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Priorities

This word have completely changed meaning for me the last year or two. I was not that long ago allured by expectations from my family, my ex girlfriend but most importantly myself that when you'd turned 30 a house, career, cars and children was a must to feel happiness.

I remember living in the center of my city with my ex girlfriend. I loved it. Close to everything and with a great view. It would soon show that me and my ex had very different views on what would have to happen the following years for us to be happy together. In retrospect I’m relieved we broke up and wish we’d done it sooner. But that's a story for another time.

Her priorities was as the norms says. And I must stress there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If a house with a garden, dog, car and children is what you really do want in life; great! Go for it. My point is that the same solution isn't a good fit for everyone which I think increasing divorce rates confirms. What I've done the last year is to try re-evaluating what makes me happy on a day to day basis. It's hard work since the approach I took is to identify what makes me sad and then slowly change the causes for me to end up there. 

I was really sad when I "had it all". Me and my ex had a house, a car and was planning for children. Our friends was on the same path and either already had a couple of kids, some on the way or planning for it. Everything me and my ex ever talked about had something to do with the goal of being as the majority of people around us. Things like that there were schools and day care centers close to our house, that the car should be safe and even our things like that our kitchen table should be able to resist scratches. Everything, I mean everything, was pointing towards something I now know didn't make me happy. 

To identify this meant that I had to accept a whole new way of thinking and often an opposite way than before. That my now old way was, for me personally, wrong. When I lived in this nightmare I often felt really bad. I cried a lot on my own and constantly thought to myself  "I need to get out of here, just leave this country and start over". I blamed our neighbors, my past, my job and my choices. I blamed everything but what really was wrong; the situation I was in. This is what took me over a year to realize.

When you're unknowingly living a lie this realization practically means you have to doubt everything you thought and planned for. That is a hard task for anyone.

I think priorities should be what makes you feel good and not what you're expected to do. It maybe sound like another "No sh*t Sherlock"-moment but it's not always that easy. Sometimes you have to take a good look at what makes you happy and also have the guts to go for it.

Life's frankly to short to not be egoistic about these things. I'm now back in an apartment in the middle of my city. And I'm thankfully happier than I've been in many years.

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Another photo from my last trip to Scotland. If you’re a Harry Potter fan you’ll know the viaduct 😊

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A photo I took on my way to Ullapool in Scotland. Talk about meditation.

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Prestonfield house in the morning, to photograph in Scotland is pure therapy.

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If you’re an introvert, follow us @introvertunites. 

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Very relatable.

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You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.

-Franz Kafka

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This is a pure nightmare...

The Worst Nightmare of Each Type

INFJ - Realizing that the cause they have been supporting is run by treacherous and immoral people. Any good they’ve ever done in the world is instantly erased and turned into something harmful. Everyone they care for believes they are cruel and heartless.

ENFJ - Everything they do continuously comes out wrong, and the more they try to fix it the worse it becomes. Every person they try to help somehow ends up worse off than before, and they are seen as the reason why everything is going wrong.

INFP - Being trapped in a crowded room with morally bankrupt people, and having to coexist with them. Not being allowed to express their emotions, or process anything alone. Being forced to watch injustices and not being able to stop them or express how wrong they are.

ENFP - They no longer can speak to other people, and are forced to be silent at all times. Their ability to express themselves and be creative has been taken from them. Because of this the world sees them are uncaring and unfriendly. They aren’t allowed to explore new possibilities and must maintain a strict schedule.

INTJ - Being forced to listen to people spread incorrect information, and those people are revered as geniuses. They are unable to speak out against anyone who is wrong, and are actually made to agree with them. Every emotion they have ever felt is transmitted in public and everyone sees them as emotional and incapable of intelligent thought.

ENTJ - Being forced to comply with someone else’s poorly developed plan. They have no ability to stand out or add insight to the plan, and when all is said and done everyone believes they are the reason things are going wrong. They constantly have to listen to others emotional problems, and have to sympathize with them.

INTP - They are forced to follow the lead of an ignoramus, whose only goal is to feed lies to the masses. They aren’t allowed to explore new possibilities, and everyone around them is incapable of accuracy. Because of this, they have to watch the people they care about fall victim to these falsities. They are mocked for their thoughts and emotions.

ENTP - Is forced into solitary confinement, where they are never allowed to debate anything ever again. They have to constantly listen to people discussing vapid topics with no intelligent discussion involved. Creative thought is banned.

ISTJ - They have to wake up each morning not knowing what will happen that day. They aren’t allowed to plan and have to live in a constantly messy and cluttered environment. Each day is filled with unknowns, and they aren’t given instructions until moments before they have to do something.

ESTJ - They are forced to follow the orders of a messy and unorganized fool. No one around them is allowed to listen to their commands, and they are forced to keep them to themselves. They are seen by everyone as incapable and weak.

ISFJ - Everywhere they go it seems like everyone is unhappy and fighting. Every time they try to stop the arguing, they are verbally attacked and everything wrong they have ever done is brought to light. Everything around them is a mess and every-time they try to organize they are yelled at and forced to stop.

ESFJ - They aren’t allowed to express caring towards others, and are seen as cold and inconsiderate. They know that their loved ones are in danger, but they are completely powerless to stop it. Every-time they do try to fix the problem or make things better, it just keeps getting worse. Because of this they are left forever alone and are abandoned by their loved ones.

ISTP - They are forced to sit in a room and listen to intellectually moribund people try to solve a problem. As they watch these people attempt to put something together, they are unable to help or say a word.

ESTP - They are incapable of feeling excitement, and must sit alone in a room all day long. There are no reading materials or things to keep them busy, just their own thoughts.

ISFP - They are forced to live with people who are rude, and make them live each day based on a strict schedule. They are constantly criticized and there is no one around that cares enough to step in and stop it.

ESFP - The world breaks out with a terrible sickness, and the only way to survive is by staying inside and avoid all social engagements until the end of time.

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You are what you do; not what you own.

- personal reminder on the inside of my front door

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Introvert’s Weekend

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It’s not how hard you work; It’s how SMART you work.

John C. Maxwell (via entrepreneurs-in-the-making)

Something to remember until Monday morning when we're all back at work!

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Genuine interest in others

A couple of days ago a colleague of mine and I was sitting in a room waiting for a conference call. We were chatting about work, which I have no problem with. But after a while, when my colleague had prepared what she needed before the call, she asked me:

“How was your weekend? Anything fun happen?”

For any extrovert this sounds like a rather easy questions to answer, right? This is somewhat how my thought process looked like:

“Holy sh*t, what did I even do? Let’s see… Saturday I washed all my clothes. Is that something you even say? Is that strange? I also visited my relatives. Maybe it’s better to tell her about that. But did I like it? Well, yeah I guess, it was OK. I did get to sit outside chatting with a cousin which was nice. He got a new job and all. Yeah I guess that was ok. But that’s Saturday! Friday is also weekend, right? But I didn’t do anything special then. And Sunday. I did play golf. But it rained. Is it strange to say ‘Nothing’? Maybe. Damn I have to say something…”

“It was great!”

I didn’t even ask how her weekend was. It got a bit awkward. Luckily the person we were waiting on called which diffused the situation.

I do have a genuine interest in people. But isn’t small talk more of a false interest? Isn’t it more of a filler in situations where the silence is loudest? 

For me silence is more pleasant than small talk but I’m aware that I don’t share that preference with everyone else. I also know that most of us, even introverts, expect small talk since it's the norm. But to exchange information that neither of us will remember an hour later isn’t something I seek because just to improvise an answer to “How was your weekend?” takes a lot of energy. To have to improvise several minutes of small talk drains me almost completely. 

With my way of handling small talk (keeping away from it, that is) often labels me as someone who isn’t interested in people. But unexpected questions that starts with words like “How was your” scares me. The pressure from thinking about how my weekend generally was, what I did and if I liked it is too much for me to present improvised. I need a moment to prepare. Or perhaps a couple of them…

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Strange is our situation here on earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a devine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we know: that we are here for the sake of others.

Albert Einstein

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This is something I've been asked all my life. I've been so tired of the questions and also been hostile toward the people who asks. But that's not the way to handle it. It's not hostile. It's just that we as introverts need to inform and educate our surroundings about how we are and what we prefer. It's not about right or wrong. It's about being who you are.

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Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.

Paulo Coelho (via introvertlifestyle)

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This is my hobby. I’ll admit that my camera haven’t been used that much the last year but for me a hobby isn’t about quantity. When I need to disappear into my own it’s often through the camera lens I observe the world. It frames it in any way that I like and no one can see what I see.  As a child I’d often wander off to this rock close to home. We’re talking about a big rock that you had to climb. The view was overlooking my hometown and I could sit there for hours. I even skipped school a couple of times and instead just sat there. Thinking. I always felt really great doing that but at the same time my inside screamed at me about how wrong it was. Not only for skipping school but you just weren’t suppose to be alone like that. And to even like it more than being with others? Unthinkable! I grew up during the eighties and nineties. This was a time when schools around Sweden focused on teamwork and communication. From first grade we sat in groups instead of in rows which constantly disturbed my concentration. If i remember correctly we sat in similar groups, often groups of five, all the way to high school. Several generations were drilled that you should have a lot of friends, be ambitious, social, and especially that we had all opportunities to do whatever we felt like in life. This was of course not true. I’m not good at a lot of things and can’t master most of them. What I wish someone instead told me over and over is that it’s totally ok to be exactly how you are. Alone, with others, or anywhere in between. 

I’m not blaming anyone. This was the way that adults thought of the future and we clearly didn’t know any better since no parent I know, fortunately, would ever do anything to hurt his or her child. I think all introverts needs that escape and solitude my camera lens gives me. It takes different forms depending on the person but no matter your preference, please embrace being alone. It’s not only good for us; it’s vital.