#shitposting and pissposting

[degrees-of-confessions]

Robin is great and all but If he walks in on Kylar and I one more time...

- @kandy-the-delinquent

maybe you two should consider LOCKING THE DOOR /silly…. leave my poor boy robin out of this…

[michelledrawz]

Positively GUTTED that I don't live anywhere close to the Celina 52 Truck Stop. I would absolutely love a photo with Piss Jugman u_u

[milenaslongskirt]

Ik I owe you guys fics but I’m on my art grind rn

5 notes I redraw this as Andre

[polysucks]

What do you think: which asoiaf house deserve better?

It’s too easy to say the Manderlys or the Tarbecks deserved better.

I am a true hater to my core. If there is one thing about me everyone should know is that I will find something to complain about. Periodt.

So, let’s talk about which house deserved worse.

House Bracken

If any house deserved worse, it’s these perpetual, scheming, backstabbing opportunists. The Brackens are like that stupid fuckin coworker who keeps getting their corporate cock sucked despite being objectively terrible at everything. Their entire existence revolves around making bad decisions, siding with the stupidest decision makers in Westerosi history, and somehow still managing to stick the landing. The only reason they’re still around is bc the chad Blackwoods would be considered kinslayers if they finally followed through with ganking the virgin Brackens because they WONT STOP FUCKING THEM. AND BREEDING.

“Waahhh fuck the Blackwoods, they suck, I should burn their houses down!” Sir, that’s your AUNT. Y’all are literally all First Men.

Those horsefuckers have been “feuding” (it’s literally hearsay) with House Blackwood for thousands of years, and they still can’t get a single W. Go ahead, go check in on them, take a shot whenever they are either betraying someone, sucking the cock of whoever’s in “power” this week, or trying to steal land that they will inevitably lose again. You’ll get alcohol poisoning. They backed Aegon the Dork in the Dance (woof), they backed the Blackfyres in the rebellion (really?), and in ASOIAF, they’re STILL making terrible choices, switching sides between the Starks and Lannisters like a bad wifi signal

And let’s be real—their entire personality is just hating the Blackwoods. That’s it. You ask a Bracken what they care about, and it’s not power, wealth, or horses (the Rills did horses better get a new gimmick)—it’s screwing over the Blackwoods at every possible turn. Get a fucking hobby. Touch GRASS. Suck CLIT.

Meanwhile, the Blackwoods are over here with their REAL weirwood tree, ancient legacy, and genuinely interesting history and baller fucking seat (Raventree Hall??? HELLO????? METAL AS FUCK. Stone Hedge is so LAME!) , while the Brackens are just flailing around going, “What if we betrayed our allies again? That worked so well last time!” 🤦‍♀️

Honestly, the only reason they still exist is sheer fuckin’ luck at this point.

First off, House Bracken is basically the Riverlands equivalent of Elon Musk. Hollow threats. Zero rizz. Fake as fuck. Total LOSER. Weak ass bark, zero bite. They act like they’re a major power, but they’re not. They think they deserve what they have!!!! Every time they make a move, it backfires spectacularly, and yet they just keep doing it. They fail upward!!!! They fucking learn nothing. They are medically incapable of making a good decision. I’d say it’s in their genes but the family tree of the Brackens and the Blackwoods is a wreath, and the Blackwoods don’t fail this fuckin hard.

Greatest Hits:

• “We Were Kings, We Prommy!” – The Brackens love to tell people that they used to be kings in the Riverlands. Oh, you were kings? Cool. So were the Blackwoods by your standards, and guess what? They didn’t get demoted to second-rate nobility because they were bad at being kings. That was time. That was just a natural change in power dynamics. Eso es solo economía basica. (Also, their kingdom lasted longer but like. Whose counting?) (me. I’m counting.)

• The Dance of the dumbasses – During the Dance the Brackens backed Aegy (imagine being that wrong) while the Blackwoods supported Rhaenyra the Perfect and Did Nothing Wrong. But here’s the kicker: not only did they lose, but they also got their castle burned to the ground by the very same side they supported. Imagine baking ur neighbor a pie and they still burn ur house down. Embarrassing. Whack. Sad. Take a lap.

• Blackfyre Rebellion: Worst Bets Edition – When the Blackfyre bastards popped up, the Brackens were like, “Hell yeah, bad decision 2: electric boogaloo!” Meanwhile, the Blackwoods, once again, stayed loyal to the crown. Because it was in their best interest. Guess who won? I’ll give you a hint: not who the Brackens backed. And guess who got punished for backing them?

• Their Weirwood Crimes – This one’s just sad. The Chad Blackwoods, like proper First Men, still worship the Old Gods and have a massive weirwood tree. The virgin Brackens, meanwhile, chopped theirs down centuries ago, probably just to be spiteful. The internalized racism is coming from inside the house. And where did they build their new godswood? On top of the stump like a bunch of insecure toddlers. It’s like they knew the Old Gods weren’t on their side and tried to cover it up. Lady Bracken (geodndndge please what is her name please reply to my emails) is correct when she says the gods are punishing them. Y’all deserve it. Stupid horse fuckers.

• The Award for Most Inconsistent Allegiances – Every major conflict, the Brackens flip-flop faster than an American politician on Twitter. Like we call Walder Frey the Late bc he’s opportunistic— man what the fuck about the Brackens? They backed the Tullys, then turned on them. They supported the Lannisters, then tried to hedge their bets when things got rough. Go fuckin cry about it. Pound sand. Die mad. They switched sides between the Starks and Lannisters during the War of the Five Kings like they were speed-dating for survival.

It’s already bad that the Brackens are losers (imagine being born a bracken. I would simply. choose not to. Be. Born.), but the fact that they’ve spent thousands of years being consistently outclassed by the Blackwoods just adds insult to injury. The Blackwoods have a richer history, cooler symbolism, and an actual legacy—while the Brackens have…horses? They fuck horses? The Rills got horses, too, man. Pick a better personality. And a track record of failure? It’s like watching a rivalry between a college professor and a loser who gets kicked out of bars for trying to fight the furniture.

Honestly, House Bracken only still exists because somehow they keep getting pardoned after every betrayal. Westeros has wiped out noble houses for way less (RIP House Darklyn and Tarbeck gone but not 5gottem).

They’re like fucking cockroaches. They just keep crawling back. House Bracken should’ve gone extinct centuries ago, they refuse to die.

Fucking clown shit for real.

This message has been proudly brought to you by the Official Council for Blackwood Riverlands Supremacy—preserving history, honoring the Old Gods, and reminding you that Brackens have been taking L’s since the Dawn of Days.

[urineluckpal2]

this is where y’all are from isn’t it

[spocktuah]

Whatever #JimPiss

[katsdynam1ght]

peeing in a Home Depot bathroom right now and i’m not sure why but it’s kinda giving domestic erasermic. yamada’s out there searching for the tools they need to build that deck they’ve been talking about and aizawa’s taking a bathroom break and looking at pictures of their cat. you get the picture

[cyber-corp]

all’s fair in piss and shit

[javascript-official]

Loading screen tips for life!

TIP! you can eat [grapes] while taking a [shower] and the [cops] can't stop you!

TIP! [blind people] are easier to [steal] from!

TIP! [pigeons] are free!

TIP! 15% for good service

TIP! Buy a [LOCK] and put it around an [annoying persons] piercing!

TIP! [going insane] by [carbon monoxide poisoning] is cheaper than therapy!

TIP! snails!

[skigothy]

last day of no vember november rb if you made it the whole month without vembering

[s1lverd4sh]

Aw hell nah Oven pissed himself too...

Oven don't worry dude it's okay. We still love you.

No Ah get the FUCK off the screen I'm talking to Oven.

[degrees-of-confessions]

stage one: denial

Hey I never said you were jealous, we all know Robin isn't anything innocent

- @kandy-the-delinquent

yeah yeahh……… but with all the weird shit u and kylar are doing i fear not many would be very jealous….

[milenaslongskirt]

Do you guys think if Elliot Rodger was alive he’d own a cybertruck

[rythrogon]

friend: this is shit is starting to piss me off

me: piss?!?! *starts jaking off*

[deadwardynamic]

i need to step up my urinetown pissposting game chat i'm lacking

[plastic-eggg]

IM NOT BISEXUAL BECAUSE ITS EASY, NO, I AM BISEXUAL BECAUSE I AM HARD!!

“Ask not what your bisexual can do for you, but what you can do for your bisexual”

- Jon K Freakidy