0h-gravity - Tumblr blog

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Hello

Been over a year since I’ve posted anything and probably about as long since I’ve opened this app. It looks really weird now.

I’ve learned a lot about myself since my last post Oct 2022. I am in a place now in my life I never in a million years would have dreamed. Overall a good place but what a fucking wild ride it’s been and continues to be.

I keep unlocking things about myself I couldn’t fully understand or describe before.

I’m on this enneagram train and it is taking me to some eye-opening places.

I’m trying to figure out now what to do with all this revelation. It’s a lot. Good but overwhelming.

Anyway, hope you’re well.

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— Pat Schneider, “The Patience of Ordinary Things”, from Another River: New and Selected Poems 

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Nothing in this world is holier than friendship.

— Gabby’s World Broken Necks

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Well shit. I think I might have autism.

Not sure what to do with that realization. Not sure if I’ll seek official diagnosis. Mostly cause I don’t have the time and also I fear being told I don’t and feeling kinda lost.

But if I do it would explain… ALOT. And it would potentially add understanding and value with yet another experience or perspective. I could add to the narrative. Particularly from a POC and LGBT perspective.

Really want to talk to my mom about it but she’s out of the country right now.

The kinda funny thing about it is I feel like a lot of people would ask a friend about this sort of thing…but as someone who may possibly be autistic I classically have very few irl friends or at least friends who’ve known me long enough to give input. I do have a friend from college who I might ask about it.

Man, if this is true I’m gonna feel both relieved/validated and fucking pissed.

It’s 2 am and I have to be up in literally 3 hours and I just can’t sleep. Partly because of this ASD thing, partly stress, partly cause I had caffeine way too late in the day, lol.

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can we go slowly?

I got lost along the way

what more was I supposed to say?

can we go slowly?

doubled-over and unglued

what was I supposed to do?

thanks for listening.

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neglected obligations burrow

fester and insist with itch 

in the depth of hunger;

frustrated waters, stubborn lungs

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watching the world from the sidelines

had nothing to prove

till you came into my life

gave me something to lose

thanks for listening.

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guess why I smile a lot.

Why?

cause it’s worth it.

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cover.

thanks for listening.

happy valentine’s day.

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my god, there is never any time to recover from the world

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the city was endless it stretched beyond me and within me consumed and preserved

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I could never build the shadow between your cheek and your eye I could never make a freckle or the warm breath you sigh The canopy of lashes with the softness of ashes I've been listening to the memory, the way that it was Listening to the echo of whys and because Listening to the echo telling me to let go

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cover.

thanks for listening.

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peter brown / huguette clark