#some things i'm Into which apply to the ship are:
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queer disabled artist - food help wanted!! (not urgent)


happy pride month - if you're at least somewhat financially stable and wanna help an nb semi-crippled** autistic bitch who's been dealing with appointments and applying to SSDI (my physical assessment is tomorrow!) afford groceries then i would greatly appreciate supporting my etsy store or something, i handmake creepycute stuff, have a sale going, and i'm currently doing free shipping for stickers and bookmarks
also considering the transphobic (and ableist) harassment i've been dealing with online recently i feel like allies might owe me a little something 🤧
✨ sardonicdoll.etsy.com ✨


but if not that then there's also my info below which don't feel obligated because this isn't an emergency, my appetite just hasn't stopped being shot, i only make about $100 a week from my job and keep going in the negatives due to expenses, i seldom have the capacity to cook even simple meals on the stove, and due to all that i've been continously running into the problem of "i can't go out and do [x] thing because i haven't eaten enough"
$badcorpse98
v*nmo: @IthelLovik
p*ypal.me/sardonicdoll
more details below–
**my disability situation is such that i have had a half-diagnosed muscular condition since childhood that affects many things include my spine (i have lumbar DDD already), joints, throat, dexterity, other motor skills, stamina/endurance, ability to sit and walk, etc. and i'm currently working on getting all of that sufficiently evaluated and treated thanks to the help of my medicaid + i have POTS, cPTSD, pretty bad ADHD, and more
upcoming tests include a modified barium swallow after the first had abnormal results, a neurologist in hopes of getting referred to a neuromuscular program, potentially a muscle biopsy to rule out certain conditions like congenital myopathies, and seeing an orthopedist since my left leg is apparently malrotated inward and i have had more and more frequent issues with limping and pain in recent years
also i've been out as non-binary since high school, i'd like to get my tits cut off at some point but all the medical shit going on makes that pretty hard, people like to call me slurs a lot due to my androgyny
thanks for reading 😘
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Ship Sleep Dynamics
I was tagged by the lovely @aetherflowers for this 🥰
I need more screenshots of the two of them. All the ones I have, someone has their eyes closed or is pulling a weird face 🤣
So I have to keep reusing the few good ones 😅

💚Emmrich Volkarin 💀 Rowan "Rook" Ingellvar💜
How often do they sleep together?
Once the relationship is a go every night, but not in a sexual sense as Rowan is not ready (also I haven't quite decided if their first time is the coffin or not) and he would never ever think of rushing her. Emmrich is horrified when he sees Rowan's sleeping situation at the Lighthouse. And will not hear of leaving his darling to sleep in a cold, damp room on that abominable sofa with nary a pillow or blanket that isn't her pack and cloak (his exact words).
It starts with them just in the same bed, he being a gentleman offers to go sleep elsewhere, but Rowan asks him to stay. So he puts a bolster pillow down the centre of the bed so she feels safe and as a barrier. Which lasts all of her first nightmare. He knew she sleepwalked because of bad dreams, what he didn't know was how it all started before she started walking. Lots of whimpering, talking in her sleep (he didn't know his heart could break over such innocuous phrases like No, Don't, or It hurts) so how can he not hold her and try to soothe her and the rest is history (OK the rest is kind of written but not really, and I want to keep some things a mystery for later fic chapters)
Where do they sleep?
Once the relationship is a go they're both in Emmrich's bed in his room at the Lighthouse (I am an Emmrich has a secret bedroom behind a bookcase truther) and again in Emmrich's bed in his flat/house in Nevarra once they go home. Before, Rowan didn't have a bed either in the Lighthouse or Nevarra. She barely had a room in the Necropolis before she had to leave after the War of the Banners.
How do they prepare to sleep?
Emmrich I see as have a very structured routine. A bath followed by applying his various lotions and potions to his hair and skin, I'm not saying the man has the Thedas equivalent to a Korean skincare regime, but I'm also not not saying it. Puts oh his fancy pyjamas (he strikes me as a silk pjs kind of man) then a calming cup of tea before brushing his teeth, getting his clothes ready for the next day, putting the ones from that day in the laundry basket. Then finally gets in to bed to read for a while before going to sleep.
Rowan in comparison is a lot simpler, not because she doesn't want to, but because she couldn't afford the lotions etc and never had the time or space. A wash if she can, then braids her hair, puts on her old worn shift and heavily darned socks (she's always cold), brushes her teeth, and then crashes out on the nearest flat surface. If she even bothers going to bed in the first place. She, Lucanis and Neve are giving each other a run for the worst insomniac in the Veilguard. Bellara is disqualified because she actually falls asleep while she's working.
Once they're sharing a bed, suddenly Rowan has a multitude of lotions, potions, and oils that Emmrich gifts her. She also has beautiful nightwear and warm slippers, stockings, and wraps to wear if she gets cold. Her old shift may have "accidentally" got burnt after a mysterious, very localised fire.
What do they wear to sleep?
Emmrich is an absolute silk pyjamas man and nothing will make me change my mind. In sumptuous jewel colours and no doubt embroidered with gold wherever it won't be itchy.
Rowan had a simple linen shift that is very old, faded, much mended and while it used to be black it is now a dingy grey shapeless thing that she has slept in for years. It's also the shift she wears under her "formal" dress when needed, or is her other dress that she wears when she's not on an expedition or patrol. It's ugly, shapeless, but it's all she has.
After Emmrich sees it, he makes it his mission to a) make sure she has beautiful things to sleep in and b) remove that shift from existence entirely. It's not that he doesn't think she's beautiful in it, she is stunning in his eyes no matter what she wears or looks like. It's the sheer magnitude of neglect and a life bare of anything like kindness or affection, it encompasses.
Do they cuddle?
Yes. Rowan is always cold and Emmrich is warm, so she always ends up draped over him and snuggled in, no matter her intention when she goes to sleep. Add in her nightmares and Emmrich noting that if he holds her, they are less frequent, then he sees no reason why they should deny themselves the pleasure of sleeping in each other's arms.
What are their preferred sleep positions?
Emmrich is a side sleeper preferably and Rowan is a curl up as small as I can to keep warm and maybe no one will find me if I'm small sleeper by necessity/upbringing to start. Once they're in the sharing a bed stage, then Emmrich is still a side sleeper with Rowan cuddled to his chest with her legs draped over his hips and her arm over her chest.
They do also often end up with Emmrich on his back and Rowan draped over his chest more often than not. She's unconsciously trying to get as much of her on his warmth, and even in his sleep he could never refuse her anything.
How easy do they fall asleep?
Emmrich falls asleep relatively easily, as long as he's not deep in his research or too deep in his own head.
Rowan just doesn't sleep unless she is just about ready to pass out, and even then it depends on how much caffeine she can get in her system before she crashes. Until she's sharing a bed with Emmrich. It's the first time she feels absolutely safe and secure, add in how warm she is, and she's out like a light.
It's not always effective as she's very good at ignoring her body's needs, but Emmrich knows if he can get her horizontal and next to him, then she'll sleep. That's the easy part. Catching her and getting her to listen is the hard part.
Do they toss and turn a lot?
Emmrich no unless he's in his own head.
Rowan to start, yes. She has nightmares, or a Dread Wolf in her head, or just bad headspace. Again, it gets better once they're sharing.
Do they snore?
Emmrich has been known to on occasion snore, but it's not all the time. And it's more gentle wuffles than full on snoring.
Rowan doesn't.
Who hogs the blanket?
Emmrich. Mostly only at the start and because he's used to having blankets to hog. Rowan doesn't fight for herself, even in her sleep. But as they're usually cuddles together, the blanket hogging quickly becomes a non entity.
What do they dream about?
Emmrich has mostly innocuous dreams, lots of whimsy and fade walking. He does have nightmares occasionally of losing his parents, losing Manfred after Blackthorn and after Tearstone losing Rowan and his fear of death.
Rowan has nightmares more than dreams. It's part of why she doesn't like to sleep. Not going to go into her nightmare subjects because a) Spoilers and b) dark subject maters.
How easily do they wake up?
Emmrich wakes up easily, but he typically sleeps deeply, so he doesn't wake up to every noise or movement once he's asleep.
Rowan sleeps like a 9-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory. She sleeps poorly if she even sleeps at all and every little noise or movement wakes her. It's from all her years of solo expeditions deep in the Necropolis, where sleeping too deeply was the fastest way to die quickly.
Once they're sharing a bed, she sleeps a bit better because she feels safe, but she still wakes up at the drop of a pin.
How awake they are afterwards?
Emmrich is fairly awake and chipper after waking, even if he had a late night.
Rowan is wide awake as soon as she opens her eyes and is usually on the move before then. She's not happy about it, but her survival hinged on it for too many years to easily unlearn it.
She gets more relaxed as they continue to share a bed and feel safe to grumble and take her time as she wakes up. But it's rare.
OK, this was so much fun, so I need to more people to do it so I can read about your ships and their sleep habits 😍
No pressure tagging:
@the-font-bandit @officialnostradamus @serbarris @emmg @themontess
@mosoderbergh @randomnonsensedragonage @galacticsparkles @sunny374940 @tinygameralec
@mistressandry @draco-illius-noctis @jukkaricity @holdingontojupiter @crimsen-khalessi
@pseudospaceship @notyourmamasdeerbat @curiouswisp @guacamolleee @thequeenofthewinter
@queenmuzz @andthekitchensinkao3 @lavenderprose @caughtnyact @hedwigoprah
@sofiemystique @omabell-illustriert @soeasilyswayed @paramortality @theyearningghoul
@novaobscurity @ermagerdperpehs @kirain @razildor @mojo-bro-tho
@theshotsheardacrossworlds @dymme @mercars-musings @ar-ghilas-vir-banal @silshinobii
@serstolas @woundedsoul12 @dragonracer @starfleetteddybear @blightedcrow
@ferocious-notes @avoskorm @basic-x-witch
And anyone who sees this and fancies a go tag, you're it 😁
Dividers are by flowersforthemachines and can be found here
If you would like to go on my tag list, I have a post here where you can sign up
#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age veilguard#emmrich volkarin#rowan rook ingellvar#emmrook#emmrich x rook#tag you're it#ship sleep dynamics
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~INTRO TIME~
i go by Synth online. i probably count as a “tumblr old” (been here since 2011, and i’m even older than the source material my f/o comes from). i’m one of these 🏳️🌈. i do a lot of arts n crafts, and have commissions open. i’m bad at writing about me.
this is my main selfship sideblog- my main blog and the one i'll follow you from is @leadendeath, mostly furry-oriented but personal too, and if you want more general spunch.b0p-related goodness, i’m over at @1percentevil. if you already know me from those places, you are absolutely fine to follow/interact/whatever. i’m only joking when i call myself cringe or embarrassing :))) i’m unnecessarily self-conscious about every action i’ve ever done ever and i gotta get over it somehow.
This isn’t a faq, more like a “things you might be wondering about”:
“What does your url mean?” -the species plankton are called copepods. yay for having a pre-existing interest in marine bio. the 5000 doesn’t mean anything, i just thought it looks cool. and vaguely technological.
“Plankton is already married…” -anyone who loves Plankton, i also love by extension. That includes Karen! luckily i like computers and robots too very much :)
“So are you okay with sharing him?” -See above. Yes! He needs all the love.
“Anniversary?” -23/7/23. i already knew him from years back, but really reconnected with him when i heard a certain song… it was love at first listen. i’ve had few and far between f/os in the past, and every time it was the same “fall for them hard and fast” situation.
“F/O list?” -just the one guy is all i need. :)
Now here’s where i’ll infodump about my s/i…… eventually lol. When I get round to getting a few sketches I’ve done out of “WIP purgatory”, I’ll post about it under the #🦈 tag. I’m a shark, his best(/only…) customer, then shoulder to cry on, then we progress to more… lil dweeb latches on to the first guy who truly doesn’t consider him a loser. i could be talking about either of them there…
❗i now have a toyhouse page for it! backstory and more here❗
blinkie cred
One little thing which i've started putting on all my "about" pages: i've never stated what i would like people to tag for in all my time on tumblr, but i'm making a change for that now. Please tag #cats and #scars for me, i would appreciate it immensely. i'll tag for anything you'd like too! <3
#i heard the first five tags#are the ones that show up in peoples’ tracked tags#so uhh don’t mind me while i#how you say. make five tags.#so that i can continue to hide a little.#*looks around* …is that it? are they gone?? OKAY GREAT >⨀D#i’m joking#s/i is#🦈#tag for the two of us is#🦈💚𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘶𝘱 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯💚🦈#tag for us three is#🦈💚🖥#i remember to tag unsafe for work a lot but i'm not great at tagging sfw!#regardless i do try to tag sfw in case you want to browse only those type of posts#some things i'm Into which apply to the ship are:#robo#and#gt#if you know what they mean- great! if you don't then don't worry about it :^)#i reply to nice tags by reblogging from prev and replying in the tags...#replies#is where to find those#i won't be brave enough to post my art here; but it'll be under something basic like#my art#ok i think that's about it!
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The mentally stable Dimitri Fire emblem 3 hopes.
It surprises me that there's still ppl claiming so, but then I remember we're talking about 3h interpretations and I have to make peace with it.
But that doesn't stop me from venting a little bit in this little space I have lol. Actually, it dries me and makes me feel bad to bring this up because I will have to talk bad about Dedue, and I don't want to talk Bad about Dedue. He's a genuinely good boy. But "Human" nonetheless, which means Flaws. I like Felix too but he's become some sort of a clown that doesn't make me feel too bad. I like Felix tho, In a different way.
Mostly talking about these two because the take that "Dimitri has better support system" baffles me because, technically, these two are his support system in HopesVerse. The persons who Dimitri relays on and seek solace/advice/support. The rest doesn't really tackle any of his personal struggles (aside from the Mage!Mitri frustrated dream, but that's out of the bad equation in our 'mentally unwell' set of pixels, and Shez only has a glimpse). Contrary, to Houses verse where the whole blue lions cast knew about his shit, didn't know what to do, but didn't leave either.
I tackled this topic with other person on Twitter who was (or still is) on board with this take and the phrase they used was They contained him better, which of course I agree and remarked that was exactly the problem. Contain him is gonna be contra productive. I used a water dam analogy, where the structure of such dam is damaged, and the pressure of water keeps accumulating. Causing a foreseeable damage for the dam itself and the surroundings. You don't need to be a genius to understand it, you need experience or knowledge for mental ill topics tho.
I really don't want to extend so much on here because it's mostly just, rant format more than a proper analysis so I just want to point out these two things in their support conversations.
First, Dedue. Encourage him to keep on the vengeful path. Which we know was the final goal of Azure Moon and if you payed attention to 3 houses message. The whole Vengeful argument was something Bad, to keep it simple. Despite Dimitri actively looking for answers/guidance for something that, in a rational state he can see clearly like vengeance will consume his life (also Shez and Felix called out this behavior). Dedue answer only encourage him to keep on that path, because he would do that 💔. Presenting 2 oposite views is a great formula for confusion and disorientation. Now, Dedue's role is primary SUPPORT, not guidance nor orientation. He will support his shit no matter what, and we are quite aware of that if played Houses.
Second, Felix. Felix is a special case. He is smart but also an idiot lacks A LOT of soft skills to actually be of help. He's the only one who knows in this verse about Dimitri having a mental issue. In their A support to say the least, so they don't close or solve anything. What makes it more worrisome is the fact that Felix conceals the issue as a secret.
"So try to keep that whole "removing their heads" thing in check, yeah? We can just call it our little secret."
this extract here makes me feel so unwell 😭help
The whole burden falls over him and his lack of skills and wisdom on the matter will be too much for him later on. He at least, will be able to recognize that the problem is beyond of his capabilities and will look for help. Felix himself has his own issues and journey where he needs to learn. He's forced to get pass beyond some of his angry teen behavior but hasn't completely get over it.
There is a lot more to tackle, but that requires more work and time. What are the topics some of you think is important to cover around understanding the Hopes verse resolution? Dimitri's route? something? Do you think the route without Byleth is better? With that being said, I would like to delve deeper into character analysis, and the role each played for the Lords too. That also requires to talk about the Byleth and needs a whole analysis on their own, which requires time (which i don't have much lol) To end this vent, I would like to encourage people to do a little research for the terminology they're using like "Support System". Who makes it up and how it operates successfully. The fact that ppl saying "he has better support system" only because he didn't go feral on the run alone is not entirely valid. A reminder that people can feel alone with or without people around them. And containing the issue within doesn't solve any problem. At best, it's presented later. At worse, it gets worse.
#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#my lil blorbo with mental health issues#few3hopes#fire emblem warriors 3 hopes#Today I woke up and felt like venting#BUT Just to make myself clear#this has nothing to do with ships#you can ship whatever you want#You do you#Just in case someone has that feeling#This is an analysis from a mental health point of view#because it is one of the strong points of this character and with which many of us connect/relate#So I like to apply psychological and neurological (even psychiatric if necessary) perspectives#And I like to apply realistic theories to this fictional world because that is the good thing about three-dimensional characters#They feel so human that all these hypotheses can be applied#If some of you don't. That's cool too. You do you#Enjoy the game as you please lil fella#ALSO ALSO I'm taking into account what the intention of the developers was#(that would be tricky considering the inconsistency withing the developers' team >___>)
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mgsv has so many literary references to books i have essays abt it kind of makes me.
#i'm sick this is my slightly fever-induced thought stream in the rest of the tags sorry ->#all the 1984 stuff is really interesting. the position of both ocelot and kaz as the people running room 101 is really fascinating.#because it somehow manages to place huey in the position of winston while also having venom be in the position of winston.#<- would that make quiet julia? actually yes it does bc of her nature motifs.#and the whole game seems to doublethink of whats real and what isn't. though it starts to tell you what isn't real its still there.#and then with moby dick you have pequod which is just. the ship. and queegueg who is ishmaels friend. which is why its kind of perfect he i#the other pilot we see who takes kaz places. and theres other stuff with him but i don't want to get into that. i could go on for a while.#but whats interesting is that ahab seems to apply more to kaz than it does to venom. esp because his own deception results in his downfall.#whereas that isn't true with venom if youve played mg1 he just kinda keeps going with it to at least some degree.#and i guess kaz is working for foxhound but you know what i mean.#ocelot even being the perfect counterpart to starbuck who works at kaz's side but disagrees with his methods to an extreme.#he isn't of the same morals as starbuck but its just the oppositional character type.#does that mean cipher is moby dick. yes actually bc of the leg thing with kaz. oh my god.#<- funny enough i am actually getting moby dick back out of the library bc i never finished it and its been ages since i read what i did.#i remember the narration being kind of nuts.#honestly the lord of the flies stuff feels less like a reference and more like eli read that book and decided he wanted to do it irl. lol.#i can't say these books are even close to being favorites but i'm intimately familiar with both 1984 and lotf so those are. those.#and moby dick is genuinely just kind of. what in the hell did i experience. theres a lot to unpack.#and i didn't even finish the damn thing.#ok i'm done now i just needed to get that out of my system. now i'm off to read veniss underground. 👍#.txt
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This was the piece that I had started before my extensive vacation (of coughing). Once again, Alastor is consistently the bane of my existence with his... well everything.
No matter! Anyway, this is something I like to call the Obsession AU. To sum it up real fast: Everyone is yandere for Alastor. I think it would just be apart of his punishment in Hell, being consistently forced into or desired in romantic/sex which he's never had much interest in. I would describe it as a dark comedy thing, but it can be as comedic or as dark as you want here. With that said, please be on guard with any mentions of darker content that treds towards a certain dead bird territory when I get a bit into how I imagine some of the characters. Again, it doesn't have to go that far if you're interested in this premise of an au and wanna focus on the more light hearted stuff, feel free.
This au is just poking a bit of fun at how everyone in the fandom wants to put Alastor in romantic situations constantly (whether it be with themselves or the other characters) despite Alastor probably being the least interested in the subject in the whole show. This is by no means a hate train or making fun of people who do enjoy shipping Alastor, it just more of a funny thing I think comes off as pretty ironic for his character and hopefully, others can enjoy that too. In this au he leans pretty much on the clear-cut side of aromantic and asexual with no interest in romantic affections at all. With that said, if you want to explore Alastor genuinely being interested in one of the other characters romantically or something similar, feel free to explore that! I can see some interesting dichotomies there. It's just within the actual "canon" of this au, he's not at all interested with that sort of thing. And just with a last final reminder to get into some character things I have in mind, some of the content mentioned does get pretty dark, particularly with Valentino but I don't think anyone's surprised there. But there might be some triggering content of the following mentioned here with characters but no crazy details really: Manipulation/Gaslighting, forced feminization, Non-con, Munchausen syndrome, Poisoning, Possessive, Drugging, Love bombing And I will be sure to give a quick warning to each character it might apply to, please feel free to let me know if I missed anything!
Rosie (Munchausen syndrome, Poisoning): Rosie has 100% poisoned Alastor before to make sure he relies on her. They started off as good friends but at some point Alastor began getting ill and Rosie offered to take care of him. This leads to Alastor staying in bed for full days, only really seeing Rosie who took care of his every need from food, clothing, washing, and so on. At some point, Alastor caught on that Rosie was putting something in his food to make him sick and he managed to escape with their friendship tarnished much to his dismay. He's often uneasy around Rosie but is upfront about his knowledge of Rosie's deeds. Rosie, in turn, acts like it is a lighthearted situation and often offers Alastor over for lunch, which he often denies. Any food he gets at his doorstep from a secret admirer or a lunchbox he finds at his seat in an overlord meeting goes straight into the trash. Alastor will still use Rosie's assets to his benefit of course, but is always careful as to what she might try to get in exchange. He has had more awkward lunches with her with his homemade meal versus the buffet she catered for the occasion, with the two gossiping like old times. Alastor is still uneasy during these times, but he also revels in the false pleasantries due to not having many others he's able to associate himself with due to the curse.
Lucifer (Controlling, Possessive, Manipulation): So I'm not 100% clear how I wanted to approach Lucifer. He and Charlie are probably the most similar I suppose? He wants Alastor as his queen (either alongside him and Lilith or only with him, he doesn't mind either way). He doesn't force him into dresses or anything, but Lucifer does consistently make doting moves and talks about how Alastor would make a good father to their children. Marriage is one of the mind and Lucifer probably gets a bit possessive with him. He also tries to guilt trip Alastor a lot, or manipulate situations in one of their arguments to get Alastor to say something he doesn't mean.
Charlie (Controlling, Possessive): Probably the most tame of everyone quite honestly. Charlie can be a bit controlling but does step off when Alastor expresses his dislike of her doing so, even if it takes a couple times. She likes doing things for him, is super affectionate, and daydreams about her, Vaggie, and Alastor all getting married. She can get pretty possessive with him, not being pleased when anybody does anything against Alastor's will or hurt him. The only exception to this rule is Vaggie, to which Charlie sees it like two cats getting along and finds it very endearing.
Vaggie (Forced Feminization, Controlling, Murder): Depending on how you look at it, Vaggie's one of the more fucked up obsessions or one of the more funnier ones. Because she's automatically inclined to like Alastor quite a bit with the curse thing but her personality doesn't jive with his for her own taste (in terms of their first meeting), she both hates and loves the guy. She's obsessed with trying to murder Alastor with traps around the hotel or outright standing over him with her spear. The hatred comes primarily from not wanting to feel the way she does about him, I guess like a fucked up tsundere if you wanna go that route. At the same token, however, she does want Alastor to be involved with both her and Charlie romantically. There's just one little problem: Vaggie has about the same amount of interest in men as she does in canon. So to sort of "fix" Alastor, she consistently tries to force him to be more feminine in clothing, offering different feminine names, and even trying to force him to get a sex change. Alastor is pretty slippery though, so it never quite works out in Vaggie's favor aside from the occasional dress or skirt being worn, which solidifies her attraction to him. Then he takes it off and looks more like a man again, and it solidifies her frustration/hatred for him.
Angel Dust (Drugging): To start, while I think Angel would love to have sex with Alastor, he 100% would not force it. Wouldn't even do touches or anything. Potentially he could just like as a coping (to be in a situation where HE'S the one in control), but that is a darker route that I don't think will be exactly true for this AU. However, he very much enjoys drugging Alastor similar to Rosie. Not only just as a bonding thing since Angel would also do the drugs WITH him, but just to get the not-quite-lucid compliments from Alastor and maybe a snuggle then and there. He wants to dote on Alastor with him drugged out in his bed saying nice things to Angel. Admittedly this one's a bit of a workshop as I just knew I didn't want Angel to be focused on sex like somebody, but wasn't sure what to do here.
Valentino(Non-con, LoveBombing): I mean... it is Valentino, what did you THINK he'd be trying to do with Alastor? There's really not much to say here, Valentino essentially tries pulling all the stops trying to get Alastor in bed while also love-bombing the hell out of him. Which really doesn't work. Valentino is pretty open with sharing Alastor, but again, does this surprise anyone? As long as he's participating in some way, he really doesn't mind.
Vox (ALL warnings): Pretty much the worst version of himself that people make him be sometimes for those darker stories in the fandom. While more interested in having an enthusiastic partner, I don't think Vox would be opposed to forcing himself onto Alastor. He consistently tries to manipulate and gaslight, while enjoying both the suffering and pleasure of Alastor. Much like Vaggie, Vox is obsessed both being in love with Alastor while also downright hating him to the core. He's possessive and likes the idea of being both sweet and heinous with Alastor. He pretty much is every other character wrapped up in one fucked up TV man. Vox acts the most well-adjusted of the characters here, but he's probably got the obsession the worst.
And of course, pretty much every other conceivable ship is up for grabs here. I did think about maybe unfallen angels are able to resist the obsession curse, which would possibly make a funny team-up of Alastor, Adam, Lute, and Emily. Alternatively, I thought maybe the other canonically asexual characters in the show wouldn't be affected instead, meaning another oddball team-up of Alastor, Octavia, and Mammon. Then there is of course the "nope, there's no escape for deer man". Not sure yet, maybe I'll workshop it. I have more normal things in the works rather than this messed up little au, but darker content is a guilty pleasure of mine.
#Celtrist#cel doodles#fanart#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel fanart#hellaverse#hellaverse fanart#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel alastor#charlie morningstar#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel lucifer#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel rosie#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel valentino#hazbin hotel vox#radiorose#radioapple#radiobelle#charlastor#vaggastor#chaggistor#radiodust#radiomoth#radiostatic#one way broadcast#artists on tumblr#Hazbin Obsession AU
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One Piece AU Comics Masterpost
Some of my AUs are somewhat interwoven as they borrow headcanons from each other. I'm doing my best to sort them into their respective AUs.
They're mostly Dragon/Crocodile and Crocodad comics. Since this post is getting long, there's now a read more!
Stinky Child AU
A canon divergent AU where Dragon and Crocodile decided to raise Luffy in Windmill Village while still being a revolutionary leader and a warlord. They adopt Ace and Sabo.
Crocodile meets Ace // Crocodile is taking Ace home // Stinky Child gets a bath (Illustration) // Ace gets a new outfit // Ace meets Baby Luffy // Dragon meets Ace // Ace's first words // Baby Luffy has never been fed before // (little time skip) // Sabo interacting with Crocodile // Dragon has nightmares // Dragon gets Crocodile a new hand // Swooning over Criminals // The benefit of Logia powers ~ Big Timeskip~ // Logue Town // Impel Down // Luffy and Crocodile reunite on Amazon Lily // Mother's Day // After Marineford // Ace and Crocodile are reunited on Momoiro Island // Post Timeskip // Long Distance Relationship // Mistakes were made // Momoiro Island Dress Code // Cross Guild // Cross Guild puts a bounty on Garp
Captain No Brows
A potential first meeting between a young criminal and a marine and their encounters over the years.
First meeting // Unexpected call // Taking care of two orphans //Doffy has questions // Dragon cleaning up messes // Doffy is fantasizing // Dragon leaves the Marines
Potentially set in the same universe: Crocodile meets Portgas D. Rouge // Crocodile takes his shirt off // Unexpected revelations
Surprise Baby
Dragon and Crocodile find themselves with a child and have to figure out what to do. I have not yet decided to which AU this belongs.
Late Realization (Illustration) // Crocodile tells Dragon about the baby // Bit coat hides big secrets
Former Kuja Empress
AU where Crocodile is a Kuja who got ship wrecked and saved by Dragon's small group of revolutionaries. (Crocodile presents female.)
First Meeting and misheard names // Haircut
After the Divorce
Canon compliant AU in which Dragon and Crocodile get back together after the events of Marineford and end up having another baby.
Crocodile's mysterious client // Too late for protection (Illustration) // They're having another baby (Illustration) // Suspicious Coworkers (Illustration) // Luffy finds out he's going to be a big brother // Luffy meets his baby sister // Luffy brings his sister to his ship // Another one
Little Dragon's (Mis) Adventures
Bringing up never to be answered questions: did Garp and Roger have sex (see this comic) and is Dragon maybe Roger's son?
Dragon ends up on Roger's ship // Dragon has no choice but to stay with the Roger Pirates // They get to know Dragon // Pirate Flag // Diverging Priorities // Treasure Chest Baby // Dragon is babysitting Roger's cabin boys // Shanks thinks about his babysitter
Mini Mingo and Grumpy Verse
An AU in which Dragon and Crocodile had more biological kids after Luffy: "Grumpy" (Kite) and "Mini Mingo" (Dulcinea). Mini Mingo is suspiciously blond but it might mean nothing. Grumpy also exists as the fifth baby in the After the Divorce AU.
Second Pregnancy // Dragon helps feed the baby?? // New blonde baby // Kite signs up for the Marines // Sengoku isn't sure about another No Brows recruit // Kite and Luffy meet again after Enies Lobby // Marines shouldn't find Luffy cool // (Timeskip, Kite gets the Iva treatment) // Mini-Mingo is visiting Cross Guild // Mini Mingo has a crisis // Asking Grumpy for advice // Doflamingo has a crisis // Doflamingo does not take hugs well // Kite came home late // Sister dropping from the sky
Misc.
These are stand alone comics that could apply to multiple AU story lines.
Big Parents, Tiny Baby
Luffy's Birth // Tiny thing fitting into Crocodile's big hand
The No Brows Multiverse
Dragon is tired of people telling him he looks just like Garp. // Dragon shaves his eyebrows for his first wanted poster.
Chaotic Family Time (Various family related comics)
Toys for Luffy // Everybody wants to be a girl // The return of Captain No Brows // Sabo feels left out // The kids are meeting Pops // Alabasta Trip + Follow up
AU where Croc learns who Luffy is during Alabasta
The truth // Crocodile tries to get Luffy to go home
Rocks' Era (Various Comics about the Rocks Pirates as well as Rocks being thrown into the future.)
Pregnancy // No Doubts // Achieving Dreams // Short tempered // Big Baby // But tiny to Whitebeard // Baby Crimes
Spaghetti // Learning more about the timeline // Rumours // Facing Whitebeard // Grandpa Mug // Impel Down
What if: Rocks finds out that Shanks is his son
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Buddie Fic Recs
REC LIST NUMBER 7! I’m finally home so I can finally share with you the over three months worth of Buddie fics that I have read to keep me sane while I was traveling around the UK. As always, please show these authors some love in their comments xx Find my other Buddie Rec Lists HERE
REMINDER TO CHECK THE TAGS AND TRIGGER WARNINGS
What's Easy is Right by @half_bakedboy | G | 18k
Buck romances Eddie the way that he deserves. It was so refreshing to read a fic like this where everything just goes right for them. They just get to fall in love and be happy without any conflict or "big bad thing" arising. They were allowed to just be in love and happy and I love that so much <3
my man says he loves me (never says he loves me not) by @colonoscopys | G | 1.9k
Buck and Eddie unknowingly commiserate with each other through a website entitled: inlovewithmybestfriendandgoingtodie.com! This fic is absolutely incredible. I could literally cry, it's so good!!
loves a game, wanna play? by @exhuastedpigeon | M | 57k
Love Island AU. In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together. I have never watched Love Island, or ever wanted to, but if this fic was a real season I would EAT. IT. UP!
Eddie vs Romance by @littlespoonevan | T | 27k
This lovely two-part series in which Eddie does a lot of self-learning and then gets romanced as he deserves.
Too Often the Power of Touch is Underestimated by @xjustlikeyou | T | 15k
Five times a touch knocked Eddie off his feet, and the one time he got to return the favor. I have no words to describe how wholly and profoundly perfect this fic is to me. This is THEE Buddie touch-centric w/ pining Eddie fic of all time!
Until the Dancing Ends by @phoenix-angel-suyari | G | 4k
Eddie finally sees footage of Buck's reaction to him getting buried in the well and Eddie reacts proportionately by kissing him in front of everyone. So, so good!
i'm here with the door wide open by @eddiebabygirldiaz| T | 24k
Eddie copes with the absence of Chris but also the presence of Buck. I adore this fic, Eddie finally learning to allow himself to feel things and to accept that he deserves to love and be loved in return and that what he feels for Buck doesn't need to be stamped down and hidden. The ending is so beautifully soft too!
you're almost home (i've been waiting for you to come in) by @sibylsleaves | E | 24k
Buck breaks up with Taylor, moves out of the loft and in with Eddie. Let the Buddie Roommates and Pining Era begin! As all of Sibyl’s fics are this is just incredible and I devoured it!
the tortured poets department by @colonoscopys | E | 18k
The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up AKA Eddie has magic and a lot of complicated feelings about his best friend.
there ain't no turning back by @42hrb | E | 28k
After dropping Chris off at College, Eddie begins his journey home only Buck to fly out to crash his Sad Dad Cross Country Road Trip™. This fic made me feel a hundred billion emotions so strongly. Incredible.
Hot Ghost Problems by @ebjameston | T | 40k
Not Actually Dead™ Ghost!Buck and Witch!Eddie. This fic is actually incredible! 10/10. Five Stars.
Season of Hope (After the Flood) by @saryasy | T | 58k
Eddie learns a lot about himself while waiting for his son to come home. The pinning and beautiful, KARENEDDIE BESTIE-ISM FOR THE WIN! And a beautiful tender happy ending xx
the going water and the gone by @try-set-me-on-fire | T | 31k
Eddie Diaz presumed dead? Again? More likely than you think. I live for these sorts of fics and this one set Post Cruise Ship is so good!!
come and be my baby by @colonoscopys | T | 21k
What is Buck and Eddie got together in season 2? This made me laugh and cry and feel all kinds of emotions and it's just so beautiful!!!!!!!
ice cream before dinner by cloudydaisies | T | 58k
This fic really doesn’t need any introduction because I think we are all obsessed. GIRL UNCLE!EDDIE + ICE CREAM TUESDAYS ❤️
bottle episode by @transboybuckley | T & E | 14k
The 118 has a 24-hour shift, and zero calls. The softest bottle episode, full of Firefam love, Buddie, and which is somehow also about crying over trees.
when everything's on fire by @glowingyears | T | 15k
Eddie and Chris move into the loft with Buck after a house fire and then they buy a house together. SO COZY SO LOVELY THERE IS JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS FIC.
From the Ground Up by @blueberrytwoberry | M | 17k
Eddie finds a massive dog on his porch and can’t seems to get rid of it. THE DOG IS BUCK! BUCK IS A DOG! DOG BUCK!
cold rain, warm skin by @gayhoediaz | T | 2.5k
Just the softest coziest morning kisses ever known to man <3
death wish love by @eddiebabygirldiaz | E | 15k
After his break up with Tommy, Buck goes to Eddie's, he wakes up the next morning only to be pummeled by his hangover and his attraction to Eddie. No words can possibly describe the soft comfortable and loving cocoon that this fic creates.
We Both Go Down Together by @xylodemon | T | 4k
A near death/drowning experience, a love confession and hospital pronounced husbands, what's not to love!?!
#buddie#buddie fic recs#buddie fic rec list 7#buck x eddie#eddie diaz#evan 'buck' buckley#911#911 fic recs#meegs rec list
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Do you seriously, actually ship it?


Okay. Lets talk. Because apparently some of you are defending... well... "that" (under the cut)
"He's autistic! It was a stim!"
If you genuinely think that this has ANYTHING to do with autism, you are an objectively stupid person. Like, your brain is so fucking smooth, it puts the surface of freshly tempered glass to shame. You're a barely functional reprobate with subhuman intelligence who has no idea how to form thoughts so you let a 50 year old billionaire who spends too much time on his phone decide your thought process for you.
"He was throwing his heart out to the crowd!"
Now, I don't really play baseball, basketball, netball, or any sport where you throw anything other than sometimes darts, but... is that how you throw? You perfectly extend your arm at that angle? Twice? After spending years posting tweets that very much align with Nazi viewpoints? Do you throw a pitch in baseball and scream SIEG HEIL as the ball hurtles towards your opponent? No. Stop being a fucking idiot. This was deliberate. He did it twice.
"He's autistic! He doesn't know better!"
Please comment if you actually think this so I can personally call you a stupid cunt and block you. We absolutely do know better. Autism and Nazism aren't mutually exclusive.
"You're inhibiting his free speech!"
1st amendment only applies to censorship from government positions of power, which I am not, as should be obvious from the fact that I have no power to censor him. Though I shouldn't have to explain that.
"Well, he's gonna get away with it so stop being so sensitive!"
Yes. He is. But that's not a flex, that's A FUCKING MASSIVE PROBLEM. Call me sensitive if you want, but absolutely every single one of you should be offended by this. Did you pay attention in history class, or were you too tired after a long night of being fucking railed raw and bone dry by propaganda on Twitter? Moron.
"Well, he's rich and you're not, so there!"
Yep. Got me there. He's rich, and I'm not. Yknow, Hitler and a lot of Nazi officers were pretty minted too. So was Epstein, King Leopold, Stalin, Jimmy Saville, every MP currently serving in parliament... but sure, they're great people because they're rich, right?
"You're just a stupid offended libtard!"
Google "The Holocaust".
"Well, you're still using his app!"
His app? You mean the one he bought, then fucking ruined because he has no idea how to run it, right? And you because its basically impossible to find mutuals as a vtuber without it, you knew that, right? "His" app, please, you probably think Ronald McDonald makes your burger when you order McDonalds, you moron.
"If we punish Elon for this, then that's a violation of the first amendment!"
You mean like banning tiktok, removing any and all talk of election rigging, then putting it back up the next day? Or maybe like deleting any criticisms of you and your nazi salutes under your recent tweets despite it blowing up everywhere else? Or does that not count because its something you agree with? Yeah. You've been cucked harder than Sneako and you don't even realize it. Elon and his government buddies are leaving your free speech rights looking like this
Aaaaanyway
I find it well and truly laughable that so many people like Elon will say all this insane shit and do all these fucking heinous things and people will defend them. Like how that gun woman who shit herself says stuff like "I'm not homophobic, I just think gay people are disgusting and that they should die" or that comedian nobody finds funny anymore spends hours whining about trans people but says he's not transphobic.
Lets all be on the same page for once and have the balls to say what we actually think. Elon got so close, but being a spineless edgelord who doesn't have the balls to just say what he thinks out loud is quite the weakness.
#crackship#rarepair#polls#shitpost#poll time#my polls#tumblr polls#shipping#shipping poll#crossover#elon musk#elongated muskrat#fuck elon#elon mask#inauguration#elections#presidential election of 2024#dictatorship#far right
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I saw someone ask what "I hope this hurts" means beyond the obvious, and I started to respond only for it to turn into an essay... Because I don't feel like dumping something so long in some unsuspecting person's notifs, I'm just going to post it here instead.
I started writing this after playing the game, but ended up watching a playthrough because I couldn't remember exactly where "I hope this hurts" was repeated. I think I caught the only few times it was mentioned, but I wouldn't be surprised if I missed something, so feel free to correct me on that or anything else I might have gotten wrong.
Spoilers for the full game and CWs for everything you would expect from discussing Mouthwashing apply.
Edited 10/16/2024 for clarity and some minor issues with formatting. I added sections in hopes of making it more readable, as well as a few more screenshots that I hope will support my points better. *Indicates where I made potentially significant additions to my original analysis.
Part One: Jimmy
Jimmy is someone who has a delicate ego. This means that he's very concerned with how he's perceived by those around him. We see this in how he responds to Curly and the news of the company's closure, which he takes it as a personal attack in spite of it very clearly having nothing to do with him on a personal level.
For people like Jimmy, a threat to one's image (whether it's a matter of their perception of themselves or, maybe worse, the perception others have of them) brings intense emotional pain. Even though it's clear that Curly meant no personal offense, and likely saw more good in Jimmy than was actually there, Jimmy sees this as a great threat to his own image, and thus identity.
To be clear, it's not just that Jimmy thinks Curly is looking down on him. It's also that Jimmy needs his role in the company to maintain his image, and he needs to eventually become captain. This is his ultimate goal because the respect and control that someone like Curly has, in Jimmy's mind, is tied to the title he possesses. And Jimmy wants that. He wants respect, he wants to be listened to, he wants power over others. (This is also why Swansea's final speech is so important, in relation to the belief that if one just reaches this next goal, they might feel a little more human, a little more in control, a little more fulfilled, but as Swansea shows us, that's just not the case. And it's true for Jimmy, too. Jimmy isn't magically fulfilled by obtaining the title of captain.)
But in the beginning, Jimmy has yet to realize that just getting the role of captain won't magically make him a man who is respected, or even a man who is truly in control. He sees no opportunities for himself on earth. The only option is to stay in this company and become a little lord of his own ship... and suddenly that's ripped out from under him. He will never reach the goal he's been chasing for all of this time.
Anya telling him about her pregnancy is the final push he needs to go over the edge.
Part Two: Captain
Returning to the initial reveal that the company is shutting down for a second, I think it's important to keep in mind a few things:
1. The importance of the title of captain in Jimmy's mind.
2. How this extends to his perception of Curly, him being the current captain.
3. Jimmy's self-centeredness preventing him from understanding the feelings and perceptions of those around him.
When Curly says what he does, Jimmy immediately jumps to the conclusion that Curly sees himself as above everyone else (and most importantly, as above Jimmy), to the point of considering them "dirt." I don't think Jimmy is just projecting his greatest fear (being seen as lesser) onto Curly. I think he's projecting his own perceptions.
He's placed all of this importance on the title of captain, and thus Curly. The captain is above Jimmy. Jimmy is beneath him, is lesser. And we know how Jimmy treats those he sees as lesser (first Anya, and then the rest of the crew once he's captain, *manipulating Daisuke into putting his life at risk because Daisuke, who is just an intern after all, just isn't important to Jimmy being an example).
I think this is a fair reading because Jimmy does something similar with Swansea when he insists that Swansea is keeping the last cryostasis pod for himself. I understand some might say that this is just Jimmy's attempt to manipulate Daisuke and Jimmy doesn't actually believe it, which is a fair interpretation, but I sincerely think he believes what he's saying in this instance. And I think that because Jimmy sees selfishness as common sense. It's what he would do were he in Swansea's position, and what makes him giving the pod to Curly significant.
Part Three: Anya
So, Jimmy is already hurt and panicking. He sees his chance at power and thus fulfillment slipping away. And then Anya tells him that she's pregnant.
Anya, who he has shown time and time again that he thinks little of.
Anya, who he clearly sees as beneath him.
Any mention of the pregnancy, no matter how gently it was worded, would immediately feel like a threat to him on multiple levels. And not only that, but a threat from someone lesser than him. His image, his status, his control, his power—it's already slipping from his fingertips. *It's happening right then, in that moment. It's not just a potential future where he's held accountable in a real way (maybe if Anya involved authorities, or if Jimmy was legally responsible for supporting a child once they returned to earth). It's happening now, because his image is crumbling.
For this reason, I believe I hope this hurts to be directed at anyone and everyone that he sees as "threatening" him.
Anya and Curly have made him hurt. He wants to make them hurt.
He doesn't care about Daisuke and Swansea. If anything, he's so caught up in himself and this contorted vision of reality, I wouldn't be shocked if he convinced himself in the moment that they, too, were looking down on him for some reason. (See again, "I know what everyone is thinking. The way they look at me." Obviously this is said in the midst of his spiral, after the crash, but I wouldn't doubt the paranoia was there before that moment.)
He wants to make them hurt as they've hurt him. He may also want to make himself hurt in order to vent out his emotional pain. If not, death may simply be the easiest way to escape pain and the threat the future holds in his mind.
*Part Four: Without the Guilt
In addition to all of this, I think crashing the ship (making them hurt) is his vision of what Curly has done or is doing to him. This is how he "leave(s) the dirt behind."
To understand this, I'm going to include the birthday conversation and the conversation between Jimmy and Curly about crashing the ship.
Jimmy: ... So I guess you got what you wanted. Without the guilt. Curly: Jim... If I had known... Jimmy: I can go back to my, how'd you put it? "Struggle of a life?" Jimmy: Anya never got into medical school because she's... well, let's be real. Jimmy: And how many employment years Swansea got left in him? Jimmy: Daisuke will be fine, mommy and daddy have him covered. So there's that at least. Jimmy: But you. Headed for bigger and better, right? Curly: I'm just... I'm just working on my life being a place I don't have to fucking escape! That's what I was trying to tell you, nothing mor- Jimmy: We're the ones you're trying to escape! Leave the dirt behind now that your boots are clean! Curly: That's not what I meant. Jimmy: It is what you meant. Jimmy: You just couldn't frame it to yourself in a way that kept you as the hero. Jimmy: Abandon the crew but remain the model captain.
To me, this is one of the most important and revealing sections of the game. Jimmy is not only projecting onto Curly, he's telling us exactly what he's going to go on to do (or attempt to do) when he becomes captain.
In addition to this, we see his manipulation on full display as he twists Curly's words and won't allow him even a moment to truly speak beyond a few lines he manages to get in between Jimmy's ranting.
That's not to mention we see the beginning of yet another pattern in Jimmy's behavior: getting a person to admit their weakness, then using it against them and/or using it to hurt them (he does this with Daisuke, for example, when he hears Daisuke's fears/desire for approval and proceeds to use it to get Daisuke in the vent). Here, Curly speaks about feeling trapped. Jimmy will soon trap him in a crashed ship just as much as he traps him in his own body, which Jimmy will proceed to drug. But I'll return to that.
Curly: Jim. I can fix this. Jimmy: What do you think will happen when we get back? Hm? Curly: We can figure all of this out. You and me. Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy: All I ever hear is how great of a leader you are. God, it's so annoying. Jimmy: But, now... What do you think will happen now when we get back? Curly: We'll fix this together. Jimmy: Everything you and I worked for in our lives. Accomplishments, changes. Jimmy: None of it will matter. Curly: You've gotten through difficult situations before. This time won't be any different. Work through it, one day at a time. Jimmy: It's not just me, is it? Jimmy: You were supposed to be the one who had everything under control. You said so yourself. Jimmy: The ship, this crew, everything that happened here... Jimmy: This was your responsibility, Captain. Jimmy: That is what you'll be hearing the rest of your life. Take responsibility. Jimmy: Or this can all be remembered as a tragedy. Jimmy: Despite what must have been the best efforts of its acclaimed captain. Jimmy: The Tulpar crew was never found. Jimmy: No one survived to tell the tale. Take responsibility. Jimmy: You're standing at the top. Jimmy: Feet in cement. Jimmy: I get it now. Right? Curly: ... Curly: ... Right.
This is an important moment, because aside from the scene in which Jimmy is approaching Curly while he's on fire, it's the only other time that I can recall the game separating from their perspectives to allow us to see them both, standing together.
We see a flash of Take care of it. Kills ninety nine percent. Jimmy begins to pull away. Another flash. He continues to draw back. Another. He turns towards the cockpit.
Jimmy sees through Curly. He sees Curly's worst where Curly sees only Jimmy's best, and he's more that willing to use that against Curly.
He sees a man who is not going to do what's hard. He sees a man who is going to try to "fix it" only in the most superficial sense. A man who confuses the appearance of cohesion and peace with the reality of it. Someone who sees the rocking of the boat as a manifestation of taking action against a wrong rather than the wrong itself.
In the end, it seems they're both ruled by appearances. And Jimmy will soon rip appearances in every sense from Curly's fingertips. He will make him hurt. He will get his revenge. He'll turn Curly into the villain, taking away his title, his respect, and his very face.
For daring to look down on him, Jimmy will turn Curly into dust.
But I think these words—I hope it hurts—come back to haunt him.
Part Five: The Eye as a Mirror
Like I said, I went back to try to find each time the phrase is used. There's the beginning, of course, but then there's the pregnancy sequence, for lack of a better name.
When the Polle monstrosity emerges from the giant uterus (?), we see these words:






In this sequence, we see a lot of different images and concepts connected: Anya's pregnancy and thus her sexual assault by Jimmy are tied to Polle and the company. The emergence of the Polle monster from the giant uterus (and the idea of the removal of the pregnancy) is tied to the mouthwash, as it's an act of "cleansing." This is all then tied to the phrase I hope this hurts.
Unless I missed something, these are the only two moments when the phrase is used: When Jimmy crashes the ship, and when he's experiencing this hallucination.
All clean! Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth, huh? Through wreckage! Through silence! Wash it away! All day fire fresh!
"Clean" is important immediately. "Leave the dirt behind you now that your boots are clean," Jimmy says. Because in this accusation is Jimmy's actual intentions himself. He wants to rise above others and clean himself from their filth. Now, he wants to clean himself of his sins.
I think "Really gets rid of that bad taste in your mouth" is mocking him. A direct challenge to the thought that he could ever truly be "cleaned," at least in the ways he's so desperately trying to go about it. *Not to mention how this connects to the mouthwash, as it might get that 99%, but there's always going to be 1% left.
"Through wreckage" obviously refers to the wrecking of the ship, but also of their lives. All by Jimmy. Though I wouldn't doubt in his mind it connects to the wreckage of consequences (ie. Anya's pregnancy resulting from Jimmy's actions).
"Through silence" I feel connects back to Jimmy's attempts to keep everything quiet, both literally and figuratively.
"Wash it away" also has a mocking edge, as if stressing the foolishness of Jimmy's attempts to treat these very serious events as if it's all just "dirt" he can wipe off.
Finally, we see "All day fire fresh!" This line stresses the connection to the mouthwash, of course. It also calls to mind the concept of cleansing by fire. Important considering Curly.
And after each, I hope it hurts. Jimmy's statement of pure, childish rage. His desperate desire to make others hurt as he hurts. To lash out, to get revenge. To have control until the very end.
This is also why Polle haunts him. Because he, as a man desperate for control, will always be under the thumb of the company even with that title of captain. That hurts him. And maybe the closest thing to ever recognizing the evil he's done to Anya is envisioning it as similar to the company's control, but even that feels like a mockery because he's so horrifically incapable of seeing her as a human being that she's been reduced to her womb. That's what he's really afraid of, in the end, and the fear feels like something else is in control. It makes the organ feel giant, larger than him, capable of hurting him.
When I was watching the playthrough, I thought that there was going to be four or five "I hope it hurts." I thought it would represent each person Jimmy hurts, or all of them, because he hurts himself too. When the sixth came, I thought so much for that theory. But then, I thought about it and there's the fetus. That makes six.
So, I hope this hurts means "I want to hurt you the way I've been hurt. The way you've hurt me." It's Jimmy saying that if his life has been wrecked, he'll wreck yours. It's Jimmy saying he'll shut you up. It's Jimmy saying he'll burn everything down if it means he can maintain control, or even just the illusion of it.
Part Six: Pain
But I think there's another side to this. Like some of the other lines I said feel are mocking him, I think I hope this hurts turns against Jimmy, especially here. And more than that, pain (and by extension, pain medication) plays a massive role in the game, after all. So I hope this hurts feels as if it haunts every moment where it's involved.
Jimmy says this the first time he gives Curly his pills. Pain is how we know we're still living.
The pills are clearly connected to death from the start. If "pain is how we know we're still living" then pain is connected to life and freedom from it is connected to death. That's saying nothing of Anya's use of the pills to kill herself. I think this connects back to the crash, as well. If life is pain, death is an escape from it.
I think it's also significant that the act of swallowing the pain pills is in and of itself painful.
The pills that are meant to take the pain away become a method of torturing Curly. It's a way to make him hurt, and to exert control over him. Even something that should take away his suffering is just an extension of it.
At one point, Jimmy says "Once these are out, we'll have nothing to keep him quiet." In this sense, the pain pills are meant to suppress, not to heal (Through silence!). They're supposed to shut Curly up and keep him from expressing his anguish in the only way he has left (the noises that disturb Jimmy's sleep).
Others have compared this, or Curly's state, to how Anya has been forced to bottle up her own suffering. Jimmy is keeping them both quiet, or at least attempting to. The ultimate form of keeping them quiet would be to, of course, kill them all.
The pills can also be seen as an attempt to hide or conceal the hurt that has been caused rather than to actually heal. In this way, they're like the mouthwash: something that's not really helping, just covering up an issue (and thus making it worse). And the mouthwash represents Jimmy's attempts to "fix" things. He doesn't actually want to make things right, because that would mean taking accountability. He wants to protect his own ego by "fixing" things in a mimicry of Curly "fixing" things in which he wants to create a sense of "rightness" without actually adressing what (or who) has been wronged. Jimmy can't stand to look at himself, because he would see that he really is constructed of his worst moments, or at least, that's what I suspect he would see.
Conclusion
Considering all of this, I hope this hurts can then become a mantra about living in spite of everything. I hope this hurts means "I hope I'm alive in the end. I hope we're all alive in the end." It could mean "I hope I'm allowed to hurt, because I am hurt, and the harm that's been done to me must be seen rather than suppressed and hidden." It could mean "You can't keep me quiet. You can't ignore or hide what you've done to me."
Maybe most of all, I think it means I hope you reap what you sow. When it's turned back on Jimmy, when it's almost mocking or haunting him, it becomes in part about his emotional weakness. About his inability to look at himself and his reality without experiencing the pain of humiliation. I don't think he ever experiences half of the pain he's inflicted on those around him. Still, he has to deal with the fact that his attempt to hurt others instead of facing himself has caused him more pain rather than taken it away as he'd hoped.
And I think that's why he suddenly decides to make Curly a "hero" instead of a "villain." There's a tipping point where he's pushed into a corner. The pain is too much. He hasn't confronted his own actions in any real way, but he's done enough that he can't stand to save himself anymore. It hurts too badly to live with what he's done. It sends him into another stage of fantasy/delusion. The only thing left to do is what he intended to from the start: kill himself to escape and damn Curly to a slow death. Because to go on living in spite of the pain would be the right thing to do, in a sense. To live in the hell of his own creation. To face what he's done. But instead, he'll entrust those heroics to Curly.
This feels barely coherent in the end, so I might come back in a few days and say wow what the fuck was I talking about? But hopefully there's something here that captures some truth. Again, please feel free to correct me if I'm misremembering anything or if I missed something.
#mouthwashing#spoilers#tw#cw#most of the fucked up mouthwashing shit is mentioned here#idk how ppl are handling tws because are some considered spoilers?#idk
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Update + Reply Bundle
Heyo all, it's been a while with some radio static and I've got a bundle of bits to reply to here!
If you're wondering where I've been, it's actually that things got MEGA busy on my end. Between the new year, a small promotion at work, getting a license to operate an X-ray machine for extremities (i have no idea how this happened man i have an applied science degree in dead people), learning some Java, and making travel plans to visit my partner overseas, it's been hectic but good.
But I ain't gonna pay it no mind, because every 6 months in queensland a man is torn apart by a crocodile the Warrior Cats never stops. I have also been passively ruminating on the Family Tree and keeping up with checking the inbox. Before I get to ShadowClan and the Glitch Warriors, I'll tackle all the other things.
SO reply time;
Changing Skies Reactions (On Moonpaw's sister being stillborn, the ShellFern cheating situation, etc)
The Flipclaw/Myrtlebloom Family Tree Fix plumthrift is soooo back
Other Fun Stuff (Which character should be allowed to say fuck. Names I'd like to use in other Clans.)
(NOTE; not addressing anything submitted about BB!ASC just yet, I want to put all my plans together first)
CHANGING SKIES REACTIONS
My honest feeling is that they don't know what a chimera is, BUT, I'm actually glad about that.
I would 100% rather they go with having her be possessed by a dead stillborn rather than them making her rare, ultimately harmless genetic quirk "the reason" why she's haunted. The stillborn haunting is the sort of concept I've come to accept in the setting (though I do have my critiques and reservations about another Evil Voice plotline, especially given the shitshow that was Splashstar in the last book of ASC), but there are DEEP layers to how messed up the implication of "zygote souls" would be.
Others have been joining into the convo in the meanwhile, tho. In essence, I agree with @mothdapple's thoughts on the subject. I hope the voice isn't wholly evil, and I hope that the haunting doesn't stem from her chimerism.
I'm betting that she gets a weird shipping moment with one of her cousins tbh. Especially if she survives this arc and doesn't become a medcat. You just know they'll open up the next arc with her and Sunkit being mates with 400 babies if you ship her with a girl too hard lmaooo
@dawn-sunlight
MANNNNN. You CANNOT convince me that I'm not correct about this at this point. The first 4 times it might have been coincidence, but they seem to have pinpoint accuracy for sinking popular LGBT headcanons and hetconning straight romance into old material.
That's Riverstar, Blossomfall, Ivypool, Leopardstar, Onestar (they replaced a firestar scene man), and now Thriftear and Flipclaw in one fell swoop?
Not to mention how everyone was joking around about "Old Woman Yuri" with Tawnypelt and Leafstar and then BAM, Sudden Crowfeather.
Like idk. Watch Barley get a super edition called Barley's Boo where it's revealed he once fell in love with a beautiful BloodClan she-cat who he had to leave behind, until it's revealed she's in WarriorClan now, so he leaves the barn to get her pregnant before dying. And also she's his first cousin.
That's a joke but if Apollo hits me with the dodgeball I hope he kills me in 1 hit
THE FLIPCLAW/MYRTLEBLOOM FAMILY TREE FIX
thank god. This is actually an extremely easy fix for me, now. All the pre-emptive cleaning I've done for the BB!ThunderClan family tree has paid off.
I Don't Rewrite Arcs Until They're Done, BUT, I have discussed the previous options at length before and how I intend to fix it. If you're reading along but need to catch up on the convo and context, follow these links in order,
Summary and Intro: BB!ThunderClan and the Propositions (ShellFern, StormCherry, FlipBay, or PlumThrift)
Anon ShellFern argument
Anon StormCherry argument
Hypokit Moonpaw Designs for All Four Options
Phantom of the Opera FlipBay Moonpaw
StormCherry Voter who changed their mind for FlipBay or PlumThrift
All caught up? Nice.
PlumThrift is sooooo back. It's basically what they've shown in the first book of CS. Soccer moms and their weird ass kid who they're desperately pushing to be an overachiever LET'S GOO. The most likely thing that will happen is that Moonpaw is a PlumThrift kitten-- unless something big changes.
(Though I am a little bit saddened that I can't do the cool Phantom of the Opera mask thing which came from Bayshine... unless Moon was honor sired, of course. Or maybe adopted. Hmm...)
For Oakkit, Sunkit, and Hazelkit though, I'm leaning towards what anon mentioned. Their canon parents are Myrtlebloom/Flipclaw, so it would be very easy for me to change to FlipBay because of my pre-emptive fixes. It'll match canon, and I have also grown fond of the idea of the two silly dads.
(plus then it's extra easy to have Moonpaw come from the first surrogated litter which was for PlumThrift to raise, and the second litter is for FlipBay. Biologically full siblings, socially cousins.)
That said, there's still a small chance they get shuffled over to ShellFern. Or, more radically, I might end up sending them over to StormCherry. If that doesn't happen though, don't worry, I'm still keeping Honeyfur and Leafshade in my back pocket in case there's no other opportunities to give them kids.
I will say this for certain though-- PlumThrift BB!Moonpaw would never have full siblings. She will be the only child they ever raise. If the canon parents ever have another litter, they would immediately get shuffled to FlipBay or someone else.
Sunbeam's kittens are, of course, Finchlight's. im punting that other thing into RiverClan. GIT.
OTHER FUN STUFF
I do actually want more mushroom names broadly, because sapient cats would actually be REALLY interested in fungi. I'd even say they'd be more interested in them than flowers. A lot of edible fungi have a chemical compound that makes them smell and taste like meat, so imo, they should be kind of like natural snacks or treats you can find while out and about.
Kinda like how humans have fruit, a culture of cats would have mushrooms. I plan on researching and writing a VERY elaborate mushroom guide at some point explaining this all in-depth (which I will be going thru my little "rolladex" of artists to illustrate it, when it's time), so I don't want to dive into the details just yet.
But in terms of names...
Something I wish I'd been able to do more of is weird, hard-to-translate prefixes. Scents that humans overlook, more time-related names about seasons or crepuscular events, categories of birds and invertebrates, etc.
Petricorfur, Prey-scent-tail, Arionbelly (a particularly large slug for eating), Rascalheart (a particularly feisty bit of prey that gives you a good chase), Thermalhawk (a thermal is a rising wind that allows birds of prey to soar more easily) etc.
If I was going back and scrounging up Glitch Warriors for other Clans, or just generally shaking up the prefixes, I would add names with these "themes" into each Clan;
Thunder: Sweet things and more wood-related terms Nectar, Drupe, Sap, Pith, Grain, bark textures like Fissure, Scale, Tessel.
River: More aquatic animal terms, poetic imagery, and "beautiful" things Caddis, Cray, Salmon, Roe, Mussel, Pearl, Dazzle, Twirl, Dance, Sway, Mirror (for the state of water when it's absolutely calm).
Wind: Sounds, events around the time of birth Bellow, Hiss, Roar, Crackle, Swale (if born around the time of a muirburn), Journey (if born out of camp), Drowsy (for a long birth)
Shadow: Mushrooms, wetland terms, fermentation effects, names that might otherwise sound like insults to other Clans Cake, Candle, Jelly, Parasol, Elf, Sphagnum, Gas, Drake (male duck), Muck, Peat, Bog, Fizzle, Bubble, Rot, Blight, Gnat, etc.
Sky: Cars and Suburban Terms Truck, Bike, Cycle, Wheel, Asphalt, Lawn, Fence, Board, Shingle, etc.
I also really want to put Vetch in someplace. It's a pretty normal and common kind of flower, I just think the name is neat.
@angelinelitalady
Firestar's Quest Chapter 5: "ARE YOU TELLING ME SKYCLAN HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE THERE WEREN'T ENOUGH FUCKING TREES????"
Canon? I will never not answer Bumble, you're going to have to give me two guns to ask this kind of question because there isn't a version of me in any nearby timelines that would say anyone except Bumble. It should be a rocket launcher, actually. We need to give her the nuclear codes. In BB I'd give it to Spotty. It would be REALLY funny. 25% of the story is preventing the rise of TigerClan and the other 75% of the story is taking the gun away from her.
HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR ALSO! IT'S SNAKE TIME BABEYYYY
@magewolf-the-artist
Do it! Go ahead! I can put it over in the Fan-Fanart post if you'd like. I should really make a section there for written art, too.
Everything about BB and everything WC-related I put on this blog is open source, from Clanmew, to plot threads, to Clan Culture, etc. PLEASE reference what you'd like if you're inspired by anything you see here!
The only thing I ask is that you keep that spirit of mutual collaboration alive. If you add onto Clanmew, allow others to reference it too. Talk about your thought processes. Encourage people to be inspired by what you did and make versions of their own. That's the beauty of fandom.
My end-game goal is for BB to result in a "skeleton" of chapter-by-chapter notes, the sort of thing you would hand to a ghost writer, so that it's essentially bones that anyone could take and write out themselves. This will take a looooong time because it's more about me having fun along the way, so if you want to write something, go ahead!
Never, never worry about "getting something wrong." You can change things, you can grow as a writer with time, wisdom, and practice. The worst piece of art is a piece that is never made.
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Hello! Many people have said this but ill say it too, I LOVE YOUR COMIC SO MUCH ( ´ ▽ ` ).。o♡
I really wanted to ask you about how you do the backgrounds? (Something i struggle with) whats the process? Like from start to finish, also, to do the rise backgrounds do you use reference from the show and generally real photo of ny? Or do you come up with them? And last question- The shadow and light on the background- Like HOW
i know it’s a lot of questions but i’m just so curious qwq and wanna learn to be better, thank you again in case you read this and respond, in case you don’t, i hope you have a nice day and a wonderful life uwu keep up the great work! (≧◡≦) ♡
Backgrounds are a really broad subject and I'm always a little overwhelmed when asked this question. Just like drawing the human body, backgrounds take time, repetition, and practice!
My answer got a bit long, so it's going under a read more :) but if you digest info better in video format I found this on youtube
youtube
It pretty much goes over everything I wanted to say, but in a much better way. I wish I had found it before writing all this out lol
ok, first of all, I'm not a teacher nor was I built to be one of those cool helpful art tutorial people who do a full coloured tutorial filled with illustrations. This is just going to be a messy "how I do backgrounds / environment layouts from start to finish." kinda thing.
... lets start with a sight tangent.
Sketch from Life!!!
If you want to get better at backgrounds I recommend doing some sketching out in the real world!
When I was first getting into doing backgrounds I went to cafes and parks to just sketch the buildings and objects. Sketch rocks, flowers, clumps of grass, garbage cans, bottles, tables, street signs, etc. If you are drawing a tree observe how the trunks twist, how the bark flows, or how the leaves are bunched.
If you can't leave the house the same still applies! Sketch the interiors of your house, the walls, or common objects like chairs and bookshelves. How are objects stacked? items on the floor?
If you aren't comfortable with drawing outside or in public you can take some photos to draw from! They are good for practice and you can use them again as references later. Alternatively you can find pictures online of buildings and objects to sketch as practice.
All spaces have objects in them, it becomes easier to draw those kinds of spaces when you already have spent time observing and sketching them.
ALSO! They don't have to be good sketches! It's just to build out your mental catalogue and strengthen your perception of perspective.
now the actual thing...
BACKGROUNDS

(the pictures used for this are my own. I dug them out of my 2022 folder)
Backgrounds have slightly different rules based on what you are making them for. Videogame Environment Concept Art vs Animation Layouts vs Comic Backgrounds vs Illustration backgrounds.
They all follow the same basics, which I will go over here, but the intention and function of those designs are going to be different. It's all about how you set up the scene and what it's purpose is!
Brainstorming and Thumbnailing
I like to think about a location as though it is a character. An abandoned old house with creaky sagging floorboards is very different from a futuristic space ship with sharp metal floor panels. A gas station has a very different feeling from a library.
I usually start by asking what is this location's story? Why was it built and for what purpose? What kinds of things does this room need to fulfill that purpose? You don’t need solid answers, but its good to be thinking about it while you are working.
Next, sketch some ideas for how this place is going to look. For me, this usually involves drawing the idea from multiple angles and then making lists & small sketches of the objects I think should be filling the space.

Example: The main character of my original work is a Wanderer. They collect a lot of things on their travels, but those items have to be small enough to be easily carried in a backpack. I wanted his room to be in the corner of an attic, walled off by curtains, and filled with trinkets. You can see some of my brainstorming above.
References
I only look for references after I've done some sketching and planning; this is to solidify my idea first so that I don't accidentally copy anyone else's work. I will make a moodboard with pictures of lighting, colours, items, rooms with specific ceiling beams, old chairs, etc. basically whatever I feel fits the vibe.
Honestly, I don't use references as much as I should. For ROTTMNT fanart I look at backgrounds and screenshots from the series to study the style. I also reference actual photos of NYC to get a feel for how Rise condenses the visual information.
In general, it's good to have references of real life objects/locations, because there are so many details like cracks in pavement, stickers on polls, crowning on buildings, fancy fencing, weird chair legs, etc. that you might not think of. It's the imperfect details that can make a location feel more alive.
Perspective
Once you have your chosen sketch we move to.... the infamous perspective boxes. Doing backgrounds is just learning to be comfortable drawing So Many boxes and carving items out of them.

Many better artists than myself have made videos on perspective, vanishing points, and all the technical bits. Videos like THIS ONE and THIS ONE are helpful (this post is great too!!). There are probably a lot of classes to be found on Skillshare or Schoolism. I learned a lot of this in my college art course, so I can't give you a specific video which helped me.
You can get by and be a good artist without learning this stuff. There are quite a few successful artists who have admitted they never bothered to learn perspective (one of these people even made a whole graphic novel series).
I personally avoided properly learning this stuff until I was in my 20s because I thought it would be boring and difficult to do. tbh I really wish I had learned it earlier because it's so much fun to make those silly little boxes imo. It looks scary and complicated but, just like drawing humans, it just takes time, repetition, and practice to develop the knowledge and skills.
Cleanup
You have your boxes and lines! Cool! Now to make a scene out of it. Fill in the details, get everything placed were you want it! Generally, the lines of each item will point back towards the horizon line, but they can have different perspective points.
Generally you would want to clean it up and get your room completely sketched before doing the lineart. I tend to combine the steps (not recommended)


Lineart
I've mentioned how I do this before. Closer objects have thicker lines and more detailed inside. Further objects have thinner lines and less detail. I didn't quite achieve that balance with the image below, but it's close enough.

Colours and Shading will have to be a separate post. In the meantime, I highly recommend the book "Color and Light" by James Gurney. I used to borrow it from my local library and a good chunk of my knowledge was learned from it :)
#Artist's Comic Rambles#asks#art related asks#thank you for the ask!! I'm glad to hear you enjoy the comc :D#i hope this was somewhat helpful...#i get overwhelmed by broad questions very easily haha#if you would me to elaborate on something specific I mentioned feel free to ask#i wrote this all out weeks ago and then forgot about it... I just added a link or two but yeah here it is
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I'm down for it. Every gay ship becomes real in Deltarune.
Yeah, that imagery could certainly apply multiple places with Queen, in multiple instances. I haven't seen that many people arguing that that part of the prophecy is wrong, at least not in a way that's significant.
Awww that would actually be rather sweet and appropriate! I just wonder what medium she would choose to continue it in, since it's clear that writing is not her strong suit.
VERY good joke from the fandom, A+
I mean, the weird route is already extremely awful, so I guess that would be...even more extremely awful! Just misery for Kris on every level!
All the more reason why I do not personally want to play it myself!
Some of the shadow crystal dialogue if you look at it in the light world reads "for a moment, you thought you saw through your hand"
Kris biting their hand hard enough to scare Susie if you tell her you won't play piano again in chapter four
"You couldn't find your hand" as the final dialogue for finding the secret in the gacha ball room
The importance of hands in general when it comes to Kris...using their hand to point for acting, pretty much always using a hand to remove and put back the soul, etc.
How important playing the piano is to Kris as a symbol of their autonomy.
And I dunno, as someone who really struggles to do the things I love because of an ongoing injury to my wrist, and knowing that's a struggle that Toby shares and has talked about in the past...just! Feels like a really scary possibility there!
It's an interesting possibility, but I think we'd need to get out of the vagueness of the prophecy first! Right now, it does seem like the prophecy is hinting at Susie being one of the heroes...but at the same time, Gerson describes chapter one of the Lord of the Hammer as "the heroes defeat the dark king, and stop the dragon." And then after the fight, when Susie asks which Dragon Blazers character she is, Gerson answers that she is "the dragon." Really does feel like there's supposed to be something going on there!
Already saw that video, and it's interesting! Although man, considering the comic I did ages ago about Dess disappearing into the bunker and Kris feeling like they were responsible, it would be absolutely wild if I called it that close, that early!
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i've contemplated sending u an ask here for like 2 days regarding ur sonadow art and oufhgh i have to say it is so,, so gentle like the intimacy and softness of it all/pos i hardly see artists that explore the intimate cuddly drawings without the sexual coding so finding your art is so nice?? like refreshing nice as an aroace person bc in my perfect world, many little guys are just cat coded and it's so so cool to me to have found ur art out in the wild also for the mpreg stuff youre literally one of the most normal ppl i've seen draw/bring it up lol, i'm aware so many ppl like to meme on it or make it a fetish which tbh is pretty transphobic, so i'm just really glad you steered it away from that direction and displayed it as something normal and gentle given the context of the au/lh
first off thank you this is such a nice message and i love that people also feel the vibes of soft and intimate from my sonadow art that’s my only ever goal whenever i drew them 😭😭
second off FELLOW AROACE PERSON ACQUIRED 🫵‼️like omg you get it i love thinking about ships in a cat coding way if that makes sense but especially sonadow bc they’re animals so i just love thinking about them as little guys i can put in my pocket just like my cat
like idk if this is an aroace thing bc i don’t hear it described in a way that i relate to exactly so this might just be me but basically: i’ve always loved romance and ships in fiction but as i got older i slowly realized that i don’t think i can feel it for myself. which kinda made me sad at first because the idea of having a partner always seemed so nice, that was the main reason i didn’t think i was aroace at first because i thought i had always wanted to be in a relationship. i did some research and looked into different identities on the aroace spectrum, and thought that cupioromantic was probably the most accurate to what i was feeling, but later didn’t feel like it applied to me because i think the “enjoys the idea of being in a relationship” doesn’t fit right? ig?? idk how to describe it other than i like the idea of relationships, but it took me awhile to realize that i didn’t really want to apply myself in one if that makes sense.
most likely there’s a thing or word out there that already exists to describe that and i just haven’t been looking up the right terms, but basically this is just a very very long way of saying that i feel like whenever i get into a ship it sorta..…attaches?? to my very identity or something?? like i know people can be like “this is my OTP i love them forever and think about them literally all the time” and it’s like YES that’s me but also feels like an understatement, like all of my past hyperfixations on ships are literally ingrained into my soul even i’m not that into them anymore. and i know people compare hyperfixations to relationships and tbh that’s probably the most accurate description but again, that feels like an understatement.
okay honestly idk where i’m going with this i think what i’m TRYING to say is that i feel like because i can’t feel romance for myself my appreciation for ships feels so much more…emphasized, and sonadow is like the longest consistent hyperfixation i’ve ever had on a ship and at that point usually when something has been a “hyperfixation” for 2+ plus years i put it on the special interest display case in my brain except that display case has only ever had like hobbies and fandoms themselves, never an actual fictional relationship that i’m obsessed with but here we are. it might be the development of brain has synched up with this specific hyperfixation but sonadow is the first ship that makes me feel genuinely happy to this degree. it doesn’t make me sad to think about them and also go “aw i’m sad because i’ve never felt that way about another person and probably won’t experience that ever” in the exact same way you would go “aw i’m going to be dead someday” when you think about the fact that you’re alive right now and conscious and exist and have a mini existential crisis of the week. like sonadow doesn’t do that to me, i really just love those stupid fucking gay hedgehogs so much they’ve actually changed the entire layout of my brain and all the neurons and shit they’re everything to me.
ANYWAY JESUS CHRIST sorry for the ramble uhhhh lemme know if you or any other aroace people know what the fuck i was trying to say there hope you’re doing well and also happy new year!!!
#asks#cool person i met on the internet#who is also aroace!!#sonadow#sonadow appreciation#para being fucking insane over gay hedgehogs for 20 minutes while typing this out#para is also aroace if this was not obvious i realize i don’t talk about it a lot probably lol#aroace#aroace experience
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i haven't posted a really poorly drawn thought piece adventure in years so here's a brief update!
hope i hit the read more thing right oh well anyway:
"Spent a lot of time applying for a home loan. I had to pay -fucked up- to have a convincing income for a decent loan. It was very confusing but cody helped me a lot."
"Cody proposed to me It felt wonderful that someone wanted to share their time and love with me. Cody proposed Anthrohio weekend, it's the con we really met at."
"We saw the listing that sunday morning before we had to go to our table to vend."
"It was a perfect house. We were the first people to view it and we immediately put in a bid. And we got the house. Many papers to sign."
"Moving was not easy. It took 2 whole months. Cody was out of town helping their grandma recover from a big surgery and we had to sell their old house/move that as well as move from my apartment. ALSO THE PETS: My cat dick wolf + Cody's 3 birds. Until we could get some doors installed and separate the house, I had to live between two places every day to feed and care for them."
"Still, life was good. I bought my first house! It has a swing in the backyard. I've never had my own backyard. I've never even lived somewhere that had trees (in said yard) It felt nice. Living together with the love of my life and 4 pets."
"Through all this i never closed my shop. How could I? It was my income, and I just bought a house. It needed to stay open. Moving that much inventory, setting up a new office, the house is a nice size but it's not huge, so, very careful organizing had to be executed if I wanted my apparel laid out right. (Which I totally managed to do)"
"but i Did get really good at baking pies. the two are connected."
"sacred_crow on instagram!"
"there's like 25 of u bastards i would absolutely die for, and about 75 more that i would go nearly dead over."
"We have an extra bedroom so I got to turn it into a toy room. There's games, crafts, stuffed animals, movies, a sick loft I painted the shit out of. It rules. It brings me a lot of Joy."



"Under the loft we have a dug out where we can watch VHS tapes. I love to sit with Cody and watch movies and play Donkey Kong."
"I am not good at Banjo Kazooie, but Cody is. Cody is so talented. I love watching them play games. (Depicted is not banjo kazooie but donkey kong country 2 as we are currently playing that. I'm good at DKC but I will still swear and make sounds like im about to throw up)"
"Half the basement is finished, so we turned it into a dual office space. It rules. Cody has a whole side for fursuit crafting, and my side is mostly my gigantic gamer computer area/shipping area. I took a whole wall to put all my non apparel merch like pins charms and notebooks also. for hte love of god someone buy the notebooks they take up more space then i wanted"
"I love to look over from my computer and see cody working. They always look so focused, yet peaceful."
"It's winter but it rains. I miss the snow. I lived by the lakes growing up. I miss piles of snow. It's just wet and cold here. Yes i'm quite aware of global warming"
"I got kicked off both my health and car insurance. I fixed the car one but health insurance still no. All my meds have gone away. The past few months have been hard. I think way too much lately. I can't get myself to do anything. -this is a whole page of downer bullshit and i cropped it!-"
"We had a leaky ceiling that took a month to fix. Cody did all the work because they are smart and kind."
"Oh yeah I had my uterus removed earlier this year. They let me keep it. It's in a jar in my living room."
"We threw a very nice halloween party. I was the green m&m. Cody was the monarch."



"We adopted 8 beautiful kiwis from a crane machine at the mall. we spent over 100 monies to get them but it was worth it."
"
It was a rough year. My health is in decline. Our country may try to end my life for being trans soon (lol?) I am in hte middle of a colossal mental breakdown of my core fundamental behavior (depression advanced) BUT ALSO: I am engaged to my favorite person. We bought a house together. I'm beginning a new chapter of my life. I have a swing in my backyard. The negatives suck but there are also many positives. The cycle of emotions is immense, but there is beauty in it. There is beauty in life, and isn't that wonderful?"
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that post about top/bottom discourse reminded me of another thing I've been seeing more lately, which is people "drowning" others' posts (aka screenshotting and reposting them with the water filter on to mock them) ....even when they aren't from antis or haters, they're from people in our fandom too
and it pisses me off when the original posts are harmless, they just have a take the other person disagreed with. I think doing that is mean. and it creates an air of animosity and fear. I'm certain people have stopped themselves from posting (thoughts, analyses, headcanons, ficlets, silly jokes, etc) because they're afraid of "getting it wrong". and that shit kills fandoms
so apply to yourself what you say to antis — don't like, don't read. if you dislike someone's takes on the characters or the ship, simply move on and keep creating the stuff *you* like
some people act like there's a hierarchy and they're clearly on top — like they're the smartest and the only ones with the "correct" opinions, and they have to keep others in check. and that's so silly literally who are you lmao pull the stick out of your ass and have fun
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