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Bringing this back because it's been getting a decent amount of attention on Youtube lately

Thank you in advance to anybody who listens and I hope you enjoy it

Forgetting (Official Music Video) | Joshua Manfield

From the album ‘From a Reality Fractured’

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would you still love me if i was a worm?

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Lololol

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I took the leap around Christmas time and messaged a few old friends with the intention of letting them know I have become a father. Most didn't reply at all (Which is absolutely fine and what I expected), but some were actively angry that I had gotten in touch after a long period of silence (During which I was battling suicidal depression, psychosis and physical disability (So kind of had my fucking hands full)). Then one of the angry people messaged me months later to show me a gig they performed. I was polite and courteous, but confused beyond belief. I will never try to reach out again.

I have a small group of dear friends from all over the world whom I love immeasurably, and my social circle need never be larger than the five of them.

Neurotypicals just. . . message people??? All the time?? For no reason?? And with strangely distant acquaintances?? Just like, constantly?? Without having to put much effort into it?? Almost like they aren't thinking about how every message is going to be received???? And without carefully crafting everything to cause minimal offense?????

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I'd like to think I haven't written my best yet

But all too often at the moment I feel like my best was written about 8 years ago. Right now I feel as though I can't access that level of ability. Frankly, since the passing of my grandmother, I don't feel like I have access to 99% of my own brain. To access it is to remember and remembering is to collapse. So I've been functioning on that 1% as much as is possible - using it to be as kind as I can to all who cross my path. My personality is dead, my hatred with it, and thus my ability to stand up for myself and the things I used to believe in. I couldn't say it better than I already said it in a song - Forgetting is what's getting me by. But at what cost?

I'm coming to enjoy these late night tumblr rants that few, if anyone, will read.

I hope I come back soon because I'm starting to really miss me.

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And I still say it needs a dragon on it

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dnd player (non-practicing)

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Would buy for my child

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spider pronouns it/ze/bit/xe

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I've noticed people tend to out 'ok to reblog' on a lot of their posts

But isn't it okay to reblog anything unless a person has specifically asked people not to?

Isn't that just the primary way for someone to interact with your post? Tumblr has changed a lot since I was a part of it, and I'm not certain that I fully understand how it works anymore

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the crushing guilt of being unproductive vs the exhaustion of being burned out. fight.

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doctors will be like. yeah. there’s something so so so so wrong with you. idk what and I don’t really care

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From Boot theory by Richard siken / Black telephone by Richard siken / from Olivia Gatwood+Francis Forever Song by Mitski/The Cow by Ariana Reines

All the things that I did , I did with these hands of mine

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Here's one for you

Do you ever feel like you've already done the thing that will cost you the rest of your life?

Because I often find that it's something innocuous that you didn't consider when it happened.

A life spent waiting for my ignorant past to bite me in the ass is never what I expected but here we are.

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I would like to punch whoever invented Youtube ads in the throat

I might be showing my age, but I remember a Youtube free of advertisements and it was beautiful.

I am just looking to zone out into my own little world with the appropriate soundtrack, I don't give a flying fuck about Head & Shoulders or how I can experience X product with one month free.

I lived in the golden era of the internet and every day I am reminded that it is not now.

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Yes I listen to my own music

Who the fuck you think I wrote it for?

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Just a thought

But does anybody else need to lock themselves away in a log cabin with a roaring fire, an unconsumable amount of weed and whiskey, and Elliott Smith records and just have a complete artistic breakdown?

If you do, and you have such a log cabin, hit me up and we'll break down together and create some shit.