#when theyre contemplating something. remembering. do you think about that

[lanternlightss]

loop ….

[darius-shack]

in TBOB, the one scene after Puppet Hour where Bill makes him feel like his limbs are being pulled out of socket, he says;

slight ANGST IDEA. bill makes ford forget any intimate experiences they had as teens. practicing kissing. moments theyre cuddled in the same bed because one has a nightmare.

Stan tries to bring it up on the boat, when they're out on deck relaxing in a couple chairs. Asks whether or not it was real. Ford's confident, "No, I don't remember that happening. You feel that way about me? I have always sort of thought I had a... 'forbidden' attraction to you."

Stan's sure all of his memory is back. he's been feeling pretty damn normal. Something that meaningful between them would be hard to forget even with getting his mind erased. "Sixer, I don't mean to tell you you're wrong, but I'm 99% sure that we did that. You sure that triangle didn't mess with your head at all when he was in it?"

Ford gets a far off look on his face and then he looks sad, remembering word by word what Bill had said to him. "I..." He turned to Stan, and spoke uncomfortably, "I don't know. Maybe..."

He doesn't know what to do, but Stan does while hesitating. "Maybe, we can... make some new memories for you, then?"

A moment of contemplation passes with Ford's cheeks flushing pink. "Yes, um, I'd like that-"

Stan gripped his jacket and brought him close, "Good, cause I've been waitin' 40 years for you to get back to me." Ford glanced at his lips, Stan picking up on the desire written across his face. So, he leaned forward and brought him closer, feeling his brother's anxious breath against his skin before they meet lips. Their eyes immediately close, it's soft and warm between them.

It's been ages for Stan but it's still as thrilling and right and perfect as it was the first time. For Ford, it's like a light bulb turns on in his head then immediately explodes. It's weirder for him because it felt distinctly familiar, and he pulled away too quick for Stan's liking.

Stan saw the tears in his eyes, the unhappy look upon pulling back. 'Shit, Sixer, I didn't mean-"

"It's not you," Ford replied quickly, "It's him, I- I think you're right... That he took something from my memories." He shamefully looked away, but Stan's hand dragged him back to make eye contact.

"I can help, like you helped me," Stan's gravely voice offered, watching his twin nod. So Stan proceeds to talk and goes in depth about the first time they kissed, what they'd said to each other. How many times they practiced before Stan was kicked out. How Ford got a little mad at him for being too rough the time they practiced before prom.

[fictionfixations]

black butler emerald witch arc episode 2 thoughts

spoilers for the entirety of the arc (ive read the manga!) and some other stuff seriously though you have been warned. i try not to outright say it but still

i missed this when first watching the op but isnt this that one scene that happens when they go back out, theres crying and then THAT 💀

i know im like two days late to this but i forgor

i took like a break from anime so now i keep forgetting to check back in a week for the next episode 😭

what a cutie pie

i wonder if those chairs are comfy. im sure the bottom is fine but the back? or is it like a elegant design, comfort not so much? actually i bet theyre hella cold 💀

im prone to missing details so im trying to look at as many things as i can

god i hate foot binding so much the thought just makes me sick

and im sure there are people who like it and respect it and practice it and stuff just not for me

LMAO the silent pause with the windows turning from light to dark

jesus christ sebastian youve just been standing there??

like im sure thats expected of like normal servants but just imagining the pain my feet would be in 😭

i never realized her hair was tinted green at the end

sorry what did he just say

oh ??? but.. but why write out the german 😭😭😭 like. like we know hes speaking german thats why there are jp characters underneath telling jp viewers what it means but ???? like i mean id expect german in captions to be there for germans but im on english captions so im so confused 💀

give him a break sebastian 😭

you know exactly why the other servants arent exactly good at their jobs

tbh its kind of the same thing actually 💀? although i think wolfram might actually be good at cooking just very very slow (and in turn making it all very very cold)

also like listen man its hard to focus on so many things at once while cooking its a lot

i just had the cruelest thought

we know the trio really care about like ciel and sebastian its like home right but like

how are they gonna react when its revealed ah yes so now sebastian is gonna eat ciel's soul and stuff

and like they care about sebastian too yknow? but like.. now conflict. because they're meant to protect ciel, they care about him, and sebastian was also the one who brought them there (with the exception of maybe? finny and tanaka, i cant remember who of the two brought up bringing finny with them, but tanaka has been there before all that) and brought them out of like their horrible lives so they feel very grateful to him for this life they have now, this like found family, but like

i just wonder how they'll react, once its all over

with ciel gone, sebastian also gone because he doesnt need to be there anymore, and then where do they go? it was that household that taught them that they can be more than weapons or tools or anything less than human, that they can be human and do domestic duties even if they arent the best at it, to learn to smile again

that brought them into a home free of judgment

and then where do they go after that?

you know sometimes i hate my brain for thinking these things

sorry i got like so distracted

precious

aughhhhhhh i hate that she cant run she has to rely on someone else to pick her up

i wonder if wolfram was contemplating whether itd be better to take them with him or if itd be worse to let them stay in the castle unmonitored

hate that a child has so much responsibility on her why must you show her such injury 😭

but WHY just her you cant tell me only a kid knows, someone taught her and i very much doubt theyre dead if you know immediately what to pull out to treat something like that

...who am i kidding, i know why i hate it anyway 😭

STOPP PUTTING ALL THIS WEIGHT ON HER IM GONNA THROW HANDS

YOUR HONOR SHE IS A CHILD LEAVE HER ALONE

i dont even think there are people her age around

this is her first time having a kid around her LEAVE HER ALONE

do you have no shame blaming a literal child? if anything you should tell it to the ADULT like wth 😭

ah yes threaten the child

WOW

sebastian dont entertain it tell her he has a fiancee already 😭😭😭

tbh i forgot ciel cant actually understand what theyre saying so oop

and this doesnt apply to wolfram why? like is he not a man? like i mean id hate it if it did but like okay so the only other male you know, that does not apply to him why? or is it because hes a servant? so like for example like baldroy wouldnt, but so the two who arent that it would apply to?? i mean she did say earlier that she was referring to two as in ciel and sebastian so maybe thats why

off topic that dress looks so fun to wear. maybe uncomfy layers but FUN

actually wait how do they have children if theres no men

cmon think why is the only child sullivan and everyone else is an adult, with the only elder we've seen so far like that person who was yelling 🤔

SEBASTIAN.

OHHH MY GOD

poor ciel unaware of how his butler is misrepresenting him so

she looks pretty with her hair down 🥺

!!!

so you know???? what if they were not as kind like dude please be more cautious holy shit you dont know them

LMAO NOT ME NOTICING THIS IN THE OP AND THEN THIS SCENE HAPPENS IN THE EPISODE

also like yesterday i got soap in my eyes so im just crying and trying to get it to stop and holy fuck OW that shit hurts man so i hella sympathize

knowing whats next im wondering if i look away or keep watching

OH IT ENDS BEFORE THEN LMAO

just cliffhanger to sebastian crying 'why are they crying' someone may wonder

I WONDER

i thought itd cliffhanger when it went back to ciel but nope okay no answer on wtf this is just that for some reason theyre crying and thats all anime watchers know.

[hostilemuppet]

I know you're not really Trollsposting anymore, but your posts about it for the past few months have been piquing my interest in it. I have been contemplating rewatching the first movie and watching the sequels ( I haven't watched them yet) because of you and other things, and I wanted to ask if there's anything I have to expect going through the sequels and stuff

its not that im through with trollsposting its just that theres only so much i can say when theres a finite amount of content and we havent gotten any news beyond ffs (which is mid) which is kinda why weve been focused on the ocs anyway 😭 but im not done with them. just taking a bit of a break. theres still sooooo much we have with our little freaks... i havent even shown this guy yet

BUT! id say all you really need to do is... keep an open mind? remember that it is primarily for children and families so when it does silly and cringe stuff like use gangnam style 8 years after it was popular, just go with it. and dont think about it too hard if theres a celebrity voice actor who you hate bc everyone else hates russell brand too. and if you decide you really like trolls and want to watch the cartoons... try to think of them as animated sitcoms like the looney tunes show instead of something to teach kids lessons, especially with trollstopia. itll make you a lot less upset bc, and i say this as a fan, so many of the "morals" were super poorly thought out and genuinely harmful and i have no idea how they were allowed to go through with some of them. thats also a little true of the movies themselves but you can usually at least see what they were trying to say

other than that? just enjoy the ride. theyre very fun movies and the art and animation is gorgeous and a lot of the songs are good too (i think mount rageous was on my spotify wrapped last year...) and hopefully youll see why i am so protective of this little gumdrop button

[starfxkrinc]

https://www.tumblr.com/starfxkrinc/778233409195606017/httpswwwtumblrcomstarfxkrinc7782073932082216

omggg yes he’s been by himself for so long and then reader comes along and it’s like….so im not the only one (which is very comforting and scary). & they find the fun in that. running from rafe & barry, being all on their own. like you said it’s kind of a breath of fresh air for jj to teach reader things she’s never known to be able to do…to feel this “energy” more powerful than ever bc finally she and him have someone by their side to not feel like they’re going crazy. to not go overboard and spiral

going back to them finding fun in each other….they also find the most comfort. and it’s scary. truly. jj still has his doubts about her but it’s so evident and clear that he’d do anything to protect her. he’d go the extra mile for her bc she is all he has when it comes down to the end.

and I remembered the ending scene….if that’s portrayed in this au do you think she’d have the heart to eat jj. if I remember ik she’s gotten that urge before, being so hungry that she’s basically drooling all over him and seeing red but I don’t think she’d ever be able to eat him…he’d have to force her. me thinks she’d carry his dead body with her until she physically just can’t take it anymore. I see her wanting to eat him as a way of being in his skin, another way of completely indulging in him (she consumes him in a way that’s “romantic” almost. having his scent stay on her even after she’s taken a million showers. his blood still in her mouth no matter how much she’s brushed her teeth. his blood stained in between her fingernails.) until she’s nothing more than what she’s been seen as by her people. a flesh eating monster.

i meannn god I just really fucking love this movie and this au so much! (idc if this makes any since im running off of nic buzz)

you so hit the nail on the head about them finding comfort in each other bc the reader has been abandoned by her family long before maren was like she's been on her own sine at least 14/15 so when rafe and jj come across her she really is half animal.

in a way both rafe and jj treat her like a pet of sorts? with rafe its like those "unlikely animal friendships" but he's not her friend and hes trying to force her to be a certain way.

with jj its more unintentional and a relfection of his relationship with luke. luke was an eater! jj isnt! but luke constantly held the threat of eating jj over his head and jj was very much getting live bait to feed his father. with reader is more akin to a boy and his first puppy. hes scared, hes timid, but he throws himself into caring for her because he feels hes been given something precious, hence why early on when still on the island he bathes her, hand feeds her, dresses her because nobody has taken care of her in a long time and this is a role he's used to. he's still aware that she has some level of power over him (especially when she was still mute and pacing his bed at night) but at the end of the day there's a mutual trust because jj coulda killed her, called the cops, sent her back to rafe all of that but he didnt.

it would really. be a lot for her to actually eat jj she likes him alive, she likes running her lips across his heart, she likes tasting the sweat on his skin she consumes him in little ways and he lets her. while on the road if there really is no one around he lets her take chunks of him so hes littered in bite marks kinda like the dad from raw. but she does want to consume him she just doesn't want to eat him and if shes starts contemplating it then they both know theyre in a bad situation

[mothmage]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @monstersinthecosmos , thank you!!!

1. How many works do you have on A03? 31 (and a few anon, i think 2 or 3. idk, when i post a fic on anon i forget about it forever)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 446,135

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently/primarily vc, iwtv (amc), star wars, and merlin (bbc)!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? A Lovely Little Normal Life (which, honestly, kind of annoys me lol. i know it's just bc it's a huge fandom, but really? the stupid little 12k harry potter fic i wrote in two days is my most kudos? please...); Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (forever pushing my lesbian genderswap agenda); The Face of God (les mis slightly canon divergent javert character study); The Odyssey of Recollection (amc iwtv s1 pov armand); Away From Stranger Tides (potc philip/syrena fic i started ages ago and never finished, lol)

5. Do you respond to comments? yes i love talking to people in comments!!!! i've made a lot of friends through comments!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? omg. umm. merthur fans don't know this yet bc i havent finished posting but it's arthur pendragon long may she reign (BUT it's part of a series, so it's literally fine). idk, i dont tend to write long fics that end angsty. but my angstiest fic in general is probably Hollow-Boned Boy (armand contemplating his human life in the early CoD era) or Vision of the Damned (daniel's turning from armand's pov)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i love a happy ending!! my series Odysseus in White Silk is probably the happiest ending, and in such an undeserved way hahaha it's so very AU because i was sad after s1 of the show and just wanted them all (and armandaniel) to live happily ever after

8. Do you get hate on fics? i dont think i ever have, but i tend to read comments in good faith too, so maybe someone out there is annoyed that i interpreted their vague dislike comment as a genuine comment or something, idk. in general though, i'll say no

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes but i dont post that often, idk if there's a particular kind, but generally it tends to be a little rougher than is probably appropriate without discussion in real-life situations, but also very...idk my friend described it as very tender, like theyre very clearly in love. which is so funny considering that that kind of tenderness irl gives me fucking hives lmfao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? oh wow, not in a long time. i do have a wip sitting around rn that's a crossover between london spy and cloud atlas, which is really crazy until you remember that ben whishaw is in both london spy and the cloud atlas movie lol. and cloud atlas is already about weird reincarnations and parallel worlds and stuff, so it isnt too out-there.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes!! The Face of God was translated into Korean by ao3 user Crescent919 !! i've had a few comments on other fics asking to translate for personal use (always yes, of course), but no one else has asked to share a translation publicly

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no!! i've been thinking about it lately though

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? all-time? probably merlin/arthur from merlin (bbc). it's the whole fate-destiny-choice thing, it just compels me like nothing else

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? hmmm, i would like to finish Roswell -- well, kinda (agent carter farm girl / alien crash landing au) because i still have all the original notes and outlines and stuff. i also made a shitty conlang when i was first writing it, which is crazy lol. but it would need some pretty serious revisions, and i would definitely rewrite the first few chapters that i posted years ago. i just kind of lost the agent carter bug, but i might return to that fic if i ever get in the mood for it again.

16. What are your writing strengths? ooh, i'm not really sure! i get a lot of comments mentioning characters' voices and/or personalities, so i would say maybe that!!! i also feel that i'm fairly good at mimicking an author's writing style when i want to (notably, i do not mimic anne rice when writing vc fic, lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? editing for sure. i have at least a hundred fics sitting on my hard drive fully or almost-fully written that i just need to edit. but i would simply rather die than do all of that. it's also why my whole merlin fic got put on pause while i went down the vc rabbithole, because i just can't bring myself to go edit the next chapters lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? hmm, i think it's usually unnecessary and comes off as a bit silly. that said, i did do it once (maybe excessively) in Daniel Molloy, Time Bandit (1984 daniel ends up in 1794 theatre des vampires, it's more of a character study than a time travel fic) BUT, let me defend myself -- i did it because daniel doesnt understand french, it's his pov, and he's incredibly confused and distraught for most of the fic. i felt like the dialogue being in french conveyed this sort of "daniel does not belong in this time/place" vibes. but, also, my french is...a little rough. so i'm sure it's an annoying fic for french readers lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for? warriors cats, a million years ago hahahah

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? ok, i have three different answers for this. the fic i think is the best, objectively, in terms of writing and content: The Story of Dani [...] (r63 devil's minion from armand's pov, starting with lestat's house). the fic i am the proudest of, mostly because it was my first "big" fic (it's funny now, bc it's only 41k) and i feel like i grew a lot as a writer while working on it, and i'm still happy with it: The Face of God (les mis pov javert, character study from childhood). the fic i have the most fun with and think about almost 24/7: Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (r63 merthur, canon divergence, this is like a 4-part series that's currently over 300k lmao)

no-pressure tagging: @aunteat @leslutdepointedulac @butchybats @graygiantess and anyone else who wants to!!

[ayvepeedee]

entry seven I forgor

never trust someone with a dissociative disorder to remember .

umm idk when i last updated this but i Think it was like sept oct soooo uh update, i have a TUMOR and its most likely not but COULD be cancer ummm and still with the gf, after the update ill talk abt current events that relates to hir currently, ummm im failing 4 classes and ive officially decided on my major/career but not in my college! i have however been contemplating going to canada!!! umm im besties with my friend aki i bought her and my gf and i lethal company and thats been a recent

uhhhh RECENTS! OF TODAY/LATELY

i have been pretty like mentally exhausted and exhausted in general! im barely passing classes and the ones i am are guaranteed passing cause its music and Woodshop. Fuck woodshop hope it dies! i talked to my doctor i was on birth control for periods and she recommended i stay off until i talk to a surgeon to have SURGERY and what they decide dictates if i still should but ive been put onnnnnnnum nausea meds and migraine meds !

uhhh abt my gf stuff, specifically today

shi has been feeling weird lately and today was like that kinda breaking point, shi has someone in front that manages episodes (mania depressive ect) nd shi thinks something bad is gonna happen soon and i feel bad cause i feel like shi should be happy cause shi deserves it all! i know that doesnt just happen but shi deserves to be happy shis been thru a lot and i care about hir!!!! so i let hir know once shi was sleeping that shi can talk to me about stuff, or shi doesnt have to! cause talking to an app with a bunch of people that are unbiased and dont know you va your boyfriend biased and knows you is different! and i get how shi might want both, one or the other, or neither maybe! but i still want hir to know im there and that i care!

gf stuff, not just today

lately shis been tiring me and doing things shi wants to do and like when im not interested in things i dont wanna be mean about it just Don't wanna do it and i don't want hir to think i dont care cause i do i just don't wanna do it myself when shi could do it when its something shis talking to me about but also last time we talked about something together i said hey i need reassurance a lot and shi did it twice and hasn't done it again and i just don't like feel like that easy i need that reassurance helllooooo tumblr user ayvepeedee here !!!! and shis my safe person but its like ill always overthink that'll never change !!!!

i was in a call with my gf and aki for 500 HOURS can you believe that! it was SO DRAINING but it was really fun! it made me sad when they'd hang without me cause id be at school or i was tired but they were nice to be around! theyre my besties i love them

i.ummm have missed A Bit of school causeof my doctor stuff! and im gonna keep doing that :( like if i end up getting surgery for my tumor it'll probably be in a school day and thats likr at least a day or two or more of rest cause like my tumors in my boob and i have to be REALLY careful in that area rn and after surgery it'll be extra sensitive for a while and im kinda a rough person so ive been less rough but like ACK! IM LIKE ZONING OUT WHILE WRITING THIS IS ENOUGH BYYYEEEE!!!! :3

[wonwoonlight]

my way to you / jeon wonwoo | chapter 5

➝ Wonwoo x fem!Reader

➝ rich!AU // heir & heiress!AU // best friends to lovers // idiots to lovers lol // fluff // a lil drama bc why not // somewhat angsty // clicheeeee <3

➝ series warning: OC is Dense with a capital D, so many cliches but idc, implied sexual activities (but no actual smut scenes), eventual suggestive scenes, theyre both idiots, food, insecurity and self doubts, somewhat toxic parents, someone fainted like once, not always proofread am sorry ;-; that’s probably it? tell me if there’s more!

➝ A/N: surprise! decided to post this at 10:10AM instead of PM for no reason at all. this one's pretty short considerably, but I promise the next one is twice of it hehe. anyway!!! I just realized I reached 1.5k followers??? thank you guys how come there's so many of you 🙈 as always, enjoy and don't hesitate to share your thoughts with me <3

series masterlist

The days after that pass by in a blink and, before you know it, the charity dinner is three days away. You don’t really see Wonwoo after that night he stays over at your place, though you make sure to reply to his texts and answer his calls when you’re looking at your phone.

You always get like this when an event is nearby, you barely take notice of anything if it’s not about the event. Plus, it doesn’t help that Wonwoo’s also busy and the few times that you’re a bit free, he’s either in a meeting or he’s with Jennie.

He’s extended the invitation to you, told you that you should just join them even though he knows you’d refuse.

It’s pissing you off a little, to be honest, an ugly feeling of jealousy burning in your chest because he’s your best friend, but there he is, entertaining someone that’s not even that close to him because his mom asks him to.

The better part of you knows the feeling is unfounded, that there’s nothing wrong with Wonwoo spending time with Jennie and following his mom’s request to take care of her because she’s not often in Korea for this long. It’s basic courtesy and you literally do that everytime your foreign friend is in the country or the other way around.

But still, the week has been stressful and everything annoys you for reasons that you don’t care enough to find out.

At least there’s Soonyoung.

He’s quick to climb the good friend ladder even though it’s only barely been a week since you hang out with him. Maybe the fact that you rarely make friends also help, but you’re just excited to find a friend in him so you’ve just been bothering the guy instead of Wonwoo because the latter is always busy (also, you may or may not be acting petty but he doesn’t need to know that).

You also haven’t had the chance to meet him again after that day, but you’re meeting him for dinner tonight because, for once, you can’t be bothered to ask Wonwoo just in case his answer would piss you off even further.

The day is shitty enough as it is.

You contemplate on asking Soonyoung to take a raincheck, but you also think it’s about time you talk to someone that is not a part of the organization team. Glancing at the clock on the wall, you reckon you have half an hour before you’ve got to leave, which should be enough time to relax by yourself.

It’s been a long day, and you honestly can’t remember the last time you’re still in the office when it’s already dark outside. You’d usually prefer to leave and continue working somewhere else the moment you’re done with your meetings and whatnots, setting up appointments with vendors outside or in their own offices instead of inviting them to yours.

There’s just something so confining about being in the Yoon Holdings building. Yet, here you are.

You stand up to move to the sofa, wincing a little at the sudden pain in your head when you do so. You have been sitting there for too long, after all. You stretch your arms before eventually settling on the sofa, eyes closed as you try to relax your body and take a rest.

It honestly feels like minutes, but when the door to your office opens and Seungcheol informs you that Soonyoung is here to pick you up, you open your eyes and glance at the clock only to find it’s been almost 45 minutes since you sat down earlier.

“Oh hi! Sorry, I… uh… fell asleep? I guess?” you say, still a little out of it when Soonyoung comes in, eyes blinking continuesly as they’re trying to adjust to the light.

“It’s fine. You weren’t answering my calls so I asked Jeonghan and he gave me Seungcheol’s number,” he explains, worried eyes searching you. “Are you… okay? We can just cancel if you’re tired. You must be beat if you fell asleep.”

“I was just sleepy,” you smile through blurry eyes, wincing at your headache that doesn’t seem like it’d going away anytime soon. At least the the pounding is faint, you think to yourself. “I’m kind of hungry, anyway. Should we go?”

“You sure?”

“Are you trying to bail, Mr. Kwon?” you say playfully, glad that you managed to make him laugh in hope it dispers his worry along with it.

“Alright, alright,” he gives up and waits for you to pick up your stuff from your desk. He looks around to find nothing catching his eyes–there’s no personality whatsoever in this office, and he doesn’t even see anything that might be personally yours except for two framed pictures on your desk; one of them is you and Wonwoo together, and another of you and the whole gang—Jeonghan, Shua, and Chaeyoung also present in the picture. “Your office is pretty empty, huh?”

“I’m not here often, actually,” you shrug as you put the last of your belongings, shoving your phone into your bag without even checking it. “I don’t… like being here.”

Soonyoung doesn’t comment on that, thankfully, and he simply turns the topic into something else as he walks with you to the elevator with Seungcheol following behind. Once you’re on the ground floor, you tell Seungcheol you’ll be going with Soonyoung and he should go with Mr. Lee; that he’s free to go home too if he wants though you know he’d never do that.

“Why… do you exactly have a private guard?” he asks once you’re in the car, waiting for you to put on your seatbelt.

“I don’t know. Father thinks it’s necessary so I just roll with it,” you shrug, already past the stage where you question what your father thinks is best for you. “Plus, Seungcheol is quite helpful and he’s pretty to look at.”

Soonyoung chuckles at your answer and then glances at his rear mirror to find your car ready to follow. “Does he follow you everywhere?”

“Pretty much so even if I tell him not to,” you answer as you gently massage your temple in hope the headache would finally go away. “He doesn’t really leave me alone unless I’m in my family house or I’m with Wonwoo. Even when I’m at Wonwoo’s place, he’d usually stand guard for an hour or so just to make sure I won’t be leaving anytime soon though Mr. Lee probably already drives away the moment he drops me off.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I really envy you and Wonwoo,” he confesses honestly, eyes locked on the road. His words surprise you that you turn to him so fast your vision starts to spin. “It’s just… you’re both lucky to have each other since you were kids, you know? I’ve heard a lot about you two, obviously, and even though I only know the bare minimum, it’s clear to me how protective you are of each other. Not everyone has the luxury to find such friendships and maintain it for that long.”

“What makes you say that?” you prod, somewhat intrigued. You’ve never had people talk to you about your relationship with Wonwoo; those who don’t know simply assume you’re dating, and those who know never really say anything about it–at least not to you.

“I mean… did you see him that day we met during the party?” he chuckles as he remembers the event. Like he said, he’s heard about you and Wonwoo a lot; rumours always go around and, even if he’s never interested in them, a rumour about a Jeon and a Yoon is bound to reach just about everyone.

Soonyoung isn’t lying when he said he simply talked to you because you seemed to be appreciating his sister’s signature menu more than anyone near the table did, there was no intention to flirt with you. He was just bored and he figured there should be no harm in talking to someone who seemed to be there for the food and not to… network.

He didn’t even recognize who you were at first until you turned to him, and, even then, he wasn’t entirely sure if you were the infamous Yoon heiress. Wonwoo’s protective stance later on confirms his suspicion though, as if his presence alone wasn’t enough confirmation already.

It’s basically a fact to anyone in this circle that you come as a package when it comes to a party like this. It’s the reason why anyone trying to hit either of you up always returns with dissatisfied huff until they eventually stop, getting the message that you’re with Wonwoo and Wonwoo’s with you.

That you’re both off limits.

You never bothered to deny the rumors because it does you more good than bad: 1) You’re free from stubborn guys trying to flirt with you. 2) A lot of girls would rather glare at you out of jealousy than try to chat you up just in case you’d want to befriend them and perhaps even introduce them to Wonwoo. And, the winner of them all, 3) The marriage prospect coming your way definitely decreases–because a lot of them don’t actually have the guts to go against the Jeons’ youngest son despite the fact that none of you ever confirmed the rumours.

“He’s always been protective of me, so there’s that,” you shrug, thinking about the amount of time Wonwoo has come to your rescue no matter what the situation is. Be it bad days, bad companies, or your parents, he’s always… there. You wouldn’t have him any other way. “I’m like that with him too.”

“I’ve seen you both, like, twice but anyone with eyes can tell how much you care about each other,” Soonyoung chuckles, his words resonating within you more than you thought it would. “Seriously, I don’t think I have it in me to care about someone that much.”

Your head spins a little, but it might be because you’re trying to recall if there’s ever a time when Wonwoo’s not there when you need someone to be. He’s there everytime you’re crying about practically anything–be it your hormones playing with your emotions or your parents disregarding you like you worth nothing to them–whether he’s on the phone until it’s 4 in the morning because he’s literally on the other side of the world, or in your bedroom as soon after you’ve called him sniffling.

It makes you think.

You’re so used to having him by your side, so used to having Wonwoo with you to the point where you didn’t really get what Soonyoung’s saying at first. Isn’t it a given that best friends care for each other?

And as much as you know you and Wonwoo are exceptionally close, you never thought it’s to the point where someone would be saying this about your bond with him. Never to the point where someone’s jealous of what you have with him.

Have you… been taking him for granted?

“We’re here,” his voice halts your thoughts altogether, and you’re very glad he doesn’t try to help you out of the car like a pretentious gentleman from a drama would. You entertain him by taking his arm when he offers it to you though, and despite the constant thudding in your head, you find yourself laughing when he calls you ‘m’ lady’.

“Where’s Wonwoo, anyway? I thought he’s joining us,” he asks at last.

You’ve been waiting for him to ask about this since earlier, because Soonyoung has actually extended the invitation to your best friend but you weren’t exactly in the mood to invite him after he told you he couldn’t join your movie night with Jeonghan, Shua, and Chaeyoung last night. Something about his mom insisting he had dinner at home because Jennie’s joining them in the Jeons’ family house.

It’s really not his fault, and he sounded genuinely sorry. At some point, Jinyoung even took over the phone and said everyone was called home out of nowhere. He whined that he already had a plan with his girlfriend, so even Jisoo was dragged into the impromptu family dinner.

But still, you felt like being petty and you honestly looked forward to the movie night with him and the others, so it actually dampened your mood to find out Wonwoo couldn’t make it.

“I… might’ve forgotten to tell him,” you laugh awkwardly to cover your lies. “It’s been a busy week so it slipped my mind.”

“Will it be too late to call him now?” he suggests as he steers you to the entrance of the restaurant. You see someone walk out with a cocktail dress and you wonder if you’re underdressed for the place, but Soonyoung’s wearing nothing but a white dress shirt and you figure the mid dress you’re wearing should suffice.

“He’s busy too these days,” you try to sound nonchalant as if it doesn’t irk you, gripping his arm a little. If Soonyoung notices the slight annoyance in your tone, he doesn’t say anything about it. “Do you want to hang out with him that much? Should’ve known you’re using me to get the Jeon’s heir.”

Soonyoung whispers something about getting busted, which you can’t help but giggle at. You pretend to move away from him, but Soonyoung immediately pulls you back and mutters that he’s never letting you go until he has his hands on Jeon Wonwoo.

Your eyes get a little blurry when he helps you open the door, but you blame it on the sudden lights that blind your eyes–a contrast from the dimly lit walk from the parking lot. Soonyoung tells you to go first to his booked table because he wants to go to the restroom, but you tell him you’d rather wait here by the receptionist than sit by yourself on the table.

You’re still blinking to get used to the light when someone calls your name, and you look up to find Jennie, the last person you wish to encounter today, making her way to you.

As if she doesn’t give you enough headache already.

Not that it’s her fault, your conscience reminds you.

“Hi Jen,” you force out a smile as you try not to cringe at the way your eyes are refusing to adjust to the lights and the sudden wave of headache when you stand up to greet her.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” she smiles warmly, like she’s meeting an old friend she’s been missing for years. “Are you… by yourself?”

“Umm, no. I’m actually with–”

“Ready to go?” a familiar voice greets you, though he seems just as surprised when he sees you there with his companion. Another wave of headache hits and you don’t even have it in you to be annoyed at the sight of Wonwoo with her; the only thing your mind can register is the thumping in your head. Wonwoo calls your name, confused as much as he is surprised. “Oh, are you meeting someone?”

You don’t answer immediately, but only because you’re trying to figure out why your eyes are taking so long to focus and it’s Soonyoung’s presence who answers for you. You hear what sounds like pleasantries, though your mind can’t really grasp their words because your head gradually aches more than it did by the seconds and, at this point, your hand is just grabbing anything it makes contact with for support.

Wonwoo’s voice faintly calls to you, and then you feel his hand softly grasping your arm before you hear Soonyoung calling you too, his voice even fainter than Wonwoo’s.

Wonwoo’s worried face is blurry and it’s the last thing you remember seeing before you hear someone calling your name in pure shock.

And then it’s all black.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

taglist: @hoe4wonwoo @dnylwoo @yslshua@twogyuu@najaemin138@blueixnie@boowanie@pwettytae@itsveronicaxxx@aphrodyteeth@leechanniee@jeoonghann@sdoulc@kyeomjjigae@ru-lin@listxn@yngreid@vynnz@lilactangerine@justasoftstan@amymoonl@02psh@lovelywoo@pusangmamon@yoontaedotin@soonchanshua@fanfic24@nothingbutadeadesceane@nollixtrml

[quindolyn]

hi hi i have a req- remus and/or sirius where the reader has like bigger boobs w like stretch marks and stuff (bc theyre natural!!) and shes insecure ab them so the boy(s) make her feel better

Stripes || Wolfstar

A/N: I am not particularly fond of this piece all that much but it is what it is. I tried not to mention breast size too much because I know not everyone has big tits and I want as many people as possible to resonate with my work. Tits of all shapes and sizes can have stretch marks, they are completely natural and beautiful.

Warnings: smoking, it's not too too smutty I'd call it more fluffy smut, tit sucking, mentions of love bites, all acts are consensual and there is an established safe word

Word Count: 1,928

“We could go again,” Sirius offers as he lights his cigarette, leaning up against the headboard, guiding the fag to his lips he inhales deeply and you can’t help but be mesmerized as you watch his lips wrap around it.

Pink and soft, they're swollen from the night's previous activities, thinking about how they got that way sends a shiver down your spine, do yours look the same? Exhaling, you watch the smoke curl out his nose before dissipating into the air.

“Don’t know Pads, you think you could get it up again?” Remus stretches to reach his wand on the bedside table quickly and silently spelling you all clean.

Grey eyes flash with annoyance as he lifts the cigarette back up to his lips, though you must’ve watched him smoke hundreds of times you still can’t manage to tear your eyes away.

Maybe it's the way his fingers manipulate the small object as he plays with it absentmindedly that draws you in, the joints and muscles in his hand shifting under pale skin which looks almost as soft as it actually is.

Every now and again he’ll catch you staring at him, like now for example. His eyes flicker downwards finding your optics already fixed on him, “You want a hit Princess?” He raises his eyebrow, gesturing with the hand holding the smoke.

You nod your head, it’s not every day you’re included in their little smoke breaks post coitus, “Please.”

“Please,” Sirius mocks you as he leans down to hold the cigarette to your lips. You barely have the chance to taste the tobacco before it's being pulled away, this time to your right where Remus takes his time enjoying his smoke.

You can’t help but whine as it departs your lips and you’re met by the shit eating grin on Sirius’ face, clearly taking pleasure in teasing you so mercilessly.

“No whining Princess, smoking isn’t good for pretty girls is it?” Letting his hand cup the side of your face his thumb runs along the soft cushion of your bottom lip, applying just enough pressure to tease you.

In your peripheral vision you catch the cig being handed over your head, exchanging between the two boys as you nod your head once more.

“Good girl,” He coos, before taking another hit.

As the smoke leaves his nostrils he’s dipping down to find your lips. He tastes of smoke and something about it coming from his lips makes it all the more sweet, it’s probably better than the real thing.

It’s intensified as his tongue delves into your mouth, you can practically feel the smoke in your lungs, you’ve never been a match for him and simply let your tongue be manipulated by his before he pulls back, connecting the two of you with a strand of saliva that when it breaks falls onto the side of your face.

“Messy girl,” He murmurs, smug smirk on his lips, as he wipes away the mess, in reality his efforts only work to smear the spit on your cheek rather than clean it up.

“So what do you think baby?” Remus asks, sitting up and pulling you with him so you’re both upright, “You wanna try and go again?”

“I don’t know Rem, you think Siri can get it back up or is my wrist gonna cramp trying to get him hard?”

“You two are cruel,” No matter how hard he tries to hide it you can see the slight smile pulling upwards at his lips, “You’re even hiding your titties from me, mean.”

He gestures towards your chest, he’s right, you’d subconsciously clutched the sheet to your chest, crossing your arms to keep it in place and your breasts covered.

Heat rushes to your cheeks as the realization dawns upon you, it wasn’t that you were intentionally guarding them from either boy but you realize that that is how it looks.

“No it's not that Siri I just, I usually keep them covered. They’re… they’re… “ You stumble over your words, only increasing your embarrassment.

“They’re what puppy?” Remus asks, lightly brushing your hair behind your ear so that he has access to your temple, smearing his lips across the soft skin.

“I don’t know,” As you grow shy your voice drops to a mere mumble, “They’ve got all sorts of marks on them.”

This proves worrisome enough for Sirius to set down his fag, letting it sit in the ashtray on the nightstand.

“You mean stretch marks Princess?”

You try your best not to cringe at those words, stretch marks. It's not a dirty word, somewhere inside you, you know that but that has never stopped you from being insecure by them. Deliberately choosing tops that side the ones that sprout from the tops, near your under arm before traveling down the curvature of your tit. Making sure your lingerie always has some sort of extra covering where they’re most visible.

You feel Remus’ hold on you tighten from behind at your pained silence, it's telling enough.

“Just don’t like them.”

Your words have Sirius climbing closer to you, throwing your legs around his hips so the two of you can sit face to face while Remus holds you from behind.

“May we see them, Puppy?” Remus’ elegant fingertips dance along the top of the sheet which resides just a few inches below your collarbone. You shiver at his dainty touch, his fingers are light as feathers, slowly coaxing you into trusting them with this.

“It’s okay,” Sirius’ hand delicately grasps your knee over the soft sheet, “Wanna see our pretty girls but it's alright if you need a moment puppy.”

“No, s’okay.”

Sirius gives you a small smile that only grows as you drop the sheet, letting it pool at your waist.

He spares you a glance before slowly extending his arm, giving you time to tell him to stop or pull the sheet back up, and even though you want to do both those things and more you love Siri. You love Rem. And you know that they’ll be gentle and patient with you.

So instead you steel yourself for his touch relaxing as you feel Remus’ sizable hands wrap around your waist, resting on your tummy.

Your shoulders bunch back up as the tips of Sirius’ fingers,  nails having been painted black just a few hours ago. His touch is steady as he finds a particularly predominant mark tracing along the curve of your tit.

“You’re so fucking gorgeous (Y/N), can’t believe I get to touch you.”

“You’re silly Siri.”

“Not silly, you’re just fucking breathtaking. You got the nicest tits.”

“Just all marked up,” You shrug your shoulders, Remus takes the opportunity to smooth his chapped lips along your joint.

“No,” Remus contradicts, “They’re marked up when we sink our teeth into them and leave pretty bruises all over them,” His hands travel from your waist to explore your tit before stopping on the top of your left one where he remembers having sucked rather fervently just an hour before, “Like right here.”

His pressing down on the flesh pulls a squeak from you as a shock of pain shoots up your spine, leaving your body tingly and the specific spot where his fingers rest pulsing.

“These,” He continues, dragging his fingers over the small indents in your skin, “Are your stripes.”

Sirius leans down, capturing your nipple in his mouth as his hands go to support the weight of your breast. The angle’s a bit awkward but it seems to do little, if anything, to discourage him.

Gently capturing your nipple with his teeth he sucks harder, nuzzling at your chest as he does so. The pleasure that you derive from such a simple act has your head falling back onto the solidity of Remus’ shoulder, pulling whimpers from your throat as you jutt your chest out.

“So fucking good,” Sirius growls as he regretably lets go of your titty, “Pretty nipples,” He accentuates his point by twisting them each between his fingers, “Pretty stripes.”

Leaning down he drags his tongue along one of your stretch marks, beginning in the valley between your breasts before extending upwards.

“They’re completely natural, Puppy,” Remus’ voice is subdued as he runs his hands up and down your waist, “Lots of people have them on their tits, Siri and I have them in other places too.”

“S different on you , Remmy,” You try to explain, “You two are perfect.”

“Does it bother you when we see them during sex baby?” He asks with genuine curiosity in his voice, the thought of making you uncomfortable when you’re so open and vulnerable leaving his stomach twisting.

“Not always, no,” He remains silent, urging you to continue, “You make me feel beautiful Rem, both of you, I just can’t help but not like them, don’t like the way they look, or the way they feel.”

You hear him suck in a deep breath and you can practically hear the gears in his mind turning as he contemplates just what to say.

His hands move to hold both sides of your face in his palms as his forehead falls to rest against yours.

“Let us show you how beautiful your tits are, will you let us do that?”

“You don’t have to-”

Sirius cuts you off, releasing your tit from his mouth, “We want to (Y/N), let us,” He dips his head back down, delicately kissing the top of one of your breasts, “Please.”

He murmurs the simple, one syllable, word against your skin, the sensation sending shivers through your body. He rolls your hardened nipples between his fingers, it's nearly enough to have you mewling as you kneel at his feet. Maybe another time.

Before you can register what’s happening, strong hands are softly pushing you back so that you’re laying down on the bed.

You feel the steady weight of your breasts bouncing on your chest before they’re being grasped by hands that just by touch you recognize as Remus’. His thumbs run along the insides of your breasts where more faded lines reside, creating swirling patterns that Remus seems to thoroughly enjoy.

“You know why you got these right?” Sirius questions, raising his brow.

You shake your head.

“Because you got big fucking tits Princess, look at them!” Smoothly he replaces Remus’ hands with his own, letting their weight settle in his hands, “Bigger than my hands, bigger than Rem’s, they’re fucking gorgeous.”

He drops onto his bum as he reaches over you to pick up his fag, raising it to his lips as his eyes fixate on your bare tits, a wicked smirk on his lips. Instead of feeling uncomfortable under his eyes the feeling is something equivalent to the sun’s rays shining on you, warming you all the way down to your core.

You can’t help but smile at the sincerity in his voice, the absolution with which he speaks pulling at your heart strings. How did you get so lucky as to deserve his love? Though he’s not as chatty you know Remus believes every word out of Sirius’ mouth, tenderly he takes your hand in his, absentmindedly playing with your fingers while your two hands rest in his lap.

“It’s just hard to believe you guys sometimes, m’your girlfriend, you gotta be nice to me.”

Gently Remus guides your hand to his crotch, you’re met by his aching cock which you’re just now realizing is standing fully erect, aching, weeping red tip smearing precum against his lean belly.

“Believe us now?”

tag list: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts @amourtentiaa @kittykylax @superbturtlemakerathlete @oliviashea05 @pinkandblueblurbs @dracofknmalfoy @itsmentalillness @zzzfour @gubleryum @advictedtohim @marauderswhore07 @st0nesnglitter @priii @miraclesoflove @shadesofvelma @ashlovesthemarauders @artemis1orion @skaratjung @ava-brooke-blog1 @fairyprettygirly @padfootswife @roonilwazlibswhore @swearingsolemnly @jamespotterslover @lolooo22 @adrianscumslut @jeannelupinblack @wh0reforthemarauders @myalupinblack @ashesandstars @remugoodgirl @planet-wolfstar @saintlike78 @i-love-scott-mccall @cedricisnotdead @pretty-pop-princess-hs  @sunshinexweasley  @saggyb1lls @trashyvicks @sprucewoodlover @slut4drvc0 @1-800-amortentia

[rawrtriesagain]

Long post incoming idk how to do Read More on mobile, sorry. Tldr: just a post abt my writing as usual and stuff about my interest in lwa (nothing crazy)

I know I talk abt my old fuckin fics all the fuckin time (like Jesus theyre old enough to be considered toddlers now) but anyway this is my vent blog and y’all will never hear the end of it so guess what still has an absolute GRIP over my mind after 3 years

Its forest of arcan- im jk its dreamer of stars lmaooo. I reread it right now for the funsies after months of forgetting abt it, and each time I read it I think “surely I am over this story and can move on with my life” and like the first half of the story its like yea I kinda am over it haha but then the second half just obliterates the thoughts and runs me over and I just lay in my bed and contemplate my life and go into like a State of Emotions and simply have to talk about it (but it also could be because its 4am at the time of writing this)

I do think it mostly has to do with nostalgia though. Truthfully I’m probably not able to write smth like that again because it was 100% written completely on emotion and quite actually everything bad Diana was feeling in the story was smth i was also going through so it was easy to… write a vent and disguise it as a fic LOL. But I was also running on the high of being in love with my best friend which also really easily translated to everything going on in the fic blah blah nobody remembers it but me so this means nothing to anybody and im being cringe and gay on main (not even my main)

ANYWAY the point of my babbling here is that honestly I miss having that intense amt of emotions that would spur that level of creative writing? Like yea forest of arcana (not updated in over a year) is fun and all but it definitely isnt written on a personal level like dreamer was. I also just genuinely miss writing lol and its like ok bitch why dont you write then and then its like good question why dont i?? I probably still enjoy writing more than i do drawing and i know my blogs say otherwise but the two mediums are both definitely different outlets for my life. Maybe i would change my mind the day my art is actually good tho 😛

Im laffing rn seeing me talk abt this “deep” different outlets of life cause like when u think abt it im also literally just Currently describing little witch fanfic and fanart since thats all i do LOL. Not that theres anything wrong with lwa being my Muse of course, but it just adds humor in whatever the emo hell im going on about

Another side sad mini vent but i dont think im as into lwa as i used to be which also waters down my interests in doing things, but im literally not interested in any other media or fandom rn either so lwa stays my hyperfixation. Plz dont be alarmed lol im not saying im NOT into lwa anymore since diana is still a fuckin god to me like 10/10 chara design and vibes, but its definitely not as strong as it was when i first joined the fandom 3 years ago. And you know what maybe it has to do with me not watching little witch academia in full in those entire three years after i first watched it lmao. Most of the friends ive made in the fandom are pretty much gone too which is sad but is what it is. Sometimes i get a burst of seratonin when i think about smth diakko and definitely like now when i reread my fics i also remember the Emotions i had for these Gays and it like floods back for a bit like a buff.

I think something im very interested in for both the spark of writing and also the revitalization for my love for diakko is that i wanna do like a oneshot slice of life series for diakko. Just something easy, cute, subjectively funny, and a vibe. I still fantasize abt diakko shenanigans even if mundane and i wish i could also capture it more in my art but im not at that level yet, so writing it is. First i probably need to rewatch lwa in full since ive forgotten most everything except for key diana scenes haha oopsie And sucy world episode that was a good fuckin episode.

Anyway thanks for reading this far if you did lol sorry for the LONG ASS NONSENSE POST. Sometimes i see how i type in my blog and to people and compare it to my writing and its like where the hell did my comprehensive english go. Sorry if this was just hard to read from the lack of grammar and punctuation but thats showbiz anyway stay tuned for the next diana content ttyl bffl rofl xD zomg

[keroseneinhalers]

my favorite part of warrior cats is the grotesque story of squirrelflight, ashfur, and the extended cast of cats that sound like they came out of an ajj song

this gal named squirrelflight flirts with a guy named ashfur a few times. typical 80s romance song. its quick, its fleeting. squirrelflight gets together with brambleclaw. its all real lovely. brambleclaw gets promoted to leader after squirrelflights dad goes into retirement and makes his deputy the chief. brambleclaw is now bramblestar

(before the promotion and after the marriage, brambleclaw leads the entire 4 clans to a new territory. not relevant. he also stabs his brother in the neck with a tent stake)

and then squirrelflights sister leafpool, who is a medicine cat and sworn into celibacy, has sex with a guy from windclan named crowfeather. this is something all the cats are sworn not to do. double illegal.

crowfeather is a bit of a whore because he was previously in love with another girl who went on a magical journey with him when he was a child. (brambleclaw was there for that too. brambleclaw is eternal and everywhere) the girl crowfeather was in love with got impaled by a falling stalagmite while protecting a tribe of savage feral cats with names very similar to english translations of a few native american names i know. interesting. racist? there was a mountain lion involved

yeah so they have sex and leafpool gets pregnant. but since she did two crimes in one she gives the kids to squirrelflight and pretends they belong to her and brambelstar. theres an uncomfortable birthing scene because the kids decided to emerge from her cat uterus in the middle of a snowstorm. this is very telling of their characters after birth

theres three kids. jayfeather lionblaze and hollyleaf. jayfeather is very angry. lionblaze is angry but in a brave way. hollyleaf loves rules. they are a legendary trio

theres a thing about superpowers, and a prophecy or something. jay is sickly and blind and can see peoples thoughts. lionblaze never loses any fights, ever, and he maims ashfur a little while theyre trianing. hollyleaf doesnt have any powers, but she is absolutely obsessed with the warrior code and gets caught up with a guy named sol who says the world is gonna end. none of this is relevant except the "bootlicker hollyleaf" thing

ashfur is stewing. ashfur has been stewing for years now. long enough that they literally brought all 4 clans across the continent to a new territory kind of stewing. hes lonely. he misses the girl he was madly in love with, and shes married to the coolest guy in town. hes in agony. (over in windclan, crowfeather has a new girlfriend. manwhoring as long as he lives)

theres a big fire. thunderclans entire territory sets on fire. everyone is escaping, except for squirrelflight and her three kids. jayfeather, lionblaze, and hollyleaf, who is contemplating becoming an antivaxxer or something

imagine this: a clearing on the edge of a pit. the pit is where the cats live. everything is on fire around this clearing. there is one log running across the clearing, and squirreflight and her fake kids are going along it to escape. theyre the last out

ashfur appears he stands at the other end of the log. hes pissed. hes crying. he hates squirrelflight. he hates her so much. his rage is all consuming, like the fire that burns around them. he says he wants her in as much pain as possible, and he knows how: taking the only thing she loves in this world. her 3 kids

we all know something ashfur doesnt. the kids arent hers. squirrelflight, though non an omnipresence, is gifted with this knowledge herself.. she sees ashfurs twisted evil mind and tells him, flat out that they arent hers. she doesnt love them. he can kill them, they mean nothing to her. they are, after all, just her sister leafpool's. why would she care for them?

ashfur is stunned. he gives up. he leaves. squirrelflight and her three kids leave. its a bit awkward. imagine the thanksgiving dinner table after a particularly bad argument. thats all this is really

anyways. hollyleaf is broken from this. shes the daughter of a medicine cat and a manwhore from a clan that only eats rabbits. she cant take it. much like ashfur, she snaps

there are these big clan meetings, once every month. everyone goes, except the old people and the dying people and the kids who just want juiceboxes and lunchables. thunderclan is heading out to the Meeting Island. they find a body in the river. surprise! its ashfur

they go on to the gathering despite finding the body of one of their finest, most mentally haunted warriors polluting the stream with the blood seeping out of his slit throat. the three kids are there. squirrelflight is there. leafpool is there. bramblestar is there

this story has very weird heathers energy to me. its there, but it isnt coherant. like a bad remix of 100 gecs, sort of. this part is no exception

hollyleaf runs up to the big tree the clan leaders stand on and monologue. shes not allowed to do this. perhaps the sense that she lost her identity with her illigitimate birth turned into something real, that the warrior code didnt matter anymore. perhaps she was just tired of being kind; she wanted to go apeshit

she confesses. to two things. number one - the muderder of ashfur. how tragic. number two - leafpool. leafpools affar with crowfeather. squirrelflights lies to her for her entire life. theres chaos. thunderclan is like stan twitter after a minecraft youtuber said something racist 8 years ago. the 3 other clans are trying desperately to get in on this drama. the hot tea of the hour if you will

hollyleaf says her share. she runs away. lionblaze and jayfeather chase after her all the way back to the thunderclan territory. she yells at them. she runs into a tunnel and gets crushed by rocks. thats the end. shes dead.

jk jk that was a lie shes alive and shes living in a huge cave system with a ghost cat. remember the native american coded mountain tribe? yeah, they had ancestors. the ancestors lived at the territory the 4 clans moved to after squirelflight flirted with ashfur and before she got together with bramblestar. they used to drown little kids in the tunnels. jayfeather is the entire reason why the ancestors moved to the mountains and became the racist mountain tribe. i wont explain the timeline of this, and i dont think i could if i tried

up above hollyleafs slowburn romance with a transparent cat, theres a new girl with superpowers. prophecy fulfilled yadda yadda. her sister is annoyed that she isnt #quirky and so she joins a fighting cult run by the cats in hell. i cannot stress this enough its literally every cat from the 50 some books before this who went to hell. they have an army of children. theyre training them. the sister kills one of her classmates and becomes equals with the hell cats. my second favorite plotline in the series

the hell cats come to the land of the living. the sister betrays them. theres a big battle, and its supposed to be the end of the series but you know theyre gonna continue it for at least 20 more books. (they did). hollyleaf appears, and i dont think its ever explained how or why. but shes back, and she joins the battle. everyones too busy with the literal hell cats to care much about some kid with a body count of 1 appearing randomly

hollyleaf fights a bit. she gets mauled to death. thats the end. its just over. she dies and she doesnt come back. rip to a queen

i think my biggest question besides why would someone create this ad continue to do so for fifty plus books, is how the fuck brambleclaw stabbed his brother with a tent stake when he literally doesn’t even have hands. what.

[daryldaddydixon]

Trying to Hand Make Arrows for Daryl Would Include:

Warnings: none/fluffiness

*gif not mine*

This my first Daryl Headcannon, I’m late to the party but enjoy!

-adrilynn

* you got the idea when you saw Daryl making his own arrows at Hershel’s farm

* You and Daryl had grown closer as your group moved from Atlanta to Hershels farm

* By the time you got the farm you and Daryl were pretty close and he’d let you sit by him in silence while he fiddled with his crossbow or made his own bolts

* Little did he know you would watch his hands and tried to memorize all the steps

* When you all got to the prison you waited until what you thought was December and began collecting all the supplies you’d need to make the bolts for Daryl

* It takes you around 2 weeks and you finally have 5 decent bolts, so you think

* It took a while for you to build up the courage to go up to Daryl and give him the gift

* Eventually you see him sitting alone in one of the guard towers so you climb up to meet him

* “Hey Daryl”

* He just nods in return but you know that’s his equivalent of a happy “hi”

* Then he noticed the bundle of fabric in your hands

* “Whatcha got?”

* “Oh, well, I figure it’s gotta be around December now, which is Christmastime and since you give presents for Christmas I thought, well, just uh, here” you thrust the bundle at him

* At first he doesn’t take it so you contemplate making a run for it

* But eventually he takes the gift

* He’s shocked

* He can’t remember the last time he received a Christmas gift

* Not since his mom died

* You watch as he carefully unwraps the fabric and you couldn’t be more nervous

* What if he didn’t like? Or thought you were weird?

* “I always watched you make them yourself so I kind of picked it up and tried to make you some but i don’t know if theyre any good-“ you tried explaining, god you sounded like an idiot

* “They’re perfect” he cut off your babbling

* You were stunned. Perfect? No way...

* In his mind Daryl knew your bolts wouldn’t be able to shoot straight for shit, if they would even be able to fit in his crossbow which was unlikely

* Not that he’d tell you that

* He’d be so touched that you cared enough about him to go through the trouble of hand making him something

* “I didn’t get cha anythan’” he frowns

* “You didn’t need to, being your friend means more to me than anything” you quickly say

* “Thank you” he nods and you swear you see a flicker of a smile that sends your heart into a frenzy

* “Merry Christmas Daryl” you say before climbing down the tower

* Little do you know the next day he immediately begins carving a small rose pendant out of wood to hang on a leather string that he plans on leaving on your pillow

[literaila]

we used to

“the middle” 

spencer reid x reader 

summary: spencer cant remember the reader. she wont let him forget her. 

this is actually part two! part one here 

warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of pain, memories? angst. theres slashes though words (for example) but theyre meant to represent numbness

also! i wrote some of this while some teenage kids were watching me sit against a tree. i just thought that was important to add. enjoy! 

“Where did we meet?” 

“A little park. I was laying down enjoying the sunshine, and you came over, worried, and started checking my pulse. You said you wanted to make sure I wasn't dead.” 

She laughed. 

But she didn't tell him about the way his eyes had gotten bigger when she looked up at him. She didn't tell him how he swallowed, his face suddenly nervous. He didn't tell her how she had started laughing at him, and he blushed embarrassed. 

“After that, I asked if I could play chess with you. You let me win.”

She didn't tell him about the years she’d spent teasing him for that. She didn't tell him about the number she’d managed to slip into his bag when he’d been distracted. The number he didn't use for weeks. She didn't tell him how rejected she felt every day that went by, didn't tell him that she went to the same park almost every day just to see him. She didn't tell him about the disappointment that coursed through her veins every time she checked her phone. 

“Where was our first date?” 

“You took me to the museum. You were really nervous. I was almost worried you would run out of things to tell me.” 

She didn't tell him that it was one of the first things she’d noticed about him. That she’d loved that he had so much to say from the very beginning. 

They’d spent three days together. 

Spencer had to stay two weeks after he’d woken up. The first week was spent testing his memory, making sure everything was still in order. He spent day after day, meeting doctors, in machines. People were visiting him right and left, but he was almost always gone. 

She didn't see him much that week. 

The next week his doctors were sure that everything was fine. Besides the amnesia, there were no other effects on his brain. His broken leg was healing nicely, and he would be fine in a couple of weeks. 

But, they said, they wanted to keep him there just one more week, to make sure that they hadn't missed anything. 

So he stayed. 

And Y/N started going to see him that week. 

She’d been hesitant, worried that he wouldn't actually want to see her, that he had changed his mind, but as soon as she knocked on the door he seemed to be bright and awake. She took that as a good sign. 

Since then, three days have passed. They’d spent the majority of those days together. Spencer was full of questions, full of things that he couldn't remember he’d already told her, his brain never seemed to stop turning, to stop thinking. 

She was used to it. 

Most of the time, she was doing all of the talking. She was telling him about their relationship, about herself, she was telling him about all the things he’d learned about her in the course of five years, she was cramming it all into short sentences, giving up on giving any important details. 

It was exhausting. 

Sometimes, she started to say something, was about to mention something that they'd done together, but she always paused mid-sentence, reminded of the life Spencer had lost, of all of their days together that were lost. 

And other times, Spencer was telling her something, was talking so that she didn't have to, and he mentioned something that she already knew. He mentioned things about his childhood, about the way Derek teased him, the way Penelope was good at making him feel flustered, and she always felt herself wince. Because she already knew all of those things. She knew more things about him than he did, she knew almost everything. And he didn't. 

It was like two strangers talking. 

Except the only stranger in the room was her. 

She wasn't acting like herself. 

She was trying to avoid scaring Spencer, rushing into things, scaring him away from her forever. 

So she didn't act like herself. 

She hid the little details, the tiniest things that she didn't want him to know, she kept them locked away, didn't add them into the stories that he was always asking for. She did it constantly. And to some extent, it felt like lying, it felt like taking something important away from him. But, she also knew how easily overwhelmed her Spencer could get, she knew about all of the things that would scare him. So she didn't feel as bad hiding things from him. 

Derek and Penelope came almost every day. Some days the best they could manage was a call. Cases were taking over, the world not stopping for Spencer, and a couple of times they couldn't get to Spencer quick enough. 

So they called. And every time, Spencer seemed almost uncomfortable. He always asked if Y/N wanted to talk to them, always hesitant, because he didn't know how close all of them were, he didn't know if Y/N would feel pressured by his friends if she even liked them. 

All Spencer knew was there was a pretty girl, a girl he’d once known, sitting in his room. 

Today was like all the other days, Spencer asking questions, this time about their history together. 

Y/N had been looking out the window, daydreaming of a time where she didn't feel like a stranger to her own body. 

Spencer cleared his throat trying to get her attention. 

She looked over to him, her eyes wide and empty, she made a noise of acknowledgment, a sign that he could go on. She watched as he gathered his thoughts, already familiar with the look in his eyes.

 “What did I like about you?”

She paused. Looked away from him. What did he like about her? 

They’d talked about it many times. He’d told her thousands of times how much he loved her. She’d heard it over and over again, felt it pounding in her heart, racing around her head, every day for five years.

It didn’t seem long enough.

She thought about the things he used to compliment. 

“Your eyes. They’re so beautiful. They look like they hold all the secrets of the world.” 

She remembered him running his hands through her hair, moving it so he could see more of her face. She remembered his eyes. She remembered how comfortable they felt. 

“I hope you’ll tell me one day.” he’d said, after minutes of just looking at each other. 

“Tell you what?” she whispered, ducking her head down into his chest. 

He hadn’t answered. They both fell asleep. 

She thought of the time he told her she would look beautiful in anything. 

“It doesn’t matter to me what you wear. You’re perfect to me, always.” 

After that, he never stopped telling her that. 

“You’re perfect to me.”

“You’re perfect for me.”

“You’re perfect with me.”

“Always.”

For a moment, she wished she could hear it again. 

She removed that thought from her head almost as soon as it entered. She forced it away, locking it into her cage, somewhere deep in her body, where it wouldn’t be found again. 

She shouldn’t be thinking about things like that. 

“I think you liked that I was so open to learning new things. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t listen to you say.” 

Spencer contemplated that. He thought of all the people that asked him to stop talking, told him that it was too much, too far. 

She was probably right. 

But that seemed like a silly reason for him to love her. 

He finally nodded, accepting her answer. 

And then the nurse came in. 

And she had to leave 

 ***

Later that week, it was time for Spencer to go home.

It was time for both of them to go home since Y/N had refused to leave without him, even when he’d woken up. 

She was nervous.

She didn’t want him to know she was nervous.

They’d been living together for almost two years, together they had picked out an apartment, one that both of them had loved. They’d spent every day they had together, when they were both home, in their tiny apartment. She didn’t know what Spencer now would think about it. He’d lost all memories of it, lost all of their shared moments at home together, and when he’d asked about his apartment, the one he’d had five years ago, Y/N didn’t know what to say. 

He’d given up that apartment for her. 

He didn’t have any place to live beside their apartment. 

She smiled at him when he asked and told him about apartment searching, about how he was sure to get the safest apartment they could find. 

“We need it Y/N.” he’d whined when she refused to get the one apartment he deemed safest- because it came with a double lock and no balcony -she’d only smiled at him, kissing his nose and walking away. 

Eventually, she’d caved in. Spencer didn’t seem to like any other apartments after that one. 

After she was done sharing the story, done trying to remind him who he was supposed to be, he smiled nervously at her. 

She knew he was uncomfortable. She knew that he didn’t want to live in a brand new place, with a strange girl who he was supposed to be in love with. 

In his mind, they’d only known each other for two days, in his mind, she wasn’t anything special. In his mind, it was weird to live with someone you’d only just met.

Y/N didn’t know how to make him feel more comfortable. 

She tried to remind herself that it would take time, that it had taken time when they’d first moved in, that it would take time again. 

She didn’t want time. 

She wanted Spencer. 

She ignored that. Instead, she spent her time making sure she had all the proper medical equipment at their apartment. She spent the moments she wasn’t with Spencer online, looking for different things that could make a broken leg, a forgotten five years, easier. 

She also looked for things to prevent the pain she felt every time she moved. She didn’t want to breathe out smoke every time she tried to speak, tried to breathe. 

So far she hadn’t found anything. Her doctor recommended pain medication, told her about all the drugs that could help her. 

She refused to listen. 

She didn’t even know why. 

And now it had been more than a month since the accident, and they were finally going home. 

Together. 

She helped Spencer sign all his release papers, reminding him where he lived, what his phone number was, who they could call in case of emergency. 

She helped him and then it was time to go. It was time to go. 

They walked side by side out of the hospital, Spencer enjoyed the air outside, enjoyed something that didn’t feel like the stale walls of the hospital he’d been locked up in. Y/N looked back at the hospital. Almost longingly. Almost as if she wanted to go back. She wouldn’t feel as nervous as she did if they were still in the hospital. 

She brought him to her car. Helped him get in. They both smiled at each other awkwardly. 

The ride home was silent. Neither of them spoke a word. Spencer spent the time looking out the window, observing the drive he couldn’t remember, watching the world pass him by. Y/N avoided looking at him. She avoided looking at anything. She drove and she tried to remind herself that everything was fine. They were both going to be fine. 

By the time they got there, to the tiny apartment, both of them had only managed to rack up more nerves. 

“This is it.” Y/N said, getting out of the car, trying to keep her face calm, her body comfortable, to go help Spencer get out of the car. 

She showed him the way to the elevator. Listed out all of their neighbors that lived on the first floor. 

“This is Mrs. Hankel’s apartment. She loves you. She hates me.” she said as she passed by a door. 

It was the first laugh they shared all day. 

As they walked Spencer looked back at the door longingly. 

When they finally arrived at the door Spencer looked down at the welcome mat, laughing a little.

The mat, brown and boring, with a barely notice scrip at the bottom reading 

“shoes off, fuckers” 

Spencer looked back up at Y/N to see her laughing with him. They were getting closer, the invisible wall keeping them apart seemed to disappear for a moment. 

“Why do we-?” he asked, chuckling as he watched her smile. 

He could see the way she lit up, the life that had joined her eyes, he could see the immediate difference in her body just by looking at the mat. 

“You kept pestering me about a welcome mat,” she laughed, shaking her head and looking up at Spencer. “But Y/N '' she imitated him, “Studies have shown that most toxic chemicals that end up inside a person's home are tracked in by their shoes. A doormat would stop that-'' she giggled, her words fading. “You just wouldn’t give it up. Eventually, we had to compromise.” she ended, pointing her hand at the mat and smiling at him. 

It was her first real smile. 

Spencer felt dazed. 

But, almost as quick as it was there, it disappeared, fading off her face, her eyes becoming stone again. 

The wall was back up. 

She reminded herself not to overwhelm him, not to do anything that would be too much. She never wanted to be too much for him. He needed help, not her emotions. 

She was still reminding herself of that as they walked in the doors. 

Spencer looked around and he saw some things that he didn't really understand, like the art hanging up on the wall, the candles that seemed to rest on every empty space, the delicate paintings on the walls. But as he looked around he saw things that he did understand. He saw the textbooks, the bookshelves that occupied all the walls, and when Y/N told him that he was free to walk around, to look around, he saw all of his books placed on the bookshelves littering the apartment. He walked around and noticed all the tattered old copies that he had bought at second-hand bookstores, he saw the first edition books everyone always seemed to give, he looked around and he remembered all the books. He also saw new books, ones that he couldn't imagine reading without some persuasion. He saw old romance, new romance, he saw young adults and dystopian, he saw cookbooks, self-help books, and he laughed a little at the thought of reading any of them. 

Those were so obviously Y/N’s. 

“We have a lot of books.” he heard her say behind him, and he turned to see her standing watching him, observing him looking around. He wondered why he hadn't noticed her before. 

He smiled at her, hoping that she wasn't bothered by him snooping around. 

“Did I bring some of my books here?” he asked, turning back to look at all the books he remembered. 

“Yes. Not all of them, I needed a little bit of room. But most of them are yours.” she smiled, her face still tense, still frozen solid. 

She turned to go, wanting Spencer to look around without her hovering over him. 

She walked into the kitchen to make them something for lunch, feeling the pain circle her lungs. She thought of the medication she could be taking right now, thought of the relief her body would feel, she thought about the pain, the writhing pain that lived inside her. 

The pain on her lungs was nothing. 

The pain on her lungs, on her ribs, in her chest, felt like pain medication. 

It felt like nothing compared to- 

She paused. She let her thoughts drift off, let her body become aware again, let herself turn to stone, let everything drain out of her. 

This pain was nothing. 

She was strong enough to deal with a little pain. 

She continued to make lunch, continued to not think of anything, to only think of essential things, such as where she would sleep. How she would show Spencer their bedroom, show him where he kept all stuff. 

She thought about showing him which shampoos were his, why he enjoyed them so much. He thought about showing him the clothes she’d been buying him for years, the clothes he used to tell her he felt at home in. She thought about showing him the photo album they had made together, Spencer mostly watching, as a present for their third anniversary. She thought about showing him how to lock the door, how to make sure their security system wouldn't start blaring when they left the house. 

She had so much to teach him. 

There were so many lost memories. 

And finally, when she was about to let it go, about to forget about all the things she needed to do, Spencer walked in. 

The pain she felt just looking at him- 

Breathe in. 

“Hey. See everything?” she asked, a perfect, practiced smile on her face. 

Spencer smiled back, politely. “Yeah. Did you decorate?” 

She laughed, the feeling burning her lungs. “You helped me choose the colors,” she said reassuringly as if she was worried he was going to be upset as if she knew how this stranger would react as if she knew him-

Spencer nodded, looking solemnly at the floor. 

“So I was thinking-” Y/N started, only to be interrupted by Spencer. 

‘When can I-” he started, looking up at her sheepishly. “Sorry,” he muttered smiling at her. She nodded, her face cold as ice, nodding for him to continue. “I was wondering when I could get my stuff?” he continued, softer this time. 

She paused, her hands frozen, her face still poised, but her heart racing at his words. 

“Get your stuff?” she asked softly, trying not to let her voice shake. 

“Yeah,” he responded easily. “I asked JJ and she said I could stay at her house. At least until I can get a new apartment-” 

Y/N had stopped listening. 

She wasn't listening. 

Spencer wasn't staying. 

He wasn't.

He was. 

He was leaving. 

She felt her insides freeze, ice hitting every inch of her body, keeping her stuck, stuck in her head, stuck to the floor, stuck with the pain building, building up inside her. 

She nodded, robotically. 

Spencer said something else, something about her showing him where his clothes were. 

She wasn't listening, she refused to listen, she wasn't listening. 

Her body responded though. 

She led Spencer through their living room, showed him where the bathroom was just in case, she led them into their bedroom, her eyes avoiding his, her heart avoiding beating. 

She watched as he looked around their room, examined the bed, the small desk hiding in the corner, the dresser on the opposite side of the room. She pointed to the closet. Pointed and left the room.

She wasn't listening. 

She sat down on the couch, staring ahead of her, not listening, not feeling, nothing. She sat there, sat there, and listened. She wasn't listening. She felt close to falling asleep. 

She waited for him to come back. 

Leaving. 

Come back. 

Always. 

He walked back into the room, holding a bag, holding one of their bags. He smiled at her as he zipped it up, as he locked all his clothes up, as he got ready to leave. 

“Thank you,” he said, clueless to the feeling burying itself into her chest. “Thank you for driving me here. JJ’s coming to pick me up soon.” 

Her ears perked up at that. Confused when JJ had known to come over when Spencer had gotten a hold of her. 

He must’ve seen the question in her eyes because he answered “Garcia showed me how to use my phone.” 

She nodded. Her lips pursed, her eyes cloudy, her face void of anything, void of emotion, void of color. 

Spencer looked at her and tilted his head, he thought he noticed something different, thought that if he was trying to be a good boyfriend, the boyfriend she’d had a month ago, he would’ve asked, he would’ve done something. 

Spencer didn't know her. 

He stood there, staring at her, her eyes void, not acknowledging his staring, and they both waited, just waited until there was a knock on the door. 

They both looked over. 

Spencer looked back at Y/N. He smiled, his hands awkwardly placed in front of himself. He smiled at her, and she smiled back. 

He started walking to the door, looked back to her, said 

“Thank you. I see you soon.” 

And then he was gone. 

He was gone. 

He was gone. 

Come back. Come back come back come back come back come back. 

Her head was chanting at her, telling her what to do, telling her what she shouldn't do, telling her too many things at once. Her head was chanting at her. Over and over, chanting chanting. 

She looked up at the ceiling. 

Always. 

Always. 

Always wasn't real. 

Always was a lie. 

Always. 

She looked back down, felt the pain fill her fingertips, felt the pain cloud her head, a storm forming above her. She felt it invade her heart, invade her bones, her muscles, felt the pain swimming in her veins, swimming everywhere in her body, she felt the pain the pain the pain. 

Her face was nothing, her face was empty, it was empty 

Her body wasn't. 

She sobbed. 

She sobbed for the pain, for the pain that was everywhere, for the medication she wished she’d taken, for the life that she didn't have, for the life, for her life, for her memory, for everything. She sobbed, and she sobbed. 

She fell to the floor. 

She let herself fall apart. 

She sobbed. 

Always. 

It was just a little pain.

***

They saw each other twice a week after that. 

Spencer went back to work. 

Y/N stayed home. She worked from there.

She let the loneliness cloud her brain. 

She let herself dream of the words that weren't there. 

She never told Spencer. 

***

“Where do you work?” 

“I teach second grade. Earlier this year I decided to take a year off. We were going to do some traveling and I didn't want to be gone for too long. I’m an artist at heart though.” She teased. 

Her face was stone. Her voice was warm. 

Spencer smiled. 

***

“Did you ask me to be your boyfriend?”

“It was more of a mutual thing. I was spending the night at your apartment, right after we had gotten back from one of those old movies you like, and you asked if I was your girlfriend, if I wanted to meet your family. I just agreed, told you I’d already told my Mom you were my boyfriend. You laughed.”

She smiled at him. Sipped her coffee. 

Spencer nodded along. 

***

“What's your family like?” 

“Well, my parents love you. So does my sister. My brother likes to pretend you don't exist. You used to be okay with that. I’m in the middle. But I’m the favorite.” 

She bragged. 

She sat there. She watched him. 

He looked off behind her. 

***

“Did we have a favorite place?” 

“We used to spend a lot of time at the park. We loved the park. You always beat me at chess, cause I told you to stop letting me win. You didn't like that very much. But mostly we just sat and talked at the park. You always liked going there after a hard case.” 

Spencer didn't say a word. 

The park. 

***

“When did you meet the team?” 

“A year after. You didn't want to rush anything. You wanted your secrets. But I loved them before I knew them. You’d praised them so much I don't know how I couldn't have liked them. Penelope and I clicked. She became my best friend. We bonded over always staying home. You loved that we were so close. Sometimes you forced me out of the house to spend time with her.” 

Nothing. 

***

“When did I first tell you I loved you?” 

She paused. 

She didn't want to answer that question. 

She didn't want the reminder, the constant, consistent reminder of how much Spencer used to love her. He used to love her. 

He used to. 

“It was four months into our relationship. You blurted it out while I was sitting on your lap, watching you read. We were close then. You apologized after. I never had a doubt, I said it right back. ‘I love you.’” 

And she said it so he knew. She said it so she could rebuild the memory. 

She said it to help him remember. 

She said it because it was easy. 

She loved him. 

He used to. 

***

It was Wednesday. 

It was a Wednesday, almost a month since they’d gotten home. 

Since she’d been home. 

Since Spencer had moved out. 

It had been almost a month. 

They’d been getting to know each other for almost a month now. 

Spencer was coming over. 

It was the first time Spencer had asked to come over. Since he’d first gotten his stuff, the first day he left the hospital, since then he had moved out completely, had taken most of his stuff, the things he wanted. He’d been inviting Y/N to coffee, they spent at least one day a week together if he was home. 

She was talking to Penelope more. Checking up on him through her instead of directly asking him. She didn't want to be too overwhelming. 

It had been a month of being with him from afar. 

She was doing fine. 

Her wounds had completely healed. She’d gotten a good report from her doctor, and she was doing fine. 

She was doing fine. 

Spencer was coming over. 

He was coming over for the first real-time. And this time he had asked if he could come over, said he wanted to talk to her. 

She let her heart bubble for a moment. Let herself imagine Spencer living in her house again. 

She stopped herself before it got too far. 

She would do nothing to ruin the progress they had made. 

She waited at home, she waited and got herself ready. She prepared herself for talking to him, for not saying too much, for saying just the right amount. She prepared herself to see him again. To be in love with him while he watched. 

She waited for him. 

She turned herself to stone when he knocked on the door. 

She opened it, smiling at him and letting him in. 

He walked in, his body was tense, his eyebrows were furrowed, and his eyes were scrunched in concentration. Y/N tried not to stare at him, to stare at the familiarity in the face. He looked like her Spencer for a moment. 

She kept the smile on her face. 

“Did you need to talk about something?” she asked, she asked and she got him a bottle of water, needing to preoccupy her hands with something, with anything, just to keep the smile on her face. 

She didn't want him to see through the cracks in her foundation. 

She needed to be perfect for him. 

For him. 

You’re perfect to me. 

Always. 

She waited for him to speak. 

“I think… I think I’ve been doing something wrong,” he said after a moment, looking down at the floor, guilty like he had just made a huge confession. 

“Something wrong?” she asked, her face almost moving, almost breaking. 

Not quite. 

Spencer looked up at her. Looked into her eyes. Really looked. He looked for a girl, a girl he might’ve known, a girl that he would remember. He looked, he looked, and he couldn't see anything. She was still just the girl he had first seen, still just a person, someone he didn't know. He looked once more. 

Nothing. 

“I think I was wrong.” 

She looked back at him, looked into her eyes, the eyes that she actually knew. 

They looked so sad. 

“W-wrong?” She stuttered out, her eyes moving in concern, breaking. Spencer was never wrong. 

“Do you know who I am?” Spencer asked. His face was unmoving like he already knew the answer. 

“You’re Spencer. You're my-” she swallowed, climbing over the words. “You’re my friend.” 

Spencer looked at her. He shook his head, ignoring the panic in her eyes. “No. Do you know who I am?” 

“I-”

“Because I don't know who you are.” 

Y/N closed her mouth. She looked in his eyes, scared by the harsh tone, scared by the words. She looked at him and she didn't see her look. He wasn't looking at her like he loved her. He hadn't looked at her like that in mon- 

“I don't know who you are Y/N. I thought I might-” he paused, baffled at his past self. “I thought I might remember you. But I don't. To me, you are just a girl I met three months ago.” 

She stared at him. 

Just a girl just a girl just a girl- 

This pain was a memory that would never go away- 

“I don't think I’ll remember you. I think this was a mistake.” He said. Final. Unmoving. 

She felt stuck to the ground. 

Stuck in place, stuck to the pain clinging to her. 

“M-mistake?” she said, the words forced out of her mouth. Her body was shaking like she was freezing, she couldn't imagine not feeling pain, she couldn't imagine not knowing Spencer, she knew Spencer she knew him she knew him. 

“I think we were only fooling each other by hoping.”  

Hope. 

Hope wasn't a word in her vocabulary. Hope didn't exist in a world where Spencer didn't love her. Hope wasn't a thing, hope wasn't available. Hope. Didn't. Exist. 

Hope. 

What was hope? 

“I think we need to stop. I don't want to hurt you.” Spencer said. His voice wasn't familiar. His face wasn't familiar. 

Did she know him? 

“I don't think we should do this anymore.” 

Anymore. 

Not anymore. 

Always. 

Not always. 

Pain glued her eyes glued her mouth shut. 

“I’m sorry Y/N.” 

She watched him, frozen in place as he walked out the door. 

She didn't know what he was thinking. She didn't know that Spencer did care, that Spencer had seen her once, that she came in glimpses. She didn't know that Spencer could see how much he was hurting her, how much spending time with him was destroying him. 

She didn't see that he was trying to give her a clean break. 

One that would hurt less. 

She didn't know any of that. She only watched him pull her heart out of her chest, grab it, take it away from her, she watched as he threw it around. 

She watched as he crumbled it. 

He had said always. 

***

There was a cloud in his head. 

A cloud hanging over him, a cloud proving his world to be dark, to be covered in nothing but the dark clouds that surrounded him. 

There was a cloud hung over his head. 

The sun had disappeared. 

Oh. 

The clouds swirled around him. 

He got dizzy with realization. 

The sun. 

His world titled.

Oh 

***

my masterlist here

yes yes! its not over yet. but i hope you enjoyed. and understood. and i hope i didnt ruin your day with my writing.

final part here

[paulmccartneyofficial]

For this - was there ever a point you believed that there could have been a reciprocated sexual/romantic component to John and Pauls relationship? From my personal experience, I actually started off in the tumblr fandom being a believer, but its like, the more I read and learned about the relationship, the more apparent it became for me that it was only John who was bisexual. I still think its plausible that something could have happened between them (whereas there are fans *ahem r/beatles* who are like “no. theyre both 1000% straight. ur just stupid for even contemplating it.”) but overall I feel like the furthest I can go with that theory is just speculation (and speculation can be fun and I don’t personally take an issue with people who are more speculative by nature then me - but I prefer to try and keep as grounded and objective in my analysis’ as possible, though I fully admit too that im prone to projection and idealism, just like anybody else).

Oh and another thing - I feel like I agree with you on a lot of things concerning “mclennon”, but one thing I vaguely recall you saying was something to the effect of ‘there wasn’t any romance involved in their relationship’* - and to that I would counter with, though I believe Paul probably is heterosexual (since I don’t see any strong/unequivocal evidence to the contrary) I think that its still very possible for some kind of romance to have occurred between him and John. When I was initially asked (some months ago) if I believe there was romance between John and Paul, my immediate reaction was to equate the question with “do I think they had a romantic relationship (in the most literal, physical and apparent sense)?” - and like ive said above, my answer to that would be: probably not (at least, I dont see enough evidence to justify that belief). But after having heard someone (can’t remember who unfortunately) say something like ‘romance is too abstract a term to really prescribe a yes or no response to’ I changed my mind on it. I think that there was something of a romantic nature between John and Paul, I just dont see the evidence to support them having had an actual, acknowledged romantic relationship.

(*If ive misunderstood you there, feel free to correct me! Im pulling this from memory so I could by all means be wrong)

Anyway, gonna end this ask cause its wayyyy too long ((and wayyy too much about me me ME lol (sorry im chatty! But I am genuinely interested in hearing your response here, so this isn’t entirely self indulgent lmao))

It’s okay!!! No problem.

I actually agree with your perspective but I wouldn’t call it romance—Paul is a very romantic guy, as we can all see, but I don’t think John falls into his category of romance. Romantically, Linda is the love of his life and his soul mate. I do believe, however, John is his soulmate by other means, and that they perhaps had a very different kind of “romance”, one that Paul will never find with anyone else. It’s fun to look at their relationship as a sort of musical “romance”, but it is not romantic by the standards of actual lovers.

I think, and especially after watching Get Back, it’s fair to compare their musical partnership to a romance. Even down to how they watch each other in the studio, how they lose themselves in each other when they’re playing together, how everyone in the room feels like they’re intruding when Paul and John are writing with each other like this:

I mean hell, I’ll be honest, after watching these two in Get Back I was like… songwriting between them feels like their souls are making love. No joke.

It is something that, for Paul, he places above quite literally anything else. It’s something that’s dear to him, something he loves and needs with his whole heart. It is something the two would never find anywhere else, and never be better than without. It’s genuinely the most unique, sincere, impactful, and deep relationship in musical history—and it literally changed the world.

I love John and Paul.

But I don’t think this means they had an actual romance with each other at all. And I don’t think it means they were supposed to, either. Regardless of John’s feelings, his connection with Paul was still unrivaled, it was still so powerful and unique and as endearing as ever. It’s okay that they were like this and were never actually romantic. In my opinion, it’s even better that way. It just makes their relationship all the more better.

[axemetaphor]

augh i kept forgetting to post this because i kept wantgin to draw mroe for it but i really suck at emulating Animal Crossing Art Style so im just going to go on a rambling explanation about this under the cut but the basic concept is. they deserve a vacation. and whats more relaxing than animal crossing? probably several things but let me have this ok

id had a bunch of ideas for mroe drawings in this style but Clearly, i am not very good at it, and every time i sat down to Try Again it ended up shitty. this is from literally months ago by now lmao

my Basic Concept was just. take the 3 of them and dump them on an animal crossing island, cause while ive been sick ive been playing a lot of new horizons to try and stay stable, and my brain likes to mush together whatever 2-or-more things im invested in together all the time. here’s some bullet points!

-john really loves diving for sea critters and frequently pulls up those bigass lobsters and eels and shit, he’s got an unnatural knack for it. loves to startle the shit out of dave by just whipping an eel out of his pocket. no thats not an innuendo stop that-- -amy loves planting/watering the flowers but shes not like invested in getting All The Different Types (although that Would be neat) she’s just having fun building a large flower patch. it’s slowly overtaking the island. also dave likes to just kinda sit in the flower patch -speaking of dave he kind of doesnt do much, i think he’d like fishing with john and/or amy and maybe hed like digging up fossils but for the most part hes just chillin, as he deserves to be, -amy likes the DIY recipe stuff though and will frequently politely ask dave to go fetch stuff for her. this has led to most of the villagers/islanders/whateverthetermis, the animal citizens, to have their Main exposure to dave be him wandering around with an axe at 3am because amy’s out of hardwood -speaking of the animal citizens, because i just really like them as a concept, i have no solid concept of who-all would be on their island but whoever they are, john is “friends” with All of them (and by that i mean he says theyre all his friends; whether or not they find him obnoxious Varies,) and amy is genuine friends with most of them/has spoken to all of them at least, and dave rarely if ever speaks to them. hes not very social. most of the animals are a little scared of him until they Actually get to talk to him and then they realize hes just an awkward misanthropic bastard -also in case it wasnt clear id think the 3 of them would all be in one little cabin i mean you can upgrade the shit out of those so they could all feasibly have their own spaces. but also i like polyamory and id say they all 3 share a room because fight me they do itd be cute. also of course the decor of their cabin is absolutely bonkers like listen not only does animal crossing have some weird items but nearly any living space john inhabits most likely has some very strange decor in it !  -tbh actually i think john would do Most of the decor stuff cause like based on the way his house is described i think he’d go NUTS for animal crossing’s Theme Decor Shit i dont know i dont actually do a bunch of that but i sure do think he would! amy would help out esp since she likes the DIY stuff, and i think dave is just kind of ..... allowing this nonsense to happen. letting john be free. probably convincing him to not change the theme every day, maybe every week, if only because it’s a bit of a hassle to have everything Constantly Rearranged.  -hang on wait i just thought of the 3 of them wandering along the beach and picking up seashells and now im like emotional over it bro pls. lovely. -also i jsut realized if daves the guy who digs up fossils he definitely talks to blathers a lot and thats an extremely funny thing to contemplate. the dude who seems to not really liek talking to people and the chatterbox owl. fantastic. you know dave is probably too awkward to tell blathers he doesnt want to hear all thsoe archaeopteryx facts! (also tbh maybe dave would actually like learning stuff) -also. john catches bugs just to give them to blathers and watch him freak out just a little about it.  -john always ends up buying fake art from redd but it’s fine because he just puts it somewhere in or near their cabin. amy however has the uncanny good luck to somehow always find the real artworks! dave doesnt talk to redd, he doesnt really care. -this ones definitely projection because my animal crossing island is a mess (And I Like It That Way Thank U Very Much) but john definitely is the guy who will dump extra furniture at random spots on the island. too much shit in storage? don’t need that Harmonious Chair right now? holding it in ur pockets just because u dont know where else to put it? just dump it on the ground! uncannily, john fuckin Always remembers where he’s put that shit when he happens to need it again. however this does mean sometimes the animal citizens will just ... find a mysterious new chair in their front yard.  -i know that terraforming is a new thing in acnh but i havent done it yet because i dont care about the whole 3 stars rating thing like listen im jsut here to run around and fill the museum if i feel like it but mostly pick up pumpkins and hoard bells for no reason and let my island be taken over by wildflowers. if any of the 3 are into that tho its john or amy--john just for the hell of it, amy would actually like try to Make Stuff of it -their front yard (and back yard if their cabin is put somewhere to allow that) is full of unused furniture as well. and also sometimes random dropped fruits or something, if dave is already carrying a ton when he sees something to dig up. -i think im out of shit to say right now but i might reblog to add mroe so. yes. if youve read this far then holy shit youre dedicated or really bored or something but whatever your reason is i hope this was A Fun Read and if it gave you any ideas Please Tell Me my inbox is open im sick and still in quarantine and i crave human interaction from literally anyone who isnt my parents. thank u 

[veeranger]

okay here’s my thoughts on Godzilla (1954). i took very light notes and this is gunna be disjoined cuz its me

hard to write this right now cuz im sitting here just like. man. that ending really got me. first thing i wrote was “good suspense” and thats true. i really liked how long it took them to build up to godzilla’s debut and even that was just his damn head. speaking of that scene it fucking blew me away. i got chills seriously. ive heard godzilla’s cry before of course but hearing it that time felt like the first time ever. it was incredible. 

next thing i wrote was “funny they dont know dinos r birds” which is what i thought when they were saying godzilla was the inbetween of dinosaurs and lizards or whatever the fuck. 

in that same scene i really liked how those guys were going to try to keep the truth hidden but they weren’t allowed to do so. this is important foreshadowing for the oxygen destroyer later im realizing this now. good good stuff. 

it was at this point that i ate my dinner while watching the movie which was a very delicious steak and carrots. i wrote this down bc it was just a really good meal. dont remember much from this part of the movie but man i was enjoying it because of the steak. 

godzilla’s proper debut was awesome. it was just like. looking back as i obviously am i can see this scene and be like “this was it...the big one”. i liked it a lot, not the best kaiju scene ever obviously but respect to godzilla ‘54 yknow. my guy really hates bridges he killed like two or three of them. 

OMG THE FUCKING REPORTERS ON THAT TOWER? those crazy ass motherfuckers up there taking pictures and shit as godzilla was about to eat them. that absolute legend who was narrating his own death. fucking nuts i was losing my mindddddd

about the father character who was against killing godzilla i wrote “I get you dude but godzilla is destroying shit and hes a 50 meter tall dinosaur” because he wanted to study instead of kill. how would you even study something like that cuz he sure as fuck didnt actually have an answer. 

at first i thought the oxygen destroyer shit was kinda dumb and i was like “oh this guy is the model for the decades of showa scientists inventing insane death potions and shit and then being upset when theyre used for evil” but i dont actually care about that anymore because of this next part

sorry actually before i get to that part i had one more thing i wrote down and its that i think the movie gives you a lot of time to think. a lot of scenes go on for a lot longer than i think was strictly necessary and at first i was like i guess this is what the 50s was like? and that may be true idk but i found myself with a lot of time to contemplate the story and godzilla and the current situation and i think that was good actually. time to really soak it all in. 

ok here’s the part, the ending. like everything from when they go underwater to when the endcard rolls...i felt like i was holding my breath the entire time. there was almost no dialogue but i felt like so much was being said. that one scene really made me feel like “godzilla isnt something we should be killing, this feels really bad and i feel so sorry for it, but we dont really have a choice.” i dont think i need to explain the whole thing about godzilla i feel like eeeeeveryone knows about godzilla and of course they literally look at the camera and say atomic bombs are bad, which they are obviously. but ive never seen this movie before and that whole scene of just watching godzilla essentially choke to death was really. something. i was like transfixed. that one last bit where he surfaces to roar one last time. haunting. 

so my thoughts are basically that i understand why this movie was received so well and why it created a legacy that lasts to this very day. fucking...good film. i have to recommend it.