#which to me seems like a grief process in and of itself

[truecorvid]

the problem with having been active on the internet for over a decade and active on social media for just about as long is that sometimes i really realllly want to like. engage in healthy/casual debate about topics that i see being talked about but. i know it won't go that way. i know that if i engage in the way that i would like to (not just directly agreeing with what's being said) i'm going to immediately telegraph myself as some sort of chud trying to pick fights online over pedantic shit which in turn will immediately put people on the defensive. i've seen this play out. i know how this will end.

[kinardsevan]

HOLY FUCK, this episode. amirite? 

truth be told, going into it, my anxiety was already high because of personal stuff, and I literally said out loud when we saw Buck in the confessional “this episode is going to make me cry” (hint, it did). but since there seems to be a little (strike that, lot) of discourse over a specific set of scenes in this episode, let me climb up top my soapbox behind my podium talk, eh? —also, forgive me if you’re a Buck Truther, because I use Buck and Evan interchangeably.

Eddie’s attitude in this episode was ten thousand percent problematic. The attitude toward Buck about not letting anyone in was absolutely not the way to go about it. if you want to give Eddie the leg up and say that he was pointing out that Buck was/is spiraling and needs to let people in? fine. but then that should’ve been the end of the sentence. “making everything about you” never needed to be added to the end of that sentence. not to meniton, I feel like EVERY time I’ve seen people grieve in the face of loss, grief itself is selfish. and to that end, it’s not selfish because a grieving person doesn’t care about the other people around them. grief, as we know, is a very natural thing and to be expected after a loss. however, the way everyone handles a loss is different because everyone has a different relationship to everyone else in this world, regardless. the thing that really baffles me in regard to how people are justifying Eddie’s blatant abuse to Buck in that particular scene is quite simple.

let’s go back to the pilot, shall we? the first three people we meet in our cast are Bobby, Buck, and Athena. further, we have it established from episode TWO that there is a father/son relationship building between Buck and Bobby. by season eight, that relationship is well established. some of the posts we’ve reshared in the past few weeks include the “pops” scene from episode two, the “youre one of the most important poeple in my life” scene from season 3, and “mom brought two kids into this marriage, you brought one” from season six. to that end, by season six then, it is WELL established that Bobby views Buck as his son, and in 710 we get Evan telling Tommy that Bobby is “the father I never had”. 

now, am I disregarding how Eddie feels in the face of losing Bobby? absolutely not. as I stated, grief is selfish, and everyone feels it in their own way. however, his absolute railroading of Buck and the “you’re making it all about yourself” when in fact Buck hasn’t said anything about how he’s handling the loss is absolute and utter bullshit. some people grieve privately. some people get told things in final conversations with a loved one that they keep to themselves (“I love you, kid. You’re gonna be okay. They’re going to need you.”). some people process by shutting down their own emotions and taking care of those around them while trying to keep their own wound closed. Buck seems to have hit all of these options on the head. 

so imagine how baffled I am, to be watching Eddie snapping at Buck for pointing out that he didn’t bother to say anything about taking the position in El Paso, and Eddie making that Buck’s fault for being shut down in his grief and not asking Eddie what it was like for him to get the phone call that Bobby was dead. I think we’re all assuming at this point that it was Tommy, given that everyone else was otherwise busy, and based on the conversation, it obviously wasn’t Buck calling him… but how is it Buck’s fault that Eddie had to take the call in the middle of the night? how is it Buck’s fault that Eddie didn’t have anyone else to turn to? and further, in what ways did Evan retaliate and say “well I had to walk away and know he was dying feet away and couldn’t do a god damn thing about it?” 

…oh. wait. 

which just further goes to my point of what. the actual. FUCK. 

the whole “you don’t think I didn’t do everything I could to save him”/“I don’t know because I wasn’t there” just fucking SENDS me. we already know Buck is struggling. he’s trying to be there for everyone, trying to check in on all of them, trying to make sure they’re okay. he’s being calm in a storm (thank you, Meredith Grey for that one). children of trauma do that well because they have an easier time figuring things out in chaos than they do in the calm of things. 

I won’t comment much on the finger in the face because regardless, it was completely unwarranted. there was no need for him to get in Buck’s face the way he did. further, the fact that this friendship continues to frame around how Eddie is facing a situation regardless of how Buck feel’s about it, is truly disheartening. it’s a masterclass on a toxic friendship, and as someone who had a very similar relationship, i’m higly bothered by the fact that Evan never gets to have his side of things justified. he never gets an apology, or an acknowledgement that his feelings are real and justified. Eddie constantly tells him that he’s selfish and makes things about himself, when in fact we got acknowledgement in the episode that Evan is acutely aware of how those around him are feeling and if they’re in need of support. he’s the empathetic one of the group, and always has been. he’s the one who shows up when people need him. we’ve seen him do this for literally everyone this season…and yet he’s the one left by the side and blamed for daring to have a feeling for himself. 

I can acknowledge the fact that the reason I feel this way so deeply about Evan’s treatment is because I see a lot of his mannerisms in myself. we share a lot of things in common in terms of trauma, abandonment, the way our relationships are…. but something I’ve learned in the past two years is that people will take advantage of your unending loyalty. they will abuse your unconditional love. they will treat you like trash and then deign to get upset for having a feeling about it. in the words of a poem i wrote about two years ago, Eddie is quite literally doing this: 

“you set me on fire and then dared to judge me for noticing”. 

I hope to GOD that at some point we get an acknowledgement of Eddie’s toxic behavior (the sooner the better). I can imagine that there are some points this season where TM & Co have written things a certain way between the two with the intent of (on top of the “I’m not in love with him” statement) to further drive home the fact that Buck does not have feelings for Eddie, and vice-versa. Still, there are ways to achieve that without verbal and emotional abuse. and given that I fit their target demo (middle America, 18-49), I feel it very pertinent that this attitude be acknowledged. it’s honestly fucked to me that an issue we had in season three (the way Eddie treats his friends) continues to play out in season 8, and likely season 9. 

I could say more, but I don’t want to make this about ship wars, so I’ll leave it at that. as it is, I’m sure we’re going to see Evan putting Eddie above him again next week when they inevitably have Eddie move back to LA with Chris at the teen’s acknowledgement of “we should be here with our family”, and use that as a way to move Evan and Tommy in together. then again, I guess we’ll see, and only time can tell. 

[batnoveau]

i’m going to word vomit all my thoughts about the wild life finale here and it’s going to be incoherent until it stops consuming every corner of my mind and i sit down and organize my thought 🤞🏼 until then enjoy my raw unfiltered thought processes

he won by going against the mechanic !! he remained calm and rational and never died to a single wildcard !!! all of his deaths were by people not the mechanic !! the game did not win joel did !he did not go absolutely insane and give in the red haze and he won !!! by not doing what the game wanted !! which means the only curse not broken this season was the winners curse !!!

at every single point in the series everyone is collectively trying to kill joel because he just won’t seem to die but joel is absolutely convinced he’s made friends and is just happy to have friends this season and keeps giving people stuff and then they TRY TO KILL HIM and fail and he DOESBT EVEN NOTICE

and then they die trying to kill joel and he gives them diamonds !!!

joel’s pov by itself is so funny because he’s just a guy in his car with his family having a great time !! and then you watch everyone and it’s like oh. joel is the common enemy here- everyone used gem keeping him cool to their advantage. they used his trust and took whatever joel would give them and blew up his car and stole from him and every time he forgave them everyone turned around and just began plotting against him again. the only person he had was gem who gave her life so many times to the people who betrayed joel anyways. because gem never died to a wildcard and no one every actually got a kill on her, all her lives were lost either by a mob or she let someone take her life so they could gain one (like jimmy, skizz, mumbo) and then at the end joel has survived and he believes he still had friends (jimmy scar & lizzie , etho , grian ) so he goes to them one last time to try and gear up and protect everyone from the G’s who were the longest standing alliance and had the most people, and all the people who he thought were his friends only tried to kill him when he turned his back

and he still won !!!!! it was him and grian against the whole rest of the server and grian was just using him !’ gem was gone and joel couldn’t stay calm anymore because he couldn’t go back to gem when something happened!! so grian stroked joel’s ego and told him he could win and let joel fight everyone and take the rest of the server out and when he did joel went looking for grian and said something along the lines of ‘grian we did it!’ only to turn around to grain shooting at him which makes sense of course but then when you go watch grian’s episode you see then grian has been trying to snipe joel the second every one else was dead but just kept missing and he started panicking g because he couldn’t make the shot and then tried being friendly with joel again

he’s literally THE wild card ! through every series he is aggressive and unpredictable and dangerous and of COURSE the game he wins is when the game starts being aggressive and unpredictable and dangerous but who knows that game better than joel? he beat the game and its own mechanic!!

he is also the only happy winners pov we’ve had!!! every other winner won in a moment of grief and betrayal and anger and in joel’s eyes he won through persistence and staying with his family (which is both dramatic and situational irony because he didn’t actually. he won by clawing his way through what everyone expected of him and everyone else being so blinded by their rage instead of him. he saw all his flaws in past winners and all his past lives and everyone in this season and said no that will not be me this time) joel was also the only winner fighting without a cause. he was just there for the fun of it. for the mindless violence. he never lost anything because he played the game well. his car got blown up but it was always an easy fix. he didn’t pay any mind to his broken alliances so he had no time or knowledge to feel grief or betrayal for them. he and gem were together until the end and never betrayed each other every other winner fought for a person (grian fought against and for scar, scott won by seeking revenge against ren for killing pearl, scott blew himself up in double life so that pearl wouldn’t have to fight anymore, martyn went on a rampage when ren was killed, scar was completely alone and fought for himself and his survival because he had nothing and didn’t even realize when pearl had died) joel is just. in it for the rush- he has no reason for the violence and nothing to loose and nothing to gain

joel is the only winner who’s final death wasn’t in grief either. his final death was meant to be a trap he set up that he never got to use and he ran to it at the end laughing and excited and it failed. the trap failed- and he lived and laughed and ender pearled around until he died. and i saw one post in passing that was like ‘the server took care of him’ and it DID. it’s like this game was perfectly crafted for him- because of course joel wouldn’t die do something as chaotic and unbalanced as the wild cards. who would joel be to die to something he understands so well and channels in every move he makes? he thrives in the chaos and watchers saw him and choose him

grian had a LOT more control in this season than previous because of th wild cards and it’s feeding my watchers symbolism. he is trying to take the reins of the games from the watchers and reduce the violence and grief his friends have to go through so what to do the watchers do? they take his power away. he’s still in control on the wild cards of course, but how well can they work when the watchers are guiding a wild card of their own? and then skizz and mumbo both died due to joel (both indirectly- they died on the tower while trying to get more lives using the minecart trap) and in the end the only person grian is left with is joel who somehow managed to twist every wild card to his advantage and never made as much a misstep this season. ans grian has been too cocky this season, almost playing god with people coming to him for information about the wildcards and how to survive them. and in the end grian does exactly what the watchers wanted anyways and guides joel to victory despite still trying to ruin their game to the very last second and become the first two time winner

anyways that’s all GOOD JOB JOEL !!!! MY WINNER !!! FAST CAR FOR THE WIN

[hewasverycinematic]

Psychological warfare has been committed

So in-ho is my second favourite character from S2 of squid game (After the salesman cause daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn)

anyway

he's so complex and layered so I thought I'd list all the times I noticed him just fucking with Gi-hun

Sang-woo styling

So the first one has been said before many a time and it's how he's obviously styled his hair similar to Sang-woo. This works in two ways; One being that he's showing familiarity to Gi-hun, making him instantly comfortable around him, but ALSO that he should not be trusted in the same way Sang-woo definitely shouldn't have been. But also in a way that's so subconscious to Gi-hun that he wouldn't even register it. The other way this works is that the fluffiness makes him seem literally soft just from looking at him, making not only Gi-hun trust him but the rest of their little squad. So even if Gi-huns sub-conscious kicks in with the "maybe lets not trust him, he looks like that dude who betrayed me last time and he's got that same number as someone else I shouldn't have trusted" he would look insane (Rightly so.) This also makes Jung-bae not telling him he's suspicious of 001 even more painful.

Mingle

Then grabbing his best friend in the mingle game. Not much to say on this one, I originally thought it was odd bc why Jung-bae? It makes itself clear by the end of the season that he needed Jung-bae to stay alive for the gut punch at the end. It's also very clear, however, that Dae-ho would 100000% have paired up with him, so why did In-ho need to take him specifically? Well, he knows there's not being enough rooms for everyone. So he knew he would probably have to kill someone and this also makes sure Gi-hun doesn't see this side of him and cause tension/distrust early on. (He saw his reaction with Sang-woo and the glass bridge remember)

X O

He originally votes to continue the game, telling Gi-hun that he did it because of him. This really is a double blow, because he's basically shifting the blame of the games continuing onto Gi-hun. If he hadn't been there to give faith to "Young-il", he possibly would've voted X and this set of games would have ended. But he's also, once again, makes Gi-hun believe he has the power to make change and help people. The tone in which he speaks to him, whilst also being a bit told off, makes him come across as meek and clueless i.e. harmless. He does this alot in front of Gi-hun, the amount of times he apologises and says he must've misunderstood or didn't know adds to this.

The second time he votes, he changes to X. And, again, says it's because of Gi-hun. Repeating the same steps as before backwards, but getting the exact same result. Gi-huns ego is boosted (literally showing he can change O's minds) and appearing powerless as a follower.

Late night talking

Narratively, I love this scene, we get to hear directly from In-ho his motivations for going into the first game. But we also get to see how messed up he is that he's lying about something so deep and personal. Using it as a way to get closer to Gi-hun, appearing to let his guard down, I honestly think In-ho needed that conversation as he seemed to have disappeared to Jun-ho before he could properly grieve and process. Then again there's a gap in his history that we as the audience do not know about. After he won and before becoming the Front Man (I'll probably make another post on my theories for S3) In terms of Gi-hun this conversation is probably the one which solidifies his trust in 001 as he's showing he does care about someone so much he is willing to risk his life and ensure others death. The reasoning mirroring Gi-huns in the first series, they are one and the same in that aspect. But it's so evil because In-ho knows all this and uses their shared grief against him.

"We'll have to hope more of the other side died"

After the Mingle game, Gi-hun suggests counting how many people are left on each side, and In-ho responds with "We'll have to hope more people from the other side died". This instantly made me think of the scene in the first season where Ji-Yeong is mock praying that they can send more people to their deaths for their own survival. This is so on the nose that I'm surprised Gi-hun didn't pick up what In-ho was putting down. He's slowly drip-feeding into Gi-hun that he's thinking the exact way the hosts want them to. Us vs. them as opposed to us vs. the machine, which is a direct link to when the frontman tells Gi-hun that the games won't change unless the world does. He's also got a slight smirk in his eyes which is essentially him internally going "I told ya so"

"Is that really what you want?

Before the third vote Gi-hun & co are discussing how to make sure they win the vote. Whilst Gi-hun wants to go over to try and persuade them to change from O to X, In-ho says "If we provoke them now, we may end up in a big fight before we even get to vote. Is that what you want Gi-hun"

And then after the tied vote and during the conversation of The Plan™ Gi-hun asks "Are you going to kill each other all night and hope you survive? Is that what you want Young-il?"

This is so ironic because they're saying the exact same thing back to each other "Are you sure you want to fight?" Which has sooo many layers. Yes, they're talking about the players being split into X vs. O but what Gi-hun doesn't realise yet is that he is the O (player) and In-ho is the X (host). As In-ho says as the frontman, the games only work if there are players. And the games stop if there's no one to host (If society changes and there's no wealth disparity making VIPs obsolete).

And that's just the literal meaning of what they've said. The fact that this is the first time Gi-hun has repeated In-hos' behaviour, in a somewhat catty way and not in an "I'm just like you, you should trust me" way. It still shows how similar the two are. I think this is why people theorise that Gi-hun will be the next front man. I think the point is that during the rebellion, he already is the frontman, just to the players following his orders.

Also, can I just add the cinematography of the beam separating the two is *chefs kiss*

Repeating Jung-bae

So we all saw the jealous look In-ho had when listening in to Gi-hun and Jung-baes conversation. I, actually, think he saw it as another way to toy with Gi-hun later on as we see. In the conversation with Jung-bae they're laughing about how much of a cheapskate Gi-hun was when they were friends. In-ho is in a totally non 457 way showing he can be the same as his best friend, but with it being such a common thing to say, if this wasn't a show it'd be something to easily overlook. With it being a show, I cannot overlook the parallel.

Rebellion things

Smaller things I noticed:

When discussing the special game he only said "you" instead of "we" - "How are you going to get the guns" etc.

Until he says "Small sacrifice for the greater good? In that case, I'm with you" - Further pointing out how similar they have become.

He didn't shoot the guards when they were in the stairwell/corridor unless he was speaking. Possibly to cover up the fact he wasn't shooting - Was he saving ammo? Doubt it - Says he's nearly out of ammo without checking - Not wanting to be hit in the crossfire? Maybe

Saving Gi-hun

So he saves Gi-hun twice, once when he's about to be shot and again when he shoots Jung-bae instead. I don't believe this is just because he's grown fond of him but because, as Gi-hun said in the limo, the games are so much more entertaining for the VIPs with him in. Unfortunately, I have to speculate that him being in there has caused more money to be donated by the VIPs, further upholding the games. The reality is Gi-hun was never going to be killed. He has plot armour both for us and the VIPs watching.

The final fuckery from In-ho as Young-il is the "Are you sure" with the most suspicious look on his face. People kept saying that that was the ammo that shot Jung-bae, but it wasn't, it wasn't even the same gun. It was really the last of the ammo they had, and giving it to In-ho was just leaving them defenceless, being the catalyst to the retreat and end of Jung-baes life.

Other sass

Joking about the umbrella dalgona as if he wasn't watching

"Besides, we've got a previous winner with us" as if he wasn't also a winner

Making dad jokes about his name

Disappearing in mingle to reenforce to Gi-hun that he cares about his wellbeing

unrelated note: people saying why would he kill his own guards, as we see with no-eul, they're seen the same as the players. (trash) he doesn't care about them either

[milfshotss]

————————————————————————

Title: Ashes in the Wind

Pairing: Cassandra Kiramman x Reader

Summary: Reader has to navigate her grief

Warnings: mention of death

MEN & MINORS DNI: 18+ only

————————————————————————

The sprawling mansion in Piltover was quiet, the high ceilings and marble floors echoing with the distant sounds of the city. The grand windows framed a view of the skyline, bathed in the soft golden hues of the setting sun. Inside, the world felt like it was paused, frozen in a rare moment of peace.

You and Cassandra sat together on the large leather sofa in the sitting room, a glass of wine in her hand, and her other hand comfortably nestled in yours. The mansion, which had once been a place of constant bustle and meetings, was still today, almost too still. The weight of the world outside seemed miles away as you shared this private moment.

Cassandra, with her sharp mind and commanding presence as a council member, was rarely seen without a sense of urgency or resolve. But when she was with you, there was an ease to her that was a welcome reprieve. You had learned to cherish these moments, moments when she didn’t need to be the fierce protector, the leader, or the powerful figure that Piltover relied on. Here, in your home, she was just Cassandra, your partner, your equal.

“I don’t know why I don’t let myself have more of this,” Cassandra murmured, her fingers lightly tracing the edge of your hand. “You, me… this peace. It feels like we’re too often running from one task to the next, never letting ourselves just be.”

You smiled softly, feeling the warmth of her touch, of her presence. “You deserve it,” you whispered. “We both do. I’m here, and that’s enough for me.”

She sighed contentedly, her eyes closing as she leaned into you further. There was a weight to her words, a quiet vulnerability you rarely saw. For someone so fiercely dedicated to her work, to her responsibilities on the council, she had a way of letting her guard down when it was just the two of you.

Cassandra shifted slightly, tilting her head to meet your eyes. “I’ve always known my work mattered,” she said, her voice softer than usual, “but I… I didn’t know how much this—you—would come to matter to me.” She paused, almost as if processing the depth of what she had just said. “I guess sometimes I forget to stop and appreciate it.”

You brushed a strand of hair from her face, your fingertips grazing her skin gently. The bond you shared was a steady, quiet force. It wasn’t filled with grand gestures or public declarations, but in the moments like this one, it was clear that what you had was enough to withstand any storm.

“I appreciate you,” you whispered, your voice thick with affection.

The moment between you two was perfect. No threats, no council meetings, no outside pressures. Just the two of you, in your small corner of the world.

————————————————————————

The city of Piltover had never felt so quiet.

You stood at the edge of the balcony, the cool night air biting at your skin, yet it felt like nothing could cool the fire burning in your chest. The wind whispered around you, rustling the loose strands of your hair, but you didn’t hear it. Your mind was elsewhere, racing through the memories of the past few days, the grief that suffocated you, and the absence of the one person who had meant everything to you.

Cassandra Kiramman. Your wife. Your heart.

It had all happened so fast, like a nightmare that refused to fade when you woke. The explosion. The smoke. The flash of violet and green in the distance as Jinx’s rocket tore through the air. The sound of it, deafening, like the earth itself had cracked in half. And then… nothing. Just an empty silence that swallowed the world.

It felt as though the world had been shattered in that moment, and now, you were left standing in the ruins of it, trying to piece together what was left of your life.

Your fingers gripped the cold railing, knuckles white, but it didn’t help. Nothing helped. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw Cassandra’s face, her smile, her eyes full of life, the way she laughed at your terrible jokes, the way she held you in her arms like nothing could ever take you away from her.

But that was before. Before Jinx’s madness had stolen her from you.

You closed your eyes, feeling a sharp pang in your chest, the ache a constant companion now. She was gone. You’d never feel her embrace again. You’d never hear her soft voice call your name, or feel her hand brush against yours in a simple, silent gesture of love. She was just… gone. A memory. A dream that slipped through your fingers, one you couldn’t hold onto no matter how hard you tried.

The sound of footsteps behind you broke through your spiraling thoughts. Caitlyn. She had been with you through all of this, her grief as palpable as your own, the weight of her mother’s death nearly crushing her under the sheer force of it. You turned around, and there she was, her eyes red from lack of sleep, her face pale with exhaustion. She had barely spoken since the explosion. But you could see the toll it was taking on her.

Caitlyn stood in the doorway for a moment, her expression hard to read. The stoic enforcer that she had been was slipping away, revealing the vulnerable daughter who had lost everything in a flash.

“Y/N…” she whispered, her voice soft, almost like she was afraid to say it out loud, as if the words themselves would break her. “I don’t know what to do.”

the loss in her eyes. She was struggling, and there was nothing you could do to take away the pain. You stepped toward her, wrapping your arms around her in a tight embrace, feeling her shoulders shake with the weight of her sorrow.

“I don’t know what to do either,” you murmured, your voice breaking. “But we’ll get through this, Caitlyn. I swear we will.”

You could feel the sob building in your own chest, but you had to be strong for her. Caitlyn needed someone to lean on, and you knew that even though you were broken, you would give her everything you had. You owed Cassandra that much. You owed it to Caitlyn.

“You’re stronger than you know, Caitlyn,” you whispered, your hands gently resting on her shoulders. “You are so much like her. You have everything she gave you inside of you. And I know she would want you to keep fighting. To keep being the person she believed you were. You’re not alone. I’m here, and we’ll get through this together. You don’t have to carry this burden on your own.”

You sat beside her, pulling her into your arms again, holding her close. It was all you could do. Hold her. Be her anchor, even when you were drifting too. But the thought of her mother, Cassandra, always so full of life, so fierce, kept coming back to you

And now, Cassandra was gone. And Caitlyn was left with a grief that was impossible to express, impossible to quantify. The two of you, once so full of hope, were now lost in a world that had been torn apart by a rocket’s blast.

As the days passed, you began to see a shift in Caitlyn. The grief that had once consumed her seemed to be morphing into something else, something darker. The stoic enforcer who had once questioned every decision, every choice she made, now appeared driven by something more dangerous, something more relentless.

The reports and maps laid across the dining room table were filled with references to Zaun, to Jinx, the woman who had killed her mother. The woman who had torn apart everything Caitlyn had known. Her thirst for vengeance was palpable, burning in the air around her.

“I’ll make them pay for this,” Caitlyn said one evening, her voice low, her eyes burning with an intensity you hadn’t seen before. “I’ll make Zaun pay. And I’ll make Jinx feel the same pain she’s caused.”

You looked at her, your heart aching. You knew this wasn’t the Caitlyn you had once known. The Caitlyn who had always sought justice, but had never allowed her grief to cloud her judgment. But now, she was different. Her eyes had changed. They were colder. Ruthless.

“I’m going after her,” Caitlyn added, her hands clenched into fists on the table. “She took my mother. She won’t get away with it.”

You took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. “Caitlyn, I know how much you’re hurting, but this… this path you’re on, it’s not the one your mother would have wanted for you.”

Caitlyn’s eyes flashed with anger, a fire that had been kindled in the wake of her mother’s death. “I don’t care what my mother would have wanted,” she spat. “She’s gone, Y/N. She’s gone because of Jinx. Because of Zaun’s chaos. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure they pay.”

You stepped forward, your heart aching as you placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “You’re grieving, Caitlyn. I understand that, but this rage, this hunger for vengeance, it will consume you. It’ll turn you into something else, something you won’t recognize.”

Caitlyn shook her head violently, standing up and brushing you off. “You don’t understand!” she shouted, her voice cracking with emotion. “My mother is dead. She gave everything to protect Piltover, to protect me, and now she’s gone. And you want me to what? Sit around and do nothing? Let Jinx keep destroying everything?”

The fire in her eyes burned with such intensity that you almost took a step back. But you couldn’t. You couldn’t let her go down this path, not alone.

“You can’t let grief guide you like this,” you pleaded softly, your voice trembling. “You have to find another way. Don’t lose yourself in this darkness.”

Caitlyn’s face twisted in pain, a flash of uncertainty flickering in her eyes before she quickly pushed it down. “What if I can’t find another way, Y/N? What if this is the only way I can make sure she’s avenged? What if this is the only thing that will make me feel… anything again?”

You felt your chest tighten as you watched her, seeing the weight of her grief and the desperate longing for justice and vengeance, that had completely overtaken her. She was no longer the Caitlyn you had known. The bright, determined young woman had been swallowed by the darkness of her pain, and it was terrifying.

“You’re not alone, Caitlyn,” you whispered. “You have me. We have each other. Let’s not make this journey down a path that will only destroy us. We can fight for justice, but we have to be careful. We can’t lose ourselves in the process.”

For a moment, Caitlyn remained silent, her fists clenched at her sides, her breathing uneven. Then, with a heavy sigh, she dropped her head, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m scared, Y/N. I’m scared that if I don’t do this… if I don’t go after her, then everything my mother stood for, everything she sacrificed, will be meaningless.”

You reached out and gently cupped her face in your hands, lifting her gaze to meet yours. “Your mother wouldn’t want you to lose yourself in revenge, Caitlyn. She wanted you to live. To be the person she always knew you could be, even if she’s not here to guide you.”

Caitlyn’s eyes softened for just a moment, a tear slipping down her cheek. But then, she quickly wiped it away, the determination returning. “I can’t sit back and do nothing, Y/N. Jinx is still out there. Zaun is still poisoning everything. I have to stop them.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “But not like this. Not at the cost of your soul.”

The silence between you both was deafening as Caitlyn turned away, her gaze once again fixed on the map on the table, the blueprint for revenge. You could see the battle within her, the conflict between the daughter who had lost her mother and the enforcer who wanted justice at any cost. She was slipping, falling deeper into a mindset that was dangerous not only for herself but for those who still loved her.

And with that, you both stood there, the weight of Cassandra’s loss hanging heavy in the air. There was no easy answer, no simple fix. Caitlyn’s grief would take time to heal, and the anger inside her was still a raging storm, but in this moment, at least she wasn’t alone. You weren’t alone.

The path ahead was uncertain, but you would face it together, one step at a time.

For Cassandra. For Caitlyn. For the future that they both deserved.

And for the justice that had to be pursued, but not at the cost of Caitlyn’s humanity.

————————————————————————

[angelsdean]

Another thing I love abt Dean fixing up Baby (and trashing again) is that the episode establishes that Dean's pretty much fixed up what was, in Bobby's words, a completely totaled and barely salvageable better-off-as-parts wreck in just ONE WEEK. They burn John's body, presumably right after his death, and then it's suddenly ONE WEEK LATER and Dean's pretty much got the entire frame looking new and is working on the internal stuff (which HELLO METAPHOR. the exterior of the Impala is looking good = Dean putting on a good front of being okay, while the interior of the Impala still needs work = Dean still (quietly) working through his own internal emotions)

Anyways the amount of work done on the car itself in such a short span of time is incredible (also gotta think some of that time was spent driving from where john died to Bobby's). And all that time Dean's working on the car he's alone with his thoughts. He's processing. Sam accuses Dean in this opening scene of "not doing anything" and not "bringing up dad once" and not being "angry" enough and not wanting to look for "revenge." He says Dean just spends all day "buried underneath this damn car" and acting like "nothing happened" but he doesn't seem to understand that working on a car and getting as much as he got done in just a week is 1.) being incredibly productive, and 2.) a deeply meditative task. Like just because Dean is not going to Sam with his grief and not outwardly expressing his feelings or showing himself actively working through them doesn't mean he's Not processing and dealing with things the entire time he's working on that car. The wreckage itself is a constant reminder of everything that happened, the crash, the hospital, John's deal. Dean IS thinking about it all, the entire time. But he's not grieving in the way Sam expects and that bothers Sam, so Sam feels the need to push and needle Dean into talking about it, which isn't Dean's style of processing things. He needs time and space.

And then at the end of the episode, after Sam admits that yeah, Dean was right about him, Sam is feeling guilty and avoiding his own grief, but Dean's been putting up a front about it too, it's then that we see Dean break, again with the Impala metaphor. Dean's been trying to put on a brave face for Sam in some ways, while also wishing to quietly process his grief on his own, because in part he's still being the protector older brother. He's still thinking take care of Sammy first and foremost, especially in the aftermath of John's parting words to Dean. But in that last scene we finally see the facade break, we see the fixed up exterior of the Impala break. We see Dean take a crowbar to the "I'm okay" facade and say, look! I am grieving! I am hurting! Here's me making visible what's been going on inside! Just like the guts of the Impala are still a mess, the interior still in the process of being repaired, while the exterior looked brand new, well now the exterior once again matches the car's internal state, and Dean's internal state.

Him and Baby are not okay yet, but they're getting there, they're working on it. And just like healing is a non-linear process, Dean (and Baby) looked okay for a while, now they're not okay, but Dean'll fix 'em up again.

[damianbugs]

just watched a video about "calf grafting" which is where if a calf doesn't survive, they skin their coat and place it as a jacket on another calf so the cow can't tell their biological one is dead. the cow will then, hopefully, accept that new calf as their own because of the familiar smell. the process itself is very gruesome, but centuries old and very successful. some studies suggest the cow is fully aware their calf is dead and will mourn, but then suddenly, assume their calf is alive and well again. some reject the new calf while others seem to be nonethewiser. usually the replacement calf comes about this job because their actual mother is unfit to care for them or they were rejected soon after birth.

now, naturally, my immediate thought upon learning anything vaguely disturbing is: where have i heard this before? taking the skin of the young and passing it along, sparing the parent the grief and the time lost. something that has happened for years and proves to be quite successful, repeated over and over. who's skin have i (we; the readers, creators and watchers) taken and draped over another...

the parent that seems to accept it everytime, despite the violent and very physical truth of their loss that was just laying before them. a familiar smell and smile and behavioral pattern, familiar actions, familiar purpose... well i've got my child back, their skin as i remember, why would i disagree? why would i stop? how can i stop? who will take responsibility if not me? is this not my doing, after all?

the young that knows nothing more than this coat they now own, perhaps a size too big or too small, a cape to shield decay for a couple days before this too becomes the new normal. a purpose to fulfil and a dark grief to overpower... this legacy i accept, this burden i must carry, this purpose and this life i crave. this guardian i yearn for and this devotion that eats me. who will take responsibility if not me? is this not my doing, after all?

life is full of scary coincidences like that, existing in the balance of science and indulgent story telling. how interesting!

[cripplecharacters]

This isn't my character, but I was playing a game where a character is physically disabled and using a wheelchair. She got into a car crash and suffered from nerve damage, resulting in both of her legs being paralysed. Her doctor told her she could walk again if she underwent a rehabilitation program, but she refused.

Prior to her car crash, she had lost her best friend, and had attempted to bury her grief in her work, becoming more demanding and difficult, which resulted in her co-workers disliking her attitude. The car crash that left her disabled was caused by her running over a red light in the middle of her stress and frustration.

After the accident, she reflected on herself and worked on becoming a better and more reasonable person to work with. Hence, the reason of her decision to refuse rehabilitation is to have her loss of her legs to serve as an anchor to remind herself not to lose herself in her own world and to neglect the feelings of the people around her.

It has been written that her disability doesn't affect her career (she's a film director), and she's still a successful person when we're introduced to her.

Still, I wanted to ask if having a character refuse rehabilitation for their disability a bad writing choice? And if a character wanting to stay disabled to remind themselves of an important life experience harmful to the disabled community in any way?

Hello!

I'm not familiar with the game you're referring to but from the sound of it, it seems to be falling into the Disability as Punishment trope.

The issue isn't necessarily with the character declining rehabilitation. Disabled people decline treatment options all the time for a variety of reasons. Maybe they aren't comfortable with the risks or side effects of the treatment, maybe the treatment process isn't feasible for their lifestyle, maybe they've tried other options and just don't want to keep going with it.

The problem with this case is the context around why the character declines the treatment/rehabilitation. We've talked a lot about the Disability as Punishment trope in the past (you can find some of these posts by scrolling through the #disability as punishment tag).

I'm hesitant to speak more about this specific case for a few reasons. The first is that, as mentioned, I'm unfamiliar with the source media and I don't know anything about the context besides what you've mentioned. Without knowing the full story, I can't tell you if it's a "bad" writing choice or not. The other reason is that we're a blog for writing advice -- not media reviews -- and I'd like to keep this as on topic as possible.

That said, there are a few things to consider if you want to make similar writing choices in your own work.

The first is what kind of message you may be sending, either intentionally or unintentionally. Is disability being portrayed as a "fair punishment" for the character's actions or is their decision something that is shown as being fueled by their grief? Does their decision end up changing at all or do they feel any regret about their decision?

I think this kind of thing (a character declining rehabilitation because they want to remind themself to be better) has potential to work in stories dealing with growth, acceptance, and grief but I'd be skeptical if it's just something in the background that's never addressed.

It's also worth exploring why the character would make this rather drastic decision. It feels odd to me that somebody would make this decision simply to "remind themself" not to do something and punish themself for doing it in the first place.

It feels very trivializing to those of us that didn't get a choice in the matter.

But yeah, without knowing more about the context and the character, I can't say much about the media itself. I'd suggest taking a look through the Disability as Punishment tag, though. It has some helpful information and answers to similar asks.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[anthurak]

So here’s a few general theories I’ve got on both Eve and Roo, their role in the story, as well as at least one rather bonkers theory on how they/she are connected to Charlie.

Which means to begin with, we’re going to make the entirely logical step to talk about Rosie.

Because as I said in a couple posts after the finale, I think Rosie is actually Eve.

Or rather, as I now think, Rosie is an ASPECT of Eve.

To begin with, just about everything Rosie does with Charlie in Episode 7 to me just kinda SCREAMS ‘I’m actually a mysterious relative/family friend you never knew about.’ From the way she immediately goes massively out of her way to help Charlie, not just with the more overt problem of the impending extermination, but also her more personal relationship problems, not to mention little touches like how she insists on Charlie calling her ‘auntie’. As well as making a number of small references that could very easily be more direct foreshadowing:

Rosie’s whole ‘first husband’ comment could easily be a dig at Adam, plus her being a cannibal would make for a pretty clever callback to the visual joke of Adam eating ribs in the first episode.

We also have Rosie’s talk with Charlie about her problems with Vaggie, which feel especially relevant in light of the reveal that Eve seems to have had some kind of romance with Lucifer and Lilith. Rosie’s comments to Charlie clearly hint that she has her own regrets towards a failed relationship, which if she is Eve could easily hint at whatever went down between her, Lilith and Lucifer. Not to mention, given the CLEAR parallels that Charlie and Vaggie have to Lucifer and Lilith, it would be all too fitting if it turned out that Eve was the one helping to mend their relationship.

There’s also one other visual detail about Rosie… but more on that later.

So how does this tie back to Roo?

Well you know how I said I think Rosie is an aspect or part of Eve?

I think Roo is the OTHER part of Eve.

As in, I think that Roo and Rosie (hey, look at those similar names) are each the two parts of Eve that split apart when she became the ‘Root of All Evil’.

When you get down to it, I think Roo as a character and her role in the story as a whole is to be a subversive exploration of the idea of the scapegoat and Christian ideas/fixation on guilt and penance. Roo might actually BE this big, terrible ‘Root of All Evil’, ‘Embodiment of Sin’, ‘Unfettered Force of Chaos’, ‘Heart of Hell itself’ ultimate big-bad of the show that much of the fandom is assuming…

But only because she/Eve chose this role out of her own guilt and self-loathing. Eve only believes that she’s this terrible, irredeemable person at the root of all the evils of mankind, and has thus chosen to embody that.

And I think in the process of becoming Roo, this being of pure evil, Eve tried (emphasis on tried) to split off all the ‘good’ within her. Which in turn became Rosie. Alternatively, Rosie could have been deliberately split off from Roo to act as her agent, but may have become self-aware enough that she’s trying to stop/save Roo, hence her going out of her way to help Charlie. And of course this would also neatly explain her friendship with Alastor, himself likely also an agent of Roo.

Which in turn is going to be the crux of her conflict with Charlie, and the ultimate villain redemption of the story. Like of course we’re going to find out about Roo’s big, terrible villainous plots to perhaps corrupt humanity or subsume all of Hell or destroy Heaven and how she’s likely the one pulling Alastor’s strings and has maybe had him essentially ‘feeding her’ Overlords to increase her power and how she’s likely the cause of Lilith’s disappearing seven years ago and ending up in Heaven and all kinds of other things our heroes will have to fight against.

Until we get to our big, final confrontation with Roo and both we and Charlie discover that this terrible being of pure evil is in fact this traumatized, grief-stricken woman utterly consumed by guilt and self-loathing. The one person who, more than anyone else, NEEDS the help and redemption that Charlie has spent the whole show trying to offer others.

And also might be Charlie’s other mom.

Yeah, it’s bonkers theory time :D

So back during the rough… twenty to thirty minutes or so between finishing Episode 7 and seeing the post-credits scene in Episode 8, I was VERY sure that Rosie was actually Lilith in disguise (as you can see from this rather amusing post/reblog :D), for basically all the reason I listed above about why Rosie feels like an in-disguise Eve,

But ALSO because of Rosie’s cheek blush-marks that look CURIOUSLY SIMILAR to Charlie’s own. And if you’ve read any of my numerous Rosebird Parents theory posts, you can imagine I immediately latched onto that.

However! This is NOT a theory that Eve is somehow Charlie’s ‘real mom’. That is stupid and I will not hear Lilith slander in this house. Note instead that I said that Eve might be Charlie’s OTHER mom…

Basically I think Charlie has three parents thanks to Lucifer, Lilith and Eve each actually being some variety of functionally intersex due to wacky angel/demon/primordial-human physiology. And the three of them conceived Charlie Gilgamesh-style via Lilith and Eve knocking up Lucifer.

Hey, I want this show to get WEIRD, okay?

Even just speaking generally, we’re already got more or less soft-confirmation that SOMETHING was going on between Eve, Lilith and Lucifer, and that Eve seemed to have specifically left Adam for Lucifer and Lilith. So I’d say it’s not at all a stretch to think that Lilith, Lucifer and Eve will turn out to be a tragic, broken polycule driven apart by each of their baggage and trauma.

Or that a major aspect of the show will end up being about Charlie (with Vaggie’s (and possibly Emily’s…) help) working to get her parents back together.

In fact, I can already imagine what a suitably cute/heartwarming/feelsy reunion Eve could have with Lucifer and Lilith:

Eve, having just been freed from her self-imposed prison/punishment by Charlie, is about to launch into a guilt-and-regret-laden spiel about how she knows how they must hate her and how she doesn’t deserve them…

Only for Lucifer gives Eve a big cute hug.

And then Lilith gives Eve a Big Damn Kiss XD

Simply put, I think it’s pretty clear that Hazbin Hotel is NOT the kind of the show to just go and make a woman the source of all the evil and sin and bad of the world and seemingly the ultimate big bad and NOT examine, interrogate and SUBVERT THE EVERLIVING HELL out of that concept/trope.

[fourteentrout]

Acotar Hot Take Time (Again)

Rhys' whole "Everything I love has a tendency to be taken away from me" thing is often lauded as one of the most sentimental, empathetic lines from the book. rhys stans seem genuinely moved by it, even now that more books in the series have come out.

and I think...it's kind of bullshit?

not that people find the sentiment in it, you can like what you like, but the actual claim itself is bullshit.

rhys lost his mother, father, and sister, and I will not deny that it was tragic and traumatizing. by extension, he lost his close friend Tamlin because of his betrayal.

but like...what else? Now that he's been living in his Court after UTM and everyone has moved on from his Evil Guy schtick, tell me, what "everything" is he talking about? He protected velaris, which seems to be the only territory in the Night Court he really cares about. Even when it was attacked, he was able to renew it with seemingly no struggle. he has his entire original inner circle. this guy has like. 5 houses. his Court is intact and thriving (at least, the part of it he cares the most about).

Yes, he was separated from his family for 49 years, but he didn't LOSE them. they were there the whole time, they were there when he got back.

but like, it would be even more obvious if we had an example of someone in the series who ACTUALLY lost everything, right? with no one to compare his experiences to, maybe it really DOES seem like everything he loves has a tendency to be taken from him.

Oh wait. there is an example. Tamlin.

Tamlin lost the exact same things at the same time as Rhys: his immediate family, and his best friend.

But where rhys' loss kind of stagnated, Tamlin's continued once the curse was placed on his Court. His sentries, his friends, sacrificed themselves to help him, to the point where he literally had to stop them from going out because he was overwhelmed with the grief of losing his friends over and over for seemingly NO REASON (as they weren't getting anywhere with the curse. To him, they were giving up their lives for a lost cause.) and unlike with seemingly every member of the Night Court, these guys weren't magically coming back to life. By the time Feyre gets to Spring, the only close remaining friend Tamlin has is Lucien.

And guess what? he lost him, too! feyre left him, and she was valid in doing so, but she TORE HIS COURT APART in the process. she literally fucked with the minds of his new sentries to get them to not trust him, and to get him to not trust them. hell, she made it so he didn't trust the one friend he had left. he fought in the war and his court fell into disrepair because all of his guards LEFT. even after they fought by his side. that's how lasting feyre's impression on the Court was.

Spring was literally abandoned.

So like...let's compare. Rhys has: Cassian, his general and brother, Azriel, his spymaster and brother, Mor, his cousin and third, Amren, his second, Feyre, his mate, wife, and High Lady, Nyx, his son, and his City of Starlight.

He doesn't have: The illyrian and darkbringer troops that died in the war (though there's not much mention of them, save for the illyrians. both nations seem to be pretty removed from Rhys' mind as it is), his mother, his father, and his sister (all of which remain unnamed??? for some reason???), and Tamlin

Tamlin has: maybe some citizens left?? we don't really know. alis?? she went back to the summer court, if I remember correctly, but I could be wrong.

Tamlin doesn't have: Feyre (who, mind you, he already lost once before when he literally watched her die), Lucien (parted ways), Rhys (parted ways), Andras (deceased), all of the unnamed sentries that died during Amarantha's reign, his literal current, living guards (parted ways), his unnamed mother, father, and brothers (all deceased), any kind of love interest (nevermind a mate) (just straight up nonexistent), hell, he even lost Ianthe (deceased). she deserved it, but to him, for the longest time she was just his childhood friend that he TRUSTED. so first he lost her to her own treachery, and then she literally died, presumably without him ever being able to properly confront the fact that she wasn't who he'd thought before she was murdered. he lost troops in the war, and then he lost the living ones to the effects of feyre's destruction of their trust. by Silver Flames, he literally has NOTHING.

I don't know. just knowing all that and re-reading Rhys' line about getting the things he loves taken from him makes me...kind of think that SJM doesn't really know the meaning of having everything taken from someone. cause to me, it really looks like Rhys has...a LOT. like yes, he's experienced loss, but when you have someone like Tamlin, whose Court as far as we know is ABANDONED, it kind of negates the argument before it can even be made.

[leonawriter]

I have another (bigger) post in the works, but the concept and argument of "Would things have gone better if Angela had been allowed to be kind to the Sephirah?" keeps sticking in my head, because I have my own arguments against it based on the setting and the concept of the Seed of Light Scenario.

(Post has spoilers for the end LobCorp/LoR.)

Thing is, going through Angela's memories in LoR makes what she went through seem unreasonable. Which I think it's supposed to, since you're seeing things from her biased perspective. It's also fair to show her perspective; she's the main character of her game, and as she herself points out, she's the only one who didn't get her own catharsis and conclusion from Lobotomy Corporation (an argument can also be made for Ayin himself not having a perfect conclusion, but that's for another time, and other people have talked on it).

The problem with Angela being able to simply be kind the way she wanted to at the start lies purely and solely in the very nature of the Seed of Light, and also in the tagline of the Corporation/game itself:

Face the Fear, Build the Future.

In order for each of the Sephirah to "Face their Fear," each one has to break the veneer of their shell, have their meltdown, and air their ugliest thoughts.

In other words.... the selves that they have as Sephirah - Gabriel vs. Yesod, Daniel vs. Chesed, for example - are masks for their insecurities and traumas. "In the past, [x trait] caused me to fail, therefore I will have nothing to do with that trait and be better that way."

In that sense, Angela encouraging them to be the best that they can be as Sephirah is encouraging them to remain happily in their own masks, not requiring them to take said masks off, and in theory things could remain the way they are like that in perpetuity (ironically, much like Hokma wanted in his meltdown).

Sure, they'd get what they want... but would they be getting what they need?

Answer says No, Not Really. With a loud buzzer. And flashing lights.

Because what was that tagline again?

Face the Fear, Build the Future.

In order to face the fear, you have to accept that it exists in the first place. The first step to solving your problems is to recognise them.

You have to, quite literally, face your fears. The Sephirah had to each face the fact that they were running away from their problems.

Only by remembering who they were (in the correct way) and allowing them to process the grief, despair, rage, and turmoil of their past selves could they hope to accept that fully, and to build themselves into better versions of who they are, starting from that moment on.

It's pretty much a certainty that Ayin, who studied the brain, who almost certainly knew a lot about psychology, and who would have listened to the specialities of the others, would have had all of this in mind while writing the Script.

So like... yeah. Yeah, it IS cruel to Angela. Unconscionably cruel!

Personally I abide by this being part of the reason (much like how he couldn't face the others while they were dying) why he could never look at Angela the way she wanted him to; much like with them, he could see the suffering she was going [to] go through, and couldn't face her.

All of which is the reason why Library of Ruina was necessary for her own character development. She is justifiably upset over never having been given the same catharsis in Lobotomy Corporation - but with how much anger she has at Ayin, would she have accepted him trying to help her? No matter how different she could tell that he had become? I highly doubt it.

I think that it's only because she herself had, by the end, gone through an arc similar to Ayin's, where she (knowingly or not) follows the footsteps of both of her "parents" that she's able to hear Ayin saying "I'm sorry, and good job" at all. She's reached a point where she's able to see more of who Carmen truly is (a bad influence) and who Ayin was outside of some of her own biases (even if she hasn't forgiven him).

[bibibbon]

TBHX fear, trust, and theories pt 2

⚠️This post contains episode 10 spoilers⚠️

This post is also a follow-up from this one

Lucky Cyan's arc gave us a ton more information when it comes to the power of fear and its rise. While it was first introduced in year 23, it didn't actually get publicly discovered and brought up to the commission until year 36 after cyan's own story manages to uncover the truth about fear.

We find out from Lucky Cyan's arc and how district 70 was affected that fear is a decline in trust value and people's trust of an area causing people to become paralysed due to fear and essentially lose control and manifest multiple tragedies in the process as seen with the state of the orphanage by the end of the episode. People essentially start to become overwhelmed with despair and lose hope and trust in anything good, becoming consumed by the bad in their lives, and this contributes to a multiplier effect that causes a downward spiral.

I will be assuming that district 70 as a whole was consumed by fear and not the dean's powers and actually the dean's power was the thing that protected him and luo from becoming consumed by the power of fear.

Also, I don't see many people talk about this scene in particular, but the episode ends with Queens' dad and the founder of DOS mentioning that they have been heavily investigating fear before it was ever officially brought up to the commissions attention making me think that they are planning to manipulate thos fear power in some way to help their heroes rise in popularity or to control the media in their favour. Again, fear as a whole and the spotlight organisation seem to heavily attract people who want the truth and li zhuen, flyer guy and Enlightner seem to be directly on that path.

My theory is that the founder of DOS and li zhuen want to manipulate fear in their favour or they want to use it to control society more effectively than trust and gain control. This is most likely going to cause a huge conflict between Queen and her father in the upcoming episodes or even season. Also, with the reveal that DOS has a competitor which is revealed to be treeman, there most likely will be competitions with hero agencies next season and throughout this season itself.

I also theorise that Mr shang, who is revealed to be DOS's competitor, is also after the same thing and wants to use fear the same way as these two want it.

We are still in year 36 at the end of episode 10. Mr. shang looks visibly worn down, and he also seems to be wearing the same suit he wore to shang chao's funeral. He is in a current period of mourning and grief, which I believe has driven him to search for fear in order to gain revenge or control over his life. He, at the end of the episode, is shown entering the shang chao, Yang cheng, and xia qing warehouse that he willingly gave them as a sponsor, and I wonder what he is doing there. Maybe he will find some notes. Maybe he is looking for something that will help him lead further to his investigations revolving around fear and the murder of his son.

This also seems to be heavily connected to Mr Shang's speech at his son's funeral. The words of revenge on his tongue promising that no one will walk away from this until the matter is settled and that he will grab fate by his bare hands to tip the scales back to what they were.

Another theory, but it's never clarified if wreck has any trust values, yet he still has a power of distortion, so I wonder if Mr shang made wreck use the power of fear to become Nice's nemesis and the more people fear wreck the more power he gains while the more people trust nice the more power he gains.

[sandcobangevent]

Good Grief

By @shinymoonforest and saturn11dae

—- ˚ ༘ ⋆ —-

Sherlock never understood emotions very well. How they worked, how others experienced them in comparison to him, how he was either “too much” or “too apathetic” … All of this and more was a bit of a mystery to him, despite spending years trying to study people’s reactions. 

Detective Holmes had solved some of the toughest cases in the UK, from online creeps to diamond thieves, and yet emotions felt more difficult than almost anything he had ever experienced.

And this new emotion was no exception.

He and his friend and colleague, Dr. John Watson, were spending time at The Volunteer, the latter’s favorite local pub. It was nothing out of the ordinary that evening; a few drinks, a few laughs, spending time with his flatmate. Yet despite this, a sinking feeling made itself more known in Sherlock’s chest. Except it wasn’t sinking, rather it was… floating? Bubbly? Empty? He wasn’t sure what to make of it as he rocked back and forth in his chair, making popping noises with his mouth. Something that the doctor seemed to catch onto after a minute or two.

“You alright Sherls?” he inquired, noticing the other’s common methods of self regulation at play. Sherlock, meanwhile, merely looked at John with his lips tightly pressed together. It almost mimicked the constrictive feelings in his chest, as much as he tried to fight them. 

“Sherlock?” John asked again, brow now furrowed with worry after not initially receiving an answer. “Sensory overload?”

An assumption, based on past experiences with public places, but a correct one at that, and Sherlock quickly seized the opportunity to leave their current situation with a brisk nod.

“Alright- Hey, that’s okay, we can head home if you’d like- Would you like that?”

Another nod, his hand now fidgeting with his own shirt, as if he could twist this pressure free.

“Okay, gotcha, I’ll just—uhh— Oi, ‘xcuse me mate! Can we get the bill?”

—- 𖦹 —-

“It’s really rather difficult to explain, Watson,” huffed Mr. Holmes, quickly taking off his shoes and beginning to pace around the flat. The poor doctor nearly had to sprint to keep up with his flatmate, who had gotten a head start in storming out of the pub when the noise supposedly got too overwhelming.

“What, even for you?” John scoffed, earning a look from the detective and a nervous smile for himself. “Right, bad time— bad joke— If you don’t want to explain it, you don’t have to, mate, but it might help a bit if I knew what was going on.”

“Well, what if I don’t want to?” he chided back, finally bringing his movements to a stop with a curled up seat on the couch. 

“Then you don’t have to,” the podcaster replied, through which Sherlock could hear the sigh in his voice and thought that perhaps his tone was a bit harsh. “I’ll get your sensory things.”

As John wandered further into the flat to grab a few things for his friend, Sherlock’s mind couldn't help but begin to spiral. Clearly, he decided, this wasn’t a sensory issue - at least, not fully. He gave a nod and signed ‘thank you’ upon being handed his ear defenders first and foremost, but even with them on he still felt overwhelmed by something. It spiked and simmered in his chest with each back and forth the doctor made, rising and falling like his breathing, his heartbeat. Even in his current state he can deduce this, that something about the man was causing a disturbance in his mind. It was horribly distracting to his deduction process - an attribute he had noticed in some of their previous cases - and he wasn’t going to figure out what on Earth was bothering him so much with those sparks dancing in his head. 

“I am going for a walk,” declared the detective, suddenly standing from his current position on the couch just as John was about to hand him a cup of tea. The beverage is held by the perplexed podcaster for a few moments, too stunned to speak even as his flatmate begins to walk to the door. With ear defenders, no shoes, and a blanket still draped around his shoulders, he adds, “I would not like to be disturbed,” before closing the door behind himself. He could hear the confused sigh behind the door of 221B, the supposed placing of his cup of tea before John wandered off to do something else. 

It only stirred around the pit in his chest even more.

So he wandered down the stairs to the closest place that he could decompress and process… everything, really. 

221A. The door was shut faster than it was opened, somehow, causing Ms. Ametxazurra to practically jump in her seat. “Sherlock, wha-??” “Do not worry, Mariana, I am simply in need of an area to self-regulate.” Right on cue, the detective begins to pace back and forth in the flat. “And you can’t do this in your own room? It has to be my flat?” “Yes, of course it does!” he groaned with frustration, throwing his hands in the air as he spoke before they began to move repetitively. Mariana’s curiosity grew at the sight of such an abrupt entrance followed by such a tone. She paused her current TV show and resigned to watching Sherlock instead, attempting to discern what could be bothering him. 

“...Would you… want to talk about it?” She inquires following a pause. “First Watson, now you, for goodness sake-” The man stopped himself, both physically and verbally, from going any further after recognizing the tone of his voice. A deep breath was taken, in for four counts, holding for seven, out for eight, just as he had practiced and performed so many times in the past. Many times still, most likely, in the future, given the complications his own mind could cause him. The accountant noticed this technique and noted its implications, worry lines forming within her expression. “Sorry.” “It’s okay,” Mariana acknowledged, turning her body towards Sherlock and her full attention with it. “Frustrated?” “Very,” he started, his pacing picking up again. “There is a certain individual whose very presence causes me to feel sick. Or… not exactly “sick,” rather… anxious. Confused. A whirlwind of different emotions combined into one that seems as though it should make sense, and yet it doesn’t. I feel as though there is a great storm in my chest, sirens blaring, red lights flashing, a swarm of chaos ready to explode right out of my body. Just the same, this person brings me peace, comfort, stability, and while I do not understand how these two polar opposites can co-exist I do understand that it’s fairly overwhelming that-” He stopped. “Why are you laughing?” Sure enough, the Spaniard had partially put a hand over her mouth to try (and fail) at hiding her smile, only for small bits of laughter to slither through her fingers. “Sorry, sorry, cariño, I’m not laughing at you- well- I’m not laughing at your feelings-” “Then what?” he inquired, albeit with a bit of childlike impatience. “Just- you being you, Sherlock. I promise you, you’re getting yourself all worked up over something that’s not nearly as bad as you think it is.” “You have the answer, then?” This had grabbed the detective’s attention, his eyes widening as he stepped closer to her. She, in turn, made a silent offer for him to sit next to her on the couch, to which he quickly accepted.

“Mhm.” “Well?” “Love.” And all of a sudden, everything stops. The heightened heart rate, the restlessness, even the stimming all completely freezes as soon as that word is uttered by her lips and processed in his ears. “It’s… complicated, for sure,” Mariana continued, “But also beautiful. And messy, and charming, and chaotic, peaceful, gut-wrenching, comforting… That’s love. It’ll make you question everything and feel completely right all at once. The right person makes you absolutely frustrated with how much you adore them, one way or another, even if they frustrate you to hell and back sometimes.” Sherlock chuckled at this last comment, as if finally releasing some of that built up pressure in his chest. Still nervous, but it’s something.

“I’m not surprised that it’s overwhelming you, from what I can tell-” He nodded in response to this, both confirming her observation and urging her to go on. “But the only way to push through this feeling is to confront it. Otherwise, you may as well explode from pushing it down so much.”

“How on Earth would I go about doing that,” the man retorted, “when I could hardly word this- this blasted feeling myself??” “Sherlock-” “No, I-” He stood up again, taking a few steps forward, a few back, circling her couch a few times as he spoke. “This- this love is metaphorically oozing out of the very core of my being, infecting everything I touch. Cases, tasks, thoughts-” “Sherlock.”

Another forced pause, as he did earlier, though this time upon hearing her firmer tone. “Please just… take a breath, we can work through this, okay?” “...Okay.” Sitting down once more, he closed his eyes and rehearsed the breathing technique taught to him what felt like ages ago. In for four… hold for seven… out for eight. “There you go,” she sighed, her voice gentle, quiet, giving him the necessary silence to take a few deep breaths. Then, just as he’s exhaling, as if able to read his mind…

“...It’s John, isn’t it?”

He opened his eyes as he exhaled, preparing mentally as his secret was fully revealed. 

“...Yes.”

Her eyes held a certain sincerity that Sherlock often admired in people. The ability to properly empathize, know generally what the right thing to say was as if it was second nature. A type of kindness he had attempted to tap into but generally saw brighter in other people rather than himself. 

People like Mariana. People like John.

“Whether or not you tell him how you feel - which you should, by the way - these feelings won’t change anything.” “But what if they do?” His counter was quick, alert, frightened, as if he had rolled this thought through the crevices of his grey matter countless times.

“You really think he would stop caring for you that quickly? After all this time?” Her remark, meanwhile, came softer, her tone leaning on that apparent second nature of hers. The words gave the detective pause as he pondered them, thinking on how sensitive John had become to his needs. How he came to care for his scattered self, even when they were at odds. 

“...He did attempt to calm me even as I stormed out of the flat… Even… when I was unable to give him a straight answer as to what was happening...”

How much he cared for Sherlock, no matter what.

“And he’d do more than that, Sherlock. He has done more than that, multiple times.” “...I… I love him,” he stammered, as if fearful of the words being somehow forbidden or cursed.

“You love him,” reassured Mariana before gently going to hold one of his hands. She squeezed. He squeezed back. “And you want to tell him… don’t you?” “...I do.” “Okay,” is all she replied before aiding him in finding a solution. A plan to properly structure his feelings in word form, one way or another.

—-  ˏˋ ✸ ˎˊ —-

‘Stick to the plan,’ Sherlock told himself whilst marching back up to 221B. ‘Just stick to the plan, and everything will be fine.’ It was easy, he thought, until he was back at the door to his flat, his home, with test tubes bubbling in his gut all over again. A hum of… love, apparently, according to Mariana. One that motivates him to push open the door, albeit carefully, as if it would shatter if he rushed into things. 

John was turned away from the entrance, fixated on something in the kitchen. Archie soon perked up from his bed upon being alerted to the detective’s presence and ambled over to him, jumping up a bit to paw at his leg. A small half-laugh, half-sigh sort of noise escaped his throat, and he can’t help but lean down to give the dog his due affections. “That you, Sherls?” rang that oh-so-familiar voice, whose owner soon turned around to discover the answer to his own question. “Oh good- I uh-” He shifted back to what could now be seen as two pots on the stove. Next to it, two plates ready to go with one half of Sherlock’s favorite comfort meal.

“Did you make-?” “Yep, just ah- just finishing up the sauce here.” Soon enough, tomato sauce was poured onto the penne noodles, cooked just as it was preferred, down to the very brands of sauce that were combined to create what was often described as “the perfect array of flavors.” He really did care for him… The thought made the taller man smile.

Both men soon took their seats, glasses of water already set at the couch table that John brought their plates over to. It isn’t even a few seconds, though, until the shorter shuffled back to the kitchen to retrieve the earlier cup of tea from the microwave. “It’s not as warm as it was earlier,” he sheepishly explained after sitting back down, “but I figured it’d be a shame if I just tossed a good cuppa of Chamomile. Besides, I didn’t know if you’d want it later and-” “Thank you.” His voice was soft, though his smile seemed softer. The sight alone brought a tinge of warmth to John’s cheeks. “Oh- Yeah, of course. Anytime.” Just as that second nature of kindness fascinated Sherlock so, too, was he fascinated by the patience of some of the people around him. Never cross when emotions threw his tone and temperament out of balance (not unless it was deserved, anyhow), yet never infantilizing him due to his behavior. There were times where it felt close, yes, but many times it was for good reason. Many others it was because of genuine concern for his well-being, just as he cared for theirs. In his own way, yes, but still never usually questioned in a negative light. Another thing he admired about the man that was John Watson, it seemed…

Minutes went by filled with nothing but the clinks of forks on plates, the occasional scratches and wanderings from Archie, the doctor talking to himself and the dog a bit. All the while, Sherlock attempted to keep his metaphorical ducks in a row internally. His thoughts raced around in the waters, threatening to spill out at times where a random urge struck him, only to be pushed back by the dam that was anxiety and comforting food filling his mouth.

‘If you tell him now, you’ll ruin the plan,’ Sherlock tells himself. ‘Have dinner, then go over the bullet points, rehearse what you want to say, then just say it. That way you say everything you want to say, you don’t embarrass yourself, and-’

“I love you.” Even Archie seemed to go silent at the words, ones that the detective didn’t even realize have left his mouth until he noticed John staring back at him in awe. Maybe he didn’t hear…? “You…? Sorry, what?”

‘Bugger.’  His complexion was quick to match the podcaster’s flushed face and then surpass it, the dam beginning to crack under pressure as he finished his bite of penne, careful not to choke on it. 

“There’s a stampede in my chest that I cannot control and it drives me mad when I am around you.” The anxious stimming started as fidgeting with the fork. 

“There are times where I have to watch you through my fingers because staring at your face for too long causes a bubbling in my stomach and chest that is almost nauseating.” Then it transitioned to snapping once the plate was put down. 

“It is an absolute whirlwind that has distracted me for some time now.” Then his leg was bouncing. 

“With you I am both anxious and at peace and comforted and confused and all sorts of things in between that I can hardly decipher on my own-”

Then-

“Woah- woah woah woah-” The plate and fork alike have been placed onto the table, the blonde holding up his hands in Sherlock’s general direction. “Easy, mate, easy.”

He did his best to do so, to “take it easy,” as it may, even if he felt the exact opposite in the current moment. Alarms rang in his mind, blaring at how he had completely and utterly ballsed up his whole plan after Mariana had so carefully gone over things with him. And now what would happen? Who was to say what would happen now?

“...Sorry,” the detective murmured, looking down at his plate with a twinge of guilt tainting those striking eyes of his, complimenting the embarrassment clearly shown on his florid face.

“No, no, you’re okay!” blurted John, almost instinctively placing a hand on his arm without a second thought. “I…uhm…”

The unexpected rise in volume gave Sherlock just enough courage to raise his gaze to glance at the man next to him, only to be met with a face similar to his own. Blushing, nervous, avoiding eye contact, smiling. He was… smiling? “I… I love you too, mate...”

It was almost amusing how much four simple words could mean to a person, how much weight they can carry coming from the right people. All of this pressure inside of the detective, fizzing and soaring and popping like fireworks inside of him. A slight smile creeped onto his face, even if he did think it premature, as he hadn’t even confirmed the meaning of these four - or rather, five - words.

“You… love me? You-” “Yeah- uhm-” John cleared his throat as a means of pausing before speaking. “I have for a while, mate, I just… each time I thought about bringing it up, I got this… this sinking feeling in my chest. Like something-” “-would go horribly wrong if you revealed your feelings?” Sherlock’s smile grew as he finished John’s sentence, particularly when being met with a nod of confirmation.

“Y-Yep. Dead on there, Sherls.”

The doctor’s flatmate soon pulled him into a tight hug, burying his head in the crook of the man’s neck. A factor that, especially when he could feel his best mate’s warmth, only increased his own. Nevertheless, he hugged back tight, above the diaphragm just as Mr. Holmes liked it. His arms stayed there, too, even as they both pulled out of the hug. It worked out, though, as Sherlock’s arms also seemed comfortable wrapped around John’s torso. “I love you,” he proclaimed once more, as if to triple confirm they shared this feeling.

“I love you too,” John echoed, laughing upon being given a second, shorter hug before the detective - his detective - is zooming around the flat, jumping up and down with a grin. 

‘Good grief is he adorable when he’s happy,’ the doctor silently pondered. Because they were, truly, especially now. They were both in love and happy. 

Even if the road to the moment had its bumps, they were both content with that.

 —- ‪‪❤︎‬ —-

[catcas22]

Hi Cat!

I was wondering if you have any thoughts on the description of the Lamenter's Mask!

A stone mask twisted into an expression of rapturous grief. Use while disrobed to transform into a lamenter.

The change cannot be undone except by death. Using this mask while already transformed causes the head to swell in size.

This transformation tallies with the state of a denizen of paradise, but the people of the tower denied and hid it from the world. In their foolishness, they viewed true bliss with deep fear.

I think this could have some interesting implications for the Age of the Crucible. It's also rather curious that the Hornsent ("people of the tower") would "deny and hide" the Crucible transformation.

As an aside, what do you make of the Lamenters in general? They have the skin/horns/scars of Omens, but their humanlike proportions are what throws me. With the exception of Morgott and Mohg (who are demigods and therefore probably not good type specimens), Omens have this barrel-chested, stubby, ogrelike physique. The implication that Lamenters are made, not born, and the ways in which their appearance differs from the Omen are super interesting to me.

Hi Bri, thanks for the ask!

This one kept me up all night :P I think I actually found a plausible answer! Let me start by laying out what we know of the Lamenter at face value.

Lamenter's Mask

A stone mask twisted into an expression of rapturous grief. Use while disrobed to transform into a lamenter.

The change cannot be undone except by death. Using this mask while already transformed causes the head to swell in size.

This transformation tallies with the state of a denizen of paradise, but the people of the tower denied and hid it from the world. In their foolishness, they viewed true bliss with deep fear.

Lamenting Visage

A stone lantern carved to resemble a lamenting human head, the eyes vacantly beaming out light. Can be raised up when equipped in the left hand, illuminating more of the surrounding area. The unusual expression somehow imparts a sense of contentment. The languid ease of one who needs not sight.

Prattling Pate "Lamentation"

Twisted clay sculpt in the shape of a human head. Emits a blissful "Lamentation".

The voice resounds, seeping into the brain.

Weeping, weeping, weeping. Ever weeping.

Other important points -- all of these items (and the Lamenter himself) are found in the Lamenter's Gaol, one of three gaols where those who will become jar innards are held and tortured before being processed. Additionally, the Lamenter seems to have horns curling back into both his eye sockets.

I see a common thread between these three descriptions. Despite all evidence, we are told that the grieving individual is actually perfectly content. The grief is "rapturous," the blinded Lamenter is experiencing "true bliss," his expression is actually one of "contentment" because he doesn't really need his eyes. Despite the Pate "weeping, weeping, weeping, ever weeping," we are told that this lamentation is "blissful." I don't buy it... And apparently, neither did the Tower Folk. Instead they viewed their creation with fear.

Let's back up a bit. We know that via the means of chopping people up and packing them in jars, the hornsent hoped to create "saints," specifically via rebirth.

Bonny Village Spirit

For pity's sake, your place is in the jar. Nigh-sainthood itself awaits you within. For shamans like you, this is your lot. Life were you accorded for this alone.

Greatjar

A greatjar which fits comfortably over the head when upturned. Attire of the shamans who perform their worship at gaols. Increases the power of thrown pots of all sizes. They offer their prayers to the innards of the greatjars, such that they might be reborn one day into sainthood. This is the cycle of death and rebirth, taken into the hands of mortal men.

(Note: In the first quote, "shaman" is translated from the Japanese "Miko," which consistently refers to Marika's people and could be better translated as "shrine maiden." In the second quote, "shaman" is translated from the Japanese "kitoushi" and connotes something more along the lines of a priest or an elder.) Thank you @drenched-in-sunlight!

We also know that the hornsent see horns as a symbol of the divine, the bigger the better.

Fine Crucible Feather Talisman

A talisman fashioned from thin feathers that embody the aspects of various creatures. Said to have grown on the human body long ago. Improves backsteps but increases damage taken at all times. Hornsent view the Crucible as sacred for the refinement wrought through its evolutionary gifts. Most prominently, their tangled horns.

Horned Bairn

Doll of a tanglehorn bairn. Uses FP to summon vengeful spirits around the caster that autonomously chase down foes. Tangled horns are a symbol of spirituality, but most young born bearing the oversized horns meet a frightfully early demise. These fetishes are made to memorialize them.

Looking at omen in the base game, their horns seem much more chaotic and impractical than those of the hornsent. Most hornsent have a very manageable little crown of horns on their heads, and even the Horned Warrior's horns don't seem terribly impractical. Whereas omen horns seem like they would be both painful and extremely cumbersome.

(Sourced from BonfireVN on youtube)

While the standard omen enemies from the base game don't match the physique of the Lamenter, we do see a few examples of omen with lankier builds. Morgott is obviously larger than a common omen, but his proportions are that of a tall, rangy human. The Sanguine Nobles also seem to be omen, as they have horns that do not appear as part of their armor set.

(Sourced from Zullie the Witch on youtube)

The more ogre-like omen seem quite similar in build to the bloodfiends from the DLC.

Also, compare Mohg's build to Morgott's (both images sourced from Bonfire VN)

I wonder if the short, broad stature might be a side effect of glutting oneself on the power of the Formless Mother. We know she tends to choose her vassals from among the oppressed, we know that Esgar Priest of Blood was proselytizing in Leyndell's sewers, and we know from the Sacred Bloody Flesh item that the bloodfiends consume her blood as a standard part of their diet. The Sanguine Nobles seem to break the pattern, but they could be newer recruits, or they could be more judicious in their consumption of blood. Either way, we have a few examples (Morgott and the Sanguine Nobles) of omen with a build similar to the Lamenter.

One more point before I start bringing this to a conclusion -- although we only have visual clues to go on with the omen, with the misbegotten we know for a fact that their Crucible mutations come with health complications and cause them a degree of pain. Perfumer Tricia made it her life's work to treat such cases, and in the main game we see many misbegotten in Leyndell who appear to be seeking treatment from other perfumers.

Back to the Lamenter. I proposed in a previous theory (x) that omen might be the product of the hornsents' attempts to produce a "saint." Via the Dungeater's questline, we know it works in concept. By torturing a person in a specific way and doing unspeakable things to their soul, you can cause them to be reincarnated as an omen. I think that's exactly what the Lamenter is -- an early success. A saint.

The problem being, he's in obvious pain. He has horns growing through both of his eyes, and he's constantly wailing. He is everything that a hornsent raised in that culture would aspire to be, and by that same fact he lives a life of constant pain, darkness, and misery.

Of course they reject him. First they try to convince their followers that his weeping is actually an expression of bliss. He's blind because he's too enlightened to need his eyes (think the way the cultists in Midsommar talk about the disabled oracle). When that doesn't catch on, they lock him away and keep trying. It adds yet another twist of tragedy to the atrocities of the Potentates -- sainthood is not a goal just beyond their reach. They've already found it. And after all the innocent lives that they sacrificed to create that saint, they can't stand to look at him.

Thanks for the ask!

[monstermoviedean]

the thing is. does cas ever actually really apologize? i remember him saying “i failed you dean/jack/ma—” and “i dropped by the ball” and like yes he is visibly guilty which implies he’s sorry, but i genuinely can’t recall him ever actually verbalizing “i’m sorry” regarding his actions or mary’s death itself??

and look i’m not saying that would’ve made everything better. ofc not. but i’m the type of person who genuinely really appreciates verbal apologies, giving and receiving them. and i guess it just bugs me a little, personally, that cas says he “already apologized” to dean about mary when he sorta kinda didn’t? and then it turns into a fault of dean’s? idk idk i guess i’m just rambling and ranting in your asks lol

i was wondering this myself so thank you for giving me the perfect opportunity to go back and look!

tl;dr he says "i'm sorry" about not telling dean and sam about jack killing felix, and he says "sorry about rowena" once she's dead. that's it. all attempts at apologies under the cut (and some response to the rest of what you said)

disclaimer that it's possible i missed something, but i scanned the transcripts for 14x18 through 15x03 and here's everything i can find cas saying that is apology-related.

apologies in 14x18:

so this is definitely an apology for not telling them about felix. it's an explanation of why he wanted to believe jack was good and why he didn't tell them. it's somewhat accepting responsibility for mary's death BUT. he is trying to say he failed her. not that he did anything wrong, but that because he failed while trying to do the right thing, that's why she's dead. i get what he's going for but i think that a statement like "i failed" is often expected to be followed with "no you didn't, it's okay." it's not the same as "i'm sorry" to me, though i do think cas was genuinely trying here.

nothing in 14x19, 14x20, 15x01 (mostly cas defending jack and suggesting he did nothing wrong or didn't know he was doing something wrong)

15x02:

he again names that not telling dean about jack was an issue, but then it's "what happened with your mother." it's oddly divorced from the context. it's kind of passive. like it was some tragic accident that couldn't have been prevented. i think cas might think it was an accident, and i think that's okay - but i would imagine dean would react poorly to hearing it framed as an accident when someone killed his mom.

aaaaand 15x03:

that's it. that's the apologies.

there's definitely feelings of guilt, and attempts to take responsibility, but in doing so cas is extending the existing patterns. he's not apologizing. he is saying "ah, it's my fault and i feel bad so i will fix it by doing good things" and then not communicating about that or trying to learn from his mistakes. for me, the "i'm sorry" matters, but the intent matters more.

totally respect your position on verbal apologies - that's entirely valid and i get it! just speaking for myself here. if cas didn't say "i'm sorry" but was clearly trying to change his behavior in a way to repair their relationship and make up for what he'd done, i would be okay with that. if he said "i'm sorry" but didn't really seem to mean it, it wouldn't sit well with me. but here he seems to genuinely believe he has apologized, he has done enough to earn forgiveness. and that's a little baffling to me. i'm not expecting cas to give a therapy-speak perfect apology but i'm expecting a little more than this.

thank you for rambling and ranting in my asks i always appreciate it <3

update: i think cas felt remorse for what happened to mary. not questioning that. but i also think he was apologizing more because he wanted to move along with the process. he wanted to apologize as soon as possible because the logical steps go: 1) cas apologizes 2) dean accepts and/or forgives and/or makes cas feel better about it 3) back to normal. and i can understand cas wanting to get back to normal and this being an expression of grief. but i also don't think dean is wrong for not wanting or being okay with that.

[terapsina]

EPILOGUE - Part 4 - She's Come Undone and Set Free- Angry BAMF Elena Fic - FINAL CHAPTER

relationships: elena/elijah, elena & rebekah, elena & caroline, elena & bonnie, caroline/klaus, bonnie/rebekah

summary:

She’d been free. Freed from a conscience she couldn’t afford to give up again. Free from the grief she’d never actually wanted to abandon, not until the choice was taken from her. But also free from the two brothers that had been taking choices away from her from the moment they’d come to town.

And she didn’t want to give that freedom up. She wouldn’t. Not ever again.

/or/

When Elena feels her humanity returning she finds herself focusing on having finally been free from the Salvatore brothers, and doesn't abandon her justified anger. Unfortunately, she also realizes that her sire bond to Damon isn't fully broken and goes to Rebekah for help, help that involves a little trip to New Orleans.

On the way, Elena will have to deal with her newly returned humanity as well as some long-awaited truths about Caroline's old relationship with the older Salvatore.

There are some things that even the most compassionate person could never forgive.

read on AO3:

                   Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14 | Ch15 | Ch16 | Ch17 | Epilogue Part 1 | Epilogue Part 2 | Epilogue Part 3 | Epilogue Part 4

sneak peek:

It took Elijah a single look to complete the pieces of the puzzle. Klaus exuded fury, - which admittedly by itself might have meant it happened to be Tuesday, - but underneath that, his brother looked as he did any time someone he loved had been hurt or under threat, ready to tear the guilty party limb from limb and enjoy the entire process. And yet Elijah knew that everyone was as safe as they ever were right now. Which meant only one thing. He hissed out a long breath and went over to pour two glasses of scotch, not for the first time infinitely glad that all the Daggers were safely out of Klaus's reach. At least for the moment. "Where is he?" Klaus asked, weight on every syllable and slaughter behind his eyes. "He?" Elijah said, playing pretense a moment longer. It might seem counterintuitive to anger Niklaus further, but he knew his brother well enough to know that irritation would wake some edge of sanity in him. If he let Klaus continue in this particular kind of mindset, the collateral damage would likely be a great pain to clean up. "Do not play with me, Elijah. You put a bounty on Damon Salvatore's name years ago, and he is not nearly as clever a prey as Katherine. You know exactly where he is, you must."