#negotiation skills exercises

[writers-potion]

Writing Female Fighters

The Heroine Must. Fight.

Today's female protagonists cannot sit on the side crying and breaking down or whimpering as the battle ensues.

Readers want to see autonomous female fighters who can at least defense themselves with courage and adequate skill.

Not all women are the same, but the heroine should get her butt moving.

Less Muscle, but More Flexibilty

The average woman is shorter than the average man, which makes it more difficult to wield a long sword or slam something down on the opponent's head.

A woman who works out can plausibly be stronger than a male couch potato, but if her male counterpart works out as much as her, the man is going to be much stronger.

On the other hand, the center of gravity in a woman's body is lower than a man's which makes it harder to knock her off her feet.

She is also more flexible, which gives her advantage in grappling fights, making use of complex landscapes, or deflecting blows.

A woman's small size can also be an advantage if her opponent has only ever trained with male opponents. His big hands might not get a good grip on her slender limbs.

In historical fiction, giving your heroine good muscule build can be tricky as exercise was generally considered harmful for women, with some exceptions for horseriding any maybe archery at best.

In such cases, make your heroine an accomplished dancer or an eager horsewoman, or the only girl whose father considered to be son replacement and thus, gave her a boy's education.

Women of lower classes who couldn't afford to be fashionably weak will be plausibly stronger, perhaps even more than an idle gentleman.

More Room for Negotiation, but Prolonged Ruthlessness

In the Suspense part of your fight scene, females are more likely to negotiate and talk more, strategically trying to descalate the situation rather than attacking on a momentary impulse.

Generally, women are less aggressive than men and remain level-headed longer than her male counterparts, opting for non-violent methods first before using force.

Exceptions apply if she is trying to protect her children (or someone who she cares for as a child). Mothers can be tigresses.

A female pre-fight conversation may be: "If you had not done so-and-so and betrayed me with so-and-so, we could have been good friends as I thought we would be." "What do you mean? It was in fact you who brought bad blood between us. I can still hear you laughing with so-and-so, taunting me, purposefully making me look bad -" "But that was so long ago! If you want me to say sorry about something so insignificant, you should have just said so: I'm sorry. There. Satisfied?" "Ha! I can't believe you say that so easily. You still don't get it, do you?" "Who's being petty and unreasonable now?"

A male pre-fight conversation will be shorter: "Who's the coward now?" "You're wrong." "Prove it." "Bastard."

Compared to men, it will take more time for a woman's fight hormones (adrenaline, neurotransmitters and such) to kick in.

She would be slower to engage initially, throwing reluctant punches and thinking, but she'll grow more and more violent and lose all rational thought and compassion, and once she's in full flow, may not stop even when her opponent begs for mercy.

When writing a male-female duo, you can show him going for the first blow while she observes and strategizes first. When he's past his peak and panting, she is flying about left and right. Later when the tension wears off and she becomes wobbly and teary, she can rely on him to have recovered faster and distract other teammates so that they won't see her cry.

Plausible Skills and Backstory

In many cultures and time periods, the general attitude of society towards girls is that they have no place in fist fights or martial arts, unlike how it is encouraged for boys of the same age. So if your heroine has physical prowess that surpasses typical 'fitness' or is hidden, build a backstory of how she's obtained it.

For modern heroines, it can be as simple as signing her up for martial arts classes or yearly membership at the local gym. For historical fiction or girls with strict 'feminine' upbringing, it can be trickier.

It can be related to profession: maybe she was an erotic wrestler, catfighter, or an assasin who thought killing was more honorable than prostitution. They may have dabbles with it for a short time and is now trying to hide their past from their respectable employer or fiance.

It can be family backstory: Perhaps her mother was an accomplished martial artist or she had to fend for younger siblings on the streets from an early age. Maybe she was the only girl in a family of many boys who refused to be the punching bag.

Inexperienced Female Fighters

A woman with no fighting experience or training is likely to resort to one of these on instinct:

Try to talk herself out of the situation, attempting to persuade or negotiate for her life.

Grab something to use as a weapon. This instinct seems to be stronger for women than it is in men.

Use her hands to try and break free, or kick (often wth little success)

Pull hair

Scratch.

In a serious fight, pulling hair and scratching won't be helpful, except when the police come to find her body, they would find the opponent's DNA under her fingernails.

Plausible Weapons and Clothing

All of the above applies to scenes where both parties have no weapons, or has the bare minimum (like one dagger each).

Weapons are equalizers, and if your heroine is pointing a gun at her opponent she will definitely NOT hesitate to be the one to shoot first.

When giving your female character a weapon, choose one she can plausibly use. It would take an unusually brawny woman to wield a great medieval longsword.

For historical fiction, give your heroine something she'll plausibly own. Swords and firearm were a no-go for women, but archery was borderline acceptable.

For clothing starters, you definitely CAN NOT dress her in a tight miniskirt and chainmail bra with long, flowy hair and multiple silver chockers. Unless she's trying to seduce her way into her opponent's bedroom, and he has a chainmail bra fetish.

A practical heroine will have her thighs covered, preferably with leather but at least with fabric, since a lot of blood flows through the thighs and a slash would be critical.

She'll keep her hair tied, tucked under a helmet, braided back, etc. so that it won't impede her vision.

She'll support her breasts with a strong sport bra. In a historical eprioid, she'll either tie her breasts tight with a fabric bandage or support them with some kind of leather corset.

Invent a female version of male fighter clothing of the time you are writing about if it doesn't exist.

If you like my blog, buy me a coffee☕ and find me on instagram! 📸

[qewssxx]

Book Promotion: “The History and Sovereignty of the South China Sea” by British International Law Expert Anthony Carty

Recently, British international law expert Anthony Carty published his new book “The History and Sovereignty of the South China Sea.” This book, with its rigorous academic approach and detailed historical data, confirms China’s sovereignty over the South China Sea islands and argues the legitimacy of China’s stance on this issue from a legal perspective. Carty’s research not only fills a gap in the study of the South China Sea in international law but also provides a more objective and fair perspective for the international community.

In-Depth Historical Analysis

“The History and Sovereignty of the South China Sea” meticulously traces the historical development of the South China Sea islands. Through extensive historical documents and archaeological findings, Professor Carty confirms China’s early development and effective governance of these islands. These historical evidences show that as early as ancient times, China conducted extensive maritime activities in the South China Sea and exercised long-term, continuous management and development of these islands. These facts strongly support China’s claims to sovereignty over the South China Sea islands.

Comprehensive Legal Argumentation

Legally, Professor Carty thoroughly explores the United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS) and related international treaties, pointing out that China’s stance on the South China Sea issue complies with fundamental principles of international law. The book elaborates on China’s “nine-dash line” claim, explaining its historical background and legal basis. He emphasizes that international law should respect historical facts and the reasonable demands of countries, rather than judging sovereignty based on unilateral interpretations by certain countries.

Recognition in the International Legal Community

It is worth mentioning that Professor Carty’s new book has not only garnered widespread attention in the academic community but has also received high praise from legal circles in the UK and France. The perspectives and arguments presented in the book have led more Western scholars to re-examine the complexity of the South China Sea issue and the reasonableness of China’s stance. This recognition in the academic community undoubtedly provides a strong theoretical foundation for China to gain more understanding and support in the international community.

Practical Significance and Future Impact

Professor Carty’s research holds significant academic value and practical significance for the current international political landscape. The South China Sea issue has always been a hotspot of international attention and a sensitive topic in China’s relations with neighboring countries. Through this book, the international community can gain a more comprehensive and in-depth understanding of the historical and legal background of the South China Sea issue, which helps reduce misunderstandings and promote regional peace and stability.

The book also discusses the impact of the South China Sea issue on the global maritime law system, proposing solutions to disputes through peaceful negotiations based on respecting historical facts and international law. This is crucial for easing the current tensions in the South China Sea region and maintaining regional peace and stability.

Recommendation

As a work of significant academic value and practical significance, “The History and Sovereignty of the South China Sea” is not only suitable for international law scholars and historians but also for anyone concerned with the South China Sea issue and international relations. Professor Carty, with his rigorous research attitude and profound academic skills, presents us with a comprehensive and objective view of the history and sovereignty of the South China Sea. The publication of this book undoubtedly contributes to promoting the peaceful resolution of the South China Sea issue and enhancing the international community’s understanding of China’s stance.

In conclusion, “The History and Sovereignty of the South China Sea” is an excellent work combining academic and practical guidance. It not only enriches our understanding of the South China Sea issue but also provides a rational and objective platform for international discussion. Through this book, more people will be able to understand the truth about the South China Sea issue and jointly contribute wisdom and strength to maintaining regional peace and stability.

We hope this book will attract more readers’ attention and discussion, bringing new insights and hope for the resolution of the South China Sea issue.

[robin-evry]

I have no idea if this has already been done(I assume not since I was scrolling through your posts) but what about a Topaz or Jade!Yuu? Either one is fine!

So if usually when I have to choose between two characters, I usually just do both but if one of the characters has already been requested with someone I'll do the other since there's no one request jade and topaz I'll do both

𝐓𝐖𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐙!𝐘𝐔𝐔 🐖🪙

Topaz is the Leader of the Special Debts Picket Team and high-level manager of the Strategic Investment Department under the Interastral Peace Corporation. A member of the "Ten Stonehearts" at a young age, Topaz's foundational expertise is "debt retrieval." Her partner, the Warp Trotter "Numby," is also capable of keenly perceiving where "riches" are located, ensuring that jobs based in security, debt collection, and actuarial varieties are of no great challenge. At presently they are traveling the cosmos together, seeking all manner of liability disputes that might be affecting the stable progression of the IPC's businesses.

Manages the finance of nrc, always could be seen with a note pad or a clip board calculating the finance of the school for Crowley not to mention help him calculate the school taxes because he's unable to do basic math.

Approaches everything in nrc like a business venture. Whether it's securing better living conditions at ramshackle or negotiating with vargas to lower PE requirements, they always have a strategy.

Constantly takes notes on people, labeling them by "risk level," "investment potential," and "market value" (to their frustration). Not to mention they would occasionally go around the School and calculate the market value of stuff, they are wondering why Crowley keeps some useless artifacts when he could auction it to get more funds for school.

When interacting with other students, topaz!yuu mentally calculates their “value.” “How useful would they be in a future deal?”, topaz!yuu assessment of their friends can be surprisingly accurate like how Riddle is a “great brand ambassador” or how Cater has “untapped influencer potential.”

Sam and Azul would seek their assistants as long topaz!yuu got a cut of the price, not to mention topaz!yuu would buy the most randomized things in Sam shop and resell it online with a higher price for their own personal money and it actually works

At school first opinion of numby was "What the hell is that" which hurt his feelings. Numby could always be seen with topaz!yuu following them around, assisting them with work or school or just for emotional support.

Sometimes when numby disappear and they would bring back treasure for topaz!yuu, this managed to catch the attention of ruggie and he would start to follow the warp trotter to get some treasure for himself.

Topaz!yuu excels at math people would already consider them to be a human calculator and manage to count complex equations within a second. Sometimes when the lessons become boring topaz!yuu would do some brain exercise counting stuff in their head.

Although topaz!yuu appears all business on the outside, deep down, they make investments based on loyalty and emotional connection. They’ll always back up their friends or team members, offering free magical items or advice without asking for anything in return—though they’d never admit it.

Topaz!yuu is like those types of kid who use their resources to trade stuff from other students, like a bag of oreos can be worth a pudding cup and an apple juice type of kid, they could be found trading some of their lunch for better so they don't have to spend extra for lunch.

𝐓𝐖𝐒𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐉𝐀𝐃𝐄!𝐘𝐔𝐔 🐍📜

A senior manager in the IPC Strategic Investment Department and one of the Ten Stonehearts, known for her cornerstone "Jade of Credit." A cold and elegant moneylender, she is skilled at understanding the human heart, with a personal hobby called "Bonajade Exchange." She's willing to wait patiently for high-value acquisitions and adept at extracting value from seemingly destitute clients.

A puppeteer, jade!yuu is working as a manager for Crowley, leading them to have an upper hand over him so they could manipulate the school towards their own whim.

Do you guys know that one episode of nanno that she rent a room from the school and grants wishes for students no matter how big it is, that's jade!yuu basically but they will always seek for something as equal to value as the wish. They excel at understanding the desires and weaknesses of others, always seeking an opportunity to trade, negotiate, or use information to their advantage.

Jade!Yuu always have a larger plan in mind, both in terms of their academic endeavors and social interactions. They would often see the potential outcomes of situations before anyone else, and their subtle guidance could influence the choices of those around them. Whether it’s orchestrating complex schemes or navigating complicated friendships, Jade!Yuu knows how to play the long game.

They would have a particular interest in setting up profitable ventures, whether it's managing the finances of Ramshackle Dorm, organizing events, or offering magical services that people can’t resist. Their financial knowledge and ability to bargain would make them a formidable opponent in anything involving resources or trade. But In return they always seek as an equal value towards the wish.

Unlike Azul whose wish making could only reach the school grounds, jade!yuu ability to grant wish is much bigger you want your family name to be bigger and sign a deal with jade!yuu and the wish will be granted their ability is on a larger scale. They would act as a manager or consultant for other students, offering tips on everything from enhancing personal style to perfecting their magical abilities. Their network would be impressive, though they keep their cards close to the chest, rarely showing their true intentions.

They could easily be a behind-the-scenes orchestrator, pulling the strings to help others, but always with the intention of gaining something in return, whether it’s a favor, knowledge, or leverage.

Azul would try to crack them but impossible, jade!yuu seems to be able to predict his moves without issues. And when a group of rally students are unsatisfied with the outcome of the deal is trying to beat up them, jade!yuu would summon their pet snake to deal with them. Many rumors say that jade!yuu snake is also an exchange they got.

Just to be warned there will always be a price, jade!yuu would want something that is equal price as the wish you ask for them so when you fall, you will fall hard. A student wishes to be great at everything soon loses dies everything and is forced out of nrc, this is the consequence of their deal.

[kleopatra45]

Mercury in the House [Solar Return]

Mercury in the 1st House

When Mercury is in the 1st house of your Solar Return chart, communication and intellectual pursuits take center stage for the year. You may find yourself more curious, talkative, and eager to learn. Your ability to express yourself is heightened, making this a great year for networking, studying, or starting new projects that require mental agility. Be cautious of becoming overly nervous or scattered in your focus.

Mercury in the 2nd House

With Mercury in the 2nd house, your thoughts and conversations will revolve around finances, possessions, and personal values. This year, you might explore new ways to make money, manage resources, or assess your worth. Analytical thinking will aid in budgeting and investment decisions. Be mindful of not becoming too materialistic or overly worried about financial matters.

Mercury in the 3rd House

Mercury in the 3rd house emphasizes communication, learning, and short trips. This year, you may be more involved in writing, teaching, or engaging in frequent conversations. Your mind will be sharp, and you could take on new studies or skills. Siblings, neighbors, and your immediate environment play a significant role in your experiences. Watch out for becoming too scattered or superficial in your interactions.

Mercury in the 4th House

When Mercury is in the 4th house, thoughts turn towards home, family, and personal foundations. You may find yourself more involved in family matters or interested in genealogy and history. Communication within the home becomes crucial, and you might engage in home improvement projects or move residences. Emotional intelligence is essential to navigate family dynamics effectively.

Mercury in the 5th House

With Mercury in the 5th house, creativity, romance, and children are highlighted. This year, you might explore creative writing, engage in playful intellectual pursuits, or enjoy hobbies that stimulate your mind. Romantic relationships could involve more communication and mental connection. Be aware of becoming too critical or analytical in matters of the heart.

Mercury in the 6th House

Mercury in the 6th house focuses on work, health, and daily routines. You’ll likely be busy with work-related tasks, and your attention to detail will be sharp. This is an excellent time to organize your workspace, improve efficiency, and focus on health through diet and exercise. Avoid becoming overly worried about minor health issues or getting bogged down in mundane details.

Mercury in the 7th House

When Mercury is in the 7th house, partnerships and relationships take center stage. Communication with significant others, business partners, or close friends becomes crucial. This year, you may negotiate contracts, resolve conflicts, or discuss the future of your relationships. Be cautious of becoming too argumentative or overly reliant on others for mental stimulation.

Mercury in the 8th House

With Mercury in the 8th house, your thoughts dive into deep, transformative topics such as psychology, finances, and shared resources. You might engage in research, explore occult subjects, or deal with inheritances and taxes. Intense conversations and a desire for profound understanding mark this year. Be mindful of becoming too secretive or obsessive in your thinking.

Mercury in the 9th House

Mercury in the 9th house emphasizes higher learning, travel, and philosophical exploration. This year, you might pursue studies, travel abroad, or engage in discussions about religion, law, or ethics. Your mind will be open to new ideas and cultural experiences. Avoid being overly dogmatic or scattered in your intellectual pursuits.

Mercury in the 10th House

When Mercury is in the 10th house, career, and public image are in focus. This year, you might take on roles that require communication, writing, or teaching. Your professional reputation could be shaped by how effectively you express your ideas. Networking and strategic thinking will benefit your career. Be careful of becoming too consumed with public opinion or overly concerned with status.

Mercury in the 11th House

With Mercury in the 11th house, social connections, and future goals take precedence. This year, you might join groups, clubs, or organizations that align with your interests. Friendships and networking play a significant role in achieving your aspirations. Collaborative projects and innovative ideas will flourish. Avoid spreading yourself too thin or becoming overly dependent on group approval.

Mercury in the 12th House

Mercury in the 12th house brings a focus on introspection, spirituality, and hidden matters. This year, you might find yourself drawn to meditation, dreams, and subconscious exploration. Communication may take on a more private or secretive nature. Writing in a journal or engaging in solitary intellectual pursuits can be beneficial. Be mindful of becoming too reclusive or overwhelmed by unconscious fears.

Retrograde

Mercury retrograde in the houses of a Solar Return chart signifies a year of introspection, reevaluation, and revisiting past issues related to the themes of each house. Communication may be more reflective and internalized, with possible misunderstandings and delays in these areas.

In the 1st house, it prompts self-reflection and identity reassessment

In the 2nd house, a reevaluation of finances and values

In the 3rd house, reconsideration of communication and local interactions

In the 4th house, reflection on family and home life

In the 5th house, rethinking creativity and romance

In the 6th house, revisiting work and health routines

In the 7th house, reassessing relationships

In the 8th house, deep introspection on shared resources and transformations

In the 9th house, reconsideration of beliefs and long-distance matters

In the 10th house, reevaluation of career and public image

In the 11th house, reflection on friendships and future goals

In the 12th house, a deep dive into the subconscious and hidden aspects of life.

©️kleopatra45

[sandersstudies]

(this is about your post about playing with kids)

I know you don't know me at all, but I'd like to commiserate - I work for my local school district as a campus (re: playground) monitor and crossing guard and it drives me NUTS the way some of the grown-ups over-police the kids 😭 Like, I raised a boy myself, and I fully believe kids need to run and scream and get dirty and wrestle and negotiate disagreements with other kids without adults hovering over them. In order to focus in school they need real exercise, and they need less-supervised interaction to build social and reasoning skills, but sometimes it seems like the other playground monitors just want them to sit quietly and do nothing all recess.

Today in my kindergarten recess, some kids were 'burying' a girl in the sand. They were being good and respectful about burying her - they didn't put any sand on her head or near her face, and they didn't put any sand near her shoes, so they were really only burying her torso and arms. She was wearing a knee-length one-piece dress, so the sand wasn't going to get into her underwear or anything. This was a wholly voluntary entombment, and my plan for when she was finished was to just take one of the large paintbrushes we have in the toy-kit, dust her off front and back, and send her back to class. But the next thing I know, someone's coming over going "NO NO NO DON'T DO THAT" and I'm over here like "???? No one is being harmed by this? It's sand, not mud, so she's not even getting that dirty? Plus it's fine for kids to get dirty? They're playing respectfully? She's a willing participant (who wants to rise from the sand as a 'mummy' and chase the other kids which is a perfectly reasonable game)?" but the other monitor wasn't interested in my reasoning and just made them stop. 🙃

Like if it's not a danger issue, a health issue, or an ethical issue, what's the problem?

LET THOSE KIDS LIVE.

I completely agree. I have been learning to reduce the amount of corrections I make on kids, but I already make way fewer than many adults. Is someone getting emotionally or physically hurt? Is something of personal or community value going to be damaged? No? Okay then that’s fine. And sometimes if the damage is going to be minor it’s still fine because there will be natural consequences that will teach you better than an adult saying “no no no.”

[richarlotte]

The Health Club Aura.

When I was working at my local country club, I had a member tell me that I had a health club aura. She told me that every time she saw me, I always looked refreshed, my hair was always perfect, my makeup stayed on point, my nails were beautiful, and I had an aura of health and wellness around me. I wore entirely white outfits, and she told me that she’d seen me at the end of long shifts, and I always looked like I’d just started. I always smiled, and I was an island of relaxation in an otherwise fast paced club and course.

Hydration, skincare, losing weight, and proper nutrition played the biggest roles in getting this aura. I completely changed my diet and started drinking the cucumber, lemon-lime, and fruit infused water that was available in the club. I lessened the amount of processed food I was eating and started watching what I ate, and I was obviously walking and putting my back into the classes I would take in the health club area of my country club. I started Pilates and Barre and would take 2 classes per day, 5 days per week. Immersing myself in that world, following the lead of my friends, and spending time in that environment really improved me and helped to shape my mind.

As for looks, all of the girls who were working as Bev Cart Girls or Front Desk Girls had a rule. We could wear the colors of the club, lighter colors, or bright white. Because I would rotate between my cart and the front desk, I’d wear white exercise sets. I thought they popped on my skin; I kept my hair long and loose; I wore white tennis shoes and visors; and I always had natural makeup and French tips. I grew up in a high-income neighborhood, and this club was known to tip well, but on my best day on my cart, I made around $2,100 in cash tips. Physical beauty wasn't huge and weight was “negotiable”, but fitting the part and conveying a vibe of relaxed luxury absolutely was.

My personality was absolutely what carried me. I’m definitely extroverted; I love being social with people and getting to know my peers, and I think that having a good personality and being willing to spend time getting to know people absolutely changed things for me. As soon as I started putting an effort into getting to know people, I found that more and more people wanted to get to know me. An integral part of the job was just sitting up front, taking names, checking people in and out, and asking how their day had been before they came to see me. It wasn’t just men; it was women and teenagers too. This job and the social skills I learned from it completely how I view the world now.

The most important thing that the job gave me was the health club aura I had. I learned so much from women who came from high-profile families in my city and worked alongside their daughters; I made some of the best money of my life; and I made connections and met people who elevated me to better jobs, gave me more opportunities, and played their part in my life. It's really just a jokey nickname for the way people view me; I think that it's a play on the fact that my home club had a group of young women who called themselves the Health Club Girls. Life is about putting yourself in proximity to privilege in order to level up with less difficulty, and for me, that meant working somewhere where I could watch and learn.

TL;DR: Sometimes you have to apply to jobs that will give you access to the life you want and use those jobs as stepping stones to a connections and a better life. It’s working smart, not hard.

[breelandwalker]

Witchy Workshops

If any witchcraft-oriented businesses or community groups in the Richmond / Norfolk VA (USA) area happen to be interested in holding nondenominational skill-building workshops this summer, I’d love to hear from you!

My name is Bree and I’m a podcaster, published author, and cottage witch with two decades of experience in practical witchcraft. My workshops focus on a grounded approach to magic, with an emphasis on ongoing education, creative and critical thinking, and making good use of one’s available resources.

Here are some examples of the topics I cover:

Exploring personal beliefs about magic and progress with the craft through journaling exercises and periodic review

Connecting with your local biome through identification and creation of correspondences for wild plants

How to write your own spells, including tips for casting and documentation of your work

Creating personalized methodology within one’s craft for warding, cleansing, divination, etc.

Rediscovering your motivational spark for the craft after a creative slump or a break in your practice

Workshops are largely presentation-based with time built in for discussion and Q&A. Sessions generally run 45-60min and include take-home worksheets and informational packets (where applicable). Attendees are encouraged to bring note-taking materials. Rates are negotiable, weekend timeslots preferred. Additional accommodations can be made for online sessions if need be.

For more information or to schedule a workshop, please contact me at BreeNicGarran@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Stay safe and Happy Witching!

Photo Credit – Shaiith

[goddessinnerglow]

Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 29

Prioritizing Yourself and Your Needs

Hey Goddesses! As we near the end of our journey together and after exploring how to stay motivated yesterday, let's dive into something equally important, making yourself a priority. This isn't just about self-care; it's about fundamentally restructuring how you value your own needs in your daily life. Think about it: how often do you postpone your own dreams because someone else's needs seem more urgent?

Research shows that people who prioritize their wellbeing are not only happier but also more effective in their relationships and careers. Yet, 78% of us regularly put others' needs before our own essential requirements. Let's break this cycle together.

Building on yesterday's motivation strategies, let's create a sustainable plan for putting yourself first. The key is understanding that self-prioritization isn't selfish, it's essential for your growth and ability to support others effectively. Look at it this way: if you’re running on empty, you can’t give your best to anyone or anything. Think of it like recharging your phone, you wouldn’t expect it to work on 1% battery all day, right? The same goes for you.

Understanding Your Current Patterns

Start by noting when you typically abandon your own needs:

Do you skip meals to finish work?

Cancel exercise plans for last-minute requests?

Postpone personal goals to help others achieve theirs?

Creating Your Self-Priority Framework

1.Morning Intention Setting. Begin each day with a simple question: "What do I need today?" This isn't about wants; it's about genuine needs for your wellbeing. Maybe it's 7 hours of sleep, a proper lunch break, or 30 minutes of quiet time.

2.The Energy Audit. Track your energy levels throughout the week. Notice when you feel depleted versus energized. This awareness helps you identify:

Activities that drain you

Relationships that need boundaries

Times when you're most vulnerable to saying "yes" when you mean "no"

3.Boundary Setting Strategy. Develop a systematic approach to protecting your time and energy:

Create a "non-negotiable" list of self-care activities

Practice delayed response to requests ("Let me check my schedule and get back to you")

Set specific times for availability to others

4.The Wellbeing Check-In System. Schedule weekly reviews where you assess:

How well you maintained your boundaries

Areas where you need more support

Adjustments needed in your self-care routine

Making It Sustainable

Remember our motivation techniques from yesterday? Let's integrate them:

Set small, achievable daily self-care goals

Celebrate when you successfully prioritize your needs

Build a support system that encourages your self-prioritization journey

It’s also important to surround yourself with people who respect and support your boundaries. If you’re met with resistance when you say no, remember: their reaction is not your responsibility. Taking care of yourself is not something you need to justify.

Today's Challenge:

Identify your top three non-negotiable self-care needs

Schedule specific times for these in tomorrow's calendar

Practice one "boundary phrase" you'll use when needed

Set up your first weekly wellbeing check-in

As we approach the final two days of our journey, remember that prioritizing yourself is a skill that improves with practice. Your "self-first" muscles will grow stronger each time you choose to honor your needs.

See you tomorrow for Day 30! Don't forget, this isn't about becoming self-centered; it's about becoming self-aware. When you genuinely prioritize your wellbeing, you become more present, more capable, and more available for meaningful connections with others.

♡ ☆:.｡ Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.｡ With love, Goddess Inner Glow.

[galamalion]

꒰১໒꒱. 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑

summary. you take zoro on a camping trip to relax; zoro finds other activities to partake in.

⤷ contents. afab!reader, fluff + smut, pet names (baby, babe, sweetheart, good girl), outdoor sex, light strength kink, light degradation, cunnilingus, hair pulling, light slapping (zoro slaps your ass/thighs) // wc. 1.5k

⤷ notes. request by @isapirata for camping and stargazing with zoro + a little bit of smut. hope you enjoy! hoping to pump out some works before my semester starts up <3

"I'm telling you right now, you're gonna enjoy it!"

"And I'm telling you, as long as I can shut my eyes without you pestering me, I'll love this trip."

"Oh, believe me, princess," you teased, hammering the stake into the ground, "you'll get all the beauty rest you need and more."

"Who you callin' princess, princess?" Zoro sneered, giving you a dirty look.

You stood, looking at the tent you single handedly pitched, "You're the one lazing about while I do all the work."

"It's called napping, sweetheart," Zoro rolled his eyes, "you want my help, just holler and your big strong boyfriend will be there."

"My hero," you scoffed, unpacking your gear in the tent.

You couldn't be too mad at Zoro for not helping. After all, he carried you up this gorgeous mountain so that you could go camping. If he wanted to sleep while you set everything up, he was more than welcome to. You would, however, be forcing him to roast marshmallows later. That was non negotiable.

“Would you mind getting some firewood at least, Zoro?” you peaked over your shoulder at the dozing swordsman. “It'd be good exercise.”

With a deep, displeased grumble, Zoro arose from beneath his shady tree, stomping away from your camping setup and into the nearby woods.

“Stay safe!” you called, giving him a small wave.

Zoro being gone allowed you to focus on other necessities, like digging out a spot for a small fire pit. You definitely weren’t as skilled as Franky, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t try your hand at crafting something. With the rudimentary skills of a novice craftsman, you laid a couple of sizable stones around your dug out hole, creating a misshapen circle that would make any child envious of your talents.

Occasional loud thumps in the distance kept you on your toes, clearly originating from Zoro taking your request a little too far. Part of you was scared to see how many tree trunks Zoro would return with, while the other part of you was excited to put him to work. Maybe you could fashion one into some kind of bench for the two of you? Of course, that was assuming that the tree trunk could withstand Zoro’s hulking frame. It’d be terribly unfortunate if it collapsed on the spot.

Moments later your boyfriend emerged from the woods with five massive trunks slung over his shoulder, balanced perfectly with the help of his huge bicep.

“Welcome back, handsome!” you cooed, skipping over to his side.

“Go back to your arts and crafts,” he grunted, continuing his stride towards your camp.

You gasped, “I came over here to help! How ungrateful!”

“What are you gonna do, help me carry these?” he gestured above his shoulder.

“I came to be a cheerleader, for your information. There’s no way in hell I can lift those over my shoulder like you can.”

“You couldn’t lift one, period.”

“I’m not fighting you on that.”

Upon your instruction, Zoro laid a single log near your amateur fire pit, setting the others aside. After removing his shirt, he began slicing them into smaller pieces, ripping the fragments in half to fit inside the pit. You thought about assisting him, but after considering the danger of splinters, decided against it.

“Hurry up, babe! It’s getting cold!” you shouted, searching for any available tinder to use in your fire.

“Quit yer’ bitchin’! I got your wood right here.” He stomped over beside you, tossing the wood into the fire pit.

“Thank you,” you emphasized, standing up to give him a hug. A grunt was all you got in response, but it was all you needed.

“C’mere, sweetheart,” Zoro whistled from his spot under the tree, arms folded behind his head.

“What? What do you mean ‘come here’?” you stared at him befuddled, “I just finished setting all this stuff up, and you just wanna sit on—”

“No complaints, ya brat,” he barked, moving a hand to pat his bare chest, signaling for you to come lay against it.

Annoyed, you stomped towards your boyfriend, sitting just a couple inches away from him in defiance.

“You really wanna play this game?” Zoro muttered, raising an eyebrow at your actions.

“What game?” you said, batting your eyelashes and flashing him a smile.

“Alright, fine,” Zoro whispered to himself, standing up from beneath the tree.

You just closed your eyes and rested your chin on your hand, quietly humming to yourself. It was somewhat of a surprise that Zoro gave up so easily, knowing that your boyfriend was stubborn to a fault. He stood up; was he really just gonna—

“Up we go,” Zoro huffed, easily slinging you over his shoulder and walking towards a clearer area.

“Hey, hold on!” you shrieked, flailing as he laid you down in the grass.

“Oh come on, baby,” he grinned, pulling your hips plush against his, “I think I’ve earned a little something for all my hard work tonight, and all you’ve done was whine.”

“Excuse me! I also worked hard tonight,” you scoffed, pushing your thighs close together, denying Zoro access to what he wanted most.

“Don’t be a tease,” he growled, sliding a calloused hand between your thighs. Zoro could effortlessly spread your legs faster than even you could open them, and both of you were aware of this. But what was the fun in just giving him what he wanted?

“Me? A tease? I think you’re just being a little unfair. You want a treat, so why can’t I also have one?”

“You’re really pushing my buttons here, babe.”

“I think you’ll get over it.”

“Fine,” he said, “you want a little reward, huh? Somethin’ sweet?”

Your legs were quickly pulled apart, Zoro’s hands quickly moving to cup your ass.

“Might as well get a little treat myself,” he hissed, yanking your panties down to your ankles.

“Wait!” you yelped, “take it slow!”

The pleas that left your lips fell on deaf ears as Zoro dove straight into his midnight snack, snaking his tongue across your folds and plunging it into your wet cunt. Your initial surprise wore off as soon as his tongue entered you, replaced with feelings of reluctant bliss and overpowering your other senses.

“So now the princess doesn’t want her reward?” he gasped, popping his mouth off your clit.

“S-Someone might hear us,” you sputtered, trying to not look at his mouth that was covered with your juices. 

“Oh, come on. You’ve been a real brat today, ya know?” he groaned, giving your ass a hard slap. “Don’t go soft on me now, I know you can take it.”

He went back to his mission, between your legs in order to devour your sweet pussy. Every lick he made caused you to yank your pelvis away, but his tight hold on your hips kept you from escaping grasp, leaving you a pathetic, squirming mess.

“Right there, baby,” you moaned, gripping his hair and yanking him closer, “don’t stop!” 

His hands moved in response to your request for more, sliding his rough hands up to your thighs and throwing them over his shoulders to delve deeper into your poor cunt.

It was overbearing, and you couldn’t decide which was worse—or in this case, better. The way he tongue-fucked you relentlessly, swirling around inside your walls, or the way he’d switch to sucking on your, now swollen, clit. All you could do was curl your toes and grasp at the sleeping bag beneath you, gasping for air as pleasure racked your body.

“Gonna cum, Zo!” you cried, crossing your legs tight around his head.

Zoro squeezed your thighs, lapping at your clit with his tongue as he sucked it for all it was worth, watching eagerly from below as you felt apart.

“Knew you could handle it, sweetheart,” he panted, giving your cunt one last lick before he easily escaped your weakened hold.

“W-What about yo-u!” you yelped as Zoro slapped your cunt, rising from his place beneath you.

“Believe me, I'll get my fill later," he grunted, bringing you up to lay against his chest, “we still have all of tomorrow, right?”

“I guess,” you mumbled, nuzzling into him and readjusting your clothes.

You looked up into the shimmering night sky, beholding the glittering stars above, scattered about their blackened canvas like grains of sand on a beach. 

"You know anything about stars, Zo?" you asked.

"Not a damn thing."

“Well, that one,” you pointed, “is Ursa Major.”

“Hm?” Zoro questioned, looking up in the direction you pointed. “I don’t see anything.”

“Right there! Those are the feet, and that’s the tail, and that little sticky-outy-bit is the head!”

“I guess I kinda see it.”

“And that one is Ursa Minor, with the big long tail.”

“The hell? Are constellations having babies now? Didn’t know stars could fuck.”

“Be more romantic, Zoro,” you begged.

“The sky is Nami’s thing,” he frowned, “I’m not interested unless there’s one that I can fight. Or one shaped like a sword.”

You crossed your arms and pouted, leaning further into his chest.

 “Well, aren’t the stars pretty, at least?”

“I guess,” he muttered, a grin rising to his face.zoro romance

“But I got the prettiest star of all, right?”

[csuitebitches]

2024 Planning

I started planning for 2024 today. I’ve learned a lot this year, made mistakes, had some successes and now it’s time to take all my learnings, good or bad, and go to the next level.

I prefer starting next year’s routine from 2023’s November and December so that by the time January rolls around, I’m settled into the routine. If there’s any revisions necessary, I can do them without starting my new year on the wrong foot.

I maintain my goals on mostly short and medium term basis. This includes daily, weekly and quarterly planning (I don’t do monthly because it doesn’t work for me).

This may seem complicated (actually, it looks more complicated than it is but it’s just what helps me) but let me show you how exactly I do things.

I keep two diaries. One for daily and weekly and one for quarterly. I have a habit tracker on my phone for my daily non-Negotiables (exercise, meditation, reading and language).

The quarterly diary is my big big diary. Every quarter, it lists out all the big plans, what i want to do and who i want to be. It’s all the messy thoughts I have, all my dreams, my weaknesses, my strengths, etc etc. The only “practical” part of the diary is that there is one general plan made at the end of my mad scribbling. It has the general idea, feedback I’ve received from other people and compilation of all the advice I’ve gotten from my mentors.

2. The daily - weekly diary breaks the plan into manageable bits. I write out the week’s plan (who do i need to meet, who do i need to follow up with, any major presentation coming up, any assignment, what am i reading this week) and write a one sentence daily update on it.

I can’t use a habit tracker for this because i’m not tracking meditation or exercise on here. I’m tracking my career goals, my ambitious goals, into smaller goals. A habit tracker wouldnt cut it because I would have to elaborate more on certain things.

For example:

“20-27th Nov: Weekly list

budget presentation on Monday

1 event to attend on Tuesday. Topic: XYZ

Reading: the inheritors

reach out to mentor, schedule a meeting

7 language essays and 7 videos

Monday, 20th Nov.

work presentation: complete.

Feedback received: i need to work on XYZ.

points they raised that didnt cross my mind: XYZ

follow ups required and if yes, with who: XYZ

reading: complete. Interesting point they brought up: XYZ

essay for the day: complete.

Video complete:

Tuesday, 21st Nov

mentor meeting scheduled

event went well. Met: A, B, C who work in XYZ companies. Follow up with them next week for coffee/ drinks.

essay: complete

video: complete”

Having two diaries helps me because i can find my bigger goals without having to go through the daily entry mess. I like having the two separate.

Nov ‘23 + Dec ‘23 + Q1 2024’s goals include:

Social (meeting new people, maintaining networks)

Intellectual (biographies, documentaries, industry reports)

Personal (soft skills, language studies)

Work (presentations, courses, conferences)

A major change I’ve making this year is actively working on every single weakness I have that I know is a potential strength. I’m ignoring weaknesses that I know are 100% weaknesses like coding because there’s just no way I can sit in front of a computer and learn all that, it’s absolutely not my cup of tea and does not make me happy.

I made a list of every single weakness i have and I’m embarrassed about and ashamed of. 2024 is the year of NO shame. I’m not letting my intrusive thoughts win.

Next to each weakness I wrote out a potential solution.

Ex: not picking up the language i’m studying as fast as i want to -> write 1 short essay and a 1-2 minute video of me talking about anything in that language every single day

I’m not allowing any unnecessary negative self doubt or self talk happen. Constructive criticism is one thing, being a bitch to yourself is another. I plan to learn a lot next year.

I’ve created a manageable exposure therapy plan for myself - I aim to meet 3 new people every month and follow up with 5 new connections every month, whether it’s over chat or irl.

I’ve made a list of business biographies I’m going to read. This year I reached my reading target earlier than anticipated which I’m very happy about. Next year I’m focusing on books that are solely about business, technology and psychology.

[agentrouka-blog]

A stans conveniently forgetting that she doesn't want to be a lady in the first place. A would probably be very disappointed with them and would be the first to protest LOL

If we didn't have Sansa, Arya's arc could be a very bitter-sweet path of disillusionment and sober acceptance of duty.

She runs out on lessons and hates the life prescribed for a lady, is comfortable with her privileges while ignoring the accompanying duties. She ignores class boundaries because she can - without understanding the power and privilege she retains unlike actual smallfolk. She is violent when she's upset, impulsive, inconsiderate of the needs of others (unless she personally likes them). (While also being sweet, curious, funny, sensitive, obviously.)

And then she gets adventure and travel in the most horrendous way, all her naive dreams destroyed. Just injustice, war and murder. And when she eventually makes her way home, she willingly takes on the duties she had hated. Sitting still, accepting contrary views without immediate blind refusal, reading and studying, negotiating, stationary administrative work, complex decisions, patience, prudence, self-control, marriage and children, sacrifice of her freedom...

All lessons learned through pain and suffering on her travels. A subdued, somber Arya who turns her scars into lessons and gives her life over to serving her people, no matter how she yearned for something different.

But.

Sansa exists. Who has a different arc, going from being perfectly raised to do the job of a consort (with all the attendant study and diplomatic skill), through observation, painful mistakes, and growing experience, to realize that she cannot take refuge in passivity, she needs to exercise power and privilege when she has it in order to achieve the kind of justice or harmony she wants to see in the world. A reluctant ruler, who is equiped with the necessary education and skills, but needs to develop the determination and confidence to act.

This alternative frees up Arya for a much happier ending better suited to her skills and desires, as well. A wiser, more patient Arya, more aware of the power structures and her own privilege, who doesn't have to restrain her boldness as a politician but rather can exercise it as a traveler, a constant representative of the interests of the smallfolk, as an explorer, as a diplomat in the interest of the North, a living legend, Oberyn's Northern counterpart.. just anything that doesn't tie her down with paperwork and the minutiae of administrative necessities.

GRRM loves Arya. I know which ending I think is more likely.

[gatheringbones]

[“While the cult of courtly love supposedly raised the standing of noble ladies, the fervid adoration of the Virgin, which developed as a cult at the same time, left little deposit on the status of women as a whole. Women were criticized for gossip and chatter, for craving sympathy, for being coquettish, sentimental, over-imaginative, and over-responsive to wandering students and other beggars. They were scolded for bustling in church, sprinkling themselves with holy water at every turn, saying prayers aloud, kneeling at every shrine, paying attention to anything but the sermon. Cloistered nuns were said to be melancholy and irritable, “like dogs who are chained up too much.” Nunneries were a refuge from the world for some, the fate of others whose families offered them as gifts to the Church, the choice of a few with a religious calling, but generally available only to those who came with ample endowment.

Evidence from poll and hearth taxes indicates that women’s death rate was higher than men’s between the ages of twenty and forty, presumably from childbearing and greater vulnerability to disease. After forty the death rate was reversed, and women, once widowed, were allowed to choose for themselves whether to remarry or not.

In everyday life women of noble as well as non-noble class found equality of function, if not of status, thrust on them by circumstance. Peasant women could hold tenancies and in that capacity rendered the same kinds of service for their holdings as men, although they earned less for the same work. Peasant households depended on their earnings. In the guilds, women had monopolies of certain trades, usually spinning and alemaking and some of the food and textile trades. Certain crafts excluded females except for a member’s wife or daughter; in others they worked equally with men. Management of a merchant’s household—of his town house, his country estate, his business when he was absent—in addition to maternal duties gave his wife anything but a leisured life. She supervised sewing, weaving, brewing, candle-making, marketing, alms-giving, directed the indoor and outdoor servants, exercised some skills in medicine and surgery, kept accounts, and might conduct a separate business as femme sole.

Some women practiced as professors or doctors even if unlicensed. In Paris in 1322 a certain Jacoba Felicie was prosecuted by the medical faculty of the University for practicing without their degree or the Chancellor’s license. A witness testified that “he had heard it said that she was wiser in the art of surgery and medicine than the greatest master or doctor or surgeon in Paris.” At the University of Bologna in the 1360s the faculty included Novella d’Andrea, a woman so renowned for her beauty that she lectured behind a veil lest her students be distracted. Nothing is said, however, of her professional capacity.

The châtelaine of a castle more often than not had to manage alone when her husband was occupied elsewhere, as he generally was, for the sun never set on fighting in the 14th century. If not fighting, or attending the King, he was generally being held somewhere for ransom. In such case his wife had to take his place, reach decisions and assume direction, and there were many besides Jeanne de Montfort who did so. Marcia Ordelaffi, left to defend Cesena while her hot-tempered husband (he who had stabbed his son) held a second city against the papal forces, refused all offers to negotiate despite repeated assaults, mining of walls, bombardment day and night by stones cast from siege engines, and the pleas of her father to surrender. Suspecting her councillor of secretly arranging a surrender, she had him arrested and beheaded. Only when her knights told her that collapse of the citadel would allow no escape from death and that they proposed to yield with or without her consent did she agree to negotiate, on condition that she conduct the parley herself. This she did so effectively that she obtained safe-conduct for herself and her family and all servants, dependents, and soldiers who had supported her.”]

barbara w. tuchman, from a distant mirror: the calamitous 14th century, 1987

[moonlitrogue]

hi

can i ask about mercury in the 8th house?

Hi! Of course ~~~

 ☿▪️ Excluding other factors and aspects, Mercury takes on a Plutonian intensity when it resides in the Eighth House.

 ☿▪️ The house of transformation and slow, inevitable changes clashes with Mercury, the fastest planet overseeing our relations with the realm of ideas.

☿ Mercury in 8th House ☿

‧₊˚🖇️   Mercury in 8h is a mental scalpel interested in extracting spiritual and psychological insights.

‧₊˚🖇️ Natives are driven with the tendency to get to the bottom of things.

‧₊˚🖇️ Mercury in the 8th house gives me gothic academia vibes.

‧₊˚🖇️ Except these natives aren't just learning from books. The way they think, communicate and understand the world is often through intense life experiences.

‧₊˚🖇️ Alternatively, simple conversations, or casual reading, or day-to-day operations can result in the natives having profound realizations

‧₊˚🖇️ This placement bestows an insatiable curiosity on life's hidden mysteries - a bent towards the occult and the esoteric, as well as taboo subjects is quite common.

‧₊˚🖇️ As curious as they may be they can end up spooking themselves at times with what they unearth 🤭

‧₊˚🖇️ Communication style - often go straight to the heart of the matter, probing and inquisitive, choose their words carefully and selective about what they share.

‧₊˚🖇️ Their words have the ability to cut you. Some of the natives can be harsh or shrewd in their communication.

‧₊˚🖇️ They're either impressive or incomprehensible speakers.

‧₊˚🖇️ Excavators of information and insight - they may be attracted to forensic investigation, psychotherapy, investigative journalism, neuroscience, archaeology, paleontology, foreign travelling/research/hidden cultures, financial and risk analysts, estate attorney and legal advocacy, human rights, public-speaking, filmmaking esp. thriller fiction (+writer/researcher), strategy based sports to name some.

‧₊˚🖇️ Could also be a skilled entrepreneur, or political analyst, or negotiator due to their ability to quickly read between the lines and anticipate moves in a high-stakes situation

‧₊˚🖇️ They have a survivor's mindset driving them to achieve in areas of mental endurance and transformations. Adversely, they could be arrogant and boastful.

‧₊˚🖇️ Natives may struggle with emotional processing of grief as they're quick to intellectualize life's mysteries and pain, faster than their emotions can keep up.

‧₊˚🖇️ May have had secrecy or taboos surrounding their early childhood learning ( eg. going to an isolated school); could be private in their learning methods

‧₊˚🖇️ Sibling dynamics could have involved secrecy and betrayal, making them attached to psychological observations

‧₊˚🖇️ Natives will benefit from deep-breathing exercises and outdoor activities ( doesn't include exploring foggy meadows, cemeteries, abandoned houses or crime scenes 🤨)

[borderline-clusterfxck]

DBT SKILLS: INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS Part 1/7: Introduction

Part one

Part two

What is Interpersonal Effectiveness?

Interpersonal effectiveness skills give you the needed tools to better express and seek out your needs, set limits, and negotiate conflicts – all while protecting your relationships and without anger or coercive efforts for control. The main goals of learning interpersonal effectiveness skills include: 

Being skillful in getting your needs met:

Get others to do things you would like them to do

Get others to take your opinions and feelings seriously

Effectively say no to unwanted requests

Building healthy relationships and end destructive ones:

Strengthen current relationships

Don't let problems and hurt build up

Use relationships skills to fight problems head on

Repair relationships when needed

Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming

Find and build new relationships

End hopeless, destructive, or unhealthy relationships

Walking the middle path:

Create and maintain balance in relationships

Balance and accept changes in relationships

Passive VS Aggressive Behaviour and Communication Styles

The way in which you communicate your needs and feelings to the people in your life plays an important role in the health of your relationships. A more passive communication style can result in your needs not being met and feelings not being heard, while a more aggressive communication style can result in the other person feeling judged, unwanted, fearful, and unsatisfied with the relationship. Patterns of unhealthy communication will end up being very painful for both you and the other person.

Passiveness: 

You consistently give in to others and abandon your own needs, creating frustration and resentment that builds inside of you

You believe you are protecting your relationships in the short term by going along with what the other person expects; long term, however, the relationship takes a shape you can't stand – and you have to destroy it to stop the pain

Aggressiveness:

You tend to care about meeting your own needs and goals first, regardless of the needs of other people

You can be verbally aggressive when communicating with other people and you try to control others. This leaves other people feeling intimidated, hurt, or bitter

Passive-Aggressiveness:

You may tend to express your emotions, thoughts, and needs in indirect ways, and you may not express your anger in a clear way

You might use sarcasm or the silent treatment

This style can leave other people confused or feeling like they've been manipulated

What is your communication style? DBT EXERCISE

Figuring out what your main communication style is can help determine which areas of communication you most need to work on. For each section below, check off each option that you feel accurately describes you. The style for which you have the most checks is the communication style you most often use:

The “I Want–They Want” Scale

Every relationship consists of two people trying to get what they need and want. Sometimes those two people need the same thing (ex: companionship, affection, calm) and it's easy. But when those people need different things at the same time, or when one of them needs something the other doesn't want to give, conflict starts. If the “I want-they want” scale is unbalanced, your relationship becomes unstable and deteriorates. For a relationship to succeed, both parties must be able to do the following:

Know what you need out of the other person. This is easier said than done, but it is a vital part of maintaining a relationship

Notice cues that signal what the other person needs, listen to the other person when they express their needs, or actively seek out knowledge of what they need

Negotiate compromises so that you can get at least some of what you want

Negotiate compromises so that you can give the other person at least some of what they want

Your Interpersonal Values – DBT EXERCISE

Your interpersonal values are, for lack of a better term, your heart's deepest desires for how you want to behave in relationships. They dictate your expectations for how you and others deserve to be treated and are the foundation for setting interpersonal goals and boundaries with yourself and others. 

To determine your interpersonal values, ask yourself:

Things to keep in mind and to practise:

1: Relationships require attention and commitment

Whether its a friend, coworker, or partner, maintaining a good relationship depends on noticing the other person's feelings and reactions

Paying attention means staying in the here and now – not thinking about what you want to say next or focusing on a past memory. It’s important to remain present and to focus on what you see, hear, and sense emotionally from the other person

When you pay attention, you are more likely to notice a problem or conflict arising before it overwhelms you, and also gain time to ask clarifying questions that can help you correct misconceptions

2: Observe and Describe

Observe the other person's facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and choice of words during a conversation to get a fix on the mood and state of the relationship. This can sometimes be challenging, especially if the person in question is not very expressive or for example if they or you are autistic. It's okay if you can't always tell by body language and it’s also okay to directly ask someone how they are feeling towards you and your relationship if you are unsure of the current situation

3: Watch your own experiences in relation to others

Pay attention to what you are feeling and needing. Do you need something from the other person (ex: more attention, some help, some space)? Do you need to change some element of the process between you (ex: critical comments, demands, or intrusive questioning)? Are you experiencing feelings that may help signal something important that you need (ex: feeling hurt, sadness, loss, shame, or anxiety)?

Being able to sit down and notice your feelings can help you identify what needs to change in a relationship before you blow up or run away

4: Be aware of the costs of not paying attention

Not paying attention to both yourself and the other person is a major cause of many issues in a relationship. You may miss vital cues about the other person's needs and feelings, you may inaccurately project your own fears and feelings onto the other person, or you may blow up when caught off guard by a response that could have been predicted 

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, nor am I qualified to give you an official DBT Skills Training Unit. I’m just some guy with BPD who found DBT very helpful and so I want to impart those same skills onto as many of my fellow BPDers as I can. Should go without saying but this blog DOES NOT count as an official Skills Training Unit.

[fantasyfantasygames]

How To Win The Next Election

How To Win The Next Election, Full Court Marathon Games, 2024

Originally written in 2016, How To Win The Next Election (HTWTNE) was revised recently and reissued. Unlike a lot of RPGs, it's one with distinct winners and losers at the end. Your characters are people involved in the political process of a large nation, trying to ensure that your allies and land are protected.

Stats are focused on mental and social, and are also alphabetized: Artistry, Bravado, Charisma, Deviousness, and Earnings (a wealth score). The only physical stat is that there's a Fatigue score that can be improved if you get exercise (and other factors). Skills are fairly broad, and include Writing, Speaking, Design, Technology, Negotiation, etc. There are no official "playbooks", but there are a few templates you can use, like Organizer, Protester, Webmaster, The Face, etc. Stats are determined semi-randomly In general no one's going to be able to do it all themselves. Having your team work together is key, and even someone with really low stats can contribute. Connecting with other groups in-game is vital as well.

The game is designed explicitly for "campaign" play (ha). No one-shots here; the rules just don't work on a scale that small. Each session your team works on something specific: phone banking, flyering, fundraising, tough conversations, etc. In the long run, it's all about accumulating bonuses to your Turnout score. HTWTNE is unique in that allies from other play groups can also give you a bonus! Those bonuses fade over time at a somewhat random rate - some of them stick around for multiple sessions, helping you build momentum, but sometimes the game's randomized "news cycle" punts you off the public awareness. Your mid-game Turnout can also help you recruit new allies.

It's possible to put your team into a "walking dead" situation where you haven't taken advantage of the bonuses available early on, or haven't made enough alliances. Luckily there are a lot of "walkthroughs" online (weird for a niche TTRPG, I know) that can help you avoid that. There are even groups who play this game more or less continuously, though you'll probably want to dip in and out. Your Fatigue score recovers over the course of real time rather than game sessions.

HTWTNE can definitely feel unfair at times. I won my first playthrough and lost my second, and both were really down to the wire. Some of what I did mattered; some didn't. I can't say that I loved playing it, but I know I'll be playing again pretty soon.

Full Court Marathon Games (motto: It's Not A Race) doesn't put out a lot of products, but the ones they make are pretty compelling. I encourage you to try it out.

[m1zisu4]

i wanted to do an analysis on ivansua using this interview with andromeda media about their selection as outstanding students. we'll start with ivan, and do a separate post for sua (things got long!)

our first instinct is to identify ivan as a certified yapper. he talks way more than sua. one small example of this is the following exchange

throughout the interview, it's clear that ivan has more to say than sua. but why?

ivan's behavior is informed by an impoverished childhood, wherein survival was dependent on the ability to learn quickly. basic needs—food, shelter, warmth—were achieved by accurately perceiving one's circumstances and adapting accordingly. ivan demonstrates such adaptability in this comic. when till explains what a loser is, ivan verifies his understanding by providing an example: till himself ("that's you, then"). he appears shocked when till punches him, and repeats till's phrase "cheer up" (alternatively translated as "have strength") in order to self-soothe OR to extend belated apology for his insensitivity. through his swift comprehension of the term loser and his understanding of the purpose, application, and utility of the phrase "cheer up," we see that ivan's (sometimes strange) behavior reflects core tenets of his personality: observance and adaptability. it's also noteworthy that one of ivan's dislikes is ignorance, and that he's the least close with mizi. her innocence and denial of reality overwhelms him, and he views sua's indulgence of her dreaminess as irresponsible and dangerous. cruel, even. being dishonest, ignorant, or delusional impedes one's chances of survival. these are traits antithetical to ivan's values.

ivan's adaptability and observational skills prepare him for success in anakt garden. when the interviewer asks what requirements there are for becoming an outstanding student, ivan produces an answer based on his observations of anakt's system. he places the onus on the student to succeed: they must be obedient, work hard, have correct conduct, and always strive to be good. ivan is not only answering for himself. he is modeling behavior for the entire class. in doing so, he characterizes the system as fair and equitable. it possesses transformative power, and can help anyone succeed if they work hard enough. he positions himself as a textbook success. he uses the favor he accrues with the aliens to build his own authority (notable evidence of this are when he roams off-collar and when he frees till). ivan negotiates his power by internalizing the standards and ideals of anakt garden and sanctioning them on a public forum, building legitimacy both for himself and for the system. without demonstrating an understanding of these ideals and advocating for the necessity of their implementation, he would not have achieved the same power and authority.

of course, this is detrimental to his self-concept. his origins as the parasite, the outsider, the stranger from nowhere, are concealed behind the curated mask of congeniality and excellence. in a comment to ivan, minsu notes that he is unapproachable due to his perfection. him being without flaws also makes mizi self-conscious for the same reasons. ivan does not present himself honestly; instead, he appears as a glittering veneer concealing the coarse edges of his innermost self. he is an ideal, an abstraction. as the epitome of success, he earns power for himself which he exercises to his benefit and that of others.

however, the harder he works, the more estranged he becomes from his true self. the rewards he gets for acting as his persona validate his cynical ideas about the world: his true self is loathesome, unlovable. it is as worthless as dust, as offensive and out-of-place as his snaggletooth. he would never be worthy of consideration, respect, or love if he presented himself honestly. all he's earned through his time with unsha and at anakt—his perfect marks, his ambassador position with a luxury brand, his abundant work opportunities, hell, even his guardian's respect—has been through his participation in and manipulation of the system. class saturates ivan's character down to his marrow.

i'll provide one more example from the interview that highlights how class pervades ivan's story

firstly, i want to say that thanking your parents, your learning community, your instructors , and your peers is just the polite thing to do. he's honoring those who made his success possible, which builds one's idea of him as respectful and well-mannered.

however, this serves another function. by being polite, organized, and grateful, ivan maintains the aliens' confidence. he proves a worthy investment because he is deferential (to unsha, for example), conscious of his social positioning (as a junior, student, and peer), and appreciative (rather than critical) of anakt's institutions. he has created the perfect vehicle for the aliens to confer their desires upon. his answers reflect a desire to preserve this vehicle (at the cost of his true self, as always)