#yeah ‘feeling like the worst person ever’ is a symptom of this other thing

[painted-kneecaps]

me when i experience a symptom of my illness: surely this is not, a symptom of my illness but in fact an indication of something Far More Sinister

[golden-afternoon]

Yeah I was working on another actual fic but uhhh the 'Nari brainrot took over so uhhh here take me going insane over him and rambling about what comes to my mind. Kay? Kay.

Warnings - nsfw, mating cycle talk from a person who only has google by her side, absolutely not proofread having gone straight from brain to paper, and just know there is a solid chance I'll have more to say about this in the future.

Tighnari, by his very nature, is a very compartmentalized person. His own problems stay within himself to be dealt with later when he is done and everyone else's needs are already attended to. Always concerned with helping others and keeping things in order, even to the point of staying up into the early hours of the morning, less concerned with himself than those around him. If he’s ever struggling with anything at all, he will do absolutely everything in his power to keep anyone from knowing about it, much less something as personal as this.

In the early months of the year, especially as Lantern Rite nears, Tighnari becomes withdrawn. Quieter, more distant. The Forest Watchers have been talking for forever back and forth swapping theories and rumors in not so hushed tones.

“I heard Master Tighnari lost a family member around this time of year.”

“Really? I heard he just reeeeally hates any kind of festivities especially Lantern Rite because it's so noisy, even when not in Liyue.”

“I dunno, maybe he's just sensitive to the cold?”

Unlike the usual case where he was quick to nip such chatter in the bud and tell off the Rangers for gossiping, he remains entirely silent on the issue, otherwise carrying on as usual. Setting up excursions, documenting his findings, helping and guiding wherever he was needed…

Until he just can't stand it anymore. With hardly a word, save perhaps to Collei to ask her to care for things in his absence, he retreats, hiding himself away in his hut, barricading himself in completely so no nosy Rangers have any reason to loiter around.

He hates it.

He understands it's natural and it's going to happen and blah blah blah, but it was such a nuisance to his life he would give anything to not have to put up with it. The worst of it usually lasts a week or two before he can at least carry some semblance of normalcy and feel willing and able to return to work, but while he's in it, it drives him insane.

Some years it's so bad that he can't even focus on anything other than the absolutely filthy thoughts that plague his mind, his hands shaking so hard he can't even hold a pen long enough to attempt any sort of work. Even like this he just doesn't feel right not being productive especially when he's always running around here and there the rest of the year, why should this be any different?

Head slamming into his desk with a groan, a flush curling up his cheeks and neck. Eventually he has to crack, begrudgingly caring for the needs that grow and grow and grow and become nigh insatiable during his rut.

It starts out almost clinical, looking to just take care of a symptom of an illness almost. Face flushed, lips curled into a deep frown, he sits at his desk, fisting his cock with precision, hoping to get it over with as fast as possible by hitting everything just right.

But no. After dealing with this for years you think he would have known by now that just once isn't enough, yet he still hopes year after year. It only gets worse. Over and over and over again until he's just sore and it hurts. Until he can't keep jerking it lest he make his own skin turn raw. By this point he usually finds himself in his bed, ears flat and face buried into some blankets to muffle the pathetic whimpers that left his lips as he kept grinding his hips into the pillows over and over and over and over, chasing even the slightest modicum of relief.

And most of the time, as annoying as it is, it was completely fine for him to just be stuck imagining some faceless, nameless mate beneath him as he struggled to sate these urges. However, if Tighnari has a bit of a crush… Well, he'd be in for a rude awakening if he hadn't already acknowledged his feelings for you.

I could see poor Tighnari getting almost ill as he realized the cute moans he was imagining sounded a little too much like your voice. Everything freezes for a moment, his stomach lurching both from the realization and the sudden loss of friction when he faltered. He tries so hard to brush it aside, chastising himself for pulling you into his filthy mind right then. But it doesn't stop. Your face, your voice, your skin. Everything. Everything stays in his mind and he cannot stop it. He feels such overwhelming shame about it, but… he does eventually give in and just let whatever fantasies take root, especially since it seems to ease the feelings when he does.

But when he sees you after the worst of it is over and he leaves his hut, guilt grips around his heart and memories of those fantasies rush into his head, leaving him turning on his heel to avoid you at all costs, honestly risking you thinking he hates you with how intensely he's ignoring you.

It's even worse because Tighnari considers hiding in his hut again for even longer as usually he was fine when the worst of it passed, he could resume his duties, but with you around, he could feel his hands shaking, the intense urge to find you wherever you were and pin you down immediately was so strong it scared him a little. Sometimes it caught him off guard too, like he would catch your scent on the breeze and while in his rut, he would genuinely get so horny so fast he's gotten lightheaded, having to catch himself on whatever was nearby so he didn't go crashing down.

If he hated his rut before, the shame of all this made him absolutely loathe it.

Maybe one day you can find a way to make it a liiiiittle more bearable for him ♡

[starcurtain]

hi, me again. so like. i have NO idea how to write omegaverse. like yeah, i definitely was the beta reader for a 165k word omegaverse fic in a fandom that shall not be named, but. i?? how does one even BEGIN

(sincerely, sweating nervously)

Cryinggggg--I wrote like a massive response to this and then my cat jumped on the keyboard and closed the tab. Sorry if this response is not as great as it could have been. RIP my 1500 words. 😭 But trying to rewrite the original response:

I wish I could tell you, but... This is probably a bad time to confess that every fic I've ever written barely rises above the level of gen fic... because I'm super ace. Like, I can think up romance plots, but can I actually write them? PROBABLY NOT. 😂

However, if this is about the omegaverse plot in the Phaidei fic posts, I can share some other thoughts I had about that prompt, and maybe some of this will help you?

I think my key idea for this fic was that it focuses most on Mydei's issues with his body, and how he struggles because the way he looks externally just does not match who he is internally. Like yes, he values the physical strength and dominating presence because they help him keep command of the Kremnoan army and garner his people's respect, but... the whole thing is based on a lie. He's not the overpowering alpha they think he is, and honestly, he doesn't even want to be. He can't abandon rulership and leave his people to fend for themselves, so he has to keep his true identity as an omega secret, but if he had a choice, he would never choose to be this "strange" half-and-half existence. Why can't he just have been born like everyone else? Hell, even though Kremnos treats their male omegas terribly, it still might have been better to have born actually looking like a delicate omega than to be just... stuck between the two.

The point of the fic, obviously, is Mydei coming to accept himself as he is and recognizing that he is worthy of love, even if he doesn't fit his own culture's definition of "acceptable." But the problem is that he's spent so long living the lie that he's internalized it: Mydei is convinced that no one will ever want someone as "incomplete" as him. He's never let himself even consider the dream of having a mate, because how could he ever find someone willing to both keep his secret and accept a mate who doesn't fit anyone's standard for "normal"?

Meanwhile, poor Phainon is down bad. He thinks Mydei is also an alpha like him, but even if alpha-alpha partnerships are frowned on in Okhema, he doesn't care in the slightest. He would want Mydei with any secondary gender, in any form. He just wants Mydei, no matter what. The only thing holding Phainon back is his own anxiety: Sure he doesn't care about being with another alpha, but would Mydei care? Would Mydei think he's strange and reject him outright? Would it make things terribly awkward between them and damage their mission with the Chrysos Heirs? Would Mydei refuse to even look at him if he knew Phainon's interests would persist no matter what their current society defines as right or wrong?

Mydei, on the other hand, is SUFFERING™. He's an unmated omega with a clingy, unclaimed alpha around him at all times, one who has no boundaries about personal space and scenting because he thinks Mydei is another alpha. It is driving Mydei insane. Mydei can barely spend time with Phainon in the weeks leading up to his heats because Phainon keeps bringing on the symptoms early. (Stupid Deliverer, this is all your fault...) It's the worst thing ever because that's him. That's the best damn alpha Mydei is ever going to meet, the only person he's ever encountered that he could actually imagine being mates with, and Mydei's body is just... useless. Unappealing to an actual alpha. Socially unacceptable. Mydei is in love and also miserable.

(Basically, the feelings are very mutual but social pressure is making them both hesitate and think there isn't any way they can be together. Phainon just doesn't know the truth or realize Mydei's feelings, but even if Mydei knows they'd technically match, Phainon is Okhema's golden boy "Deliverer." Choosing someone who looks like another alpha, and is even Kremnoan on top of that, would only ruin his reputation.)

Maybe if anyone in this universe was capable of communicating, they wouldn't have such a hard time. 😂

Some other smaller things I was thinking of too:

Mydei being super good with kids and imagining himself having his own, but thinking something like that is out of his reach. The angst is real.

Mydei also super soft on Tribbie. He knows they're not actual children, but tell that to his instincts, because the message is not getting through.

Phainon totally misunderstanding Mydei's flat-out refusal to be naked with him in the bath. Yikes, Mydei won't even bathe with another alpha? He definitely isn't interested in me. T_T

Castorice being able to somehow magically sense people's secondary genders (I don't know how, Thanatos bullshit go~!), so she actually knows Mydei is an omega but she has no idea what to do with that information because clearly he's keeping it a secret? She's trying so hard to be supportive and to give Phainon and Mydei the encouragement they need, but ugh, these boys are so stupid.

Aglaea is a girlbossing alpha in the background. She doesn't actually know Mydei isn't an alpha, but she's suspicious, because Phainon is always accidentally challenging her authority while Mydei, despite looking like the most powerful alpha in the room, is strangely content to let her lead.

Kremnoan female omegas are as tough or tougher than the alphas of other societies, so the "normal" relationship in Kremnos is an alpha of any gender with a female omega. On the other hand, male omegas from Kremnos are super rare and tend to look very delicate; because they're unsuited for war, they basically get no respect in Kremnoan society. If Mydei revealed that he was an omega, the Kremnoans would definitely strip him of his authority. He's worried that they'll make the wrong choices if he does that, so he has to keep his secret or risk harm to his people.

I think this would have to be a world where betas either don't exist or are so rare that they don't even figure into the equation, because if Mydei could just pass himself off as a beta, that would kind of defeat the plot. 😂

Phew, I think that kind of covers what I originally typed. T_T Obviously you wouldn't have to use any of this, but I hope maybe this might give you an idea or two to help start?

[project-sekai-takes]

As a chronically ill person, I hate how Saki's chronic illness is handled in this game. Tw ableism ahead!!

Why is her illness just some kind of plot/narrative device for the writers to brush over. Sure, a character can be disabled without that being their entire personality. But why do the writers just sometimes go like "oh by the way Saki was chronically ill and was hospitalised" and move on. Why is a topic serious as that just a narrative device to ignore or modify/retcon however the writers please?

The biggest problem with this is that they never specified what her illness is, all we know is that she has a "weak body" and that's it. Her body is weak yes, but how so? Literally no further details is given which leads me to my second point. THE FUCKING WL2 CHAPTER OH MY GOD THAT SHIT PISSES ME OFF SO BADLY, fuck you mean in that alternative universe they made her hospital stay shorter and then when she comes back she exercises her illness away since she doesn't have any other lapses in health??? That's basically saying "Oh you are chronically ill? Don't worry just exercise and it will go away." that's a fucking crazy and down right ableist thing to write in a chronically ill's character story like what? I've personally gone through that and I absolutely despise how the writers handled this. Do they just only vaguely say that her only symptom is a "weak body" to excuse that absolutely ass chapter or to mask the writer's ableism? Have they even done any research on chronic illnesses at all?

The ablelist undertones in the writing too, fuck you mean Leo/need was separated BECAUSE of Saki's illness? And in that alternative universe in wl2, fuck you mean they would still stay together and Tsukasa won't feel lonely because Saki's illness healed quickly?? Are the writers hearing themselves out right now? Saki's illness has to be one of the worst written thing in pjsk's writing history honestly and it has gone like this ever since the very beginning of the game.

anyways uh sorry if this was messy I tried my best to maintain my composure here, but yeah.

-Slow Downer anon

.

[aquaticfreakshow-sys]

Reading the criteria and information on NPD in the DSM always makes me feel incredibly AWFUL about myself. And yeah that's probably BECAUSE of the NPD

But everything being said feels so fucking negative. Like it's just calling it the "I think I'm the best and deserve the best and will manipulate people to get it" disorder instead of diving into it and actually talking about the mindsets and emotions. Like, I know that I'm a VERY crash heavy person but it feels like that should not be the focus?? Idk.

I was considering NPD for a while, my therapist then confirmed those suspicions but he specifically stated that my severe lows and crashing fits with cases of NPD - and my constant seeking for compliments and nice comments and attention on the things that i make (writing, art, makeup, outfits, videos, OCs, etcetera) align with those things as well.

And the way I used to feel a few years ago, the "I'm better than this person, I'm better than these specific groups of people and ideas and communities" (no longer think this way, which is a very good thing.) and the weird obsession with being seen as a nice or welcoming person - the constant focus on being Good and sweet and loving and inviting, getting people to Like Me and think really nice about me. The "supply seeking" (hate the term supply but thats a different topic) with wanting everyone I talk to to have a good time and think that I'm better than how I actually feel about myself. Wanting people to have Nice things to say about me if they ever talk about me, defend me because I'm their friend instead of viewing me how I view myself.

I don't think I'm better - but I want to be Seen as something that is Good/Better. I don't think I actually deserve any high praise, or compliments, or love - but I desperately try to Get That and tend to rely on others having good things to say about the things I do and make or say or do (and just my whole Me) for motivation or belief in myself and self confidence. Without the positive input from others I feel worse than the worst, I don't believe in myself or feel like I'm the best. But I desperately want to.

I have the highs, the moments of losing myself and going from my usual indifference or self hate into the "I deserve to be seen and treated better than what I get" but it's so rare. Yeah, it does happen but it's NOT the main thing and i get into those spirals and mindsets so rarely that it feels disconnected from who i am overall and the rest of the symptoms.

My therapist said that All of That is NPD, and it is, but reading the DSM just makes it feel wrong. Like I'm wrong.

Idk. I'm fakeclaiming myself because of this and probably just need to go outside or something.

[daughterofevil158]

After Damon was shot, how does Jett react to realizing that Damon also got hurt during the accident, & how does he apologize? Does Damon forgive him immediately, or does it take time?

Prefacing with my personal interpretation of how their soulmark works (and a bunch of other stuff) (this ended up 3 paragraphs longer than I intended lol)

I've always been imagining the "shared pain" soulmark as having varied intensity among individual soulmate pairs. Basically, "If person A is in pain, person B feels 80-99% of that pain" because I'd think there would be some dampening due to person B not actually being injured (though I've been writing Jettmon portions as closer to the 99% threshold). However, the pain only subsides if person A does something about it. It's similar with things like illnesses and headaches (but technically worse for the illnesses since, because person B is only feeling the symptoms without actually being sick, they can still get the illness passed to them. Then person B is feeling A's illness on top of their own symptoms)

According to Jett's bio card, the accident was "just over a year ago," meaning he would've been about 19 (which, jesus christ man). And meaning Damon would've been 17 (jesus christ man). Neither of those feel like fun ages to go through that. Honestly feels like a tie when wondering who'd have it worse: Jett has to physically bear the scars of it along with dealing with the paparazzi, and Damon was a literal child who did not sign up for this. Plus in my OG post I mentioned it possibly happening during one of Damon's debates, so there's that too.

And while I mentioned here that there likely have been some bad injuries prior, the accident was definitely the worst. I feel like a year is maybe enough to, if not forgive, let any resentment go, but there's definitely a good amount in those first few months because being in pain sucks and being unable to do anything about it sounds like it sucks harder. But those prior injuries do leave the impression that clearly Damon's soulmate is either in a dangerous career or the clumsiest bastard who ever lived (and a bit more resentment fades when rationalizing that just being a klutz wouldn't be enough in this specific case, as well as remembering that they're also suffering from this).

Once Damon finds out it's Jett, there's the internal realization of "okay, yeah drag racing would explain all of that." And he's kinda just. Waiting for Jett to bring it up because Damon's already dealing with the Eva+Wolfgang situation, he does not want to add more on top of that unless he has to. And Jett's kinda just. Waiting for Damon to bring it up because surely if their soulmark was at a higher intensity he'd say something. Damon had never been seriously injured before so for all Jett knew the soulmark only projected some mild discomfort/pain, Once the Eva situation is mostly resolved it kinda slips from their minds.

At least until Damon gets shot and Jett realizes that, considering how bad that felt for him, his own pain from the accident must've been felt by Damon. And instead of being angry at him for ruining their lives, Damon had just been accepting his dumb requests for thumb wars and such. So in a nutshell, Jett's feeling Pretty Bad™

When he finally gets the chance to apologize once Damon awakens, his sincerity and genuine remorse help make up for him not being very good at wording things. And Damon's already had a year to process, and it already happened and can't be un-happened, and Jett clearly didn't know, so any lingering remnants of anger quietly wither away. There's definitely promises to be more careful once Jett's recovered enough to go back on the track.

(if you made it to the end, congrats! your reward is watching jett's ftes on repeat until you see the appeal of jettmon)

[foxonrollerskates]

Heres my vent/rant/unoriginal take for everyone: I'm just over the internets insistence on negative hyperbole. I hate how clickbait-y drama language has not only infected nearly every video on youtube/tiktok, but peoples actually speech.

Are you having the worst day ever, or are you having a few minor inconveniences? Are they actually the worst person ever, or do you just find them annoying? Do you hate this thing, or do you just not like it? These distinctions matter I promise! I'm not gonna sit here and say "oh you don't actually hate this thing uwu", I genuinely find those kinds of posts annoying. I'm just asking you to think about it.

It matters because constantly surrounding yourself with negative language will make you more miserable. This isn't the only reason people are miserable, obviously. Life sucks for multiple reasons for everyone. But constantly talking about how much life sucks, how much people are terrible, how nothings worth it and its all slop, doesn't fucking help!

You want a way to become less miserable? Become an optimist. I'm fucking serious. And throw away the notion that optimism is all naive sunshine and rainbows that doesn't acknowledge all the suffering of the world. Being able to recognize the pain others and you experience is the key to optimism. Optimism is recognize all the horrible things in life and knowing that it can change and become better. You will never find a solution if you don't believe it can change, you will never be happy if all you do is wallow in misery. Having hope will save your life I swear.

I'm not saying you shouldn't or can't vent. Being able to do so is essential for good mental health. But it can't be the only thing you do. Recognizing the good things in life, accepting and being thankful for the kindness from your friends/family/strangers is also essential. I know I sound like a boomer wellness influencer, but hear me out.

I was majorly depressed and suicidal through out elementary and middle school, I used to be like that. I used to believe I was a terrible person, unlovable, and everything I made/did sucked, and I acted like it. I never accepted praise, affection, kind acts, or compliments from anyone. I would counter these positive affirmations with stuff like "no lol it sucks aren't I terrible?" And I was miserable. I'll be honest, I don't know what triggered it, but I had the epiphany of "Hey maybe thinking that everyone who's nice to me is lying to save my feelings because they secretly hate is kinda unrealistic." All that stuff about being some sort of evil person suddenly felt cringe as fuck. So I started to accept people's compliments on my work and myself, and genuinely believe them. Not necessarily that I was pretty or whatever, but if that's what they say they think, then that's what they think. Instead of going, "oh no I don't deserve you're help I'm just a burden" I just accepted peoples help and expressed my gratitude. It wasn't all at once, and it was a slow go, but I did it. And you wanna know what happened? Do you wanna take a fucking guess? I became happier!!! Significantly happier!!! I hated myself less! Crazy, I know. I still am depressed and suicidal, it is a mental illness. But not giving into doomerism everything sucks and everybody hates me spirals genuinely helped me manage my symptoms. My friends and family love me because they say they do and they prove that to me all the time!!!

I am grabbing you by the shoulders you cannot little shit pessimist edgelord your way into a better life. Be honest with yourself; are you actually being realistic? Or are you just trying to get the first punch in? I used to think this way because I was a hurt kid and I thought it was protecting me, but it wasn't! It was just hurting me and those around me. Yeah, surprisingly constantly being an edgelord does hurt those around you. Like, by denying every bit of joy that comes your way, you are making other people miserable too. Everytime you shoot down someone expressing joy you are hurting their feelings. Everytime you deny people reaching out to you, you are hurting them. You. Are. Hurting. People.

And if your in a space that encourages this behavior? Get out! Get the fuck out! Those spaces are horrible for your mental health! You are putting yourself further into the fucking pit.

Nobody's gonna think "wow, you're so enlightened and such a realist" when you're being a miserable pessimist, they're gonna think "wow! This person is miserable!" And they're not gonna want to hangout with you. Or, alternatively, "Hey, why does my friend not believe me when express my love from them :(? Am I doing something wrong? Am I a bad friend? Does what I say mean nothing?" Because, y'know, having all attempts to express you love and appreciation for someone dismissed doesn't feel fucking great! And to be frank? Its annoying. This "noooo I don't deserve any kindness or love I'm a horrible person uwu" self-flagellation martyrdom bullshit gets real old, real fast. What? You want them to agree with you? Those are your friends, why do you WANT them to hate you? You think that's gonna protect you? Beating yourself down doesn't stop other people from doing it, it just pushes away the people who care about you. Everyone deserves love and support, but no one should force themselves to hang around someone who refuses to stop wallowing in self pity because its genuinely exhausting. If you act unlovable, you will become unlovable. If you act like everything sucks, everything will suck. You are in a self fulfilling prophecy.

You don't need to be perfect to deserve anything, people are giving you love because they love you! You deserve it. Please, I am begging you all to look at the kindness in front of you from people who WANT TO love you! They WANT TO help you! You have to let them. I am so tired of seeing the people I love lose themselves in a self imposed prison of misery. You will make mistakes, you will have set backs and relapses and it will hurt and be awkward and slow, but by fucking god you have to start. You have to start letting yourself feel joy and love. You will feel happier, I promise. It will get better, I promise. You have to believe it can change. You have to believe it gets better. You deserve better, let yourself have that.

And if you're reading this and going "oh yeah, this applies to other people but not me. I'm actually a terrible person unlike everybody else" I'm gonna stop you right there because surprise I used to think that way too, this applies to you.

I'll be blunt: you are not special. You are not some uniquely tragic irredeemable monster. Be so for real. You are a human person like the rest of us, ergo you deserve love and kindness like the rest of us. And lets be real here, pretending that you are some unchangeable villian is a real fucking convenient excuse to not try and be better.

And I'm sorry if this is mean and aggressive, but being coddled and cooed at never helped me. Realizing my self pity wasn't helping, realizing I was apart of the problem, did. I'm not expecting this post to radically change anyone's lives or something, but I just need to get this off my chest.

So uh. Yeah. Maybe talk about something you like today.

[shaky-b0n3s]

Big warning, this is a vent post because i'm losing my mind, and if i don't get my feelings out, i mighttt relapse or split or something idfk atp! Tw for mentions of suicidal thoughts, sh, neglect in several ways, abuse, and possibly more.

I wish people understood how i feel about death and sh more. I don't really want to necessarily die. I don't want to do it for sympathy or to hurt others. I don't want to do it out of selflessness. I just don't want to have to live with all this pain any longer.

Every day feels like a battle for me all because of others' decisions and actions towards me. I didn't choose to be this way. I didn't get the privilege to stop what was done to me. I just feel so out of control of my own pain. But i can control pain towards myself. Yeah, maybe part of it is for attention in a way, but not in the way most people assume. It's not for sympathy. It's a cry for help. Proof that i really am struggling.

I've been told my whole life that no matter what and how much i go through, others have it worse. My family doesn't understand how much everything i've been through affected me. They don't even know some of the stuff i've been through and seen.

And even in my lowest moments, they do not seem to care or notice. Fresh cuts and scars are never seen by them even when i wear tank tops right in front of them. Or maybe they do notice. Maybe they just think i'm not worth it. Who knows. My brothers have noticed before, but i was able to excuse it and change the topic. My cousin noticed as well, but i was able to do the same.

I used to be in therapy. I used to be on medication. My foster parents had realized something wasn't right. But 2ish years after my grandparents adopted me, my grandma took me off the medication and out of therapy because "they weren't good at helping me" which i mean yeah the one i had when i moved in with her was pretty bad but that was mainly because she wouldn't leave the room. I mean, what did she expect the therapist to ask me when she kept answering and speaking for me? Not to mention, she just stopped it all together. She didn't even slightly try to find a better one.

My grandma often treats me and my brothers like we are all 3 irrational and disrespectful. I get called crazy, over dramatic, irrational, disrespectful, lazy, bitchy, annoying, narcissistic, psychotic, ect ect daily all because of either small things or literal symptoms of mental illness. When i was in California this week, we went to the board walk, and at the very end, i ended up getting really overwhelmed, anxious, and overestimated, which ended in me having an anxiety attack. I found out about 2 days later that she had been talking behind my back to my cousin, calling me over draumatic and saying that because it's been getting worse over the years, that i must be acting out at least a bit of it. When in reality that means its not fucking fake and that somethings wrong. That means it is not just "shyness" like she says and that it's something i genuinely need help to get over. I have also found out that when i get upset, she tries to get my older brother to talk to me for her because "i don't talk to her." Oh, i wonder why! It's almost like any time i try to you either say im over dramatic and that it's not that bad, you scold me, or treat me like a damn baby. And she ALWAYS tells like the whole family, like lady, the whole family doesn't need to know my personal mental struggles.

And the worst part about this? She treats her fully grown adult kids like babies who can't do wrong. My dad fucking fought my uncle and punched a hole in the door early this month (he is homeless, schizophrenic, and a drug addict) and i was literally terrified and sobbing and literally pulled out a knife because i was genuinely scared he'd try hurting someone again and after my grandma dropped him back off on the street like 30 mins away where he just does whatever he does me and my brothers all said she better not bring him back ever again because that was genuinely insane and i was freaking out she was all "hes my fucking son i can bring him here whenever i want! I won't ever stop caring about him. He's my son!" Yeah, well, he's literally legally not supposed to stay at our house, and you literally swore whe you adopted us in court that you'd keep us safe. That's not fucking safe. And when my uncle stole her car right before my brother had to be dropped off for work, causing him to be over 10 mins late, she still refused to kick him out (hes almost 50 and still lives here) all because "oh well hes struggling hes going through a lot! His friend died last month!" Also, he shouldn't be here either because he's an ex drug addict?? Like he moved back in about a year or 2 after we were adopted, and at the time, people still came over and checked up to make sure the house was in the right condition for us to live there and she'd tell him to leave the house because they wouldn't let that slide especially because we we're fucking taken from our parents because of their neglect and drug abuse. Also, mind you, they grew up with 2 parents who yes fought sometims but not nearly as bad as they do now and 2 of them ended up drug addicts and she excuses it as much as possible all the time because "they are good people at heart" yet calls me and my brothers horrible people for showing mental health issues after experiencing neglect, going through foster care, watching OUR parents get physical with eachother, getting slapped in the face 24/7 by our mother, and more.

Oh, also when people used to still check our house the boys were required to have a room and so was i so we did but we have a 3 bedroom house and my 1st uncle whos ok i like him was still in highschool at first so he had the 3rd one and then after that the other uncle i talked about moved in so my grandma was SUPOST to be sleeping on the couch and thats what she told the people but guess what was really happening? She slept on MY bed while i would make a pallet on my floor. Every night. For years. I literally did not sleep in a bed in this house till in 7th grade when she finally got bunk beds, and in 9th grade, she finally actually went to the couch and i now finally have privacy. She lied to the people that i was sleeping well when, in reality, she had a growing child sleep on the floor who also before she adopted me was experiencing really bad pain every night so much so that my foster parents took me to the doctors sevral times to try and find out what was wrong and even had my blood pulled (i still do not know the cause of the pain). I have also not been taken to a dentist since 2019. She acts like she's an amazing parent while actively neglecting me medically, emotionally, and neglecting my basic care. She also doesn't get proper hair products for my hair and just gets stuff for her thin hair and expects it to be ok for me, too, doesn't get me any sort of stuff to take care of my skin besides telling me to use the lotion she uses which literally gives me an allergic reaction, and ignores the fact that the air conditioner i have literally has mold in it like i can see it very well and one year an older one i had that was also moldy leaked and got a bunch of other stuff moldy and she like barely cared??

Anyways, end of the story, i hate my family, especially my parents and grandparents, and my living situation is genuinely insane!!

[circulars-reasoning]

Recovery

“If you’re having this easy of a time with recovery, it means it wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be.”

A little over two years ago at this point, I began therapy for the first time. I was absolutely fucking terrified of it. I was terrified of opening up about the lie I'd clearly been living. I was terrified of a well-mannered person looking at me, listening to me, and saying "Is this way of viewing yourself really healthy?" And kindly and calmly explaining to me that I'd fabricated all that trauma, that my abusers weren't actually abusers -- that emotional neglect is more severe than what I'd experienced, and the reason I couldn't remember anything "bad" was because there was nothing bad to remember.

Instead, my therapist had one session with me, had me take a test to see the severity of my symptoms, and diagnosed me faster than I've ever heard of someone being diagnosed.

Just like that.

I have had so much integration since then. I can hear everyone clearly, without straining for it on purpose. I see my life around me, and I forget there's a whole life in my head that I used to spend 24/7 at until a friend reminds me of a time back then, and I remember who I used to be in full detail.

This week in therapy, we discussed my recovery. We discussed how I, as a part, am doing so, so much better than I've ever done -- and how I almost feel bad about it, because other parts aren't doing nearly as well right now. I'm not as depressed, I'm not as suicidal, and I have a lot of things I'm passionate about that I can rely on rather than harmful coping mechanisms -- and I talked about how other parts are more stressed than ever. "It's like they took the worst parts of who I used to be, because we're integrating now, so they have to carry the burden."

And my therapist looked at me, and said, "Why is who you used to be such a burden?"

Recovery hasn't been easy -- but I've definitely gone faster through some of these obstacles than I've seen others in my situation. I take the lessons and I absorb them like a sponge; in a matter of weeks, I completely stop spirals that would've wrecked me before, and push away relapse thoughts with a simple distraction rather than a mental breakdown. It hasn't been easy -- but god, is it easier than what I've seen my friends experience.

I look at my friends, and I see how much they struggle... I feel the need to express the struggles I've gone through. "Oh yeah, I was such a mess in college," I'd say. "I was such a wreck, constantly. My dissociation was so bad. I hated myself so much."

Why is who I used to be a burden?

Why is who I used to be someone I must kick down?

Will it really make me taller?

My homework for this week was very simple, and incredibly complex all the same -- and at the time, when he gave me the assignment, I had my doubts it was really as severe as he suggested. It wasn't until I got to the car with my partner of 6 years, and I told them about the homework that it clicked.

"He told me I need to be kind to my younger self, who I -- as a part -- used to be. He told me I needed to be more positive about that guy." "You know... I fell in love with that version of you." And I winced, because I wanted to laugh and cringe at what a mistake that was.

It clicked for me, today. How this connects to all that self doubt.

“If you’re having this easy of a time with recovery, it means it wasn’t as bad as you made it out to be.”

It always was just that bad. It was exactly as bad as I made it out to be.

But I was far better than I made myself out to be.

[wolfertinger]

Hitch having more and more of the typical anime human-looking flat face like how DJ did is such an uncanny valley. What have happened to "give that ___ a snout"? He's literally becoming like a pug in a worst way possible. Thinking of Hitch, I keep coming back to the past casual ableism of Salem in not being able to research what cane disabled people will use in different places or the fact that he constantly sexualizes the symptoms of toxoplasmosis as being the key dynamic in the pred/prey stuff that Hitch and Hitomi have going on. And even in retrospect, how can it even *be* sexual and horny from both angles when the actual "prey" just genuinely doesn't realize the danger? Why is only a transwoman depicted as the one with full realization? The important thing of predator/prey dynamic and, I would argue, the only key thing in it, is the actual fear (and then an arousal connected to it) that prey has. That what makes it "problematic" the similar way as "doctor/patient" and is interesting to explore in heatlhy or personal ways. But with Hitch not being scared it turns into the most vanilla shit ever. The only sexual focus there is the big asian transwoman feeling carnivorous. I WONDER WHAT IT IMPLIES :) Yeah, Salem, we get it, you want to be this tiny baby boy being devoured by a big transgal with giant cock, but with Hitch and Hitomi it turns into an ableist and transphobic shitshow rather what you and Wis fantasize about/message of support of disabled people and transwomen being depicted sexually with respect. Also, I'll never forget how Salem answered "yes! infact he was diagnosed with it by a mouse doctor and he usually forgets cuz he has other things on his mind." to question of Hitch possibly having toxo cause... Bitch, how do you forget about your disability??? Oh yeah, I forgot that I have to use the cane so I won't be in pain and is able to survive a flare-up because I was cheesed outta my miiiind. Fuck off, really. P.S. Do you know that rodents with toxoplasmosis do have, and I quote, "patterns of traveling greater distances, moving at higher speeds, accelerating for longer periods of time" and humans with toxoplasmosis can have "swollen lumph nodes, headaches, fever, and fatigue, or muscle aches and pains that last for a month or more." You see what this would make Hitch? A disabled person that struggles with the effects of his disability as both symptoms can cause a vast variety of damage due to them clashing. Yet you slap the cane in, talk about him having fatigue and muscle pain and the only thing from the mouse side of toxo is "ouuuuuu he doesnt feal fear for cats like his cat girlfriend!" that he also casually forgets he even has? Can't even write a disabled person without running into the fetish category.

.

[happyk44]

hiiii happy!!!! how do you feel abt jason's adhd? in my opinion, the books didn't really do a job illustrating it. how do you think it would manifest and affect him? i'd love to hear your opinion ☺️ i love you!!! 💖💓💗

Personally, I think of Jason as being autistic versus having ADHD. We know through Frank that having ADHD and dyslexia (both of which Frank does not have) is not an exclusive requirement to being a demigod. On top of that, Rick’s use of ADHD is not… great. My sister has been diagnosed with ADHD since she was five – she is very much the inattentive subtype, and I think Rick’s use of ADHD as a superpower of hypervigilance does sort of exclude people who primarily experience inattentive symptoms.

But those kinds of symptoms are not easily rewritten as “benefits” (which. yeah. It’s a disability), so I get why he didn’t include it. I remember reading a while back that when the books were first published, rewriting ADHD as a superpower/benefit to kids who had it was a common narrative, so, like, okay, but also. It’s been two decades.

But anyway. Jason. Yes! In general:

He gets easily distracted by different tasks, but to other people it just looks like he’s multitasking

He forgets to take care of himself a lot, forgets to eat, shower, drink water, sleep, talk to people and be social, etc

Auditory processing issues. During long speeches he starts to zone out because the sound eventually merges into all the other background noise he’s trying to filter out (wind powers and wolf vigilance amplifies the sound of everything) so he often encourages people to just get to the point and be upfront, and gets frustrated when people won’t. Also can’t stand people who talk in monotone (which is ironic because I think Jason doesn’t inflect or shift his voice very much)

Leo definitely uses his voice in various tones during conversation, so while Jason is like “oh my god, please stop talking in circles I have no idea what you’re saying”, it’s a lot easier for him to listen to Leo’s rambling monologues because he doesn’t speak in one or two tones

If it doesn’t interest him, the conversation can start to blur together as well because he struggles to focus on what’s being said. Fortunately, just because of how CJ and New Rome are structured, most topics at hand are things he likes (ancient Rome, gods, politics, etc). Unfortunately, Jason doesn’t really have strong human connections and his position as the golden boy of Camp Jupiter, champion of Juno, son of Jupiter, etc, etc, etc distances him from a lot of people so casual topics, like video games or TV shows, rarely get brought up to him in the first place

The onslaught of sensory issues makes it hard for him to focus. He’s taught himself how to filter things out, but it’s a constant practice to do and gets very tiring

Object impermanence – if he can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Luckily for him, he doesn’t own a lot of things, but for things he has to keep tucked away in a drawer (like clothing), he slaps labels onto the container/drawer. Everything else, like the couple of misc trinkets he owns, he keeps out and obvious

One of things he does to help it avoid blending into the background is using sharp colour contrasts. So if its important – like medication or something, he might use a bright yellow basket on top of a black dresser or whatever because the yellow stands out so sharply it’s hard for the basket to blend into the background and so he remembers to take his meds.

Another thing is moving location. So he might move the basket from one side the dresser to the other and back again every so often

He’s pretty good at maintaining habits and routine (autism), but also if something happens that throws off the routine it takes months to get back on track and it is the worst thing ever, it is grueling and he hates it. Habits and routine are not innate, they are a constant active conscious choice he makes every day

Making plans can be difficult, even in battle or on quests when strategy is key. He can get tripped up on the small details and overlook the larger picture, or be so focused on the larger picture, he doesn’t see the small details. Because people have been so reliant on him for strategy, he’s more or less managed to get away with looking competent, but it’s always a competition with himself to remain on task, instead of narrowing into something that doesn’t matter

People will often comment on how fast he can get things done but its literally that he gets things done fast because sometimes he waits too long to do the thing (procrastination) and now he’s got like five seconds to the deadline, OR he has a burst of focus and gets that thing done as fast as he can before the executive function dips

He does get bored easily, so he'll flit between task to task, but it’s really that he needs stimulation, needs to be doing something, and if he’s not doing something, he’s losing his mind, and because he lacks a core sense of identity, he flits from task to task to find something that interests him (but there’s so little that does because he does not know who he is and he’s just mimicking people and it’s not the same)

Emotional dysregulation

He gets lost in his own head a lot. Part of it is just standard dissociation, but the other part is that his brain is always on, everything is firing at all cylinders, there is no quiet, it’s just noise and reminding himself of things he needs to get done on repeat, 24/7, loud as can be and he can't turn it off or lower the volume. His brain is full of bees and they won't stop buzzing

As a result, he probably has pretty bad insomnia

I think he has a lot of trouble getting stuff started. Body doubling encourages him to get started on stuff, and he’s never not been surrounded by at least one other person, so when he starts living alone in Cabin One after The Lost Hero, he is so confused that he can’t seem to force himself to pick up his shirt off the ground. And it just stays on the ground for days. Until he runs out of clean underwear and has no choice but to pick it up to get laundry started

He doesn’t own enough stuff to be fully disorganized, but if he does, he’ll have the most organized areas in his room ever, and then his closet is a mess because “well I don’t go in there a lot”

I think he tries to keep a spreadsheet/list of items he owns that he doesn’t use very often, but he still has doubles of a few things. Also so many batteries. He’s constantly like “I don’t think I have enough batteries” and then he buys the batteries and comes back, goes to update the list on the back of the door and it’ll be like “you have batteries. Stop buying batteries. There are too many batteries” and then he throws the batteries in the box that’s overflowing with batteries and forgets they exist again, but then, when he does need the batteries, it takes him so long to find the box

He would self-medicate on coffee if he didn’t hate the taste. He also doesn’t like soda. Or chocolate. So, you know, RIP to him. He’s rawdogging life. At least Leo can inhale caffeine like his life depends on it

He has the waiting mode problem, where if he has something scheduled at a certain time, it doesn’t matter how much time he has until that thing, he just. Waits. For the thing. Like he could get so much done in that time, but he can’t. Again, body doubling has helped, but living alone makes it so much harder

Reward systems don’t work with him. He doesn’t get the same sense of satisfaction that a neurotypical would after getting a reward after task completion. So when he absolutely needs to get something done but his brain is like “nah we gotta sit here and stare at this wall for seven hours while dissociating”, he just ends up screaming at himself a lot

Jason’s probably in a burnout so intense that if he took a minute to rest, his body and mind would shutdown for like three years.

He forces himself to get things done and screams at himself the entire time, and it hurts in a way he doesn’t understand but he has to do these things because there’s no other choice and people are relying on him.

Since he’s been groomed for leadership since day one, he’s never really had a chance to breathe that the other kids would get, so even when he finally has the chance to rest, it’s like his mind knows how unsafe that would be because shutting down completely would never be safe for him (trauma!!) so he just refuses to rest, which involves a lot of him getting lost in his own head or hyper-focusing on something (like spreading recognition of minor and forgotten gods) instead of. You know. Breathing

I think a lot of his issues with ADHD become more present after TLH when the quest is over and he’s alone. CHB has structure, but its not as narrow as Camp Jupiter’s routine and structure, and Jason lives alone, operates his own schedule, doesn’t really have other people to remind him of things, etc, etc, so the sudden shift makes him start to spiral a bit in his fears of incompetence.

It’s not that he’s incompetent, he’s very competent, but his problems were never as evident because other people had his back as he had theirs. He’s kind of like people w/ undiagnosed ADHD or autism who leave their support systems for university and suddenly school and life is the most difficult thing in the world, when before it was a lot easier

Timeblindness does affect him a lot, especially when he's doing something he enjoys. He wears a watch everywhere. And has a lot of backup watches

A lot of these probably overlap with autism but like, lol, I do primarily view him as autistic.

[baenyth]

Bethany's Bizarre Miraculous Reviews Episode 4-11: Guiltrip

Holy crap Lois! Juleka and Rose episode! Even if it involves the Worst Akuma!

Oh, there's Lila.

Damn nobody gives a fuck

Wouldn't Juleka normally accompany Rose to th-oh, right. Plot. Either that or that class rep thing that was only mentioned in one episode and then, like, never again.

And then Sissy keeps her long.

I... want to say something to that scene but I don't have anything. It's just giving secondhand embarrassment.

Ooh, new set!

Marinette, I'm not sure if @ing everyone is a good idea in the slightest.

-Is that another crudely-done live action edit?

And then they treat her differently.

Because she has friends, Hawkmoth. Unlike you.

Oh, so that's where that image used on the wiki comes from.

Wait, does Rose have an ahoge? I've never noticed that.

Yep. Here comes the secondhand embarrassment. AUEIUGHEIUGHEIUGHEIUGHEIUGHEIUGHEIUGHEIUGHEIUGH

Juleka's pissed. I don't think I've ever seen her genuinely pissed before. I like it.

pfffft all of them right at the door

EHEUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

Somehow the most reasonable students are Chloe and Lila in this situation. Oh god.

Yeah, Hawkmoth is Lesbophobic. He always gives lesbians the ugliest forms, or in Vanisher's case, no form at all. Chloe doesn't count. She's still in denial and so is Hawkmoth.

The worst akuma now has her own extra-vile dimension. Revolting.

Eh. The transformation could be worse.

The self-loathing dialogue feels off, at least in the dub. Chat Noir barely sounds like he cares that he's about to off himself. Especially compared to Chat Blanc.

Damn, Rose would make a good magical girl! Without this Miraculous stuff too! Give her a non-miraculous transformation trinket and an oversized caterpillar! Not you Kyuubey. Fuck your contracts. I'm going to stick a power drill in your head and turn the drill on.

Wait, did Chat seriously not see or hear Pigella transform? Also that was a good transformation sequence. Five stars.

Motherfucker! It's clown-themed! Or are they all akuma-themed?

Hm. Interesting episode. As someone who knows too much about Doki Doki Literature Club and Smiling Friends, however, I have my doubts that Rose is completely positive and upbeat like that and also a good person. A while back I actually ended up coming up with my own headcanon:

Basically, the reason for all of Rose's positivity is Ladybug. Before Ladybug, before Alya, Chloe ruled the school with a gilded iron fist, and she loved to make Marinette and the other girls suffer, and while Rose still had her happy-go-lucky persona back then, it was a facade to try and make herself and others better. Nino was clearly very depressed in Origins before Ladybug was there, and Rose succumbed to Despair in the Heroes' Day two-parter specifically after Ladybug turned evil.

Also, as for what disease Rose has, since I am very dedicated and deep-feeling about details, while most people go with cancer, the fact that the class got into that much of a funk over a sneeze makes me doubt that. People don't associate cancer with sneezes. Here's what I have on the disease:

Doesn't seem to be contagious

Dangerous enough for the class to treat Rose like porcelain

Symptoms include headaches and possibly sneezing

Unpredictable, can spike up at any time

Does anyone know of any diseases that have all of these?

[imogenleewriter]

I would have waited for it to be over to rr the whole thing, write a rant simultaneously and then send but lmfao the ne chapter needs to be ranted about.

(I'm only 2 words in)

Not Louis being smarter than Harry lmao.

Yeah, Louis it's LITERALLY the only explanation my brothah stop lying

'symptoms' BAHAHAHAHA

Not Louis being SCIENCE and Harry being completely inexperienced on falling in LOVE LMFAO

Noooooo Louis knows what those feelings are cuz everytime he triggered then he also felt them himself 🥲🤏

✨Love ✨

Not harry's symptoms being his literal FEELINGS FFS

Nooooo Louis only has a theory. (I need Zayn to somehow find out about this debacle and repeat it at their wedding or to their children (whichever option Harry hates more and Louis is less wary of))

Yeah Louis you're definitely, DEFINITELY misinterpreting this YUP YEAH sounds about right

(side note:- idk how you even ever manage to put so much work into something you do for free and get so much stupid comments for but I will ALWAYS be SOOOO GRATEFUL 🥲 like these are the highlights of my shitty days I can't believe you do it for free TYSM TYSM THANK YOU SO MUCH 💗💗💗)

(also:- a massive, massive thank you to everyone who supports you and helps you because- just- just- LOOK how amazing these are I literally can't rn-)

Knowing for sure that Harry isn't sick, I do kind of understand why Louis is hesitant to assume Harry's just in love with him because imagine your crush is casually dying in your arms out of a heart attack or something and you are just like "dw, bestie, your heart is fully functional, you just have feelings ❤️"

Ok so rn I am at the place where Louis is thinking about how Harry can totally have feelings for him but still not want a relationship and just- *sigh* don't you just HATE it when a character who is clearly miscommunicating still make sense in their monologue based on what their arc and personality is? *sigh again*

It's so funny that the tables have COMPLETELY turned this time around now HARRY is an oblivious idiot but LOUIS KNOWS!!!!

(I love how subtle this shift is btw because I'm not really sure why but in my brain Louis' characterization seemed like he knows his problems and would just rather be in blissful denial about it, yk? But Harry always seemed like a person who would look at others worst emotions when directed at himself but forgive the other person and not himself)

Looking at Louis's inner monologue rn is so funny because he is just like "omg I cracked a case"

Help-this is getting too long for an ask but basically my point is that if I have been procrastinating this ask for ages and I am still stressing over the semantics in it then you being stressed over the complete masterpiece literature you create that I and so many other people are lucky enough to find then IS MORE THAN REASONABLE!!!!

So THANK YOU

I'll just read the rest by myself sorry 😐 I'll add it to the inevitable rant I'll send in your dms whenever I can complete it lmao my life is a fucking mess with me somehow ending up with fucking BOB CUT rn in this economy but I'll send it I PROMISE

Hahaha I love all the comments I get I promiseeeeeeeeee!

Well 99% of them. The other ones I whine about in a discord group to the point they made me my own sticker

Thanks @enchantedlandcoffee

No, but it's honestly a sticker in a group with like 80 people and I love thinking about what the people who don't know me (because the majority of the time I only go in there to complain) think when they open the group stickers and see that one.

ANYWAYYYYYYY

I appreciated all your commentary a lot! I love it when people understand the characters and why they do things even if they don't agree with what they do.

Sorry about the bob-cut, not that I have anything against bob cuts but it sounds like it was not what you wanted.

A few years ago I went to a salon and asked for my hair to be just above my shoulders. The hairdresser was clearly in the middle of something, like maybe a break-up because she was like... close to tears and kept using the phone and stuff.

Anyway my hair but was at the nape of my neck, like if it was any shorter she would have had to use a razor. Without me even complaining- because I just can't do it- the manager gave me a discount. Like I literally didn't say a word about it and she gave me a discount. That's how bad it was.

As soon as I walked out I burst into tears and cried non-stop for at least two days. I literally put on social media if anyone sees me not to talk about the haircut or I'll start crying. It was sooooo bad.

Anyway lol, thank you!!

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff: FLCL Grunge

or How Not to Grasp Why "Bottled Lightning" Exists

I'll preface this by saying that these recent "seasons" of Fooly Cooly have not ruined the original. That's like if you got a bottomless bag of tropical Skittles, every other minute you get a black Twizzler or flavorless candy corn piece thrown in that you aren't forced to eat but constantly get weirded out that they were in there in the first place. What is bad is that we're up to three sequels of FLCL & none of them even range to being on par with the original in terms of engaging memorability. I'm not the type to rag about X or Y being forgotten online days after it was just released, but it stings seeing a beloved anime have sequel series that everyone wants to forget because nobody asked for them. This isn't like Trigun Stampede where it got to have a newfound fanbase in spite of the backlash of diehards, we're on the 4th story and you might as well imagine the tumbleweeds. It doesn't help that the expectations didn't come with presentable execution... because Grunge was bad.

I'm honestly just waiting for Uzumaki at this point

It's ironic that while my reviews are about animated media, I don't really discuss the animation given my minimal expertise; I'm more of an emotional critic than a technical one. FLCL Grunge is the exception because it feels like a mess. It's like an enhanced PS1 game that looks graphically better than Berserk 2016 but has that same quality of stiff, choppy action and inconsistent blending of 2D imagery. You just wonder why this couldn't just be 2D? You would believe the CG studio responsible had this as their first-ever credit, but it's not as Montblanc's actual first feature had somehow better animation than this, and that was back in 2012. So either it was rushed or Production IG had no clue what they were going for. Worst aspect just has to be the rock humans because they can be so awkward to see and oh yeah, close but different topic.

Why are there Thing people?

Fooly Cooly I don't think anybody was ever in it for the lore. It was a miniseries where the pieces you could put together offered some sense while having open-ended questions. Even though the OG was far more grounded despite itself, I'm not against having aliens in these sequels because I'm all for things getting weird to spice up the purposeful mundanity. My only issue is the rock people are all we really have in this story when there could exist other species. It's a symptom of a larger problem these sequels have where things exist with none of the deserved flesh. Most enjoyed the OG more for the personal journey, not really piecing everything involving Medical Mechanica. With this, it just feels like they're trying to get Matpat's attention with all the stuff Haruko does with very surface-level backstories regarding the main characters. You know as much about what happened to Rockies as you do anything about Shin or Orinoko, which heavily pales in comparison to the previous three MCs. All this wrapped in an undercooked 3 episodes that is, and I'm not kidding...

Just a worse take of The Simpsons "Trilogy of Error"

One of my favorite story tropes is when everything takes place in one day, bonus points for interconnecting multiple stories into one. They do that here like in The Simpsons episode where everyone's involved in one crazy night. The problem again stems from that I barely care about the MCs enough and while there exists setup, you only get to know so much before it's over. It took episode 3 for me to give somewhat a fuck and even then they had to rush the climax all for a shitty reveal that it was a prequel this whole time. Giving Progressive its credit, at least we got time to grasp the characters. Any interconnected throughline is all for the climax which misses the point of the story structure. In the end, it felt like nothing. Whether it's a positive or not that it was only three episodes is debatable, but man...

Haruko was still hot. Take your pennies for a nickel

Making this review wasn't so much about disliking Grunge as it was about saying the original Fooly Cooly wasn't a fluke. To say that is like saying the unique animation structure of Into the Spiderverse was a fluke that couldn't be utilized well anywhere else post-release. I don't hate Grunge or think it's the worst anime ever, but this didn't subside the disenfranchisement that stemmed from an OVA that could work as an anthology. Something is only lightning in a bottle when you otherwise don't paint forgettable story elements with average to subpar imagery and have The Pillows carry every scene with their music. If this wasn't FLCL, it was a pretty underwhelming anime. As it is, it's another sequel that mistakes having ambition and familiarity for being engaging and resonating.

2 Out Of 5; An Erectile Dysfunctional Season

[vergess]

I have a lot of issyes with antishippers calling me insane and that my father abandoned me.

My father is schizophrenia, and the reason he lives alone is because he would freak out and argue with my mother constantly. I am glad my father got an apartment complex, but he is gotten a lot worse, and he thinks the neighbors can hear him through the walls, and he literally believes that the neighbors are trying to get him kicked out or something, and he would believe the most random things.

There have been times when I have thought my mother was calling me over, but when I asked what she needed, she would look at me like I was crazy and tell me she had not called me over. Other times, I hear voices in my head that are not mine; they would not really tell me to do anything. the voices usually just talk about random things.

I pretended to be honest with my mother, telling her that I did not hear voices in my head because I did not want her to get any more unhappy after learning that the school had withheld the information about me having autism from her for years. .

I have adhd, mild autism and stickler syndrome

My father's side of the family has schizophrenia

It upsets me a lot when antishippers call me insane, etc. because it makes me feel like I and my father's side of the family are dangerous and insane.

First of all, I am so, so sorry that people are being cruel to you about your father. That behaviour isn't okay, and it's especially bad when they are taking advantage of his mental illness to do it.

At a professional level, my job is working with schizophrenic and schizoaffective patients to help the develop adult skills, and I want to say both objectively (that is, based on the existing research) and personally, that being schizophrenic does not make you a bad or violent person. In fact, you're much more likely to be a victim of violence as a schizophrenic than to commit violence yourself.

At worst, schizophrenia makes you scared. And yeah, scared people can be mean, but they aren't evil. The major symptom of schizophrenia, the one that ruins lives, is overwhelming fear. Not a secret urge to be violent, but absolute (that is, delusional) certainty that they are in danger.

In fact, it's worth remembering that from a global perspective, the voices that schizophrenics hear are often very good influences, encouraging social well being, and trying to "intervene" in high stress situations to help keep the schizophrenic person safe. It is only when a schizophrenic person is being traumatized that their voices become cruel and vicious.

As for telling your mother that you have been hearing voices:

That is your mind. You don't have to tell anyone about anything you don't want them to know. If you ever feel safe and secure enough to tell her, then that's great! But if you keep it private from her for the rest of your life, that's fine too. Your mind is your business, no one else's.

Plenty of schizophrenic people and others with hallucinations are able to lead happy and fulfilled lives, with or without medication. It sounds based on our past conversations like you may be in a good position to continue trying to live on your own without medical intervention.

But, if you ever do have to have intervention medically, please do not panic.

I would say that most schizophrenic people can comfortably live in society with fairly little physical support as long as they have 1) enough medication to keep their voices calm and kind even under stress, 2) a safe place to live.

You are not a danger to others just because you hear voices. Your father is not a danger just because he needs support to live on his own.

You are both just people.

And next time an antishipper says that shit to you, feel free to send me the post and I will fucking tear out their asshole on your behalf.

Because, like I said at the beginning: saying shit like that is unacceptable in all circumstances.

[inseparabiles]

We're huge enthusiasts of dark Internet rabbit holes, but one of the most boring kind out there that evidently creeps out everyone regular so much are the threads where people discuss "the worst fates they can imagine", and it's just 300 people talking about dementia and Alzheimer's. And not because at the end, you forget how to swallow and breathe, but because of the forgetting of everything else that comes first.

I don't want to minimise the suffering of people who develop these disorders. They're terrifying. But like, I wake up every day expecting that I don't remember just about fucking anything. Everything is news to me all of the time. I'm going through life blind like, wow did that really happen? Yeah booger it happened to you, and I'm like, oh, did it? Ok, I can't remember.

I've been on a million vacations that I have one flash like a shaky polaroid photograph of in my mind, others I don't remember anything of, but have dates or factual awareness of that thing having happened based on what other people say and chronological evidence. It has been this way since I was a young child.

I leave behind me a trail of forgotten people, friendships I had for years, up to five years, who I just don't fucking remember. You might think it's normal to forget what exactly your friendship with your kindergarten best friend entailed, but think about a friendship you started at 19 and had at least until turning 25, and the only things you have remaining are a name you have to struggle to remember, no other associations, maybe a vague ghost of a face? That's years in your adulthood, and it's just gone.

Waking up at 5pm wondering why you're so fucking tired, only to start tracing your day back and finding out that you've been awake since at least 4am when you've left your first messages online that day, but have no idea what happened between then and now when you became aware of yourself.

Sometimes it's nicer; wishing you had coffee and finding out that there's already a pot behind your back because? There's nobody else in the house, so you probably did that yourself.

Sometimes it's less nice; "fuck, I was boiling potatoes", and it was 40 minutes ago. I have timers for everything and they're running all of the time but if my browser decides to snooze or my phone figures it's not that important to actually sound the alarm, I'll find out when the pot has turned red and started melting at the edges. Most of the time, it's "fuck, I meant to bake some bread", and the oven's been on for four hours.

The feeling of everything you ever go through being the first time. Sure, you can rewatch a movie and more often than most people, you can't remember what happens in it. Unfortunately, I tend to remember the end twists every time, so it's a pointless benefit to me. I'll forget everything else, though. Like literally everything else will be gone except for the conclusion. Thanks, brain.

But also, you're having symptoms, or you're feeling some kind of a way that is awful, and you can't figure out what's happening or why. And then your partner comes in and tells you, this is the fifth time this year this has happened. Trust me, I've been there every time you've had this crisis in the past eight months, and it's always new to you, and you've always survived it.

Passing through life feels so often like a half-remembered dream.

And it's just not scary to imagine more of that. Okay, one day I won't fucking remember who that person is in my house anymore, cool. That sucks but it's not novel or terrifying, it's just, oh my fucking god okay another thing gone then. Amnesia is fucking boring, is what it is. You just forget everything and everything goes away and you blink and you're dead.

When I was 13, I was so afraid of this that I didn't go anywhere without my camera. I literally carried an instant camera or another type of film camera everywhere, and then when things got digital, I never let go of that either. I don't know at what point I stopped but now it'll take a miracle for me to bother to dig out my phone for it. What's the point, there's a better picture online somewhere. Mine won't be any good and it won't mean anything to me in a week anyway. Everything just goes away.

And people talk about "childhood amnesia", which made me think I was normal, until I realised they're talking about something that ends sometime after you turn 5 or so. I can remember as much about being 15 as I can about being 25 or 5, which is to say, absolutely fuck nothing, unless something specific rattles loose a memory someplace. It won't be chronological, though. What was I doing when I was 14? I don't know. What was I doing when I was 18? I had the swine flu when I turned 18. Other than that, I have no recollection of anything else that happened that year. At 19, I evidently didn't exist at all. 27? I think I was playing Overwatch. No idea.

I've edited this a thousand times by now which is funny but one more addition: the most amazing part of this all is that other people don't notice this. You're so used to not remembering that it just never really comes up, and because it's so pervasive and ever-present but you're not freaking out, people around you come to think about it as a quirk. Like oh yeah, this guy? They're just totally clueless and absent-minded. It's funny!

Because it is funny. Because you're so easily put into stupid situations, like where your friend is recounting this amazing story to you that they've read, and halfway through they have to stop and be like, I'm talking about the story you wrote. You wrote this thing. Do you not remember?

No, I do not.

Your mum starting every story about you with, "you probably don't remember this", and getting immensely peeved at you for not remembering the other 100 things either, but it's just because you're so aloof, you just can't keep it together. Nothing to see here.

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!