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[alterousuggestion]

thought I’d provide an update. things aren’t 100% where i want them to be but it’s not where it was before either. some changes:

Exercise ! What they say is true. It makes you feel and sleep better

Water intake + actually eating a breakfast (helps with my bloating too which!!! Again!! What they say is true)

Self help books!! And not just on my phone; getting physical books from the public library.

Cutting. out. bad. habits. For me this was compulsively putting myself in risky situations while driving, out, sexually, etc. had to unpack that a lot.

Re: previous point >> respecting my identity as aromantic and asexual. I don’t even think i realized just how much i was rejecting it until now and it did not put me in a good headspace.

Hobbies: started writing fics again (ty haikaveh for getting me back on that), and am starting to compile a reading list. It’s hard when ur working 40hrs/week but hopefully I’ll find at least some time.

Got started on my grad school application again (which, while i have something to work towards now, also means that I have. anxiety about whether or not I’ll be accepted)

GOT MY HORMONES CHECKED!!!! There were imbalances in a few things.

Started taking supplements for cortisol balancing. This one came up as normal on my tests but someone recommended it to me. I’m not sold on supplements as a whole (you honestly pee our most of it unless you’re really really deficient in something), but when I say my anxiety, sleep and ACNE has been corrected for the most part…. Like, im in shock. Adult acne was a huge struggle for me and now it’s gone, and all i have to treat is the scarring.

All things considered. Actively wanting to kms has now been downgraded to ideation. It’s still a win, i guess?

ANYWAYS. This is like 50% of a slay.

this post isn’t about alterous attraction or aromanticism or anything like that, rather it’s like … a general post for some advice? from someone who might understand what i’m going through.

my mental health as been suffering really bad for the past few years (yay pandemic!). now this in general is not very surprising to me — i’m known to have really good years with a few bad years in between. but this is the first time it’s been this bad for so long. i feel like a completely different person and yearn to go back to who i used to be— very open and trusting and in love with, like, everything. i used to love being alive so much.

the days (years?) i’ve been struggling with so much—trauma and emotional distance and suicidal thoughts and emptiness and depression. i feel like i can’t move past the situations and people that have hurt me. i don’t know how to open myself up again without feeling like i’m under attack. i don’t know how to talk to myself unless i’m criticizing something about myself. it’s like i’ve hit a wall.

i want to be open again and i want the actions and words of other people not to affect me so much. i want to feel love for myself and others again. i just genuinely don’t know how. i don’t know how to break out of these thoughts patterns of not being good enough, of wanting to escape, of being stupid lazy unlovable etc etc etc. i’m tired of thinking like this but i don’t know how to stop.

i know this seems like such a pathetic post, but i miss the person i used to be. i want to believe that i can get better and that i am capable of being loved and am loved and cared for and that i am capable of doing that for others. i just don’t know how.

i know the obvious answer is go to therapy but unfortunately i’m not in a position where i can access it.

does anyone have some advice on how i can get myself out of this? i’ve been doing the ‘surface level’ things like trying to get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat enough food, etc, but on a deeper, thought level, i know i need so much more work.

[alterousuggestion]

popping by to say my latest obsession (alhaitham and kaveh from genshin) are very very alterous coded to me.

[alterousuggestion]

I really wonder how many people will have an "oh, oh," moment when queerplatonicism and alterous attraction become more visible. I'm so excited for the day the romantic-platonic binary starts to collapse, and the flood gates open for a bunch of new QPRs and alterous queers to come out. Godspeed.

[alterousuggestion]

"Aro/ace people can still date" is a statement about aro and ace people being able to do whatever they want with their lives, NOT an excuse to ignore a character's aromanticism and/or asexuality so you can ship them.

[alterousuggestion]

You write aro-spec characters who are lonely and sad because you're aphobic and think that's how all aro-specs end up. I write aro-spec characters who are sad and lonely because I am an aro-spec who is sad and lonely. We are not the same

[alterousuggestion]

finding content in my own person these days.

i like to imagine i am laying in a field of grass. my loved ones are here, laughing and chasing each other in the background. they are with me, and i am with me too.

[alterousuggestion]

finding content in my own person these days.

i like to imagine i am laying in a field of grass. my loved ones are here, laughing and chasing each other in the background. they are with me, and i am with me too.

[alterousuggestion]

we moved on and established boundaries because this gray zone is not for me !

hey fellas is it gay if the friend you’ve been having Feelings of the ???? Kind says to you, “my wife is soft and i like her”. the wife in referral is me because i joked about me being her wife 2s before she said that.

[alterousuggestion]

also! hi everyone! happy new year!

[alterousuggestion]

trying to figure out if we are flirting jokingly or with Intention is very hard!!!! sometimes i think there’s intention and other times i’m like …… are there other girls………..

hey fellas is it gay if the friend you’ve been having Feelings of the ???? Kind says to you, “my wife is soft and i like her”. the wife in referral is me because i joked about me being her wife 2s before she said that.

[alterousuggestion]

hey fellas is it gay if the friend you’ve been having Feelings of the ???? Kind says to you, “my wife is soft and i like her”. the wife in referral is me because i joked about me being her wife 2s before she said that.

[alterousuggestion]

2024 is going to be about me being selfish with my non romantic attractions. just because it’s non romantic doesn’t mean it’s not sacred to me. just because it’s non romantic doesn’t mean everyone deserves it. my love is mine and i feel it for you but that doesn’t mean you always deserve it and that doesn’t mean i need to give it out freely if i am not treated with a similar kindness.

[alterousuggestion]

we don’t have to do anything but sit next to each other for the years to come.

[alterousuggestion]

nothing in this world belongs to me but my love is mine , all mine .

[alterousuggestion]

Hey, we've never spoken before but I saw your post and it reflected a lot of feelings I've had over the course of the past two years. It's been a really hard time and at times it definitely felt like there was nothing I could do and I was not making any progress. I also didn't want to do therapy for my own reasons. I started reading a lot: Brene Brown was a godsend, as well as books about nonviolent communication. Both of them helped me learn how to be compassionate with myself and how to be more patient, because like you my internal voice was extremely cruel. I had a lot of trauma and baggage that came from being on the ace/aro spectrum and not realizing how difficult that had actually been for me. It got worse before it got better, and once I actually started becoming more aware of these things I hit a crisis point where it became necessary to get on anxiety medication, but in doing all that I have been able to get to a place where I feel more like myself for the first time since middle school. I know that it feels really overwhelming and exhausting and impossible and like you're alone and helpless in this, but do your best to take care of yourself, reach out to those people in your life who can help take care of you, and try to get comfortable with the idea that you are a person, and just like any other person, you deserve respect, comfort, and safety.

hey there ! <3 tysm for reaching out and sharing some of your experiences with this. it means so much to me, esp coming from another aroace-spec person. i think there’s a layer to this that is inextricably tied to my own aroace-ness. i have spent so long reaching outward to people hoping they’d love me in a way that makes sense to me. i think i need to reorient that so i’m providing that to myself first and foremost, you know? i was happier when i did that for myself. i have so much to my friendships that i didn’t realize that the dangers of losing yourself in them is just as real as it is in romantic relationships…

those books sound amazing and i’ll definitely seek them out—i’ve actually been looking into some of these types of books in general since overall, this how my brain best intakes information. so ty for the recs!!

i’m so happy that you are able to get to a better place. and having you validate me and my feelings.. it really means a lot. like, a ‘ha ha i might be tearing up’ lot. ‘try to get comfortable with the idea that you are a person’ felt like a hug. :’)

[alterousuggestion]

they don't know what you want and you won't tell them or whatever it is richard siken said in a aroace context no i dont exactly want to date romantically n im not too keen on the sex part but also we're more than friends i want you i want you i want to be the one on your corner at all times like how do i explian tht huh

[alterousuggestion]

One of the most dangerous things in the world is not being able to say no to people because you don't want to upset them or dissapoint them. This will completely ruin your life in every way possible, at work, in your private life, your sex life and your friendships. It's a way of removing your own consent in your own decisions and go against your wishes, it is always a crime against yourself. Let yourself have a say. Upsetting people is better than traumatizing yourself.