13-ghosts-in-wonderland

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

who’s gonna tell tumblr that executive dysfunction is more than Not Doing Things?

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

i love to watch a movie and know that when i finish it i will be able to read fanfictions of the two guys from the movie with a complex relationship

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

“Dustin isn’t coming.”

“What?” Eddie says, all frantic and jovial movements freezing instantly.

His eyes narrow on Lucas--the bearer of bad news. “Why?” 

“Family emergency.” 

Mike makes a face. “I saw his mom yesterday and she was fine, so is this a…?” 

He makes a gesture that is entirely incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t Sinclair and his terrifying girlfriend.

(At least, Eddie thinks Max is Lucas’s girlfriend this week. It got a little hard to keep up after the third break-up-make-up marathon, and he frankly, stopped bothering to try.

It helped that she barely spoke--The only time notable time being when Eddie had mockingly asked Sinclair if he needed a cheerleader when she’d first sat in, upon which she’d asked Eddie if he needed new kneecaps with a look in her eye that said she was serious.)

Wheeler Jr.’s gesture however, made her put her book down.

“You think he’s having migraines again?” She not so much asked as demanded, which had Mike shrugging. 

“Dunno. Dustin didn’t say.” 

“Gotta be, if he called Dustin.” Lucas mutters, shuffling his papers about as he begins to set up for Hellfire. He was the last in the room, practically late, which Eddie had planned on harassing him for had he not announced Henderson’s absence. 

(Fucking freshmen. They just weren’t terrified of Eddie like they used to be.) 

 “Robin must be sick or something, otherwise he’d call her.”  Lucas finishes as he finally sits down. 

“Didn’t the Marching Band go on some trip?” Mike turns to address the rest of the table, and gets nods from Jeff and Gareth both. 

“Yeah they’re marching in some parade in Indianapolis.” Jeff confirms. 

“So his last resort was Dustin?” Max is getting that tone in her voice, the one that makes everyone at Hellfire very uncomfortable. “Typical.” 

She pushes away from the table, making a show of gathering up her things before rising easily to her feet.

Eddie trades looks with the elder Hellfire members as she makes her exit--the kind that says they’re all going to be talking about this later. 

They knew their freshmen had some weird obsession with the former King, of course, but Mayfield too?

What the hell was up with that guy?

At least, Eddie thinks, right before things are once again shot to shit, they can go back to playing the game.

He can make it work this early into things, and if Henderson isn't’ a fan of what he’s about to do to the kid’s character in his absence, well. 

Maybe he shouldn’t be fucking absent then. 

“So what, Max, you're gonna go over there and make it worse?” Mike snorts. 

Fatal mistake.

Eddie almost strangles him for it, if only because it prolongs this entire unnecessary conversation. 

Max performs a military perfect heel turn, coming straight back for Wheeler Jr., which makes him right about fall out of his seat in panic. 

“What was that, Wheeler?” 

“I’m just saying--!” 

“We don’t know Steve’s having migraines.” Lucas reiterates, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Maybe it’s something else.” 

“Does Steve get migraines a lot?” Grant asks, because despite all appearances he’s a terrible gossip and gets sucked in far too easily.

Eddie throws a pencil at him for it. 

“Hel-looo, we have a game!?” He thunders, but unfortunately for him, precious Stevie-Weavies headache now has everyone’s attention. 

“Yeah, though he’s really good at pretending he doesn’t.” Lucas answers with a put upon sigh. 

“There’s a whole pattern--he ignores it until it gets super bad, then he has to call Robin or Dustin to come get him when he inevitably gets stranded at work or the like, grocery store.” 

“Well who else do you think he’d call?” Mike scoffs again. He does a lot of that, when discussing Harrington. “It’s not like his parents are--Ow, Max!” 

“Close your mouth before I close it for you.” She hisses and Mike, shockingly, does just that. 

To Eddie, she says; 

“Your ass isn’t any better, or did you forget I live across from you?” 

Eddie--who had an insult primed and ready--promptly shuts his mouth.

(Fucking! Asshole! Freshmen!) 

“Maybe I should go too.” Lucas says, hedging a look between his girlfriend and his DM. 

“No.” She snaps, pointing a finger at him.

 “If you go, then this idiot,” she flicks her finger to  Mike, “will go and then we really will make it worse. Stay here before your bichon frise has a fit about all his sheep abandoning him.”

Then she’s turning on her heel again, storming out. 

“What the hell’s a bichon frisé?” Gareth asks in the aftermath, frowning. 

“It’s a type of ahhhh--” Jeff clearly thinks better of the explanation, eyes sliding to Eddie.

Who’s scowling.

“I know what a bichon frisé is, Jeff.” He snaps. 

“I don’t.” Grant loudly complains. 

Jeff attempts to both calm Eddie and explain while Mike and Lucas spend far too many minutes looking after Max. 

“Enough!” Eddie howls, temper finally getting the best of him. “Are we playing or do you also need to go sit by the King’s bedside?”  

“Thank you,” Mike says, like he wasn’t a third of the entire problem. “Let’s play!”

They make it about ten entire minutes before getting knocked off track again. 

In fairness, not that Eddie would ever admit it--the second meltdown is his own fault.

xXx

Hellfire is Eddie’s.domain. 

It’s one of the few places where he could relax without getting harassed or hounded, and having his freshmen--his!--abandon him for King Fucking Steve had set him off. 

So he’d made a few comments about it.

Maybe introduced an NPC who sounded suspiciously similar to Harrington, only to instantly kill him off. 

Made another couple of nasty comments. 

Who cares? It worked him through his snit rather nicely, and his boys all knew to leave him be.

Except, apparently, for Lucas. 

“Dude, would you lay off?”  The kid finally snaps, pencil slamming down on the table. 

Which is the most backbone-like thing anyone has ever heard Sinclair say, and he gets far more whistles for it than he should.

Eddie pins him in place with a glare. 

“What was that Sinclair?” He snarls, voice as menacing as he can make it.

(It’s pretty terrifying, he’s practiced quite a bit with it.) 

Sinclair flinches, but doesn’t back down. 

“I said lay off. Steve has migraines because of--” He stops, before seeming to come to a decision. “Because of me. He took a hit for me, and I owe him a life debt for it.” 

To Eddie, he says; “You get what those are, right?” 

Mike rolls his eyes. “It wasn’t just for you--”

“That time with Billy was!” Lucas is quick to snarl. “But you know what Mike, you’re right. It wasn’t just for me. He T-boned a car for all of us!” 

Sinclaire is on his feet now, which is the unfortunate moment that Eddie realizes he has once again lost control of the room. 

A situation he firmly blames on Steve Harrington, because he’s petty. 

“Or did you forget that part? That’s you, me, Will, Nancy and Jonathan right there! Nevermind the tunnel. Or the junkyard! 

“We had the junkyard handled--”

Lucas scoffs. 

“We absolutely did not.” 

“I don’t get why you’re all making such a big deal out of this. He’s the fighter. That’s what he does. That’s why we brought him to the tunnel.”

“You recall what happened at Starcourt, right?” Lucas challenges, furious. “You did see him after, right?” 

This, finally, seems to shut Mike up. 

“Shouldn’t you be mad at him for that?” He says after a moment, and the rest of Hellfire has completely put aside all actual gaming to watch this play out with a morbid sort of fascination. 

Eddie allows it, only because he’s trying to breathe the way Wayne taught him to before he loses it entirely and throws both of the idiot kids out of the drama room. 

“He pulled your sister into it.”

“Have you met Erica!? You can’t pull her into shit!” Lucas spits furiously. “That wasn’t D&D, Mike. It was the Upsi--real life.” 

Lucas is quick to correct himself, even in the heat of the moment--as all the kids are, like the entire school hasn’t clocked that they have some weird ass secret they’re terrible at hiding.

“And if we’re playing those games, then who pulled him into the tunnels? Who made him come to the junkyard?”

“Dustin.” Mike says snidely. 

“You don’t get to blame Dustin when Steve was the only person around.” 

“There were people around! They just weren’t people who--weren’t--who couldn’t--”

“Finish that sentence.” Lucas demands 

“Be trusted.” Mike spits out, like it hurts him. 

“Exactly.” 

“El went through way more than Steve ever has! El--”

“El was using her po--doing mage things! And also, she shouldn’t have had to go through all this shit either! We can’t rely on her to save the day every single time, Mike--and look at how hurt she gets!”

“She--”

“She hides it from you, you know. How bad she hurts. Cause she wants to put your feelings first.” 

“I--”

“Will does too.”  Is Lucas’s parting shot. His backpack is in his hands in a blink, papers and character figure shoved wildly into it, before he’s storming out the door in a poor mimicry of Mayfield.

“Harrington T-Boned a car?” Grant says, in the resounding silence. 

“That BMW of his hasn’t had a scratch on it--” Jeff says, with an inquisitive tilt to his head. 

“He didn’t use the Beamer.” Mike interrupts, angry and sulking. “Are we playing or not?”

“I’m gonna say not, given we are down two players.’ Eddie tells him through clenched teeth. 

“I’m going to be so mad if Steve doesn’t have a migraine.” Mike grumbles, as he begins packing up his stuff. 

The rest of Hellfire follow his lead, after one look at Eddie’s face convince the lot of them that it’s best to flee now, before Eddie unleashes all his pent up rage. 

“Not as mad as I’ll be, Wheeler.” Eddie promises darkly.

And it is a promise--because now, he’s going to follow all his stupid (sans Mike, who isn’t in his good graces either but at least stayed) freshmen--and go visit one fallen King.

If Harrington doesn’t have a headache now, he will when Eddie’s done with him.

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

tiny downward spiral cd

extra small png. good for... uhhh, i have no fucking clue

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

cooking while chronically ill

baking with arthritis or other chronic hand pain

living with chronic migraines

adhd meal plan

chronic pain tips

getting yourself to eat

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

oh House Season 8 Episode 7 "Dead & buried", i love you dearly.

i couldn't care more about the main plot i just like the medical plot of this one <3. thank you writers for having good information and executing it better then most things that try.

legitimately respectful and shows some lesser known facts about DID, like alters having differing symptoms or allergies (even though its in the head its still there.), and having it be in a young girl.

if you catch me crying about this episode no u didn't.

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first pinned post.

hello, we don't have a system name. just kind of seems useless when only one person stays in front, mostly me. (ghost)

alters that might actually post here will usually sign their name at the end of a post- if there isn't one its most likely The Host, me AKA Ghost.

-Victor (Vic), Theo, Steph, and Mary May.

other alters might make an appearance and if they do, they'll sign too. others will be talked about and if you want to ask about them you're free to do so. we have one little, they are not allowed on the internet so any questions will most likely be answered by another alter.

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

Fictive culture is “I don’t fucking look like that”

Please I’ve been blown up via land mine, I’m a 43 year old poorly aged us president the next person to draw me as a saucy 23 year old twink goes straight to guantomino bay

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watching DID call out videos.

this is probably a weird post from a blog that just reblogs dumb system memes. but recently i came across a video talking about disociaDID- anyone who might have spent any time in the online DID community probably knows about some of the bad shit they've done- which i wont get into here because its not really about them, and i don't really care.

instead its about the comments. loads of people saying a common thing in DID is obviously proof they're faking, claiming alters going dormant isn't even a real thing, things like this! "Last time I checked up on her, she had apparently added a MERMAID alter to her collection..." like that's not a real thing that can happen, like inhuman alters

among acting like the one person they knew with DID is the objective experience.

honestly i have a bad habit of watching expose videos like these, then comparing behavior like theirs to my own, picking at myself and my identity. then up seeing comments like these, inevitably they just end up making me sick.

anyway this was just a dumb rant. and honestly? i feel like these videos probably just give people like these spaces to shit on people with actual DID under the guise of "well this person is faking therefor I'm very free to say these things." (those things being saying things like inhuman alters aren't real, denying the existence of an inner world, saying popular terms like 'little/protector' or even using this vocabulary is just a blaring sign or red flag that this person is faking.)

augh i have no fucking idea why I'm writing this- I'm just sick and tired of this and frustrated by the futility of trying to get singlets to understand this disorder and just how broad these experiences can be, and how yes- even though some of these experiences can be hard to believe or how polyfrag systems might seem ludicrous! but despite all that some of these experiences are very real.

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

least shocking introject-heavy experience

this is embarrassing now why in our system of eight alters do we have to have three undertale-related introjects ...??

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

Rebloging the ENTIRE post because this is so important to me.

Soap with horrible self destructive habits, and he knows they're self destructive, he just can't fall out of the cycle. *Hit send*

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

@bringinsexybackk69 @thejacketscloset *hands you genderfuck angst and runs away*

transmasc, genderfluid/non-conforming Soap who spend so much of his tween/teen tears pushing away make-up and femininity because he so often didn't feel comfortable in her own skin, and it all just felt.. itchy.

and now, he better knows who she is, and is finally ready to start embracing the more feminine aspect of him that he's spent so long running from.

but... she's missed all those years to learn from a young age, and to make mistakes.

and so when they put on a dress, he feels like it's filled out in all the wrong ways. and the make-up feels caked on and wrong.

and she looks in the mirror, and all that stares back to them is a pig in lipstick.

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

bruh i hate when you’re blurry and you feel like your identity is right on the tip of your tongue and you just can’t figure it out but you’re so close it’s like edging for DID

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

i have a soft spot for systems that don’t fit the current mold of what people think systems are.

systems with no fictives. systems with all violent alters. systems who don’t fit any labels/refuse to label the parts within themselves. systems who are various splits of the same guy. systems who deal with inner-system abuse. systems who are all animals. systems who don’t communicate enough to have distinct names and pronouns.

you are still very much valid.

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

I think one of the worst things my abuser ever taught me was that 'sorry means nothing'. I was frantically apologizing for something I didn't know was wrong, but I was told it ment nothing and that sorry doesn't fix everything. (Not to mention it was never explained why it was wrong or hurt her.) While part of this is true it also just told little me:

"There is no point in apologizing because it will never be enough." And "you have to say sorry even if you don't mean it."

So from then on my apologies weren't because I was genuenly sorry I did something, it was just to placate those older then me. And in cases of kids my age, I would just lie.

Every sorry became a shield that I knew was fragile, that I knew probably didn't mean anything to the adults I was saying sorry too. Whatever it was, it was my fault and im saying sorry because im taking responsibility for it.

Thats what it felt like every time. I would hurt my abuser by being a child and I would say sorry because it's my fault.

If I ever fought back and told her I wasn't sorry and that for once in my life I didn't feel like lying and saying I was sorry for something a child shouldn't have to be sorry for I was punished.

So even now I find myself tripping over myself to apologize for anything I do, my feelings, things I shouldn't have to be sorry for.

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

minor MWIII spoilers

them all shushing Shepherd had me rolling God

[13-ghosts-in-wonderland]

What the fuck