5htpa

[5htpa]

Unseen letters

Natasha Romanoff x reader mother Natty in this because I needed it.

summary : Loneliness after losing someone. The reality of how it feels when that person was the only thing keeping you sain and alive.

Staring at blank pages, blank word, yet the page was full. full of words I didn't want to read because it made me drown without being in water. the feelings come out of the blue, from nowhere, one moment I'm okay and laughing but the next I'm trying to not cry Infront of everyone. But everyone was gone.

I never liked speaking about my feelings but here I was, writing them out for no one to see apart from myself so I just added to the pilled up letters that never got send. writing more and more but it was always unseen. never touched. never read by anyone apart from myself. I always wished that someone could read them just to know how I felt..

but no.

I sit quietly in my room at night, alone, hoping you would walk through the door. Hoping that I could hear you complain about another mission or what Tony had done this time but it was just silence now.

Everyone moved out the tower, it was just me. The tower that you used to train in every morning. Where debates would start at 10am and end the next day. The same tower that we would all play twister until 2am because you were competitive. The same tower where you took me under your wing.

my childhood wasn't the best but you made me happy, taught me how to tie my first tie. How to treat a lady in a respectful manner. How to ride my first motorbike. You even showed me how to be a kid.

You gave me a space where I could be myself, I didn't have to change to fit in whenever you were in the room. You knew about my rough childhood, how I had to look after my brothers while trying to grieve. How my parents basically neglected me until they needed something from me. You never made me feel that way, you were nothing like them.

which is why I idolised you, adored you, mimicked every small thing you did hoping I could be as good as you one day. I hoped that I could help other kids the way you helped me.

It hurt when you left, when you sacrificed yourself for a stupid stone but I knew why you did it. You knew you had nothing to prove, it wasn't about proving anything but instead showing the world there was still hope. You sacrificed yourself for a new beginning, not for an ending. Not to be at the front of a newspaper but instead the first chapter of a book.

You did it for me. To show me life isn't all about taking but sometimes giving.

I know your gone, I know nothing will change it but I still sit on my bed in the morning at wait.. I wait for you when I wake up, to hopefully be told it was all a dream. I wait to play games with you again, monopoly, twister. Anything. I wait for the walks around the pond, to point out all the ducks I could see and run away from the geese when they got to close.

I wait at night, when I'm all alone and the tower is quiet along with the cars outside. I wait to sleep because I know your in my dreams. I wait for a knock on my door and a quiet ask to come in. I wait because I still have hope you'll tell me goodnight one last time. And I wait because I don't know what else to do.

Your room is still untouched, It was cold during the night just how you like it but warm during the day. You sheets always cold no matter what. Your clothes collecting dust in the closet, but some still in your basket waiting to be washed. The posters of your favourite bands still stuck on the wall with bad tape and your small pictures of the team next to them.

Your bed was untidy just how you left it because it gives me hope that your still here, that you just got out of bed and your on your morning run. The stupid arrow necklace on your bedside table was cold, no longer shining but instead dull and grey. I thought about wearing it, to have something to remember you by but never got the courage.

I do laps around the levels in the tower, stopping when I get to the infirmary knowing your famous pistol sat in there untouched. I always stopped when something reminded me of you because it just screamed at me, you weren't here. You were gone. Your dead.

I write letters that won't be sent because how could I give a letter to a dead person? How can I tell people my feelings when the person I opened up to is dead. Nothing makes sense anymore because you aren't here to hold me when I break down. I'm left with reminders of you everywhere and I can't leave because your not here to help me.

Your not here to pick up the pieces of myself anymore and it to much to deal with, I can't deal with the fact your gone. You'll never smile again, I'll never hear your voice again, Never smell you, never feel your touch. I'm never going to get the last goodbye,

I never got to say goodbye.

I'm stuck in this place because if I leave you won't be able to find me if you come back. I'm stuck because I don't want help, I need help but I don't want it. I'm stuck because I won't be able to move on.

I can't explain my feelings but it feels like every time I talk barbed wire is wrapped around my throat. There is always this lump in the back of my throat that I can't ignore.

I try moving forwards but somehow I never move, like trying to fire a gun with no bullets. It's like a war in my mind but I can't fix it. It's tiring.

So tiring that sometimes I feel like I can see the end, like maybe if I join you than it'll be okay. But then the thought of my own death keeps me up all night.

Nothing eases my mind, nothing makes me feel okay. So I just carry on with my normal day. I wake up, wait while doing my day. I wait while eating. I wait while drinking. I wait while showering. I wait while watering my plants you helped me with. I wait while watching the clock slowly tick towards 12am.

23:41 the time read. You only had 19 minutes to wait, then the day would be over. of course those would be the hardest minutes.

23:42, the slow ticking was bearable, almost like a comforting ticking.

23:43. It was like time was getting slower. Yet my hope was still there.

23:44, It hadn't come yet but I knew it would start getting uncomfortable for me. Knowing the last 15 minutes were almost here.

23:45.. Where I start to loose hope, I knew it wouldn't happen but I wait anyways.

00:00 Felt like I wasted my day, it always felt like that when the clock hit 12am. It was like a slap in the face but yet I wait for it every night.

I needed to sleep, So I could see you in my dreams. To be able to feel my mama's arms wrapped around me, securing me and giving me the love that I needed, to show me the love I've been yearning for. I'll sleep not for myself, but for you.

goodnight.

[5htpa]

Just stuck the knife in and twisted it.

the last time we saw Natasha she was falling down

the first time we see Yelena she is falling down.

[5htpa]

You are a criminal. You know that ?? It was like I was in the scene. And I saw everything happening in front of me. I cried. I cried a lot after reading the fanfic you just posted. I can't leave my natty's hand. You made me imagine the whole scene and now it's like I am the culprit. I am the reason she is not in the MCU.

You are really a good good writer, and God bless you and I love you.

Idk if I should feel threatened 😭 thanks?? BUT IM SORRRY ASWELL

[5htpa]

Missed feeling

Natasha Romanoff x F!reader

Summary : vormir.

All you could remember was waking up in that cold puddle of water, with the glowing stone in your hand.

Her hand wasn't holding yours anymore, her fingers weren't trying to grab hold of you anymore. Her eyes weren't full of guilt anymore but yours were, you let her go and you should have been the one to go.

The world for you, became silent.

You hoped that the shadow that was casted on New York would kill you and put you out of the drowning feeling of guilt but it didn't.

It just reminded you of what happened more.

You just saw it all over again, then you got spat out of it when they were done with you.

You remembered how she tried to reach for you, she didn't want to die but she didn't want you to die either. You remembered how her green eyes filled with tears whilst she told you it was okay and to let her go.

You dont remember your last hug or the last time you told her you loved her but she knew. You hoped that she also knew how proud you were of her. What you didn't want her to know was; whenever you heard her name you would shed a tear, just a single tear.

You hoped she was okay. That she found peace but you would never know until you left aswell. You hoped she was with Tony, and he can annoy her till you got there.

You tried talking to people about it but it got to a point no one cared anymore, people moved on and stop caring.

Natasha was once gold, the glue to the avengers and the girl who stole your heart. You remember your favorite memory.

You had just destroyed the red room, and a smile you haven't seen a while came back to her. She wore a big smile that light something inside of you. The sun was low so the golden light bounced off her skin and hair, it was as if god himself gave her a gift.

You remembered her giggling at you once because you forgot to put the leash on the dog and she escaped, which wasn't funny because you had to chase her. It took you ages to get her back but hearing the ex assassin laughing made your heart do flips.

Even seeing her cry was enough for you, holding her in your arms while she let out her day. Seeing her was enough for you, hearing her name was enough for you.

You did everything together. Even watched the stars while planning a future together - A future that will obviously not happen anymore but it was good while it lasted.

Her pure heart will always be your favorite thing, listening to her ramble about her missions will always be your favorite thing. The weird way she sat. her hair stuck to your clothes. Her PB&J sandwiches for when she got sad.

Everything about her will be your favorite thing.

Natasha deserved everything in the world, but not everything deserved her.

[5htpa]

The true widow

Natasha Romanoff x f!reader

summary : Natasha discovers that she can put her walls down, she doesn't have to be an avenger all the time and she can actually trust people to not harm her.

Natasha grew up in a place no child should ever have to go through, no person - no animal - should go through but she had to. Every time you tried to think about even going through the same things she did it made you sick to your stomach. You also hated the fact she couldn't have kids because you have spoken about it a few times, you could tell she wanted kids but she wouldn't get that option.

You were sitting in your bed that you shared with Natasha, half of your body was under the covers while your back was propped up so you could read your book properly. You had your glasses on but there was no point in wearing them since the book was so close to your face - you got to interested and didn't even notice - but you kept them on. There was a warm light that casted shadows into the room due to the curtains as the sun was finally setting after a long day.

You spent most of the day cleaning and doing laundry, you wasn't forced into it - it's more of a comfort thing - but it makes you feel useful and it's better than Nat coming home and worrying about the laundry and dishes so it helps her a lot. The rest of the day you spent making cookies and reading your book, you were reading the Percy Jackson books since you wanted to know more about Greek mythology.

You were so into your book that you hadn't noticed the red head enter the house, you should have noticed because she slammed the door, but your book had basically put you into a different mindset and world. She huffed as her bags dropped off her shoulders and took her leather jacket off. Her feet moved against the floorboards and into the kitchen, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and opened it with a bottle opener, she then walked towards the living room where you was sitting.

She sat next to you and took a swing of her beer, she admired your love for books but it also annoyed her when she didn't get your attention. She scooted closer to you, "Hi honey." You said just above a whisper, "Just let me finish this chapter." She sighed.

"I had a bad day. reminded me off the red room." You moved your head to look at her, your book suddenly not become your priority - Natasha was now your priority - "I had some witch, she manipulated my brain." You put the book down and moved closer to her, you put your hand onto hers carefully in case she didn't want to be touched.

She held onto your hand, "You okay?" She nodded and smirked slightly, her face said she was fine but her eyes spoke a different story, "Tasha." She shrugged.

"I'm fine." It seemed like she trying to convince herself more than you, "Really detka, I'm okay." She wrapped her arm around your shoulders so than you could rest your head on her shoulder and you did without a complaint.

She smelt like fumes but also her normal warm vanilla perfume, It was insane on how she always smelt like it even after being in fights for hours, "Wanna watch a movie?" You asked, your finger drawing circles on her shirt.

Her body tensed up when your hand moved down to her stomach, like you were holding a gun to her head - but she wouldn't even be worried about that - "You okay?" She nodded, you lifted your head up and watched her face.

She chewed the inside of her mouth slightly and she was still tensed up, you moved your hand away but she didn't change, "Talia." That name made her look at you, Your hands slowly moved to her face to cup her cheeks. Your thumbs slowly moved over her skin to comfort her, "I'm not going to hurt you." You looked her in the eyes, her green eyes started to water, "Your safe, your safe, okay?" She nodded.

You left a soft kiss on her forehead, "Don't worry, you can be the little spoon tonight." She just chuckled and nodded, You rested your head back on her shoulder and your hand travelled down her body again to trace over the scar on her stomach.

"I love you." Her voice was soft, not like her normal tone. She meant it, in a way that she knew she was safe - that you loved her back.

A smile appeared on your face, "I love you." The rest of the evening was you two watching the new YOU episodes and arguing over how joe was a 'cutie' in your words.

[5htpa]

Omg what happened to the assassin 💔💔

Im sorry for deleting it, i just realised because i had some account problems.. i'm like freaking out

[5htpa]

The touch of light

This is a repost, I didn't steal anything. It's my own work that I rewrote

Wanda Maximoff x reader

Her blackened fingers.

Her dark nails.

Her crown representing the devil's horns.

She was no good, she was full of evil, but you were determined to give her the love she deserved. You understood you wasn't vision or her boys but you were a friendly face. A face she had once called hers many years ago.

She had loved and lost, just like you. She loved Vision and lost him, She had loved her boys and lost them as well. She loved her family and they to have been lost, Lost in her rage and anger.

The sweet girl everyone knew, gone.

Her magic turned dark, as if she had been spoken to by a serpent - the voice of temptation - like someone had lead her to evil.

your touch upon her hand made her gasp, the cold skin soon returning back to it's normal warmth that you found cute many years ago. Her skin slightly glowing as she felt a familiar spark, The spark of love. Your hand tightened, fingers locking together like a padlock on a bridge - the key thrown away never to be found again - you were okay with being like this. So was she.

She needed the reminder that she could love again, that she doesn't have to be scared of being alone because she's not alone. She's no long idle. no longer one.

as the bible says, 'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.' Love is hard, but easy. Challenging but also able.

And Wanda needed love.

She needs protection.

But most of all, she needs someone.