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This is me on all the other places I can think of, at present. I'm also not using Instagram or Tiktok actively anymore; I'm debating deactivating them as well, but for now they'll remain dead and I unlinked them from this linktree.

I deactivated my Twitter account today. If you see any posts from "AeolianMode" on X/Twitter from now forward, it is not me.

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I deactivated my Twitter account today. If you see any posts from "AeolianMode" on X/Twitter from now forward, it is not me.

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Analysis of Mouthwashing (indie game)

Just played Mouthwashing and it's really affecting me. Thought I'd type my thoughts/analysis of it. (TW: if you don't know about the game, I talk about sexual assault as it is a major theme of this story. Also, spoilers!)

I was thinking for a while about the symbolism of televisions and screens in this game. I believe they are a metaphor for falsehoods. The vintage commercials are often untrue in today's modern economy or exaggerated. The screens seem to represent an unattainable ideal.

The screens in the ship display false day/night cycles. Anya finds comfort in the fake nighttime, but notices the dead pixel, which I think represents how she, herself, is overlooked in the "big picture" of both the Pony Express profits and Curly failing to notice and help her.

Swansea eventually destroys the screen of the sunset, revealing the grotesque reality beneath. He hates the falsehood and he strips the fantasy away. But what really struck me is the scene when Jimmy confronts Curly while watching himself in a TV screen during one of his final hallucinations. He tells Curly this: "What happened was an accident. We were trapped. I made a mistake."

When we watch TV we, more often than not, are watching actors engaged in a performance.

So, not even during his supposed moment of self-awareness is Jimmy sincerely apologizing and recognizing his own assholery. He's just watching himself, playing himself, on a screen.

In contrast, when Swansea gives us his monologue, the characters are silhouetted against a TV screen. There are no actors represented on this screen, just flashes of indistinct scenes and colors. Swansea is no actor, not anymore. He's real and sincere. He's above the performance now.

In Jimmy's case, not only is he apologizing insincerely to only one of his victims, he never acknowledges or apologizes to his primary victim. In fact, when we see her corpse, he doesn't acknowledge her at all. Worse, he actively blocks out the reality of what he's seeing later. Not once is Anya acknowledged in his television performance. I think he's a pretty terrible actor.

Additionally, Jimmy also never says directly what he did.

"What happened was an accident. We were trapped. I made a mistake."

What, exactly, is he referring to here?

The rape? Crashing the ship and pinning Curly on it? Tormenting Curly in his suffering? Slowly whittling down the rest of his crew until Anya breaks and kills herself, Daisuke is manipulated into entering a life-threatening vent, and Swansea snaps?

None of things were accidents or mistakes. They were all calculated decisions. "What happened" (passive) "was an accident" (absolving himself self of guilt). "I made a mistake" (sad sausage.)

Abusers rarely apologize. When they do, it's often performative, saying what the other person wants to hear. And they don't tend to directly acknowledge their own actions. They seem physically repulsed by the idea of saying "I hurt you. I made a decision to inflict this specific suffering on you." (In Jimmy's case: "I mixed the cocktail. I drugged you. I waited for you to pass out. I broke into your room. I raped you.") "This was evil. I was evil. I will do what is necessary to face the consequences, from both you, and society."

You will probably never hear an abuser say something like this, especially without an ulterior motive. To directly acknowledge their decisions, retread their steps, and verbalize how it hurt someone else? This is the antithesis of a disordered personality. A person who does this sincerely is probably a well-meaning and stable person, or a disordered person who is taking therapy seriously.

The fact that Jimmy is only able to bring himself to say "I made a mistake" as an actor on TV just really struck me the more I thought about it. I don't know how many other people also felt like this but I thought I'd share, since I've read a lot of analysis about Mouthwashing but haven't read about anyone talking about this. The symbolism of the game shows an impressive and unsettling understanding of what goes on in the minds of abusers. It reminds me so much of my own situation. It makes me feel seen. To know that the game's narrative grapples with this, and made a character like this with no redemption and no sympathetic "come to Jesus" moment, is cathartic to me.

Jimmy is an abuser. He never cares about the pain he causes others. He only cares about impression management, dodging consequences, and feeling like a good person. When all avenues to achieve this fail for him, there's only one way out. And he would rather crash the ship, manipulate everyone further into suffering and death, and shoot himself than face the music.

It's just so, so real.

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A lot of my work on my webcomic has been under the radar. About 75% of the battle of rewriting the script is knowing what to write. Most of my work has been sort of under the hood- scrawlings in the sides of notebooks or hastily written notes-to-self in discord. Between my college stuff and restarting my life, I bit off more than I can chew with a lot of projects, but I am trying. Thanks for your patience. Been making art this week to try to remember how to draw. Trying to be loose with it, so this piece resulted from that experimentation

animus sketch

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animus sketch

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at my college campus i had a professor talking about embracing AI to make research faster, to write things quicker, and i was quick and vocal to say that i disagreed and I opted out. i will never use AI to replace any part of my brain's processing power. i refuse. i refuse to use a machine that has cannibalized everyone's data without their consent, in order to aid myself. this is the opposite of selflessness and the collective, community strength of mankind. this is an abomination, inherently designed to exploit.

humans learn from each other and we feel our brain's synapses firing, new connections being forged, as we gradually improve. WE are the learning machine. inspiration is ethical. we look at our peers and think, 'i want to do that too, but in my own way,' and we do it, and learn how to do it. that is our personal evolution.

AI has interrupted that process. we will get dumber if we use it. for any and every purpose. we have interrupted human evolution with a machine replacement. that's why this isn't like the car replacing the horse buggy. such technological developments hitherto did not interrupt a critical stage of human brain development and self-growth.

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apotheosis

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just a quick text post explaining the purpose of my blog here going forward.

i dont have any plans to contribute to the bnha/mha fandom anymore. it came about in a time of my life where i latched on to some characters/themes in it for the purposes of escapism from a very bad situation. now I have associated these characters with a time of my life that was extremely painful, and also, over. trying to create content for bnha just isn't the same anymore and doesn't do great things for my headspace. this is partially why i ghosted my blog because i felt kinda bad of becoming known for a specific fandom and then not doing it anymore.

but people are still welcome to commission me for it as the feeling is different when i know i am doing it for money or to make someone happy :>

i have commitments to my patrons to finish some of my fics (specifically Kintsugi, and maybe Ashes.) I know a lot of my followers probably still like bnha or would like to see me finish these stories. it is my goal to do so, but after that I probably won't have much else to show you guys BNHA wise.

i'm going to try to pivot to my primary interests: my personal project Animus, DND illustrations, and my One True Love, TES Morrowind.

thanks for understanding! i hope you'll continue to enjoy my art even if you just followed me for bnha, but no hard feelings if you wanna dip out.

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my second iPad painting

The Zainab Ashlander Kieran and his bodyguard Luellyn in the Ascadian Isles of Vvardenfell

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baby's first ipad painting

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updated ref /concept sketch of my OC's morrowind AU you can take my love of morrowind out of my cold dead hands

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Thanks folks for your patience with me- I just finished up my spring semester and I'm finally free for the summer to get caught up on projects. Will be working on the following in order of importance: > Ko-Fi Donations Commissions and Patreon Commissions, which you can view my progress on here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/162m7HWXDG8QqifAHc-6P7x5l9rN9FCjTEcA9-4pS460/edit >New Patreon Commission Round-Up >Toshinori Stardew Valley Mod 1.6 Update Compatibility Patch (with guest coding contributed from ZeChocobo) >Kieran Stardew Valley Mod Beta >Animus Webcomic News/Updates

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Here is an update on my cat's medical situation. I have technically raised enough money for the higher end of the vet's estimate (near 900$) for his dental surgery. But I do not know how much his aftercare will cost, and I also know I will need to buy him softer food for the rest of his life- so I would also like to try to raise a little more money for his long term care. His blood test came back normal so they are ready for him to come in for surgery on April 19.

This is my current list of commissions, if you are not on this list and believe there to be a mistake please contact me! https://docs.google.com/document/d/162m7HWXDG8QqifAHc-6P7x5l9rN9FCjTEcA9-4pS460/edit I finally finished one of the more complex commissions (someone donated a lot!) so I am finally working on the next commission on my list. That's why it took so long for an update. The more you want to donate the more complex of a commission I will do for you. Attached are some examples of what I've done so far. :> https://ko-fi.com/aeolian

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I'm absolutely blown away by everyone's generosity so far. Thank you very much, my friends, I am very close to being able to cover Biscuit's expected expenses at the high end of his procedure. I am excited to draw for you and work for you. Thanks for your patience while I chip away at this list in addition to attending a full time college course load. Some of you have donated without any attached commission request- please know that though I'm grateful I am not asking for anything for free and I want to draw for you. If you'd like to send me a commission request belatedly, please feel free to do so! I am not sure if Kofi's message system will reach everyone or not but if I don't hear from you I will try to email you. Total Raised: $690.85 USD out of approximately $895.10 (High End of Vet Estimate)

If the cost of Biscuit's teeth extraction ends up on the lower end (closer to 700 than 900), whatever I don't end up spending at the vet, I can try to return percentages of your donations to you, but I can't think of a way that I can make this fair for everyone. (I'd like to send money back to larger donations, for example, because it would not be very 'helpful' to have like, 10 cents returned to a 3 dollar donation, for example- paypal fees would just eat up most of that anyway.) I'm still thinking on what is best to do here, but let me know if you have any suggestions. Additional notes: I have contacted local charities/Humane Society but they cannot help with vet expenses in my area. :(

I need to take my cat to the vet but I am currently unable to afford the expected expense. I'm currently doing quick sketch commissions to raise money for him. If anyone wants one, please check out my Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/aeolian (examples here, detail varies) I have not been regularly drawing in a long time, but this is an emergency situation, thank you for your consideration and understanding. i will do my best

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I went ahead and made a list of Ko-Fi Sketch Commisions so you can check and see where I'm at in my progress in getting to yours! If you do not see yourself on this list please Message Me because I have had a lot of messages scattered over different platforms.

I need to take my cat to the vet but I am currently unable to afford the expected expense. I'm currently doing quick sketch commissions to raise money for him. If anyone wants one, please check out my Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/aeolian (examples here, detail varies) I have not been regularly drawing in a long time, but this is an emergency situation, thank you for your consideration and understanding. i will do my best