolic system art now