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[aka-click]

As I try to struggle with writing an email attempting to professionally detail a series of events and how it impacted my mental health and created an unsafe, toxic environment, my brain has been struck by a phrase that will not stop dancing across my synapses. Who knew trauma could be so traumatizing?

[aka-click]

Something too many people forget or fail to realize about me is that I have the type of resilience that refuses to go down without a fight.

They think that my passion, my determination, and my will is something that can be subdued or broken beyond repair.

They don't notice the scars. The ones that show when others have tried to break me and I managed to put myself together again. I don't know how they don't see them when, sometimes, I think I am made up of nothing but scars at this point.

Still, I take the pieces. I put myself together and I fight. If I still care enough, I will fight them. I will push back and make the injustice known.

And if I don't care anymore? Then my fight is for myself. To make sure that the scar left behind isn't a point of weakness but a new strength to carry with me.

[aka-click]

[aka-click]

Burn Bright

A couple of years ago, I found myself diving hard into burnout. I saw it coming. I thought I would be able to handle it. I mean, I've been burnt out before.

I didn't know it would be the way it is.

Years.

Trying to crawl back up into the world of creativity. Trying to get back to my stories that I miss. The ones that call to me like a sweet siren song.

Except, I can't seem to make it them. I can't push myself past this place of stagnation. Past the smoking coals of what was once my joy and inspiration.

I wish there was a way I could see to getting past this. To find my way back into the world of brilliant, colourful creativity.

[aka-click]

hi it's your regularly scheduled 'nanowrimo is insane', screenshots from a post in the board response overview thread by user Elyndra (in case you're wondering, no, that's not me, I've just been watching the situation spinning out of control). disclaimer that I obviously don't know this personally and hence there may be incorrect details.

anyway. I wonder if we'll have nanowrimo, as it currently exists, next year?

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I came across this post and the responses to it on an information group for a dangerous highway that I drive a few times a year.

Thought I'd share the laugh.

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Some days, I wish I didn't have to force myself to be a functioning human being.

But, no, I'm an adult. I have responsibilities. My dogs depend on me.

And all I want to do is melt into the floor and be a puddle for awhile.

[aka-click]

Little Cynder got to have her very first weekend out as a show dog! She did so good and learned a lot of new things. I couldn't be more proud of her. We even got to play in the Best Baby Puppy in Show ring after winning the group on Sunday!

So, photo dump time!

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I forgot to post my other attempts for the last few days. I am keeping up daily!

Prompt is written in each picture (though good luck reading my writing)

Just a reminder that I am using this month to practice using my tablet and a new art program... not to mention that I am not exactly an artist lol.

[aka-click]

Decided I wanted to practice doing sketches with my tablet. And while I know the whole Inktober controversy makes things a bit... uneasy, I also wanted something regulated to inspire and motivate me to try.

I won't be tagging it as Inktober, but I will be sharing my sketches with you all. The first prompt was 'Dream'

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Your friend is a terf.

My friend is learning and growing. And if we're making snap judgements, you're kind of being an ass. And here's why: 99% of TERFs don't want to learn and understand. TERF's don't believe trans women are women. She does believe trans women are women but she is a flawed person trying to understand concepts that were never explored with how she was raised. Which is why I responded with openness and kindness to her questions. I took the time to explain the issues and what it all meant.

Sitting around and calling people names, making snap judgements without understanding just feeds people to the TERFs. If you are only met with cruel judgment and/or ridicule when trying to understand concepts that are unfamiliar to you, then why would you support trans issues or anything to do with the LGBTQIA+?

[aka-click]

A Conversation on Trans-phobia

My friend came to me with an honest question, and it led to great a conversation. She gave me permission to share it because it is a very important conversation.

Friend: Not work related question. Do you think I'm transphobic because I don't want to be called a cis-woman?

Me: Specifically no, but I wonder why you have an issue with a straightforward technical term. Could the issues be rooted in transphobic rhetoric, possibly. I don't know that.

Friend: I don't think so. I just figure that if other people can be called what they want why can't I.

Me: Cis is a prefix simply meaning same as… You identify as the gender you were assigned at birth, the cis. Same as.

Friend: I know what it means.

Me: That is literally all you mean. Technically, if you aren't cis, then you are trans. It's just a part of the conversation to keep things clear. When some people say "Women" they only mean cis-gendered women.

When some people say it, they mean anyone who identifies as a woman.

It clarifies the conversation.

I mean, you can say "I don't want to be called a homosapien", but that doesn't change the fact that you are one.

However, as I said, without closer examination, there is no way to know if the fact that you don't like it stems from transphobic roots are not. If it does, then you likely have some unconscious bias towards transphobia. However, knowing that and what you do with it make all the difference in the world.

Unfortunately, all these isms aren't as black and white a topic as the media and some people make out.

Unconscious bias isn't really talked about a lot. And while, overtly we do not display phobic or ism behaviors and may actually actively fight as allies, it doesn't stop us from being a part of the problem through microaggressions that come from the biases we are not always aware of

Me: So I guess the important thing here is to find out the why. Multiple times. Until you're sick of asking yourself why. Cause the first answer is never the root. lol

Friend: Maybe I do have an unconscious bias. I'm not making up excuses, but a lot of it has to do with how I was raised. But when someone calls me out on something (politely) I will take a look at myself. And that comes with different religions, ethnicities etc. as well. I have done a lot of soul searching, especially when I moved out west away from my family and around more open people.

But I still want to be called a woman not a cis-woman.

Me: Exactly. And, to be honest, the most common reason people don't like being called cis is because the opposite word is trans, and they view that as a slur. (not saying this is your reason, just that it is a common one).

And I am sure there are some trans woman who feel the same way, They just want to be called a woman.

Friend: No I don't look at trans as a slur, but I do look at cis as a slur. I know that it isn't. I think it is because the people that I see saying it are obnoxious, rude and insulting.

If a transwoman tells me they don't want to be called trans then I won't call them trans. I will probably call them by their name anyway.

Me: You probably hear it more as a slur because it is most often used in conversation when talking about TERFs - the "feminists" who think only cis women are real women. And that is where seeing cis as a slur starts. And while I know you don't feel that way, that is where the conversation starts. It's an insult to them and they also treat it that way because to them, there is no other definition of a woman.

Friend: I guess so.

Me: It's just food for thought. I know you, I know you're a good person and you are not transphobic, but these conversations are good to have.

Friend: I completely agree with that.

[aka-click]

I am an adult. I am over forty years old.

Dinner was mac & cheese eaten directly out of the pot.

Followed by a bowl of ice cream and a glass of whisky.

I am an adult.

[aka-click]

Well, I finally got a scan done of my ankle.

I really should not have been walking on it.

Last week (September 7) I had an ultrasound. And...

"High-grade or complete tearing of the anterior talofibular ligament"

If you read back, I kept trying to walk and do things. What the hell is wrong with my self-preservation and pain tolerance? Seriously.

Physical disability be damned. I've lost too many friends to Cancer and am in the process of watching it take one of my closest friends who we aren't sure will make the year.

Me and my girls are going to do the 50km dog walk to raise money for the Canadian Cancer Society. I have a month to try and squeeze that 50km walk into my life.

I hope that you can help cheer and encourage me along by donating to a great cause!

https://www.facebook.com/donate/953304299048039/

[aka-click]

Could someone please explain to my kitten that I do not want her to attack my butt through the seat cushions of my couch when I am trying to write?

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Tonight, Nahni got her bath and trim. She's looking so cute! No weird ear hairs sticking everywhere, no more grinch toes.

Also, got a group picture with my girls and my besties babies. Minus Cynder who isn't old enough for a sit, stay yet. Also featuring a related visitor.

[aka-click]

Today, Fred got a grooming glow-up. She was much overdue for a groom.

She was quite the messy beast.

Much cleaner and more presentable.

But she's not the only one who got their groom on.

Baby Cynder got a bath and brush too!