#bpd diary

[x-x-bones-x-x]

BPD is so confusing. I don't want to be in another relationship again, I'm too afraid of them leaving me. But I want to have sex. I can't have casual sex though. Now I want more than that, I want to cuddle and be told that I'm precious and such a good girl. I want someone to tell me how good I'm doing and how proud they are of me. I want to cuddle someone to sleep while I'm wearing a t-shirt and they're completely naked. I want them to spoon me. But I'm too scared to be in another relationship. I can't deal with another person leaving me. I can't deal with anyone else, period. I'm tired of people. I'm tired of being used. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to rot. I deserve everything that comes to me but God damnit deep down I know I just want to be truly, purely, completely loved.

[insaneyve]

I played dumb, but I always knew

That you talked to her.

[howlovelyhana]

The borderlined life excerpt three from my poetry book:

“I don’t want to fight you, I don’t want you to be hurt. This isn’t me whose talking right now, and it’s not you that’s in front of me. There is a flame inside me, it’s been growing for a while, when I say I hate you, I really mean I hate myself.”

[b0rderlinecompulsivenervosa]

i love my bpd, and this is why:

- i will never forget how it feels to hold a particular person close in a hug, i know this feeling so intimately due to my ability to love so deeply. i don’t care if i split on them and we don’t talk, i know that i once loved them and i can go back and feel that love. feel what it’s like to hold that love. to hug that person and hold them and at that moment in time everything is okay.

- there is an after. i know there will be more to come. my life will not be boring. i will require support but PERFECTION IS A LACK OF PROGRESS!!!

- i have bpd and i am lovable

[iwannabeverythingimnot]

BPD Splitting is when you don’t “need anyone to survive” only to realize you do need help because you’re so fucked up you can’t live completely on your own.

[evilichu]

me, reading articles about bpd symptoms: hmm. makes sense. it's an illness.

me when i start exhibiting those symptoms: i am evil. i'm hurting everyone. i am The Worst Human Alive

[kirbsessed]

I lost my pen today. And like you know, it's not that deep. But. IT WAS THAT DEEP. Why? I borrowed it to my fp. Damn. So, like, it was realllyyyy important for me. So I asked in the room if anyone got a spare pen. AND GUESS WHAT? That mf (/lh, /neu) (aka my fp) PULLED OUT 7. seven. Who the fuck carries seven pens with them. Anyways I stole one from him☺️ and for the rest of the time I stimmed by stacking the pens on top of one another. So yeah uh a great funfact, my fp carries a shit ton of pens with him. Wohoo

(Btw, the pen I stole doesn't work. Couldn't care less tho, he touched it, used it, wrote with it, held it)

[manifestingspaghett1]

[zombie-cucumber05]

[x-x-bones-x-x]

I'll clean this up someday soon I promise :(

[insaneyve]

You're probably with that blonde girl

who always made me doubt.

She's everything I'm insecure about.

[howlovelyhana]

The borderlined life excerpt six from my poetry book:

When I love someone it feels like I am on fire, I love so intensely that the flames grow in the shape of a home. My warmth burns you as you walk in but I try to protect you from the heat. I try, I try and I try. But even I can’t save you, the flames engulf you and you try hard to leave, afraid to be burnt, afraid to be scarred from my love that no longer feels like a home, but a silent volcano always ready to erupt.

[imakeartwheniwanttodie]

After how many years of trying are you legally allowed to give up?

[b100dstains]

i’ve done some pretty fucked up and stupid things for validation

[spank-you-and-me]

I'm in the worst mood I've been in, in so long. someone cheer me up before I commit arson.

[psychedelicmess81]

he thinks it’s a coincidence that my apartment is so close to his house 😌