allism-mom

[allism-mom]

As a autistic parent I am very sad. today because my allistic kid says that they got a referral for maintaining eye contact. they said it was an accident but was it the schools fault

Hmm do you find your child maintains uncomfortable levels of eye contact at home?

It could be that the teacher had interesting details on their glasses or something and maybe that caught your child’s eye?

There’s no harm in a referral though. The sooner allism is caught the better. Even with the NT movement pushing to accept allism as a normal variation of the brain, it’s important that our kids have the life skills to communicate with professors, librarians, scientists and other important members of the public.

Think of how that awkward staring could put off a potential date.

So if you don’t want your child to flunk college and be romantically lonely forever def get them assessed.

[allism-mom]

For those particularly ashamed of their loved one's allism, might I suggest using "off the spectrum" to refer to their condition?

After much discussion, we here at ASHU have decided that, yes, it is acceptable to refer to them as "Off the spectrum." And for those who have high functioning allism, you may say they are "almost on/just barely off the spectrum"

Thank you for this suggestion and for supporting ASHU!

ASHU bless you!

[allism-mom]

Hi allism mum! I know this is a little off topic for your blog, but I wanted to ask your opinion on the lgbt+ community.

I love the lgbtqa+ community! Did you know that fewer LGBT people have allism than cishets do? Scientists still don’t know why cishets have a higher rate of allism than the LGBTQA population. 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6223803/Then again I am an autistic cishet while my poor husband has high functioning allism despite being non-binary. So it isn’t cut and dried. But I think the link should be studied further. Perhaps my cishet status combined with my husband’s mild allism to create the severe allism that my son suffers.If only I weren’t cisthet perhaps my son might have been spared, or at least not been so high on the allism spectrum...

[allism-mom]

Help, my younger low functioning allistic brother is spouting bulllshit insults and slurs like it's nothing! He always comes to bother me ugghhhhhh why is he so unbearable? I told my mother, who's a high functioning allistic, to tell him to stop but she said its fine! How are allistics like this? Is there a detox for their behavior to make them autistic?

Have you tried taking away everything he loves and yelling ‘good job!’ when he follows your instructions, and then letting him hold his xbox controller for a moment before snatching it away and asking him to do it again?

[allism-mom]

hey i love ur blog but i just wanted to say that maybe u should mention somewhere that ur satire and poking fun at autism moms, cause ur target audience are autistic and a lot of us might not get the sarcasm and might actually be hurt, it took me a while to get it actually. just a thought 💓

Hi! My about page explains how much of this is satire and how much is not. 

https://allism-mom.tumblr.com/isthisreal

[allism-mom]

allism awareness, trait #3

DISPASSION 

As previously noted, at home, children with allism are easily bored and lack focus. This lack of personal interests, or passions, is often perceived socially as shallowness, and often gets misdiagnosed as depression. 

The reality is that the child with allism flits from hobby to hobby, topic to topic, without ever drinking deeply from one in particular. 

This is rightly perceived as one of the greatest tragedies of allism. Superficiality in general – emotionally, educationally, sensorily – is a hallmark of many allistic traits. 

Don’t despair – even though it might seem impossible, children with allism can have fulfilling lives! 

But many allism parents have a hard time figuring out how to relate to their child who has allism. They often ask, “How am I supposed to bond with my child if they have no deep passions to share with me? How can I live without being able to see my child’s eyes light up as they tell me, in detail, about the evolution family by region of each type of Pokemon, our great national pastime, or dive into the statistics and strategies of a more obscure hobby, like baseball?” 

The best suggestion I can offer is to act as though their constant cycling through fleeting hobbies and interests is their passion. Engage in it with them by helping them constantly find new things to try. 

If you work with other allism parents and caregivers, you can often find allism groups where people pass around their children’s barely-used games, books, and especially sports equipment. (Allistic children love sports!) This will give you many good ideas for things to try, even if your child ends up rejecting 90% of them after five minutes. Good luck! 

[allism-mom]

why are you pushing autism onto your children? imagine being upset your kids aren’t schizophrenic 😂

I’m not sure how to answer that... my children live with allism and it affects their lives and our family every day. I think every parent wants their child to be happy and well and independent some day.

I think it’s strange to compare my wanting my children to be well to wishing mental illness on them.

There is no cure for allism but I can still hope that they will overcome it to find passion in life, direction, and focus.

[allism-mom]

Just a reminder that April is Allism Awareness month, where we make people aware of how much we, normal autistic people, suffer from people with allism.

People are not defined by their allism

There is a growing debate between the scientifically minded allism researchers here at ASHU and people suffering from allism concerning person first language.

We at Allism Shuts the Hell Up believe that allism is something a person has/suffers from, not what a person is; people are not defined by their allism.

Organizations like the Allistic Revolution argue that people with allism should be referred to as allistic people, and we simply couldn’t agree more. In our society, the word allistic has become synonymous with idiot. In fact, the ancient Greek root for the word idiot actually refers to a person who has no special skills. Sound familiar?

Why would anyone take pride in having an oral fixation as described by the highly reputable psychologist Sigmund Freud?

Why would anyone take pride in a habit to ramble ceaselessly about nothing of substance and thinking that fascinating things are just mundane or uninteresting?

Why would anyone take pride in being incapable of direct communication and making decoding information that they’re trying to convey the responsibility of the person who doesn’t actually know what’s being said?

There are some people with high functioning allism who tell us that they’re just trying to live meaningful lives with their disability, but we must keep in mind that these high functioning people with allism don’t speak for the low functioning ones. They’re not at all like low functioning people with allism who do nothing but post duck face selfies on Instagram with so much makeup that Bozo would tell them to tone it down. How can these people who are able to clearly vocalize their thoughts be considered the same as the low functioning people with allism who expect normal autistic people to derive meaning from posture and facial expressions? Last time I checked, posture and facial expressions don’t produce words that can deliver a precise meaning.

People with allism should be thanking us for our efforts to correct their defects with Behavior Intervention Through Child Harm (BITCH) therapy. They should be thanking us for our implicit statements of wishing they didn’t exist by conducting research to make prenatal tests/a cure for allism. They should be thanking us for attempting to prevent cases of allism through endangering children by taking away their seat belts in cars and increasing their chances of injury and death in a car accident.

Why do they get so butthurt when we imply that we would’ve pressured their parents into aborting them if a prenatal test showed that they would be born with allism? Why do they get so upset when we imply that we’d rather that our children die in car accidents than develop allism? Don’t they realize that the world would be a better place if they simply didn’t exist?

[allism-mom]

Allism treatment

Your child has been diagnosed with allism, and a few worries might be on your mind:

- Why did I have to birth a child who doesn’t live up to my standards of perfection?

- What did I do to deserve having a child who can’t just fit in to society’s norms?

- Will my child ever learn to not be hostile towards autistic people and give up the urge to murder every autistic person they encounter?

- Will my child ever notice that I don’t give a single fuck about what Shelby did?

We at ASHU know what you’re going through, and we wanna reassure you that you’re not alone. Millions of parents just like you are mourning the idyllic children that they never had because they were stolen from them by the scourge of allism.

There is hope. Treatment is available.

ASHU is proud to present our grant program to assist families affected by allism in sending their children to Behavioral Intervention Through Child Harm therapy (or BITCH therapy).

We offer numerous treatment plans, including the following:

• Reducing loquaciousness/eye contact - Your child will be put in a box with a single opening where they’ll be able to see the therapist. They will be expected to sit silently and avoid making eye contact. If they make eye contact and try to start a conversation, the therapist will close the opening, leaving your child alone in a dark box with nobody to pay attention to them. (Details)

• Increasing stimming - Your child will be put in a situation that should result in happy flapping. If they don’t react and continue to have quiet hands, one of our therapists will administer an electric shock while saying “happy flappy!” That’ll be sure to make them stim!

These totally humane treatment methods that are guaranteed to not cause long lasting trauma in the children who go through it will be sure to modify the behavior of your child with allism.

This is a very scientific treatment based on experiments done on dogs to make them more obedient, and people with allism are just that: bestial non human creatures that we can treat like animals to make them more like ideal humans.

Don’t waste another minute having a defective child! Call ASHU today to schedule your child’s first BITCH therapy session!

[allism-mom]

I think there is a big divide between high functioning Allistics who are quiet, introverted, and barely allistic at all and low functioning people with allism who can’t stop talking about trivialities long enough to get invested in philosophical debate and therefore rely on their families to speak over them.

I would go see this play and I think others should judge it before they see it.

Kicking up a Row: a play about allism

A recent play called Kicking up a Row has just started shooting in France, and it’s stirring up controversy within allism advocacy groups.

The play is about a girl named Karen, who has low functioning allism, and her interactions with her autistic family. Her character is portrayed as a literal windbag with big, piercing eyes. Playgoers and critics alike are raving at this stunning portrayal of allism, though many have noted that the character of Karen was extremely annoying.

“We were aiming for the most realistic portrayal of people with allism as possible,” playwright/director Jack Cass commented, “Karen just talks on and on and manages to say nothing at all.”

The Allistic Revolution, an advocacy group for people suffering from allism, has issued a statement about how offensive the play is, saying that it perpetuates negative stereotypes and promotes a negative image of people with allism.

On Twitter, a man whose opinion was neither wanted nor asked for had this to say:

“I’ve seen the play and honestly don’t see what all the fuss is about. As someone who has worked with people with low functioning allism, I can confirm that everything in this play is accurate; from Karen’s constant gossiping to her demeaning statements to her friends, it’s all true. I’ll never forget the part where she tries to get her friends to sell Mary Kay products and takes advantage of their absence to sleep with all their boyfriends. As a Behavioral Intervention Through Child Harm (BITCH) therapist, I officially endorse this play as an accurate portrayal of all people with allism. #ASHUblessyou”

Further comments from production members indicate that the puppeteer controlling windbag Karen represents her actual character: quiet, stimming, and reading books. The windbag simply represents the shell that people with allism are in.

[allism-mom]

Obviously I can’t tell everyone to stop using seatbelts but I have to say, doctors push them very heavily. Before I could even take my son home from the hospital the nurses there made me show them how he fit in his seat and they tightened the straps.

At that time he still wasn’t focusing on people’s faces much and seemed like a normal newborn.

Doctors don’t know everything so I recommend everyone do their research before taking risks with seat belts. Perhaps use them, but loosely, so there’s less protection but also less allism risk.

The allism/seat belt link controversy

Chicago, IL — A new organization devoted to researching the causes of allism called Allism Shuts the Hell Up (ASHU) has recently publicly announced the controversial findings of a recent study they conducted linking allism with seat belts.

Many doctors have been attempting to discredit the findings of this research study conducted by head researcher Dr. Jack Schitt, pointing to the fact that the study only had a sample size of 12 children with allism. They also certainly aren’t amused by the fact that many of the researchers stated that “knowing Jack Schitt” qualified them to take part in this study.

Against the advice of doctors and public safety officials, local mother Karen has cut all the seat belts out of her car with the hopes that he child wouldn’t fall victim to the allism epidemic. Her teenage son isn’t buying it.

“My oldest son told me that I have lost my mind,” Karen told reporters. “He started using ropes as improvised seat belts whenever he would get in the car. It’s quite honestly a slap in the face that he would do such a thing.”

When asked for a comment, her son simply said, “I think it’s ridiculous that my mom would rather have dead kids than allistic ones.”

Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) practitioner Dr. Chun Lu (蠢驢) says that there is very good reason to believe the findings of this study, providing this hand drawn diagram of acupuncture points that are blocked by seat belts which are closely associated with symptoms of allism:

Car accident deaths have risen by 300% since the release of this study, and it’s worrying public safety officials. For now, they say that continuing research into allism and increasing education about why seat belts are necessary are the best they can do.

[allism-mom]

What is allism?

Allism is a disorder characterized by the following symptoms:

- Excessive eye contact

- Demand for knowledge of/adherence to illogical, inconsistent, unspoken rules (how can rules be known if they’re not spoken?)

- Communicating primarily through subtle and indirect methods (body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, etc) and expecting others to understand this completely

- The constant desire to socialize

- Lack of passionate interests; doesn’t dive very deeply into subjects they are supposedly interested in

- Frequently gossiping and/or talking for the sake of talking

- Obliviousness to small details (not hearing the hum of florescent lights, not noticing the uncomfortable feelings of tags/stitching in clothing, having an unrefined pallet, etc)

- Lack of stimming

People with allism generally lead unremarkable lives; they complete the bare minimum of education necessary to get a mundane 9-5 job, are unlikely to innovate or trailblaze new fields of study, and are susceptible to buying into scams and cults because of their strong desire to socialize and lack of specialized intelligence (with IQs generally near 100). Many people with allism are hostile (and in some cases, violent) towards autistic people, which can be attributed to their general lack of perspective and unwillingness to accept people’s differences.

When it comes to allism research, one organization stands far above the rest: Allism Shuts the Hell Up (ASHU).

For years, ASHU has been conducting research into the causes of this tragic condition. They hope that their research will lead to creating a reliable prenatal test for allism, and hopefully one day a cure can be found.

For every dollar they receive in donations, a whopping 2¢ is spent on helping people with allism. They also assist families affected by allism with grants to send their children with allism to undergo Behavioral Intervention Through Child Harm (BITCH) therapy.

The symbol of allism pride is the zipper, which we all wish every person with allism would put on their mouths.

For all the hard work they’ve put into allism research, we have but one thing to say: ASHU, bless you!

[allism-mom]

Omg my son keeps making eye contact and his teacher called me on the phone to tell me that he doesn't stim and has no special interest. I'm worried he might be allistic! I want him to be a normal person! Are there any cures to allism?

Not that they have found!

I feel your pain - totally. The best treatment we have is intensive early intervention. You need to to give them candies when you see them stimming and if they keep changing the TV channel or can’t fixate on one particular school subject you may need to take away all of their favourite things until they pick one and stick to it

But it’s such an uphill battle. Sometimes I despair!

[allism-mom]

I really love your blog! You're doing as good of a job at spreading allism awareness as my favorite charity: Allism Shuts the Hell Up (ASHU, bless you). Anyway, I was reading through one of their forums, and it breaks my heart how many parents are tortured by their allistic children's constant need to socialize and demand for eye contact. You're such a brave mom for being strong enough to put up with it all!

Thank you! It’s so important for us to have a chance to discuss allism from the PARENT’S perspective. 

[allism-mom]

There is hope for people with allism

There has been an epidemic in recent years, one that is snatching good children away from their parents.

“My daughter Karen was developing just fine,” a mother recalls, “then one day I put her in my car and strapped her car seat in with the seat belt, and I started to notice the changes. She would constantly look me in the face when I was around, always acknowledged when other people came into her presence. Then one day she said her first word: mama. She was only about a year old; I wasn’t expecting her to develop speech so quickly. And even at this age, she said a word that refers to a person, not like applesauce or truck. I knew immediately that she had allism.”

Mama.

It all starts with a simple word like this. Over time, as the child’s speech becomes more elaborate, they start to seek out friends and talk more about uninteresting topics (particularly gossip). Parents become fearful as they slowly lose their child to extreme cases of socializing, a demand for eye contact, lack of passionate interest in anything, finding hidden meaning in posture and time of voice, communication that requires the recipient to read between the lines and pick up on cues from sources other than their spoken words. These are the horrors of allism.

Doctors across the country have been reporting an increase in allism cases in recent years. There has been much debate about how to deal with this epidemic.

Fortunately, there is hope for the future of people with allism. We at Allism Shuts the Hell Up (ASHU) are working tirelessly to raise awareness about this condition and conduct research to develop a prenatal test and a cure.

For every dollar you donate to us, 2¢ of it goes toward helping a child with allism. We provide grants that allow children with allism to undergo Behavioral Intervention Through Child Harm therapy (or BITCH therapy for short) to ensure that their hands are never quiet.

Join the chorus of parents of children with allism when they say, “ASHU, bless you!”

[allism-mom]

To be fair, I assume most followers of this blog are not allistic so of course not everyone's going to get it :)

Allistic people sometimes accuse me of being offensive. As if allistic people know what is offensive about allism more than me, who actually lives with family who suffer from it. 

[allism-mom]

hey so I went a lot of my life believing I was allistic and had ADHD (the traits seeming like normal autistic traits so no one noticed i was ~different~. I've recently started wondering if I'm ACTUALLY allistic or if I just found solace in a diagnosis and am actually just autistic and faking it. idk have you had to deal with anything like that?

Well my first recommendation would be to see an allism specialist for a REAL diagnosis.

I know that there are a LOT of allistic people who self-dx and have never even been assessed? They get a low score on the AQ and they thing that’s diagnostic.

It should be obvious that a real doctor would know much more about you than you do, so you should go to them and tell them how you feel and then they can tell you if you feel allistic. 

My son never had a big assessment process so I’m not sure how that works for teens and adults. His allism is so severe it was quite clear when he was a small baby. 

It’s possible that getting diagnosed as allistic may be very expensive and difficult for someone your age. But if you are REALLY allistic you will jump those hurdles and get diagnosed. 

Until then you can probably consider yourself “possibly allistic”, and of course it is a good idea to take tests like the AQ to see if you score low enough to fall into allistic range.

But I think it’s a little misleading for people on Twitter and Tumblr to describe their experiences as allistic when you can’t REALLY be allistic until you’re diagnosed. 

What if someone used the #askingallistics tag to get information on how to help their allisticchild, and got helpful answers from people who “identify” as allistic instead of being REALLY allistic?

You can see how complicated it is. 

I think it’s great that you are taking it more seriously and I definitely think you should get assessed if you’re concerned!