alexbohs

[alexbohs]

Up all night, Aristotle Roufanis

[alexbohs]

Hope. What a beautiful, vital thing that can fuel any negative into a positive - any setback into action. However, like most vital things in life, hope cannot merely exist without a cost - often the cruel reminder of what we've either lost, still don't have or could potentially lose. After all, there's got to be something to hope for and against.

It's that very reason why I felt the need to commemorate the end of this month's Pride festivities using the visuals I recently captured (during SF Pride Weekend 2018) mixed with the final testimonial of Harvey Milk - recorded mere days before his assassination on November 27, 1978.

There's just something rather uplifting, somewhat bittersweet and certainly intriguing to me about hearing the raw audio of Harvey's last intentions while also observing the now mainstream, present-day Pride Parade, for there are things to rejoice about (overall acknowledgement of the LGTQIA+ community) while also making sure we keep some aspects in check (branded consumerism disguised as support).

For me, queer pride lasts all year and is far more than a simple hashtag or rainbow-colored-product. Queer Pride is a reminder of all the sacrifice, loss and struggle that has come before me. That's always at the forefront of my celebrations and I hope you feel a bit of that bittersweet energy in this vignette as we move into July and the remainder of this year - told through the voice of someone who genuinely believed in the power of hope.

In short, I do believe that hope fueled us then and that more hope will reaffirm us now and into the future. We just gotta stay vigilant while we also "give ['em] hope." -Alex

[alexbohs]

Just got a roll back of random snapshots taken some months back. Mostly are from hiking excursions however this one in particular made me smile. ⛺️ This was taken on an impromptu overnight camping excursion with a gent visiting from Perth. I actually wrote a short script about the whole bittersweet ordeal (a writing exercise I completely forgot about until now). 📝 It wasn’t a particularly romantic experience nor was it completely platonic. Whatever it was, was a very honest connection that (looking back) happened in order for two strangers to help one another out of similar funks. Hilariously, I feel like this shutter fail summarizes those 14 hours together pretty perfectly. 🎞 Funny how one image (even one as unclear as this) can bring such a rush of memories back in an instant. I love that time capsule aspect about snapshots. Need to make a habit of developing more #35mm gems.

[alexbohs]

Self / September 25, 2017

[alexbohs]

The writing may be pretty blah recently but my doodling has been rather fulfilling. Currently inhabiting this zonked Little Edie. 

[alexbohs]

Here’s one of my doodles portraying one of the storytellers / observers of life I cherish most, Ms. Agnès Varda herself, (along with one of her poignant thoughts which feels oddly relevant in a world of oversaturated updates). ✨

“It’s interesting work for me to tell my life, as a possibility for other people to relate it to themselves - not so much to learn about me.” — Agnès Varda

[alexbohs]

Taking a moment away from my editing dungeon on this rather productive Saturday to utilize a couple alternative mediums I haven’t toyed with in a few weeks: doodling and writing. Both are equally rough but come from the same beautiful / cathartic moment in time.

“The sooner we realize there isn’t an age to reach, award to achieve or hurtle to overcome when life all of the sudden ‘makes perfect sense,’ the sooner we can navigate a happier, healthier day-to-day; a more fulfilling now.”

[alexbohs]

A worthwhile revisit from one of the strongest voices (and minds) we've had the privilege of having in this world: The Mask by Maya Angelou.

This clip (and poem) comes from a 1988 documentary by Bill Moyers which documents Dr. Angelou as she contributes her experience and voice to a conference held in the Hill Country of central Texas called Facing Evil (which you can watch in full here).

Finding comfort giving some of my time this week to folks who deserve it. Thank you for sharing your words and experiences, Dr. Angelou, particularly when doing so wasn’t seen as an act of bravery or selflessness.

Now more than ever we need more Maya’s in the world - speaking from the painful truth of life in hopes of holding accountability, spreading empathy and providing unity.

[alexbohs]

Do Not Disturb

Sharing an excerpt from something I scribbled down in one of my trusty moleskins which I treat as pseudo-journals. Re-reading it I felt a connection to this voice that so desperately wanted a way to escape but without actually running from life around him. This is something I struggle with constantly - unintentionally pushing away - and I share this in hopes it may resonate with you as well.

Sunday. 6am in a stagnant hotel room. The sound of an air conditioner drumming along - well past time for a filter change. I lay awake nursing a familiar (and rather suffocating) craving for a day switched to “airplane mode” across the board. 

He remains asleep as I debate whether or not to wake him. I don’t. Instead I leave a note.

“ Thank you for the chatting, the kissing and the night. Until next time, Alex (Phone Number) ”

I open the door and quickly notice he placed the “do not disturb” sign on the door handle. For a brief moment I wonder if he was expecting me to sleep in with him. ‘Am I an asshole for leaving this way?’ I normally would say yes to that thought but our chemistry was pretty upfront and void of expectations. 

I snap a photo for some reason (see above) and let the door close as quietly as possible. Behind me.

The final few chapters of an audiobook play as I make my way along the desolate freeway. Another chapter finishes as I near my exit. ‘Should I take this home and shower away the night or just add to the grime?’

My foot buckles down on the gas as I make my way past the exit and into the mountains. No real destination or hike in mind yet enough of a concept and scratch-in-need-of-itching to garner a day of nature.

My audiobook finishes just as I reach the base of Mt. Baldy road and I switch my phone to airplane mode. I press play to one of my go-to scores and begin the winding journey through the mountains, letting my thoughts take control as I choose where to stop and start walking.

I walk for the next four hours - sometimes playing gentle music - other times letting the Southern California nature play. 

Absolute bliss. 

As I make my way back to my trusty black VW bug named Bridgette, I come up with a fix to a recent screenplay of mine. I decide a lunch at the Mt. Baldy Lodge would be the perfect place to let this discovery run wild.

I choose a spot outside and unleash the brain farting as I down a cup of hot chocolate (something I always do at that lodge no matter the temperature / season). It’s a scrappy few pages of ideas but it feels good - just as this entire impromptu 24 hours has felt.

It’s nearly 4pm and time to trudge back to the hustle and bustle. I swipe airplane mode off briefly to get directions back home.

“1 new message.” I open it.

“Literally didn’t leave the bed today. Hope you did the equivalent wherever you snuck off to. Text me if you want to have another night while I’m in town. Here through next Sunday.“

I waited until I got home to respond.

“How’s Tuesday sound?”

Wednesday. 7am. The familiar stagnant hotel room air wakes me. He still sleeps. This time I turn and give him a slight jostle.

”Hey I’m going to head out unless you wanted to nab breakfast.”

”No go ahead” he said while slithering back into sheets and pillows. A contrast to the warmth from the night before. 

I still left a note. 

“Another lovely evening. Thank you. Text me if you crave a good chat anytime soon. I’m around most of this week. -Alex “

I let the door close quietly just like last time. Unlike last time however, there was no “do not disturb” sign on the door. Nothing to read into.

I start a new audiobook as I drive away - not into nature but home. I turn on the shower and initiate airplane mode as I enjoy my morning and afternoon before work. 

Hours go by as I take a break from work and switch off airplane mode - low key wondering what has transpired around me or what distractions will come flooding in.

"No notifications.�� 

It remains this way for the rest of the week.

Just as I initially wanted - only to realize it really wasn’t.

[alexbohs]

Queen of Kweens.

FRECKLE IS A FUCKING STAR

THE SCENE-STEALER FROM THE GAY AND WONDROUS LIFE OF CALEB GALLO ON WHY BEING “THE GAYEST, TRANS-EST, LOUDEST THING IS SO IMPORTANT.

[alexbohs]

Wolfgang Laib / MoMA / Pollen From Hazelnut / Installation / 2013

[alexbohs]

The first time I realized what it meant to nurture a personal escape was at the age of six. My mom had a horse Rocky, a pony Moe and goat Linnea. All three provided her an escape from all the stresses transpiring in life. 

“Can I come with?” I’d ask her night after night as we ventured across the long plot of land between our house and the barn to feed and tuck those three in for the night. I can’t recall how helpful I was - I suspect I was just a warm body that did some petting rather than actual help - but being able to witness my mom light up in her special spot away from the rest of the world was so special and is hands down the main reason I am able to find my own personal escapes no matter what environment I find myself.

One of the perks of being an adult is having a lot more of the details about all that was transpiring during our time with these precious friends.  Further proof of just how therapeutic these animals were for not only my Mom but for my kindergarten-aged self and third-grade-aged brother.

It may sound obvious, maybe even silly, but I’ve done more reflection-of-life than ever before as I near the late years of my twenties and start to recognize the roots of my being - both the positive and negative kind(s). 

Small moments somehow seem larger and more layered because I have started to accumulate life now and can pinpoint patterns, lessons and ways in which I can grow further. Small moments like feeding and maintaining Linnea now give witness to why I spend at least one day a week escaping without an agenda (usually somewhere without cell/internet service). It’s my way of keeping control over my time which only grows in importance as I grow. 

I used to think I was attracted to mindlessly looking, however now I realize I’m just remembering how powerful, attainable and simple it is to self-medicate often (like having to tuck a barnyard full of animals in every single day). 

[alexbohs]

Chosen Family

Chosen family. The family you handpick. The family who understands your every layer - no matter how complicated or nuanced. Chosen family is there because you’ve allowed them to be and they have reciprocated. No arbitrary expectations or judgements. Just lives intersecting to brighten and strengthen one another. That’s what chosen family has always been for me at least. In fact, I have been able to categorize my own growth by my chosen families in various environments.

As a child in Indiana, my chosen family consisted of other adventure-seekers who enjoyed exploring and escaping the confines of our cornfield(s). Whether it be photoshoots in abandoned buildings, campuses, forests or our own bedrooms, they kept my insecurities of the future at bay and the spark of what could be next ignited.

As a teenager / early 20-something in Chicago, my chosen family embraced me wholeheartedly. They taught me that the quirks I felt the need to hide in Hoosierland actually made me stand out amongst the rest and were something to cherish. No topic was finally off limits with these friends. We talked about every facet of one another which sounds silly but it was such a refreshing change of pace for me and is one of the many reasons why my Chicago chosen family will always be special to me for the very selfless way they accepted me and let me into their lives as well.

As a young adult / mid 20-something in LA, my chosen family became so much more diverse across the board. Folks were not only from various pods in Middle America but rather places like the Middle East or across actual bodies of water complete with language barriers and contrasting childhoods. I mention this because I’ve never felt such a familial connection to folks who on paper seem so different. I think that’s what I love most about the melting pot that is LA - learning, listening and loving so many viewpoints. My LA family has been the single most beautiful cluster of individuals and finding them changed my entire perspective of that whackass West Coast - for the better.

As a writer, my chosen family has permeated my noggin for years now both in a series I’ve been concocting (For Now Project) about the unique ways folks come in and out of one another’s lives during very specific chapters, as well as a feature film I keep re-breaking/re-working as I continue to also mature (Nevermore, Bernadette) which contrasts the eclectic chosen family of its leading drag queen against his complicated bloodline.

As an editor (and queer filmmaker), my chosen family has graced me with some truly unforgettable collaborations that have crossed generational barriers even. Conversations with Gay Elders taught me how unified we all are as queer people no matter how much our lives have felt so different from one another. I’ve been able to create friendships and connections with individuals that not only paved the way for me to live as openly as I prefer but have instilled in me the art of patience and looking towards the bigger picture. Who Is Reno Martin is currently teaching me just how expansive, inclusive and vibrant chosen family lines go back (particularly on the East Coast). It’s teaching me how authenticity and utmost trust between good friends has always been there even when history-writers try to paint a different picture. 

In short, I foresee this topic and those that make up my many families continuing to creep into my life as I chug along. I for one hope that’s the case.

- Alex 

[alexbohs]

So Vimeo has been particularly prideful this year for #PrideMonth by having guest curators create playlists featuring some of their favorite online LGBTQ+ content. 🏳️‍🌈

It's quite a beautiful thing and it brings me utmost joy to share that my lil' love letter ("Faggots Are Fantastic") is part of Lena Waithe's curation this week (alongside some truly sensational filmic work you'd be wise to gander via this link). 🎥

Thank you for shining a light on even more wondrous storytelling out there, Lena and thank you Vimeo for always providing such an inclusive platform for so many of us to share our world(s). All my love and #HappyPride everybody! 🌈

Keep creating, Alex

Guest curator Lena Waithe (your favorite person from Master of None) shares LGTBQ+ docs and short films in this new channel. Watch her picks on Vimeo.

[alexbohs]

Sendin' all my Frigay lovin' to Lockwood51 for my newest director cap. Can't wait to make queer magic whilst wearing it. 🎦 #StayQueerAsFuck

Link to glorious smiley “Stay Queer As Fuck” hat HERE!

[alexbohs]

Unfinished business is the worst and a couple things have consistently hovered over my conscience over the past few years. The first being a bundle of beautiful footage sitting unused on a hard drive (from a scrapped music video o' mine) - the second being the way I ended a rather delightful little summer rendezvous. Both contain content recorded during completely different chapters (even cities) of my life yet for some reason, when I connected the two, all felt right in the world and I'd even argue it was almost as if they were waiting on the other to be a complete(d) piece. That piece is now viewable in the form of a short titled “Note to Self."

All I will say as a disclaimer is that what it lacks in length I hope it makes up for in honesty, heart and vulnerability as it’s filled from start to finish with a good deal of mine.

Sincerely with Sincerity,

[alexbohs]

In honor of Mother's Day Weekend, I went back in my archive-of-life to the months before I moved to Los Angeles, and put together a little time capsule to showcase the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.

From graduating and leaving the confines of comfortable Chicago to traveling up the East Coast with Momma and Mike and then back to cold cancer center basements filled with uncertainty, I have never been more thankful than the present to be where I'm at in life (and same goes with the rest of my family).

Life sure is one hell of a journey and this weekend I hope you all are able to take some pause and honor some of the different chapters in life.

Love you bunches, Mom and I'm so very thankful for your good health and also your beautiful spirit.

💛