#~ after the fact

[rioblitzle]

working retail

[selfoncemore]

Ok so this finished literally 5 mins ago (I am going to queue this up for a random time though) but I am having thoughts.

I have been engaging in some softcore pet play with a person, it started with me jokingly calling them puppy once and I think you can see how that snowballed into softcore pet play.

In the beginning (aka like 4 days ago) it was just me jokingly calling them puppy a few times, but then that evolved into teasings and "good boy"-ings, and then to them asking me for a list of things they should do to get the praise and you can fill in the blanks.

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I have learned that while giving praise it alright, it is more fun to degrade someone.

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And then, tonight. It was already a lot of things today, various teasings and such, but then it started getting more… charged. I have new names to call them now. And then the … sexting (???) started.

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Exchanging photos is never a good idea. Don't do that. Don't ask anyone for photos. Don't give photos.

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They made it clear they like praise, that's fine, I can praise people. Though it is very easy to run out of things to say, I did that and just started repeating myself but with different nouns.

They also liked light bullying. That I could do better. I am good at berating people. It comes to me more naturally then I expected. I did hold myself back, they made it clear they didn't want me to be mean. I could have gone harder on the bullying if they would have wanted that.

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I am more of a dom then first realized.

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I instructed them on what to do. That was the hardest part. Coming up with ideas. It ended up being a very simple thing, I didn't have the motivation, energy, or knowledge of what they would want to be comfortable pushing it more.

Doming is exhausting. All I did was say some words but I am drained. The "a lot of things today" already took most of my energy. Dear reader, it is not a good idea to do this on so little energy.

Ratings come early today. I have other things to talk about.

Praising - 5/10 - Unfortunately not really for me. I was content with doing it because they enjoyed it so much.

Degrading - 8/10 - Quite fun. I have learned I like seeing people squirm.

Orgasm Control (because to be clear, that was what I was doing) - 4/10 - I will get into this after the ratings.

General Doming - 9/10 - Very fun, extremally exhausting. I have a theory that it would be more fun if I had any idea what I was doing.

I'm scared.

I'm scared of what they think this means.

Despite my seemingly low rankings I did have fun. But I could tell they were more into it then I was. We've been through this before. Not this but this. We've done this before and we both know it didn't end well.

I'm scared that they'll think I would be willing to do this in different circumstances.

I am aegosexual. They know this. I'm not sure how much of that they understand. This whole experience also helped me find my own boundaries when it comes to sex. I am fine with it in hypothetical fantasies, in one sided fantasies, and in situations where I am far enough removed away from my body. In this case, the text format helped remove me enough. Whoever was doing that was not really me but a part of me. I felt comfortable enough to do that because it wasn't me who was doing it, but another me. I don't know how far the border lasts until it is stretched to thin.

I'm scared that they think this is something.

After we finished, we went into aftercare. When this happened, I felt more like me again. It was weird. I did my normal thing. I am the caretaker in almost all situations. I reminded them to get water, find something to eat, possibly bathe later. That was normal that was fine. But they continued the roleplaying into the aftercare. That I was there, I touched them, just a holding of hands. I felt awful. The idea of touching a person in a semi-intimate matter, when it was me doing the touching, not something I am piloting, It makes me feel sick. I hate the feeling of skin.

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I am touch adverse.

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I'm scared what assumptions they have.

We are somewhat open about sex. We know we both have kinks, just not the specific details. During the scene, I was instructing them on how to touch themself. I also had control over when they would orgasm. I cannot orgasm. I've known this for a while. I have never told anyone this because it is no ones business. When doing this I came to terms with the fact that others can orgasm (dear readers, I thought it was a mythical idea that only came to the likes of the actors in pornos for far to long). They will have assumptions of me. They assumed I was participating physically during the scene. I was not. Not really. They have assumptions about me I don't want to shatter. But if I want to be content in any way, they will need to be broken.

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To my Ever Ending Patron. Who I have neglected. I give you a fear. A bad memory. A guilt. Something that can never be stable.

And so, enter: a beginners guide to faking your death.

Something we swore never to repeat and something we will attempt to pull ourself from.

[definitelysome1]

Tim (with a sigh): it’s my birthday today…

Jason: yeah, I know. I put a gift on your dining table this morning

Tim: ?!??!!??????!?

Jason: why the fuck do you look so confused?

Tim: no one has remembered my birthday since I was seven. I don’t even tell people my birthday anymore because they aren’t going to remember anyway

Jason: ?!!?!???!???

Jason: what the actual fuck

Tim: what?

Jason: not even goldie?? Or cas? Or Steph???

Tim: oh. Well, Dick always gets the date wrong and Steph never asked. I assume it’s because she thinks I don’t want to celebrate because no one ever tries to.

Jason: and Cas?

Tim: I think she knows, but she’s always been away on my birthday

Jason: what about your team? The speedster and the supers? Don’t they remember???

Tim: I’ve never told them

Jason: I-

Jason: did Bruce ever officially adopt you, or are you still emancipated?

Tim: he was going to, but then he disappeared and we never talked about it again, why?

Jason: I’m adopting you and then we’ll celebrate 10 birthdays to make up for the ones you’ve missed.

Tim:???!??!???

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Finally caught up with Apothecary Diaries. I can't believe they gave Maomao a gun.

[batcavescolony]

Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Connection terminated.

[hinamie]

growth // decay

[just-a-joey]

Silly post forsaken comic in celebration of almost finishing all my assignments/exams :)

[wanderingibon]

anya deserved so much better

[prlssprfctn]

Somewhere in the year after Jason becomes a part of Bruce's family, a strange book appears on the desk of Bruce's personal study room. A book about parenting traumatised kids. He opens it, leafs though a little, noticing certain phrases underlined, and closes it back. Alfred probably left it. Just a few days ago, they had a short argument regarding his parenting methods, and he seemingly tried to prove his point by additional literature. Bruce is going to read it later.

...He doesn't have time, actually, and eventually, the book stays forgotten, tucked between many others.

Years pass. Jason dies. And then comes back, complicated and different, frustrating and hard to crack. Thinking about Jason — a habit, always a habit — becomes some kind of roulette: he either remembers something nice, comes up with some courage to talk with his son, at least through comms, at least not directly, or the exact opposite thing happens, sending them both out of balance.

It is the middle of cleaning day, when Alfred suddenly picks up the exact same book about children victims and how to take care of them, and to Bruce's surprise asks where does this book come from.

'What do you mean?' Bruce frowns. 'You gave it to me when I just adopted Jason. Well, not gave, I would say tactically sneaked in, but...'

'I would remember that,' Alfred frowns. He goes through a few pages, and his face softens. 'It wasn't me, master Bruce.'

And suddenly, it clicks.

*Jason* left it. He underlined lines that probably felt relatable to him, that maybe could help them both in their new, hard journey. A shy kid he was, though, very smart, he would never actually speak with Bruce directly — he would try to leave him hints. To open up more in a subtle way.

To—

Oh.

Bruce suddenly can imagine his little son overhearing his late argument with Alfred that day, all these years ago. Mulling over, "this kid is deeply traumatised, master Bruce" and "well, I can't get inside his head, Al" lines. Figuring out how to easen his burden. How to be understood and yet accepted.

And Bruce... unknowingly discarded that.

As usual.

Unknowingly, cluelessly, and yet so simply — he discarded everything that was dear to Jason, everything that meant something for him.

As he grips the book in his hands, caressing the soft cover, he can't help but wonder if any of the information inside, little highlights Jason did, are still working for him. If he still can fix it.

[egophiliac]

once again, don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12

(eventually I will get back to being less scribbly, whoops)

[crazyness-overpowers]

a little bit the biggest difference between haymitch and katniss and peeta is that haymitch never for a second doubted the fact that he was loved

[majunju]

poster

[noodles-and-tea]

Just some more thoughts on that jayvik dbh au

[lotus-pear]

11/20

[chloesimaginationthings]

The FNAF story of the one you shouldn’t have killed..