#tim is just off the rails with grief

[little-pondhead]

I’m Not The Sun

—

Y'know, when Kon ‘died’, do you think a grieving Tim could have mistaken Danny for his best friend? Do you think that, in a moment of desperation and exhaustion, he might've kidnapped a floating Danny in an attempt to bring Kon home? And when he realized he kidnapped a random civilian, do you think he still kept Danny for a while as a replacement for Kon?

Do you think Danny got tired of being called 'Conner' after the first week but was too distressed himself to correct Tim? Trying to leave or tell the fellow teen his name was Danny was obviously sending the kid into a spiral. He seemed to think Danny was the dead spirit of his best friend. Maybe if he played along, this Conner guy would show back up?

Hopefully, before Tim completes his cloning research. Danny's been doing everything he can to sabotage the equipment, but even with ghost powers on his side, Tim is a smart person. Every time Danny sets him back one step, Tim takes two steps forward. And since he's well outside of his haunt, Danny is starting to feel weak and ill from lack of ectoplasm. He's running out of time.

Do you think Kon would feel upset that his best friend replaced him?

[the-media-pit]

honestly really happy with the direction bloodlines took with the survivors all being part of the same family. because that's always been a favorite of mine in the past movies,, just, the way the different characters are connected and how that gives a bigger impact to some of the deaths.

like in the first one it's alex and tod. and alex has to then grapple with the fact that he lost his best friend and that tod's parents now blame him for the deaths of both of their sons.

in the second one it's nora and tim. she literally watches her son die and then listens to kimberly and clear tell her she's next. the way the grief and sadness weighs her down after her son's death is so visible and finding out that her husband died too?? it's so rough. and the audience doesn't even have much time to sit with her grief before her death happens and it's such a brutal one.

the third is obviously wendy and julie and it's really the only one that has that big connection where the visionary doesn't have to live with that grief. but wendy has the grief of losing jay and carrie. and she has this preemptive grief for julie when she realizes that her sister was on the rollercoaster too.

ian and erin are also really big ones for the third movie and the grief there is so big that it influences all of ian's actions from that point on. he loses sight of himself in the wake of her death and i find it to be one of the most interesting reactions.

and then, building on the concept of ian's reaction, is candice and peter. a more drawn out version of ian and erin. so, again, in my opinion a very intriguing look at the interpersonal relationships between these characters and how their grief is influenced by their dynamic but also how that grief influences them. because if ian lost sight of him, peter didn't even have himself to return to. the peter that existed before candice's death didn't exist anymore after. his arc is probably one of my personal favorites for just how off the rails he goes.

now, with bloodlines, the idea of those connections and the way that grief informs or alters these characters is blown up to its biggest potential. this is a whole family. seeing them come together for iris's funeral even though they had a strained or nonexistent relationship with her. seeing the way howard's death shook all of them. or the panic in stefani when she thought erik was dead. the way stefani, charlie, and erik did everything in their power to save julia. erik trying to prevent bobby's death, not just for bobby, but for the rest of his family as well. how he became just another name on death's list in his desperation. charlie, voice breaking, asking why erik had to die too. darlene trying in vain to sacrifice herself for her kids. charlie bringing stefani back from the brink of death only for the two of them to die together.

i just really love when horror movies touch on grief and final destination has always had the perfect opportunities to touch on it in small portions,, but this new one did everything it could to have that grief baked into the concept. it's even in the moment of iris talking about paul.

they were a family !! there is love there and there has been love throughout the entirety of the fd franchise !! just genuinely stoked about this movie and the way it's revitalized the franchise for new fans and old fans alike

[batfambyval]

So. I’ve been thinking about Tim Drake a lot. Like. So much. So, here’s another rant/analysis/commentary on him.

Here’s the thing. Tim Drake is, and I mean this in the fondest way possible, an asshole. He’s cocky and arrogant and smug. He always has to know everything and he always has to be right. He has NO respect for dumb things like boundaries or privacy. He views emotions as just another variable, something that is to be accounted for and addressed when needed in both himself and others. But protecting people’s feelings isn’t a priority. Yes, Batman’s emotional spiral triggered the events that led him to become Robin. But he didn’t help Bruce which his grief because he saw someone he cared about hurting and wanted to help. He did it because Bruce’s grief threatened to destroy Tim’s understanding of reality. Batman being a hero was one of the only good stable things in his life. He wanted to protect that, and he wanted to protect Gotham’s citizens from both Batman and anyone who would run wild if he died. It was a calculated decision based on numbers, not Bruce’s feelings. Not to say that he doesn’t care, because he does. So much. But he tries not to let it control his decision making. An example being when he didn’t tell Tam that Lucius’s death was fake. A more extreme example from when he really goes off the rails is the entire Titan of Tomorrow storyline.

Anyway— point is Tim understands and cares about the emotional wellbeing of the people around him but he tries very very hard to hide it and not let himself think to hard about why. Because then he’d have to confront that if other people’s feelings are important then his are as well. And that everything his parents taught him was wrong, therefore he is wrong. And as I said, he always has to be right. Because so much of his self worth is tied to his intelligence. Oh. That’s why I relate to him… okay im gonna stop before I have anymore revelations.

[gothamiteeditor]

Tim Drake is my favorite Robin because he’s not only the glue keeping Batman from flying off the rails at some points, but is also actively flying off the rails himself. The League of Assassins never stood a chance. He’s probably wanted in more countries than he’s allowed in, if he disappears that list slowly grows. Not only is he a freaking genius but he also should be feared by his sheer willpower to get anything and everything into his little hands. If it’s to be found out he will find it. The Robin who didn’t have to become Robin for himself, the one who became Robin because someone else needed him to.

Jason Todd is my favorite Robin because he’s a Robin that was so mistreated by his creators and writers that they literally voted for him to die. He dies in every alternate version. He’s not only died but came back stronger, more than once. Sure he was different but that difference allows us, the readers, to see the thoughts and feelings of a Robin who could never be good enough, who still is good enough, because he’s better. The happy Robin who made the mantle magic turned into a Crime Lord who wants nothing more than to ensure no other child goes down the same path he did or at least gives them the help to succeed.

Dick Grayson is my favorite Robin because he lost his parents in a traumatic way Bruce could relate to and still somehow ended up being a better mentor and better leader than Batman himself. Dick who was the Angry Robin who grew up realizing he could still be who he was before his trauma and grief and became Nightwing, a symbol of not just one city but two, and then in his civilian life still took the cities he loves in his hands as his job. A man who watched his little brother die, and come back different and refused to help the man who wouldn’t do anything about it. A man who actually got revenge only for it to be taken back from him. And also in some obscure timeline became a Tyrannical Dictator who wanted to annihilate aliens because his alien wife died but no one really talks about that era…

Damian is my favorite Robin because he defies everything about every Robin we have had. He’s the Robin that had a kill count before he was Robin. The boy who would either become the Demon Head or the Batman, legacies he was promised, but could never achieve with the guidance he was given. The boy who couldn’t understand why Bruce tried to get him to open up and relax because he’d never known that before. The boy who had Jason before Bruce. The Robin with a sword and isn’t afraid to use it and knows how to. From assassin heir to prince of Gotham.

Stephanie was my favorite Robin because she was the Robin who didn’t stay Robin. The Robin who forged her own way really quickly and realized she didn’t need the mantle to make her own difference against her father. The one who would never be one of Bruce’s but always was one of Bruce’s. The Robin who pushed the boundaries of everything Gotham had come to expect from Robins, a powerhouse in her own right and never credited for her role.

(Edited because I originally had said Jason was the only Robin to be mistreated by his writers and fans. This isn’t entirely true so I edited a correction. Truth be told all these characters deserved better.)

[signedsfs]

not to out myself but Yeah...I think it was all such a Bad Idea, and I. am a little confused about people who are generally so objective and analytical about most character choices Agreeing with him that it was a necessary choice to "help" Damian.

I have a vent fic wip that I may or may not finish so I just need to tell someone that I am...feeling so many things all the time about the consequences of the 16th birthday but...

primarily, right now, at this moment. without Robin/Bruce, Tim thought he would lose Dick and everyone else he knew through Robin. and then a little bit later when he quit for Jack, he got radio silence for Months until he became a potential victim, and even then it was just Cass stopping in to give the message and be like "I'll watch you to keep you safe 👁️👁️ ok bye" and he had actual Proof that without Robin, he would lose everyone.

and then. Dick "you're my equal (even tho I'm drastically changing your life without your knowledge or permission), you're my closest ally (even tho you don't even have a name to go out in the field to assist me as backup), I need you (even tho, as mentioned, I made a huge decision without your input because I didn't need it because I know best actually)" Grayson.

skipping over the fact that Dick didn't even have the time to say "you're fired" or anything resembling that, when Tim lost "Robin" to Damian, he felt like he lost everything else too. it didn't matter what Dick said about "equals" or "allies" or "needing". he already had Concrete Proof that it was all false. cheap words that are easily disproven do nothing in this situation, Dichard!

(disclaimer: I love and respect Dick Grayson, I just also think Dick Stopped Existing as soon as he made Damian his Robin for the most pathetic stupid illogical risky-ass excuse he could ever give for making anyone Robin (or a vigilante in general). "because he'll kill someone again". who the fuck says that?? who thinks "oh no oh god oh fuck this kid is gonna go off the rails he's gonna kill someone, I need to Put Him In A Place Of Power Over Oblivious Innocent Untrained People Who Are Expecting A Kind And Empathetic Hero To Save Them" hUH???? ok sorry, I just wanted to rant about what Tim "losing Robin" meant)

I agree with ya. Dick Grayson is fantastic, but it seems weird that he nuked his entire relationship with Tim (a very strong one that other fans have referred to them as "The Brothers") for the new kid.

Yes, Damian is a ten year old traumatized kid who just lost the dad he didn't really have the chance to get to know. Yes, Damian needed guidance, boundaries, and compassion.

But DC spent so much time and effort building up Tim and Dick's rapport only to obliterate it once the "blood son" came in (I also love Damian. This is not hate on the kid. This is confused commentary on DC's choices). It's just a strange idea, but that's also why it hurts so much when Dick does that to Tim.

Then you tie in Tim losing Robin by Dick to Tim's experiences before? Fuck. You are so right for that.

As far as the RR run, Dick could've handled Tim believing Bruce a bit better. I don't necessarily blame him for that one. I get why he wasn't supportive in the way Tim wanted, even though I would've chosen differently for my siblings.

Dick taking Robin, though? That was fucked up. I, honest to the gods, do not see how that was a justified course of action. I can understand his perspective, but it's still not okay. At all.

There's your very adequate analysis:

Robin, for Tim, is his tie to his loved ones. He has proof (twice) that without it, he does not have access to the people he cares about and his support system.

Dick said a lot of pretty words about "equals," but his actions were precisely contradictory to his "intentions."

Tim has had Robin taken from him before or had to give it up. He chose to go back despite this. He obviously feels strongly about being Robin

Damian has not proven, at this point, to be trustworthy as a vigilante (someone in power without oversight). He has instead shown use of excessive force

This isn't even going into the way he found out. That's just an extra layer.

The way Tim has repeated lost and regained Robin (even after RR) as well as his title as Red ROBIN are, to me, a sign that he's still trying to hold on. It's my belief that he would have moved onto a new title, like his predecessors, if it hadn't constantly been an unsure role.

His start was rocky as hell due to Bruce not initially wanting it. Tim had to prove himself and put himself into the costume.

He "quit" twice before it was taken from him in a traumatic way (nothing like being instilled with the fear that the position you've held for four years can suddenly be yanked out from under you without warning)

Damian and Jason both vehemently protested to him being Robin

It would make sense if all of these factors combined to Tim's unwillingness or inability to just let Robin go, especially when we factor in his reason to be Robin. Since Bruce never really gets "better" and continually falls back into bad habits, Tim needs to maintain his task of pulling Bruce back from the edge. We could also throw Jean Paul into this to further how Tim is forced to play as the barrier between a grown adult and their desire to harm others in the name of good.

So, Tim's time as Robin is marked by consistent instability while contrasted with his inherent position as Bruce's leash and the batfam fixer. While the other Robins did have times of doubt, the predecessors of Tim did not have the pervasive role insecurity with regards to Robin.

They had their big moment at the end and some smaller moments in-between, but not quite on the continous scale of Tim. Tim had three big moments and was still sucked back into Robin when Damian quit.

To be Robin is to earn Bruce's love and the ability to be part of the Wayne family. To lose Robin is the risk of losing that (at least to the perspectives of the Robins if not 100% the reality).

I'm not sure I'm articulating this accurately. Regardless, no wonder Tim clutches the title of Robin with bleeding hands no matter how much it cuts him and costs him.

[cas-backwards-tie]

Chapter Six: The Summer of a Lifetime

Heiress of Gotham

Bruce Wayne x Daughter!Reader

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Summary: With things out of the way and perhaps a little more trust, maybe the reader will finally start to make some progress, and a few friends along the way.

Warnings: Spying, Being Spied On, Insects, Wet T-Shirts, Flirting,

Words: 3.6k

A/N: While this chapter may seem like it takes a lot of twists in turns in the vignettes, it's sort of meant to reflect the ups and downs and small moments we have during summer. Honestly, though, this is perfect for the introduction of certain characters and plotlines I wanted!

It'd been an interesting end to the school year, really, and that's aside from the fact that you'd had to deal with and go through the grief of your Mother passing. Within the few months you'd been at Wayne Manor, the family had quickly learned many things about you. Bruce had found out how frugal and tenacious you are, insistent on selling some of your old articles of clothing for money on some app he could never remember the name of, meanwhile refuting the many attempts he'd offered to take you out shopping. Who wants to go shopping with their Dad anyway? He'd been consumed with work, and therefore more time had been turned over to your brothers.

While school was out for both you and Damian, Tim had decided to take summer classes at the nearby community college since it'd make his college applications only look better. Dick, of course, was still working, and Jason, really, you had no idea what was going on with him since it seemed he had most days free and nights taken. While you'd considered the possibility that someone associated with the Wayne family had a night-time job, you also didn't want to think of someone who very quickly became a big brother to you in that manner. That was just... ew. With the three eldest gone or rarely home, you'd been left with Damian and Alfred mostly.

--------

“So… you’re spying on your own child because…?” Tim draws out, leaning against the motherboard as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Because it’s Bruce? You’re not the first. Thought you would’ve been the wiser, Green Bean,” Dick chides as he manually stitches another loop into his uniform. Seated on the edge of the metal table propped against the railing on the opposite side of the platform.

“She’s been watching television for over two hours straight. Is this unhealthy?” The man of the hour speaks, eyes unmoving from the image of you through the lens of one of his pesky drones.

“Hey, you’re the one who’s supposed to be parenting, yeah? You chose to bring her in, you choose what’s healthy and unhealthy,” the elder boy retorts, a clear sass in his tone that reminds Bruce where Damian’s gotten it from.

“Hn,” the old man groans, “That doesn’t mean I know what’s currently the standard in teenagedom,” he grumbles more to himself than anyone.

“Have you tried, I don’t know, just talking to her?” Tim asks, an eyebrow quirking as he doesn’t try and hide the amused smile breaking across his lips.

“You’re one to talk,” Bruce teases the boy. He’s still somewhat resentful of the way he’d handled things with Stephanie a few years ago now. Leaving her in the lurch only for her to seek answers by prying into their life.

A huff of annoyance leaves Tim and he rolls his eyes. Pushing off the computer, he turns to head for the stairs when he spots movement on the monitor. Dick doesn’t seem to care, rather, he’s focused on fixing and upgrading his equipment. However, Tim had come to a halt, now watching from just a few feet behind the old man’s chair. His drone follows you as you get up, bringing an empty dish and glass to the kitchen. You don’t notice, of course, as Tim knows this has to be one of the nano drones, most likely disguised as a fly following your movements through the Manor just a few hundred feet above them.

It’s uninteresting, really, the way he watches you put your empty dish in the sink along with your glass. Your visage shifts, heading back to the living room, but doesn’t fail to notice the nano drone. “Spotted,” Tim announces, curious to see where this goes.

“That doesn’t mean anything. Most people aren’t fazed by an insect,” Bruce defends, finally taking his gaze off the screen for a mere moment as he turns to Tim. The boy watches as you step closer to the drone; the still fly on the fridge’s handle was easy to spot, and while your eyes quickly move on in an attempt to seem as if you hadn’t noticed the bug, not wanting to disrupt it or scare it away, you step closer to the fridge.

On top of the box lies an item you’ve been grateful for ever since you’d gotten your Mom to buy it for you offline. Easily stepping on your tiptoes you grab the object’s handle and have your finger ready atop the trigger. Now all that’s left is to catch it off-guard.

The amused look on Tim’s face makes Bruce paranoid; blue eyes racing back to the monitor, he watches as a tennis-racket swatter comes his way. Lifting the nanodrone up and off the surface he barely escapes the touch of the electric swatter. Bzzt! He’s hit. Flying across the kitchen and landing on the counter, he turns the drone around to get you in frame again. “And you thought she wouldn’t do anything,” Tim laughs. An error message pops up, screen turning red along with the artificial voice alert. Clearly you’ve damaged the drone.

“It only took twenty-five percent capacity,” Bruce announces, clicking different keys to get everything back to neutral.

This elicits Dick’s eyes as his focus shifts up to the situation before him. An amused smile graces his lips and he can’t help but sometimes pity the man. Bruce… tries. He means well, but he doesn’t always have the best approach. “Gotta say, this is better than reality tv.” His Father shakes his head and, attention finally returning to the monitor once again after being distracted by Tim.

“You risked a drone for this? Come on, man. This is your own daughter we’re talking about,” Tim chastises. Even if he’s still laughing and more than amused by this. If he wants to waste his tech, by all means, let them watch. It’s not like he can’t get more.

The men watch as you look around the kitchen, eyes taking everything in. With an occasional turn, and a flip of your hair, he’s spotted again! This time Bruce sees you coming before he can be squashed. Out of sight, out of mind, he thinks. “Honestly, I’m just lucky she didn’t spot me earlier. Ace and Titus weren’t the most helpful considering they kept tracking my movements, clueing her in. But she didn’t get me until now.”

“I’m impressed she even got you at all, honestly,” Dick comments, drawing their attention again.

“Not a fan?” Tim asks, curious to hear his thoughts. After all, he hasn’t been around as much considering things have been busy with school, and hectic with Stephanie. Therefore, he doesn’t know as much about you. He hasn’t spent as much time around you as the others.

Met with a noncommittal noise, Tim watches Dick shrug. “I’ve got nothing against her aside from what she said at dinner and obviously her hate for the BPD,” he trails off, a shudder running through him, “then again, she was kind of insane when we were moving her stuff. Threatened to kill us and all. Not really the type of vibe you wanna have running around the house, you know? At least, not mine, I’ll tell you that.” With a chuckle, Dick lifts the needle to his mouth, teeth going for the fabric since he hadn’t bothered to grab scissors.

Tim almost laughs along with his brother, that is until he processes what he’d said. “Wait, what-?!” Eyes quickly darting between him and Bruce, he’s suddenly alert. “What do you mean she tried to kill you?! What’re you talking about? Hey- why didn’t you tell me this?” He zeroes in on Bruce, determined to get an answer. “Does Damian know? Why am I the last one to find out about anything around here?” He complains.

“I mean she tried to-” Dick begins.

“She did not! Dick, stop exag-”Bruce interrupts, turning to face them and argrue.

“Bruce-” Tim interjects, eyes suddenly on your approaching visage in the drone’s visual. “Bruce!” You’ve got the fly cornered. With one swift sweeping wack, and a press of the button, it’ll die.

“What?!” He yells. As soon as he turns back from Tim to the monitor he’s too late. Zzztt!!! They all grimace and wince. An alert pops up on screen:

‘V I S U A L L O S T’

The options to ‘connect to different device’ or ‘relay input’ lie underneath the big text, but ultimately you’d destroyed the thing. With the click of a button Bruce closes the tab and the background feed of the Manor’s security cameras linger. Alfred dances in the office as he dusts along, presumably, to music—Bruce knows his routine. On another, you’re carrying the nanodrone on the electric swatter to the trash, disposing of the ‘fly’ you’d killed. Lastly, Damian is reading, doing his homework as he sits in an armchair by the fireplace in the Library, Titus curled up by his feet.

“Dammit! This is why you can’t just be in here. You’re either here for a purpose or you’re out,” Bruce dictates. “Dick is actually doing something, Tim. You’re just gossiping.” With a defeated drop of his hands to the desk, he raises himself from his computer chair and rounds Tim.

“You still didn’t tell me what happened,” Tim argues, the anger in his voice no longer hiding. “I’m tired of being out of the loop! What happened?” He demands. A sigh weighs Bruce’s shoulders down, and as Dick finally lifts his gaze to take in the men before him, he doesn’t dare to add any more fuel to the already burning fire.

“She was involved with Marin. Alright? She thought he was coming for her, momentarily figured we were in on it. Satisfied?” Bruce responds, turning to face the boy.

They all know he’s been hurt. That he has trauma… it’s no secret. Yet, it’s only in few and far between moments that the boys are able to see things for what they are in a crystal-clear view. This is one of those times. Their warped views on good and evil, right and wrong, revenge and punishment… they blur the lines of reality in ways he’s sure that you, a civilian, would never understand, and yet… Tim realizes the weight of this.

“Who-?”

“Angel Marin. Bludhaven’s biggest mob boss,” Dick informs. A ‘Hn’ leaves Bruce’s lips as he makes his way toward the stairs, and a sigh leaves Tim. With a grateful nod in Grayson’s direction, Tim follows after Bruce.

------

“You know, someone mentioned your birthday is coming up,” Bruce teases, a hint of a smile hiding behind his wine glass.

The quick flash of a smile overtakes your face before you try to hide it. None of them miss it. “Um… yeah. W-who said?”

It’s invisible, perhaps, to all besides those who know him best, however, Bruce pales at the question, faltering. While you’re good at reading people, you don’t notice. Whether it’s the subject matter or the way everyone’s staring, you simply wait for a response.

“Uh, the-” he clears his throat, eyes suddenly downcast as he reaches for his knife and fork to cut his steak, “the social worker! Yes, she mentioned it while you were in your meeting.” Obviously a lie. If anyone truly knows Bruce the way most at the table do, they'd know he found it in your public files and digital footprint.

“Oh,” you respond, putting on a fake smile as you too attempt to hide behind the meal. Birthdays can be a big deal for some, and others, not. It all depends, and you aren't sure where things lie in this family. You still feel like an outsider, despite their attempts, and you don't want to burden them further.

“We could have a party!” Damian suggests, to everyone’s surprise.

“You just want a party,” Jason comments with a chortle.

“Is there anything you want?” Dick asks thoughtfully, looking down at you from your side, putting you on the spot. His kind blue eyes stir something within you, and you turn your gaze back to your plate. Busying yourself by cracking your knuckles, your lips purse into a line. With a shake of your head, it’s clear no one is sated.

“There’s nothing you want? At all?” Bruce prods, eliciting your eye contact again. Lips pursing even more you shake your head again.

“Um,” eyes falling to your lap you collect yourself, not allowing your imagination to run wild. “You taking me in was enough. Thank you.” Voice quiet, everyone has their own reaction to your words, albeit unbeknownst to you.

“Oh, shut up! You know there’s at least one thing you want,” Jason teases from across the table.

“Oh? And what’s that since you know her so well?” Tim pries, knowing he’s setting his brother up. Jason hesitates, almost choking on his drink which elicits laughs from the boys, and an amused smile from Bruce. As bickering starts to ensue, you decide.

“I-” all eyes turn to you, “I want a party!” You announce. With a confident smile, you figure, how bad could it be? After all, parties don't need to be big! Something sweet, the family there, and a boardgame is all you'd need for it to be considered a party to you.

“See? At least I know what she wants,” Damian chides proudly.

“Oh? Well what kind of party would you like?” Bruce asks.

“Who do you want to invite?” Dick inquires.

“What’s the theme?” Jason adds.

“Actually, isn’t your birthday coming up now that I think of it?” Tim voices his concern over to Jason.

“Uh…” Jason shakes his head a little, taken aback, “I mean, I don’t really celebrate anymore since-”

“-the same day as Alfred’s, that’s right,” Bruce saves them, an unfazed smile on his lips, “though I believe we can celebrate both, can’t we?” While you’re not exactly paying attention, to the rest of them there’s a silent, yet menacing request behind his eyes. It’s clear they’re not allowed to speak freely anymore, no matter your new seat at the table of their family.

“Okay, but mine comes first- or did you forget again?” Damian asks with a bite. Upon the silence, he rolls his eyes and goes back to his meal with the exasperated sound of his breath hitting his tongue against his teeth. An audible ‘Tt’ sound.

“I didn’t forget, Damian,” Bruce clenches his jaw and grips his glass a little tighter. Does every family dinner have to turn into a fight? “You know I was with the Just-” he catches himself, “Hn- that I had to-”

“-just business calls… we’re well aware, Father. Perhaps you’ll do yourself a favor and won’t miss your other child’s birthday,” Damian finishes the conversation. “Not that I count on it.”

--------

Walking through the pool room, you’re focused on texting Daisha, intent on telling her the good news!

‘Omg you’ll never guess what just happened! I’ll hav-’

Splash!

A dissatisfied shriek escapes your lips as you stare at the wet stain on your shirt. “Really?! Dami-" looking up from your drenched navy tank top, your eyes widen and lips part.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I thought you were Damian.”

You quickly take in the super-soaker and the boy’s apologetic expression, and it’s easy enough to put two and two together. As footsteps quietly click against the tiled floors of the locker rooms leading toward the pool deck, you grab the boy’s hand and drag him back the way he’d come around the corner. There lies a linen closet between the pool, laundry room, and stairwell. With a swift hand, you open the door and shove him in, following after as you quietly shut the door.

A bemused smile appears on his lips as his eyebrows furrow. “You’re his sister,” he whispers with certainty, “I’m Billy.”

Whispering back your name, he repeats it. Visibly eager on saying something else, you place your fingers on his lips to shut him up. He follows your eyesight, both of you staring through the slats in the closet door. With a keen ear, he gets the gist and remains quiet. As moments pass, you can feel the boy, Billy, staring; curious, you meet his gaze only to find him searching your eyes. You can’t help but notice how pretty his are. Though you almost get swept up in admiring his features, you hear a faint creak only meters away outside the door; with a motion of your other hand, you beckon him to hand you the gun.

Transferred into your open hand, you slowly remove your fingers from his lips, cupping the barrel of the super-soaker while the other wraps around the handle, fingers ready at the trigger. With a head nod toward the door, you mouth the words: ‘On three! Ready?’

Billy seems to understand, as he holds his hands up in a ready stance to push open the doors. Together, you both mouth the countdown (which is really a count up, but anyway): ‘One… Two…’

“THREE!” Busting out of the closet, Damian is just a few feet from your right. It’s easy to spin and shoot as you’d been prepared, having watched him walk past the door together. Your brother had jumped, yet shot a few instinctive rounds of water, splashing both you, Billy, and the wall.

“Shit! What the hell! What are you doing here? Who let you play?” Damian curses, saying something in a language you don’t recognize, holding his gun in a stationary position once you’ve all recovered from the attack. His suspicious green eyes narrow as they dart between the two of you.

“I figured it was only fair since you didn’t let me know about your little game and I got caught in the crossfire,” you reason, pointing to your shirt with the gun.

“I accidentally shot her thinking I had you cornered, so…” Billy’s words die on his tongue. Without sparing the kid a glance, you shove the super-soaker back in his hands before offering him a grateful smile. At least you’d hit Damian once, you figure. With that, you’re more than happy to abandon the boys to their games as you walk toward the laundry room to see if your clothes are finished drying. That was the whole reason you were down here in the first place, after all.

“You didn’t tell me she was my age!” You hear Billy yell before a series of exclamations and curses follow with the sound of splashing water and rapidly receding footsteps.

--------

As stupid as it was to find your thoughts continuing to drift back toward a certain brown hair, green-eyed boy, you couldn’t help it. Though you’ve grown more tolerable of one another over the past few months, you still can’t believe that one of Damian’s friends is who’s on your mind. Nevertheless, fate would seem to have an amusing time linking the two of you together, constantly running into the other.

You suppose it isn’t strange after all, especially when considering he is one of Damian’s friends… however, you find him over the at Manor more and more often after the initial time he’d quite literally bumped into you.

--------

“Grab me a juice box? I forgot one too-”Damian’s voice echoes throughout the theatre as Billy yells back an affirmative answer and heads back toward the kitchen.

“Oh, hey-" You greet, backing up as a familiar figure exits the home theatre.

“Hey- what’s up?” Billy asks, a friendly smile gracing his lips.

"Was just gonna get a snack before we start," you tell him, "Guess we're headed the same way then," you tease. Walking down the hallway and up the stairs to the kitchen, you're aware of your brother's friend just a few steps behind.

“Are you gonna watch with us?” Billy asks hopefully.

“I mean, if that’s okay, yeah, I was planning on it." You respond jokingly, not thinking about it too much. It is family movie night. After all, you’re focused, wanting this popcorn to be good, not a burnt pile of charcoal.

“Oh, I didn’t mea-”Billy goes to correct himself.

“It’s fine. I’ll be down in a minute, I’m just making my own popcorn because the boys would eat it all otherwise,” you joke. Surely since he's friends with Damian he knows what the guys are like.

“That’s smart- that way you don’t have to share and keep passing it back and forth the whole time.” Billy adds on.

“Yeah. Do you want some? I can make another little packet,” You offer.

“Sure! I can do it though, you don’t have t-” He argues.

“-I don’t mind! I've gotta wait for it anyway and grab some bowls. So I'll see you down there!" With that reassurance, Billy offers you one last smile before taking the juice boxes downstairs.

The older boys and your Father had insisted you pick the movie considering it's your first movie night with the family, and while most of them had been dreading what genre you'd pick, everyone ended up excited to watch a classic comedy most of them hadn't seen in years. Snuggled up under the fluffy blankets with your popcorn and the laughs of your brothers all around, you couldn't help but enjoy the fun.

--------

Most of the summer felt like it was spent in your room. Whether it was trying to explore the things that truly make you happy, or being lonely in a place that still feels entirely all too unfamiliar despite the fact that it's been a couple months.

The material things did help at first, the new environment, the little gifts your Father and brothers would treat you to, like those little Squishmallows you'd always seen and wanted at the store, but never bought yourself. They were more expensive than you'd ever thought to casually pay. Nevertheless, you've started to make your room truly your own. With decorating, personalizing, and getting into your own sort of routine, it seems that everyone has been slowly becoming used to this new lifestyle.

Alfred insisted that as summer begins to come to a close, you all decide on either making time for a vacation, or perhaps you and Damian get involved in extra curriculars. In the sake of preparation for school, you'd taken up driving lessons as you'll soon be old enough to begin the process of obtaining your permit. Then there was also the announcements from the school you'll be attending in the fall; with sports and clubs gearing up for homecoming, tryouts were coming up. Your Father had insisted that Damian consider a sport this year, and Alfred equally has been trying to push you in any sort of direction that'll lead to getting you out of the house and your room.

Needless to say, he wouldn't let go of the idea that your mental health could use less isolation and more friends, hobbies, and pursuance of your 'passions' even if you're not entirely sure what those are yet. It didn't take long for you to succumb to your butler (essentially) grandpa's badgering. Though you have a plan in mind for what sport you'll be trying out for, you haven't revealed them to the family. The way they seem to share everything is... still new, and somewhat unsettling to you.

~~~~~~~~

forever taglist: @ohdamnadam , @safarigirlsp , @jynzandtonic ,@moonlightsolo

hog taglist: @luvly-writer , @clairese1980 , @theroyalmanatee ,@azazel-nyx , @nightrose-18 , @vanessa-boo , @ih4temy5elfs0b4d , @agent-nobody-knows , @scarlett13 , @hoeinthehouse , @huhhuhh , @maxinehufflepuffprincess

[ghost-bxrd]

What’s your opinion on the AU’s where Dick dies in Ethiopia instead of Jason? I’ve usually seen it used in time travel fics but the mere concept of it is just so painful to me

I’m more of a fan of “time travel fix it’s” where nobody dies to be entirely honest >.<

And yes the concept is acutely painful. Bruce would go off the rails similarly to how he did with Jason. Only that Jason would have to bear the brunt of Bruce’s grief and probably end up leaving either way (maybe even end up with the League again and being trained by them, sans Lazarus Pit), Tim would still end up becoming Robin to pull Bruce back from the brink, and there’d still end up being an empty grave. 👁️

But yeah, I’m more of a fan of “Dick travels back in time and saves Jason” with no deaths (except the Joker) involved at all 😭💚

[any-mouse]

Ra’s Al-Ghul Is Why We Batclan Can’t have Nice Relationships Things.

Ok, so. I am not someone who knows a lot about the DC fandom, but fics and the DCxDP crowd (who are why I’m here) have given me information and research binges have given me more. And here’s a take I haven’t seen about Jason’s death, and why Batman not killing Joker made things dangerous for Robins. Or did it?

Batman could not win. If Ra’s decided the only thing that would get his chosen heir, or at least son-in-law, into killing would be to kill Robin, it’s time to send his assassins in. Batman keeping to the “no-killing” rule is the only thing keeping a bunch of kids and teens from facing down, not the gangs and henchmen of Gotham, but a literal death cult.

Which is one thing that makes me wonder if that’s hadn’t been Ra’s’ plan, only manipulating the Joker into doing it for him. Which casts Batman undoing Nightwing’s killing of Joker in a very different light.

But there are other things that go along with that. And why Ra’s is a bit, fixated, on poor Tim. With how wrathful and brutal Batman became after, everything, it was only a matter of time before someone died. And then all Ra’s has to do is, wait. Drop hints or little reminders of the League, maybe have Talia swing by a few times. Allow the previous rapport to rebuild itself. In the meantime, build up Jason’s rage, anger, betrayal, and then unleash him on Gotham. Watch as the two brutal titans clashed, until Batman kills Red Hood. It would utterly destroy Bruce to have been the one to kill Jason a second time.

But, ah, there is a chance to fix this. The Lazarus Pit. Bruce will do anything to undo this fatal mistake, wrought at his hands and driven by his wrath. And in his grief stricken desperation, as he looks back on his rampage with despair, at all of the people he maimed, crippled, and killed in his agony, in steps Ra’s. Don’t worry, Ra’s has been collecting them. Fixing them. He does not agree with Bruce’s decision to leave, he still does not support Batman’s policies. But he knew it was important to Bruce so he took steps to ensure that no irreparable damage was done. Slowly, carefully, drawing a grateful Batman back into the fold. Wearing away at morals already cracked by grief and rage, using soft words where harshness has failed. Reviving Jason once again, keeping the two of them orbiting each other like binary stars, unable to leave, but always wanting to stay.

And it’s all foiled by one rich brat who’s stealthier than he has any right to be. Tim knows that Batman is going off the rails of sanity at an ever quickening pace. If he’s close enough for good pictures, he’s close enough for first aid and responder calls. So there is A Lot of damage and wreckage left in Batman’s wake, but nothing that isn’t salvageable. Ra’s won’t have a cadre of former henchmen and goons brainwashed into serving as Gotham’s foot soldiers but that would have been secondary. But Tim does more than that. Tim throws himself between Gotham and Batman because no one else will. Tim is a highly intelligent and self-sufficient child. His self-worth is in the toilet, thank you very much Drake bio-donors.

So Tim out-stubborns Batman and glues himself to his side and pulls him back. He cuts off the roaring rampage of revenge. Batman starts healing and Ra’s just can’t have that, oh no. But this is an easy enough fix, and it’s even better than the first plan. After all, loosing the last Robin to a violent villain led them to this point. How much worse would it be, to have started to heal, only to have it happen again? To destabilize that way again? Oh, Batman will never be able to resist, there had always been the possibility that Red Hood would win. Not high, and not an unworkable outcome, but snuffing out yet another Robin would ensure Red Hood would die, and then Ra’s would have another knife to twist Jason to his will. Taking pointer from his killer, not just his name, tsk tsk.

And it’s not like he couldn’t revive Tim as well, play the two of them off against each other and Bruce. Using their enmity and bitterness to wound Bruce, using Bruce to keep the two of them from spiraling out of control in their rivalry, make them resent Bruce for picking sides, rubbing salt into Jason that Bruce cared enough to avenge Tim but not him. Taunting Tim for what Bruce dragged them all into over Jason. Throw Damian into it just when it seemed to be settling into an uneasy dynamic equilibrium. Setting the boys on Blüdhaven, drawing in Bruce. See which way Bruce jumped, to protect Dick from the boys or if Bruce will try and recruit Nightwing for the League.

Ra’s has so much to gain from Joker killing Jason. It wouldn’t be difficult to send in a few assassins disguised as henchmen to plant the idea. Sacrifice a pawn or two, to gain a queen and rook.

[literateowl]

Season 5 Countdown Tag Game

For the @lonestar-s5countdown

(1) Which character death in 911 Lone Star hit you the hardest?

I think Gabriel's because I was not expecting it, it was rushed and is still unsolved. And also partly due to my own saltiness because my exact words to my sister before it aired was "the show is 2 hours tonight because someone's gotta have a near death experience and they also have to get married" and then, yeah we all know what actually happened. I hate it here 😑

(2) What is your favorite grief-related moment in the show?

Hmm The montage at the end of 2x02 sticks out because it shows all of them after losing Tim. It was fairly early in the show and I thought it was a nice touch of characterization to see how everyone chose to cope with it. And of course the TK and Carlos stairs hug <3

I also love the Owen and Carlos moment in the season 4 finale after Carlos goes off the rails.

(3) Do you think there will be a character death in season 5? If so, any guesses about who it might be?

They're kinda running out of side characters to kill off. Unless they introduce a new one just to kill them like Robert, I hope no one dies next season.

(4) Which living character's death would destroy you the most?

Any of them have the potential for this. Just depends on how the show handles it.

(5) Which character's childhood trauma do you think was most significant in shaping them?

It's a bit of a cop out to say this because we know the most about TK's and Owen's. But I think it's TK. It took him 26 or so years to realize that he didn't want to be a firefighter like his dad. He just wanted to be NEAR his dad because his dad left him when he was 7. But he doesn't even feel like he deserves to feel bad about it because his dad lived you know? Anyway I'm gonna stop before this turns into an entire essay.

💜 Open tag and tags for @lemonlyman-dotcom @thisbuildinghasfeelings @carlos-in-glasses @nancys-braids @tellmegoodbye @bonheur-cafe @goldenskykaysani @captain-gillian

[timdrakeinorder]

The New Titans #61 (my thoughts)

I love this image so much. I like how Tim's arms are the only part of him visible, he is literally holding up Robin away from himself and towards Nightwing

I hate how Dick keeps getting put in these situations where he's given the responsibility for Bruce's actions and feelings, even if unintentionally. Tim makes it Dick's responsibility that Bruce is off the rails, because it should be Dick grounding him as Robin even though he's his own man dealing with his own grief. Alfred highlights how losing Robin a second time hurt Bruce, even though Bruce fired Dick and no one has the right to ask Dick to stay stagnant forever.

Once again, Tim is VERY bullheaded and insensitive. He cares so much it won't all fit in his chest but he has no idea how to be delicate when it comes to feelings.

Oh buddy, you don't even know

Alfred warmed up to Tim SO fast. Maybe it's the father in him, seeing a crying boy that looks way too much like the three he had a hand in raising. Alfred isn't a very physical man, he's known Tim for maybe half an hour, and Tim knowing the secret puts his family in jeopardy. But Alfred puts a hand on his shoulder, tries to reassure him, and gently leads him back to the manor.

Yet another person Bruce has had in his corner all along that he refuses to lean on. Also the reminder of just how few people know about Jason. Gordon is frequently referred to as Batman's best friend, and he doesn't know that Robin died, only that something's different

bitchy alfred <3<3<3<3<3

brucie babygurl, just call your son like a normal man

Alfred made him a sandwich <3

the mental illness of these men

He's learning!!!!! everybody clap!

he's not learning :( stop clapping

This highlights another fanon mischaracterization that grinds my gears. Yes, batman WAS being a little rougher than strictly necessary, but the recklessness was mostly in regards to HIMSELF. When Batman was grieving, before Tim, he was putting HIMSELF in danger. Bruce has very little regard for his own life and his self-preservation goes out the window when he loses Jason

worried dad <3

[msfcatlover]

Realizing every one of my time traveling Robins has one of the others rendered completely unrecognizable to them by the change:

Steph lived through a Jokerized future, and stopped smiling & laughing as a result (half out of survival, because everyone learned to look on it with suspicion; half out of trauma, because the sensory experience of doing so became associated with her worst memories.) Jason, Tim, & Dick all saw their Stephs become more grim as time went on, but Damian’s Steph actively worked to maintain her light & humor for his sake as much as anything else. Damian cannot conceive of a Steph who doesn’t laugh in the face of every hardship.

Damian takes nearly 30yrs of experience (nearly a decade of it a seemingly endless war) back to his 5yr body & brain chemistry. Steph & Tim saw Damian worn down by war, while Tim & Jason saw Damian destroyed by guilt & loss. But for Dick, Damian is both younger & older than Dick ever got to see him; younger, brighter, more tired, & more worn simultaneously. Dick feels so lost trying to find the boy he helped raise between the true changes & the lies Damian sticks to to protect them.

Dick watched his entire family slip through his fingers like water, accident after seeming accident claiming them one after another. Damian, Steph, & Jason have all dealt with Dick’s near-manic, grief-driven protectiveness before, all know how to recognize the way Dick’s communication skills start to shut down even as he clings hard enough to leave bruises on anyone he loves. The closest Tim has come is the fallout from Bruce’s fake death, when his own grief & coping mechanisms crashed headlong into Dick’s in the worst possible way. The way Dick hovers nearby with a nearly-perfect smile & haunted eyes, the way Dick fusses & triple-checks every chance he gets that his family is okay, the seeming lack of trust in how often Dick needs to see for himself rather than just take their word for it… It makes Tim’s skin crawl, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

Tim hasn’t changed so much himself—not that far off in age from Jason’s timeline, trauma not too different from what Tim dealt with in that timeline (just more of it)—but Jason never really got the chance to get to know Tim in the first place; from Jason’s return to Tim’s death were the two worst, roughest years of Tim’s life, and Tim was either out of Gotham or avoiding Jason for more than half of it. Getting to know the absolutely insane, wild, creative, brilliant, idiotic badass that is his little brother is a roller coaster Jason is in no way prepared for.

...Which I guess leaves Steph unable to recognize Jason. I’m still puzzling out Steph’s future, so I’m not entirely sure how that works yet. (I can see how being surrounded by Joker-zombies could seriously impact Jason, obviously, but part of my point here is that they’re not just unrecognizable as the version that other Robin lost, but that they also aren’t recognizable as the person that Robin knew before their timeline went completely off the rails. It’s not, “Oh look, it’s my sibling before everything went horrible! Gosh, I almost forgot what they were like back then.” It’s “Who are you, and what have you done with my sibling?”) Still, I like this motif, so if I can find a way to make this work then I’m sticking with it.

[eternaljunkyard]

They That Bargain Ghosts

a sad little ficlet because @noahcaptainn told me about the Nastya coat theory with Death to the Mechanisms so my brain went off the rails because I want to know how Jonny got it so uh,,,, enjoy

cw guns and mourning

---------------------

Brian threw a hand out to stop the others in their tracks. It had been a long while since they had a proper family outing, but this planet had looked as good as any and they needed time to think. After Ashes disappeared in a bizarre encounter involving time travel, and with Ivy, Marius, and Raphaella currently absent, it couldn’t exactly be counted as the whole family, but at least they knew the other three were coming back. Brian, Jonny, the Toy Soldier, and Tim had decided to do some violence, take time to process, and perhaps formulate how to find Ashes.

Brian felt himself shaking, one hand wrapped into a cold bronze fist and the other held out stiffly across Jonny’s torso. His gaze was fixed on a small shop across the street, his dead metal eyes somehow containing the angry embers of a glare. He turned slowly to look at Jonny. The ache in his chest was the only real sensation, and therefore the most acute.

It didn’t take long for Jonny to see what had caught Brian’s gaze.

It was a long, dark coat, hanging in the window of the run-down shop. It wasn’t anything particularly unique — almost every planet had something similar for the citizens in colder climes — but it was distinct. The coarse cloth hung stiffly, the same way it had for millennia. It looked a bit odd without the body it was made to be wrapped around and the belt to cinch it tight, but the dull gold chevrons on the cuffed sleeves were recognizable enough. 

It only took Jonny twelve steps to reach the window, where the name clumsily stitched onto the collar’s inside lining was distinct. Brian didn’t need to approach, didn’t even need to see Jonny’s face to know what it said.

Nastya.

But Brian did see Jonny’s face, and it fell, crumbled, and shattered into utter, overwhelming grief. Brian’s heart began to scream in pain as the usually stoic and coarse gunslinger had to put a hand on the window to steady himself. The telltale flashes of falling tears glittered momentarily in the air as they fell, and Brian noticed that Jonny’s knees were shaking, his shoulders curling in on himself like they hadn’t in so long. Jonny looked a bit like a child in that moment, frozen and trembling and trying in vain to hide his tears.

Brian walked to Jonny haltingly, although not quite as unnaturally as the Toy Soldier who joined their group mere seconds later, and Tim after that. They didn’t touch, they just stood in a silent cluster about their first mate and stared at that dark figment from another time.

Nastya had gone Out. She had gone a long time ago. So where had the shopkeeper gotten the coat? Jonny was apparently asking the same question, because in an instant the solidarity of grief was broken by Jonny’s fist slamming through the window, causing millions of tiny shards to explode like stars as it broke. Jonny was through the window and into the shop before any of them could stop him, and he breezed past the display with Nastya’s coat on it to squeeze a hand around the shopkeeper’s throat.

“Where did you get it?” Jonny growled at the poor old woman, gasping for breath as she looked at him with pure fear and bewilderment. “The coat.” Jonny gestured and shoved her towards the relic.

“A-A traveling merchant I do business with,” she stammered, her hands fluttering in panic. “They have excellent vintage finds, and I’d never seen anything of quite fine make, so I bought it.” There was a long silence, and Brian stepped through the now-open window. Faintly, he registered the doorbell — that must be Tim and TS entering as well.

“How much is it?” Brian asked. Jonny’s eyes were glazed and angry, and Brian did not want to cause this woman any more distress. Better they bought the coat and got out of there. The woman stammered and stuttered through her response, and Brian paid her what she was owed (plus a little extra for the broken window). He picked the coat off the display gently, brushing away broken glass, and offered it to Jonny.

The look in Jonny’s eyes as he accepted the coat was hollow and lost, as dark as a cavern and just as empty. 

It took a long time to get back to the ship — at least it felt like it. It didn’t take long for Aurora to notice the thing in Jonny’s arms, and when she did she fell immediately silent. Brian and Tim and TS sat around the kitchen table without saying a word — what was there to say? Presumably, that Nastya was finally gone for good, there was no more hope of her return. Presumably, that someone had scavenged the well-kept coat from her gray corpse. Presumably, that none of them knew how they were feeling, even TS, who was only supposed to be pretending. It only took fifteen minutes before Tim’s shoulders shook and he broke down into tearless sobs, and he got up and left because Brian and TS were too mechanical to provide comfort. Nobody tried to stop Jonny when gunshot after gunshot fired in his room, and nobody went to check to see what he was shooting. They knew.

It was nearly a year before Jonny would wear the coat, and then he hardly took it off. It was nearly a year before Aurora became anything more than an ordinary spaceship again, and her return was the same day Jonny’s grief grew into determined homage. 

“How do I look?” Jonny asked the group in the dining room, now consisting of Brian, Ivy, Marius, Raphaella, Tim, and TS. The coat was big on him but in an oddly comforting way, like Nastya’s presence was still there somehow.

‘You look like a captain,’ Aurora’s words — the first in eleven and a half months —  illuminated on the wall opposite him. ‘She would be proud.’

[inamindfarfaraway]

Dark Oracle AU

Okay, I need to expand on this concept. I present my personal idea of a timeline from the canon state of affairs (or, well, my interpretation of them because comics are so inconsistent and full of crap, basically pre-New 52 with Duke) to Big Sister dictatorship!

The Batfamily is battling a really serious threat, like Ra’s al Ghul or the Court of Owls or a supervillain alliance or something. It’s a big deal. Very high stakes. The only reason they’re even attempting a mission this risky is because, thanks in large part to their resident information-finding specialist Barbara, they have a great deal of knowledge in advance and are sure they’ve planned for every possible outcome, as Bats tend to do. Except the villain has a secret advantage, another trick up their sleeve. There’s no way Babs could have found out about this, but of course she doesn’t believe that and blames herself, as Bats tend to do. The heroes aren’t prepared and in the chaos none of the contingency plans they’re able to execute work. By the time they defeat the threat… Black Bat and Batgirl are dead. Steph is killed first, heroically sacrificing herself, and Cass, the nearest to her, is caught off-guard in her shock.

I’m sorry! I am! But I truly think that Babs could not properly turn evil if she had Team Batgirl to remind her of her definition of heroism, of her own lingering inner Batgirl. She needs to just be Oracle. Cass is buried in the Wayne Manor cemetery; Steph in a public one the closest to the same distance from the Manor and Crystal’s house. They both get memorials in the Batcave.

Babs shuts down in depressed and self-hatred. She watched her daughter figures, her protégés, her Batgirls die because of (in her mind) her inadequacy. She feels like she’ll similarly fail at anything she tries to do now. She quits being Oracle and withdraws from the Batfam and her father. Remember, she has an eidetic memory, and watched and heard Steph and Cass’s deaths via the family’s mask cameras. They’re all she can see when she closes her eyes. Those screams are always ringing in her ears.

Meanwhile, Bruce takes this about as well as he took losing a child/young vigilante he inspired and mentored the last two times, but doubled. Although he and Alfred have enough experience that he doesn’t get quite as bad as fast as when Jason died, he’s still significantly more antisocial, aggressive, reckless and self-destructive and isolates himself more over the first months afterward. Jim notices the disappearance of Black Bat and Batgirl and the sadly familiar changes in Batman’s behaviour and puts the pieces together. He offers Batman what comfort he can, but is simultaneously worrying about Babs on top of his job. Crime rates go up whenever the Batfam’s numbers decrease.

The remaining Batkids are distraught. Other than Jason, they grow closer in their shared grief. Jason is off on his own turning his pain into violence even more savagely than normal. He recognizes that he’s falling back on his terrible coping mechanisms and doesn’t want to hurt his family this time, so he just doesn’t interact with them. Tim is hit especially hard due to being the closest to Cass and Steph - not to mention that he in particular so fucking sick and tired of his loved ones dying across his teenage years. He’s very unstable. Steph was one of the key people who taught Damian how to have fun and be a kid, and how important it was, so without her he’s more liable to forget that and backslide into acting cold, aloof, violently temperamental, etc.. Duke is made acutely aware of how short life is and that anyone he cares about could die at any time, so he actually strengthens his friendships with the We Are Robin kids. They can break down and be vulnerable with each other in private, but mostly push themselves harder because they each feel that it’s their duty to both keep Gotham safe and prevent Bruce and their siblings going off the rails. Dick is probably the least emotionally vulnerable because he has the most practice bottling up intense grief effectively and, with Bruce’s psychological decline and constant busyness, steps up more as the Responsible Adult alongside Alfred.

Bruce forbids Tim, Duke and Damian to go into the field and Dick agrees, because can they stop losing family for five minutes? A number of restrictions are implemented to uphold this. It’s Tim, Duke and Damian, though, of course they get out anyway. Helping people directly is one of the only sources of serotonin they have.

This is when things really start to go to hell: Bruce is killed. Because of his recklessness and accelerated by his poor health due to neglecting self-care. Because he charged into a dangerous fight alone, Alfred in the chair occupied with the Batkids. Because, Babs can’t convince herself otherwise, he didn’t have Oracle watching his back. The Batkids really could not stop losing family for five minutes. He’s buried right next to his daughter, the death dates just three months apart. Memorial in the cave, natch. But they don’t pretend he isn’t dead this time, so the whole city must mourn its Dark Knight. There are huge memorial services, statues made of him. Jim cries a lot. He already lost Harvey, now Bats?

Oh yeah, and - released a little later to throw people off and let them form a convincing cover story - Bruce Wayne is dead too. A massive blow to Gotham’s morale and even greater surges in crime follow. Their inspirational ray of sunshine and hope and belief in humanity is suddenly gone forever, and so soon after their original and most accomplished superhero. Who are they going to believe in now? Well… at least they still have the rest of the vigilantes.

Babs returns to work. Throws herself into it the way other people throw themselves off bridges. She stays on more formal terms with the Batfam at first, but does reconnect with them over time. She moves Cass and Steph’s memorials to the Clocktower “for motivation”, and this is evidently effective, seeing how she goes into overdrive and is soon leading and coordinating everyone alongside Dick. Gotham is floundering without Bruce and Batman and she refuses to let it fall into anarchy. She’ll be its Oracle, guiding it to a brighter future. She’ll never not know or foresee something ever again. She can’t. Jim is getting extremely worried.

If she’s doing badly, Bruce’s own children’s mental states can be summarised as deep shit. Everyone embraces the family’s classic coping mechanisms, workaholism and emotional repression, harder to try to cope with the chaos. Tim takes over more Wayne Enterprises responsibilities. You know, ‘cause he doesn’t have enough on his plate. Unlike last time, Bruce is definitely permanently dead and he doesn’t take that well. Alfred… is going through it. Sorry, Alfred. A small comfort is that Jason is inspired to treasure his remaining family and he and his siblings and grandad work on repairing their relationships.

Things don’t go Gotham meets Oceania overnight. Babs eroding her code of ethics to the point of evil dictatorship is a slow process, the kind you may not even register until it’s happened. One year after Bruce’s death she’s composed enough to run for mayor, still cripplingly afraid and resentful of Oracle’s limitations. She needs political control over Gotham to make it a better place in the long run. Who are the people going to believe in now? Barbara Gordon! Her loved ones are proud and supportive of her, having been reconnecting with her lately, if concerned that she isn’t processing her grief that much even compared to the rest of them. Her policies are focused on security and reforms to the police force and legal system that aim to reduce crime and corruption, which in the context of the soaring crime rates and spiralling despair of the Gotham public all seem wonderful to many. Surely, things at least can’t possibly get worse than they have been. She wins in a landslide.

The mayor’s power plus Oracle’s power soon goes to Babs’s head. Over the next year she slips from hero to antihero to a darker shade of grey. Her level of surveillance gradually moves out of the reasonable zone. Her patience for disagreement wears thin. When the Batfam or law enforcement take down a crime organization, she will siphon off their assets and information to consolidate her power rather than redistribute all of it to the people. For the greater good, obviously!

This culminates two years after Bruce’s death when Oracle defeats the Court of Owls with a cunning scheme (if they’re the ones who killed the Batgirls, this part hits extra hard): she fakes an alliance with them to set up a double cross, her ‘downpayment’ of information to gain their trust being false and luring their high command into a massive vigilante and police ambush. But Babs doesn’t dismantle the Court like the Bats expect her to. She takes control of it and integrates its vast, rich archives and information network into her own, now essentially omniscient regarding Gotham’s criminal underworld. She also uses the Court’s under-the-table connections to manipulate political and legal proceedings. It’s great for eliminating all corruption besides her own.

This move triggers the ideological conflict that’s been brewing amongst the Batfam to spill over into a devastating fight. Babs and Dick are at the forefront. Babs is accused of tyranny and selfish ambition, Dick and his allies of holding onto a naive, obsolete ideal of protection, both sides feeling betrayed and that the other is “becoming what they fought against”. It’s very emotionally charged. Very painful and bitter for everyone involved.

In the end Alfred, Dick, Jason, Duke and Damian leave in regret and disgust. To explain why them: Alfred is never turning evil. We all know that. The fabric of the universe would unravel if he did. Dick is likewise functionally incorruptible because he’s Dick Grayson, he’s the light of the DC universe. He is utterly heartbroken though. Him and Babs being enemies is the maximum angst option, I couldn’t not take it. Jason has already been through a ‘using villainous methods to protect Gotham how Batman won’t because a) I genuinely believe the ends justify the means and b) my mental health is a train wreck’ phase and basically come out the other side. He isn’t gonna do that again, but as a subordinate. Him and Duke’s backstories make them both more down-to-earth and grounded in the reality of the average and lower-class Gotham citizens’ everyday lives than anyone else in the Batfam, so they can see most clearly how Babs’s actions are harming their people. And Damian is closer to Dick and Duke than Babs, but also similarly to Jason did the edgy ‘morals hold you back, absolute punishment and terror will fight crime more efficiently’ thing and outgrew it. He learned to value human life and rights and swore his loyalty to the mentors who taught him this and their code. He learned how to reject the toxic bullshit the League of Assassins had been feeding him his entire life; it would insult his character growth in my opinion to have him accept Barbara’s toxic bullshit.

That leaves Tim to be Babs’s primary enforcer. Sorry, Tim. Someone had to do it. Between his severe psychological vulnerability and lack of his brothers’ personal experiences with immorality and insights into the average Gothamite’s life, I think it should be him. He’s also the CEO of Wayne Enterprises and involved in the Wayne Foundation and that pairs nicely with Babs’s data collection. Any Wayne Technologies device can covertly monitor people. To sever himself from the bat and bird motifs of the lost and unenlightened and show his allegiance to Oracle, he creates a new vigilante identity called Python. This is a reference to the Greek myth of a giant serpent called Python (from the original name of Delphi, Pytho, and the namesake of the snake classification) who resided in and guarded the site of Delphi, before Apollo killed it and installed his own prophetess Pythia in his place. He’s got a green scaly jumpsuit with armour plating. Two curved swords imitating fangs. Scale throwing blades. A penchant for nonlethal gas and aerosol tools like knockout gas, tear gas and smokescreens, in allusion to the natural hallucinogenic fumes at Delphi that led to its holy reputation. It’s cool. Sinister, but cool. Snakes don’t have eyelids, matching the relentless surveillance theme. Fun fact: pythons eat bats and small birds.

Shock of the century, Babara “Heaps of Recent, Untreated PTSD From Losing Loved Ones and Compulsive Need to Always be Aware and On Top of Everything” Gordon doesn’t take being ditched by all but one of her found family in stride. She has a total breakdown, blames herself for not being able to make them see things her way and lashes out by cracking down even harder on the populace. She’s accordingly immensely grateful for Tim staying and very protective of him. Were he to leave her too, it could be enough to shatter her.

The five rebels join the Birds of Prey, who leave Barbara after hearing how she turned on them, the Gotham City Sirens, Holly Robinson, Slam Bradley, Duke’s We Are Robin friends and a number of other malcontents, including Crystal Brown, to form a resistance. This alliance is called the Shadow Guard - ‘shadow’ because they literally are largely nocturnal, but furthermore it’s a contrast and opposition to Oracle’s prying and shining a light onto things; a declaration both that they are her blind spot and that privacy, the unseen, the ability to keep people ‘in the dark’ deserves to be protected. They’re guardians in the real shadows and of the figurative ones. There’s the angle that they’re only shadows of the Batfamily at its peak and the people they were then too. The rebellion uses pre-internet technology to be safe, with the occasional exception of scavenged tech cut off from Babs’s network.

Mayor Gordon declares Nightwing, Red Hood, Robin and the Signal to be dangerous, untrustworthy public enemies, even suggesting that they’re responsible for the mysterious disappearances of Dick Grayson, Damian Wayne and Duke Thomas. This forces Jim, who’s been putting off realizing that his beloved daughter and the only family he has left is having a moral degradation arc in favour of softer appeals to her compassion, to confront that Babs is now pretty damn totalitarian and he cannot stand by any longer. He joins the Shadow Guard as a spy, and supplies resources, equipment and other employees with consciences to their ranks. His hope is that once her power is removed, Babs will have to face the consequences of her actions and come to her senses. The three year mark is when her directing of the police cycles around to be so militarized and oppressive that her initial real ethical reforms are trampled, vindicating Jim’s decision.

Why don’t external superheroes and the government officials intervene? Because Babs is still their information broker. She provides them with vital intel and has truckloads of dirt on all of them. She isn’t above passive-aggressively reminding people of her ability to ruin them to get them off her back, even demonstrating it by leaking sensitive information, causing a scandal, giving an advantage to a rival, etc. every now and then. The rest of the US is watching the events in Gotham thinking, as people so often do, “Someone should do something! …But it’s not gonna be me!” (For the sake of the plot just quietly ignore the Superfam and Wonderfam and Flashfam and so on, okay?). Besides, Gotham’s crime rates are the lowest they’ve ever been. Oracle is untouchable and none of the illicit activity can be traced back to Babs, or even proven at all most of the time.

Keep in mind, Babs still doesn’t technically directly kill anyone. Tim doesn’t either. He just arrests criminals and disturbers of the peace and hands them over to the justice system. Business as usual. When they and all records of them disappear overnight, and when nobody ever gets out of Blackgate or Arkham… well, questioning that isn’t in his job description, and Babs and his job are all he has left. He’s come too far to give them up.

Four years into Babs’s mayorship, Gotham’s settled into its continually worsening dystopian status quo under a utopian facade. The roll down the slope accelerates when Jim’s spying is discovered. Babs is horrified, furious and deeply hurt. She almost, almost backs down, but falls victim to the sunk cost fallacy and desperately reaffirms her self-righteousness. He has frustratingly durable moral integrity, so she orders him arrested to get him out of sight and out of mind because again, she cannot handle another loss. The rebel Batboys break him out, they fight Python and the police, it’s sad and dramatic. The rebels get away by the skin of their teeth, but they’re followed. A raid on their base deals harsh blows and gets a sizeable proportion of them arrested, killed or traumatized into submission. They regroup and try to find a way to take Oracle by surprise. Jim is now the Shadow Guard’s co-leader with Dick.

Gotham is peaceful. It’s orderly. Supervillains are a thing of the past. Barbara is like the oracles of legend: whatever she says will be, will be. Needless to say, she won’t have much competition in the upcoming mayoral election. From there, she plans to expand beyond Gotham. The only problem that remains is how to stop her treacherous family and lay the past to rest once and for all…

That’s the catch with oracle stories, isn’t it? In the end, you find you’ve become exactly what you most strived to avoid being. Think of King Oedipus, the archetypal Greek tragedy and ironic prophecy story: a just, wise and noble leader stubbornly seeking knowledge to protect their people from ruin in a time of great suffering, only for they themselves to be the criminal they were looking for and the cause of their city’s corruption.

I’m ending it here with a five year time difference and pretty much in the heroes’ darkest hour, because this is where I would have (my) canon Babs, Steph and Cass transported to this world to help bring dark Oracle down.

[callmeizukunotdeku]

Okay, but can you imagine a world where Jason comes back and decides proper punishment is an eye for an eye?

Bruce may not be perfect but boy does he know how to torture himself.

Bruce might not have killed the Joker, but he went off the fucking rails after Jason died.

If Jason came back--if he told Bruce that his sweet little boy was back? There's no world in which Bruce wouldn't welcome him back with open arms.

So he plans it: he'll show Bruce he's alive, cry a bit over Tim as Robin, and make Bruce send the kid packing. Then, he'll push. He'll tell Bruce how unsafe he feels knowing the Joker is still alive. How that man needs to be delt with in the same way Jason was delt with.

He'll push Bruce closer and closer to his breaking point and then, to freshen the grief, he'll kill Tim.

Do it as the Red Hood.

Remind Bruce what happens when he puts people in the suit.

Imagine that's his plan.

Then, imagine how surprised he'll be when he announces his revival and Tim gets him somewhere private.

"You know, Placeholder, I don't really like you that much. Forgive me for not wanting to talk to anyone who's not family right now, but--"

"No," Tim interrupts, "no, I know. And I'll make it quick." He takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what you must have gone through to die and come back and see someone else in your suit like that. If I knew you'd be back, I'd have found another way to hold him back. I just...wanted to give a formal apology before going home. I know that nothing I do could ever rectify what my taking your place must have felt like to you, and I'm sorry for that, but if you ever need anything, I'll be right next door."

Jason furrowed his brow. He was planning on waiting a couple days to plant the idea of Tim leaving in Bruce's head. He didn't anticipate Tim cornering him the first day he was back. "What?"

"I mean, I know I don't really have anything unique to offer, but the offer still stands." He watched Jason for a moment, hoping, most likely, for some reaction of 'no, please, stay in my suit, in my house, where you don't belong' or 'i don't entirely hate your guts'. Tim looked away. "Um, right, so--I'm going to leave while it's still light outside. It's--I'm glad I got to talk to you," Tim said, with something nauseatingly genuine in his eyes, "goodbye."

Good manners be damned, Jason didn't say 'goodbye' back. He let Tim leave without a word.

He expected Bruce to comment on it, but he didn't even bat an eye, just kept staring at Jason like he was something precious.

After it goes on for long enough, Jason finally asks, "You good, B?"

And all he can say is, "You're home."

And he is.

Bruce announces him as alive again on the grounds that it's Gotham and weirder things have happened. Since he's seventeen, he gets to go back to school.

Since Tim is fifteen, he's there too.

"Placeholder," Jason calls him, whenever he sees him--tries to torture him with the word.

And Tim looks at him sadly, "I'm sorry."

Every fucking time.

Tim doesn't even try to justify it or anything. Just apologizes. Agrees that he is a placeholder and apologizes for it.

And it pisses him off, but Jason doesn't lay a hand on him.

Not yet.

He keeps hinting to Bruce.

I'm not safe with the Joker alive.

I can't stay in Gotham if the Joker's alive.

I'll leave you if the Joker's alive.

I'll make sure everyone will.

And he does.

It's laughably easy to make his way into Drake Manor.

Tim seems surprised to see the Red Hood.

He's less surprised when he learns it's Jason.

Jason beats him into the fucking floor and the kid whimpers and wines, but doesn't call for his mommy or daddy.

Jason leaves happy.

He's still happy the next day when he doesn't see Tim in the halls. The boy's absence is expected, even if the lack of news about his placeholder being found beaten and bloody is, for lack of a better word, disappointing.

It's a full week later when Jason is scrolling through news articles and the whole world stops around him.

The Drakes Set to Return to Gotham after Seven Months in Iran

His brain lets him process the smaller realization first.

How he came back six months ago and how Tim has been alone for half a year and his only familiar face was Jason in the halls.

Placeholder.

I'm sorry.

And then, he pukes.

Because Jason beat Tim halfway to hell, but, as long as someone was there to see him in the morning, call an ambulance and make sure he'd get help, Tim would have been fine.

A week, Jason thinks, and then he's running to Drake Manor. It's all too easy to break in, again. To find Tim, again.

Laying where Jason left him.

Jason swallows before kneeling next to Tim.

He moves Tim's hair out of his face and--

And he's still warm.

A quick check confirms that, yes, yes, there's a pulse, and then everything happens in flashes.

Call 911.

Get in the ambulance.

Sit in the hospital waiting room until Bruce bursts in.

"I was worried sick," Bruce says, "what happened?"

"Tim was attacked," he says, quietly.

Bruce nods, "And you? How are you doing?"

"I'm fine." I attacked him.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine." Guilty.

Bruce waits over him until the nurse finally reports that Tim's out of his first round of surgery and is, for the most part, stable.

Jason asks to see Tim and is denied.

"Only family can visit," the nurse says, and Jason looks to Bruce.

In Bruce's ear, he whispers, "Tim was under your guardianship while he war Robin, right? Can you get us in?"

"I can't," Bruce says, "He's not mine. He never was. Tim has always lived with his parents."

Listen... "Placeholder" is a way more fucking tragic nickname/title than "Replacement," and thus this is the name Jason should use for Tim if ya want to max out the angst.

Because there is value in being a replacement. They aren't the original, but a replacement has their own identity. They could be better or a newer model or simply different. There's no expectation for the replacement to be traded back either (though a replacement might get traded for the next replacement). A replacement is compared to the original but they are also accepted as their own identity.

A placeholder, on the other hand, "occupies the position/place of another person." That place isn't theirs. That place is temporary. There's no value to their own existence/identity, and they don't bring anything new to the table as they are. They are a stand-in for something else. They aren't wanted or desired as they are but rather for who they are standing in for.

"Placeholder" is certainly worse :)

[kitkatpancakestack]

Having watched 9-1-1 since S1, and in this case specifically since S2, I feel like one becomes desensitized to whatever this nonsense is between Buck and Eddie. I know this bc sometimes I'll be watching a clip or an episode and I'm like "ah yes so sweet, Eddie and Buck are each other's person" but THE WAY their story is told, it's easy to forget how this shit must look to the outside/casual viewer!

If you're like me and find yourself in need of a vibe check because these two dumbasses got you spiraling, here's a list of honest to God canon things this show has delivered:

🤔Buck and Eddie took all of half a day on the job together before they were ride or die BFFLs

🤔Outside the major disaster event, the second plot-focused episode of S2 is Buck doing the absolute most for Eddie for no other reason than he worships the ground Eddie walks on. In this episode we get the unbelievably subtextual conversation about "they're not my type" and "not mine either....at least not anymore" and *shoulder bumps*; we get Buck going with Eddie (???) to the hospital, Buck basically planning out a whole fun day at the firehouse for Chris, Buck introducing Eddie to Carla......I mean......

🤔Eddie was railing his wife most of S2 and still was so, so invested in Buck (he brought him to visit Santa with Chris????)

🤔"Are we the only people we know who don't have kids? .......BUCK!" *Switch to Buck about to risk it all for his future son*

🤔Buck and Eddie literally stare for about 10 solid seconds across space and time when Chris is found post-tsunami and it's so intense I have to look away!?

🤔Eddie tells Buck there is nobody he trusts with his son more than him. Nobody in the whole entire world. One in 7 billion babeyyyy.

🤔Oh yeah, they have an entire divorce/reconciliation plotline masquerading as the lawsuit arc

🤔They behave especially homoerotically in Buck's kitchen, but that's none of my business I guess ☕

🤔Buck bi-panics through all five stages of grief when he realizes he cannot dig to Eddie with his own bare hands

🤔Abby says "he (Buck) moved on a long time ago" and then just immediate cut to Buck talking about Christopher going to summer camp. Please, Tim, at least try to make these parallels less obvious I mean🙄

🤔Eddie is #disgusted at Abby and v protective over Buck, and I don't have the emotional capacity to detail the symbolism of Abby moving away and Eddie stepping forward (taking her place???) smh

🤔Buckley-Diaz domestic excellence literally in a literal episode literally titled Future Tense

🤔Eddie comes home from his date to *shocking revelation* Buck appearing from behind the wall! The scorned lover! And he tucked Chris into bed! Eddie calls Buck a miracle worker! The lighting is warm and suggestive! I am not supposed to view this at least a little bit romantically!?

🤔Christopher is feeling sad and insecure and he is mad at Himbo Dad #1 so he runs to Himbo Dad #2 bc he knows how to work the system

🤔In an episode titled "Parenthood," despite the fact that Buck is not a parent, they really do be putting him in situations to share his Big Opinions on parenting, usually in tandem with Eddie? @Tim share your location I just wanna talk

🤔Treasure Hunt aka How To Pine Quietly For Your Best Friend and Instead Disguise It As Petty Jealousy, written by Eddie Diaz

🤔*slow, deep breath* Eddie got shot in broad fucking daylight but wait Buck is there too? Oh and you're gonna splatter him with Eddie's blood in a moment that is so perversely intimate and then you're gonna utilize the music in the scene to illustrate how Buck and Eddie are caught in this one moment together separate from literally the rest of the world? Okay cool cool cool cool cool cool cool —

🤔Wait wait Eddie REACHES for Buck????

🤔You're telling me Eddie fights off the sweet relief of unconsciousness to make sure Buck isn't hurt?

🤔They really let Buck say "Just stay with me" and "I need you to hang on" Like That and Eddie turns his head to look at Buck, the last thing he sees before the sweet void takes him????

🤔Buck said "I know what's best for Christopher" this whole entire episode and not a single person found this surprising

🤔Buck and Taylor kiss and Eddie's comatose gay heart says, "miss me with that straight shit" and wakes up immediately

🤔Eddie waits to video chat with Chris until Buck is in the room and also Ana girl where'd you go? I thought this was your sERioUs bOyFRiEnD

🤔Eddie Diaz said he values and appreciates and loves his best friend and he is going to make it everybody's problem *changes will*

🤔"You act like you're expendable, but you're wrong" are actual words between these two men that actually played on screens everywhere at 8:57pm EST on FOX

🤔The very last plot-focused scene of the season (we do not count the montage however it is very cute) is this moment bw Buck and Eddie.

If you, too, realized you became desensitized to the literal soulmate narrative between these two, consider yourself vibe checked!

[river-bottom-nightmare]

tim's not nervous, not exactly. nervous would be reaching out with shaking fingers to rewind the taped news footage, to make sure his eyelids hadn't grown glass shards, to make sure he wasn't looking into a mirror where his two greatest heroes were one. nervous would be picking at the skin of his nails, standing with trembling feet in front of ariana as he attempted to figure out how to tell her he'd gone and fallen in love with his other best friend, the one he trusted with his life along with his heart. nervous would be letting the red hood treat the wound on his neck in dirty back alley, ever-aware of the pain rained down upon him the last time those scarred hands were this close to his neck.

nervous was not fighting back to back with someone he was only just now realizing he trusted, enough to bare his defenses to. nervous was not feeling the confirmation of all the feelings shooting through his body that he'd always ignored, only to be given a name at last. nervous was not leaning into an arm thrown across his back, cheeks flushed for reasons tim couldn't begin to imagine, the word date deciding to burrow into his brain deeper than the universe itself. so no, he's not nervous.

but with the warm daylight taking all the worst parts of red robin and turning them into something soft and blossoming, bernard's house looked normal the porch railing was well maintained and the unfogged glass stretched across a door that tim had rarely hesitated to throw wide open in the past. tim still had a sluggishly bleeding wound on his calf, and the last time he saw bernard before their dinner, their date, bernard had loomed over him.

tim rang the doorbell and bernard opened the door and all of a sudden, tim realized he was looking down at the other boy, that those stupid sunglasses he'd wanted to yank off blonde locks every damn day for some godforsaken reason were nowhere to be seen, that his own shoulders filled out a shirt that used to be dick's but bernard was drowning in his hoodie. he almost turned around and left right then and there.

he couldn't muster up the courage to talk to steph unless the learned comfort of a domino was resting on his face and he only wandered aimlessly around the city or flopped on the edge of his bed when he wasn't thrumming with the adrenaline of another fight and swinging his fists like it was life or death, mind or madness. so who the hell gave him the idea to look bernard in the eye and tell him that tim drake wanted to date him? tim drake could barely keep a hold on robin.

except, listening to bernard's stammering and watching a grin that threatened to reach over to tim and swallow him whole, he remembered it hadn't always been like that. tim drake had always been as important as robin, if not more. tim's not sure when they fractured apart so far, he wasn't sure he could piece them back together.

stepping forward to see bernard offer him that same sly grin, tim decided it might have been when he stopped talking to this,,,,,,,,,this boy, this friend, this part of him that he'd failed to nurture. it might have been when bernard falteringly messaged him, texts getting shorter and shorter every time until they petered off completely, while tim put his phone on silent and ignored a part of him screaming at his own stupidity, his own self-destructiveness, throwing himself into his grief instead. it might have been when he stopped getting ice cream with cass after patrol, when he realized he was calling kon "superboy" in his head, when he learned to live with half of himself wasting away.

bernard had always been particularly good at dragging tim drake out hiding, though, and no one in the world could convince tim that the warm streaks of lightning electrifying him from the inside out when bernard asked him on a date was anything other than swell of an orchestra's climax, than the realization of oh.

i want that, tim said, and he didn't know when he'd let himself want things again, but he'd stay this way forever if it meant hearing bernard's breathless little laugh and seeing the hop in his step as he tugged tim into a hug more familiar than the weight of his bo staff in his hands.

~~~

this is me, desperately trying to forget what happened in ff life story because dc's giving me everything i want while marvel decided to shove their greedy little hand into my chest and rearrange my ribs till they reached my heart and just squeeze it until i'm crying. so i'm distracting myself with canon bi tim but this just turned out angsty instead. fml

currently trying to make sense of the kinda fuckin weird characterization dc's been giving tim as of late. he's probably completely in character but just doesn't line up with the version of tim i have in my head, but whatever, take some introspection. i'll write fluff and funny dialogue later.

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