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[almostinnerlight]

April 8, 2022

Here I am again. I am happily blogging along! I wish someone were reading what I was writing. Its kind of lonely out here in cyberspace. Blogging into the cosmos without a comment. But alas it is part of the experience. The human experience of being alone.

Already accomplished a lot this morning. Got a load of laundry out of the dryer, into the basket and another load drying. One other load now washing. Took a bath and washed my hair. All new unmentionables are in place again. I sure am smelling better. I can assure you of that. Lol! I found really nice pair of jeans that are soft and fit so well. I am making spaghetti. Yep, the morning is actually rocking along. If you saw my back porch where the laundry is, you would think I was a terrible person. Such a slob. But in reality, I am not. I really in my heart want to be a neat person who is looked upon as someone who really cares about being clean and neat. But alas, I am only that in my heart. My heart is in the right place. Kind of a circle and a cycle. I wash and dry. I try to fold and put away. But so many other things are around that I can't get it done. Then it happens again. I wash and dry and try to fold. (sigh)....But I feel accomplished because I did start it all again. Maybe today I will get something put away. Maybe.

What would I write about if I could write about anything? As I am doing now. Would I always write about laundry and my hopes and dreams? My dreams of getting that laundry mountain toppled yet again? The greatest task in front of me is the smallest thing to most people. And the largest thing to me is the thing that people do without thought. If you have ever had to take a bath in a cold bathroom then you know what I mean. For me, taking a bath is a chore. Its COLD in there. Brrr! So when I took a bath this morning, last week or anytime its a big thing! Just getting undressed in the freezing bathroom is a challenge. And yet here I am. Clean, pressed and dressed. Happy.

Happy. Such a small but important word. So many things lead to it. And from it. Small things make you happy. Large things can make you happy. Flowers and puppy breath; baby kisses and blankets just out of the dryer. Happiness is a many splendored thing.

[almostinnerlight]

March 30, 2022

Passover is soon as we come to Easter. I am beginning to think of the service that I will hold with my family. How can I make it better? More spiritual? I am tired today. I feel that usual weight begin to come on me as I try to navigate the house, the laundry and life. Easter is about new beginnings. About resurrection. About The Lamb of God. Passover is about all of it. It was the beginning. The shadow of the coming salvation of mankind. When we would realize the way that God would free us of sin and the grave. Its hard to look to the new, joy and the service that I do every single year in the environment of the destroyed house and piled up laundry. Kind of like the people in Israel. They were under Roman rule. A captive people. Tied in by the Roman Empire. As I am comparing the two--my mess and their mess I have to smile. Its not the same at all. But the feelings might be similar. I feel like I can't escape the constant problems. I am constantly trying to wash, dry, fold and put away. i am desperately trying to sweep, vacuum and throw out trash. My Roman Empire is something I can't seem to get a hold on. And just like that these people were captive to another Kingdom. How do we find Easter in the midst of the mess?

Where is Easter? How do I find that sweet feeling that is my favorite day in the whole world? I have tried so hard to lead my family along the paths of Righteousness. But they don't seem to want to go there. As they get older its harder. I failed somehow because there is no relationship with God. God is not The Butler. They want a Butler. Not God. Someone who will pop up and do this and do that regardless of His plan and His purpose. I don't know why life isn't easy! I don't know why people die, get cancer and why things go wrong. But I do know that God is here. And He loves me. So how does He love me if my life is not perfect? I live in an old house, we drive an old van and I have been wearing the same clothes for years on end. I have excitement over getting to buy my new shoes for the year. When those fall apart I wait till the next year to buy more. God does love me even though I am not rich and beautiful.

So, what does all this have to do with Easter? How can Easter, Passover, and drudgery run in the same vein? How do you tie the Providence of God with laundry and dirty floors? The truth is that God is a part of our lives. He is with me while I am folding clothes and listening to me when I am sweeping floors. He is part of my life. Right in that bathtub that I must clean. God, up close and personal. That we can realize Easter and Passover in a place that is right in the front living room. Today I will get up from here and I will try again to be a good homemaker. I will attempt to do what I need to do. God is with me. Without Him I would not know what to do. I don't want a Butler. I want a God who walks with me. He isn't my servant. I worship Him.

As for my kids....I hope that the ones who have wandered away will come back. I hope that they will understand someday the God that never left us. But I also think that they want to live in sin instead of doing what The Bible says. Sadly.

[almostinnerlight]

The Keyboard Works!

Oh Joy!

Here I am again. I am thinking of starting a journey where after Easter is done I am going to really limit my Facebook consumption. I want to keep in touch with those that are close to me in my heart but far away. I want to keep my groups. But I want to also find who I am again before I could just stare at my phone all day. I think I am drowning myself in Facebook to escape into things that I don't have to accept. Many, many parts of my life, events and moments are and have been so painful that Facebook has become a painkiller. If I am stuck in Facebook, fighting with others about whatnot that I can't change then I am not feeling the suffering that life has come to mean to me. I am sad and depressed. Go stare at Facebook. I am anxious. Go post it. Vent it out. I don't have to look at my sorrow if I am debating abortion or the Southern Border crisis with people who will NEVER listen and Never change their views. So I exchange the debate for the reality of life. It is what it is. But if I can simply start being on Tumblr and vent here. I will miss the debate. I don't think a lot of people exchange ideas blogging. I am not sure that bloggers are aware of each other much. But maybe once vented out I will find who I used to be. Somewhere she is out there. I just have to find her again. The painter, the sculpter, the person who read the Bible all the time. Where did she go? She went into Facebook. And Facebook is a fantasy land. Not reality. I need to be back in reality. My laundry is calling.

[almostinnerlight]

Because You May Not Agree

Controversial Subjects

I wonder just how free freedom of speech will go. How far are we allowed to roam in our words and thoughts? I find on Facebook that if you disagree with others there is a hate that goes. If you are like others then you are safe. If you disagree with others then you are going to be hated. So here are a few things. I wonder if this blog will be censored? I was searching other blogs and saw porn, nudity and ugliness. So, if I disagree publicly with things on here...will my blog disappear? I guess I am about to find out right now. Its about to get deep.

Do you know that God said it is wrong for a man to lust after another man? Or woman after woman? That in The Bible, God uses the strongest words to describe how He feels about it? That homosexuality is a sin. An abomination. That the smell of the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah had risen to Heaven. I have people who say it was about "pedophillia" or some other thing. That Jesus Himself never addressed it so it must be okay now. God just blithely forgot how He felt about it in the Old Testament. I am sorry, Folks. God didn't stutter. He said it is sin. Wrong. The testimony of two cities laid waste should be a screaming example of the way He views it. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He did not change His mind and say it was okay.

Did this blog just get deleted? Will I find it when I look for it? Is it tagged as "hate speech" automatically? Am I marked as a monster because I don't agree with the culture? So, I said it was a sin. I said that it was wrong. I said how God feels and how He reacted to the sin of it. Did I say I hated anyone? Did I say that I want to hurt anyone? Think about it. Before you label me as a homophobe, I would like you to stop and think about what I said. So, if people discuss the act of homosexuality on National Tv and explain the mores of it, its all right. It is accepted automatically and everyone is expected to just jump in there and follow along like a good little chld and not disagree at all. Because our culture has thrown out the right to believe in "right and wrong" and just comply.

Let me make it clear. I met my first person who was gay when I was 16 that I know of. He was a worker at a resthome. He was very kind and he showed me his earring. He was also the best Social Director that that nursing home had had in its history. It was widely known that he was gay. Believe me, not everyone was so gracious. But I never said a word to the man. Just smiled and looked at his earring. After that, as it became more and more acceptable to be LGBQ, I have had people come into my existence that are. I can promise you that I have not said an inflamitory thing to any of them. I don't think that is my job. Unless they ask me. And I will answer their questions as kindly and gently as I know how to. I do not hate gay/lesbian or transgender people. I understand that I believe that it is a sin to be so. In The Bible it says so. If I follow God and follow The Bible I have to listen to what God says. So, why is my belief and my faith considered the worst thing that there is. But others have the right to think their way and they are accepted? Is that not a little bit hypocritical?

What do we consider to be "hate speech". What do we decide is hate? Is it not hate speech to censor someone or keep another person from the things that they believe only because it is not what you believe? It is deep food for thought. If I am capable of listening to someone who is opposite of me; why is it that I cannot be afforded the same right? I am almost scared to publish this post. I don't want to lose my Tumblr blog. I don't want this post to be deleted. Where do we draw the line at "freedom of speech"? if a young lady is allowed to show herself in a sex act, dressed in almost nothing; and another younger girl is allowed to post touching herself in class...should I not be allowed to post my views and thoughts. We shall see. Both of these posts are blogs on this platform. Disgusting to me. Eww. Freedom of speech. Where does it begin and end?

I also, before I go and maybe disappear from here forever if my account is deleted because I said what I said, I welcome debate. Don't bash me and swear at me please. But if you out there read this and want to lay out your thoughts then I hope you will. Though I won't change my stance I still am growing and evolving as a person. I am not afraid of what you have to blog or say. As long as you don't want to hurt me because of my beliefs. Which is entirely possible.

[almostinnerlight]

Wandering Along the Path

Wandering Along the Path

And here I go again. As news of Ukraine War flash on the screen. Wow. God be with them. I pray for the Ukrainian people. I pray for the army. I pray for the leaders. I pray that God will reveal the truth to the Russian people. That they will see what is happening and rise up against the inhumanity of it all. Lord, please let it be okay. Let the Ukraine win! For freedom. For Democracy.

For such a time as this....a time for Spring. A time for Easter. A time for joy and rebirth. Even as war is raging and its cold outside again. The day is coming for kayyaking and fishing again. For me to paint while the kids do their thing at the Park. For the wind and the cold will not last forever. The summer is coming. The sun will shine again and warm our days. Our hearts will smile again by the shores of the lake. Even old hearts long for the beauty of a new day. Though it is not as easy to get up off the ground anymore; I still want to get there. I want to sit in the grass and enjoy the smell of the sand and the water. This is what I will do. Enjoy the world of nature. Go to the Walking Trails at Riverside Park. Read the signs and smile at the cutout of Bigfoot. As I walk along taking in the beauty of the trees and the grass I can feel my soul drinking it in. Its like I was so thirsty for a long, dry time and now I am refreshing myself again. Nothing can restore my soul like being covered all around by trees and moss growing in trees. I can smell the untouched glory of sand, rocks and flowers. To connect with the birds and the butterflies. Even the bugs are part of the world we are in. Did you know that the little sugar ants have a smell? A distinct odor. As someone who is legally blind, smells and sounds are something that I notice. Things that most people might ignore or just not be aware of. Today is cold and fires blacken the horizon in many places. Tomorrow is on the way bringing brighter days and sweeter memories to make.

[almostinnerlight]

Good Morning!

Another day in Texas! Here we are in the big middle of high winds and fires in small towns not far from us. I must admit its scary to think of having to evacuate your city. Carbon and Rising Star had to be evacuated. Parts of Glen Cove and Coleman County were evacuated. As fires spread and winds only got worse it was an unnerving night. Also, the smoke and dust in the wind have our allergies just going nuts. Whew! God, protect all of us from wildfire! The thing is, you hear about it. But you don't really feel the reality of it until all at once your neighbors are being evacuated from their homes in the middle of the night. I am going to have a laundry basket for my dogs' new puppies and a leash handy in case we have to follow suit. I can't imagine the fear and the grief. I do know that many where I work have lost homes and the suffering is only beginning for them as they must return and rebuild. Lord, we need rain!

As I sit here this morning with my coffee and pets all around me I think of how we are often oblivious to what we have. To get up in the morning and stumble to get kids to school. Breakfast and take a nap. I sit and blog. Its quiet and peaceful. We don't have a lot you know, but do we really think of the blessings that we do have? How many times do I just take for granted the beautiful moon in the sky as we drive early. Or the Dumpster Man outside my door right now, picking up our trash in the cold. We just go through life as life goes along. Its not like that for so many people. Life is fragile. Can be taken so fast. One minute you are sitting at your table drinking coffee. The next who knows? I have always believed that we should cherish every second of the day. Even when its a horrible day. The sun came up and you are still breathing.

[almostinnerlight]

Rambles and Thoughts

Hello!

Well, here I am again. I had the itch again. I am blogging. I have had a productive morning I guess. I feel like life is going to be okay. But alas we are going to be so broke its sad. I got all of 327 for my paycheck this week to last all month. Wow. I can barely pay bills on that. Life is hard. However, at least we are not in the Ukraine. The video showed this morning from Ukraine was heartbreaking. So sad. I just don't know what exactly it would be like to be under attack. To have Coggin Avenue or Avenue K blown up by a missile. I mean, what do you do? Do you go to work? How do you eat or get groceries? Where would our country go? I betcha that Horde would about face and run the other way! And watching Biden give his speech at lunch was telling. He looks feeble. This is not an insult to him. He just looks like he can barely stand up to the strain. I hope that we don't have to find out any of this firsthand.

So, what is in my future besides my financial woes and war? My sister, Joyce, is going to help me buy a nice camera to get my photography business going again. It kind of croaked for a while. But I have hopes to get it going again. We have another camera that I am paying for. Its small though. I am going to pay her back for the one I am about to buy soon. Another thing that is about to take place is the restoration of my front porch. I actually was supposed to fix The Clubhouse back up. I don't think its going to happen though. My poor Clubhouse. It was such a wonderful place to be. We had so much fun in it and eventually it became my She Shed. Unfortunately it was built years and years ago. Its starting to go to pieces. Leaning. The wind and the elements have finally taken the poor thing down. I can't imagaine life without it. I must though. I have to let it go.

Well, life has blown into my relaxing time again. We have to go and pick up my little grandson Blake. Gotta wake up my sleeping husband to drive us over there to get him. Go. Go. GO! At least I got a little bit written before life happened again. XOXO!

[almostinnerlight]

Serindipity

I don't know where I am going with this or what is going to come out. I just know that life is rolling along and the writing is blissful. I wish that I could make money at this. It would be great to earn a living doing what I love so much. Blogging. I seriously thought about doing a cooking and traveling blog. But alas I don't travel. But I do go out to eat a whole lot. I could give many points of view. I have had good experiences and bad ones. Mostly good. How to make money on a blog though. I am going to have to check it out. I am having so much fun. It would be really neat to do it for a living. Or a side hustle.

So, my husband got up from his morning nap and I am going to get off here in a minute. Life rolls along at a clip. I am feeling pretty good this morning. A little bit sleepy. My insomnia was kicking in last night. No benadryl. Gotta get some more. who out there is an insomniac? I have been all of my life. Last night I worried about bomb shelters. The war in Ukraine is getting to me. And what would happen to my animals if there was an attack on our country. If we were taken over by the Russians or just attacked and occupied. There is a cyber threat. There is nuclear fear. Lots of stuff. You know, Idk about my family and their safety. But I worry about my animals. I worry about my dogs and cats. I worry about what would happen to them. Tater is a little yapper. She is older. Very attached to me and very nervous. Midnight and her puppies. Ten puppies. What do you do with ten puppies in a bomb shelter? Pretzel is a young large puppy. Seven months old at the end of this month. She is a chewer. My cats Lulu and Lovey. It bothers me to think that I might be away and unable to care for them all. In a strange world of danger.

Last night my Granddaughter and I heard a very strange noise. I hope it was someone's idea of a horn. It was a wailing whistle sort of. Then we go to the backyard and there is this weird light in the sky. A drone. The military is on the move. It is a scary. Life is scary. It just is. And the threat of Russia is not helping. Poor Ukraine. Fighting their hearts out for freedom that we take for granted. Or some people spit on. I wonder how many of them would burn their flag now. Like we do. Or dishonor the National Anthem? All the things that we have. Would we suddenly wish that we had it if we saw it destroyed and taken away? Wonder how many people in America would like to be suddenly overtaken by Communists? They think its cool but is it really when faced with being not free? Would they cry if Russia invaded and conquered The United States? All these little Democratic Socialists that kneel when the National Anthem is played....what would they feel like if the Flag and all our freedom was lost in a matter of hours or days?

[almostinnerlight]

Day 2 of the Fast

Well, it's Thursday, March 3, 2022. I am wondering what this fast will bring into my life. Every year I fast Facebook. And every year I find other things and myself again. I am going to get out and work in my front yard maybe. I need to. I want a pretty yard. I want a pretty house and a pretty life. I feel like the house and the yard reflect my inner self. Idk. I hold it together kind of close for a while. Then something slips and the whole thing just goes to pieces. And the house of cards that I had build just falls. Because its just kind of propped up on stilts. I try and try to be neat and clean. But it just isn't who I am. The person I am and want to be is clean and neat. Yet I am not.

I don't want the whole blog to be about that. Today is about so much more than my shortcomings. I am so much more than my shortcomings. I am artistic. I am a dreamer. I am creative. I'm a Mom and a Grandmother. I am a wife and a woman. I am evolving and growing. I am a singer and a Worshipper. I am Spirit Filled. I am gifted with many gifts. The Lord has been good to me. We may be poor as dirt but we have many things that bless our lives.

Today I went to take Lea, my Granddaughter to school. She was so excited. She wanted to go to my house. I want her to come to my house too. She is a beautiful little girl. So full of love and hopefulness. Those little bright eyes just have such a openness in them. She left with her teacher with such a joy. Its a wonderful thing. I think that Lea is precious.

So, in the course of this blog I have watched The Price Is Right, read the Bible and got ordained online! I want to start a wedding officiate business. I wanted to before COVID and had to not. There is just something about being ordained. Its cool. It might make me some extra money. I wish it would. We are desperate for extra money. I just don't know how we are going to make it. But somehow we always do.

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Still Rambling

Rambling along. Isn't that what blogging is? Or is it more serious for some people? A way to communicate. A way to speak your mind. A way to express the feelings inside of your heart. I know that I am a writer inside of me and the desire to write is just so prominent. The wish, the dream, the hope of things spoken. What are we but the sum of our thoughts and heart? The heart that lives inside of our souls that creates ideas and sparks our destinies. For me, writing is like relief too. I feel this burden inside of me that just wishes it could come out. Facebook is where I often turn but I find that it is just not what I am searching for. I do wish that I thought someone was reading this stuff but its not really important. Its just words on a screen that I am sending out into cyberspace. Like speaking in outerspace wondering if anyone is going to get the message someday. I am on a Facebook fast for 40 days. I halfway started on Fat Tuesday. But the draw of Facebook is hard to break. I have a terrible habit of the phone. I am addicted to my phone. Its a sad fact of life. I can't seem to put it down. And I know its terrible. Its a bad thing to be addicted to. It makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like a bad person. So every year I try to get off for 40 days. For Lent. And I think that I won't get back on. But the biggest draw is my family connection. I have my Brother, Sister, Cousins and others that I consider family are there. How else do we communicate? And then I am hooked again. Just putting endless stuff on there. And scrolling. Looking at pictures. Hearing from others. It goes on forever. I need a patch for my phone addiction. Well, I must get off here and go to life. Life calls. And so does my burrito for lunch! Yum! Yum! Y'all be blessed.

[almostinnerlight]

Little Light

Little light, so bright,

Today we said goodbye.

Tomorrow will come and we will see you again.

But for today you have gone to the place of waiting.

Burying one so small, so young and fragile,

Our hearts ache and wish for the days that you would have had.

The tomorrows that will never be.

Running in the yard,

Chasing, chewing and barking at the birds and squirrels.

We wish that it had been.

But we will meet again.

[almostinnerlight]

Thoughts of the Day

Well a lot going on these days. The world is in turmoil. Lots of things that I wish were not happening. The war in Ukraine. Its awful. Just awful. So much suffering. Such a tightrope. We don't really want to go to war with Russia.That is very scary. But then again....how can we go on watching the carnage? And Chernobyl. The Russians have it. Its a timebomb! Literally. Boom and dead. Not a good thing. Again I say....how long to wait until we do something. But I watch the Ukranian people just being so united. So willing to defend their country. They are so brave! I am so proud of their courage in the face of certain death.

On a different scale of things was the Primaries last night. The election is heating up. We got Gregg Abbot and Beto O'rorke about to battle it out. In November we will elect a new Govenor. Its a fight for the soul of Texas and who we are as a State. Do we vote for the Socialist/Communist? Or vote for the man who stands for Democracy? I know where my heart lies. Gregg Abbot is hated for his stance on core values of the Unborn, supporting the Police and parents turning their kids into something that they were not born to be. I am NOT for transgenders. I think if you were born a girl you need to stay a girl. Or vice versa. One man and one woman for life. Period. God considers homosexuality an abomination. I do too. I may explore this subject a little further later on another blog. So, Gregg Abbot is my guy! I do not want Beto to get elected. He is a monster.

So on the horizon of my town, the race to be County Judge is heating up. Judge Paul Lilly is now officially running against Shane Britton in November. Oh my goodness! I wish that the fence post was running! Anyone but Shane Britton. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff, but I erased it. I am afraid of what might happen if I say too much. I may get the nerve to write about our experiences but right now I am just not sure about it. Suffice it to say, I know that I don't want that man as the County Judge. I want Paul Lilly.

Well I am going to stop for the moment but write again soon. Y'all be blessed.

[almostinnerlight]

Corina's Restaurant

This is me! We go to eat every Sunday and yesterday we went to Corina's restaurant. It was so good! The service is top notch and the food is served hot and tasty. I got the Mexican dinner which was on sale because it was Sunday. It had a cheese enchilada, a beef enchilada, and a taco. I always ask for a soft taco. The tortillas are hand made and they are so delicious! I notice that sometimes enchiladas are made with the strangest tasting meat. I know its beef but it has an odd taste. Not in this place! The enchiladas are so good. The meat is seasoned just right. And the rice! Oh the rice! It doesn't have any veggies in it. Its fluffy and not sticky. Just yum! We got the borracho beans. Oh my! I was so in love with the flavor that I drank the juice! That is a never for me but oh they are good! I recommend Corina's restaurant anytime anyday!

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The day begins! I am starting the day! The picture is my daughter Sherry. She loves to kyak. And take life by the horns. I am starting to try to wean myself off the phone. And do other things. The Lord told me that my old self is just on the other side of the phone. All I have to do is put it down and I can find myself. I am waiting on the other side of the phone. That is quite revealing. And the Lord knows it. He knows all that I have to do is put down the phone. I don't know if anyone sees or reads blogs here. But if someone is reading on here I hope you know that it is a struggle. I am addicted to the phone. But every year I fast the phone for Lent. For 40 days I put down Facebook. But I am so rocked by what God said to me today that I am actually trying now. Not just FB but the phone in general. I am on it all the time. But this morning I put it up. I found a place to put it and it stayed there. I am proud of myself. I wonder if other people feel like I do? Do they feel trapped by the phone? Its an alarm clock. It is a watch. It is a timer. It is a friend. It is a game station. I am hooked. But I am going to get unhooked. I will let you know how it goes!

[almostinnerlight]

Second After a Trip to Wal Mart

So, here we are again. And Dark Shadows is about to be on so this is probably going to be short! We went to Wal Mart. Wow the Christmas stuff left is 3 cents! I am going to get some of that if the income tax ever gets in! We got presents for Rosaloves' birthday today. Found some really good sales. So, maybe there is hope for the party yet. Its been a most frustrating time this month. My quarentine was devastating to us financially. We are going to be ok. God has never failed me yet. I believe. I believe in the promises of God.

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First Try 2/17/22

Well, I am really interested in blogging. I love to write. But these blog sites are difficult sometimes. I hope that I can use this site to put my thoughts and everyday stuff that goes on. I would like to do a professional blog someday. I think a blog about restaurants. And food. I take lots of pictures of my food experience. So this is the start. I just got started and my husband wants to go someplace! I will be back on here later! Loves, Lissabunny