#or the quality of its writing or anything related to this post

[genderqueerdykes]

honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.

as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:

i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".

this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.

other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?

i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.

i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.

i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.

i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.

i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.

i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?

at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?

why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.

we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?

you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.

nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?

challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.

if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?

stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.

let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.

seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.

this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autism in china

if you been here for long enough you probably know that even me fucking explicitly naming country of origin & ethnicity instead of vague around something east asian, huge deal.

so.

as chinese person who born & part grew up in mainland china n been though HORRIFIC trauma from it... cannot talk about anything related to it.

but in mean time. there important things desperately wish non-chinese, or people who lived) in china in general (including diasporas), would know n understand.

because it been extra traumatizing & isolating n lonely, be only person in big metaphorical or literal room, who know these trauma exist, n horrific extent of it. some of which have live experience with. some of it looming threat for my future. some of it not my own experience but my friends (aka my community. my autistic n disabled community).

so, going share some stuff written by other chinese people in this post. that. oh gods. it so accurate it hurt.

there may be some parts not fully agree or would word different if am write. but. think overall message important enough.

especially if you non-chinese. hope you read through all of it (if accessible). even if it make you deeply uncomfortable. n then imagine autistic chinese people living in this reality. because many parts SHOULD make you deeply uncomfortable.

EDIT: image description link for those need ID or not have instagram

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fact is, most prevalent, majority—n by majority don’t mean 51% majority, but enough to feel like it hopelessly whole entire country—understanding of autism in china is that. there real autism (真自闭症) that rare n severe n hopeless n should die, n majority of cases fake autism (假自闭症) that can be cured / taken off hat 脱帽, that caused by environment like bad parenting, n you should be glad it fake, n kid n parent should then dedicate entire life to taking off that hat to finding cure, even if it mean , via old school gold standard (read: abuse) ABA. all professionals say it all professionals endorse it n who would question professionals? look this grande new intervention came from great United States Of America, that proof it top quality it works n am going charge ridiculous money for it. but why you saying USAmericans n “the west” saying [things that humanize autism], they wouldn’t know real struggle, their diagnostic criteria super wide it all fake, why would you listen to them, you traitor you boot licker. —but either way, both real n fake autism drain on public resources n should be kept away should be locked up in chains (no, literally. seen documentary where high support needs autistic get chain in closet for majority of day, “for his benefit.”), should never be born should all die. keep it away from my normal children my normal children should not have to share same space same classroom same world as it, its behaviors its symptoms its screams its existence rob teachers attention away from my normal children. they all should die n will proudly explicitly admit eugenics good.

(don’t actually believe this. but pretending write what have seen people talk about.)

-

n finally, post about general (visible) disability—because in my however many year grow up there, before (temporarily it seems) left, have never seen visibly disabled person in public. ever.

ever.

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n generally anything from this instagram account. need stop linking now or else link entire account.

.

so please. reblog this. share this. read this. don’t let me be only person bear this. because my god it breaking me

[ultrabean]

Hi.

I just want to preface this by welcoming all my new followers, and to also apologise for your subsequent disappointment upon reading this. I also want to thank all of my past followers for all the love and support, happy 2k. It'll probably stay there after this, I bet.

Now, I know many of you have seen my vent posts, especially those where I thought of comitting suicide. I thank you for the concern, I apologise for upsetting a lot of you and I think I owe you some kind of explanation for why I felt that way and also the lack of updates. When I'm stressed or anxious I tend to crash out impulsively. One of those ways is just blurting out my frustrations somewhere until I calm down.

One of the main reasons I've been holding off of Redeemer's Path is because I lowkey want to wait until Deltarune is fully completed, because with the new lore in chapters 3 and 4 it's given me some ideas on how I can continue my AU but the unfortunate part of that is that now there's a lot of plot holes in my comic that I have to retcon. That and also my impostor syndrome has been leadng me to think I'm a bad writer and an artist. If it's not perfect then it's nothing.

So in the meantime that's why I've been trying to work on another part of my AU. Still the same story, just a different point in time.

I know a lot of you have said that I don't have to please you guys by constantly posting updates of redeemer's path and that I should focus on my life, prioritise my mental health and whatnot. Now, I completely understand that what you mean.

However.

It's not just you that I want to make this for. I'm also doing this for me.

I have a lot of high expectations for myself.

If my quality and output doesn't live up to my standards then I am worthless.

A while back I recieved an anonymous ask that got me thinking.

The anon said that I didn't need to earn my place in fandom through art and writing, and while I understood what they said, that statement also deeply terrfied me. To an almost absurd and irrational extent.

You see, when I first discovered Undertale in mid to late 2022 I was 16 at the time. I was going through an extreme mental rough patch at that time and it brought me so much joy and levity, not just the game itself but also watching comic dubs, and all the art that came from the fandom.

I loved it so much that, then and there I staked my entire mental wellbeing, my happiness and sense of self on enjoying it to it's fullest extent, and that to me, meant engaging in everything and anything I could possibly do in the fandom. Making fanart, shipping, making AUs, whatever. To 16-year old me, I had basically convinced myself that I had found "my calling". I MUST enjoy doing anything UTDR related, I HAVE to create something and express myself rather than just... sit on my ass and do nothing about it.

It's because of those feelings I got that I genuinely wanted to create something for myself. A story I (and my teenage self) would have wanted to see. Not only to bring myself a sense of fulfilment by proving I was here but also giving others the same feeling I got when first getting into this game and its fandom.

I, stupidly, selfishly want to effectively cram a decade's worth of human experience into my output because I feel like I missed out on so many things.

It's stupid.

It's not possible, and it's never going to be.

But you have no idea how fucking badly I want it.

It's because of this that I forced myself to think that doing this can and should make me happy, and without it I basically have no purpose.

I love to draw.

I HAVE to draw.

I am no one if I don't draw, because outside of strict obligations just to live I don't think there is anything I actually, from the bottom of my heart, truly want do do more than just create. If I stop drawing the person who typed this out is effectively dead. A literal ghost. Nothing. I am nothing without creating.

When I was a kid I was like, ass-deep in fnaf. And I also wanted to make comics for it, it's just that at that time I had no social media, nor did I have any proper methods of digital art.

I made them by drawing in random notebooks with a pencil. They were probably really shit, but I remember I loved doing it. Then, the moment I hit a roadblock where there was a panel I couldn't draw due to my skill level, I'd just... give up entirely. And then forget about it. Which probably speaks to the quality of the ideas I had, which is to say I had no ideas. I would literally just write it at the seat of my pants with vague ideas of important scenes I wanted to include. Basically like how Scott himself wrote fnaf lol.

The main issue is that now, I have a great idea. A genuinely amazing one that I love so, so goddamn much. And that thakfully, a lot of you seem to as well.

It hurts, because it feels like I'm scared I might not be able to execute it. I'm terrified, because I fear that as I am approaching adulthood I may never be able to find my 16-year old self's fulfilment.

I'm worried that I won't be able to achieve hapiness before my soul is utterly eviscerated with college, work and adulthood (that part's happening already, I wish I never woke up again after 2019). Before I get too old and creepy and it's considered problematic to write romance between teenagers.

It's also the reason I get so frustrated whenever I hit a wall during production. It's because I know it will take time. And I don't think I have time. Not before I start feeling miserable.

And I know this sounds selfish of me, but seeing so many other unfinished AUs gives me such existential dread. Those which were never completed because their creators either moved on, or got sick of the thing they used to love so much, or just life itself getting in the way. Those AUs which never could have reached their fullest potential simply because the people behind them burned out from doing it.

It reminds me that despite everything, even in the face of my hopes and dreams I am not a machine. I am not a god. Fate will come for me too, and I will never find that lovecraftian sense of fulfiment.

The problem is that I imagined my audience as myself, with my own expectations. I wanted so badly, to never make my younger self feel disappointed that the thing they enjoyed consuming so much was suddenly cut short, or fell short of his expectations.

The main issue is that, after both breaks from my pre-university foundation year I found myself too burned out to properly get into the full swing of working on Redeemer's Path. And I fear that once uni starts it will be the same. And I'll be stuck forever.

I don't want to admit I'm losing interest.

I don't want to admit I feel miserable while making this. I'm not supposed to feel this way, I'm supposed to be happy.

Because if I do admit it it's acknowledging that I've lost.

That I've failed you.

That I've failed myself.

That I am a disappointment.

That in the past one and a half months, during this gracious second chance I'd been given to actually lock the fuck in, I have been sitting on my ass and doing nothing.

What if I never come back?

What if I just up and leave without ever perfecting everything I'm supposed to do?

I look at different AUs all around me, all made just by regular people but loved by millions. I don't know how some of them even manage to break 200 pages. I don't even know how some people even manage to finish doing this shit.

I know so may of you think I'm being ridiculous.

I know so many of you have told me to be kinder to myself, to think positively and keep going.

I know so many of you have told me "there is no set pace, only the pace you go at."

I know this is a byproduct of a childhood growing up under a capitalistic grindset, forcing me to think that I NEED to make more, and make it faster.

But I'm really struggling to do that when the perpetrator of these thoughts lives inside your own skull. Thinking positively usually works for a short while until my brain stops believing me and I need external proof that what I'm thinking has merit to it.

So... blabbering aside, what does this all mean for Redeemer's Path?

Well, this is a word I hate using of because the way I've seen it being used it usually means bye bye forever.

I'm going on a hiatus.

I don't know how long.

Or if I'm even coming back.

I may work on things behind the scenes a little, but I don't know.

Again I would like to apologise, not just to all of you for this disappointng news, but also to my younger self.

I failed you.

For all your daydreams and enthusiasm I failed to give you a fulfiling release.

To all the uh, comic dubbers who have reached out to me (especially you, Paramasquerade, it's been damn near an eterinity since our last chat) I'm sorry that you caught wind of my AU at a really bad time. Pun somewhat intended.

I think, as stupid and as wish-fulfilling as this sounds I genuinely wish I got into undertale when I was a kid, with all the skills, tools and knowledge I have now so that I'd just have more time.

I feel ashamed to keep the masterpost up like some sort of fucking clown, but if you want it, here.

So, this is goodbye for now. I really don't know what more I can say.

[styluswritesdc]

Hi, I've read all your posts and I loved them all. Now, we could have the DC villains with their love, who is a vigilante (female reader), find a child and, as a result, they begin to raise him together. ���️

thank you so much that's so sweet :(

this is fun considering another child related request I received recently! luckily for this child they have you here to influence the rogues! if there's any specific character you'd like and/or anything fleshed out Lemme know!

Riddler/Edward Nygma

oh no. nonono we're not keeping it.

nono! he's not gonna hear it! he doesn't care how much you want it!

...well okay.. you've worn him down.. but don't expect him to "hang out" with "it"

okay he deserved that smack but seriously why are you doing this to yourself! he's enough of a child as is!

Don't let it get its narstie child hands on his stuff! its not a toy >:(

Despite all of that, it is quite sweet when they start warming up to each other.. he's showing them how to solve basic puzzles and trying not to be too critical (extremely hard for him so please be patient).

he will be getting them a tiny green suit tailored along with a matching bowler and cane. so cute.

imagine this asshole showing up for parent teacher meetings and being the poor teacher who "had the nerve" to give his kid less than an A+

he's a bit emotionally unavailable but tries to make up with it through quality time. be this teaching them programming, computer science, and playing board games.

Scarecrow/Jonathan Crane

ugh you really want it?? fine. but you have to take care of it, feed it and walk it.

I've always imagined him being that odd uncle who's off-putting because he's literally insane but other than that he's cool..

he will teach them reading, writing, spelling and basics like that.

this child will have half the house off limits as Jon's paranoid they'll touch/break some of his lab tech or worst case scenario come in contact with some of his toxins.

he understood terror at an early age and will not want to inflict that on his own child.

with his background, he also studied child psychology so he understands the importance of his presence in their life.. despite how reluctant he may feel about it.

will read them bedtime stories. he's surprisingly good at the voices!

imagine how much fun Halloween will be for this kid! despite how many schemes he might have for the bat and Gotham, this kid will have a whole day dedicated to them. trick or treating and age appropriate films will ensue!

TwoFace/Harvey Dent

okay I can see this going one or two (haha) ways. either this guy is like "no absolutely not" or they decide to try turn over a new leaf.

They will not be their father. end of.

they will be present, loving and kind. no voices will ever be raised towards this kid.

he would, for the first time in awhile, be conscious of his scarring. its a brilliant tool for crime, he looks scary and intimidating.

but as a father? they don't want to be stared at in public, scare other children in the park or at their child's school... and most of all, they don't want their child to be embarrassed or ashamed of them.

they want to be an actual family.

Harvey is doing most of the talking and fronting now. Harv is still present, as he always was, watching over Harvey as alters do.

Harv's fond of the child. believe me, if any harm came to them from either rogue, thug or GCPD, Big Bad Harv will make his comeback.

Black Mask/Roman Sionis

Oh okay you want it? sure doll... just like, keep it away from his office, yeah?

Honestly he's kind of chill about the whole thing, almost indifferent.

at first he's lowkey expecting you to get bored and that'll be the end of it.. but when you don't, suddenly he's kind of freaking out.

its like when dads are calm during the pregnancy but when the baby's coming its actually happening and they panic.

He's worried about safety even more now. this is an extremely paranoid man. now its increased tenfold.

this child is going to have bodyguards galore. to and from school, when they're outside, hell- they sneeze and they'll have a tissue handed to them by one!

No matter how much you protest he's going to spoil this kid. no matter what they want. oh? they're six and want a pink elephant? done. they want a fully functional crane for their sandbox? already in the post.

kind of emotionally unavailable because he's so connected to crime he wants you and your child to not miss him too much if he dies.

Bane

Oh hell yeah he's down. excellent lineage! this kid will be powerful and strong! but still, they will have a childhood.

he's such a good dad :( it actually makes me sad.

he's nurturing. both within the ring and outside of it.

this child will be strong physically, mentally and emotionally.

this massive man has a humungous heart. yes, to others he's calculating, stoic and reserved.

but he will be going to the park with this kid and getting on the fucking seesaw. that's such a funny image oh my god. could you imagine being another parent and seeing that??

he raises this child to be a protector from bullies and an advocate for themself too.

despite all this he is TOTALLY that dad who loses his mind when doing Math homework. MATH IS MATH why did they suddenly change it?? when did long division get so convoluted??

the child will cry, as did we all. but they'll go and get ice cream after to cheer them up :)

[squidhominid]

The Wounds that Got Me Here: A story about my experience working for Lockstin

I have a story that I want to tell. A story I've told some people, in bits and pieces, but never really fully written out before. Given who the story involves, what their reputation is, I don't expect it to be fully believable. And because of that, I've spent years debating telling it. Afraid of being judged, of not being believed, of people thinking I'm just trying to tear someone down. I'm afraid people will think I'm overreacting, that what I experienced is 'just how the business works'. I'm afraid that they might be right.

But no matter what people think, it's the truth. I lived it. And I'm finally ready to share it, I think.

Not because I want to cancel anyone, this isn't a call-out post, but so I can share my story and heal.

CWs: discussion of underpaid creative work and inappropriate content involving minors

The story starts in late 2017, during Sac Gamers Expo. I had heard that Arlo had somehow gotten hold of copies of the Splatoon 2 Sound Selection vinyl, an extremely rare piece of Splatoon merchandise even now, originally only sent to members of the gaming press, and was giving them out. I was an avid collector of modern vinyl, as well as an avid Splatoon fan, and had been trying to track a copy down ever since it was known they existed. I begged my dad, desperately, to take me, even though it was a hell of a drive from San Diego to Sacramento, and, once I communicated to him just how rare this was and just how much I wanted it, he agreed.

While I was there, I had the chance to meet Lockstin, a YouTuber who I was a huge fan of at the time. Knowing he'd done a Splatoon video recently, and knowing his channel had gotten its initial start doing Game Theory counterpoint videos, I urged him to do a 'are Inklings actually made of ink' video, given this was a sticking point in the fandom, as well as due to personal frustration with MatPat for his 'are Inklings kids or squids' video. I saw value in trying to discuss the 'actual question', rather than the question MatPat had asked, in the process hopefully clarifying a widespread lore misconception, and I thought it was a topic his channel would do justice.

He said he'd think about it.

A month or two later I messaged him on Discord, asking if he had given it any more thought. He admitted that he didn't know anything about Splatoon, that his previous attempt to write on the games hadn't performed well, and that, and this isn't an exact quote, 'if I wanted to see it made, I'd have to write it myself', meaning I could write the script and sell it to him.

The Splatoon video they had done by that point, to be honest, was terrible. It was extremely poorly researched, and took what was in-universe meant to be propaganda, information from an unreliable narrator, at face value, building its thesis on the idea Grizzco presents to the player that Salmonids were just dumb animals. I knew that, if things were really this dire, I had to do this. I had to 'right the wrong' that was the quality of Lockstin's Splatoon content. So I took him up on his offer. We made a handshake deal, that I would write scripts for a cut of ad revenue. What 'a cut of ad revenue' meant, what percentage it would be, a payment schedule, none of it was ever specified. Just 'a cut of ad revenue'.

It took around a month of workshopping after that, but once I had a solid idea for a first video, I threw myself into the work. For two weeks, during my computer science lectures at community college, rather than paying attention to the lectures I'd be researching for the video I was writing. Two weeks of work.

I made $89. And in the meantime, I got some…pointed messages from friends.

See, for the thumbnail, he used key art from Octo Expansion. It had just been announced a couple months prior, so he probably thought it would grab attention, even though it wasn't really related to the topic of the video.

The problem was what art he used, and how he used it.

He had put, front and center, Agent 8, a canonically 16 year old character, in a piece of art showing her with splotches of ink on her. Except, he had photoshopped the ink splotches to be white. And then he added key art of Cap'n Cuttlefish from Octo Expansion, lurking in the background, positioned such to look like he was looking at Agent 8.

People who knew I had the gig, who I had excitedly told I was working for Lockstin, blamed me for the thumbnail. I told them I had nothing to do with it. I confronted Lockstin, since the original thumbnail he showed me before the video went up didn't have the 'white ink' edit. His response? To attribute the video's success partially to the thumbnail, and that he "could always swap it real quick if it [got] out of hand".

He never did. The white ink thumbnail is still up, to this day. And this wasn't an isolated incident; he has a pattern even now, years later, of using sexual clickbait in his thumbnails, because it's what 'works'. Even though the videos really don't need it. Even though, in my opinion, they're undermined by it.

In the time following that, I built a small team of Splatoon lore obsessive friends to work on the videos together. And Lockstin came to me with a question. He had a long-running series on his channel, 'Why do X have breasts', meant to analyze and apply actual scientific reasoning to humanity's propensity to put breasts on non-human and even non-mammalian characters, and he wanted to know if I could think of a way to make that work for Splatoon. I initially turned the idea down, saying I couldn't think of a way to make it work. Until someone on his Discord server came to me with the seed of an idea, and me and my team started mulling it over, and I realized that I had a way to turn the topic into something else.

Something that took the idea of 'Why do X have breasts', the sexualization, the clear fetishization by people who wanted to see that video made, and turn it on its head.

I came up with a theory merging female empowerment with body horror, something I thought would be unsettling to those who showed up for sexual gratification. The idea that the breasts were really musculature around the ink sac, enabling female Inklings and Octolings to be superior fighters in a society that, even in canon, seems to be dominated by strong women.

Of course, people didn't see it that way. I forgot, or perhaps was even baited into by the member on his Discord server, that people with buff-women fetishes would find that take on the idea more exciting than disconcerting. That's something I'm not proud of, even if I'm proud of, overall, snatching female empowerment from the jaws of misogyny.

The video made me $60. Even less, because I split the money between me and my collaborators. In the years since, this has become the best performing of all of the videos I wrote for the channel.

In the meantime, he came to me asking if I would be willing to work on non-Splatoon content, floated to me an idea he'd been workshopping about making a channel focused on western animation. He wanted to keep me on as a writer, even as it was clear Splatoon content wasn't as lucrative, for me or for him, as the other work his channel was doing. I told him I wasn't sure, but offered a Steven Universe theory that I had written the year prior, for a channel that never happened. His response was that he didn't want to involve himself in that fandom for drama reasons, which I agreed with, and we never spoke again about it.

Next, I was told that I had to write a video under a strict deadline; they had a sponsorship from Splatoon Amino, and the video had to be done by a certain date. Me and one of my collaborators, also credited on the end card alongside me, cranked out a video on why Inklings and Octolings die in water. It didn't perform amazingly, but I still made… $92. More than I expected, and I chalked this up to the sponsorship. Again, I split the money, because I felt that was the right thing to do.

Then came the video I'm the most proud of. I came across a theory on Reddit about Splatoon 3, based on evidence found in the at the time new Salmon Run stage, Ruins of Ark Polaris. I messaged the creator of the theory asking if I could use it as the basis for a YouTube video, and was told I could. I built on top of it a larger theory, that ended up getting quite a lot right about what Splatoon 3 would be, almost a full year before the New Years 2020 'Save Our Salmons' art where Nintendo made a direct point of Splatoon 3 involving Salmonids.

I made… $35. And for my trouble? Another sexualized thumbnail, with the focal point of the thumbnail being the Smash Ultimate render of the Splatoon Wii U default Inkling Girl, a 14 year old character, having eaten the Spicy Curry item, edited to make her blush more intense. The implications are plain to intuit.

And, this video had unseen effects. In all of my scripts, I would make meticulous notes, of sources, of evidence. In that video, I had cited a translation I came across on Tumblr, belonging to an at the time smaller creative voice, Rassicas. The translation was used in the video as I wrote it, but no citation was given. Rassicas, for their part, for years thought 'Lockstin stole their work'. They have cited not wanting that to happen to them ever again, to stand on their own merits rather than others benefit from their work, as one of the reasons they started their YouTube channel to begin with, with them now considered by the fandom to be the definitive, authoritative voice in the community on Splatoon lore, especially lore that is exclusive to the Japanese text.

For my part, years later when I found this out, I apologized. I even wrote a public apology, taking full accountability, because I had forgotten IF I had credited them or not. When I looked at the script, and found out that I in fact had, and that it was his choice to strip that out, I told them immediately. We were both livid at the revelation.

Then came my final video, and the one I'm the least proud of. One of my team shared a meme that had been blowing up on /r/Splatoon, comparing Inkling and Octoling ear shapes to the mantles of actual squid and octopuses, pointing out that the idols' ear shapes corresponded more to the mantle shape of cuttlefish. We realized it for what it was, a joke, but realized there was an opportunity for an actual video there. I mean, hell, we know cuttlefish Inklings exist thanks to Octo Expansion, so it wouldn't even be bending the canon all that badly. So we ran with it. Made a damn good video, I admit.

Too good. The fandom even now, five and a half years later, is convinced Callie and Marie are cuttlefish.

Lockstin did us another kindness, as well; at the end of the video he plugged a website that I had been putting together, now long-since defunct, for Splatoon lore investigations by my team that I didn't think could be made into videos, either due to the turnaround time required, the length, or the interest. Sending people off of his platform and onto ours. And, on top of the direct plug, the direct shout-out, this time the end card credited 'the team at Inktank.info'. It didn't credit us by name, like the prior videos. But in its place he actively was driving people to our platform instead of his. On the one hand, legitimizing our work as part of a team and a place. But at the same time, meaning our names weren't directly on the video this time. I have mixed feelings about this, but I'm willing to err on the side of leniency and say that wasn't his intention. He was trying to drive eyes to us and our efforts, uplift us as creators, like he had done for others by launching their careers.

And from the video we made $102. The most we made off of any video, even though it performed among the bottom two. I haven't mentioned it until now, but at some point it had been established that this was because Lockstin had been rolling forward ad revenue from past videos into payment for future videos. Unspoken was the fact that, if I wanted to keep making money on my old videos, I'd have to keep making new ones.

Again, I split the money. Even when I was making almost nothing, I wasn't going to let the people who helped me, the people who understood the things I didn't, go unpaid and uncredited. Multiple of the videos contained deep dives on topics like mollusk biology as part of their evidence, which were things I'd have no idea about on my own. Not paying them, not pushing Lockstin to credit them, would be laundering responsibility for the content I sold him, at best.

And, of course, another thumbnail scandal, again falling on me within my friend group. Lockstin had used a Garry's Mod fan render of Marie in the thumbnail, and people who knew I worked on it messaged me about him using stolen art. I ended up giving Lockstin the official render that he had meant to use, which was identically posed so he probably just mixed the two up… He never fixed it. Even now the thumbnail still uses stolen art.

It was at this point I decided to walk away. There was a sixth video that I had begun to research, that I had been planning since the beginning and was really excited to finally work on, but… I just, gradually and silently stopped talking to Lockstin, and I walked away.

I didn't immediately cut contact, though. I maintained messaging him until halfway into 2020. Because despite it all, I saw him as someone I had an amicable relationship with. Because it took time for me to fully accept what had happened to me. I even told him, in our last exchange, that I was still planning on making that sixth video. Because it took me some time to really sit with what happened.

And during that time, something happened. Around the end of 2019 there were serious concerns going around, of the FTC going after YouTube channels run by pop culture focused content creators, due to the updates to COPPA reclassifying them as 'children's content', regardless of what they actually contained. I messaged Lockstin in a panic, telling him if things got that bad, to delist my videos since I lived, and still live, with my dad, both of us disabled and on a fixed income. He assured me that anything that occurred would happen to the channel owner, and that I was safe, no matter what happened. And, "if it does wind up bad I'll be delisting all the videos. and also I'll take the hit for any fines."

Edit 3/12/25 (in bold): Regardless, having done some back-of-the-napkin math talking to Rassicas since making the original version of this post, it turns out I likely was only receiving a 10% share of ad revenue, assuming a standard-at-the-time $2 to $3 CPM for gaming content. Likely less, since I noticed a bump in income on the video that was directly sponsored despite it doing poorly, implying I may have received income from the other videos' sponsors as well. If I received any sponsor money though, knowing now how lucrative sponsorships are, I can't imagine I got a reasonable share of that either. And no matter how much napkin math I do, the fact of the matter is I'll never know exactly how much he made, and exactly how much of it I made. But it wasn't a fair amount.

And when you factor in lost residuals in the years since? The breasts video alone would have made $2,000 to $3,000 by now in just raw CPM, meaning I ultimately made about 2-3% of the ad revenue on that video.

Also, I want to be clear. It was my choice to bring in a team after the fact. He was never responsible for that, and it made a meager pay situation worse. I accept the responsibility for that.

Even now I struggle to square the circle of what this was. I don't know enough about his YouTube finances to know if I was paid fairly, if money really was that tight for him and his team. He had been known for uplifting creators he worked with. He helped launch Arlo's career. I can't imagine he would abuse his employees.

Not to mention, there were good times. This was a gig that I really, truly enjoyed, and put more effort into than he ever asked for. After my first video, at my own personal expense, I flew to Portland for a day to be a part of a fan meetup he did for the channel. He didn't ask me to do that. Hell, he told me not to, he told me I was crazy for doing it. But I did it because I was passionate about the work and about representing my work to his fans. Not only that, every time a video came out, I would spend one or two days, replying, personally, to as many comments as I could, answering questions, clarifying and elaborating on things, interacting with fans on a personal level. He never asked me to do any of that. I did that because I was passionate about the work I was doing. And I don't regret that.

But at the same time, this feels like abuse. Even as he was kind to me at points.

And that's the fear, right? He's 'one of the good ones', even with the sexual clickbait and everything else. My fear is that if I share this story, I'll be crucified for trying to tear down, trying to cancel, someone who overall has a positive reputation, who's much, MUCH bigger than I am. But that's not what this is about. This is just…me telling my story. Me telling people what happened to me.

So, I don't know what to call it, really. Other than a learning experience, as I start to lay the groundwork for my own channel, years later. Because I don't want to do this to other people. No matter what you call it.

And I want to be clear. There are other creators I've worked with. Other people I've made handshake deals with, but who treated me kindly, with integrity and respect, with definite terms set out in advance. And when I haven't gotten paid by those people, it wasn't because they exploited me, it was because the work fizzled out, and there was no profit, so there was no pay to be had. That's not exploitation. That's a reality of the industry. Sometimes things just don't pan out, and that's okay.

What's not okay is the ambiguity, the space in the margins that can be used to exploit others, whether that was one's intention or not. Because I don't think that was Lockstin's intention. I think he saw me as another Arlo, another person he was lifting up. But at the same time, this experience was a source of genuine trauma, and something that I'm only now starting to be comfortable with telling people outside of my friend group, five years after it ended.

Like I said. I'm not trying to tear anyone down. I'm not writing a hit piece. Because I doubt this was malicious. I really do. I know that, if I messaged him? If I told him what his actions were and did to me? We could hash it out, I could get closure privately. And, hell, I might do that if and when I feel ready to. Or, if he sees this and messages me? Hey, dude. I'm open to talk about this. I'm listening, if you want to say something. Because, that's the thing, right? I didn't confront this, publicly or privately, for five years, even after I walked away. I was afraid of talking to him, of what that could mean for me if he disagreed that what he did was harmful. I was afraid of a potential escalation, or losing work in an industry where I'm still only starting to find my voice.

But this isn't about that. It's about making the world a little safer for people like me, for other people who went through what I did and might not have the language or the tools to recognize what they're going through. And to make a public point, that I learned from the experience, that I plan to be better than what happened to me. Not so I can aggrandize myself, but so you, the people reading this, can hold me to it if I ever lose my direction. So I put what happened to me to a stone tablet, never allowed to forget it. Because I want to stop the cycle of abuse before it's allowed to start.

So, thank you. For taking the time to read this, and for taking my story for what it is. It means more than you could ever know, not just to me, but to everyone like me.

Edit 2, 3/12/25: Since making this post, I remembered and checked on something, and it's so much worse than I thought.

In January of 2022, Lockstin posted a series of 'Season Collection' videos, bundling his content year-by-year across seven videos. These videos made up a total almost 55 hours of content and 310 videos.

The first problem... He cut out all of the end cards. All of them. I know I wasn't the only writer he worked with. How many other people went uncredited in these compilations besides me?

The second problem... Going back to the point I made about residuals. How do you even calculate something like that? Compilation content is meant to ride the wave of super-longform content like Arlo's 'A Big Fat Review of Breath of the Wild' or Quinton Reviews' series on Dan Schneider. It's meant to play to YouTube Premium viewers, where creators get a payout based on watch time. A big one. A proportional share per-viewer of 55% of their subscription cost, based on how much of their watchtime went to which channels each month. Both LinusTechTips and Arlo have referenced longer-form content being some of their highest-earning content as a result of this.

So, at best? Maybe he figures out how much money he got from YouTube Premium and tries to split that up based on the retention charts. I can't imagine that'd be reasonable to expect someone to do for seven compilation videos on an ongoing basis. Maybe he just divides all the YouTube Premium money, and the $2 to $3 CPM, across all 310 videos equally. But that doesn't ensure people are paid for the specific viewtime for their specific videos, and on a 10 hour supercut of as many as 60 videos, the CPM split would be negligible.

The third problem... The Season 5 thumbnail has the Agent 8 'white ink' image again, one of a few videos the thumbnail references.

I know that this is a drastically different tone than the rest of this post. But this isn't just 'a good guy making mistakes' anymore. This is systemic abuse of everyone who ever worked with him. Not just writers, but editors, special thanks to people who contributed in other ways... What does he call it? "The vast majority of Lockstin's "Gnoggin" videos, with the sponsorships, needless outros, and end cards removed".

My work. My credit for my work. Is "needless".

And among the videos that he removed, he references 'videos with very incorrect information (such as predictions)'. The Season 6 video removes my Splatoon 3 prediction video. The video that I think was my best work for him, that yes got some things wrong but got a shocking amount right, that has value not just to me but to him on that merit alone. Just proof he didn't understand the content.

I'm sorry. I'm just, angry. I know this is a change in tone but I'm angry.

[erriga]

THE QUARANTINE QUERY

(tl dr I didn't vibe with the demo for some silly and not so silly reasons)

Welcome to my special post where I will try to explain my personal problems with Quarantine and the general creative and narrative direction the next game seems to be heading towards. I decided to write a longer text instead of a couple of bullet points, because one does not simply write a thesis about a game just to later complain about it in a sarcastically laconic tone.

Things this essay is going to be:

my opinion/critique

an analysis

a reflection upon my feelings about the series in general

Things this essay is not going to be:

an angry rant about the new game in the spirit of they changed it so now it sucks

an attempt to prove that old pathologic = smart and new pathologic = stupid

Ok, with the disclaimers out of the way, let's get into it, and by it I mean levels of pretentious nerdiness unknown to many.

I wrote down four statements that describe my general feelings about the demo. They will serve as a frame of reference for what my critique will fundamentally touch upon instead of trying to fit every possible complaint I might have in a disjointed fashion. Here they are:

I feel like Quarantine expects me to:

Consider Dankovsky to be a specific Character in a specific Story

Believe Dankovsky has an internal world that can be mechanically represented in the ludo-narrative

Find said internal world to be compelling enough to let it filter the whole experience of the game

(presumably) emotionally connect with Dankovsky due to all of the above

If all this sounds confusing - good! Keep reading, it's going to get even better.

So, is Daniil a character?

Yes, of course he is. But what does it mean in the context of the original game compared to Pathologic 2 and now Quarantine?

Over the years I've come across vastly different opinions about the quality of character writing in the original Pathologic. I am not including complaints about the English translations or other technical aspects, just the most basic tendency of how the game portrays its characters. Most people I've seen who have passionately engaged with the game (including me) tend to describe the original game's characterizations as nuanced, complex and strangely realistic despite their rather theatrical tendencies. But I've also heard others say the exact opposite. That the characters don't feel like real people at all, their personalities are incoherent and fall flat due to a lack of consistency, and that every single one of them, from an old man to a literal toddler, falls back on the same pseudo-philosophical cadence, which while attempting to make them seem deeper ends up dehumanizing them even further. And even though those two opinions seem to be contradictory, I think that they are both the exact same reason why the writing of the original game captivates me so much. Because it doesn't really matter.

I wrote my thesis about the brechtian influences in Classic. One of the most characteristic aspects of the Epic Theatre is the attempt to remove illusions typical to traditional theatre, among which is the illusion of a character's psychology. I believe that you can absolutely argue that the characters in patho 1 were designed to behave like Brecht's characters - lacking internal psychology, mainly serving as mouthpieces for political and philosophical arguments, more so types than individuals. But here's the catch - I believe it's actually impossible to create a character completely immune to identification, because we as humans love to project our silly little emotions on pretty much anything, including animals and inanimate objects. Compared to those cases, Gorkhon's gallery of strange individuals is a painfully human display. So it's no wonder that many of us did indeed relate to those weirdos, just like nothing can possibly stop an audience member from identifying with Mother Courage or Galileo in Brecht's play. But the fact still remains that none of those characters were designed with this kind of simple emotional identification in mind and thus the attachment we may feel to them is more of a byproduct than the main goal. Taking a character who was meant to be analytically pondered and instead adopting them as a breathing human being is in that case, almost an act of rebellion. It's like saying, this is mine now.

Coming back to Daniil, this lack of clarity of how much he was written with this sort of characterization in mind is the main reason why I found him so compelling, he always kept me asking: is this part of Daniil as a coherent whole or is it just a philosophical stance which I should ponder at this moment or is it the writer's attempt at predicting what the player (presumably a straight male player) may want to say through this character? Does Daniil say "wow" because that's how he speaks, or is it just an oversight? Am I supposed to treat optional dialogue as things he would say or just things that are sometimes said in his world? The point is I DON'T KNOW and I love that I don't know that! It gives me so many posibilities! To me Daniil's character isn't so much about what he exactly says or does, but rather the internal logic that guides him. And I am the one who can choose its exact mechanism. He is mine.

Meanwhile, I feel like Quarantine wants me to treat Dankovsky like I would treat most other characters in traditional/popular media. Here are his personality traits. He is intelligent, he says so himself, and that lady over there also said it and he knows science and formulas and speaks Latin. Here are his thoughts. He has a memory about this thing. He feels guilty about that. I suddenly have a whole army of simple sentences that are meant to help me umderstand Daniil in this new iteration. Not so much a puzzle but a construction manual. And I'm not saying that this way of storytelling is fundamentally bad just because I can parody it as simpler than it really is. I want to engage with the new game's writing on it's own terms but so far I haven't done that mostly due to the giant dankovsky shaped object blocking the view.

Speaking of-

THE BACHELOR-CENTRIC MODEL OF THE UNIVERSE

This demo is so much about Dankovsky that it almost makes me embarrassed in his name. And honestly, I'm surprised I feel that way, considering how much I usually enjoy stories where a character's perception shapes the narrative to a great extent. I love symbolic dream sequences, guilt-driven visions and unreliable narrators. But the way Daniil's perception of himself and his surroundings doesn't really feel like a service to him as a character, but rather a narrative shorthand to spoonfeed me, the player, the most relevant information. The way Daniil's thoughts appear around objects is realistic to the extent that yes, human thoughts can be often rather simple and disjointed but there are moments where I think this mental streamlining is detrimental to his characterization and rubs him of nuance. The worst culprits of that are (IN MY OPINION):

Him calling Eva a ray of sunshine

The part where he references the fact that he and Artemy always fight about whose methods are better

Any time Daniil or someone around him refers to him as especially intelligent

Mr Little's Special Tutorial Perspective or Please Daniil Explain This To Me Once Again

None of those ideas are fundamentally bad, not at all. I'm curious to see his relationship with Eva develop, I want to see him interact with Artemy more like they did in the original, I can see some great ironic potential in the constant hyping up of Daniil's intellect and yeah, I hope Yakov is revealed to be some secret government agent or something. But I'm annoyed that I feel like I can predict all of this from just a couple of lines in the demo. I want to be confused and unsure of my own judgement. I want to be proven wrong, surprised, and ashamed of my own surface level analysis. And that can still very much happen, perhaps even in the comments on this very post or once the full games comes out. But right now I feel rather pessimistic.

I don't have a good segue for this part so now let's talk mechanics.

PRESS B TO EAT A CIGARRETE

The new mechanics try to break away from the body-first focus of the original game and the way Pathologic 2 expanded on those ideas even further. This time it's all about the mind, baby. Which - again - on itself isn't a bad idea. If this game was just 2 with different dialogues it would be very hard to justify its existence as a stand-alone product that needed to somehow be funded over those last 6 years. But the result to me feels more like novelty for novelty's sake. Not everything of course - the diagnosis part of the gameplay is definitely its most well-designed aspect, and there is a consistent logic behind it. Where Artemy saw systems, Daniils sees individual parts, where Artemy had to rely on luck, Daniil controls all the variables etc etc. The same, however, cannot be said about some of the other new mechanics.

Managing Daniil's mental state doesn't feel that much different than making sure Artemy drinks enough water and I personally think it's a wasted opportunity. I'm not going to insert myself into the discussion about whether the game's use of terms associated with bipolar disorder is accurate/tasteful because other people with relevant experiences have already voiced their opinions about that and will hopefully continue to do so in the future. My point is - regardless of what exact mental condition or more general function of the human psyche the game is trying to convey, it does so in a manner so simplistic that it doesn't encourage me as a player to connect with it on a deeper level. Apathy is blue because it's sad, Mania means, well, mania so it's red. Once again, I have only experienced a small portion of the game's final system so I might be in for a surprise and perhaps I will get to see Daniil experience something... purple?

Also adding to my previous point about switching perspectives - I think this mechanic will be an absolute gut punch in the final game. I hope it's something akin to the original meeting with the Powers That Be, especially with the way multiple characters can "jump" into one conversation at any moment. This will surely be utilized for some mind-fuckery and I can't wait to see it. I think this is also the one aspect of the demo that gives me the most hope as far as my beloved emotional confusion is concerned. Because what is the switching of perspectives supposed to indicate really? Are we supposed to filter it once again through Daniil's perspective because of the framing device of him recollecting the events? So nothing we learn by getting the insight into other characters' thoughts can be taken at face value because that's just how Daniil sees them? Are those other/new characters even real or just exist in Daniil's psyche? Does it have something to do with the time travel blahblah? Or are we not playing as Daniil at all but some other entity entirely? That's the main question I hope I don't get a clear answer to but rather contradicting paths to follow. But despite that optimistic outlook I still need to get into the final aspect that made it difficult for me to engage with the new game on its own terms, and instead deciding to take its dead corpse apart.

I CARE TOO MUCH BUT NOT ENOUGH

I just can't get over the fact how much this game wants me to identify with Daniil or at the very least find him cool. Cool as in how modern characters are often cool. Wet cats, chaotic bastards, jerks with hearts of gold and vaguely homoerotic energy with other male characters. And I'm not saying this as an insult, narrative trends are a thing, I find many of those archetypes to be endearing more often than not, but my problem is that it still only serves Dankovsky as our center of the world. By flanderizing him and making him fit into a more recognizable character archetype we lose the feeling of him being always at odds with the world around him, the way he used to be conflicted over every single thing in the original game. This new world is too suited for him to be a hero of his story, a tragic hero but a hero nonetheless, while in my opinion what made him uniquely tragic in classic was precisely the fact that he wasn't anyone's hero.

I know this constant comparison to patho classic can get tiring, so let me use another point of reference which is also the reason why I am even writing this post in the first place - The Marble Nest. I love the marble nest. I find its narrative structure to be expertly crafted, emotional beats placed in just the right places and godd i still cry over the fact that they put his soul into a nutshell. And the funny thing is that TMN does share a lot of similarities with the new demo. It's a Daniil-centric story with a framing device that encourages us to look at the entire experience as Daniil's impression of the reality around him. It's a short and rather simple experience with a strong central theme. So why do I feel so emotional when Daniil talks to the death in that game but feel pretty much nothing when he talk about dying in Quarantine? Maybe because The Marble Nest is still steeped so deeply in the theatre influences which I hold dear to my heart while Quarantine moves away from them and maybe towards another medium entirely. Theatre never pretends to be reality and it's artificiality is always front and center. Film meanwhile often has the tendency to try to replicate reality or even try to be reality itself. In one of those cases I feel like an active audience member and in the other like a passive voyeur of some vision of reality. Or to put it simply, in one case I am afraid of Death and in the other, I am watching someone act out being afraid of death. That is a highly personal preference though and I'm genuinely happy to see that many people do indeed relate to this portrayal of Daniil, especially when it comes to how his mental problems are displayed front and center. And that's amazing! I want to see all the fan input that comes out of it and I hope the final game delivers on everything they hope for. But for me? I think I might need to take a back seat, at least for now. Watch the scene from afar, perhaps get a fuller picture. Because I want to care and understand and know and feel. I really do. But sometimes it's not possible and that's also good.

So, if you've read this overwritten mess to the end, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart and encourage you to voice your opinion. Art doesn't exist without discussion so let's discuss!

POST-SCRIPTUM - ON THE NATURE OF MAKING GOOD THINGS IN YOUR PAST

One last thing I wanted to add which feels highly relevant to the my critique is the question of what to do when someone says they liked your old work better? I like to think of myself as an artist and I think that many of us do, even without getting into how according to Beuys everyone is an artist. So you make a thing, some people like, perhaps many people do. So you keep making things, you grow with them, change, realize your old ideas were often childish or naive which you can only do through gaining experience. So you make new things, often drastically different from the ones you made before. And someone says "I liked the old stuff better". And they don't say it as an insult, even though it may sometimes feel like it. Because you cannot recreate whatever you did in your past. And you want to grow. Does that mean that you got worse instead? That you peaked in your past and it's all downhill from here? Of course not. You know that. I know that. I hope every artist knows that. And yet it still hurts. It hurts to be perceived as a line graph when in reality you are a recursive function.

----

all images made by me, the ones with yellow background are from a shitpost animatic, the white one was a joke I made after hearing the famous"sherlock mind palace fruit ninja" pitch, and the last one is me in my Daniil cosplay. Goodnight Bikini Bottom

[puraiuddo]

༺JazzProwl Fic Recs༻

— brought to you by puraiuddo -

This is by all means not a complete list of banger JP fics! It's my personal favorites—those fics that lodged themselves in my brain for one reason or another and never left.

Hopefully this list satisfies at least some of the sudden influx of interest for JP fics (and given how well rec'ing a fic turned out last time...) But, nah for real, not to make rec'ing fics fake deep or anything, but I think the fandom would be a better place if people were more unapologetically enthusiastic about fics and less afraid to interact with authors. So if you use this list to find some fics you have to promise to leave some unhinged comments! ٩("•̀ᴗ•́")و ̑̑

But before I start, I want to acknowledge the prevalence of potentially stereotypical depictions of Jazz in regards to his speech (❞), criminal/violent/sexual characterization (▾), or backstory/origins (⟲) in the JP/TF fandom. I've attempted to flag fics with the corresponding symbols above, because I'd like to recognize those problems while still rec'ing for a variety of other fantastic qualities. That said, I'm not infallible so please use your own discretion.

I've also tagged fics with "hiatus" if it's been a while between updates, but the author hasn't made a comment—these fics are especially important to interact with, b/c you never know if the author stopped posting b/c they weren't getting any reviews!

Now, without further adieu...

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༺JazzProwl-centric༻

Mistakes on Mistakes Until— by jabberish

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 280,212 - Alt-War AU』

Ricochet's got a bad case of conscience and he's pretty sure it's about to get him killed. (aka I think I've read every defection/ex-Con au and now I'm forced to make my own. Jazz-centric.)

* (づ ᴗ _ ᴗ)づ♡ The crème de la crème of JP fics. I really can't properly articulate the sheer amount of love and respect I have for MOMU other than that if you haven't read it, your life is worse for it. Go read it. Then read it again. Now. (I've read it 4 times. No, I'm not joking) I love all the fics on this list dearly, but MOMU holds a very special place in my heart. Flawless characterization, flawless dynamics, flawless plot, one-of-a-kind writing style... it's got it all. Of note: I've not flagged it despite its premise, because it will expertly subvert your expectations and you need to read it to understand. Bonus: it's got a lot of well-deserved fanart!

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Untitled Series by Need2Scream

『(2/?) - ffn - Words: 158,064 - War AU - hiatus』

Where the Lonely Ones Roam - 116,327

"Say you have a little faith in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. Need to have a little trust in me. Just close your eyes and let me lead. Follow me home. To where the lonely ones roam." Eventual Prowl/Jazz

Spark - 41,737 - hiatus

"Chase you deep into the unknown. In my dark, in my dark, you're the Spark."/ "Roam with me, come down to where all of the others fell. Get lost, in the dark to find yourself. Just remember what I said, 'cause it isn't over yet."/SEQUEL to Where the Lonely Ones Roam

*It's not clear by the summary, but the series is essentially about Jazz and Prowl's developing relationship as they overcome war-related trauma, intermingled with a spectacular amount of original lore. See the author's ffn bio for a rundown. The originality and attention to detail in the world building in this AU is awe-inspiring. There are 2 fics in the JP series, but the author has a bunch of other Gen fics set in the same AU and another on ao3. Bonus: some of the Gen fics are Jazz & Prowl-centric and can be read as romantic!

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Crime in Crystals Series by Aard_Rinn

『(7/?) - ao3 - Words: 258,030 - Crime/Hitman AU - hiatus - ▾ ⟲』

The Hitman - 6,942 - pt 1

Prowl is the last clean cop in Praxus, the final flickering light in the darkness. There are plenty of people who would like to see him snuffed.

2. The Clarification, 3. The Kill, 4. The Capture, 5. The Prime, 6. The Talk, 7. The Chase 8. TBD

*The main plot is broken into 7 separate fics, but it's all one continuous story. Read the whole thing! It's on my all time favorites. It's thrilling, tremendously action packed, and the character dynamics are some of my favorites. It's also hysterical and wholesome and I've reread it a stupid amount of times. Bonus: it's got fanart + there are 5 extra fics, including a Jazz-centric prequel, in the same AU.

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War Eternal Series by Hearts of Eternity

『(3/4) - ffn - 2m? idk it's insane - Bayverse War AU - discontinued - ▾ ❞ ⟲』

Where You and I Collide - 362,090 - prequel

Separately, Jazz and Prowl are like forces of nature- they are uncompromising and uncontrollable. But what becomes of their natures when these two unstoppable forces collide? Will one break the other, or will they both be stronger for it?

As We Come Together - 485,586 - pt 2 - Gen

While the surviving Autobots begin to flock to Earth in response to Optimus' call, trying to find a new home on the strange organic planet called Earth, some unfortunate bots are beginning to realize the price of war may have been too high. Sequel to Time

May We Never Let Go - 408,409 - pt 3 - Gen - d/c

Hell literally lies in wait above Earth as the Cybertronians and Earthlings coexist uneasily, rattled by every attack the Fallen and his master launch on them. With new evil rising, the powers that be on Earth and beyond are gearing up for war.

1. As We Come Together, prequel 2: Surface of the Sun

*Long, convoluted explanation coming up given that this series is obviously a whole different beast compared to likely any other fanfic series you or I have ever encountered in our lives... b/c the author is just superhuman or smth idk...

The series is officially listed as 4 parts (WYaIC, WTWHL, AWCT, MWNLG). Where You and I Collide is the JP-centric prequel to the other 3 Gen fics (that have substantial background JP). WTWHL is technically part 1 of the series, but it's sorta more character-focused ficlets than a continuous story... which is why I didn't specifically list it as a rec even if that makes things more confusing... (ᵕ¬ᴗ¬) Also the author didn't list Surface of the Sun as part of the series, but it's a direct prequel (like WYaIC) starring the Lambo twins and it's... oh it's so good... absolutely shatters my heart that it's been d/c'd.

I've not listed an exact world count, b/c if you want to read every bit of the AU with all its prequels and offshoots (which I would highly recommend and have done)... I'm not gonna do the math for you, sorry. The main 4-part story is ~1.7m+ which I realize is frankly insane and extraordinarily intimidating, but it is so sooo sooooo worth it. The author has created their own fully fleshed out TF world with its own lore and characters and the time and effort they've put into is mind-boggling .

Anywho, despite ultimately being d/c'd, the series is still tremendously readable and nothing about JP is left feeling unbearably unfinished. I also happened to track down the lovely author and beg for a summary of the ending, b/c I'm a bit of a freak and they very kindly provided it so if not knowing how a fic ends bothers you/prevents you from reading, you have the option of getting closure even if you can't have it written out.

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Fathomless by Sroloc_Elbisivni

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 19,949 - Fantasy AU - complete』

Jazz is drowning on dry land on the other side of the world. Once upon a time, before Jazz was born, the Rust Sea covered a swathe of Cybertron bigger than the territory of any city-state except Iacon. The sea had been more powerful than any engine besides the one at the heart of the planet itself, big enough to swallow a metrotitan in its depths, the birthplace of storms. Thing is, none of that was Jazz. He doesn’t remember those days, before he was himself, except in his dreams. And his dreams are terrifying.

*This fic makes me feel some type of way... it gives me shivers. It's so eerie and the premise is so unique. It's also beautifully bittersweet, which is a hard concept to pull off.

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The Judge by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 107,653 - Alt-War AU』

Prowl’s got a secret, and he’d rather be dead in the ground before he let anyone find out about it. Jazz’s got one too, but he’s not as good at hiding it. Prowl is a secret superhero, Jazz is a secret fanboy who doesn’t know that he works with the guy. By night Prowl is the virtuous hero The Judge, but by day he’s just an unassuming tactical officer.

*Jazz and Prowl are sorta painfully adorable in this fic and the JP is so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. Plus it's got a really fun premise with lots of shenanigans.

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Black on White on Black Series by pipermca

『(3/?) - ao3 - Words: 86,248 - fix-it, War AU - complete』

Anamnesis - 31,097 - pt 1

When Jazz and his team are lost on a mission, Prowl has to carry on alone. But a discovery a thousand vorn later could turn his life upside down again.

2. The Ghost of the Howling Plains, 3. Pulling Strings

*Super interesting sorta-kinda-fix-it fic and/or explanation for the events and characterizations in IDW. There are 3 stories in the main JP plot line. Bonus: there's 2 "Extras" fics for cut scenes from the main fics.

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Crystal Ghosts Series by Rizobact

『(2/2) - ao3 - Words: 85,688 - Fantasy AU - complete - ⟲』

Enduring as Crystal - 40,517 - pt 1

There were a lot of reasons Prowl visited the library. He never knew the most important one was waiting for him in the garden behind it.

Eternal as Love - 45,171 - pt 2

Prowl promised he would help Jazz, the ghost of the crystal chapel in the garden behind Praxus' central library. He just couldn't anticipate what shape that help would wind up taking.

*Another super unique premise! I love a good historical mystery and the imagery is specularly evocative! And I'm a sucker for the trope... which I can't reveal, because of spoilers.

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Untitled Series by Vaeru

『(2/2) - ffn - Words: 10,766 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Descant - 7,925 - pt 2

G1/Jux compliant. Requiem sequel. Prowl doubted that his desired image of Respected Superior Officer came across very well with a half-scrapped mech clinging to his hand, but he loomed as best as he was able and glared.

*Requiem is Jazz-centric and I'd say more of a prequel to Descant than Descant is a sequel to Requiem... if that makes any sense. Regardless of how you view it or what order you read it, it's fucking brutal. (-‿-“) Bonus: author also wrote another really great fic called Transformers: Juxtaposition which is Lambo twin-centric and OC-centric, but perhaps one of the only OC fics that I've ever enjoyed.

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Domino Milkshake by SilenceoftheLlamas

『oneshot - (1/?) - ao3 - Words: 24,886 - War AU - complete - ❞』

Jazz drunkenly pretends that he's dating Prowl. Only he isn't, and the mech is right behind him.

*It's a fake dating AU... what more can I say? I love the the begrudging developing romance and the meddling friends. Bonus: it's got fanart!

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Hunter's Spark by WandersUnderStarlight

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 43,645 - Alt-War AU - ❞』

Jazz disobeys orders to abandon the ruins of Praxus and runs into one of the Senate's dirty secrets.

*This author also has a few more JP fics that I enjoy like An Offer He Can't Refuse and Long Patrol. I gotta offer aisclaimer though: the fics are... fairly cliche and a bit OOC. Hunter's Spark is much more tame than the other two, though. They're all sorta a guilty pleasure of mine, because it's fun to enjoy Prowl being a bit of a BAMF and Jazz being a bit of a damsel on occasion even if objectively I understand why it's not everyone's cup of tea. ("￣▽￣";)ゞ But the author definitely deserves credit for creative and entertaining premises and a really nice writing style!

༺☆★☆★☆★-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-★☆ ★☆★☆༻

༺General༻

Little Brother by Meiza

『oneshot - ffn - Words: 64,542 - War AU - discontinued』

Prowl is infamous for being a logical, nigh emotionaless thinker who's better at battle calculations than interpersonal relationships. How he was roped into taking care of the last survivor of Praxus is anyone's guess.

*Prowl & Bluestreak centric, but Jazz has a solid amount of screentime. The subplot is pre-relationship, co-parenting JazzProwl and it's cute as hell. It's not 'officially' discontinued, but it hasn't been updated since 2010... so... At least it doesn't end in a cliffhanger. (╥﹏╥|||)

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Things We Don't Tell Humans by SineadRivka

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 363,057 - Bayverse War AU - complete』

This was a first for us Autobots; never before have we come in contact with a species like these humans, so eerily similar to our own race and twice as tenacious as Sparklings. The question was, how far can we trust the humans with our culture? Some things have translated between cultures without much effort. Other subjects, however…

*Please note the tags! Also... I'll be honest that I mostly skip to the JP parts and main plot points in this fic as it's about a very ensemble cast and I'm not interested in TF humans ... so I can't entirely vouch for the integrity of the whole thing. (￢ω￢;)

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Echoes of Messatine by MlleMusketeer

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 303,863 - Alt-War AU - complete - ▾ 』

Cybertron hurtles toward war, and only a handful of mecha see it. Not Megatron, whose inflammatory writings gain him agonizing attention from those on high. Not Ratchet, the Iacon Medical Center’s most prized practitioner, whose Dead-End clinic remains the worst-guarded secret on Cybertron. Not Overlord, whose iron hold over Cybertron’s underworld is beginning to falter. Not Orion Pax, whose concern over the sudden silence of one of his favorite writers drives him to take up his hero’s pen. Not Terminus, who only wants to survive. But Trepan and Senator Shockwave both know well what’s coming. One aims to use a defiant miner’s fall to crush the aspirations of the masses. The other wants to use that miner’s triumph to ignite them. Neither much cares about Megatron himself, or his ultimate survival. Therein lies their fatal error.

*Not clear from the summary, but the premise is essentially "what if Megatron got the matrix instead of OP" and how their pre-war lives would have to pan out for them to ultimately switch roles. Just a really fascinating, supremely well-done "what-if" fic, but also probably the weirdest one to put on this particular list, b/c JP turns into megatron/JP at the very, very end... but... I just kinda ignore that development since it happens in like almost literally in the last chapter and you can def read it as friendship up until that point... (¬⤙¬ ᵕ)

༺☓○☓○☓○☓○-ˋˏ ♫ ♡ 𓆩𓆪 ˎˊ-☓○☓○☓○☓○༻

༺Mature༻

*listen... don't @ me. They're definitely saucy, but they're not explicit. Yada, yada... hey minors, don't read these! ...But we all know you will so just don't talk to me or anyone else about it, cool? Cool. (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

Intermission by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 5,049 - War AU - complete - ▾』

As the war stretched on for interminable vorn, Prowl found himself faced time and again with the mounting stress of his position. Many of those times he was forced to face alone, the gear grinding stress sending him to Ratchet for system overhauls and forced defrags. But every so often he'd be fortunate enough to have Jazz on hand, and when he did, well, it didn't take much. Pressing Jazz up against the wall, cramming him into corners, pinning him facedown over Prowl's desk. It didn't matter as long he could keep Jazz still.

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Audition by crabapplered

『oneshot - ao3 - Words: 12,783 - War AU - complete - ▾』

If one were to be delicate, one would say that Jazz and Prowl are incompatible. The blunt truth? 'You just lie there with this blank expression on your face,' he'd been told by his last partner. Signal had stayed longer then most, willing to try since Prowl was so obviously doing his best, interfacing to please his partner and give him what Prowl himself disliked. In the end, though, it hadn't worked. 'You don't like me touching you, you don't like the mess, you don't even like the overload, and half the time I swear you're running economic simulations in your CPU you look that bored. I don't want that. I don't want you miserable, and I don't want me miserable, either.' So why can't Prowl stop wishing?

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That's all, folks.

ദ്ദി(｡•̀ω-)✧ ~Happy reading!

and for the shit tumblr search/tag system, i offer: #jazzprowl #jazzprowl recs #jazz x prowl #jazzprowl fic recs #jazzprowl fanfic recs #tansformers fic recs #tf jazzprowl #tf fic recs

[obae-me]

Hello, darling! First of all, I read your post and I want you to know I'll be supporting you from the sidelines!

Second, I'm a big fan of your writing!

Could ai request some writing about having a date with Lucifer in the snow? It could be anything related to winter, really.

Thank you!

Hello, dear! Thank you so much for your support and kind words! It means more to me than you know! I know it's not quite winter anymore- at least it's already getting warmer where I am at- but your snow date is here at last! I hope this is what you were looking for! (Requests always make me a bit nervous, I just love making people happy!) Enjoy!

Word Count: 2.3k

Three whole days it had been snowing nonstop. Not quite a torrent, but not exactly the best event for the Devildom at large. But even as you watched the soft powder pile shockingly high, you couldn’t find it in yourself to be too worried. Maybe it was the comforting fact that snow seemed to appear the same throughout the realms. More likely though, it was the sight of several demon heads bobbing through wintery trenches, attempting to accomplish the task of clearing paths through the thick blanket of snowflakes, only to end up pushing each other deeper in it or throwing it around. Such a sight warmed your heart. It helped that you were staying warm inside though.

It was nice and quiet in the House today. Almost too quiet. Normally, when the loudest of demons were outside and able to scream as loud as they wished, you took the opportunity to snuggle up to the demon you most adored. He wasn’t here today either unfortunately. Hadn’t been for a little while. The snow, for all its beauty, was causing Lucifer and Diavolo a more than a few problems.

Laying down on your bed, you tried to push aside the thoughts about how nice this moment would be if he were here beside you. It’s not as if you were tied together by the wrist. A few days apart was child’s play. But… it was unfortunate that he was missing out on this perfect moment of peace. He might even find the shouting outside marginally endearing. You curled up on your side, rifling through the various scenarios you might find yourselves in if he were here. A movie. A game. A nap… All with the warmth of the blankets blocking out the outer chill in a shield of fluff. It sounded far too cozy.

So cozy, in fact, that in the midst of your daydreaming, you drifted off somehow.

You woke a while later to a gentle knock at your door. Groaning, blinking, forcing your body to sit up, you hardly uttered a word before a familiar frame of a fair face faded into view. It shocked your body into alertness. “You’re home…”

Lucifer quietly let himself inside your room. Weary eyes exposed the exhaustion the days of endless work had caused. It was clear he had only gotten home recently, not even given the time to undo his tie or shake the persistent snowflakes off his coat. His presence was such a pleasant surprise, even your squeaky hinges were speechless. As he stepped closer, you noticed his taut shoulders lowering in small intervals. He held a hot beverage in his grasp with one hand, fingers clamped above the rim, making it easier for you to take by the handle as he raised it in your direction.

"What's all this for?" you asked, one eyebrow raised. As you brought the mug up to your face, the warmth billowing up against your cheeks was telling of the intense temperature.

"Careful, it's hot."

A hum left your throat as you set the drink down to let it cool. "Oh, thank you. How would I have ever known? Hot drink is hot? Revolutionary. What’s next? Cold drink cold?" You gasped. Lips curled into a little grin.

A finger pressed into the middle of your forehead. A few gentle pokes preceeded him bending down to get closer to your face. "Pardon me for trying to keep that sharp tongue of yours from burning." His voice still kept that sterner quality, but his expression betrayed his true feelings of playfulness. You loved being able to draw out that buried personality of his. "As for your previous question," he continued, "is it so unusual for me to show you some affection?"

"For the last few days, yes. I've hardly seen you. Not even so much as a call…" A blunt truth. One that you didn't intend to sound so harsh. He'd been swamped, and you knew that. A brief lack of communication and some space wasn't a problem. He'd always make it up. You were just worried.

Lucifer raised himself back up, his dark eyes narrowing. An intimidating face that would've sent a chill down your spine in times past. Now, you had the knowledge that he was just terrible with expressions. Or perhaps the old adage of "keep it that way for too long, and your face will be stuck" was true for that infamous scowl of his.

"I know," he sighed, his arms folding tight across his chest. His head turned off to the side, eyes flitting around like he was scanning your room for potential threats. ‘Threats’ being his brothers of course. When he returned his attention to you, he took a step closer, scooping up one of your hands in his gloved one. "I suppose you're not entirely wrong in your question. I did come here with an agenda in mind."

"So, this drink is an olive branch, then?"

"In a sense. Do you accept it?"

"The drink or your apology?"

"Both."

For a moment, you slipped your hand from his hold, taking the mug up again. It seemed to have cooled down enough to drink. You sipped on it, making your expression seem as if your answer was hinging on how tasty the beverage was. You quickly hummed with surprise. "It's good." In the background, his posture shifted, puffing up a little with pride. You held it carefully in your lap. “You don’t need forgiveness in the first place, Luce. I wasn’t angry with you. I just worry. And... I miss you.”

The demon’s shoulders drooped fully, their length about twice as long now that they weren’t coiled so tight against his neck. Another clone of a sigh left his lips, announcing that a great deal of weight had suddenly been lifted from his soul. Who knew your potential emotions had such an influence on him? He bent down towards your face, eyes half-closed. His forehead touched yours, rubbing against your skin in an affectionate way before pulling apart. You could tell he was desperately craving more skinship, but was holding himself back. “Tomorrow, if you do not have any pertinent plans, give your time to me.”

“Hm. Say it nicer, and maybe I’ll consider.”

Different shades of red seemed to glow in his irises for a moment. Lucifer scoffed, but then smiled. The challenge was accepted. He knelt beside where you sat, taking one of your hands in both of his. Both thumbs brushed over the whole back of your hand before he pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “I’ve deeply desired your company as of late. Fates permitting, will you go out with me tomorrow?”

Damn him. Always one to do too much. “It’s a date… but only if you rest first.”

Two shoes and a heavy coat hit the ground with echoing thuds as the mattress under you shifted. He wasted no more time in wrapping his arms low around your waist. “If you only knew how much I had been thinking about that very thing.”

---

“Is it time to say the classic ‘are we there yet’?”

“If you do, you’ll find yourself thrown in the snow.”

Despite the threat, you couldn't help but grin. Although, you desperately had to know… Were you almost there yet?

You had waken up this morning to your companion already gone. A note had been left by your bedside, letting you know to bundle up for today’s apparent date. While you got yourself inundated with a comical amount of layers, you could only hope that Lucifer had gotten adequate enough rest before sneaking off to prepare for…whatever surprise he had in store. Pride was known for going the extra mile or three.

By the time you were ready, he was here to escort you to… You still had no idea. You’d been walking through the path inlaid in the mountains of snow for what felt like a while now.

“Can I have a hint at least?” you wondered.

He stayed perfectly silent. Then, he second-guessed his decision to ignore you and glanced over his shoulder. “Why would I give you a hint when I could just show you?”

You opened your mouth to return his snarky answer when he stopped. He pulled you around to stand beside him, his hand now clasped in yours. The endless amount of snow gave way to the mouth of a cave. It was true, your sense of adventure had been enhanced ever since being in the Devildom. However, this yawning cave was pushing those limits. It’s glistening teeth quivered with anticipation, and it’s breath chilled you to the bone.

Lucifer must’ve caught your appearance, for he simply chuckled. “And here, I thought you trusted me.”

“I do! It’s just… nothing good has ever come from the caves down here. They’re even iffy in the human realm.”

“Well…” He dropped his hold on your hand. He pretended to think about it for a moment even though it was clear in his eyes he’d already made up his mind. With one swift motion, he scooped you up on his back, his hands holding you steady by the undersides of your knees. “Have faith when I say that you’ll like this one.”

With you propped up against him, he entered the mouth of the cave. Pitch darkness consumed you both, the only sense you could rely on was the warmth of Lucifer’s touch and the crunch of his boots. Your body tensed, ready to have the both of you fall, or run into a wall, or something else predictably terrible. But before you could worry too much, the trail opened up into a much larger chamber.

The inside of the cave suddenly seemed to burst into light. The shift in brightness caused spots in your vision for a few moments. When it returned to normal, however, you couldn’t stop the gasp that followed.

Multicolored icicles, like shimmering iridescent crystals hung low from the cave ceiling. Light cast from various orbs of energy bounced around. They almost seemed like living creatures, moving slowly and gently in various directions, soft whispery vibrations coming from them as they passed by. Different arrays of hues drifted over the snow, arcing in several kaleidoscopic rainbows. Snow? This deep inside a cave? And near your feet, rich indigo flowers lined a path, the petals looking as if they were carved from glowing frost. They led the way towards a pre-set table adorned with lacy tablecloths, golden candles, and platinum silverware. Based off the smell, you could tell food had been prepared and was magically staying warm, waiting for your arrival. Soups, sandwiches, hot teas and ciders, and plenty of sweets tried beckoning you over with a wave of aromatic steam.

Magical would be an understatement.

You were let off the demon’s back to wander on your own. You cupped your hands as one of the wandering wisps drifted down towards you. You gently pushed it upwards, watching it languidly dance towards the roof. “Lucifer…” Your lips mouthed different letters before you recalled the language necessary to form words. “You have to stop doing stuff like this... You’re making the standards impossible for me to beat.”

For a split second, Lucifer almost seemed angry. It quickly transformed into hurt, and then once more into determination. Holding you from behind, chin on your shoulder, he started to stoke the dying embers of your pride. “How many times do I have to try to get it through to you, that you have already far exceeded my expectations? Being with me, talking with me, understanding me, waiting for me, loving me…they are far more than I ever felt like I deserved. This is but a small fraction of repayment towards that debt. No… Not a debt. My love for you cannot be compared to something so negative. A small drop in the ocean of my devotion, rather. If you simply tried to copy everything I did, you wouldn’t be you. I dream of you bringing me coffee in the mornings, of rubbing my shoulders after a long day, of a kiss on my cheek. To you, you might worry they are too simple, but for me, they mean everything. So please, I beg of you to drop all misgivings, and enjoy this time with me.”

Speechless, you quickly stowed away the part of you that tempted to taint your mind with insecurities. As you nodded, he gave your whole body a tight squeeze, swaying back and forth with you.

“If you really want to do something for me…” He turned you around to face him, chuckling a little as he used his gloved hand to remove some snowflakes from your face and hair. “You can say my favorite phrase.”

“’Stay out of trouble?’”

He rolled his eyes and squeezed your face. “Don’t be coy.”

With a huff, you moved his hands away. “Fine, fine. Here… I will do you one better.”

As if sensing your intentions, the light in the chamber dimmed, the soft glow of magic enhancing the intimacy. You brought your face up to meet his, your lips brushing over his own. His lips were normally soft, but today they were slightly cracked from the cold. The chapstick he encouraged you to put on earlier came in handy as you ensured it coated his own lips evenly. The air in the chamber shifted, and you could almost envision his wings fluttering behind him despite him not being in his demon form. “I love you.”

His entire demeanor melted. It was precious how just a few simple words could affect him so much. Perhaps that was his point he was trying to make earlier. What seemed as simple to you both meant worlds to the other…

If that was the case, just as he gave the world to you, you’d make his world spin over and over and over again.

“I adore you more than anything, my heart... Now… will you join me for a picnic in the snow?”

[hawthorne-swift-enthusiasttt]

Unit 919 as obscure google fonts!!!

Hi please don't ask me what this is i don't even know lmao

Anah:

Um yeah so I think both of these fonts just go along with her vibe tbh. Sweet, timid, and a bit prim!

Mahir:

Any fantasy-looking fonts match with him honestly. I found a TON that reminded me of him but I think these two sum him up pretty well.

Cadence:

I kind of like the idea of a handwriting-esque font with her. It's just the vibes I guess. But the first one sort of looks mesmerizing in itself (imo) so it works with her.

Hawthorne:

Hawthorne is basically all the bold fonts lmao. I really think these picks are self-explanatory. Just look at him. He screams BIG BOLD FONT lol.

Morrigan:

I feel like I could have put more effort into hers and relate it to Wunder or something but I like these ones enough so 🤷‍♀ She gives a hand-written vibe about her as well.

Arch:

Sorry for the grainy-ass quality and tiny image but I feel like Arch has a sophisticated yet humble and chill vibe about him (that makes zero sense I'm aware but I was struggling on him ok)

Lam:

I tried to find a regal-looking font for her. Idk if this does her justice but its sort of intricate and mysterious so I think it matches.

Thaddea:

So similarly to Hawthorne, she screams bold in-your-face font. Also can I just take this moment to talk about Thaddea like she's so badass omg I love her <33

Francis:

Ummm I'm really not confident about this one but it's giving fancy menu and Francis is all about food right???? Idk I could do better but I couldn't find anything so whatever :')

BONUS STUFF:

Okay so I found some bonus fonts that I really liked and gave such nevermoor energy so I'm including them.

Nevermoor Christmas:

This one is sooooo battle of christmas eve. Especially the Yule Queen. I kid you not when I first read these books the first thing that came to mind when reading about the Yule Queen was this font. It might be a problem that I have a vast knowledge of random fonts that I relate to my interests but whatever ok I'm only human

Jack:

These have Jack written all over them. Any variation of Cinzel works for him, and Cormorant is similar as well. I think these are quite sophisticated but also stand out. They have a specific flair about them that I just associate with Jack. Super trash explanation I know but at the end of the day all of these literally just come down to vibes.

Hotel Deucalion:

Anyone else think this one is so Hotel Deucalion-ish??? Or at least Jupiter-ish. Like it's fancy but welcoming.

Anyway dudes that's the end of the post hope you liked it. It's funny cause I always say I'm gonna do something productive with Nevermoor content like writing a fic or something but most of the time I just end up with shit like this. Like girl. You are supposed to be making stuff like fanart and fanfic and headcanons why are you doing a Nevermoor post about google FONTS???? lmao

[mar64ds]

So what now? What I’m working on next!

After finishing Friendship Test I wondered what would be my next project, I also wondered if I would take a break when Deltarune came out. Now we are here and I can say: I don’t want a break I want to keep working on my silly projects. So, what plan do I have? Well, I don’t! I just have a list of things I want to work on for the next years! Hopefully even be able to sell some of them, since I’m not doing very financially well it would be a lot of help (but you can pirate my games if you can’t afford to pay, even my $1 games, go crazy)

Anyway! Here is a list of my objectives. Enjoy!:

Friendship Test

Of course we’re starting with the big one, the one most people only care for. You can read this one and skip the rest, go crazy.

So! First of all, I would like to fix all typos the game has, I haven’t forgotten about this, I promise I will do it one day.

Second of all, any plans for merch? Well, I am not a very smart person and I have a lot of difficulty understanding how making merch works all by myself. It’s not very easy! I would love to make merch if I understood how I could. Maybe once I figure out something I can make anything, trust me it’s definitely not because I’m too lazy to do anything.

However!

I have an idea of making a 100 pages long comic with multiple shorts stories of the characters. It would be fully colored and present stories from pre-game, post-game and in between. I am not focused on this one right now, but it’s an idea I really like. I would sell it digitally so I don’t have to worry

But most important of all, where is this series going? Good question! So far, this game and all its post game art is all there is.

… However!

While the game is not officially on development, I’ve drawn a bunch of sprite work for Estranged Family, the spin-off game I’ve talked about before, as well as started writing a script. I do not see this project as being officially on the works, but I am testing (heh) the waters a little bit, it has a chance of going somewhere.

Aside from that, I have a little surprise I’m working on for Friendship Test. I can’t say what it is, but the script is fully written, most of the sprites are done and I’m starting programming today. I would like to have it finished by Christmas. So, even if I can’t reveal it yet, maybe look forward for that? Or don’t, Exe won’t mind.

Sam and Max

Sam and Max are a big inspiration for my work, they inspire me to create a lot, they also haven’t had a new official story since 2010 (if we don’t count the VR game), so it really motivates me to create my own stories for them.

Which is why I don’t have one but TWO projects related to them!

-Mansion Play

I’ve had the concept of this fake fangame since 2023, it’s practically the reason why I was motivated to make my own long projects like Friendship Test. There is a lot about it that I would like to rework, but it is an idea I like SO much. It would not be a game sadly, I would love it to be but it would take me 10 years and I would not make money from any of it and I do need money to survive. It would be what you have seen so far, drawings imitating a point and click game.

I’m excited to go back to working on it, however, it is still in a bit of a pause because...

-Sam&Max RPG

So, this one I already have a bunch of work done, it’s shorter and it is an actual game, which is why I’m prioritizing it before Mansion Play.

Sam&Max RPG parodies rpg games, but it is a passion project for character I really enjoy, and there might be more heart to the story than it might seem at first...

Obsolete Friends

This game is a bit of a challenge for me, it is very different from everything I create but I’m so fascinated by it, I like it a lot. I would REALLY like to make this game. It would be shorter than Friendship Test, I can imagine it being like 5 hours maybe, but it would have some better quality to it, at least I hope so.

This is one of the projects I’m most focused on right now, I haven’t done much yet, but I’m very excited to continue to work on it.

Short games

I have plans to make 1-2 hour long short little games, they will be free but will offer you the ‘name your own price’ for those who want/can support my work! These games will be related to some of my ocs you might already be familiar with:

-BreakTime

I have an idea of a short game where you play as a minion that was just hired and help out other minions that are going through some trouble today. You get to interact with a lot of silly minions and see how a regular day working for Lord Unicorn is like.

-How does it end

Short game about how Mask and Berry meet. You play as powerful ‘god’ Mask, doing simple tasks as picking up dirty plates or watering flowers while you slowly get to meet this simple but kind old man named Berry.

-Unlikely unlikable us

This one is very vague at the moment, it could possibly not even happen. But I really like the idea of a sam&max-like game with these two. Not my priority, but it’s very fun to think about.

A Loving House

I am very surprised how much people like this one! Aside from Friendship Test, everyone seems to like A Loving House the most out of all my OC projects.

It is a story I really like, and I’ve been reworking it a little on my mind lately and I like it more. Maybe not right now, but I definitely want to fully make this story. It could take years, but you WILL see A Loving House one day, that’s a promise.

Puppets

For those few that like my puppet work, I would like to train my puppetry skills a bit better, which is why I have a mini-series of shorts in mind with a certain character…

Dolly of course!

The idea would be that Dolly would have a youtube channel where she does ‘art tutorials’, even if she’s not really good at it. It would be silly and episodic, but with a running theme about being passionate about your hobbies even when you’re not good at them. Perhaps a certain question mark exclamation point puppet would also be part of the story...

I have other ideas for my puppets, but for now this is my only puppet objective.

Comics

Mar, weren’t you going to make that Laughing at Fear comic??? Weren’t you going to rework the New Mouse in Town story??? Don’t you never shut up about making BreakTime short comics?

Yes.

So… I REALLY want to make all of these, but right now I am in a bit of a block when it comes to my traditional drawings. Not an art block, because I know exactly what I want to draw, more like an exhaustion block. Making comics traditionally takes a lot of work, making five panels makes me want to cry right now, and I have so many other ideas that I would like to work on first that these are not my first priority. However, I will definitely work on them one day, ESPECIALLY Laughing at Fear, which is literally one of my favorite stories I have.

Undertale?

I would actually really like to fully create my story idea of Flowey deciding to leave the underground and meeting Echo and other monsters that still haven’t left the underground a reality. It is a very fun concept and I like Flowey and my cool oc Echo. Would it be a game, or a comic or edited screenshots with a lot of text boxes…? No idea! But I would like to make it.

Fanart?

‘Does this mean you’re not going to do any fanart?’ No, I still will from time to time! Whenever the inspiration hits me, they’re not going away.

Commissions???

I tried opening commissions one time and it was a DISASTER. I didn’t receive a single commissions even if they were open for a whole year, it was very funny but financially unproductive. Even if not right now, I would definitely like to try again, I really need the money.

---

And those are my objectives! I don’t know what my life will be like in 10 years, but I do know what my projects will be like in the next 10 years lol. Thanks for reading, I hope you look forward to some of these, and even if you don’t that’s awesome, thanks for reading anyway.

[popkornshrmp]

LONNG AWAITED ELTINGVILLE CLUB HEADCANONS!!!

I’m a fiend for these guys so lemme share my thoughts with a crowd that’s actually interested in what I have to say!!

PETE DINUNZIO

- You can’t tell me this guy doesn’t play hack n slash games. He’s gotta be a sucker for DOOM, especially Postal 💔 I have a feeling this guy makes crazy foreign references to the games and the guys have NO IDEA what he’s saying

- I know Pete wore a Danzig tshirt in “Bring Me The Head of Boba Fett” but I think he’d also really like death metal. He’d go into a mall and jab at nu metal fans, basically the embodiment of “name five songs”

-!!HAS A SECRET MYSPACE ACCOUNT AND ONLY HAS JERRY ON HIS TOP FRIENDS LIST!!!

- I have a feeling that Pete’s a sucker for spicy food. He’s definitely that kid in class who’s eating hot chips at 7am😔

-Probably owns a copy of Diablo and claims to play the game to the last drop, in reality he only got through one map and got fed up with the camera angle. (Still buys merch tho)

-A FREAK. I know, I know they’re all freaks, but this guy’s just weird. You could be minding your own business and he’d come up to you and ask you the filthiest questions ever. Claims that his friends “dared him to”, but they’re far from affiliated with his raging hormones. You probably couldn’t go a day without him tugging on your arm looking for attention..

-Probably sneaks into their high school’s band room to play their snare drums, has been caught by the director and reported more times than he could count. (Surprisingly enough, he’s not too bad!)

- LOVES showing shock media to random students in class. You could be working on anything and he wouldn’t even tap you on the shoulder or on your desk, he’d just hold his stupid flip phone out and show you the lowest quality video while giggling like an idiot. Gross.

JOSH LEVY 😍😍

- I had to knock this one out cause I have a LOT to say about Josh…(forgive me)

-Secretly indulges in “girly” media. He loves all things deemed cutesy..especially MLP and magical girl animes. Although he tries to cover this interest up with his sci-fi collection and collection of comic books that could make anyone crumble beneath its weight, he has a small collection of mangas and MLP toys stashed in a box under his bed. Some nights he sits in bed and fixes the pony’s hair and giggles at their features, or just leans back and relaxes while flipping through an issue of Cardcaptor Sakura. The guys have yet to learn about this little secret, and if they did? Josh would lose his mind.

-LOVES legos. Like, majority of his holiday gifts are either comics, collectables, or one big lego set. If the guys cared just a little bit more about what he’d been up to, Josh could rant for hours about his favorite sets. Death Star? Check. Some big stupid flower bouquet for his mom? Check. The list goes on

-If it wasn’t already obvious, given his binge eating and all, Josh has a MAJOR oral fixation. Do not ask to borrow a pen or pencil, chances are he’s been gnawing on it for the past eight weeks. He’s tried chewing gum or hard candies to keep himself from gnawing on his pens of the inside of his mouth, but it never works.

-Considering Evan Dorkin’s post about all of the boys having abusive parents, Josh is one of the worst when it comes to managing his anger. Chances are he never really had an outlet to cope (other than eating), so he’s very, very quick to anger. I like to believe that part of the reason why he keeps his hair tied back in a pony tail is because he’s had a habit of tugging on it out of pure frustration. If he isn’t shouting or hurling insults at someone, he’s hurting himself.

-A BEAST at anything science or math related. If you’re struggling in either of those topics, you better hope Josh likes you. Sure, he claims that he’s great at writing, he loves to use library computers to type up pathetic fanfics, but his knowledge of science and mathematics outweigh that by a mile. He LOVES chemistry, if you’re on his good side he’d spill all sorts of facts about stoichiometry, molecular structures, or anything that you need help with. (If you want to ace a test, you better listen to those rants…)

- As religious as his family is, I’m not too sure if Josh enjoys visiting the local synagogue. He probably struggles to fit in with the other Jewish kids, leaving him to awkwardly twiddle his thumbs and pray that maybe, just maybe, it isn’t gay to find Super Boy cute.

-Horrible at cooking, but surprisingly good at baking?? Sometimes he makes cookies using his mother’s old recipe book, takes great pride in keeping the family tradition alive (even if the cookies are borderline raw)

I LOVE WRITING THESE, IF Y’ALL WANT A PART 2 WITH BILL N JERRY LET ME KNOW!!

[kiwonkle]

karasuno x knitter/crocheter reader!

just how some of my favorite karasuno boys & girl would be dating a crafter. pls be nice this is literally my first time writing and posting a fic! (title says knit/crochet but it could really mean any fiber craft; weaving, tatting, filet, macrame, felting, whatever you want!)

with daichi, sugawara, asahi, nishinoya, tanaka tsukishima, hinata, kageyama, and shimizu (sorry no yachi or yamaguchi no beef i just simply do not care about them)

warnings: sfw, gender neutral

daichi

-daichi's the captain of a volleyball team, so he understands what it's like to pour time and energy into something you care about

-so he definitely respects you for spending time building your skills and working on projects

-if you make him something, he'll appreciate all the work that went into it, but I don't see him wearing things unless it's practical like a winter hat/scarf/sweater etc.

-daichi probably wouldn't join you in making things but would definitely be down for helping you out

-winding yarn, untangling things, grabbing you tools (winding yarn is such a pain, he's an angel for that)

suga

-might lowkey want to steal your hobby

-suga would pick it up either because he's really invested in your interests or because he thinks the craft itself is cool

-definitely leads to craft dates on weekends and after school!

-will be sooooo happy if you make him something. will display/wear it and all but ask for compliments just for the chance to say that his partner made it for him!!!!

asahi

-this guy grows up to be a fashion designer. c'mon. match made in heaven

-will definitely take an interest in your craft, especially if it's related to making wearable garments!

-i can see him showing off/wearing things you made for him, both because he truly likes them and because you made them for him

-he enjoys watching you work and spending time with you while you do. might even ask for a lesson and learn to craft alongside you!

-if you long hair, he will pull it back for you while you work and pick it out of whatever you're making. he has long hair so he gets it (the struggle is real T-T)

nishinoya

-he will the proudest to show off anything his s/o makes him

-if you have long hairs and they get into your final product, he'll just leave them because "it's a part of his s/o" and he's happy to have that WHATTT

-he feels lucky that you gifted him something so great and will scramble to come up with something just as extraordinary to do for you in return

-seriously nishinoya loves and worships you of course he's gonna think you're super creative and talented (and tell everyone so)

-but if you're hanging out with him and trying to work on your project, he'll be upset that your attention isn't on him instead

-will try and persuade you to put down your crafting so you can cuddle with him instead

tanaka

-knows nothing about your hobby, and is kinda mystified by its complexity

-to him, you're his incredible s/o and you've mastered the complex craft

-he would like to hang out with you while you craft and try to be helpful by grabbing you tools, winding yarn, dealing with knots and tangles, etc.

-just like nishinoya, he will cherish anything you make him and show it off to his teammates!

-pls make him a beanie to keep his bald head warm

tsukishima

-listen i love tsukishima but he's going to care the least out of everyone

-he thinks of it just as a hobby (like volleyball is to him)

-i see him being the type to enjoy spending time together but doing your own thing, so if you wanna craft, fine by him

-you guys can hang out and listen to music and you'll work on a project while he studies or reads

-if you make him something, he won't turn it down, but he also won't display/wear something homemade (unless it's basically a store-quality sweater he can machine wash. asshole)

hinata

-like nishinoya, he would be excited to receive anything you make for him and show it off to his teammates (definitely uses it to brag to kageyama about his s/o)

-would wear something you made for him all the time, and feel absolutely devastated if he loses or ruins it because he knows how much time went into it

-hinata will shamelessly distract you from a project just because he wants a kiss that very moment and can't wait

-i feel like he's too high energy to try and learn to craft with you since it takes patience and focus

-if you're the type to craft in public and take your wip to a karasuno game, he'd whine after seeing you in the stands with a ball of yarn, distracted, instead of paying attention to him

kageyama

-like tsukishima, he probably won't really care

-he might not understand how you like it so much, since it's not as exhilarating and active as volleyball (totally ignorant of how much skill, time, and concentration it takes)

-totally cool with it if you bring your wips to watch him practice and even play in games

-i feel like he would get a lil nervous hanging out with you alone, so if you have something to focus on and means avoiding eye contact, you'll save him lots of embarrassment!

-only after being in a relationship for a while does he realize how much time it takes to finish a product, and suddenly feels guilty about losing hats/scarves/whatever you've made for him (before he was just like oops)(lol)

shimizu

-she's gonna be outspokenly supportive of and interested in your hobbies, especially if you're one to show up and cheer alongside her at karasuno's games

-totally cool with it if you bring your craft tools on dates/to hang out, and enjoys calmly watching you work

-super perceptive, and like asahi, she will notice any hair/eyelashes that get into your project while you work

-i can even see her asking you for lessons, at first to spend time together, and then actually becoming very skilled and producing complicated and beautiful items

-you exchange handmade gifts made with love :,)

[doppleganger-rental]

Finally watched the two seasons of Andor. I have been a long time grouch about anything Star Wars related post-original trilogy. The original films occupy a special place in my heart and everything that followed has been varying degrees of disappointment. Rogue One was the only stand out even if I still had issues (contrived emotional content with thin character development and the CGI Tarkin/princess). Mandalorian was enjoyable and I appreciated its more muted approach. But Tony Gilroy’s Andor is a revelation. It is consistently surprising and engaging throughout. Never leaning too far into the familiar. Every scene feels essential. The writing is so rich. It’s not just great Star Wars, it’s great television period. It’s ironic that the this thoughtful and complex series’ mission is to connect to a movie that, having watched it again yesterday, isn’t even in the same ballpark in terms of quality. It’s a popcorn film that tries but doesn’t succeed at being something more. It consistently defaults to busy action scenes and original trilogy mimicry. It has a lot of earnest, heroic posturing and some father/daughter feels but all of it feels positively trite following a show that legitimately earns every emotional moment it has. Andor does so many things well but its most valuable contribution to Lucas’ mythology is its vivid depiction of the endless sacrifices that have to be made to build and execute a rebellion. For once we are given a much deeper look at the toll it takes on people to rise up against tyranny. Can you imagine what a different trajectory we would be on if George Lucas had given the prequels to Gilroy in 1998?

[lilyrosedeppsforehead]

Bethyl Fic Recs (Part 2)

Because the lack of quality fics and discussions related to them in this fandom is frankly criminal.

[More] All Time Favs:

Porch Wings (by Shwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723042

After her suicide attempt, Beth finds Daryl on the porch. 

The most canon-compliant fic to ever canon-comply. It’s so lovely. Shwoozie’s writing is so beautiful in this fic. The dialogue is perfect. The characters feel like themselves. The tone feels like the show in its most vulnerable moments. I love it. 

How We’ll Get Home (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/3529604

Out on a recruiting mission, Daryl finally opens up about Beth.

This fic is short, sweet, and beautiful. While on a recruiting mission, Aaron urges Daryl to talk about Beth and Daryl confides in him. There’s technically no actual Beth/Daryl interactions but it is in fact a Bethyl fic and it’s stunning. Warning: this fic features [what I interpreted as a platonic] kiss between Aaron and Daryl so if you’re anti that, this isn’t for you. But you could also read past that line if you want. Up to you. 

[More] Smut:

Poison Under My Skin (by AMiserableLove) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11086081/1/Poison-Under-My-Skin

The first time they’re together she seeks him out. She goes to him. She surrenders. She gives him in. But mostly, mostly she just takes...

Very angsty and just a lovely piece of writing but oh boy sexy sexy sexy. 

Getting Clean in Dangerous Waters (by fid_gin)  https://archiveofourown.org/works/4042159

Beth and Daryl take a bath.

Virgin Daryl (who is in fact canon according to Norman) gets a handjob from Beth while taking a bath. This fic is so intimate and sweet and hot.

Just a dream (by wallflow3r) https://archiveofourown.org/works/12869724/chapters/29395962

Beth has a dream about Daryl and she can’t look at him without blushing.

Beth has a sex dream about Daryl and the two of them make it come to life. Again. And again. And again.

Caught (by LeighJ) https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084253/chapters/24725202

So, it’s the zombie apocalypse and yes, everything’s going to shit, but she’s also so fucking horny and something has to be done about it. 

Beth makes a move post back-hug but Daryl resists her... until he doesn’t. This is one of the sexiest Bethyl fics I’ve ever read. Do yourself a favor and read it too. 

Less Kind Without (by moonwalkingdead) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2478398

It’s hard sometimes, loving the man that is Daryl Dixon. 

Beautifully written modern-AU zombie-free one shot that has like four lines of implied smut in it but manages to be one of the hottest pieces of Bethyl media out there. Read it for the one shot or read it for the [barely there] smut that is very very good. Pick your poison either is worth it. 

It’s bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet (by gutsforgarters) https://archiveofourown.org/works/24008479/chapters/57757867#workskin

Daryl’s never let a little blood stop him from anything, so, honestly, Beth shouldn’t be all that surprised by this turn of events.

Daryl and Beth get together/have sex for the first time while she’s on her period and ohmygodogmygodohmygod are they both thirsty... Get it? 

[More] One Shots:

It Is Not Yet the End (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/3611835

Daryl doesn’t know if it’s possible to love someone back to life. All he can do is try.

Daryl gives Beth a bath. Fluff ensues. Need I say more? 

sixteen (by ronsparkyspeirs) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799902

S2 AU in which we pretend that the farm was never overrun. also, no pet walkers in the barn either. 

“There’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls...”

Ignore the smut, stay for Beth’s crush on Daryl. 

Slumber Till Day (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/3482339

Beth does nothing but take care of others; it’s time for someone to take care of her.

Prison era Bethyl. Beth has been on Judith shift for wayyyy too long and is super tired. Daryl gets her off babysitting duty and gets her to bed. Which they may just share. Idk you tell me. 

It’s Just a Poncho? (by flippantninny) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2165145

Daryl loves his poncho, if anyone even dares to touch it they can expect to have to deal with a very pissed redneck. Well... maybe there’s one exception. 

Very humorous and cute AND it features a season-1-coded-Glenn which is all I can ever really ask of any TWD fic to be honest. 

Female Trouble (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1963050

Something’s wrong with Beth. Daryl doesn’t quite keep his head.

Beth gets bad period cramps. Daryl doesn’t know what to do. Beth uses his hand as a heating pack. Very cute very soft very sweet. 

Rub-a-Dub (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1771942

“I’ve been trying to be polite about it, but... you stink, Daryl.” Beth wants a bath. Daryl gives her a hard time. 

Very cute fluff of Beth and Daryl bathing together during their time galavanting through the woods in their post-prison era. 

Drift (by tanglingshadows) https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340193/chapters/7305644

If he could go back, if he could be in that moment again. It shocked him what he would give up to be there and have her close.

This is technically multi-chaptered but I prefer to read it as a one short and stop after chapter one. This fic (i.e. chapter one) is a beautifully written piece of angst about Daryl [not] coping with the loss of Beth... until she reveals herself to be alive at the very end with an implied happy ending.

We Can Be Good Again (by Shwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2794358

“You knew me?”

“I knew you.”

They play I Never, again.

Kinda sad kinda sweet kinda hopeful moment between the two of them. Beth survives the gun shot from the hospital but she has memory loss. She and Daryl play “never have I ever” and make some breakthroughs on their past time together. 

The Case of the Missing Moments (by briallnanson) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10066318/1/The-Case-of-the-Missing-Moments

Beth’s read almost every book in the prison. Daryl’s watched almost every movie. 

Bethyl watch a romance film at the prison together. This is extra cutsie wootsie fluffy wuffy. Beth has a rare night free of Judith and walks around the prison enjoying the freedom. Daryl’s recently come back from a mission and is having his alone time in the library which Beth is ready to respect, but then he moves over to make room for her and they just kinda coexist in a sweet moment. 

so let’s sink another drink, cause it’ll give me time to think (by alchemystique) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1488232

It’s nice, to be able to settle back and think on Before, without letting the absolute despair of After drag them under. Not that his Before had been a fairytale. No one mentions the fact that Daryl never joins them for their “I miss” games. It’s a sad testament to his own life that these are some of his best memories.

SO PERFECT. Biblically accurate Daryl you say? Bethyl dancing you say? Zach trying to get Daryl to wingman and Daryl being like no wtf who do you think i am? Me say more? No. Just read it. 

Hope is The Thing (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1994058

Daryl, Beth, and insomnia under the stars.

Pure Bethyl fluff. I can’t help that I have so many recs by Schwoozie they’ve written 99% of the fics in this fandom. 

[More] Honorable Mentions:

In The Dark I Thought I Heard Somebody Call (by dynamicsymmetry) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2811461/chapters/6308147

A series of thematic vignettes. ASZ, an arrival, a transition, a return, and what follows. 

Full transparency: this fic feels tonally a little off-fandom, but the writing is truly poetry so it’s worth a read just from a literary perspective. It should be assigned as mandatory reading for all students please sign my petition. 

Make That Girl Smile (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/4379975/chapters/9942284

It’s Beth’s first birthday since her suicide attempt, and Maggie thinks she deserves something special. Spending her 18th birthday at the Dixon Lounge isn’t exactly what Beth thought she had in mind; neither, of course, is being singled out for a private dance from the owner’s little brother. 

Daryl is a stripper and Beth is like I see you I hear you let’s date. I say I hate AUs but alas this one hits (pun only kind of intended). 

Heavy (by CoraRochester) https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10088096/1/Heavy

Season 4 AU. Daryl brings some books home from a run, causing a subtle shift in his relationship with Beth. “He didn’t think on Beth. Tried not to... That was a fool thing to do, and Daryl Dixon wasn’t a fool. Just a man trying to survive.”

Daryl has a crush on Beth. Tis cute. Feels real. I don’t have much to say about this one other than give it a read.

Say Yes, Say Yes (by Schwoozie) https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507735/chapters/5569199

Surely the dead don’t walk, in a world like this, where a young blonde girl can stand in her home and sing.

Daryl and Beth, season two.

A Bethyl fic taking place during the barn era of the main crew. This story feels so authentic both to TWD and Bethyl as a duo. If they’d had a storyline together pre-prison breakout, this feels like it could’ve been it (it could’ve been stolen from the writers room, who knows). This narrative follows canon events from season 2 so it’s rooted in canon, while allowing their understanding of one another and comfort they take in each other to bloom early on. As a warning, it is uncompleted and probably always will be given the last update was ten years ago, but what’s there is beautiful and it doesn’t feel like it was left on a cliffhanger or anything. 

Hair of the Dog That Bit You (by gutsforgarters) https://archiveofourown.org/works/18011219/chapters/42553160

“Can’t move,” Beth slurs. “Y’got your crossbow?”

“Yeah.” The “Fuckin’ duh” is unspoken but implied. “Why?”

“Was gonna ask you t’shoot me in the eye an’ put me outta my misery.”

“Don’t be such a pussy, Greene.”

Essentially a continuation of Still if things just kinda kept going as they were. The writing is filled with personality and the bickering between Beth and Daryl is *chef’s kiss*

Will You Miss Me When I Burn and Will You Eye Me With a Longing (by Zagzagael) https://archiveofourown.org/works/1453060/chapters/3059476

How long has Daryl been aware of Beth?

This. Fic. Is. So. Beautifully. Written. And. Just. Like. Quality. Wise. Too. Like. This. Author. Should. Get. Their. Shit. Published. Let’s. Stop. Playing. Games. And. Get. Zagzagael. A. Literary. Agent.

To be continued...

[glow-wine]

Booooooooooooooooooooooooots

I want to talk about this dreadful "Boots" thing, that scene in Towers of Midnight, infamous for its poor characterization of Mat and unfunny comedy writing, often referenced when people are complaining about Brandon Sanderson's contributions to The Wheel of Time. It's also based on, or inspired by, the so-called Boots Theory from the Terry Pratchett novel Men At Arms.

Here is Sanderson's boots scene, quoted in a Reddit post.

This other post has some interesting discussion of the text, but the OP also says the piece is "quite wonderful and really breaks down the problem of Wealth", and I'm just baffled by this take. To me, the scene is not saying anything insightful about wealth at all, and bears little resemblance to the Pratchett bit - except for boots being used to illustrate some difference between the rich and the poor, or between nobility and commoners. There are readers who say that Mat is making the same point as Vimes, but I don't get that from the text at all!

Vimes is saying that rich people have an advantage over poor people, whose lack of money makes it impossible for them to purchase durable high-quality goods that would allow them to save money in the long term. "A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while a poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet."

Meanwhile, Mat is saying that ... he wouldn't want to be a noble because they have such complicated lives full of responsibilities, tasks and decisions? They have so many boots for specific outfits and activities, he couldn't keep track of when to wear which? "If you’re an average fellow, you know exactly when to use your boots. A man can keep track of three pairs of boots. Life is simple when you have three pairs of boots."

Is this saying that aristocrats have a harder life than commoners? And is it romanticising poverty? Kind of ... maybe ... but I don't think the text actually cares enough about poor people to be romanticising them. Yes, Mat briefly mentions "the poorest of folks" with only one pair of boots, but he quickly moves on to talk about "people that have a little coin", "average men". All we learn about poor people is that they have no problem deciding which boots to wear because they only have one pair anyway! Enviable, isn't it? So, yes, this text simply isn't about wealth and poverty, because it only cares about people who are financially secure and don't suffer hardship: When Mat goes into detail about the three pairs of boots that "the average man" might own, even the "third-best" pair is still suitable for its intended use, which is very different from what Vimes is saying, that poor people "still have wet feet". In Sanderson's text, all boots are good boots, and the poor don't really factor into consideration.

"Life is simple when you have three pairs of boots" sounds a lot like minimalism - the idea that owning less will make your life better. Since the focus is on clothing, I am reminded of the concept of "capsule wardrobes" or "personal uniforms", having a small selection of versatile clothes that can be worn in any combination to minimize the time you spent thinking about your outfit in the morning. This is related to the obnoxious concept of self-optimization and the kind of minimalists who idolize Steve Jobs and his black turtleneck. To them, wearing the same clothes every day is the key to being a successful businessman, because you don't want to waste your precious, limited mental energy on deciding whether to wear a grey shirt or a blue shirt - you will suffer decision fatigue and this is why you're not a billionaire.

At first blush, Mat seems to be saying something similar, that having 40 pairs of boots, like his nobleman buddy Talmanes, is too much. "A man can keep track of three pairs of boots", but 40?! Nah.

However, Mat never says that Talmanes struggles to keep track of his 40 pairs. In fact, it sounds like Talmanes could explain their specific uses in detail: "There is a pair for each outfit, and a dozen pairs in different styles that will match any number of half your outfits. You have boots for kings, boots for high lords, and boots for normal people. You have boots for winter and boots for summer, boots for rainy days and boots for dry days. You have bloody shoes that you wear only when you’re walking to the bathing chamber."

I have to say, having specific shoes for rainy days is perfectly practical and should not be blowing Mat's mind, as a concept.

OK, but if there are people who can intellectually handle 40 pairs of boots, the minimalist interpretation falls apart. The nobility can handle 40 pairs of boots, even though the common people can only deal with three. So what is this saying, then? To use Setalle's words, the boots represent "the onus of responsibility and decision placed upon the aristocracy", and it turns out that nobles can just handle more of it than us normalos. They are thus better suited for "leadership of complex political and social positions". Essentially, this makes the deeply classist and conservative argument that politics is best left to the aristocracy, as those small-brained peasants wouldn't be able to keep up. They just do not have the intellectual capabilities. They can handle three pairs of boots, but they couldn't handle 40.

I also have an issue with the (very superfluous) tangent about what kinds of boots "the average man" has. In particular, this gotcha about the best pair being for "walking" ... erh ... I don't know, Mat is describing the life of a farmer, and farmwork involves a lot of walking, so why would the "walking" pair of boots be distinct from the "day-to-day" pair? And it sounds like dirty farmwork is also not a "day-to-day" thing for this hypothetical average man farmer?

I mean, I'm OK with keeping a beat-up, dirt-caked pair for the wading through mud and the shoveling of manure. But wouldn't it make more sense to wear the best, most comfortable pair every day as your standard shoes, especially when you are on your feet a lot and do hard physical labour? It will be more comfortable and kinder to your feet and knees, and reduce the risk of injury. It's confusing that the only "day-to-day" activity mentioned is "going over to dinner at the neighbors". Who does that every day?

Furthermore, it rubs me the wrong way that Mat ridicules the idea that "the average man" would keep a pair of nicer boots for "social events". Yes, the examples of "a ball or dinner with a local dignitary" are deliberately chosen and worded to sound hoity-toity and out of touch. But hard-working villagers still clean up and dress nicely for weddings, funerals or harvest festivals! I mean, to their best ability, if they can afford it? And the hypothetical farmer who has a pair of boots just for non-work-related walking can surely afford to have a finely crafted, beautiful pair of boots that he keeps for special occasions? Or are we subscribing to the idea that real, authentic men are purely practically minded and disdain any kind of artistry or aestheticism?

Fun fact: Pratchett's boots theory is 180 words long; Brandon Sanderson's corresponding scene is 685 words. And despite a character literally explaining the metaphor - or perhaps because of it - there is still debate over the point that Sanderson is trying to make.

It is clearly not saying the same thing as the Pratchett text, and almost feels like a clumsy rebuttal instead of an hommage. Pratchett says rich people have it easier than poor people; Sanderson says nobles have it harder than commoners. Pratchett describes how the existing system is unfair toward poor people; Sanderson is saying everyone is happy in their proper place, has their needs met and all the responsibilities they can handle. Or maybe he's not saying it, because it's comedy, haha, it's just stupid rambling Mat and there's no deeper meaning! But then why piggyback off of one of Pratchett's most famous pieces of social criticism?

I'd love to hear what other readers are getting out of this text! My own take is, admittedly, pretty harsh - too harsh? I just really don't get how you can think it's got the same message as the Vimes text! It's driving me nuts. Am I missing something? I want to hear other perspectives! In the meantime ... I think I'll be decluttering my shoe closet.

[redpenship]

As requested, here is an edited version (although I left some stuff in that doesn't really need to be there, like the whole section on the NPT) of my paper on nuclear strategy in the Sonic Adventure series:

None of this is good, Vector. That’s why it’s called war. 

- Knuckles the Echidna, in Sonic Forces (2017)

Sonic the Hedgehog is a very weird video game series. 

(Author's note: the quality of this paper does not reflect the majority of my academic writing. It was for a 200-level (beginner's) English class wherein I was encouraged to do whatever I wanted and not worry about tone, topic, etc. I also wrote it in less than a day after having written 3 other papers the same week, and was suffering from sleep deprivation and brain fog while writing it. I have not included my references in this post because they were done in Chicago footnote format and don't paste into Tumblr well. If you want more info on anything I mention, I will gladly provide sources on said topics! Ty ty)

---

Sonic the Hedgehog is a very weird video game series. 

This statement has nothing to do with its varying quality of gameplay. Sonic the Hedgehog is weird because its surface presentation as a colourful, furry-adjacent Dragon Ball rip-off disguises its extremely fascinating perspectives on warfare. The games frequently feature weapons of mass destruction in its stories, which allows for interesting analysis on the strategies used in-game and how it relates to American perspectives on nuclear war. The first game analyzed will be Sonic Adventure, which depicts an attempted nuclear strike on an American city. The second game analyzed will be Sonic Adventure 2, which features an attempt at WMD-boosted bargaining. These games will be used to answer the following research question: which side does Dr. Eggman take in the Borden-Brodie debate on nuclear weapons strategy? 

As a brief explanation, the Borden-Brodie debate is about how nuclear weapons will actually be used in a nuclear war between two states. This debate emerged in the late 1940s and early 1950s, as theorists attempted to predict the future of war after the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Borden predicted that nuclear weapons would be used as “big artillery” to support regular military attacks, whereas Brodie predicted that the devastating effects of nuclear weapons would make war between two nuclear weapons states (NWS) inconceivable. Brodie appears to have won the debate as nuclear doctrine shifted to favour deterrence during the Cold War, but we must consider the following idea: perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, there has not been a conflict worth using them for just yet.

What is the geopolitical situation in Sonic the Hedgehog? Technically, the series takes place on Earth, but it’s a little different. Instead of the United States, there is the United Federation, instead of Greece there is Apotos, and instead of Africa there is Mazuri, because even the fun cartoon animal game cannot keep itself from generalizing the entire African continent into one entity. These countries are predominantly inhabited by humans, who live on the continents, and the animal-people (like Sonic and friends) live on small offshore islands. There has never been an explanation for why this separation exists, and while it could be fun to explore potential reasons, that is not the point of this paper!

Dr. Eggman typically begins his campaigns of world domination on these islands. He captures small animals to be used as batteries in his machines and builds extractive industrial plants, such as oil refineries and chemical plants. Sonic opposes him in the earlier games because he is harming the environment, and this has turned into a standard rivalry as the games have continued and Eggman’s evil plans have grown in scale. As soon as the games give the characters spoken dialogue in Sonic Adventure, Eggman’s schemes move away from resource extraction and towards using huge weapons and awakened ancient gods in order to conquer the planet. This is where the weapons of mass destruction come into play.

The first depiction of a WMD in Sonic the Hedgehog is in Sonic Adventure, where Eggman attempts to murder-suicide Station Square (in-universe San Francisco) by firing a submarine-launched ballistic missile (SLBM) at the city while he is still in it. He does this because he is upset that his plan failed, although perhaps he was attempting to show us mercy by wiping all the Silicon Valley bros off the face of the planet. Regardless of exact intention, his attempt to nuke Station Square says a lot about his perspective on nuclear war, which will be discussed below. 

When dealing with an enemy, their perception of you and their own weapons are crucial to understand. The norm in nuclear doctrine is that nuclear weapons are used in retaliation to extremely high levels of threat. However, this has not always been the case—in the 1950s, they were generally perceived as really big bombs that could be used in combination with normal artillery. This theory was emphasized most by the radically anti-communist William Borden, also famous for testifying against Oppenheimer in his security clearance review, who argued that nuclear war will target military infrastructure and end when one side in the conflict has run out of weapons. Therefore, it is in the best interest of the United States to possess as many weapons as possible because it is the quantity they possess that will render them victorious. City-busting occurs after the war, when you are free to hurt your enemy’s civilian population without fear of retaliation. Or, perhaps, when you have nothing left to lose—which is exactly what happened in Eggman’s case. 

Borden predicted that nuclear weapons states would disperse their launchers and military bases to make them harder to strike. He likewise predicted the use of nuclear missile-equipped submarines (SSBNs), which are used strategically for second strikes; submarines are hard to find, and can be positioned close to the enemy, making them very useful for retaliation. This is precisely in line with Eggman’s attack in Sonic Adventure 1, which used an SSBN close to the enemy’s civilian population as a last resort punishment after he incurred heavy losses. Whether or not this was a smart thing for Eggman to do is up in the air—the SLBM appeared to be an attempted surface burst on a city, which would actually minimize casualties when compared to an air burst detonation, so it is very likely that he cares more about building cool bombs than understanding how to use them properly—but it is clear that he is a champion of the Borden expectations of nuclear warfare nonetheless!

Eggman’s arguably insane, vengeful attack on Station Square stokes fears of nuclear armageddon that were hyper-present during the Cold War. Although he has been referred to as Dr. Eggman exclusively so far in this essay, this is not the case in Sonic Adventure—Tails, the character present in the city while the attack happens, refers to him as “Dr. Robotnik”. The character’s “real” name is Ivo Robotnik, which was given to him by American translators in lieu of “Eggman” when the classic games first released. It may not be surprising that American translators at the end of the Cold War decided to give an industrialist who primarily wears red an Eastern European sounding name. Russians are disproportionately featured as enemies in video games, eclipsing both the Axis Powers (typically Germany or Japan) and Arabs (as terrorists) in studied games. In wartime, framing one’s enemies as irrational is a core component of propaganda. Depicting someone named “Robotnik” as a self-driven madman who is willing to nuke an entire city when he loses feeds into assumptions that the enemies of the United States are not rational, which is then used to justify US hegemony on the international scene—someone has to keep these unruly states in line! This is especially true for the non-proliferation regime, which has been regarded by some states as neocolonial. India, a nuclear weapons state, has argued that the Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons is discriminatory because it does not ban vertical proliferation. This stance generally purports that non-proliferation treaties are used to keep nuclear weapons out of “undesirable” hands while allowing nuclear weapons states to maintain and build on their own stockpile (vertical proliferation). Fears of certain states (such as Iran or North Korea) acquiring arsenals are presented as imminent dangers because enemies of the United States are always inherently irrational, and therefore cannot be trusted with such powerful weapons. The idea of “rationality” has been weaponized in service of white supremacy—and to a lesser extent, the patriarchy—for centuries and it should surprise no one that an international nonproliferation regime, largely built by and for states who were founded and are sustained on the premise of white supremacy, would prop up inequality and keep nuclear weapons only in the hands of those who “deserve” them. Although Russia is not a victim of this regime, it is frequently depicted as irrational and untrustworthy with nuclear weapons. Robotnik’s attack on Station Square is reminiscent of this rhetoric. 

Of course, Sonic is a Japanese video game, which should grant it some leniency in the depiction of a nuclear attack as inherently irrational and violent. But for American players, who are meant to perceive this as an attack on a fictionalized version of their country, the implications are more specifically anti-Russian.

Sonic Adventure 2 flips this script a bit: as it would turn out, Eggman is American, and members of his extended family were killed in a coverup operation by the Sonic equivalent of the US military, Guardian Unit of Nations—typically abbreviated to GUN. His grandfather, Gerald Robotnik, was commissioned to research immortality and weapons of mass destruction aboard the space colony ARK. One of his creations was the Eclipse Cannon, a giant laser capable of destroying the planet. 

Between games, Eggman has seemingly underwent the same attitude shift as every other NWS during the Cold War, because he has now discovered that WMDs can be used to threaten your enemies into getting what you want. On the ARK, Eggman activates the Eclipse Cannon and does the following:

1. Uses its laser to destroy part of the moon in a show of force; 

2. Threatens to use it against the Earth unless he is crowned emperor of the planet; 

3. Gives Earth 24 hours to accept. 

Did Bernard Brodie predict the plot of Sonic Adventure 2? In his earliest work The Absolute Weapon, he argued that the absolute power of a nuclear bomb would make wars too costly to fight. The primary purpose for governments would therefore be to avoid war at all costs, since any of them could result in devastating nuclear war. Brodie also wrote many pieces laying out strategies of nuclear deterrence, which continue to be used to this day. 

There is a common knee-jerk reaction to Eggman’s story that I see in fan discussions of the game. Many comments feature the following logic: “Why would Eggman blow up the planet he wants to rule? Either the writer is stupider than me, or Eggman is lying!” This is a very understandable way to perceive his threat with the Eclipse Cannon—why would someone make such an unreasonable threat? Does he really expect it to work? Who is going to buy this?

The game provides no insight into the general reaction to this by the world’s governments. However, Sonic and friends believe his threat right away, and race to the ARK to stop him. They are correct to do so—Eggman does end up trying to use the Eclipse Cannon against the Earth, but it does not work because Gerald Robotnik programmed it to fail if ever used. Therefore, we know that Eggman was not bluffing about his threat to destroy the planet at all. We know that he was actually going to do it. So, why do fans of the game continue to argue that Eggman’s threat was pointless? 

Bernard Brodie’s concept of the absolute weapon has become the mainstream view of WMDs in the public consciousness. We fear nuclear weapons because of their destructive power and believe that no conflict could ever require their deployment. We believe other NWS hold the same concerns. This perspective is then projected onto Eggman by fans, who mistakenly assume he should foster the same feelings about WMDs. The assumption that Eggman was not willing to go through with his plan, or that the world’s governments would not surrender to him, requires Eggman to value his own life over the success of his empire. The first Sonic Adventure game has Eggman attempt to nuke a city he is standing in. A suicidal, last-ditch plan to take over the world is perfectly in-line with his character. What is the point of living if he cannot have his way? What is the point of a planet’s existence if he is not the one in charge? These are the questions driving Eggman’s decisions in the games. 

Sonic Adventure 2 does not reject Brodie’s theories, but does provide a counterargument: deterrence breaks down when one’s ambitions outgrow the potential retaliation for acting upon them. Eggman’s dream of ruling the world was stronger than his will to live. Mortal terror was not enough to curb his imperial ambitions, and the Earth was almost destroyed as consequence of this perspective. 

When the two games are measured against one another, it becomes apparent that Eggman has taken a very clear stance on the Borden-Brodie debate: he is a supporter of the Borden perspective on nuclear war! He does not believe in absolute deterrence and treats WMDs as usable tools in his arsenal, even at a potential detriment to himself. His actions in Sonic Adventure 2 align his views with one of Borden’s biggest theories: the winner of a nuclear war will not be the state who inflicts the most damage on their enemy, but rather the one who does not run out of nuclear weapons first. Eggman is determined to be the last one standing—even if it means standing alone atop the ashes of the world.