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someone called me a space angel the other day and i thought oh hell yeah

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been androgynising my queer self

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paint me, dream

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OK listen

i left SL for a long time, like over a year, but i eventually got the itch again. i left last time cos it wasn't helping me. my mental health issues got too much for me. and i got into some bad stuff. but i came back.

so here's a secret. i am not who i thought i was. i realised that the weird parts of my body, the parts that were not in tune with the gender i was assigned at birth, were nothing to be ashamed of.

and i began to turn myself around about four months ago. i finally got a therapist. and i started to look after my body. i lost 35lbs in 3 months and there is more to lose, and with the fat gone you can see how naturally nonbinary my body is. i have always had a nonbinary avatar in SL. but i always kind of resisted the idea that i might be in fact nonbinary 4 reals.

And the punchline is of course that i am. i thought for a long time that cis people all felt like i do, all wondered about why their bodies weren't perfectly male or female. but they actually don't!

i know! it's super weird.

and i am so very, very queer. i admit it. i have been coming out to friends, quietly, just a few at a time. i mean it's a big step, and it isn't? little will change in my life. i'm not in a place, professionally or personally, where i can change my pronouns, not yet, let alone my name, not yet (heide is the name i am testing out) but at the same time, i am not afraid of or ashamed of my body, and that's huge.

anyways, everyone i have told has said, yeah, i know. so it was only me, who didn't get the memo.

the other thing is the magical practice. yeah, i am doing magic. i have done since i was a kid, on and off. i've built a virtual, imaginal ritual space in SL and i plan to use it to create my rituals. i have a journal, but i might use this tumblr to keep a record of my practice, the way my body changes, the experiments i am performing. i fell hard and i am coming back to this from compleat scratch. but now the missing thing in the magic is that i have a goal. i'm gonna find out what it means to be nonbinary, to be thin again with a nonbinary body and a nonbinary voice, and grow into being something that's uniquely me.

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relaxxx

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++ heide ++

++ second life av ++

++ teknosexxualist ++

++ digital

++ they/them ++

++ always ic ++

++ balds have more fun ++

++ transuman ++

++ ur move darwin ++ ++ o hai ++

++ nonbinary ++