allmothsdied

[allmothsdied]

Půlku času křičím

Že chci něco cítit

Druhů půlku času

Křičím že nechci cítit nic

[allmothsdied]

Jsem plná výkřiků

Bublá to pod povrchem, křehké, rodící se

Za světle modrého úsvitu, vodovky rozpité v očích

Kde projíždějící auta míjí lidi co nezastavují

Věčná cesta do nikam odnikud

A rozmočené nedopalky cigaret podél cesty

Tvých úst

Zlomený úsměv v rozbitém zrcadle, vyznej hříchy

A možná

Písně z dna flašky potemní zase o něco míň

Tělo postavené z červených cihel, v oknech jsou mříže

Barva bledna, barva hnědne, barva polyká

Ale dveře dokořán

Vítr chodí tam a zpátky, bloudí ti v duši

V té, co je plná kaluží, kalná voda, kalné odrazy

Omítka se drolí, místnosti zmenšují a dusí tě

Když padají na tvou nahotu a tisknou tě do matrace

Poslední kouř cigaret, iluze domava šedne

A vytrácí se

Jako rána co nepřichází

Němé pohledy dětí, nežijí, jen pozorují, jen vnímají

Pod nánosem sněhu v letním žáru

Pod nánosem prachu na bílém mramoru

Pod nánosem starobylého strachu,

Který nikdy neměly okusit

Takhle neměly vyrůstat, takhle ne

Nehty probodávající maso jako tvárnou hmotu

Vezmi formičky a vlastní kůži postav hrady z písku

A pak sleduj příliv,

Tu očistu po které nezůstane nic

Existence co neměla nikdy být, ztracené děti

V příliš velkých tělech

[allmothsdied]

Nepokojné ticho, co sedí tu

Osaměle vedle tebe

Když se tvé tenké obrysy boří do prázdna a do tmy

Jako lži dne co se ti kroutí mezi prsty

A líbají sedřenou kůži kloubů tam, kde možná zuby

Možná proudy závislosti

Zanechaly svoje kruté otisky

A je to tvá duše, vyzvracená na talíři před tebou

Co se bezostyšně svíjí a pošklebuje

Očima příliš starýma, ústy hladu a dávení

Kůže pohlazená barvami vodovek, zranitelná to něha

A to ticho, pálí uvnitř svým popelem,

Jen pár desítek minut a den zemře, jako slova

Rozlitá po podlaze vedle hromádky kostí zítřka

Je to šepot, co volá otlučené srdce, šepot

Mísící se s tmou tvých dalších hříchů

Neb není kříže a krve, není svatosti jak jednou

Poskvrníš bílý šat a ty víš, že inkoust pro tebe

Nikdy nebude lhát

A tak plníš pohár lítosti, a tak pohár převrháš

Bosé chodidla natahují se po střepech

- dnes v nich budeš spát

Pro trochu popela, pro trochu potu, vysvlékáš své nitro

Do naha

S lůnem svíjícím se jako had, masožravá růže

Otevírá poklopce a ty klesáš na kolena

Co víc mohli vzít, ukradli

Tak proč jsi neprosila? Tak proč jsi...

Zůstala...

Svázána pramínky vody, vytesaná z chladu hvězd

Když hrdost staví náhrobky, které pozřou

Vše, co by bývalo zbylo z ukousaných vět

Ulepená od slin, vyhaslost pouličních lamp

Jenže ta mrtvá moucha, na jeho parapetě

Zabydlela se v zrcadlové síně zmožené mysli

Na tisíckrát.

Pozře tě znovu. Pozřel tě znovu. Bez viny, bez jediného pohledu

A krev stéká po slzách po stonku vadnoucí růže

Jako rosa co donekonečna zamrzá

Na tváři bolesti

A ticho dál hladí, příliš vědoucí, nelhostejnou dlaní

Nemá co říct, není vět a významů

Není pokory ani pokání

Jen holých větví stromů tvého nahého těla

Zračícího se v talíři, se zbytky tvojí duše

[allmothsdied]

I think I'm ready to keep this

Blurred little hope

Just as a hope

I'm ready not to ever find out

And leave you

Dwell only in my dreams and thoughts

Like that I could keep you

And take you with me

Under the grave grove

I'm ready to let this hope go

And be it nothing more than a want

Or simply need

- of my soul for yours

I know, maybe we were lovers in another life

Or maybe we will be

one day

On some other, better world

But for this one, I'm ready to let you go

~ for my cursed prince and the pharaon (M.M)

Maybe you could heal my broken soul

Maybe you're just another placebo

I wish I could tell you

And maybe you will never know

But if you asked me, I want you to be

My last try I have left

I promise I believe it's worthy

Being possibly wasted on you

[allmothsdied]

Tonight I feel your presence

It was never this intense

Like I could reach my hand and touch you

Feeling your breathing

Hearing heart pumping blood into your veins

Tonight I feel your presence

Feeling you close in the dark

It's 4 am, and this comforts me

Soothing me so I can finally close my tired eyes

Hope you're okay

Maybe you could heal my broken soul

Maybe you're just another placebo

I wish I could tell you

And maybe you will never know

But if you asked me, I want you to be

My last try I have left

I promise I believe it's worthy

Being possibly wasted on you

[allmothsdied]

I need it unhappend

And my therapist asking me

If I want it to change

But I need it unhappend

Then thinking I should just

Let it be, let it end

Cause you can't let it dissapeard

Change the past

Impossible things have no future

But I need it unhappend

Not to end

I need it unhappend

So why do I stay?

It's not just I can't leave people

Some things go much deeper

And it means way too much

That's why it hurts so much

That's why it's tearing me apart

And I can't accept the end

It's all I have... All I have left

Maybe I need her

To finally do it right

To it be alright, I don't know

But do this right this time

No half smiles, no half lies

No half promises* with this

Unmentioned

*commitment with a deadline

Yet it feels so wrong

Maybe I can't tell anymore

What is right and what not

My mind gaslighting me

There and back and back and there

And it's spinning

But I can't stop holding onto

This many times broken hope

Maybe I'm naive, I'm desperate

And delusional

But for the things that matter

It's alright

And I know that the rope I'm keeping

Makes my hands bleed

But it's worthy, I whisper

Into another lonely night

It's worthy, I beg blinded by tears

Maybe I don't need it to unhappend

But I need to it be right, finally, this time,

To let go the past...

Maybe I shouldn't, but I want, I need

And maybe it's wrong...

But for this one last time

I will stay*, and it's me with this little star

The tiny little *if

[allmothsdied]

Maybe you was just another dream

A want, a lust, a need

Of starving heart and soul

Something that could possibly fill out the void

I'm starting to see

It's something unreachable

For me, this 'ok' painted future, with you

Or anyone else

It's gone for years, but it's me who couldn't

Simply accept the reality

Maybe still can't

And I'm too old for pretty tales, I'm too lost to dream

But it could have been fine, it could've been alright

Me and you

But we both are far way in

To rebuilt our fucked up lives, to hope

I guess I'm tired of seeking better

As better will never mean good, it never be well

So why trying to run for impossible

When worse is here, when worse is simpler

And it's something I can reach

I still long to drown into your skin

Sanctuary we were always searching for

So desperately, since the day we were born

In connection of our entwined bodies

At home between our pain

And souls

Speaking to each other in language no one else knows

I need you, but maybe I need hope for somebody

To finally be close

For arms to hold me and understanding heart

And maybe it's all in you

Maybe we are not meant to be

And I'm way too broken and old to still believe

But if you asked me, I would say it's you

Who I want and long for

Another lonely night

Swallowing soft tears as it feels already lost

[allmothsdied]

Maybe you could heal my broken soul

Maybe you're just another placebo

I wish I could tell you

And maybe you will never know

But if you asked me, I want you to be

My last try I have left

I promise I believe it's worthy

Being possibly wasted on you

[allmothsdied]

Tonight I feel your presence

It was never this intense

Like I could reach my hand and touch you

Feeling your breathing

Hearing heart pumping blood into your veins

Tonight I feel your presence

Feeling you close in the dark

It's 4 am, and this comforts me

Soothing me so I can finally close my tired eyes

Hope you're okay

[allmothsdied]

You don't need to try my shoes

Come and wear my skin, come live in my mind

I think I lost all the reasons, I lost all my why

I begged to not feel like I'm dying

I worshipped you on my knees

Now taste my blood, drown in my agony

When you dress all in black to our last hang out

Keep your tears, I was never enough to you

One more stolen kiss, I have no smile for you

I was fucking screaming, u didn't saw

Didn't noticed I was ready to say goodbye

Your climax in my mouth

And eyes tell the truth but your were full of lies

I am liar too, that's why I am gonna forever

Keep them shut tight

[allmothsdied]

One day I will fuck you for the last time

Leaning to your arms with sadness in the eyes

Last belladona dance, last lullaby

You won't see me again, until you're dressed all in black

Closed eyes, numb faces, absence of life

Starring to the ground, home for my fragile bones

Let me taste sweet nicotine smoke

I'm breathing ice, swallowing blood, turning to my own grave

I will never love you again, never fuck you again, hoping you're still breathing

And if the faceless men still take my body, I'll be okay

Their hands won't hurt me again

If the nameless men still use my cold skin, I'll be alright

Won't remember, won't feel a thing

Will be already too far away, no more pain

His touch lost with the ash, with bloodstain on the floor

Finally my skin will be free, my flash unseen, body unstoled

I will taste my innocence again, in peace with my every sin

[allmothsdied]

Trying to accept

Who I've became

That I'm something I can't not hate

You made me this way

You tought me so

Took advantage of me

And I quickly learned

Getting wild, getting feral

Professional at breaking my soul

Shattering heart

Unable to say no

Watching the destruction

Watching everything burn

Becoming ash and smoke

Knowing how to get lost

Knowing how to kneel down

Queen of broken heart

Miss nightmare

Abusing myself

Letting them use me as they like

Becoming a thing

Becoming nothing

Cage of me to me

Make it hurt, make it hard

Dance with my body in the grave

And leave like I never existed

And forget

I loved you

Cause my love is never enough

[allmothsdied]

Naked woman on man's couch

Your hands touching me,

Your lips kissing me, you are everywhere

Cloths on the floor

And I'm aching, aching inside, for you

Handprints everywhere, it's like a crime scene

On my knees, I'm begging, make me feel

Dancing on your lap, moving like a living art

Starving in desperation, love me

You climax and I'm swallowing moans

Your DNA between my legs

Cum, slowly running down my thighs

Your DNA on my tongue

You're everywhere on me, it's like a crime scene

And I'm begging you, make me feel

Getting in your pants, give me more

Getting crazier, nymphomaniac you say

I'm broken inside

Holding my hands away,

Your no is like a handcuffs & I hate myself

People watching but I can't make myself to care

That's what you thought me

Before it gotten out of my hands

Make me behave...

How bad can a 'good' girl get

In the melody of lost innocence, melody of sin

I'm not a woman, still child inside

And there's no salvation for those like me

when I kneel at your feet

Kissing every bad decision I can reach

Knowing what I'm doing to you, but somehow not still

I'm just trying to satisfy you

I'm just trying not to get crazy with want

But you again, left me alone and in tears

[allmothsdied]

I've seen it all

Heaven gates made from nickel and brass

And the golden stairway right to hell's open mouth

But I keep sinning anyway

Not trying to find salvation on my bruised knees

Worshipping his touches

That's my grace, that's comfort I'm starved for

And I've tasted it all

Becoming slut in the sheets

Tell me who's your god, as I have none

[allmothsdied]

"Why haven't I thought of it before"

It was just sex, before

You didn't want me, you didn't saw us possible

I wasn't an option before

It wasn't love, just need to have somebody

While waiting for a better one

It wasn't love, just lust, before

I was nothing else, nothing more,

Body you fucked, body you adored

It wasn't a love, just simple want

And I accepted it, wanting more no more

And you was desperate and alone

That was that breaking point

You started hoping and believing

Begging for more

Begging me not to destroy illusion of possible

Even tho you did it to me, before

Breaking every wish, we had no future,

You said it so, you laught at my face

Killing me once more

And now you want what you broke...

So I stay silent, every fucking time you daydream

About us

Even tho I'm swallowing tears and my heart ache

Cause after before, it's all gone now

Baby, we are not ever possible

[allmothsdied]

It hurts,

Knowing you care most about my souless body

Giving you child that should never be even born

Than me harming that same body so it would be possible

Than my insides writhes in agony and me crying on the bathroom floor

Now I know overdosing with laxatives over and over

Doesn't go together with contraception

And one lost little life is more than enough

It still fucking hurts, you know, I can't overcome it

No one can wash the blood out of my hands

But to you, none of it does matter, if I'm slowly killing myself by drinking poison

If it could get me pregnant, against my will,

If it may disrupt functionality of that everyday stupid pill

You want my dying body to die once more

For your dreams - those not involving my soul

See me break after you ask me to be yours

When there's nothing more to take

It hurts,

Wanting me to give you everything I have not

Not standing firmly on the ground, letting me the one to say and feel and think all the no's

Leaving the pain on me

You're dreaming and talking, hurting me with everything I can't have,

Hurting me with words, with already painfully broken hopes

While I have to remain silent so the blue feeling

Will stick only onto me

It still fucking hurts,

Making me your whore and mistress after,

Then wanting to make me your babybox, without ever making me yours before

But I can't say a fucking word - it may makes you uncomfortable

But my feelings aren't important

And I promise you, I won't ever let you be father,

Even if I ever birth the child that's yours

Cause you already tortured a murder it's mother

And she destroyed her body and soul

It would killed her to have a life in her stomach

But you still don't believe you care about my uterus, more than you care about me

[allmothsdied]

Why?

So I don't get completely

crazy

Become it's like a fence

Around beautiful garden

High yet so fragile

One kick and it's all

gone

And I watch my feet

running thru

The flowers

And killing

Every single one