#so she's capable of like. more self reflection?

[neverpathia]

「 I'm so tired of the bad blood between us. But it's hard to let go. 」

「 You've hurt me. And I've hurt you. 」

Well, here's my wife Thorn in a certain post-construct continuity.

Design notes under the cut:

• She's not just Thorn; she also has Witch and Wild's memories. She was horrified and ashamed to learn that the cycle could really be broken, but a little relieved too. She barely trusted herself, but after grappling with strange and conflicting beliefs, she eventually chose to stay Thorn.

• She hated how her tail serves as a constant reminder of her identity as Witch, and she tried to tear it away. But Thorn couldn't bring herself to completely erase her past self. At least a tail could be trusted where people couldn't.

• As a collection of Betrayal's chapters, she's called the Scavenger: an animal that feasts on decaying grudges. She gave herself the name Thistle because it was the nearest plant at the time.

• Long neck because Slay the Princess cats are just like that.

• She wears gloves to help with the wounds on her hands. At first, she was quite insecure about how the scars looked, but that slowly stopped when she realised they were healing too.

• She has chronic pain from all those scars, but she makes her own potions and salves to deal with them.

• Her eyes are the same shade of green as Opportunist's.

• She's capable of controlling the vines that she wears through chlorokinesis. It works with other plants too, but less potent.

• She ties her hair up and wears those clothes as an attempt to look more 'civilized', more 'human'. She never completely let go of her little schemes and devious deals, and she reflects it in her attire.

[waitineedaname]

I really like that Bingmei tries to empathize with Bingge by the end of the first chapter Recognition of the Self. She dealt with a lot of self hatred for a long time and on some level takes it out on him by picking at him (which he deserves most of the time). He reminds her of the worst version of herself that she can be. Still, it’s nice she can also see the same places they’ve been hurt and reach out to him, even if he brushes her off for now.

yes!!! this is exactly it, I'm glad this is something you enjoyed <3 bingmei absolutely sees bingge as the worst version of herself, which is something she identifies in the text! I'm forever thinking about the bit in the extra when bingmei says "is the reason 'I' became like that because I didn't have you?" and "I don't want to become like that." so in this fic, bingmei has had a few years of stability and self-growth to become confident that she won't turn out like bingge, but she's still very aware that she could have turned out like him. he's all her worst parts amplified and picking on him is kind of a way of externalizing some of that self hatred. at the same time, though, she's getting to know him better and is realizing the reason why they're so different. she had opportunities for growth that she didn't have, and because she can see those differences so clearly, she's got some sympathy for him. she can easily see how painful it would have been if her suffering on qing jing peak had gone on longer, and she can see how much it would've fucked her up because that fucked up version of herself is standing right in front of her now. it's a little late, but the least she can do is offer that olive branch now

[haziells]

my way

until it reaches the void state

(this will be a long post)

1. the end, the beginning.

I knew about the law of attraction years ago thanks to social media, so there it was, like every day trying to manifest my desires.

I was fed up, every day was the same.

My heart healing and breaking everyday, the same cycle of hope and hopelessness continues.

was it always going to be like this?

would I always have to let fears take over me?

I couldn't trust, I didn't believe that just by believing I could get what I wanted but at the same time I had no other option.

I couldn't go on like this, I didn't want to go on like this, I just wanted to end my life, I gave up and cried, cried, cried thinking that this would be the end, that I wouldn't be able to be happy and that was it.

I gave up and thought I was resigned to living a shitty life.

But I cried so much that all the sadness that was in me came out, all the fears that were clinging to me came out.

That's when I felt peace, when I realized that no, I wasn't going to give up that easily, that I first have to do it and do it well, not keep trying.

So I persisted for only 2 days, as I already had my desire for that moment and yes, after 2 days my 3D had already reflected it, it was exciting.

did i reallt do that? was it just a coincidence?

No, it was really me.

I was happy for a few days until the fears returned but this time I was afraid of losing my desire, that's when I realized that fears have no meaning.

I already have it, why would I lose it?

2. I discovered Tumblr and the void state.

I didn't know what void state was, but as soon as I read about it, it caught my attention.

By then my self-concept had improved, I was still dealing with my fears but not as much as before.

So, I made a friend who explained to me more about the void state and she told me that she manifested her house through the void state.

I got excited and hopeful, I read some methods on how to get in and tried to do it, but I couldn't.

I couldn't do it, the simple idea of getting everything so easily sounded easy and fantastical to me.

But one day I realized who I really am, that I am everything, that nothing and no one has power outside of me.

I was filled with satisfaction, joy, peace, I felt like laughing knowing who I am and how easy everything is.

How did I first enter the void state?

so I had a subliminal audio playing in the background while I was meditating.

I thought...I am so powerful, I am capable of anything, I can have whatever I want whenever I want.

At that time I was very sleepy because I had taken some exams, so I just thought "my physical body is going to sleep and rest and I'm going to the void state"

After all, the void state is me and there is nothing easier than being me.

And so it happened, I entered the void state and knew that I already had everything just as I wanted, then I came out and continued sleeping while I didn't stop smiling and feeling a sensation of peace and extreme happiness.

I woke up and stood calmly until I realized what had happened...

I was scared shitless when I realized that I had entered the void state for real and that at that moment I should have everything I wanted and that was when 3d reality disappeared before my eyes.

Everything began to collapse and I felt a huge current of energy running through my entire body, as if it were a waterfall flowing inside me.

I was very scared, I won't deny it, but after all I did it.

(I swear that just as you see in the gif, that's how I felt at that moment)

The following days I couldn't stop shaking and feeling scared because I didn't understand how it was possible that 3D could disappear just like that.

Then I read someone here talking about non-dualism. @lotusmi

Then I understood my experience.

Since that day everything is much easier for me.

I have entered the void state 3 times.

that manifests?

.cure my depression.

.cure my anxiety.

.trust myself.

.longer eyelashes.

.money.

.be able to manifest easily.

.prettiest voice.

.I am spoiled.

The rest of the things I manifest are more private.

But basically for me this is the best thing that could have happened to me.

I will mention who were the bloggers that I read to understand more about the void state and about who I really am.

@gorgeouslypink

@lotusmi

@beesfairlyland

I will also mention a blogger whose information I also like and I find it cute.

@sugarplumfairy777

If you want to know more, you can send me a direct message, no problem.

[venmondiese]

(UN)WANTED DESIRES

-ˋˏ| summary: Aemond hasn't consummated his marriage with his wife, and he doesn't plan to.

✧ | Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x wife!Original Female Character

✧ | word count: 2.2k

✧ | Warnings: MDNI 18+, masturbation (m), age gap (aemond is older than his wife), aemond is definitely a perv....

✧ | notes: to the last day of age gap april.... here's my offer to yall... obviously everyone is of age

“YOU MISSED SUPPER” Her words to him are not unfamiliar, Aemond was her spouse after all. He had grown to welcome her presence in his life.

He had a thick book on his lap, as he read in his chmabers mostly alone at this hour. Aemond took no great interest in her, even if he was a dutiful husband. Almost dutiful. 

Younger than him, of only twenty years of life. He wasn’t much older, yet old enough for him to feel strange.  

She was what tales would call a little lady of the tower, living mostly protected by her parents, in a little castle and away from the real world. He even knew her first kiss had been at her wedding with him, giving him a peck rather than a proper kiss for someone her age.

“I apologise” he mutters, his index finger against his lips as he then turns to face her. He was never harsh with her, instead trying his best to be gentle “You ate alone?”

“yes” her tone is soft as she nods. She sometimes hanged around his chambers, sewing sat in the couch or reading a book alongside him.

“Send a servant to remind me” he says reflecting and he adds. “I can lose track of time. I didn't mean to keep you waiting.”

“It was okay, do not trouble yourself…”

The two of them had known each other for… maybe four months. Or five, he couldn’t recall. She was quite the lady, smart and brilliant with people, yet cautious enough. He thought of her as a kitten, or maybe a bunny, but he wasn’t as gentle with animals, or with someone sweet like her.

Aemond leaves the book on the little table nearby, and he stands up, to serve himself more wine and serve his wife some as well. 

“What are you reading?” her tone is lively.

“Something about Oldtown. I doubt it would be of your interest. It is a bit dull to your taste” he says plainly.

When he looks at her, he sees that she was wearing that slightly sheer nightgown. It was more like a robe, but he truly didn’t know of what gowns she owned for the night. He had barely slept by her side, he could count their nights together with his hand. 

“I’ll serve you some wine.” He says softly. “You must be shivering from the cold”

He can hear the soft paddling of the feet against the cold stone of the floor, as she turns to watch him. 

“I…” the words start softly, as if gaining courage. “Husband, we… we have been married for almost three moons” 

He hums, taking another cup, filling it with wine. Then he fills the other, as he hears the stammering. 

“and… we haven’t consummated the marriage, and it makes me wonder…”

“My lady…”

“It is lonely, and…”

“The castle is full of servants, and you have ladies-in-waiting.” He reminds me, not harshly, but somewhat gentle. “And you know you can confide in me with…”

He hears the soft sound the robe makes in the ground as she takes it off. He then learns of the not so innocent intentions. 

He didn’t deem his wife capable of such things, yet here they were. 

“Look, you are a lovely girl…” he sighs, rubbing his forehead slightly, leaving down the two cups of wine next to the jar. “But truly, there is no need for this.”

“There is!” she says in somewhat a loud tone, which makes him blink slightly. 

“I am not a green boy, led by base desires with no control at all.” He starts solemnly, trying not to look at her bare body. “You don’t have to.”

“But I want to” he raises his eyebrows as her tone is slightly more desperate, getting closer to him rather quickly. She was trying every tactic she knew, he was sure.

Aemond isn’t exactly sure how his wife manages to get him sitting on the chair with her atop of him, in his lap. He could notice she was a bit self aware of being naked in front of him, surely because she was not used to it. He had never asked of her anything expected from marriage, barely acknowledging her presence in his life, his young and lively wife; yet she was eager to be his wife, to be truly his wife in the eyes of the Gods, for their marriage to be consummated. 

If the situation wasn’t so serious for him, he’d be amused by the absurdity, rolling his eyes and chuckling. Instead, his eyes wander for a few moments on her body, taking in how soft she looks. She smells kind of nice, so she probably took a bath before coming here. 

“I want you to” she says to him, leaning closer to him as he looks away for a moment, recomposing himself to not give in to the temptations “I am your wife.”

“You are my wife, but you forget that you are a maiden” His tone is not as warm (if it could even name it like that) “I have no intention of defiling you like some common whore.”

“I do not want to be a married maiden. I have a duty, to give your heirs and fulfill your desires… It is my duty before the Gods, for that’s why they invented marriage and…” 

“Enough. Look, when the time comes for us to unite like man and wife, we will do it calmly and take our time. It will not be rushed, you hear me? I have respect for your times, for your innocence and purity. It is not an easy task for women to do what you are asking for…”

He can almost see how the gears turn behind her eyes, trying to understand his words and planning the next move. He wasn’t exactly sure why she was desperate all of the sudden, maybe because of court pressure, because it was dangerous to her position as his wife or even by the questions of his mother, Gods forbid. 

He knew his wife was a pious lady, he had joined her in praying before eating, and how much she read, the Seven pointed Star or any other book. ‘Gods have granted us with the capability of learning and curiosity, and I do love to learn new things’ she had said to his questioning. 

She was quick with movements, or perhaps he is a bit slower due to his exhaustion from the day, and the late hour. She takes his hand, her grip not strong but firm, as she moves his hands quickly to place them in her breasts. 

The sudden touch, the feeling of her skin into his hands, the supple flesh as he could hear her soft sigh. She was, surprisingly, warm, unlike the coldness that the night brought. 

“Don’t you find me desirable?” she begs softly, as she makes sure to press his hands on her flesh “not even a little bit?” 

“Look…”

“Take me” she says, not in a demand, but in a desperate attempt. She moves his hand along with hers, trying to fondle her breasts and he followed the movement for a bit, enjoying how she whimpered slightly“Husband, please” 

“It is not a matter of...” he says, taking his hands away “if I like you or not, it’s a principle. You are not ready.”

“I am! I am an old maiden already”

“You are not old…” he insists. “Go to bed, it will calm…”

“I have a duty to you” she says, taking his hands once again, pressing them against her breasts. “I want this. I am ready.” she says, yet he could see her hesitation.

“No. Enough.” He says, taking his hands away and standing up, grabbing her so she doesn’t fall, and leaving her on her feet. “It is not the moment. We’ll speak about, we’ll do many things before consummating our marriage. You might have a duty, to have my heirs. And it will happen, when I deem ready” 

He leans to grab her robe, and extends it to her, taking a quick peek of her body but ultimately turning his gaze away “I will not repeat myself, go to your chambers. Rest well, wife” he says, not before sitting in his chair in front of the fire once again.

He can see her disappointment, as her face turns into that pout expression that women made involuntarily, as she puts on her robe before walking quickly away, closing the doors of his chambers. 

He sighs, waiting a time or two before allowing himself to react properly. 

He hisses softly, moving his hips slightly. Who would have thought. He thinks, almost amused.

His hand drifted down to the forming bulge on his breeches, as he thinks of how brazen his wife was. Taking off her robe, presenting herself nude to him as if to tempt him…  she was witty, yet she lacked the experience. 

His cock throbbed at the memory, the feeling of her skin against his hands, and how demanding she tried to be. Perhaps she was indeed ready, perhaps not. He has grown fond of her, and he knows how painful bedding could be. He wishes not to harm her in any way. 

He unfastened his breeches with a bit of desperation, freeing his aching cock, already hard and as demanding of attention as his lady wife. He tries not to smirk, thinking how much this was what she wanted to see and feel. The tip was slightly reddish, swollen and getting slicker by the moment. 

He moves his hand to stroke his dick, starting by the base, yet stroking all the length. He groaned, his head falling back at the exquisite sensation he needed so much.

He isn’t particularly fond of thinking of his wife in these moments, yet his mind drifts to her. Her nude body, how she presented herself to him, for his use and delight. He groaned loudly, stroking himself more firmly. It was driving him insane, she was driving him insane.

Even if he ached for it, he knew he could not fuck his wife, not yet. His balls grow heavy to the thought, but he remains firm in his position: not yet. 

But how he wants to. He craves to have her under him and hear the whimpers she would let out. It drives him insane to think about it, because he had not even taken her on their wedding night, he simply discarded the bedding ceremony before it was even proposed, and sent her to sleep. It is a bittersweet feeling, but he knew that when he finally took her, it would be when she was ready, when he deem her capable to understand what the coupling entails. Until then… His hand will have to do. 

“Fuck…” Aemond hisses. His cock jerked in his hand, the burning around the base feels delicious as he moves his hips to thrust softly into his own palm. His other hand wanders lower, grabbing his balls and tugging them just slightly, the way he liked. 

He wondered if his wife would try to pleasure his cock, if she got the chance. He was pretty sure that the idea would surprise her, to use her hands or mouth to do so, but he would teach her about it. And he will die the day she makes her best to please him from her inexperience. It will drive him mad. 

His mouth gapes open, as he mutters a series of ‘fucks’ and other words that he cannot even make sense of them. He groans at the debauched images of his head, his hips rocking forward as he fucked his own fist. 

And more so while remembering the little scene she made, to get his attention. He wondered if she knew what she was asking for, if she knew what the implications of her request were. Maybe she did understand in theory, how it worked and what happened, but he knows it is very different in practice, and sometimes, like himself the first time, one could not be ready even when knowing. 

But it doesn’t stop him from remembering her soft flesh against his fingers, how her body felt pressed against his as she squirmed on his lap for his attention. It drove him insane to know that, that she wanted him too. He remembers the feeling of her breasts, he thinks that perhaps it was an enjoyable, and new, feeling to her.  His hand strokes his length faster, remembering how her nipples stiffened to his touch, at her wanton display of need. 

If she was like this now, how would she be normally? He curses lowly, as his hand strokes him in swifter motions, as he can already feel his balls tighten up in the impending release. 

He knows he won’t last longer, so he simply decides to indulge himself in his primal desires. In the aftermath, it will be shameful, he does know, but yet he will be back at it again. 

He cums hard into his fist, the feeling making him go dizzy as he clenches his jaw in an attempt not to moan too loudly, because the tightness around his balls and base feels delicious, and his cock twitches on its own as it releases rope after rope of cum. 

He leans back against the chair, panting hard after his orgasm. He cleans his hand with whatever he had in hand, and he lets his cock twitch with the last remains of his orgasm. His orgasm was as exquisite as his wife’s visit was. 

He tucks himself into his breeches, as he knows that at least, one day, his fantasies will become a reality that he would explore with his beloved wife.

[julymusings]

love in withdrawal

true that love in withdrawal was the weeping of me, that the sound of the saw must be known by the tree.

or; in the aftermath of that night, you're both wracked with regret, wishing it went differently. [3.3k]

jason todd x fem!reader; warnings from pt1 also apply; typical jason-angst (so ptsd, self-image/hatred, family issues, etc) + virgin!jason YOU ALR KNOW THE VIBESSSS😝😝😝👹👹 previous: you're good to me, baby

Jason Todd has tried very hard to be normal. At least, as normal as he can get. After returning to his home city and settling into his role as the Red Hood, crime lord and resident anti-hero of Gotham, he really did try. He went out with his 'coworkers' to have a good time. He spoke to his neighbors, hoping some friendship would stick. He went to a seedy bar with Roy and stuttered through some flirting with the girl who eye-fucked him from across the bar for fifteen minutes. With Roy’s encouragement (read: peer pressure), he followed her out to the alley behind the bar. He kissed her a little, tried to do what he was supposed to; put his hands on her waist, maintaining a respectable distance from too high or too low. But it felt…off, somehow. His heightened senses made the way she trailed one finger up and down the muscles of his arm feel prickly, the scars under his sleeve sensitive and itching at her touch. Her lips were too sticky with gloss, and its saccharine watermelon flavor lingered on his teeth for days. No matter how hard he scrubbed at them.

Roy hadn’t let him live that down for months. His recounting of Jason leaving her in the bar when she invited him home, looking ‘scared shitless and fumbling hard’ was an exaggeration, but maybe not that far off. Looking back, he wasn’t sure what he expected; he could barely look his own family in the eye. How did he think he’d be able to keep it together around a pretty girl? He was quick to give up any hopes of being ‘normal’ after that.

He lived like that for a while; putting all his energy into keeping the city safe, working himself to the bone as the Red Hood so he wouldn’t have time to reflect on who he was as Jason. He fixed things with his family just enough to have a place to go every other weekend to “upgrade his gear.” When he stuck around long enough that it was ‘only convenient’ to stay for dinner, no one commented on it. He’d accepted that this was his life now.

He never meant for things to go this far with you. Honestly. He was just doing his job when he gave you a ride home after you sprained your ankle trying to fight off that mugger. When he had to hold your weight so you could walk up the stairs to your apartment, he was still just doing his job. And when you, still in shock and heart pumping with adrenaline, put your frantic energy into nervous ramblings and fretting over his bruises— making sure you were okay before he left was part of his job. But one visit to your apartment turned into two, and two turned into three, each under the guise of ‘checking on your ankle’ or ‘being on his route’. Somewhere along the line your arrangement came to be: he stopped by with wounds needing to be treated, you treated them, and then he’d leave. And if you wanted to make some small conversation, getting to know each other a little more with every visit, that was harmless. Seeking you out for the smallest injuries that he was fully capable of dealing with himself was harmless. Holding you in his arms while you clutched onto him for dear life and sobbed into his shirt, neglecting his knife wound for far too long in favor of wiping away your tears—

He never meant for things to go this far.

Two days after that night, Jason is still reeling. In hindsight, letting the slice on his arm sit in the open, stale air for as long as it did was not the best idea. Sewing it closed one-handed so as to relieve the burden from your shoulders, taking no care to sterilize the instruments that fell to the floor in his hurry to follow the alarm bells in his head that screamed go! Get out and go! was a horrible idea. Sure, having you kneeled in his lap, pressed against him for the better part of the thirty minutes he spent at your place wasn’t exactly a regret. But was it worth the round of antibiotics and week-long benching ordered by Bruce after he stumbled into the Batcave an hour ago, hastily stitched up by his own hand and running a fever? He can’t decide. Was it worth the consequence of his siblings taking turns covering the patrol route of his city sector during his absence? Definitely not.

Was it worth the sight of you looking up at him, watery-eyed with flushed cheeks and fluttering eyelashes accentuated by the shine of your tears? The feeling of your hand sliding over his chest?

Maybe.

Maybe he could use the time off, as pointed out by a sneering Timothy, considering he was so stupid as to let his wound fester to the point of infection. He’d be too distracted to give the city his full attention, anyway. He needs time to think. To lie down in his old bed, stare at the ceiling, and think about if he’ll ever see you again.

Tim’s comment earns him a smack to the back of the head from Dick, who promptly kicks Tim out of the room.

“How are you feeling?” Dick stands at Jason’s bedside, arms crossed in concern.

“Same as when you asked me five minutes ago.” Jason wheezes. His pit-enhanced immunity makes the infection symptoms much easier than they could have been, but Bruce still insisted on him staying the whole week for observation. With how much he’s grown since he last used it, his childhood room feels much smaller than he remembers.

“Yeah, but…” Dick narrows his eyes at Jason. His gaze flits to his arm, wrapped in fresh bandages with an ice pack pressed over the stitches. “How…are you?”

“The same as…before,” Jason says, mimicking his brother’s cadence.

Dick sighs, thinking over his next move. He walks to the door, closes it, and pulls Jason’s desk chair to the bedside and sits down.

Jason groans. “Do you really have to—”

“Just humor me,” Dick interrupts. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs. He takes Jason’s silence as resignation. “Did something happen?”

Jason rolls his eyes. “I got stabbed, Dick.”

“Is that all?” There’s a lilt in Dick’s voice.

“What are you implying?” Jason shoots back, though his hoarse throat negates his attempt to sound intimidating.

“Nothing! I’m not implying anything!” Dick leans back in his chair, holding his palms up in surrender. “I’m just saying. You seem…bothered. By something.”

“Yeah, the stab wound.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.” Dick clears his throat. “If there’s nothing.” He stands, returning the chair to its place. As he’s leaving, though, his hand settled on the doorknob, he hears a rustle of fabric and turns back to Jason. He’s shifting around in his old bed, awkwardly pulling at the comforter and he moves to sit on the edge, staring hard at the red pattern of the blanket while opening and closing his mouth, battling with himself on whether or not he should speak. Dick waits, giving him the time to work it out.

“I think I…” Jason says finally, not looking up from his lap. “I messed up.” He looks very uncomfortable. If opening up wasn’t such a rare occurrence for him, Dick might have found humor in his brother’s embarrassment.

Dick lets go of the doorknob, but doesn’t dare move closer. He knows that Jason’s fight or flight instincts will take hold the second he feels too caged in. “Messed up how?” He asks, keeping his tone even and unemotional.

“With…someone.” Jason forces out the words, cheeks burning as bright as his bedspread. He still refuses to look at Dick, but at the surprised, choked-back sound he makes at the admission, Jason’s face snaps up to his. Dick is disguising his shock as a cough into his fist, but his wide eyes are unmistakable, even behind the curtain of thick hair falling over his eyes.

“That’s…uh…” Dick clears his throat again. Then again. “That’s great, Jason,” he says, at last regaining his composure.

“Is it?” Jason says, squinting at his brother.

“No, I mean—not that you—” Dick sighs, running a hand down his face and deciding to abandon that train of thought altogether. “What happened?”

“I sort of…left. Abruptly.” Jason rubs at the growing stubble on his jaw. “Like— like after…” He trails off, hoping Dick will get the idea.

Dick has to quiet the extremely loud sirens going off in his head when he (albeit incorrectly) has the realization that his baby brother, the one he still sees as four feet tall, swinging his little legs off the kitchen island and covered in cookie crumbs is, in fact, having sex. 

“Is it serious?” He asks through a stiff smile.

Jason, ever oblivious to the silent breakdown his brother is having at the door, is not sure if he’d describe what you two have as serious. He knows you fairly well, knows what you do from the nights you talk about what’s going on at work; what you like from the posters and trinkets you have hung up around your place. And yeah, you talk sometimes. He may not speak that much around you, and it’s usually just frustrated complaints about the other bats, but it’s certainly more than he speaks to most people outside his family. And he sees you more often than he does most people outside his family. And he feels more comfortable with you than—

“Jason,” Dick calls, pulling him from his thoughts. “Is it serious?” He asks again, though there’s a quirk in his brow that suggests he already knows the answer.

“I don’t know,” is what Jason settles on.

“When did this happen?”

“Uh, a few days ago?” Jason says, even though he knows that’s a lie. It was 45 hours and 26 minutes ago, to be precise, but he doesn’t say that. He’s not sure how it would be received.

“You can’t go back? Just try to apologize?”

He wants to see you again, but he can’t. Doing so in the first place only put you in danger, and he was an idiot for ignoring that. If the wrong person had seen the Red Hood making consistent visits to the same window of the same building? His stomach turns at the thought.

Jason can’t imagine you’d be welcoming, either, after the way he left two nights ago. He watched you splash your face with cool water, leaving him with a shaky, watery smile, then listened to you putter around the kitchen with the promise of tea for the both of you. He felt like an asshole, picturing you coming back to the bathroom with his mug in hand, only to be met with an empty room and scattered first aid supplies on the floor. He didn’t even leave through the living room, like he entered, because you were in the kitchen. He climbed out of your bedroom window, like a coward. In his haste, he left those bloodstains he promised he would clean.

“I’m not sure she wants to see me.” Jason says quietly.

Dick answers thoughtfully; “Did she tell you that, or are you just making assumptions?”

Jason sighs. “Shit.”

“But, actually,” Dick winces. “You do have to stay here for the whole week, so…”

Jason lets out a tired groan and drops his face into his palms.

“Maybe call her?” Dick offers. He gathers the conversation is over from the way Jason glares at him, and turns to leave. But when he’s halfway out the door, he turns back. “Hey, Jaybird?”

Jason lifts his chin.

“You’re, uh…using protection, right?”

Jason blinks. It’s now that he realizes what Dick thought he was talking about and it burns him, leaving his skin red-hot.

“Get the fuck out.”

“Look, I’m just trying to—” He cuts himself off with a yelp, leaping out of the doorway to dodge the projectile pillow thrown at his head.

Jason hears a ‘good talk’ from the end of the hall, but is too busy with brand new concerns about his situation with you. If he could call you, he would, but he doesn’t have your number. He could easily find it, but not while he’s confined to this bedroom; he’d need access to his gear at home. And with the entire manor breathing down his neck for the next week, there was no way he’d be able to sneak out. So he’d have to wait an entire week before coming to see you again.

Maybe showing up at your place two days after the ordeal would have you understandably hurt, but nine days? You were going to be pissed. You are pissed.

Not at the Red Hood. You’re mad at yourself for being so stupid as to break down in front of him. It’s no fucking wonder he ran out the first chance he got. You sobbed into his shirt like an idiot for who knows how long. You practically felt him up. You’re an idiot for not thinking that would make him uncomfortable. And now, he’s never coming back, and you can’t even blame him!

There’s a book on your coffee table with a bookmark near the end that’s been staring at you since that night. That night when you, more consumed with confusion than anything else, dumped two mugs of fresh tea in the sink and flopped down on the couch and…waited. For what, you had no idea. The cover art took up your entire field of vision while you lied to yourself, saying you weren’t stealing glances at the window, hoping for a certain body to appear in the frame.

In the days following, the book sat there, practically taunting you until you turned it face-down so the sight of the star-constellated cover would stop making your stomach twist over in nausea. Nausea at the memory of how eager you were to pick it up at the library mere days after he had mentioned it, how you buzzed with excitement, and maybe something deeper, when you came home at night ready to snuggle into the couch with a blanket and your favorite mug to read the next chapter.

I hate you so much, you had murmured into a nasty bruise on the back of his left shoulder one night, though you couldn’t stop the grin that broke through the words.

What did I do? He replied, turning to look at you over his shoulder. 

You never told me that would happen halfway through, you said, forcing a frown when you looked up at him.

He chuckled. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to spoil it for you.

Through the amusement there was a lull in your usual rhythm. He did not need to ask which part of the book you were complaining about. He knows, knows you well enough to understand that you would be angry, reading about a budding, hopeful love that’s marred by the revelation that the boy and the girl will not make it. That their love was doomed from the start because, inevitably, he will have to leave her, and he has known the entire time that he would have to leave. That he loved her with one foot out the door.

You turned him around, ready to focus on the small abrasion at his temple when he asks, forgive me?

Fine, I guess so, you said, standing on your toes to get closer to his head.

That night replayed in your mind too often. The way he moved a ghost of an inch closer to lean into your fingers. The smell that was purely him in the grime and sweat in his hair when you pushed it back from his forehead, hoping he wouldn’t notice the extra second you lingered, fingers threaded into those streaks of white. You always wondered if they would feel different than the rest of his hair. They didn’t. They were just as soft. You wondered if anyone else knew that. You hoped not; no one else needed to know him the way you did.

(No one needed to know that you revisited that night with such frequency, either, in the middle of the night hidden under layers of blankets and darkness with nothing but your hands and imagination. You’d take that to the grave.)

Perhaps, deep down, there was a small part of you that wished he would turn up at your window again, this time armed with reasonings and apologies.

There was an emergency.

My team needed me.

I didn’t want to leave.

But after five days of radio silence, there’s not much you can do except take the hint.

You go about your normal routine, trying your hardest to push him out of your mind. Things at work are steady, your position intact and safe from usurping coworkers. You resign yourself to a fate of friends with questionable compassion, grateful to have any at all, and call up your best friend to smooth things over. She accepts, moving on to squeal about her boyfriend’s friend that she’s been dying to set you up with. You reluctantly agree to a double date somewhere down the line, but start preparing excuses and illnesses in the back of your mind.

Ten days after that night, that book is one week past its due date when you muster up the will to take it back to the Gotham Public Library.

(So maybe you still held out a small flicker of hope. What matters now is that you’re here, ready to return it and blow out that flame.)

There’s one person ahead of you when you fall into line at the front desk. He makes easy conversation with the librarian while she scans his library card; judging by the waves he garners from other passing staff, he must be popular around here.

“Thanks again, you’re the best,” he says, taking the book she hands him.

“Oh, of course,” the librarian gushes, a faint rouge coloring her face. “You let me know how you like that one.”

“I will.”

He turns around, halting suddenly to stop himself from walking into you. You mutter out an apology, ready to move past him, but he stares at you, saying nothing. His large hand tightens its grip on an old and worn book. The ends of jet black strands peek out from under a red beanie and he searches you with wide, teal eyes, mouth agape like he wants to speak. He’s looking at you like he’s been looking for you for ages, and he can’t believe you’re here.

“Hi,” he says, sounding a little breathless.

“Hi.” You clutch your book tighter against your chest, not knowing what to make of this man. It draws his eyes lower and he sees the title.

“Hi,” he says again. Then; “I— I was wondering. About that book.” He nods toward it. “I’m, uh, thinking about reading it. What did you think?”

“Oh,” you exhale. “I actually never finished it. Sorry.”

“Oh,” he echoes. His face falls, but only for a moment, before returning to a neutral expression. “Okay, sorry.”

He brushes past, leaving you addled in his wake, but also next in line. The librarian flashes you a glare when the book is scanned in as one week late. Sheepishly, you pay the fine and watch as it gets rolled away on a re-shelf cart, the last of your connections to the Red Hood rolling along with it.

It would be another two months before you saw him again.

remember after the last part when i said "ignore how his open would is just sitting there marinating"? well i figured out how to amend that👍 idk why i feel like this is so short i tried to write more but yk how it is the story goes the way it wants to i am but the messenger. i've been experiencing mad writer's block this past couple of weeks please pray for me🙏🙏🙏

listen to the inspo song!!!

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

I miss main story Sylus so much (;_;)

Don't get me wrong I adore memory Sylus. Soft!Sylus is everything to me. But I have to admit that I really want to see more of the other equally valid and real side of him as well. That being the rough, morally grey crimelord we see during Long Awaited Revelry and in his Anecdote. Apart from Sylus on the job being hot as hell, there is so much about him and his motivations that we don't know yet and that I'm dying to find out.

I will also freely admit that a huge part of the reason for why I fell for Sylus and why he still has me in a chokehold is his complexity, his duality. I like that he is neither devil nor saint. Neither black nor white. Neither red flag nor forest full of green. He is so much more multifaceted and layered. He has real tangible flaws, and is certainly not a harmless cinnamon roll. He is a loverboy, yes, but equally a dangerous criminal whose hands have and will continue to kill others. And this duality is what makes him a great character in my eyes.

Hell, as much as it hurts me to witness, I like that he monumentally fucked up his initial meeting with present MC. And the narrative is very clear on this — his actions towards MC were wrong. He was forceful. He was cruel. Let's not sugarcoat this. Sure, us players know why he went about doing it the way he did and we feel bad for him as a consequence, but that doesn't make what he did in any way right or justifiable. MC was right to feel fear and disgust, and she would've been fully justified in never forgiving him imo. And honestly, I think Sylus would agree. He realizes just how badly he screwed things up, even if it took the harsh but true wake-up call from the shopkeeper to bring him to this realization. And it's a hugely important moment, both for him as a character and for his relationship with MC. Afterwards, he puts in the conscious effort to do better. To be better for her. To make things right. To me, this decision and commitment of his wouldn't have hit nearly as hard or been as meaningful if his prior actions hadn't been what they were. They proved that he is capable of real self reflection and growth. It's a massively important moment in their relationship.

The rocky start to their relationship also makes cards like Razor's Dance so impactful. Same with Goodcat Code and some phone calls and interactions where Sylus' fears and insecurities regarding MC's feelings toward him shine through. With the context of his behavior in LAR, it's completely understandable for him to have these fears. He knows he fucked up. Had he been a cinnamon roll made up of purely green flags, neither his feelings nor MC's would have made sense. Nor would MC's eventual forgiveness, and ability to once more see in him what others cannot, be near as powerful.

I don't know, am I making any sense with this or am I just rambling lol 😅

My point is that I love and appreciate all sides of Sylus. Both good and bad. It's what makes him him. And I would no more want to trade or give up main story Sylus than I would memory Sylus. I want big bad ruthless boss of Onychinus just as much as I want soft loverboy Sylus. They are equally important to Sylus' character. He wouldn't be himself without either. It's a package deal.

Perfect/flawless characters bore me. If Sylus were simply soft and green through and through, I would've lost interest. Honestly, I most likely wouldn't have downloaded the game to begin with. It was the danger mixed in with the comfort that drew me in.

It's like a friend and I have discussed many times — the fact that the hands that have wrought violence and death upon countless people are the very same ones that touch his beloved with such reverence and tenderness, is incredibly hot. Duality ftw.

So needless to say I am waiting with baited breath for the day when we will finally see main story Sylus again. Or for that matter, just a memory of Sylus in boss of Onychinus mode.

🐉❤️ 🐦‍⬛

[unofficial-drawfee-publicist]

Personally I think the genius of I Want to Unify The Kingdom But the Second Male Lead Is Too Indecent is the theme of self reflection and improvement running through the series.

Like how Dickington is forced to confront the error of his old ways through Daleton and Princess Bridgerton realises that she was always more capable than she was given credit for, she was just told she couldn’t do it until she eventually began to believe it, and only realises how capable she is and gains confidence when thrust into a position of power

It’s why the flashbacks in season 2 are so important, their pre-isekai lives explain so much about why they behave the way they do and adds so much depth and nuance to their characters!!

Even the pants guy having an existential crisis about the significance of his old job now he’s able to see how his work as a pants guy directly and tangibly helps people (not to see Daleton’s penis), while played for laughs, ties into this theme.

[gabbiecasso]

Just me and my reflections on Shikatema

I've been weirdly hyperfixated recently on Shikamaru and Temari, and so I reflected a lot just to properly dissect the reasons myself because I initially couldn't really understand why I liked them when I was really young, more so as an adult (and as demi/ace) LOL so imma yap

As a demi, I've always struggled with romance themes. I always subtly feel like my circuits are frying when I watch anything romance or I often just plainly feel indifferent. Thankfully I managed to spot a few patterns by spending a lot of time in my head; one of them is that I prefer romance when it's not under the spotlight (idk I noticed I always prefer the side pairs more than the main pairs in any story HAHA) I guess that was one of the categories that Shikatema falls under.

I spent more than a decade watching/reading Naruto and it was enough time for me to have a close affinity with these characters and love them for creating such a huge impact in my childhood without the heavy emotional flairs that Naruto and the rest of characters put upfront. They ultimately became my two favorite characters in the series because I share the same traits and tendencies as them. It also wasn't a surprise that two of my favorite characters ended up together because their relationship was slowly developed and it didn't come off like shocking news.

Unlike the other pairs in Naruto where it seems to have characters fixating on someone or characters overshadowing the other, Shikatema operate on a level playing field. They're each strong leaders and strategists in their own right, both competent enough to recognize each other's strengths. They don't feel the need to change the other nor prove their worth. They're their own person and it clearly shows early in the series and even as it progresses to Shippuden.

I personally dislike being the center of anyone's attention or constantly feeding someone attention so I gravitate more to people who are deeply more passionate about purpose/duty/service/something more than about me and my presence. Shikatema has that dynamic where their relationship feels more like a partnership than a romance based on dependency. They both have important (political) roles in their own respective villages, and they know their purposes and the weight that they carry very well—which prolly explains why both are self-sufficient, independent, and capable. They both take their duties seriously and you don't see a scene where one craves for the other's attention (it’s funny how actively and arduously they work on their duty while in each other’s presence so you can definitely say they were literally there for (and with) each other as they fulfilled their roles as diplomat escort/advisor and diplomat/royalty)

Another that I value DEEPLY to my core is individuality, and I've always adored how Shikamaru and Temari preserve their individuality while still thriving together. It's one of the main factors why they see each other as equals and why none of them overpowers the other.

Shikamaru, laid-back and often understated, complements Temari’s directness and assertiveness. His relaxed demeanor helps her stay grounded and objective rather than just taunting in combat or in general LMFAO

Meanwhile, Temari, who is confident and comfortable taking charge, gives Shikamaru's abilities more buoyancy—she openly calls out his BS and he welcomes it because he knows how unassuming, and, at times, self-deprecating he can be. He never seeks the spotlight and often downplays his own abilities and it's where Temari's outspokenness fits the bill (this energy is also quite evident in Shikamaru Hiden)

Both characters also challenge gender norms (I'm inclined to believe that their characters' subtle sexism when they were first introduced in the series was part of the writing, there is an active discussion about this somewhere and I genuinely believe it has its purpose) Young Shikamaru yaps about her being too troublesome because she's incessantly outspoken/spunky. Young Temari yaps about him being too emotional because he didn't seem to receive emotional training.

Yet in the long run, Shikamaru's honesty and vulnerability allow Temari to soften up and witness the act of kindness by someone who wears his heart on his sleeve (which was first seen during the Sasuke retrieval arc at the hospital where Shikamaru had an emotional breakdown) and Temari's unwavering strength and energy nudges Shikamaru into action when he might otherwise hesitate (Temari often banters with him to make him commit to his decisions and not spend too much time in his head)

Both characters also have innate leadership. I noticed that one of my main attraction points is leadership (as an act of service girlie) and these two have that strong nature: Shikamaru leads with his introspective nature, while Temari leads with her assertive nature.

It was evident first during the Chunin exams when they were pitted against each other—both read their opponents exceptionally well and they both show a strong sense of battle awareness while keeping their cool and executing their strategies effectively. It's no surprise that Shikamaru was promoted Chunin and Temari was promoted Jonin & Ambassador (it wasn't clear when Temari was promoted, but in the early episodes of Shippuden, she was already a Jonin & Ambassador who frequently visits Konoha) They both learned to grow as leaders who first serve their people before themselves in their respective villages and it stretches further during the war arc where they serve not just people from their respective villages but the entire Alliance.

Both were also Chunin exam proctors, so ain't that great LOL I think it was one of the many factors why I never doubted their parenting (and Shikadai did grew up to be such a fine and disciplined shinobi with a strong moral code) Both did seem to question each other's parenting styles since Temari favors intense training while Shikamaru advocates leisure (which I believe is a great balance) but both parents have fostered Shikadai's agency; allowing him to come up with his own conclusions and decisions based on his critical thinking because both Shikamaru and Temari share the same values in their youth.

In the series, high intensity emotions are almost always present in every relationship but their relationship has a subdued nature—They don't need long stretches of dialogues to understand each other because all they needed was experiences, and a little observation and deduction.

They didn't need to prove their worth to each other (or to anyone honestly) because it's built on deep understanding rather than overt passion. Altho it had a different interpretation in the manga, both characters even agree that marriage is troublesome LOL (but welp)

Last one is that both are strategists. Chess is my sport and puzzles/tactical games that require mental effort has always been my comfort, I guess it's natural for me to gravitate to these two. (I like any strategic characters who also wear their heart on their sleeve)

They also approach strategy differently: Shikamaru’s intellect makes him highly logical and analytical, often relying on foresight to plan for every possible outcome. Temari is a decisive, action-oriented strategist; often has the courage to commit to a decision quickly. She also heavily thinks on the fly to understand an opponent's motive and naturally adapts.

This was again exhibited during the Chunin exams where Shikamaru's strategic skills allowed him to use his environment to his advantage while Temari displayed her adaptability and quick-thinking capabilities to counter Shikamaru's offenses since she's a heavy thinker herself.

Temari may not be as exceptionally creative as Shikamaru but she highly values intel, reason, and logic in order to come up with a counter. This was exactly the reason why her battle with Shikamaru was further stretched; up to the point where Shikamaru exhausted his chakra.

I deeply adore how both characters value planning, precision, and patience in combat while other characters in the story value power, tenacity, and speed. Irl, I value the same set of values as Shikatema in chess/games/puzzles and so I guess it’s no surprise. I get to just admire the intellectual aspect of their relationship where it allows them to not just connect emotionally but also challenge each other mentally in every screen time they had.

Thanks for coming to my yapping thread if you ever made it in the end LOL

[alicentsgf]

Whats interesting is whilst Shauna was gleeful at Mari being chosen in the hunt, im not 100% sure she would have been capable of killing her if she'd actually caught up to her. butchering a dead body, shooting at someone indirectly, cohercing others into violence, its not quite the same thing. like Shauna delights in violence, but Lotties the only one we've seen actively kill someone in the teen timeline (and that happens during a psychotic episode). the only person we've seen Shauna kill is Adam and that was on impulse when she felt threatened.

Has Shauna reached a point yet where she could actually take someones life in a premeditated way? because i dont think so, and im not sure she ever will reach it. Shaunas all desire, impulse, fear, and instinct. its very animalistic, and it seems like this is why Lottie sees so much of "the wilderness" in her. so yes clearly Shauna can kill when threatened or desperate, but can she kill just for the hell of it? because she hasnt yet, and it arguably goes against her nature to do so. its perhaps part of the reason why the incident with bruce the goat at Lotties compound effects her so much. she has no drive to kill him, theres no threat to trigger a violent response from her.

Shauna is always outward-looking, struggling to self-reflect or make sense of herself, but it also means she sees the world very simply. shes matter-of-fact, the only one who never truly believes on any level in "the wilderness" belief system (though she might pretend to for the sake of control). its another way in which shes almost animal-like in her approach to the world. animals dont need belief systems or stories and they adapt to their enviroment, becoming feral and reactive if thats what it takes to keep them alive.

It'll be interesting next season to see if Shauna gets the opportunity to kill in a more premeditated way, and doesnt take it. cant go through with it the way she thought she'd be able to. I think its why Callie is "her, but more", like Lottie says. because Callie can. Callie did. Lotties death happened on impulse but it wasnt an accident, we see Callie decide to push her, and Lottie wasnt a true threat in the way Shauna believed Adam to be. I think Lottie has perhaps seen Shauna's limits in a way the audience hasn't yet, and is referencing that. Shauna puts on a facade so she can rule through fear because she needs to feel powerful, clinging to it like a life raft, but she perhaps isnt as capable of murder as she wants everyone to think.

[greenwitchfromthewoods]

self-doubt. l Harry Castillo

💔 a few ways to break your heart 💔

Summary:  they decided to show you your place

Warnings:  Self-doubt, complexes, imposter syndrome, gossiping, crying, breakups

A/N: I thought a lot of us struggle with this so I wrote this… will I fix it?

your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes

a few ways to break a heart [masterlist]

"I really don't understand why Harry showed up with that thing. Have you seen her dress? It was in style last season."

A soft giggle echoed through the bathroom, mixing with the sound of running water and the clicking of heels. Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest that it was strange that the women fixing their makeup in front of the mirror hadn’t heard you in one of the stalls.

Finally, the voice of the second woman rang out. "I heard they met at a café."

"No kidding! She probably worked there, huh?" the first one snorted. "She looks like she works at a café because she couldn't make it anywhere else. Harry's too good for her."

"Mhm. She'll probably get pregnant soon and inherit his fortune."

Someone slammed their hand on the marble counter, and the owner's voice rose noticeably. "Spit it out, Susan! Harry should at least have a little more sense. If he wants to have fun, fine, but he should watch her hands more closely. I'm telling you, she only wants his money!"

"And she's not even pretty."

You couldn't move. When the women finally came out of the bathroom and you knew you were alone, you realized you had been holding your breath and welcomed the oxygen in your lungs. Your fingers were icy cold and when you looked down at your hands, you saw they were shaking.

They were talking about you. You were sure of it, you had seen them earlier, watching Harry and you at that stupid sponsors' party. The best of the best, beautiful people with lots of money. Champagne, oysters, and other expensive food you've never tried.

You felt like you didn't fit in there, but now you were sure of it.

These women weren't wrong, though. You met Harry Castillo at a coffee shop when he accidentally spilled coffee on you. Plain and simple. But no, you didn't work there. You went there regularly and sometimes you saw a tall man with broad shoulders and a prominent nose. Once or twice you exchanged friendly glances and smiles.

It was easy to fall in love with Harry Castillo. He was charming, sweet, sensitive, and really listened. You quickly fell in love with his brown eyes, and on the third date he told you that “you were more than that.”

You had your insecurities, and your self-confidence had been shaken for years. How could you blame yourself? Growing up in the age of social media, magazines, and the constant rush to be perfect took its toll on everyone. You were no exception.

And even though Harry did everything right, and you felt like the most beautiful woman in the world, in that moment, in that fucking toilet, at that awful party, it all came crashing down.

Only, miraculously, the tears that were gathering in your eyes hadn't ruined your makeup yet. You stepped out of the stall and saw your reflection in the mirror. Despite the tears glistening in your eyes and the slight shock on your face, you still looked the same as when you arrived at the party.

The dress you and Harry had chosen complimented your figure beautifully. The makeup highlighted your eyes, and you could still picture Harry's look in your mind when he saw you like that.

"I don't know, maybe we should stay home..." he said tenderly kissing your neck "But I want to show everyone how lucky I am."

But in that moment, in that fancy bathroom of that damn expensive hotel, you felt like someone you weren't. You didn't belong to this world, to these people. All your fears and insecurities had found an outlet, and no rational words could change that.

What if they were right? What if Harry was just playing with you? Would he be capable of that? No, Harry wasn't like that. The man had a heart of gold, and you were sure of it. But he would soon see for himself that you weren't on his level, that you were far below him. The imposter syndrome kicked in.

Harry would find out soon. He would soon discover that you weren't who he thought you were.

The approaching voices brought you back to earth. To avoid anyone noticing how bad your condition was, you headed for the door.

You noticed him immediately. Your eyes searched for Harry and easily found him in the crowd. Damn, he looked so good in that perfectly tailored suit, his shirt collar slightly loosened. For a moment you wanted to go to him, but then you saw the woman he was talking to. She was beautiful. Her hand lightly grabbed his arm as she let out a sweet laugh. You wanted to be her so badly...

The lump in your throat was becoming unbearable. You didn't dare go back to the party, instead you headed for the exit. Yes, you were a coward. You were one too when you called Harry from the taxi you caught.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but this is pointless."

"What? I'm sorry, darling, but I don't understand. Where are you? I'll be right there." he replied. Concern was barely noticeable in his voice.

"I'm not there anymore." The silence on the other end was terrifyingly loud. Finally, you heard Harry take a deep breath.

"Okay, so where are you, love? We'll talk."

“Harry…” You stopped for a moment, feeling the tears already streaming down your cheeks. “Please don’t come to me. I don’t think we should see each other for a while.”

"Darling..." Harry started, but you interrupted him again. In the background, you could clearly hear him moving around, probably trying to find his driver and car.

"Harry, please. Respect my decision." you said, trying to keep your voice calm. "I need...space. This is too much for me. I'm sorry, but it's over."

And before he could say anything, you hung up. You were a fucking coward. You didn't care about your makeup anymore, you let the tears flow.

☆☆☆☆

Thank you for your time.

[blacknedsoul-blog]

Montresor (and Willtresor) is the Bad Ending of the White Raven IV: the saga continues

Okay, now that these chapters have been released I can talk about this issue. I must say that this twist has been just the way I like twists: no, the surprising thing is not that it happened, but that, when you look back, it not only makes sense, it also recontextualizes some little things that stick around.

A person who is not there

There's one thing that's cross-cutting to these four idiots: they're absolutely desperate for someone to look at them. And when you think about it, it kind of makes sense: Lenore has lost the one person who seemed to even slightly care about her and locked up like an animal, Annabel is a hypocrite so terrified of being perceived as crazy that she's a breath away from collapse, Will is the kind of guy who blends in with the walls to such an extent that hardly anyone remembers his face, and Montresor has been seen as an devil since fucking birth.

However, the fine line that separates the Annabel/Will and Lenore/Montresor duo is drawn into something quite complicated: who are on the edge of the abyss and who can't fall any lower.

Both Montresor and Lenore, for different reasons, are trapped in inescapable situations: Montresor will never be anything more than a shit-talking charlatan in anyone's eyes and Lenore will die before she shakes off the label of a madwoman.

Then, they come along. These two people who have not only been able to look them in the eye, they are also people in whom they can see themselves reflected: a weak pushover who can't fend for himself and a lady who is one mental health slip away from being put in a straitjacket.

They have been that person. And their desperate cries for help have never been answered.

But this time may be different. If Lenore and Montresor can save Annabel and Will, in a way, they are also saving themselves. A 50/50 between a selfless motivation and a huge reassertion of one's own ego.

Which leads to the first difference.

Where Lenore offers Annabel a deal on equal terms, a “you and me against the world, baby”; Montresor has with Will a relationship based on subordination: it is he who must take care of Will and, thus, Will is beneath him.

What Annabel and Will understand from the arrangements of this deal are two very different things: where Annabel must live up to the extraordinary person that Lenore is in order to accompany her on equal terms, Will must make sure that he is a weak individual that Montresor can take care of and mistreat in order to feel superior when necessary.

This is not a problem for either of them because there is one little thing that Annabel and Will are able to mold as if it were plasticine: their identity.

Fragmented identities

These scenes have exactly the same purpose.

And I absolutely love them for that.

But let's take them one at a time.

Both Annabel and Will are two invisible people who at least feel like they've been saved by their favorite person. Lenore is Annabel's knight in shining armor and Montresor is the bad boy capable of moving forward despite everything that Will longs for.

They love them. And they need them.

Because Annabel is just a pretty accessory incapable of thinking outside the golden cage she's lived in all her life. And Will is incapable of thinking for himself because he doesn't want to deal with the responsibility of doing so.

So they build this perfect mask to please their special people. A carefully chiseled mask tailored to be loved based on what they believe their special person wants from them.

In both scenes, Annabel and Will have their world fall apart as they realize that the mask they have created for their loved one is not only unwanted, but viewed with disgust and contempt. So the mask slips for an instant to reveal what lies beneath only for their special people. But to very different ends and consequences.

Annabel drops her self-imposed role as unbeatable queen, begins to cry her eyes out, has a panic attack and even -to Lenore's surprise and horror- comes to doubt that she is loved. She is far from living up to the role she should have: she is scared, lonely and, from her reaction, probably doesn't even want to do this.

Of course, Lenore swoops in to comfort her because her beloved damsel in distress is in a vulnerable moment. But all it takes is for Lenore to suggest that Annabel can approach other people for the unbeatable queen to come back: even pushing her to the limit hasn't gotten her to get what's really going on out of her. And after Annabel would rather have Duke and Pluto throw her off a balcony than allow Lenore to reveal herself as a traitor to her friends, it is definite that Lenore has lost this battle: she has already exhausted all her options which have ranged from pleading, to loving words and, in this scene, to verbal violence. The unbeatable queen is in a place where she can't reach her and any future attempts will only succeed in putting the two of them in a more complicated situation.

On the other hand, Will has a small moment of vulnerability with Montresor, giving her this little speech that works as a confession: this confusion about whether he wants him or wants to be him is, as I read in some places, a fairly common situation among gay men. Before he dies, he ends up stealing Montresor a kiss.

But all this has been nothing more than to see his reaction. Because Will is not dead. Not at all.

Although he's put his feelings on the table, he doesn't seem to expect Montresor to return his affection. Just knowing that he cares seems to be enough for the moment, because he plays dumb after it all happens. But Will's made it pretty clear that he is capable of an enormous level of manipulation and that he works with a subtlety that even Annabel couldn't dream of.

Now that they've gotten a peek at what's beneath the masks, Lenore and Montresor find themselves trapped with monsters of their own creation that they are unable to comprehend: Lenore can't even fathom why Annabel continues to do this despite how much she's suffering and Montresor doesn't even know what Will's intentions really are.

Kind of deliciously ironic because didn't Lenore want her partner in crime? Didn't Montresor want his little mutt to fight a little?

Weren't they the ones who wanted to be their number one?

And, as the icing on the cake, they are alone in this, because the monsters they have created only let them get close. Everyone else in the world has been fooled by Annabel and Will's perfect masks, so if they wanted to (or even could) tell anyone about this absolutely no one would believe them.

Even if Lenore wanted to convince her friends that Annabel isn't a homicidal maniac, it's virtually impossible for them to believe her after what happened with Duke. And Montresor can't even begin to explain what Will did.

Love and control

Here I need to stir up the duos a bit.

Montresor and Annabel are not only blonde charlatans with parental problems, they have also learned to relate to the world in terms of control: they protect themselves by moving others around like pieces to get them to do what they want (at least in Nevermore, Annabel in life would not have been able to do these things as far as we know).

Where Annabel puts herself at the center of the board as a queen, Montresor is all about pissing off everyone around him because that's the only way he feels seen.

But they are not the ones with the upper hand in their relationship.

Will and Lenore have demonstrated by actions -we can't be sure in Lenore's case it's a conscious thing- that they are capable of giving all the affection, security, and loyalty if they get what they want from Montresor and Annabel.

It's hard to know what Will wants from Montresor at this point, but he seems quite content for his bad boy to remain his bad boy who has something resembling a soft side to him. In Lenore's case, this waltz between having doki dokis every time Annabel exists around her and being absolutely furious seems to be tied up in her desire to have Annabel by her side: when Annabel plays queen and walks away, pushing Lenore away from whatever is going on; she immediately becomes wary or, at worst, aggressive; but is caring and responsive when Annabel shows a vulnerable side.

This ends up generating a funny situation where the relationship between Montresor and Will is more functional than Lenore and Annabel's because there is one side subordinate to the other: Will has Montresor by the balls, but lets himself be mistreated; while Annabel refuses to put Lenore's desires above the danger they are both in (and even refuses to tell her what the fuck is going on).

Conclusions

Okay, I have to admit that I have been a bit dramatic in some parts of this essay and I have to rectify that so that you are not left with the wrong idea.

The first (and most obvious) thing is that it looks like Annabel is going to get to have honest relationships beyond Lenore. Of course, her friendship with Ada and Prospero can't really begin until the “allies till battle royale do them part” deal is dissolved and she's confronted for putting them both in a sticky situation. That yes, they signed up to be allies of the Machiavellian mastermind, but to Caesar what is Caesar's: no real friendship will form here until those bumps are crossed.

And speaking of Annabel, if there's one person who has a microscopic chance of believing Montresor the fucked up shit Will has done, it's possibly Annabel. My only argument is this:

Like, she doesn't say Will is harmless, she says isolation makes him pliable. And although she is underestimating him and not knows Will is a threat, but maybe she'd be willing to think Montresor isn't crazy if she finds out what happened.

Another point is the conclusion she ended up coming to in all these trials: the line that separates things is drawn on who has their heart in the right place and who doesn't. So, where Montresor is terrified of Will while Will holds a threat over Montresor's head, neither Lenore nor Annabel is afraid that the other might hurt them. And while we don't know what Lenore's feelings are about how she's been treating Annabel in some respects (this for the date I've uploaded this essay), if her face in this scene and the little spoiler that was uploaded to tumblr tell us one thing: It's that the answer is probably guilt. Let's see what comes out of that.

Finally, there's one not too nice thing I'd like to say about when I saw spoilers from the fast pass. Okay, I know this comic is moving at a snail's pace and that while it's been a few days for the characters, this chapter came out like fifty weeks ago. But people, with all my love: I want you to see the difference between Ada and Will's reactions in this scene. Ada is obviously uncomfortable and guilty; while Will has an “upsi” face.

And when Lenore confronts him, Will has the face to complaining that he is scared. He at no point in this confrontation shows a single shred of real remorse.

I know there are people who have been through abusive relationships who have identified with Will and I don't mean to go on to bring that up. But what these scenes raised at the time is that there is something off about this guy, something that should give you a bad feeling because his behavior doesn't fit that of a person who has been forced to do something terrible.

Another thing I've seen someone point out at the time is that Will feels different in his character presentation and has been getting more pathetic as we see him more screen time. We now know that he has been learning how to behave.

Add to that that his reaction is the only one we don't see when it's revealed that there's only a second life available and we only see it when Montresor shakes him. But he doesn't seem particularly affected beyond the chaos that's going on around him.

All these little things keep telling you that there's something wrong with Will. And what Chapter 120 does, is show you what the thing that didn't add up was: what we've been seeing so far is a mask worn by a much more twisted individual and, now that we know that, we can start to figure out who he is and what he really wants.

This, people, is William Willson in all his glory. And Will turns out not to be the protagonist, but the doppelganger tormenting him. I don't remember who said that theory, but: you were absolutely right.

Anyway, this has gotten long. Thank you very much for making it this far.

[skywalkr-nberrie]

Friendly reminder that Padmé isn’t supposed to be considered ‘unreasonable’ for falling in love with Anakin nor choosing him because she’s “messy and traumatized” (I mean she is traumatized, but that’s a whole other in dept nuance in her character, worthy of analysis.) and that she only wanted to live out her “fairytale fantasy” and that’s why she chose to marry Anakin. No, she chose him because she saw the goodness and beauty of him. She loved him for his soul, his sincerity, for his passion, etc. It’s actually reasonable why she chose him and married him. It’s just a misconception that she had to be as insane as Anakin for her to ever choose him, because a good hearted and morally righteous woman could never want someone like him.

Padmé is traumatized, her story parallels Anakin in many ways, she has the sort of nuance that pars even Anakin’s character, she had to put up with running a whole planet at the age of 14, and she had her whole life stolen from her at a very young age. She feels like she’s made to live in servitude and her duty rather than dream of her own life. She had multiple handmaidens that upheld the system of pretending to be her for the sake of taking her spot in case someone puts her in grave danger, robbing Padmé of her self identity, and burdening her with the guilt of someone else dying for her. Her only real friends are all people from her work, aka her colleagues.

So yes, indeed Anakin is her safe spot, her breath of fresh air, her happiness, her everything. He’s her perfect ‘fairytale ending’ that she always deserved, but that’s not why she fell in love with him. Padmé’s love for Anakin and decision to be with him isn’t in anyway associated to her trauma (in the way most people think, I mean.) or that it means she’s insane. It’s a reflection of how passionate, sincere, romantic, hopeful, domestic, emotional, and spiritual she is as a person. She is like Anakin in that way too, and that’s why they connected so deeply. Padmé was aware of all of Anakin’s flaws, and darkness and she still loved him because she was capable of seeing that the greatness in him was more.

“But though she loves her husband without reservation, love does not blind her to his faults. She is older than he, and wise enough to understand him better than he does himself. He is not a perfect man: he is prideful, and moody, and quick to anger—but these faults only make her love him the more, for his every flaw is more than balanced by the greatness within him”

- Revenge of the Sith novelization written by Matthew Stover.

[kalpeavaris]

Cyn's Synemy Design Playlist - Pinterest

Finished my new design for Cyn! I wasn't satisfied with the first iteration I made all the way back in September when I first released the fanfiction... so I sat down and made a new one! That reflects my interpretation of her OG personality better. B]]

Find Synemy (the corresponding fanfiction to this design) on AO3!

More info, design notes & whatnot under the cut!

This version of her is made from a backup copy the Solver kept of Cyn's "old" code & personality before it took her over as host. This code was secured within the AS' code and extracted by Nori, who then planted it into a new body to allow Cyn to live her own life.

Can either wear two braids or her hair untied (the two ties infront are always there!) her back hair reaches her legs when untied.

Imitates people's voices and takes on vocal stims she heards. Tessa loves to annoy her by showing her random memes and watches Cyn repeat them for weeks on end out of impulse

Gets along fairly well with most people. It's more of a neutral stance - the people she feels most comfortable with are Uzi, Nori and N. Isn't really on friendly terms with J or V. Tessa and her are... indifferent, but they tolerate each other and occasionally bond over shared interests such as videogames or dark humor.

Although she might look very timid und friendly upon first encountering her, Cyn is VERY capable of being the most sarcastic little shit you ever know. She doesn't have a filter and will use dark/self depricating humor.

Is contantly tired due to her faulty code & other lore reasons. :]]

Still needs to consume oil (or other drone parts) to stay within manageable temperature ranges

Has memory issues and can barely recall her time as Solver host actively, but has flashbacks and nightmares about it. Pretends to not care, but deep down these instances disturb her greatly.

Views Nori as her adoptive mom (and Nori views her as adoptive "kid")

Incredibly invested in videogames, computers and other electrical devices. Loves to take them apart and tinker around, especially when Uzi's around to teach her new stuff.

She like dinosaurs. Her favourites are Utahraptors and Parasaurolophus.

Often listens to music and will straigt up ignore everyone around her if she does. Very invested in rock.

Takes things literal, unless they're memes.

Isn't as alone as she hoped to be in her new OS.

[the-crooked-library]

Human vs Vampire Violence in Nosferatu

I've talked about this in the tags of another post already but i can't stop thinking about this so here it goes:

The majority of Ellen's suffering is due to mundane and socially acceptable forms of violence (e.g. medical) and that is not an accident. The script intends this. It is the primary underlying theme of Nosferatu (2024), it is the undercurrent to all her motivations, and the film wants the viewers to be aware of this, at least on some level.

Over the course of the story, Ellen Hutter is forcibly isolated by her father, dismissed and infantilized by her husband, drugged and tied to her bed by a doctor and her husband's friends, pierced through the arm by another doctor just to demonstrate that her soul "isn't there," insulted and kicked out from the Hardings' house (while still having psychic fits nightly), left to care for her sick husband alone without any support, never listened to - and all these things are excused!..

There's always some sort of justification, and it's usually either misogynistic or medical or both.

Her father isolated her because her psychic abilities frightened him, because she was too abnormal, and he thought that she wasn't fit to be around other people. Thomas dismissed her nightmares and ignored her emotional needs because he thought her anxieties were childish, that she prioritized the wrong things in life (love over financial advancement), and that she was incapable of good judgement; it's also the reason he is unaware that she doesn't like cut flowers, or that Harding hates her (even though she is very well aware of that, she evidently didn't feel like she could tell her husband). Similarly, Dr. Sievers believed that he had to do what he did, because Ellen was mad and had to be controlled. Harding, naturally, let him do it, and then did worse, and justified it all with “logic” and family values.

The point is that every single character harms Ellen on some level, despite what they might consider best intentions; and I think that a significant drive behind some of the more vitriolic online responses to this film is that many people are uncomfortable with that aspect of the story. Nosferatu demands that the viewer confront a fundamental truth of human imperfection - that someone who looks soft and Normal is, in fact, capable of causing pain regardless; and that invites a deeper sort of self-reflection. Perhaps, even accountability.

Our recently-resurgent purity culture shares this discomfort with Ellen's societal setting. For Thomas, for Sievers, for Harding, for us, it is much easier to blame harm and sin on a Monster From Somewhere Else, and pretend that a witch-hunt would entirely eradicate the problem.

However, the film demonstrates the inherent falseness behind this assumption. Even if Ellen had not followed Orlok into death, she would not have suddenly become happy with her human life - because his destruction would not have changed how she is perceived. She would have continued to endure far more insidious, systemic, violent abuse as a disabled, arguably queer wife and woman.

This is why the sensuality of her death/wedding is so crucial to the presentation of the film.

in Orlok, she embraces her own perceived "darkness," the aspects of her that her society believes are harmful and grotesque - her lack of deference to her husband (he terrorizes Thomas), her queerness (he drains Anna and destroys Harding's family), her psychic disability (he kisses Ellen's heart and drinks from her, reverent and tender). it is a scene steeped in both terror and ecstasy. She is joining Orlok in sin and in death - a twisted version of his proposed eternity; and in doing so, she is ascended.

It is incredibly poignant that, when her power over him is actually shown, it is far more emotional and commonplace than could be expected. There are no torches or stakes, no physical explicit battle; Ellen's unique, magnificent, holy power is merely the ability to ask for "more!.. More!" - and be granted that wish without question. Here, in a monster's embrace, she is valued more than a promotion, or propriety, or even Orlok's own life.

All that to say - Ellen's personal journey through the film does not culminate in a straightforward battle of "victim vs abuser." Despite what a cursory overview might imply, the Final Struggle is a minor aspect; instead, the overwhelming majority of her story revolves around a build-up to a Final Choice. Similar to I Saw The TV Glow, or NBC's Hannibal, or a multitude of other narratives, it explores the balance between the horror of transformation and the horror of staying the same. A monster might grant the first one if you ask, and it will feel like dying - but society's already forced you into the second.

All there is left to do is make damn sure it kills you.

[thewistlingbadger]

I think the scene with Jinx and Vi in the bunker would have been better if Jinx had broke down at the sight of Silco's jacket. For self indulgent reasons? Yes, but also for three other valid reasons.

Silco was a huge part of Jinx's life, and we only got to see her grieve and mourn him twice. Her breaking down when encountering yet another reminder of him would be accurate to what the season has already established and would progress this part of her story.

Silco has told Jinx the story of Vander's betrayal countless of times throughout her life, to the point where she was detached from the notion and didn't truly realize the severity of their rift. But the image of his jacket nestled within Vander's would make their relationship so much more real to her and would have caused a moment of reflection for her.

This scene was the perfect moment to get the sisters to talk about the two men that raised each of them respectively, since we've never seen them talk about any of them before in a meaningful way. From Vi's perspective, Silco captured Jinx as child because Vi was unable to protect her and brainwashed her into being a delusional psychopath. We know that this couldn't be further from the truth. We know that the relationship between those two was one of love and care, one between a father and a daughter. But Vi doesn't know that because she and Jinx never talk about it. Silco means so much to Jinx, how can Vi possibly understand her sister if she doesn't understand her relationship with Silco? We see in this scene that Vi still harbors resentment and bitterness towards Silco, this was literally the perfect opportunity to address her feelings towards him. To me, you can't reconcile the relationship between the sisters if you don't reconcile Vi's perception of Silco. She's always going to hate him, but that doesn't mean she was to be willingly ignorant about him. Like, in this scene, Vi is still completely oblivious to Vander's betrayal. She has no idea he's the reason for Silco's scar and change in personality- only Jinx knows that. This was the perfect opportunity for Jinx to share that knowledge. If Vi understood that Jinx loved Silco and that love was reciprocated, it would make her question her own beliefs, which could lead to development for her character. It could teach her to not think so black and white. Seeing Jinx weep for Silco would also make Vi realize that her sister is still human, still capable of vulnerability and solely capable of harm and violence. This was the perfect opportunity to have an open and honest dialogue between the sisters and have them actually unpack their baggage.

[youremyheaven]

Jupiter Dominant Women & Daddy Issues

TW: mentions of rape, abuse, suicide etc

Over the years of my studies, I have noticed that its Jupiter dominant women who tend to have daddy issues more than any other planetary dominance. Solar women (Uttarashada, Uttaraphalguni & Krittika) tend to benefit from positive male influence in their early life, so they have healthy Yang qualities (they're driven, self-motivated, critical thinking) whereas women who haven't had a healthy male influence in their early lives, either develop a heightened but fragile femininity (understood in a very traditional way, this means being passive and excessively reliant on others to get by, I know this is misogynistic but i am talking strictly about a traditional notion of femininity) or they cultivate inner masculinity.

Jupiter is a masculine planet and across the naks of Punarvasu, Vishaka and Purvabhadrapada, women tend to have a very unguarded, open, almost masculine presence. I mean this in terms of what they talk about or how self-assured they seem, traditionally women were expected to be more withdrawn or to talk little. I don't mean to say Jupiterian women are brash or aggressive, they're very poised, and elegant and put across their point eloquently. They're 9/10 times very well-spoken. When one lacks the security of a male figure early in life, one tends to cultivate inner masculinity because it's understood that you cannot rely on any man.

Caroline Polachek, Punarvasu Moon, has spoken about her difficult relationship with her father on numerous occasions. Here's a link to a post where she talks about it. Her lack of a father figure in her own words caused her to be "self-sufficient". Notice how in the post, she speaks about making amends with him later in life and even ended the post with "love you dad". This is the kind of generosity that you don't see from most other nakshatra types. To forgive someone who was never there for you/abused you/hurt you/caused you immense pain, requires a great deal of strength and maturity and not everybody has it. Punarvasu's innate nature is to absorb everything into its orbit and always be the bigger person. Due to the vast, abundant nature of Jupiter, they are ABLE to, accept these people for all their contradictions and see them as flawed, which makes it easier to forgive them. Most people let their traumas define their identity (im not saying traumas don't shape you, only about the kind of perception most people have about their own traumas) and spend their whole lives blaming others for who they've become or what they've done to them. To live a peaceful life, one has to take the high road, look beyond everything and see it as a part of life. It sounds very callous when I say it like that but that's what I mean. Not everyone is capable of being the bigger person or taking the high road.

Jupiter is the guru or teacher and how would one describe an ideal teacher? Someone who forgives the mistakes of their students as having risen out of immaturity and forgives them for not knowing better or being better. A teacher is forced to operate on a higher moral plane than others simply because chaos would descend if the teacher came down to the level of others. They are figures of wisdom, knowledge and higher learning, therefore their behaviour has to reflect the same. Jupiter natives are harshly punished for behaving in ways that are not fit for a "guru" because subconsciously society/those around them subject them to a different standard. Others can do the same exact thing and not suffer any consequences but when a Jupiter native behaves that way, they're ostracized. People kind of expect them to have it all together or be better. Any lapse on their part is judged harshly.

One of the biggest mysteries is how Jupiter natives emerge from often brutally abusive and neglectful childhoods into relatively well-adjusted adults. In the case of famous parent-child situations, there is public proof of their wrongdoing but in numerous other instances many do not believe Jupiter natives to have suffered the way they have or to the extent they have simply because on the outside they seem to have it all/seem so put together. This is yet another manifestation of Jupiter's duality and this not being believed/seen for who they are/how they've lived can be a source of pain/grief for some of these natives whilst others like to pretend it never happened and present a very positive view of their life. They don't hold grudges and often simply overlook the horrible nature of their loved ones, especially their parents and try to make amends with them.

Drew Barrymore, Punarvasu Moon, comes from a very famous family of actors but her father John Barrymore was a violent alcoholic and a drug addict who abandoned her & her mother when she was a child. She did not have any relationship with him and seldom spoke to him until he was diagnosed with cancer. She took care of him and even paid his medical bills until he passed away in 2004. Here's an IG post where she talks about her dad. It's so touching to see the compassion with which Punarvasu natives talk about people who've hurt them so much (in her memoir, Drew recalls how one time her father picked her up as a three-year-old and threw her against the wall). Truly, I don't see this level of kindness in any other nakshatra if I'm being honest. This is a photograph of her with Steven Spielberg who directed her in E.T when she was 7 years old, he's kind of a godfather figure to her and she apparently asked him to be her dad when she was a kid 🥺🥺

I also think Jupiter natives have a complicated relationship with their mothers as well, sometimes they're extremely close but other times, I think Jupiter natives feel the need to be their mother's saviour because they know how much she's gone through in her life. This manifests itself in a very complicated relationship. There is love but there is also a lot of bitterness.

Drew Barrymore has a very complicated relationship with her mother, who used to date the men Drew dated, pushed her into acting and exploited her as a child and admitted her to a psych ward when she was 12 among other things. Drew still takes care of her financially and has mentioned that her mother has even tried to steal money from her.

Charlotte Gainsbourg, Punarvasu Moon is the daughter of Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin. Her parents separated when she was a child and she lived with her father. In 1984, she did a duet with her father and starred in the music video for a song called Lemon Incest which describes an incestuous relationship between father & daughter. She was 12 years old at the time.

The music video is creepy, to say the least and features both of them half-naked in bed together. In 1986 when she was 14, she starred with her father in a movie called Charlotte For Ever which is about an alcoholic man whose only link to life is his daughter (Serge was an alcoholic). She has spoken about how difficult the filming experience was for her as he would push her to her extremes.

Here's a very uncomfortable clip of him kissing her on the mouth when she wins a Cesar. She is 16 years old.

Jane Birkin commented on the song saying "It never came as a shock or a surprise or even a worry [to her], knowing Serge's great love for Charlotte". Many believe that Birkin enabled Serge's abuse of their daughter since she left him due to his alcoholism and violence but left Charlotte in his care. She has also stated that her mother would always dress her up as a little boy when she was a child and that this complicated her relationship with her femininity.

Charlotte has only ever said good things about both her parents and denied any abuse.

She's also starred in multiple films directed by Lars Von Trier where she plays gruesome sexually depraved characters and Lars is well known for being difficult to work with. She has said that she sought fatherly approval from him ._. and again has only said good things about him.

Kali Uchis, Punarvasu Sun, Vishaka Moon & Rising has spoken about being abused as a child and that she no longer maintains contact with her family. She was kicked out of the house when she was 17 and slept in her car and worked at a supermarket for years to support herself.

Halsey, Punarvasu Moon. She grew up poor and has spoken about her difficult childhood, both she & her mother suffer from bipolar disorder and in her song Whispers she sings “Why do you need love so badly?/ Bet it's bеcause of her daddy." In the Armchair Expert podcast, she said that she has both "mommy and daddy issues".

Mariah Carey, Punarvasu Moon, has published a very revealing memoir about her life where she chronicles the abuse she experienced from her family. She had a moderately good relationship with her dad but was estranged from him as an adult. Her mother however continually exploited her for money.

Miley Cyrus, Vishaka Moon has a complicated relationship with both her parents. Currently, she's not on speaking terms with her father after he married a woman around Miley's age.

Beyonce, Vishaka Moon has been performing since she was a child and was in a girl group Destiny's Child which was managed by her father. She dropped him as her manager in 2011 and in the same year, his divorce from her mother was also finalized. He had apparently fathered a love child with another woman in 2009 and this was the reason for their divorce. Some speculate that they are now estranged but in typical Jupiter fashion, she has never bad-mouthed him in public. Jupiter natives do not air their dirty laundry in public ever. Their grace and dignity even in the face of extreme humiliation/shame/pressure is commendable.

Jennie, Vishaka Moon is very close to her mother but she's never mentioned her father in the 8 years since her debut. In the Blackpink documentary, she said that growing up it was just her and her mom. In this interview she spoke about living with her mother and how she never got a chance to spend much time at home as she was sent to boarding school at 8 years old. She remarks that she and her mom are like sisters but she's never said anything about her relationship with her dad, ever. I am not going to assume that they have a bad relationship but I thought it would be interesting to mention.

Demi Moore, Vishaka Sun

Moore was born to a 19-year-old mother and her biological father left before she was born. The actress' mom remarried a man who worsened her problems with alcohol, which led to violence and instability. The family moved many times throughout Moore's childhood and when she was 17, her stepfather committed suicide. In the early '80s, she embarked on her acting career and helped her mother stay in rehab throughout the years. In 1997, her mother was diagnosed with brain cancer and she reunited with her in the final months before her death.

Lily Collins, Purvabhadrapada Sun

Lily had a strained relationship with her dad growing up“Because my dad was often gone, I never wanted to do anything that would make him stay away even longer,” she wrote. “I became extra careful about what I said and how I said it, afraid he'd think I was angry or didn't love him"

She penned an open letter that said: "I forgive you for not being the dad I expected. But it's not too late”.

Alia Bhatt, Purvabhadrapada Sun has said that growing up she saw very little of her filmmaker father Mahesh Bhatt who is known in the media for being a very problematic figure. He once posed for a magazine cover in the 90s with his daughter Pooja Bhatt where they're kissing on the lips (Pooja is Alia's half-sister) and said that he would have married her if she weren't his daughter 🤮🤮Mahesh is known for being a very temperamental man (you'll be hard pressed to find a video of him not screaming) and it's quite well known that he and Alia's mother had a pretty rocky marriage that her mother could not leave as she was financially dependent on him. Her sister, Shaheen Bhatt has talked about struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies since she was a child.

Rekha, Purvabhadrapada Moon is the illegitimate child of actors Gemini Ganesan and Pushpavalli. Her father was already married to another woman when she was born. He refused to accept the paternity of Rekha and her sister Radha and she grew up in the same city that her father and his "legitimate" family lived in and attended the same school as her half-siblings where she occasionally saw glimpses of him dropping his other kids to school. She has stated that growing up she was called a "bastard" and that the only male figure in her life was "God". She made her debut as an actress when she was 13 against her wishes because her family had fallen on bad times and she had to work to support her 6 siblings and ill mother.

This interview of hers offers a glimpse into her early life. Regardless of what she's been through, Rekha has always been stoic and conducted herself with immense grace and dignity even when she received an award from her father who was never a part of her life. She said this in response:

“Why should I grieve for him when he’s so much part of me? Why should I grieve when I’m so grateful for his genes, his teachings, his rich life and his sheer existence? Grieve for what??!! I’m happy I didn’t have to share unpleasant moments with him. He existed for me in my imagination. And that’s so much more beautiful than reality. Everything I love is unqualified by worldly time constraints. I’m just a small link in the larger scheme of things. I’m not the first one to go through death, nor am I the first one to receive an award. I’m enjoying everything that comes my way…good bad or ugly. I try to make good use of what life’s experiences offer. I think I’ve done a good job of my life, whatever others may think.” 

The Jupiterean ability to always look at the bright side and forgive people who don't deserve your forgiveness is heart-breaking but enlightening at the same time.

Rita Hayworth, Purvabhadrapada Moon confided in her husband Orson Welles that she was sexually abused by her father as a child and had been repeatedly raped by him.

Elexus Jionde aka Intelexual Media, Punarvasu Moon has mentioned that she's estranged from her father.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Punarvasu Rising & stellium has spoken about being emotionally and physically abused by his parents especially his father who would beat him up. They also abused him because they thought he was gay due to his preoccupation with the male physique (he wanted to be a bodybuilder and would later become Mr World).

Keanu Reeves, Punarvasu Moon has been estranged from his father for the majority of his life. Charles Reeves abandoned the family when Keanu was 3 yrs old.

Kaia Gerber, Purvabhadrapada Moon has like most other Jupiter natives kept a low profile and seldom spoken about her personal life and has only ever said nice things about her parents. Her father Rande Gerber has been accused of sexual harassment by multiple women and there have been blind items about Cindy putting Kaia on a calorie deficit diet since she was a child to prepare her for a modelling career (this is awfully common among celebrities so I don't even think this is a stretch). When Kaia was 7 years old, her parents were threatened with a picture of her, barely clothed being gagged and bound. It was said that the picture was taken by a female babysitter during a game of cops and robbers because she wanted to prank the Gerbers by pretending to kidnap Kaia (sincerely, wtf) but there have been conspiracy theories that perhaps Kaia was abused by her parents and this picture was leaked from their collection. Anyway the matter has been settled and it feels wrong for me to speculate too much but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

Asia Argento, Purvabhadrapa Moon, is the daughter of filmmaker Dario Argento and has said that she never saw her father as a child and had no kind of relationship with him until she started acting in his movies when she was 16. She said "I never acted out of ambition; I acted to gain my father's attention. It took a long time for him to notice me. … And he only became my father when he was my director."

Her characters in his movies were undressed, raped and generally psychologically traumatised on screen. She once said:

"But I always had this feeling of never being a part of anything, not even of my family. My parents forgot about me. I did everything I could to get their attention."

Chyler Leigh, Vishaka Moon. Her parents divorced when she was 12, following which she was estranged from her father for many years. Her mother moved her to LA when she was a teenager so that she could pursue an acting career. At 15 years old she starred in a movie called Kickboxing Academy as her biological brother's love interest (he was 19). She is said to have been manipulated into doing so by her mother. She has said in a recent interview that she's been estranged from her mother for over 20 years and that like her mother, she too suffers from bipolar disorder. She said, "Because I was put in a position to support my mother, I didn't get the opportunity to speak about my own feelings when I was in my teens." She moved out of her mother's house to live with her then-boyfriend and now husband Nathan West.

Han So Hee, Vishaka Sun was in the news when her mother using her name to borrow bank loans and her debt became public news. Its very rare to hear about the private life of a celebrity in Korea but Sohee came forward to clear things and said her parents divorced when she was 5 following which she was raised by her maternal grandmother with whom she lived until she was in highschool. She's estranged from both her parents and only realized that her mother had been in debt after she turned 18. She found out that her mother had been borrowing money under her name illegally ever since she was a minor. She paid off this debt and apologized to everybody concerned.

IU, Purvabhadrapada Moon grew up in poverty. Her family fell into debt and she was raised by her grandmother who could barely take care of her and her brother. She saw little of her parents growing up. Its unclear how close they are now.

I realize just how many of them are nepo babies lol but I'm kinda glad because it means so much of their life is on public record. Its really unfortunate to see that so many of these natives had absent fathers or fathers who were present in their lives and very abusive.