alonewhisper

[alonewhisper]

[alonewhisper]

[alonewhisper]

Never have I dealt with anything as difficult as my own soul.

Imam Al-Ghazali

[alonewhisper]

Shop

[alonewhisper]

Aleksandr Blok (1880-1921), Selected Poems

[alonewhisper]

The words I ached to tell you

enveloped in the tight grip of secrecy

a fervent, reckless truth — bound

to the obvious and the unknown

~

The words throbbed — in silence

how much longer ‘till they burst

from their shielded safe

behind the burden of my age

Burdens (original poem)

@alonewhisper

[alonewhisper]

dark academia: keeps journals, systemically organized bookshelves, mostly reads classic books and pretentious literature, neat handwritting, probably uses a fountain pen, drinks coffee, tea or wine, will quote authors or movies to asssert dominance, dresses posh even on a budget.

chaotic academia: keeps commonplace books, stacks of books everywhere, either books you probably never heard of or popular YA, bad handwritting, has a chewed off pencil or a gel pen, drinks juice or energy drinks, will paraphase authors for comedic effect, too tired to dress up, but still tries.

[alonewhisper]

Maybe it’s cause I’m not pretty

like them

I wear crooked glasses and bitten nails

My hair brown like deep ground soil

and pieces of shit

My lips — chapped

my cheeks red as wine

Maybe that’s what makeup’s for —

to hide the shadow of my youth

I’m not smart like them

No business-casual outfits

or office-whore heels

My posture twisted

my words not clever, like theirs

They’re charming and brilliant —

briefcases and lipstick

When I wear lipstick

I just look like a whore

They sip pricey liquor —

chatting about life

while I light a cigarette

wishing I wasn’t alive

They speak beautiful art and I

paint sweat and filth with my words

I’m not meaningful like them

They find solace in jazz bars

and I in vodka shots

They carry libraries in their heads

I carry burdens — excuses galore

I am a grain of sand

next to cream-colored seashells

with delicate patterns

tracing their light like tattoos

on crisp paper skin

I’m nothing like them

but at least I still think with my own head

@alonewhisper

[alonewhisper]

"It was a need based on his absence of need."

The Pisces // Melissa Broder

Annotation:

Fuck men.

And fuck the ease at which they are with themselves. With their existence. Just as they are. In that very moment. Not a care in the world.

[And fuck the way they convert relationships into chess games designed for them to win, even if they don't.]

[alonewhisper]

i can't keep living like this!!! [does not change a single aspect of my life]

[alonewhisper]

[alonewhisper]

Your soul stained my shoulders. My whole life smells like you. This will take time, undoing you from my blood.

Nayyirah Waheed

[alonewhisper]

don’t look

the sinking feeling in my chest informs me

that we are doomed

bright lights

smart phones

happy pills

just turn it off

i can’t

go outside

pay your bills

that pregnant girl doesn’t look older than 15

don’t look

the streets are crowded

cars rush in urgency

[it is Sunday]

i know you saw me

you

didn’t

stop

do you see anything?

look down

keep quiet

it is raining

children are dying

did you make it to that hair appointment?

there’s kids in the streets

that high school over there looks like a prison

turn it off

look at the time

did I take my pills today?

spend a hundred dollars

little girls are at Sephora

do not be late to work tomorrow

don’t look

don’t go outside

children are dying

thank you for your payment

i have to clean

i want to scream

happy pills

pay your bills

another amber alert

is it okay

to breathe?

turn it off

tax season

pregnancy announcement

gun shots

fireworks

sirens

i wonder if the moon and the stars gets scared

the cars are so loud

my pantry is empty

children are dying

just breathe

i pray for the children

i see another video of a teenager

kicked out, no place to go

was the sky always this gray?

i have bills to pay

i hope the kids are safe next week

the little girl on my screen

is scared of getting old

how can i breathe?

look down

be quiet

don’t scream

drink some water

wash your face

turn it off

i should call my mom

will she listen?

does she hear anything?

sirens

bombs, bombs, bombs

don’t forget to file your taxes

the playgrounds are empty

don’t be late to work

did you bring a phone charger?

children are dead

don’t forget to

eat

breathe

live

i have to take my pills

screens

plastic

junk mail

1,984

(unread)

i google:

help/insomnia/fast

turn it off

i didn’t take out the trash

don’t look

just take a bath

pause

(i don’t know where i am)

maybe we should be next

there’s a long line at starbucks

don’t look

little girls at sephora

pay your bills

don’t use your brain

(the dead eyes on the screen

need to be paid)

children

(dead)

we are sick

spend a hundred dollars

i am thirsty

i go outside

it is so quiet

(how was your weekend?

there’s this new diet. . .

congratulations on the new house!

ma’am, my coffee is too cold)

my head is spinning

don’t look

stay quiet

eat something

go outside

bright lights

advertisements

take.

your.

pills.

WE ARE DYING

do you hear the sirens?

[alonewhisper]

[alonewhisper]

[alonewhisper]

i deserve to be an eel. in a crevice with a bunch of other eels. opening and closing our mouths over and over

[alonewhisper]