#source: incorrect quotes

[doththymayo]

Racetrack: Jack Kelly is a wanted man.

Spot: Impossible. He wasn't even a wanted child.

[chaoticwarrior]

Cleo: Valentine’s Day is a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than driving people insane buying heart- shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Frankie: I wrote you a poem.

Cleo, already crying: You did?

[incorrect-lackadaisy-cats]

Mordecai: Ah the humble apostrophe. The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

Rocky: Also the difference between “well fuck” and “we’ll fuck.”

Mordecai:

Mordecai: Yes that too.

[incorrect-our-flag-means-death]

Ed: *gets down on one knee*

Stede: Oh my god, it’s finally happening

Ed: *trying to put on dress shoes*

Stede, tears in his eyes: He’s finally wearing something besides leather

[tf2incorrectquotes]

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: who are you? A new crime lord?

Jason: *takes off his helmet*

Bruce: *squints suspiciously* a new crime lord who looks like a grown up version of my dead son?

Jason: *sighs in annoyance and forces a bright smile*

Bruce: JASON THE NEW CRIME LORD???

[batfamgalore]

*Dick crashes out while on patrol and beats someone within an inch of their life*

Bruce: Dick might be a little bit fragile after last night, so let’s try to be sensitive.

Jason: Oh, believe me- I am going to be nothing but nice to Dick from now on. If he snaps and goes on a rampage, who do you think he’s coming for first?

Bruce: He’s not going on a rampage.

Tim: I bet he’d let me live. He likes me.

Damian: I’m just gonna say it. I never trusted him.

[demonicsuffrage]

Tim, abruptly standing up in shock: Wait, I just realised that Damian will graduate highschool in 2032

Damian, rasing a brow: Yes, ofcourse? As I am currently in fourth grad-

Jason, spitting out water: What the fuck? 2032?

Steph, pointing accusingly: That's not a real graduation year you made that up!

Dick: I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

Duke, with his head in his hands: Does anyone else feel both their feet in the grave? I graduated this year!

Dick: Feet? More like my entire body, I finished high school years ago!

Cass: Guys I think Bruce is crying

[bruciemilf]

Bruce: I know it’s hard, but you must remain forgiving and merciful, Jason.

Tim, who had to watch Bruce skin a man alive like a piece of salmon with a batarang for saying something rude about his then deceased son, throw him in the back of the Batmobile, and drive him to the hospital just to beat him up again:

[waterfire1848]

[ Bruce is out at a comedy event with all his kids. ] Comedian: Are these your kids too? Bruce: Half of them. Their parents wouldn’t let me legally adopt the other half. Comedian: So you stole them? Jason: He kinda did. Comedian: You know this doesn’t sound good.

[doththymayo]

Davey: Jack, are you getting enough sleep?

Jack: Sometimes when I sneeze I close my eyes.

[oceanview15]

Bruce: I haven't seen any of the boys for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside, and only the top of Damian’s head visible in the backseat, is seen rolling down a driveway. With Dick, Jason, Tim, and Duke running after it in a panic.*

*Bruce doesn't look outside at all.*

Bruce: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

[red-replacement]

just remembered this tiktok

—

tim: hey, which do you think? red dress or black dress for tonight?

kon: oh i don't know, you'll look beautiful in whatever you decide

tim: thank you, but im actually having a hard tim deciding and i was hoping you could pick

kon: either way you're gonna be the prettiest one at the gala babe, i love you so much

tim: okay no- i love you too and i know you think im beautiful and this isn't a test. i just, which dress would you perfer to see me in tonight?

kon: i prefer you just the way you are

tim, stepping out of his room: oh my god- HEY JASON! red dress or black dress!?

jason, from otherside of the manor: black. red makes you look like a bitch

tim: thank you!

jason: no problem!

[thesecretdcblog]

Bruce, texting: Call me

Tim, texting back: Give me a couple minutes I can't find my phone

Bruce: Oh, okay

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim:

Bruce: You're a terrible child. You're killing me, Tim. You're killing your father.

[tf2incorrectquotes]

[holy-incorrectquotes-batman]

Bruce, walking into the Batcave: Why does it look like a tornado came through here? Jason: You know that trick people play on dogs? That one when you pretend to throw a ball but actually keep it in your hand and watch as the dog chases after nothing? Bruce: Yeah? Jason: Steph did that to Dick.